I wanna see my mom naked

Pedo Test Quiz introduction Hello, today here is a test to see if you are with out your knowledge (well subconsciously) I have a PhD who helped make this thank you. The majority of adults are not attracted to people who have not yet hit puberty. This is because they don’t have the traits that are usually associated with sexual attraction. Some people are attracted to people who haven’t hit puberty. There is a... Am I a Pedo? [Honest and Advice.. Please] Question (Note: If you comment, please do so after reading the whole thing, because its important to me people have the full context.) I preface this with the fact this is going to be really long and is likely going to be a bit if a clusterfuck and I might repeat myself. I've also made this post before ... How to Identify a Pedophile. All parents want to protect their children from predators, but how do you keep your kids safe when you don't know how to spot one? Anyone can be a child molester, so identifying one can be difficult — e... I am much older than you and I am an Exclusive Pedophile which means that I am just attracted to children and that is it, adults do nothing for me. I wish that I had the help that you can get here before I gave into my desires and lusts and crossed that path that I wish that I never had. I served 10 years in prison for the selfish acts that I ... Are you a pedophile? 23 Comments. There are many smart people, but few true geniuses. Genius is, afterall, quite exceptional. What is a genius? A genius is amazing. OK, so i'm 15 and i think i'm a pedo. I'm attracted to kids from the age of 6-12, but i'm not only attracted to kids. Sometimes i could feel utterly disgusted at it but sometimes i could feel aroused thinking about them. I was touched sexually when i was a child and forced to do things to both male and females, and i was around the age of 6-10 when these events took place. People often think pedophilia is a binary thing and that if you are a pedophile you will know it, however most pedophiles actually repress their pedophilic desires and are (at least on a conscious level) unaware of their own pedophilia. This quiz created by a friend of mine with a PhD in Pedophile Psychology can help determine whether or not you are in fact subconsciously a pedophile. I heard individuals would even say "mabey i am a pedo." Also "ill prob like being a pedo" People with POCD apparently get tricked into thinking they are a pedofile and they will often look into the past and convince themselves that they were always attracted to kids. Im glad u think im not a pedo. I feel like i am to a point though. I'm 20 years old and scared that I'm a pedophile. It started a few weeks ago. I was watching a movie when I saw a little girl on screen and felt a shift in my penis. I don't know if it

2020.08.04 13:28 nonamehere73 Am I a Pedo?

(Note: If you comment, please do so after reading the whole thing, because its important to me people have the full context.)
I preface this with the fact this is going to be really long and is likely going to be a bit if a clusterfuck and I might repeat myself. I've also made this post before but, recently, I remembered A BUNCH of other things so, I remade it. All that outta the way, I'm afraid I might be a pedophile/hebophilie and apparently it's somewhat common with people OCD (more specifically POCD) to fear such things which is why I felt I should add this note.
I am not trying to self diagnose here, as unfortunately I have not been to a therapist and the resources to get one are unavailable to me currently, but I have noticed in myself certain patterns and habits that are quite frequent that others might call certain compulsions. That's, at least how I understand it, part of OCD (or again, more specifically POCD). Another part of it are bad intrusive thoughts. Certain habits aside, I more often have my own intrusive thoughts that are unfortunately very bad and very frequent for me.
However.. certain actions of mine really lead me to think it might just be denial. Because they are not good actions. Or just really intense intrusive thoughts that make me think I'm such horrid lowlife. I don't know anymore and that's why I am here.
I wanna come specifically clean about really bad things I did and make them as right as can and less to prove wether or not I'm a pedo. I don't want to be one and logically, maybe I'm not but actions speak louder, so, here are mine:
(Note: If you comment, please do so after reading the whole thing, because its important to me people have the full context.)
For starters, the youngest age I am attracted to is 16. I am 19. I confess that I have on occasion I've looked at 15 year olds but once I learned their age, I backed up really. Really fucking quick. The only reason I looked at any if them was because they looked like they were 16 or 17. It doesn't help I'm kinda bad at telling age sometimes.
I've only ever dated people closer to my age and believe me, I DEFINITELY intend to keep it that way. My most recent being someone who recently turned 19. I have no desire to date or be with anyone sexually under 17, yet, I still feel attraction towards 16 year olds. I realize this might not sound entirely crazy but then again, I'm the one still in question.
Then, certain... intresting choices in porn. I don't wanna really elaborate too much but its just "taboo" stuff, and that's really it. Nothing illegal. I guess I mention this because I do have a small nsfw collection and I did kept nsfw art i found online and I recently found out some of those artists drew underage stuff and/or other characters "aged up". I ain't about that so, I reviewed all my stuff and deleted all the problematic stuff.
However, I did keep art of the characters I did know were adults from the same artists, even though now, I've since blocked them online.
However on 3 seperate other pieces I kept, they actually originally were an underage character from an anime. In original anime, the character is 16, but in the nsfw art they looked like they were 20. So. Since I really liked the art style and the pose, I just edited the face out and greyscaled it so you couldn't tell who it was. I don't know if any of that is actually iffy and going out of my way for weird shit or of it's okay and I'm overthinking. So. Lemme know about that.
(By the way, I understand that its fiction and I've heard that argument before but, keep in mind that despite that, they're still underage and even if its fiction, it still matters to me.)
(Here's where the heavier stuff starts.)
Then, when I was 12, in 5th grade, I was watching shit I shouldn't have been on tv. I know that sounds so stereotypical but it's really true. I had a friend who was in 1st grade, around 6 or 7, who'd I'd play with. We would act typical imaginary kids stuff but. Since I was exposed to sex on my favorite show which, I was really too young for, it bled into the playing and it was acted out.
Thing is, when I was 12, I only knew sex as kissing and getting naked in bed with another person and that 100% never happened.
So really, what did happen, we'd pretend to kiss and pretend to take off our clothes. That's the farthest it ever went. At the time it genuinely wasn't sexual for me, I think I just wanted the stories we acted out to feel more grown up? I'm not sure. I don't remember the why really well. Then again maybe some part of me wanted to do what I was seeing on tv because it looked fun and on a level did understand WHY it was fun for the adults. I can't exactly deny that either but I'm also not sure whether my unsureness is gripping me. Whether or not this was childhood horseplay gone wrong, I still really hate that this ever happened and it was wrong.
Another one, a couple years prior so.. I think between 3rd and 4th grade. Long story made short. I had a crush on her atm. And some peeps found out and I was made fun bc I hadn't kissed her. It's the stupidest thing ever. So. I made up a story to her and said that if she didn't kiss me, someone was gonna hurt me. And this was like, at least 4 times. I'm adding this here because it establishes a pattern of shitty behavior.
Next is a particular instance when I was uh.. I don't exactly remember but the oldest I couldve been was 16, but I think it's wayyy more likely i was 15. I was probably 15. But don't rule out I couldve been 16. I was playing an online game and I met a person who was between 11 or 12 (I can't remember accurately, but i think more accurately 11). I don't wanna use real names so... Let's call her Mary. I was really paranoid at the time about being online so I lied and said I was 12.
I don't know how, but we eventually we're """dating""". Even worse, it later turned sexual (all took place in the game, no pictures were ever exchanged, not even of our faces. I remember she wanted too but it made me really uncomfortable. I think that this happened much easily because I was mostly focusing on text on a screen. Still terrible though, don't misunderstand). I kinda ended up ghosting her partially bc she we didn't have a lot in common as a whole even before this started, we kinda stopped talking much anyways but also cuz I started to feel weird about it, and now understand why. I feel terrible i did that because past all the obvious stuff, she was also still my friend.
What I do recollect is that this happened because this was some kind of weird chance that came along to me and I think seeing others who were dating and also doing sexual things and talking about sexual thing didn't help that. Nor did being a horny, very lonely 15 year old still just starting puberty. I promise I never forced this person but since it was like a "relationship", sometimes I would initiate it. To make it clear, I didn't become friends with Mary to try and get sex from them, however, again, sometimes I would initiate it if they seemed willing. Sometimes they would initiate it too. It was mutual. That's not to say they were asking for any of it. No. It was still unbelievably wrong. I am only trying to fully present all of my memories.
The worst part is that I think later, she had her suspicions because she asked me, when I was logged into my original persona, if this was me, and if it was, she'd forgive me. She just wanted to know. And I lied and said no. Not that forgiveness is akin to absolvement.
For the record, I only had multiple personas because it was Factions stuff and I used it to infiltrate other factions.
I think in the same year or the year after, I entered another online relationship, under my original persona. This one I did seek out but only for actual dating. Only cuz I knew they were crushing on me and I was just wanted a girlfriend honestly. She was a great friend but I didn't love her. Let's call her Emma. I think they were...? Either 14 or 15. Maybe 16? I believe its most likely she was 14, and then later turned 15 in the general time I knew her. Although again, keep in mind my memory is kinda foggy on some of the specifics.
At the time I was either also 14, 15 or 16. Thing is again, I had that internet paranoia so, again, I also lied about my age on my original persona too, but this time only aging myself down 1 or 2 years.
What I think is likely is that they were 14 or 15 and I was 15 or 16, but aged myself down by a year or 2.
Nothing too sketchy I think. I did admittedly try to get things to turn sexual but other then like, neck kissing, touching, and making out, I never pushed her to do anything she didn't seem willing to do and respected her as best as I knew how.
I feel like I'm? Somehow lying? When I type this? Which is why I feel so crazy but I genuinely believe/don't remember forcing this other girl either. This what I mean when I talk about intrusive stuff and feeling completely nuts.
Finally. In that same year when the online stuff happened, I was playing with my younger cousin who's like at the time between 4 or 5. We were literally running around and eventually I'm laying on the bed and he was jumping on the bed already so he jumps on me and he's sitting/jumping in my lap. For full clarity, I DID NOT ask him to get on my lap or manipulate him to do so. At this time, i was REALLY struggling with my sexuality. I thought If having him in my lap made me aroused in some form, that meant I was really gay. Essentially a gay test.
Out of that, I suddenly got the thought "Do it. Press in". Looking back, I think that was one of my those intrusive thoughts i was talking about and when i entered my last year of middle school is when I say they started becoming a thing for me but I didnt realize what an intrusive thought was until junior year. It was the same kind of impulse/feeling you get when your on a high building and you hear the thought "do it. Jump off", but you don't do it because... You'll die. I get those kind of thoughts/impulses on a much overwhelming level all the time.
But I'm ashamed to say I did, even if it was the slightest bit. But I did. When I did, I was unbelievably disgusted, horrified with myself and uncomfortable and I told him to get off.
For the record, he never even knew I did anything, though I did do something that gross, he legitimately didn't feel a think or suspect a thing, so he didn't walk away with tramua or even feeling weird and he spent the rest of the day screwing around as usual. No behavior change. At least as far as I know. Maybe he did but. Again, he didn't appear too. He's always happy to see me. I hope not.
I felt guilty that whole day but in my head, I was like: "At least your not gay, pretty sure. Right? Yeah. Well you did kind of like it." Which. No. I didnt. At all. Not in the fucking slightest. It just popped into my head for lack of a better term, which is why I think it was ANOTHER one of my intrusive thoughts because it didnt not match up to what I felt. No it's not just guilt talking. Again, I have an extreme hate of. All of that. I did not like it. I wanna be clear on that one. I never want to be in that position again not only cuz it's so wrong but I also felt so gross which has only grown into complete and total revulsion today.
And, I'm prone to talking to myself so I just say "no. Gross. I'm just not gay, I feel guilt. Right? Yeah I do. Right?"
(But spoiler, when I turned 17, I also realized I'm very, very Bi.)
You guys tell me what you think of that... mental self exchange? I already know I need a therapist, good lord.
I was a very, VERY stupid, trashy, cringey kid, and also pretty naive. When I was 15, I was still just starting puberty. I was a lonely moron child focused on the fact I got any sexual attention in the context of the online game stuff and that was the honest sole reason I did any of that crap at the time.
As for my cousin, at that time I don't know why. I just don't. Other then bad reasoning I just don't fucking know why I did that. I swear I'm not attracted to kids his age. That was straight up messed up, on my part.
I've always had fears or very dark thoughts about acting inappropriately towards kids. I remember when I was like, 6 and I hated babies, but. I didn't. I thought I did though because whenever I saw them or any baby imagery, I just. Got sad or thought about hurting them. I still do sometimes and the fear about being pedophilic didn't come until I started learning about sex. I wanna say that what happened with my cousin was because being young still, I didn't know how to manage intrusive thoughts and the feelings and impulses that came with them as that's not the first time I act on them (one time, I jumped off my couch and headfirst into solid floor simply on impulse) but certainly the worst. Again though, I'm not sure how valid it is.
I had legitimately never been educated much about sex or about sexual assault or grooming behavior, which I'm aware this kind of can fit into. Now I'm as sexually educated as anyone can be but I had to teach that to myself.
My parents didn't even give me a sex talk, other then vauge answers to certain questions or one time in 5th grade that sexual harassment was wrong, like "touching a girl's boobs" when we were reading "Student Rights and Responsibilities". That's my only memory of any kind of talk.
That's probably because honestly? They really sucked in general. Just in some of the worse ways via heavy emotional and occasional, but rough physical abuse. Also manipulative and unbelievably homophobic (which is extra fun if your Bi like me), cause of course they were. My mom was very paranoid and passed that onto me, and it's taken me a while to unlearn most her shit. I'm still not done either. It's really hard to say that and. I feel like somehow I'm making shit up or misunderstanding or that I'm an ungrateful shitty child and I'm the bad one here. However, when reviewing childhood and the tense relationship I have with them, I feel like it's not an unreasonable conclusion. On top of that, being in school was also awful for the reasons you can imagine, which was how I was lonely a lot. Then again, I was a super cringy kid. God.
I do suffer from depression and anxiety of some type. 100% about that.
I'm not including these things because I want sympathy, rather, I feel these things SOMEHOW play into why I did any of this shit but I'm not too wise about how.
That being said, don't misunderstand me.
I don't want to use mental illness as an excuse. Nor am I trying too. To be clear, Depression or any of what I described didn't make me do any if this shit. I don't know what did.
On my life, I didn't target them for any reason at all, especially for sexual matters. I didn't seek them out specifically for sex in any if these scenarios. Shit definitely happened but, when I first met them or looked at them, my first thought or intention was not sex, at least how I remember.
I am genuinely not attracted to anyone under 16, but I vastly prefer partners above 17, specifically 18 or my age. I'm dating a very loving person right now I'm very interested in him.
I just feel intense regret, which worsens my already bad thoughts and I'm honestly paralyzed. I don't know. I hate that I have them. I hate that so many of them are sexually themed and they're so gross. I hate so much what I did and I wish I knew better.
I can't tell if I'm making a mountain out of very unfortunate and terrible choices I made when I was was younger and dumb as shit or I really deserve to rot in a hole.
If I understood fully the full implications of everything I have said here, believe me, I wouldnt have done ANY, ANYTHING of what I described here not a billion years, not fucking ever.
I feel like though, I can't say that in good conscious, because when your 15 or 16, you know much more about these things then when you're 7 or 12.
At the same time whenever I tell myself I fully did know, I feel sick. Cuz. I'm not sure I did and despite how much I think? I'm lying? But again I am also being genuine while I knew these things were wrong, I still didnt fully understand the FULL AMOUNT of wrongness these highly wrong things were. I matured so late in so many ways, especially socially. I didnt even have social media until I was 17, when I also started to break away from my parent's shittiness. I hadn't seen porn before until I was like, 13 or 14? I was a late bloomer too, at least based on seeing all of my friends mature physically way before me.
Or maybe, it is accurate that I probably am disgusting and I deserve everything coming to me. Maybe I really am looking for absolvement when it doesnt exist here. Perhaps I truly am an evil person and deserve to die and rot in the Earth. After all, normal 15/16 year olds don't do this crap.I don't know. I'm so disgusted with myself but as much as I wanna vent, I feel like that can be misconstrued as begging for pity or forgiveness
Either way, just. Tell me. I don't know what to think anymore.
In the least, I just wanna make things as right as I can. I don't wanna be a creep. Just to be clear. These are the cringiest, most disgusting years of my life. What I did was so wrong and I wish I could do more then apologize and express such deep regret. I just wanna do the best I can and be as good a person I can be, if that's possible.
For clarification, not asking for a diagnosis, but rather more a much needed outside perspective since some people might know better then me on this. Again, I know I need a therapist, so need to say so cuz again, resources for one are hard to come by at the moment.
Feel free to ask questions if something is unclear or you just have any questions generally. Otherwise, thank you for at least reading this far. I know this is such a cluster.
submitted by nonamehere73 to AMA [link] [comments]


2020.08.03 18:18 delta-201 I wanna see my mom naked

Short Summary:
A young woman finds herself dead, and is given the chance to reincarnate in another world with cheat-like magic powers. She accepts, only to find that the world treats magic users the same way ours did— by hunting them down and killing them for heresy.
My name is MELAS?! As in Salem backwards? Oh my God, and my mother is a Witch. I am SO going to be burned at the stake!
[Chapter 1] | [Cover Art] | [RoyalRoad Index and Synopsis] | Tags: Isekai/Reincarnation, Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Weak-To-Strong Protagonist, Female Protagonist

Miracles. What were they?
Back in my world, I always thought miracles and magic were basically the same thing. Just that one was the power of God, and the other was the power of… something else?
Depending on who you asked, it was either some innate power people had, or it was the work of the Devil. Or both were fabrications, and neither magic nor miracles truly existed. Different people believed in different things, after all.
But that was back on Earth.
In this world, magic and miracles were as real as Demons and Monsters. I knew it was real: I had seen a Saint— watched him perform the miracles only he could do. So I knew it was real. And magic was something I was capable of. So there was no reason for me to doubt the veracity of both.
But just as they were real, so were the parameters that defined them. Magic was something anyone could do; it was the manipulation of mana to alter reality to how you saw fit. Or something like that.
There were also supposedly side effects in casting magic en masse. Apparently, magic slowly killed the world, since it drained mana from the surrounding environment. That was how Hell became what it was today.
At least, that was according to the Church. What Hell actually looked like, and whether that was limited to only certain types of magic, all completely evaded me. What I knew for certain was that magic was entirely possible by anyone. Miracles, however, was a completely different story.
Miracles were the manifestation of the Goddess of Light’s powers in the world. Before the Great Hero Xander came about, miracles were never recognized by the Church. They were random events which happened to a very small number of individuals, which could never be replicated by anyone; so they were thought to be either complete lies but said individuals, or a form of magic that came about accidentally.
But after the Great Hero Xander enlightened the world— after he performed his Seven Great Miracles throughout Soli to unite the continent— only then were miracles officially recognized by the Church. According to his teachings however, only truly good individuals could perform miracles regularly. Because they were so good, the Goddess would channel Her powers through them. Everything else was an isolated act of the Goddess
It was said he did not so much as teach the First Saintess Xanthe how to perform a miracle, as he did teach her how to be pure of heart. Allegedly.
So only Saints and Saintesses could perform miracles. For they were the ones cleansed by the Church’s teachings. Taught all of the virtues to uphold, and sent on all of their righteous tasks to accomplish.
And yet, last night, I witnessed the third person not affiliated with the Church or the Holy Xan Empire performing a miracle. The first was my mom, on the day she died. The second was myself, after I killed Victor. And the third was the Plague Doctor.
He told me he could not teach me how miracles worked, for he himself did not know. It was less defined than even magic— more of a feeling he unlocked one time when he was younger. And he could simply do it ever since. So I thrust a hand out, and—
Why isn’t it working!
I had done a miracle before. I knew I did. Or at least, I thought I did.
Unfortunately, I was exhausted. Too tired to even remember what happened. And a lot of things happened that night. I only remembered a swirling of emotions, feeling a lot of things inside of me, before I suddenly was fine.
So there was no frame of reference for me to work with; I could only throw my hands up and sigh, as I had wasted the last hour trying to perform a miracle. It was probably a few hours past noon by now. And I was feeling hungry.
I only took a few hours to nap after I got back from the orphanage— I quickly left after Ms Sharity thanked me, because I would have died of embarrassment if I stayed there any longer. Receiving their gratitude felt amazing, but it would have gotten overwhelming too soon. And now, it was time for me to leave.
I packed up my bags, grabbing my satchel from underneath the bed, and made sure I had everything I needed. Once I was certain I was fully ready to leave, I exited my room and made my way downstairs.
“Finally leaving, little Miss?” the Innkeeper asked, as I handed him some coins. “Going to miss you clearing out our pantry everyday at lunch.”
“Give your cook my commiscerations. His meals were always a treat.”
“Of course,” he said, reaching for something under the counter. “And here’s a meal for the road. Don’t eat it all at once, ok?” He handed me a container packed with dried meats.
“Thank you.” I gratefully accepted the box, and headed off.
Now to find that Plague Doctor.
When we parted a few hours ago, he gave me half of the gold we managed to find in the gang’s hideout. It was not much— around 9 gold total worth of coins for me; apparently they were falling on hard times since their only business model— selling slaves to the Free Lands— was not so profitable anymore.
Extorting poor people did not count, by the way; they specifically did it not expecting to make any money, using it as a method to support their primary income. But they did seem to be branching out to selling illegal drugs, which was a recent thing, and was probably the reason why they did not have as much money as I expected them to have.
But after the Plague Doctor handed me the gold and a weapon off of a dead body— just a pistol, to keep on me at all times— he said he had to settle some things and took off. We arranged to meet again later, although he did not exactly tell me where—
I walked out of the inn and was faced with a beak-like mask.
“Well then, took you long enough,” the Plague Doctor casually remarked.
Blinking, I raised an arm and pointed at him. “Wait, when did you get here?”
“About an hour ago,” he said, pulling out a small pouch from his coat. “Come. And here, this is for you.”
I heard some metallic clinks as he placed it on the palm of my hand. Loosening its strings, I peered inside of the pouch. “Coins?” I pointed out the obvious, as we started down the mostly empty street. “But didn’t you already give me my share of the loot?”
“That was what we took from the thugs. However, they are criminals. Wanted by the local government— and some townsfolk all over the area too, I presume. I went to the Mercenaries Guild in the next town over to collect the payment for their bounty. It’s not much. Not even a gold coin for each of us. But if they were actually worth something, they would have been wiped out long ago.”
“Oh, uh, thanks. You didn’t really have to give it to me.” I appreciated how fair he was being towards me, but there were a lot of coins. Mostly copper, with a handful of silver. But the weight of it all added up, and it was not even worth that much. “So where are we going?”
I was following him; he was not exactly leading the way, but the Plague Doctor was just ahead of me, tapping his cane on the cobblestone road with every other step. “To talk. Over a meal, of course. My treat.”
I nodded excitedly at that. We walked for a bit down the road, as I counted out the coins he had given me. It was, in total, worth less than a gold coin— not much, but I was not surprised.
We strode through the busy streets; it was not packed per se— there were just a moderate amount of people going about their business. People who lived in the town, merchants, refugees. I eyed the ragged men and women huddling in the corners and alleyways of the streets, some were begging, others were just laying down there doing nothing. “So you’re a Bounty Hunter?” I asked, handing some of the bronze coins as we passed by a beggar.
“Correct,” the Plague Doctor remarked, “even though that is simply a misleading term. Bounty Hunters are just those affiliated with both the Mercenaries and Hunters Guilds, since those are the ones more likely to accept bounties on people.”
“I see. And you don’t like that term because you didn’t go out of your way to kill them for the money, right? You were just helping the orphanage, and earning money while doing so is the practical thing to do.”
“That is one of the reasons,” he said. “Another is that it helps in clearing things up with the local authorities, of course. I did not just go to get paid— I also went to make a report to those that need to know about the destruction of a wanted gang in the vicinity.”
“And if they aren’t wanted?” I knew the answer to the question, but I still felt the need to ask it.
“Then no one needs to know about it, now do they?”
“Thought so,” I sighed. “So what did you want to talk about? You said you had to speak with me earlier.”
“Yes I do,” the Plague Doctor said as he led me into a tavern. I followed him in, greeting the tavern wench as I did. “And before you ask— no, I already told you, I can not teach you that. I simply don’t know how,” he added.
“I wasn’t going to ask!” I lied.
The Plague Doctor gave me a blank look. Well, with his mask, he always had a blank face on. But this was somehow especially blank. After a moment of awkward silence, where I could only shift uncomfortably in my seat, he continued.
“I needed to speak with you, to ask you what you were going to do now.”
“What am I going to do now?” I parroted him.
“What are you plans,” he elaborated, waving his gloved hand up in the air. “From what you told me yesterday, you are not a Dark Crusader, no?”
I hurriedly cast a glance around the room, but no one was anywhere close by. And he said it soft enough that even I could barely hear him; so it was unlikely someone heard it. But I still raised a finger to my mouth and gave him a glare.
“I am not. Because of complicated reasons. What does it matter to you?”
“For the same reason I am the Plague Doctor— I want to help you like I help everyone else,” the Plague Doctor stated simply.
I scowled. “And how are you going to help me? I told you last night, didn’t I? I’m never going back to the Free Lands.”
That was right; before we separated last night, we had a brief conversation. The Plague Doctor told me he was heading to the Free Lands after this, to help all the people there dying from the Noxeus. He asked me to join him, and I turned him down, of course. I left the Free Lands for a reason— I hated just being there. There were too many unpleasant memories, and too much trauma.
“I am aware. Which is why I’m asking you for your plans. You’re not just planning on wandering the world aimlessly, are you? Because from what you have seemed to imply, I don’t think you’re exactly liked by a lot of very powerful groups.”
“The Holy Xan Empire doesn’t even— oh thank you,”— the tavern wench plopped our orders down on the table, and I began to dig in— “they don’t even… mm this is delicious, you sure you don’t want some?”
“I’m good,” the Plague Doctor said, indicating his mask.
“More for me, I guess. But listen,” I said, chewing on a piece of meat, “if they knew I was alive, they would want me dead. But they don’t even know that… yet.”
“And it’ll only be a matter of time before they find out and send some Inquisitors to kill you. After all, you are not very… subtle.”
“It’s not my fault I have black hair and silver eyes, and no other Human in the world but my mom had it!” I threw up my arms in protest.
“I was talking more about the fact that you’re a child traveling by yourself. But your similarities to the Fiend is quite conspicuous too.”
“My mom is not— wait, how did you know she was my mom?” I asked stupidly.
“It was a guess. Since you mentioned your mother, and basically told me that she was rather famous. I listed the only woman I know of who has that appearance. Although black hair is not exactly unique, either. Everyone in your mother’s family shares that trait.” The Plague Doctor hesitated, then he bowed his head. “I’m truly sorry for your loss. I heard the news a few months back. And the Holy Xan Empire keeps on broadcasting it— trying to distract from all the criticisms they have been receiving for keeping their war against the Abominations secret.”
“I… thanks. I was devastated when it happened, but I’m... better, now,” I said it, and I meant it; even if my mom’s death still hurt me, some time had passed, and I no longer felt like breaking down at just thinking about her.
I continued eating my meal in silence for a bit, before the Plague Doctor finally spoke up again. “But that is the reason why I need to know what you’ll be doing. If they come after you—”
“They’ll kill me,” I finished his sentence for him. “And I don’t want that to happen, of course.”
“Right,” the Plague Doctor said. Then he leaned his head forward, and whispered. “And if you can’t find protection from anyone, then your death would become an inevitability. You are going up against an empire, Melas. The greatest one the world has ever seen in its entire history. And it’s backed by the Church, an institution that has been around for thousands of years. Since the First Holy War. You can not run from them forever, nor can you fight against them alone.”
“How about you?” I asked, frowning. “You’re obviously running from them too. Otherwise you’d be a...” I mouthed the word ‘Saint’.
“My situation is… complex. If the Holy Xan Empire found out about my abilities, they would not hunt me down like they would if they found out about yours. They would seek me out, yes. But they’ll do so to recruit me— by force, if necessary.”
I raised an eyebrow at that. “And that’s a bad thing, because…?”
I did not see what was so bad about being made into a Saint; they were, from what I knew about them, treated incredibly well and almost even worshipped within the Church. Like celebrities. Except they slayed all evil and protected those in need. Remembering Saint Theron, I was pretty sure that depiction was a lie.
“I have my reasons. First and foremost, I would no longer be who I am if they indoctrinated me into the Church. They would force me to…” The Plague Doctor sighed, then gave me his usual response when he did not want to give me a proper answer. “More than that— no comment.”
I expected that reply. In fact, I did not expect him to even tell me as much as he did; so I decided not to press him any further and let him continue.
“Regardless, I have survived thus far, but not on my own. I have made my fair share of enemies, of course. However, I made many allies too. And from my experience, I can tell you that if it were not for those allies, I would be long dead by now, or kidnapped to Soli.”
He was making a good point. Really, I knew from the start of this conversation that he was keeping only my best interests in mind. I took a deep breath and acquiesced. “I don’t really have a plan. I mean, I have thought about it a little. I was considering… becoming a Hunter. To survive— put my skills to good use. And it’s not something that tied me down to a place. If anyone searching for me showed up, I could always just run away.” My eyebrows arched darkly over my eyes. “But beyond that? I don’t have a concrete plan.”
“And neither do I,” the Plague Doctor said, surprising me a little. “I noticed this when we met last night. You and I are kindred spirits. Outcasts. But even outcasts have someone to turn to. No one is ever truly alone in the world.”
He placed a hand on my shoulder, and I felt my lips curl into a slight smile.
“I would have suggested you join the Dark Crusaders, Melas. I am familiar with them, and I know they have connections in the underworld almost anywhere you go. They would have offered you protection. But now that I know you can’t…” The Plague Doctor drummed his gloved fingers on the wooden table. “Have you ever heard of the Taw Kingdom?”
“Yes. They’re that big Dwarf Kingdom up north, right?”
“They are. And I feel like you could find yourself something of a home there, if that’s what you’re searching for.”
I blinked. “But aren’t they allies with the Holy Xan Empire? That’d be even worse than hiding out in some random town in the middle of some random country!”
“Traditionally, the Holy Xan Empire and the Taw Kingdom are allies. However, their alliance was born from their cooperation against the Demon Lord during the Final Holy War. Since then, their pact has maintained little more than in name. The last time the Taw Kingdom helped the Holy Xan Empire was during the Free War. And that was more because of their own personal distaste of the Free Cities, than out of their friendship with the Holy Xan Empire.”
“But still, that doesn’t mean they’ll like me or anything. They were against the Demons for magic.” I let the implication hang in the air, as I finished up my food.
“Yes they were. And they also currently have a Dark Crusader problem, which is one of the main reasons why they have not ended their treaty with the Holy Xan Empire. But, in that same vein, they do not see magic users as evil because the Church says so. Their issue lies more in the spellcasters that bother them, rather than spellcasters in general.” The Plague Doctor shook his beak-like mask. “If you, a spellcaster, offer your services to them in exchange for protection, I am certain they would be willing to accept.”
“And how can I guarantee that happens?” I inquired, wiping my mouth.
“It would not be the first time they’ve offered asylum to an enemy of the Holy Xan Empire, and neither would it be the first time they’ve worked with magic users. Both are rare, but both have happened before,” he explained, not exactly instilling any hope in me. Then he pulled out a piece of parchment from his coat. “And their current King owes me a favor.”
I jerked in my chair. “Their King owes you a what?!”
The Plague Doctor looked up at me for a moment, as if he was winking at me from underneath his mask. “I told you, I have made many allies in my time.”
“How did you get a King to owe you a favor?” I asked in disbelief.
“I saved his daughter’s life,” the Plague Doctor said nonchalantly. “And other such deeds when I was there.” He began scribbling down something on the piece of paper.
After he was finished, he folded it and inserted it inside an envelope. He took out a vial of green mixture, and poured a single drop of it over the flap. Taking out a stamp, he pressed it over the liquid, sealing the letter.
“Here,” he said. “Ask for an audience with King Adilet. Have this letter delivered to him, and he will summon you to his court personally, and give you a response. And if they won’t send this to him, say it’s from the Plague Doctor. That will ensure it reaches him.”
I took the envelope, and looked over it. “What happens if he refuses? Or if I lose this somehow?”
“I send a message to him telling him that I have sent a friend his way. So even if you lose the letter, it does not matter. That is simply a formality. And no matter what happens— even if he chooses to turn you away— I have made it abundantly clear that he is not to let word a single word about you slip to the Holy Xan Empire. So if he rejects you, he will reject you in silence. That, I am certain he will follow through with no matter what happens.”
I leaned back in my chair, and sighed. “You know, I just met you yesterday, right?”
The Plague Doctor nodded. “We did.”
“And I have very little reason to trust you, since we barely even know each other, right?”
“Yes.”
“And because of that, I should be suspicious of you, right?”
“You should,” the Plague Doctor agreed. “And please stop asking me rhetorical questions.”
“Alright, I’ll stop.” I stood up, holding the envelope in one hand, and my staff in the other. “I don’t know how much I should trust you, Plaguy,”— I ignored the odd look he gave me at his nickname— “but I don’t even know your name, nor do I know much about this King. I am not just going to waltz into what could possibly be a trap you’ve set up for me, and even if you’re telling the truth, neither am I going to simply trust you, a complete stranger to me, when you tell me to trust another complete stranger to me.”
“That is a fair assessment.”
“However,” I said, holding a finger up. “It’s not like I have anything else planned in mind. So while I’m not going to just do as you say, I am going to scope this place out. Make my own judgement on whether to approach this King. And decide what to do from there.”
With that, I slipped the envelope into my bag.
“I see,” the Plague Doctor stood up as well, following me out into the streets. “So would you rather me withhold my message telling him of your arrival?”
“No, then I’d be screwed if I lose this letter you gave me.”
“Then what am I supposed to say, Melas?”
I chewed my lips for a moment, hesitating. Then I shook my head, casting aside my worries.
“Tell him— instead of telling the King of my name or appearance, tell the King that… the [Witch] might come to him. And that she’ll need his help.”
I almost felt embarrassed saying that; but I had already decided that that was what I was going to call myself from now on. I even bought the clothes to match and everything too!
It was better than just telling everyone my name— especially if the Holy Xan Empire decided to do just a little bit of investigation about me. Ask anybody in Villamcreek what my name was, and they would have made the connection in an instant.
“Very well,” the Plague Doctor said. “I will let King Adilet know that my friend, the Witch, might seek him out for sanctuary.”
“I— yes. Thank you, Plaguy.” I smiled.
I heard a muffled snort underneath his mask, and he retorted. “My name is Felix.”
“Alright, Felix,” I said. “Thanks. For doing this for me. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t really know what to do after I leave this town.”
“And I am glad to have met you, Melas. I don’t know your story, and neither do you know mine. But that is the beauty of secrets, is it not? It makes you curious. It makes you want to learn more about others. And maybe one day, we will meet again.”
“Is this supposed to be a goodbye?” I asked, my smile withering away. “I’m not good with goodbyes. I don’t think I’ve said goodbye to any of my friends when I left them.”
I thought of the people I had met in this world. All the friends I had made— however briefly we knew each other. From Rin, to Ihsan; Gessitt, to Theodore; or Karna, and Adrian. Even someone like Mr Walden, whom I barely even knew anything about, was included in that list. I never had the chance to say anything to any of them before I left, and I felt a tinge of regret about it.
“Perhaps that’s a good thing. Some believe that goodbye is final. That you only say it to people you’ll never meet ever again. If that’s the case, then by not saying anything to them, it means that you’ll eventually see them again. Whether that means sometime long in the future, or tomorrow, is something that only you’ll find out.”
“That’s a nice way of putting it,” I said, leaning onto my wooden staff. Still not smiling. But not feeling as bad as I did about it.
The sun stood high in the sky. Our shadows were mere specks on the ground. I watched as people came and went, passing us by every second. I saw faces I had never seen before, and names I would never get to know. I held my breath for a moment. And when I opened my mouth to speak—
I smacked a hand on my head.
“I forgot to collect my hat!” I exclaimed.
“Your hat?” the Plague Doctor asked, quirking his head to the side.
“My pointy hat— my [Witch’s] hat.” I spun around, briskly making my way for the hat shop.
“...pardon? Do you need it now?”
“No,” I said. “But it’s important for the mood of this scene! I mean, look at you.”
I gestured at the Plague Doctor, dressed in his full plague doctor outfit. Meanwhile I was….
“You look cool in your costume, while I’m not even wearing mine! It’s the same as if I’m half naked, talking to a fully clothed man!”
“...I don’t think that’s equivalent?”
“Yes it is,” I insisted, walking around a group of people blocking the way. “The hat is the most important part. And I want to look cool too!”
“Most important part of what? You being a Witch?”
“Mhm,” I made a sound in agreement. Then I stopped, and pointed at him. “And by the way, it’s pronounced [Witch],” I corrected him.
“That’s what I said?” the Plague Doctor— Felix— just stared at me in confusion.
“No, no. You said Witch.”
“Yes.”
“But I’m saying [Witch].”
“What’s the difference?”
“You’re pronouncing it wrong! Look, you need to move your mouth like this— see? [Witch].”
“Wit[ch].”
“No, start with an ‘O’ shape—”


We arrived at the hat shop after we finished our entire discussion on the pronunciation of 'Witch'. I gave up trying to correct Felix after he inquired on how he should spell the word in his letter to the King of Taw; I obviously did not know what to tell him, so he ended up settling on sending an audio transmission via radio when he got the chance. It was better for him to pronounce it wrong, than for me to try and spell out a word that did not exist.
After we decided on that, we moved on to a different conversation as we stepped into the small building.
“...and the merits to getting a mask far outweigh the cons.”
“But it’ll be stuffy and difficult to breathe!”
“And your identity would be better protected,” Felix said, voice flat.
“I…” I cast a glance at the young woman looking at us from the counter. “I’ll think about it. Just let me do this for now.”
“Hey, you’re back! Here to collect your hat?” the milliner asked.
“Yes, is it ready?” I politely inquired.
“Yep. Have it in the back. My apprentice will get it.” The milliner turned around, and called to a room at the back. “Hey, Jay! Fetch me the purple hat on my desk, will you?”
Jay? I exchanged a look with Felix; it could have been another boy named Jay, but when I remembered what the Jay from the orphanage mentioned the day before…
And my suspicions were proven correct. Jay— the boy who tried to rob me a few days ago— walked out carrying a purple hat in his hands.
“Is this it, Ms—” He blinked at me. “Melas? Is this supposed to be yours?”
The milliner paused, pulling out a receipt. “You two know each other?”
“Yeah, we’re…” the boy trailed off, glancing at me uncomfortably. “Uh…”
“Friends?” I suggested with a shrug; that was the closest descriptor I had for our relationship.
I reached into the coin pouched Felix gave me, and handed the milliner the rest of my payment to her. As Jay handed me my hat, I asked him. “You’re… apprenticing here?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said with a bit of apprehension in his voice. “I just have been a bit of a troublemaker, y’know? I had been thinking for a while. If maybe I got out of Ms— my mom’s hair for a while, I could come back more grown and she’d be proud of me.”
“Come on, Jay. I’ve spoken to Ms Sharity. She showed me all the things you’ve made. She’s proud of you.”
The boy looked like he was about to retort, but he bit back his tongue. “...maybe. But I just wanna be better, y’know? I’ll just be living here, working and learning how to make hats and sew in general. I’ll go back and visit whenever I can. But I wanna be an adult. Help out, and not just be a nuisance.”
“It’s good that you’re trying to improve,” I said, putting on my purple pointed hat on my head. You were a bit of a jerk before, I left the words unsaid.
“Hey, uh—” Jay shifted uncomfortably where he was standing. “Thanks. For helping save Hannah.”
“I— you’re welcome.” I recalled what happened this morning; before I could get overwhelmed with embarrassment again, I took a step back and began excusing myself. “Now if you’ll…” I began.
“Wait, are you leaving?” Jay asked, calling after me.
I stopped right at the door. Not because I wanted to, but because a gloved hand grabbed me. Felix— the Plague Doctor— was motioning at Jay with his beak-like mask. I frowned. “You want me to— fine.”
“Melas, what’re ya talking about? Why’re you with the Plague Doctor, anyways?”
“Listen, Jay. I’ll be leaving town today. No— not today. Right now.” I took a deep breath, then turned around to face the boy. “So, uh, bye?”
That’s absolutely horrible! You can’t just say bye to a kid without any buildup to it! That’s too sudden!
Unfortunately, the damage had been done; Jay took a moment to register my words. Then he took a step forward. “Wh— but you can’t—” the boy caught himself from grabbing me. He looked me in the eyes. “Do you need to go right now? You can’t stay?”
“I’m sorry, but I only ever planned to stay here until I got this,” I answered his question truthfully, lifting the brim of my purple hat as I did. “I enjoyed meeting you, Jay. It was fun… maybe. But I have to go.”
“Where are you going?” he asked meekly, distraught by the news.
“Uh—” I wanted to lie, and tell him that I was going with the Plague Doctor. However I decided against it. “I don’t know, just— anywhere that isn’t in or near the Free Lands. Maybe the Taw Kingdom. Or maybe somewhere else. We’ll see.”
“Oh… ok.” Jay looked disheartened, and I felt bad about it too. “So this is… goodbye?”
“Maybe,” I hesitated. It probably was; I had no reason to ever return here. However, it was always nice to leave things open ended, right?
So I gave the kid my most gentle, reassuring smile.
“But, hey, if we ever do meet again, I’ll be sure to buy my hat from you. And tell Ms Sharity and the others I said goodbye, too!”
“I will,” Jay said, resolving himself.
“Bye.”
I gave him a farewell hug, and he froze. When I let go, I did not rush off to leave; I slowly walked away, waving at him and the milliner as I did. And he waved back, even until I exited the hat shop.
For a while, I continued heading down the road without saying anything. It was only when I was a bit aways from the hat shop, did I breathe a sigh of relief.
“That was difficult.”
“But it felt good, didn’t it?” Felix remarked, popping up beside me.
“I guess?” I cast my gaze heavenward, as I stopped at an intersection. “It definitely made me feel something. But I don’t know if I liked the feeling.”
“Well, whether you liked it or not doesn’t matter. You’ll have to get used to it.”
“Mhm.” I clenched and unclenched my fist. “Thanks for helping me with that, Felix.”
“It’s not a problem, Melas. I am the Plague Doctor, after all. That’s what I do— help people.”
“I know,” I laughed cheerfully to myself.
I shook my head, and glanced down at my hands. Opening and closing my palms as I did.
“Say, are you sure you can't come with me?”
I felt a sense of deja vu; as if this happened before. And it did. Just a few minutes ago. Except now, my role was reversed. But unlike Jay, whom I politely let down, I never got my response.
I looked back up, and just as I expected, the Plague Doctor was gone.
He was nowhere to be seen. Not anywhere in the emptier street than before. He had left before I even asked my question, as if he knew the question was coming. And he did so without saying even a single word.
“Stop being so cool,” I muttered under my breath.
It would have been nice if we could have hung around each other for a bit longer. I had only just met him, but I liked him a lot. It would have been nice to get a companion; to have someone whom you knew and could talk freely with. And I was going to get one, eventually. It just was not Felix. Not now, at least.
Because this was a passing encounter. We met at a crossroads for a moment— and only a moment. Now we had to continue down our respective paths. There was a chance we could meet again in the future. But this was not the future; it was the present.
And the present held one thing, and one thing only for me:
To begin my adventure.
With a goal in mind and a place to go, I started down the road ahead of me.
[Next Chapter]

Author's Note:
The theme of Book 2 is Adventure. While Book 1 focused more on the darker aspects of the story, Book 2 will be more of an adventurous thrill.
Sorry to everyone who wanted to see more of the Plague Doctor. You'll get more of him in the future. Just not now. This was the first arc to Book 2. A short arc. Inconsequential beyond developing Melas' character and giving her a goal to work towards for now.
I understand the importance of a recurring cast of characters for a story, and I have plans for it. This arc was just a setup arc, if anything. Unfortunately, the next chapter is an interlude. Which is more setup. But I promise you, after that, there'll be a lot of good shit going down.
PS: Felix has a secret. Can you guess what it is? Winner gets bragging rights whenever his secret is revealed.
submitted by delta-201 to redditserials [link] [comments]


2020.07.30 05:02 comfifiiei I wanna mom my see naked

fwb concerns??? help
am i starting to like my fwb? so many questions running through my head
Ive had a friend since 2014 thats two years older than me and was super into me back then but i never gave into it. He was fine with that and was always super nice to me then we went separate ways over a period of time and i moved out of town to go to school and hes had a few relationships since then as well as I have.
Fast forward to last december we start talking a bit again every few days and we continued this into the new year, just friendly conversation. I didnt want to admit but i was somewhat attractd to him but had a boyfriend at the time so i never pursued anything, even though he asked me a few times this winter if i was interested in hooking up. We spoke every few days until march when i came to my hometown for a month due to COVID and school closing, and we talked a lil more and i became single so he asked again if i wanted to hookup because I was kind of giving the idea in a subtle way (oops). I finally gave in and we had sex, then a few days later my bf tried to fix things and i wasnt sure if i wanted him back and this friend of mine got super mad and told me he never wanted to talk to me anyways and only answered me bc he wanted to have sex etc. and i got really mad as well. He then proceeded to say something along the lines of “well you dont want two boyfriends so” which i never implied ever that i was into him which makes me think he was jealous. I didnt speak to him for a few days as i was so confused it was purely sex thats it and he got so mad over something he shouldnt if it WAS just sex which he claimed it was. A few days later he messaged me on 3 platforms simply saying my name only, which of course made me reply because it freaks me out when people say my name and nothing else lol. He then proceeded to say “I wanna fuck you again. I wanna see and pull your pretty purple hair” and said “you were the only person ive had sex with in a long time that ive genuinely enjoyed”. Of course i gave in (hate my lack of self control) and we had sex 4 more times between then and the beginning of june when i left town to go back to school. He talked to me almost everyday since then, and if i didnt message first he found a reason to hit me up and start a convo so i know he doesnt feel the way he did in march when he claims he didnt wanna talk to me only purely for sex, because now we talk all the time about anything and everything and hes very nice but he still confuses me because he doesnt imply he likes me but he cant go one day without hearing from me.
I came back home in June and i didnt tell him because i didnt know if i wanted to hookup as i was having mixed feelings and felt like i was getting attached and shouldnt of been, but he found out i was home and he offered to pick me up and buy me mcdonalds and some mints one night i said i didnt feel well but wouldve liked to have sex. It was a sweet gesture but i didnt give in, instead i waited a full week and denied him 3 times until finally doing it in his car (its always been in the car due to his mom being home and mine). I went back to my other town then until today and we spoke again everyday since, and hes been starting to come to me with his personal problems which he woukd never open up before, and he messages me all the time even if i dont reply he will say something else a few hours later. Im so confused because some days i feel like im reading into it too much and he doesnt like me im purely a fuck, but other days i realize he talks to me all hours of the day and now confides in me, and not to mention the more times we hooked up the more often he would kiss me during, he even held my hands once in the middle of it and tells me afterward how great it was and that im the best this or that hes ever had.
I got in town tonight and hes home alone for the first time in like forever, and he asked me to come over and have sex , so i went and when i got there i was so nervous because its always been simple car sex and then go home. I walked in and he was playing PC and i sat on the bed and we talked for a little, then i had to throw away my gum and had nowhere to put it so he took it in his hand and threw it away for me (id never do that lol), before he came over and pushed me down on the bed and got on top of me. When we were finally naked, i was laying on the bed and he got his duvet and covered both of us up to our heads while he was ontop of me kissing me, and it seemed like it went on for a long time before he actually started to touch/finger me then have sex. He kissed me alot during missionary and we did it on the bed and the floor it was absolutely insane, and when i left he said see you next time, then messaged me and told me it was good and to come pick up my sunglasses i left there tomorrow morning. Im super confused because i feel like im starting to like him as i cant stop thinking about him but then my insecurities take over and make me feel like im crazy for even thinking hes into me bc he’s so attractive and im just not, although hes told me many times that he thinks i am and he enjoys sex with me. Any input? Hes super sweet and i just think if he was only into the sex he wouldn’t message me first daily to start a random conversation if he was only in it for the sex, especially since i live out of town and im gone for usually a month at a time.
Please advise what you think, im going nuts overthinking about it but i cant stop thinking about him and i feel something when he kisses me so i wonder if that means he does as well, and if he wont admit his feelings because he is afraid of rejection as ive never implied or gave the idea that i want him more than sexually.
tl;dr: wondering if im over analyzing fwb relationship
submitted by comfifiiei to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 08:00 comfifiiei I wanna see my mom naked

am i starting to like my fwb? so many questions running through my head
Ive had a friend since 2014 thats two years older than me and was super into me back then but i never gave into it. He was fine with that and was always super nice to me then we went separate ways over a period of time and i moved out of town to go to school and hes had a few relationships since then as well as I have.
Fast forward to last december we start talking a bit again every few days and we continued this into the new year, just friendly conversation. I didnt want to admit but i was somewhat attractd to him but had a boyfriend at the time so i never pursued anything, even though he asked me a few times this winter if i was interested in hooking up. We spoke every few days until march when i came to my hometown for a month due to COVID and school closing, and we talked a lil more and i became single so he asked again if i wanted to hookup because I was kind of giving the idea in a subtle way (oops). I finally gave in and we had sex, then a few days later my bf tried to fix things and i wasnt sure if i wanted him back and this friend of mine got super mad and told me he never wanted to talk to me anyways and only answered me bc he wanted to have sex etc. and i got really mad as well. He then proceeded to say something along the lines of “well you dont want two boyfriends so” which i never implied ever that i was into him which makes me think he was jealous. I didnt speak to him for a few days as i was so confused it was purely sex thats it and he got so mad over something he shouldnt if it WAS just sex which he claimed it was. A few days later he messaged me on 3 platforms simply saying my name only, which of course made me reply because it freaks me out when people say my name and nothing else lol. He then proceeded to say “I wanna fuck you again. I wanna see and pull your pretty purple hair” and said “you were the only person ive had sex with in a long time that ive genuinely enjoyed”. Of course i gave in (hate my lack of self control) and we had sex 4 more times between then and the beginning of june when i left town to go back to school. He talked to me almost everyday since then, and if i didnt message first he found a reason to hit me up and start a convo so i know he doesnt feel the way he did in march when he claims he didnt wanna talk to me only purely for sex, because now we talk all the time about anything and everything and hes very nice but he still confuses me because he doesnt imply he likes me but he cant go one day without hearing from me.
I came back home in June and i didnt tell him because i didnt know if i wanted to hookup as i was having mixed feelings and felt like i was getting attached and shouldnt of been, but he found out i was home and he offered to pick me up and buy me mcdonalds and some mints one night i said i didnt feel well but wouldve liked to have sex. It was a sweet gesture but i didnt give in, instead i waited a full week and denied him 3 times until finally doing it in his car (its always been in the car due to his mom being home and mine). I went back to my other town then until today and we spoke again everyday since, and hes been starting to come to me with his personal problems which he woukd never open up before, and he messages me all the time even if i dont reply he will say something else a few hours later. Im so confused because some days i feel like im reading into it too much and he doesnt like me im purely a fuck, but other days i realize he talks to me all hours of the day and now confides in me, and not to mention the more times we hooked up the more often he would kiss me during, he even held my hands once in the middle of it and tells me afterward how great it was and that im the best this or that hes ever had.
I got in town tonight and hes home alone for the first time in like forever, and he asked me to come over and have sex , so i went and when i got there i was so nervous because its always been simple car sex and then go home. I walked in and he was playing PC and i sat on the bed and we talked for a little, then i had to throw away my gum and had nowhere to put it so he took it in his hand and threw it away for me (id never do that lol), before he came over and pushed me down on the bed and got on top of me. When we were finally naked, i was laying on the bed and he got his duvet and covered both of us up to our heads while he was ontop of me kissing me, and it seemed like it went on for a long time before he actually started to touch/finger me then have sex. He kissed me alot during missionary and we did it on the bed and the floor it was absolutely insane, and when i left he said see you next time, then messaged me and told me it was good and to come pick up my sunglasses i left there tomorrow morning. Im super confused because i feel like im starting to like him as i cant stop thinking about him but then my insecurities take over and make me feel like im crazy for even thinking hes into me bc he’s so attractive and im just not, although hes told me many times that he thinks i am and he enjoys sex with me. Any input? Hes super sweet and i just think if he was only into the sex he wouldn’t message me first daily to start a random conversation if he was only in it for the sex, especially since i live out of town and im gone for usually a month at a time.
Please advise what you think, im going nuts overthinking about it but i cant stop thinking about him and i feel something when he kisses me so i wonder if that means he does as well, and if he wont admit his feelings because he is afraid of rejection as ive never implied or gave the idea that i want him more than sexually.
tl;dr: wondering if im over analyzing fwb relationship
submitted by comfifiiei to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 06:35 JustAnotherAlienDude I Just Need To Understand

I live with my mother, step dad, three sisters, and two brothers. I grew up poor in a bad part of town with an abusive rapist father. Soon though after he raped my 2nd older sister who moved out he was kicked out by my mother. My mom met my step dad who helped us get a better home and overall just be in a better condition. As time went on I noticed how differently one of my sisters are treated (the 2nd older one) my mother controlled her life. Everything that was sent to my sister's phone was sent to my mom's phone as well. My sister wanted a new life. She didn't wanna be with my mom anymore so she moved. After she moved and started her new life my mother always bad mouthed her. She bad mouthed any of my sisters who moved out. She says said that if they had followed the advice that she give then they would all be living their best lives. She says more hurtful stuff as well. My 3rd older sister (one year older than me) just turn 18. She always brings her girlfriend to the house but goes upstairs to have ***. I tell my mother cause we have younger siblings who just aren't allowed to see that at a young age. Of course my mom takes action and tells her to leave her door open and now they do stuff under the blankets instead. My first interaction with her girlfriend was seeing them naked on the bed ontop of each other. I told my sister that I didn't like her girlfriend and she proceeds to tell me how her mom died 2 years ago and that she used to cut herself. I felt bad but my boyfriend said that it was manipulation. My 2nd older sister told me that she manipulated her a lot saying that we can't be rude to her because she's been is so many abusive relationships. I started ignoring her but my family started to get upset with me telling me that she is my sister and I have to stop being disrespectful and rude. I was confused cause everyone was always mean to the siblings that move and I loved them. One day my mom took my phone though and looked through it and found some stuff she didn't like she started yelling at me until I just told her I cut and I wasn't happy she then told me that she had it harder and I should be happy when she provides me with everything I could ever want. She called me selfish for being this way. She also said she will send me to an insane asylum if I keep cutting. My step dad actually spoke to me though. I like him. Im not good at typing stuff out but I'm trying. I'll put in a situation that happened today
Me and my younger sister went to help our mom who was moving furniture because she has a bad back. When we tried to move it she started yelling at my younger sister who is stronger than me that if she could just listen to her for once then this could be easier. My sister got upset and said sorry I was confused on what you ment. My mother said now that I am yelling you all look at me like I'm a monster I have never put a hand on you guys don't let me start now, if you guys would just listen to me or just let me do this myself then none of this would happen I didn't need anyone's help. She usually says as well that she'll give us a reason to cry. I'll try to post as different version of all of this if people actually read it but I'm just confused. Sorry if it is hard to understand
submitted by JustAnotherAlienDude to toxicparents [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 06:15 comfifiiei I wanna see my mom naked

Ive had a friend since 2014 thats two years older than me and was super into me back then but i never gave into it. He was fine with that and was always super nice to me then we went separate ways over a period of time and i moved out of town to go to school and hes had a few relationships since then as well as I have. Fast forward to last december we start talking a bit again every few days and we continued this into the new year, just friendly conversation. I didnt want to admit but i was somewhat attractd to him but had a boyfriend at the time so i never pursued anything, even though he asked me a few times this winter if i was interested in hooking up. We spoke every few days until march when i came to my hometown for a month due to COVID and school closing, and we talked a lil more and i became single so he asked again if i wanted to hookup because I was kind of giving the idea in a subtle way (oops). I finally gave in and we had sex, then a few days later my bf tried to fix things and i wasnt sure if i wanted him back and this friend of mine got super mad and told me he never wanted to talk to me anyways and only answered me bc he wanted to have sex etc. and i got really mad as well. He then proceeded to say something along the lines of “well you dont want two boyfriends so” which i never implied ever that i was into him which makes me think he was jealous. I didnt speak to him for a few days as i was so confused it was purely sex thats it and he got so mad over something he shouldnt if it WAS just sex which he claimed it was. A few days later he messaged me on 3 platforms simply saying my name only, which of course made me reply because it freaks me out when people say my name and nothing else lol. He then proceeded to say “I wanna fuck you again. I wanna see and pull your pretty purple hair” and said “you were the only person ive had sex with in a long time that ive genuinely enjoyed”. Of course i gave in (hate my lack of self control) and we had sex 4 more times between then and the beginning of june when i left town to go back to school. He talked to me almost everyday since then, and if i didnt message first he found a reason to hit me up and start a convo so i know he doesnt feel the way he did in march when he claims he didnt wanna talk to me only purely for sex, because now we talk all the time about anything and everything and hes very nice but he still confuses me because he doesnt imply he likes me but he cant go one day without hearing from me. I came back home in June and i didnt tell him because i didnt know if i wanted to hookup as i was having mixed feelings and felt like i was getting attached and shouldnt of been, but he found out i was home and he offered to pick me up and buy me mcdonalds and some mints one night i said i didnt feel well but wouldve liked to have sex. It was a sweet gesture but i didnt give in, instead i waited a full week and denied him 3 times until finally doing it in his car (its always been in the car due to his mom being home and mine). I went back to my other town then until today and we spoke again everyday since, and hes been starting to come to me with his personal problems which he woukd never open up before, and he messages me all the time even if i dont reply he will say something else a few hours later. Im so confused because some days i feel like im reading into it too much and he doesnt like me im purely a fuck, but other days i realize he talks to me all hours of the day and now confides in me, and not to mention the more times we hooked up the more often he would kiss me during, he even held my hands once in the middle of it and tells me afterward how great it was and that im the best this or that hes ever had. I got in town tonight and hes home alone for the first time in like forever, and he asked me to come over and have sex , so i went and when i got there i was so nervous because its always been simple car sex and then go home. I walked in and he was playing PC and i sat on the bed and we talked for a little, then i had to throw away my gum and had nowhere to put it so he took it in his hand and threw it away for me (id never do that lol), before he came over and pushed me down on the bed and got on top of me. When we were finally naked, i was laying on the bed and he got his duvet and covered both of us up to our heads while he was ontop of me kissing me, and it seemed like it went on for a long time before he actually started to touch/finger me then have sex. He kissed me alot during missionary and we did it on the bed and the floor it was absolutely insane, and when i left he said see you next time, then messaged me and told me it was good and to come pick up my sunglasses i left there tomorrow morning. Im super confused because i feel like im starting to like him as i cant stop thinking about him but then my insecurities take over and make me feel like im crazy for even thinking hes into me bc he’s so attractive and im just not, although hes told me many times that he thinks i am and he enjoys sex with me. Any input? Hes super sweet and i just think if he was only into the sex he wouldn’t message me first daily to start a random conversation if he was only in it for the sex, especially since i live out of town and im gone for usually a month at a time. Please advise what you think, im going nuts overthinking about it but i cant stop thinking about him and i feel something when he kisses me so i wonder if that means he does as well, and if he wont admit his feelings because he is afraid of rejection as ive never implied or gave the idea that i want him more than sexually.
submitted by comfifiiei to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 03:17 throw_awayorangeclem I wanna see my mom naked

Hello! I (18F) hope this is the right sub. Sorry for anonymity, just don't want this to have any chance of being found by anyone I know. I came here to ask for advice/insight on my situation from neutral third parties. I'm going to try and be concise, though I sometimes wander in thought.
Fair warning, this is probably going to be a rambly, long post... I am SO sorry for how long this is. I don't know what details are pertinent. But I don't know where else to go to talk and I need someone to listen, even if it's just to tell me I'm wrong, and it's not abuse.
Also, the title is mostly referring to Pam
I mean we've told all this to DFCS but they've been no help.
I'm kind of doing 3 sections: Fred, the babysitter (M, probably 40-ish around the time of the story); Jim, the stepdad (59, current); and Pam, my mom (50, current); just so it's more structured
This first situation I know for sure is wrong, though I didn't recognize it at the time.
We had a babysitter, we'll call him Fred. I don't know when or how it started but when I was really young, 7 is my best guess, Fred would put his hand under my underwear in my pubic area and just rest his hand there as far as I remember. But it somehow was normal, I would go lay my head in his lap and he would put his hand down my pants. Fred would watch R and X rated movies and stuff, I still have nightmares about shit from those movies. Idk if it's my brain's way of replacing the memory of what he was doing or it's like by association that I remember it or?? Idk.
But anyway, I got the bad touch talk or whatever in school, still had NO idea it was wrong. I guess because they don't specify where bad touches are? Like they said if you don't like it, it's a bad touch... But I took no issue with what he was doing because he had done it forever.
A few years later he was being accused of things like looking up girls skirts and other stuff... And when I was asked I said no, he'd never done anything like that to me. I don't know why at this point I still didn't grasp that he HAD done something to me, but I didn't. I feel so, so guilty about this, because I could have helped those girls and myself. Then he died years later, and sometime around then (probably months later) I finally told my mom. I told her, and she said she didn't believe me, because when she had asked me straight I said no. She got so mad at me for telling her. I felt like maybe I shouldn't have, or maybe I imagined it.
Ok now onto my stepdad... I'll call him Jim...
Honestly with this whole thing I can't tell what's real anymore. My brain has gotten all muddled with what people have told me and what my brain is telling me. So I'm going to tell it as best as I can. I have a lot of memory issues surrounding this.
When my mom went with me on a youth trip in like 2014 (I think) there was some stuff happening with my oldest brother (M28 at the time) and his wife. He was saying he would never come around again bc Jim was creepy towards his wife. My mom asked me if I had felt anything like that . I broke down into tears and told her honestly, yes.
And I know this isn't too severe or anything, I know it could be worse... But she asked if he was creepy towards me.
He once came into my room when I was lying in a sports bra on my bed. I don't remember why but he came over and leaned over me and his hand brushed my nipple through my bra. And I guess I tried to wiggle away or smt. He then asked me "did that feel weird?" I don't remember what my response was.
There were other times where he would do stuff that would make me feel sick to my stomach. Like my old room and my parents' rooms were right across from each other. And I was on the top bunk and he came out of his bathroom naked and stood in front of his dresser (right in front of the door). I didn't say anything, but I rolled over, because gross I don't wanna see my dad naked. But then Jim came into my room and asked, "Does seeing daddy naked make you embarrassed? It doesn't bother me." I can't bring up anymore specific examples honestly. Because my mom told me they're normal so I don't want to be dramatic.
After I told her that in 2014 she was furious with Jim. She was going to divorce him, she told our pastor about it, it got reported. Everyone supported me.
Then we were going through the legal process and they got into my phone. And I was honestly doing a lot of stuff on my phone that I shouldn't have been. It turns my stomach to this day thinking of what I was exposing myself to. My parents then turned on me and said something about me WANTING older men to touch me. That because I was reading yaoi (I'm so sorry) and stuff that I must be making up the stuff about Jim and Fred. Because it was now a pattern or something because I accused two older males. I don't know why or how I got into doing this kind of roleplay or stories. I wish I hadn't. But I felt awful because of this. That because I was reading stupid stories that she no longer believed me on anything.
Later, when the investigation was over, they told me, "we believe you believe what happened, but your dad would never intentionally hurt you." Those words still hurt to this day. It makes me feel like I'm making it up or just crazy honestly.
Then there were more allegations against Jim this year, in early January. My little sister (F14) had had similar experiences with Jim commenting on her body in a way that dads normally don't. I was furious. My older sister (F28) also talked about how he had done similar things to her when she was younger as well. My other older brother (M29) said he never brings his gfs around because every one of them has complained about Jim flirting with them and has made them uncomfortable.
So we opened another investigation this January... And now onto
Pam, my mom
I'm going to start this part by telling you all, I have some sort of weird dependency on my mom. And I know it's bad and unhealthy but I don't know how to get out of it. I have serious attachment issues to her, I have since I was an infant as far as she and my sister have told me. I often have nightmares of Jim shooting her. I also have serious anxiety when she's away somewhere, i don't know, a fear she'll be killed.
I was away at a job where I stayed over to babysit when my little sister and older sister told my mom. So she called me and told me we need to talk. I came back home the next morning and she told me to explain. She was very calm at this point. I told her everything again. She told me I'd never told her the thing about him touching me. Even though I know I did because I did that stupid doll thing in the station or wherever we were. She left the house, still very calm.
Then a few hours later she came back in a rage. She called both me and my little sister "pansy asses" for not getting over it. And that Jim has changed. She was in my sisters face and yelling, she never touched either one of us and I don't remember a lot of what she said, I just repeated "yes ma'am" over and over again while she screamed at me. When she was done yelling at me and my sister she kicked the door to my bedroom over and over again against the wall so hard that the doorknob was squished afterwards. She also kicked one of our cats out of the way on the way back to her bedroom.
She locked herself in and was kicking and throwing things and threatening to snap one of the dogs necks because she wouldn't be able to afford to keep her anyway. She left a hole in the wall after when she kicked a pill bottle that was behind a dresser into a wall (she now finds this funny).
My little sister and me were there with one of my mom's ex-friends (we still like her) and she saw the whole thing. I then called my older sister to come get us because the friend couldn't take us because then it would be kidnapping. My sister told us to go across the street to a friend of hers house. We packed some things and went over. The dogs ran with us across the street.
We stayed with my sister for a while, getting constant calls and texts from Pam and Jim. Jim said he'd never come back if we just would go back to Pam and why did we want to ruin our mothers life, etc. I just turned my phone off for most of it. It kept bringing me to tears over and over. I finally answered one call from Pam and she said she was going to leave the state with my 3 littlest sisters and I'd never see her again. My older sister then took the phone because I was crying and told Pam that she wasn't going to let her talk to me again.
We talked to the police and an investigation was open again.
I had stayed with the aforementioned friend some as well because I felt stressed staying with my sister because she only wanted to talk about the situation and I just wanted to stop feeling sick. I had had my employer at the time drop me off at the friends house. And my mom asked him where I was. He told her vaguely. Then she wouldn't stop texting me about it. She couldn't remember who lived close to there.
When I finally went home Pam constantly talked about the whole situation making her feel like she should kill herself. Or how we were all killing her. And that what did she do wrong when she raised us to hate our mother so much. It was awful to be around. I thought coming back would make her better. She offered to let me sleep in the bed with her (Jim staying at his mom's down the street at this point) because I often used to when I had nightmares. And I did. I thought it would make her less mad at me. Make her believe me somehow.
And she does things like say she never said she wanted to kill herself. Or that we were killing her. Or she re-contextualizes it. She said "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about your older sister." Or when she came in kicking things and stuff, she told me she "pushed" the cat out of her way. And that she was never mad at me or my little sister, but at our older sister because she had been texting her (I've never seen the texts, she insists my little sister must have deleted them). She told me she never didn't believe me about what I said about Fred.
She's mostly fine but also prone to what she calls "tantrums". She'll get in a mood and suddenly start throwing stuff. Or one time my other little sister forgot her shoes or something for school. My mom came back from work and threw everything off our kitchen counters because we hadn't found the shoes yet. (Me and my sister were online public schooled). When she has these tantrums she screams so much the next day her voice is gone, and the house is a mess. These only happen every once in a while... But the friend said she would never treat her kids that way. And that a grown woman shouldn't be throwing tantrums. She also does this thing where if you ask her a question and she says, "I guess," but it actually means no and if you actually do it she'll flip shit.
Anyway, that's not all of it but I feel like this is so long ugh. I'm sorry for my whole life story. Basically DFCS is closing the investigation tomorrow and I wanted to just let it out.
I want to leave but I have severe fatigue and pain issues that make me unable to work properly and I don't know what to do. Also I have 2 cats that I absolutely will not leave here. I don't know where I can go that will let me keep them. I feel so dependent on her because I don't even know how to make opinions it feels like. It feels like I always should defer to her. Or she'll be upset. I don't know what to do at all. I'm trying so hard to find a job or some way to make money. I don't have any friends. I don't know any family that would take me and not tell them where I am. I don't know how to up and leave with 2 cats. I'm just getting so so tired of being in this household with Jim and Pam .
If you made it to the end I really appreciate it. I'm sorry for taking so much of your time.
Edit: also forgot to add, Pam really does help me with my health. She has pushed me to go to more doctors and stuff. Yet she also says anytime I say something about one day moving away, "oh you could never move away, I can't come". But also I think when I was younger anytime anything upset me she would let me quit whatever it was, and now I don't know how to not just cry and quit things. I know I'm an adult now and it's not just her fault. At some point when I was younger I think I started to play up my upset-ness and now I'm paying for it. Now I don't know how to handle being upset at all. So that's on me.
submitted by throw_awayorangeclem to abuse [link] [comments]


2020.07.29 00:33 commoditylad I wanna see my mom naked

TLDR is toward the bottom.
Ok so I'm a miracle baby. My mom and dad had 5 kids that died in the womb or shortly after birth. And then I came along. Which is probably why my mom holds onto me with a tight grip. And that makes sense.
So I was supposed to move out by the end of July. Like. With a roommate, in my city/state. However, my roommate communicated to her mother that she wanted to move out, so the mom spent her college fund and chose a monthly tuition payment plan. That she (the mother) refuses to pay. So my roommate has a few decisions to make, and I told her to take her time, we can still do this, and now we have more time to save and plan.
So moving out-but-staying-in-city is still a go; just postponed. Because nobody else I know is 1) looking for a roommate, 2) trustworthy, or 3) making enough money/has a drivers license/has any means to do anything but say they want to move out. Until last week.
Last week, a friend came over, invited me over, my mom said I could go. I come home and she has a list of eleven things she wants me to do. Some made sense, as in, showing her my grades (she helps me pay my tuition so that makes sense. I thought I showed her at the end of last semester but I guess not. So I showed her.), do all chores by myself (which I already do. I just work part-time, now. Again, no big deal, I was prepared to do everything in one day, rather than throughout the week).
What was weird was when she told me to strip naked (in case I had any body modifications she didn't know about) and take out my piercings right then and there. So I said no. This is something I found weird and was going to put my foot down.
For context, I self-pierced my ears (six times) earlier this year and she didn't find out till the second month of quarantine. She thought I was being disrespectful and have no right to use the time or the money I earned on my own body. Same goes with clothing and haircuts (and she's extremely upset about the undercut she didn't find out about until months after I first got it done, as well).
Anyway. Her response to me saying no was to "lock" me out of the basement bathroom (the one that only I use) and to say that she'll just look at me naked as I shower in the upstairs bathroom (the one that only she uses). I admit, that sounded so crazy that I almost started laughing. But I went downstairs to go eat, and she followed me, told me I better not use the basement bathroom, and went to go grab the house keys. So I was like "oh, sh*t, she's for real. Okay." She let me get my toiletries before she "locked" the door.
And then she turned around and said that the door unlocks when I am "ready to have that conversation" in which 1) I strip naked in front of her, and 2) I make an appointment to go to the bank, so I can joint my bank account with hers.
Her argument for number 2 is so that she's my beneficiary, and that I'm hers. But she has a history of monitoring my transactions and demanding to see my shopping bags and receipts whenever she sees that I go shopping. And recently, she's opened three of my packages, now. So I told her that she can just wait for my death certificate, just like I'll wait for hers. I don't feel like her taking all my money out of my account because I pissed her off.
And remember: she's said several times that she doesn't believe I have a right to do what I want with the money I earn, anyway. That I am a child and have no idea how to be reasonable or responsible. That changes when she's in a good mood, or if I'm grocery shopping. But if I made her upset, she changes her mind. I don't want to joint my account with her.
Anyway. This on top of years of micromanaging where I go (Life360- I have many stories in which she threatened or used something as emotional leverage, in response to me being more than one minute late, or taking the wrong route. I can understand straight up lying about where I am, but cmon). What clothes I buy and wear, what I can and cannot do with my body (at 19 years old). She had grabbed me by the scruff of the neck when I cut my hair (no permission, I just did it on impulse) at 14. I have not been able to save money because she can see how much I have- which means she can see how much she can borrow- until I made my own bank account. I didn't grow the balls to close my high school checking until a month ago. But if it weren't for my second bank account, I would have no emergency fund.
Bold assumption? Tell me the difference between when I only had a high school checking, versus having a college checking and an online checking.
I have money, she doesn't know how much, so she asks if I can afford to lend rather than just telling me to lend. And now, it's all my money, not just the "here's a little something to have in your pocket" every so often. Because she loves me and I love her, but it's hard to see your own ways and habits.
I call her out on em but she twists the story, forgets, or tells me I'm wrong if I tell her if/why my feelings are hurt. So I try not to do the same when she tells me that she feels disrespected because of something I did.
But it's hard. Because a lot of what she's upset about is "having no control at all over what you [I] do" (her words- but she'd deny it. I stopped tape recording our arguments because what am I saving them for? To play back to myself and feel even more stuck? Maybe for inspiration to go to work, on the days I don't feel like it.)
Because she'll mock me, I'll tell her she's mocking me, and then she'll say that she isn't. I'm happy that I've learned how to be so calm that I can hear what she's saying without it effecting how I feel anymore. But today was a little different. Before I get there, I think I need to explain what built up to me packing up and trying to leave.
That night she "locked" me out of the bathroom, I packed my bags, and planned to stay at a friends the next morning. But our doors have The Ring (useless thing. Our packages still get stolen. She's using it to be nosy, I think.) so she saw I had a few bookbags and my guitar. I was driving when she told me to come back so I can give my therapist something (I did have therapy that morning, but planned to delete Life360, turn off my location, and go live at a friend's right after. I was planning to couch surf (and not for free) until my boyfriend (21/military) is done with his training and moves into his apartment on August 6th.
But she saw what i was doing and took my keys, until I was "ready to have a conversation" again. :) That was not a part of the plan. Because my dad owns the car. Not her. Legally, she can't do that. But physically, she can. So ya just gotta make do, sometimes. I didn't want to "steal" "my dad's" keys from my mom so I just pretended I had to walk to work.
I didn't shower or pee until I almost left because I couldn't go anywhere in the house without her following me, and I can't pee in front of people. I lied about having work that day so I could sit in the store, use the bathroom, throw water on my face, and think about my next steps. I didn't think about turning to family because I knew they would try to dissuade me from moving 600 miles away to live with my boyfriend of four years.
And I was right! Their argument was that he's a growing young person just like I am. So it's a better idea to groove to our own beats for a while.
It's funny because we've been grooving to our own beats for the last four years. Long distance plus military plus we only see each other three times a year. I'm tired of people telling me about my romantic relationship. But I take it with a grain of salt. I get it. We need our independences.
I've never lived alone (except for during a professional conference- that my mother threatened to come take my things because Life360 said I was at Navy Pier at 11:30. Curfew was 12, the university the conference was held at was 10 minutes away, ?? It was the last night my boyfriend was in town, we were there with other attendees and instructors of the same conference. And she blew up my phone, called me 3 times in a row to tell me "about myself." That I'm easy to manipulate, that my boyfriend is controlling me, that I don't listen to instructions, that I'm not ready to be out on my own. He was there the whole time and turned my phone face-down because he noticed that I started freaking out. And to this day, he brings this up as one of many reasons why he implores me to gtfo.)
And yeah. I like living alone. But I also like living with my boyfriend. We did that for almost a month, when I came to visit him. It was wonderful, we make a great team, we know how to listen to one another. And I know that last part because we made it work through three rough patches, now. I think we'll be okay.
To add on to the moving-in-with-my-boyfriend thing: he predicted this (my mom doing some wacky thing that makes me go "ok. yep. I'm done," take my car and go. Or she kicks me out like she's been threatening (and has done once before) since I was 14. And all the parents of those young-adult friends who say 'you can always stay at my place!' says that I can't stay with them.) I'm so lucky that he's this smart. But he's been here before, so he knows better than anyone.
He chose the apartment and lease that he chose for me, he says. So that I can move in with him and have zero complications with his landlord.
(Like??? Getchu a mans like this???? Anyway-)
I asked him about his individuality and he says that he's welcoming me, that he literally planned for this, and that he's been ready to move in together. He's lived alone before (his dorm) and he believes in us, too. It's unfortunate what built up to me moving in with him, in this case, but moving in with him is not unfortunate!
But yeah. I ask my job to transfer me to his state, so I can help him pay rent (utilities are included). He tells me I can live with him for free and just save my money. Especially if I have other plans. But I don't feel comfortable with living for free, so I ain't plannin' on it.
But yeah my whole family swears we're going to fall out and that he'll kick me to the curb immediately. But 1) I have reason to believe that he and I are both independent and mature as fuck for our ages. 2) I brought this up to him, and he said that the only reason he'd do that is if I try to physically harm him. Which makes perfect sense. Also has never happen and I can comfortably say I am above doing. So yeah. He says even if we broke up, he wouldn't just kick me out with nowhere to go right away.
Yeah, actions speak louder, but he's a man of his word. I'm not concerned with he and I ending up like my mom and I.
By the way: I didn't want to be totally insolent so I turned my car back around to meet my mom. She told me to show her where my technology was, and when I couldn't show her my laptop (I had a decoy for literally everything else!!! Dammit!) she asked to check my car. And then she started taking my (as in- I bought literally all but maybe 2 things. And only because she bought me those two things while I was in middle school-) things out, wouldn't stop when I told her to, and carried my guitar back into the house. That was my guitar. Also, I didn't want to be further disrespectful and just drive off (I should have lol). Because I didn't want her to think me leaving was a "fuck you." It's a me-thing.
But no matter how many times I say this isn't a personal attack, nobody in my family hears me. It's always "cherish your mother. We only have each other. You're not going to make it with your boyfriend."
Anyway. Before I "left for work" my mom "let me" use the bathroom next to the kitchen. I went to the basement to find the basement bathroom door was unlocked. So she was harassing me in my own house because I put my foot down on shit I have a right to put my foot down on. My body and my money. Okidoki. I grabbed everything I thought I'd have to replace, put it in the bag I brought inside, and walked "to work" until I figured out how to take my car keys back. Because that- plus not having grown a pair- was the only obstacle, at that point.
Like. The only thing I have to really lose in moving out of state with him, is the tattoo apprenticeship at the shop I love here. I'm still in the process of letting that go, or in the process of accepting that it just won't happen for a while. Everything else is fine. Everything school/scholarship-related is online for the next three years, I was told. I'm on a scholarship and a college fund (unless my dad's been lying, by I don't think he is. He's shown me the money.) so I'm good. My mom pays a small amount which is weird (court orders- it's based on income which pisses off my rich dad) but I'm not losing hair over their stupid we-are-divorced-but-still-had-a-kid-oh-no shit. If the college fund can pay my tuition for all four years, then use it, guys. Just saying. I decided not to let myself be put in the middle of their quarrels after I turned 18. So that's that.
Yes, there's a guilt factor. I would love to rip the bandaid off and as much as I wish I had a normal life, I know there's nothing I can do about my family being a special case. I don't think there's a family that isn't a special case. But yeah my family does not pressure it's adults to move out and I'm grateful for that. But just cuz I don't want to wait until I'm thirty until I buy my first house and move out for the first time, doesn't mean I hate the person who chose to sacrifice everything to raise me???
The plan was to leave, let it process, and then force everyone to accept my decision. And then after acceptance everything is "fine" again. Just like every other "major" decision I've made. The difference is that I don't live at home, which means I don't have to listen to anyone trying to guilt trip me into doing a damn thing. Or fall for the "you live under my roof, your ass is mine" crap. Because I live under my own roof 😊 Same principal as anyone else has on why they'd want to move out.
Like I didn't ask to be here and neither my mom not I are entitled to shit but. Yknow. I wanna say something if I can.
So back to what I'm asking for your advice on.
TLDR: ALL TEXT ABOVE IS CONTEXT.
My mom and I both put our foot down. I'm tired of one day being fine, and four minutes later, I'm in deep trouble that I don't believe a young adult should be subjected to. So instead of making wishes about not having to put up with these "rules," I'd rather just not put up with them.
But my grandma called me crying begging for me to let her help me. (So I'm staying with her. I'm so tired of the old people in my family doing this shit!!!! I am grateful for you. But if I say I'm fine, I'm fine!! If I say I'm not angry, I'm not angry!!)
When I was a minor, I've tried to gather what I needed to legally emancipate myself. But my mom found the papers I did the math on, made the checklists on, and I wasn't allowed to leave the house or have my phone for a while. Ever since, I've been planning and saving money so that even if I was caught, nobody could really stop me.
But my family and my mom thinks I left because I'm angry with my mother and am trying to spite her. She feels disrespected because she's done nothing but provided for me, and I turn around, pack my stuff, and leave without saying anything. (It doesn't matter that she harassed me in my own house. Or has told me to kill myself to my face more than once. Or put me into therapy to "fix" my sexuality when I was 13. Yknow? None of it matters, I guess. She's "done nothing to harm me, and apologizes if she has." 🙃 I still don't have a right to pursue the major I want to, to do what I want with my body or hair, or pursue the tattoo apprenticeship I've been working all year toward. Because I owe her, as she says. Apparently I have to "wait until I'm grown." I guess it don't get any growner than paying your own bills.)
I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation for my personal decision, but I don't feel I don't owe an explanation. Which is what my mom asked me for today, when she told me she feels disrespected and unwanted. No matter how many times I tell her my personal decisions are not personal attacks on her. Helicopter parents of Reddit, what would you like to hear if you were in her shoes? I don't know what else to say to her or my family.
No, my mind isn't 10000% made, but I have a general plan to move out. If it ain't today, it's tomorrow. Y'all see my bags packed. I have been talking about and planning on doing exactly this since I was 14. I don't understand what's unclear.
I've said: I'm not doing this because I'm mad at anyone. I am doing this because I want to spread my wings. I can live and cherish my family without living with them. Just like I cherished my grandma before I started staying here. Like. I don't know what else to tell these wackos, or if I'm just the asshole.
My therapist is my uncle (mom's best friend's husband) so. He offers counseling and insight but my auntie (mom's sister) swears he's biased. Also between him swearing on mindfulness, and my mom refusing that either of us need therapy or meds, we haven't gotten anywhere new in the last three years.
Yeah this is a lot to unpack and there's maybe 7 or 8 years of odd situations that I haven't mentioned. Feel free to ask questions.
Yeah so me leaving isn't a personal attack. I did the math and I will be fine as long as I have a roommate in my city, or as long as I live below my means in my boyfriend's city. Or just live/roommate with him. Which like. Sure, it isn't buying a house at 21, but I don't plan on staying in one place for the next decade, anyway. The exact math- and my phat, juicy, succulent, and thicc emergency fund- say that I'll be fine if I did move out, and numbers don't lie. I've planned this for five years. This was not an impulse decision lol. But me leaving has still been hard on my mom, no matter how I feel. I know she has a problem and needs help but she can't see that. So what would you do in my shoes?
submitted by commoditylad to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.27 10:18 RockoCharmichael I wanna see my mom naked

This happened in the mid 90’s. A heatwave was blanketing my city, suffocating every denizen in a haze of sweat and humidity. It was so bad that kids like myself were spending our summer vacation indoors until the sun mercifully began to set. Usually this happened around 6PM, giving the youth of my neighborhood a few hours to ride bikes through the cul-de-sac, or for the more adventurous children, the opportunity to explore the dense wooded area beyond the road’s end.
Being a twelve year old boy, I naturally fell into the latter group. I’d spent those precious few hours each day mentally charting out the untamed forest, venturing further and further in savoring every moment I got to be a kid before the sun sank low enough to force me to retreat home. I’d tell my parents of my daily adventures as they tucked me into bed, and they’d smile knowingly, reminiscing on their own childhoods presumably.
“Just keep an eye out for The Ratman.” My dad would jest at the end of each of my stories. His playful warning was nearly always accompanied by my mother rolling her eyes and wrinkling her nose.
I was a big kid, and knew better. The Ratman was no more real than the tooth fairy. A simple urban legend parents told their children to encourage them to follow rules. “Finish your vegetables or The Ratman will sneak into your room and fill your sock drawer with rotten carrots.”, “Pay attention on the school bus…if you miss your stop you’ll have to spend all night riding around with The Ratman.” It was silly, but effective for the younger children. I’d been guilty of threatening my younger sister Cori with The Ratman on occasion. In fact, I’d tried to use the legend to frighten her on that day all those years ago, too.
“No way!” I told her obnoxiously. “The Ratman lives out there. You cant come!”
She’d overheard my telling my parents about the fort I’d been building in the woods that week. It was a pitiful thing, made of twigs and leaves, but in my mind it was a majestic tower, a product of my skill and ingenuity. Apparently it was fascinating enough to consume Cori’s imagination as well.
“I’m ten years old now, Shane!” She’d shot back. “I’m not afraid of him! I wanna go!”
“No chance.” I scolded. In my childish mind, playing with my sister, my LITTLE sister…would result in me being a laughing stock. I’d be dead if caught by any of the neighborhood boys. I refused to allow such a thing.
Of course, I was twelve, and it wasn’t up to me the moment she whined to our mother, accusing me of being mean to her. It is a magical skill younger siblings have, the ability to manipulate parents in ways the eldest could never get away with. Naturally, my mother ORDERED me to allow my sister to accompany me into the forest. I huffed and puffed, and finally relented when she threatened me with a grounding. I certainly wasn’t happy.
The next evening, as the sun began its long descent, her bright blue eyes lit up as our dad gave us the okay to go out and play.
“Take your sister, Shane!” I’d heard mom call from the kitchen. That woman never forgot anything. I sighed deeply, and looked to my father. He offered me no reprieve.
“Fine. C’mon, Cori…” I said in an annoyed tone as I meandered toward the front door, my sister’s blonde ponytail bopping up and down as she hurried to my side.
“Wait up!” She cried as I hurried around the corner of our house. “Why are you going this way?”
“A short cut…” I said sharply, in a hushed tone. The truth was that I wanted to limit our visibility. Other kids would no doubt be filing out into the street soon, and as I expressed before, I saw this as a great risk to my reputation. “…be quiet Cori, this has to be secret.”
She trotted along behind me sneakily, buying into my deception. Carefully, I snuck us around the backs of our neighbors homes. We were as stealthy as two young children could be, and I was almost proud of my sister when we reached the treeline without incident. Almost impressed.
“How far is it?” She whispered as we crossed the threshold into the woods.
“I don’t know…you can go home if you want.” I said back, still speaking softly. Being in the woods didn’t mean we were OUT of the woods. I wasn’t the only kid who’d taken to playing beneath the canopy of leaves that summer.
“Uh uh.” She said simply.
So, we trekked on in silence. I followed a small trail I was familiar with, and my little sister followed me. Ten minutes or so into our walk, sweat was standing on my forehead, and I found myself hoping that the heat had worn her down. I turned my head to look at Cori, only to get annoyed by the fact that she looked far cooler than I did. No trace of sweat, and her face wasn’t even the slightest pink. I stopped dead in my tracks.
“Why are you following me?!” I snapped at her. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes, and she wrinkled her nose just like mom always did.
“What?!” She hissed, “You told me to!”
“No…I mean…why are you out here? Why do you want to come so bad? Why didn’t you just stay home and play with your dolls like you always do?!” My words angry.
Cori looked away shyly, almost hurt. She didn’t have a chance to say anything though, as before she could murmurs of nearby voices permeated the air. Her bright blue eyes locked onto mine, and I swore I thought I saw tears starting to form. I felt a tinge of guilt.
“C’mon, lets hide!” I whispered, knowing that she heard the approaching voices just as I had. I still wasn’t keen on being caught playing with my sister, and making not being spotted into a game seemed like a good idea. She nodded slightly, and I grabbed her hand.
I quickly pulled us off the trail, and into a nearby thicket of bushes, just in time. The two of has just gotten settled into our itchy shelter of shrubbery when the voices owner came into view. Had it actually been one of the neighborhood kids, I would have simply waited for them to pass before returning to the trail. That wasn’t the case, however. The voice belonged to Harrison Fletcher. A fifteen year old scumbag who I’d had a couple of run-ins with. Harrison was a notorious bully who thrived on intimidating and harming those weaker than him. He’d been temporarily suspended from school the prior year for an incident involving a cat head. Thankfully, I never heard any details of just what that meant. He lived in an adjacent neighborhood, and shared my school bus’s route. Seeing him in the woods was surprising, but not entirely. He was smoking a cigarette and laughing with a gaggle of older kids as they marched along the trail, swearing and talking about who they wanted to hook up with. Neither Cori nor I really knew what that meant.
We lay prone in the bushes, my hand on my sister’s back as the bully and his crew passed by totally unaware that we were watching. That was a very good thing. We lay there until the laughing and shouting faded to almost nothing.
“Maybe we should head back…” I muttered softly.
“No!” Cori pleaded turning her eyes toward me.
“Its too risky to be on the same trail as them. You remember what happened on the bus. With the pudding.” I sighed, remembering that my hair had smelled like chocolate for a week after the incident.
“Please, Shane? I wanna play at the fort!” Cori asked.
“Okay, geez…but we cant use the trail, alright?” I said, sounding exactly like the big brother I was. She nodded, and we returned to our feet, confident that Harrison wouldn’t hear us.
We walked silently through the woods, the crunching of dehydrated leaves under our feet, the sun sinking lower and lower. Insects had begun to chirp, and I’d even heard an owl give off a hoot. The sky above was a somber orange, giving the naked branches overhead a dark, skeletal look. I remember thinking that it had to be close to 7PM, and the revelation that we’d have only an hour left to play at the fort dawned on me. That wasn’t right. Normally I’d have a good two hours…two and a half if I pushed it…to play. How long had we been walking. Sure, we had left the trail, but I was certain we’d been going the right way. Maybe it was taking longer because I had to keep a slower pace due to Cori…Yes, that had to be it. I was too good at exploring to have gotten us lost. I was positive we’d come upon my fortress at any moment.
“OH!” Cori squeaked out excitedly, shattering my thoughts. “Is that it?!”
I craned my neck to see, and saw her own head turned to the left. I followed her gaze and my eyes peered something nestled in the distant shrubbery. A brownish red something peeking through the trees at us.
“No…” I said, my voice sounding distracted as I began to venture toward the thing, my little sister in tow. We marched along, getting nearer the structure. “…I don’t know what it is.”
As we closed in, it became apparent that object was a building of some sort, covered in what had to be years of rust or grime. We crossed the final thicket of foliage and the thing came into full view. It looked like a small tunnel with a large mouth instead of a doorway. I saw a small stream trickling from said entrance, and gazed from the safety of my vantage into the absolute blackness within.
“What is it?!” Cori uttered in wonder.
“I think its a sewer…thing…” I answered.
I was a bit amazed myself. How had I never stumbled across this thing before? It looked ancient…brown, thick rocks surrounded the cave-like entrance. The whole thing felt so foreboding…but perhaps that’s just hindsight. I don’t quite remember what went through my twelve year old mind, but I do remember Cori being uncharacteristically excited about such an imposing find. She stepped nearer to it, and I followed her, my feet making contact with damp ground as we neared the trickling water flowing lazily from the tunnel’s maw.
“Its getting dark…” I remarked, noticing the first flecks of starlight appearing through the branches above.
“Can we come back here tomorrow, Shane?” Cori asked giddily as she turned and switched her attention from the cave to me. I watched as her smile turned to curiosity as she looked beyond me. “…What is…is that a squirrel?” She asked before blasting the brightest smile I’d ever seen and taking off in a full sprint, bolting past me before I even realized she was running. I couldn’t help but giggle with surprise. I’d never seen my sister so excited.
“Cori?!” I shouted humorously as I whipped around, seeing her back as she ran toward one of many large trees surrounding us.
My smile quickly faded though, as my eyes landed on the tree…more specifically what was poking out from behind it. Cori may have been too young and naive to understand what she was seeing, but I’d recently entered puberty, and easily recognized male genitalia wrapped in fist. How she mistook it for a squirrel I’ll never know.
“Cori!” I screamed, but my voice was drowned out by her own shrill shriek as she rounded the tree, the black, gloved hands shooting out, grabbing her by the arms. I ran quickly to the spot she was being attacked, shouting “Stop, Stop!” at the top of my lungs.
She was still screaming, horrified by what was happening by the time I rounded the tree and took in what I was seeing. There, wrestling with my scrawny kid sister, stood an adult. He gripped Cori’s thin arms with his grimy gloved hands… beneath his scraggly long beard he wore a dirty white tee that looked more like rags than a shirt. His filthy jeans were bunched up around his ankles and his erection sprung from a nest of ratty pubic hair. It bobbed up and down far too close to my sister’s face. That was terrifying, but more frightening were his eyes. Bloodshot, filled with madness, they glared at her with evil intentions. I’m not even sure the man knew that I was there until I grabbed my sister from behind, somehow managing to pull her from his grasp.
“Its The Ratman!” She screamed hysterically through her tears as I pulled her free, falling hard on my back, Cori landing directly on my stomach.
The man never faltered. I gazed up in horror as he stood over us, smiling as my sister screeched in fear, his yellow teeth the exact color of the moon fighting for dominance in the sky. He stepped out of his jeans, then, in an instant, the man shot a gloved hand down toward us, nestling it deep into Cori’s ponytail. He jerked her up, and began dragging her toward the cave-like tunnel.
“No! Stop!” I shouted through my own tears. I dragged myself up to my feet just in time to see him pull Cori inside the dark maw.
“Shane!” She begged, “Help me! Please…HELP!” She screamed in horror and pain, her voice growing distant as she was pulled further and further into the darkness.
I stood, frozen…paralyzed with fear as I listened to Cori’s horrific cries…her pleas for help…until I could no longer hear her. Every ounce of bravery had been drained from me…every annoying thing my sister had ever done faded away, and I just wanted her back in that moment. I knew what I needed. I needed an adult. I turned and ran…
Through my flurry of thoughts and panic, I had forgotten that I had no idea where I was. I ran through the crunchy leaves, dodging trees and fighting to keep my footing as the sun finally gave way to night. The darkness, and my tears, impeded my vision as I ran, branches starting to scratch my arms and face as I passed closer by the trees. I ran for what felt like forever until I burst through a treeline. Not the one I wanted, though. I didn’t see the street, or our houses…no, instead I saw a group of teens smashing beer bottles on rocks and smoking cigarettes. Harrison Fletcher turned his head to see me.
“What the fuck…” He said loudly, his mouth hung open and the lit cigarette it held fell silently to the ground. His crew grew silent, and all of them turned their attention to me.
Through my haggard breathing, I managed only a single word before bursting into full on hysterics… “Please…”
I don’t recall exactly what happened next…I remember one of the teens picking me up. I remember clinging to him for dear life as I sobbed into his shirt. I remember the whole gang walking me through the woods. I remember Harrison Fletcher snapping his fingers in front of my face and asking which house was mine. I remember my mother and father in a panic, asking me what happened….where was Cori? I remember mom freaking out about my wounds, and frantically calling the police. I remember thinking that it couldn’t have been…there is no way…he isn’t real as I whispered to my father with shaky words that “The Ratman took her…”
I remember the police questioning me, asking me firmly where we had been. I remember trying to explain the structure, and seeing the cops face contort with confusion…my father and the police led an immediate search party…it went on for days. They never found the structure. They never found The Ratman. They never found Cori…
…Until tonight. I was awoken by a frantic phone call from my mother. “They found it!” She managed to spew through her tearful voice. I’m now in my thirties, and was groggy.
“Huh?” I spoke sleepily into the receiver as I rolled over to see the red digits on my alarm clock read 5:08AM.
My mom hysterically instructed me to turn on the TV and switch to our local news channel. I understood what she meant then. “They found it…”
I bolted upright in bed, and immediately grabbed for my remote control, flicking the television and and rapidly punching in the numbers for our local station. The words of Vicki Sanders, beloved reporter in our humble city, filled my bedroom.
“...Police are calling the scene of apparently SEVERAL grizzly murders a nightmare made reality…” She spoke, the pretty brunette standing in front of a cave-like tunnel that had haunted me for years. “Inside of this old sewage tunnel, police say 67 year old Mathew Monroe brutalized and killed over 17 children, possibly more. Current investigators have labeled one set of remains as 8 year old Evelyn Chambers, who was reported missing by her family only last year…” A photo of a smiling, ginger-haired girl appeared in the corner of the screen. My heart was racing. “..And the earliest known victim so far has been identified as Douglas Rampart, an 11 year old that went missing in 1976.” The photo of Evelyn Chambers was replaced by a much lower quality picture of a boy posing with a baseball bat, as if he were about to knock one out of the park. Vicki went on as the entire screen changed to a still that sent chills up my spine. I stared into the same face that had looked upon me all those years ago…
“...Mathew Monroe, an apparent vagabond who had taken residence in the sewage system below our city was found dead earlier this week, a note on his body urging police to ‘Suck my expletive, pigs. You never caught me, and I took your children. Want them back? They’ve been under you all of this time. You stepped over me, as if I were nothing. So I made you step over them. Don’t worry, I enjoyed each of them thoroughly…’” Vicki paused for a moment before continuing, “The note goes on to detail his abuse of the children. This, certainly, is no comfort for the families of those missing children, but perhaps they can find some closure and solace now that the monster is gone…”
I watched in silence as as Vicki cut to a police officer who detailed their discovery in the sewers. My mother sobbed on the other end of the phone.
“They…the police officers called…they said they’ve identified…some of the bones…as Cori…” She said through wavering breaths.
I thanked my mom for calling me, and told her I’d be over soon before hanging up. Before getting dressed though, I closed my eyes. It wasn’t The Ratman. It wasn’t anything supernatural that ended her innocent little life. It wasn’t some horrific, unspeakable terror that took my sister from me. It was nothing more than a sick, twisted human being. Could I have possibly saved my sister’s life had I been able to muster the courage to charge after her? Could I have saved others, like Evelyn Chambers? How many other “Ratmen” are out there?
“I’m sorry, Cori.” I muttered into the darkness.
submitted by RockoCharmichael to RockosRoom [link] [comments]


2020.07.26 18:17 TheDarkLands lost my other free style and tho on a beat so we all can just have a good vibe

So before I get started I just wanna destroy this, flow Is always on point while I be hitting girls with the freestyle rap; no preparation or any shit like that; l I'm sorry but I've always been cleaned up; it's just me when i pull up just living life up; sometimes i be the Mr:Clean man the one and only Listerine; and I'm not trying to ever go back; that's not the plan ; but it's ight just sit back; relax; do all I can do to put out some tracks and get my fun stacks! do something for me; add me on the snap; i would hate for you not to add me; or when ya see me breaking some girls back then hit her up with a ; hey babygirl I'm just saying I need you back; "please my Lord oh how I would love that, please do that thing were you crack my back, on ways gotta crack before you just jump right back into the sack; so please stan, stan, just stand right there all awkwardly at the hopital because i just broke a back; damn oops didn"t know that high evergy sex appeal would work just like that!🤷‍♂️ haha yeah thats right brotha from another motha just rode the bull! now sit back and jack go fuck right off; make sure to take into consideration that im trying to get views and flex, not mess with your small town bullshit, i dont wanna be that guy but im ganna have to so fine! while you exit would ya mind being a nice guy and telling your mom and sister, TheDarkLands wanted to share what happened because for Jack, broken backs are always be comin back cuz I just work like that!!
everyone say they just be chillin when relaxin while I'm chillin like a hydrocodone and oxytocin villain; tell all the Vexin' s I'm gonna be textin around town while tryin to figure who who has a millie so I can get lit and flip an bitch; I chillin; gotta smoke all the weed to survive, I be hitting nikky(nicotine) for all the sad days in my life; (well fuck it some grab be the knife; chillin but not sure what I be doing next I said fuck it my sad, nowhere to run with the pain in my blood. hitting the nic all of the time, helps me stay in my line; no where left to ran when the pains all inside;).
now who is this? May I call you trix? can i call you while you're playing around the area? ooo but watch out I'm a real man now. 18 years old, means that I can't be fucking the girls closer to the south! Actually that all chill; I already got girls locked in and we all be vibein. quarantine got us all bored so you we wildin; chilling on the bathroom floor; just wildin im sorry but i called your sis again.. "omg like hey what's up! not to be forward but when you wanna fuck?
Alchoal, weed, and nicotine, they honestly been; feeding me. helpin with the lonely thoughts when; everyone fought for them to go in the hole, everyone; was like, yay! but all had no goal. ; that's dangerous as people losing hope the next; thing they pick up us a rope; I guess you can say it scary... but only I've you've seen it with you 2 eyes some people just think there blind but that's not awser or the solution We must come togeather; as you see we are all ment for each other, respect, kindness and a long drive you'll never see what's behind when you just be tryin to vibe and be dumb and blind! we need change; change in order to help the others; we shall give them suffrage and check the vibe so we can; capitalize on being organized it's not much to see like us all you have to do is chill like Bill until you find a vibe once you've fould you vibe no me a favor at this time and open your eyes do you see? all the light from the other side? creating and choosing us for the better side no nicotine vapes or cigarettes no drugs inside affer the doc got you to open your eyes honestly why isn't shit just decriminalized I support black live Matters okay that's a cool vibe, bro I'm just fucking wit you now that you've open your eyes you can see the
side; opportunity, community, potential, and most of all, I don't see anymore masks out, looks like when we could go outside feely do ya remember that feelin? we close our eyes to relize that we gotta be the type to chillax
with a mask and just stayin home; all it takes is us to do it for 6 weeks, im 18 and my eyes have been open . now take some time and join me my guy and take credit
time to crying over who's pass away and I still alive not me cause unlike you i've opened my eyes for the vibe, now is time to sit back and relax as my eyes are on the other side. please just try? yeah cmere not open you eyes; I hope you now realize we are all one we share and care while everyone's in pain white,black, asin, and Hispanic, now close your eyes and join are vibe! who? me? a wild side? well shit who wouldn't have guessed; let me guess? the pople that never have heard about Able? about read the the kings fabel let's do a; sneakin; I'm feelin my heart beat inside almost as much as her break her or link with me on top of your Instagrams bar cuz as I see it Instagram some land where you always land somewhere in the middle; just like my main man Malcolm; vibed down on the low; always will be growimg on the chart; from low to high; the only limit I be seeing is the sky; and belive that because I'm back; used to never be like this; but then I saw the top N got a taste; give me my paper as thats what gives my vibes all my luck; and tell everyone you gotta be chillin with me you'll always be getting, like Stockton I save all my shots for you so let bring up you! To a place where you feel safe, let me just hold you, wouldn't want anyone else to desert you, so please listen to what im about to say, honestly what a man gotta do all I want to do is . , lmk boo if I can do something for you, lets be chill and smoke, let us be engulfed while we toke! all I ask is can you, Handel all the smoke in multiple tokes! come here babygirl , I hope you like it! is in if you didn't like the flow I worked all night for while trying to be the man, trying to be forward idk about you just all day imma gonna be chillin talking to you, I would love it if I got to old your hand, you never know, maybe more, depends of what's desired n you're private requests! im trying my best to be a new man, workin full time, all the time, anytime I can spare, is my pleasure for your happiness, how about that I got you and ya don't even gotta look back, whip that! finally got a girl that's into that, I'm just saying that imma need to go back, like ya feel that!? got the legs up while you're just chilling on your back, I'm telling ya whatever you want is what I got, she seemed like a baddie so I asked her if we could vibe from behind, I told ya I'll be gentil, but you were just like okay🤷‍♂️ so I said fuck it let me know when your felling like have your world rock, you hit me up with a ight bet, so I took ya, flipped ya, tossed ya, and did whatever I could as I was vibing with you, ya hit me back with a "wow, I didn't know you were gonna do that" I saw oh yeah what? but before i end I see her naked on the bed, having troubles getting out because we had fun, I'm honestly thinking if I should "aye what up" as she hit me with her replay, ( aye what's poppin I just thought about some options? How about you put me on a table, you shall do whatever it takes for how ever long ya feel, so I hit her up saying what's poppin, I just rawed you that first one you be tryin to get in round two? imma take you and tell myself to sit back and relax, as you do you, I'm gonna punish you. did you really think that you sitin naked is gonna detour the myth, and legean , I just had you and it was the whole vibe, how about you just chill out, while I have my fun from the back, just keep letting me run it on her over on her back, be hitting you up like you're the vibe👅 this girl be making me randomly nice! always feels the best when we connect, can i get that wi-fi as that's not the only thing imma be asking for this night., even when in bad vibes hit, when you're not fellin like you even when you shall rest, ill do my best to take care of the best, if anyone desuves it, it's gotta be you, to awsner all my magical questions, how to you do it babygirl? feelings up on me, got me feeling good with that you mentioned to me? mentioning as I take the day as trying to have fun while I chill" send me good vibes and I'll return the offer, but it's whatever! it's chill, lets have you vibe and do what you'd like I'm just wanna take this chace so I can dominate you like a good snack! , I stick it in while gasp and qwiver and I'm not even getting started yet; baby just you wait until I pull m a vibe check; moving you all over the place, if your the location I'm the map, ge once "sorry, but like I'm always down; i wanna take you to town; then fool around; I'm just waiting to fill you up, but unlike the song your no red solo cup; if anything I'd wanna feel you up; just like that you relapsed then collapsed, I'm sorry ya just couldn't resist; but no worries; it's alright; I don't mind taking ya out; let me try to flex; I would say just resist; but ya can't my hon; you've made already made a mistake; if you're readin dis trying to ask whats up, im looking and matches and the bold, you've already read this far, watcha lookin for? I'll be more then down just do something for me?; how about you sit on down; while I write, rap, anything else?; umm yeah I just wanted to say if you're reading right now; just wanted to shout myself out; because of right now on a scale of 1 to 10 ; idk if your down but I would like a colab; ask me questing if ya got any; also I want a hammock to help us get a job done; like making a slapjack, as i come back, come hit me up if you're willing to Snapchat while we both vibe; Now don't worry I'll cook and vibe as long as you please so stay up at night, I promise I'll make it worth it just trust I'll work my best I shall not fail or get some sleep not a snap. if you like it to the end I just say? wanna while I'm just chilling in my NASA gotten a taste want me I'll be down, like all day anyday everyday we just destroy the hey a hotel as you try to tell me" it's alright just take the hints and chill; now it's my turn to take care of you" me down a little downright, some questions, let me knowyonce you catc
you out of your despair, because babygirl (I really hope you know, I just wanna help cuz I wanna be the one sequencing all the feels that seem to be coming back in your life. like a vibe killer on the tracks trying to push you you down, when all ya trying to, is just sit back and chill, so listen to my voice and just relax and kickback as you feel all the good vibes flow back, I'll be ahead while you find you flow back, like release the tension and relax as I solve the problem and carry you while I'm just chillin and fuck everything else while the feel good, chillin, acting like a villain just wait n till the dopamine kicks in, got that feeling I'm gonna be okay and kickin let's look at them and say, " awe not fuck that
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2020.07.25 02:02 When_the_cat_is_away Night Terrors

Chills overtook Vincent's body at the sight of his childhood home, a dreary, gray monolith that scraped the overcast sky with its steep Victorian roof. The intricate molding and depressing color scheme tried forcing him to summon up the horrible faces that once tormented his young mind, but he forced them down, like unwelcome bile rising in his throat at an altogether inconvenient time.
"You know, Vanessa, it's really not too late to turn back," Vincent said
"She's you mother!" Vincent's wife replied, appalled at the suggestion.
"I don't mean without her...I just mean, like, why can't she stay with us?"
"In our studio apartment? Where would she sleep? The couch? I hardly think that's fair."
"Well, then, why don't we put her in a home?"
Vanessa gasped. "A home? Vincent, that woman raised you—and let's be honest here, you weren't entirely easy to raise."
Vincent sighed and looked up at the house. The dusty black windows on the stale gray walls reminded him of the eyes of an executed killer; no emptier now than they were in life, and yet, unquestionably dead. The home had always been a desolate nightmare as far as he was concerned.
"I just...I don't like this place. My childhood was horrible. It wasn't my mother's fault. She was great. There were other...things."
Vanessa placed her hand on the back of his head and gently rubbed.
"I know babe. It's only two weeks. Your brother will be back from his trip and things will be back to normal. Besides, your mother really misses you. Don't you think it'll be good for her to finally see you again after all these years?"
Vincent reluctantly nodded his head.
"Yeah. You're right, I guess. Come on, let's go inside."
Vanessa smiled, and they both exited the car, the gravel crunching beneath their feet, and hauled their luggage up the wooden porch to the front door. Vincent knocked three times, a hollow, echoing sound. A night bird cawed in the distance, a sharp spike in the cold, dry air. When his mother opened, he was so taken aback he nearly collapsed.
Her skin had an ever-so-faint hint of yellow to it, and it sagged like an old oil rag. Her unwieldy grey hair shot out in every direction, and her clothes were covered in deep wrinkles. Her eyes were unfocused and distant, hollow holes leading to what felt like nothing. They were a lot like the house.
"Vincent...oh my, is school already out? How was your...and who's this? Is this your girlfriend? You never told me you had a girlfriend!" Vincent's mother stepped forward and hugged her son.
"Mom, that's...that's my wife, Vanessa. You know her. You were at the wedding, remember?" Vincent's voice cracked with pain as he spoke.
"It's nice to see you again, Carrie," Vanessa said. She shifted on her feet and cast Vincent an uneasy look.
"Yes, yes, well you better come in quick. The hurricane will hit us any minute."
"What are you talking about mom? There's no hurricane."
"Of course there is! Hurricane Gloria! Why, the news was just talking about it. Come in, come in!"
Every word Carrie spoke drove a spike deeper and deeper into Vincent's heart. Had he been there for his mother the past six years, had he even spoken to her once, he would have known how far she had slipped, how ill she really was. But he wasn't, and there was nothing he could do to fix that, to return to those years of his calloused abandonment.
"I set up your brother's room for you to sleep in. I remember how much you hated your own room," she said. "You know where it is?"
"Of course, mom. Thank you so much. I'll lead Vanessa to the room, and once we're all settled in we'll come down and all three of us can catch up."
A huge smile broke out over Carrie's face. "I can't wait!"
Vincent and Vanessa began up the stairs when Carrie spoke up again. "Oh, Vinny, darling, there's a surprise waiting for you up in your room!"
"I can't wait to see it, mom." Vincent and Vanessa continued up the stairs to Vincent's brother's room.
"Did you see how happy your mother was?" Vanessa asked as they made their way down to the end of the hallway.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did. We need to get her out of this horrible place," Vincent said.
The first thing he noticed when he opened door was the sheets. They were untidy, wrinkled, and looked slept in. The white pillow cases had little streaks of dirt, and the comforter had been bunched up in the middle of the mattress. Vincent sighed, placing his suitcase down, and walked over to the bed.
"Why is there dirt on the-" when he unraveled the bundle, the rest of the sentence lodged itself in his throat. A heavy mass rolled out of the comforter and back onto the mattress. All of the air fled his lungs, and he stumbled backwards, crashing into the dresser and knocking a picture frame over. Behind him, Vanessa let out a piercing scream.
It was the ancient corpse of a medium-sized dog. Clumps of dirt clung to its hairless body, and its eyes were no more than dark sockets. Its skin was shrunken to its bones, like canvas over a wooden frame and permanent snarl was etched into its papery muzzle. Vanessa began to gag.
"Patriot...he missed you so much...I thought you'd be happy to see him again."
Vincent looked to the doorway to see his mother standing in the hall, swaying back and forth like an impatient toddler. Vanessa turned and, once again, screamed, nearly leaping across the room.
"Mom, Patriot is dead! He's been dead for years!" Vincent cried.
"What? No, that's nonsense," Carrie said. "No, where did that dog go. Pat? Where are you Patriot?"
Carrie wandered off down the hallway, and Vincent turned to his wife. Her mouth moved silently, as if she were trying to find words, but just couldn't quite figure out what to say.
"Home sweet home," Vincent said.
* * * * *
Once Vincent had returned Patriot to his disturbed grave in the backyard and recovered from the shock of seeing the unearthed corpse of his childhood dog, he replaced the sheets and climbed into bed beside his wife.
This was the part of the trip that scared him the most. Going to sleep.
"Still glad we came here?" Vincent asked.
"She's just sick, Vincent. She needs a lot of love and attention. I know it's gonna be a struggle for a while. Just try to power through it, okay?"
"I know. I know. But you have to realize, it's gonna get a lot worse while we're here. Things are gonna go to shit soon. Maybe not so much for you, but me."
"How so?"
"The dreams. I don't want to talk about it now. Let's go to sleep."
Vanessa laughed. "Wait! No, you can't just drop some cryptic 'the dreams' shit on me and just go to bed! You're being so dramatic."
"I'm not joking Vanessa. It gets bad for me. Can we just go to bed? We drove eight hours to get here. I'm tired."
Vanessa stopped laughing, but she maintained a lighthearted grin. "Okay, drama queen. I love you."
"Love you too."
They both kissed, and Vincent turned off the lights. His mother's barely coherent ramblings replayed themselves in his head over and over, striking more guilt into him with every proverbial record scratch. He slowly, and restlessly, drifted into the hellscape of his dreams.
The moment he fell asleep, his eyelids shot open. Every single muscle in his body was frozen, and his line of sight was glued to the off-white paint of the ceiling. He couldn't even force himself to blink.
No! No, NOT AGAIN! he thought, tugging desperately at his invisible restraints. His mind was blank, but he knew he wasn't dreaming. The world around him was so sharp, so vivid. He had experienced this sensation one too many times as a young boy.
From the hallway came the soft tapping of padded paws followed by the rough sound of a papery, bony mass dragging itself down the hardwood floor like a canvas bag filled with wooden pegs. The thing lugging itself through the hallway toward his bedroom door unleashed a series of strained grunts and pants.
Vincent knew the creature had entered the room when the sounds of its feet and body were muffled by carpet. It leapt onto the bed, its light body stumbling clumsily over Vincent's legs.
WHAT THE FUCK IS ON TOP OF ME?
The creature continued to move up Vincent's body, stopping when its front paws were against his collarbones. His glare frozen to the ceiling, he could just barely make out the tip of the creatures black nose, like...a hairless dog.
The decaying dog's nose disappeared from his line of sight as it crouched down and ran its dry, dead tongue over Vincent's neck and chin. Goosebumps exploded across Vincent's flesh. His heart thudded against his rib cage like a prisoner trying to break free. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't break from his trance.
The dog shifted and sat on Vincent's chest. Its tail whipped him twice in the face, like a long, hairless finger.
The beast let out a low growl. The growl rose into an aggressive snarl, which turned into the most vicious barking Vincent had ever heard from a dog. He braced himself for the dog to bury its jagged teeth in his neck.
That was when he woke up. He sat up, panting and gasping for breath. Sweat had soaked through his shirt, and despite having just awoken, his hands shook from adrenaline.
The dog was gone. He was all alone in the room, save for his wife, who still slept peacefully. Vincent buried his face in his hands and fell back into bed, trying not to sob. This was going to be a long two weeks.
* * * * *
"Wow...that's kind of horrifying," Vanessa said. "That's gotta be one of the scariest dreams I've heard of, actually."
"It's not really a dream, though. Sleep paralysis is way worse than a dream. There's no vagueness, no separation from your surroundings. It's more like a terrible hallucination. You're completely awake."
"Is that really the house's fault, though? I mean, after seeing Patriot...I can imagine that would give you a few bad dreams for a night or two."
"It wasn't a dream. It was sleep paralysis. That's an important distinction. And, yeah, I think it is. That's that little thing I didn't want to talk about. I always had sleep paralysis in that house. Every damn night. It was awful. The kids around town used to say the place was haunted. A witch was hanged on the property a few centuries back, and they say he was buried on the property. They say his coven wanted to protect his bones. Most people say that he was probably buried somewhere else, or just cremated, but I don't buy it. I think it really is haunted."
"That's...a lot to unpack," Vanessa said.
Vincent turned right and pulled the car into the parking lot of the Caspian Veterinary Clinic. Vanessa and Vincent climbed out, and Vincent pulled his black duffel bag out of the back of the car. They walked into the warm reception area together.
The receptionist was a chipper looking young woman with white-blond hair and a nearly unpleasantly bright smile. She perked up from her computer and turned to the door as Vincent and his wife entered the waiting room.
"How are you doing today?" she asked.
"Hi...I have a question...um...do you guys do cremations here?" Vincent asked.
"Oh, I'm so sorry! We do offer cremation services. When did your little furry or feathery friend pass?"
"Well....like, ten years ago or something."
The receptionist tilted her head. "Pardon?"
Vincent unzipped his duffel bag. "Well, you see, my mother is senile, and, well, she dug him up."
The receptionist peered over the desk and into Vincent's bag before breaking into a gagging fit. Every last drop of unfiltered joy melted from her face. She lifted up her desk phone and backed away from the counter, pressing a button on the keypad as she did so.
"Doctor Michael, I need you out here pronto."
* * * * *
The tension in the room was tangible. One need only to enter the dining room to feel the uncomfortable buzzing that tainted the air. Vincent and Vanessa ate their dinners silently, not making eye contact with Vincent's mother—not that it would have mattered. She probably wouldn't have even noticed.
Carrie's mental state had taken a dark turn. The normal unfocused look in here eyes had grown scared, pained even, and her whole body seemed to tremble. She gripped the arms of her chair so tightly that her knuckles grew white, and she mumbles a continuous, undying slew of disturbed ramblings.
"They...they killed him...nobody to protect me...not safe...leave me alone...please," she whined. Vincent winced every time she spoke. Vanessa kept looking up at him, but he shrugged. There really wasn't much that he could do.
Suddenly, Carrie fell silent and looked straight ahead. Unease washed over Vincent. The back of his neck tingled as though being pricked by a pair of staring eyes, and it caused his gut to twist ever so slightly.
"Is everything okay, mom?" Vincent asked.
"Make...make him stop screaming," Carrie whispered.
"What? Nobody's screaming, mom."
"I don't like it when he screams." Carrie stood from her seat, trembling like a small dog, and began backing up. Going into protective mode, Vincent shot from his chair and approached his mother.
"Relax, mom, I know you can have fainting fits," he said cautiously. "Sit back down and eat."
"Make him stop screaming!" Carrie shrieked. "MAKE HIM STOP SCREAMING!" Her eyes rolled back into her head and she fell back. Vincent darted forward and caught her. Vanessa gasped and jumped from her seat.
"Oh my god, is she going to be okay?"
"Yeah, she'll be fine. My brother told me that she has fainting fits sometimes. I'm going to bring her out into the living room. I'll let her sleep in the recliner tonight. I don't want to slip and accidentally drop her down the stairs."
Vanessa nodded and stood up.
"No babe, it's fine. I've got her. Sit back down and finish your meal," Vincent said. Vanessa nodded and tried to offer a flimsy smile.
"Okay, honey," she said.
When Vincent entered the living room, that uneasy feeling he had experienced at the table returned to him. That feeling that he was not alone. He made his way blindly through the dark room to the recliner and gently placed his mother down.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn that he could see the shadow of a man, and for a brief moment, his blood pressure skyrocketed. He turned quickly, priming his fists for a fight that he would most certainly lose. It was nothing. There was no man, no shadow. Just a small window looking out into the dark night.
Vincent sighed and wiped a bead of sweat from his head. He really needed some rest-some real rest.
* * * * *
Vincent's eyes shot open again, locked to the ceiling. The room was dark, the door was closed. He made sure of that before going to bed. In fact, he had tried his hardest to ensure a good night's sleep. He had even taken a double dose of melatonin. Apparently, even that wasn't enough to keep him asleep.
Blood rushed through his veins at top speeds, and energy that wanted to manifest itself as shivers ran up and down his body, but in his fully paralyzed state, the energy remained trapped.
There was a knock at the door. "Vincent..." said a man in a deep, gravelly croak from the hallway. "Vincent, it's been so long...won't you let me in? No? Very well." The voice laughed, and there was silence.
Vincent felt a single drop of some thick, icy liquid land on his head. A little black hole, no larger than a marble, had appeared on the ceiling, through which several drops of a black inky substance dripped. The hole grew as if the ceiling was being corroded by some kind of acid, revealing pure darkness—not a normal kind of darkness, where light is absent, but a positive darkness, one that ate light.
The strange ink began pouring from the hole, which had grown to the size of a person, only instead of falling to the ground, the air caught it, as if it were dropped in the water, and began to billow and twist like black storm clouds.
A long, spiny hand, with fingers like long spider legs, slowly emerged from out of the darkness and grabbed a portion of the ceiling unaffected by the hole, followed by a long arm, a face, and a torso. The skin on the man was a pale, sickly gray, and it clung to his bones like papier-mâché. Long, greasy gray hair fell from his head.
The man's spine heavily protruded, and several portions of his flesh had been eaten away, revealing black, decaying muscle. His other arm came out, along with the rest of his naked body, and he scurried across the ceiling like a giant roach until he was out of sight, his joints cracking and snapping with every motion. Vincent tried with all of his energy to move his body, but he was glued into his position.
The man's face suddenly appeared in Vincent's line of sight. His eyes were several sizes too small for his head, dangling and bouncing against the wall of the sockets like the mallet inside of a bell. The smile he displayed was nearly long enough to split his face in half, and his nose appeared to have entirely fallen off, revealing its decaying bridge.
"It's been so long, Vincent! We're going to have so much fun!" The man laughed and opened his mouth wide—so wide, in fact, that all Vincent could see was the man's black tongue and jagged black and yellow teeth. A cockroach scurried out from the back of his throat, followed by two more, than four. Soon, an entire swarm of cockroaches had emerged from inside of the man, and they began crawling out of his mouth, many falling and landing on Vincent, before scurrying around.
Vincent's flesh crawled with the sensation of the creatures little legs. He tried to buck and squirm, and was eventually able to break free from his paralysis. Once he had successfully moved his body, he thrashed his limbs until he rolled out of bed.
The man was gone. There were no more bugs. Even so, he could still feel their dreadful bodies scurrying up and down his own, their tiny limbs pricking his bare flesh. He ripped off all of his clothes, gasping for breath, not even trying to hold back his tears this time.
"Another episode?" Vincent looked back at his wife, who was sitting in a chair across the room with a book on her lap.
"I...yeah. Why are you up so late? Or, early, rather?"
"Woke up about an hour ago. I couldn't fall back asleep. Probably won't for the rest of the night."
Vincent looked at the clock. It read 4:01. He took a shaky breath and gulped down his his next sob. Putting on a fake smile and holding on to his tears with all of his strength, he made eye contact with Vanessa. "So I guess it's breakfast time, then?"
Vanessa smiled and closed her book. "I guess so."
* * * * *
It became progressively more difficult for Vincent to focus on his book over the tortured ramblings of his mother. Every time he managed to immerse himself in the novel, a gasp, moan, or plea would escape his mother's lips.
"They...they won't leave me alone...why won't they leave me alone?" she muttered.
"You're fine, mom. Nobody is here but you and me," Vincent said absentmindedly as he flipped to the next page. "You're safe here."
"Please, no...no more bugs...leave me alone, please...I don't like the roaches," Carrie pleaded, robbing Vincent's attention from his book. He stared at his mother, his face likely betraying the coldness that gripped his body. She sat in an old rocking chair, staring off into space.
That feeling of being accompanied by some other person returned once more, and Vincent glanced around the room. He was growing increasingly less comfortable in the living room. He closed his book and stood up.
"Hey mom, wanna go for a walk?" he asked. Carrie slowly looked up at her son, but never spoke. "Come on, mom, let's go!" Vincent helped his mother out of her chair and got both himself and his mother ready to go out.
"Going somewhere?" Vanessa said, emerging from the kitchen.
"Yeah, I'm taking mom for a walk. Wanna come?"
A huge grin broke out across Vanessa's face. "I wish that I could, but I'm working soon. I have to take a shower. But I'm so glad to see you two spending time together!"
Vincent shrugged. "Alright babe. I'll see you when I get back. Love you."
"Love you too!"
There was one thing that Vincent missed about his old home. The crisp Pennsylvania air in the heart of autumn. He inhaled the icy air and grinned. After being cooped up in that house all morning, it was nice to be out. He could barely handle two hours in that dreadful building.
The limbs of the trees were mostly barren, dead veins spreading across the light charcoal sky. Every once in a while, Vincent and his mother would pass a tree which still had bushels of leaves clinging to one or two of its branches that rustled softly in the cool breeze.
As they walked, Carries ramblings slowed, and eventually, they fell quiet. Her eyes grew sharper, more focused, and her steps became more intentional. The anxiety that scarred her features seemed to melt away, and soon, she nearly had a grin on her face. Vincent watched in awe as these changes occurred making a shocked mental note of each alteration he noticed.
They were at the foot of the long, gravel driveway when she grabbed her son's shoulder.
"Wait...don't make me go back!" she cried. Vincent's heart leapt in his chest, and he turned to look at his mother.
"Mom, what's...are you okay?"
"No! I can't go back, not now that Patriot's gone!"
"Mom! Patriot has been dead for a very, very long time!"
"And his spirit was protecting me! He was protecting all of us until you went and burned his bones!" Carrie's gaze shifted up to the house, and almost instantly her face dropped again, all attentive energy draining away. "The bones...in the basement...I don't like the man from the basement...he plays with bugs...he scares...oh I don't like when he looks at me like that!"
Vincent followed his mother's gaze to one of the second floor windows. He nearly screamed when he saw the gray man looking down at him, dragging his long, sharp nails down the glass with a rotting black grin.
"VANESSA!" Vincent started to sprint toward the house. He needed to get his wife out. His feet collided with each other and he fell to the ground. When he stood, he looked back to the window—only to realize he was looking at his wife, waving her hand at him. He must have misseen her. Perhaps it was a glare in the window. Yes, yes that must have been it.
Vincent waved back to his wife, who seemed to have grown concern by his odd behavior, and turned back to his mother.
"You scared the crap out of me, mom! Come on." Vincent took his mother's hand and led her back to the house.
* * * * *
Dinner that night was a nearly xerox copy of the previous night. Carrie simply stared at her meal, hardly eating, and mumbling horrified pleas under her breath. Vanessa silently ate her meal, not entirely sure what to say, or if she should say anything.
Vincent's behavior, however, was where things had begun to change. Instead of eating, he simply stared at the basement door. His mother had said something about bones being in the basement. Perhaps that was where the witches bones were hidden?
"Vince!"
Vincent jumped and looked at his wife. "Can I help you?"
"You should probably make sure your mother is eating! I don't want her starving while we're here."
"Yeah, I guess y—" when Vincent shifted his gaze to where his mother sat, a scream exploded from his lungs. In her seat sat the gray man, with his small eyes and broad grin. Wolf spiders and cockroaches scuttled up and down his dead flesh. The top of his head scraped the ceiling, and his black tongue lolling like a hound dog. Vincent jumped from his seat and tossed his plate like a frisbee toward the being's face.
"VINCENT! WHAT THE HELL?" Vanessa cried. Vincent looked at her, adrenaline searing every square inch of his body.
"WHAT? DON'T YOU SEE—" Vincent pointed back to the gray man, but he was gone. His mother was back in her seat, seemingly unaffected by the outburst. She continued muttering into her nearly untouched food.
The wall behind her head was caked with mashed potatoes and gravy above the shattered remnants of the plate that once held them, and turkey and peas scattered the floor. Vanessa rushed over to the mess and began to pick it up.
"Wait, let me get it," Vincent said.
"No! Go upstairs and get some goddamn rest. For goodness' sake, Vincent, you're acting like a lunatic. GO! Now!"
Vincent just stared for a moment before promptly obeying his wife. Once he was in the room, he slammed the door shut and began to pace, his panic severely impeding his motor skills. Repeatedly, he ran his hand through his already messy brown hair. He would do everything in his power to stay awake.
Unfortunately, he was not strong enough.
Despite his movement, despite his determination, something inside him fought tooth and nail to drag him into unconsciousness. As if a silent lullaby engulfed him, his whole body grew heavy. After about an hour of pacing, he collapsed into the chair facing the bed, and before he knew it, he was asleep.
That is, until his eyes once again opened, and he was once again completely paralyzed and overcome with fear. This time, his eyes were glued to his sleeping wife, across the room in bed.
That night, she was staring at the ceiling, her eyes wide open and her face contorted in fear. Her body was completely motionless. Vincent realized that she, too, was paralyzed, and he tried to break free, tried to protect her, but he couldn't. He never could.
The gray man was already in the room, standing above the bed, staring at Vanessa. Once Vincent had become aware of the man's presence, his head jerked in Vincent's direction with a sharp crack. Bugs of every kind swarmed every inch of the man's gray, naked body.
"Vincent...I am so glad you're awake...why don't you join us?" the being said. He placed his hands on the floor and scuttled over to Vincent. Once he was close enough, he put his hands on Vincent's shoulders and brought their faces inches apart. He opened his mouth, and a cloud of flies and roaches billowed out, completely covering his face. His breath possessed the odor of a dead animal that had been lost in a person's chimney throughout an entire summer month. That night, Vincent's paralysis was stronger. He just couldn't break free, even with various insects exploring the facets of his body.
"Now, I think it's time I met your wife, don't you?" The gray man crawled back across the room and up onto the bed. He dragged his long nails slowly down Vanessa's faces, insects crawling down his arm and onto her body.
Vincent finally broke from his trance and ran toward his wife. The man was gone, as were the bugs, but she was still staring at the ceiling, horror distorting her face. Four long gashes had appeared along her face. Beads of blood spouted from the ends of the cuts, trickling over the peaks and divots of her face.
"VANESSA! WAKE UP!" Vincent cried. He violently shook Vanessa until she gasped and began to move. She burst into tears and wrapped her arms around Vincent. "Did you see—"
"Yes, I saw him!" Vanessa cried. "We need to go, now! This shit is real!"
"Get my mother, and get her out of the house. I have to do something that might endanger both of you. Get across the street. I'll be out soon!"
"Stay safe!" Vanessa said. She placed a kiss on Vincent's lips. "I love you."
"I love you too. Now go!"
Vincent and his wife ran to the door, but when Vincent threw it open, it instantly jerked itself out of his hand and slammed itself shut. Vincent tried to open it again, but it wouldn't budge.
"Have it your way," Vincent said. He lifted his foot and slammed it against the door, causing to split down the middle. After pushing half of it down, he shot out into the hallway and down the stairs. He turned left, toward the garage, where he saw the gray man hanging from the ceiling. Vincent ran forward and pushed the door open as the creature dropped to the floor, thousands of insects swarming from his body. He let out an unnaturally shrill shriek that nearly disabled Vincent.
The man charged toward Vincent, but Vincent was ready. He pulled a sledge hammer from one of the shelves and heaved it forward. It collided with the gray man's face, knocking him to the ground with an animalistic screech. Vincent grabbed a red container of gasoline and leapt over the gray man, who wouldn't be kept for long, and slammed the door behind him. He ran through the house toward the basement and nearly leapt down the stairs. He had to find the bones.
He lugged the sledgehammer about, destroying every inch of drywall. The black ink began to drip from the ceiling. Vincent knew there was little time. He moved on to the third wall. The man's arm started to protrude from the still expanding hole.
Finally, Vincent found them. A pile of dry bones tumbled forward, landing at his feet. For how demented the gray man looked, Vincent was surprised by how ordinary his bones were in both size and form.
Not that there was time to ponder the mechanics. Vincent poured the gasoline over the pile of bones and struck a match just as the gray man fell from the ceiling. As he dropped the match, the gray man began scuttling forward. The match hit the bones, and a flame erupted, causing the gray man to screech in pain. He began wailing and twisting as not only his bones, but his current animated form, burned to ashes. Vincent shot up the stairs and out of the house just as the flames began eating away the one remaining wall and the ceiling of the basement.
* * * * *
Vincent, Vanessa, and Carrie stood watching from the other side of the street as the firefighters tried to douse the flame, rushing to beat the fire before it spread to the surrounding forestry. It was an unpredictable inferno that consumed everything around it. It would die down whenever it so chose. Vincent hoped that wasn't any time soon.
Carrie's eyes were sharp and focused again, and despite watching her home burn to the ground, she had a soft grin on her face. She was finally free from the unrelenting Hell that plagued her in that house.
As was Vincent. The nightmares, the fears, the horrible memories. All of those things were gone, burned with the home he grew up in. He could finally move on.
The nightmare was over.
submitted by When_the_cat_is_away to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]


2020.07.22 06:01 linashib Wanna i see naked my mom

Hey everyone, it’s my first post on Reddit and I’m a bit anxious about asking for advice or opinions of other. I have avoidant attachment style and I feel like I have to figure out everything by myself and can’t trust other people but I also feel like I really do need additional support right now. I would appreciate your empathy!
So, I’ve been with my therapist for 1.5 years over skype. I really liked her, she helped me to recognize my emotions and work with them. Recently I took 3 months break due to Corona and it really helped me to see things differently. I realized that most of the time in my therapy I really tried to be a good girl. It was hard for me to bring up some issues and instead I tried to resolve the issues by myself because I was afraid of her judgment. She frequently interrupted me when I was talking so I would pay attention to my emotions and at first it helped but after some time I felt like I’m not being heard and I need to tell it all as fast as possible before she interrupts me. I frequently felt judged, incompetent and small.
There were a couple of situations that really triggered me and made me feel ashamed and hurt. For example when I just started my therapy I was extremely depressed, didn’t want to be outside, didn’t enjoy anything at all and one day my husband and I went to the beach and I really felt alive for the first time in months. Because of that I forgot about my therapy session and felt extremely awful about that. I felt like I'm a loser, felt that in the future I no longer will be having fun as it results in me "losing control". When I came to the next session my therapist told me that I forgot about it because I’m sabotaging myself. I felt really hurt at that time but thought that maybe she knows best. But seeing it now I see that I just didn’t wanna be judged right away. It made me feel as if she judges every little thing I say and already have opinion on everything.
Another time, I was telling her how my mom was walking naked in the house all the time, touching her genitals and talking to me at the same time and how I'm disgusted by that. Told her that because of that I internalised this disgust and every time I see my naked body I hate myself. She replied with "I understand it, but in some families and cultures it is totally ok to walk naked". At that time I again thought that maybe she is right.
After realizing all these things I decided to go to therapy and bring it all up. I thought that it’s helpful to address it and to not run away from difficulties. So the night before the session I slept for only 2.5 hours, was extremely stressed (also because I was physically abused during my childhood and my body reacts really badly when I need to talk to authority figure).
During the therapy session I explained everything with a focus on "its not your fault, it’s just something that triggers me and I really want to build emotional safety and be able to feel secure in this relationship". I asked her to address the situation with my naked mum and her telling me that it’s appropriate in other cultures and she replied "I understand that this situation feels as if it’s a trauma to you (why is it so hard for her to just say that it is a trauma, without "feels as if") and as a therapist my goal is to reflect the reality and not to validate people’s feeling all the time. World is a hard place and my goal is to prepare people. It seems like in your mind you can’t have these 2 things together (your trauma because of your naked mom and that it’s normal in other cultures).“
I again felt extremely judged, stupid and small. Like I’m stupid and weak for wanting validation and support. Even though I told her in the beginning of the session that I feel so much guilt for just being in this world and my inner voice often tells me to die. I feel like it’s not an appropriate way for a therapist to talk to someone who is extremely vulnerable. I also feel hurt because I expected from her something like "I’m really sad that you felt like this because I triggered you. I didn’t mean it. How can we work together so you can feel safer?".
Am I stupid for wanting this? Am I sabotaging my relationship and running away from difficulties? Would it be ok to leave her or do I need to continue because I need to overcome my triggers? I’m really lost, hurt and angry.
submitted by linashib to TalkTherapy [link] [comments]