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2020.07.18 14:33 18Jlulenergetic Tiny Wom-an Big Di-ck Por-n

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2020.05.25 22:35 EmpathFirstClass Webcam hunk

You are being lied to. While that simple fact may be hard to swallow, I have uncovered disturbing evidence hidden throughout Iron Gold and Dark Age that not everything is as it seems concerning the Mind’s Eye. Evidence so dangerous that this post may not even exist in the next few hours. Rumor has it that even Pierce Brown himself has a contract on my head. I risk it all to bring the truth to you.
Because the nature of this information, there will be many spoilers throughout this post, so do not proceed if you haven’t read all the Red Rising books. Also, simply being privy to this knowledge may put your life in danger from the powers that be. Read at your own risk.
THE MIND’S EYE PART 1
In this post I will go over the Mind’s Eye in the Red Rising series, and more importantly, explain how the way it’s presented to the reader is a deception. But first thing’s first, what is the Mind’s Eye? I will provide textual descriptions of the Mind’s Eye so we can get first get a basic grasp of it.
The Vindabona Situation
We are first officially introduced to the Mind’s Eye (TME) in Iron Gold when Lysander is introduced as a POV character. The chapter immediately opens with him waking from a dream aboard the Archimedes, where he lives a spartan life alongside Cassius and Pytha, roaming the galaxy helping those in need. They have received a distress call from the civilian hauler Vindabona and board the seemingly derelict ship to investigate. We soon learn that the ship had been raided by Ascomani and Lysander is exposed to exceedingly disturbing sights of carnage and cannibalism. To steady himself throughout the encounter, he begins to use TME.

“I focus and try to view the room with the Mind’s Eye – removed, analytical, as my grandmother trained me.” -Lysander, Iron Gold, Chapter 8.
“I am the master of my fear. I let myself sink into the Mind’s Eye. My breathing slows. A cold, distant clarity settles over me. I hear the rattle of air purifiers clogged by dust, the pulse of generators vibrating through the metal floors into my boots. And then I hear them.” - Lysander, Iron Gold, Chapter 8
“They speak in nagal and are hunched together eating and drinking the foodstores from the ship. Revulsion and fear swirl together in the pit of my belly. Be the calm.” -Lysander, Iron Gold, Chapter 8
“Do not let fear touch you. Fear is the torrent. The raging river. To fight it is to break and drown. But to stand astride it is to see it, feel it, and use its course for your own whims.” -Octavia (Lysander Flashback), Iron Gold, Chapter 8
Later in Dark Age, we also see TME’s calming effect when Lysander is fleeing to Helioposis with Alexandar and the rest of the Arcosians after [REDACTED] :
“Blinded by dust and smoke, I hug my bike and close my eye. Debris pings off the metal chassis like hailstones and bites at my legs and face. The air is hot and ghastly. I want to sob in terror. I focus my Mind's Eye, and it all quiets.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 60
On a side note, compare these passages with Frank Herbert’s “Litany of Fear” from Dune: “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
So, TME, taken at face value, is a technique that enables the user to accomplish several different things. First, it seems to induce a state of heightened awareness and sharper senses. Secondly, it seems to allow the user to detach themselves from their emotions.
Naturally, most readers will naturally come to the conclusion that it’s a sort of meditative practice, mastered through years of practice and discipline akin to monks honing their minds. However, there are other aspects of TME…
“Light Resistance”
After his first encounter with Darrow during the campaign on Mercury, Lysander and company are thoroughly routed and forced to trudge through the Ladon desert. This is where things start to get very interesting. As he travels alongside Kalindora and Cicero, we get a flashback of a training session he had with Octavia when he was a child. Octavia quizzes Lysander on the number of birds he has passed and how many stairs he has climbed.
“But you must never let your mind sleep. Your Mind’s Eye must rove without rest. Even as you speak, eat, move, it is not enough for it to collect data, it must digest it as a subfunction, or you will miss something and become a slave to another.” -Octavia (Lysander Flashback), Dark Age, Chapter 34
As seen above, Octavia claims that TME should always be active in the background, constantly sifting and analyzing data in one’s subconscious. What is intriguing though is how she doesn’t use the word subconscious, but subfunction. Interesting.
When Lysander finally makes it to Helioposis, he catches several anomalies. First, he notices that the hover transports are dipping too much when traveling to the Morning Star.
“There is an aberration in the pattern that sticks out like a loose thread…my mind whirs…Unless they’ve nonsensically changed the default gravity cushions on only half the skiffs…he is either building a massive secondary generator or a sustained EMP device of unprecedented scale.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 64
Second, when entertaining Alexandar and Rhonna, TME immediately picks up abnormalities again.
“She downs her glass, leaving fingerprints all over the bulb. Darrow’s stock, indeed. Her other hand hangs idle at her side, no longer exhibiting the tic of playing with the leather thong of her sidearm’s holster. This, along with Alexandar’s diminished self-dentistry, has turn me cold. I probe with the Mind’s Eye.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 80
While TME is only explicitly stated in the second instance, these passages fall in line with Octavia’s description of the TME’s ability to collect data as to not miss something.
Things get even more intriguing. As Kalindora recites poetry to Lysander while they move through the Ladon, the conversation shifts to TME.
“Octavia said that her greatest mastery of the Mind’s Eye came when she could make herself taste a food simply by thinking of it.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 38
TME can produce gustary hallucinations and most likely other hallucinations as well.
“Have you ever had a moment where you couldn’t fail? Where everything seemed slow, except you? Like you were the center of…all time?” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 38
TME can distort the sense of time. This is further supported by Lysander’s comment that he tried to use TME to resist the time dilation effect of Atlas’s torture drug:
“The time-dilation drug is too much to bear, and even the Mind's Eye cannot spare me from its rigors.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 59
Continuing on with his discussion with Kalindora:
“It could even stop poison, if mastered.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 38
This is perhaps the most baffling descriptions of TME. Stopping poison using only your mind certainly seems to be a physiological impossibility. Lysander is about to elaborate when a sandstorm appears on the horizon, forcing them to separate with Lysander seeking refuge in the den of a Hydra. After waiting out the storm, he retreats to a crashed ship for shelter and comes to the realization this is probably the end for him. He considers using TME to dull the pain but decides against it in defiance of Octavia:
“I could flee this pain, find refuge in the Mind’s Eye meditation and slip slowly into the Void as my body fails, but I cannot give Grandmother that honor.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 39
Immediately after making this decision, a cloaked Apollonius reveals himself, [REDACTED], and warns Lysander of assassins that have surrounded him, and encourages him to use TME in order to kill them and survive. Lysander is convinced and enters TME to engage the assassins sent by Ajax. After leaving the ship, he sets off an explosive that blinds both him and his assassins.
“My eyes may be blind, but my mind sees. The world rushes through the multi-sensorial pupil of the Mind’s Eye. The projection steams from memory. I see the grains of sand as they were before the blast of light. I feel the weight of the men on its surface. Smell the musky sweat of unwashed armor, the bitter roast of coffee, the sweet reek of combat chemicals and the protein cubes they are before they descended. Blood pumps in their veins. Insulated feet slide in their boots. I feel their skins, knowing where instinct will take them, where training will guide them to my blade like sheep to slaughter. I see them in the blindness.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 39
So we also know that TME is powerful enough to allow a user to fight without vision.
So, a recap. What does the the Mind’s Eye enable?
  1. It heightens the senses.
  2. It allows control over emotions such as fear, anger, and emotional pain.
  3. It constantly sifts through data and analyzes it for relevant information.
  4. It can produce hallucinations.
  5. It can distort the sense of time.
  6. It can stop dangerous substances from harming the user.
  7. It allows the user to fight without vision.
A Muddled Mind
Now that we know a little about the Mind’s Eye, it’s also important to look at Lysander’s mind in general. Throughout the books, Lysander is haunted by re-occurring visions. These visions are so important and vital to his character that his very first chapter starts with him in a dream experiencing one:
“The baking sand warms my feet. They’re smaller than I remember. Paler. And the gulls that careen overhead much larger, much fiercer as they spin and dive into the water of a sea so blue I cannot tell where ocean ends and sky begins. Gentle waves call to me. I’ve been here before, but I cannot remember when or how I came to be on this beach. A man and woman are in the distance, their feet leaving slender paths that the waves, in time, slowly devour, step by step, then all at once till they are gone as if they were never there. I call to them. They begin to turn, but I do not see their faces. I never do. Something is behind me, casting a shadow over them, over the sand, darkening the beach and the sea as the wind builds to a feral howl.” -Lysander, Iron Gold, Chapter 8 (Vision 1)
During the Iron Rain on Mercury, Lysander enters TME to calm himself in the spitTubes, and recalls a memory of Octavia giving him a lesson. However, mid-remembrance, the memory is suddenly invaded by something else:
“The memory sputters, invaded by another. Curtains waver like guttering candle flames. I’m walking down a hall toward a black door etched with a single phrase. Music tinkles behind the door. There is laughter. But as I reach forward with my little hand to push it open, I am swallowed by shadows. The spiderweb emerges from the shadows. A fly struggles to escape, but with each strain entangles himself further.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 10 (Vision 2)
When stuck in the Ladon, Lysander describes another vision:
“A fever has gripped me since I was pulled from the killing field. Reveries come and ago. I see my father and grandmother often. Sometimes there is a chair. Great and silver and carved with eccentric faces. I have never seen it before. And there is a white door that appears always on the horizon, accompanied by the sound of cicadas and the crashing of waves.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 34 (Vision 3)
Notice anything interesting? Shadows are mentioned in Vision 1 and 2, but not in Vision 3. A door is mentioned is mentioned in Vision 2 and Vision 3, but not in Vision 1. Laughter is only mentioned in Vision 2 and a chair is only mentioned in Vision 3. So they are all described differently, but to Lysander, they are the same as he combines them in a fourth description later on:
“My dreams were warped by fever and fear. Again the chair, again the door, again the shadows and laughter on the other side.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 38
Not only that, but in Vision 2 he describes the door as black but in Vision 3 he describes it as white. This, along with Lysander’s inability to give a face to the people in his visions, is our first hint that there may be something wrong with Lysander’s mind. When he finally arrives at Helioposis with Alexandar, this is confirmed when Darrow has his Yellows perform an examination on Lysander:
“His brain scans do not show signs of Securitas conditioning; however, his limbic system has some unusual synaptic activity which may be signs of childhood trauma and memory repression but would require additional analysis to render conclusive.” -Unnamed Yellow, Dark Age, Chapter 61
We finally get some clarification at the end of Dark Age as Lysander talks with Kalindora on her death bed and she reveals how she and Atalantia murdered his mother when he was still a small child. To remove the memories and grief of his mother’s death, Octavia used the Pandemonium Chair on him:
“Do you remember a chair? Octavia had many monstrous machines. But none so cruel as the chair. She called it Pandemonium. With it, she could…pervert the mind. When she discovered Anastasia’s treason, she swore she would erase her from history. She did not succeed in that. But she did steal her from you. Lysander, after your mother died, you were inconsolable. She was a good mother. She loved you more than anything in the worlds. Octavia grew jealous. After two weeks in the chair, her work was done, and you didn’t cry anymore.” -Kalindora, Dark Age, Chapter 90
The only other descriptions of the Pandemonium Chair are ones we get from Virginia:
“Octavia was so close to perfection with her Pandemonium Chair. The device was stored in her Crescent Vault. It has the capacity to shift through and edit memories. But while the chair is a blunt-force instrument, my psychoSpikes are scalpels.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 26
“"There is one that piqued my interest upon accessing her vault. It was the apogee of her devices, one called the Pandemonium Chair. A battering ram into the mind, so to speak. A crude one which I've been refining as a way of decompressing before bed." I gesture to my white box to show her the three thin spikes no longer than a Red's pinky. "I call them psychoSpikes. Far more elegant than the chair. Far more useful. Whatever was the Duke of Hands—memories, predilections, personality—is now erased. He is tabula rasa." -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 27
“The Sphere is mine now, as are so many of Octavia's trophies. It is a hollow oddity, that possession. While she lived, these talismans and icons of hers—her Dawn Scepter, Silene Manor, the Sphere, the Pandemonium Chair, the Sovereignty itself—were wrapped in mystery and portent. As if they held some great secret of life that I was too young, too foolish, to possess. I craved them so much—maybe as much as my father craved for whatever his desire actually was. But now, in possessing them, I see them for what they are; and they all feel lesser for that possession, as does indeed the world itself. The scepter is a hunk of iron. Silene Manor a house. The Sphere a clever device. The Chair a dangerous tool.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 30
“A thousand reveries dance in the air. Memories drawn from the activity of my brain's neurons by means of the Pandemonium Chair. Free associations for the Vox to pick apart and glean and use to hunt down the remnants of my family. The Greens on the other side of the shaded glass catch these images in a net and move along to the next, cataloguing and sifting.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 53
“Relevant faces and words speed in the air in front of me. It is a linear assault meant to bypass my brain's security conditioning. The words are an attempt to stimulate the visual word-form area; the faces, to stimulate the fusiform face area. This causes neuron activity in the prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, which Octavia's Pandemonium Chair then converts to visual and auditory replications.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 53
“You killed my friends when you didn't have to. Lilath put that in you. What I said, it was in reaction to that. I don't want to be your enemy. There are things Lilath is wrong about. Things that will jeopardize your life. For instance, the Pandemonium Chair. Did you know Octavia only used it twice? It is dangerous." -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 56
“You haven’t cracked how to actually erase the memories, have you? They’re quite different functions, viewing and destroying, and more than twenty-four steps to the latter.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 56
How would you describe an instrument that can cause damage to the brain? Kalindora states that the Pandemonium Chair is a “monstrous” and “cruel” machine that “perverts the mind.” Virginia describes it as “dangerous” on multiple occasions, a “crude” “blunt-force instrument,” and as a “battering ram.” Darrow’s Yellows even straight up state that they suspect childhood brain trauma. Lysander even suspects this himself, although he is unable to articulate it in a meaningful way:
“She did something to me. Something I cannot understand. I was a child who needed love in the shadow of his parents' deaths. Instead, she beat me into the shape of a cup and poured her lessons into me.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 39
Even Aja, who had no trouble ordering the murder of women and children whose only crimes were being sex slaves to important masters, found what Octavia did to Lysander ghastly:
“She nearly broke her oath to Octavia over it.” -Kalindora, Dark Age, Chapter 90
So what does all this mean?
The Mind’s Eye Opens
Before we continue, I suggest you close your blinds and tape over your webcam. What you’re about to learn will shock you to your core.
Why is it relevant that Octavia poked and prodded within Lysander’s brain, causing immeasurable damage to his mind? Because this trauma and the Mind’s Eye are inextricably linked together in the Pandemonium Chair. The Chair creates The Mind’s Eye. Furthermore, [REDACTED].
As readers, we are led to believe that TME is a secret passed down through the Lune line, but this is clever misdirection by Pierce Brown. There is no evidence that previous Lune’s could use TME, and it’s questionable if Octavia has the same “form” of TME that Lysander has (if she even has it at all). So if it hasn’t been developed and passed down by Lunes, how did it come into existence?
I think that TME was likely created by Glirastes. Being a Master Maker, Glirastes was approached by Octavia at some indeterminate point in time to create a device that would help her to rule. The device he created for her was the Ocular Sphere.
“I watch the Earth turn from the Ocular Sphere, a glass chamber suspended atop the highest pinnacle of the Citadel of Light. Created by the Master Maker Glirastes.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 30
What do we know about it? First, we know that Octavia used it as a place of meditation and it was also where she instructed Lysander on TME.
“Octavia would often come here for her meditation and solitude. Of course, as an outsider I could not insinuate myself upon her here when she would wrap herself in that psycho-mystic credo she taught lonely Lysander – the Mind’s Eye.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 30
“She sits in her Ocular Sphere. The glass walls of the room are open and the city laid out beneath her. Her eyes look down at the Oracle on my wrist, its stinger waving. “Do not let fear touch you,” she whispers.” -Lysander, Dark Age, Chapter 10
Second, it seemingly grants the user the ability access to all video feeds in the galaxy: cameras, satellites, drones, telescopes, etc.
“Waving my hand at the curved glass wall of the Sphere, I watch the Earth grow until it consumes the entire pane. I fly amongst the peaks of the mountains, along the cool fingers of Eurasian rivers running toward the sea. I rotate my hand and find the great mechanical prison, Deepgrave, trundling along beneath the surf. And with a flick of a finger, my sight races to Mercury. Much is white and black, to signify old images. Many telescopes have been destroyed in the war. But through the swirling clouds of the hypercane, I glimpse a Society bastion – a mobile operations command city – upon the desert sands. A jamField covers Helopolis, where my husband licks his wounds.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 30
Virginia’s simple hand movements would not be able to control the Sphere like it is, so the Sphere seems to work by linking up with the user’s mind in some way as well. The connection should already be apparent, but the user uses their mind to control the Ocular Sphere for vision. The Ocular Sphere is both a place for tactical vision and a place for reflection and learning. I believe the Ocular Sphere is how Octavia developed her “version” of TME, a much weaker version of Lysander’s.
Eventually, Octavia ordered the assassination of Anastasia (Lysander’s mother) and needed a method to deal with Lysander. The said method was of course the Pandemonium Chair.
“Octavia was a paranoid autarch. Fearing deception, she employed teams of Violet Carvers and Orange Master Makers to create biological esoterica and machines to divine truth. There is one that piqued my interest upon accessing her vault. It was the apogee of her devices, one called the Pandemonium Chair.” -Virginia, Dark Age, Chapter 27
While the full capabilities of Pandemonium Chair are unknown, we are told it can:
  1. Allow others to view the memories of its victim.
  2. Allow others to download and save the memories of its victim.
  3. Allows others to erase memories of its victim.
If data from the victim’s mind can be erased, saved, and downloaded, is it a large leap to think the chair could also allow data to be uploaded into the victim’s mind? The reason we are given that Octavia used the Chair on Lysander was to simply erase his memories of his mother. But what if there was more to it? Octavia has already had to murder both her father and her daughter…would she also be afraid she would have to murder her grandson eventually? What if she could ensure Lysander’s loyalty to both her and the Society at an early age? Here’s a fun little passage from early on in Dark Age:
“Lysander au Lune was in the Dragonmaw when it fell. Since he is here, one wonders how he survived. How do we know he is not an agent of the Rising? He may not even know himself. I know I need not remind you of the ruthlessness of our enemy. Or that you no longer hold the monopoly on certain…technologies.” -Scorpio to Atalantia, Dark Age, Chapter 6
I purport that Glirastes worked with Octavia to create the Pandemonium Chair as a more advanced technology related to the Ocular Sphere that would act a sort of shortcut for acquiring knowledge (think along the lines of The Matrix) and allow programming an individual in the way that’s hinted later on in Dark Age with psychoSpikes and the capture of Sevro. This would be how Lysander learned the Mind’s Eye, the Willow Way, and it would explain why he seems so illogically loyal to the Society.
While Glirastes isn’t specifically mentioned, it also makes perfect sense he would have been the one who created the chair:
  1. Virginia states that an Orange Master Maker created it.
  2. Glirastes had previously created a special device for Octavia.
  3. Glirastes and Lysander seem to have a special bond.
  4. [REDACTED]
  5. Glirastes is closely associated with eyes in the books. He tells Lysander the tale of the blind Copper. He developed the Ocular Sphere and the city of Oculus. Concerning Oculus, he even makes this intriguing comment to Lysander: “I based it off your eye” -Glirastes, Dark Age, Chapter 64. It would fit that Glirastes would be involved in a device that could grant someone TME.
Octavia initially tested the Chair on Lysander’s father Atlas (oh, did I forget to mention that Atlas is Lysander’s real father?) but it would turn out that the damaging effects of the Chair would be seen long term.
Stay tuned for part 2, featuring the damaging effects of the Pandemonium Chair including Lysander hallucinating Apollonius (Apple of his Mind’s Eye), the newest evolution of the TME technology (Figment and her ocular sphere), [REDACTED], how Virginia perfected the technology (with the strange coincidence that her son can fight without sight), Atalantia being Astarte, and Lysander reuniting with his father Atlas (and what that could mean concerning a certain Obsidian prophecy).
Thanks for reading, and special thanks to LatchedAbyss1 for some of their insights.
submitted by EmpathFirstClass to redrising [link] [comments]


2019.07.31 22:40 Magnes_V Webcam hunk

This is the first ongoing chapter of a story as created by members of EARLT. Let me know if you would like in. We will not be adding to the official story through Reddit comments, but through Twitch and Discord chat. This is for people to catch up on the whole story thus far. [Contributors: WhoYouDrew, goddess_00]
Chapter 1 Once upon a time there was a unicorn who was gay and also bi and had a lot of emotional baggage. She was looking out her front window and saw a hunk of a man with no shirt running up to her porch.
Blushing, she found her greenscreen suit and threw it out to him.
"What???" an orange cat exclaimed as he watched it happen. As the greensuit landed near Cheeto the cat, some cotton spilled out. He had caught her stuffing once before, but was glad to see her on the straight and narrow ever since dating Mr. Black Horse. "I mean, it's not like she'd ever cheat at board games or anything," he said to the Hunk. The Hunk had no idea what Cheeto was talking about.
"Oh nevermind the cotton puffs," Unicorn stammered. "I just use them for soaking up the sweat when I have my webcam lights on." With everyone awkwardly gathered on the porch, Unicorn invited them into her house for tea and crumpets and said "I'm going to the gas station, don't wait for me to come home." Hunk immediately went beet-red with anger, "Only one other person in my life has ever said those words to me. You can't hide it from me, I know you're secretly a red-headed 5'8" chungus!"
Unicorn quickly slammed the front door, padlocking the two inside and screamed "No V-bucks for any of you now!" With a maniacal laugh unicorn added "Just wait for my black-horse husband to get home!"
Cheeto seeing Unicorn over-react as usual decided to take a nap. Hunk started pounding furiously on the door when all of a sudden a strange green light pierced the roof and enveloped Cheeto. The cat yawned, breifly glanced at his now glowing fur and said "Oh hey there, Zorb."
submitted by Magnes_V to PaymoneyWubby [link] [comments]


2019.06.11 21:39 mradamjm01 Webcam hunk

* **Total budget and country of purchase:**
Would prefer $800-$1000 if possible but can possibly go a bit higher
From the USA
* **Do you prefer a 2 in 1 form factor, good battery life or best specifications for the money? Pick or include any that apply.**
Would love a great battery life, at least for when I'm not doing anything gaming
* **How important is weight and thinness to you?**
I would love if it didn't look like a big dumb gaming laptop, however I can handle more weight
* **Which OS do you require? Windows, Mac, Chrome OS, Linux.**
Require none, but prefer Windows (or maybe Chrome? I don't know anything about it)
* **Do you have a preferred screen size? If indifferent, put N/A.**
I would prefer it being between 13"-15"
* **Are you doing any CAD/video editing/photo editing/gaming? List which programs/games you desire to run.**
Only a business student so I do not need any heavy software, but I would like the best specs regarding gaming that I can considering my other preferences
* **If you're gaming, do you have certain games you want to play? At what settings and FPS do you want?**
Nothing too particular, it would be cool to be able to run games from like 4 years ago or so. Maybe like Rainbow 6 up to like Fallout 4? I don't need a high graphics quality but 30-60 fps is more than fine for me.
* **Any specific requirements such as good keyboard, reliable build quality, touch-screen, finger-print reader, optical drive or good input devices (keyboard/touchpad)?**
A nice built in webcam would be excellent, but not required
* **Leave any finishing thoughts here that you may feel are necessary and beneficial to the discussion.**
Just a business student who wants to be able to do as decent gaming as he can. And with a laptop that will hopefully last me at least 4 years. The lower the price is awesome, but I don't want to invest in a hunk of crap yknow?
submitted by mradamjm01 to SuggestALaptop [link] [comments]


2019.06.02 00:14 skycaptain144238 Webcam hunk

Warning: This rant contains cringe. Also if you can’t stomach reading stories about the authoritarian and corrupt police state that is NJ, then avert your eyes.
My name is u/skycaptain144238, well obviously thats not my birth name but that honestly is not all that important. This is a story from my life and, 5 years 11 months and 10 days of it stolen by the NJ state government. Everything I write here is as best as I can remember it and has been corroborated by the other persons there witnessing it. Some of it is excerpts from the journal I kept in jail, some of it from memories that still haunt me to this day. I am writing this to correct blatant falsehoods printed by New Jersey Local News, Breaking News, Sports & Weather and other news agencies including The Star Ledger. Also to drag into the sun one of the dark sides of NJ. That being said, the only thing that may not be incredibly accurate is some of the actual dialogue, but it is close enough, but the important words are verbatim. They are words that I will never forget and can not forget and will never forgive.
I am originally from NJ, I moved to NY state for 2 years to be closer to my girlfriend at the time. There I developed a love for shooting sports and began my gun collection. And mind you this is all pre SAFE Act. I then made the terrible mistake of moving back to NJ with firearms in tow, while blissfully and ignorantly assuming that all states had the same laws regarding guns *foreshadowing*. Keeping this in mind remember; “Ignorantia juris non excusat” (Latin for “Ignorance of the law excuses not). This is where my story should end and I’m sure beyond a doubt most of you who own guns in the state can assume the rest, but unfortunately it is far more complicated than that.
So now I want to take you on a journey of misery and hell and give you the reader an inside look at how the Constitution of the United States and the rights of supposedly free Americans are squashed under foot in this great and wonderful state. The saddest fact is that my story is one of thousands out there. I am not the first one something like this has happened to and I will not be the last.
On Jan of 2010 a few days into being 21 and within several months of moving into my new apartment I had a knock on my door during dinner time with a school friend. Not that it is important or even relevant but I WAS going to have pork chops and sweet potatoes I still wonder to this day if the pork turned out any good? I digress I will be doing a lot of that FYI. The knock was the police 2 of them to be precise.
They asked If I owned any “weapons” I said “No” he looked behind me on the wall in my living room where I kept my hunting bow and pointed to it and said “that’s a weapon, are you lying to me then?” shaking my head understandingly because now I know we were at the stage where they are looking for probable cause I replied “no officer THAT is a hunting TOOL, not a weapon but i’m sure anything can be abused and turned into a weapon, including words”.
He did not like this at all. He asked to search my residence and knowing that silence is consent and saying yes would be idiotic (I have a police officer and a former lawyer in my family and they have drilled into my head what to say when asked this) I replied with a very loud and clear “no I do not consent to a search of my home” he looked a little more than angry but I asked him if there was anything else I could do for him he shook his head no and I began to shut the door.
He then jammed his foot in the way of the door, once it touched his foot he barreled through the entrance and tackled me yelling as loud as he could “ASSAULT ON A POLICE OFFICER, THAT WAS ASSAULT!” he then picked me up and slammed me into a wall and cuffed me, while the other officer a female went and cleared the rest of the rooms and came out of the kitchen holding my very confused and slightly miffed dinner guest by the arm.
Sitting me down on the foot stool in front of my couch the officer said to his partner “get the consent form from the car, and take that one into the hall” pointing at my friend. After she left he began searching my house tossing the furniture and asking me where I kept my guns. I kept silent and I was determined to remain so. Officer #2 I will call for the sake of ease returned with a form, Officer #1 took a pen from his pocket and began to fill out the form. Then he turned it to me and pointed at the signature line and there was a squiggle of pen across it, he said “thank you for cooperating” then turned to #2 and said “take him to the car”.
When I got outside it looked like the entire police department had showed up. They brought me to the police station and put me into an interrogation room after taking my picture and doing some paperwork. Here is where I learned a few key facts from 2 police officers standing and talking outside the door. The first bit of info was that It was an election year, how does this effect me you ask? Well it turns out the police chief was running for political office and these kinds of things look good in the news papers. The second bit of information was how they knew about my guns, this question had not occurred to me till then.
Apparently while he was prowling outside of my apartment one of my neighbors had seen me cleaning my rifle on my living room table several hours before when my friend opened the front door to go to his car. I would find out later who dropped the tip, it was the mentally unstable man that lived downstairs, who would lurk around in the laundry room in the basement, and harass people for cigarettes on the front steps of the building. He once told me he was a Vietnam vet and a member of the mafia, this I brushed off as the rantings of a lunatic and would later find out I was correct in that assumption.
While I was sitting in the station my house was being raided by not just the local police who had no warrants or consent to search, but the prosecutors office, bomb squad, and this is the gods honest truth The DHS, ATF, and FBI specifically the anti-terrorism task force. This because I had tattoos that they thought could be tied to some biker gang. They are not. They are all video game related, and I don’t even own a motorcycle. After an initial search they evacuated the entire building, then completely ransacked and destroyed my possessions.
They came up with 1 rifle an FN-FAL with 3 15rd mags (legal at the time) that had been converted to semi auto and made U.S. compliant and imported by a company called Century Arms. This I had purchased legally from a dealer in NY with proper NICS check. Next was 1 Singer 1911 that had been a family heirloom that was worth about 80–90k at auction considering the manufacturer and year it was manufactured (this gun later was never entered as evidence and disappeared completely in the legal papers, but I won’t complain that hard it was one less charge). Next was 1 black powder shotgun that I had bought at a yard sale in Vermont the year before. And finally 1 Polish ww2 flare gun with 5 25mm flares (I bought it at a gun show I thought it was neat).
Now here is where it gets dicey if it wasn’t already, I’m assuming somewhere one of these officers realized they just basically went full Waco Texas for a rifle, handgun (that at this point someone had stuck in their pocket), and an antique black powder shotgun and flair gun. So they got to work trying to find stuff in my house that they could piece together to incriminate me even further. Why stop at just some lousy guns when you could be the the hero of the people right? Protecting them from a potential copycat Unabomber means you can pat yourself on the back even harder at the end of the day right? So create a conspiracy they did.
They found various bits of exhaust parts from my ex-girlfriends vespa scooter, ( if I’m to be guilty of anything it is that I’m a hoarder of old and broken mechanical parts my wife can attest to that) including a muffler that they branded “a firearms suppressor” because according to them it was “in the vicinity” of the rifle and could be with the tools present altered to produce a suppressor, and the bits of exhaust and plumbing parts from my tool bag were paired with some old fireworks left over from the previous years 4th of July Celebration along with about 4 feet of model cannon fuse I had from a model cannon that thank god I sold before I moved. All of this effort just to say that I had the material thus the motive to build bombs and thus legitimizing their gross display of tax dollar spending.
Back at the interrogation room, the hammer of the federal justice system was about to come down. A large man, no let me rephrase that, a GIANT of a man entered the room, covered in tattoos and had a beard down to his stomach, introduced himself as an agent of the FBI’s Anti-Terrorism Task force. Without preamble he looked at me with those hard dead eyes that only can belong to a vet or someone who has seen many ghastly horrible things and said simply “we are here to investigate you”. I said “that’s fine I want a lawyer”.
He laughed and said “we are past that now” I returned the laugh and asked politely “past what? I want a lawyer” He looked really agitated and continued on as if I had not said anything “so what gang are you in? Arian brotherhood? (insert some bike gang name here)?” I ignored him and repeated again this time a bit firmer, “Lawyer”. He broke, getting up he slammed his fist on the table and started yelling like he was acting in some Law and Order episode, “I am going to investigate you, I am going to contact everyone you ever talked too, I will find out what you ate for dinner yesterday” I interjected “That’s easy it was meatballs and ziti, and I was supposed to to have pork chops and sweet potatoes tonight but some A$$H0l3z knocked on my door and now I’m stuck talking to you”. He let out a chuckle and smiled that terrible smile of someone that could eat a person, that kind of smug smile that can only mean trouble for me and without a hint of remorse in his voice he said “Well you won’t have to worry about that anymore where you’re going they cook for you”.
After that they didn’t question me anymore, I later found out my “friend” was being interrogated in the next room and was singing like a bird just agreeing to anything and everything the police said, after they lied to him and said I was trying to frame him. Saying the guns were his and that he came over asking to hide them. They also threatened to lock him up with me, and that would be bad for his Navy career. So after that he started signing any piece of paper they put in front of him. In retrospect I can’t blame him, it was 3:30AM at this point and he was tired and wanted nothing to do with this situation and of course wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep.
So shortly there after the media was alerted because the Police chief wanted it that way and it became a circus. I was transported to the Essex county jail and during my bail hearing, which was done via webcam, the judge looked at my charges 11 in total all felonies and remarked “he must be, or thinks he is, some sort of assassin” and laughed and looked around the room then set my bail at a staggering and excessive $100k no 10% option. It was then it started to sink in, I was going to do time. My rights were going to be stripped from me and I was going to be locked away for many years with scumbags and actual criminals.
I had no money and was not an NRA life member at the time so hiring a lawyer was not an option. I instead opted for a public defender (the second worst mistake of my life). This man as it turned out was not particularly Anti-gun but really did not want to be involved in what had become a high profile case. He was a tall man with sad eyes, too many years of paperwork and an over indulgence of coffee gave his eyes a sunken and gaunt look. He did not look entirely thrilled to be here with me.
The first thing I brought up, was the fact that the police had no probable cause and had forged my signature on the consent to search form. He just tutted and said “that will be hard to prove considering the attention this case is getting from the media, but don’t worry I’m sure the prosecutor will come up with some kind of deal” Thats about when even more of the gravity of my situation began to settle on me. I realized this man was going to be useless. I was lost.
He lead off first by questioning me about the bombs, at this time I had no idea I was even being charged with “possession of a destructive device” 6 counts in total. This being news to me, I croaked “what bombs?”. He looked at me disbelievingly “The bombs you manufactured”, still this wasn’t ringing any bells. Sure when I was younger my friends and I would pack things like Snapple bottles and tennis balls full of match heads and light them on fire and watch as it would shoot fire out of the mouth of the bottle or in the case of tennis balls make a loud “PWOP” sound and it would fire burning match heads everywhere. (I do not in any way shape or form condone doing anything like that, it is dangerous, it was stupid then and remains stupid now, find a better hobby).
All I could think of was the fireworks, little red poppers about the width of a pencil and 1 inch long. They were loud but could do no real damage to anything. They where stored responsibly in a fire and water proof container in my closet with my rifle and ammo. He then showed me pictures of various pieces of pipe and strangely a discarded tuna can that was in my garbage from that days lunch. They where all filled to the top with fireworks with a bit of cannon fuze hastily duct tapped to the side of it. It was almost comical. I retorted “I didn’t do that”. He just looked at me with pity and said, “I can’t help you if you lie to me, remember you should be honest with your lawyer, a person that is trying to help you” I was getting agitated, I responded “I’m serious! That was not in my house when the police entered” he just shook his head in disbelief and said “alright”
Moving on he then pulled out a picture of the after market Vespa muffler that I had purchased. It was a Chinese knock off that was ordered cheaply online and did not fit the outside diameter of the stock exhaust pipe, I ordered a new one to replace it but kept it thinking I could repurpose it somehow, maybe use it on a go-cart I had planned to build ever since I had acquired the motor when I was 12. I am a collector of junk not at a hoarding level, hardly. I regularly donate or throw things away I can find no use for, but I have and always will have one closet in my home dedicated to various bits of metal from one thing or another.
So here I sat looking at a picture of this muffler. He commented “this is a firearm suppressor you are bing charged with”, I shook my head “No. That is a scooter muffler”. He said “Regardless of that you are being charged with it”. Holding up another picture, I stared at it and had to think hard about what I was looking at. Then It clicked, I recognized it as the barrel to one of my paintball guns. It was an after market barrel designed to quiet the gun down, this time it was an actual suppressor. But not one designed for a fire arm but rather a paintball gun. He said “And this” I groaned and asked “let me guess, It’s illegal to own one even if its for a paintball gun, which I’m surprised I’m not being charged with too, considering the way things are going.” He just nodded.
What little of NJ gun law I did know at the time from having spoken to my family members that did own firearms, was that an FID or Firearms Identification was only required to purchase not possess a long gun in the state of NJ. So by this logic why was I being charged? He informed me that the only reason I was being charged with possession of the rifle was because even though the rifle was physically compliant, i.e. the rifle had a solid stock, 20in barrel, no bayonet lugs, and no muzzle break.
According to him state law prohibits the possession of “assault firearms”, my response was “I have seen Ar-15’s at the store and other FN-FAL’s like mine being sold” he shook his head and said “No, you saw Ar-15 PATTERN rifles in the store, the words FN-FAL or Ar-15 aka “scary letters” where not stamped on the side making them legal for purchase.” Continuing he said “As for the shotgun, in other states a black powder firearm including air rifles can be purchased over the counter without a background check” I interjected, “let me guess, except in NJ”, he nodded.
That was about the time I felt the real urge to find the person responsible for these insane, asinine laws and just fall at his or her feet and weep out of pity for the head trauma they must have received at some time or another in their life. Below is a list of firearms that a NJ resident can own as long as it is a “pattern” version of it.

submitted by skycaptain144238 to u/skycaptain144238 [link] [comments]


2018.10.08 08:48 FormerData Hunk webcam

This is the story of how me being horrible at jokes to support my friend out of his insecurity ruined what I thought was going to be a beautiful relationship and how my endless loop of pain and heartbreak aftermath made us take a break from our friendship. I won't remember the EXACT details so I'll tell them by what I remember. I might miss details on this so if anyone could help out on either moving on or winning him back or letting him go and needs some extra details, I'll try to reply to them and describe them as best as I could. So, a quick description about myself: I'm a guy, 18 and live in America. My ex-boyfriend, is 19. To protect his location and name, let's call him Jason and that he lives in England.
So last May, I was working on a video project that I needed extra help on the crew for the voice acting. I wasn't having much luck so I asked an online friend if she knew anyone who could help out and she managed to contact Jason. I was shy at introducing myself to him but he seemed to understand and was more than happy to help our with my project. So about a week in before he had to pack up for college, I took the time to get to know him through Skype. We talked about our hobbies, favorite films and shows, etc. We had a lot in common than I expected and I was really into this guy, but as a friend at first.
The next few months that year were kinda tricky as when he moved to his college, his internet connection was acting odd so we had to use whatever day he was available as best as we could, but we managed to get around it. We told funny stories, told a little bit about our personal lives together, and at times we got unexpectedly deep with topics, such as says off bullying and how we found out that both our dads abandoned us when we were young. I came to also realize that he was once sexually harassed by a male customer at his work place and I was FURIOUS with that man, I felt so bad for Jason that a man would do something like that to him and how I wish I was there to protect him. He said that everything was okay but how me being protective was generous. I let him know that he meant a lot to me and he thought that it was sweet. I think it was at that point, I started to have feelings for him, but I brushed them off.
Throughout the friendship, I kept only referring to him by his username, so I kept asking if he could try to tell me his real name but he was kinda insecure about doing so. I offered an idea that I would guess whatever common name I could throw out and he would have to tell me if I were correct. He accepted that challenge. I hurled out whatever common male name I could type into the chat as best as I could, even threw in a few random names in there for shits-and-giggles and I bet he found that to be so hysterical. At one point I gave up and he finally told me his real name but quickly deleted that comment by the time I got back but I caught it just in time and he said that it WAS his first name and that he was embarrassed by how weird it was to him but I assured him that there's nothing wrong with having such a common name, so since then I called him Jay-Jay (not the real nick name but again, to protect his identity). I don't exactly remember HOW I found out he was bisexual but I guess that maybe he was talking about a Hollywood hunk or said something that was auto-corrected into something that would've been taken the wrong way and I jokingly said "you into dues I bet? XD" and he said, "yeah... I actually am." I was in shock. He then went on to tell me that he hadn't dated anyone in over a year and that his last relationship ended in a dramatic heartbreaking fashion but they eventually stayed friends, and that at one point he almost made out with him but they decided not to go too far. I apologized if I embarrassed him and he said it was alright. We then talked more about his past loves and started making sexual jokes and that I said to him that I've never dated anyone in my life to which he was surprised and called me cute a few times. I found that flattering that he thought I was attractive. And I guess that made me over-confident. I guess because of how kind he was, how adorable he was and how supportive and patient Jason was, my feelings grew stronger and stronger but I kept them to myself.
Over time, we talked about the project and how he would be involved with it. At one point, we recorded lines for his role and had the best laughs of our lives recording for it, that I took it and made it into a video for his birthday, to which he told me that I was the only one who gave him an ACTUAL birthday present as he just went out for dinner with his family and only got texted birthday wishes from his friends. I was speechless, how could such a sweet soul not have presents? I get that he's older but he still deserves gifts. But he thought my present to him was very heartwarming.
He was obviously an insecure guy himself but for a few different reasons. One night, he was drunk (It's legal to drink if you're over 18 if you live in the UK) and he texted me that he wants to "Drunk Omegle". I didn't have a webcam so I used an app to make a fake webcam so I could finally meet him. I eventually found him and although HE thought he was ugly and was trashy, I still somehow saw him to be adorable. He was a little chubby, with a bit of muscle built underneath him, he had small but soft lips, long brown hair, dark eyes and a square chin. He drank out the entire bottle he had and did his very best to be quiet as he was visiting his parents at the time and it was like 2 AM over there and 3 where I was. I made it even more challenging for him by making drinking jokes and he tried to hard not to laugh at all, it was a very sweet and funny moment and it happened again about I think 2 weeks later.
He was gone for a week and I was worried about what happened to him, but when he returned he told me that he was going through a week-long audition for this university that he applied to and that if he did well at the audition, he'd get a call back. (I think the application system works differently in his country. Again, I said it was a different country to protect his identity). I already knew before he told me that this was very important to him, so for as much as I could, I prayed that he'd get in that amazing university.
On New Year's day, we were both alone in our homes and he tweeted that his friends were out with their lovers and that he needs to start dating again. Knowing that he said that in a joking manner, I still felt bad for him but my heart still saw this as an opportunity to ask out this unlikely wonderful man. So about February 6th, a week shy from Valentine's Day, I took the chance and asked him out. I was REALLY shy about it and very scared that he'd reject it but let him know that it was okay if you weren't interested. He was a little hesitant and was curious to know how it could be possible and I said that we could webcam (i was gonna use my mom's laptop but I had to get the Skype app) and after a while, he said "yes" but that he was told that he shouldn't make decisions like that past midnight. But he was willing to do the date next week. I was ECSTATIC! And told myself that if the date goes well, I would use all the information I did research on on how to be a great boyfriend, and how to be a good one from so far away.
Preparing for the date was a mess and I was almost 10 minutes late as my mothers laptop was a piece of shit to work with, but we still had a great time at our date, which was basically just one of our regular conversations but with actual talking. We shared memes and jokes, laughed, told fun stories, etc. It lasted for almost 2 hours, but he got a random call so I said that we could continue after this as it was an important one. I browsed the internet for about 10 minutes before he got back on. He got into the university! I was so happy and proud of him that I joked that I wish I was there to give you a hug and celebrate with a bottle of sparkling juice. He thought that was so sweet! I didn't say that I wished for it to happen for him because I didn't want to steal his spotlight.
On February 13th, I bought a large teddy bear in dedication to him. I didn't ask for his dress because I didn't want to seem creepy but it was to dedication to him that it still saddens me that I can't hug him from so far a way when he needed one. On Valentine's Day, I made him 2 gifts, one was a poem that described how much I wanted to be committed to him in a long distance relationship and 2. a video of me hugging the teddy bear wishing him a happy Valentine's day and joked that he was lucky to be with a hunk like me. (BIG MISTAKE later on) Basically telling him that I was falling in love with him. And he replied "OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO CUTE!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!" It was adorable to see him react that way. He tried to give me a poem in return but did it in such a sweet, jokingly way and I thought it was hysterical and wished him a happy day.
He was going through a state of depression and was worried that he wouldn't get in to the university and kept calling himself trash and garbage and many insulting names towards himself. I never saw someone so worried or insecure in my whole life and thought I was the only one. I also found that odd considering that he's going to a theater class, doing stand-up comedy and improvisational theater and has more friends than I did as I can get very picky with my money. I kept telling him that if he's having problems, he should tell me right away. He thanked me but he was having trouble doing so. So my "brilliant" self came up with a "wonderful" idea: turn his insecurities into comedy. So sometimes, I let him know that he could try to see some good or find great alternatives to his humor and at one point, based on how he calls my insecure ass attractive, how other people would be jealous of our relationship. Jealous on how a "dork like him" could bag a "hunk like me" to which he replied "lol". I also added that whoever hated on our relationship, I would tell them that Jason was the most committed and loving boyfriend I've ever had, I didn't care about his flaws and I didn't care if he doesn't see himself as a great man. God chose for us to be together and I will use it wisely! I first REALLY screwed up when we were talking about internet celebs at one point and I pointed out that I'm not really that for the meme-ey channels, which he said that it was alright. My dumb ass then thought it would be so cute to say "I have my high standards to when it comes to a lot of things, but I can lower them for YOU anytime! ;)" The point of the joke was that I didn't care how flawed he thinks he is, there's someone who loves him for who he is and how he will go far in life with my support. He was in shock when he replied "wait, what?", My stomach dropped and I asked if I went to far. He went to bed and he came on the next day. I asked if I went too far with that comment and that I was really sorry. He asked me along the lines "Are you embarrassed or ashamed to be with me? You said comments in the past such as people would be jealous that a "dork like him" could bag a "hunk like me" alongside other jokes. I was stunned and did my best to explain to him that I could never see him as a loser and that I will never be ashamed to be with him and that I really do care about him more than anything else in the world, I just wish he'd stop bullying himself and know that he's gonna go far and that there's a cheerleader for him. He told me that he was feeling better then now that he knew the answer. I thought everything was okay, so my dumb ass still made jokes but made sure to ask if they were too far, he always replied "it's cool". But now that I look back, I guess he only lied to make sure I didn't get scared or to avoid hurting me as the mutual friend we had said that he's often not the confronting type.
Throughout three months of our relationship, Everything seemed perfect through my perspective. I thought that for my first relationship, I was doing everything right and even looked for tips on how to make a long-term relationship positive. I did my very best to be supportive and caring for when he was feeling down. And at one point, I wanted to do something special to take our relationship to the next level.
A little TMI thing about me: I've had a pornography addiction for over a decade. Yes, A DECADE! It started since my elementary school showed us a Health education video on how puberty and the reproductive system worked and later that night, I looked up what sex looked like and watched my first porn video. I was inspired and hooked since then and that's how I learned about masturbation. So one night, I finally told him that I was going to give it up for him because I wanted to be more committed. He said that he didn't mind that i had an addiction but I said that I still wanted to do it for him. But that's when he let it all out: He told me that I hurt him real bad, how my "comments that he was below my standards" still haunted him, how he felt like total shit because of it that he cried himself to sleep every night since then. He then went on to tell me that when I compliment him, it feels fake and he doesn't believe a word I say. I was MORTIFIED, I couldn't believe what I was reading! I tried to apologize so many times but he replied "sorry for what!? Treating me like shit? Thinking you're better than me!?" , I kept trying to remind him about all the good things I've done for him when no one else would but he said a phrase that will forever haunt my mind " I think this was a big mistake. We should just stay friends." My heart dropped and I almost fainted, my face was completely drenched of tears, I did my best to apologize and asked if there was anything I could do to make up for it! Anything at all! and he just said "Just be my friend, I love being friends with you but i don't think we can work dating each other. Go find your dream person because I don't think I ever was that." I then wrote a letter a few days later apologizing and that I'd love to be a great friend and he thought it was very sweet and that we still had a great time conversing later on that day. I guess he immediately thought I was over it, when in reality I was hiding.
There was at one point we started to get flirty out of the blue and getting a little sexual like we used to be and had so many laughs about it and said sweet things about each other. I thought that was so nostalgic to what I TRIED to do for our relationship and I gathered up the courage to ask. "But because we opened up about the misunderstanding and got into more about what went down on both sides that it turned out to be just a misunderstanding: what do you think this means for us?", he thought for a bit and said the following "I don't know. I think we should just be friends for a bit" but then he edited it to "we should just be friends".
So that was a little suspicious, so I had an idea to win him back without the comedy, just being supportive and kind. I did do something a little sinful ;) I'm working out and he was trying to get back into it. He also DOESN'T have an Instagram account like I do, so since we broke up, I posted thirst-trap selfies online and shared a few of them with my ex as a "motivation for him to get fitter" as he was on his way. He then replied "damn. I wish I looked as good as you." but then he changed it to "I wish I looked as FIT as you." So I made him flustered. so cute.
So I kept it on and had similar results. And once had another night of him starting to get flirty with me and we started flirting with each other again. But a few weeks later, I had him a little flustered and he said "Dude. I just wanna be friends!" and I was like "okay". Then a week after THAT, he asked me for a favor, and I asked what it was. "I actually have a girlfriend right now so if you're trying to flirt with me, could you not? Thanks bro."
"Of course"
"Oh! Cool! Thanks so much man! You're the best! So would you like to talk more about the project tomorrow?"
"Whatever"
"O-Oh. Okay."
I actually cried in the shower after that... I thought I was on the right track of winning him back but I was too late. He moved on.
Now don't worry, I actually HAVE tried to move on numerous times, but got has other plans with my and so does my heart. It's like this endless loop that I go through an internal rage of "why did he dump me? he should've said something about it! Did he lie? What the hell is wrong with him!? Etc." to an almost emotional rage of "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I love you so much! I wish this could stop.", to an accepting rage of "I should move on, he's happy with her. I should be happy for him. I still love him and I always will but right now I should move on and focus on myself." as soon as I think I'm out of it. Something happens, like a song playing that reminds me of the relationship or something among the sorts, I'm RIGHT back in it. It's lasted for almost six months and I'm really getting tired of it. Now, I've learned to cope with it and make it more manageable.
And now for the moment you've all been waiting for, how I almost DESTROYED our friendship. This literally happened just about a month ago.
So, after a REALLY bad day at work. I ranted about how he basically lied... ON MY INSTAGRAM! Thankfully, I didn't drop his name. and I went to bed. The post said that I wanted to give him a piece of my mind and how he handled his side of the relationship was REALLY fucked up to the point where I really find it hard to trust him again. But I regretted making the post in the morning and deleted it, thinking he wouldn't see it. A week after wards I asked if he wanted to make fun of a really bad movie that came out and he said that "He doesn't want to talk to me and how it was not cool to tell tons of strangers about personal messages between us." At first, I was confused on what he was talking about until he showed me a screenshot of my post. (But he doesn't have an Instagram account? And he doesn't know anyone else who follows me? So how did he find out? I assumed he was looking for thirst trap photos of me and saw that. Not so faithful to his new woman if you think about that.) My stomach dropped when I saw that and explained that I had a rough day that night and that I admitted that I was stupid to make that post and I should've never done it. He told me to grow up and be more responsible, I felt the anger through that text. Eventually the more I let out every detail on how much I missed being his boyfriend and that how much it really hurt that I scared him into not saying much about what happened or how I treated him that I wish I could've fixed everything and how that if he doesn't learn to open up, his new girl might leave him too. And it also seemed like he forgot about all the good things I've done for him in the relationship. He seemed to become more understanding and sympathetic about what I was telling him. He said that we keep going around in circles and that if we wanted to be friends, we should put the past behind us. I finally said that I don't think he'll ever understand how much he means to me, how much I loved him. But it means a lot more than what the text misinterpreted. After 15 minutes he ended things with "We should be done for now, This has obviously caused you more pain than you can bear. I'm really sorry that things have been hard for you. Let's take a break." And that was it... for now. I'm REALLY glad that I was able to let out a lot as I can at that moment. There's still a lot more steam left over but I'd rather try to control it better.
I have been trying to get better at moving on and doing great at focusing on myself and distracting myself with other things. Fortunately, that endless loop hasn't been much of a distraction anymore, but it still gets in the way sometimes. I just hope he's doing well and that was CAN move on with our friendship. I would be more than happy to have another chance at trying again with a relationship with Jason but I don't want to beg or hold my breath, so I'll leave it up in the air. Sometimes, the heart wants what it wants. You know?
I just thought I'd let off some steam on my first Reddit post and see if I could get some feed back or if anyone has some advice on moving on, winning him back or letting him go, any comment is fine. And I also am curious to see if anyone has any similar stories to share in the comments below! I'm more than happy to read them! :)
submitted by FormerData to confessions [link] [comments]


2016.10.14 22:32 iheartbeavers I need a cheap laptop, but I don't know anything. Can I get some tips, advice, or recommendations?

So I have been using an old Macbook for a super long time now, and it is getting to the point where I just can't keep using it anymore. Not only is this one so out of date I can't even get chrome updates, but the bluetooth makes it crash, it's slow, and I just hate it. Also, I'm super poor, so obviously I am not going to buy another Macbook to replace this one.
I need to replace this hunk with a cheap laptop. I know, I know, you guys have your glorious set-ups that I am always jealous of, but I can't afford anything over like $250 ish. That limits my options quite a bit, but not as much as I had expected! The problem is that, of my options, I just have no idea which to choose.
So can you guys help me out? Any particular brand that is preferable when it comes to the low end models? Any tips on what specs to look for to get what I need at the lowest cost? Strong opinions on operating systems/versions?
Here are some I am looking at on Amazon. What do you think?

  1. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01K9HS4Q0/ref=psdc_13896615011_t1_B01LVX99QJ
  2. https://www.amazon.com/Lenovo-110-15IBR-80T7000HUS-Intel-Celeron/dp/B01HAQBIVG/ref=sr_1_35?s=pc&ie=UTF8&qid=1476481459&sr=1-35&keywords=laptop&refinements=p_36%3A-28000
  3. https://www.amazon.com/HP-Stream-14-ax010nr-Celeron-Windows/dp/B01JLCKP34/ref=sr_1_3?s=pc&ie=UTF8&qid=1476484068&sr=1-3&keywords=hp+stream
Things that are important to me:
-RELIABILITY NUMBER 1! Like I said, I'm poor, I can't afford a lot of computer repair of replacements. I want a computer I can use for years.
-Speedy enough. I want to be able to have a pdf open, plus Word, and several chrome tabs, one of which is probably playing videos. I mean, I don't think that is asking too much, but my Macbook is starting to. I don't need to be playing hefty games with awesome graphics or ANYTHING like that. Youtube, Netflix, and some multitasking is all I want, but I want to be able to do those things without my laptop freezing up on me.
-Storage that will let me have at least a few extra programs (so not a chromebook, I guess)
Things that are nice, but I don't need:
-CD/DVD drive
-Massive storage
-Super awesome HD
-Lots of ports
-Webcam
-Pretty Colors
TL;DR: What laptop should I get? Thanks in advance for your help!!!
submitted by iheartbeavers to pcmasterrace [link] [comments]


2016.02.21 09:51 frostyhawk Webcam hunk

In fact, I don't even know whether I should upgrade or buy a whole new pc altogether but I am swaying more towards upgrading unless my first question turns out to be a failure.
I bought this little hunk of junk HP pavilion at best buy back in late 2010, it rocks a socket am3, and specs are as follows

Processor AMD Athlon(tm) II X4 635 Processor Manufacturer AMD Speed 2.9 GHz Number of Cores 4 Video Card NVIDIA GeForce GT 620 Manufacturer NVIDIA Chipset GeForce GT 620 Dedicated Memory 973.4 MB Total Memory 4.0 GB Pixel Shader Version 5.0 Vertex Shader Version 5.0 Hardware T & L Yes Memory 12 GB Operating System Microsoft Windows 10 (build 10586), 64-bit Service Pack 0 Size 64 Bit Edition Version 10.0.10586 Locale 1009 Probably need to update my bios BIOS BIOS Date: 09/07/10 08:41:32 Ver: 6.04 Version American Megatrends Inc. 6.04 Manufacturer American Megatrends Inc. Date 08/16/32 Display Maximum Resolution 1600 x 900 Sound Device 1 HD Webcam C270 Driver Version 13.80.853.0 Sound Device 2 NVIDIA High Definition Audio Driver Version 1.3.34.3 Driver Version 1.3.34.3 Sound Device 6 Realtek High Definition Audio Driver Version 6.0.1.6662 Sound Device 7 NVIDIA Virtual Audio Device (Wave Extensible) (WDM) Driver Version 1.2.31.0 Drive 1 Size 918.3 GB Free 182.9 GB 
Basically as you can see, my computer is relatively low end.
When I bought this HP computer back in the day, I had windows 7 preinstalled thanks to hp bundled with horrible stuff but from what I've read, If i change the motherboard (and god knows I will) that my windows version will become illegitimate due to my motherboard not being my original am3 hp board.
does this kind of stuff get waved with windows 10? Will I be able to slowly upgrade by switching my graphics card, motherboard and cpu without windows asking me to reactivate and pay? Or should I go straight up and spend 1k on a pc at some point?
(I say at some point as the canadian dollar is right now, depressing.)
submitted by frostyhawk to pcmasterrace [link] [comments]


2015.06.15 15:57 CheeseManFuu Hunk webcam

DISCLAIMER: Everything said within this post is not guaranteed nor 100% accurate; some things may vary and/or not happen.
As of recently, a certain interest in Minecraft has sparked, and many have awaited a reboot of the old Minecraft Server of Lideon. Today or possibly tomorrow- no guarantees- we will have a reboot of the Minecraft server on our hunk of a Linux machine. We may be featuring a temporary World Border to slowly limit the size of the map that we explore, mostly to try to make sure nobody is cheeky and extends the map size to screw up the data usage.
And as you have read in the title, we (I) also grant a possibility to migrate to a new subreddit- not yet created- Lideon. This subreddit will be a large migration of what we have here so that we don't seem like jerks for taking mylittleserver as a handle for a petty server that doesn't entirely care too much of MLP anymore.
If you have any questions, feel free to direct them to either Wyte or me (which will lead to Wyte) on either Steam, Reddit, or whatelse you have me on.
Keep in mind we DO NOT use skype much more, if at all, we have migrated to the use of Mumble, which features no screensharing or webcam calls, but voice communication is less delayed and very likely a much better quality. Our Mumble server is rented on a monthly subscription (paid for by Gapmeister through TragicServers), and is 15 Slots, which should be about enough slots if the entirety of the regulars (and the occasionals) were to be on it.
Questions, Comments, and Concerns are always appreciated and/or answered (if applicable).
Until any further update, -- CheeseManFuu
UPDATE 1: Server confirmed will be open to us as a wytelist. You may want to make sure you get a whole group in at once, since we have to restart the router every time we finish a wytelist modification to allow those connections to pass into the server.
UPDATE 2: SERVER IS UP BUT CRASH COURSING
UPDATE 3: TAKING WYTELIST REQUESTS
submitted by CheeseManFuu to mylittleserver [link] [comments]