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It was the same after my second c-section too. But what if, years later, you still feel abdominal pain years after your c-section? For starters, if you’ve been to your checkups and regular visits with your general practitioner throughout the years, hopefully, you’ve mentioned any abdominal pains. Certain milestones pass, and the longer you’re sad, the more hopeless you feel. It’s been 6 months, now it’s been a year, now it’s been a year and a half, what’s wrong with me. When my first boyfriend and I broke up, I met my second boyfriend 4 months later. It hurts because it was sudden. It hurts because you thought you were stronger, better than that. It hurts because it was magical — or so you thought it was. So don’t be so hard on yourself if you’re still not over what happened. Don’t think yourself stupid just because you’re still sad that it’s gone. It hurts because it mattered. going on 5 years with pain and swelling. Now drs said it has come lose. Fun and games. This is why i did not do my other knee and did stem cells and PRP. So far it has worked. Downside is the cost is out of pocket. Your decision. I elected no surgery and the ability to knell down when i garden etc. We are seeing more insurance coverage in our area. If after three years you are still in so much pain, I think you need to go to individual counseling and work on yourself. Your husband’s affair shows he is selfish and had poor coping skills. It ... Burning, Lingering Pain After Shingles? 5 Options May Help You. Roughly 30% to 60% of people over age 60 who get shingles go on to develop a chronic pain syndrome called post-herpetic neuralgia. I lost my father to sudden death when he was 56 years old. I also lost my grandmother. whom I adored a year and a half ago. I will tell you, the recent loss of my almost 15 year old dog, who died suddenly after a wonderful day together, in my arms, ( 1 week ago today) has hit me nearly as hard. I was NOT prepared for the amount of pain I am ... Remaining Stuck For Years After An Affair Is Hurtful For Both Spouses: A decade is a lot of time to continue to be in pain and to remain in turmoil. The fact that this husband was still bringing this up ten years after the fact was troubling for both spouses on many levels. The other day, I saw the spitting image of my ex on the platform of the F train. He had the same slightly crooked nose, mocha skin, 5'9" body and Spartan-warrior haircut. I immediately looked away ... When my husband had an EA I no longer felt married….and this after almost forty years of marriage. I felt much the same way you do at almost 2 years after d-day. I cried almost every day for three years if that’s any consolation. After three years the crying slowly stopped but I was still left with a deep sadness.

2020.09.19 17:15 RustyBlunderbuss Couple life cam

Forgive me Reddit, but I feel as though this may be the only place I can vent my feelings. I have been keeping this in for a very long time and I’m going to put in as much detail as I possibly can, and it might be slightly everywhere in terms of context and pace so I do apologise, I’ve just fired this out after a shift at work and I feel now is the time, I feel as though I need to put it out there and finally get it off my chest, at least most of it.
I appreciate this is a lot to read, and there may be spelling errors and the like but it's all flodding out. I just need some reconciliation and/or some advice.
(T/W for depression, self-harm etc.)
-
I dream about her constantly, my heart aches even to this very day. It’s been 4 years, 5 come February next year since we broke up. Well, since she broke up with me…
After this period of time I have attempted to fill this void that my heart feels with various stimulants and yet nothing seems to mend me. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex. Nothing really did it for me, at the time - great, a distraction but nothing quite echoes my sadness like smoking weed and drinking bottles of red wine to myself in my bedroom all day…
She added me on Snapchat in 2013, but we met through a close family friend close to Christmas 2014. My close family friend, who I stayed with at the time was having a movie night and she came round. I was so nervous, it took about an hour before I plucked up the courage to go through and sit on the floor at the foot of the chair she was sitting on. Didn't make eye contact with her once. But feeling her precense made me so happy.

I've moved about 300 miles away (plus a little extra from the town I used to live in.) I’m back in education, I’m doing music again, I’m quite enjoying my life.
But the ache of this breakup has aged horribly and has not at all helped my psyche one bit.
I’ve seen her in person (not intimately in the sense that we had a conversation) but from afar, at my work and passing my work. You feel that sort of awkward energy when you’re both aware of each other.
Anyway, during this relationship I wasn’t really talking to my parents and I was staying with a close family friend (basically a second mum) and at the time I was experiencing things in my head that I didn’t truly understand, and it was only until one breakdown at my old job in the bathroom toilets with a stolen stanley blade, then an immediate breakdown infront of a customer who turned out to be a good samaritan (genuinely) and then taken to hospital that I found out I was suffering depression. Not great.
There were many good times that i remember about this relationship…
(I want to make it clear now that I am not calling anyone out in this blog, I’m just stating some facts and feelings.)
There was the time where she had her birthday party at her house, tonne of people there. I left the room so she could get changed and ready, then her friends joined her to do the same, put on makeup and that. I got beckoned through, and I walked in… And wow. I saw her, and my heart hit the floor. I’d never seen something, someone so beautiful in all my days, and she was mine. She was my girlfriend.
Another moment I remember fondly is the ice cream we used to get just outside of the town we used to live… Stunning. She introduced me to it. Sadly, I would visit that place after we broke up and as cliché as it sounds, it never tasted the same…
We visited a very small village a few miles out of town once as well, beautiful, amazing little place - but i could never bring myself to go back there after we broke up.
There was the time we went to see a band we both really liked at a famous venue in the city I live in, but now I can’t ever bring myself to listen to them.
The best thing that ever happened to me in that relationship was I was having a really tough couple of weeks at my new job (she was living a hundred miles away at uni) I got home to my parents house (my parents and i were on good terms at this point, for a bit) it must have been 8 or 9 o’clock at night. I walk in, feeling pretty shitty. My mum said hello, asked how I was. Didn’t say much. Kind of weird. I walk upstairs to my bedroom, flick on the light and she was there, sat on my bed waiting for me to get home. I literally dropped to my knees and started sobbing, really belting out the tears. I couldn’t believe it. That to this day is one of the nicest things that anyone’s ever done for me. I cherish that memory, but it hurts like a red hot needle to the chest…
The bad times…
Oh wow.

Smells, places, people. I can't even experience anymore, natural though.

Diasy by Marc Jacobs? I can't.
Invictus was the aftershave I used to wear around her all the time, she loved it. I hate the smell now. It hurts too much to wear it.
I want to also establish that mentally I’m more sound than I’ve ever been. I’m a lot better. I’ve gotten help and at the time the medication that I needed. It all helped.
But, at that time I was very defensive, abrasive, so childish. I am certainly not the same person as I was a few years ago, and I’m sure she isn’t either. Definitely not. I’m not perfect in any way, but I’ve improved but I was young at the time, well, younger.
But I used to get so jealous of stupid things, some were justified, many unjustifiable.
Like she had a crush on a friend, which she admitted. Who’s to blame her, they knew each other way before I cam on the scene, he was/is talented and a good looking guy. But at the time, that rubbed me the wrong way - I’m sure anyone can relate to that!
There was also a time where she picked up him and her cousin up to head into town and she asked me to move into the back seat so the aforementioned guy could sit in the front with her. That’s so stupid now but at the time it hurt.
When I was with her all I ever wanted to do was show her off and celebrate the relationship. But I sort of felt as though she didn’t want the same for me, and it (at least at the time) felt as though she was embarrassed of me. She’d take all these photos with her friends but not with me? I didn’t understand it then, so naturally it upset me. I’m sure she had her reasons, but, it still hurt. It could have been her own insecurities, but I don’t want to be presumptuous as a person with their own insecurities.
There was one day after I got my first car, I drove it through to hers and we were going to go for a drive and she asked to drive her car and I moaned about wanting to drive my car instead. Stupid, like really? I don’t know why I made such a big deal out of it.
I kind of dragged that story off, but a horrible thing I did was I cut myself at her house frequently, and i did it her room one time just before she got back and i don’t know why I let myself do something so stupid like that. That upset her, and no wonder.
(This relationship went from December 2014 - February 2016 by the way.)
Anyway…
Onto the lead up to the breakup…
I used to hangout with a couple of friends from my old, old job. (During this relationship I had 3 different jobs at separate times, this was the job I had before the jobs i mentioned earlier, any who.) One night we went out we all went back to mine because it was dead in the centre of town and it saved them getting a taxi so they got picked up in the morning instead. One of these friends was a girl. We all kind of piled in my bed (clothes on), totally platonic, and started falling asleep, not in an intimate way. She then proceeded to try and spoon me, cuddle me so I moved and I asked her to stop because I had a girlfriend. This obviously had me worried, like, why is my friend doing this. She made a big deal of this and went to sleep in a sulk.
We went out as a trio a few times after that and before that happened for drinks and food and that. Nothing ever came of that. We didn’t speak about it, but of course it upset me. We all still hung out and didn’t mention this or speak about it. Scared me. I spoke to the guy friend of our trio about it, he didn’t say much to help.
During this time hanging out with them I spoke with the girl about my relationship, which in all honesty I shouldn’t have done but I had spoke to my gf about how I was feeling as well. I spoke about how I felt like she was embarrassed of me, and that I thought about breaking up with her…
A few weeks around this my girlfriend and I had this one friend in our friend circle, I won’t obviously mention names. Haven’t so far, but anyway
He texted me one day saying that he just saw my gf in a car with other guys and where she was, didn’t give me any other context. He was a shit-stirrer, always was. He knows that, so do many people. Obviously this sends me into a emegency mode, alarm bells ringing. So I jumped in my car and drove past the location, she wasn’t there. I texted her and asked, no reply for a while. Went back home gave me a reply, obviously I’m freaking out (probably at her) I was worried. Turns out she was with one (ONE) of her friends, he texted me saying sorry and that he didn’t mean to upset me. They were legit just hanging out eating a McDonalds. I used to hold a lot of distain for this guy for years after because I knew he had (and probably still has) a crush on her, so that rubbed me the wrong way as well but hey-ho.
I can’t remember what happened in-between, but we (me+gf) were not talking to each other for a bit then she texted me to say it was over. Obviously at the time I was in shock but looking back now I can see why, it was me. So uptight, jealous. Over-emotional to the max. Like wow bro chill out.
She came over to give me back a few things. I cried for days, texted her begging for an answer why but all I got was “I don’t want to talk about this” and “I don’t have time for this I’m busy”… I never got the closure of why, and I think that may be why it hurts more but…
A week later I drove through to her house to get answers, any sort of clarification to clear my mind, she got in the car and didn’t say much. Just repeating what she said before. At least as much as I can remember.
Flashforward a few weeks later, I’m driving in the town I stay and I see her coming toward me, I recognised the reg’ plate and who do I see in the front seat next to her… Her ex boyfriend.
This immediately sent me in a melt down.
This was the very same guy who treated her horribly before me.
I couldn’t understand it. Why?
My close friend (same circle) spoke about it a year later or so and she mentioned that they had been “sort of seeing each other” after we split, but then he cheated on her (he had a history of doing this).
We spoke about it again a while ago, a few months ago actually. Hurts still.
It’s so weird looking back in retrospect because I’m so chilled out now, but I think that I feel this heartbreak every day as there was no closure. And that’s why I’m still hurt.
Though, I’m still blocked on social media, facebook, Twitter, insta you name it. Though, it takes a lot for someone to undo that. Like, if you’re not thinking about that person you blocked at all you’ll forget about it or you don’t care that much, understandably. I don’t know.
There are times where I feel the need to just message her out of the blue and apologise and tell her that we were different people back then and I wasn’t right for her at the time, but maybe she wasn’t right for me at the time. We were just a couple of kids with rose-tinted glasses. I don’t know.
Again, I just needed to vent this out because I can’t speak to anyone about this. I just can’t. So I’m hoping someone here can just give me some sort of virtual reassurance, a pat on the back or some advice.
I try to remove thoughts of her and distract myself but I can’t, I dream about her constantly. It aches to my very core, as dramatic as that sounds. I can’t get over this, though someday I hope that I will.
I hold no malice to any of these people, and certainly not her. I just wish that we could come to terms with everything, and be mutual about it all. I’ve had a lot of time the last few years to reconcile with people.
I think there will always be a part of her in me for years to come, but what do I do?

Added later:
When her name leaves my lips it aches me more, sometimes I just whipser them softly allowed.
When her name leaves my lips it aches me more, sometimes I just whisper them softly allowed.
Every relationship or fling after her made me happy, but a part of her remains.
I’m sorry for ever hurting you.
Note:
I’ll probably add to this later, as I have a tendency to repress some of these memories so they come and go.
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2020.09.18 17:21 IdolA18Sep1l Couple cam life

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2020.09.17 22:25 mEaynon Completely lost - Please I need your help understanding what has happened - FWB breakup ? :(

I suppose this subject is delt a lot, so I'm sorry here again, but I have no one with whom to share, and can't anymore deal alone with this. (Also, not a native english speaker.)
Sorry for the drama, and long text... But I must write it down.
So last summer, after a few days discussing on Grindr, I met a man (23) for the first time. He came at home and we discussed several hours on various subjects : a handsome, brilliant man, my poor english can't honor how much I felt about him. Along the discussion, our knees timidly touched, more and more frequently and he finally slowly came closer to kiss me. I honestly wish the time stopped right there : the best feeling I've ever felt of my life. After a long time kissing, things got more and more intense and we finally made love : I couldn't have more luck my first time was with him. He did everything he could to make me feel at ease : a very caring and patient man.
Just before we made love, he warned me : it was only this night together, and this year he would have to focus solely on his medical studies (its last year before national competitive exams and residency), he would have very little to no free time for his family and friends, and so a relationship was excluded. Plus, he just came out of a 2 year LDR and didn't want to try that again (he lives 350km from me, he was here for holydays as every year).. Very mature and serious from him, but still we decided to do it. For this night, things were clear for me, even if I was sad (to the very least) things couldn't go further with him. So he went home.
But a few days later, he contacted me on Grindr to know if I could give him my phone number and if I had Snapchat so we could keep in touch. I honestly couldn't be more happier this day... So for a year (until last july), we exchanged regularly, getting to know eachother better (we talked about our families, his studies, my job, hobbies, etc...), exchanging pictures and videos regularly (him studying at his campus library, lots of pictures of our faces, dozens of videos of us playing piano, him singing for me at piano, our names written on piece of papers (!), him in his bed whishing me good night, etc...). And also more explicit/sexual pictures about once a week and a cam about every month. Sometimes he asked me to remember him what prevented him from taking its car to see me; Once I didn't wrote for a week and he asked why; He said that I would be welcome once his exams would be over, etc...
He has not left my thoughts a single day (should I say hour ?) since we met. Is it that, falling in love ? We have not talked every day I must say, but at the very least several times a week, some days through all day. But I was so glad of everything he gave me in spite of his time-consuming studies.
Well, it was obvious to me that the "only this night together" was far behind us and that we developped feelings... I can't compare to anything else : this is new to me, but this very much looks like developing feelings from both sides... So two weeks after his exams were finished, he came home for the second time (he had 1 week holydays with his family not far from were I live) : we spent the afternoon together, we walked in my city, went at restaurant and discussed a few hours at home. Then a beautiful night, and we slept together : I make it short but here again I wished the time had stopped... A wonderful day. He had some medical internship to do in August, be he would come back in September.
Since then, he has been quite distant (end of July until now). He always texts back but sometimes after a few days (he has never waited more than a couple of hours to reply before). "Snapchat doesn't work", "I am with my family", "I am with friends". He sent 3 pictures in a month (several per week before) that for the first time were not dedicated to me (old pictures). After finally insisting a bit (I was very cautious at first, and let week pass before I asked again) that we had a phone call, he wrote me (to make it short) : "Well, I'm not sure I want to discuss about it on phone, it was clear from the beginning that I'm not looking for more with you or with anyone, and I don't have more to tell you." "Couple oppresses me, I don't want a relationship with you or with anybody. I believe that friendliness can be sexual too, and non exclusive, and this is how I work. I want my freedom." "If you think you want more with me, we have to stop here." "I am sorry that those feelings are not mutual, but I didn't choose, and I'm not looking for it at the moment". Radio silence since then.
It was perfectly clear from the beginning, seriously ?
What he told about relationship perfectly makes sense, and I undertand him, because liberty I cherish too, I'm not sure I want a couple. But it was obvious to me we developped feelings through the year, and after a year of waiting, we finally were going to spend more time together. At this precise moment I'm losing him and learn that he has no feeling for me.
No need to say how I feel, I cry everything I have day and night. A stab in the heart would be less painful.
It seems impossible to me that no feelings were involved. It seems impossible that after a year he has no compassion to help me handle this situation and check how I feel in spite of all the caring he showed me. It seems impossible that I lose him.
With a bit of perspective, it seems obvious that this lacked communication. And I learnt it the hard way.
Does it look like a clearly established feelingless FWB situation ? What mistakes did I make ? Is there any hope ?
Edit : Thanks for your replies and heartwarming messages, I read with great interest. Most of you agree that the FWB was clearly established at the beginning : I still sincerely can't figure out how. No such thing was ever mentioned when he came back to me after the first night, and what is described in the 3rd paragraph (about exchanges during the year) completely blurred the line and to me his feelings had evolved. It never crossed my mind I had to discuss his feelings for me and simply went with the flow. Pain is awful at the moment. I'll make sure to communicate much more next time :(
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2020.09.17 15:44 Littlesissygirl07 Couple life cam

Hey everyone, just to begin with, i want to let you know, that i have read all of yours comment on my last post and i found majority of us leaned towards hypnos, that features sissies more than those, which consists women and trans in them. After reading that, i thought to talk more about our sissy lifestyle.
So, first, i want to talk about something that i'm experiencing nowadays. We all sissy have regretted of being a sissy after cumming and then we dissappear for a few days or weeks or months before we find ourselves back to this pithole once again. Though, with me, this has changed, now i don't chicken out anymore even after cumming. And the orgasms were usually results of rubbing in my case. A couple of times, i jerked off properly as well but all of this doesn't made me go back! Why? How?
I think the answer is simple and we all know, it's hypnos and self control. I have made peace with this sissy thing and i understood that there is no point of doing that back and forth again and again. Also, i do believe that hypnos leave some serious effects in long term and their magic have started with me. Literally, cocks begin to turn me on more than pussies or boobs now. I feel a bit of tingling when i see a pussy but my clit gets hard madly when i encounter a cock on my phone's s screen. I don't like my own's now rather i feel urge to see more fat and big one's. Definitely, it was not like that in the beggining but now it is. This change happened gradually without me being aware of it. So, yeah hypno does have some sort of affects on your brain. Most of you would deny but doesn't matter how strong you are mentally, they will break you down. Proof? You are still here.
Still, i found one thing about hypnos wrong, which i have talked about it in my last post in bits and peices but not particularly in detail. So, hypnos encourage us to be girls, trans, tell us to get a surgery and a lot other bullshit. I think our minds doesn't work that way. We love this idea of being a sissy is because we are born as a man and then now being turned into sissies, that is what attracts us towards this lifestyle. When we are alone, we get rid off our man clothes, fetch out our hidden stuff, put them on our body in front of a mirror. All those lingeries we stored and stole, then feeling them on our body is just euphoric for us. If we will have boobs or any kind of surgically transformation then i think that fun will not be there. I know now, our idea is purely pathetic, trust me it is because it is so pathetic that it's something usually people react on with a laugh. But, we like it and we enjoy that laughs too, which is really bad in reality but fine for us, we want that.
So let's move to women, we all want to be with women one point or another. Though, not in a way regular Man fantasise, we want them to be dominant, take control over us and turn us into sissies in front of her. This idea confuses a lot of us, that we might not be all sissy because we want to be with women on bed like this, right? No, think of it in other way. Tell me, getting in sissy clothes would be more humilating in front of men or women?
Definitely women babes!!! Why? Go back to what i said about being born as a man and getting dressed up in front of the mirror. Men adjusts with anyone who is slim, make up painted on face, some lingerie on and is giving an impression of women. They just want to use anyone to get a release, if that sucker is a sissy then they can go rough too, which is a Bonus for them, a cherry on top. But being a sissy in front of women, we all know it's pathetic. Women love hunky, big bulls, if not bulls, atleast they need a man. So, definitely, the idea is so humilating that we love to do with women sometimes more than men, but that idea includes a dick, a dildo or humilation. So it's not about women, it's the idea that turns us on.
Sissy desires could never end, which i feel is very harmful, it's something we all should pay attention to. So, intially, when we all started, we just used to stole some lingerie of women of our house and jerk off. Later on, we started applying make up, brought wig, purchased our own stuff, moved to dildos, chastites, butt plugs, heels, nailpaints, stockings, garter belts, leggings and the list continues to go on and on. But, this was just a materialistic part, we want more to be done to our body as well.
We went to cams, showed ourselves a little in the beggining to get men turned on. Then, we thought to strip for them, then we started taking orders, then we fucked in front of cam, we wrote stuff on our body. They wanted to spit on us, we spit on us ourselves, pissed and a lot of stupid shit of ours. Yet, the cravings didn't end neither they are. They are getting more deprived and shitty and we yet do them. So, it is something we need to control to have a better long term future into this. And trust me, the future is this, you can't escape atleast if you are into this game like me.
Conclusion: Sissy life is not a very glorified one but a pathetic one. Yet, we all want to be pathetic. if we want to stay like this, then we need to understand everything to go better with it rather than making a mess all over.
Comments are always open for discussion XOXO Sissies 💋💋💋💋
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2020.09.16 23:07 Fructose_Syrup Cam couple life

I'm not sure if I did this right so my answers might be a little confusing/patchy.

17, Female, and I never know what to say whenever I'm asked to give a description of myself. Kind, quiet? idk
I grew up with immigrant parents. There was always pressure on me to do well in school (lots of extra school work from parents as a kid) and to make something of myself, however, I would say compared to other immigrant parents my parents are definitely more lenient and understanding. I remember when I was a kid, I was taught the importance and scarcity of money and I surprisingly understood what they meant and so i never asked for things and adopted a "how can i save money" mindset. (idk i feel like that was important to write down) . I would say those were one of my strengths as a kid. I remember being the BIGGEST crybaby when my parents yelled at me or criticize me. They nicknamed me the tear-machine lol. I was a kind kid overall but I also lowkey had a mean-streak? Looking back the things i did/said were so mean (I went up to a guy in 2nd grade and said his shirt was very ugly and he got upset. whoops). Like I really hope I didn't cause any bad memories for those kids. I think some of my meanness stemmed from some of the things my dad told me and then me repeating them.
Right now I'm thinking of going into the med field/something possibly biology-related. I like the thought of helping people and fixing them up. I've also always wanted to do something creative (more than one thing tho) but I'm not exactly sure what. I've always loved the idea of directing or writing a movie, or being a creative director for a fashion magazine, or a photographer, or a writer (if i had talent).
I (usually) love going outside to hike, walk, bike etc. because it helps me recenter myself and feel better both physically and mentally. I'm not too big on sports, I find that I always embarrass myself lol. I for sure tend to daydream and get lost in my thoughts, I have to feel energized or a certain type of way to actually feel present. I also really like rollercoasters, but not extreme roller coasters, more like mid-tier rollercoasters.
-Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?
It really depends. *Technically* I am in a leadership position right now as the treasurer of my robotics club, so I have to tell people what is going on and what to do, which I kind of like, but I feel like I don't mind because I know the majority of the people on at least an acquaintance level relation if that makes sense. If they were all people who I didn't know/didn't vibe with I would HATE having to communicate with them. I always give the team a chance to give their input and I can filter out the ideas I think are good and the ones that are not so good. I can be firm and a little mean when I need to/when the group members are slacking off lol but I definitely give warnings first. I think the parts about leadership that seem intimidating to me is the responsibility. Like I tend to doubt my abilities to get shit done and be a truly effective leader. And I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. But when I am more secure in what it is I know I need to do and the over-arching goal, that is when I am at my best as a leader.
I am not an artist but I for sure can appreciate art. Literature has naturally been something I've loved and been good at whether it be novels, poetry, or essays. Reading has got me through tough times and forget for a little about all my problems. I also love movies and TV, I have this thing where if I really love a movie/TV show I become emotionally attached to it and read everything about it. Architecture has a special place in my heart, especially since it was always something I used to be obsessed with as a kid. The way it transforms my whole mood is just djfnsfigrgfgnsfgjsrt. I'm a huge makeup and fashion junkie too. Lastly, music is a big part of my life. My music genres are kind of all over the place, some of them are pop, rock, pop-rock, indie/alt, some rap etc. I also play the piano!
I tend to think about the past. Right now, I'm feeling very nostalgic over my childhood and how good I had it back then. But I also can feel nostalgia for my life from a couple months ago. I also have these really intense "visions" where if I hear a piece of music, smell something etc. I am literally transported into the past. Like it's not a little "oh, haha i remember this," it's more like I can literally feel myself in past me's body and environment and when I snap out of it I feel like I cam back from astral projecting or something. That probably makes no sense though. I used to be really critical of past me, but I would say I feel more sympathy for her and I know she was doing the best she could. I hate over-thinking about people from my past who are not in my life anymore (ex-friends) because it makes me feel pathetic, like I haven't gotten over them and they're just living in my mind rent free. I would say I'm usually in the present? I don't know tbh I'm all over the place lol. With the future, I used to feel apprehension but I would say I'm trying to embrace the unknown and focus on the now.
It depends on who's asking and what the task is. If I did decide to help it's because I want to help out and ease their burden.
no . maybe. I'm not sure
Very important in a sense that I so desperately want to be a bitch who gets things done and doesn't procrastinate. But I end up wasting time doing something totally not productive and I feel like bottom-barrel garbage afterwards. And I wish that bad feeling would somehow translate into motivation or a "lesson" to be learnt--that procrastination is bad and it's better to get things over with. But it seems like I almost never do. It's something I really struggle with and honestly it's at a point where I'm thinking about getting some sort of help from a therapist or something idk. Also, I procrastinate when the task boring/hard/confusing because I think I have a tendency to avoid these feelings and seek instant gratification or an escape from the anxiety and grossness of having to do those things. In conclusion, I am big dummy 😃
Definitely not, at least I don't think so. I hate controlling people/people who think others are "possessions."
I like visual memorization a lot--auditory is a big no, I really cannot learn when it is just someone speaking. I need to learn the why's and how's of concepts and terms when learning. I use mnemonics, flashcards, crash course videos and practice quizzes and tests to study for school. I like learning in study groups a lot (as long as they're with friends or ppl I'm cool with) because you get to reinforce the concepts you already know by teaching it to someone and having a concept you don't know explained by your friend usually in a more understandable way because they're also a student. Plus (assuming your study group is focused) I stay more focused in study groups vs when I'm alone.
I hate HATE public speaking or talking in front of my class. I had to do that today and I got super nervous even though it was online ffs. It's so embarrassing.... I can't. I also would hate to realize when I'm old that I've wasted my life not doing what I wanted and just coasting. Also, I'm scared of settling for someone, to realize that the person I'm married to doesn't know me at all and I don't actually love them. Like...imagine me as a PTA mom married to a republican husband who listens to country music and is a misogynist. PLEASE THAT WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSING FOR ME. Like that's cool if that's your lifestyle and I 100% respect it (own that PTA meeting Susan!) but that's not the life I envision for myself.
Last summer was a good time for me, I felt like I had friends who supported and got me, the school year before the summer was really bad so to finally be somewhere and say I made it out alive and I'm happy was a good thing for me, I was doing the stuff I liked and I got to travel! Plus i had a really healthy sleep schedule which I miss.
They usually occur during the school year. I hate school so much. Today was my first day and I'm so sad because I know this year is gonna be tough for me and take a toll on my mental health because I took difficult classes and I have to apply to colleges and write college essays. I'm doing a hybrid model and the fact that I have to see people at school next week disgusts me to my core!!!!!!!!!
Low point #1: 8th grade, long story short I felt so alone because my "friends" kept repeatedly hurting me and being shitty and my dumbass kept coming back because I was pathetic ✨😍
Low Point #2: Sophomore year, I was really struggling with my sexuality and I was lowkey having a crisis, and my mom sort of knew and she was not accepting and I thought I was going to get kicked out lol. Also for some reason all my classes had a shit ton of mandatory presentations which made me feel extremely on edge for the whole school year and my skin was breaking out quite a bit anddd I felt ugly every single day.
I know these are not exactly huge "low-points" these are just what came to mind when I thought of a time in my life where I was very unhappy.
Daydreaming gang. I am not aware of my surroundings, I astral project into another dimension.
It takes some time, I make sure I'm basing this decision on what I actually want, the pros and cons, etc. Some of my "important decisions" have been made on a whim tho, like when I was asked if I wanted to switch middle schools I pretty much gave it 2 thoughts in total and was like okay. But that was when I was 10 so maybe I was just a dumb kid.
It takes me very little time to process emotions and if it is taking a long time, it's usually because deep down I know what I'm feeling it but I'm denying it. I've learned it's easier to feel honestly than try to repress or else it will take a VERY long time to unpack (if it's a big emotional event).
If they're strangers/acquaintances, I will either ask them more about their opinion rather than agreeing or disagreeing or I will politely disagree or show through body language and expression that I disagree. If they are friends, especially friends who I know are not sensitive I will for sure express my opinion.
I will break rules if I don't like them or if they don't make any sense to me. Authority should be 100% challenged and be held accountable and to a higher standard.
I'm not sure if I have a concrete idea. I've always wanted to live in the city, preferably NY (and in a pretty penthouse). A part of me wants to be someone who makes a real positive impact on the world and the other part of me wants to do something creative, but I'm not very talented and I just don't think I have the guts or stamina (I guess) to do it. I hope I find peace and am not a sad bitch anymore. And I hope I find my calling/something I'm really truly passionate about. I hope I have genuine and close friends who get me.
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2020.09.16 23:06 Ninjasandapples Couple life cam

Video Link
What are your initial thoughts on facing the Patriots this weekend?

Corners have long been considered your specialty, the Patriots have a good one with Stephon Gilmore over there, what makes him such a special talent and how would you compare him to other corners?
Happy birthday, being kind of an older coach, how have you been able to stay energetic on a day-to-day basis and keeping your mind sharp throughout the NFL grind, what do you think has helped you?
How is Rasheem Green doing and are there any new injuries from the game on Sunday?
What are the similarities and differences between you and Belichick?
What's the process of prepping for Cam Newton with the Patriots?
What stood out most about his play in the first game you saw?
How similar is the Patriot's running use of Cam to when he was in Carolina?
Regarding the air quality, how much communication is there with the league and the team, or are you out of the loop on that?
What did you think of John (Schneider) breaking down your college film?
When you've had people like Corey Booker or Alicia Garza speak to your team, specifically with what's going on right now, what's been the response from your players?
It felt like on Sunday your defense, in the middle with Bobby and Marquise and KJ, there was a certain physicality that was very evident, maybe even moreso than it was last year. Is that a fair assessment?
How important is it to have that presence going in to a game that will be, if week 1 was any indication, pretty heavy in the trenches?
What does having two elite Black, dual-threat, quarterbacks starting in primetime this Sunday say about the league and it's evolution.
How important is it for like you and Bill to have the young Black quarterbacks be able to change the game because you're letting them be themselves within this system?
Do you take pride in the kind of longevity that you and Belichick have, what's the key?
Do you have any more clarity from the league on how loud they're making it compared to how loud you could make it?
What will you be missing compared to what you would have with a primetime home opener at Century Link?
Do you still want Tyler involved in returns?
Do you have more clarity on the long-term standing of Brian Schneider for your special teams unit?
How did you feel about the pass defense as a whole?
You've talked a lot about having rotation on the defensive line, Benson and Bruce were both above 85% in snaps, is that sustainable for them and what do you need to see from other guys to get them more involved?
Is the diversifying of the football on Sunday a product of having a few more weapons, or Russ' command of the offense?
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2020.09.16 05:33 DamageClear Couple cam life

I know I'm not breaking new ground here. Thousands, if not millions, of affairs happen every year. Most end their marriages, but I decided it'd be with the effort to make it work. And, mostly, it has been.
A brief back story, it's always been a fantasy of mine/ours to film us having our fun but other than the brief cell phone video the fantasy has never materialized. No big deal. We've ironically both been interested, yet never had the solid drive to make it happen. Our sex has always been good, even in our bad times. Anyway, two and half years, she wanted a divorce and found this guy on tinder and within a couple weeks went from having an emotional affair to a physical one. In one night, they had sex three times. Must have been good right? That's my thoughts.
So from the beginning of finding out- basically the night it happened-, I've had this unshakable feeling that he or they recorded at least one of the events. I've obsessed over it from the beginning, but after all my life experiences I'm pretty good at repressing feelings. I can't shake this feeling though. Out of all the thoughts and worries about the event that I've repressed, this one strava y'all and unrelenting. I've spent probably what would equivilate to months on 'name that porn site' trying to see if they were posted. I was pretty convinced I found them too, but my wife denies it completely. I'm really dumbfounded on how to handle this feeling. It's gotten stronger since I found out that there's an endless list of subreddit that he could have posted it on. And, I have this unbelievably strong feeling that he may have been one of those 'hidden cam' guys that either keeps it for his personal satisfaction or post it for revenge. He was really pissed when she gave him the news she was staying with me. And shortly after she delivered the news to him, I found out "items" were deleted at her request. In her words, "I asked him and he said he deleted everything." Am I supposed to buy that?
What should I do? I've debated talking to a counselor, I've thought about continuing to look, but honestly after two years where could I look? He is about 7 years younger so maybe he knows websites I'm not familiar with. I don't know. Has anyone ever faced this situation? I'm interested in anyone's advice here. Thanks.
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2020.09.15 03:25 JedEckert Couple life cam

Bill's tortured analogy on yesterday's pod about Cam being like the new girlfriend you have to be overly complimentary of after divorcing your wife (Tom Brady) I think was a new low/high in his analogies about divorce. Sal seemed to struggle to even understand what Bill was getting at. Then we got Bill proudly announcing to the world that he was introducing his son to gambling, following up Sal's story about how he thought his dad might murder him when he caught him gambling as a teenager. I think Sal was sort of implicitly saying he appreciated that his dad made the effort to prevent him from gambling, but sometimes a parent's best intentions are for naught. Bill of course obliterated that story by excitedly telling us he bankrolled Ben's gambling.
This recent trend followed up a couple years of Bill complaining about how his wife never does anything other than sit around and drink wine (though those stories seemed to have died down). So, armchair degenerate psychologists of billsimmons, does he spend so much time talking about divorce and dysfunctional families because:
a) 40 years later, he's still working out his own parents' divorce b) he's been obsessed with divorce and affairs his whole life and thinks it's the logical outcome and that it would really spice up his personal life c) he can no longer really hide his bitterness that he's uber rich but can't really do anything cool with his money other than collect houses
I also think it's funny that so much of this talk happens with Sal, a guy who seems to genuinely love his wife and kids. Sal may have some wacky stories, but they're essentially just spins on the average "lovable but sometimes misguided father" tales you'll find in suburbs all over America. Sal has also posted on Instagram multiple times over the years what a lucky man he is to be married to his wife and how much he appreciates her.
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2020.09.13 06:03 dl_supertroll Jensen Huang welcomes us to his kitchen

Jensen Huang: (01:13) (silence) Welcome to my kitchen. I hope all of you are staying safe. We’re going to talk about an amazing GPU today. Modern GPUs are technology marvels. It is the engine of large industries from design, cloud AI, to scientific computing, but it is the gamers and their insatiable demand that is the driving force of the GPU, pooling their GPUs to create the largest distributed computer ever. A million gamers united to counterstrike the COVID-19 Coronavirus. The result was 2.8 exoflops, five times the processing power of the world’s largest supercomputer, to simulate the virus. Folding At Home was able to simulate a hundred milliseconds, a 10th of a second in the life of the coronavirus and captured the moment it opens his mouth to infect the human cell. Scientists believe this is also its moment of weakness. Jensen Huang: (02:05) Thank you all for joining this historic fight. We’re going to talk about computer graphics and the work we’re doing to push the boundaries. We love computer graphics and have advanced it incredibly in the time of Nvidia. As the technology advanced, the expressiveness of the medium has made graphics an invaluable tool to help us understand our world, create and explore new worlds. Tell stories that inspire us. From science to industry to the arts, computer graphics has made a profound impact on the world. And for that, we are privileged to have contributed. Jensen Huang: (02:38) We’re going to talk about gaming and the infinite ways that gaming is expanding. G-Force PC gaming is large and thriving. It’s open and rapidly advancing technology, combined with the amazing creativity of the community makes magic. Anyone could be a broadcaster. Add a G-Force and you have a personal broadcast station, pros stream their practices, experts stream tips and tricks, friends stream to friends just to hang out. There are over 20 million streamers. Games have become a new art medium. In Minecraft gamers can build their work of art. Machinima artists create cinematics made from game assets. Tens of millions are using games to express their creativity. Inside a computer simulation, any sport can become e-sport. Virtual NASCAR and F1 are already attracting top racers. Like sports, e-sports captures the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat and the human drama of athletic competition. E-sports is on its way to be the biggest sport. Jensen Huang: (03:38) I have something special for all the G-Force gamers around the world, four gifts. I hope you like them, and you’ll find new ways to game. First, big news. Fortnite is turning RTX on. Now Minecraft and Fortnite, the number one and number two most played games in the world have RTX on. Fortnight will get Ray trace, shadows, reflections, ambient inclusion, and DLSS too. These effects look fantastic with the art style of Fortnight. I can’t wait to see a Fortnight concert with RTX on. The last one with Travis Scott was watched by 28 million people. Epic made a trailer for you. Let’s play it now. 75% of G-Force gamers play e-sports. e-sports is a game of milliseconds, reaction times a combination of the gamer and the machine. Let me explain. This is Valerie. In this example, the opponent is traveling at 1500 pixels per second, and it’s visible in this opening for only 180 milliseconds. A typical gamer has a reaction time of 150 milliseconds, from photon to action. You can only hit this opponent if your PC adds less than 30 milliseconds. Most gamers have latencies far greater than 30 milliseconds. Many up to 100 milliseconds. Jensen Huang: (05:12) Today we’re announcing a new e-sports technology called Nvidia reflex. Nvideo reflex optimizes the rendering pipeline across CPU and GPU to reduce latency by up to 50%. in September, we’re releasing reflex with our game ready driver. Over 100 million G-Force gamers will instantly become more competitive. Valarent, Fortnight, Apex Legends, Call Of Duty War Zone, and Destiny Two will be the first to integrate reflex technology. Jensen Huang: (05:40) E-sports pros and enthusiasts strive for zero latency. For you, we’re announcing an insanely fast and beautiful display. A 360 Hertz Gsync display designed for e-sports. This display has a builtin precision latency analyzer. Just connect your mouse. The Nvidia 360 Hertz Gsync e-sports displays are arriving this fall from Acer, Alienware, Asus and MSI. We’ve made a video comparing gaming on a 60 Hertz, 144 Hertz and 360 Hertz display. You can see immediately how 360 Hertz display will help you target and track an opponent. Jensen Huang: (06:21) For the 20 million live streamers, we have something really cool for you. Nvideo broadcast turns any room into a broadcast studio. Nvideo broadcast runs AI algorithms trained by deep learning on NVIDIA’s DGX supercomputer, one of the most powerful in the world. Effects like audio noise removal, virtual background effects, whether graphics or video and web cam auto framing is a virtual camera person tracking you. Jensen Huang: (06:44) These AI effects are amazing. Available for download in September and runs on any RTX GPU. Brandon and G-Force marketing will now show you in a video broadcast. Brandon: (06:55) Hey everybody. I’m Brandon and I’m very excited today to talk to you about our Nvidia broadcast app. Like many of you I’ve been home a lot more lately. I’ve been video conferencing all day and then gaming and streaming all night. And I have a very basic webcam microphone set up. Nvidia broadcast makes these things supercharged with a lot of new awesome features that really bring it out, using the power of AI and our RX GPUs. The first one ,I want to talk about is noise removal. So I’ve asked my girlfriend to join me with a blow dryer here and that distracting sound makes it very hard to understand what I’m saying, but when I turn on noise removal in Nvidia broadcast, you find that it’s completely gone. And that blow dryer is still going. Brandon: (07:32) But Nvidia broadcast isn’t just awesome audio features. There’s some really exciting video features as well. Let’s take a look. First up, we have the ability to blur your background, which you may notice that I need because I have a very cluttered and messy room. But when I turn this background blur feature on, all of a sudden I get this really classy effect and I can adjust the strength of that from low to high and everything in between. Or if I want, I could actually replace the background altogether. Now I’m in a space station with the magic of AI. It’s that easy. Or if I want to jump into some gameplay, I can remove the background altogether and jump into some Valoran. And now I’m playing with a green screen effect without actually having to have one at home. I don’t have to play good, but at least I can look good. Sometimes when I’m video conferencing or doing a just chatting stream, I want to zoom in to get a more personal connection with the audience. But the problem is, I bounce around so much, it’s easy for my head to get out of frame. With the auto frame feature, it’s like having your own personal cameraman that follows you wherever you go. So if, for example, I want it to reach over and grab my cool Valoren hat, and show it to everybody, it follows me every step of the way. I just find Nvidia broadcast to be really exciting, as both a streamer and as someone who works from home. The ability to remove distracting noise, improve your background and keep yourself in the center of the frame are all awesome features in one app. And I just can’t wait for you guys to try it. Jensen Huang: (09:05) A new form of art has emerged from gaming called Machinima. Artists are using game assets to create cinematics. There’s been tens of billions of views on YouTube. Most are shorts. Some are even recreating entire classic movies. It’s becoming a whole new art genre. Today, I’m going to show you an app that will make these cinematics amazing. It’s called Nvidia Omniverse Machinima. It’s an app build on our omniverse 3d workflow collaboration platform. Omniverse is a universal design tool asset exchange with a viewer, based on photorealistic path tracing. The engine is designed to be physically accurate, simulating light, physics, material and artificial intelligence. We have connectors for most third party design tools, like 3DS Max, Maya, Photoshop, Epic Unreal, Rhino, and many more. The Machinima app brings in elements and assets from games and third party collections like turbo squid, and lets you mix and compose them into a cinemtic. Jensen Huang: (10:03) … [inaudible 00:10:00] like TurboSquid and lets you mix and compose them into a cinematic. Creators can use their webcam to drive our AI-based post-estimator to animate characters, drive face animation AI with your voice, add high fidelity physics like particles and fluids, make materials physically accurate, and then when done with your composition and mixing, render film quality cinematics with your RTX GPU. NVIDIA Omniverse Machinima, beta in October. Sign up at nvidia.com/ machinima. Jensen Huang: (10:31) Let me show you a demo. We created it in a few days. We started with assets from Mount & Blade II: Bannerlord. You’re going to love this. Speaker 1: (11:15) Whoa, that was close. You guys are getting better. Jensen Huang: (11:28) For 40 years since NVIDIA researcher Turner Whitted first published his paper on ray tracing, computer science researchers have chased this dream to create super-realistic virtual worlds with real-time ray tracing. NVIDIA seeing the ultimate limits of rasterisation approaching focused intense efforts over the past 10 years to realize real-time ray tracing on a large scale. Jensen Huang: (11:49) At SIGGRAPH two years ago, we announced the NVIDIA RTX. Now two years later, it is clear we have reinvented computer graphics. NVIDIA RTX is a full- stack invention. RTX starts with a brand new GPU architecture, but it is so much more. It includes new engine tech and a bunch of new rendering algorithms. RTX is a home run. All major 3D APIs have been extended for RTX. RTX is supported by all major 3D tools. RTX tech is incorporated into all major game engines. There are hundreds of games in development and thousands of research papers of new rendering and AI algorithms enabled by RTX. The RTX GPU has three fundamental processors: The programmable shader that we first introduced over 15 years ago, RT core to accelerate the rate triangle and ray-bounding box intersections and AI processing pipeline called tensor core. Tensor core accelerates linear algebra that is used for deep neural network processing, the foundation of modern AI. Jensen Huang: (12:52) AI is the most powerful technology force of our time. Computers that learn from data and write software that no humans can. The advances are nothing short of breathtaking. NVIDIA is doing groundbreaking work in this area. You might have seen our work in self-driving cars and robotics. Computer graphics and gaming will also be revolutionized by deep learning. Let me show you some recent works and the art of the possible. Jensen Huang: (13:15) The first video is a generative adversarial network that has learned to synthesize virtual characters of any artistic genre, including photorealistic. Second is a neuro network that animates a 3D face directly from voice. Speaker 2: (13:29) You require more Vespene gas. It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this. Jensen Huang: (13:35) The AI character can speak in any language, be any gender and even rap and sing. Jensen Huang: (13:41) Third is a character locomotion of infinite number of positions. Imagine negotiating arbitrary paths and obstacles. The fourth is reconstructing 3D from video. Imagine the possibilities, record video, interact in 3D. Jensen Huang: (13:59) This one is a deep learning model that learned the physics behavior of cloth animation. Finally, this deep learning model of ray tracing can predict colors of missing pixels so that fewer rays need to be cast and fewer pixels need to be fully rendered. We can achieve orders of magnitude speedups. AI is starting to play a giant role in the future of computer graphics and gaming. The powerful tensor cores in RTS GPUs will let us do AI in real time. Jensen Huang: (14:27) One of the first major AI computer graphics breakthroughs is DLSS. Here’s the challenge, real-time ray tracing is far more beautiful, but requires a lot more computation per pixel than rasterisation. The solution is to ray trace fewer pixels and use AI on tensor course to up res to super res, to a higher resolution and boost frame rate. Jensen Huang: (14:50) DLSS took nearly two years of intensive research. We built a supercomputer to train a network. The DLSS model is trained on extremely high-quality 16K offline rendered images of many kinds of content. Once trained, the model is downloaded into your driver. At runtime, DLSS 2.0 takes in low resolution aliased image and motion vector of the current frame and the high resolution previous frame to generate a high resolution current frame. Jensen Huang: (15:18) I think DLSS is one of our biggest breakthroughs in the last 10 years. Take a look at these images of Death Stranding, the latest game by Kojima Son. DLSS is sharper than native 4k and create a detail from AI that native rendering didn’t even show and the frame rate is higher. Jensen Huang: (15:36) Reviewers have loved DLSS 2.0. They say its quality beats out native rendering and runs even faster. You can play a 4k without a performance hit. Tensor core effectively gives RTX a two X performance boost. Let’s look at one frame trace of a game to see the processes of RTX in action. Jensen Huang: (15:55) Adding ray tracing to games dramatically increases the computation workload. Using shaders to do rate traversal and object intersection reduces the frame rate. We added the RT core, which reduces shared workload by 60%. RT core offloads the shaders by doing that ray triangle and ray-bounding box intersection calculations. Using the same methodology as Microsoft Xbox, the RT core is effectively a 34 teraflop shader and Turing has an equivalent of 45 teraflops while ray tracing. Jensen Huang: (16:27) Even with RT core the amount of time consumed is significant, so RT core and shaders have to run concurrently. Even then, 20 milliseconds is only 50 frames per second and still a step back and performance relative to previous generations. This is where the tensor core and DLSS come in, rendering to a lower resolution then using AI and super-fast tensor core to effectively double frame rate. Now you can get ray tracing, get high results and high frame rate at the same time. That’s the magic of the three processors of RTX. Jensen Huang: (17:03) Turing was our first-generation RTX GPU, combining ray tracing, programmable shading and AI. The flagship Turing had a ton of processing power: 11 shader teraflops, 34 RTT teraflops and 89 tensor teraflops. Jensen Huang: (17:20) Let me show you our new RTX GPU. Ampere is a giant leap in performance. Ampere does two shader calculations per clock versus one on Turing. 30 shader teraflops compared to 11. Ampere doubles ray triangle intersection throughput. Ampere’s RT core delivers 58 RT teraflops compared to Turing’s 34, and Ampere’s new tensor core automatically identifies and removes less important DNN weights. The new tensor core hardware processed the sparse network at twice the rate of Turing, 238 tensor flops compared to 89. Jensen Huang: (17:59) Ladies and gentlemen, NVIDIA’s Ampere GPU. Our second-generation RTX, 28 billion transistors built on Samsung [inaudible 00:18:09] NVIDIA custom process. All three processors double rates over Turing, a triple double. It connects to Micron’s new G6X, the fastest memories ever made. Jensen Huang: (18:20) The days of just relying on transistor performance scaling is over. Yet Amperes an incredible two times the performance and energy efficiency of Turing. At Nvidia, we use every engineering lever to squeeze every drop of performance out of the system, from architecture custom process design, circuit design, logic design, packaging, custom series IO, memory, power, and thermal design, PCB design software and algorithms. Thousands of engineers per generation, billions of dollars. Full-stack engineering and extreme craftsmanship is the hallmark of our GPS. Our performance, energy efficiency and low power are all world-class, and real application performance highlights Ampere’s new RT core. The more ray tracing is done, the greater the Ampere speed up. Ampere RT core doubles ray intersection processing. It’s ray tracing is process concurrently with shading and Ampere can render cinematic images with motion blur eight times faster than Turing. Let’s take a look at Ampere in action. Jensen Huang: (19:25) At our kitchen GTC a few months ago, we showed Marbles, the world’s first fully path-traced, photorealistic, real-time graphics. It was running on our highest end Turing Quadro RTX 8000. Turing was doing 720p, 25 frames per second. Today, we’re going to run an enhanced version of Marbles with even more special effects, and it is running at 1440p, 30 frames per second, over four times the performance. Jensen Huang: (19:56) Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy Marbles At Night. Jensen Huang: (21:17) Marbles is entirely path traced, no rasterization, all real time. There are hundreds of area lights, including spherical area lights. There’s no pre baking. Everything is dynamic. The depth of field is film quality and beautiful. Everything is dynamic. Diffuse GI, all dynamic. Jensen Huang: (21:46) There are hundreds of [bridge a bonds 00:21:49], 80 million triangles, materials are physically accurate, physics simulation and volume metric rendering in real time. DLSS 2.0 is doing the super resolution and AIG noising. Let’s compare Marbles Turing and Marbles Ampere. You could see dramatic visual quality jump of Ampere. Marbles on Turing runs at 720p, 25 frames per second. Marbles on Ampere runs a 1440p, 30 frames per second, more than four times the performance, and Ampere even did area lights and depth of field. A giant performance leap. Jensen Huang: (22:50) Today’s games are giant worlds, indoor and out, with photogrammetry, dense geometry and lots of characters. Games are over 200 gigabytes getting bigger. This is like 50,000 songs or 400 hours of streaming video. Games have pushed PCIO and file system sort of breaking point. Jensen Huang: (23:08) CPS copy files from disk can decompress the game image. This is fine when the story system was slow, 50 to 100 megabytes per second. Now with gen four PCI express and solid state drives PCs can transfer data at seven gigabytes per second, a hundred times faster. CPU copying data to memory and decompressing game images is now the bottleneck. Decompressing data from 100 megabytes per second hard drives takes only a few CPU cores. However, decompressing from seven gigabytes per second SSDs on PCIE gen four takes over 20 CPU cores. Today we’re announcing Nvidia RTX IO with three new advances: new IO APIs for fast loading and streaming directly from SSD to GPU memory, GPU losses decompression, and collaboration with Microsoft on direct storage for windows that streamlines the transfer of data from storage to GPU memory. Jensen Huang: (24:02) With Nvidia RTX IO, vast worlds will load instantly. Picking up where you left off will be instant. This is a very big deal for next generation gaming. Let me show you Ampere in action in one of the most anticipated games of 2020 CD Projekt Red’s Cyberpunk. This trailer is called scenes of cyberpunk RTX. It shows ray trace reflections, diffuse elimination, shadows, and ambient occlusion, and DLSS 2.0, enjoy. Ladies and gentlemen, our new flagship GPU, the Nvidia G-Force RTX 3080 powered by Ampere, second generation RTX architecture. The Nvidia RTX 3080. I have one right here. Let me show it to you. It is beautiful. Look at this, the RTX 3080. It is wonderfully crafted. It’s going to look beautiful in your PC, and it lights up. Jensen Huang: (27:53) Now, let me tell you about some of the other exciting technologies inside. Turing uses G6, the fastest memories at that time. The industry thought that was the limit. For Ampere, we had to push through that limit, working with Micron, we designed the world’s first memories with PAM4 signaling, pulse amplitude modulation with four voltage levels that encode two bits of data each, 00011011. Jensen Huang: (28:18) Each voltage step is only 250 millivolts, so in the same period of time G6X can transmit twice as much data as G6. PAM4 is extreme singling technology, and it’s just becoming used in high speed networking. The Ampere thermal architecture is the first ever flow through design, working harmoniously with PC chassis cooling system, pulling in cool air from the outside, flowing through the GPU, and pushing hot air straight out the chassis. To allow room for a fan to flow air directly through the module, our engineers architect a super dense PCB design that is 50% smaller than previous, while adding the bigger Ampere GPUs, HDMI 2.1, PCI express 4.0 and G6X. Jensen Huang: (29:05) There are two independently controlled fans, the bracket front fan pulls cool air from the bottom and pushes the heated air out through the graphics card brackets. A backside pull-through fan passes cool air over the fence of the heat pipe and directs the hot air to the top and back of the chassis to be exhausted by the system fan. The 3080 flow-through system is three times quieter and keeps the GPU 20 degrees cooler than the Turing design. It can cool 90 Watts more than Turing. Jensen Huang: (29:35) The generational leap is ultimately the most important factor of new GPUs. A significant technology advance is needed to inspire content developers to create the next level of content and for the install-base to upgrade. Let’s see how the 3080 stacks up the previous generation architectures on the latest graphics intensive games. 3080 is faster than 20 ADTI. 3080 is twice the performance of 2080 at the same price, Ampere is the … Jensen Huang: (30:03) It’s a 2080 at the same price. Ampere is the biggest generational leap we’ve ever had. Ladies and gentlemen, Nvidia G-Force RTX 3080, our new flagship GPU. Powered by Ampere, our second generation RTX GPU architecture. Incredible amounts of processing in the shader, RT ray tracing core and tensor core for processing AI, 10 gigabytes of G6X, twice the processing power of 2080, and at the same price, starting at $699. Available September 17. One of our most popular GPUs is the 70 series, 970, 1070, 2070 were all hugely popular. You’re going to love the new RTX 3070, faster than the 2080 TI, the Turing enthusiast GPU priced at $1,200. Ladies and gentlemen, the new G-Force RTX 3070. Let me show it to you. Jensen Huang: (31:05) It’s a work of art. 20 shader teraflops, 40 RT teraflops, and 163 teraflops tensor core for AI processing. With eight gigabytes of G6, RTX 3070 is faster than the $1,200 RTX 2080 TI, starting at $499. Available in October. Every generation we pack in our best ideas to increase performance while introducing new features that enhance image quality. Every couple of generations, the stars aligned as it did with Pascal, and we get a giant generational leap. Pascal was known as the perfect 10. Pascal was a huge success and set a very high bar. It took the super family of Turing to meaningfully exceed Pascal on game performances without ray tracing. With ray tracing turned on, Pascal, using programmable shaders to compute ray triangle intersections, fell far behind Turing’s RT core, and Turing with ray tracing on reached the same performance as Pascal with ray tracing off. Jensen Huang: (32:11) On a technical basis, this was a huge achievement. The images are far more beautiful and reflection and shadow artifacts are gone, but gamers wanted more. They want every generation to be more realistic and higher frame rate at the same time. So we doubled down on everything, twice the shader, twice the ray tracing, and twice the tensor core, the triple double. Ampere knocks the daylights out of Pascal on ray tracing, and even with ray tracing on, crushes Pascal in frame rate. To all my Pascal gamer friends, it is safe to upgrade now. Amazing ray tracing games are coming. Activision and developer Treyarch are launching a new Call of Duty on November 13th. It’s a masterpiece and it looks incredible. They’re dynamic lights, ray tracing, shadows and ambient occlusion, DLSS 2.0, and Nvidia reflex super low latency technology. The last call of duty sold an amazing 30 million copies. Activision put together this trailer of never before seen footage. Enjoy. Let me talk to you about one more thing. Several years ago, we started building the Titan, pushing the GPU to the absolute limit to create the best graphics card of that generation. It was built in limited quantities, only through Nvidia. The distribution was limited. The demand surprised us. Creatives were making 4k movies, rendering cinematics, researchers built workstations for data science and AI, bloggers built broadcast workstations, flight and racing simulation fans built sim rigs. There is clearly a need for a giant GPU that is available all over the world. So we made a giant Ampere. Ladies and gentlemen, the RTX 3090. Come here, come here, papa. All right. 3090 is a beast, a ferocious GPU, a BFGPU, 36 shader teraflops, 69 RT teraflops, 285 tensor teraflops, and it comes with a massive 24 gigabytes of G6X. It comes with a silencer, a three slot dual axle flow through design, 10 times quieter, and keeps the GPU 30 degrees cooler than the Titan RTX design, but there’s more. The 3090 is so big that for the very first time we can play games at 60 frames per second in 8K. This is insane. Because it’s impossible for us to show you what it looks like on the stream, we invited some friends to check it out. Roll the clip. Speaker 3: (36:05) I’ve never been more excited to do anything. Speaker 4: (36:07) Oh. Speaker 3: (36:07) Are you kidding me? Speaker 4: (36:11) Oh my gosh. Speaker 5: (36:12) Oh my God. Speaker 6: (36:14) No way. Speaker 3: (36:15) This is f***ing incredible, dude. Speaker 5: (36:17) This is amazing. [inaudible 00:36:20] This is silly. Speaker 6: (36:24) My god, you can see Raymond’s [inaudible 00:36:27]. Speaker 3: (36:26) Look at this. Why is it so detailed? Speaker 6: (36:30) All right, all right, all right, move fast and shoot things. Speaker 4: (36:33) This is 8K, sir. I can see everything. Oh, I need a shoot you, though. Speaker 3: (36:36) Not a whole lot of people have seen something like this. Speaker 4: (36:38) This is so realistic. I feel like I’m really in battle. Speaker 5: (36:42) This is insane. Speaker 6: (36:44) Die, I want to look at the pretty things. There we go,. Speaker 5: (36:47) Dude, the ray tracing is insane on this. Speaker 3: (36:49) These are the sizzle reels that you see. Speaker 4: (36:51) This is basically hacks. Speaker 3: (36:53) And then it’s like, “It’ll never look like that,” but it does. Speaker 5: (36:57) I’m looking across the vistas, the grand vistas that are happening right now. Speaker 3: (37:01) Holy shit, look at this. Speaker 5: (37:02) This feels like a Disneyland experience. Oh, it is so smooth. It’s butter. Speaker 3: (37:07) Oh, it’s smooth as shit, dude. Speaker 5: (37:09) I can’t believe it’s not butter. Speaker 3: (37:10) I mean, this is game changing. There’s no other way to put it. My mind is blown dude. Wow. Jensen Huang: (37:20) It’s been 20 years since the Nvidia GPU introduced programmable shading. The GPU revolutionized modern computer graphics. Developers jumped on and invented clever algorithms, like shaders that simulate realistic materials, or post-processing effects for soft shadows, ambient inclusion, and reflections. Developers pushed the limits of rasterization beyond anyone’s expectations. Meanwhile, Nvidia GPU processing increased a stunning 100,000 fold. Gaming became a powerful technology driver. Gamers grew to billions, and gaming pushed into all aspects of entertainment and culture. If the last 20 years was amazing, the next 20 will seem nothing short of science fiction. Today’s Ampere launch is a giant step into the future. This is our greatest generational leap ever. The second generation Nvidia RTX, fusing programmable shading, ray tracing, and artificial intelligence gives us photorealistic graphics and the highest frame rates at the same time. Jensen Huang: (38:25) Once the holy grail of computer graphics, ray tracing is now the standard, and Ampere is going to bring you joy beyond gaming, and video reflex to improve your response time, and video broadcast turns any room into a studio. An omniverse machinima turns you into an animated filmmaker. We are super pleased with 3070, 3080, and 3090, the first three members of the Ampere generation. You’re going to feel a boost like never before. I can’t wait to go forward 20 years to see what RTX started. Homes will have holodecks. We will beam ourselves through time and space, traveling at the speed of light, sending photons, not atoms. In this future, G-Force is your holodeck, your lightspeed starship, your time machine. In this future, we will look back and realize that it started here. Thank you for joining us today and to all of our fans for celebrating the arrival of Ampere.
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