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I’ve been on both side of sexual abuse. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like telling all the details, but I was sexually violated by my mom, and exposed to uncomfortable sexual situations by my parents as a kid or preteen. Sexual abuse can do lasting damage to a person's sexuality and lead to self-destructive behavior. Some abuse victims become promiscuous, while others withdraw. The trauma that results from sexual abuse is a syndrome that affects not just the victim and their family, but all of society. Because sexual abuse, molestation, and rape are such shame-filled ... Research has repeatedly shown that child sexual abuse can have a very serious impact on physical and mental health, as well as later sexual adjustment. Depending on the severity of and number of traumas experienced, child sexual abuse can have wide-reaching and long-lasting effects. Following the aftermath of sexual abuse, people are not experienced as safe, trustworthy and available so maintaining long-term relationships based on honestly is difficult and often tumultuous ... If you or a loved one is affected by sexual abuse or assault and need help, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here. Getty image via emeliemaria

2020.08.27 21:16 Vizionary0wl Spy mom voyeur

I don’t feel like telling all the details, but I was sexually violated by my mom, and exposed to uncomfortable sexual situations by my parents as a kid or preteen.
As I grew older (around 14 to 17 yo), I had developed voyeurism, incest, and frotteurism fetishes. And I did many stupid things. like grope my mom, spy on her in the shower, go through her underwear etc.
I’m 19 years old now, and I don’t do these things anymore. However, I’ve been troubled with my past, and have had really bad shame and guilt. And I want to get therapy, but I’m scared of what the therapist will think of me, and that they will report me to the police for the things I’ve done. However, at the same time I want to try to move on from these things, but I don’t feel like I can on my own.
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2019.06.07 16:59 Carlislegendary Voyeur spy mom

How does one describe Brian De Palma?
De Palma
How does one describe Brian De Palma? Many have accused him of being a misogynist for his films’ violent behavior towards women in thrillers such as Blow Out or Dressed to Kill. Others have commented that De Palma is just a knock-off of Hollywood legend Alfred Hitchcock, as De Palma uses similar formal techniques and even story ideas from classics like Rear Window or Psycho. Though many of De Palma’s movies have become significant within pop culture, most have nevertheless generated controversy for their recurrent use of graphic violence, themes of obsession, and voyeurism. Even if these criticisms of De Palma were entirely true, there’s no denying that his talent as a director or his widespread influence on other filmmakers. Indeed, Brian De Palma has proven again and again over his decades-long career to be one of cinema’s finest provocateurs, fascinated with how people can manipulate images and how those images can, in turn, affect others.
From the beginning of his filmography, De Palma has shown a fierce fascination with cinema and the art of creating images. His first feature in 1968, Murder a la Mod, features a young amateur filmmaker who shoots a cheap pornographic movie to make quick money. De Palma’s formal style itself shows the director’s love for the image; most of his films feature carefully choreographed long shots, split-screens of two separate places, and split-diopter shots that close in on an object or person in the foreground while also maintaining focus on something else in the background. Even De Palma’s recently released thriller Domino, despite a severely cut-down narrative, contains a shocking split-screen sequence that examines how recorded images of violence can easily spread online and thus turn into propaganda
De Palma’s earliest films were low-budget features shot in or around New York City. Three of these starred a young Robert De Niro, who was also beginning to make a name for himself in the film industry. The last and most famous of these early collaborations, Hi, Mom! (1970), was a dark comedy that introduced the themes of voyeurism and images that would become staples of De Palma’s later filmography. De Niro stars as Jon Rubin, a young man returning from Vietnam who has an idea to put a camera outside his window and film people in apartments across the street. Rubin at first gets financial help from an adult film producer and shoots footage of a middle-class family, a rich young playboy, and a college student involved with a black radical group. Rubin even decides to “create” films himself; he seduces a young woman in one of the apartments he spies on and has sex with her in her apartment after setting his camera to start recording after a certain time. Through Rubin, we see not only De Palma’s fascination with vouyerism (there are long sequences of each apartment and its inhabitants, some shots sped up for humor) but also with cinema itself. The girl Rubin dates and seduces on-camera is unaware she’s an actress in a film, showing how much deception inherently goes into making cinema.
The most famous scene of Hi, Mom! occurs after Rubin is fired. Desperately looking for easy money, he gets hired by the black radical group to play a part in a experimental theatrical performance, Be Black, Baby. Shot entirely on 16mm film, the sequence involves several wealthy white audience members going to the production set in an empty apartment building. The black actors running the show make the white people eat soul food and paint their faces black while they don whiteface. From there, the white audience members are terrorized and chased from room to room by the actors as an attempt for the white patrons to understand the “black experience.” Rubin plays a policeman who comes in at the end of the performance to further scare the audience before chasing them out of the building. At the end, the stunned white audience praises the show; the black actors are disappointed and one sourly remarks, “I don’t think they learned a thing.” Though the extended scene is also a hilarious satire of the New York underground theater movement, it also serves as another example of cinema as manipulation. Because of the intense performances by the black actors and Rubin, the white patrons are deceived into thinking they are in serious danger and forget that they are part of a performance until they are let free and given time to calm down.
After a string of successes in the 1970s including Phantom of the Paradise and Carrie, De Palma made several studio films in the 1980s, some highly commercial (Scarface, The Untouchables) and some were more personal psychological thrillers. Body Double, made immediately after Scarface was negatively received by critics and gained controversy for its graphic violence, was released as a bitter response to Hollywood animosity and was a twisted homage to Hitchcock’s Rear Window and Vertigo. After he catches his girlfriend cheating on him, unemployed actor Jake Scully (Craig Wasson) decides to house-sit for Sam (Gregg Henry) for several days. At the house before leaving, Sam shows Scully a telescope where he watches a neighbor (Deborah Shelton) do a seductive dance alone every night. Scully quickly becomes fascinated with the neighbor and begins stalking her around Los Angeles during the day. One night, Scully watches the neighbor become brutally murdered by a mysterious, disfigured man; he later discovers that the woman he saw each night dancing was a porn actress, Holly Body (Melanie Griffith), hired by Sam to make sure Scully would watch every night. Sam — wearing a mask to look like the disfigured man — killed the real neighbor, his wife Gloria, and used Scully as the perfect alibi.
Body Double is one of De Palma’s most unnerving works, examining our relationship to cinema and how audiences expectations can subjectively affect the images they see. Sam chooses Scully to become an unknowing witness because he knows Scully has recently lost his girlfriend and is lonely. Indeed, Scully projects his sexual desires on to the dancing woman, even following Gloria around as she shops in a mall or walks to the beach. Scully’s voyeuristic act of watching through a telescope implicates us the viewers as well, as we too become an audience to Holly’s erotic dance. After Gloria’s murder, a distraught Scully watches a porn channel and sees Holly doing the same dance she did for him in the window. From here on, Scully transforms from a passive audience member into an active participant; he auditions for a music video with Holly and introduces himself to her as a porn producer as a way to get the truth out of her. The music video itself — set to Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s single “Relax” — is a film within a film — as Scully plays a man wandering through a strip club and eventually seduced by Holly. Both within and without Body Double, we clearly see how cinema and its imagery can manipulate us, yet there is still a part of us that allows us to get tricked and deceived every time.
One of De Palma’s last Hollywood-funded movies, Snake Eyes was given negative reviews from critics and audiences alike, but it remains an essential De Palma film. Detective Rick Santoro (Nicolas Cage) goes to an Atlantic City boxing match to help guard the Secretary of Defense alongside an old friend Kevin Dunne (Gary Sinise), now a U.S. Navy Commander. When the Secretary gets fatally shot, the arena closes down and Santoro searches for suspects who might have been involved in a larger conspiracy. Most of the film is shown through Rashomon-style flashbacks; Santoro hears stories from different people about where they were and what they were doing when the shooting took place. Yet, Santoro soon realizes some of the statements he’s been given contradicts others — the recollections of witness Julia (Carla Gugino) reveal that Dunne’s story was fabricated and that he was part of the plan to kill the Secretary.
Much of Snake Eyes revolves around the objectivity of the surveillance camera as opposed to the memories of individuals. The film opens on newsreel footage of a storm outside the match and moves from one television to another. Santoro is first seen standing next to a pay-per-view reporter shown on a television and then moves off of the television screen and on to our own. Santoro only believes Julia’s story when he sees footage of Dunne meeting with the shooter minutes before the Secretary’s death. De Palma seems to recognize that a camera recording by itself is unbiased, but those images can easily be changed or constructed to show or hide the truth. When Dunne erases the surveillance video, the camera moves to a different news screen where corrupt casino owner Gilbert Powell (John Heard) lies to reporters about how the Secretary of Defense was killed. The Secretary of Defense was killed because Julia, a military manufacturer analyst, told him that the results of a new missile guard system supported by Dunne and Powell were faked so he would approve its use. Here, one can see a significant change in De Palma’s examination of imagery. In Hi, Mom!, Rubin comically seduces a woman to create an adult film; Sam creates the image of Holly’s dance to get away with murder in Body Double. On the other hand, images are erased or manipulated by military officials and corporation executives for large profits in Snake Eyes. The institutional corruption discovered by Santoro is so vast and widespread that De Palma’s original ending to the film (the casino washing away entirely in the midst of the hurricane) makes much more sense.
De Palma’s filmography of the last 20 years has been mostly independently financed and hasn’t received the same distribution or success as his previous work. Domino is the best example; De Palma had trouble with producers during filming, and a 140-minute rough cut of the film got shortened to the 89-minute version being released this week. Yet, despite all these troubles, there are still sequences within Domino that demonstrate De Palma’s artistry just as much in Body Double or Snake Eyes. No other filmmaker has so thoroughly examined our relationship with cinema and how its artificiality can deceive us. Even in his late 70s, De Palma is still thinking about how images can be manipulated, and in turn, manipulate an idea more relevant than ever in a world filled with billions of cellphones and a limitless global network.
Brian De Palma: Obsessed with the Image By Ethan Cartwright
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2019.04.12 00:58 TrueCrimeandCoffee Voyeur spy mom

The Familial Homicide of the Powell Family
On December 7, 2009 West Valley City, Utah police dispatch received a call from two women claiming to be the sisters of a man by the name of Joshua Powell and that he failed to drop his two children off at daycare and their attempts to reach the family were unsuccessful. When investigators went to the Powell residence they noticed a wet spot on a piece of carpet with two box fans blowing on it and Joshua’s wife Susan’s purse, identification, and wallet all located inside of the home. Around 5:00 p.m. that afternoon Joshua Powell returned home with his two children and when questioned about his wife’s whereabouts, he claimed that he left around midnight the previous night to take his son’s on a camping trip despite the frigid winter temperatures and left his wife home asleep. Suspicions soon fell on Joshua as holes in his alibi began to form and in an final act of evil, he committed the unspeakable.
On December 9, two days after Susan’s disappearance, investigators went back to the Powell residence to perform a more thorough search of the home in hopes of determining what happened to Mrs. Powell. While there, traces of Susan’s blood were found along with a $1.5 million life insurance policy on Susan and a handwritten letter by Susan herself expressing fear for her life. In a will she created without her husband’s knowledge, she stated “I want it documented that there is extreme turmoil in our marriage and if I die, it may not be an accident, even if it looks like one.”
When investigators delved into Joshua’s past, they were shocked at the morbid past of such a seemingly normal family man. Joshua grew up with a strong sense of disapproval for the Church of Jesus Christ but was raised in this fashion by his mother; as an adult, he became a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints. As a teenager, Joshua murdered his sister’s gerbils and threatened to kill his mom with a knife.
Joshua’s first relationship failed due to his controlling tendencies; he wouldn’t even allow his girlfriend to spend time with her family without him. Shortly after the breakup with his first girlfriend, he met Susan Cox and had two children by 2007. For a short period of time, Susan and Justin moved in with his father in order to get on their feet. During this time, Steven would secretly follow Susan around the house with a camcorder, spy on her in the bathroom, steal her panties, and at one point confessed his undying love for her. Immediately after that, the Powell’s moved away. However, despite this move, this didn’t stop Steven from continually contacting Susan and attempting to begin a relationship with her; during this time, he refused to stop speaking with his father and maintained his relationship with him.
Just weeks after Susan’s disappearance, Joshua moved his children to Puyallup, Utah to live with his two brothers and father. Shortly after this move, the website SusanPowell.org was created and an anonymous source made entries on the page defending Joshua’s innocence and even made claims that Susan was mentally ill and ran off with another man.
Suspicions soon extended to Michael Powell, Joshua’s brother when investigators discovered that he sold his 1997 Ford Taurus to a junkyard shortly after Susan’s disappearance. When sniffing dogs were brought in, they alerted to the scent of a human body being in the trunk of this vehicle at one point in time. On September 22, 2010 Steven was arrested for charges of child pornography and voyeurism after he was found in possession of the videotapes of him secretly recording women and young girls; Susan was one of the main victims of this secret footage. After Steven’s arrest, assistant attorney general announced that Joshua was also a suspect in these videotapes.
After Joshua children were taken into the custody of the state, he was sent to a court mandated psychiatrist in order to determine his capacity as a parent as well as his mental health status. Despite Doctor James Manley stating that he had adequate parenting skills, he was concerned with Joshua’s overbearing tendencies. Manley recommended weekly supervised visits that would include a social worker and ordered that Joshua move out of Steven’s home, a convicted sexual predator. He then rented a home in Graham, Washington but continued to live with his father. It was later revealed by Joshua and Michael’s siblings that the two of them would often share pornography with one another and failed to instill appropriate sexual boundaries with their children.
In the final week of 2012 investigators discovered over 400 images of simulated child pornography, beastiality, and incest pornography on Joshua’s home computer. Despite this being legal due to the animated qualities of the videos, authorities soon set their sights on Joshua as being the main suspect in Susan’s disappearance.
On February 5, 2013 Graham, Washington police dispatch received 911 call from social worker Elizabeth Hall claiming that she went to the home of Justin Powell for a regularly scheduled visitation with his two sons and when he was walking into the house he shoved the boys into the home then locked her out. Shortly after, the house burst into flames. The official cause of death listed on their autopsy reports was carbon monoxide poisoning. However, it was immediately clear that Joshua had attacked his sons with a hatchet prior to setting the house on fire. The hatchet was found lying beside his body and two five gallon cans of gasoline were found inside of the home.
It was discovered that just minutes before he committed two murders then killed himself he sent emails out to friends and family saying his final goodbyes and also named his Michael the primary beneficiary to his estate. Joshua also collected all of his sons toys and books and donated them to a local thrift store.
Due to Joshua never giving any clues as to Susan’s whereabouts before he committed suicide, her disappearance still remains unsolved. However, a memorial was erected in her memory and Charles and Braden, her two sons were buried alongside this memorial.
On February 11, 2013 Michael killed himself by jumping off of a parking garage roof. Authorities have since listed Michael and Steven as potential accomplices in Susan’s disappearance.
In June of 2013 Joshua’s sister Jennifer published a memoir titled ‘A Light in Dark Places’ focusing on helping others recognize signs of abuse in their own relationships and outside relationships because even if the signs aren’t clearly evident, it can still be occurring.
Cold Case Blogger
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2019.02.04 16:15 AprilSpektra Voyeur spy mom

UPDATE:
Randle is out of my house. I had a frank conversation with Lola just before they left. I made it clear that the shit she brought into my home this week, including but not limited to the gun, is not remotely okay. She said she didn't know about the gun until shortly before I discovered it myself, and that these all-day angry anxiety episodes are also new. I've chosen to trust her on this, but if that trust turns out to be misplaced it'll certainly be the last time I trust her. I also pointed out that, while it's not his fault he has severe anxiety, he knows full well that taking massive doses of amphetamines will only make it worse, and yet he chooses to do so anyway.
Unfortunately she's still fully bought into the murder rednecks narrative. But he's been turning his paranoia about being tracked and whatnot onto her all day, so I pointed out that this paranoia comes from him, not just from their recent ordeal, because otherwise he wouldn't be accusing her now.
She deliberately left some stuff behind so that she'll have an excuse to drop him off and come back. I told her she's welcome to come back if she wants/needs to, but naturally Randle is not. I know that, given that she brought this situation into my home, I would be justified in washing my hands of her entirely, but I think she deserves a chance to be trusted apart from him one more time. She's not deep into the fucked up drug cocktail weeds yet and still has a chance to change course.
So my friend/partner we'll call Lola, because of the amount of running she'll be doing in this post. To quickly summarize her relationship to me, she has a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend, we're both polyamorous. Neither of us really have other boyfriends/girlfriends at the moment, but we're sort of casual partners with each other, casual because of various time, distance, and money reasons.
Lola's boyfriend we'll call Randle. They dated back in high school and reconnected a few months ago. I first met him at New Year's. Lola informed me that he has pretty serious anxiety and thus would need time to get comfortable at the New Year's party and may have to suddenly leave the party at any point. Obviously this was fine. Randle was pretty likable and didn't immediately raise any red flags for me, other than that he's a drug dealer who also does All The Drugs. But as someone who does Some of the Drugs, I'm not generally instantly judgmental about such things. And in fairness, I don't really have to approve of all of Lola's life or partner choices.
Despite doing All The Drugs, Randle was likable enough that, when Lola wanted to hang out with all four of us, my girlfriend and I were entirely open to it. Things got delayed for a few weeks while they found and rented a basement apartment about 90 minutes away from my house, and then suddenly I got an incredibly strange text message from Lola - to summarize, she said that she and Randle had just been through a nightmarish situation, that it resembled a horror movie, and that nobody believed them. I immediately said "shit, sorry you're having to deal with whatever you're talking about" (not exact quote) and told her they can come down to our place if they need to get away from their current situation. I didn't hear back for about a week. This was annoying, because this lack of communicativeness was typical of Lola, but maybe don't drop worrisome messages like that and then go radio silent. After a day or two I have to start acknowledging the possibility that Mike Myers killed them, you know?
Finally she responds and says they've moved to a camper on her parents' property, but that somebody had attempted to break in the previous night and she wanted to stay at my place for a few days. I told her I'd have to discuss the "few days" thing with my girlfriend, but that if she needed to get away from her current situation, she should certainly go ahead and come down to our place immediately. She and Randle did the obviously much more logical thing and spent the night at her weed dealer's house and then came over to our place the next day.
So one important thing we learned about Randle during his stay was that his anxiety disorder isn't just a bit of social anxiety - it's an extremely severe anxiety disorder that can also manifest as paranoia. We learned this from direct experience when he accidentally knocked a trinket of my girlfriend's off the wall and sort of broke it (sort of because it turned out to be easily fixable). This was minutes after he'd dropped a hot dog and drink that he'd bought for Lola while getting out of his car, so clearly he was being incredibly clumsy, and he was being so because he was high off his ass (on weed this time around). So I sort of lightheardedly was like, "Haha, maybe you need to sit down until you sober up a bit." Trying to play it as a joke but also, like, seriously, maybe chill out for a minute while your inner ears get their shit together. At any rate, breaking the trinket triggered a spiral of self-loathing and self-blame due to his anxiety disorder, so he retreated to the guest bedroom, took a couple Xanax, and tried to calm down. This would have been fine, except that the paranoid aspect of his disorder now came out, and he started bombarding Lola's phone with extremely hostile messages accusing her and me of whispering about him because we hate him, etc. Now, he wasn't being delusional about the whispers - we were whispering. We were whispering because he clearly needed some peace and quiet, so I was trying to be quiet. But his anxiety disorder made him 100% certain that we were talking shit about him behind his back. Unfortunately for Lola, this became about a four-hour ordeal of trying to talk him down from this, all while he was hostile and angry.
At one point, I heard a noise from the guest bedroom followed by Lola suddenly stopping talking, so I barged in and checked on her. She said she was fine and they needed to finish talking. After she came out, she said, "It's fine. We're fine," perhaps a little too insistently. I said, "What was that noise?" She said he broke his glasses. I said, "Did he throw his glasses at you?" She said no. I asked her if this was a regular thing, her having to manage his extreme anxiety episodes to this degree. She said this was the exception and not the norm, and that he was in therapy for it. Okay, I guess that's fair. If it's not putting this ridiculous burden on her at all times and he's getting help for it, I'm not going to fault him for having a mental illness.
The reason I'm laying out Randle's particular blend of anxiety and paranoia is to serve as background for the story of the "horror movie nightmare" they'd experienced, which they finally related to me after coming over to our house.
They had been living in a decent apartment with an extremely not-decent roommate until recently. Said roommate had a habit of blowing her rent money on breeder pets and expensive electronics, and then getting pissed at them when they couldn't cover her bullshit. So they managed to get her name off the lease and bailed. Shortly before they moved out, the roommate apparently tried to poison them by putting rat poison in their tea. ... ... If that last detail seems like a hell of an escalation, you're onto something. Put a pin in that.
So they find a basement apartment and move in. As related by Randle and Lola, the owners of the house soon begin acting very strangely - saying they're going to be out of town, but then still being audible through the ceiling the whole time they were supposed to be gone, being weirdly nosy about where Randle and Lola are going anytime they leave the house, etc. And then they begin discovering cameras, crawlspaces, and peepholes. Lola claims they even spotted a camera in one of the holes while they were having sex one evening.
So this is certainly an unusual and far-fetched situation, but so far not exactly impossible to believe. Crazy voyeur perverts no doubt exist. I've been partners with Lola for about a year and a half, she was there for me through an extremely difficult situation once upon a time, and I trust her. At the very least I don't quite understand why everyone is apparently jumping immediately to "you're crazy and/or liars," and I tell her that I'm sorry she had to deal with that, and she deserves to have someone believe her.
She and Randle took extensive photographs of the basement, ranging from "suspicious" to "what am I looking at." One of them, they claim, has a visible camera lens in a dark peephole. If I'm being honest I never saw anything in the photos that looked unequivocally like a hidden camera, but whatever. Most of the photos are just of holes in the ducts and walls, and the only strange thing about them is that they appear to change - Randle and Lola said they would leave the apartment, and holes they'd found would suddenly be covered up, etc. They showed before and after photos, so if the sequence of events really is as they describe, I suppose it's grounds for suspicion. So far I'm still in the territory of "kind of a stretch, but not impossible, and I believe you on principle because I care about you. Also I'll keep an eye out on PornHub and let you know if your sex tape ends up there."
But then the story continues, and it gets a little more, shall we say, bonkers. Now under the belief that they're being spied on and filmed, Randle and Lola naturally want to vacate the basement apartment. Reasonable. This is the part that they described as a "horror movie." Essentially they claim that people surrounded the apartment and attempted to block them in. People in the woods, lookouts on the neighbors roof, apparently they heard a shotgun being cocked a couple times and an electric saw being revved up. At this point warning bells are already going off in my head. Even in their "I absolutely believe that I was surrounded by murderous rednecks that night" retelling, they never mention actually, definitely seeing anyone. It's all shadows on the neighbor's roof, footsteps in the woods, and various axe-murdery sounds in the night. With the exception of the couple who owns the house, who are in fairness probably nosy weirdos and maybe perverted creeps, they never actually see any of these people that they're so certain were descending upon them. Importantly, they called the local police, who showed up, looked around the property, and said, "Well we didn't find anything. It was probably just some troublemaking kids." Needless to say, this led them to the conclusion that the local police were in league with the murderous rednecks.
Anyway, they grab everything they can carry and make a run for Lola's car. They manage not to get eviscerated by a scythe and drive away. Randle is driving, and decides they'll go crash at his grandfather's house. Apparently a white pickup truck with only one headlight pulls out of the woods and pursues them. They're tearing down these country roads, and the white pickup is staying right on their tail, but eventually they lose them and proceed to his grandfather's house. They sit in the car, recuperating from this ordeal, when suddenly - dramatic chord - a single headlight appears on the road. "Oh shit," Randle realizes. "My grandfather is the one who recommended the owners of the basement apartment to me! Obviously dear old gramps is in league with the murderous rednecks!" So now the stealth rednecks start stalking them from the woods again, and the call the police again. The police come out, say they didn't find anything and it was probably just some troublemaking kids, and leave. "Was this the same police department as the one at the basement apartment?" I ask at this point. I was genuinely expecting them to be like "yes, isn't that funny?!" but no, apparently it wasn't. So now there are two county police departments in league with the murderous rednecks.
So they drive off again, and this time go to Lola's parent's house. Lola's parent's house is a good 40 miles from the basement apartment, so surely they're safe. But wait - dramatic chord - Lola's mother is in league with the murderous rednecks. God I wish I were making that up. Their basis for this belief is that, when Lola tried to get into her parents' house, her mother texted her and told her that the key was under the mat. Apparently there were multiple mats and the key turned out to be under a rock. These are the sinister machinations of an evil redneck queen who would betray her own daughter. Strangely, Randle and Lola claimed that, when she checked her phone later, the text message had mysteriously changed and replaced "mat" with "brick," and it's worth noting that they considered the use of "brick" instead of "rock" to also be a deliberate and malicious deception on her mother's part. This is the first time in their story that, in my head, I immediately said "yeah that's bullshit." Rural mom isn't hacking Lola's phone and fucking with her text messages. The thing about Lola's mother is that she's absolutely a shitty person - controlling, emotionally abusive, and bigoted. Her own husband only appears to be happy when she's not around. So any actual hostile behavior on her mother's part didn't exactly need "murderous rednecks" to explain it.
As shocked as you'll probably be by this next turn of events, their camper on their parents' property is soon surrounded by murderous rednecks. Whether they walked the 40 miles or all piled into the one-headlighted pickup truck is unclear. More shotgun cocks are heard outside of the camper door, because guns sound exactly like they do in Hollywood movies, and they make yet another break for the car and proceed to the most obvious next priority - their weed dealer. They spent the night at their weed dealer's house, stocked up on some herb, and proceeded to my place the next evening.
So, I do want to trust Lola, as stated, but for some strange reason the phrase "amphetamine-induced psychosis" keeps popping up in my brain. Randle certainly does enough crystal to be receiving visions, and I'm not talking about fortune telling. But that wouldn't explain why they would both share the same delusion, so I dismiss this for the time being and decide to proceed, at least for now, on the assumption that this story is at least broadly true.
Their next priority is to wipe their laptop and phones, because it only stands to reason that the murderous rednecks have hacked them and can use them to track them. Not wanting a bunch of murderous rednecks to show up on my lawn, I decide to help them determine whether there's any suspicious software installed on the laptop. (Spoilers: there's not.) But hoo boy does Randle take every unusual thing the computer does as proof that they're being tracked, and he's really flipping out about it. Like, the first time he booted it up, several settings screens popped up on their own, which makes most people say "wow chill out Windows, geez," but apparently makes Randle say, "They're in! I've been compromised!" Interestingly, even Randle is aware that a compromised phone can't be fixed with a mere factory reset, since a factory reset wouldn't get rid of a rootkit, but he does it anyway because why not I guess.
Here's the thing - my girlfriend and I weren't really able to piece together how much of this story revolved and Randle specifically because he hadn't had the episode with the broken trinket yet. We didn't know yet that paranoia was an intrinsic part of his anxiety disorder. But the next morning, when we talked it out, everything sort of fell into place. The creepy voyeur perverts are still the most believable part of the story, because hey, people do get filmed having sex without their consent. But everything else smells so strongly of Randle leading the way with these interpretations of what's happening around him. I mean, surely a guy who hears whispers and is 100% certain that they're malicious and specifically about him is also capable of hearing deer walking around in the woods and thinking that someone's coming to murder him. He was the one driving the car the whole time, so he would have been the one in a position to claim that he had to tear down the road at 80 mph because he's totally fleeing a specific truck. And remember the shitty roommate who put rat poison in their tea? I suddenly remembered now that he was the one who told Lola that the tea was poisoned. Being a shitty roommate with poor financial habits is a pretty far stretch from "I'm going to murder these people who are moving out today anyway."
I don't believe that he's deliberately building up this delusion to manipulate Lola or anything. And so far I have no reason to believe that he's ever been physically violent with Lola. But I still think this paranoia of his poses a danger to her, for several reasons. First, there are currently several combat knives and at least one gun in my house, all in his possession. In the hands of someone who hears axe murderers in the trees, these things are horrible accidents waiting to happen. Last night he suddenly woke up paranoid about hearing a car outside (because who would ever drive a car down an urban road?!), and this was about an hour before my girlfriend was supposed to come home from her night shift, so I had to consider the possibility that, when she came through the door, he would hear the door opening, interpret it as a threat, and wield and possibly use one of his weapons on her. I didn't sleep after that, and made sure he was still asleep when my girlfriend got home.
Second, she's told me at least one account of his behavior putting her in a legitimately dangerous situation. Apparently shortly before they fled the murderer-riddled backwoods, he was pressuring her to get on the good side of a lady at a local bar who could get them The Good Shit. She didn't want to, but eventually gave in. In addition to The Good Shit, there was a weird implication in Lola's account that he wanted to hook up with this lady, and apparently this was Lola's problem somehow (they are poly, so it's not like he was trying to cheat, but it was weird and certainly no excuse to pressure her to do something she didn't want to do). She did get in with the lady, and one night they met the lady at the bar, had a drink, and the lady got in their car and directed them to a location to pick up The Good Shit. Except the location was an abandoned gas station with no light and no human presence, in the middle of a rural area. While they drove there, Randle was apparently busy passing out, because, as he and Lola were later certain of, the lady had roofied his drink. He seems to get slipped a lot of poisons, so I'm just going to go ahead and say it feels likelier that he'd been doing some kind of opiate. At any rate, they gathered enough sense to get the fuck away from the abandoned gas station and drop the very displeased lady off. When Lola was telling me this story, she was clearly telling it from a place of being a bit annoyed at him, but really seemed to be underselling the fact that he pressured her into a life-threatening situation.
So my concern is that Lola is very in love with Randle, and unequivocally believes this bizarre, Byzantine delusion that, in retrospect, appears to have been largely fed to her by him. She has so much emotional investment in the delusion - as you recall, she told me she's been through a nightmare, and even talks about how much closer she and Randle are for having gone through it together - that I don't think trying to logically pick apart its many, many holes is going to get through to her. I feel like if I say "look clearly this is all bullshit," when it's a situation that feels very much real to her, is just going to drive her away. What she needs is to see how deeply entwined this whole thing is with Randle's mental illness, and while I know I can't make her see that, I don't even know where to begin. I want to support her and make sure she knows she can always come here and be listened to - though, you know, preferably without Randle next time - without simply feeding into this delusion. Are there any seeds I can plant to that end that won't just push her away and make her feel like I'm dismissing her feelings?
TL;DR: Imagine The Hills Have Eyes, but, like, it all turns out to be a dream.
submitted by AprilSpektra to relationships [link] [comments]


2017.12.04 16:27 BasiliskFangness A shout-out to the people who love you for who you are despite your parents

I was talking to my sister about how annoying it is that our neighbors spy on us and make us feel uncomfortable for our un-shaved legs when we're on our own property. My mom overheard, butt in for no good reason, and told us that we're only self conscious because we create our own problems. First of all....voyeurism. Secondly, I got pissed at her because I never used to care much about certain aspects of my appearance till my mom made me self-conscious about them. When I brought up that she's a hypocrite, she yelled at me and went on about how she tried "so hard" and how I ought to thank her for even trying at all instead of leaving me to be ugly. I needed a fucking professional dermatologist in the first place though! She took me to one as a last resort almost a decade after my issues came up! Shortly afterward I overheard her ranting to Edad about how we act as if everything she did was wrong, and these "small incidents" stopped us from living our lives.
Honestly, I laughed. I know for a fact I am everything she despises as a person. I try really hard to be someone who can "do both" even though I was raised to believe I can only be "one or the other". My parents told me people who swear don't possess a wide enough vocabulary to express their thoughts. Nmom criticizes me for swearing, but also asks me for the "right word" when she's writing an email. Guess I can be a match for Moira Burton or Deborah Morgan while still having a college degree AND a vocabulary! I was also taught that I could only be "naturally" beautiful if my skin was naturally perfect and my personality was "appealing". Guess the fuck what? I never needed perfect skin to find good friends, get a date (which I wasn't even allowed to do wtf?), do well in school, or match up to other adults in my life. I also love makeup and hair styling, yet whenever I do these things she calls me vain. The person who told me to give more fucks about my appearance gets pissed when I take the time to work on my appearance...real smooth, mother.
With that being said, I owe a lot to the people who loved me despite all the shortcomings my parents created. This is a shout-out to my childhood best friend who didn't care about my acne or my mental problems, and loved me for my bluntness, my sense of humor, and the ability to be a good friend. Bless her for keeping in touch, sending me presents across the ocean, and making so much effort to be a good friend despite my parents keeping me locked up and miserable as a bloody adult. Thankfully they don't mind her. Our parents worked together, so Nmom and Edad wouldn't THINK of tarnishing their pristine reputation with a bad attitude. This is a shout-out to every past lover, no matter how much I currently hate them. They gave me so much confidence in myself, and it stayed with me despite their cheating. Every ex has justified their cheating with "she was hot", but none of them ever said "she's hotter than you". If they taught me anything, it's that there's beauty in everyone, but it can never compensate for shitty morals. So fucking thank you, you sick bastards. Go burn in hell. This is a shout-out to all my good friends who asked "how did you turn out so normal?" when I told them about my parents. That means so much to me. Shout-out to the friends, their parents, and the counselors who had my back and covered for me so I could have the resemblance of a normal life without my parents knowing about it. I'm just sad I no longer live anywhere near them. Shout-out to the friend who brought me a HUGE cake from the best French bakery in town on my birthday, and waited for me after that Calc exam because he knew my parents wouldn't let me have a party or get me a cake or stay out to spend time with friends. That ended up being a really good day. Shout-out to the people who never required me to be beautiful myself in order to do someone else's Prom/Formal/Graduation makeup. And one last shout-out to my Mormon friend who HATES swearing but adores me, understands this is a part of who I am, and accepts it. I try not to swear around him as much, but I slip up often. He doesn't mind. These are the people who really raised me and helped forge the things I like most about myself. Whether they were temporary or a permanent part of my life, they did more good than my parents ever will in their lifetimes. These people loved me for everything....personality, looks, abilities, the works. I am so grateful for them.
Who do you owe thanks to? Who raised you better than your parents? Who do you owe a shout-out to?
submitted by BasiliskFangness to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]