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2020.09.08 02:57 CherryJello312 Online cams male

Text Messaging & Chat Abbreviations: Numbers & Characters ?
I have a question
?
I don't understand what you mean
?4U
I have a question for you
;S
Gentle warning, like "Hmm? What did you say?"
^^
Meaning "read line" or "read message" above
<3
Meaning "sideways heart" (love, friendship)
<3
Meaning "broken heart"
<33
Meaning "heart or love" (more 3s is a bigger heart)
u/TEOTD
At the end of the day
.02
My (or your) two cents worth
1TG, 2TG
Meaning number of items needed for win (online gaming)
1UP
Meaning extra life (online gaming)
121
One-to-one (private chat initiation)
1337
Leet, meaning 'elite'
143
I love you
1432
I love you too
14AA41
One for all, and all for one
182
I hate you
19
Zero hand (online gaming)
10M
Ten man (online gaming)
10X
Thanks
10Q
Thank you
1CE
Once
1DR
I wonder
1NAM
One in a million
2
Meaning "to" in SMS
20
Meaning "location"
2B
To be
2EZ
Too easy
2G2BT
Too good to be true
2M2H
Too much too handle
2MI
Too much information
2MOR
Tomorrow
2MORO
Tomorrow
2M2H
Too much to handle
2N8
Tonight
2NTE
Tonight
4
Short for "for" in SMS
411
Meaning "information"
404
I don't know
411
Meaning 'information'
420
Lets get high
420
Meaning "Marijuana"
459
Means I love you (ILY is 459 using keypad numbers)
4AO
For adults only
4COL
For crying out loud
4EAE
Forever and ever
4EVA
Forever
4NR
Foreigner
4SALE
For sale
^5
High-five
511
Too much information (more than 411)
555
Sobbing, crying. (Mandarin Chinese txt msgs)
55555
Crying your eyes out (Mandarin Chinese txt msgs)
55555
Meaning Laughing (In Thai language the number 5 is pronounced 'ha'.)
6Y
Sexy
7K
Sick
81
Meaning Hells Angels (H=8th letter of alphabet, A=1st letter of alphabet)
831
I love you (8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning)
86
Over
88
Bye-bye (Mandarin Chinese txt msgs)
88
Hugs and kisses
9
Parent is watching
*s*
Meaning "smile"
*w*
Meaning "wink"
"A" Text Message & Chat Abbreviations A3
Anytime, anywhere, anyplace
AA
Alcoholics Anonymous
AA
As above
AA
Ask about
AAF
As a matter of fact
AAF
As a friend
AAK
Asleep at keyboard
AAK
Alive and kicking
AAMOF
As a matter of fact
AAMOI
As a matter of interest
AAP
Always a pleasure
AAR
At any rate
AAS
Alive and smiling
AASHTA
As always, Sheldon has the answer (Bike mechanic Sheldon Brown)
AATK
Always at the keyboard
AAYF
As always, your friend
ABBR
Meaning abbreviation
ABC
Already been chewed
ABD
Already been done
ABT
About
ABT2
Meaning 'About to'
ABTA
Meaning Good-bye (signoff)
ABU
All bugged up
AC
Acceptable content
ACC
Anyone can come
ACD
ALT / CONTROL / DELETE
ACDNT
Accident (e-mail, Government)
ACE
Meaning marijuana cigarette
ACK
Acknowledge
ACPT
Accept (e-mail, Government)
ACQSTN
Acquisition (e-mail, Government)
ADAD
Another day, another dollar
ADBB
All done, bye-bye
ADD
Address
ADDY
Address
ADIH
Another day in hell
ADIP
Another day in paradise
ADMIN
Administrator
ADMINR
Administrator (Government)
ADN
Any day now
ADR
Address
AE
Area effect (online gaming)
AEAP
As early as possible
AF
April Fools
AF
As *Freak*
AF
Aggression factor (online gaming)
AFC
Away from computer
AFAIAA
As far as I am aware
AFAIC
As far as I am concerned
AFAIK
As far as I know
AFAIUI
As far as I understand it
AFAP
As far as possible
AFFA
Angels Forever, Forever Angels
AFJ
April Fool's joke
AFK
Away from keyboard
AFZ
Acronym Free Zone
AFPOE
A fresh pair of eyes
AGI
Meaning "agility" (online gaming)
AH
At home
AIAMU
And I am a money's uncle
AIGHT
Alright
AIR
As I remember
AISB
As it should be
AISB
As I said before
AISI
As I see it
AITR
Adult in the room
AKA
Also known as
ALCON
All concerned
ALOL
Actually laughing out loud
AMA
Ask me anything (Reddit)
AMAP
As much as possible
AMBW
All my best wishes
AML
All my love
AMOF
As a matter of fact
A/N
Author's note
AO
Anarchy Online (online gaming)
AOC
Available on cell
AOE
Area of effect (online game)
AOM
Age of majority
AOM
Age of Mythology (online gaming)
AOTA
All of the above
AOYP
Angel on your pillow
APAC
All praise and credit
APP
Application
APP
Appreciate
AQAP
As quick (or quiet) as possible
ARC
Archive (compressed files)
ARE
Acronym rich environment
ARG
Argument
ASIG
And so it goes
ASAP
As soon as possible
A/S/L
Age/sex/location
ASL
Age/sex/location
ASLA
Age/sex/location/availability
AT
At your terminal
ATB
All the best
ATEOTD
At the end of the day
ATM
At the moment
ATSITS
All the stars in the sky
ATSL
Along the same line (or lines)
AWC
After awhile crocodile
AWESO
Awesome
AWOL
Away without leaving
AWOL
Absent without leave
AYDY
Are you done yet?
AYBABTU
All your base are belong to us (online gaming)
AYEC
At your earliest convenience
AYOR
At your own risk
AYSOS
Are you stupid or something?
AYS
Are you serious?
AYT
Are you there?
AYTMTB
And you're telling me this because
AYV
Are you vertical?
AYW
As you were
AYW
As you want / As you wish
AZN
Asian
"B" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations B
Back
B
Be
B&
Banned
B2B
Business-to-business
B2C
Business-to-consumer
B2W
Back to work
B8
Bait (person teased or joked with, or under-aged person/teen)
B9
Boss is watching
B/F
Boyfriend
B/G
Background (personal information request)
B4
Before
B4N
Bye for now
BAG
Busting a gut
BA
Bad *a*
BAE
Before anyone else
BAE
Meaning Babe or baby
BAFO
Best and final offer
BAK
Back at keyboard
BAM
Below average mentality
BAMF
Bad *a* mother *f*
BAO
Be aware of
BAS
Big 'butt' smile
BASIC
Meaning anything mainstream
BASOR
Breathing a sigh of relief
BAU
Business as usual
BAY
Back at ya
BB
Be back
BB
Big brother
BB
Bebi / Baby (Spanish SMS)
BBC
Big bad challenge
BBIAB
Be back in a bit
BBIAF
Be back in a few
BBIAM
Be back in a minute
BBIAS
Be back in a sec
BBL
Be back later
BBN
Bye, bye now
BBQ
Barbeque, "Ownage", shooting score/frag (online gaming)
BBS
Be back soon
BBT
Be back tomorrow
BC
Because
B/C
Because
BC
Be cool
BCNU
Be seeing you
BCOS
Because
BCO
Big crush on
BCOY
Big crush on you
BD
Big deal
BDAY
Birthday
B-DAY
Birthday
BDN
Big darn number
BEG
Big evil grin
BELF
Meaning "Blood Elf" (online gaming)
BF
Boyfriend
BF
Brain fart
BFAW
Best friend at work
BF2
Battlefield 2 (online gaming)
BF
Best friend
BFF
Best friends forever
BFFL
Best friends for life
BFFLNMW
Best friends for life, no matter what
BFD
Big freaking deal
BFG
Big freaking grin
BFFN
Best friend for now
BFN
Bye for now
BG
Big grin
BGWM
Be gentle with me
BHL8
Be home late
BIB
Boss is back
BIBO
Beer in, beer out
BIC
Butt in chair
BIF
Before I forget
BIH
Burn in hell
BIL
Brother in law
BIO
Meaning "I'm going to the bathroom" (or) "Bathroom break"
BION
Believe it or not
BIOYA
Blow it out your *a*
BIOYN
Blow it out your nose
BIS
Best in slot (online gaming)
BISFLATM
Boy, I sure feel like a turquoise monkey! (unverified)
BITMT
But in the meantime
BL
Belly laugh
BLNT
Better luck next time
Bloke
Meaning Man (Discord)
BM
Bite me
BME
Based on my experience
BM&Y
Between me and you
BOB
Back off *buddy*
BN
Bad news
BOE
Meaning "bind on equip" (online gaming)
BOHICA
Bend over here it comes again
BOL
Best of luck
BOM
*b* of mine
BOLO
Be on the look out
BOOMS
Bored out of my skull
BOP
Meaning "bind on pickup" (online gaming)
BOSMKL
Bending over smacking my knee laughing
BOT
Back on topic
BOT
Be on that
BMS
Broke my scale, used when rating someone
BOYF
Boyfriend
BPLM
Big person little mind
BRB
Be right back
BR
Best regards
BRBB
Be right back *b*
BRNC
Be right back, nature calls
BRD
Bored
BRH
Be right here
BRT
Be right there
BSF
But seriously folks
BSOD
Blue screen of death
BSTS
Better safe than sorry
BT
Bite this
BT
Between technologies
BTA
But then again
BTDT
Been there, done that
BTW
By the way
BTYCL
Meaning 'Bootycall'
BUBU
Slang term for the most beautiful of women
BURN
Used to reference an insult
Buff
Meaning "changed and is now stronger" (online gaming)
BWL
Bursting with laughter
BYOB
Bring your own beer
BYOC
Bring your own computer
BYOD
Bring your own device
BYOH
Bat you on (the) head
BYOP
Bring your own paint (paintball)
BYTM
Better you than me
"C" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations C&G
Chuckle & grin
C4N
Ciao for now
CAD
Control + Alt + Delete
CAD
Short for Canada/Canadian
Cakeday
Meaning Birthday (Reddit)
CAM
Camera (SMS)
CB
Coffee break
CB
Chat break
CB
Crazy *b*
CD9
Code 9, Meaning "parents are around"
CFS
Care for secret?
CFY
Calling for you
CHK
Check
CIAO
Good-bye (Italian word)
CICO
Coffee in, coffee out
CID
Crying in disgrace
CID
Consider it done
CLAB
Crying like a baby
CLD
Could
CLK
Click
CM
Call me
CMAP
Cover my *a* partner (online gaming)
CMB
Call me back
CMGR
Meaning "Community manager"
CMIIW
Correct me if I'm wrong
CMON
Come on
CNP
Continued (in) next post
COB
Close of business
COH
City of Heroes (online gaming)
COS
Because
C/P
Cross post
CP
Chat post (or continue in IM)
CR8
Create
Cray
Meaning crazy
CRE8
Create
CRA CRA
Slang term meaning "crazy"
CRAFT
Can't remember a *freaking* thing
CRB
Come right back
CRBT
Crying really big tears
CRIT
Meaning "critical hit" (online gaming)
CRZ
Crazy
CRS
Can't remember *stuff*
CSG
Chuckle, snicker, grin
CSL
Can't stop laughing
CSS
Counter-Strike Source (online gaming)
CT
Can't talk
CTC
Care to chat?
CTHU
Cracking the *heck* up
CTN
Can't talk now
CTO
Check this out
CU
See you too
CU
See you
CU2
See you
CUA
See you around
CUL
See you later
CULA
See you later alligator
CUL8R
See you later
CUMID
See you in my dreams
CURLO
See you around like a donut
CWD
Comment when done
CWOT
Complete waste of time
CWYL
Chat with you later
CX
Meaning "Correction"
CYA
See you
CYAL8R
See you later
CYE
Check your e-mail
CYEP
Close your eyes partner (online gaming)
CYO
See you online
"D" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations D2
Dedos / fingers (Spanish SMS)
D46?
Down for sex?
DA
Meaning "The"
DAE
Does anyone else?
DAFUQ
(What) the *Freak*?
DAM
Don't annoy me
DAoC
Dark Age of Camelot (online gaming)
DBAU
Doing business as usual
DBEYR
Don't believe everything you read
DC
Disconnect
DD
Dear (or Darling) daughter
DD
Due diligence
DDG
Drop dead gorgeous
DEEZ NUTZ
A phrase used in online chat to annoy or frustrate those involved in the conversation.
DEGT
Dear (or Darling) daughter
DERP
Meaning stupid or silly
DF
Don't even go there
DFL
Dead *freaking* last (online gaming)
DGA
Don't go anywhere
DGAF
Don't give a *freak*
DGT
Don't go there
DGTG
Don't go there, girlfriend
DGYF
Dang, girl you fine
DH
Dear (or Darling) husband
DHU
Dinosaur hugs (used to show support)
DIIK
Darned if I know
DIKU
Do I know you?
DILLIGAF
Do I look like I give a *freak*?
DILLIGAS
Do I look like I give a sugar?
DIS
Did I say?
DITYID
Did I tell you I'm distressed?
DIY
Do it yourself
DKDC
Don't know, don't care
DKP
Dragon kill points (online gaming)
D/L
Download
DL
Download
DL
Down low
DL
Dead link
DLBBB
Don't let (the) bed bugs bite
DLTBBB
Don't let the bed bugs bite
DM
Doesn't matter
DM
Direct message (Twitter slang)
DM
Do me
DM
Dungeon Master (online gaming)
DMNO
Dude Man No Offense
DMY
Don't mess yourself
DN
Down
DNC
Do not compute (meaning I do not understand)
DNR
Dinner (SMS)
DNT
Don't
d00d
Dude
DOE
Daughter of Eve
DORBS
Meaning "Adorable"
DOT
Damage over time (online gaming)
Downvote
Voting negatively on a thread using Reddit’s voting system (Reddit)
DPS
Damage per second (online gaming)
DQMOT
Don't quote me on this
DR
Didn't read
DS
Dear (or Darling) son
DTR
Define the relationship
DTRT
Do the right thing
DTS
Don't think so
DTTD
Don't touch that dial
DUPE
Duplicate
DUR
Do you remember?
DV8
Deviate
DW
Dear (or Darling) wife
DWF
Divorced white female
DWM
Divorced white male
DXNRY
Dictionary
DYNWUTB
Do you know what you are talking about?
DYFI
Did you find it?
DYFM
Dude, you fascinate me
DYJHIW
Don't you just hate it when...?
DYOR
Do your own research (common stock market chat slang)
"E" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations E
Ecstasy
E
Enemy (online gaming)
E1
Everyone
E123
Easy as one, two, three
E2EG
Ear to ear grin
EAK
Eating at keyboard
EBKAC
Error between keyboard and chair
ED
Erase display
EF4T
Effort
EG
Evil grin
EI
Eat it
EIP
Editing in progress
ELI5
Explain like I'm 5
EM
E-mail (Twitter slang)
EMA
E-mail address (Twitter slang)
EMBAR
Meaning "Embarassing"
EMFBI
Excuse me for butting in
EMFBI
Excuse me for jumping in
EMSG
E-mail message
ENUF
Enough
EOD
End of day
EOD
End of discussion
EOL
End of lecture
EOL
End of life
EOM
End of message
EOS
End of show
EOT
End of transmission
EQ
EverQuest (online gaming)
ERP
Meaning "Erotic Role-Play" (online gaming)
ERS2
Eres tz / are you (Spanish SMS)
ES
Erase screen
ESAD
Eat *S* and die!
ETA
Estimated time (of) arrival
ETA
Edited to add
EVA
Ever
EVO
Evolution
EWG
Evil wicked grin (in fun, teasing)
EWI
Emailing while intoxicated
EXTRA
Meaning over the top
EYC
Excitable, yet calm
EZ
Easy
EZY
Easy
"F" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations F
Meaning female
F2F
Face to face
F2P
Free to play (online gaming)
F4F
Follow for follow (Instagram)
FAAK
Falling asleep at keyboard
FAB
Fabulous
Facepalm
Used to represent the gesture of "smacking your forehead with your palm" to express embarrassment or frustration
FAF
Funny as *freak*
FAM
FFamily, but not limited to actual family members. Could mean friends.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions
FAY
*Freak* all you
FB
Facebook
FBB
Meaning "Facebook buddy"
FBC
Facebook chat
FBF
Flashback Friday
FBF
Meaning "Facebook friend"
FBF
Fat boy food (e.g. pizza, burgers, fries)
FBFR
FaceBook friend
FBM
Fine by me
FBO
Facebook official (An official update from Facebook)
FBOW
For better or worse
FC
Fingers crossed
FC
Full card (online gaming)
FC'INGO
For crying out loud
FCOL
For crying out loud
Feelsbadman
A social meme that means to feel negative.
Feelsbatman
A social meme taking "feelsbadman" to the extreme. This references the DC super hero Batmanbecause he witnessed the murder of his parents.
Feelsgoodman
A social meme that means to feel positive.
FEITCTAJ
*Freak* 'em if they can't take a joke
FF
Follow Friday (Twitter slang)
FFA
Free for all (online gaming)
FFS
For *freak'*sakes
FICCL
Frankly I couldn't care a less
FIF
*Freak* I'm funny
FIIK
*Freaked* if I know
FIIOOH
Forget it, I'm out of here
FIL
Father in law
FIMH
Forever in my heart
Finna
Means "Going to"
Finsta
A second Instagram account where someone can post things that they're too afraid to post on their main account.
FISH
First in, still here
FITB
Fill in the blank
FML
*Freak* My Life
FOMC
Falling off my chair
FOMO
Fear of missing out (definition)
FOAD
*Freak* off and die
FOAF
Friend of a friend
FOMCL
Falling off my chair laughing
FRT
For real though
FTBOMH
From the bottom of my heart
FTFY
Fixed that for you
FTL
For the loss
FTW
For the win
FU
*Freak* you
FUBAR
Fouled up beyond all recognition
FUBB
Fouled up beyond belief
FUD
Face up deal (online gaming)
FUTAB
Feet up, take a break
FW
Forward
FWB
Friend with benefits
FWIW
For what it's worth
FWM
Fine with me
FWP
First world problems
FYE
Fire, something that is cool
FYEO
For your eyes only
FYA
For your amusement
FYI
For your information
"G" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations G
Grin
G
Giggle
G+
Google+
G/F
Girlfriend
G2CU
Good to see you
G2G
Got to go
G2GICYAL8ER
Got to go I'll see you later
G2R
Got to run
G2TU
Got to tell u (you)
G4C
Going for coffee
G9
Genius
GA
Go ahead
GAC
Get a clue
GAFC
Get a *freaking* clue
GAL
Get a life
GANK
Meaning a player ambush or unfair player kill (online gaming)
GAS
Got a second?
GAS
Greetings and salutations
GB
Goodbye
GBTW
Get back to work
GBU
God bless you
GD
Good
GDR
Grinning, ducking, and running
GD/R
Grinning, ducking, and running
GFI
Go for it
GF
Girl friend
GFN
Gone for now
GG
Gotta Go
GG
Good Game (online gaming)
GG
Brother (Mandarin Chinese txt msgs)
GGA
Good game, all (online gaming)
GGE1
Good game, everyone (online gaming)
GGU2
Good game, you too
GGMSOT
Gotta get me some of that
GGOH
Gotta Get Outa Here
GGP
Got to go pee
GH
Good hand (online gaming)
GIAR
Give it a rest
GIC
Gift in crib (online gaming)
GIGO
Garbage in, garbage out
GIRL
Guy in real life
GJ
Good job
GL
Good luck
GL2U
Good luck to you (online gaming)
GLA
Good luck all (online gaming)
GL/HF
Good luck, have fun (online gaming)
GLE
Good luck everyone (online gaming)
GLE1
Good luck everyone (online gaming)
GLNG
Good luck next game (online gaming)
GMBA
Giggling my butt off
GMTA
Great minds think alike
GMV
Got my vote
GN
Good night
GNA
Good night all
GNE1
Good night everyone
GNIGHT
Good night
GNITE
Good night
GNSD
Good night, sweet dreams
GOAT
Greatest of all Time(s)
GOI
Get over it
GOL
Giggling out loud
GOMB
Get off my back
GPOY
Gratuitous picture of yourself
GR8
Great
GRATZ
Congratulations
GRL
Girl
GRWG
Get right with God
GR&D
Grinning, running and ducking
GS
Good shot
GS
Good split (online gaming)
GT
Good try
GTFO
Get the *freak* out
GTFOH
Get the *freak* outta here
GTG
Got to go
GTM
Giggling to myself
GTRM
Going to read mail
GTSY
Great (or good) to see you
GUCCI
Good
GUD
Good
GWHTLC
Glad we had this little chat
"H" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations H
Hug
H8
Hate
H8TTU
Hate to be you
HAG1
Have a good one
HAK
Hug and kiss
HALP
Help (Discord)
HAU
How about you?
H&K
Hugs & kisses
H2CUS
Hope to see you soon
HAGN
Have a good night
HAGO
Have a good one
HAND
Have a nice day
HAWT
Have a wonderful day (out-dated, see next in list)
HAWT
Meaning "sexy" or "attractive"
HB
Hurry back
HB
Hug back
HBD
Happy birthday
H-BDAY
Happy Birthday
HBU
How about you?
HF
Have fun
HFAC
Holy flipping animal crackers
H-FDAY
Happy Father's Day
HHIS
Head hanging in shame
HIFW
How I felt when... (Used with photo or gif)
HL
Half Life (online gaming)
HLA
Hola / hello (Spanish SMS)
H-MDAY
Happy Mother's Day
HMU
Hit me up
HNL
(w)Hole 'nother level
HOAS
Hold on a second
HP
Hit points / Health points (online gaming)
HRU
How are you?
HTH
Hope this helps
HUB
Head up butt
HUYA
Head up your *butt*
HV
Have
HVH
Heroic Violet Hold (online gaming)
HW
Homework
HYFR
Hell yeah, *Freaking* right!
"I" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations I2
I too (me too)
IA8
I already ate
IAAA
I am an accountant
IAAD
I am a doctor
IAAL
I am a lawyer
IAC
In any case
IAE
In any event
IANAC
I am not a crook
IANAL
I am not a lawyer
IAO
I am out (of here)
IB
I'm back
IB
I'm back
IC
I see
ICAM
I couldn't agree more
ICBW
It could be worse
ICEDI
I can't even discuss it
ICFILWU
I could fall in love with you
ICYMI
In case you missed it (Twitter slang)
IDBI
I don't believe it
IDC
I don't care
IDGAF
I don't give a *freak*
IDK
I don't know
IDTS
I don't think so
IDUNNO
I don't know
IFYP
I feel your pain
IG
Instagram
IG2R
I got to run
IGHT
I got high tonight
IGN
I (I've) got nothing
IGP
I got to (go) pee
IHNI
I have no idea
IIRC
If I remember correctly
IIIO
Intel inside, idiot outside
IK
I know
IKR
I know, right?
ILBL8
I'll be late
ILU
I love you
ILUM
I love you man
ILYSM
I love you so much
ILY
I love you
IM
Instant message
IMAO
In my arrogant opinion
IMHO
In my humble opinion
ImL
(in Arial font) Means I love you (a way of using the American sign language in text)
IMNSHO
In my not so humble opinion
IMO
In my opinion
IMS
I am sorry
IMSB
I am so bored
IMTM
I am the man
IMU
I miss u (you)
INAL
I'm not a lawyer
INC
Meaning "incoming" (online gaming)
Inspoo
Inspiration
INV
Meaning "Invite"
IOMH
In over my head
IOW
In other words
IRL
In real life
IRMC
I rest my case
ISLY
I still love you
ISO
In search of
ITAM
It's The Accounting, Man (financial blogs)
ITT
In This Thread
ITYK
I thought you knew
IUSS
If you say so
IWALU
I will always love you
IWAWO
I want a way out
IWIAM
Idiot wrapped in a moron
IWSN
I want sex now
IYKWIM
If you know what I mean
IYO
In your opinion
IYQ
Meaning "I like you"
IYSS
If you say so
"J" Text Message / Chat Abbreviations j00
You
j00r
Your
JAC
Just a second
JAM
Just a minute
JAS
Just a second
JC (J/C)
Just checking
JDI
Just do it
JELLY
Meaning "jealous"
JFF
Just for fun
JFGI
Just *freaking* Google it
JIC
Just in case
JJ (J/J)
Just joking
JJA
Just joking around
JK (J/K)
Just kidding
JLMK
Just let me know
JMO
Just my opinion
JP
Just playing
JP
Jackpot (online gaming, bingo games)
JT (J/T)
Just teasing
JTLYK
Just to let you know
JV
Joint venture
JW
Just wondering
"K" Text Messages / Chat Abbreviations K
Okay
KK
Knock, knock
KK
Okay, Okay!
K8T
Katie
k/b
Keyboard
KB
Keyboard
KB
Kick butt (online gaming)
KDFU
Means Cracking (K) the (D as in Da) *freak* up
KEWL
Cool
KEYA
I will key you later
KEYME
Key me when you get in
KFY
Kiss for you
KIA
Know it all
KIR
Keep it real
KISS
Keep it simple, stupid
KIT
Keep in touch
KMA
Kiss my *a*
KMK
Kiss my keister
KMS
Killing myself
KMT
Kiss my tushie
KOC
Kiss on cheek
KOL
Key opinion leader
Koreaboo
Someone obsessed with Korean culture
KOS
Kid over shoulder
KOS
Kill on sight (online gaming)
KOW
Knock on wood
KOTC
Kiss on the cheek
KOTD
Kicks of the day (Instagram)
KOTL
Kiss on the lips
KNIM
Know what I mean?
KNOW
Meaning "knowledge"
KPC
Keeping parents clueless
KS
Kill then steal (online gaming)
KSC
Kind (of) sort (of) chuckle
KT
Katie
KUTGW
Keep up the good work
KYS
Kill yourself
"L" Text Message & Chat Abbreviations L2G
Like to go?
L2G
(would) Love to go
L2K
Like to come
L2P
Learn to play
l33t
Leet, meaning 'elite'
L4L
Like for like (Instagram)
L8R
Later
L8RG8R
Later, gator
LAB
Life's a *b*
LBAY
Laughing back at you
LBS
Laughing, but serious
LBVS
Laughing, but very serious
LD
Later, dude
LD
Long distance
LDO
Like, duh obviously
LEMENO
Let me know
LERK
Leaving easy reach of keyboard
LFD
Left for day
LFG
Looking for group (online gaming)
LFG
Looking for guard (online gaming)
LFM
Looking for more (online gaming)
LGH
Lets get high
LH6
Lets have sex
LHSX
Lets have sex
LHM
Lord help me
LHO
Laughing head off
LI
LinkedIn
LIC
Like I care
LIK
Meaning liquor
LIMT
Laugh in my tummy
LIT
Meaning really good or something fun and exciting
LIT
Extremely intoxicated
LLGB
Love, later, God bless
LLS
Laughing like *silly*
LMAO
Laughing my *a* off
LMBO
Laughing my butt off
LMFAO
Laughing my freaking *a* off
LMIRL
Lets meet in real life
LMK
Let me know
LMMFAO
Laughing my mother freaking a** off
LMNK
Leave my name out
LMS
Like my status (Facebook)
LNT
Meaning lost in translation
LOA
List of acronyms
LOL
Laughing out loud
LOL
Laugh out loud
LOL
Lots of love
LOLH
Laughing out loud hysterically
LOLO
Lots of love
LOLWTF
Laughing out loud (saying) "What the *freak*?"
LOTI
Laughing on the inside
LOTR
Lord of The Rings (online gaming)
LQTM
Laughing quietly to myself
LSHMBH
Laugh so hard my belly hurts
LSV
Language, sex and violence
LTD
Living the dream
LTLWDLS
Let's twist like we did last summer
LTNS
Long time no see
LTOD
Laptop of death
LTS
Laughing to self
LULT
Love you long time
LULZ
Meaning joke, or for laughs
LVM
Left voice mail
LWOS
Laughing without smiling
LY
Love ya
LYLAS
Love you like a sis
LYLC
Love you like crazy
LYSM
Love you so much
"M" Text Messages & Chat Abbreviations M$
Microsoft
M8
Mate
MB
Mamma's boy
MBS
Mom behind shoulder
MC
Merry Christmas
MDIAC
My Dad is a cop
MEGO
My eyes glaze over
MEH
Meaning a "shrug" or shrugging shoulders
MEH
Meaning a "so-so" or "just okay"
MEHH
Meaning a "sigh" or sighing
MEZ
Meaning "mesmerize" (online gaming)
MFI
Mad for it
MFW
My face when... (Used with photo or gif)
MGB
May God bless
MGMT
Management
MHOTY
My hat (is) off to you
MIRL
Me in real life
MIRL
Meet in real life
MISS.(number)
Meaning "child and her age". Miss.3 would be a 3-year old daughter
MKAY
Meaning "Mmm, okay"
MLM
Meaning give the middle finger
MM
Sister (Mandarin Chinese txt msg)
MMK
Meaning okay? (as a question)
MNC
Mother nature calls
MNSG
Mensaje (message in Spanish)
MOD
Moderator
MOD
Modification (online gaming)
MORF
Male or female?
MOMBOY
Mamma's boy
MOO
My own opinion
MOOS
Member of the opposite sex
MOS
Mother over shoulder
MOSS
Member of same sex
MP
Mana points (online gaming)
MR.(number)
Meaning "child and his age". Mr.3 would be a 3-year old son
MRT
Modified ReTweet (Twitter slang)
MRW
My reaction when... (Used with photo or gif)
MSG
Message
MTF
More to follow
MTFBWU
May the force be with you
MU
Miss U (you)
MUAH
Multiple unsuccessful attempts (at/to) humor
MUSM
Miss you so much
MWAH
Meaning "kiss" (it is is the sound made when kissing through the air)
MYO
Mind your own (business)
MYOB
Mind your own business
"N" Text Message & Chat Abbreviations n00b
Newbie
N1
Nice one
N2M
Nothing too much
NADT
Not a darn thing
NALOPKT
Not a lot of people know that
NANA
Not now, no need
NBD
No big deal
NBFAB
No bad for a beginner (online gaming)
NC
Nice crib (online gaming)
ND
Nice double (online gaming)
NE
Any
NE1
Anyone
NERF
Meaning "Changed and is now weaker" (online gaming)
NFM
submitted by CherryJello312 to WhatsTheRule [link] [comments]


2020.09.06 16:06 throwawayacc387w983 Male cams online

I don't know where to begin, quite honestly...
I'm a 30 year old (male) living with my Father (67). I've never been self-sufficient, never been on my own--you could say I'm truly in 'arrested development.' I wholeheartedly believe this to be an issue entirely of its own to unpack but I believe this issue is more pressing; perhaps I'm wrong...
Within the last year my mother passed away from stage iv lung cancer (last November),--among various other issues such as long stints of power outages and the obvious pandemic affecting the world--things have gone from bad to worse and I believe it's untenable the way things are now,--but I have no recourse on what to do given my circumstances and I'm hoping someone can provide some clear steps to take.
Anyway, this is all compounding my Father's underlying and untreated alcoholism. He's also as extremely bigoted/stubborn/close-minded/technophobe as a baby-boomer can get (no offense),-- his world views/agency/moral compass is extremely suspect and it has always been hard to maintain any level of a relationship with him.
He worked an 8-5 job as an electrician/stage-hand for most of his adult life after he gave up his pursuit of being a musician around when I was born. He has used this anchor point as an excuse for all of his absentee-ism as a parent/lack of rearing a son. He works, so he believes doesn't need to be a father, doesn't need to teach/talk to his son about things such as what encompasses being an adult--and still holds this view today despite his son being 30 without a job/income/relationships/savings/basic identification.
I don't hold my failings entirely on my father and mother but I strongly believe they were above-and-beyond, the largest contribute to the state of my mental wellness.
Back on topic, when my mother died, the drinking (which my mother enabled/kept tabs on) saw an escalation to the point of me waking up in the middle of the night to a loud crash and finding my father strewn out across the floor, pissed his pants, muttering nonsense. Where he has fell has also been dangerously close to injuring himself in a serious way. This has happened now on 3 such occasions (2 of which he denies/downplays) among other degenerate/disturbing behaviors:

  1. he's now using the internet (which he can barely navigate) to talk to I imagine are escorts/sex workers/cam girls that are preying on exactly his type to take him for what he's worth.
  2. his 'bar' originally consisted of far too much regular-ass budweiser beer. It's now fully stocked with multiple handles of vodka and rum and various mixers.
  3. his sleep schedule is a total nightmare. he's waking up at noon-2pm and just today I see him up at 9:30am the next day.
My father has not taken the passing on my mom well but... I don't really empathize with him, whatsoever.
For someone who most certainly has life-altering mental scars from a drunk absent father with a overbearing/sheltering mother combo-- I took up any and all house responsibilities (that I wasn't already doing), gave my father the most space you could possibly ask for for grieving and tried against my better judgement to check in with him (which always resulted in overblown freak-outs and lashing out at his totally innocent son.)
I don't feel bad. He had a wife that did everything in the house so he didn't have to. He purposely took more hours so he didn't need to spend time at home. They mismanaged their money and were extremely reluctant to adopt modern means of living (online billing/banking, online shopping, cord-cutting.) and have been paying for it every day. His son never got arrested, never did drugs or had any substance abuse problems, and never stole/asked for very much money at all, during my entire extended stay with them.
Yes times are hard right now for everyone. But it's his own fault he has no hobbies or projects in the interim. It's his fault he doesn't have any mature coping mechanisms for loss, while he shuns away help and lashes out at others (which long precedes my mom's passing).
We have the money to get us through this unemployment period. We (should) have each other but he has no interest in repairing/restarting/beginning a relationship with his troubled (now 30) son. His focus should be on getting psychological counseling and therapy, instilling good eating/sleeping regime and supporting his son finally getting off his feet.
None of those things seem in the cards for me. This man would blow cigarette smoke in the direction of my mother (on chemo) whilst they've been smoking for 40+ years despite me getting chastised for suggesting they ever quit.
No one has robbed my father of his ability to do what he wants, when he wants. There is just a massive time sink that isn't being filled and a partner that can't shore up and facilitate his ineptitude he must now face.
I know why he drinks, but I do not care. When you choose to have a family then neglect that family in ever interpersonal way with the caveat that being a personal coffers for them is justifies this--is just beyond me.
I also lost my mom (we had a terrible relationship and were not on good terms during her passing), have no relationships (personal or otherwise), no career, no future, no present and yet I don't spiral out of control at the expense of others. Because I know how that feels, having it done to me.
Can't bring any of this up to my father (I've tried) --he'll mock me/lash out/walk away/begin smoking/drinking and worst of all threaten homelessness on me by calling the police to remove me from my life-long home with my pets, as if a father never raising their son but then expecting to pull the plug on them just because 'I'm 30" is the most hurtful of all.
I ostracized myself early in my teens to my family-at-large. I have no contact with them. I turned away what friends I've ever had, decades ago and have been subsisting on online connections that are fleeting.
I have no savings (that I'm aware of), no identification, no credit, no employment or anything...
I have been suicidal many times in my life, but the frequency of which right now that I question my life has hit a fever pitch.
I left a lot out because, how couldn't you with 20+ years of baggage and resentment and most importantly--context. If anyone would like me to clarity or explain things further I'd be glad to provide it to help get a better picture.
TDLR;
Male (30) lives with his father (67) and has never left on their own. Majorly fucked-up parental rearing caused an emotionally/mentally distressed son. No savings/no credit/no formal education (junior in high school), no friends/family that can be contacted for help/stay. Father is a drunk and abuser in denial since before the recent passing of my mother. Pandemic/power-outages-deaths in the family have caused turmoil to spill over where it was kept boiling under the surface for decades. I have no outlet or means to get out of this situation and my father is unwilling to come to terms or build a working relationship with his failings/inadaquecies that are making this time especially difficult.
I'm just lost, and alone and afraid and I need anyone to see this. I don't know where to turn for actionable steps to get out of this and at least save myself because my father is destroying himself and me all the same.
submitted by throwawayacc387w983 to helpme [link] [comments]


2020.09.06 15:51 throwawayacc387w983 Cams online male

I don't know where to begin, quite honestly...
I'm a 30 year old (male) living with my Father (67). I've never been self-sufficient, never been on my own--you could say I'm truly in 'arrested development.' I wholeheartedly believe this to be an issue entirely of its own to unpack but I believe this issue is more pressing; perhaps I'm wrong...
Within the last year my mother passed away from stage iv lung cancer (last November),--among various other issues such as long stints of power outages and the obvious pandemic affecting the world--things have gone from bad to worse and I believe it's untenable the way things are now,--but I have no recourse on what to do given my circumstances and I'm hoping someone can provide some clear steps to take.
Anyway, this is all compounding my Father's underlying and untreated alcoholism. He's also as extremely bigoted/stubborn/close-minded/technophobe as a baby-boomer can get (no offense),-- his world views/agency/moral compass is extremely suspect and it has always been hard to maintain any level of a relationship with him.
He worked an 8-5 job as an electrician/stage-hand for most of his adult life after he gave up his pursuit of being a musician around when I was born. He has used this anchor point as an excuse for all of his absentee-ism as a parent/lack of rearing a son. He works, so he believes doesn't need to be a father, doesn't need to teach/talk to his son about things such as what encompasses being an adult--and still holds this view today despite his son being 30 without a job/income/relationships/savings/basic identification.
I don't hold my failings entirely on my father and mother but I strongly believe they were above-and-beyond, the largest contribute to the state of my mental wellness.
Back on topic, when my mother died, the drinking (which my mother enabled/kept tabs on) saw an escalation to the point of me waking up in the middle of the night to a loud crash and finding my father strewn out across the floor, pissed his pants, muttering nonsense. Where he has fell has also been dangerously close to injuring himself in a serious way. This has happened now on 3 such occasions (2 of which he denies/downplays) among other degenerate/disturbing behaviors:

  1. he's now using the internet (which he can barely navigate) to talk to I imagine are escorts/sex workers/cam girls that are preying on exactly his type to take him for what he's worth.
  2. his 'bar' originally consisted of far too much regular-ass budweiser beer. It's now fully stocked with multiple handles of vodka and rum and various mixers.
  3. his sleep schedule is a total nightmare. he's waking up at noon-2pm and just today I see him up at 9:30am the next day.
My father has not taken the passing on my mom well but... I don't really empathize with him, whatsoever.
For someone who most certainly has life-altering mental scars from a drunk absent father with a overbearing/sheltering mother combo-- I took up any and all house responsibilities (that I wasn't already doing), gave my father the most space you could possibly ask for for grieving and tried against my better judgement to check in with him (which always resulted in overblown freak-outs and lashing out at his totally innocent son.)
I don't feel bad. He had a wife that did everything in the house so he didn't have to. He purposely took more hours so he didn't need to spend time at home. They mismanaged their money and were extremely reluctant to adopt modern means of living (online billing/banking, online shopping, cord-cutting.) and have been paying for it every day. His son never got arrested, never did drugs or had any substance abuse problems, and never stole/asked for very much money at all, during my entire extended stay with them.
Yes times are hard right now for everyone. But it's his own fault he has no hobbies or projects in the interim. It's his fault he doesn't have any mature coping mechanisms for loss, while he shuns away help and lashes out at others (which long precedes my mom's passing).
We have the money to get us through this unemployment period. We (should) have each other but he has no interest in repairing/restarting/beginning a relationship with his troubled (now 30) son. His focus should be on getting psychological counseling and therapy, instilling good eating/sleeping regime and supporting his son finally getting off his feet.
None of those things seem in the cards for me. This man would blow cigarette smoke in the direction of my mother (on chemo) whilst they've been smoking for 40+ years despite me getting chastised for suggesting they ever quit.
No one has robbed my father of his ability to do what he wants, when he wants. There is just a massive time sink that isn't being filled and a partner that can't shore up and facilitate his ineptitude he must now face.
I know why he drinks, but I do not care. When you choose to have a family then neglect that family in ever interpersonal way with the caveat that being a personal coffers for them is justifies this--is just beyond me.
I also lost my mom (we had a terrible relationship and were not on good terms during her passing), have no relationships (personal or otherwise), no career, no future, no present and yet I don't spiral out of control at the expense of others. Because I know how that feels, having it done to me.
Can't bring any of this up to my father (I've tried) --he'll mock me/lash out/walk away/begin smoking/drinking and worst of all threaten homelessness on me by calling the police to remove me from my life-long home with my pets, as if a father never raising their son but then expecting to pull the plug on them just because 'I'm 30" is the most hurtful of all.
I ostracized myself early in my teens to my family-at-large. I have no contact with them. I turned away what friends I've ever had, decades ago and have been subsisting on online connections that are fleeting.
I have no savings (that I'm aware of), no identification, no credit, no employment or anything...
I have been suicidal many times in my life, but the frequency of which right now that I question my life has hit a fever pitch.
I left a lot out because, how couldn't you with 20+ years of baggage and resentment and most importantly--context. If anyone would like me to clarity or explain things further I'd be glad to provide it to help get a better picture.
TDLR;
Male (30) lives with his father (67) and has never left on their own. Majorly fucked-up parental rearing caused an emotionally/mentally distressed son. No savings/no credit/no formal education (junior in high school), no friends/family that can be contacted for help/stay. Father is a drunk and abuser in denial since before the recent passing of my mother. Pandemic/power-outages-deaths in the family have caused turmoil to spill over where it was kept boiling under the surface for decades. I have no outlet or means to get out of this situation and my father is unwilling to come to terms or build a working relationship with his failings/inadaquecies that are making this time especially difficult.
I'm just lost, and alone and afraid and I need anyone to see this. I don't know where to turn for actionable steps to get out of this and at least save myself because my father is destroying himself and me all the same.
submitted by throwawayacc387w983 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.06 15:22 throwawayacc387w983 I need advice about my recently widowed & alcoholic father

I don't know where to begin, quite honestly...
I'm a 30 year old (male) living with my Father (67). I've never been self-sufficient, never been on my own--you could say I'm truly in 'arrested development.' I wholeheartedly believe this to be an issue entirely of its own to unpack but I believe this issue is more pressing; perhaps I'm wrong...
Within the last year my mother passed away from stage iv lung cancer (last November),--among various other issues such as long stints of power outages and the obvious pandemic affecting the world--things have gone from bad to worse and I believe it's untenable the way things are now,--but I have no recourse on what to do given my circumstances and I'm hoping someone can provide some clear steps to take.
Anyway, this is all compounding my Father's underlying and untreated alcoholism. He's also as extremely bigoted/stubborn/close-minded/technophobe as a baby-boomer can get (no offense),-- his world views/agency/moral compass is extremely suspect and it has always been hard to maintain any level of a relationship with him.
He worked an 8-5 job as an electrician/stage-hand for most of his adult life after he gave up his pursuit of being a musician around when I was born. He has used this anchor point as an excuse for all of his absentee-ism as a parent/lack of rearing a son. He works, so he believes doesn't need to be a father, doesn't need to teach/talk to his son about things such as what encompasses being an adult--and still holds this view today despite his son being 30 without a job/income/relationships/savings/basic identification.
I don't hold my failings entirely on my father and mother but I strongly believe they were above-and-beyond, the largest contribute to the state of my mental wellness.
Back on topic, when my mother died, the drinking (which my mother enabled/kept tabs on) saw an escalation to the point of me waking up in the middle of the night to a loud crash and finding my father strewn out across the floor, pissed his pants, muttering nonsense. Where he has fell has also been dangerously close to injuring himself in a serious way. This has happened now on 3 such occasions (2 of which he denies/downplays) among other degenerate/disturbing behaviors:

  1. he's now using the internet (which he can barely navigate) to talk to I imagine are escorts/sex workers/cam girls that are preying on exactly his type to take him for what he's worth.
  2. his 'bar' originally consisted of far too much regular-ass budweiser beer. It's now fully stocked with multiple handles of vodka and rum and various mixers.
  3. his sleep schedule is a total nightmare. he's waking up at noon-2pm and just today I see him up at 9:30am the next day.
My father has not taken the passing on my mom well but... I don't really empathize with him, whatsoever.
For someone who most certainly has life-altering mental scars from a drunk absent father with a overbearing/sheltering mother combo-- I took up any and all house responsibilities (that I wasn't already doing), gave my father the most space you could possibly ask for for grieving and tried against my better judgement to check in with him (which always resulted in overblown freak-outs and lashing out at his totally innocent son.)
I don't feel bad. He had a wife that did everything in the house so he didn't have to. He purposely took more hours so he didn't need to spend time at home. They mismanaged their money and were extremely reluctant to adopt modern means of living (online billing/banking, online shopping, cord-cutting.) and have been paying for it every day. His son never got arrested, never did drugs or had any substance abuse problems, and never stole/asked for very much money at all, during my entire extended stay with them.
Yes times are hard right now for everyone. But it's his own fault he has no hobbies or projects in the interim. It's his fault he doesn't have any mature coping mechanisms for loss, while he shuns away help and lashes out at others (which long precedes my mom's passing).
We have the money to get us through this unemployment period. We (should) have each other but he has no interest in repairing/restarting/beginning a relationship with his troubled (now 30) son. His focus should be on getting psychological counseling and therapy, instilling good eating/sleeping regime and supporting his son finally getting off his feet.
None of those things seem in the cards for me. This man would blow cigarette smoke in the direction of my mother (on chemo) whilst they've been smoking for 40+ years despite me getting chastised for suggesting they ever quit.
No one has robbed my father of his ability to do what he wants, when he wants. There is just a massive time sink that isn't being filled and a partner that can't shore up and facilitate his ineptitude he must now face.
I know why he drinks, but I do not care. When you choose to have a family then neglect that family in ever interpersonal way with the caveat that being a personal coffers for them is justifies this--is just beyond me.
I also lost my mom (we had a terrible relationship and were not on good terms during her passing), have no relationships (personal or otherwise), no career, no future, no present and yet I don't spiral out of control at the expense of others. Because I know how that feels, having it done to me.
Can't bring any of this up to my father (I've tried) --he'll mock me/lash out/walk away/begin smoking/drinking and worst of all threaten homelessness on me by calling the police to remove me from my life-long home with my pets, as if a father never raising their son but then expecting to pull the plug on them just because 'I'm 30" is the most hurtful of all.
I ostracized myself early in my teens to my family-at-large. I have no contact with them. I turned away what friends I've ever had, decades ago and have been subsisting on online connections that are fleeting.
I have no savings (that I'm aware of), no identification, no credit, no employment or anything...
I have been suicidal many times in my life, but the frequency of which right now that I question my life has hit a fever pitch.
I left a lot out because, how couldn't you with 20+ years of baggage and resentment and most importantly--context. If anyone would like me to clarity or explain things further I'd be glad to provide it to help get a better picture.
TDLR;
Male (30) lives with his father (67) and has never left on their own. Majorly fucked-up parental rearing caused an emotionally/mentally distressed son. No savings/no credit/no formal education (junior in high school), no friends/family that can be contacted for help/stay. Father is a drunk and abuser in denial since before the recent passing of my mother. Pandemic/power-outages-deaths in the family have caused turmoil to spill over where it was kept boiling under the surface for decades. I have no outlet or means to get out of this situation and my father is unwilling to come to terms or build a working relationship with his failings/inadaquecies that are making this time especially difficult.
I'm just lost, and alone and afraid and I need anyone to see this. I don't know where to turn for actionable steps to get out of this and at least save myself because my father is destroying himself and me all the same.
submitted by throwawayacc387w983 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]


2020.09.05 17:56 Rel0001 Cams online male

I am a 26 year old male soon to be 27 and I am still a virgin. I never had a girlfriend, had a kiss, held hands, or been on a date. I know almost nothing about dating women or how to attract them. I still do currently live with my dad and I do have a job though. Lately this problem has been bothering me more and more as I get older. Most of the people that I know have already had a relationship, lost their virginity, or are married now. Growing up I was told I was not allowed to date till I am 16. Even today I am nervous about bringing women over to my house. I am not a religious person, nor am I looking for the perfect women for me, or that I am asexual.
Growing up in the past I was able to get a couple of women who had a crush on me. But I don't know what I did to make them fall in love with me at the time. In Middle School I remember making a lot of sex jokes and things like that to her. By the end of the year she told me she had a crush on me. However, I was too shy about it and wasn't into her. I asked one of her friends why she was into me and she said she liked me because I was nice. In High School this other girl who I suspected had a crush on me as well. After school we would go to the public library and sometimes we would cuddle. But I was not into her even though she was friendly. My current crush is this woman who works at a local restaurant. Sometimes when I walk by her place she would wave to me if she sees me. She also gave me a few fist bumps when we would walk by or talk about our day. She seems very friendly and has a very bubbly personality which is why I like her.
I have tried to use online dating but so far it does not seem to work. Most of the women I meet in online dating are either bots, or fake accounts that want me to sign up to their cam show that could give me a virus. Now that we are in a pandemic and I am nervous about finding a partner. Or that I will have to wait to find one next year. I would like to know to other people are virgins in their late 20s or people who have dating advice on what should I do about my current situation?
submitted by Rel0001 to sex [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 22:58 SloppyEyeScream Male cams online

TLDR: Karen Accused My "Heathens" of Waking Her Child; Now I Wake Him on Purpose!
My crib-midget has evolved into a min-human, and my mini-human is now in an adult male body which is, unfortunately, still outfitted with a teenage brain. Don't worry though, he knows everything! I myself have a late-30s model body, but my teenage brain is coming along well. That said, my loving wife is still able to maintain her sanity with 2.5 boys and .5 male adults in the house. However, the house was too small and we needed more leg room. We decided to move on up!
The new house is everything we wanted. There is ample room for the growing family. The boys would conquer the upstairs, and even have their own bathroom to grow "science experiments." They occasionally fail to brush their teeth but you can most certainly count on them to piss in/on everything except the toilet. Cake, my 11YO mini-human, shares my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and keeps his room in working order. Kelly, my 15YO Man-Child genius? Well, just don't touch that sock under his bed. Typical boy-shit I suppose.
My wife and I now had a backyard. We had a two-car garage to store her Christmas and Halloween decorations. The neighborhood is gorgeous, and I can literally walk to the clubhouse and play a round of golf. The cul-de-sac we live on is dominated by currently serving or retired military families. Everyone was extremely welcoming at the Home Owners Association (HOA), and the neighbors were all friendly. Well, at least for the moment!
I have read about neighbor horror stories. I have seen them on television. I never in a million years thought I would live next to "them". I am a gunfighter by trade. Believe it or not, I don't like war. I like my job, but I don't enjoy the carnage of war. I am a realist though. I would totally cast my ballot for World Peace; but I know it only takes one asshole to ruin it for everyone. My immediate neighbors became those assholes.
Enter the Entitled Parents: Kevin and Karen. They seemed nice at first. They were both really helpful, especially Kevin. Kevin had served in the Air Force, and Karen was a stay-at-home mother. They enlightened me regarding the neighborhood, the quality of the area schools, and told me the tips and tricks to avoid any hassle with the HOA. Fucking great, right?
Coronavirus (COVID19) Zombie Apocalypse
The onset of COVID19 forced the school district to cancel the remainder of the school year so the boys didn't turn into zombies. However, the mass hysteria allowed my humanoids to become semi-professional Fortnite gamers, whom smelled like ball-funk, and survived on soda and Zebra Cakes. They were quickly becoming chubby-bunnies. I, being neighborly, informed Kevin and Karen that I would be in the market for a portable basketball hoop to combat childhood obesity and Type II Diabetes.
Side Note: I remember shit. It can be quite literally a matter of life or death in my occupation so I remember things vividly!
OP: Pleasantries, some other words, "I am thinking about getting a basketball hoop for the boys."
Karen: That's great. It's so good to have young children in the neighborhood again.
Kevin: You know you can't put it in the street right? It is against HOA rules. (Kevin is a rules guy!)
OP: Well-aware. I will be putting it on the back pad.
Karen: That's great. If the ball ever goes over the fence just tell them to come get it.
Awesome! It was a positive interaction, and they had no issue. Onward to Walmart!
My children are well-behaved. They may act like little shit-heads to each other and inside the house, but they are both kind and courteous to others. Despite Karen's instructions, I told them to knock on the door if the ball ever goes over the fence. So they did.
First Bounce-Over
My Door: Knock. Knock. Knock.
OP: Hey Kevin. How can I help you?
Kevin: (Annoyed) The ball went over the fence.
OP: Did the boys knock and ask to get it?
Kevin: Yes. I just wanted to let you know.
I spoke to my wife afterwards. "That was odd," was all I could think. Is the guy going to let me know each time the ball goes over the fence? Maybe I should knock on his door? "Hey Kevin. Just wanted to let you know that your car is parked in the driveway." This process quickly became a routine for Kevin; Kevin became a self-licking ice cream cone. Kevin came over six times over the course of about three months. My wife began keeping tallies because it was odd and, but somewhat comical. Then shit started to get real.
Cake came running in the house scared. He had tears in his eyes, and he was continually reiterating, "I didn't do anything wrong." Nobody has accused me of being "Worlds Best Dad" so I was wondering if he did in fact do something wrong. I forgo waterboarding Cake, this time, and ask what he is talking about. Cake stated, "Karen is recording me." What? I look outside and sure-as-shit, I see Karen, at the fence, and pointing her cellphone at me as if it was a loaded gun. I think, "well fuck my tits," because I know my wife is going to lose her shit. She did!
My wife is dainty, but she quickly turned into a 4'11 Muhammad Ali. Man, it took every fucking ounce of verbal reasoning for me to stop her from physically rearranging Karen's face-meat . In addition to remembering things for work, I have to be well-read regarding the laws that govern me as an American, and the locals laws. I knew Karen's tactic to scare and record Cake was immoral and unethical, but it was perfectly legal. This didn't sit well with my wife though. I reminded the wife that I have a doctorate in revenge from Fuckery University (FU), and this would not go unanswered. I can be a prick too, but I am a methodical prick.
I did my best to erect makeshift barriers as a temporary solution. It was not perfect, but at least it showed that we were doing everything in our power to prevent balls from going over the fence. I also submitted plans for a permanent structure to the HOA. I was going to build a hanging herb garden wall, but it required approval before construction could start. The typical approval timeline was two weeks, but in addition to shitting on earth, COVID19 also shit on the approval process. I was in limbo. Tragically, another basketball fell victim to the senseless violence. It was the ninth basketball in approximately eight months. The kids were terrified to ask for their basketball back, and it wasn't even worth the hassle anymore. That didn't stop Kevin though.
Ninth Bounce-Over
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Ken: OP HOME?
Wife: Yes, but he injured his back. How can I help you?
Ken: Get OP please. (I should mention that Kevin is outwardly sexist and is not a fan of "coloreds".)
Wife: Kevin, OP, can't even walk right now. How can I help you?
Ken: The basketball went over the fence again. It needs to stop. They need to stop playing basketball. (He was now telling my wife how to parent. Good luck buddy!)
Wife: I am sorry the ball went over the fence. We continue to tell the children to be careful, but I am not going to tell them they can't play basketball in their own yard.
Ken: You'll tell your boys to stop playing. If the ball comes over the fence again. We are calling the cops! Tell your boys to stay out of our yard. They're trespassing!
Wife: If you want to call the cops then you go ahead and do it. However, the boys DO NOT go in your yard at all anymore.
I was losing my shit in the bedroom. I could hear the conversation, but I physically could not make the front door. I managed to slide off the bed and began my Army-crawl to the door, but I was late. My wife was fuming and I was pissed, and pathetically crawling on the floor. Yay back injuries! We had no intention of starting a war, but the boys were doing nothing wrong. We had informed Kevin we were getting a hoop, and they had zero issues with it. What the fuck was going on?
Tenth Bounce-Over
The cops are called! The OP CITY Police Department (PD) sent two cruisers. The children may be 11 and 15, but all be damned if they don't go down without a fight. One cruiser was not going to suffice, you'd better send two for my miscreants. I just sat in my garage man-cave and watch it all play out. The cops go to the neighbors house first. They are there for more than a hour and I can only assume we are being painted as horrible neighbors. Oh well! It is now pitch dark outside and I was startled by the time an officer approaches.
Officer John Kimble: Hello? Sir!
OP: Holy fuck! You scared the shit out of me!
Officer Kimble: Sorry, Hi, I am Officer Kimble with OP CITY PD. How are you doing this evening?
OP: Typically I would say fine, but I don't typically have a cop in my garage.
Officer Kimble: I understand. The reason we are here is because the neighbors called about trespassing. Now, they said nobody went in their yard today, but they want you to understand they will press charges next time.
I was baffled. I did my best to maintain my composure, but I am certain my face was screaming, "Are you fucking serious?" Officer Kimble then pointed at his body camera and mouthed, "Recording," and then gave me a "thumbs up" gesture. I immediately ceased the opportunity to fuck with him. Sorry, it's in my nature.
OP: Do you want another beer? You can't just drink one!
Officer Kimble: (Laughing) WHAT? I didn't have a beer with you.
OP: (Laughing as well.) I'm kidding, and we are fully aware of their intent to press charges. I will be sure to do my best to prepare my boys for the rigors of prison life too. I think jail will be good for them too; may even toughen them up a bit!
Officer Kimble: (Laughing) Okay Sir. I just want to ensure that you are aware. Ideally, we would like to see neighbors talk things like this out, and not call the cops. Unfortunately, this is what it's come to. I just want to ensure you are aware.
OP: Tracking!
Officer Kimble: You have a good evening Sir.
OP: Thanks.
Officer Kimble then walked back to his patrol car. He didn't leave though. I assume he was just finishing mundane paperwork, but he was there for at least 20-minutes. Then, much to my surprise, he returned, and was a completely different Officer.
Officer Kimble: Hey man!
OP: Back for that beer?
Officer Kimble: (Laughing) NO! Sorry man! I have to play the game for the body cam.
OP: I hear you. I occasionally wear one at work, but it only cuts back on my cussing. People still get shot!
Officer Kimble: You Army?
OP: Yup!
Officer Kimble: Cool. What do you do?
OP: Shoot fist, shoot often, and have my story straight before the cops arrive!
Officer Kimble: (Laughing ) I figure as much after looking at all your stuff here. I just wanted to talk to you without the camera. They really seem eager to press chargers if your children are caught in their yard.
OP: (Laughing.) My wife and I have concluded that.
Officer Kimble: That lady is bat-shit crazy. My God! She demanded we arrest your children tonight!
OP: Tonight?
Officer Kimble: Yes! She said they trespassed before, and she wanted to press charges now.
OP: (More laughing.) I am sorry you have to deal with this brother. I really am. I can ensure you that they have never gone in their yard without permission. Not once. They are terrified of her. She taunts them from the other side of the fence and records them. Seriously, they are scared of her. We now chalk the balls up as a lose.
Officer Kimble: I believe you. There is something not right with that lady. She said the basketball wakes her son up, and she will not hesitate press charges. I told her we would do our duty, but I don't think the magistrate will not view the situation kindly if we arrest two children for playing basketball. She clearly does not care though. I just wanted to chat with you, and without the body cam. I can't exactly call her crazy while it is running.
Officer John Kimble stayed for another hour. He was impressed with the collection of war memorabilia and the setup of my garage man-cave. He was specifically intrigued with my Nintendo and working copy of Mike Tyson Punch-Out, among other classics. Yes it's certainly fucking cool, but it has little to do with the story.
SHIT, MET FAN!
My wife was mowing the grass, and I was currently doing shit I never thought would be a priority of mine; planting a new flowerbed. Kevin and Karen had just returned from another Chick-fil-A run. Then the unthinkable happened. Kevin exited the car and immediately approached me, and he was angry.
Kevin: Your boys went into my yard and got a ball today. They may think we didn't notice, but we did. You need to tell those boys to stay out of my yard or...
OP: Wait a fucking minute! I don't tolerate people who lie, cheat, or steal, and you are lying right now.
Kevin: Your boys were...
OP: We were at an all-day soccer tournament in DIFFERENT STATE. We have only been home for a couple hours. They have not played any basketball since we have been home. You're lying!
Kevin: Well, we are sick of them getting balls from our yard without permission.
OP: Look Kevin, I get it! However, you fail to recall when your wife said the boys were more than welcome to go in the yard and...
I didn't even get to finish when I heard the screech of Karen. I know my writing style is "different" to say the least. I wish I was better. I do not have the words to accurately articulate the sound Karen made, but I will do my best. It was like the tyrannosaurus from Jurassic Park making love to to a nuclear explosion during a tornado, but way fucking louder. The only thing that honestly makes this worse, and I fucking kid you not, is that she is a dead ringer for Carole Baskin (Tiger King.) Not "maybe a little," but more "Holy fuck Carole Baskin is your neighbor" type of resemblance.
Karen: I NEVER SAID THAT. I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT.
She screamed at the top of her lungs a mere inches from my face. I could smell the Meow Mix bellow from here scream-factory. Meanwhile, Kevin pulled a fucking Houdini and vanished. Kevin is a passive-aggressive asshole and direct confrontation scares him off.
OP: Yes. You did.
Karen: I NEVER SAID THAT. YOU'RE WRONG.
OP: Whatever. It's not even worth it.
Karen: I AM SO SICK OF YOUR HEATHENS GOING IN MY YARD. YOUR HEATHENS BETTER NOT GO IN MY YARD AGAIN OR I WILL HAVE THEM ARRESTED. I KNOW THE LAW.
The, "I know the law statement," really rubbed me wrong. I was about to open my mouth and respond by my wife was on her like stink on shit, which led me to believe Karen is louder than a lawnmower. My wife was still seething about Karen recording the humans.
Wife: They don't go in your yard, and they are good children. They are not heathens! You better STOP RECORDING MY CHILDREN.
Karen: Oh shut up. You guys are white trash. Your children play in the street and run around the neighborhood like criminals. They broke my mulch too.(Yes. She said they broke the mulch.) Everybody knows you're trash. Just. Stupid. White. Trash.
I am now thinking, "Oh fuck," and semi-worried about Karen's future health as an active participant of living humans. I think my wife wanted to expire Karen's shelf-life.
Wife: Excuse me? My children never play in the street, you're recording them, and...
Karen: Just shut up! YOU'RE STUPID. YOU'RE JUST PLAIN STUPID. I CAN RECORD THEM IF I WANT. NO WONDER YOU DON'T HAVE JOBS
Wife: I HAVE THREE ADVANCED DEGREES. WE ARE WORKING FROM HOME. WE ARE NOT...
Karen: You are! YOU'RE TRASHY AND STUPID, AND BOTH YOUR CHILDREN ARE STUPID.
I had enough. There was no point in arguing either. Mark Twain stated to, "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." Mark is correct, and Karen was trying to drag us down. Well, I don't know why, but I remember something that Kevin discussed with me when we first moved in; the fucking trees!
They have a large maple tree, and they have a juniper tree. Kevin always told me they were "in the process" of contracting a company to crown and lift the maple tree. Furthermore, they were going to get the juniper tree off my fence. Dear Reader, I know the law too. I can legally trim anything that goes over my property line. Now all those pointless conversations were making sense. It was my time to join this exciting game called pettiness!
OP: Karen. You have until Sunday to get your juniper off my fence.
Karen: Shut up. I told you we were going to get it handled this fall.
OP: It's June. You have until Sunday
Karen: Or What?
I allow my wife to rejoin the conversation, and I retreat to the garage. The I grab my clippers, and prune a good couple inches of the juniper tree, and lay them at her feet. Cue T-Rex fucking a volcano voice!
Karen: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? I TOLD YOU IT WILL BE DONE THIS FALL.
OP: You have until Saturday now.
Karen: You are dumb too. Just like your wife aren't you?
My intelligence may have been debatable, but I suppose it was time to repeat the process?!? I now return with about two feet of tree, and place it at her feet. I am like Mo-mo-McFucko of fuck-fuck lady!
OP: You have until Friday!
Karen: You better not touch my tree again. I will call the cops and have you thrown in jail tonight. You're so dumb aren't you? Now I see where you children get it from.
OP: I know the law too Karen. I will be back in a minute with some more of your juniper tree!
Karen: KEVIN. KEVIN. KEVIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!
I again return to the tree. I now have another two feet of juniper tree to place at her feet. The more she screams the smaller her tree becomes. It was an enjoyable game of cause and effect. Meanwhile, I see Kevin and Kevin Jr running like Usain Bolt to secure their tree with tow straps.
Karen: I hope your happy. You are terrible people! You are both terrible parents, and your children are heathens. I am sick of ball bouncing and waking my son up too. You people need to move. Your just horrible parents. HORRIBLE. (Screaming louder) HORRIBLE PARENTS.
Dear Reader, I had enough. I was at critical mass; I was going to explode. Karen continued to yell at my wife and I was zoning out. It was comical to watch Kevin and Kevin Jr secure the tree to their porch in order to get it off the fence. Once complete, they quickly made their way back to the one-sided screaming party.
Karen: Horrible parents. Look with they did to my poor tree.
Kevin: I think we should call the cops dear.
Karen: HORRIBLE PARENTS! I feel sorry for your kids and...
OP: Just shut the fuck up! I raked up 21 bags of leaves this past fall. Twenty-One. Funny, because we don't have a tree in our backyard. I pulled an additional bags worth of leaves and branches from my gutter. Not from "my tree" either. It was from your tree. You know what Kevin? I didn't bitch. I didn't knock on your door an complain.
Kevin: Yeah, and?
OP: We live in a suburbia. This shit happens. They are kids; kids fucking play outside! I don't want the ball in your yard either. You accuse of them of being in your yard. You also accuse them of "BREAKING MULCH". How in the fuck do you break mulch? Are you fucking serious? Really?
Karen: Yes really. Maybe you should learn how to parent your horrible children.
OP JUST FUCKING LOST IT (WAIT FOR THE SURPRISE!)
OP: Know what? That's the last time you question me about my parenting. My children are going to grow up and be productive members of our society. I find it comical that you have the audacity to question my parenting seeing how you have a (WAIT FOR IT) a 49 year old son living at your house for the past nine years. I assume it was because of the divorce and the bankruptcy he filed nine years ago? My children are waking your child up? Your child is a jobless 49 year old man living at home with mom and dad. Is he working on a startup? Prestige Worldwide maybe? Boats and hos!
Karen: (FUCKING BAFFLED) How do you know any of that? DO YOU GO SNOOPING THROUGH OUR MAIL TOO?
OP: I am good at what I do, and I found everything on online. I know you are 69, and lost your license due to reckless endangerment charge in 2017. I know Kevin Jr has 5 different moving violations and one DUI. I also know he was fired from his grounds-crew job with the HOA. I know your husband is 72 and wears the same fucking shirt everyday, so I can only assume that laundry is not a priority. I know your phone numbers, and email accounts. I know a lot of shit about you. YOUR CHILD IS 49 AND LIVES AT HOME. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PARENTING AND LESS ABOUT MINE! We can have a civil relationship or we can have a war. Just remember this though, I AM GOING TO FUCKING OUTLIVE YOU!
They stormed in the house. They were not happy or impressed with my ability to figure shit out. It was not over for me though. They fucked with the wrong fuckhead. They were unaware of actions I took to keep the peace. For example, I never let the boys play basketball while they were outside eating dinner. I didn't let them play before nine or after seven. I tried. But they would play blare country music and enjoy the gorgeous weather an eat a meal. I never bitch about Garth Brooks on volume 100 while I watched the national news. I was teleworking, and I took fuckery up as a part-time job now.
I have wrestled since I was four years old. I was never much of a basketball guy. I am now though! Karen and Kevin had just sat down to enjoy their meal. I don't have to spy either. I can easily see them out my french doors as I watch the national news. I patiently waited for the sloth-speed fuckheads to get their outside dinner setting perfectly situated. I could hear Tim McGraw playing when I opened my french doors. I like music too, so I figured I would get my groove and play basketball.
OP: Alexa (Amazon) play Bitches Ain't Shit by Dr. Dre.
Alexa: Bleep and Bleep by Dr. Dre.
OP: Alexa. Volume 10
I have a new fondness for rap music and the game of basketball. This didn't stop Karen from recording my "heathens" on a daily basis. I know what I was about to do was petty, but I had zero fucks to give at that point. I had one last fuck you. It was my final card to play; an Uno Reverse Card of sorts!
My neighbors, across the street, and my family have bonded. He had a tree removed last week, and I had an epiphany. How much would it cost to trim a large maple tree that overhands my property? I am not talking a couple branches either, but more like one half of a more than 100 foot tree. I approached the tree removal company an offered them a sizeable chunk of change and informed them of my delicate problem. They said, "any friend of MY NEIGHBOR is a friend of theirs." Pro bono!
They move their large equipment over to my backyard and take their time getting ready. Guess who came running out of the house? No. Not Brad Pitt. Fuck. Get your shit together Reader. Karen and Kevin came running out.
Kevin: Hey buddy! (Buddy. Not fuckhead. Not horrible parent. Buddy!)
OP: What can I do for you?
Kevin: What are they doing here?
OP: Oh. Them (Points)?
Kevin: Yeah. What are they doing?
OP: Oh. Well, they are going to trim the tree?
Kevin: Just trim?
OP: Yup. Just a little trim!
Karen: You know that tree was a gift from our daughter right? We don't want anything drastic. It has been with us for over forty years now.
Kevin: Yeah. It was a gift from our daughter. How much are you thinking about trimming?
OP: Well. Just so you're aware, you understand that I can legally trim anything that overhangs my property? I have approval from my lawyer and the HOA to trim it. Frankly, I care as much about your tree as you do my children's privacy; I could fucking care less!
Kevin: How much are you talking about trimming then?
OP: My property line is here (I point) and it extends up (I point up) to space. I am going to trim every single branch that encroaches my property. So, probably about 1/3 of your tree. It's gonna look really fucking funny when I am done. Oh well.
Karen started to cry. It was a really, really ugly cry. There was no more rage left in her. She was defeated. Kevin was defeated as well. This was not my desire. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if she cried, but it was not my intent.
OP: Or YOU CAN STOP RECORDING MY FUCKING CHILDREN.
Karen: (Looking like snot nosed Carole Baskin) If I stop recording?
OP: Look. We don't have to like each other, because I certainly don't fucking like you guys. My boys never go in your yard. Ever. I don't give shit if you keeps the other basketballs, but I will be damned if you fucking record them ever again. If you do, I will cut your tree down without warning.
Kevin: (PISSED) Thanks bud.
OP: No worries friend. I am just trying to be neighborly. Just remember. I am dead serious about the tree, and I am pretty certain I will outlive you.
Dear Reader, I know I am a prick. I know we were both in the wrong at times. I draw the line when a 69 year old women sees fit to torment my kids. We have only had one problem sense these events occurred. Kevin Jr's car sat in the same spot for nine months. I have submitted over 20 home improvement request to the HOA, and I am now friends with the wonderful ladies that work there. They periodically inspect neighborhoods and noticed the registration on Jr's vehicle was two years outdated and had it towed. Karen accused me of having towed. We had another colorful conversation, but it ended there. Kevin Jr. is still jobless to this day. I assume he has managed to erect a bunk bed in his childhood bedroom. He has "so much more room for activities." Just make sure you don't touch his drum set.
This is not my typical story, but I hope you enjoyed the read. Cheers kind humans!
submitted by SloppyEyeScream to FuckeryUniveristy [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 05:42 IK3I Male cams online

So, I'm a 27 year old man who's frankly not had a huge amount of experience with woman in a romantic sense because I'm fairly asexual. It's not that I don't like it, I just don't crave it to the point where I'm going to go chasing girls if that's all they're offering me. Is this rare or something? It seems like the sub is full of examples of men doing dumb things to get in girls pants but most men I know personally don't behave like that. We don't really associate with those types of guys because they tend to be dicks in general.
I guess my biggest point of confusion is this whole value system that seems to be arbitrary to the point that I don't really know what I'm supposed to improve on. I'm already well past the point of not valuing a relationship that doesn't offer mutual benefit, but I feel like everywhere I look, I'm being marketed sex like it's supposed to be this big intimate thing but frankly I don't see the appeal. Sex isn't intimacy in my book and what's the point of a romantic relationship if you don't bother forming a deeper bond.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this to be completely honest because on the one hand, it seems like the handbook and all the posts I've read on the sub point towards what I always thought of as being a basic mature adult as high value, but on the other hand, this completely conflicts with my own lived experience because with the exception of a few points in the book about what it means to be generous, the "High Value Male" is the rule rather than the exception in my lived experience.

I suppose I'll close by asking what any of you make of this little rant. I'm just looking for any insight because this has always been a conundrum for me and this sub frankly exacerbated things because I can't tell if standards just fell to nothing and I live in a bubble of decency or there's something I'm missing in general.

Edit:
So this post has taken a rather unexpected turn over the course of the day. I'm home from work now so I figure I'll take one more shot at clarifying the things that were most misinterpreted in my original post as well checking a few of the most egregious assumptions that were made about me in the hopes that something productive might still come from this outside of the couple people that actually correctly interpreted my meaning and what I was asking about the first time around.

First, the most contentious point:

It's not that I don't like it, I just don't crave it to the point where I'm going to go chasing girls if that's all they're offering me.
This right here is being interpreted by many of you to be targeted at all woman despite the context of the rest of the post asking explicitly for more than this from woman. As in, it's not what I value, but for some reason its what I'm being presented with in my actual dating life. I've had one woman in my life who I didn't feel like sex was treated as a tool in her arsenal to try to get me to do something. I guess the rest would just be what you refer to as LVW.

Next, the other big thing people took issue with:
It seems like the sub is full of examples of men doing dumb things to get in girls pants but most men I know personally don't behave like that.
I'm not sure where so many of you got the idea that men don't know how their friends treat woman, but in my circle and pretty much any male gathering I've been a part of in the past that goes past the acquaintance phase, we talk about woman at some point, be it our current partners if we're with someone or how a night out went. It becomes pretty obvious pretty quickly who the bad actors are and who the good guys are. When you get enough of those good guys together, they self police each other. Don't fool yourselves, we know who among us mistreats woman because outside of the worst of the worst, which give themselves away through other means, these guys tend to gloat, it's just a question of if anything is done about it.
The other big issue was my view on intimacy, which is hopefully getting back on track to a productive discussion.

As for the assumptions, there were many, but to tackle the biggest ones, here's a short list:

I think that tackles the biggest issues with things being misinterpreted/ misunderstood, but I'm sure I'll have missed something. Also, because this didn't seem clear based on some of the responses, I'm not looking to challenge any ideology or attack people, I'm literally just looking for thoughts and critique of my own views as well as areas of improvement to shore up the weak spots.
submitted by IK3I to AskFDS [link] [comments]


2020.09.02 16:51 SloppyEyeScream Male cams online

Hello! I originally posted this at entitledparents. However, a lot of people seemed to really enjoy the read so of course they took it down without reason. I know it is long, but people expressed they were glad they read the entire thing, and loved the plot twist! I hope you enjoy the read. Cheers!
TLDR: Karen Accused My "Heathens" of Waking Her Child; Now I Wake Him on Purpose!
My crib-midget has evolved into a min-human, and my mini-human is now in an adult male body which is, unfortunately, still outfitted with a teenage brain. Don't worry though, he knows everything! I myself have a late-30s model body, but my teenage brain is coming along well. That said, my loving wife is still able to maintain her sanity with 2.5 boys and .5 male adults in the house. However, the house was too small and we needed more leg room. We decided to move on up!
The new house is everything we wanted. There is ample room for the growing family. The boys would conquer the upstairs, and even have their own bathroom to grow "science experiments." They occasionally fail to brush their teeth but you can most certainly count on them to piss in/on everything except the toilet. Cake, my 11YO mini-human, shares my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and keeps his room in working order. Kelly, my 15YO Man-Child genius? Well, just don't touch that sock under his bed. Typical boy-shit I suppose.
My wife and I now had a backyard. We had a two-car garage to store her Christmas and Halloween decorations. The neighborhood is gorgeous, and I can literally walk to the clubhouse and play a round of golf. The cul-de-sac we live on is dominated by currently serving or retired military families. Everyone was extremely welcoming at the Home Owners Association (HOA), and the neighbors were all friendly. Well, at least for the moment!
I have read about neighbor horror stories. I have seen them on television. I never in a million years thought I would live next to "them". I am a gunfighter by trade. Believe it or not, I don't like war. I like my job, but I don't enjoy the carnage of war. I am a realist though. I would totally cast my ballot for World Peace; but I know it only takes one asshole to ruin it for everyone. My immediate neighbors became those assholes.
Enter the Entitled Parents: Kevin and Karen. They seemed nice at first. They were both really helpful, especially Kevin. Kevin had served in the Air Force, and Karen was a stay-at-home mother. They enlightened me regarding the neighborhood, the quality of the area schools, and told me the tips and tricks to avoid any hassle with the HOA. Fucking great, right?
Coronavirus (COVID19) Zombie Apocalypse
The onset of COVID19 forced the school district to cancel the remainder of the school year so the boys didn't turn into zombies. However, the mass hysteria allowed my humanoids to become semi-professional Fortnite gamers, whom smelled like ball-funk, and survived on soda and Zebra Cakes. They were quickly becoming chubby-bunnies. I, being neighborly, informed Kevin and Karen that I would be in the market for a portable basketball hoop to combat childhood obesity and Type II Diabetes.
Side Note: I remember shit. It can be quite literally a matter of life or death in my occupation so I remember things vividly!
OP: Pleasantries, some other words, "I am thinking about getting a basketball hoop for the boys."
Karen: That's great. It's so good to have young children in the neighborhood again.
Kevin: You know you can't put it in the street right? It is against HOA rules. (Kevin is a rules guy!)
OP: Well-aware. I will be putting it on the back pad.
Karen: That's great. If the ball ever goes over the fence just tell them to come get it.
Awesome! It was a positive interaction, and they had no issue. Onward to Walmart!
My children are well-behaved. They may act like little shit-heads to each other and inside the house, but they are both kind and courteous to others. Despite Karen's instructions, I told them to knock on the door if the ball ever goes over the fence. So they did.
First Bounce-Over
My Door: Knock. Knock. Knock.
OP: Hey Kevin. How can I help you?
Kevin: (Annoyed) The ball went over the fence.
OP: Did the boys knock and ask to get it?
Kevin: Yes. I just wanted to let you know.
I spoke to my wife afterwards. "That was odd," was all I could think. Is the guy going to let me know each time the ball goes over the fence? Maybe I should knock on his door? "Hey Kevin. Just wanted to let you know that your car is parked in the driveway." This process quickly became a routine for Kevin; Kevin became a self-licking ice cream cone. Kevin came over six times over the course of about three months. My wife began keeping tallies because it was odd and, but somewhat comical. Then shit started to get real.
Cake came running in the house scared. He had tears in his eyes, and he was continually reiterating, "I didn't do anything wrong." Nobody has accused me of being "Worlds Best Dad" so I was wondering if he did in fact do something wrong. I forgo waterboarding Cake, this time, and ask what he is talking about. Cake stated, "Karen is recording me." What? I look outside and sure-as-shit, I see Karen, at the fence, and pointing her cellphone at me as if it was a loaded gun. I think, "well fuck my tits," because I know my wife is going to lose her shit. She did!
My wife is dainty, but she quickly turned into a 4'11 Muhammad Ali. Man, it took every fucking ounce of verbal reasoning for me to stop her from physically rearranging Karen's face-meat . In addition to remembering things for work, I have to be well-read regarding the laws that govern me as an American, and the locals laws. I knew Karen's tactic to scare and record Cake was immoral and unethical, but it was perfectly legal. This didn't sit well with my wife though. I reminded the wife that I have a doctorate in revenge from Fuckery University (FU), and this would not go unanswered. I can be a prick too, but I am a methodical prick.
I did my best to erect makeshift barriers as a temporary solution. It was not perfect, but at least it showed that we were doing everything in our power to prevent balls from going over the fence. I also submitted plans for a permanent structure to the HOA. I was going to build a hanging herb garden wall, but it required approval before construction could start. The typical approval timeline was two weeks, but in addition to shitting on earth, COVID19 also shit on the approval process. I was in limbo. Tragically, another basketball fell victim to the senseless violence. It was the ninth basketball in approximately eight months. The kids were terrified to ask for their basketball back, and it wasn't even worth the hassle anymore. That didn't stop Kevin though.
Ninth Bounce-Over
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Ken: OP HOME?
Wife: Yes, but he injured his back. How can I help you?
Ken: Get OP please. (I should mention that Kevin is outwardly sexist and is not a fan of "coloreds".)
Wife: Kevin, OP, can't even walk right now. How can I help you?
Ken: The basketball went over the fence again. It needs to stop. They need to stop playing basketball. (He was now telling my wife how to parent. Good luck buddy!)
Wife: I am sorry the ball went over the fence. We continue to tell the children to be careful, but I am not going to tell them they can't play basketball in their own yard.
Ken: You'll tell your boys to stop playing. If the ball comes over the fence again. We are calling the cops! Tell your boys to stay out of our yard. They're trespassing!
Wife: If you want to call the cops then you go ahead and do it. However, the boys DO NOT go in your yard at all anymore.
I was losing my shit in the bedroom. I could hear the conversation, but I physically could not make the front door. I managed to slide off the bed and began my Army-crawl to the door, but I was late. My wife was fuming and I was pissed, and pathetically crawling on the floor. Yay back injuries! We had no intention of starting a war, but the boys were doing nothing wrong. We had informed Kevin we were getting a hoop, and they had zero issues with it. What the fuck was going on?
Tenth Bounce-Over
The cops are called! The OP CITY Police Department (PD) sent two cruisers. The children may be 11 and 15, but all be damned if they don't go down without a fight. One cruiser was not going to suffice, you'd better send two for my miscreants. I just sat in my garage man-cave and watch it all play out. The cops go to the neighbors house first. They are there for more than a hour and I can only assume we are being painted as horrible neighbors. Oh well! It is now pitch dark outside and I was startled by the time an officer approaches.
Officer John Kimble: Hello? Sir!
OP: Holy fuck! You scared the shit out of me!
Officer Kimble: Sorry, Hi, I am Officer Kimble with OP CITY PD. How are you doing this evening?
OP: Typically I would say fine, but I don't typically have a cop in my garage.
Officer Kimble: I understand. The reason we are here is because the neighbors called about trespassing. Now, they said nobody went in their yard today, but they want you to understand they will press charges next time.
I was baffled. I did my best to maintain my composure, but I am certain my face was screaming, "Are you fucking serious?" Officer Kimble then pointed at his body camera and mouthed, "Recording," and then gave me a "thumbs up" gesture. I immediately ceased the opportunity to fuck with him. Sorry, it's in my nature.
OP: Do you want another beer? You can't just drink one!
Officer Kimble: (Laughing) WHAT? I didn't have a beer with you.
OP: (Laughing as well.) I'm kidding, and we are fully aware of their intent to press charges. I will be sure to do my best to prepare my boys for the rigors of prison life too. I think jail will be good for them too; may even toughen them up a bit!
Officer Kimble: (Laughing) Okay Sir. I just want to ensure that you are aware. Ideally, we would like to see neighbors talk things like this out, and not call the cops. Unfortunately, this is what it's come to. I just want to ensure you are aware.
OP: Tracking!
Officer Kimble: You have a good evening Sir.
OP: Thanks.
Officer Kimble then walked back to his patrol car. He didn't leave though. I assume he was just finishing mundane paperwork, but he was there for at least 20-minutes. Then, much to my surprise, he returned, and was a completely different Officer.
Officer Kimble: Hey man!
OP: Back for that beer?
Officer Kimble: (Laughing) NO! Sorry man! I have to play the game for the body cam.
OP: I hear you. I occasionally wear one at work, but it only cuts back on my cussing. People still get shot!
Officer Kimble: You Army?
OP: Yup!
Officer Kimble: Cool. What do you do?
OP: Shoot fist, shoot often, and have my story straight before the cops arrive!
Officer Kimble: (Laughing ) I figure as much after looking at all your stuff here. I just wanted to talk to you without the camera. They really seem eager to press chargers if your children are caught in their yard.
OP: (Laughing.) My wife and I have concluded that.
Officer Kimble: That lady is bat-shit crazy. My God! She demanded we arrest your children tonight!
OP: Tonight?
Officer Kimble: Yes! She said they trespassed before, and she wanted to press charges now.
OP: (More laughing.) I am sorry you have to deal with this brother. I really am. I can ensure you that they have never gone in their yard without permission. Not once. They are terrified of her. She taunts them from the other side of the fence and records them. Seriously, they are scared of her. We now chalk the balls up as a lose.
Officer Kimble: I believe you. There is something not right with that lady. She said the basketball wakes her son up, and she will not hesitate press charges. I told her we would do our duty, but I don't think the magistrate will not view the situation kindly if we arrest two children for playing basketball. She clearly does not care though. I just wanted to chat with you, and without the body cam. I can't exactly call her crazy while it is running.
Officer John Kimble stayed for another hour. He was impressed with the collection of war memorabilia and the setup of my garage man-cave. He was specifically intrigued with my Nintendo and working copy of Mike Tyson Punch-Out, among other classics. Yes it's certainly fucking cool, but it has little to do with the story.
SHIT, MET FAN!
My wife was mowing the grass, and I was currently doing shit I never thought would be a priority of mine; planting a new flowerbed. Kevin and Karen had just returned from another Chick-fil-A run. Then the unthinkable happened. Kevin exited the car and immediately approached me, and he was angry.
Kevin: Your boys went into my yard and got a ball today. They may think we didn't notice, but we did. You need to tell those boys to stay out of my yard or...
OP: Wait a fucking minute! I don't tolerate people who lie, cheat, or steal, and you are lying right now.
Kevin: Your boys were...
OP: We were at an all-day soccer tournament in DIFFERENT STATE. We have only been home for a couple hours. They have not played any basketball since we have been home. You're lying!
Kevin: Well, we are sick of them getting balls from our yard without permission.
OP: Look Kevin, I get it! However, you fail to recall when your wife said the boys were more than welcome to go in the yard and...
I didn't even get to finish when I heard the screech of Karen. I know my writing style is "different" to say the least. I wish I was better. I do not have the words to accurately articulate the sound Karen made, but I will do my best. It was like the tyrannosaurus from Jurassic Park making love to to a nuclear explosion during a tornado, but way fucking louder. The only thing that honestly makes this worse, and I fucking kid you not, is that she is a dead ringer for Carole Baskin (Tiger King.) Not "maybe a little," but more "Holy fuck Carole Baskin is your neighbor" type of resemblance.
Karen: I NEVER SAID THAT. I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT.
She screamed at the top of her lungs a mere inches from my face. I could smell the Meow Mix bellow from here scream-factory. Meanwhile, Kevin pulled a fucking Houdini and vanished. Kevin is a passive-aggressive asshole and direct confrontation scares him off.
OP: Yes. You did.
Karen: I NEVER SAID THAT. YOU'RE WRONG.
OP: Whatever. It's not even worth it.
Karen: I AM SO SICK OF YOUR HEATHENS GOING IN MY YARD. YOUR HEATHENS BETTER NOT GO IN MY YARD AGAIN OR I WILL HAVE THEM ARRESTED. I KNOW THE LAW.
The, "I know the law statement," really rubbed me wrong. I was about to open my mouth and respond by my wife was on her like stink on shit, which led me to believe Karen is louder than a lawnmower. My wife was still seething about Karen recording the humans.
Wife: They don't go in your yard, and they are good children. They are not heathens! You better STOP RECORDING MY CHILDREN.
Karen: Oh shut up. You guys are white trash. Your children play in the street and run around the neighborhood like criminals. They broke my mulch too.(Yes. She said they broke the mulch.) Everybody knows you're trash. Just. Stupid. White. Trash.
I am now thinking, "Oh fuck," and semi-worried about Karen's future health as an active participant of living humans. I think my wife wanted to expire Karen's shelf-life.
Wife: Excuse me? My children never play in the street, you're recording them, and...
Karen: Just shut up! YOU'RE STUPID. YOU'RE JUST PLAIN STUPID. I CAN RECORD THEM IF I WANT. NO WONDER YOU DON'T HAVE JOBS
Wife: I HAVE THREE ADVANCED DEGREES. WE ARE WORKING FROM HOME. WE ARE NOT...
Karen: You are! YOU'RE TRASHY AND STUPID, AND BOTH YOUR CHILDREN ARE STUPID.
I had enough. There was no point in arguing either. Mark Twain stated to, "Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." Mark is correct, and Karen was trying to drag us down. Well, I don't know why, but I remember something that Kevin discussed with me when we first moved in; the fucking trees!
They have a large maple tree, and they have a juniper tree. Kevin always told me they were "in the process" of contracting a company to crown and lift the maple tree. Furthermore, they were going to get the juniper tree off my fence. Dear Reader, I know the law too. I can legally trim anything that goes over my property line. Now all those pointless conversations were making sense. It was my time to join this exciting game called pettiness!
OP: Karen. You have until Sunday to get your juniper off my fence.
Karen: Shut up. I told you we were going to get it handled this fall.
OP: It's June. You have until Sunday
Karen: Or What?
I allow my wife to rejoin the conversation, and I retreat to the garage. The I grab my clippers, and prune a good couple inches of the juniper tree, and lay them at her feet. Cue T-Rex fucking a volcano voice!
Karen: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? I TOLD YOU IT WILL BE DONE THIS FALL.
OP: You have until Saturday now.
Karen: You are dumb too. Just like your wife aren't you?
My intelligence may have been debatable, but I suppose it was time to repeat the process?!? I now return with about two feet of tree, and place it at her feet. I am like Mo-mo-McFucko of fuck-fuck lady!
OP: You have until Friday!
Karen: You better not touch my tree again. I will call the cops and have you thrown in jail tonight. You're so dumb aren't you? Now I see where you children get it from.
OP: I know the law too Karen. I will be back in a minute with some more of your juniper tree!
Karen: KEVIN. KEVIN. KEVIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!
I again return to the tree. I now have another two feet of juniper tree to place at her feet. The more she screams the smaller her tree becomes. It was an enjoyable game of cause and effect. Meanwhile, I see Kevin and Kevin Jr running like Usain Bolt to secure their tree with tow straps.
Karen: I hope your happy. You are terrible people! You are both terrible parents, and your children are heathens. I am sick of ball bouncing and waking my son up too. You people need to move. Your just horrible parents. HORRIBLE. (Screaming louder) HORRIBLE PARENTS.
Dear Reader, I had enough. I was at critical mass; I was going to explode. Karen continued to yell at my wife and I was zoning out. It was comical to watch Kevin and Kevin Jr secure the tree to their porch in order to get it off the fence. Once complete, they quickly made their way back to the one-sided screaming party.
Karen: Horrible parents. Look with they did to my poor tree.
Kevin: I think we should call the cops dear.
Karen: HORRIBLE PARENTS! I feel sorry for your kids and...
OP: Just shut the fuck up! I raked up 21 bags of leaves this past fall. Twenty-One. Funny, because we don't have a tree in our backyard. I pulled an additional bags worth of leaves and branches from my gutter. Not from "my tree" either. It was from your tree. You know what Kevin? I didn't bitch. I didn't knock on your door an complain.
Kevin: Yeah, and?
OP: We live in a suburbia. This shit happens. They are kids; kids fucking play outside! I don't want the ball in your yard either. You accuse of them of being in your yard. You also accuse them of "BREAKING MULCH". How in the fuck do you break mulch? Are you fucking serious? Really?
Karen: Yes really. Maybe you should learn how to parent your horrible children.
OP JUST FUCKING LOST IT (WAIT FOR THE SURPRISE!)
OP: Know what? That's the last time you question me about my parenting. My children are going to grow up and be productive members of our society. I find it comical that you have the audacity to question my parenting seeing how you have a (WAIT FOR IT) a 49 year old son living at your house for the past nine years. I assume it was because of the divorce and the bankruptcy he filed nine years ago? My children are waking your child up? Your child is a jobless 49 year old man living at home with mom and dad. Is he working on a startup? Prestige Worldwide maybe? Boats and hos!
Karen: (FUCKING BAFFLED) How do you know any of that? DO YOU GO SNOOPING THROUGH OUR MAIL TOO?
OP: I am good at what I do, and I found everything on online. I know you are 69, and lost your license due to reckless endangerment charge in 2017. I know Kevin Jr has 5 different moving violations and one DUI. I also know he was fired from his grounds-crew job with the HOA. I know your husband is 72 and wears the same fucking shirt everyday, so I can only assume that laundry is not a priority. I know your phone numbers, and email accounts. I know a lot of shit about you. YOUR CHILD IS 49 AND LIVES AT HOME. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR PARENTING AND LESS ABOUT MINE! We can have a civil relationship or we can have a war. Just remember this though, I AM GOING TO FUCKING OUTLIVE YOU!
They stormed in the house. They were not happy or impressed with my ability to figure shit out. It was not over for me though. They fucked with the wrong fuckhead. They were unaware of actions I took to keep the peace. For example, I never let the boys play basketball while they were outside eating dinner. I didn't let them play before nine or after seven. I tried. But they would play blare country music and enjoy the gorgeous weather an eat a meal. I never bitch about Garth Brooks on volume 100 while I watched the national news. I was teleworking, and I took fuckery up as a part-time job now.
I have wrestled since I was four years old. I was never much of a basketball guy. I am now though! Karen and Kevin had just sat down to enjoy their meal. I don't have to spy either. I can easily see them out my french doors as I watch the national news. I patiently waited for the sloth-speed fuckheads to get their outside dinner setting perfectly situated. I could hear Tim McGraw playing when I opened my french doors. I like music too, so I figured I would get my groove and play basketball.
OP: Alexa (Amazon) play Bitches Ain't Shit by Dr. Dre.
Alexa: Bleep and Bleep by Dr. Dre.
OP: Alexa. Volume 10
I have a new fondness for rap music and the game of basketball. This didn't stop Karen from recording my "heathens" on a daily basis. I know what I was about to do was petty, but I had zero fucks to give at that point. I had one last fuck you. It was my final card to play; an Uno Reverse Card of sorts!
My neighbors, across the street, and my family have bonded. He had a tree removed last week, and I had an epiphany. How much would it cost to trim a large maple tree that overhands my property? I am not talking a couple branches either, but more like one half of a more than 100 foot tree. I approached the tree removal company an offered them a sizeable chunk of change and informed them of my delicate problem. They said, "any friend of MY NEIGHBOR is a friend of theirs." Pro bono!
They move their large equipment over to my backyard and take their time getting ready. Guess who came running out of the house? No. Not Brad Pitt. Fuck. Get your shit together Reader. Karen and Kevin came running out.
Kevin: Hey buddy! (Buddy. Not fuckhead. Not horrible parent. Buddy!)
OP: What can I do for you?
Kevin: What are they doing here?
OP: Oh. Them (Points)?
Kevin: Yeah. What are they doing?
OP: Oh. Well, they are going to trim the tree?
Kevin: Just trim?
OP: Yup. Just a little trim!
Karen: You know that tree was a gift from our daughter right? We don't want anything drastic. It has been with us for over forty years now.
Kevin: Yeah. It was a gift from our daughter. How much are you thinking about trimming?
OP: Well. Just so you're aware, you understand that I can legally trim anything that overhangs my property? I have approval from my lawyer and the HOA to trim it. Frankly, I care as much about your tree as you do my children's privacy; I could fucking care less!
Kevin: How much are you talking about trimming then?
OP: My property line is here (I point) and it extends up (I point up) to space. I am going to trim every single branch that encroaches my property. So, probably about 1/3 of your tree. It's gonna look really fucking funny when I am done. Oh well.
Karen started to cry. It was a really, really ugly cry. There was no more rage left in her. She was defeated. Kevin was defeated as well. This was not my desire. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if she cried, but it was not my intent.
OP: Or YOU CAN STOP RECORDING MY FUCKING CHILDREN.
Karen: (Looking like snot nosed Carole Baskin) If I stop recording?
OP: Look. We don't have to like each other, because I certainly don't fucking like you guys. My boys never go in your yard. Ever. I don't give shit if you keeps the other basketballs, but I will be damned if you fucking record them ever again. If you do, I will cut your tree down without warning.
Kevin: (PISSED) Thanks bud.
OP: No worries friend. I am just trying to be neighborly. Just remember. I am dead serious about the tree, and I am pretty certain I will outlive you.
Dear Reader, I know I am a prick. I know we were both in the wrong at times. I draw the line when a 69 year old women sees fit to torment my kids. We have only had one problem sense these events occurred. Kevin Jr's car sat in the same spot for nine months. I have submitted over 20 home improvement request to the HOA, and I am now friends with the wonderful ladies that work there. They periodically inspect neighborhoods and noticed the registration on Jr's vehicle was two years outdated and had it towed. Karen accused me of having towed. We had another colorful conversation, but it ended there. Kevin Jr. is still jobless to this day. I assume he has managed to erect a bunk bed in his childhood bedroom. He has "so much more room for activities." Just make sure you don't touch his drum set.
This is not my typical story, but I hope you enjoyed the read. Cheers kind humans!
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2020.09.02 16:30 IdolA2Sepl Male cams online

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