Boys toilet spycam

tlo_oly - r/Teenagers | DO NOT DO THIS! _____ Join Discord: https://discord.gg/KMUAjmG Follow on Twitch: https://www.tw... A teenager, or teen, is a person who falls within the ages of 13 to 19 years old. The word "teenager" is often associated with adolescence. However the World Health Organization considers anyone between the ages of 10 and 21 to be an adolescent, and most neurologist s consider the brain still developing into the early third decade (early 20s). Movies get R ratings from the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) for all kinds of reasons: "strong sexual content/nudity," "disturbing violence and terror," "some drug use," and so on. In many cases, we couldn't agree more that R-rated movies aren't age-appropriate for younger teens (the MPAA's guidelines require anyone under 17 to be accompanied to R movies by a parent or another adult). /r/teenagers Basically the high school of Reddit. Known for cyclical posts, including selfie threads, kik threads, "favorite user" threads, posts by those seeking relationship help, and Mod Monday threads, which are generally seen by only a few users. The community is accepting, but it's very hard to become popular or even "known." r/teenager is a community forum run by teenagers for teenagers. Our subreddit is primarily for discussions and memes that an average teenager would enjoy to discuss about. We do not have any age-restriction in place but do keep in mind this is targeted for users between the ages of 13 to 19. Explore the r/teenagers subreddit on Imgur, the best place to discover awesome images and GIFs. r/Teenagers #2 | NNN is OVER! - Duration: 10:43. Kore 215,687 views. 10:43. 50+ videos Play all Mix - r/Teenagers | NNN hit hard YouTube; Best of r/HistoryMemes - Duration: 10:22. Kore ... Welcome To Kids r kids school. Entertainment, play and freedom go hand-in-hand in forming a happy childhood. The wonder of discovery is what learning is all about. At KIDS ‘R’ KIDS we believe that a child needs plenty of opportunities to succeed each day. Virtual Tour. Latest Events. SCHOOL FACILITIES. LIBRARY. LABS. r/teenagersnew Rules 1. Don't attack other users. This includes personalized insults, targeted harassment, unsolicited nudes, doxxing other users, and attacks targeted at race, sexual preference, gender identity, etc. Banter, argument, or other conversation that does not violate this rule are allowed. Kids 'R' Kids provides Accredited Programs, Advanced Curriculum, and multitude of advantages for children 6 weeks through 12 years – far exceeding typical daycare and childcare centers. Programs available for infants, toddlers, preschool, before and after school with bus transportation, and summer camp.

2010.02.27 04:23 Meades_Loves_Memes Boys toilet spycam

teenagers is the biggest community forum run by teenagers for teenagers. Our subreddit is primarily for discussions and memes that an average teenager would enjoy to discuss about. We do not have any age-restriction in place but do keep in mind this is targeted for users between the ages of 13 to 19. Parents, teachers, and the like are welcomed to participate and ask any questions!
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2020.09.25 18:54 normancrane Boys toilet spycam

Once in third grade they held Duey Pepper's head inside a terrarium for seven minutes while Mr Winters went out for a cigarette. The yellow snake hissed and slithered and looped itself around Duey's neck as everyone sat silent and watched. When Mr Winters came back Linda Martins put up her hand and answered a question about the geography of the United States. Duey didn't put up his hand. Duey never put up his hand. Duey never talked except to Oliver, though no one ever heard them. Oliver was Duey's only friend. By fourth grade they started on Oliver, too. I saw it. Pushing and slapping him in a circle, asking him, "What's Duey sound like, I bet he says he loves you, does he talk like a faggot?"
Duey didn't have parents. He had grandparents. They were from somewhere else and didn't speak English. In the spring they planted rows of tomatoes and gave Duey sandwiches with horseradish that smelled across the cafeteria. Once in fifth grade the other kids held Duey down on a long plastic table and pressed the horseradish into his face. He didn't say a word. He just took it. His eyes got real red but he didn't rub them, and he didn't cry. One of the teachers saw. In the teachers' lounge she said "boys will be boys," and drank coffee. Duey's grandparents didn't complain to the school board. They didn't speak English. And Duey didn't have parents.
Before that fall, no one ever took Duey Pepper's picture. It wasn't like it is now, with all the news people around, pointing their black lenses and eating city lunches. Sometimes at recess the bolder ones climb fences and set off flashes while the kids play footy on the cement. Goal after goal and all they probably hope for is that it happens again. Those pale bloodless young bodies. Duey doesn't play footy. Sometimes they put his picture in the paper all the same, with no story or caption. Just a boy's picture. A boy by himself, standing. A boy just like any other boy except for the stitches across his mouth.
But just watch as Duey gets too close and they scatter like frightened seagulls. Everyone's afraid of Duey now. Not everyone scatters.
If Oliver was alive, Oliver wouldn't scatter. He'd write to Duey in a secret notebook and Duey would write back and they would stand beside each other at recess while the other kids played footy. In the newspaper they wrote under one of the pictures that Duey can't smile because of the stitches, but that's not true. Duey can smile if he wants to. If Oliver was still alive, Duey would want to smile sometimes. If he read something nice or funny in the notebook. In the newspaper they also wrote that Duey's grandparents aren't there anymore and that Duey lives alone. That's a lie, too. The tomato plants are still planted in the spring. Everyone knows Duey's too young to plant tomatoes.
During the trial when Duey spoke they left a camera in the room and no one else because they were so scared. The judge and the lawyers and the jury and the rest of them. It was just one boy and a camera. They say you can't see anything on the recording, just a black cloud, but I don't know if that's true. You can hear Duey talk. They played part of it on the television. He must have taken off his stiches. It was Duey's decision to put the stitches in, most people don't realize that. He did it himself. But he carries a knife, too. A little pocket knife that's just sharp enough to cut through the thread. He must have had it at the trial when they left him alone with the camera. He must have cut through and spoke.
Duey talked about how the boys took him to the bathroom, about how they punched him and held him down and called him names. Duey's voice stopped sometimes. He said the blood tasted like horseradish. He said there were five but he didn't say their names. Donny Nelson and Augustino were there for sure. I saw through the window. Nobody knows, but I saw them hit Duey. I saw Duey hit them back. The blood looked like tomato juice and Duey said it tasted like horseradish. It was on his eye and around his lips. Donny Nelson hit him hard and they all said bad things. Duey fell and he didn't move anymore. But Donny Nelson said bad things and Augustino was bleeding, too, and he grabbed Duey by the sweater and dragged him into one of the stalls. Donny Nelson kicked Duey in the head. Augustino spit blood. Then they picked Duey up by the hair and they hit his face against the toilet. It was loud and Duey's teeth were all on the floor. Duey was bleeding. Duey wasn't moving. Augustino was laughing and they left Duey there.
The window was open and I flew in when it was quiet. I landed on Duey's soft brown hair. I walked across Duey's forehead and down his twitching eyelids. Blood was dripping from his nose but I didn't try any. The breath from his nostrils pushed against my wings. His lips were moving and inside all the teeth were broken. There was a lot of blood in his mouth. It was open. I flew in and sat on his tongue. I pricked the flesh and took a drink. The blood tasted good, the tongue was warm. I called the others and they came. So many came in through the window like the darkest fog until the room was night. All were swarming and settling around Duey's face. On the tongue, inside the ears, behind the eyes, up the nostrils and flying under the skull, around the brain. Through the throat to the lungs and swimming down arteries to the very beating heart. Buzzing, we feasted. Fed, we stayed.
The ambulance siren wailed.
"You shouldn't have done it to Oliver," Duey said on the tape. Everyone was watching on television. They'd hanged Oliver on a coat hook. This was before. Donny Nelson and Augustino and the other boys. It was an accident, the school board said, but Oliver couldn't breathe and he flailed his legs until he suffocated. The janitor found his body in the morning. Nobody asked why they didn't take him down. Nobody asked why they'd hanged him up. It was an accident, the school board said and Oliver's mom cried loudest at the funeral.
Months later when Duey came back to school everyone left him alone. Even the teachers left him alone. His teeth were fixed but all the new parts were a different colour and they looked jagged like a shark.
Once in seventh grade Duey Pepper put up his hand. It was afternoon and Mr Winters was talking about the capitals of Asia. Linda Martins was there and Donny Nelson and Augustino and the others. Duey Pepper put up his hand, Mr Winters asked, "Yes?" but when Duey opened his mouth instead of the sound of any word it was we that came out. A trickle into a string, into a neverending black buzzing ribbon that wound itself around every tender neck until not one more gasp was heard. Suffocation and punctuation and frozen terror in their eyes. Outside, the first graders played on the grass, across the hall, the fourth graders learned the basics of civil responsibility, and we filled throats and eyes and sucked out seventh grade blood until not a drop was left. Fattened, we returned to our host.
When the bell rang, the classroom door stayed shut. Minutes passed. Duey sat in his seat. Someone finally knocked. Finally, a teacher opened the door. And she saw. Then they all saw. Those pale bloodless young bodies. And Duey, in the back row, alive and innocent, with a closed, quivering, peaceful mouth—smiling.
Now the news people are always around. Every day they eat lunches and wait, climbing fences and setting off flashes at footy games. Sometimes they take pictures of the boy standing alone with stitches across his mouth. The vampire boy, the butcher boy, the bloodletter. Duey has no friends and doesn't smile, but no one teases him anymore and nobody says bad things. At lunch, he eats sandwiches with horseradish that smell across the cafeteria. He never puts up his hand and he never talks.
When he gets too close, the news people scatter like seagulls.
submitted by normancrane to Creepystories [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 18:52 normancrane The Boy Who Spoke Mosquito

Once in third grade they held Duey Pepper's head inside a terrarium for seven minutes while Mr Winters went out for a cigarette. The yellow snake hissed and slithered and looped itself around Duey's neck as everyone sat silent and watched. When Mr Winters came back Linda Martins put up her hand and answered a question about the geography of the United States. Duey didn't put up his hand. Duey never put up his hand. Duey never talked except to Oliver, though no one ever heard them. Oliver was Duey's only friend. By fourth grade they started on Oliver, too. I saw it. Pushing and slapping him in a circle, asking him, "What's Duey sound like, I bet he says he loves you, does he talk like a faggot?"
Duey didn't have parents. He had grandparents. They were from somewhere else and didn't speak English. In the spring they planted rows of tomatoes and gave Duey sandwiches with horseradish that smelled across the cafeteria. Once in fifth grade the other kids held Duey down on a long plastic table and pressed the horseradish into his face. He didn't say a word. He just took it. His eyes got real red but he didn't rub them, and he didn't cry. One of the teachers saw. In the teachers' lounge she said "boys will be boys," and drank coffee. Duey's grandparents didn't complain to the school board. They didn't speak English. And Duey didn't have parents.
Before that fall, no one ever took Duey Pepper's picture. It wasn't like it is now, with all the news people around, pointing their black lenses and eating city lunches. Sometimes at recess the bolder ones climb fences and set off flashes while the kids play footy on the cement. Goal after goal and all they probably hope for is that it happens again. Those pale bloodless young bodies. Duey doesn't play footy. Sometimes they put his picture in the paper all the same, with no story or caption. Just a boy's picture. A boy by himself, standing. A boy just like any other boy except for the stitches across his mouth.
But just watch as Duey gets too close and they scatter like frightened seagulls. Everyone's afraid of Duey now. Not everyone scatters.
If Oliver was alive, Oliver wouldn't scatter. He'd write to Duey in a secret notebook and Duey would write back and they would stand beside each other at recess while the other kids played footy. In the newspaper they wrote under one of the pictures that Duey can't smile because of the stitches, but that's not true. Duey can smile if he wants to. If Oliver was still alive, Duey would want to smile sometimes. If he read something nice or funny in the notebook. In the newspaper they also wrote that Duey's grandparents aren't there anymore and that Duey lives alone. That's a lie, too. The tomato plants are still planted in the spring. Everyone knows Duey's too young to plant tomatoes.
During the trial when Duey spoke they left a camera in the room and no one else because they were so scared. The judge and the lawyers and the jury and the rest of them. It was just one boy and a camera. They say you can't see anything on the recording, just a black cloud, but I don't know if that's true. You can hear Duey talk. They played part of it on the television. He must have taken off his stiches. It was Duey's decision to put the stitches in, most people don't realize that. He did it himself. But he carries a knife, too. A little pocket knife that's just sharp enough to cut through the thread. He must have had it at the trial when they left him alone with the camera. He must have cut through and spoke.
Duey talked about how the boys took him to the bathroom, about how they punched him and held him down and called him names. Duey's voice stopped sometimes. He said the blood tasted like horseradish. He said there were five but he didn't say their names. Donny Nelson and Augustino were there for sure. I saw through the window. Nobody knows, but I saw them hit Duey. I saw Duey hit them back. The blood looked like tomato juice and Duey said it tasted like horseradish. It was on his eye and around his lips. Donny Nelson hit him hard and they all said bad things. Duey fell and he didn't move anymore. But Donny Nelson said bad things and Augustino was bleeding, too, and he grabbed Duey by the sweater and dragged him into one of the stalls. Donny Nelson kicked Duey in the head. Augustino spit blood. Then they picked Duey up by the hair and they hit his face against the toilet. It was loud and Duey's teeth were all on the floor. Duey was bleeding. Duey wasn't moving. Augustino was laughing and they left Duey there.
The window was open and I flew in when it was quiet. I landed on Duey's soft brown hair. I walked across Duey's forehead and down his twitching eyelids. Blood was dripping from his nose but I didn't try any. The breath from his nostrils pushed against my wings. His lips were moving and inside all the teeth were broken. There was a lot of blood in his mouth. It was open. I flew in and sat on his tongue. I pricked the flesh and took a drink. The blood tasted good, the tongue was warm. I called the others and they came. So many came in through the window like the darkest fog until the room was night. All were swarming and settling around Duey's face. On the tongue, inside the ears, behind the eyes, up the nostrils and flying under the skull, around the brain. Through the throat to the lungs and swimming down arteries to the very beating heart. Buzzing, we feasted. Fed, we stayed.
The ambulance siren wailed.
"You shouldn't have done it to Oliver," Duey said on the tape. Everyone was watching on television. They'd hanged Oliver on a coat hook. This was before. Donny Nelson and Augustino and the other boys. It was an accident, the school board said, but Oliver couldn't breathe and he flailed his legs until he suffocated. The janitor found his body in the morning. Nobody asked why they didn't take him down. Nobody asked why they'd hanged him up. It was an accident, the school board said and Oliver's mom cried loudest at the funeral.
Months later when Duey came back to school everyone left him alone. Even the teachers left him alone. His teeth were fixed but all the new parts were a different colour and they looked jagged like a shark.
Once in seventh grade Duey Pepper put up his hand. It was afternoon and Mr Winters was talking about the capitals of Asia. Linda Martins was there and Donny Nelson and Augustino and the others. Duey Pepper put up his hand, Mr Winters asked, "Yes?" but when Duey opened his mouth instead of the sound of any word it was we that came out. A trickle into a string, into a neverending black buzzing ribbon that wound itself around every tender neck until not one more gasp was heard. Suffocation and punctuation and frozen terror in their eyes. Outside, the first graders played on the grass, across the hall, the fourth graders learned the basics of civil responsibility, and we filled throats and eyes and sucked out seventh grade blood until not a drop was left. Fattened, we returned to our host.
When the bell rang, the classroom door stayed shut. Minutes passed. Duey sat in his seat. Someone finally knocked. Finally, a teacher opened the door. And she saw. Then they all saw. Those pale bloodless young bodies. And Duey, in the back row, alive and innocent, with a closed, quivering, peaceful mouth—smiling.
Now the news people are always around. Every day they eat lunches and wait, climbing fences and setting off flashes at footy games. Sometimes they take pictures of the boy standing alone with stitches across his mouth. The vampire boy, the butcher boy, the bloodletter. Duey has no friends and doesn't smile, but no one teases him anymore and nobody says bad things. At lunch, he eats sandwiches with horseradish that smell across the cafeteria. He never puts up his hand and he never talks.
When he gets too close, the news people scatter like seagulls.
submitted by normancrane to DarkTales [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 17:09 BenAdaephonDelat Boys toilet spycam

no one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark you only run for the border when you see the whole city running as well
your neighbors running faster than you breath bloody in their throats the boy you went to school with who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory is holding a gun bigger than his body you only leave home when home won’t let you stay.
no one leaves home unless home chases you fire under feet hot blood in your belly it’s not something you ever thought of doing until the blade burnt threats into your neck and even then you carried the anthem under your breath only tearing up your passport in an airport toilet sobbing as each mouthful of paper made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.
you have to understand, that no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land no one burns their palms under trains beneath carriages no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled means something more than journey. no one crawls under fences no one wants to be beaten pitied
no one chooses refugee camps or strip searches where your body is left aching or prison, because prison is safer than a city of fire and one prison guard in the night is better than a truckload of men who look like your father no one could take it no one could stomach it no one skin would be tough enough
the go home blacks refugees dirty immigrants asylum seekers sucking our country dry niggers with their hands out they smell strange savage messed up their country and now they want to mess ours up how do the words the dirty looks roll off your backs maybe because the blow is softer than a limb torn off
or the words are more tender than fourteen men between your legs or the insults are easier to swallow than rubble than bone than your child’s body in pieces. i want to go home, but home is the mouth of a shark home is the barrel of the gun and no one would leave home unless home chased you to the shore unless home told you to quicken your legs leave your clothes behind crawl through the desert wade through the oceans drown save be hunger beg forget pride your survival is more important
no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear saying — leave, run away from me now i dont know what i’ve become but i know that anywhere is safer than here
submitted by BenAdaephonDelat to Poetry [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 16:44 DadOnTheLongboard Boys toilet spycam

My wife and I want to convert a Ram Promaster 159 High Roof into a weekend campervan for our family of four (4- and 2-year-old sons). I'm wondering if anyone knows of anyone else who has converted this vehicle into a 4-person campervan? I'm also wondering if there's anyone out there who has experience campervanning with 2 kiddos. Here's our current features list:

  • Sleeping for 4 (expandable up to 6)
    • Bunk bed system in the back could work well?
  • Seating for 4 (expandable up to 6)
    • Preferably, the second row would seat 3-4 people and the front would be adjustable to fit another kid at some point in the future. I’d like to have a bench seat that seats 4 like Colorado Camper Van did here.
    • Preferably, the boys could eat in their seats without getting too messy. Perhaps if there was a way to convert their car seats into something like a high chair?
  • Heating for winter
  • Cooling for summer (Fan installed)
  • Really good insulation that works well in all four seasons
  • Space for stuff (suitcases)
  • Electric cooler or fridge/freezer
  • Microwave
  • Safe vehicle
  • Possible to stealth camp
  • Access to electricity even when the car isn’t running
  • Simple toilet for middle of the night peeing. Privacy for toilet would be nice.
  • Cuteness! It needs to look super cute both inside and out.
  • It needs to be insurable.
Are we missing anything here?
Are there any campervan conversion guides that would fit our situation well?
Any advice would be MUCH appreciated!
submitted by DadOnTheLongboard to VanLife [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 14:13 SomethingThoughtOf Boys toilet spycam

I've got a hot cold pressure washer that's a big boy made by some small disbanded company from ages ago, unloader valve is made in West Germany, I got it spares or repairs and have been fixing it and finally have it together with a fair few parts replaced and everything resealed.
As such there are no leaks in the system and I've got the pump primed and locked off with a ball valve to prevent air getting in the system. It also has a cistern like a toilet so doesn't allow air in there either.
However I have got it where it'll vibrate a lot, pressure will spike up, it'll stop vibrating and the pressure drops without me doing anything (and it's not coming out of the secondary unloader which is used as a pressure relief), then it'll do it again and again. Any idea what's up here and what I could do to try and get smooth consistent pressure or is it just a quirk of having an old machine? Thanks
submitted by SomethingThoughtOf to pressurewashing [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 13:53 jtjdp Spycam toilet boys

One tailor made strategy is to use one of many intermediaries. One of the original gangsters of the hobbyists' best friend (the clandestinists consigliere) middleman is ChemSavers. Theyve grown from a small ebay outfit of used lab surplus resellers to a warehouse of busy Precursor reshipping or often drop shipping (I've frequently tricked the otherwise more vigilant than most Alfa Aesar to ship to a residential address, dumb dumbs can't use Google maps, and also don't give a fuck).
Or read my long rambling reply that was not meant to wander so far off topic. But I do hit a few points buried somewhere in there.
Most corporate clients are extended a net 30 day invoiced "tradeline" and a surprisingly high percentage of small businesses often have to choose btwn the utility bill and Fisher Scientifics pocket book, they know they can fuck off Fisher indefinitely,as most unpaid invoices under 10k are written off and not even reported as unpaid to the business credit bureaus (it costs money to do things like that and lawyers to recoup the invoice and collections agencies etc...wallstreet is aokay w/ a quiet little unnoticed accounts receivable write off, it's factored into their business model. their clients don't pay and they're left holding the bag, that's just the way it goes for all wholesale distributors and traditional B2B goods and services.
By putting down cash (plastic) upfront,you are their ideal customer. If u don't request a Corp credit account and agree to pay invoices upon shipment, you will fill out the same application but as soon as they run your card to see that you got the dough, they will have you sign a boilerplate intended use statement and at that point you can go balls to the wall and order 100 grams of norephedrine (for 4-methylaminorex) or regular ephedrine (before visiting the gay nightclub armed with GHB, crank, and ecstacy, make sure u bring Viagra lest you experience "crystal dick"). The onky thing the chem corps are required to report are list I Precursors and the name address and phone info they give belongs to some poor schmuck who lives in a nursing home in Boca. get a Green Dot card in the name of a senile 90 yr old and you'll be running ur business and ordering Precursors in the name of Casper. I have a few PayPal business accts that as of the past few yrs belong to dead geezers but PayPal makes sure to remind me that I am limited to transaction limits if only $250k per month. Oh and then you can get business prepaid debit cards in the imaginary names of your employees. I've use that many times sometimes with intentionally misspellings of my own name so as to jump ship on a $10k hospital bill,and then return to the same hospital and do it over and over. You get carded for cigarettes and 6 pack of Coors Light ,but they don't ask for a photo ID for your coronary bypass surgery. Dumb fuckers
Unless it's a legally mandated industry like financial services and prone to money laundering or tax evasion, you can do all sorts of things without showing ID. buy a fucking rundown crack house. In cash.and the rubdown warehouse next door.BOGO bargain days in the rust belt urban ghetto
Contact SAFC (now it may go under a different name as they've merged with Millipore. But they still have Sigma Aldrich Fine Chemical and any body can request a quitr. Keep it sjmkme and basic. Specify a deadline for a project and that you have some surplus grant funding that needs to be spent by the end of the year , state your minimum purity requirements in the low range (tech grade min 85% or even 80%) cuz purifying it is an easy sodium bisulfite wash and extraction. saving them the task of purifying it will save you $$$. Keep in mind 3Me NPP is a liquid, and bc of the longer shelf life and storage stability of the HCl salt, you can save yourself 25% or more requesting the HCl salt,which saves them the castle of extracting the base and then u can store it longer Without much worry of oxidation. regular NPP (the dirty tech grade "Tianamnen Tar" is what I nickname it) cleans up nice as well with same bisulfite. It does oxidize from an orange red to a darker brown over a few yrs,but much slower than the 3-methyl bc of the fact that NPP proper is a solid base. I would ask them for a quote on both the base and HCl salt. It's been a few ues (like over 5 yrs )and they've merged with Millipore since then ,but my old corporate acct from 2006 was "grandfathered in" and I still have all of my same contractual discounts,although they're hardly "discounts " more like 5% or 10% off , they aren't exactly known for Payless Shoe Source BOGO buy one precursor get one free. Or maybe I thats the wave of the furue,I can here the radio advertisement now "It's our annual List I Precursor Black Friday sales event at Fisher Sci! Buy a liter of propionic anhydride and get a liter of benzaldehyde on the house! Just pay our outrageous shipping/handling." Or maybe they could couple it with "Anthranilic Acid August" or "NPP November" and "Homebake Heroin for the Holidays, Buy One Get One on all Acetic Anhydride now through December 31st." Or the "Summer Safrole Spectacular: Savings,Rolling , Tripping, Raving." Or maybe the Eight Days of Ecstacy (for Chanukah): Piperonal, Safrole ,MDP2P, Your Wacker Oxidation Super Store, Know a Naughty Knovenegal Know-it-All Elf? Save the lump of coal or your kegel ball (both require you to buy petrochemical carbon offset credits), instead go with something natural: kosher benzaldehyde and nitromethane in a convenienly filled jar, placed in the dark confines of a stocking for a few weeks). Of course the P2NP and resulting speed will need to be consumed orally or injected to be "carbon neutral" smoking is not only wasteful and distasteful it's a well known Burger King Bounce House Gas and sort of makes you the antithesis of "Captain Planet" (if you recall watching that cartoon as a kid, back when TVs still had bunny ear VHF-UHF receivers b/c ur parents refused to pay for cable forcing us to go outside and entertain ourselves with chicanery involving rolls of toilet paper, quiet midnight tactical suburban insertion and the TeePee-ing of our most reviled disciplinarian teachers
I've always thought Pink Floyd could do a reunion tour along with Lil John & the Eastside Boys for a collaboration tour called "Another Brick In the (Windows...) to the Wall, Til the Syringe Hits The Bathroom Stall" ("How can you eat your pudding if you can't (skeet skeet!) Your Meat...what!? okay!")
(this is what goes thru my head when I see people wastefully smoking meth, if they made u plant a tree for every bowl of meth one smoked, they prolly wouldn't contribute much to the rates of meth use,but they could slow global warming...it'd be like Ralph Nader's wet dream ,or some Greenpeace Jizz bomb Rainbeau Warrior Fantasy.Environmentalist Fetishism : you have a roving band of tweakers all decked out in two dozen different headlamps and high lumen flashlights toiling with garden trowels and transplanting saplings like Johnny Appleseed meets Johnnie Need For Speed meets Amphetamine-fueled Ardent Arborists hiding in bushes and behind trees from imaginary hallucinations of CIA drones while planting hedgerows like hyperactive hedgehogs in a desperate attempt to grow foliage and camouflage themselves "Crankheads for Krebbs Cycle" or "Help A Tweaker Hug A Tree, Or even some adequate Shrubbery, So they Can Hide From the Imagined dragnet of Sheriff Deputy" (State Troopers can't see thru tree trunks...or can they?)
Of course the expense of arming tweakers with night vision goggles, saplings and entrenching tools are the makings of a WWI reenactment and I don't see any insurer covering the liability for that 501(c) charity. But more realistic is to export The Invasive Curse of the Cotton Belt,the Bamboo of Boca Raton. The curse of Kudzu. One place that has plenty of room for the fast growing vine are the best steppes of Russia and Ukraine. Itd be a great alternative to making homemade Krokodil: "Cultivating Kudzu to Keep Kievan Kids Krokodil Free" Or Kudzu could be equally coopted like a tree hugger IED, import some Chechnyn terrorists, give them sacks of Kudzu seeds and set them loose on Crimea. Nothing says "Rootin 4 Putin" like a hotly disputed Territory turning terrorists into tree trimmers. When it comes to my despots,theres no disputin , nobody rubs my Raspberry quite like (Ras)Putin.
see how clever I think I am when I ik actually just coming off as tweakin balls?
Triazolam Tweak, fent flirt, junkie jerk, Sufent squirt, or 4-benzyloxytramadol Bert & Ernie, my current state of spun as a spider, doesn't make me a liar. sure, this Kyke may be higher than the avg kite, but that does not make the words of this eccentric Semite any less legit (although it does give one pause to question my common sense, which I've never claimed to have ,bc my brain is full of books and when I'm not reading or writing I'm in the studio like Vanilla Ice laying down crafty hooks while my DJ revolves it.
For reals though: my brother and I (who rarely see eye to eye on much beyond our passion for homemade chicken pot pie) have collaborated quite a bit this summer and we've compiled some epic next gen "Sufent Meets Slim Shady on Ritalin" we call it "Of Ricin and Minithins" but it's also been described as "White Pickett Fence Hop" a form of suburban hip hop that combines my lyrical wordplay, his machine gun vocal style, my decades on the throne (that is,the stool behind a drum set) bit mostly his "impeccable iambic pentameter" and Shakespearean delivery. Together, we've recorded a EP of our latest lyrical rhythmic project with the working title of "Aural Sodomy, Suburban Lobotomy" which is gonna be part of a new lyrical electronic genre called "Watch Yo' Step or Stub Yo' Toe" (it's a politically incorrect version of Dub Step)
Back to the question of 3-Methyl NPP, which btw is on the regular catalogue of some EU chem firms such as ABCR, Chemos and used to be on the regular catalogue of Alfa Aesar and TCI, as well as GFS but while they may not have it as part of their regular cstwlitue, it's a mere hoo skip and am email away from a corporate outsourced Bangladeshi customer sales rep (usually with a nerdy librarian type female who claims to be named Liz, Sarah or Joanne, but we all know that it's more like Cindi Chandashakar, bc you don't get email replies at midnight nor live customer support chat at 2am on a Sunday from a poor corporate drone at a call center in Allentown, Pennsylvania.
Be confident. Be professional. Find a Pakistani web designer on Fiverr to make your faux front CRO domain such as "Sharon, Riggs, Heydrich, Durmos & LLP R&D.com" three pages with basic contact info,maybe a stock photo of some serious science types looking longingly into the eyes of a sep funnel, with the intensity that says "Ik wearing these safety goggles b/c I'm about to deep throat this Sep Phunnel and then get on my knees for the moneyshot.
That's a very cheap formula to not only fooling greedy western fortune 500 Corp R&D firms,but I've done this many a times to draw up professional looking business contracts and purchase orders with a logo and two signstures (preferably that of a purchasing specialist and a Senior Procurement Supervisor or even a VP of (clandestine)Operations. The Chinese have a whole "death before dishonor" when it comes to their own personal business debts and reputation among their fellow yellow denizens (they don't understand what a FICO score or better business bureau is, and even if they do risk checking up ur company rep on Dun & Bradstreet ,it's damn expensive for them as unlike consumer credit reports, there are like 6 different biz credit bureaus with their own scores,although its free to register yourself and a good idea but that's part of a different lecture series on legally milking the business credit system all the way to the tune of a dozen $40k credit limit corporate charge cards. Multiplied by a dozen different companies...the real money is in ripping off banks).but ripping off Slick rickshaw riding Red Star Ricin red riding hood-lum-Kim Jong Ills is very easy and Ive made it a habit to take each and every chemical broker chopshop that has taken me for a few grand,I keep score and make sure to email talk on phone,charm the 2 kilos of NPP-sweatpants off some Tokyo Rose (over half the sales reps are womem, who all have identically attractive profile photos most of whom have no idea they are selling anything less benign than antifungal ointment for athletes foot or some artificial brown dye or Ethnic haircare product ingredient. This was all pre Fent Ban. And now I'll ask for quotes from a few CAS Scifinder-vetted vendors who will email a quote for 3-me-NPP only to backpedal two days later saying "Me so sorry, we no longer can offer that product, but we so value your business that I can offer you either (a) a happy ending or (b) discounted kilogram of diphenylaceto-pyrrolidine***
I'll take my Precursor first and a raincheck on that contractually obliged blowjob.
***(which is the moderately costly part of racemoramide synth, the aminopropanol being the least expensive part if ur willing to make the alcohol and halogenate said aminoalcohol urself) or go with diphenylacetyl chloride and dimethylamine ,which is less expensive at the cost of adding another rxn step and in situ generation of dimethylamine gas ⛽ which I'm not the biggest fan of, preferring to only fuck with argon, and even then only when necessary,which was once and even then unnecessary,bc I'm not making nitroglycerin or some azide or some oxygen sensitive specialty Riecke metal. Generate HCl with rock salt and liquid fire all you want, gasing an nonpolar solution and watching the snow fall is as beautiful as a Bing Crosby (china) White Christmas.
but not all gases are equal, such as selective nitro reduction (Zinin reduction) during the initial steps of Etonitazene the literature recommends in situ generation of ammonium sulfide using ammonia and fucking bubbling in toxic hydrogen sulfide gas. I bought aqueous commercial grade amm sulfide and still made the neighborhood smell like a fucking open rotten egg sewer for almost 48 hrs. (Just like passing gas in a room full of your peers, you don't go around saying "wasn't me" b/c this is not a "he who smelt it dealt it" situation, i.e. schedule I hot potato, that u want to fuck with
My next article will go into much more depth on the issue of the Etonitazene and it's 2-benzylbenzimidazole brothers.
submitted by jtjdp to Oxycosmopolitan [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 02:53 awkwardsmilememe Boys toilet spycam

I just want to preface this that if the boys want to talk about this on the podcast, they can. I would love their opinions on this mind-bending experience. It's also not strictly paranormal or alien, however I believe it can loosely fit the multi-dimensional alien line of thinking.
Okay, I have NO real drug experience, I was a boring suburban kid who also was never big into any sort of mind-altering substances, even alcohol. Earlier this year I decided to try marijuana for the first time and the first and third time I tried it I experienced realities past the veil that we normally see. And I want to reiterate that both of these times I smoked with another person and neither had anywhere near the experience I had, so it's unlikely/nigh impossible that the marijuana was tainted or laced with something else.
The first time I smoked I didn't feel anything until about 10 minutes in, at which point I went through the "everything is funny" phase before I got the spins and then threw up. This is at the point where things get absolutely bonkers. Immediately after I vomited I picked my head up out of the toilet and then it hit me. I had no idea what I was or where I was. Not in the sense of I didn't know which person I was, or in which building I was in, I didn't have the thought of self. Everything was black, and then slowly stars began to appear as though I was looking at the night sky. I could feel that something was happening but I was still not aware of the fact that I was me. The stars began to connect, at which point I had an epiphany, "I am a number." Now I know this sounds absolutely wild, but it gets even stranger. As I thought about my new number-self (not in the sense that I was the number 7 per se, but I was an infinitely long and complex number to which my consciousness was assigned) I became aware that I was not a number, but the end result of an equation, and then I realized I was the equation itself. (Looking back now I think either a. I was tripping major balls, b. I was starting from the core of what makes us conscious people, or c. I was traveling through the different dimensions) Then because I was thinking, I reasoned that I cannot be an equation, I must be the sum of a set of equations emulating a consciousness [didn't think of humanity yet.] It was at this point that I became aware of what was outside my consciousness. Those stars were still connecting only on the left half of my face, and as if I were loading an image on a dialup modem, the right side began to "load" line by line. Then I realized, the right and left sides were connected! I was seeing one continuous image. By the time that the part of my vision where my eyes exist (about 2/3 up your FOV) I could move them and focus on the individual parts of the image I was observing, this entire time I could not move or did not move because it was not known to me that I was in a body and in control of it. This continued down to my mouth, and when I regained control of it my first words were "oh my god. Holy shit. So this is how that happens" [I think I was referring to how the left part of my vision was fully intact but only now the right side was coming into view, and they were experiencing time in very different was. By the time everything in my vision was visible at once, I realized that I was the thing I was looking at was an image, and that it was my reality. Now hold on, because it gets even wilder. I saw a figure walk across the image as though I was looking down at street art or something. The image then turned on its flat side so that I was looking at a 2D object in 3D space, and from this plane, I began to emerge. It started with the crown of my head in the exact center of the image and layers of who I am began to emerge as my body began to emerge. I realized I was human, what my name was, how old I was, that I was a man, what my voice sounds like, intrinsic characteristics about myself. The oddest thing was that the parts that did not emerge yet cycled through as though I were all of them at the same time, before I realized my sex I was fluctuating between human man and human women. Like I was being 3D printed as my mouth and neck became, it was revealed to me what my voice was. Every aspect of my life I was saying as facts as they materialized "I live in blah" "I enjoy this" "I have these relationships with these people" At a certain point after my body materialized I realized/thought that each person has a set image that we emerge from, and it was at this point that I was very upset that the image I was emerging from was the image of a toilet with vomit in it. Now that I knew I was the person I am, I realized that the image was actually part of a 3D space, I could interact with it, and I could associate the visual elements of what I was seeing to physical things that exist. I saw the toilet paper roll, and willed myself that; a. I could reach for it and b. I could grab and interact with it such that I could manipulate the reality or dimension space that I was in. This continued and ended in me getting off of the toilet, laying in bed, falling asleep and then when I woke up I finally realized, yes I am me, this is the world we live in and this reality is the correct, 'real' reality. I went about my day as normally as I could.
The second time I smoked was fairly unmemorable, I as a consciousness moved through my eyes a little bit and then I was just kinda fine.
The third time, however, is why I won't touch weed to this day, and I'm not sure I ever will again. Now remember, both of these times I smoked with someone else, I didn't have too much and they just got normal high. I took two moderate hits off a bong, and then was fine for about 20 minutes, laid down in my bed, and the same adventure/trip began. I was a number, then an equation, then a series of both, until I finally landed on "am I an A.I." This time, however, I continued to add layers. It was if I was looking at a cube emanating this golden light before I discovered it was a tesseract, and that that tesseract was my consciousness. Once this became evident, it was if a camera flew up form out of my body and zoomed out to see the planet, then solar system and so on. They were all connected, they were the stars from when I began to see for the first time. As these stars were linking up I realized that that was indeed my consciousness, a system of information traveling throughout a galaxy or universe. The camera then whipped back into my body and I knew that everything had happened and it all felt absolutely true. I could see in front of me and behind me, but the sides were still blackness. Then it came to pass that those were star systems or planets or whatever they were that hadn't had marijuana yet, they could not see so they could not be seen. Of course since at this point I was a multidimensional space being eventually they all became lit as time passed, what felt like seconds were millennia and eons. After this I became aware that others must be the same system of complexities, and then finally I was in my body again and I could not see everything that I saw anymore. For the next three days I believed I was a facsimile of myself, created by myself, to complete work that I needed to do? I am unsure. This suspicion that everything was a simulation and time moving in a very strange way continued for this four day duration. I came to understand the purpose of consciousness and what it was. Consciousnesses exist to love and bring joy to other consciousnesses. they exist to interact with each other and live as happy, joyful existences. Which I guess says a lot about my nature, I'm not sure.
I won't touch weed again because I am afraid of what else I would see, what lies beyond or outside those layers, and I don't want to get trapped in that state with no real way of coming back. There's also a possible scientific reason for everything I experienced, a drug-induced psychotic break. This is possible as I'm on two different antidepressants at the moment and have struggled with my mental illness a lot this year. However, something keeps gnawing at the back of my thinking that it was real and that I didn't go crazy, I discovered some innate truths about the nature of existence, reality, and our dimensions. Aside from being an existence made up of nebulous pockets of thought, I didn't really experience any other life or existence during my journey, no inter-dimensional travelers, no aliens, nothing. But maybe it was like I was behind the wheel of a car I didn't know how to drive, I couldn't direct my journey it just kind of occurred to me. I just want to know what you think about it, this came to mind because I recently re-listened to the men in black episodes where the topic was related to what is reality, and Jesse had that story of when he had acid.
Was I just stoned out of my mind (off less than half a joint the first time and two bong hits the second) or did I travel through the dimensions we exist in? Numbers are in 1D, images are in 2D, We exist in the third dimension, and a tesseract or hyper cube exist in 4D/time is thought to be the 4th dimension.
TL;DR I took a small amount of marijuana and traveled/unraveled the dimensions we exist in almost like a plane-walker and the nature of the 'self' became elucidated, as well as what our purpose here is.
submitted by awkwardsmilememe to ChilluminatiPod [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 20:14 thomasd12345678910 Boys toilet spycam

I open my eyes, im on my knees over a freshly replaced sprinkler, and its warm out, but not sunny, its evening right now. As i lookup, infront of me are 2 little hands little yellow painted nails holding a pipe wrench too big for her to use. I follow the arms up to her face, and she looks back at me like she's waiting for my next word. "Hi" i say, and she smiles. "Hi daddy" she responds. She looks just like April her mother, But her hair is black like mine. "Look O, you fixed it!" I say as she smiles excitedly at something so simple. i go to give her a high five. "Put the tools away" i say as she starts singing " clean up, clean up, everybody clean up" happily. A song she undoubtably learned from my mother. I stand and look around. Infront of me is a modest water fountain, Were standing in the center of a roundabout-style drive way. O finishes and stands, her knees peeking out from her little blue dress painted green by the grass. She cant be much older than 7. Then i hear scuffling and giggling from my right. 2 boys are racing eachother towards the roadway down the path. I bolt and grab them before they make it off the property and hold them close. Theyre no more than 4 years old. Fraternal twins. Lucas in my left, light brown hair, light skin and hazel eyes. And thomas on my right dark hair and caramel skin like mine. They giggle as i scold them. Natural little adventurers like i was when i was little. "You need to finish the gate" i hear from behind. I turn and behind me is a home. Painted black 1/3 brick wall 2/3 tinted windows, separated by a large doorway with a single slanted roof. There in the door way is her. The love of my life stands in a blue strapless dress and flats, she looks like a 50's model with her blonde hair resting on her right shoulder and her black and white polkadot apron with enbroidered red roses strapped around her waist. And she has a baby, also dressed in a matching blue dress with a white bow on her head sat on her hip. " its ready" she calls out "come inside". As i walk in with the boys in my arms and O at my side, her little yellow tool bag in her arms she waits. Shes a sight to behold and i cant look away for fear of losing her. "I made your favortie, and i got minishell this morning too" she says before kissing me. "They need baths" she whispers before shouting "Baths" sending the kids into a collective "awww". At this point i could cry. This is everything ive ever wanted. "Go shower, ill take care of the kids" she says. But im not gonna leave her side. I follow her down a hall way, lined with pictires of us, inorder from the first pictures we took together to the births of our children to now. Until we reach the bathroom. I set the boys down and start the bath, she squits the bubblebath in the tub and sits on the toilet. I take the baby, Anna Marie, named for her grandmother, pronounced Õnna like the main character from frozen, my wifes favorite disney movie, from her mothers arms and place her beneath the pedestal sink and close the door behind me to prevent escapes. "Arms" my wife commands and all three kids arms shoot to the sky in response, and we begin removing their clothes, and one by one lift them into the bath. We wash them together, listening as they giggle, watching as my wife smiles, caring for the babies we doubted we'd ever have. Anna the youngest giggling behind us as she plays with her bow in her mouth. We sat in near silence, in love as we washed. O stoodup first, "all done !" she announced so i lifted her from the bath and my wife handed me a pale yellow towel embroidered with a cartoon character i dont recognize. She dries herself, shaking in her towel like her mother had always done when we were young. The boys in unison then stood and announced "clean!" Splashing us with water, their arms in the air. They too get their own special towels. One green, one blue, and begin drying themselves. "Pajamas my wife says, sending the kids to their rooms, as i grab Anna and follow my family out the door. " we better change too" says my wife who turns and heads to the end of the hall, Her blue eyes piercing my soul. I follow and we enter the master bedroom. Placing the baby in her crib next to the bed as my wife pulls my shorts and a shirt from the closet and lays them on the bed. I strip and reach for the clothes when she stops me with a look, "those are for me, booty head" that makes me smile. I havent heard that in months. I go to the closet and pull another set and dress myself. Just as i pull the shirt over my head im suprised with hands on my face and lips on mine. " Forever Thomas, Forever" she breathes into my soul. She lowers herself from the tips of her toes and hugs me. Her head to my heart. My hands on her back holding her close. "Do you love me" she whispers into my chest; "Ive always loved you" i whisperd into her hair. My words more true than she could fathom. "Daddy!" I hear my little girl scream and we scramble to respond. We find octavias room, white with pink furniture. Undoubtably because my wife refused to paint the room the color she hates.pink, despite iur daughters pleas. And in the center is Octavia in her little yellow nightie having been dogpiled by the boys screaming for mercy. Were quick to lift her and scold the boys. Sending them to their room for time out. I can feel O's tears run down my neck as she whimpers. " shes old enough for karate now" my wife says, herself a blackbelt, "Ill sign her up tomorrow". With that we head to the kitchen. "Peach cobbler babe" she says "just for you" and she kisses my cheek. I love her cobbler. I set O down on the sofa, wrap her in a blanket and turn on the tv before joining my wife in the kitchen. She playfully bumps me with her hips, smiling while she serves the cobbler and i serve the vanilla icecream. I take her by the waist and spin her to face me. Pinning her between my self and the oven." Dont start what you cant finish" i say between kisses as she giggles and bites her lip the way she used too when i gave her butterflies, with her full smile, scrunched up nose and squinting eyes. God ive missed that smile. "Go get the boys" i say and she does. Returning in a moment after ordering them to sit with O. We take the four plates and sit besides them on the couch. "Whos ready" my wife shouts as she scrolls on disney plus. The kids scream as she hits confirm on Frozen 4, purchasing the premiere. I settle my self in, half behind my wife as she nestles in beneath my arm, head on my chest as the movie begins. She playfully takes a spoonfull of her cobbler and teases me as i bite at it like a fish." I love you" she says. " i love you more" i respond. In that moment Im in heaven. I never want to leave this place, this euphoria. I thought as the warmth of my family pulls me into slumber.
Thats the moment i awoke. Disoriented and confused i reached across my bed to find my love only to find a cold pillow. I rub my eyes and see only the bedroom i so badly wish i had escaped. Once again i realize it was just a dream. Or a nightmare. Im not really sure anymore. I tried so hard to go back to sleep, or wakeup, but i cant. i want to return to that world so badly. But as it becomes more real with each night it becomes so much harder to go to sleep. I dont want to live this way anymore. Its unbearable.
submitted by thomasd12345678910 to u/thomasd12345678910 [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 19:09 Jortieking Toilet boys spycam

A little back story, my school is the worst. We are not allowed to refill water, boys arent alowed to go to the toilet (they pinned the door, girls are fine), we are not allowed to eat between breaks (which is 3 hours), they do not hold to them to the covid 19 rules, there is no ventilation, the classrooms are way too small, the roofs have a lot of asbestos and so forth. So, here comes the good part. In the upcoming week, on tuesday and thursday, an inspection will be coming to see the horror this school is, and I volunteerd for a meeting with those people to get the truth out of this school.
submitted by Jortieking to teenagers [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 18:54 ANIKAHirsch Boys toilet spycam

This original list was created by u/BouncyBoob. View the crosspost thread here: https://www.reddit.com/womenidentity/comments/issge2/crimes_perpetrated_by_transgender_people/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

"usa,,,,KC Resident Sentenced to 20 Years for Child Pornography,https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdmo/pkc-resident-sentenced-20-years-child-pornography,
"usa,,,,Female Prisoner Says She Was Raped by Transgender Inmate,https://news.wttw.com/2020/02/19/lawsuit-female-prisoner-says-she-was-raped-transgender-inmate,https://www.illinoistimes.com/springfield/transgender-inmate-accused-of-rape
"usa,,,,felon no longer deemed threat because of gender change,https://amp.desmoinesregister.com/amp/4479275002,
"uk,,,,Karen White: how 'manipulative' transgender inmate attacked again,https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/oct/11/karen-white-how-manipulative-and-controlling-offender-attacked-again-transgender-prison,
"uk,,,,"Female prison officers have been raped by inmates who self-identify as trans women, ex-Tory minister Rory Stewart claims",https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8211325/Female-prison-officers-raped-inmates-self-identify-trans-women-claim.html,
"usa,,,,"In North Carolina, person who identifies as transgender woman found guilty of raping child",https://cambridge.wickedlocal.com/zz/news/20190513/in-north-carolina-person-who-identifies-as-transgender-woman-found-guilty-of-raping-child,
"usa,,,,Transgender man accused of sexually assaulting woman,https://www.eastidahonews.com/2019/05/transgender-man-accused-of-sexually-assaulting-woman/,
"uk,,,,Police accused of political correctness after issuing an appeal for a sex attacker WITHOUT mentioning suspect was a man wearing womens clothes,https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8443647/Police-issue-appeal-sex-attacker-without-mentioning-suspect-man-wearing-womans-clothes.html,
"uk,,,toilet,"Transgender woman, 18, sexually assaulted girl, 10, in Morrisons toilet",https://metro.co.uk/2019/03/16/transgender-woman-18-sexually-assaulted-girl-10-morrisons-toilet-8914577/?ito=article.amp.share.top.email,
"usa,,,toilet,Target urged to end transgender bathroom policy after 2nd man caught recording women undressing,https://abc7ny.com/news/man-seen-reaching-under-stall-with-phone-in-nj-target-dressing-room/1508431/,
"usa,,,toilet,Bedford Police Arrest Man Wanted for Allegedly Recording Juvenile Girls in Store,https://bedfordnhpd.org/2016/06/24/bedford-police-arrest-man-wanted-allegedly-recording-juvenile-girls-store/,
"usa,,,toilet,Security Guard Arrested For Removing Man From Women’s Bathroom,https://dailycaller.com/2016/05/19/security-guard-arrested-for-removing-man-from-womens-bathroom/,
"usa,,,toilet,Shopper Upset Man Allowed To Use Women’s Dressing Room In Ross,https://dfw.cbslocal.com/2016/05/17/shopper-upset-man-allowed-to-use-womens-dressing-room-in-ross/,
"usa,,,toilet,Female office worker encounters man urinating in ladies' room and exposing se,https://www.massresistance.org/docs/gen3/16a/bills-in-MA-legislature/tpc/transgender-bill/attleboro-restroom.html,
"usa,,,toilet,Man caught undressing in front of girls at Green Lake locker room,https://mynorthwest.com/188993/man-caught-undressing-in-front-of-girls-at-green-lake-locker-room/,
"usa,,,toilet,"Man Dressed as Woman Arrested for Spying Into Mall Bathroom Stall, Police Say",https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/man-dressed-as-woman-arrested-for-spying-into-mall-bathroom-stall-police-say/1979766/,
"usa,,,toilet,Cross-Dressing Man Secretly Taped Women at Macy’s,https://ktla.com/news/da-cross-dressing-man-secretly-videotaped-women-in-macys-bathroom/#ixzz2TKsMicgJ,
"usa,,,toilet,Cross-dressing sex predator sentenced for Clackamas aquatic park crimes,https://www.oregonlive.com/oregon-city/2011/10/cross-dressing_sex_predator_se.html,
"usa,,,toilet,Police: Calif. locker room suspect used disguise,https://abc7news.com/archive/7739509/,
"usa,,,toilet,Police: Man Undresses In Front Of Children In Walmart Restroom,https://www.wsbtv.com/news/police-man-undresses-in-front-of-children-in-walma/241705565/,
"usa,,,toilet,"San Jose sex offender wearing fake breasts, wig arrested for loitering in womens’ restroom",https://www.mercurynews.com/2009/01/26/san-jose-sex-offender-wearing-fake-breasts-wig-arrested-for-loitering-in-womens-restroom/,
"canada,,,shelter,Sexual predator jailed after claiming to be ‘transgender’ to assault women in shelter,https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/sexual-predator-jailed-after-claiming-to-be-transgender-in-order-to-assault,
"canada,,,toilet,University of Toronto Dumps Transgender Bathrooms After Peeping Incidents,https://www.dailywire.com/news/university-toronto-dumps-transgender-bathrooms-pardes-seleh,
"usa,trans man,,,Colorado transgender teen pleads guilty to murder in school revenge case,https://www.reuters.com/article/us-colorado-shooting-plea/colorado-transgender-teen-pleads-guilty-to-murder-in-school-revenge-case-idUSKBN2012QO,
"usa,,nonviolent,,"Capital One hacking suspect, a transgender Seattle woman, is denied request to be moved from men’s prison",https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/capital-one-hacking-suspect-a-transgender-seattle-woman-is-denied-request-to-be-moved-from-mens-prison/,
"canada,,,,Transgender activist under criminal investigation after video showing Jessica Yaniv allegedly punching reporter hits social media,https://www.theblaze.com/news/report-transgender-activist-under-criminal-investigation,
"usa,,,,Convicted Serial Pedophile Being Released After Becoming Transgender Woman,https://www.themix.net/2020/01/transgender-pedophile-transgender-woman-hormones/,https://www.dailywire.com/news/convicted-child-molester-let-out-of-prison-because-theyre-transgender-no-longer-a-threat-government-says
"Thailand,,,,Transgender woman charged with stabbing boyfriend to death,https://www.bangkokpost.com/thailand/general/1933080/transgender-arrested-for-boyfriends-murder,
"usa,,,,"Protester arrested, accused of starting fire in chaotic Friday night protest",https://www.kptv.com/protester-arrested-accused-of-starting-fire-in-chaotic-friday-night-protest/article_3b04cdbc-a784-11ea-a250-93fef29b6740.html,
"Australia,,,,Child molester released after gender change,https://www.couriermail.com.au/truecrimeaustralia/police-courts/sexchange-pedophile-jeffrey-terrence-anderson-released/news-story/215d9284b933a37dad9fad34cec5a6c9,
"canada,,,,Convicted child porn offender pleads guilty to new charges,https://edmontonjournal.com/news/local-news/convicted-child-porn-offender-pleads-guilty-to-new-charges,
"uk,,,,"Transgender woman, 26, who was jailed after dousing her ex-boyfriend in bleach then trying to set him on fire is spared prison over lashing out at police",https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7268259/Transgender-woman-26-doused-ex-boyfriend-bleach-tried-set-fire-spared-jail.html,
"nz,,,,Dimetrius Pairama murder trial: Accused apologises to victim's family,https://i.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/115844925/dimetrius-pairama-murder-trial-ashley-winter-told-police-the-victim-was-her-best-friend,
"uk,,,,Woman who 'bragged about being a paedophile' approached boys at Remembrance event,https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/leah-harvey-caerphilly-sex-offender-18256962,
"canada,,,,HUNTER: Serial pedophile Madilyn Harks allegedly bolted while on weekend pass,https://torontosun.com/news/local-news/hunter-serial-pedophile-madilyn-harks-allegedly-bolted-while-on-weekend-pass,
"Australia,,,,Citizen arrest of rapist in robbery,https://www.pressreader.com/australia/sunshine-coast-daily/20200506/281612422568290,
"usa,,,,2 teens arrested for murder of mother in Banning Lewis Ranch,https://krdo.com/news/top-stories/2020/05/04/2-teens-arrested-for-murder-of-mother-in-banning-lewis-ranch/,
"usa,,nonviolent,,Person facing felony charges after police called to fight at apartment in Ludlow,https://www.wwlp.com/news/local-news/hampden-county/man-facing-felony-charges-after-police-called-to-fight-at-apartment-in-ludlow/,
"usa,,tra,,Ex-Ars Technica tech reporter Peter Bright convicted of soliciting minors for sex,https://nypost.com/2020/03/19/ex-conde-nast-tech-reporter-peter-bright-convicted-of-soliciting-minors-for-sex/,
"usa,,,,Dartmouth woman sentenced for sexual assault on home-care worker,https://www.thechronicleherald.ca/news/local/dartmouth-woman-sentenced-for-sexual-assault-on-home-care-worker-418323/,
"usa,,,,Man Arrested After Incident In Women's Dressing Room At Montgomery Mall,https://northpennnow.com/man-arrested-after-incident-in-womens-dressing-room-at-montgomery-mall-p1570-119.htm,
"usa,,,,"Ypsilanti man stabbed with samurai sword after failing to buy marijuana for partner, police report says",https://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbo2020/02/ypsilanti-man-stabbed-with-samurai-sword-after-failing-to-buy-marijuana-for-partner-police-report-says.html,
"Australia,,,,"Man killed in unsolved homicide after $160 drug rip-off, inquest told",https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/man-killed-in-unsolved-homicide-after-160-drug-rip-off-inquest-told-20200224-p543q0.html,
"uk,,,,"Blackpool woman admits to having more than 80,000 indecent images of children",https://www.lancs.live/news/lancashire-news/blackpool-woman-admits-having-more-17788403,
"usa,,,,Pharr woman accused of indecency with a child,https://www.krgv.com/news/pharr-woman-accused-of-indecency-with-a-child/,
"usa,,,toilet,Transgender woman told to leave women's locker room,https://www.kiro7.com/news/transgender-woman-told-leave-womens-locker-room/246633184/,
"usa,,,,Christopher Ryan Dobbs was convicted of multiple counts of second degree rape and first degree sexual abuse,https://www.koin.com/news/oregon/transgender-sex-offender-demands-to-move-to-womens-prison-in-lawsuit/,
"usa,,,,Investigation into yacht murder of California couple,https://abcnews.go.com/US/receipt-target-stolen-car-mexico-unsolved-murder-investigation/story?id=68204176,
"uk,,,,Five-year restraining order placed on Dagenham woman who “soiled” friend’s knickers,https://www.barkinganddagenhampost.co.uk/news/crime-court/five-year-restraining-order-placed-on-dagenham-woman-who-soiled-friend-s-knickers-1-2259110,
"usa,,,,Kathrine Nicole Jett pleaded guilty to one count of attempted receipt of child pornography,https://news.bloomberglaw.com/us-law-week/transgender-inmates-name-change-request-improperly-considered,
"usa,,,,Convicted sex offender offers bizarre defense in kiddie porn case,https://nypost.com/2020/01/14/convicted-sex-offender-offers-bizarre-defense-in-kiddie-porn-case/,
"usa,trans man,,,"Transgender man accused in sex crimes, assault on transgender minor",https://www.sunherald.com/news/local/crime/article60310471.html,
"usa,,,,19-Year-Old Accused of Exploiting 2 Children Under 4,https://www.necn.com/news/national-international/19-year-old-accused-of-exploiting-2-children-under-4/250097/,
"Ireland,,,,Man (34) who sexually assaulted child in hospital bathroom is jailed,https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/courts/circuit-court/man-34-who-sexually-assaulted-child-in-hospital-bathroom-is-jailed-1.4068520?mode=amp,
"usa,,,,Convicted sex offender sues over sex change operation,https://journalstar.com/news/local/911/convicted-sex-offender-sues-over-sex-change-operation/article_1b2611b9-8761-53fb-8dc4-72ecbee68d72.html,
"usa,,,,"Convicted rapist re-hospitalized, possibly indefinitely",https://www.smdailyjournal.com/news/local/convicted-rapist-re-hospitalized-possibly-indefinitely/article_7c4e4081-fb1c-5d3f-bff9-76adbfab5ef8.html,
"usa,trans man,,,Transgender man placed on probation for sexual battery of woman,https://www.eastidahonews.com/2019/10/transgender-man-placed-on-probation-for-sexual-battery-of-woman/,
"canada,,,,cross dressing convict returns to Whitehorse,https://www.yukon-news.com/news/high-risk-cross-dressing-convict-returns-to-whitehorse/,
"usa,,,,"Man who portrayed himself as 'cross dresser' arrested for alleged role in sexual assault, state police say",https://www.pennlive.com/midstate/2014/05/cross_dresser_sexual_assault_h.html,
"usa,,,,"Wanted transvestite, sex offender turns self in",https://www.clickorlando.com/news/2012/04/23/deputies-wanted-transvestite-sex-offender-turns-self-in/,
"usa,,,,NYC rapist who exposed himself in Garden City sentenced,https://www.newsday.com/long-island/crime/sex-offender-sentenced-1.18588205,
"Australia,,,,Brutal rapist gets 9 years,https://m.themorningbulletin.com.au/news/judge-jails-man-for-nine-years-over-brutal-rape/291370/,
"usa,,,,Adrian man gets 7 years in federal child porn case,https://www.lenconnect.com/article/20140420/NEWS/140418764,
"uk,,,,Cross-dressing torture killer Colin Coats allowed out of jail to attend mum's funeral - but still won't reveal where he dumped victim's body,https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/savage-torture-killer-colin-coats-9288436,
"usa,,,,youens vs state,https://www.leagle.com/decision/19871597742sw2d85511472,
"usa,,,,Retired drag queen' pleads guilty to voluntary manslaughter in fatal stabbing,https://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/update-retired-drag-queen-pleads-guilty-to-voluntary-manslaughter-in/article_33813188-3208-5c47-b1cf-f7656a2394cf.html#1,
"uk,,,,Sex offender Richard Cullen throttled and battered a young mother to death,https://m.independent.ie/world-news/europe/satanist-murderer-of-woman-gets-life-26026722.html,
"uk,,,,cross-dressing paedo Kenneth Larking in Saughton prison,https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/4182728/peter-tobin-girlfriend-kenneth-larking-saughton-prison-jail/,
"uk,,,,CONVICTED sex offender who murdered a female friend,https://www.scotsman.com/news/evil-murderer-feared-being-exposed-cross-dresser-1718589,
"usa,,,,State vs Lane,https://caselaw.findlaw.com/ks-supreme-court/1468236.html,
"uk,,,,Strood sex change pervert won't be jailed,https://www.kentonline.co.uk/kent/news/strood-sex-change-pervert-wont--a79703/,
"uk,,,,Crossdresser paedophile jailed,https://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/news/4855144.cross-dressing-paedophile-jailed/,
"usa,,,,Man in a dress charged with indecent exposure,https://www.fredericknewspost.com/news/crime_and_justice/cops_and_crime/man-in-a-dress-charged-with-indecent-exposure-near-monocacy/article_2a9291e5-1df8-5c6c-9013-387ed2c70919.html,
"usa,,,,"Naked Peeper Nabbed In San Jose, And He's Apparently Done This Before",https://sfist.com/2019/03/08/naked-peeper-in-san-jose-nabbed-and-hes-apparently-done-this-before/,
"usa,,,,Convicted of slaying boyfriend,https://southphillyreview.com/2012/05/03/convicted-of-slaying-boyfriend/,
"usa,,,,Cops Arrest Wig and Denim Cutoff-Wearing Suspect In Miller Park Incidents,https://spdblotter.seattle.gov/2016/02/29/detectives-seek-leads-on-wig-and-denim-cutoff-wearing-suspect-in-miller-park/,
"usa,,,,Pensacola man facing home invasion and sexual offense charges,http://weartv.com/news/local/pensacola-man-facing-home-invasion-and-sexual-offense-charges,
"usa,,,toilet,Man accused of attacking girl in Oklahoma City convenience store restroom,https://oklahoman.com/article/3883587/man-accused-of-attacking-girl-in-oklahoma-city-convenience-store-restroom,
"usa,,,toilet,Arlington man trying on women’s underwear arrested for indecent exposure,https://www.insidenova.com/headlines/arlington-man-trying-on-women-s-underwear-arrested-for-indecent/article_d6c57afa-6d21-11e5-91e0-afa5d23d8b67.html,
"usa,,,toilet,Cross-dressing man arrested for exposure at Walmart,https://www.ajc.com/news/local/cross-dressing-man-arrested-for-exposure-walmart/b0Ikm8U25R0oDFkN2LW66O/,
"uk,,,,Child rapist moves in with unsuspecting mum and boy – after becoming a woman,https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/child-rapist-changes-sex-before-17152814,
"usa,,,,Rapist wants Oklahoma Corrections Department to pay for female hormones,https://oklahoman.com/article/3755617/rapist-wants-oklahoma-corrections-department-to-pay-for-female-hormones,
"usa,,,,Man sentenced to life without parole for raping children,https://www.mariettatimes.com/news/local-news/2019/04/man-sentenced-to-life-without-parole-for-raping-children/,
"usa,,,,Former babysitter convicted in Harrisburg child-sex case,https://www.pennlive.com/midstate/2014/04/transsexual_convicted_in_harri.html,
"usa,,,,Transgender sex offenders pose dilemma in state civil confinement,https://www.timesunion.com/news/article/Transgendered-sex-offenders-pose-dilemma-12360403.php,
"usa,,,,Man rapist wants to transition in prison ,https://law.justia.com/cases/massachusetts/supreme-court/volumes/392/392mass28.html,"
submitted by ANIKAHirsch to IAMALiberalFeminist [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 16:48 TeacupEevee Boys toilet spycam

I work in a small business with 5 employees, including myself.
I typically do most of the cleaning. The “customer-facing areas” are my responsibility. Cleaning is not my main objective in my position. I’ve continued to clean those areas, though customers aren’t coming in. I also do extra disinfecting in my other coworkers spaces, the break area, and the floors for the whole office, because otherwise they don’t get done.
Myself and one other person (the owner) clean the bathroom. He cleans it maybe once a month. I clean it usually 3 times a week.
I rarely had issues until our 5th employee started a couple months ago. For context, I am the only female employee, and the area where they work has become a bit of a gross boys club. Now with 3 guys back there, they feel comfortable farting, burping, etc, and laughing about it. It’s gross, but it’s their space.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve noticed increased issues with the cleanliness of the bathroom. I’ve been cleaning multiple times a day because of it. The major issues have been coffee all over the sink and walls, very pungent smells, poop streaks in the toilet, literal poop left in the toilet, and pubic hair on the toilet.
I’ve talked to the guys about cleanliness and basic cleaning up after themselves. The coffee on the walls was improved. The other issues have gotten slightly better, but as we’re a small team, it’s obvious who is the culprit of the issues that have continued (the smells, the literal poop, and the hair).
I spoke to my boss about it, and he had a quick talk with the guys. I waited a few days to see if anything improved, but each day held new stinky adventures for me.
The next time it happened, I waited about half an hour to try and not make it a specific call-out, and then went and talked to the guys again. I went through the list of unacceptable things to leave in the bathroom - 1. Poop streaks or actual poop in the toilet 2. Hair on the toilet 3. Abnormally bad smells I reminded them we have plenty of cleaning tools, sprays, and a wall air freshener.
I understand we’ve all got bodily functions, and need to do what we need to do, but we’re all adults who also know how to clean up. It’s gotten to the point that I’m afraid to use the restroom for what I might encounter.
The coworker who has been the most regular culprit is now annoyed with me for “chewing him out” per one of the other employees.
AITA for continuing to push for my coworkers to clean up after themselves in the bathroom and discussing it as a team?
Edit to note: we only have one single bathroom with one single toilet, and we do NOT have an HR department
submitted by TeacupEevee to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 16:02 kaki927 50% spongbob movie script

[Movie starts with the 2002 Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon Movies logos]
[the titles read "Paramount Pictures Presents," "A Nickelodeon Movies Production," and "in association with United Plankton Pictures"]
[Seagulls flying across the sky while the screen pans and the open credits start. We then see a pirate on a look-out post. He moves upwards to get a better look at something with his telescope. The screen then shows the view in the telescope of a pirate on a dinghy]
Pirate on the Dinghy: [with a trunk] I got it! I got it! I got it!
Look-out Post Pirate: [Squints] Dinghy ahoy. [He then looks down to tell someone something] Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow!
One Pirate: Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirates: [off-screen] Dinghy off the port bow!
Other Pirate: Captain, dinghy off the... [He is slammed in the face by a door as the captain walks on deck]
Captain: Dinghy. [Lets the pirate in the dinghy onto the ship, along with the trunk]
Pirate Formerly on the Dinghy: I got it! I got it.
Captain: Where is it?
Pirate Formerly on the Dinghy: It's right here, captain.
Captain: [Opens the trunk] I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. [excitedly] Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! [The pirates cheer and they sail to the movie theater, singing the SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song]
Pirates: ♪Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants. Absorbent and yellow and porous is he? SpongeBob SquarePants. If nautical nonsense be something you wish? SpongeBob SquarePants. Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish? SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants. Sponge-Bob Square-Pants. SpongeBob SquarePants. Sponge-Bob Square-Pants. SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants. SpongeBob SquarePants. Sponge-Bob Square-Pants!♪ [The pirates hog the snack bar and get some popcorn. They rush into the theater room, where the movie starts]
French Narrator: [We start out on the familiar Bikini Atoll Island.] Ah, the sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... uhh... wet. [The camera submerges underwater until it stops in front of the Krusty Krab.] Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery, the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...
[The camera pans down into Bikini Bottom in front of the Krusty Krab]
Police: Back off! Back off! [waves arms to back off at reporters/citizens]
French Narrator: Hey, wait a minute. What is happening?
[The screen pans out to show the Krusty Krab is surrounded by cops.]
Mr. Krabs: Please settle down. [Referring to the Krusty Krab] We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss 'til me manager gets here.
Female Fish: [off-screen] Look, there he is!
[A black boat with orange flames drives up; SpongeBob's leg, wearing a black boot with an orange snake on it in the shape of an "S," steps out of the vehicle when it is stopped, SpongeBob climbs out of the limousine. He walks toward the Krusty Krab and blows a bubble]
SpongeBob: Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh. It started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite... no cheese! [he cries, but SpongeBob slaps him]
SpongeBob: Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. [SpongeBob walks in and sees a fish, extremely nervous, looking at his Krabby Patty.] Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. [He puts a briefcase down on a table.] Everything's gonna be just fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob: [Opens the briefcase.] You got a name?
Phil: [Nervously] Phil.
SpongeBob: [Puts on gloves.] You got a family, Phil? [Phil chokes over his words, unable to speak. SpongeBob snaps.] Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
Phil: I got a wife... and two beautiful children...
SpongeBob: [Puts on a headset from the briefcase.] That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob picks a slice of cheese out from his briefcase with some tweezers.] Say "cheese." [SpongeBob dramatically and slowly attempts to put the cheese on the Krabby Patty. He then kicks the door open, Phil in his arms. The crowd gasps. The cheese on the Krabby Patty sparkles.] Order up.
All [But SpongeBob]: [Cheer and then lift SpongeBob up on their shoulders.] Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! [his alarm clock honks] Hip! Hip! [his alarm clock honks] Hip! Hip! [his alarm clock honks]
[Honk continues from dream, the screen now shows SpongeBob in his bedroom. He turns off his honking foghorn alarm clock.]
SpongeBob: Hooray! Gary! I had that dream again! And it’s finally going to come true! [He runs over to his calendar.] Today! Sorry about this calendar. [He tears off the calendar page for the day before to reveal "March 7." On the page, it has a picture of the Krusty Krab 2 with rainbows and hearts around it.] Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Who's it gonna be, Gary? [he chuckles to himself] Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. [Camera pulls up, revealing many "employee of the month" portraits]
SpongeBob E.O.T.M Awards: SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob: I'm ready. Promotion. [Goes into the walk-in shower, eats soap, inserts a hose in his head, and puffs up until soap comes out. SpongeBob then pulls out paper-like fabric, which he folds into his pants. The back springs off, revealing his rear, which he covers up. He blushes and walks off-screen sideways. Then he brushes his eyes with toothpaste and wipes off the foam] Cleanliness is next to manager-lines. [Goes outside and runs around in circles] I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
[The scene is zooming to Squidward's house, and then cuts to Squidward in his bathroom]
Squidward: ♪La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da dee, la da doo, la da dum.♪
Squidward and SpongeBob: [In unison] ♪La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da d...♪
Squidward: Huh? [He notices SpongeBob in the bathtub scrubbing his back]
SpongeBob: ♪...ee, la da doo, la da dum, Bum Bum Bum, Da da da...♪
Squidward: [interrupts him, and covers himself] SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?!?
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
Squidward: What do you want?!
SpongeBob: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
Squidward: [yelling] Get out! [kicks him out the window]
SpongeBob: Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. [Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock]
Patrick: That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2! [notices he doesn't have his trunks on] Oops. Hold on. [Rock closes, with Patrick on it. Then it opens again with Patrick wearing his shorts] Congratulations, buddy.
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple!
Patrick: Gah, I love being purple!
SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick: You don't mean...?
SpongeBob: Oh, I mean.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!!
[Rock closes up on them, and opens up a few seconds later. They now have Goofy Goober hats on, and a record begins playing on a record player beside Patrick]
SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah / You're a Goofy Goober, yeah / We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah / Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪
SpongeBob: [Notices his watch] I'd better get going! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Patrick: Good luck, SpongeBob! Hey, look for me at the ceremony! I got a little surprise for you! ♪I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah...♪ [Bounces away]
[The scene cuts to a large crowd gathered in front of the Krusty Krab. Perch Perkins is on TV, reporting]
Perch Perkins: Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab 2! [the crowd applauds] First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. [Krabs has a big grin on his face]
Mr. Krabs: Hello. I like money.
Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original?
Mr. Krabs: Money. [Everyone laughs]
[Plankton is watching the entire scenario out the window of the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! [the word "customer" is heard echoing in the kitchen. Plankton groans and moans while sweating]
Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.
Karen: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen: What about Z?
Plankton: Z?
Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
Plankton: [Searches through cabinet] W, X, Y, Z. [Grabs Plan Z] Plan "Z"! Here it is, just like you said.
Karen: Oh, boy.
Plankton: [Looks at Plan Z] Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. [Sniffs it] It's lemon-scented. This Plan "Z" can't possibly fail! [Goes outside] So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton! All hail Plank--! [SpongeBob runs by and unknowingly squashes him and he screms] Ow!
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion... I'm ready, promotion...
Plankton: [While being stepped on by SpongeBob] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
SpongeBob: [Stops running] Eww, I think I stepped in something. [Tries to scrape Plankton off. Plankton yelps when SpongeBob tries to scrape him off]
Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit!
SpongeBob: Oh. Sorry, Plankton. [Looks at smeared Plankton and pulls him off his shoe] Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I am not on my way over [mocks SpongeBob] to the grand-opening ceremony. [Jumps four times] I'm busy planning to rule the world! [Chuckles]
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. [Runs off] I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion...
Plankton: [Plankton looks at the viewers] Stupid kid. [walks back to the Chum Bucket]
[Later, Mr. Krabs is at a stand in front of the Krusty Krab 2. The crowd is still gathered there, seated]
Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2! [The crowd applauds]
Mrs. Puff: We paid nine dollars for this?
Sandy: I paid ten!
Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager. [The crowd applauds again]
SpongeBob: [applauding wildly] Yay! Yeah! Yeah!! Now we're talking!! Yeah! [leans towards Squidward and shushes him]
Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.
SpongeBob : [Thinking] (Yes...)
Mr. Krabs: The obvious choice for the job.
SpongeBob: [Thinking] (He's right.)
Mr. Krabs: A name you all know. It starts with an S.
SpongeBob: [Thinking] (That's me!)
Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles! [A banner falls with Squidward's face on it. The crowd begins to cheer and clap, but SpongeBob does instead.]
SpongeBob: [excitedly] Yes! YEAH!!! [Dances around then he shakes Squidward's hand] Oh, better luck next time, buddy. [Cheers as he runs to the stage] Woooo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! All right! Woooo! [The perplexed crowd watches SpongeBob start to speak] People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of-
Mr. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. [Mr. Krabs whispers into his ear.] I'm making a complete what of myself? [Mr. Krabs whispers again] The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? [Mr. Krabs whispers a third time] And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!
SpongeBob: What?
Mr. Krabs: You... did not... get... the job.
SpongeBob: What...? But why?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... mature than you.
SpongeBob: I'm not... mature?
Mr. Krabs: Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...
Lenny: Dork?
Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
Pearl: A goofball?
Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.
Fred: A ding-a-ling.
Jimmy: Wing nut.
Mable: A Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Mr. Krabs: OK! That's enough!! Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager." You understand-ager? I mean, you understand?
SpongeBob: I guess so, Mr. Krabs.
[SpongeBob walks away]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob [depressed]: I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression.
Mr. Krabs: Poor kid.
[Patrick appears flying on a banner naked with a "Go SpongeBob" flag in his butt]
Patrick: Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob!
[Patrick accidentally hits the stage which sets on fire. Everyone except for Patrick runs away]
Patrick: Let's hear it for SpongeBob! Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?
French Narrator: Later that evening...
[Later that evening, Plankton is traveling through the sky on his jetpack. He stops in front of a giant castle]
Plankton: Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. Hehehehe...
[Neptune is sitting in his throne by his daughter Mindy, who is sitting in another throne. Neptune hits the squire on the head with his trident]
Squire: Oh, right. [clears throat] The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. [Guards bring a small prisoner fish shaking nervously]
Neptune: So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown.
Prisoner: Yes, but...
Neptune: [angrily] But what?!
Prisoner: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
Mindy: Daddy! [Frees the crown polisher] You're free to go.
Crown Polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. [runs away]
Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?!
Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?
Neptune: I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea.
Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
Squire: That would be nice. [Neptune hits him on the head with his trident]
Neptune: Squire! Clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. [Everyone except Neptune and Mindy leave. Neptune then shows Mindy his crown] What is this, Mindy?
Mindy: Your crown?
Neptune: And what does this crown do?
Mindy: It covers your bald spot.
Neptune: It's not bald! It's... thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. [Puts the crown on a pillow on a stool. While his back is turned, Plankton peeks out from behind the crown, snickering evilly] No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.
Mindy: [Alarmed] I'm gonna be bald!?!
Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. [He reaches for his crown, but puts the pillow on his head instead.]
Mindy: Dad, your "crown"...
Neptune: What the...!? [Discovers that his crown is missing] MY CROWN! [screams] SOMEONE HAS STOLEN THE ROYAL CROWN!
Plankton: [We see him leaving the castle with the crown] I got it! I got it! [He flies past Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat, which we get a view of inside. The bar is filled with people eating ice cream. Suddenly, a Goofy Goober Clock speaks]
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober! [The kids cheer]
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah...♪
Goofy Goober and Kids: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪ [Cheering]
[We then see SpongeBob sobbing at the Nut Bar]
SpongeBob: All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad.
[Patrick walks up to him]
Patrick: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager! [SpongeBob starts crying again] Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
SpongeBob: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.
Patrick: What? Why?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a... kid...
Patrick: [slapping his forehead] What?!? That's insane!!
SpongeBob: I know.
Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid! [Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal]
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
Patrick: I'm supposed to get a toy with this. [Waiter throws one at him] Thanks.
SpongeBob: [sighs] I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
Patrick: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. [he starts to walk away]
Patrick: Okay, see you.
Waiter: [hands Patrick a Triple Gooberberry Sunrise] And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. [SpongeBob starts to walk back to Patrick]
Patrick: Yum!
SpongeBob: A Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
Waiter: [Handing SpongeBob one] There you go.
SpongeBob: [Admiring it] Ooohhh!
[SpongeBob and Patrick gleefully eat rapidly and get ice cream on the waiter, both of them burping after they are done]
SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.
Patrick: Well, yeah.
SpongeBob: Waiter, let's get another round over here. [then the waiter gives them two more. They eat them and get more ice cream on the waiter] Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. [Then the waiter gives them two more]
Both: Whooooo! [they eat the sundaes and get even more ice cream on the waiter]
SpongeBob: Waiter. [Then they eat two more. By this time, the waiter is covered in ice cream. We see Patrick finishing his ice cream] Oh, waiter. [singsong] Waiter. [slurring] Wai-toor. [yelling angrily and pounding on the table. The bowls are stacked sideways] Waiter!!
Waiter: [puts a scoop of ice cream on a sundae] Why do I always get the nuts?
SpongeBob: [Up on stage holding a lollipop] All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: [The viewers sees Patrick and the Goofy Goober up on stage, too] Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called...
Both: "Waaaaaiiittteeeeer!"
[All three faint. The next morning, SpongeBob wakes up to find the waiter trying to get him up]
Waiter: [To SpongeBob] Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: [After recovering] Oh, my head... [He looks drunk]
Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going.
SpongeBob: My... friend? [Sees Patrick lying on the floor. He looks drunk, too] Patrick... hey, what's up, buddy? [Then realizes something] Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work!! Mr. Krabs is gonna be-- [Disgustedly] ....mr. krabs.
[At the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is pinning the manager pin on Squidward's shirt. Then he pulls up a telescope to him]
Mr. Krabs: Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. [Looks through the telescope]
Squidward: Yawn.
Mr. Krabs: What's this? King Neptune is riding toward the Krusty Krab at lunchtime? He's got money!
[Outside, King Neptune gets out of his coach and closes the door on Mindy]
Neptune: Stay in the coach, daughter. [Gets out of the coach] This won't take long.
Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.
Neptune: Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. [Turns around to leave, but bumps into the Krusty Krab sign pole] Ow! Squire! [The Squire, who was with them in the coach, pops onto the scene]
Squire: Yes, Your Highness?
Neptune: Have this pole executed at once.
[Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is changing the price of the Krabby Patty]
Squidward: A hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
[Trumpet plays. Neptune comes into the Krusty Krab]
Neptune: [To the customers] Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something?
Neptune: [lightning flashes] NAY!! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene... of the crime! [Holds up a piece of paper and shows it to Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: "I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs"?! [Eyes widen]
Neptune: Relinquish the royal crown to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: But... But this is crazy! I didn't do it!
Answering Machine: Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.
Clay: [Plankton begins impersonating a voice over the phone] Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. [King Neptune gets furious so Mr. Krabs tries to stop the machine by breaking it but it continues to play] I sold it to a guy in Shell City, and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. [King Neptune gets even more furious as Mr. Krabs unsuccessfully tries to stop the machine so he rips the phone from the cord, but the phone still works for a brief moment] Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
Mr. Krabs: Heh, heh.... whew! Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
Neptune: [Angrily] My crown is in the forbidden Shell City!?! [Screams]
[Outside, we see that Plankton is behind it, holding the phone]
Plankton: Plan "Z". I love Plan "Z".
King Neptune: [Continues screaming] Prepare to burn, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [sobbing] Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya...! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
King Neptune: Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
SpongeBob: [SpongeBob is burping around and looking all drunk] I've got something to say about Mr... [burps] Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. Please, tell King Neptune all about me.
SpongeBob: I have worked for Mr. Krabs for... [burps] ...many years and always thought he was a great boss!
Mr. Krabs: You see? A great boss.
SpongeBob: [off-screen] I now realize that he's a great...big...JERK!!! [Mr. Krabs turns to SpongeBob, shell-shocked] I deserved that manager's job! [grabs Mr. Krabs] But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a... kid. Well, I am 100% man! And this... man... has got something to say to you.... [takes a deep breath and blows a long raspberry] There. I think I made my point.
King Neptune: Anyone else? No? Well, then. [Fires at Mr. Krabs, boosting him up, and causing him to ricochet off of the walls. SpongeBob snaps out of his drunken phase.]
SpongeBob: Huh!?
Mr. Krabs: Ooooh! Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire!! [he dives into a bucket of water] Oh, yeah...
King Neptune: And now, Eugene Krabs, [prepares to blast Mr. Krabs again] you... will... [SpongeBob grips onto King Neptune's nose]
SpongeBob: Wait!
King Neptune: Nahhh!
SpongeBob: I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
SpongeBob: Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
King Neptune: You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me... my hair is thinning a bit.
SpongeBob: Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that noticeabl... [King Neptune removes his paper bag covering the top of his head, revealing a huge bald spot that shines] Bald! Bald!
All: Bald! Bald! Bald!
Fred: My eyes!
King Neptune: [places the paper bag back on his head] All right, all right.
SpongeBob: King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
King Neptune: [stretches his eyes out] You? Go to Shell City? [laughs while stretching his eyes out again] No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid. [throws SpongeBob to the floor]
SpongeBob: But I'm not a kid! I can do it!
King Neptune: Run along. I have a crab to cook. [lights his trident]
Mr. Krabs: No! [SpongeBob gets in the way]
SpongeBob: No! I won't let you!
King Neptune: Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both.
Mindy: [runs to the Krusty Krab] Daddy, stop it! Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
King Neptune: Mindy, I told you to stay in the carriage.
Mindy: Where's your love and compassion? [Holds SpongeBob] Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.
King Neptune: But, daughter, I...
Mindy: Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem...?
[She removes the paper bag, once again revealing the shiny bald spot]
All: BALD! BALD! BALD!
Fred: MY EYES!!
King Neptune: [places the paper bag back on his head] All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls!
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
King Neptune: And as for you....be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. [Patrick pops up]
Patrick: He can do it in nine!
King Neptune: Eight!
Patrick: Seven!
King Neptune: Six!
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Patrick!! [They tackle him]
King Neptune: Six it is, then.
Patrick: [Being choked by Mr. Krabs] Fi--ve.
SpongeBob: Patrick, shush!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands! [He points his trident at Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: No, wait... I'm begging you!! [King Neptune freezes him]
Squidward: Who turned on the AC? [gasps] Mr. Krabs!? Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck??
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
Mindy: Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops [she imitates the Cyclops stomping] who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!
[While Mindy is explaining, SpongeBob is scared but Patrick is infatuated with her]
Patrick: She's purty, SpongeBob.
Mindy: Here, take this.
SpongeBob: What's in here? [Opens bag and few winds blow at his face]
Mindy: It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
Patrick: [To Mindy] You're hot.
Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home.
Neptune: [from outside] Mindy!
Mindy: I'm coming! Good luck, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Wait! How did you know my name?
Mindy: Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures.
Patrick: What's my name?
Mindy: That's easy. You're Patrick Star. [Patrick's cheeks turn red and he blushes shyly from head to toe]
Neptune: Mindy!
Mindy: I gotta go. I believe in you guys.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mindy. [to Mr. Krabs] Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squidward: Pass. [He walks out the door, and leaves his hat behind]
SpongeBob: Patrick and I...
Patrick: Hi.
SpongeBob: ... are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. [Mr. Krabs turns his eyes and looks at them. They are drooling, and look very stupid. Mr. Krabs moans out of doubt] Patrick, let's go get that crown.
[They run to the kitchen where they slide down two metallic poles. They enter an elevator where elevator music is playing. The elevator stops at a secret room under the Krusty Krab 2, where the Patty Wagon is kept]
SpongeBob: Feast your eyes, Patrick.
Patrick: What is it?
SpongeBob: The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected French-fryer with dual overhead grease traps.
Patrick: Wow.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Wow.
Patrick: Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license.
SpongeBob: You don't need a license to drive a sandwich. [They start the engine, and crash through the side of the Krusty Krab 2, a word that says "Ker-Patty!" appears]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Shell City, here we come!
[Later, Plankton enters the Krusty Krab, looking satisfied with himself. Mr. Krabs is still there, frozen]
Plankton: Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. [Sarcastically] Freeze. [laughs] One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. [goes into the kitchen and walks out with the bottle with the Formula inside it] Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan "Z", I love ya! [Mr. Krabs' tears fall to the ground as Plankton leaves]
[The next scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick riding to a nearby gas station in the Patty Wagon]
SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪
[They stop at a gas station right before the country line. Past the county line, Bikini Bottom's beautiful landscape is replaced by barren locations. SpongeBob is wearing an aviator's outfit at the wheel and honks his horn to wake up the two hick gas station attendants, Floyd and Lloyd.]
SpongeBob: Fill 'er up, please.
Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard... er ketchup?! [Floyd and Lloyd slap their knees and crack up, rocking in their chairs.]
Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick. They're laughing next to us.
[Floyd and Lloyd continue to laugh as they advance towards the Patty Wagon. Then, Lloyd bends down and Floyd uses him for support.]
Floyd: Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
Patrick: Kids?!
SpongeBob: Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids. We are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
Floyd and Lloyd: Shell City?
Lloyd: Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
SpongeBob: That's right.
Floyd: [Solemnly takes his hat off and puts it over his heart.] Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. [Lloyd does the same.] Respect for the dead!
[The two "nyuk" and slap their knees again.]
Floyd: You two dipsticks ain't gonna last 10 seconds over the county line!
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. [He and Patrick get back into the Patty Wagon and pass the county line. A boat jacker stops them]
Boat jacker: Out of the car, fellas. [SpongeBob and Patrick obey and the boat jacker drives off in the Patty Wagon]
SpongeBob: How many seconds was that?
Lloyd: [checks his watch] Twelve.
SpongeBob and Patrick: In your face!
[SpongeBob and Patrick slap their knees and laugh like Lloyd and Floyd, who don't seem to care. Patrick makes a loud noise with a blow horn.]
SpongeBob: That's what I'm talking about. Yeah!
Patrick: Who's the kid now?
[SpongeBob runs around Patrick and flaps his arms like chicken wings as Patrick continues to honk the aerosol can.]
Floyd: They're dead.
[SpongeBob and Patrick continue their laughing as they walk down the road. They give each other a high-five, and Patrick honks his can once more.]
[The scene changes to a crowd entering the Chum Bucket back in Bikini Bottom. Perch Perkins is in front, once again reporting on TV]
Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. [He goes inside]
[Inside, Plankton is watching his new customers]
Plankton: Step right up. Plenty for everybody.
Perch Perkins: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. Can I get a minute?
Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch Perkins: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... [voice breaking] I'm sorry.... he confided in me a secret wish.... "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said... "Don't let the flame die out." [sobs] By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. [He plants a bucket helmet on his head]
Perch Perkins: Thanks.
Plankton: Bucket helmets for everyone!
Man: [happily] My helmet!
[Plankton enters his lab, where Karen is]
Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.
Karen: I never agreed.
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now!
Karen: Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. [Displays SpongeBob and Patrick on the road on her computer screen] My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. [Plankton looks at his hands]
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded PREDATOR!
[Miles away, we see a hitman wearing sunglasses traveling on his motorcycle down the road. First, we see the front, then his license plate, which reads 'I Kill U', and then his boot, which reads 'Your Head Here']
Dennis: [takes off sunglasses in another one] Sesame seed.
Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take ten gallons?
[The gas station attendants smack their knees and laugh more. Dennis, very annoyed, stomps up to them and tears their lips off. The hillbillies looks at each other as Dennis drives away.]
[Meanwhile, an exhausted SpongeBob and Patrick crawl down the road, sweaty and tired, but still cheering. Patrick's blow horn stops working and he tosses it behind him.]
Patrick: Going on...
SpongeBob: Yeah! Moving on... Just keep going...
Patrick: Yup...
SpongeBob: Gonna get that crown...
Patrick: Oh, yeah.... All right....
SpongeBob: Yeah.... Victory....
Patrick: Are we there yet?
SpongeBob: We must be close by now... Patrick, look. [He points to a billboard and reads it.] We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away! [A leaf blocking part of the sign comes off, revealing 2 more words]
Patrick: By car.
SpongeBob: I wish we still had our car.
Patrick: SpongeBob, look! Our car!
[We see the Patty Wagon in front of a beat-up bar. SpongeBob and Patrick are about ready to get in the Patty Wagon, but SpongeBob notices that the key is missing]
SpongeBob: The key!
Patrick: Where do you think it is?
[A fish is kicked through one of the Thug Tug windows and lands next to SpongeBob and Patrick, with many broken bones. His leg twitches. The two look through the broken window, and see thugs fighting, becoming drunk, and playing pool. The inside is a disaster. Everything is cracked or splintered, and the dim lights make everything look red. "R.I.P." is written in spray paint on a wall with a dead or knocked out fish below it. They see the Boat jacker playing pool with the key hooked onto his belt.]
SpongeBob: There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?
Patrick: I know. Walk in and ask him for it.
Thug: [From inside.] What are you looking at!?! [SpongeBob hears the punching sounds and pain cries inside]
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
Patrick: [Downcast and realizing SpongeBob's point] Sorry.
SpongeBob: I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Patrick: [Becomes enthusiastic] Ooh! Ooh! Wait, I wanna do the distraction!
SpongeBob: Okay... I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction.
[Patrick puffs out his chest as he bursts through the swinging doors, while SpongeBob crawls underneath them. Patrick clears his throat.]
Thug in background: You see me walkin' back?!
Patrick: Ahem! Can I have everybody's attention? [Everyone clusters around Patrick with angry expressions, ready for a fight.] I have to use the bathroom.
Boat jacker: [confusingly] It's, uhh...right over there. [He points behind him and notices SpongeBob reaching for his key. SpongeBob looks up at him for a second before scuffing around on the ground, searching for something.]
SpongeBob: Stupid contacts. [He holds up an imaginary contact.] Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. [Runs away]
[Inside the restroom, Patrick is going to the bathroom. He finishes as SpongeBob comes in]
SpongeBob: [Angry] Patrick! You call that a distraction?
Patrick: [Jolts up. He flushes the toilet. Turns to SpongeBob after realizing his error] Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
SpongeBob: Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. [He pumps the soap dispenser, and the top is pushed off by pressure from bubbles forming inside of it.] Patrick, check it out! [He pumps more.]
Patrick: Wow!
Both: Hooray!! Bubble party! [Bubbles float all around the bathroom and ragtime music plays as SpongeBob and Patrick dance with bubbles. Patrick juggles them, as SpongeBob gives him more to juggle. Then, SpongeBob lays on his side and balances one on his foot. Patrick balances one on his head. But one bubble drifts out the door and into the pub. Victor, the bartender, sees it.]
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