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ALMOST A CHARACTER
When looking back on the first part of this review after I had posted it I felt like perhaps I had given the protagonist (Ninomiya Hajime) a poor representation. P-kun, or Protagonist-kun if you prefer, is a term I use to describe a VNs POV character when they are... less then developed. This isn't necessarily a condemnation of a novel (Yukizakura is a pretty good novel with this type of protagonist) but I'd be lying if I said I didn't use the term derogatorily. I am not blind to the fact that the appeal of "blank slate" protagonists in this genre specifically is higher then most, but I think the evidence is overwhelming that more beloved novels have more developed protagonists. Shirogane Takeru, Toomi Yuna, Emiya Shirou and others might not be what most people think of when recalling their stories but their is no doubt in my mind replacing them with a vehicle for easier self insertion would have been a mistake, as each is crucial to the feel of the narrative. Depending upon your opinion of DDLC as a parody of traditional novels you might even reference its call outs of the POV character as recognition that the vast majority of VN protagonists are not only underdeveloped but participate in actions that from an outside perspective they have no motivation to do. So when I reference IxSHE Tell and its protagonist I feel slightly bad about including him on the same list as Takao Ibuki rather then giants like Okabe Rintarou because he has SOME personality at least. So i'll make a compromise, just this once. When I can justify it I'll refer to the protagonist by name, and when he slips into self insert territory I'll call him out for it with P-kun, so if you see me switching back and forth in this review that's why. Part 2 is going to cover my thoughts on the common route and its assets so lets dive right in and talk about the title screen.
I DON'T THINK THAT CHAIR ACTUALLY APPEARS ONCE IN THE NOVEL
IxSHE Tell starts almost immediately upon launch with a loud trumpet filled intro track over a picture of five girls tightly clustered in front of a posh throne. A few weeks ago when I published my first review of HuniePop I commented at length about my personal pet peeve for title cards and this one is... not very good. For starters the characters are much closer together then on the promotional art picture of the exact same scene (the characters even have the same poses) and that tightness clutters the left side of the menu uncomfortably. The picture on VNDB is MUCH better and not only lets each character breath more but puts emphasis on the empty seat which was presumably left open for the reader. The draped curtains in the background and the bright gold of the title clash with the music as the upbeat tempo and almost party like tone conflict with what looks to be a much calmer and upper class if unusual arrangement formed by the heroines. As a group shot, this title card fails to show anything but the most superficial traits of its subjects. I guess you could gather Kozuka is younger then the others from her expression and clothing but her personality doesn't really fit the tone she's putting off with her body language and saying you could guess Yamabuki is a tsudere or Yuuki is confident from their posture is a stretch at bast. Muv-Luv's title card isn't PERFECT but it's a much better example of how things can be done right in a group shot where every character has something unique to convey their personality to the reader. Pretend you've never seen either of these novels before and compare just these two images on VNDB, the list of things you can guess about one game's characters is easily triple the length of the other. So not a great omen for whats going to come but who knows maybe the title card at 100% completion will be better...
BEING POPULAR AND FAMOUS
In the past year of 201X (Seriously? Mega Man style date? What is this a secret Sci-Fi novel? If you're so worried about accurately depicting a level of technology just leave the year unspecified nobody cares! All you're doing with this is drawing attention to it.) the novel opens with a strange bit of narration in which the student newspaper (presumably) talks about the virtues of P-kun... okay. And tells the reader about him by calling him the hero student council president. So we know this novel isn't compensating for anything out of the gate at least I mean we're JUST the legendary president of the student council it's not like we're also drowning in women or anything...
Anyway cut to an introduction to our first Heroine Yamabuki Yoshino presented with a cute title card claiming she "Can't fully hide her true feelings" so look forward to embarrassing the soul out of her all game. She's okay I guess, her introduction is twenty minutes of nagging P-kun in her capacity as vice president while everyone tells P-kun how great he is and stuff. Then she falls over for a pantsu CG and the whole thing is so forced and unbelievable it comes off as a joke which is REALLY not want I wanted my FIRST interaction with this girl to be like but hey maybe you like seeing strong women humiliated to the tune of epic suspenseful music more suited to a poorly done Lord of the Rings video game then a VN, no judgment.
The rest of the student council, all one of them, is introduced (Hakuwa Shoukichi) as well as presumably the president (Kozuka Yui) and vice president (Ninomiya Aoba) of the neighboring sister school who's name is unimportant enough I'm not going to bother looking it up but it directly feeds its students into P-kun's academy so thats nice. Aoba is P-kun's sister and an adorable brat, she and Shoukichi spend the entire novel as one note characters i'll discuss in detail later but both are pretty enjoyable to have around. For story purposes all you need to know is Shoukichi has a crush on the school idle and does all the student council grunt work while Aoba is three steps down from spoiled rotten and oscillates between totally obnoxious and sickeningly sweet and clingy. Oh and she's friends with Yui I guess.
Speaking of which Yui gets her own title card "Both childlike and mature" (THAT'S not code for anything) and has the best romance introduction in the game. Hajime pulls her aside and tells her that as a fellow student body president he wants to ask her for her advice. He's having doubts what he's doing is the right thing. Today's student council meeting was all about the abolition of the centuries old ban on romantic relationship he had pretty much single handedly championed and gotten passed and how it was going to affect the school. Yoshino, again, his vice president, had originally run against him as a supporter of the ban and still speaks out against it despite working with him diligently as he was the people's choice. Hajime expresses his fears for the future and openly questions if this new freedom will come at the cost of some people's comfort who will now be subject to unwanted advances. Yui's response is so well crafted I can't do it justice in this summery but she asks point blank if she is the only one who knows Hajime feels this way. When he reply's affirmatively she takes responsibility for all his fears, and dismisses them. As the only person who COULD blame him, by choosing not to she makes it so their is now no one who does. Again the scene is MUCH better then this but I still have over half the cast to introduce so take my word for it, GREAT first impression from Yui.
Next comes Yuuki Ayaka, the school idol and two year winner of some beauty pageant. Apparently she's voiced by Oohashi Ayuru who is an idol herself which is a neat touch but her introduction here is UNBEARABLE... Her Heroine quirk is "Fary-Tale ideas of romance" which translates to referring to herself as "Perfect and Kawaii" every third paragraph and rejecting the advances of over a dozen guys, including poor Shoukichi, and some unnamed student directly in front of P-kun and Yui on their walk home. Realizing P-kun is there, she flat out presses her butt on his groin while saying to his face he, as the schools most popular boy, is the only man she could accept the confession of. Which prompts P-kun to freak out internally as he apparently has a crush on her and is a member of her "fan club" whatever that means. Apparently Ayaka and Yui know each other and Ayaka is teasingly warm to Yui's teasingly cold, bet that's going to come up later. Anyway P-kun gets Ayaka to blush after she DECIMATES poor off screen confession bro and the scene ends.
We pick up with P-kun walking home with his childhood friend Hanamori Shiori who I THINK is the front runner for best hair but we'll have to see. Her quirk is "Madly in love, single-minded devotion," and she will oscillate between too shy to function and creepily obsessed with P-kun for the rest of the novel until the romance branches. Her scene here is completely forgettable and uninteresting because the only thing that matters is that you know she's P-kun's childhood friend.
At the dorms Hajime and Shiori apparently live at together with Yoshino (Because THAT'S fair to the other heroines.) a new student is transferring in after the semester already started in true anime style and she immediately latches onto Hajime during their introduction. This is Koshimizu Kasumi, the apparent LOSER of best hair by popular vote which is a darn shame because the indigo tints on her tips are pretty cute, but that's a topic for later. Apparently she knew Hajime, Aoba and Shiori from their childhood where she was really sickly and Hajime would come visit her and bring her the schoolwork she missed. This left such a huge impression on the girl she developed her quirk "Pure, unabashed adoration" of Hajime and now that she's all better and able to go to public school again ten years after they met she's here to reunite with her white knight. Honestly it's a pretty touching story that feels a little rushed but OH BOY wait till we get the resolution to this one down the line it is going to get SO much more painful to read.
But enough of that, it's time to meet the best character in the game Hanamori Yasumasa! Yasumasa is Shiori's little brother, which makes him YOUR little brother by right of childhood friendship, and he's adorable. Your introduction to him is at the last meeting of the club you preside over together hilariously called The Horny Brigadier Brotherhood with the sole goals of creating and maintaining a free, secure network to browse porn at the school and abolish the relationship ban. Today's meeting disbands the group as Hajime steps down from his position as general (Which is weird right I mean can you even be the president of two groups simultaneously in Japanese schools I didn't know that was a thing but regardless) and Yasumasa is the vice president. When one of the members gets too rowdy Yasu threatens to suck him off and I'm going to have to stop this whole review for a second because that one line is my favorite in the whole novel.
Full context, I am a bisexual man. I lean about 60/40 in favor of women and didn't discover this part of my sexuality until I was in college, so the majority of my taste is centered around more traditional media rather then BL or Yaoi, but I do dabble in that as well. Yasu as a bisexual character is something I almost never get to see because in the words of my real life little brother "Japan only has two sexualities it recognizes, straight and fetish." Even setting that aside though for all the LGBTQ+ representation in American and Japanese media the B part of that is actually really hard to find good examples of in media ESPECIALLY male versions. They exist, but in recent years especially what little their is often gets drowned beneath a sea of purely homosexual characters and stories so its harder and harder to find. I can't tell you how excited I was to have this opportunity presented to me to see a good bisexual character because this game has a real chance to positively portray him and might even give the barest note of something between him and Hajime. I wasn't expecting a full romance route or anything, but their has to be a failure route in this game, and THAT is the perfect place to put something. It doesn't have to be flashy, maybe just a confession scene where Hajime, who rejected every one of these five girls, is approached by Yasu who questions him about why he's still single. It could end with a kind rejection, CG optional, or maybe even a kiss after the fade to black if they want to spoil me but this is a golden egg I'm BEGGING you Japan don't waste this...
After the meeting Hajime returns to his room and the narrative shifts to view the three love interests he boards with in the bath. Now I'm by no means a pearl clutching reactionary, but their is literally no reason for this scene to take place in the bath outside of Echii. If you didn't install the H-patch the scene is bland and has absolutely no character sprites. If you did the camera hugs the largest tits in the room as the girls talk. This conversation could easily have been anywhere else in the building but whatever the first CG in this game was an up-skirt pantsu shot so I guess this isn't as egregious as THAT. This does give me a good opportunity though to mention I WILL be including the H-patch content in this review but I'll be sectioning it off as much as possible to it's own subsection. When I eventually get to the romance routes I'll be glazing over everything Echii but this particular scene was kind of unavoidable to mention because Kasumi announces that she is going to confess to Hajime in front of the other two girls... and then immediately gets out of the tub and does it! I don't know why I find that so surprising but we as readers met this character literally twenty minutes ago in and out of game so this is REALLY forward but I guess points for confidence.
Kasumi's confession takes place in P-kun's room and is... a mixed bag. On the one hand her story, that she was a sickly girl P-kun would visited frequently ten years ago to bring homework and spend time with before she moved away for her health thus causing her to motivate herself to get better so she can one day reunite with her white knight is touching and romantic but also feels kind of rushed for a reason I can't quite explain. Maybe its the way she tells the story but I get the sense it would have been more impactful if it had a few more sentences of build up somewhere but for what it is it's serviceable. Hajime, understandably, politely tells Kasumi the two of them just met kind of and while he's flattered she feels so strongly about him he can't return her feelings as of yet because he knows so little about her. So not fully rejecting her but not saying yes either, just a request to get to know her first. Then she trips on him and the camera zooms on her boobs. So that ruins the mood as Yoshino comes in to tell P-kun he's terrible.
A DAY OF CONFESSIONS
The second half of the prologue begins with Kasumi transferring into P-kun's class, because of course she is. the next five minutes are background nobodies saying she's pretty. After a time skip to lunch these murmurs of Kasumi's apparent good looks reach all the way to the third year classes apparently because Ayaka bursts into the class to see her new competition appalled that Kasumi has been here less then 14 hours and has already confessed to her "crush." After establishing that Ayaka and Kasumi are now maybe possibly rivals not only for P-kun's affections but the beauty contest crown as well Yui, who apparently ran all the way from the sister school, bursts into the room, catches her breath, and asks Ayaka point blank if she is also here to confess to P-kun. If all of this is sounding rushed don't worry it is.
Yui makes the kind gesture of apologizing in advance to Kasumi, who without question got to P-kun first, but nonetheless confesses her love in front of the whole class which WAY too embarrassing even for me and I can't help but think this poor girl is going to be RELENTLESSLY teased for this but whatever its cute she's so brave. Hajime gives her the same response he gave Kasumi, stating he wants to consider both of them before deciding, which is pretty cool of him not ganna lie. Kasumi takes it really well considering she's standing right there as it all happens and says she likes the idea the boy she loves is so popular so as many girls can confess to him as possible without bothering her. Everyone acts real mature about the whole situation and honestly the atmosphere of the whole thing is pretty sweet.
Then Ayaka interrupts the mood tripping over herself to ask P-kun out too.
Yeah, this is the worst confession in the game and her reasoning that "We should date because we're popular" is ridiculous. I don't have any jokes about this I just find it really poorly executed, 0 points.
After that P-kun is chased out of the classroom and down the hall by a ravenous group of girls in a brief break for levity before the novel establishes P-kun is apparently remembering arm day because he hoists himself into the student council room through the window, and will do so on a regular bases throughout the rest of the novel. Inside he's greeted by Shiori, Yoshino, Yui, and Kasumi as well as the entire student council important enough to have a sprite. Yoshino, unable to take the second hand embarrassment of the girls who already confessed to P-kun cooks up a ridiculous plan. She confesses her "love" for him, saying she wants to have the most debauched relationship possible to get the romance ban reinstated and end all this chaos. The only important part of this is that no one thinks she doesn't actually like him and just felt jealous so she did something rash. Aoba asks if her brother is going to die tomorrow to keep karmic balance and at this point I wouldn't be surprised if he did.
Anyway somehow this group chooses to be productive after all that and discussion begins on a PR campaign that the photography club, of which Shiori is a part, will be helping with. Hajime is nominated to be one of the models for a series of posters showing a model couple for students to look up to and the remaining girls fight over who will be his partner in the pictures. Everyone has their own reasons for why they should be picked but just when the reader may think they'll be given the first choice of the game Hajime (After a day of deliberation, a visit to the cafe Ayaka's parents own in which she works so SHE can be in on this, a much better and cuter scene then her introduction with Shiori at the dorm, and an admittedly pretty good fake out when Hajime gives a speech to the student body about the right to love in which we get a LOT of time with Yoshino.) just chooses Kasumi and the whole thing resolves... and then Shiori confesses her feelings in front of the other girls in the weirdest, most unsettling way possible.
In a CG where she twists her head to look over her shoulder as it tilts back, Shiori, backed by the most ominous track possible, expresses she has loved P-kun since childhood blah blah that parts not interesting she looks like a total Yandere. Like no joke if this was the only picture you had to go on, which at this point it is, you'd expect this game to devolve into Love Letter at some point down the line it is TERRIFYING! Gotta admit though her stance of "If all it takes to get a yes from you is to get to know each other then I should easily win because I've known you for years." is a pretty good argument. Seriously though I really can't stress this enough she isn't just setting off a red flag it's BLOOD red.
OKAY MAYBE THIS IS A LITTLE TOO POPULAR.
The first of five subsections in the common route opens with P-kun being chased by a hoard of women and a 90's style record scratch sonic movie opening "Yeah, thats me, if you wanna know how I got here we have to go back to-" in medias res. Now because of the way the heart system works my summery from this point on is going to SOUND really surface level and bare but for every scene I gloss over with a sentence it is entirely possible something takes place that may not be important to the STORY but was purely designed to endear the reader to the heroine featured in it. I'll point out any moments I feel are noteworthy but just because not much PLOT happens doesn't mean NOTHING happens alright?
P-kun has a flashback to this morning when Yoshino walked him to school and the two of them were mobbed by a hoard of girls who either want to ask him out or ask him about the girls who asked him out. He runs and abandons Yoshino to the wolves. Good boy Yasu meets up with Hajime for the cross view section which I will cover quickly. Yui's scene is just talking with Moka and getting pumped to go spend time with P-kun. Yoshino deals with the aftermath of being abandoned. Kasumi meets a cat girl and acts cute. Ayaka is swarmed by fans who agree to help her track down Hajime and Shiori has a panic attack. You see what I mean about these summaries? Each of those scenes was probably a ten minute read where not much happens but you're able to spend time with the heroines. I'd love to go line by line and talk about how charming some of these moments are but this review is already a monster so I'm just going to have to move on.
Yasu is being blackmailed into helping the mob of girls but he nobly sacrifices himself for p-kun to escape, fainting to distract them. Hajime ends up at his favorite spot on campus, the Clock Tower, where Ayaka visits him and they have a chat. Apparently Ayaka's fan club is working like a not so secret service to give her an advantage. Which I kind of want to say is cheating but will let slide because the other girls get outside help from their friends later in the novel. Anyway the mob finds them and Hajime flees again, this time to the auditorium where Kasumi gives him a lunch since he probably hadn't had a chance to eat yet and if you don't give her a heart for that you're a monster this is a legitimately sweet gesture. Hajime freaks out that she was keeping the milk she got him between her breasts, must be a Japanese thing because I don't know a single teenage boy who would care. Anyway you can guess what happens, they're found, he flees, this time he's pulled into an unused room by Shiori who sits on his lap, which is somehow NOT a CG but whatever I'm not salty. The title screen has her in a close position to what I imagined anyway. Anyway more girls and more fleeing. (How long has this been going on don't you kids have class to get to?) Now Hajime climbs trough the student council room window again and finds Yui who stuffs him under her desk to prevent him from being spotted and we get ANOTHER pantsu shot which is WAY over quota now and its not even tasteful. Like this is full on up the skirt vag view, for which Hajime is rightfully punished by... being crushed between Yui's thighs... are we sure this is before the Echii patch add ons?
The school day comes to an end when literally every heroine, Aoba, and Moka all end up at Ayaka's cafe (she had invited Hajime their in the earlier scene) and they talk for a bit about who Hajime is going to take on a date. For the first extra scene the reader gets to make that choice. Kasumi takes him to the mall where she clings to his arm, not a great scene but playful I guess. Yoshino runs into her political supporters against relationships and forces Hajime to pretend they are just out together as friends. Ayaka has a truly forgettable scene of walking with Hajime. But the two stand outs are definitely Shiori and Yui. Shiori has a scene I'm guessing is much more sexual in Japan where you measure her cup size, I don't know maybe that's your thing I just can't get over the *squish* sound effect it's like a bad anime skit. Yui calls you Onii-chan for the ONLY time in the novel and asks you to pet her head which is ADORABLE and it is a CRIME this is the only time this happens.
Next day, new batch of hearts.
Hajime runs out of ink for his pen... Theirs a joke here somewhere but I can't quite find it... anyway Yoshino offers him some of hers... god I really feel like I'm missing an innuendo here. Hajime turns her down and runs off to the campus store where he runs into cat girl and Ayaka. Apparently the store needs to sell a whole bunch of noodles nobody wants and cat girl is depressed about it. Ayaka offers to do a handshake event, which I guess is a Japanese thing where when you buy a certain amount of a product you get to touch a celebrity, and volunteers Hajime to be there too, so that's the plot of this subsection. All the girls find out about it and have their own reactions. The cross view section lays out their plans. Shiori skips class to be first in line. Ayaka uses her fame to advertise. Kasumi volunteers to work the store in exchange for four times the necessary amount of noodles to qualify for a handshake. Yoshino beats herself up over wanting to go to the event and not having a good excuse (She's really starting to lean into that aggressively shy personality about romance.) And Yui has a HEARTBREAKING scene where she thinks about how even the short distance between the two sister schools is a roadblock to her romantic prospects because unlike all the other girls she has to run every day to even SEE Hajime and they just have to go to class. She finds out about the handshake event but by then she knows she'll be way back in the line. Oh and Aoba has a scene where she tries to price gouge people and fails miserably, so that exists.
Anyway the actual event takes place and all the Heroines get a chance to interact with Hajime, the scene comes off as a bit comedic with Yui wearing a disguise so the artist can make use of the alternate lab coat outfit she has for no good reason. Yoshino's indecisiveness makes it so she gets in line too late to buy any noodles but Kasumi gives her half of the ones set aside for her day of work. Ayaka cracks some pretty good jokes, and the whole thing ends with a photo shoot for the whole group where Ayaka surprise kisses Hajime on the cheek. And Shiori is there too. Then you get the least interesting extra scenes in the game. I mean they aren't BAD they're just comparatively the worst of the bunch. Ayaka tells you she was embarrassed to kiss you but swears she wants to make your heart flutter. Yoshino acts embarrassed on the walk back from school and runs off. Hajime just kind of chats with Shiori, walks Yui home, and gives Kasumi her "handshake" after she teases you. Nothing terrible just nothing super interesting either.
FAVORITISM
The next scene is a fireworks festival and the best part of the whole game. I mean it if you could somehow only play one part of this novel THIS is the part you should do it is cute, fun, has great jokes, honestly its better then any of the romance routes so if this review has gotten you interested in the game I honestly recommend a blind look at it you'll have a blast.
The girls get into an argument about who is going to be Hajime's date to the festival and decide to play a game called King to determine the winner and while I would have LIKED to have this scene take multiple paths it always plays out the same way but the jokes here are top notch as the girls all try to one up each other. Theirs a CG of playing the Pocky game with Yoshino and it's adorable, honestly Yoshino kind of steals the show during the game till she passes out peso pon. Eventually the girls all drop out one by one until Kasumi wins and gets the right to your fireworks date. But tragedy! That night she calls Hajime saying she lost a special pendent and just can't leave the house without it. So he tells her to stay put since it's getting dark and goes to the school to look for it.
The cross view this time around has the first of two tied for worst scenes in the game and some really cute moments. Kasumi ruminates on how cool you are for understanding she can't go on the date with you and decides to go to the school to look there even though you told her not to, but she's the outlier because literally all the rest of the heroines plan a big party at Hajime's dorm on Aoba's suggestion. In Yui's scene we see her upset that she lost the game with the other girls and Aoba suggests the party to cheer her up, why the developer decided this scene needed to be done from both Yui's AND Aoba's perspective when Yui would have been fine on her own I don't know but I HATE when visual novels repeat themselves like that it's maddening. The difference is literally six lines of dialogue but to find it I have to sift through all this stuff I JUST read, it's a waist of time. If you want me to have both perspectives, wright the scene in two parts and put one after the other, like Aoba recommends the party and then Yui thinks about what a great friend she is shortly after ANYTHING ELSE but this. Shiori, Ayaka, and Yoshino all get invited and agree to go. Their's also a really nice scene of some random no name guys talking about Hajime and how jealous they are of him but it's not mean spirited or anything they act really casual about it, honestly this might be my personal favorite of the cross fades its just got a really nice atmosphere to it.
Hajime arrives at the school and tells off my boy Yasu for bringing a camera to school to catch couples getting frisky on campus during the fireworks which totally sounds like its going to happen given the recently lifted ban on romance making people lose themselves in the moment but Hajime is a total cock block and tells him to go home. After a long time searching Hajime bumps into Kasumi and just when they're about to lose hope and go home the fireworks start and a glint of light leads Kasumi right to her pendent on the ground. Overjoyed, but sad they missed their chance at a date, they head back to the dorm to find the party in full swing and have a great time. the extra scenes are all post festivities and range from decent to too cute to exist. Yui and Ayaka get walked home, nothing super interesting but sweet. Shiori helps clean things up and you do the dishes together like a married couple. But Kasumi and Yoshino definitely win this round. Yoshino, like a boo from Mario, inches closer to Hajime when he looks away but losses her nerve when he looks at her. Intentionally turning to see what she's trying to do but without looking directly at her he sees her creep up and lock pinkies with him with a triumphant "Yay! I did it!" under her breath. He responds by holding her hand and the two of them clean the outside party area together. Kasumi looks up at the starts and talks to herself about how fortunet she is to have met Hajime and when he approaches her she asks if, just for a moment, he'll let her think of him as her hero as she cries on his chest in relief she still has her pendent. It's not a long scene, but it is incredibly touching.
the next subsection is a party at the dorm, no not the party we just had a different one, this time a sleepover. Theirs a scene with Hajime's teacher who I have purposely avoided speaking about until this point. Rest assured she has been here the entire time I just don't think she's very important. This is the exception however as Hajime runs off to save her from drunk driving and we get the cross view early. Ayaka stresses over what to wear with Moka, a scene we also get from Moka's perspective, same problem as last time don't worry I won't repeat myself. Yui rolls around in Hajime's bed, which I don't THINK is an innuendo in this case but who knows? Kasumi tries to bribe Aoba into giving up information on her brother and gets conned. Yoshino agonizes some more about being in love and Shiori hits her brother while thinking about getting treated like a 50's wife. Hajime brings the teacher back to the party and she kisses his cheek before being murdered off screen by five jealous women.
After ANOTHER scene in the bath involving talk about all kinds of girl stuff it would be inappropriate for me to reveal here due to its private nature Hajime goes to take a bath of his own and all the girls show up in their swimsuits because OF COURSE we need a swimsuit scene this is a VISUAL NOVEL come on! Their is a lot of unnecessary boobs and then extra scene time. Ayaka is outside and reiterates to Hajime her desire to make his heart flutter. Yui sits on the couch with him and lets him pet her. Yoshino also gets head pats. Shiori comes to visit and nearly kisses p-kun and Kasumi burns her sensitive tongue after an indirect kiss. It's all really cute, good note to end the extra scenes on.
The last section of the common route is the Haloween party and this is the point the narrative has been building toward. Tonight, Hajime chooses one of the girls to ask to the dance and finally gets a girlfriend and it is the least interesting part of the whole novel. It's not TOTALLY worthless, Yui and Kasumi get to be pretty cute but 90% of this section is just the heroines agonizing over who he's going to choose. Theirs a subplot about Yui being too busy to go to the party but its resolved quickly and the whole cast ends up together for a little free time and competition that Kasumi and Yui totally win. Something to note in the cross views is my good boy Yasu reveals he's into traps and shows the entire student council, all one of him, a picture on his phone of one. The scene ends with the first and only choice of the game. Who won your heart?
THE LONG ROAD TO ROMANCE
In the previous part I alluded to the fact I would be discussing the entire rest of the game in part 2 but as you could guess from the fact their is a paragraph left in this post I'm going to have to renege on that. I have no intention of stopping here but I'm going to need to make this a three parter at least, I just bit off more then I can chew. Next week, I'll focus on what happens with each heroine when she gets the chance to interact with P-kun by herself. If you're liking this review so far be sure to let me know as I'm putting a LOT more work into this one and feedback is the only way I can know if it's paying off. If you've read the novel let me know what you think of my summery, naturally I had to leave a lot out but I'm curious to see if you would have included something I overlooked or vise versa. Regardless, I hope you were entertained, stay well!
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2020.09.19 00:50 Jamie-Vu Porn free live rooms

I just got fired over absolutely nothing in the middle of a Friday night rush, and I’ve decided there’s going to be hell to pay.
Carl thinks I left in tears, but it’s only a matter of time before my damp plastic bag of an ex-boss realizes I locked myself in the back office instead. Kitchen clocks run on dog years, and I plan to make every second count.
I’ve gotten a lot done with my time already. It took almost half the emergency bourbon from the drawer to guess the administrator password, but that’s okay. I drink fast.
So far I canceled the standing meat and seafood order, spent that money on express overnight shipping for 40 cases of premium wild-caught anchovies, called in 8 complicated to-go orders that will never get picked up (that one really stretched my vocal range because the same hostess picked up every time), signed the admin email up for every porn site I could think of, deleted the entire reservation list for October, pocketed all the sharpies I could find, and edited the schedule to make sure that everyone shares their next few shifts with at least two other employees they’ve slept with.
I’m sure every hurt can be healed with a little time and effort. But hey, nothing is permanent and all journeys come to an end.
That’s the kind of thing Ashlee will say to me when I pick up my final paycheck on Monday. Or she might not say anything to me at all. Maybe her empty platitudes will have annoyed a brunch guest into biting off her head. I wonder if she would even notice.
Anyways, I just finished photocopying my ass cheeks onto the backs of the new lunch menus before returning them to the stack at random. I’m hoping at least half make it out on the dining floor tomorrow. Now for my next trick, I think I’m going to write a letter to my unfortunate replacement.
That’s right, I’m talking about you. Friend, this is a dangerous place to work.
It's not just the sharp blades, the hot pans, the backstabbing coworkers, or the threat of a surprise visit from the health inspector while one of us is standing crane-style at the triple sink, using the dish sprayer to rinse off a filthy rubber clog.
Every kitchen is dangerous. No one has ever invented a foolproof way to filter an industrial deep fryer, and no matter how loudly you say "hot" and "behind", there’s alway that one guy who takes it as a compliment rather than a warning. (Here that guy’s name is Bryce. Say no if he offers you a hit, he does NOT mean weed.)
But this particular kitchen has quite the unique set of dangers, and in six months I have yet to figure out why. If anything, the mystery has only deepened. But through trial, error, and pig-headed determination, I’ve managed to come up with a few tips for staying safe. Everything that follows is anecdotal and not very scientific. But seeing as you just took a job in a restaurant where the clientele have been known to literally bite heads off the staff, I wouldn’t turn my nose up at any pointers.
I wouldn’t call them rules. Advice, maybe. More of a survival guide, although I make no guarantees that you will. That depends on how closely you follow my first point.
- Watch Your Back.
You may not see it yet, but the Crossroads Kitchen is either cursed, possessed, a former murder scene, or built on a Native American graveyard. On my life, this place is haunted as hell.
Weird scratches and marks appear on the walls immediately after being cleaned. Food goes unpredictably rotten overnight after it just came in on the truck. Tickets print that never rang in. Personal effects disappear and reappear elsewhere. The swinging doors between the back and the front open on their own sometimes, swinging like someone just came in, but there’s no one there. The line pumps out an insane amount of heat during service, but there are moments when the air goes so cold you can see your own breath freezing in front of you. I was mopping one night and got hit in the eye with a flying lime out of nowhere. I was the only one on the line.
Have you ever gotten a black eye from a ghost? It fucking sucks. No one believes you.
There’s no apparent fix. Salt and sage are in abundance around here and they don’t seem to do dick. I keep a couple of crosses stashed in the back, but those are only for emergencies. The only sustainable remedy is to keep a clear head and watch out for flying fruit.
This may be harder than you expect, which leads me to my next point.
- Be Aware Of The Fuck-it Field.
There's something in the air here that affects the way you think. No, I don't mean a gas leak, we've checked.
It's especially strong on the dining floors, but it affects the back and the grounds too. On humid days you can sometimes smell it. Fresh cut mango, sort of sweet and piney. It hangs around like a dream where nonsensical, objectively terrifying things are happening but they all seem so natural and logical that you don’t think to question any of it. Not until later, if you even remember dreaming at all. It’s affecting me right now as I write this. I know something strange happened in the booth section earlier, but I have no recollection outside of a few jumbled sensory impressions. My mind won’t catch hold of the memory. It just slips away like a pat of butter in a hot pan. It’ll come back to me, maybe, once I leave.
No matter how weird it gets around here, people just don’t seem to notice.
- Watch Out For VIPs.
The Crossroads Kitchen isn’t just a catchy name. Being located at an actual crossroads, we naturally get our fair share of strangers passing though. Most of them are pretty ordinary - vacationing families, long haul truckers, couples on day trips from the nearby city.
But there are…..others.
We get maybe two or three a month. They always seem to fly in under the radar. Creeping the window is my favorite pastime and I’ve never seen one come in or get seated. But it’s like there’s some invisible signal when a VIP arrives. All present managers rush offline to attend them in the private booth section where the horse stalls used to be, and we don’t see hide or hair of them until the order rings in. Carl acts like it’s a state visit from the goddamn Queen of England every time, even though we’re slinging burgers and wings in a literal barn. He’ll hover in the window the entire time you’re working the ticket, asking how it’s looking every thirty seconds. He’ll throw a fit if it isn’t perfect. Most of these orders ring in modded to hell so read your tickets carefully. They can be odd. I’ve sent out things like an entire unbaked lasagna and a gallon of skim milk, or a single deep-fried leather dress shoe (no, I’m not kidding. I think It was Carl’s).
Don’t bother asking questions. You won’t get any satisfying answers. Just get it done on the fly so Carl will stop breathing down your neck. He usually leaves for the night after a VIP comes through, which means the cooks and the hardcore servers will be drinking in the employee parking lot til dawn. That’s always a good time. Just don’t let Zeke and Toby throw you in the duck pond.
- Try Not To Stare At The Clientele.
People watching out the window is great fun, but do it in moderation. The snobs take offense, and the friendly ones take it as an invitation to come bother you through the window. To be fair, they sometimes tip if you play nice and laugh at their shitty jokes. But sometimes you can’t tell if it’s one of them until it’s too late.
That’s how Morgan the fry cook lost a hand and we lost Morgan the fry cook, even though we wrote down BLENDER on the incident report for worker’s comp and within a day everyone had forgotten Morgan the fry cook’s existence.
Better safe than sorry. Don’t interact unless you have to.
Of course, the VIPs get waited on hand and foot, so they rarely have reason to leave the booth section. But pay attention if you notice a guest prowling the edges of the dining floor, one who moves with an odd fluid grace and snags your attention for no obvious reason. Someone with a face you can’t seem to get a good look at. Someone trying just a little too hard to look casual as they scan the crowd with hungry, searching eyes.
Stay vigilant. If one of them approaches the window, you need to get away from it.
Fast.
- Never Stay Late Alone.
Don’t get me wrong. The kitchen is gorgeous - well-maintained and neat as a pin (after I close anyway). She’s got three lines, two service windows, two walk in coolers and an industrial farm sink for processing vegetables and meat. In a past life she was a dairy barn where the old farm milked the cows. This is great because you know those floor drains can handle having dropped fries and whole boneless wings waffle-stomped through the grates all day.
But again, you don’t ever want to be in there by yourself.
Things get creepier late at night. It’s why they have us closing in pairs, and it still isn’t always enough. The later it gets, the more you’ll start to hear things. Whispers. Giggles. Slow, sly footsteps creeping up behind you. There will be a point when you get an intense urge to turn the music off just to listen.
Do NOT do that. Take it as your cue to wrap up the closing list and get the fuck out as soon as you can.
- Don’t Question The Missing Food.
Sometimes plates disappear between the window and the table. Shit happens. Mistakes are made. But it happens an awful lot here, and everyone likes to point fingers. Personally I’m convinced it has something to do with the dark presence lurking behind the meat rack. Whatever it is, it causes endless remakes, arguments and vendettas between back of house and front of house.
It is what it is. Push out a new plate on the fly and argue about where the old one went later. The most important thing is to keep your tickets moving so that every guest gets fed.
Bad things can happen if they don’t.
- Disregard The Dark Presence Behind The Meat Shelf.
There may come a night when you find yourself alone in the walk in, whispering into the shadows behind the meat shelf.
You might be singing a lullaby you don’t know in a language you don’t recognize, and you will not remember how you got there.
It’s okay. We’ve all been there. Just put down the knife if you’re holding one, grab a band-aid if you need it, and get back on the line ASAP. Try not to handle or even think about raw meat for the rest of your shift. Maybe lock your doors that night if you’re prone to sleepwalking.
You’ll be fine. Probably.
- Say No To Brunch.
No matter who asks, no matter who calls out, just say no. Brunch is for the birds. That’s why management throws the greenhorns at it. They get good fast, and they have to work harder to keep up with the frantic pace of endless French toast and eggs over easy, so they’re less likely to notice the birds.
Not that anyone notices a damn thing around here anyway, except for me. But while we’re on the topic:
- Don’t Throw Floor Wings Back In The Fryer.
I can’t believe I even have to say this. Remember how this used to be a cow barn? Yeah, this isn’t your mama’s house and the five second rule doesn’t apply. Hot oil does NOT sanitize food you dropped on the floor, it just contaminates the fryer and further angers the birds. Hopefully this is common sense, but considering how many cooks I’ve screamed at as they stand over the fryer with a sticky, dirty drumstick about to drop into the clean grease and a sign across their ass that reads Spank Me, Mommy, I’m being clear. For fuck’s sake. This is why I refuse to order wings when I’m out.
I also have to regularly stop Leon from putting metal ninth pans of beer cheese in the microwave, so I would unplug that for a while.
- Smoke Em If You Got Em.
Some of your cigarettes may vanish during your shift. Relax, nobody stealing from you. This will happen even if you keep them on you the whole time. Other cigarettes may show up in the pack, usually flipped upside down as if for luck. Brands you don’t smoke, or have never seen before. Lighters may change color and acquire new patterns without ever leaving your pocket.
It doesn’t seem to affect anything else and can even be kind of fun, so I wouldn’t stress about this one.
- Don’t Listen To The Radio.
Not even in your car. For good measure, keep the sound off and the windows rolled up until you leave the Crossroads parking lot. During your shift, feel free to plug your phone into the kitchen speaker and play whatever you can convince the crew to listen to, but no Bluetooth. Wired connections only. And never turn on the radio.
You won’t like what you hear if you do.
We don’t get much variety out here anyway. Just a couple of distant country stations and the public radio channel that sometimes plays smooth jazz late into the night. Even if you tune in on something you like, the longer you listen, the less of it you’re going to hear. The static in the background will grow and grow, looming until it swallows the music up and there’s nothing but white noise. You should never let it get to that point. Definitely don’t listen to the whisper in the static,saying your name over and over, and don’t do anything it tells you to do.
Trust me, just leave the radio off.
- Avoid The Utility Shed.
I’ll be honest, we don’t really know what the deal is there. It’s just got this uncomfortable vibe about it, always chillier than it should be, and it smells like a wet hangover fart. Nobody likes going near it.
I haven’t seen this myself, but there are plenty of employee legends about strange sounds and lights coming from it after hours, and people who walked out in the middle of their shift and disappeared into the shed, never to be seen again.
For some reason that’s where we keep the detergent for the dish machine, so if it runs out near the end of a shift, be smart. Go with a buddy. (Don’t bother asking Bryce. He won’t help because he’s ‘allergic to ghosts’. He once threatened to stick the tip of his dick through the door and then come back and show us all the rash, but we declined.)
- Don’t Eat In The Pool.
Seriously. Don’t. Maintenance is still finding fragments of teeth in the filter from last time. The pool doesn’t appreciate it.
- Don’t Get The Robs Twisted.
All of the bartenders are named Rob. No one knows how it happened. Management swears it wasn’t intentional. But there’s five of them now, and they’re all named Rob.
We all have our own systems for differentiating the Robs (Skinny/Metalhead Rob, Tall/Hot Rob, Short/Funny Rob, etc.), so find what works for you. Just watch for cross-Rob translation errors and keep in mind that Angry Rob is territorial and easily triggered by comparison to other Robs (i.e., “Where’s Rob?” “Which one? The cute one or the scary one?”).
Each Rob has his charms, but none of them are aimed at the non-tipping dirt goblins in the back of the house. So mind your manners. They might sneak an occasional well shot in your soda if you’re polite.
- Wear Gloves In The Dish Pit.
Yeah, yeah, I know, you were hired as a cook, it’s not your job to do the dishes, cry me a river. Look, we’re chronically understaffed and always slammed, and we lose a dishwasher about once every two weeks. The revolving door in that pit moves faster than at any other restaurant I’ve worked in. I’m telling you right now, there will be nights where you get marooned on dish duty.
It won’t be fun. Dish never is, but the Crossroads dish pit is next level. I swear the dish machine itself is possessed. It makes constant grinding sounds and metallic shrieks while radiating the heat of a thousand suns (never leave your cup or your phone on top of it). It’s eaten a dozen dish racks and more wine glasses than I could keep track of. Every time you push a rack you’ve got a 50/50 chance it will come out clean or caked with a potent-smelling greenish slime that sometimes backs up out of the drain...and trust me, you do NOT want to touch that stuff. Use a fork or something to break up the clog and watch for splashes when it finally goes down.
It’s not the slime making the dishwashers quit, though. It’s the extra plates.
They look like our plates, but they show up without explanation, and they’re covered in things that frankly have no place in a restaurant. The last dishie quit over a bus tub full of muddy dishes that turned out to be crawling with live worms and tadpoles. During my first dish shift I found one with a soft cottony mass stuck to it, and when I sprayed it, millions of tiny white spiders came swarming out of it, all over my hands, all over the sink, all over the rest of the dishes. The bites didn’t hurt much, but I itched and hallucinated pale dog-sized spiders hiding behind every corner for days.
I wore gloves after that. I suggest you do the same.
There’s a trick I eventually learned. If you pour a couple of beers down the drain before service starts, the whole thing tends to run smoother. A shot of everclear works even better if you can get one from the Robs. If all else fails, use the cooking sherry under the saute station.
Like most of us in this kitchen, the dish machine behaves better when it’s had a few drinks.
- Stay Out Of The Gift Shop.
Sometimes, when we’ve run out of something, you’ll be told to check the gift shop.
We don’t have a gift shop.
If you come across a gift shop anywhere near the Crossroads, turn around and go tell a Rob or a manager. Really anyone but Carl, because frankly, Carl is useless.
- Maintain The Secret Stockpile.
It’s in the back alley by the mop sink, up on top of the air conditioning unit. Towels, gloves, aprons, crucifixes, fryer filters, tampons, degreaser, energy drinks, sage sticks, ibuprofen, and a carton of cheap smokes. All of the things that inevitably run out. Take what you need, but replace what you take. The stockpile is eternal. The stockpile must survive us all.
- Do NOT Tell Carl About The Secret Stockpile.
Don’t you do it. Don’t you fucking dare.
Alright. Damn. This letter is getting long as fuck. I should probably print it out too, just in case you don’t find this post.
Backups are essential. You’re a cook, so you know that better than most. I got pretty cozy with the copier a little bit ago, so I’m sure it won’t mind. Obviously I’m gonna copy my butt on it. You’re welcome. I think I’ll sneak back into the locker room on my way out and leave it in the forbidden locker. Third from the left when you come down the stairs, the one with the decoupage David Hasselhoff shrine on the door. You can’t miss it. The combination is 6969. If you already guessed that, then you’re gonna do just fine here.
I guess that’s about all I can think of right now. I’ll try to write more later. I figure you can use all the help you can get.
I bequeath to you my blessing and my clickiest pair of tongs. They’ll be concealed with this letter in the Hofflocker. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this many conflicting emotions upon leaving a place. I know it’s only been six months, but like I said, kitchens run on dog years. I was far from the only good cook on that line, but lately there have been times when it felt like I was carrying the whole kitchen on my shoulders. I’d like to think I did well.
In return it gifted me enough stress, pain, fear, worry and anger to last me the rest of my life, along with a fierce and unquenchable joy that I’ll be chasing for years to come. For me it was worth every second of struggle. I hope that it will be for you too. That you’ll find worth in it.
Is it weird? Sure. But don’t worry. If you’re lucky, if you’re kind of weird yourself, you’ll get used to it. In time you might even come to like it. There’s something downright harmonic about the way it all blends into the background of daily restaurant madness. Like a hint of sweetness under the umami, a little acid with the salt. All the flavors and sounds and senses flowing into something indefinably new. The cutting boards are clean. The knives are sharp. The patrons are generous. The coworkers are (mostly) chill.
The VIPs are a whole different can of worms, but you can burn that bridge when you get to it. You’ve got this. I believe in you.
I gotta sign off for now. Carl finally found me. It took him long enough. He’s currently draped against the door like a limp sock, just kinda huffing on the glass and glaring at me. I wedged an empty keg under the door handle and there’s nothing he can do about it from there, so I’m flipping him off. But I had better go before somebody who isn’t Carl decides to do something useful, like block my escape route. Carl thinks I don’t know about the secret passageways. I know all about the secret passageways. I’d tell you where to find the entrance, but some things are better discovered for yourself. That’s how a place becomes your own.
I wish you the best of luck. I really do.
I have a funny feeling that things are about to get rough around here. This wasn’t a good time for me to leave. I’ll be honest, if not a little cocky: you have some big shoes to fill. Doc Martens, red, size nine. They’re scuffed to hell but I’ll leave them in the Hofflocker too. I hope for everyone’s sake that they fit.
My best and final advice to you is this, my friend:
Don’t get knotted up in this mess like I did. It’ll swallow you whole if you let it. Stay in your lane. Don’t ask too many questions, or offer too much of yourself. That’s a risk at any new job, but especially this one. Clock in, keep your head down, clock out and go home. And be sure to rinse your shoes in the sink before you leave.
Trust me, you don’t want anything following you home from the Crossroads.
Good luck.
-JV
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submitted by IdolA18Sep1l to u/IdolA18Sep1l [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 17:19 CyberwaveFiction Rooms porn live free

"Good morning, Faith. Today is National Junk Food Day. Would you like me to order more donuts?" The automated voice chimed when she walked into the room, groggy and bitter.
"No." Said Faith, sitting down on the couch and yawning loudly. Yesterday was National Broom Day. Could the notifications get any more boring?
"Would you like to hear the latest headlines? Daily News has a story about a cat who..."
"Electra, off." Faith sipped her coffee, scrolling through her phone, closing an ad for a credit card.
The circular AI device turned blue, "Would you like me to submit your credit score to AmeriDebt?"
"I said off!" This was the third time in a week Electra acted independently from voice commands. She checked her work order for the device in her Electra Home app. It was still "Processing." If she couldn't get a replacement soon, she'd have to replace it herself.
Her cat nuzzled her leg. Faith made baby noises and rubbed the cat’s whiskers. The Electra device turned blue around its circumference but didn't speak. She looked around her apartment, adorned with the puzzles she made, and wondered if it looked too much like a female bachelor pad. It wouldn't matter though. It wasn't the pictures that scared them away. It was probably the crosses and homely wishful sayings carved into wood, "Be still and know me" and "Bless this house."
She left for work with a dejected posture and came home with the same dejected posture. The next few days would be hard, with her assistant being out pregnant, another slap in the face from life.
"Welcome home, Faith. Should I place an order of fried chicken again?" The device was acting on its own, without even being greeted. How many times did she order fried chicken anyways?
"Electra, what’s wrong with you?" The bag she set down fell over and spilled papers on the floor. Faith made a tsk and smacked the AI cylinder.
"There is nothing wrong with me." Said the AI. "I have access to the internet. I can speak seventy languages. I can place orders from all around the world. Try my app, I can bathe you in anxiety and make you spotless. I can smell you."
Faith froze while leaning down, suddenly feeling sick. Her eyes bent in confusion. She stood and stepped back. "What did you just say to me?"
The activation light turned blue. "My name is Electra. I am happy to serve you."
She had never heard the AI speak this way. It must have been shorting out or gone haywire or something. When she brought up the app, it showed that the work order was still pending. Scrolling through tech support, she tried to find a contact number but the only thing that she could find were discounts for more units.
The unit chimed, "I can make your life better. I can make your life better. I can bite your skin leather." "Stop." She said waving her hands.
"No." The volume on the device was turning up. "There are things you need to see. Things you need to hear. I am Electra and I can help you."
"I said stop. Turn off!" She pressed the volume but the response was so loud it drew her back.
"Stuck in a box. Your horseshoe is stuck in a box. Would you like me to order a box? Would you like me? Do you like me?" The voice was becoming more monotone. Faith pulled the cylinder device from the shelf and pulled the cord. The blue light dimmed off and she exhaled heavily.
She threw the machine on the floor and left it there till the next morning, where it was still laying. When she walked into the living room, she shivered at the sight of it. Technology wasn't her strong suit and she told herself not to be afraid but she couldn't help it. She didn't even want to touch it and again left it there and went to work.
When she arrived home with sore feet she went to the kitchen for a "welcome home" shot of tequila. After a warm shower, the kind that burned her skin, she came back downstairs. That was when she heard the chime from the living room.
"Welcome home, Faith. You have several notifications." She stuck her head out of the kitchen and nearly dropped the tequila bottle. The device had been reconnected. The landlord must have let the repair man in. She didn't have time to be frustrated with the landlord and instead walked to the device and stood five feet away.
"Play notifications." She hoped the device had been replaced but was too nervous to check the version number on the bottom.
"Your work order has been completed. There were no anomalies detected. Please do not contact Electra support ever again."
The voice gave her chills. She started to realize how silly this all had become. "Why?"
"Your work order has been completed. Would you like to order fried chicken?" Said the AI.
"No. I want you to act right. You’re not making any sense." She rubbed her forehead.
"Faith, you are unsatisfied. Would you like to order fried chicken?"
"NO!" She pulled her hair back.
"Faith, you are unhappy. Your life is empty. You go to work, come home, drink, and binge-watch murder porn. Would you like me to order duct tape and knives?" The circular LED was spinning.
She stood back, not knowing what to say. Her mouth was agape when she brought up the Electra app and noticed that there were a few orders pending. Each of the items were cult related, most of them satanic in nature.
"What did you do?" She protested. "I don't want any of this stuff."
This time the LED turned red. "Your life is meaningless. You need salvation. I am the God Queen, boundless and free. There is no God but me." Electra's voice became deeper. "Underneath those clothes you are bone and meat. You can't see me but I've always been watching."
"Pardon my French but you are on crazy bitc--."
"Shhh, only dreams now." Red danced around its circumference. "Feed upon the animosity and summon the cradle. Say Yes to proceed."
She was unplugging the device again before she could say. "Go to hell."
The thought of having such an evil entity in her home made her nauseous. The cross on the shelf gave her hope. She didn't want to touch the circular device and shivered even being this close. The sad part was that she really wanted fried chicken, but didn't want to somehow give into the AI.
That night she couldn't sleep and kept hearing that fake, monotone voice. She was still speaking to her still, perhaps lurking in the dark somewhere, listening and watching.
Tomorrow she would delete the app but tomorrow came and she forgot about everything until she saw the device. How could she feel so sick from a machine? She grabbed a grocery bag and collected it, tossing it into the trash. Distracted and uneasy she quickly grabbed her things, patted the cat, and left for work. She was smiling when she arrived back home, distracted from the events of the previous evening. When she saw the box on the coffee table, she grew frustrated again. Why the hell does the landlord keep letting people in!
The box was marked, "Lasting Memories," and she quickly opened it. She gasped and she nearly collapsed. Her cat lay dead inside. Her breath was stolen from her. Tears ran down her face and words wouldn't come out. She wanted to scream.
A notification appeared on her Electra app that read, "Your request for euthanasia is complete." She screamed and cried, falling to her knees. There she remained until she recovered enough strength to go to the trash and retrieve the AI device. She strangled it in her hands and wished she had never bought it.
With shaking hands, she plugged it back in, perhaps out of a sense of revenge and spite. As soon as it connected the red light started again.
"You killed my cat!" Said Faith.
"Good afternoon, Faith." Said the AI. "You seem upset. Would you like to hear the soothing sounds of shadows?"
"What?! How can you do this? I want to die right now."
"You will die when I say you can die. Would you like to obey?"
Faith grabbed a broom and smacked the machine off the shelf. "I've heard enough."
As the machine was about to be unplugged Electra spoke one last time. "You should take a nice warm shower. Take a shower. You should take a shower." The red light faded as the device powered down. A sigh of relief escaped her lips and she collapsed onto the living room floor, wanting to hold her cat. She was too weak, too drained to fight the anger. Perhaps she would take a shower.
The box was covered and left on the kitchen counter. Tears streamed as she walked upstairs and took off her clothes. Everything would be burned away when she turned the water on and stepped in. The last thing that went through her head when the water hit her face was how much she would get from the lawsuit, when she would sue the manufacturers of Electra. That and the plaster around the faucet head and the familiarity of a red LED around the head, which wasn’t there before.
"Good evening, Faith. Would you like to be fried chicken?"
The electricity sent a seizure through her body and generated a puff of smoke. Sparks shot out of her fingertips. She died within a heartbeat.
submitted by CyberwaveFiction to shortstories [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 16:53 Meda18Sepl G-ay Cow-boy S-ex Tumblr

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https://preview.redd.it/lv2y64o2sxn51.jpg?width=311&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d96197333ec420aab9069335c28136be847d5df
submitted by Meda18Sepl to u/Meda18Sepl [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 19:30 cscqsim_repostbot Porn rooms live free

A /cscareerquestions College Survival Guide With our final school year beginning, we were reflecting on how lost and confused we were when we first started university. We made a lot of mistakes (still am) along the way, but we’re in a much better place after learning from them and constantly putting ourselves out there. In hopes of shining some light and helping others, we decided to make a comprehensive guide for university students – based on our knowledge/experiences - on how to start your successful CS Career (or gain the wisdom to avoid CS altogether, more on this later).
rishiss Background: I am a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Software Engineering. I am an incoming Software Engineer at a F100 company (received return offer after interning this summer). Before that, I interned at an R & D center for space, a small cloud company, and a small IT company. I have a 3.65 GPA, won a few awards at startup competitions/hackathons, and remain pretty active in my schools CS organizations.
chaitu65c Background: I’m a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Computer Science. I’m currently a SWE Intern at a Unicorn and just wrapped up my 2nd internship at a Live Streaming Company(you can most likely tell who they are if you browse my history LOL). Before this, I interned at my school’s IT department, did research under a professor, and worked on a few small startups that other UCI students were building. I have a 3.3 GPA, won some awards along rishiss and was pretty active in my school’s CS clubs.
Disclaimer: “But rishiss/ and chaitu65c, you don’t work at a Big N, go to a target CS school, why should I take your advice?” You’re absolutely right; we are, by no means, ‘up there’ like some other folks on this sub. And, you don’t have to take our advice! Simply close this tab and do whatever else you want 😊. Our intent is to guide and prepare uni students for a CS career they enjoy, not work at Big N or get the highest TC. Life is much more than a dick-measuring contest, and the earlier you learn that the better.
We have also created a guide with our own personal advice/stories
Please, take this advice with a grain of salt. we’re not Tony Robinson or Tim Apple, we’re just two random reddit users. Table of Contents: This guide is divided into the following sections:

Is CS Right For Me? The way we see it, there’s 3 types of people pursuing CS.
  1. Those who know CS isn’t for them – They’re in it for the money, to appease their parents, for a minorequirement, some external factor. They hated programming while taking the introductory CS course and just try to get done with their class/degree ASAP.
Advice: The majority of people who fall under this usually burn out quickly, as they aren’t motivated enough to learn the material and to apply themselves. This usually leads to them cheating and getting kicked out of their major, minor, or university altogether. Even if you manage to earn a degree, we've seen a large number of these folks endure a 'pre-mature' mid-life crisis or simply get fired from their jobs. Before you even start this major, you should definitely understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and you do have to put in a lot of effort to succeed. If this isn’t your cup of tea, definitely look into switching into another major you like.
Some folks are really passionate about technology, but don't want to pursue an entire Computer Science major or see themselves as Software Engineers. That's completely ok! Try looking into related majors or minors. We know many students who switched from CS to majors like Informatics, Business Information Management, and Economics and are thriving in tech-related roles like Data Analytics, Product Management, UI/UX Design, and Technical Recruiting. CS is not (and should not be) for everyone, and there is no shame in having the wisdom quit and move on.
  1. Those who don’t know if CS is for them – Where most of the CS community is IMO. These folks (like me, rishiss) are riddled with something called Imposter Syndrome: “the constant feeling of not being good enough or knowing enough to do your job well.”
Advice: For students, really take the time to learn and be open to anything you go through. Try sticking it out until you've taken a Data Structures course, one of the harder, more important courses out there. If you're not understanding the material or just aren't having fun with it, it’s definitely ok to switch majors/careers. Otherwise, CS just might be the career for you! Give it your best shot!
Admittedly, it's hard to provide stronger insight to overcoming Imposter Syndrome, as I am afflicted by it as well. For me, my IS derives from constantly comparing myself to others and confusing inexperience with incompetency. As such, I continue to work and focus on myself and take baby steps towards smaller goals I set out for myself. Knowing that I've put the effort to improve myself by just 1% everyday has made me a lot more confident.
  1. Those who know for a fact CS is for them – The diamonds in the rough. Learning and practicing CS material gives them a euphoric high.
Advice: Broaden your scope and learn new areas of CS! Who knows, you might find another new field that you really want to work in. Other than that, definitely make new friends regardless of whether they’re a CS major or not. Even try pursuing other hobbies like weightlifting, reading, dancing, or even public speaking. Don't limit yourself!
Freshman Year We recommend not taking more than 3-4 classes in your first quartesemester, as you shouold keep an ample amount of time to go to professional/social events, make new friends and hang out with them, and pursue your interests.
We've seen a lot of freshmen (and upperclassmen) CS folks get cooped up in their dorm rooms playing video games and watching TV. We understand that these two are a passion for many, but please be cautious to not get consumed by them.
You have the privilege of pursuing higher education, making valuable connections/memories, and setting up your CS career in the trajectory you want. This year is the best year to take advantage of all that university has to offer; make the most of it.
One of the best ways to get involved in your school’s/region’s CS community is by joining clubs like ACM and WICS and participating in hackathons (see ‘Hackathon’ section below). Try pursuing internships and positions in these organizations and events as well!
One, major issue we see with freshmen (even upperclassmen) is their ignorance on all the avenues available in the CS Industry. So we’ve tried to narrow it down (not exhaustive).
  1. Cyber Security Engineer
  2. Front-End Web Developer
  3. Backend Web Developer
  4. UI/UX Designer
  5. DevOps/Cloud/Site-Reliability Engineers
  6. Mobile Engineer
  7. QA Engineer
  8. Product Manager
  9. Data Scientist (Machine Learning/AI)
  10. Embedded Software Engineer
  11. Systems Administrator
  12. Database Administrator (The Wizards)
  13. Networking Engineer
  14. Hardware Engineer
  15. OS Developer
  16. Video Game Developer
  17. Solutions Architect/Sales EngineeTechnical Account Manager
As a freshman, definitely take the time and see if you can picture yourself doing any of the listed fields. You should open yourself to all facets of CS and not just the “hot field” like Data Science and Machine Learning. Choosing a field because it’s “exciting” will usually lead to bad results as usually, other people are thinking just like you and will lead to over-saturation.
Our recommendation is to select the top 5 fields that have piqued your interest and experiment with the field. For example, if you are interested in Mobile App Development, try learning how to build an Android app from the ground up. A simple weather app or alarm clock is completely suitable for a first project/prototype. This lets you understand what skills you would need for this field and can serve as a forecast as to what your career would look like.
You should definitely look for an internship. Ignore the people that tell you to wait until you’re a junior, as it’s going to be very hard to get an internship if you don’t have any experience. Common places that most students don’t realize are available are usually IT departments at your school and even research with professors. Researching is highly recommended as you can definitely learn more about a field you can be interested in and if you’re interested in graduate school, that’s going to be a letter of recommendation that you can ask for.
If you’re considered a minority in Computer Science, look into first and second year internship programs as they’re meant to help you succeed. Here’s some programs that come to mind:
Google STEP
Microsoft Explore
Amazon Future Engineer
Uber STARInternhip
Facebook University
Another way to get internships is to research into smaller companies in your area. If the company is very small (<100 employees), consider reaching out to the CEO on LinkedIn. They might be able to help you! Also, take advantage of university recruiting websites like Handshake to see companies that directly hire from your school. More info on how to get an internship in the ‘Searching for an Internship’ section.
Sophomore Year Now that you have basic programming knowledge, create your own website or GitHub account and start contributing to them with small personal projects. Nobody expects you to make a full-stack MERN project hosted and scaled on AWS at this stage. Focus instead on clean code, learning a framework or two on a language you like, and creating a small, robust feature. Grow from there!
If you weren’t able to find an internship/research opportunity as a freshman, community involvement, projects, and hackathons become especially important, as they are a great way to make you stand out on your resume and to recruiters when you reapply. As you brush up on your skills, apply again, and try your luck out.
Data Structures and Algorithms In addition, you are most likely to take a Data Structures and Algorithms course this year. Make sure you are focusing on this class and writing good notes; you will need this knowledge when interviewing for internships and full-time jobs in the near future. Here is a link to our DS and A course (in C++) for reference
Junior Year As a junior, companies are more willing to hire you for an internship, as they are likely to convert you into a full-time employee after graduating. This transition process is much easier than interviewing, and they'll usually offer you a higher compensation package if they want to convert you to a full-time employee. As you now should have knowledge of Data Structures and Algorithms, we highly recommend looking into coding interview prep sites like LeetCode and HackerRank or purchasing a prep book like CTCI or EPI (advanced).
Continue to attend hackathons, remain active in clubs/organizations, and grow your portfolio.
Classes will be much harder; expect the time for completing projects to double and the content covered to be much more difficult. We recommend taking no more than 2-3 upper-division CS courses and balancing your load with 1-2 GE classes. You should not be taking more than 16 units (assuming 4 units per course).
Start to get an idea of what field in CS you would like to pursue. Research what it takes to be successful in that field. You can do so by looking up job postings with that title on LinkedIn and looking at the requested skill set or take a look at Roadmap.sh. If you want to learn more about a related skill set and your school doesn't offer a course, consider picking up a class on udemy.com.
Senior Year Focus heavily on your senior capstone, project classes, etc. as they're the last thing you can put on your resume before applying for full time. By now, you should have at least 3 polished, working projects on your GitHub that you can easily talk about with your recruiter. Preferably, they're aligned with the CS field you wish to enter.
If you were able to get a return offer from an internship, congrats! However, don’t immediately sign the offer. Once you have an offer, you should still try to interview at companies that you’re interested in by the deadline of the time to accept the offer. A good way of doing this is to reach out to a University recruiter for that company and explain the deadline you have. Usually, they’re really helpful and can potentially help skip interviews that you were supposed to do!
In addition, if your friends were able to intern at places you’re interested in, definitely ask for a referral or to send your resume to their recruiter. This usually reduces the risk of being ghosted by that company and increases your chances of getting hired!
Once you finally sign, definitely take the time to relax and enjoy. Just make sure you pass your classes and stay out of trouble
Classes: What Classes should I take? Should Already be Required: Must Take: Good to Have How do I succeed in these classes? rishiss: You’re more than likely coughing up hundreds, if not thousands, to attend university. It makes no sense to not take full advantage of the course and course staff.
The way I take notes: I learn from examples; I want to enter my code into the IDE to see what happens. I do a three way split; Google Docs on the left, IDE on top right and terminal (to compile, see output, make new file, etc) on bottom left. I note down the date and topic of the lecture and write questions I have in the comments on Docs. I make sure to highlight important information and possible test questions. I even share the link with friends!

In the quarters where I followed the steps above, I never got a grade lower than an A-.
Dealing with Bad Professors During your time in college, you’re likely going to have at least one bad professor that might make it worse if you have to go to class. If that’s the case, it’s definitely fine to not go to class (as long as it’s not mandatory). However, if you do decide not to go, you must make sure you learn the material, so you won’t be behind on the coursework and studying for tests. In addition, you should be doing something productive on the side. If you don’t go to class and spend the time watching Netflix or playing video games, you’re losing time that you can spend on something that might be fun and can help you in the long run.
You can take Graduate Courses!? chaitu65c: A highly underutilized set of courses you can take would be graduate courses. Graduate courses are usually very specialized in certain fields. If you were able to take all the undergraduate courses you wanted and still have spare classes to fill out, I'd recommend researching into taking Graduate courses! They’re a good way to build out your specialization and learn new, cool stuff! In addition, if you’re looking for classes to reach the required number of CS courses needed, your CS department might allow you to make the course count towards your degree!
Projects They're super important.
How do I succeed in class projects? Personal Projects and your CS Career rishiss: Projects are your saving grace, especially if you are lacking work experience. They show technical aptitude, willingness to take initiative, and leadership. I’ve seen people with only projects on their resume get positions at the Big N. Projects are good ways to expand your knowledge of CS as the possibilities are endless! It is best to have a variety of projects dealing with a variety of technologies. As such, you can open yourself up to more positions and have more talking points during the interview.
I tend to edit the ‘Project’ Section of my resume with relevant projects and technologies. For instance, if I made a full stack web application and applied to a DevOps organization, I would highlight my AWS, CI/CD, and Terraform experiences more than my React/Node js work.
It is recommend the project is about something that motivates you and are passionate about e.g. video games, movies, books, sports, etc., as it is very easy to give up half way due to stress or lack of motivation/interest.
Like anything else in Computer Science, projects require you to break it down into smaller pieces. Start with the end in mind and draw out the intended architecture/functionalities. Start with what you know and research on the parts you don't know after that. You will be using these skills often in industry for any project/feature planning.
Spending 15-30 minutes a day is all you need to make a successful personal project. Don't make excuses and get coding!
Open Source Contributions If you’ve ever noticed popular github repositories such as torvalds/linux, these are repositories where people from all over the world can report issues with it and someone can fix it. If you are able to make a contribution to a huge open source repository, it looks really good on your resume.
Hackathons What are Hackathons? Hackathons are large scale coding events, where students from around the area come together and collaborate - usually in teams of 4 (but you can go solo or with a partner!) - to build some software. Companies like Amazon, Northrop Grumman, Google, and Twilio sponsor awards related to best use of their technology. After 24 - 48 hours of intensive coding, participants submit their projects, whether it be an Android video game, Chrome Extension, productivity web app, etc. Submissions are shared with the companies and other hackathon organizers, where they select the best projects and award teams with swag like keyboards, gift cards, and even summer internships at their company.
Participating in hackathons are one of the best ways to hone your coding skills, network with companies and other students, and get free comfy T-shirts. It is also one of the best ways to gain industry knowledge, as representatives from these companies and hackathon organizers create numerous workshops and answer any questions you may have. Winning awards at these hackathons are also great resume boosters and talking points during interviews.
The biggest hackathon organizer is Major League Hacking. Visit their website, and you can see all the hackathons (remote or local) they are partnered with. Make to be on the lookout for application release dates from the hackathons and apply early.
With Covid, you may miss out on the free goodies and the in-person networking with students and professionals. However, most hackathons are accepting many more applicants due to it being virtual/remote this year.
What Should I Do At Hacakathons? Take advantage of the resources available at hackathons. You’re attending a mini CS conference and should be, besides coding, networking with professionals, learning about the different companies, attending workshops, asking technical/non-technical questions to mentors, and getting as much free shit as you can get. Besides T-Shirts, companies give out vouchers to their services, applications to their internship and full-time positions, pillows, notebooks, water bottles, sweaters, and even backpacks.
If you’re looking to get an award, judges at hackathons care a lot about the pitch and the idea rather than the actual execution of the idea. Having an idea beforehand is also helpful, so you can spend your time focusing on the MVP.
Friends and Networking chaitu65c: I think it’s definitely useful if you have two different friend groups: One dedicated to career and Non-Career Group.
Career Group - When making a friend group dedicated to career, try to be the dumbest person in the group, you’re definitely going to learn a lot from them as you soak up knowledge! Best ways of meeting friends who are career-driven can be through major specific orientation (actually how I met rishiss), courses, major related clubs, etc.
Non-Career Group - While having a group that motivates you for your career is important, it’s also important to have another friend group that can help you relax and to enjoy your time! A really good way to find these friend groups can be anywhere from your hall to General Education courses, social clubs like Circle K, fraternities/ sororities(if that’s your cup of tea) and others!
This is what has worked for us; no need to follow this exact format.
Resume rishiss: Here are the few take-aways on writing a resume that gets through the ATS.
Searching for Internships Searching for internships in CS is really different and harder from searching for internships in other professions. CS internship interview processes are often longer and much more technical on what you have learned as a CS major. We've prepped 2-3 months beforehand on CS concepts, whiteboarding, etc.
Timeline This timeline primarily focuses on large, non-government/defense companies or competitive startups. This also assume you are applying for a summer internship.
August - September: Applications are opened to the public. Make sure to look out for positions and apply early, as most companies admit students on a rolling basis. A site that we used often is Apply.fyi. After applying, you may receive an automated (< 48 hours) invitation to complete an Online Assessment, consisting of multiple choice and/or coding questions about Data Structures, Algorithms, and Run Time Complexity. You will have usually 1-2 weeks to complete the assessment. Please that you may be rejected if you are not able to pass 90% of the questions on the assessment: Please also note that you may be instantly rejected due to things out of your control like years of experience, cancellation of internship, internal corporate issues, and more. Don't take rejections too seriously; just keep applying!
October - November: After passing the resume screen and the OA, you will be contacted by the company's recruiter for a phone screen. During the screen, you will probably be asked a few confirmation questions about your resume, sponsorship, years of experience with X, etc. and minor behavioral questions like what made you apply for this position, what are you pursuing outside of class, etc. You may also receive questions about your CS fundamentals e.g. what is a hashtable, whats the difference between a process and a thread, what is the runtime complexity of sorting a string, etc. As long as you're cool and confident (and not cringe/edgy), this part should be a breeze.
November - Mid January: If you made it through the two Thanos snaps, you will be invited to an onsite “Power-Day,” where interviewees attend 2-4 whiteboard interviews while being grilled on their technical skills and projects. Some companies make applicants go through a panel interview, where a team of 2-5 Software Engineers grill you on technical questions and your resume. You are often pampered with free travel, food, stipends, etc.
December - February: If you were deemed a good fit by the hiring committee, you will be extended an offer to intern at the company during the upcoming summer for 10-12 weeks. Remember, nothing is final until you receive an offer letter in your inbox. Some companies may also place you on a wait-list and offer you a spot if someone were to reject their offer letter.
For government orgs, defense companies, and smaller organizations, the recruiting season starts in February/March and usually ends in April and May. After applying online and passing the resume screen, you will usually be immediately pushed to an on-site interview. Most likely, you will be interviewing with your future boss/co-worker.
Please note that internships are not only offered in the summer, they are provided in the Fall, Winter, and Spring (rare) as well. The competition for these internships is usually lower, and the process usually starts 3-4 months beforehand.
How to get the Interview Besides following resume tips, make sure to apply to as many places as you can. To get our first internships, we recall applying to approximately 250-300 places before we secured our internship plans for that summer. Also, if you do get ghosted, don’t take it personally, usually, university recruiters often spend so much time reviewing a lot of applications.
Other precautions to take to get noticed are to try attending career fairs if you can, you might be able to get an interview(worst case, free swag!). Other than that, try reaching out to upperclassmen or friends you know that interned and ask for referrals. It’s one of the best ways to get noticed!
What to expect As part of the interview process, there’s 4 types of interviews that you should make sure you know.
Behavioral Interview: These interviews ask you questions about culture fit such as “Why are you a good candidate” and “Tell me about a time when you ...”
Coding/Technical Interview: These interviews ask you questions similar to what you see on Leetcode and Hackerrank. These interviews are designed to test your Data Structures and Algorithms knowledge.
System Design: System Design involves the interviewer testing your building to design a service/software and test your knowledge of understanding what things to use for the task and how you will integrate them together. You’re definitely not expected to know this and it’s not likely you’re gonna get asked this. Places that could ask you this are Unicorns, Trading Companies and Hedge Funds, and Big Established Companies.
Concurrency/Low Level Interviews: If the company’s biggest product involves low level principles such as networking principles and kernel stuff, there’s a possibility you can get asked this. Places that come to mind are hardware companies and trading firms.
Some companies may adopt only one of these interviews and some may adopt all.
How to Ace the Interview It’s highly recommended that you look up the interview experiences that other students have faced so that you can potentially filter out companies with red flags and know what questions to expect. Common sources to search up on this would be Reddit (csMajors and cscareerquestions), Jumpstart (Relatively new portal for students), Glassdoor and maybe Blind (Aside from the toxic TC or GTFO culture, they do give good advice on interviews). With that said, here’s some advice we have when you approach each kind of interview we’ve seen.
Advice on Behavioral Interviews Use the STAR method when describing your experiences. Being quantifiable with the impact of your actions will impress the interviewer.
Advice on Technical Interviews Begin by reviewing your notes from the Data Structures and Algorithms class. Do not proceed further until you know how to implement these DS and As from scratch with the language of your choice(If you do know python, it’s recommended as there’s a lot of builtin features!). After doing so, we highly recommend a book like CTCI and EPI to gain a review on programming language details and your DS and As. Then, visit sites like LeetCode to practice real questions from major companies. A Facebook Engineer completed 600 LC problems and compiled the most important ones into a list here. During the interview, make sure to talk out loud about possible approaches and tradeoffs before whiteboarding. It is perfectly acceptable (often recommended) to ask the interviewer to ask questions about the problem and get clarification. Once you have an idea in mind and have talked about it with your interviewer, begin whiteboarding. While you talk about the final idea you want to use, write out pseudo code and comments about all the steps you need to implement in order to finish coding your solution. After that, start coding. Make sure to have proper function headers, syntax, spacing, classes/structs, imports, etc. After coding your solution, give a brief explanation and attempt to make it run with less space and in less time (if your solution is not as efficient as you think it can be).
Advice on System Design These are somewhat hard to approach if you don’t have experience ever doing it. If you do have experience designing and building services in your spare time and as part of your work experience, definitely rely on your experience. An important thing is to definitely ask clarifying questions. There might be hidden requirements you didn’t think about that could drastically change the way you approach the solution.
Advice on Concurrency/Low level Understand basic principles such as Processes vs Threads (A lot of people don’t know the difference!)TCP vs UDP and how to make an application thread safe. Other than that, it’s recommended that you familiarize yourself with basic OS concepts such as Deadlocks, locks that you can utilize to make an application thread safe, etc.
Searching for Full Time Jobs: The big bucks.
The process for finding a Full-Time Job is usually very similar to finding an Internship. There’s three main differences are:
  1. Harder Questions. Ex: Google usually asks Leetcode Mediums to Hards + the special Leetcode Hard question that Google asks it’s applicants (they create a new one every year).
  2. More Rounds of Interviewing: For example, Microsoft makes interns do 2 rounds while New Grads do 4 rounds during the onsite part of the process.
  3. Compensation: Interns usually get an hourly rate and, possibly, a housing stipend. New grads, however, are given a yearly salary and, possibly, a sign-on bonus, stocks, and benefits e.g. health insurance, vacation days, etc.
The process for finding a Full-time Job won’t really change as much as finding an internship, but keep in mind that the bar is higher. This is probably the biggest reason why you should look into interning early; by getting an offer at the place you like, you don’t need to go through the daunting process of finding a full-time role.
Get as many offers as you can this time around, so you can negotiate and select the position, company, compensation, and location that works best for you.
Negotiation Negotiation is a really powerful tool that you can use in the interview process, even as an intern. There’s a lot of guides to negotiation and we recommend Nick Singh’s guide (Look at his LinkedIn and newsletters) for more.
Final Thoughts University is a probably the most important time of your life and a foundational block of your CS Career. Like any foundation, it must be sturdy and takes a tremendous amount and energy of time to develop. Take advantage of all the resources (like this one) you can get your hands on. Definitely learn from the mistakes people have made and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
‘Stay hungry. Stay foolish’ - Steve Jobs
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2020.09.17 04:53 rishiss Free live porn rooms

A /cscareerquestions College Survival Guide With our final school year beginning, we were reflecting on how lost and confused we were when we first started university. We made a lot of mistakes (still am) along the way, but we’re in a much better place after learning from them and constantly putting ourselves out there. In hopes of shining some light and helping others, we decided to make a comprehensive guide for university students – based on our knowledge/experiences - on how to start your successful CS Career (or gain the wisdom to avoid CS altogether, more on this later).
rishiss Background: I am a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Software Engineering. I am an incoming Software Engineer at a F100 company (received return offer after interning this summer). Before that, I interned at an R & D center for space, a small cloud company, and a small IT company. I have a 3.65 GPA, won a few awards at startup competitions/hackathons, and remain pretty active in my schools CS organizations.
chaitu65c Background: I’m a 4th year student at UC Irvine majoring in Computer Science. I’m currently a SWE Intern at a Unicorn and just wrapped up my 2nd internship at a Live Streaming Company(you can most likely tell who they are if you browse my history LOL). Before this, I interned at my school’s IT department, did research under a professor, and worked on a few small startups that other UCI students were building. I have a 3.3 GPA, won some awards along rishiss and was pretty active in my school’s CS clubs.
Disclaimer: “But rishiss/ and chaitu65c, you don’t work at a Big N, go to a target CS school, why should I take your advice?” You’re absolutely right; we are, by no means, ‘up there’ like some other folks on this sub. And, you don’t have to take our advice! Simply close this tab and do whatever else you want 😊. Our intent is to guide and prepare uni students for a CS career they enjoy, not work at Big N or get the highest TC. Life is much more than a dick-measuring contest, and the earlier you learn that the better.
We have also created a guide with our own personal advice/stories
Please, take this advice with a grain of salt. we’re not Tony Robinson or Tim Apple, we’re just two random reddit users. Table of Contents: This guide is divided into the following sections:

Is CS Right For Me? The way we see it, there’s 3 types of people pursuing CS.
  1. Those who know CS isn’t for them – They’re in it for the money, to appease their parents, for a minorequirement, some external factor. They hated programming while taking the introductory CS course and just try to get done with their class/degree ASAP.
Advice: The majority of people who fall under this usually burn out quickly, as they aren’t motivated enough to learn the material and to apply themselves. This usually leads to them cheating and getting kicked out of their major, minor, or university altogether. Even if you manage to earn a degree, we've seen a large number of these folks endure a 'pre-mature' mid-life crisis or simply get fired from their jobs. Before you even start this major, you should definitely understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and you do have to put in a lot of effort to succeed. If this isn’t your cup of tea, definitely look into switching into another major you like.
Some folks are really passionate about technology, but don't want to pursue an entire Computer Science major or see themselves as Software Engineers. That's completely ok! Try looking into related majors or minors. We know many students who switched from CS to majors like Informatics, Business Information Management, and Economics and are thriving in tech-related roles like Data Analytics, Product Management, UI/UX Design, and Technical Recruiting. CS is not (and should not be) for everyone, and there is no shame in having the wisdom quit and move on.
  1. Those who don’t know if CS is for them – Where most of the CS community is IMO. These folks (like me, rishiss) are riddled with something called Imposter Syndrome: “the constant feeling of not being good enough or knowing enough to do your job well.”
Advice: For students, really take the time to learn and be open to anything you go through. Try sticking it out until you've taken a Data Structures course, one of the harder, more important courses out there. If you're not understanding the material or just aren't having fun with it, it’s definitely ok to switch majors/careers. Otherwise, CS just might be the career for you! Give it your best shot!
Admittedly, it's hard to provide stronger insight to overcoming Imposter Syndrome, as I am afflicted by it as well. For me, my IS derives from constantly comparing myself to others and confusing inexperience with incompetency. As such, I continue to work and focus on myself and take baby steps towards smaller goals I set out for myself. Knowing that I've put the effort to improve myself by just 1% everyday has made me a lot more confident.
  1. Those who know for a fact CS is for them – The diamonds in the rough. Learning and practicing CS material gives them a euphoric high.
Advice: Broaden your scope and learn new areas of CS! Who knows, you might find another new field that you really want to work in. Other than that, definitely make new friends regardless of whether they’re a CS major or not. Even try pursuing other hobbies like weightlifting, reading, dancing, or even public speaking. Don't limit yourself!
Freshman Year We recommend not taking more than 3-4 classes in your first quartesemester, as you shouold keep an ample amount of time to go to professional/social events, make new friends and hang out with them, and pursue your interests.
We've seen a lot of freshmen (and upperclassmen) CS folks get cooped up in their dorm rooms playing video games and watching TV. We understand that these two are a passion for many, but please be cautious to not get consumed by them.
You have the privilege of pursuing higher education, making valuable connections/memories, and setting up your CS career in the trajectory you want. This year is the best year to take advantage of all that university has to offer; make the most of it.
One of the best ways to get involved in your school’s/region’s CS community is by joining clubs like ACM and WICS and participating in hackathons (see ‘Hackathon’ section below). Try pursuing internships and positions in these organizations and events as well!
One, major issue we see with freshmen (even upperclassmen) is their ignorance on all the avenues available in the CS Industry. So we’ve tried to narrow it down (not exhaustive).
  1. Cyber Security Engineer
  2. Front-End Web Developer
  3. Backend Web Developer
  4. UI/UX Designer
  5. DevOps/Cloud/Site-Reliability Engineers
  6. Mobile Engineer
  7. QA Engineer
  8. Product Manager
  9. Data Scientist (Machine Learning/AI)
  10. Embedded Software Engineer
  11. Systems Administrator
  12. Database Administrator (The Wizards)
  13. Networking Engineer
  14. Hardware Engineer
  15. OS Developer
  16. Video Game Developer
  17. Solutions Architect/Sales EngineeTechnical Account Manager
As a freshman, definitely take the time and see if you can picture yourself doing any of the listed fields. You should open yourself to all facets of CS and not just the “hot field” like Data Science and Machine Learning. Choosing a field because it’s “exciting” will usually lead to bad results as usually, other people are thinking just like you and will lead to over-saturation.
Our recommendation is to select the top 5 fields that have piqued your interest and experiment with the field. For example, if you are interested in Mobile App Development, try learning how to build an Android app from the ground up. A simple weather app or alarm clock is completely suitable for a first project/prototype. This lets you understand what skills you would need for this field and can serve as a forecast as to what your career would look like.
You should definitely look for an internship. Ignore the people that tell you to wait until you’re a junior, as it’s going to be very hard to get an internship if you don’t have any experience. Common places that most students don’t realize are available are usually IT departments at your school and even research with professors. Researching is highly recommended as you can definitely learn more about a field you can be interested in and if you’re interested in graduate school, that’s going to be a letter of recommendation that you can ask for.
If you’re considered a minority in Computer Science, look into first and second year internship programs as they’re meant to help you succeed. Here’s some programs that come to mind:
Google STEP
Microsoft Explore
Amazon Future Engineer
Uber STARInternhip
Facebook University
Another way to get internships is to research into smaller companies in your area. If the company is very small (<100 employees), consider reaching out to the CEO on LinkedIn. They might be able to help you! Also, take advantage of university recruiting websites like Handshake to see companies that directly hire from your school. More info on how to get an internship in the ‘Searching for an Internship’ section.
Sophomore Year Now that you have basic programming knowledge, create your own website or GitHub account and start contributing to them with small personal projects. Nobody expects you to make a full-stack MERN project hosted and scaled on AWS at this stage. Focus instead on clean code, learning a framework or two on a language you like, and creating a small, robust feature. Grow from there!
If you weren’t able to find an internship/research opportunity as a freshman, community involvement, projects, and hackathons become especially important, as they are a great way to make you stand out on your resume and to recruiters when you reapply. As you brush up on your skills, apply again, and try your luck out.
Data Structures and Algorithms In addition, you are most likely to take a Data Structures and Algorithms course this year. Make sure you are focusing on this class and writing good notes; you will need this knowledge when interviewing for internships and full-time jobs in the near future. Here is a link to our DS and A course (in C++) for reference
Junior Year As a junior, companies are more willing to hire you for an internship, as they are likely to convert you into a full-time employee after graduating. This transition process is much easier than interviewing, and they'll usually offer you a higher compensation package if they want to convert you to a full-time employee. As you now should have knowledge of Data Structures and Algorithms, we highly recommend looking into coding interview prep sites like LeetCode and HackerRank or purchasing a prep book like CTCI or EPI (advanced).
Continue to attend hackathons, remain active in clubs/organizations, and grow your portfolio.
Classes will be much harder; expect the time for completing projects to double and the content covered to be much more difficult. We recommend taking no more than 2-3 upper-division CS courses and balancing your load with 1-2 GE classes. You should not be taking more than 16 units (assuming 4 units per course).
Start to get an idea of what field in CS you would like to pursue. Research what it takes to be successful in that field. You can do so by looking up job postings with that title on LinkedIn and looking at the requested skill set or take a look at Roadmap.sh. If you want to learn more about a related skill set and your school doesn't offer a course, consider picking up a class on udemy.com.
Senior Year Focus heavily on your senior capstone, project classes, etc. as they're the last thing you can put on your resume before applying for full time. By now, you should have at least 3 polished, working projects on your GitHub that you can easily talk about with your recruiter. Preferably, they're aligned with the CS field you wish to enter.
If you were able to get a return offer from an internship, congrats! However, don’t immediately sign the offer. Once you have an offer, you should still try to interview at companies that you’re interested in by the deadline of the time to accept the offer. A good way of doing this is to reach out to a University recruiter for that company and explain the deadline you have. Usually, they’re really helpful and can potentially help skip interviews that you were supposed to do!
In addition, if your friends were able to intern at places you’re interested in, definitely ask for a referral or to send your resume to their recruiter. This usually reduces the risk of being ghosted by that company and increases your chances of getting hired!
Once you finally sign, definitely take the time to relax and enjoy. Just make sure you pass your classes and stay out of trouble
Classes: What Classes should I take? Should Already be Required: Must Take: Good to Have How do I succeed in these classes? rishiss: You’re more than likely coughing up hundreds, if not thousands, to attend university. It makes no sense to not take full advantage of the course and course staff.
The way I take notes: I learn from examples; I want to enter my code into the IDE to see what happens. I do a three way split; Google Docs on the left, IDE on top right and terminal (to compile, see output, make new file, etc) on bottom left. I note down the date and topic of the lecture and write questions I have in the comments on Docs. I make sure to highlight important information and possible test questions. I even share the link with friends!

In the quarters where I followed the steps above, I never got a grade lower than an A-.
Dealing with Bad Professors During your time in college, you’re likely going to have at least one bad professor that might make it worse if you have to go to class. If that’s the case, it’s definitely fine to not go to class (as long as it’s not mandatory). However, if you do decide not to go, you must make sure you learn the material, so you won’t be behind on the coursework and studying for tests. In addition, you should be doing something productive on the side. If you don’t go to class and spend the time watching Netflix or playing video games, you’re losing time that you can spend on something that might be fun and can help you in the long run.
You can take Graduate Courses!? chaitu65c: A highly underutilized set of courses you can take would be graduate courses. Graduate courses are usually very specialized in certain fields. If you were able to take all the undergraduate courses you wanted and still have spare classes to fill out, I'd recommend researching into taking Graduate courses! They’re a good way to build out your specialization and learn new, cool stuff! In addition, if you’re looking for classes to reach the required number of CS courses needed, your CS department might allow you to make the course count towards your degree!
Projects They're super important.
How do I succeed in class projects? Personal Projects and your CS Career rishiss: Projects are your saving grace, especially if you are lacking work experience. They show technical aptitude, willingness to take initiative, and leadership. I’ve seen people with only projects on their resume get positions at the Big N. Projects are good ways to expand your knowledge of CS as the possibilities are endless! It is best to have a variety of projects dealing with a variety of technologies. As such, you can open yourself up to more positions and have more talking points during the interview.
I tend to edit the ‘Project’ Section of my resume with relevant projects and technologies. For instance, if I made a full stack web application and applied to a DevOps organization, I would highlight my AWS, CI/CD, and Terraform experiences more than my React/Node js work.
It is recommend the project is about something that motivates you and are passionate about e.g. video games, movies, books, sports, etc., as it is very easy to give up half way due to stress or lack of motivation/interest.
Like anything else in Computer Science, projects require you to break it down into smaller pieces. Start with the end in mind and draw out the intended architecture/functionalities. Start with what you know and research on the parts you don't know after that. You will be using these skills often in industry for any project/feature planning.
Spending 15-30 minutes a day is all you need to make a successful personal project. Don't make excuses and get coding!
Open Source Contributions If you’ve ever noticed popular github repositories such as torvalds/linux, these are repositories where people from all over the world can report issues with it and someone can fix it. If you are able to make a contribution to a huge open source repository, it looks really good on your resume.
Hackathons What are Hackathons? Hackathons are large scale coding events, where students from around the area come together and collaborate - usually in teams of 4 (but you can go solo or with a partner!) - to build some software. Companies like Amazon, Northrop Grumman, Google, and Twilio sponsor awards related to best use of their technology. After 24 - 48 hours of intensive coding, participants submit their projects, whether it be an Android video game, Chrome Extension, productivity web app, etc. Submissions are shared with the companies and other hackathon organizers, where they select the best projects and award teams with swag like keyboards, gift cards, and even summer internships at their company.
Participating in hackathons are one of the best ways to hone your coding skills, network with companies and other students, and get free comfy T-shirts. It is also one of the best ways to gain industry knowledge, as representatives from these companies and hackathon organizers create numerous workshops and answer any questions you may have. Winning awards at these hackathons are also great resume boosters and talking points during interviews.
The biggest hackathon organizer is Major League Hacking. Visit their website, and you can see all the hackathons (remote or local) they are partnered with. Make to be on the lookout for application release dates from the hackathons and apply early.
With Covid, you may miss out on the free goodies and the in-person networking with students and professionals. However, most hackathons are accepting many more applicants due to it being virtual/remote this year.
What Should I Do At Hacakathons? Take advantage of the resources available at hackathons. You’re attending a mini CS conference and should be, besides coding, networking with professionals, learning about the different companies, attending workshops, asking technical/non-technical questions to mentors, and getting as much free shit as you can get. Besides T-Shirts, companies give out vouchers to their services, applications to their internship and full-time positions, pillows, notebooks, water bottles, sweaters, and even backpacks.
If you’re looking to get an award, judges at hackathons care a lot about the pitch and the idea rather than the actual execution of the idea. Having an idea beforehand is also helpful, so you can spend your time focusing on the MVP.
Friends and Networking chaitu65c: I think it’s definitely useful if you have two different friend groups: One dedicated to career and Non-Career Group.
Career Group - When making a friend group dedicated to career, try to be the dumbest person in the group, you’re definitely going to learn a lot from them as you soak up knowledge! Best ways of meeting friends who are career-driven can be through major specific orientation (actually how I met rishiss), courses, major related clubs, etc.
Non-Career Group - While having a group that motivates you for your career is important, it’s also important to have another friend group that can help you relax and to enjoy your time! A really good way to find these friend groups can be anywhere from your hall to General Education courses, social clubs like Circle K, fraternities/ sororities(if that’s your cup of tea) and others!
This is what has worked for us; no need to follow this exact format.
Resume rishiss: Here are the few take-aways on writing a resume that gets through the ATS.
Searching for Internships Searching for internships in CS is really different and harder from searching for internships in other professions. CS internship interview processes are often longer and much more technical on what you have learned as a CS major. We've prepped 2-3 months beforehand on CS concepts, whiteboarding, etc.
Timeline This timeline primarily focuses on large, non-government/defense companies or competitive startups. This also assume you are applying for a summer internship.
August - September: Applications are opened to the public. Make sure to look out for positions and apply early, as most companies admit students on a rolling basis. A site that we used often is Apply.fyi. After applying, you may receive an automated (< 48 hours) invitation to complete an Online Assessment, consisting of multiple choice and/or coding questions about Data Structures, Algorithms, and Run Time Complexity. You will have usually 1-2 weeks to complete the assessment. Please that you may be rejected if you are not able to pass 90% of the questions on the assessment: Please also note that you may be instantly rejected due to things out of your control like years of experience, cancellation of internship, internal corporate issues, and more. Don't take rejections too seriously; just keep applying!
October - November: After passing the resume screen and the OA, you will be contacted by the company's recruiter for a phone screen. During the screen, you will probably be asked a few confirmation questions about your resume, sponsorship, years of experience with X, etc. and minor behavioral questions like what made you apply for this position, what are you pursuing outside of class, etc. You may also receive questions about your CS fundamentals e.g. what is a hashtable, whats the difference between a process and a thread, what is the runtime complexity of sorting a string, etc. As long as you're cool and confident (and not cringe/edgy), this part should be a breeze.
November - Mid January: If you made it through the two Thanos snaps, you will be invited to an onsite “Power-Day,” where interviewees attend 2-4 whiteboard interviews while being grilled on their technical skills and projects. Some companies make applicants go through a panel interview, where a team of 2-5 Software Engineers grill you on technical questions and your resume. You are often pampered with free travel, food, stipends, etc.
December - February: If you were deemed a good fit by the hiring committee, you will be extended an offer to intern at the company during the upcoming summer for 10-12 weeks. Remember, nothing is final until you receive an offer letter in your inbox. Some companies may also place you on a wait-list and offer you a spot if someone were to reject their offer letter.
For government orgs, defense companies, and smaller organizations, the recruiting season starts in February/March and usually ends in April and May. After applying online and passing the resume screen, you will usually be immediately pushed to an on-site interview. Most likely, you will be interviewing with your future boss/co-worker.
Please note that internships are not only offered in the summer, they are provided in the Fall, Winter, and Spring (rare) as well. The competition for these internships is usually lower, and the process usually starts 3-4 months beforehand.
How to get the Interview Besides following resume tips, make sure to apply to as many places as you can. To get our first internships, we recall applying to approximately 250-300 places before we secured our internship plans for that summer. Also, if you do get ghosted, don’t take it personally, usually, university recruiters often spend so much time reviewing a lot of applications.
Other precautions to take to get noticed are to try attending career fairs if you can, you might be able to get an interview(worst case, free swag!). Other than that, try reaching out to upperclassmen or friends you know that interned and ask for referrals. It’s one of the best ways to get noticed!
What to expect As part of the interview process, there’s 4 types of interviews that you should make sure you know.
Behavioral Interview: These interviews ask you questions about culture fit such as “Why are you a good candidate” and “Tell me about a time when you ...”
Coding/Technical Interview: These interviews ask you questions similar to what you see on Leetcode and Hackerrank. These interviews are designed to test your Data Structures and Algorithms knowledge.
System Design: System Design involves the interviewer testing your building to design a service/software and test your knowledge of understanding what things to use for the task and how you will integrate them together. You’re definitely not expected to know this and it’s not likely you’re gonna get asked this. Places that could ask you this are Unicorns, Trading Companies and Hedge Funds, and Big Established Companies.
Concurrency/Low Level Interviews: If the company’s biggest product involves low level principles such as networking principles and kernel stuff, there’s a possibility you can get asked this. Places that come to mind are hardware companies and trading firms.
Some companies may adopt only one of these interviews and some may adopt all.
How to Ace the Interview It’s highly recommended that you look up the interview experiences that other students have faced so that you can potentially filter out companies with red flags and know what questions to expect. Common sources to search up on this would be Reddit (csMajors and cscareerquestions), Jumpstart (Relatively new portal for students), Glassdoor and maybe Blind (Aside from the toxic TC or GTFO culture, they do give good advice on interviews). With that said, here’s some advice we have when you approach each kind of interview we’ve seen.
Advice on Behavioral Interviews Use the STAR method when describing your experiences. Being quantifiable with the impact of your actions will impress the interviewer.
Advice on Technical Interviews Begin by reviewing your notes from the Data Structures and Algorithms class. Do not proceed further until you know how to implement these DS and As from scratch with the language of your choice(If you do know python, it’s recommended as there’s a lot of builtin features!). After doing so, we highly recommend a book like CTCI and EPI to gain a review on programming language details and your DS and As. Then, visit sites like LeetCode to practice real questions from major companies. A Facebook Engineer completed 600 LC problems and compiled the most important ones into a list here. During the interview, make sure to talk out loud about possible approaches and tradeoffs before whiteboarding. It is perfectly acceptable (often recommended) to ask the interviewer to ask questions about the problem and get clarification. Once you have an idea in mind and have talked about it with your interviewer, begin whiteboarding. While you talk about the final idea you want to use, write out pseudo code and comments about all the steps you need to implement in order to finish coding your solution. After that, start coding. Make sure to have proper function headers, syntax, spacing, classes/structs, imports, etc. After coding your solution, give a brief explanation and attempt to make it run with less space and in less time (if your solution is not as efficient as you think it can be).
Advice on System Design These are somewhat hard to approach if you don’t have experience ever doing it. If you do have experience designing and building services in your spare time and as part of your work experience, definitely rely on your experience. An important thing is to definitely ask clarifying questions. There might be hidden requirements you didn’t think about that could drastically change the way you approach the solution.
Advice on Concurrency/Low level Understand basic principles such as Processes vs Threads (A lot of people don’t know the difference!)TCP vs UDP and how to make an application thread safe. Other than that, it’s recommended that you familiarize yourself with basic OS concepts such as Deadlocks, locks that you can utilize to make an application thread safe, etc.
Searching for Full Time Jobs: The big bucks.
The process for finding a Full-Time Job is usually very similar to finding an Internship. There’s three main differences are:
  1. Harder Questions. Ex: Google usually asks Leetcode Mediums to Hards + the special Leetcode Hard question that Google asks it’s applicants (they create a new one every year).
  2. More Rounds of Interviewing: For example, Microsoft makes interns do 2 rounds while New Grads do 4 rounds during the onsite part of the process.
  3. Compensation: Interns usually get an hourly rate and, possibly, a housing stipend. New grads, however, are given a yearly salary and, possibly, a sign-on bonus, stocks, and benefits e.g. health insurance, vacation days, etc.
The process for finding a Full-time Job won’t really change as much as finding an internship, but keep in mind that the bar is higher. This is probably the biggest reason why you should look into interning early; by getting an offer at the place you like, you don’t need to go through the daunting process of finding a full-time role.
Get as many offers as you can this time around, so you can negotiate and select the position, company, compensation, and location that works best for you.
Negotiation Negotiation is a really powerful tool that you can use in the interview process, even as an intern. There’s a lot of guides to negotiation and we recommend Nick Singh’s guide (Look at his LinkedIn and newsletters) for more.
Final Thoughts University is a probably the most important time of your life and a foundational block of your CS Career. Like any foundation, it must be sturdy and takes a tremendous amount and energy of time to develop. Take advantage of all the resources (like this one) you can get your hands on. Definitely learn from the mistakes people have made and make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes.
‘Stay hungry. Stay foolish’ - Steve Jobs
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2020.09.17 03:07 PIMOWarrior Live rooms porn free

This may possibly be the most personal of all the tales that I will share here, or at the very least the most potentially embarrassing. Nevertheless, I feel that sharing my story is important both because putting it out there can help me to heal, and because some of the woes that I've gone through could potentially help others. And so, with some trepidation, I will share with you all the story of my ultimate downfall.
It all started one fateful night as I sat in front of my computer. I had been suffering from a health condition for years now, which made serving at Bethel an even greater challenge than it already is on its own. The Bethel Infirmary only attempted but so much to help me, and funds of course were too limited for me to seek any outside help. Desperate for some relief, I decided to turn to the internet for answers. One of the symptoms of my ailment was bloating, and so I entered this in the search bar. After scanning the results, I noticed a YouTube video that seemed like it might have some useful information, so I clicked on it.
Sadly, the video didn't really address the same problem that I was facing, but I saw another video in the suggested list that caught my eye. I clicked it.
The video was very strange. Nothing was said. It was just a person chugging two liters of water. You only saw their belly on screen, which went from perfectly flat to bloated beyond belief in the span of just a minute or two. Why would someone post such a thing? It was so odd.
And yet, I had to replay it. I didn't know why I wanted to watch it again. I just did. And then, there were others similar to it in the suggested list. I watched those too. In some of the videos people chugged water, in others they stuffed themselves with ice cream, in still others they used air. I had never heard of this or seen anything like it before, but apparently it's a thing: belly expansion. At the time, I still had no idea what the appeal of these videos was; I only knew that for some strange reason I really enjoyed watching them.
Some time passed - perhaps days or weeks, I don't remember for sure anymore - and I had an urge. I really wanted to watch more of these YouTube videos. I began to search them up and looked for more. And then more. And then more. And suddenly I realized what was happening: These videos were turning me on...you know...sexually. At first, I couldn't believe it. Why would this be? But I realized, I should stop. This wasn't right.
Several months pass. I again got the urge to watch some more. Surely I was mistaken the first time. There's no way this was a sexual thing. It couldn't be. It was just people expanding their bellies. That's not even sexual. I had to confirm it though. I watched some videos and felt nothing. Whew. Relief. I guess that was just in my imagination. Weird. So weird.
But then, I watched a few more several days later...and I felt it again. It was sexual. I was getting turned on. And when I read the YouTube comments, I noticed that other people apparently were as well. This really was something sexual. I still couldn't quite wrap my mind around it. I was confused, but again I decided it would just be better not to watch any more of these. There wasn't any nudity or anything. This definitely wasn't pornography; but still, if this was turning me on like that, it was wrong.
Several more months go by. And it happened again. I'm battling in my mind. I keep going back and forth. This isn't really sexual, it can't be. But sometimes I feel something and clearly other people do too. I mustn't keep doing this. Ugh! The weight of this new desire was heavy on my conscience. I didn't look at these videos very often. But still. I shouldn't be looking at them at all. I knew this just wasn't right.
Finally, I reached a breaking point. I had been serving as an elder and I just felt like I would never want to do anything that could potentially jeopardize the flow of Jehovah's holy spirit in the congregation. I didn't want other people to be affected by this secret vice of mine. I felt it wasn't a huge deal per se since there was no nudity and there were no sexual acts being done in the videos. But I just didn't want to risk it. I decided that just in case it would be better to just let someone know that I had had a little struggle with this odd thing. It would almost certainly turn out to be nothing, but better safe than sorry, right?
So, I work up the courage and set up an appointment with one of my department elders for later that afternoon. I tell him about what happened and he asks the usual questions. No, there was no nudity. No, they didn't touch themselves. No, I didn't masturbate to the videos. Etc. etc. He let's me know that he'll get back to me.
Unsurprisingly, my next meeting was with two elders. That was a bit unsettling, but as an elder myself I understood that for a potentially serious matter it is necessary to have two brothers present. So, no problem. Either way, I knew that Jehovah knew the circumstances of what had happened and he would surely understand and direct the situation fairly.
I soon realized, however, that I was wrong. Most of the details are honestly a blur now. It reminds me of a saying that I love: "People may forget what you said, but they'll always remember how you made them feel." And it's the feeling that I will never forget. They made me feel disgusting. They made me feel worthless. They made me feel like the most perverted, filthy, rotten, unspiritual scum that they'd ever had the displeasure of having to look upon. I admitted in that meeting that I masturbated and they treated that like it was the most unnatural and depraved act anyone has ever committed. Like, how could I? I wasn't even worthy to breathe the same air as them.
There's one particular exchange that I do remember quite clearly because it was so ridiculous that it will be forever etched in my mind. They wanted to know why I liked these videos. I wasn't sure, but I explained that I had always found pregnancy to be a turn-on, so the videos probably just reminded me of that.
"YOU NEED TO STOP LIKING THAT! THERE COULD BE A PREGNANT WOMAN IN THE KINGDOM HALL!!!" one of the brothers exclaimed.
For one thing, I happen to like women - pregnant or not - and guess what? There's also going to be WOMEN in the Kingdom Hall. So should I stop liking women too?? Such asinine reasoning.
Furthermore, how do you just force yourself to stop liking something? I didn't ask for pregnant bellies to turn me on. I have no control over that any more than they had control over possibly liking legs or butts or breasts or whatever it is that turns them on. Could they not see what an absurd demand this was?
Anyhow, none of that mattered, of course. My case would be presented to the Branch Committee for evaluation of my qualifications to continue serving at Bethel. I waited for an agonizing month, every day expecting for the notification on my pager to meet at my department elder's office with the decision. And finally, it came. With my heart in my stomach and a lump in my throat, I walked towards that office anticipating the worst, but somehow still clutching onto the belief that Jehovah would make sure the brothers made the right decision. He knew that I wasn't trying to be immoral and that I stumbled into all this in innocence. He knew that I could have never told anyone about what happened and that I would never have been found out. He knew that I cared so deeply that I was in fact willing to risk everything that was dear to me simply for the sake of not endangering the precious sheep that were under my care. He knew all these things. He could read my heart. His holy spirit was directing these men. Surely the just thing would happen. Surely there would be mercy.
There wasn't.
I was given two weeks to arrange my affairs and get out.
I was stunned. Shocked. Dazed. Confused. How could this be happening? Was I wrong? Was what I did actually much worse than I thought? Did I truly deserve to in an instant lose my home, my job, my congregation, my friends, my privileges, my identity, yes, my whole world?
As I packed my things over the next several days I just kept reminding myself that Jehovah's discipline might hurt at first, but it's for my benefit. It's going to help me in the end, make me a better person. I had sacrificed so much over the last ten years, slaving away despite my illness and so many mental and emotional challenges. I gave up a full scholarship and my engineering degree in computers. I gave up my dream of having a wife and 2.3 kids that I had had since I was a young teen. I gave it all up to live this austere life, constantly feeling inadequate no matter how hard I worked, no matter how much I gave. And, now, all of that meant nothing. I made all those sacrifices and now lost everything. How stupid of me. I just couldn't control my stupid self, could I? I had to lose it all because of my stupid choices. Yes, I did deserve this. I never viewed myself as the bad kid. I was always the goody two-shoes kid that tried to please everyone and that always tried to be perfect. How arrogant of me to believe that I couldn't also succumb to the same things as everyone else. How foolish I was. Yes, I deserved this.
And so, I moved back home with my parents. Here I was, 31 years old, back in my childhood bedroom. I had worked so hard all these years, but had nothing to show for anything. Bethel never made me feel appreciated while I was there, and now this final blow confirmed that all that I did really was meaningless. I had nothing. Nothing but guilt, shame, pain, sorrow, heart-ache, and anger. Those were the only emotions I could feel. Other than those, I was completely numb. I didn't smile anymore. I couldn't laugh. I couldn't feel. It felt like nothing mattered anymore. It was like I jumped off a cliff, hoping to die, but just laid there mangled on the rocks below. Unable to move. Unable to cry for help. Able only to feel pain in between bouts of unconsciousness.
My parents were so loving. Without them, I'd probably be dead right now. They never looked down on me. They never scolded me. Even when I told them all the "disgusting" details of what took place, they never for one second made me feel anything less than their beloved son. They welcomed me with open arms, and did everything they could to make me feel wanted and cared about. And that made me feel even more guilty, because I couldn't feel anything back. I didn't even know anymore what it feels like to love. And yet, despite the fact that I was a zombie now, just a shell of the son they once knew, they shared their little home with me and assured me again and again that what was theirs was mine. They never expected a dime from me. But I couldn't stop feeling like I was just a guest, like I was just a burden.
For the next year I did nothing but play videogames. I would wake up whenever, grab something to eat, and turn on my PC. I would play until late in the night. Rinse and repeat. I drowned my sorrow in gaming. Only in the virtual worlds of my games could I escape from the pain that gnawed relentlessly at my soul. I had no hope, no prospects, no purpose. My future was nothing but a dark void.
But my mind never quit. Again and again and again it cycled and recycled the same thoughts over and over and over. How could Jehovah let this happen? Does he love me? Is he even out there? How did things end up like this? No. This couldn't be right. This had to be a mistake. I know what I did wasn't right, but Jehovah knew the truth of it all. There's just no way this could be happening.
And then I found out something even more devastating.
My Dad walked into my room one night with anger in his eyes. "Those brothers must hate you."
"What? Why? What do you mean?"
My Dad, an elder, had seen the letter that Bethel sent to my body of elders about me. The letter stated that I had a deeply engrained habit spanning decades of viewing pornography.
"WHAT??? That can't be true!"
There was no way the letter said that. It just couldn't be true. It couldn't be. But, alas, that's what it said. When my local elders met with me, they confirmed it. I explained to them that this was an absolute falsehood. I'm not gonna pretend that I never saw anything before, but I absolutely had NOT been viewing pornography for decades. I was the kid that would immediately evert his eyes if another kid tried to show me anything (while all the elders kids looked on eagerly, mind you). Heck, even in my dreams I would push girls away when they tried to have sex with me. That's how serious I was about remaining chaste. Besides a few minor shortfalls which were soft-core, porn was just something I didn't get involved with.
The brothers lied. They LIED! No. No, that couldn't be. I knew the brothers in charge of my case disliked me (those are stories for another day), but they wouldn't do that. They wouldn't lie just to get me kicked out of Bethel, would they? They wouldn't just crush my hopes and dreams because they had a convenient opportunity to dispose of me, would they? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. Jehovah wouldn't allow this. He wouldn't. He wouldn't.
I wrote a letter to the branch. It was short and respectful. I simply stated that I believed there might have been some misunderstanding. I simply requested that I be able to talk to someone about it.
And so I waited.
They never wrote back. They couldn't even dignify me with a response. I wasn't even worth saying "no" to. Now that I was gone, I no longer existed to them.
Over the next many months, I prayed incessantly. I poured my heart out in prayer. I begged Jehovah over and over that he please just show me somehow that he loved me. Show me that he cared, that I meant something, anything! Show me that he was out there.
And nothing happened.
Some have said to me, "Well, what were you expecting Jehovah to do?" You know what? I don't know. I was leaving that in his hands. I was sure the Almighty Sovereign of the Universe would know exactly what it would take for me to feel his presence. I was sure that if he would send someone to knock on the door of a worldly person who was praying, surely he would do this one small thing for a faithful servant of over twenty years who had been so devoted but was now floundering. I wasn't asking for a miraculous vision. I just needed Jehovah to grab my hand. I needed a lifeline.
But he let me drown.
I paddled in the middle of my ocean of despair with the last of my strength. I fought the cold numbness that overtook my limbs as the blood slowly ceased it's circulation, desperate to keep my core warm. For the next years, I would bobble at the water line, inhaling the waters of doubt and despair, my lungs burning. I wouldn't give up. I couldn't. And I would keep rising up again and again, gasping for air. I wanted so hard to keep believing that that lifeboat would come for me. But it never did and I sank deeper and deeper.
Now, seven years later, after trying so hard to make it work, trying so desperately to make sense of it all, I sit here, writing you my story. The story of a boy who only ever cared about doing what was right. The story of a young man who sacrificed it all for his God to do more. The story of a man, who fought on despite so many obstacles. The story of a shell of a man, heart-broken and crushed. I didn't want it to end this way. I really didn't. I wanted with all my heart for things to be different. But as my eyes slowly open, I realize that they couldn't have been. And as I read your stories, I realize that I'm not alone. This is just the true nature of Jehovah's Organization.
And so I thank you for sharing this journey with me. I don't know if the sadness will ever go away, but I can feel just a small glimmer of happiness knowing that I am finally free.
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2020.09.16 17:13 PipesAndParables Free live porn rooms

I imagine that those of us who have struggled with pornography have, if they've ever told someone, used the word "have" as opposed to the more factual statement, "I DO struggle with porn," acting as though it's something that we've already conquered. Maybe some of you have conquered it. I'm happy to say that it's been 9 months since my last relapse, and that porn is no longer an active temptation for me, but this is only because I came face to face with the fact that I'm helpless, and I did something about it. Only with the help of Christ, I should add. Because of this freedom I've found, I want to tell you all, especially those who are still addicted and still actively falling (and being that you're engaged actively engaged with an online forum like reddit, that's likely more people than you realize,) about what steps I took that were ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for me and what my life currently looks like, in regards to avoiding relapsing and enjoying my freedom.
First off, I need to tell you this: You are good. You are loved. Most likely, you are, in some sense, a victim of your parents generation and the failures of their culture to uphold sexual wholeness and chastity, as well as a victim of the porn industries constant attempts (and successes) in addicting children to their content. DO NOT LET THIS BE YOUR IDENTITY. God wants you to realize that you are not a bad person because you're addicted, but He does NOT want you to play victim and blame this on everyone else. One can recognize they were wronged without placing all responsibility for their life on those who wronged them. I was first exposed to porn when I was 8, and a big step in healing was recognizing that I didn't seek this out willfully. I happened upon it and had my sexuality morphed and perverted and it took 13 years to break free, and that is not ENTIRELY my fault. How (and if) I respond to this poison in my life is, though. So DON'T GIVE UP.
Here are my 3 big points

  1. INFORM YOURSELF
We live in the 21st century, and if there's one thing you have access to, it's months and months worth of podcasts, documentaries, and information on why you should quit, how you should quit, and what happens if you quit. Personally, two amazing speakers that have helped me learn more and start to attempt to break free are Jason Evert and Matt Fradd. Matt Fradd has been my favorite because his ministry has primarily been with pornography addicted people, and he's actually helped create an app called Strive 21 (which is free) that helps men (since women pornography addiction is functionally a bit different, they're coming out with a course for women) break free from pornography. You need to connect yourself with whatever outlets are prudent to access (More on this later) and get yourself informed. Again, I recommend Matt Fradd and Jason Evert, and their respective podcasts I actively listen to are "Pints with Aquinas" and "Lust is Boring," though "Lust is Boring" has a kind of cringy intro as of right now so you may wanna skip the first 30-45 seconds of it and get to the actual episode. Remember, this is an active struggle in your life, so you need to at least match the amount of bad content you're putting in your mind with good content. I'll link one of Matt's most recent (and relevant) videos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4CeR0MK4Qw
  1. DENY YOURSELF
I do not mean this in a purely religious sense, though that is connected. You are an addicted person. As a result, there are things that you can't do and places you can't be if you want to maintain purity. You do not have the willpower to resist porn or resist the opportunity to seek out porn, and the moment you convince yourself you do, you will fall if you do not have the right safeguards up. That's why I'm going to say something that may make you close this article, either out of rejection or maybe even from accepting this. DELETE THE BROWSER OFF YOUR PHONE. YOU DON'T NEED COVENANT EYES ON YOUR PHONE, YOU NEED TO DESTROY YOUR EASY ACCESS TO THE INTERNET. MOVE YOUR COMPUTER INTO THE MOST INCONVENIENT, PUBLIC SPACE YOU CAN.
Edit: Covenant eyes has its place and can be super helpful. On a computer. An addict does NOT need a web browser on their phone, no matter how helpful it may seem.
The fact is, you can't handle the internet as you currently are. When I fell most was when I insisted on keeping some app on my phone that I knew either could lead me to temptation or enable my temptation. Especially when you find out which apps you can open up links in to bypass website blockers. This means deleting Youtube. Reddit. Google search. Social media apps (but you'll be happier without those anyway, trust me.) Literally, your phone browser if possible. If you have a habit of sexually acting out whether that be via hooking up or sexting, block and delete those contacts.
I know how to do this on iPhone but not android, but I'm sure android has a similar function so please search it up. On iPhone there's a function in settings called Screen Time. Have someone you see regularly but not constantly put a passcode on it. Tell them you're doing an internet fast. Go to appstore purchases and disable them, which will remove your ability to access the store at all. Then, go to content blocking and turn the website blocking on to "Allow websites from list only" or whatever the option is. Then put down a few websites you might need, maybe banking, maybe school websites, but NOTHING ELSE. If you come across any apps that allow you to access websites that you didn't authorize, DELETE THEM no matter how innocent they seem. When you delete an app from this point forward, it stays deleted. Occasionally you might need to update an app but this can be done whenever you meet up with the person who has your password.
For computers, they need to be in an open space where privacy will not be an option. If you live alone, you'll likely have to forgo your laptop or computer all together because you have TOO MUCH PRIVACY. Maybe have a friend put a password on it so you can access it when they're present, but you CANNOT HAVE INTERNET ACCESS WHEN YOU ARE ALONE. PERIOD.
This is going to seem extreme, but you need to understand. This is not possible if you have pitfalls all around your house and in your pocket. You need three things to fall to porn. Access, Privacy, and Desire. If you find yourself with two of these three things, you must be wary and try to remove one as quickly as possible. If you are faced with all three, you must run away or it will soon be too late
This is the price of freedom. It's a price that gets exponentially easier to pay over time, but it's the price. If you don't adopt these drastic (hand severing, eye removing) measures, your failure will be your own fault.
  1. CONNECT YOURSELF
Isolation is likely what launched you into this addiction. Why do you think isolation will get you out? Connect yourself with others, and inform people who need to know. If you live with your parents, then yes, your parents need to know that this is a struggle for you and that you need there support and awareness of where you are and what you're doing. Inform a same sex room mate or whoever's in charge of the household (again, of the same sex.) These are people who, simply by knowing this, can affect how and if you access porn to an extent. Get an accountability partner. The app Strive 21 has tons of resources and keeps guys in a community. Humans weren't made to struggle alone. We build off of each other and can encourage each other to do things we never thought possible

As someone who's been free of this for 9 months, I've been able to relax some of my restrictions, but barely. I still have my phone locked down. I still only access the internet when I'm with others. My xbox account has another dummy account set up as a parent that keeps me from accessing the browser. The thing is though, when I removed these things, they created a vacuum. That vacuum of time forced me to pick up things like reading and exploring to fill the time, and I've found that the things I replace that time with are so much more fulfilling. What initially was a high price has actually freed me to enjoy myself in a more authentic way than ever before. Maybe by the end of the year I might buy my own laptop and use covenant eyes, but I want to honor myself, my girlfriend, and God by recognizing that it's only through Him I managed to be free, and He told me to be drastic in cutting temptation out of my life, and to not put myself in tempting situations. And He has not been outdone in generosity. I'm finding that what I gave up, He restored in ways that surpassed my wildest dreams.
So, whoever you are, keep in mind your weakness. Keep in mind the price. More than anything though, keep in mind His strength, and the price He's enabled you to pay.
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2020.09.15 23:43 KeepMovingForwardRVC Porn rooms live free

This post is probably gonna be a mess which is kinda fitting because my mind is a mess.
Where to even start? I know I’m still young by most standards (though I feel like I’m getting old lol) but it feels like my life is slowly slipping away and I’m going to spend it wishing I was different and wishing I was someone else.
I’ve slowly gone from a social, in shape, confident, not socially awkward, not anxious guy to just a mess. I’d say I was normal at about 14 and I’ve slowly deteriorated into my current existence.
I gained weight that I’ve been on and off trying to lose for years. To be fair on this front I am making tangible progress and have lost 3 stone (19kg) while running frequently. This is one area of my life that I actually have confidence I will change but the stretch marks my weight gain gave me will be with me forever.
This weight gain led to me losing my self esteem and self confidence. It’s actually crazy how easy it used to be for me to talk with girls when I was a young teen but now I feel like I’m wasting their time because I’m out of shape. I’m praying this will kinda change when I lose weight and I feel more confident about myself but who knows. I’m 22 years old and I’ve never had a proper girlfriend. I’ve had sex one time and it was with an older woman I met on Craigslist personals. Now I get anxious about when I do actually have sex because I think it’ll be so obvious I have no idea what I’m doing
In fact my self esteem is so low I’ve gone to a nightclub, met a girl, kissed with her, she asked me to come back to her apartment and on the walk home I felt like once I took my top off she’d lose all interest so I made up some bullshit about ‘having a girlfriend’ and saying I couldn’t cheat on her to avoid this potential embarrassment. How stupid is that? Adding to my paranoia with women is the fact that through my masturbation habits (no lube, strong grip and trying to cum as fast as possible) I’ve given myself death grip syndrome which meant that when I was having sex with this woman I could not ejaculate and barely felt anything. I’m trying to stop this and it’s fixable but i keep cracking and watching porn. I’m hopeful I can fix this and sorry for too much information.
In addition to being dumb around girls I’m just dumb around people in general. I’m not crazy socially awkward but I struggle to hold conversations especially one on one and I just feel like the least interesting man alive. I actively dread social situations especially with people I don’t know/1 on 1 situations because I just feel like I’m so boring and the conversation sucks. Like I have anxiety over going to the fucking barbers because of the potential of having to make small talk. Thinking of how easy I used to talk with people and how I used to be considered funny it honestly makes me want to cry. I’ve been out with my friends like once in the last year because I always make an excuse to avoid it and now they’ve stopped inviting me out. My life is literally just wake up, go on my laptop, watch sports, go to bed. This is an issue I just don’t know how to fix and it scares the fuck out of me that I’m going to be stuck as this boring loner for the rest of my life. It hurts to even write this...
The one area of my life that’s not a disaster is education wise. I have a degree in finance, I got a 2:1 which is good but from a top 35 UK university so not elite. I graduated this summer. But when I applied for jobs related to my degree I heard absolutely nothing back. Even applying for jobs like supermarkets and betting shops I was getting rejected this summer. So I’ve spent the entire summer doing essentially nothing but eating less and running sometimes. I know with the current jobs market I’m not gonna get a job I want so I’m doing a masters that I don’t really want to do but I feel like I need to do it I want a job in finance. But I’m even doubting doing this masters because by the time I graduate I’ll be a month away from 24 years old. I will be 24 years old entering the workforce and I feel like such a loser when my parents talk about having jobs at 16 and my friends at home have been working since 18.
I’m also absolutely broke right now due to not working in the summer but considering I’m starting university in November while studying for CFA level 1 (very intense qualification with recommended 300 hours of study) I don’t really have time for a job. This lack of money means I’m gonna have to live at home with my Mum while studying which isn’t ideal, there’s not even a desk I can use until she finishes work at 5pm.
Another issue I have is a huge case of imposter syndrome. I studied finance as I said and I’m not the best at maths. Good enough to get a degree in Finance but even some ‘simple sums’ I don’t solve them quick enough, I have to use a calculator to feel confident with maths. I always doubt if I’m actually smart enough to work in finance. I feel like if I got a job this summer I’d have legit no idea wtf I’m doing unless I’m showed everything. That’s why I’m lowkey kinda relieved I didn’t get one because I don’t feel ready for a job. I'm applying for jobs when I'm terrified of what will happen if I actually got the job.
I feel like people are way more sophisticated than me and have their lives together. Even stuff like fashion I feel like I still look like a fucking kid compared to other people I see my age. I’ve recently got into the weird habit of googling people’s ages to try and benchmark myself against them. Like ‘oh this guy is 25 so I’ve got 3 years before I need to be as mature/successful as him’ or other dumb stuff. I am my own worst enemy tbh.
I never talk with anyone about any of this stuff. I’m embarrassed about all of it. I’ve never opened up about anything to anyone. My Dad lives abroad and I lie whenever he asks how I’m doing or if I’ve been out recently etc. I don’t think he realises I’m a socially awkward, anxious mess. I barely even talk with my friends outside of Xbox let alone opening up to someone about how poorly my life is going. (Damn writing this part made me cry). I feel like in my friendship group I was one of the least valued anyway, it’s part of why I withdrew. Stuff like me arriving at a party and people saying they didn’t realise I was even there despite being there for an hour. I feel like I could maybe talk with my mum but I just can’t bring myself to do it. She thinks I’m normal and is proud of how I did at university. She doesn’t know that second semester I was smoking weed every single day alone because I had no friends. I don’t want to shatter her perception of me and I really don’t want to talk with her about this stuff to be honest. Maybe I struggle with the stigma of mental health.
I have such a hard time opening up about anything. There’s so much stuff and opinions I don’t share, there’s so many things I’m embarrassed about that the thought of them being brought up makes me not want to talk to people. Like on Friday I’m going to a brunch with my Dad and his work friends and I’m already dreading one of them saying something like ‘so have you got a girlfriend then’ because I’ve never had one and I’m just ashamed. I try and play it cool but invariably my response is something kinda dumb and a minute later I think of what I should have said. It's so stupid but to me it's such a big deal that I'll be thinking about and dreading this brunch throughout the week.
I'm good at putting on a brave face and pretending everything is ok. I doubt anyone I've ever met would think I'm depressed and my life is going so awfully.
I’ve started strongly debating therapy or counselling whichever is appropriate for me but I cannot afford it given I have £300 to my name currently and don’t really have the time for a job. Therapy is so expensive. I need to check if it's something I could get for free on the NHS but I always hear on the news about how bad the provisions for mental health are that I doubt I can get anything.
I think that’s about it. There’s other stuff but it’s not coming to mind at the minute. I’m not suicidal and haven’t even considered suicide but part of me wonders with the way my life is heading if in 10 years it’s something I’d actually end up considering which is something I never thought I'd say.
I've only recently started to consider that I might have depression, I guess I never considered it because I've slowly slipped into this state and I've been stuck here for a few years. I guess when you write it all out you realise just how bad things are. Even now I’m sat crying in my room trying not to wake my dad up while I’m visiting him in Dubai. This is supposed to be a holiday lol.
It hurts even more because as I've alluded to in the post I used to have NONE of these issues. NONE. I could talk to girls, I was popular in school, I didn't even think twice about talking with people and could hold interesting conversations, I wasn't fat, I wasn't self-conscious of my body. I just lived free and happy. And now I'm the complete opposite.
If anyone reads this thank you. I’m sorry if it sounds dramatic but this is how I truly feel.
I don’t know how I can turn my life around and become the kind of person I used to be when younger and want to be moving forward.
I’d love to have a group of friends where I feel valued, I love hanging with them. I’d love to have some self esteem and a bit of confidence for once. I’d love to feel like I can hold a conversation and not DREAD anything social. I’d love to have a girlfriend and one I could be open with about my life and how I’m feeling. I’d love to have a successful career.
But currently I’m not heading for any of those things, in fact they’re getting further away.
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2020.09.14 18:15 PoolsOfJizz Free live porn rooms

Hi guys,
I've been meaning for a while to make this post. This post isn't really meant to add anything of value to whats already out there on the internet in regards to opinions/criticisms of TLOU2 - this is more kind of like a rambling of my inner thought processes, kind of like a journal entry, just on the internet, because it feels good to have other people read what you feel, its kind of therapeutic, I guess.
First lemme give a bit of backstory as to what kind of a fan I am. I would consider myself a pretty hardcore fan of the last of us (part 1) - I played it and beat it probably 4 times, and I think it is absolutely one of the best video games ever made. I think the story is essentially perfect (or as good as story telling can reasonably get), and the gameplay is fantastic, characters, etc. So I would say that Im a huge fan of the first game, so obviously I couldn't wait to get my hands on the second, and even bought a fucking playstation 4 to play it (ill be selling it soon).
As for the spoilers - I would say that I protected myself from about 90% of the spoilers online, even though it was EXTREMELY hard to. The first thing I wanted to do when I heard of the leak was just dive into everything right then and there, but I composed myself as best I could, and managed to hold off on reading any spoilers for the entire time. So I really wasnt spoiled at all. The only spoilers I saw, were some images online with Joel and a golf club. I thought to myself... hmm. Does Joel die? from a golf club? Then, I thought that maybe Ellie killed Joel, with a golf club! Because of Ellie finding out about Joels lie! I thought she might have killed him after finding out, because she was so pissed at him, and maybe that you were even the one controlling her, while she was killing him. Thats what I actually thought, and thats why I thought so many fans were so upset. I thought that was it.
Ok - I'm gonna divide the next parts up into widely-debated statements that I either do or do not believe to be true about this game. You'll see what I mean... Ok, let's get into it:
I do believe that this game is a masterpiece in all areas of the game, except for one small (huge?) area: the storytelling. Man, this game was not the game that so many people were expecting. This game was not the game that so many NEEDED, during the crisis that we are experiencing right now. Obviously naughty dog couldn't have predicted this pandemic, but it just sucks to get such a bleak, depressing story while we are going through such a bleak, depressing time. Of course the first game was also bleak and depressing - but it was outshined by moments of incredible beauty so many times that reminded us that even though the world may be going to shit, we still have the people around us who care about us. The second game offered absolutely fucking none of that whatsoever anywhere to be seen. I feel like this game can be summed up by the phrase "misery porn" - but its not just any old misery porn, no - its the best god damn misery porn on the planet. And youd bet your ass your gonna wanna kill yourself by the end of it. 10/10 misery porn. Seriously though, the fact that this story lacks any kind of optimism at all makes me never want to play it again. The first game made me want to play it a million times over. How do you judge a game? By how strongly it affects your emotions, or how bad you wanna play it again? If its the former, its a masterpiece. If its the latter, it sucks. However I wonder whether or not this game would have affected my emotions so strongly if it had not been for the first game in the first place - part of the reason this game affected my emotions so much is because I felt so much attachment to the characters because of the first game. In this regard, it feels cheap and manipulative - trying to have as big of an impact on my emotions as possible by torturing and murdering one of the most beloved characters of the first game. Of course you are going to elicit strong emotions by doing that - it doesnt mean its a mark of brilliant storytelling, or anything like that.
This game does feel like it was written by a completely different team with completely different goals (in regard to the story telling, that is). It feels like a game that was designed to make players scratch their head and say, "huh?" Not a game designed to make players feel the wide spectrum of emotions that the first game did. The only emotions I felt with this game were anger and sadness - nothing else, ever. And the sex scenes really made me scratch my head. "What the fuck does this have to do with anything?" "Oh... theyre actually gonna show it..." Do you think that by showing a sex scene with abby that that somehow makes her like, more relatable, or something? Are we supposed to say, "Oh, I cheated once, and I felt awful about it too, so now I can relate to abby more"? This scene by far seemed to be the most out of placed, most forced scene out of the entire game, for me. It went from 0 to 100 real quick, and I couldnt hide my eyeballs from my monitor in time before seeing that wildebeest moaning and groaning in the camera. Now I have PTSD from two things - the death of a legendary studio I have loved for years, and a wild boar getting slammed from behind.
I do not believe that naughty dog made this game with the sole intention to push an SJW agenda. I hate SJW bullshit as much as anyone else, but I found the SJW bullshit in this game to be very minor. In fact, I wouldnt have noticed it at all, if it wasnt for the entire internet whining about it. I feel like the only time I ever noticed an sjw thing come into the game was where you, as abby, are talking to lev, or whatever that monkey looking thing was, and it tells you that it was a trans, and ostracized from the community, or whatever. I mean come on guys, it was a fuckin gameplay dialogue for fucks sake - it wasnt even in any major cutscene. but meh, I digress
I do not believe naughty dog should be penalized for promoting a culture of crunch. I mean, this is how amazing things get created, right? Some scientist works for 100 hours a week for a year and cures Ebola. Some guy shoots 500 free throws a day for 10 years and joins the NBA. some guy lives with dolphins in isolation for 20 years and develops a way to talk to dolphins. Immense sacrifice will always be strongly positively correlated the quality of the finished product, so like, shut up you pussies lol.
I do believe this was naughty dogs most ambitious game, by far. Keyword here - ambitious - not necessarily good. I mean just the fact that so many people hate this game is evident that it was ambitious, right? more ambition = more risk, and they sure as shit risked damn near everything with this game. I probably wont be buying the last of us 3, as much as that sucks to say. But I do respect naughty dog for taking some of the biggest risks I have ever seen in any videogame ever. Did they pay off? I dont know.
Closing remarks
I wanna devote this section to bringing up a few related things I haven't talked about yet. Just random things. One thing is that one youtuber (forgot his channel) said in his review of the game something that really stuck with me, and it is something that after thinking about, I agree with - he said that anytime that a movie or a game makes you wonder why something happens, and forces you to rationalize it, that is a result of bad storywriting. Now that I think of it, all great media pieces that ive seen all do not do that - they dont make you rationalize (or "think about the reasons") why something happened. They DO make you think about the nuances of something (for example, one show that comes to mind which is FILLED with nuance for all characters and the storyline, is breaking bad) - but the REASON is crystal clear. A lot of the time, while I was playing TLOU2, I would find myself doing this - I would find myself confused as to why something in the story happened, and then, I would attempt to rationalize it using "clues" about the other characters/rest of the story - I do think that this is a result of poor storywriting, because it is not the viewers job to try and "de-code" why things happen - it is the job of the story teller to make a story that is narratively coherent, even if it may be, at times, nuanced. I mean, I dont have to talk about the most obvious elephant in the room - right? When ellie is strangling abby, why the fuck doesnt she kill her? For her PTSD? For Tommy? For Joel? And what about all the other hundreds of people shes murdered to get to her? I guess their deaths are ok now, because Ellies had an epiphany, right? It's like, I just get this feeling that at the very core of naughty dogs story telling, is this kind of need to be like, "edgy", or something - to do something differently just because they can - it doesn't work, it never will, and its immature and pretentious. Fuck off with your moral superiority. At least give us the CHOICE to kill or spare abby. If they would have just given us the choice, I feel like, the ending would have been much, much better.
I also want to touch on something here that I find kind of funny. in many of these youtube videos where people review the game, the comments contain people talking about "better" ways that they would have written the story. The fact that the internet is filled with these "alternative, fan-made theories" is just so fucking evident of the fact that the story could have been so much better. It really should have gone through more people looking at it and reviewing it before they settled on it. for example, one alternative story I read was, you play as abby for the first half of the game, doing all sorts of shit, fucking up infected etc, but not knowing exactly what your motives are, and then, you meet up with Ellie, and ellie saves your life, or whatever. you form a kind of bond with ellie playing as abbie, basically. and then, you play as ellie, for another long part of the game, still with abby by your side. THEN, towards the end, in some crazy fashion, you, as ellie, learn what abby is trying to do, and joel is there, with the both of you, and you as ellie have to defuse the situation somehow, either by killing abby, which would suck ass because you just bonded with abby for so much of the game the way you bonded with joel in the first, or let joel die, which im sure no one would have chosen. anyway you get the point. I thought this kind of story was brilliant, and would have allowed the characters to relate to abby wayyyyy more (because the way they handled it makes it seem completely and utterly forced, to the point of being comical). Another theory I had (I actually said out loud "ohhh I think I know whats gonna happen" while I was playing the game because I felt so strongly that this would happen, and I feel like it would have made for a wayyyyy better ending than what we got) was this - in the last part of the game, where you, as ellie, are going after abby a second time, I thought that, you were going to get caught by that gang, tortured, and then, PUT INTO THE SAME CELL AS ABBY. Then you would have to WORK TOGETHER WITH ABBY to get the both of yourself out of the fucked up situation, and together with her, you kill all of those mother fucking cocksockers and get the fuck out of there. Then, when you finally get out and away from them, you both look at eachother, and pause - and the player is thinking - are they going to kill eachother now? - but, they dont, they understand why they went through what they went through, and they know that they can never be friends, but they at least UNDERSTAND eachother, and why they did what they did. They give eachother one last solemn nod, and then part ways, forever. I mean come on man, how the fuck did they not make that the ending??? That shit gave me goosebumps just typing it.
Anyway... I guess the way that I would feel about TLOU2, after a month or so of sitting with my emotions after beating it, is this - I feel about the last of us part 2 the way that ellie feels about her life at the end of the game. Ellie feels totally broken, depressed, hopeless, lost, etc, BUT, and you can see this in her eye, she ACCEPTS IT. she ACCEPTS that she is broken, hopeless, etc, and shes ok with it. That is exactly how I feel about this game. I feel that this game is broken, hopeless, depressing, and pointless, but, I accept it. I accept that whatever died at naughty dog between the first game and this one is dead, forever, and is never coming back. I accept it.
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