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getting started - tips & resources - mega thread Getting Started Social media automation is a strategy used mostly by marketers with a limited budget or by those who prefer to work in privacy while getting a lot of work done. Thread: DVMega Getting Started. Thread Tools. Show Printable Version; ... I bought the whole thing complete from DV-Mega.co.uk so I cannot comment on the image I am afraid. Thanks for the info on the dumf function. I'll give it a try! David G4NRT Fri 13th Feb 2015, 15:09 #6. mark1781. Mega “getting started” thread. By croid Sep 20, 2020 Assistant, Clothes, Devices, Home, Smart, Virtual. Share this. Facebook Twitter Reddit Pinterest Email Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon WhatsApp vKontakte [Updated repost from here and here] See my mega review post. It’s getting time for me to update it, but still worth looking through. A new memory manager and updated compiler have made it possible for MEGA to allocate twice as much memory on 64-bit systems as MEGA5 could. The naïve timing methods that were added in MEGA 5 have been replaced by a RelTime based system which is as accurate as (or better than) contemporary methodologies but with speeds >1000 times faster. Go to Claymore’s original Bitcointalk thread and download the current version from the Google or Mega download links he provides (don’t use other people’s links). The current version as of the time of this writing is 14.6 and you’ll want to get the Catalyst and Cuda version (not the Linux version). Congratulations, you have learned the basics of the ArduinoThread library. If you want to learn more, see bellow. Tips and Warnings. ThreadController is not of a dynamic size (like a LinkedList).The maximum number of threads that it can manage is defined in ThreadController.h (default is 15) ☢ When extending the Thread class and overriding the run() function, remember to always call runned ... BoardGameGeek The muli-medium mega movie rules and getting started thread! The Relentless Movie project the Magicball Network > Forums > LBA Projects > The Relentless Movie project Getting started Getting started Turning a corner 1. Stop the machine a few stitches before the end of the seam. 2. Press the Needle Up/Down button a few times until the needle is at the end of the seam. 3. Raise the presser foot. 4. Page 30: How To Use The Free-Motion Foot View online or download Husqvarna viking Mega Quilter User Manual. Sign In. Upload. Manuals; Brands; Husqvarna Viking Manuals ... Placing a Thread Spool On the Spool Pin. 17. Placing a Thread Cone On the Spool Pin ... Balancing the Thread Tension. 26. Attaching the Extension Table. 27. 3 Getting Started. 28. Getting Started to Sew. 29. Turning ...

2020.09.19 20:44 redroguetech Best buy hidden camera detector

[Updated repost from here and here]
See my mega review post. It's getting time for me to update it, but still worth looking through.
First off, I wanna just get out of the way that there are as many approaches to doing "smart home" as there are people doing it... So I welcome comments! The idea is to create a single post/thread I (or anyone else) can just link for people asking the basic question of "where do I start", and... I started where I started, not where everyone else started :-)
[What do you want ?]
My first suggestion to all those starting out or barely in.... At a minimum, consider EVERYTHING you might want to do. Let your imagination run wild. If you can think it, there's a good chance someone else has done it - and if not, you can be the first. I think the biggest and most common mistake people make when starting out - for me as well - is a lack of imagination. There's nothing wrong starting out with "I just want to do X" (especially if you mean it) but it's also a good way to get boxed in. I recommend everyone, including automation veterans, write out all your dream projects and goals... actually write them down. Write out what and how many devices (lights, sensors, etc.) it will take. Then, put in ball park prices. If you're really just starting out, you might need to pencil in just wild guesses. That's fine. Doesn't need to be exact, and prices change (and can vary wildly by brand/model). The idea is to just have a rough estimate of what's feasible and what isn't... What's worth it and what isn't... What to do sooner and what to put off.
[What do you already have?]
If you're serious about home automation... Make a detailed floor plan of your house. A floor-plan is pretty useful in general, but especially useful for setting up and maintaining a smart home. Mark where all the outlets, switches, and light fixtures are at, and go through the house mapping circuit breakers just the one time. As smart devices are installed, notate on the floor plan which devices are smart, their capabilities (ie if lights are color), what protocol they use (ZigBee, Z-Wave, or WiFi), what circuit breaker they're on and/or what type of battery they use (and you can note last battery installation date). (I use Sweet Home 3D - free, pretty powerful, and pretty easy.)
Obviously, what you already have for automation devices should be taken into account in any smart home plan. However, in general don't let that influence you too much. Every home automation veteran has box(s) full of old stuff. Plan carefully to minimize waste, but home automation is constantly evolving, so be willing to occasionally rethink your approach. If you do switch to a different platform/protocol/etc, do it slowly. Don't try to transition everything at once. At the same time, I personally feel it's important to maintain consistency throughout a house. Having a mish-mash of different products and designs can hinder every-day living.
[What can you do?]
See below for a quick list of the most common device types. Following that is a list of automation ideas. Use these to assist in making the list. Although they are perhaps a bit overwhelmingly long, it's more to prompt you to think about what you want. Come up with your own dream list! (Then share it.)
Before skipping to those, there's a two things you need to decide early on. (Or skip, but come back.) Honestly, I'm split on which is more important. They may very well be equally important.
[Pause for dramatic cliff-hanger....]
[How are you going to control everything?]
The first is the "automation controller". You know about Google Home and Alexa - maybe know about IFTTT - and you're wondering if you really need a separate controller. If you're going to do more than couple of simple things... you're going to want a controller. It's just that simple.
There's quite a few out there (literally thousands), from those that barely qualify as an automation controller (like Google Home), to easy to use but limited SmartThings, to DIY systems like HomeAssistant. It depends in large part on end goals and user preference (and mon-ay!). Few people have extensively used all of the major ones, so take all suggestions - including mine - with a grain of salt, unless they can directly compare and contrast from experience. So, you're on your own. For what it's worth, my quick-pick short list would be either Hubitat or Home Assistant, but it really does depend on your tech level, budget, goals, and other preferences. Personally, I use a Hubitat Elevation, and I love it.
Note: My understanding is that SmartThings is still the go-to platform for beginners. However, it's limited, and does not have a stable user experience or functionality. I have long since stopped using SmartThings, so only passingly familiar with recent developments, but my opinion continues to be to avoid it unless you willing to buy it as a learning tool.
[How are you going to control everything??]
The second major decision is how you want to control the lighting. Sounds simple, but it's really not. It really deserves a mega-thread of it's own. At least for me, it was a choice that was far more difficult, far more costly, and far harder to reverse than which controller to get (though I'm proud to say I'm sure I did make the right choice for my goals). There's smart switches,1 smart bulbs, smart switches with smart bulbs, control/touch screen panels, remote controls, and voice. And, each one can have varying features and styling. Also consider how they will work together, not just on the technical side (which is addressed by picking an automation controller), but in actual practical use. Before picking products, actually imagine using them... For instance, would you want a glossy touch-screen light dimmer next to a click-button fan controller? Rather than immediately falling in love with a new glitter product, picture yourself using it to turn the lights on and off or whatever on a daily basis while half-asleep in the dark, or in a rush out the door.
Many people answer "I'll just use voice". Wrong answer. Just take my word for it. Voice is an add-on feature; not a replacement for physical controls. I have at least 10 Google Homes scattered throughout the house, and will be expanding on that - so it's not that they aren't useful, but yelling "Hey Google, turn on kitchen light one" ("I've turned on kitchen light two" -- "I SAID ONE!!") at 3am just doesn't actually work. As much as I and hopefully you love the idea of home automation, old dumb light switches really are about as good you can get for simple, practical, intuitive use.
My ultimate answer is that... I don't want to control lights! I want them to control themselves - hence being home automation. Unfortunately, it's just not achievable. 1) Motion sensors can be finicky and you'll want a backup, 2) Motion sensors aren't appropriate for all circumstances, and 3) Motion sensors throughout the entire house (and setting up the automation logic) is a large undertaking, and will take much time, effort and expense. I give a pro/con of some of the basic methods on my "review thread", but... First, ask YOURSELF questions. Where will the switches be? What will they do? What are you going to do with the existing switches? Will you want switches where there aren't any built-in? Will they work for the entire family? Consider what you'll gain over "dumb" switches, and what you'll lose. Then do research and ask everyone else how to get there.
[What protocol are you going to use?]
One other thing that's suggested be decided early on is protocol. If you've done any research at all or spent anytime in the forums, you'll see ZigBee and Z-Wave mentioned a lot. First, WiFi is conspicuously absent in that sentence. Despite the massive number of "smart" products on the market that use WiFi, it's not a good base protocol to use. Buying WiFi products is a great place to start out. There are a lot of great WiFi products, and they don't generally require any "hub", allowing you to just jump in without out this bothersome planning and research, and using WiFi products isn't a death sentence for home automation setups. But there are many - too many - drawbacks from security issues to signal interference, so be careful not to get sucked too far into WiFi. Feel free to postpone making these really hard choices by buying a couple WiFi devices, but don't ignore them just because WiFi seems to work well to start with. Some of the pro/cons for WiFi like security issues just make WiFi less of bargain, but many of the issues grow exponentially with the number of WiFi devices you have.
As to Zigbee or Z-Wave - I started out with a mix, and have settled on one based on stability of my personal setup - not naming which is giving me troubles, because it's probably solvable, I'm just too lazy to bother. Although there are differences between the two - some of which may be quite important to smart-home veterans - it typically doesn't matter which is used, and there's certainly not one that's "better" for beginners. Pretty much every product type can be found in either, but specific brands usually do one or the other, so I'd recommend getting a controller that supports both, learn as you go, and use what works best.
Just as a bit of a primer, ZigBee and Z-Wave are both what are known as "mesh networks". You know about "mesh WiFi". It's like that, but completely different. In a true mesh network, each device can act as a repeater for other devices, which isn't true for WiFi. So each device that is a repeater strengthens and extends the network, and can become more efficient with routing. Not all will be repeaters, particularly battery powered devices. Hue and other ZigBee bulbs won't either, because they're technically a substandard (Zigbee Light Link rather than Zigbee Home Automation). However, bulbs in general are reportedly a mixed bag, and not being a repeater can be better than being a bad repeater.
[Do you really need a "hub"?]
A note on hubs. Many people (including myself) started out with "But I don't wanna hub!" (or "But I don't wannanother hub!") Get over it. Although there's something to be said for simplicity, don't get hung up on whether something requires a hub! They don't build them just to make money... well, I mean, they do, but no one would buy them if they didn't have value. Personally, I actively use six hubs (Hubitat Elevation, Lutron Caseta, Hue, Pi 3B+, Arlo, and Fing) with plans for another, and have yet more that I've managed to phase out. That's not to say those hubs are right for everyone (again, see my review thread), and I'm definitely not saying to buy any hub without researching what features it adds, but do not cut your nose off to spite your face by avoiding product lines just because there's a hub!
[Where are you going to use it?]
(At home! It's home automation! Duh!!)
Presence... It's a huge issue for home automation. Maybe even the most important issue. So, just going to define a few concepts for your consideration.
The Holy Grail of a smart home is being able to customize the environment to suit the specific people in the room/area, and specifically to suit their activity. For instance, you may want different lighting or sound settings if you are watching tv rather than your child, or have different things occur if your child is leaving the house rather than when you arrive, etc., etc. The only way to do that in a practical way within a home environment is through facial recognition cameras. Although it's technically feasible, at this time it's simply not practical for the vast majority of home owners. But there are ways to get pretty close.
There's geopresense (aka "geofencing"). You know what it is, but there's a lot more to it when applied inside a house. It can be used to determine, within some margin of error, if you're at home, but useless in saying which part of the home. And it can only track other people if they're willing to install an app (and have their phone with them). It can also be used for things like having left work, leaving an area (eg having home automation just know that you've gone on vacation, visiting your family/side b***h, etc.).
To determine if someone actually entered the house, or entered a specific room, you can use contact sensors, which indicates a door or window has been opened or closed. Obviously, this can't say who it was, or even if they're entering or exiting. They also require opening doors, which obviously often doesn't apply inside.
Motion detectors... well, you know what they do. There are some issues with them, such as sensitivity, polling rate, and false alarms (the vast majority of sensors see infrared changes, so heat sources will tend to throw them off). Still, they make for good lighting controls and such.
A few other "presence" types... There are pressure plates, vibration sensors, and beam sensors. Some of these are pretty uncommon, but if you're not adverse to DIY, they could be handy. For instance, a pressure sensor could tell if your car is parked, and a beam sensor can tell if the car has arrived. That is, a pressure plate can tell the difference between a car and a person, but is specific to only one specific location. A beam sensor can see between any two points, but can't tell the difference between a car and your grandmother's corpse.
Another option is BlueTooth. Using keychain fobs, specific people can be identified, and hypothetically located within a small-ish area, but still not good enough to pin-point a room/area. When combined with motion sensors, if people aren't in groups, you could get pretty close, for instance if only one person is in one part of the house, and a motion sensor is triggered for a specific room in that area, the system can know who is in what room.
Carefully combining these together - typically GPS, contact sensors, and/or motion sensors - you can get a good idea of where people are in a house. The closer you can get to the Holy Grail of knowing where people are, who they are, and what they are doing, the more automation can be fined-tuned to customize a house for them. Here's a post showing what creativity, planning, time, and pure stubbornness can accomplish.
[How are you going to stop using it?]
Shit happens. Plan for it. Example one... My kid's dog likes to chew on my MagicCube and Pico remotes, which only control lights so no big deal, but if turning on a light while no one was home acted as a security alarm trigger, it'd be a big problem. Example two... a minor bug in my automation code prevented lights from turning on or off - at all - and I couldn't stop right then to fix it. But I had an override in place. It's too easy to make a mistake, like having lights come on at 2am instead of 2pm, so put in overrides. Have options to disable routines. And use multi-point authentication systems for critical systems like alarms and locks. A couple mistakes can tank the SAF (Spouse Approval Factor), if not actually put you in physical danger.
Now on to the lists, but first a warning. Don't let them overwhelm you. The options with smart homes is long, but only the biggest dicks most dedicated [sorry, just jealous] do more than maybe a double handful of them.
Devices:

(Note: There are multi-purpose sensors that combine various of the above into one device)
Not a device in the same way as those above, but there are also hubs that mimic remote controls for ceiling fans, tvs, window ACs, gas fireplaces, etc.
Automation ideas....
Note: The true wonder and power of home automation is being able to join together multiple triggers with multiple events for multiple devices, such as creating whole-house scenes, combining lighting, alerts, tv/movie player, fireplace, water features, etc., etc. It's impossible to list every combination, but... please share what you've done :-)
These are sorted roughly by category. The leading number in brackets is my opinion/guess on general difficulty (scale of 10, with 10 hardest), but that could drastically vary by specifics of the goal, how it's implemented, the platform, specific products, and how wrong my opinion is, so only use them if you don't know any better. "?" indicates it depends entirely on the platform.
If you've made it all the way here, lemme know if you want something closer to a step-by-step instructions of getting a "smart home" using a Hubitat. I don't like telling people "do this" when there are so many different ways, and I'm nowhere near done with my way, but with enough interest I might be convinced.
1 Disclaimer: Just FYI, "switch", "remote" and "controller" can have varying meanings that differ between general usage, electrical devices, and in home automation. I'm using a generic, non-technical, meanings.
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2020.06.16 05:06 pslail Blue Ridge Abduction [Part 3]

So far, Agent Blair, I have told you about our little impromptu camping trip and our “home invasion”, and after telling you about those I hesitated to add more since you probably think I am a raving lunatic by now. But you asked for this journal of our insanity. I hope you will find these pages helpful as you investigate the encounters we had.

After the crazy night we had, I called the police the next day. They came within an hour of my call and got our statements about everything. I must say they seem to genuinely listen to us and didn’t just break out laughing their asses off. Of course, I left out some details like how both my wife Elaine and I had basically manhandled the creature or whatever it is, with our minds. I also did not tell them about the device I found on the floor where the creature had disappeared. We had a normal day at home after that cooking a nice lunch and a delicious steak dinner. Thankfully, for our sanity, there were no more incidents that night.

The next day I went to work as if nothing had happened. I was not going to tell anyone about what had taken place over the weekend. If anyone asked, I said we had a wonderful time and smiled like it was just any normal vacation. Since our workloads consisted of mostly waiting till the new offices were open in the new sustainable energy Office complex, I went down to see a friend of mine in our sensor engineering branch.

Will and I have some similar interest and we both work on engineering design teams, so it isn’t unusual for me to go to his office or him to mine to spitball ideas for designs. I had to be careful how I went about sharing my ideas for some sensors to upgrade our home system because:

  1. I couldn’t tell him about the events from the last couple of nights and,
  2. I couldn’t let him know this was a real project that I was working on for myself which could cause trouble with the higher-ups if they caught wind of it.
  3. And finally, I didn’t want anyone at work thinking I had lost my damn mind!

With all this in mind, I approached him with an “idea” for future-proofing some of our sensor suites against personal stealth technologies that were already making headlines in tech news around the world. I figured this would allow me to introduce some ideas I had on how the entity/alien got into the house without setting off the alarm system’s motion sensors or the sensors for our lights.

“Hey Will, how is life treating you? Been a few weeks since we talked last.” I started with some small talk about cars and travel and how his wife and kids were doing. He answered that his kids wanted too much and were lazy, which was his usual report on his kids, and how his wife was spending too much on their new house. After enough small talk, I dove into the deep end of the hole I might be digging.

“So, I was doing some research aka reading some tech press this weekend while I was relaxing.”

Will scoffs. “You call that relaxing? A good beer and some sports are better for relaxing!”

“Well, you know me a workaholic twenty-four / seven.” I laugh and plow onward into my concocted story. “Anyhow I got this idea for some sensors I wanted to mock up for possible future enhancing our detection suites in our home line and Government line.” I watch his expressions and body language for any sign of possible mistrust of my lie.

“OK sounds like a good idea, I suppose you have been looking at the personal stealth articles from the past few days?” Will grabs the mouse and pulls some up from the web. “So, what do you have in mind?”

I sit back in the chair, silently relieved that he isn’t questioning anything so far. “I am thinking we need to be able to detect the undetectable or at least what seems undetectable”

“Well, that is a tall order any idea what we are searching for?” He brings up one of our design programs and inputs some standard project size variables. “I assume we want this to fit in our current packaging sizes?”

“Yes, or they would need to be add-ons to our current systems at very least.” I pull out my mobile workstation from my backpack and set it up on his design table so we can whiteboard the design while we talk. I think we can use our current Arduino based template for the software programming.”

Will adds the template to the design parameters. “OK so how do you suggest we detect the undetectable?”

“Well, most of these stealth systems are designed around refraction or replacement of the environmental elements, in this case, light, heat, and ultrasound.”

“So, you are positing that we design something that detects when light, heat, or an ultrasound beam has been replaced?”

“I was thinking we could use a laser beam and a timing sensor that would detect even the Nano or millisecond it would take the stealth system to mimic or redirect the beam around the person or object.” I pause to consider how to achieve the goal of detecting the creature if it came back. Will reaches into his desk and pulls out a bunch of laser wave sensors and laser sources.

“Well this would possibly work for entryways, but no way would this work in long-range applications like security lights. Wait I have a thought.” Will gets up and walks over to a basket of parts and pulls out what looks like a glass tube. “This might be just the thing we need to be able to build your stealth detection system for long-range. It is a new quantum photon emitter, it sends out quantum entangled photons.”

he reaches into the bin to pull out a small box. “And this sensor picks up and detects changes to the quantum state of the pair or even the just the difference of one photon compared to the state of the original pair. With these, we should be able to detect at range any object even something actively trying to block heat or sound or light sources.”

Eureka!, I think this will be exactly what I need! Now how to get a few from Will to set up at the house.

“So how many of those has R&D churned out?”

“We have about thirty pairs. Each emitter is coded to the corresponding detector because each detector has a quantum imprint of the entangled photons as they are before encountering an object.”

“OK, so would it be possible to get one or two pairs to mockup the detection circuits and play with ranges and different configurations?”

“Sure, just sign out two of them with a standard research loan form and the internal NDA and I’ll let you have 2 of the ones I have.” He reaches into the container and pulls out another set. After checking the pairing codes on the two sets he hands them to me.

I print out the forms needed to loan the units to my care and hand them to him. “Here you go, I’ll keep you updated on my designs and programming changes needed to interface them with our standards.” So not to raise any suspicions on what I was really doing, I programmed an emulation routine that I could use to make dummy controls that would look like I was working on the systems I had just borrowed.

I started constructing the emitter and detector housings with our liquid metal 3d printer in the shop area of our research group. After getting the housing finished, I installed the emitters and detectors after which I wired up the power couplings and programmed the Arduino interface to be able to add it to the security system I already had at the house. Finally, I powered up the system and adjusted emitter angles and tested the ranges at which the detectors would find and analyze the bounced entangled photons. I had added all of this in my notes planning, of course, to turn everything over to the company once I installed it at home and verified it worked.

At the end of the workday, I grabbed the two finished quantum detectors and heading home to install them before it got dark. Once I got to the house, I put one detector up in the front of the house so that it would cover all approaches to the front doorways of the house and then I did the same at the back of the house.

For several days after I continued tweaking the detection software so I could filter out things like animals in the yard, especially Curly because he seemed to always set the thing off or at least that is what I thought at the time. I was finally satisfied with the software code and packaged it all to show to Will the next week at work. We still both had the low-level headaches but with my new addition to the security system along with some of the laser detectors I had also created based on my conversation with Will, we both felt safer and slept better at night, but I still kept the shotgun next to the bed.

During all of this activity to get a better security system setup, my wife and I did not talk much about what had happened but we both knew that we needed to confront it and work out if we really had seen and done the things that we think we did the night of the attack. Wednesday night after finally putting wraps on the programming and a delicious meal we had cooked together we retired to the living room to talk, watch TV, surf the web and maybe play some video games.

“So, do you think it will work Scott?” My wife looks over at me from the couch where she is curled up with her tablet.

“I believe the idea is sound but, to be honest until or if they try again, we will not know for sure.”

“What if they do come back? What do we do, I am sure they aren’t going to give us a chance to stop them this time if they can help it?” She starts to tear up and I get up and go over to her from the chair I am sitting in looking at Reddit posts and hug her tightly.

“Shush now honey, we will be ok. We kicked their asses last time we can do it again if they are stupid enough to come back!” I sound braver than I really feel but I don’t want her to know how scared I am of this crazy mess we find ourselves in. “I want to try something ok? See your book you have been reading on the coffee table?”

“Yes, why? What does that have to do with anything?” She looks at me not sure where I am going with this conversation.

“I want you to do to it what you did to the creature that night.”

“What? Are you insane I don’t even know what I did that night or if it just tripped somehow? This is crazy Scott, stuff like telekinesis is just sci-fi nonsense!”

“Sweetheart just bear with me here ok? You know that thing did not go flying across the room twice because it tripped on air. We did something to it with our minds and I think it is because of whatever happened to us at the campsite that night and if they do come back we must be able to do it again but with more control over the ability if we want to survive our next encounter.”

“I think this is nuts Scott, but I will try whatever you have in mind.” She concentrates on the book I can see her straining from the reddening of her face. Suddenly the book slides across the table knocking everything in its way off into the floor and then it picks up speed and smashes into the wall opposite where we are, narrowly missing our flat-screen TV.

“Oops!” Then realizing what she did she exclaims. “HOLY SHIT Scott I did it!” She nearly jumps up from her position beside me with joy. “I can move things with my mind! I am FREAKING JEAN GREY now!”

I laugh a bit over her exuberance and her referencing a comic hero I am sure she only knows from having to watch X-men movies with me.

“That was incredible! But can you control it? Can you pick the book off the floor over there and hold it in the air or fly it around like a remote-control plane or is this power just a big cannon? One big push and no finite control? Heck, as far as that is concerned can I even do the same as you just did?" I look at another book on the table and concentrating on it and it suddenly goes flying over to join its brethren on the floor against the wall.

“OK, so I can do it too!" I smile at my wife. “Now let’s see what kind of control we have.” Elaine concentrates again but the book just keeps smashing against the wall.

“Well, that isn’t working!” She seems disappointed in her first test of control. I reach over and move a lock of golden-brown hair from her hazel eyes.

“OK don’t try the same thing you did to move the creature this time, close your eyes and think about the book lifting up and returning to the table instead.” She closes her beautiful eyes and her brow crinkles cutely with concentration. I look away from her reluctantly and watch the book.

At first, it just sits there doing nothing then it vibrates slowly and starts shaking. Suddenly it breaks the bonds of gravity and rockets up into the air and hovers there for a few seconds and then gradually it moves back to the table and lightly lands on the coffee table nearly exactly where it was before.

Elaine opens her eyes and sees the book right back on the table and lets out a jubilant whoop. “YES, YES, I DID IT!” She screams like it was the greatest thing ever and now in hindsight at the point, it was an incredible moment.

“Well, I guess I have my work cut out to top that.” I close my eyes and picture the book I had thrown at the wall, but I see it not coming back to me but hovering like Elaine’s book had at first, I open my eyes and there in the air, the book hovers in place near the wall.

Not to be outdone Elaine furrows her brow and her book once again ascends into the air as it joins mine. Chuckling I visualize the book flying around the room like an airplane. It responds immediately and I realize that unlike the huge push at the beginning the movements of the book are becoming easier to accomplish. Quickly my wife’s book joins mine in flight around the room. Had someone walked in on us at that point they would have thought they had stumbled into an old wizard movie as two apprentices practice their magic tricks!

I don’t know exactly how long we experimented on moving those books through the air but eventually, we graduated into moving furniture around the room. Before long the whole room was rearranged into random patterns of furniture moved around. Finally, we tired ourselves out and started noticing that the headaches were getting uncomfortable so we put everything in the room back where it was originally and start shutting the downstairs up. We headed up to bed after triple checking all the windows and doors along the way and arm the alarm system including my new modifications.

“Think they will come tonight honey?” I hear her ask from behind me as I start into our master bedroom.

I look back at her as she comes up the last few steps of the stairs. “I don't know Elaine, but I really hope not. Even with the abilities that we have seemed to manifest we have no idea if they will be pushovers this time and more than likely I would expect the creature to have friends or countermeasures to our powers.”

“I hope they stay away as well but if they show up, I am going to do my best to make them regret messing with us.” I look at her startled, Elaine is normally a very peace-loving person, but I have seen her get fighting mad and I could tell this was her at fighting mad level.

“I understand Honey, let’s just hope we don’t have to put it to a test.” I walk over to my side of the bed and pick up my tablet that has all the cameras and the controls for the alarm system. I stare into the blackness of the night and my imagination makes shadows on the IR cameras look more threatening than they really are. I check the new one I installed over Curly’s lot and see him sleeping peacefully in his dog house, seeing this I relax and settle into bed putting the tablet into its charging stand.

“Good Night my love see you in the morning.” I reach over and turn off the lamp on my side of the bed. Elaine slides in under the sheets on her side delightfully sans clothing and snuggles up beside me.

“Good Night Superman.” she snickers at the joke and reaches over and turns her lamp off as well. We both meld our bodies together in a comfortable position in our king size bed and quickly fall asleep feeling secure and more empowered now that we have our abilities in hand.

At some point in the night, I sit bolt upright the buzzing sound from that first time returning to my head. I look over and see that Elaine is awake as well and has a frightened look on her face. I make a shh sound and put my finger to my lips to indicate we should stay silent.

I reach slowly for the tablet and don’t see any alerts which I already knew was the case because the audible alarms would also be going off if any sensor was tripped. I put the alarm sounds in vibrate mode and bring up the cameras and see that the night is far brighter outside then it should be, not the blinding of the light from the other night but brighter than just moonlight would be.

I reach down and pull the shotgun up onto the bed and feel disappointed that the quantum detectors I work so hard on didn’t seem to be working but then the front lights flash on and the alarm panel on the tablet indicates that the front Q sensor had triggered. I use the pan and tilt function of the cameras to look around the yard. At the edge of the lighted area of the yard, I see shadows moving. Not sure if this is just wind in the bushes and trees or a whole gang of the creatures from before, I double-check the shotgun to be sure it is loaded then I quietly slide out of bed and put on some jogging pants and a hoodie, slipping my feet into some sneakers beside the nightstand.

I feel rather than hear Elaine doing the same on the other side of the bed. I look over and motion for her to get back in bed, but she is having none of that and continues dressing in some warm around the house clothing as well. I look back at the tablet to catch a glimpse of something flashing by the camera I am watching, I switch to the next one but don’t see anything on it so either the something was just a bat or owl, or the thing ran back out of range very fast.

I see Elaine out of the corner of my eye walk into our closet and I hear the gun safe door unlock and something being removed from it. I hear the seating of a magazine into a slot and the charging handle pull back on one of our rifles, she walks out holding one of our .308 caliber AR10 rifles. I see it is her own custom painted one that she has had loads of range time with and I know there is no way she is not following me downstairs.

She picks up her tablet and switches it to the alarm software and brings up the same camera displays I have up. I hear her gasp a little and I look back to see a black shape in the middle of the yard moving slowly to our door.

I go into the closet and open the gun safe again and after slinging the shotgun on my back I grab my own custom AR10 with day/night scope and grab some high capacity mags along with my gun belt housing my large-caliber pistol and magazine holders for the pistol and rifle magazines.

Before I go any farther into the tale, I want to say I am not a gun nut as some are probably thinking right now, I do like firearms, I like them as tools and I like them as a hobby, an expensive hobby but a hobby never the less and not some obsession. I have some nice weapons because like any hobby if you are going to buy parts for your hobby then you should buy the pieces that you like and are the best made.

My wife and I like long-range target shooting and the occasional hunting trip with friends so I have collected and customized some nice pieces over the years and we both have many hours of range time with each weapon so we know how to put lead downrange safely and accurately. All of our weapons are kept in heavy-duty gun safes in the house for protection from theft and that is all I have to say on the firearms I own.

I walk out of the closet and Elaine points to her tablet, I look at mine again and see that the shape has moved closer to the house. I look up from the tablet and start out the bedroom and see the alien device I had left on the chest of drawers beside the door glowing softly like it has power again. I pick it up and it feels warm, not cold like metal or plastic would be. On its surface is what looks like a display from one end to the other on one side of the device and a spot opposite that feels like it could be some sort of trigger or power button.

The whole device is about the size and shape of an original Nintendo gamepad but is totally black except for the glowing screen on the one side and an indention on one of the short ends. Holding it in my hand it feels like the indention would be the front of the device based on where the triggebutton is located on what is obviously the bottom. I put it in a pocket of my hoodie not sure if the device will be of any help but wanting it close just in case it might be useful. I proceed down the stairs to the first floor with Elaine close behind me with her rifle held muzzle up and to the side up like I had taught her in our hunts together.

I look out the windows that frame the front door but do not see the black shape of the creature anywhere near my line of sight. I slowly open the door and with my gun barrel leading the way I peer around the door, I still see nothing of the black shape so I pull back and look down at the tablet I am still clutching in my right hand and there on the camera is the black shape still in the yard in what should have been directly in front of the door. I take a deep breath and open the door fully and walk out onto the patio area in the front of the house. I look left and right tracking the gun with my vision.

I don’t see anything in either direction and I don’t see the shape in front of me where the camera display on the tablet says it is. I activate the night vision mode of the riflescope and look out over the yard and there in the scope is the entity with another of the devices in its black shapeless hand. Suddenly as if the creature knows I can now see him it blinks out like a turned off light and is suddenly much closer to me when it blinks back on I panic a little and back up quickly almost knocking Elaine down.

“What is wrong Scott?” She whispers?

Also whispering, “It is right in front of us but for some reason, our eyes can’t see it, but the scope and the cameras can.” She looks at the tablet as if to confirm what I am saying.

Her voice grows shakier and she nearly yells out but manages a loud whisper instead. “Scott it is right there less than 5 feet in front of you!”

I whip the gun back up to my shoulder and put my eye to the night scope just in time to see the black shape reaching for me! I don’t hesitate and pull the trigger of the AR10, the .308 round blasts out of the barrel and I hear it hit a tree beyond the edge of the floodlights. Now I know that when I fired the crosshairs were square on the black blob that must have been the head of the creature but there was no blood or fluids on the ground and when I resight back on the area where it was standing, it was no longer there!

I look around again with the scope and I see it now at the edge of the yard. Suddenly the buzzing sound that woke us up increases in intensity and the light that was brightening up the rest of the Yard grows brighter, and the alien creature becomes visible to us. The sound is so loud we both drop to our knees in agony.

“Now slave you are mine! Your pitiful weapons have no effect on me now.” I realize that it must be armored or shielded in some way. I turn to my wife and yell at her to get in the house because I want to protect her from the creature, but she shakes her head and gives the creature the finger and says at the top of her voice.

“Hey Asshole, see how you like this” I see her brow furrow like she is concentrating, and she screams in agony and I see the creature’s black shape blast off like it had been hit by a semi-truck at high speed. I hear a loud crash but am unable to see the creature as it hits something far away near our fence in the front yard.

I see leaves fall from the trees in that direction and suddenly we hear heavy footfalls heading towards where Elaine had thrown the creature. There is a cry or howl that I still can’t describe, it made my hair stand on end and my mind was screaming at me to grab Elaine and run! But the buzzing was still so painful that it was impossible to get to my feet.

Suddenly the house power winks out and I can see the areas out past where the floodlights had hidden because of their brighter beams. All of the yard is now lit up by the light in the air above us and I can just make out a massive form, it was at least 8 feet tall and looked very hairy. It turns toward us and I see it is carrying the alien’s black form, it growls at us and starts to shamble toward us.

I hear the voice of the Alien in my head again. “Kill them!” It screams in my head. “Leave nothing of the pitiful creatures in front of you!”

At this point I know we are now fighting for our lives. I hear Elaine move to my side on her knees and I see her look at me in terror.

“Scott there is no way we can get away from that thing with the pain in our minds from this noise!”

I look at her and then at the creature moving toward us from out of the trees. I am at this point terrified beyond anything I have ever experienced before, I’m talking pants wetting uncontrollable fear. I sight on the larger beast and fire away at its head as fast as I can pull the trigger. I hear Elaine’s AR also firing, and I see dust or smoke with each impact of our bullets on the monster’s head it slows down but doesn’t stop coming at us.

I hear click, click from our rifles and I look over at my wife and say. “OK let's both try to destroy him, concentrate on him and visualize him being pulled apart! No matter how gruesome that sounds, it is us or them.”

We both fight through the agony in our minds and try to rip apart what at this point looks like the classic Sasquatch of the late-night B monster movies we sometimes like to laugh at. The Bigfoot-like beast slows more and looks like it is fighting to move and I see the black creature he is carrying fall to the ground. In our minds, I hear the alien scream in agony as the beast also howls a soul-shattering Scream. It shakes our attack off and starts toward us again. I encircle my wife in my arms knowing this is the end for us, I hear her crying softly.

“I love you, honey, I am sorry I couldn’t protect you as I have always promised.” With great effort, I stand up screaming through the pain in my mind and grab my rifle, barrel first to use it as a club in one last-ditch defiant effort to stop the beast from hurting the love of my life.

“Come on you hairy son of a bitch, if you want to die tonight let’s dance.” I run at the creature, my vision blurring from the stabbing lightning in my head. I swing the rifle and hit the hairy cryptid in its head as hard as I can, it backhands me several feet through the air. When I land, I don’t lose consciousness, but my vision does grow dark and I have to shake the cobwebs out as I lay on the ground where I hit and at the time, I just knew it had broken some of my ribs with that blow.

I see my gun on the ground a few feet away and I reach for it with my mind but instead of having it come to me I send it into the creature like a missile, it buries up the mag into the beast and I hear Elaine let out a strained whoop from her position still near the open door of the house. With a loud thud and shaking of the ground, I see the creature go down to one knee.

Well, I think, at least I hurt the bastard, but as it reaches for the stock of the AR and pulls it out of its body, I sigh in exasperation. As it slowly stands back up, I see a flash from the direction of the house and Elaine’s AR punches into the creature’s body much like mine had. This time the thing roars loudly as it hits the ground on both knees this time. It doesn’t move to take the gun out of its body like before and a brighter circle of light surrounds the beast suddenly and it disappears into the sky! As the extra-bright circle of light fades, I can see that the alien is now standing just behind where its pet monster went down.

“YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THIS SCUM” the creature's voice and the buzzing noise bites into our minds with so much pain it is hard to keep from passing out and neither of us is able to mount an attack physical or mental on the entity. It is no longer a black shape and through pain-soaked eyes, I can make out large black eyes and smooth greyish skin and hands with a thumb and 6 fingers. In those hands, I see another of those devices from the other night and I realize it must be what is causing the pain in our minds. By this time I am powerless to do anything but scream in agony as the pain gets worse. Just as I am about to pass out, I suddenly hear sirens in the distance coming up the hill to our driveway. Just before passing out, I see the bright ring of light encircle the Gray alien and it disappears at the same time as my consciousness.

I don’t know how long I am out, but I feel soft hands holding my head and I hear the sounds of an angel urging me to wake up.

“Scott please honey, come back to me please, I need you!” I open my eyes and see Elaine kneeling over me and EMS workers taking my Blood pressure and listening to my breathing. I slowly sit up and feel something wet on my face. I wipe my face and look at the back of my hand where blood from my nose is now smeared.

I hug my wife. “I’m ok Elaine, I am especially ok now that I have you in my arms again! Now, how about you?” Elaine holds me tighter and shrugs her shoulders.

“I am better now that you are back with me and not lying on the ground looking like death warmed over!” I attempt to get off the ground and my ribs cry out in protest from the abuse they took from the alien monster.

“Ouch oh man that hurts.” I lift my hoodie up and look at the deep purplish bruise across my chest and most of my right ribs.

One of the EMS personnel looks at me and shakes his head. “Don’t you know you shouldn’t go toe to toe with a bear? You are lucky to be alive right now.” I look at him with confusion in my eyes and I hear Elaine whisper in my ear.

“I told them that a marauding bear had attacked the house and was trying to kill us and our animals and it snuck up on you in the dark and hit you so hard you got knocked out when you hit the ground. I also hid your AR so they wouldn't ask how it got mangled.”

“Where is your AR honey?” I whisper back.

“I think it went up with the monster.” She looks up into the dark sky to emphasize her statement.

“Tomorrow we are going into town to order some new weapons, some much bigger new weapons.”

After the police left, we went to bed with me putting my shotgun I found near where I had landed back next to the bed and slept the rest of the night in a painful restless sleep.

Well, we woke up the next day with the headaches back to a dull roar and we still have no idea what is going on other then we know something happened to us that night at the campsite. I will continue filling in all the details so you can get a clear picture of what we have been going through and may be able to help us figure this out before we end up dead from all of this.
submitted by pslail to libraryofshadows [link] [comments]


2020.06.02 16:46 Deconfused Detector camera best buy hidden

Road to Vandwelling Part 1: How to Choose the Correct Vehicle Road to Vandwelling Part 1: How to Choose the Correct Vehicle Beginners Guide on Vehicle Selection for Vandwelling or Vanlife. How to Start Your Vandwelling Journey
I dislike unnecessary, lengthy introductions If you would like to know who I am or for whom this thread is, please jump to the "Outroduction" at the bottom of this post.

Now let's get right into it:
How are you going to find your perfect vehicle? Here is my proposed procedure:

There is a virtually limitless pool of vehicles that might fit the mobile lifestyle - from sedans to big trucks. Instead of searching for the perfect vehicle, identify all requirements, and start to minimize this pool. If you have arrived at a sufficiently small selection of vehicles, you can choose whichever you like most.

https://preview.redd.it/ihagsus8yi251.jpg?width=2564&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c28e39fa9aad70e3723efa8ff5ed21f32801ffc5
Go through the following steps and write down every requirement that comes to your mind. You are looking for "hardcore" requirements: if you think something would be nice, but don't need it - don't include it in this list. If you have the necessary space or additional funding, you can always include it in your plans at a later point in the process.

Step 1: How much should the base vehicle cost?
This is one of the most difficult problems to solve early on. Generally, you should allocate a certain budget to your van project. For some builds, the conversion approaches 0% of the budget, and for others, it exceeds 50%. Don't worry too much if you will make a lot of guestimates at first. Budgetary problems are basically a hen-and-egg problem, as there are many codependencies. Your budget is something you need to reevaluate in later steps of your planing, as you specify parts of your conversion (e.g., how much will the electrical setup cost).

First, take your total budget and subtract all fixed costs like fees for registration and a rough estimate for insurance. It also makes sense to include the first checkup in a garage if you plan on buying used.

Now regarding the conversion cost: There are three different solutions you can pursue at this point:

Option 1: Rough percentage-based estimate
If you have no idea where your build will go and what you need to include at this point, allocate a fixed percentage of your costs to your build. You will continue calculating with this number until much later in the project when you have a rough idea of your setup. Then, reevaluate your budget as necessary.
From experience, I would say that at $10,000, ⅓ of your remaining budget should be reserved for the conversion, which leaves ⅔ for the base vehicle. The smaller your budget is, the smaller the share of conversion. For $2,000 builds, you'll usually spend little money on the conversion, while for $100,000 builds, you'll gravitate more towards 40% - 50%. Now there will always be plenty of examples where these numbers don't apply. The idea is to give you a starting point. You will have to reevaluate this multiple times as you start to understand your needs better.

Option 2: You already have a basic idea of your necessities
If you already have a basic or advanced understanding of what you want to spend in your conversion, try to establish as many costs as possible (e.g., Inverter for X amount + Solar Panel for X amount + ...). You may want to buy a finished vehicle. In this case, you really don't need to budget much money. Generally, make sure to give some additional leeway. The more you can include in this estimate, the better. However, it doesn't have to be perfect yet. You can always come back to your budget and reevaluate.

Option 3: Talk to someone with a similar build to what you expect
You might have seen a build you like here on reddit or somewhere else - ask them how they budgeted their build. Usually, they'll be able to give you the best advice (e.g., "We made the mistake of buying this or that"; "We could have saved money at this point").
Now, you should arrive at a basic budget that you can allocate to your base vehicle.

Step 2: Let's find your extraordinary requirements
https://preview.redd.it/mfmfzwf1zi251.jpg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1edd05d8220735c8d703945b41fe89224ec77471
Some requirements are specific to your personal idea of a mobile lifestyle. It makes sense to identify these as early as possible and note them down. Either you already know them, or you will have to find them out. These are usually more relevant for your conversion, but to make sure that the base vehicle fits these requirements is still important! This is something very diverse, so I'll just include a list of possible requirements to, hopefully, inspire you.

It might also help to, yet again, search other builds and take inspiration from them.

Please remember to only include your "hardcore" requirements as mentioned before:

Extraordinary Requirements Annotation
I need a separate bathroom / wet room Bigger size requirements
I don't want to set up my bed every day Either bed smaller or vehicle larger
Able to transport X people Installed seats? Can you install more?
Be stealthy Some Vehicles will attract attention
Live in negative temperatures Insulation and heater required
Install oven Storage, space, and ventilation needed
Live in the heat Insulation and cooling solution needed
Accommodate guests Where could they sleep, where can they store luggage
Big bed Transformable or permanently installed?
Stand in the vehicle Consider height + insulation
Reach driver cell from living area Can't build in certain areas of vehicle
Power for up to X days without sun Battery storage or generator
Separate work area Size implications
Accessible rooftop Space, structural rigidity, rooftop windows
Drive X speed (mph / kmh) Certain size and age
Specific fuel consumption Certain size and age
Offroad capabilities Size, weight and vehicle specs
Certain style or feeling Might only include certain vehicles
Kitchen oven Consider kitchen size and plumbing
Microwave Consider kitchen size and power necessity
Trailer coupling or hitch Vehicle weight, power and specs
Specialty storage Consider size implications
Bike (or similar) garage Where to access from
Motorcycle carrier Consider vehicle specs
External power source Generator and space
What kind of doors You might prefer wing doors, sliding doors, etc.
Outdoor kitchen Where to store it, how to access
Maximum weight or size Consider the vehicle specs

Step 3: What style of vehicle are you looking for?
Your next goal should be to identify your preferences towards a particular type of vehicle.

Are you looking for a stealth camper? You want something that does not attract attention.
  • Subtle colors should be preferred
  • Dark, hidden or no windows at all
  • Standard vehicles should be preferred
  • Specialty vehicles will always attract more eyes
  • A gangway from the driver cabin to your living space might make sense. This will allow you to move inside your Vehicle without attracting more attention.

Are you looking to live inside the vehicle full-time, part-time, or just as a vacation mobile?
  • Being able to stand inside the vehicle becomes more relevant, the longer you want to stay inside your vehicle.
  • How much food do you need to store inside your vehicle?
  • How much additional space will you need to plan for insulation?
  • Are you using the vehicle alone, or would you like to accommodate a partner, family, etc.?

Do you want something that you can use inside a city?
  • Check with regulations: are there limits on the size, type, or environmental footprint of your vehicle?
  • The smaller the vehicle, the easier it will be to navigate and find parking spots.
  • Is burglar security a factor?

Hint: Keep in mind that light colors will reduce the vehicle temperatures, while darker colors will allow you to stealth camp easier.

Step 4: How much space do you need?
https://preview.redd.it/0afb68tyyi251.png?width=3258&format=png&auto=webp&s=6696ffb1168ab523de277686fa13b3065e18d0c4
A major dependency of your build will be the space requirement of your vehicle. Multiple factors will play a role in your size requirements. Let's go through these and try to establish some basic understanding of your individual vehicle size.

What areas will you designate in your vehicle?
Let's start this process by writing down all the different areas you want in your vehicle: kitchen, bed, electrical space, bath, dining table, etc. At this point, you may already have some ideas for combinations. Maybe the dining table should be part of your kitchen block? Maybe the bed should double as a couch? Again use all the information you already have and extrapolate for everything else. We are not planing your van layout at this point, so just try to get a feeling of how much space you need for your clean and dirty clothes, hobbies, kitchen supplies, etc.

Also, remember to include everything relevant from Step 2.

Is there a maximal size for your vehicle?
Think if there is an upper limit for your size:

You may want to get a certain fuel consumption or speed. Maybe you would like to live stealthily, or you need to fit into small parking spaces. Maybe your country has limits on the size of vehicles, or your license will only permit certain sizes. The bigger the vehicle, the higher the chances that you encounter a bridge that you cannot cross or fit under. Fees for services like ferries or bridges might increase with size.

Now take a rule and imagine different storage areas. How much space will all your clothes need? How big is the kitchen? How much space will you allocate to your camera equipment? Will you include a space for hanging clothes? The clearer the understanding of your build, the more you'll converge towards your ideal vehicle.

It can be hard not to forget some basics. I'll include a list of some basics below to help you.
Interior basics Annotation
Clothes storage Only basic clothes
Specialty clothes Swim gear, winter gear, etc.
laundry You'll be surprised how fast it cumulates
Kitchen Workarea, heater, spice rack, water storage
Kitchen supplies Pan, pot, cutlery, etc.
Fridge
Office storage Paper stuff, maybe electronics
Hobbie storage If you need anything hobby related
Electronics Batteries, load regulators, inverters
Tools Anything you need on the way
Garbage Any general waste
Safety Fire extinguisher, Smoke and CO detector etc.

Hint: This part will be influenced by your conversion plans. Similar to your budget, you'll only try to get a rough estimate of size requirements and reevaluate as necessary.

Fitting it in different vehicles
Get the dimensions of different sized vehicles and imagine places for everything that needs to fit inside. You can make estimates regarding the size of the different pieces you need in your vehicle. This should help you to get a feeling for the size of your vehicle. If you realize that you have either too much or too little space, reevaluate your outcomes from the previous steps.

Again, you have to deal with a hen-and-egg problem. You cannot design your conversion without knowing the base vehicle. Neither can you identify a vehicle without a conversion plan. This exercise is about "getting a feel" for different vehicles and your general requirements.

https://preview.redd.it/93d8zer5zi251.jpg?width=2532&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0739e1653709bc41a7003f5245876f9b293330e5
Step 5: General vehicle selection
If done correctly, you should be left with a selection of vehicles that fit your needs. Now proceed as you would with any vehicle selection: look at the condition of the vehicle.

Consider the following factors:
  • Is there rust on the vehicle? It can also help to check outside resources on the specific performance of your vehicle and general problems of the particular model.
  • How many miles/kilometers has the vehicle driven?
  • Does the vehicle have a relevant history?
  • If you are looking at used vehicles - why is it being sold?
  • How are similar vehicles priced? Can you get it somewhere else cheaper?
  • Are windows already preinstalled?
  • Can you fit anything you may want on the roof/back?
  • Are all systems working? (AC/Doors/Electronics etc.)
  • Are you happy with the color?
  • Do you need to convert any part of the vehicle for your needs?

Step 6: Make sure you made the right selection
If you have finally arrived at a selection, make sure to validate your decision with other people. Search for owners of the same vehicle and talk to them. If you have someone knowledgable regarding the topic, ask them. Asking reddit for advice might yield helpful information. Don't be afraid to ask as many people as you deem necessary if time permits it.
You can specifically refer to these Subreddits: UsedCars, AskCarSales.

Outroduction
Who is this post for?
This post is for you if you want to begin your journey as a vandweller, but you don't know where to start.
When I started on my journey to Vandwelling over three years ago, I did not know where to start. There are many helpful resources out there, but this community lacks "homegrown" content, and more often than not, you'll only find links to external blogs.

This Subreddit has helped me with countless questions and problems, and I hope to give back to this community with my collected knowledge.

Who wrote this?

https://preview.redd.it/oowxzpxkzi251.jpg?width=3389&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=407ef62b48c084f48b1e6376c9034396d693a4e3
I am located in Germany/Europe, and I have been working on my setup for three years. During that time, I went to school, worked, and traveled in my van through Europe. Currently, I'm planning a pause of my vandwelling, as I plan to study this winter - the German winter makes mobile living difficult, and I won't be able to travel to warmer climates this time.

If you want to learn more about my own Van experience, you can browse my personal Blog.

In previous posts, countless people asked me various questions regarding my build and conversion progress, which made me realize that I could give something back to this community with my acquired knowledge.

Got any input?
First and foremost: Provide me with additional information you'd like to see in this post. This post will be as knowledgable as the combined knowledge of everyone participating.

If you find mistakes, please let me know, and I'll do my best to improve this post further. I'm not a native English speaker, so please help me with all errors I made.

If you think other people should see this, when searching for it - upvote the post and increase its visibility.

Got questions? Don't hesitate to contact the people of this community with questions that might arise. There are weekly Question and Answer Threads for everything you may want to ask. If you need further help, feel free to contact me directly.
submitted by Deconfused to vandwellers [link] [comments]


2020.05.19 23:27 BigCatsAreAwesome Best buy hidden camera detector

Ladies and Gentlemen, the super tree hugger presents a new episode of his travel documentary series. This time, I went further away from my home, so I chose Gran Canaria, one of the Canary Islands which belong to Spain, but not to the continent Eurasia (Europe and Asia are actually one continent), they belong to Africa. So this was the first time for me to stand on another continent, and that already at the age of 32 years. What? You are as young as you feel (or look). In this “documentary”, I’ll tell you about my experiences of my unusual far journey. Warning, this text may contain traces of hippie propaganda, daydreaming and satire.
It was the 24th of April 2019 early in the morning. The transfer taxi picked me up in my home Fieberbrunn (Tyrol, Austria) and brought me to the Munich airport. This wasn’t my first flight, so I wasn’t very nervous because of the security control. However, I secretly hoped that I didn’t somehow look suspicious and get listed in the CIA file of “traitors of the civilised West who summon the downfall of the occident”. As I arrived at the terminal and at the check-in, I went through the security control. The display behind the metal detector showed a warning sign on my shoulder and at my leg. I thought that they already got me by my balls and will label me as “Pagan-Satanic soup herbs witcher”. I have to admit that I had some nasty thoughts (let’s be honest, who hasn’t some nasty thoughts sometimes?), maybe it was because of that. The security man then scanned the two points on my body, but luckily he didn’t find anything suspicious. However, I hoped that I wasn’t secretly listed in “propaganda terror file”. I went on to the gate where I ate a snack and drank a bottle of water. I took a seat in the plane and watched it rolling. As the plane arrived at the runway, it got fast and furious and took off as elegant as the Englishmen in the After Eight TV spot. The flight went towards west over Switzerland and France where the sky was very cloudy. This must have been the rain period that arrived in my home country in the next days. Further west, I could see the Pyrenees, very fascinating. My eyes swelled up. The plane steered to the left, rocketing towards south west over Madrid in Spain and over Portugal. As I was over the Algarve coast, I left my home continent Eurasia and could see the wide Atlantic Ocean. North America was hidden far beyond the horizon. After some time, I could see the island Fuerteventura and the plane set to landing. I also could see Tenerife in the distance. The landing was quite wobbly due to the strong wind. The plane was downright dancing. After a flight time of 4 hours and 35 minutes, it put on the runway and slowed down. My country account got another entry by entering Spain (beside Austria, Germany, Switzerland, Hungary, Italy, Slovenia, Croatia and Bosnia and Herzegovina). As I got out of the plane, I knew that I just entered another continent: Africa. It was a fascinating feeling. I also experienced a mini jetlag because the Canary Islands are in another time zone, so the time here is one hour earlier than in my home.
After I grabbed my suitcase, a bus brought me to Maspalomas, also known as schnitzel, weißwurst and döner paradise. This place is also very popular among gays and lesbians, but I don’t have any problems with that. During the ride, I could see the majestic mountains, so my eyes swelled up. After I arrived in Maspalomas, I got into my apartment in the bungalow zone. On the balcony, I could watch the people at the pool, and this already in April. I even could sit on the balcony shirtless at midnight without freezing. The Canary Islands are located in the subtropical climate zone, but they aren’t far away from the tropical climate zone. They are on the same latitude like Florida, so the sun is slightly more intensive. During midday, the sun is near the zenith, so the own shadow is very short. The sun rocks hard, so a 50 spf sun milk is strongly recommended. I wasn’t interested of swimming in the pool because I find the sea more beautiful. Even though I’m Austrian, there’s nothing wrong with loving the sea. I already read comments like “A real Austrian shouldn’t vacation at the sea”. Arguments like this can easily get invalidated with this fun fact: Austria used to have a sea coast (Austro-Hungarian Empire).
So I went to the beach to watch the famous dunes of Maspalomas. At the lighthouse, I already could see the western part of the dunes. As I went up the first dune, there was a young man from Germany (Baden-Württemberg) who was also fascinated by the dunes. In the next days, I took a bath in the Atlantic Ocean and took a walk through the dunes. They are a true masterpiece of Mother Nature. The dune landscape was declared a nature reserve in 1987, otherwise it probably would have become a victim of the total building craze. We don’t need to cover everything with concrete, loungers and sun umbrellas, we should let nature be nature. In the evening, I mostly took a big walk through the dunes, it was very uplifting and I had a magical feeling. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be at such a beautiful place. This landscape is the most beautiful part of Maspalomas, along with the lagoon La Charca. The view at the mystic hinterland, I almost fainted because it was so utterly beautiful, it looked like the scenery of a fantasy movie. My eyes swelled up. I also was fascinated by the tide which is slightly higher here at the Atlantic Ocean than at the Mediterranean Sea. A black cat also crossed my path. Black cats aren’t bad luck, remember that at last. Maspalomas is actually a typical tourist ghetto, here you can buy Lügenpresse (the German word for lying newspaper which means fake news) and “futtern wie bei Muttern” (which means you can get the food of your home country). At the beach, there is a bar called Strand-Apo-Theke which constantly played Ballermann hit songs, so it was rather uninteresting to me because I don’t like this kind of music. I also wasn’t very interested at the Cita shopping centre because there was also this music coming out of it. After some weird creature wanted to give me some kind of card (very likely to be a fraudulent scam), the interest was completely gone. Sometimes, you just want to serve these sub-human cunts a fatty “Leave me the fuck alone!” with a spicy middle finger. So I like the dunes more because they are completely free of such slime critters.
At the Strand-Apo-Theke, you can get schnitzel, potato salad, weißwurst, meatballs and currywurst - like you’re at home. There are also many Chinese restaurants, pizzerias and a Burger King. I couldn’t let it be to taste the Canarian and Spanish cuisine. I ate papas arrugadas (potatoes cooked in saltwater with spicy mojo sauce, a Canarian specialty), Canarian galletas, shrimps in garlic sauce, gazpacho, garlic bread, farmers bread with olive oil and tomatoes, seafood paella, seafood soup, hake with mussels, tapas plate, jamón Serrano and fried squids. I also tried Canarian beer (Tropical and Dorada), Spanish beer (Estrella and Cruzcampo) and Sangría. Yes, you can get this food in Maspalomas, also known as the schnitzel, weißwurst and döner paradise. I also tried Canarian cheese and Guanchitos (Canarian ring cookies covered with chocolate). During buying milk, I had to be sure that it had 3,5 % grasas (Spanish for fat) because I don’t like low fat milk. I also don’t need that disgusting 0,1% fat yoghurt or skimmed cheese, especially on holidays. This whole diet and light grub is nothing more than artificial poor quality bullshit. I don’t know any other animal species that modifies its food so that it’s low fat, ergo tasteless. It’s sad that humans alienate more and more from nature. Everywhere you can read things like that you have to eat pizza with skimmed cheese instead of mozzarella, you have to eat tiramisu with low fat quark instead of mascarpone, otherwise you are “out”. One day we have to eat chemical pills, and natural food will be labeled as “unhealthy”, “fattening”, “Pagan” or “not compliant with the latest trends dictated by the almighty and omniscient brainwash media”.
While talking with people, there was multiculturalism 4 life because I talked with people from different countries. At the beach, I talked with a Swiss family about nature and the island Gran Canaria. They told me of a man at the beach who wanted to persuade them to book a trip. I told them that it’s a scam and that they shouldn’t do it because these sellers are shit ass creatures who want to persuade people to do a “free sightseeing trip” which is a merciless fraudulent scam. They sell poor quality crap with very expensive prices. They also rush people into signing an expensive time sharing contract which is useless (this remembers me of the South Park episode “Asspen” which shows the time sharing scam in a satirical way). One day at the beach, I ate a snack. There was a catchy reggaeton music coming out of the speakers and three middle-aged women celebrated this music. They were local people, they talked to me and asked where I’m from. When I answered, they said “Austria grande!” and we had a conversation about the sea and the island. They had a fiery temperament and happiness. This was kind of contagious to me. I’m actually a quite calm/phlegmatic person, but when I’m around people with an impulsive temperament, I get this temperament too. One of them had a tattoo of a contour of a cat on her leg. A cattoo! Hail kitties! The Feline Reich will rise! She told me that she loves fluffy kitties very much. I told her that I’m also a “crazy cat lover” and that there is a wild cat species roaming free in my home country Austria – the lynx. They were very fascinated about this. They also love wolves. We celebrated together while listening to the reggaeton music and enjoyed the beauty of nature and wildlife. It’s amazing. First I’m just a tourist, and then suddenly I’m in the middle of life. On another day, I sat on a dune where I had a conversation with a young man from London. We talked about the beauty of the island and our home countries. He also loves wild cats and wolves. He told me of a friend who has a husky, a dog breed which looks very much like a wolf. One evening, I walked through the dunes and along the beach. On a dune, there were two young women who looked kind of irritating to me. They constantly messed around with their smartphones and held the camera in the air while turning around 360° and shouting “WHHOOOOOHHH!”. They did this multiple times. This seemed to be a new trend, but yet again, I didn’t know anything about this because I’m too old for this shit. There also was an old local man sitting on the dune. He lives in Playa del Inglés and only spoke a few English words. As we had a conversation, I concentrated my little Spanish vocabulary, we mainly talked with sign language. The two girls finally walked away and he also wasn’t amazed by their fanatic smartphone craze. We talked a little bit about senseless trends and walked along the beach together, heading to the lighthouse. He told me something about the island and taught me some Spanish words. He also loves wild cats and wolves. As we said goodbye, he said “Muchas gracias!” and gave a thumb up to show me that he was happy to meet me. On the way to my apartment, I met a young man. Every year, he works in Gran Canaria for four months and for the rest of the year, he lives in Rome (Italy). He also loves wild cats and wolves. We talked about our lives and about nature (mainly about the wolves of Yellowstone). Wolves are cute and fluffy. Yes, I’m crazy. At a beach bar, I talked with the bar lady who loves wild cats and wolves. I used Google Translate to translate “Nature is sacred and needs to be protected.” and “Nature is truly a great artist. It’s a shame that only a few people appreciate this.” into Spanish and she agreed. Once again, I couldn’t stop spreading my hippie and eco propaganda. I talked with a Cuban who loves wild cats and wolves as well. Now I already have some supporters for my feline army to build the Reich. All HAIL to the reintroduction of the Eurasian lynx to Austria!
I was so curious to go on a bus trip around the island. The first stop was in Puerto de Mogán where I went through the old town and up to a panorama platform. It was a beautiful view down to the port and the rocky coast. The trip went on through the hinterland and to a town with the fantasy-like sounding name Agaete at the west coast of the island. We stopped at a restaurant at lunch time. I ate a fish soup and a seafood paella. There also where a German and a French sitting at the table. They also love wild cats and wolves. We talked about the majestic view of the west coast and our lives. After that, I walked around in Agaete watched the rocky coast before the trip went on to Las Palmas. I walked around in Las Palmas and was very fascinated by the beach Las Canteras with its black spots. Once again, my eyes swelled up. This town kind of has its own flair. Then it went on back to Maspalomas. During the bus ride, I talked with a German woman who already often spent her vacation on this island. She finds it very uplifting to walk through the dunes and was also fascinated by the nature of the island.
On another day, I took a bus ride through the middle of the island. I visited Teror, a town in the inland. In this town, there were Spanish soldiers who were praying in the church. On a panorama platform, I could watch the landscape and the Roque Nublo, it was breathtaking. I also could see a little bit of Tenerife with the Teide mountain (the highest mountain of Spain, 3718 meters) behind a veil. We stopped at a mountain inn where I ate rancho Canario (Canarian vegetable soup), Spanish tortillas and postre mousse de gofio (Canarian dessert). There were also an elderly Bavarian couple and an elderly Irish couple sitting at the table. We had a conversation and once again, I raved about the beauty of nature. I showed them some photos, such like the photo which I shot in the Plitvice National Park in Croatia where there is a hidden lynx on it. They where very amazed by nature’s masterpieces. The trip went on through Fataga and I could see an aloe vera farm. Once again, the landscape with its canyons and lots of palms made my eyes swell up.
Now let’s head for the neighboring island Tenerife. I wanted to conquer the town Santa Cruz. It was early in the morning and it was dark. A bus brought me to Agaete from where a ferry went to Tenerife. During the ride, the ferry swung to the left and to the right due to the waves of the sea so my stomach prickled, like I was on a roller coaster. I could hear people vomiting because they got seasick. The ride took two hours, then the ferry reached Tenerife and docked at the port of Santa Cruz. Once again, I was amazed by the majestic mountains behind the town and by the town itself. First I walked towards south to the auditorium of Santa Cruz, I was fascinated by its architecture. I took a little break and ate an ice cream (passion fruit and coconut Santacruzian style). In the front of the auditorium at the coast, there are rocks with portraits of famous people (such like Johan Strauss) painted on them. The weather was fine and completely cloudless. I preferred to stay in the northern part of the town because there weren’t as many cars driving around as in the south. I ate Spanish tards, I don’t know their names anymore, but they were delicious. At a bar, I ate a Serrano snack and drank a cappuccino. At the neighboring table, there were some elderly German people who spent their vacation in Tenerife. They were also fascinated by the island. There also was a young local woman who lives in Santa Cruz. She only was here for a short time because she had to go to work. I talked to her and so we had a nice conversation about our home countries. I told her that we have lynx, wolves and brown bears in Austria which she found interesting because she loves lynx, wolves and bears as well. It was a nice day in Santa Cruz, then the ferry took me back to Gran Canaria. During the ride, I met a young man from Saxony (Lausitz). We talked about our vacation and enjoyed the pensive atmosphere. The ferry headed straight to the “abyss” (horizon). He told me that there are wolves in the Lausitz area, but even if you walk around and actively search for wolves, you won’t see them. We were outraged by animal haters who speak out rants against cats and other animal species. We also were outraged by the Lügenpresse (fake news) which spreads fear and hatred against nature. Once again, damn you, Lügenpresse! During the bus ride from Agaete to Maspalomas, I saw lots of small houses and I thought about the everyday life of the local people here, so once again, there was a pensive atmosphere.
I did a trip to Las Palmas. First the trip went to the hinterland and up to the volcano crater Caldera de Bandama, and then it went on to a botanical garden where I could see some very beautiful endemic plants. After that, I took a little deeper look on Las Palmas. I walked through the alleys and along the beach promenade. Once again, I felt the special atmosphere of this city, it’s incredible. At a bar, I ate some Serrano ham and Canarian cheese. The people here are very lively and greeted each other with an impulsive temperament, I was very fascinated. At the neighbouring table, there were local women, one of them had two cute small dogs. As they left, one of the dogs gave me a kiss, and then we all laughed together. In the Santa Catalina Park, I found a statue of a woman with her four cats. You can’t imagine how delighted I was and once again, my eyes swelled up. First I photographed the whole piece of art, and then I photographed every single cat because they are so cute. Later I found out that this is a statue of a famous personality called Lolita Pluma who fed cats and was declared the “Queen of the Santa Catalina Park” in 1984. This statue is a symbol of freedom, muse of tourism and artists, and protector of animals. I ate an ice cream (mango and caramel) and took a short break by sitting down on a public seat. There was a young local man sitting next to me who lives in Las Palmas, so we had a conversation. I told him of my home country and its wildlife. He loves wolves as well. Wow, so many people who love wolves! So I’m not alone with my craziness. He loves wild cats as well, such like lynx. He was pretty amazed as I told him that I travelled to Gran Canaria alone.
On the last day of my vacation, I joined a hiking trip in the inland of the island. We walked along a hiking trail up the mountains and through a pinewood. The sky was completely cloudless and once again, the beauty of nature was breathtaking. I also could see Tenerife with the Teide. I took lots of photos. I also took photos of me standing in a natural landscape with the Teide in the background and a photo of me hugging a tree. I thought about creating a meme with a photo of nasty drunk party people and a photo of me hugging the tree right below the party people photo. The party people photo says “How normal people spend vacation” and the photo of me says “How freaks and tree huggers like me spend vacation”. If I upload such a meme on the Internet, I would probably get scorn and ridicule and make people angry. An apocalyptical shitstorm would break out. Maybe even the Third World War would start. Ok, let’s stop the wondering, I just enjoyed the landscape and my eyes swelled up. The trip went up to a masterpiece of Mother Nature: the Roque Nublo. I can’t describe how amazing the view was up there. During the hike, I also could see a rock formation which looked like Donkey Kong holding a beer and some other funny rock formations.
On the next day, I walked around in Maspalomas and was thinking about my vacation. During the walk, I suddenly saw a Gran Canaria giant lizard on the other side of the road. This lizard species is only native to Gran Canaria, ergo endemic. I quickly grabbed my camera and was lucky to take some photos of it, even though the lizard was moving very fast. Lizards are one of my favorite animals, I find them very cute. People could call me a lizard hugger. I watched the photos and was happy about my “trophy”. Once again, I had an idea for a meme with a photo of a trophy hunter posing next to a dead lion and a photo of me posing next to the lizard photo poster on my wall. The lion trophy hunter photo says “How normal people do trophy hunting” and the photo of me says “How dreamers and eco pussies like me do trophy hunting”. Some self-proclaimed crusaders would probably go after me with pitchforks and fire torches. Maybe even Donald Trump himself would appear and scream at me with phrases like “Holy Double Whopper, what the fucking fuck are you fucking fuck fucking doing?”.
Then I was thinking about an incident in South Africa where a poacher got trampled by an elephant and mauled by lions. He wanted to hunt rhinos to sell their horns to the Chinese. But science has proven that the horn of rhinos, tiger penis soup and stuff like that is totally useless and doesn’t have any effects. This “medicine” makes me so utterly angry and needs to get eliminated. Screw the Chinese medicine! WAAAHH!!! GET RID OF THIS FUCKING SHIT WHORE FILTH!!! There are “traditions” which need to get eliminated (such like the “tradition” of the bull fight, btw, bull fights are banned on the Canary Islands). I was surprised how many people were happy about the poacher’s death. There are lots of newspaper articles of this incident. In the comment sections, there were mainly people who made fun of the poacher’s death and were happy about it. Comments like “You eco pussies, tree huggers and city folks have no clue about life. Unlike us manly, straight and smart countryside people, only we know everything.” were very rare. Btw, I’m a countryside person. Well, I don’t think that the village St. Jakob in Haus (where I was born and raised) counts as a city. I also was happy about his death. I know we shouldn’t make fun about the death of people, but that sub-human scum of poachers totally deserves it. I would personally throw the parasite filth into the oven, make a video of it and upload it on the Internet, titled “In your face, nature haters!”. If we destroy nature, nature will destroy us.
A bus then brought me to the airport, where I had a conversation with an older woman who hates predators. She said that all wolves should be shot. I told her that snow leopards and tigers are close to extinction and that it’s a shame, then she said “Well, get rid of them!”. She also didn’t have a passion for sharks. Another older woman joined the conversation and ranted against foxes and other wild animals. I did what I can do best: spread hippie propaganda! I spoke the usual phrases like “The world belongs to all creatures, not only humans.”, “The animals were there before us, who are we to decide which species can live and which cannot?” and “Humanity destroys the earth, but the other animal species are labeled as evil.”. I also told them that I find sharks and snakes very beautiful and that they are very important to the eco system. Then they looked at me incredulously. They also looked puzzled. A man sitting next to me agreed with me, so I wasn’t alone with my statement. Well, I made my point and hopefully made the world a little bit better. I’m not that so-called “brave, straight, righteous and conservative citizen” who gets drunk every weekend, listens to mainstream hit music, screams populist rants, worships status symbols (such like fast cars or the newest smartphones), reads the Kronen Zeitung (an Austrian populist boulevard newspaper) and goes to Church. I’m more of an unworldly do-gooder and hopeless hippie floating through his rainbow dream world on pink clouds and watching out for cute unicorns. After that conversation, I went on to the gate to fly back to Munich (but not on pink clouds, even though I’m sure that would have been very beautiful). During the plane ride, there was this pensive atmosphere again. I was thinking about the two wildlife-hating women at the airport. And then people wonder why this world is going down to drain. Well, I hope that at least they will remember my words. After 3 hours and 52 minutes, I landed at Munich airport from where the transfer brought me back to Fieberbrunn. I finally returned home.
I experienced a lot of things during my two weeks vacation. I entered new terrain, tasted new food (I know that it almost sounds like a sacrilege, but I didn’t eat any schnitzel, döner or McDonald’s food during the two weeks) and met new people. And, well, I made the world a better place. Or not. Haha! I definitely had a lot of fun and the atmosphere was typical vacation-like and sunny, but sometimes also pensive. And, yeah, my eyes swelled up. The weather also was always sunny, at least at the south coast because the mountains protect the coast from the northeast trade wind. Only in the north, the weather was sometimes cloudy due to the northeast trade wind. In my home country, the weather was mostly rainy and sometimes snowy, so I escaped the bad weather. I was sitting at the sea with sunny weather. Meanwhile in my home country, the weather was rainy, snowy and cold. I’m just not a winter person, even though I’m from Tyrol. Some people would see this as a mortal sin because I already found comments like “A real Austrian has to spend vacation in the snowy mountains and not in hot countries!”. I also didn’t need Kronen Zeitung or BILD (a German boulevard newspaper) which I also don’t read at home. Yes, I’ve never bought a Kronen Zeitung newspaper. Oh no, I see enraged citizens rioting and lighting the stake. They want to burn that evil heretic who dares to question the infallibility of the holy Kronen Zeitung. This text is also filled with idealist mindset and will probably polarize because it contains parts which some people may find disturbing (especially because I use words like “sub-humans”). But this is necessary to give people a wake up call. I’m just not an “I lay my love on you” radio pop lyric person who only produced that conform and standardized radio crap. I sometimes have to be rough and honest to speak out my opinion, even though some narrow-minded backwoodsmen get red faces and would like to sic entire secret agencies on me. But this is rather unlikely. Which kind of weird planes are flying over me? And why is there a guy with a giant antenna walking around? And who’s knocking on my door? I’m opening the door… and once again, I get big googly eyes.
See, the occident still exists. People should open their mind and not bash on everything which they see as “not normal”. Start to think for yourselves. I still hope that overall, you liked this text and that it enriched you and that I will do more journeys to experience more diversity. Diversity 4 life!
May the pink clouds show us the way.
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2020.05.10 22:57 risocantonese Monabomber: booby trapped nutella jars and votive candles

In the late 90s and early 2000s, Italians living in Veneto and Friuli were in a panic: somebody was leaving expertly concealed bombs in crowded places, often disguised as household objects, which would explode as soon as they were picked up, severely injuring the victims.
It didn’t take long for journalists to name this unknown person «the Italian Unabomber», associating him to Ted Kaczyinski, the American terrorist who had killed 3 people and injured several others by mailing them explosive packages, between 1978 and 1995.
Not everybody found this nickname appropriate, especially since the similarities between the American Unabomber and the Italian Unabomber are very mild. A journalist proposed changing his nickname to Monabomber, where "mona" is a word that refers to female genitals, but it also means "idiot". He didn’t want the unknown bomber to feel "honored" by the association with Kaczynski.
Not everybody agreed with this idea, as they thought that the nickname did not fit the gravity of the attacks. That being said, I am going to use "Monabomber" in this write up to avoid confusion with the actual Unabomber.
(and also because "didckhead bomber" is funny and fitting)

CHARACTERISTICS
The attacks started in 1994 and ended in 2006, with a 4 year gap. They all happened in the regions of Veneto and Friuli, in the North East of Italy, most frequently in the comuni of Pordenone and Portogruaro.
The bombs are expertly made, with common, house hold items. His 90’s bombs are mainly pipe bombs — a plumbing tube filled with an azo compound, usually from fertilizers, fireworks and herbicides. After his hiatus, he comes back in 2000 with much more sophisticated bombs, this time made with nitroglycerin, and perfectly hidden in household objects like food jars, pens, and candles.
His preferred locations are very crowded places: churches, beaches, squares. He hits especially during festivities, where more people are likely to gather.
So, the first question is: why? What’s his motive? All of these 31 attacks seem completely random. He does not attack religious or ethnic minorities, nor politicians or law enforcement. He has never contacted police, he has never asked for a ransom or expounded any kind of political belief. Also, his bombs are small and designed to only wound, not kill. So what’s his goal? Wreaking havoc? Some have theorized a religious motive: many of the locations were churches, and most of the attacks happened on Catholic festivities — but it’s also likely that he chose them for their crowdedness.
Investigators assume he is a 35 to 50yo man, native to Friulian area, possibly living in Pordenone. He probably lives alone, allowing him to work on his bombs in peace, and might have an above average knowledge of chemistry and science in general. They also think he might have had some kind of trauma or mental illness.
His four year gap might help identify him. Some have pointed out that the hiatus coincides with the war of Kosovo (1996 - 1999), in which the NATO eventually intervened. Could he have been one of the many American soldiers stationed at the Aviano Air Base, only 15 minutes away from Pordenone, who fought in the Kosovo war?

That said, let’s get into the timeline of these attacks. I suggest you give it a read, as the way some of the bombs were concealed is crazy.
TIMELINE
1994
21 August (Sacile, in Pordenone). It’s the day of the Sagra degli Osei, an ancient fair dedicated to songbirds. The fair attracts around 50.000 people annually. At 10:45pm, Daniela Pasquali is enjoying the fair with her family when she notices a 12 inches long tube, on the ground near a bush. She picks up the tube and it explodes in her hand, injuring her and two of her children. Investigators immediately think of ALF, a Pordenonese animal rights group which had heavily criticized the fair for trading songbirds, and which had already committed "extremist" acts like mass freeing farm animals — but the group has always proudly reclaimed these acts by signing their name with graffiti. Local skinheads were also investigated, but nothing came out of it.
17 December (Pordenone). Another similar contraption, hidden under a hedge, goes off in front of a supermarket, at closing time. A girl is slightly injured by glass shards from a window.
18 December. (Aviano, in Pordenone). Another bomb hiding beneath a bush goes off in front of the church of Santa Maria e Giuliano, right as the parishioners are leaving mass. Nobody is injured.
1995
5 March (Azzano Decimo, Pordenone). It’s Carnival day and many people are partying on the streets. Two tubes explode, only 300ft apart, but they’re barely noticed due to the loud music. Nobody is injured.
30 September (Pordenone). Seventy years old Anna Pignat is cleaning the sidewalk in front of her house, when she notices a 10.000 lire banknote (less than 6 dollars) on the ground next to a metallic tube. She picks up the money and the tube explodes in her face, severely injuring her — she, unfortunately, lost her right arm and suffered horrible injuries to her face.
On the same day, a few streets away, another woman picks up a tube, which does not explode due to a malfunction. After hearing about Anna Pignat, she brings it to the carabinieri, who set it off without sending it to be analyzed.
11 December (Aquileia, Udine). A telephone cabin explodes. Nobody is injured.
24 December (Latisana, Udine). Another cabin explodes. Nobody is injured.
26 December (Bibione, Venezia). Another bomb goes off on the very popular beach of Bibione. Nobody is injured.
1996
2 April (Claut, Pordenone). Another attack. There’s little info about it.
22 April (Bannia, Pordenone). Another attack with little info.
4 August (Bibione, Venezia). At 6am, a lifeguard and his colleague notice a 20 inch tube on the ground. They pick it up and it, fortunately, doesn’t explode. One of them tries to open one of the sides of the tube, when suddenly a flame erupts. He throws it away, assuming it must be some childish prank, and only tells the police later that night, when he hears about another attack.
On that same day, on the beaches of Lignano Sabbiadoro (Udine), only 1.8 miles away from Bibiano, a tourist, Roberto Curcio, opens a public beach umbrella, from which falls a metallic tube. He picks it up and it explodes in his hand, mutilating his fingers and damaging his femoral artery, causing a severe hemorrhage. The tube was wrapped in a recent edition of a Pordenonese newspaper.
1996 — 2000
The Monabomber goes on a 4 year long hiatus.
2000
6 March (San Vito al Tagliamento, Pordenone). The attacks start again, with two new elements: the bombs are expertly disguised as normal objects, and the intended victims seem to be kids. An unexploded bomb is found inside a serpentine streamer, a party accessory, on the day of the city Carnival.
6 July (Lignano Sabbiadoro, Udine). Giorgio Novelli, a retired carabiniere, picks up a 12 inch tube on the beach of Lignano. He is severely injured and ends up in a coma, from which he fortunately recovers. The bomb did not go off immediately, but only after the man had already walked 1300 feet — it’s probable that it had some kind of timer, activated by movement. It also seemed to be water resistant. Once again children are assumed to be the intended victims: the area of the beach where the tube was found was close to a summer camp.
13 September (San Stino di Livenza, Venezia). Another tube bomb, hidden inside a vineyard, explodes during a grape harvest, injuring the foot of a woman.
31 October (Portogruaro). A man buys an egg carton at the supermarket "Continente" of Portogruaro. When he brings it home, he notices wires coming from the carton. He contacts the police, who find that one of the eggs had been boiled, cut in half, filled with an explosive device and glued back together before being put on the shelf again.
This egg is an essential piece of evidence, as it contained not only one of Monabomber’s hairs, but also his saliva, as he had probably cut the adhesive tape on the bomb with his teeth.
1 November (San Stino di Livenza, Venezia). Another tube is found in the same vineyard as the one before. Nobody is injured.
7 November (Portogruaro). Nadia Ros purchases a tube of tomato paste from the same super market, Continente. While cooking, she grabs the tube and tries to pour it in the pan, but nothing is coming out; she presses on it as hard as she can, and the tube explodes, severely injuring her left hand. The bomb was disguised extremely well — to avoid unsealing the top, Monabomber opened the tube from the bottom, and then rolled it up again to conceal it.
At this point, L.E. goes back to the Continente and searches it as best as it can, even employing a metal detector.
17 November (Portogruaro). Despite these searches, another bomb is found inside a product of Continente, this time inside a tube of mayonnaise. Fortunately, the customer noticed that the tube was "unusually hard", and informed L.E.
2001
2 November (Motta di Livenza, Treviso). On All Soul’s Day, 64yo Anita Buosi was asked to take care of the cemetery’s funeral decoration. She notices a votive candle that she didn’t remember placing, and that was different from all the other ones. She picks it up and it immediately explodes, severely injuring her hands and right eye.
2002
23 July (Porcia, Pordenone). A supermarket is attacked again, this time the IperStanda of Pordenone, where a woman purchased a jar of Nutella. As she struggled to remove the lid, she noticed smoke coming from the jar. She placed it on her windowsill, where it exploded without injuring anybody.
2 September (Pordenone). The Monabomber becomes more and more bold in targeting children. A 5 year old boy is injured after he opened a bottle of soap bubbles. The toy had been purchased only a few moments before by his mother at a shopping center.
25 December (Cordenons, Pordenone). During a Christmas Midnight Mass, a tube bomb explodes on top of a confessional in the church of Santa Maria Maggiore. The church was immediately evacuated by off duty cops, and nobody was injured. It’s interesting to note that the bomb did not explode by being picked up, but by a timer, which set off at exactly 00:10, the start of Mass.
2003
24 March (Pordenone). A bomb goes off in the men’s bathroom of Pordenone’s courthouse, close to the office of Domenico Labozzetta, one of the people working on the Monabomber case — this is the first and only time the authorities are targeted. The bomb seems to have been set off by a timer, activated by the toilet flush. Fortunately, nobody was injured.
The courthouse was an easy target, as there were no checks at the entrance and no metal detectors. Not even the CCTV cameras were useful: the tape was too damaged. The only thing left are the sightings of a man in a dark jacket, of "middle height", hanging around the men’s bathroom.
25 April (Fagare della Battaglia, Treviso). The 25th of April is Liberation Day, a very important Italian holiday. Nine year old Francesca Girardi is at a picnic with her family when she notices a brand new yellow highlighter laying on the ground. She removes the cap, causing a huge explosion which maimed three of her fingers and permanently damaged her right eye. Once again, the location of the bomb was very popular with families and young children.
2004
2 April (Portogruaro). During the Easter period, a cleaning lady of the Church of Sant’Agnese notices that one of the kneeling stools has been cut open. She sticks her finger in the cut and retrieves a 2 inch object, which resembles a lighter. She shows it to the priest, who assumes it’s an April Fools prop, but eventually becomes suspicious and calls the police. Experts confirm that the object is a nitroglycerin based bomb, which was set to explode when somebody knelt on the stool.
2005
26 January (Treviso). While on a school trip, a middle school boy notices two Kinder Surprise Eggs laying on the ground. Him and his friends start playing soccer with them, when he kicks one of the eggs against a wall and it explodes, without injuring anybody. The bomb was set to go off after being opened; the other egg did not contain a bomb, but a normal toy.
13 March (Motta di Livenza, Treviso). At the end of Sunday Mass, six year old Greta is severely wounded after turning on an electric votive candle in the Church of San Nicola. According to the priest, the candles had been replaced that exact morning, giving the Monabomber little time to add his booby-trapped candle — unless he had access to the candles before they reached the church.
«If I find him, I’ll show him… You don’t do these things», said little Greta.
An interesting thing about this attack: R.I.S. Delitti Imperfetti is an Italian CSI/Law & Order style TV series, and their first season was loosely inspired by the Monabomber; only two months before, the second episode aired, in which a priest is injured after lighting a booby trapped candle. People were worried that the show might be "glorifying" his actions or even inspiring them — although this isn’t the first time he used a votive candle. In fact, he used a candle in this exact same town, in 2001. Maybe the Monabomber was trying to "respond" to the show?
16 March (Bacau, Romania — yes, you read that right). A Romanian Catholic convent from Bacau finds an explosive device in a can of mackerels — the bomb was fortunately defective. An year earlier, the nuns had received a few boxes of food and gifts from their sister convent in Concordia Sagittaria, Italy. The Italian nuns had purchased those boxes from a supermarket in Portogruaro, and the Romanian nuns were slowly eating through them, until they got to a box of mackerels which they struggled to open. When they saw the device inside, they contacted their sister convent who contacted Italian L.E.
9 July (Portogruaro). A woman picks up her bike from the train station’s bike rack, where she had parked it for more than a week while she was away. As she sits on it, something falls from underneath the saddle: a nitroglycerin bomb, which had been fortunately neutralized by the rain.
2006
6 May (Caorle, Venezia). The Monabomber targets a popular beach again. A couple walking on the beach picks up what appears to be a message in a bottle. The man, Massimiliano Bozzi, attempts to open it, and the bottle explodes, severely wounding him. It seems that Monabomber did not leave the bottle in that place specifically, but rather threw it in another side of the river and let the currents take it somewhere else.

SUSPECTS
Andrea Agostinis. On the August 5 1996, after the Lignano beach attack, the ANSA (a news agency) receives an anonymous phone call which claims that the attacks were done by "17 November" (or 17N), a Greek far left terrorist organization, which had recently (and falsely) claimed two other bomb attacks in the United States.
But before ANSA can break out the news, they’re surprised by someone else doing it before them: Andrea Agostinis, a 39 year old who teaches technical drawing in a high school in Friuli; Agostinis had mentioned the 17N’s declaration of responsibility during a radio show, before ANSA made it public. The man, who also dabbled in journalism and writing, was the only self proclaimed Italian expert on 17N — just days before the attack, he had published a lengthy article about the group.
The investigators look into Agostinis, believing he might be the Monabomber trying to mislead them, but they quickly realize that the teacher is just "eccentric": he claimed that he was being personally harassed by 17N, which had actually secretly turned into a Muslim extremist organization — one of their members had allegedly tried to shoot Agostinis while he was jogging. He also believed that they could find the culprit though a kabbalah analysis of the number 17 and 11. Agostinis was quickly dismissed as a suspect when no actual proof tying him to the case was found.
Elvo Zornitta. On 26 May 2004, investigators search the house of aeronautics engineer Elvo Zornitta from Pordenone, after another suspect had described him as a "bomb expert". They find household items that were compatible with items used by Monabomber, like empty BIC pens and bottles of a popular brand of vanilla essence, both of which had been used by the bomber. They also find firecrackers that were missing their gun powder — Zornitta justified them by saying that he had tried to DIY a firework fountain, which didn’t work out.
But the investigators’ hope is short lived: the DNA found in the egg from 2000 did not match Zornitta. Plus, the man had a solid alibi for at least two of the attacks.
L.E. doesn’t give up and instead theorizes that Zornitta had accomplices. They test his family, friends and colleagues, but none of them match the DNA. Zornitta and his family are put under tight surveillance, during which Monabomber commits five more attacks undisturbed.
In October of 2006, they think they have a breakthrough: the cuts on one of the component’s of the 2004 bomb are compatible with a pair of scissors that had been retrieved from Zornitta’s house.
Zornitta's defense lawyer requests another toolmark analysis, especially of the very first pictures taken of the bomb in 2004. What they find is shocking: no cuts were found in the first pictures - the cuts had been added after the scissors had been retrieved from Zornitta's house. The blame falls on Ezio Zernar, the investigator who had "found" the cuts in the first place. Zernar is sentenced to two years for forging evidence, and Zornitta is officially dismissed as a suspect in 2009.
The Monabomber remains unknown.
links
bare bones english wiki article)
quick italian article about it
first article about agostinis
a interview with agostinis(ok i really hope these links work. for some reason, they are now giving me an error while they were perfectly working before....i think my free trial expired?? please let me know if anything shows up when you click on them)
2005 church attack priest confirming the candles were changed that morning
article about the romanian nuns
article about ezio zernar's forgery
submitted by risocantonese to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]


2020.04.19 01:53 Pandoric_Maker The Sanguine Apotheosis, Part 3

James remained unreadable, his expression frozen. "Th-there's not much more to tell other than—"
"James! Cut the bullshit and give me some credit. We've been partners for years and seen shit that would make an atheist drop and start praying. I know you don't like talking about this kinda thing but stop pretending like nothing happened. I know when you're lying. It wasn't an assignment that just went bad as you put it. I read your report then I reread mine. Funny thing, when I went back to it, it wasn't the report I wrote."
"Well what do you want me to say Martin? That I changed the report? That if I hadn't you'd be finished? That we went on an assignment and they knew we were coming? That the moment we stepped foot in the country they were waiting for us? That we didn't stumble onto some secret ceremony but were the guests of honor? That they tortured and killed Hunter?"
"They didn't just torture Jack!" Martin's face went red as he exploded at James. "You were there! They fucking turned him inside out! Literally! Ever seen something like that before? I know I haven't!!!"
"Calm down, I'm not your enemy!" James exclaimed, holding up his hands. He looked past Martin at the curtain that had been pulled aside a little and gave a reassuring nod to Sam, who immediately shut the curtain in response.
"Well ya coulda fooled me," Martin spat back, instantly regretting what he had said. He felt ashamed and quietly offered his apology.
James motioned him to stand up and for a moment Martin thought he was going to be hit. James held out his arms and all was forgiven. The two men held onto each other. They were soldiers, they were survivors, they were brothers. Only those that have seen war could understand the bonds these men shared.
Martin sat down with a plop and leaned back in the seat, letting out a deep breath as he let his head roll back as it sank into the leather.
"I'm cool. Let's take it from the top," Martin said through closed eyes. Then a faint smile appeared in the corner of his mouth as he added, "Feel free to add anything I leave out."
James smiled and Martin began recounting everything from the beginning going over the details of their assignment in Turkey. Their initial briefing concerned a team of archaeologists on a dig being funded by Olympex and their discovery of the ruined chapel in the catacombs under the Hagia Sophia, and how they planned on suppressing the news of the discovery long enough to buy them time needed to reach their objective. Everything that was part of the original dig's operation was outlined for the men at the briefing.
The plan went south overnight. Literally.
Someone leaked the news directly to the Turkish government, and by morning officials had locked it all down. Everything was confiscated and the archeologists were supposedly deported but haven't been in contact with anyone in twelve hours. James Query, Jack Hunter and Martin Chase were already in Spain and were brought in, being the closest in the field. Their job was to infiltrate the dig site and locate an artifact before the government's teams discovered it.
Everything had been made ready and a guide for the team who knew the catacombs had already been secured; he would be waiting for them once they arrived in Istanbul. He would get them as near to the area the archeologists were working on and from there they would find a way into the main chamber and the chapel. They were provided maps loosely created from reports sent in by Professor Redcliffe who had led the initial excavation. Their objective: obtain a relic that belonged to some obscure ancient cult. The Professor's notes described it as "a small silver cube about three or four inches with a human skull depicted on it. You'll know it when you see it".
They left immediately, and by ten that night were in Istanbul's Fatih district that surrounded the Hagia Sophia. Their guide, Mammut, brought them to a shop and took them to the cellar where some of the stones had been removed and a hole had been tunneled through the natural rock leading into the catacombs by some unknown route. The team was led through a network of tunnels that descended downwards, far under the foundations of the Hagia Sophia. Mammut brought them to a halt and indicated where they were on a map, telling them he would go no further. They followed a route on the map to an area indicated by a blocked shaft that marked the entrance into the main chamber.
When they reached the blockage, they found it would be impossible to get through, so they began scouting the tunnels for other possible entry points. Jack discovered a gallery in one of the tunnels off the main route they had come down that was lined with narrow vent shafts cut into the walls for light or air that they would be able to squeeze through once they removed their gear with a ten foot drop to the floor.
They entered the huge vaulted room of the main chamber and could see the blocked off entrance far off to one side. On the opposite side of the room stood two bronze doors. It took the combined strength of the three men to move the heavy doors and enter the chapel. A round chamber of polished marble with a great altar of stone and metal erected before a strange benign looking statue of some long forgotten god met their gazes. It glinted silver in their lights as they began searching the room. James searched the altar while Jack looked for alcoves along the walls. Martin looked up at the statue and studied its meditative pose. He moved across the room to the doors and turned back to look at it from further away. From where he now stood he could see the deity looking down in quiet contemplation at the prize held in its open hands. He walked over to the statue and motioned for a boost and began climbing. The statue was large enough for Martin to stand in its open hands. He reached down carefully, testing for any signs of booby traps, and when he felt it was safe picked up the cube.
"And that's when everything went to shit." Martin paused in his recounting of events to take a drink, raising his glass to James as they clinked them together.
"When we got the Sanguine and made for the exit they were waiting for us in the chamber," Martin began again. "They let us get into the middle of the room and then just came out of the shadows without a sound. They surrounded us, penning us in. We were standing in the center of some weird circular design on the floor I didn't remember seeing earlier. Y'd'think we would have noticed something like that."
"Naw, I didn't see it either when we first entered," James admitted.
"We put the lights on them, their robes were so black they looked like living shadows. Only thing I could ever make out was the weird masks they wore. Silver skulls with patterns on them. Then they started chanting in that weird language. I remember a few of them began moving forward. Actually it was more like they floated towards us. Some of them raised their arms and we caught the glint of blades in their hands. They circled us kinda like dancing and Jack was the first to cry out. His arm was bleeding. Blade went right through the kevlar. We opened fire and…" Martin trailed off.
"Nothing," answered James. "It didn't faze them or slow them down at all. As soon as one would drop, another would take its place. They just kept moving in and slicing away at us."
"Jack got us out of there. His old football linebacker skills paid off when he plowed an opening through them so we could get back into the chapel. After that, well, things get hazy," Martin confessed. "We made it back to the chapel and bolted the doors. The two of you were on point since you were both better in a firefight. I started looking around the room for another way out. When I looked back at the two of you, I remember seeing words over the doorway. Not even sure about what happened next. I was trying to read the words when something one of us did must have triggered the statue. Its arms opened and revealed the door over it's stomach. I went through first to check it out and when I gave the all clear, you didn't follow."
"And that's where our stories begin to change." James told him. "You went in and we waited five minutes for you without a word. When you didn't check back, Jack went looking for you. I waited just inside the opening. When I closed the door I could hear the statue moving and the door wouldn't budge. So I waited as long as I could for one of you before I used the tunnel.
"When I went inside, a tunnel led down and came out into an area that looked like an underground city. I came back for the two of you within a few minutes and the door was sealed. I couldn't budge it. The tunnel was only large enough for one at a time. No turn-offs, so there's no way we could have passed each other. I went back to the city looking for the two of you, figuring you might turn up from some other exit."
Martin paused and took another drink before he continued again. "We were down there for a while. When I found the gates—"
"Wait, what gates?" Jack interrupted. "You never said anything about gates before."
"I know. There's a lot I haven't told you. To be fair, that's only because there's a lot I don't remember. It comes back to me, little by little, and it doesn't make sense when it does." Martin furrowed his brows. "I know there were gates, but I only have pieces of what happened after that. We were down there at least two days but it felt like months. It's going to sound crazy, but every window and doorway I passed felt like the shadows inside were alive and watching. When I found the gates there was something else. It was there but it was not there. Maybe another statue or something else, big in the darkness. Felt like I was being watched the whole time and there's something that happened when I tried to open the gates." He struggled to conjure memories out of smoke. "There were designs on the gates. Or maybe it was the designs on the Pandoric? Jack was looking rough but he was still alive. Shit. It's all jumbled into each other. I'm getting nothing." Martin said frustrated.
"So what happened next?" James asked, hearing this for the first time.
"No idea. I guess I opened the gates. I just remember them being open. I pulled the both of you through." Martin told him.
"Both?" James asked patiently.
Martin thought long and hard about this before he continued, "Jack was there. Not the whole time. I think we all met up at the gates."
James looked at him, "All?"
Martin responded slowly like it was coming back to him as he spoke. "Yeah… all of us. Jack carried you over his shoulder. He… he found you."
James looked hard into Martin's eyes. "I don't remember any of that taking place."
"No? Well since we're being all nostalgic, what do you remember?" Martin asked James.
"Well," James answered, "we got separated and I spent a few days searching for the both of you. I never saw any signs of a city or gate and I was all over that place top to bottom. I was in dark tunnels covering every inch of the place, avoiding archaeologists, men in black robes and the Turkish patrols. I found you slumped over Jack's body in a small antechamber near one of the galleries." James paused, his words hanging in the air. "Nothing happened to me."
"And getting separated by a narrow tunnel and losing three days. Par for the course?" Martin asked.
"I can't explain it and don't ask me to try. Look, maybe there was a hallucinogen on the blades but something else happened down there. Yes, I believe you. I saw Jack's body too. We've all seen stuff over the years. No denying that." James looked down and brushed at the sand on the table. "And this red sand that keeps showing up? I've had it looked at. It gets its color from—get this—blood. It's saturated with it. Only, the labs can't match it to anything human or animal. Something happened down there and it's not over yet. I'll be here with you to the end to see it through." James then added, "but I'm not dead yet, so quit trying to scare me."
There was a long silence after that. Both men had said their piece. Sam, hearing that things had finally quieted down, came out with two glasses. "I thought you could use some fresh drinks."
They thanked her and when she left, James asked Martin, "Is there anything else?"
"Not at the moment. I told you all that I could remember," came Martin's reply.
"Maybe your mind is trying to tell you something," James offered.
"That I'm going nuts?" Martin joked half heartedly.
"I was thinking," James began slowly. "Whenever you have these nightmares or episodes, you fight them because they scare the shit out of you and you resist. But you still wake up. The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again expecting a different outcome. What about changing your actions? Stop running?"
Martin thought about this while he nursed his drink. They turned their attention to the task at hand of finding Mr. B through the movers. They planned the next few stages after they had gotten their info from the movers. Locating the home and getting a visual. If it went without a hitch, they could inform Scarswood and it wasn't their problem any more. Martin got up from his seat and headed to the back smiling at Sam as he pushed the curtain aside. He opened a door and locked it from the other side. A sign switched from VACANT to OCCUPIED.
James' cellphone rang and he answered. "Well… speak of the devil…"
Martin put a towel in the sink and ran the water. He wrung it out then covered his face. The air began to feel thick and movements became an effort. He sat down, pulling the towel from his face once he began experiencing vertigo. He couldn't tell which way was up and it felt like he was caught in an echo between worlds. Reality, slowly tilting, shifted back and forth. He was sitting in the bathroom of the jet and standing in the desert or rust. Both places at the same time. His mind screamed in the spaces in between. Forcing his eyes closed only made him more solid in the desert world. He felt for something familiar and found the lavatory sink. He had to concentrate on what his hands were telling him and focused on pulling himself upright. Before him a figure stood waiting. It took all his concentration to focus on his legs and feel that he was standing, that his arms were holding onto the sink even though he could see none of this. The figure approached him and pulled back the hood covering its head. The face that looked back at him was hideous. The features were turned in upon themselves revealing teeth, bone, muscle, yellowish fat and a spider network of pulsing veins and raw nerves where a face should have been. Optic nerves spilled out and wrapped around the head to exposed brain tissue. They twitched and moved the white orbs set into sockets where the backs of eyes attempted to focus on him. The jaw was lined with teeth and moved up and down, revealing the soft pink flesh and lips behind them that formed words while the tongue that hung below the jaw twisted and contorted as it spoke to him. It's voice was punctuated by the sucking in of air and the clicking of teeth against each other.
"̬̩̯̤̪ͫͪ̒̇͗̾N̘ͧ͛͛̐͝ḛ͚̣̜́p̾ͩ̅ͫ͋͏̟͕̬o̱̮̦̰̪͌ͩ̄̾ͣ…̥͕͈̻͔̘̊ͨ ̂̍͐̔̋̊͆r̠̩̳͉̺̍͗̒̑̐ȏ͕̳͉͙̐͋́o͉̹͎̺̜̩̫̿ͧ́̔d̟̩̞̳̻̆ͮ͟…̗̞̣͙͚̳ͭ ̲̥̣͙̊͢e̙͕̖̜̝̠͖ͧ͑ͣh̴̩͖̝͉̥ͦt̰̓̋̍ͮͯͨͤ…̗͍̠̝̯͆̅̓͢ ̶̪͎͙̪̥̗̬̓̏̌̐̒tͪ̑̔͐̚f̣͉̦͋e͈̜̻͍̭͙̍̆ͤ͋ͦͬl̼̻͖͓̦̀ͨ̓ͭͨͭ…̦̞̠̞̪̗̄ͣͬ ̫̤̦̾̄͋ͭ̚͘u̼̗oͬ͂̂y͓͔̟̓̽̅͢.̰͎̬͍̹"̦ Martin said two words through gritted teeth in the desert world while he tightened his grip on the sink in this one:
"Hello, Jack."
The jet landed smoothly and came to a rest in the hangar. Martin made his goodbyes to Sam and the two pilots while James was already unpacking the four canvas bags from the cargo hold. A large SUV was waiting for them parked nearby. A grounds crewman started to hand Martin the keys when James snatched them away.
"I'm driving," he told Martin.
They headed out onto the main road and were guided by the GPS to the Three Bears Moving & Storage company which was located on a solitary piece of cleared land. It was little more than an over-sized self-storage facility. Martin was using a night-vision scope that was equipped with a feature to locate electronic devices like motion detectors, silent alarms, security cameras, anything that was drawing on a power source.
"One on the front gate, one over the office door, rest on corner perimeters and buildings. Looks low tech, I count twelve. Probably not a lot of need for it up here," Martin reported.
James parked the car half a mile up the road on an old logging trail that would keep it out of sight. They made their way through the woods to the back end of the storage company and climbed the fence in between the security cameras' blind spots. James pulled out a few small remote control sized gadgets and handed a few to Martin. These were loop dummies, sophisticated little devices that would capture thirty seconds of footage from the camera feeds and play it back continually as if it was real time so that it never showed on the time counter.
They approached the cameras from the blind side, clicked buttons, waited thirty seconds, then touched the magnetic strip to the cameras and let go. Once the cameras were taken care of, they moved to the front gate. James unlocked and opened the pass code box that controlled the gate and added a new piece of equipment, attaching alligator clips to the wired connections. He tested it to make sure it was working properly, then closed the box and locked it up again. This device he installed would alert them to anyone using the gate, plus it was tied into the security camera feed so they could get a visual from that camera.
Twenty minutes later, James picked the lock to the office door and opened it on Hank, a ninety-pound Rottweiler who was alerted to the noise and was waiting quietly. When he saw James, he bared his fangs and ran at him. Martin came out of hiding and made a quick shot. Past experience had taught them guard animals were still the best and most reliable in security. When unsure if an animal is present, James was to enter and distract any animals while Martin would get a clear shot to put it down with a tranquilizer. Hank dropped without a sound. They picked up the dog between them, found his bed in the next room and put him in it, removing the dart. So far so good.
Next, James lifted the receiver from the office phone and unscrewed the handset. He placed a small electronic gadget behind the microphone then replaced the cover. He spoke into the receiver and watched the readout on a small device he was holding in his hand. The LED moved in time to his voice. Satisfied, he moved to the other phone on the adjacent desk and repeated his actions. He then began looking over clipboards along the wall, first searching for records of last week's deliveries and truck schedules. Martin, meanwhile, rifled through the filing cabinets and found the current month's invoices.
"I'm not seeing anything." James called out to Martin.
"I've got it." said Martin.
He held up an invoice and then went to the filing cabinets and began looking for something. He pulled out the entire section of folders in the C slot and put them on the desk. He began sorting through them while talking to James.
"Mr. B used Roger Cumberland, his real name. I don't think he's being arrogant. Small population, his family lived up here, more people to watch his back if he's a local. Three Bears doesn't seem to keep anything on the computer. Judging by the looks of this place, it's a small-time business. They probably don't know how or have the software to do it. Everything they do is handwritten."
James was impressed. "Do we have a location?"
"B's been shipping his stuff here little by little and having it stored in a unit: C-21. Records start from about two years ago. They get a box or two on a regular basis and just put it in the unit for him. He's a good customer, pays in advance. This leaves him plenty of time to set up on his own and show his face around to get established within the community as a retired professor. No one would ever think twice. No record of the movers delivering anything so either his stuff's still here or he's been showing up and moving it on his own quietly." Martin then added, "Not enough time to look over the security tapes."
"Do we have a gate code? Maybe there's a record when he last used it." James came over to have a look at the invoices, looking for a number sequence or code. "It's probably why they were able to move him out of his apartment so fast. Most of his stuff was already here. Just the big stuff, furniture and personal possessions he couldn't be without in the end."
"There's a couple of dates written on this one," Martin pointed out. "This looks like when they set the move for New York. According to this, everything was set in motion weeks ago. Way before B went to Prince about his research. Less than a month ago, he called to confirm the moving date. It's circled on this one. They drove to New York and transferred everything here last week." On a Post-it note attached to the records was written Cumberland will call around the 26th to set the delivery date for the furniture and boxes. Martin checked the calendar, seeing he would be in contact this coming Monday. That gave them a long weekend for the man to surface. Martin began to put everything back in its place the way he had found it and motioned for James to pack up.
"Next move?" James asked.
"S'far as we know, and from what we saw in the photos of his apartment, everything that was important or he was working on went last," answered Martin, then he added, "Let's take a walk."
A few moments later Martin picked the heavy lock on storage unit C-21. He raised the gate a few feet and both of them slid underneath, closing it behind them. It was full of furniture and a few stacks of neatly labeled boxes. Martin pulled out a knife and started opening boxes. They began their search, pulling out newspaper and bubble wrap looking through the contents, not sure exactly they were searching for. James opened a box marked DESK and reached inside, pulling out a pencil holder, stationery, pens, a stapler, and a small flat-ish book sized package. He unwrapped it and showed Martin the framed photograph of the lake scene. Martin looked at it for a moment then removed it from the frame. The right side of the picture had been folded over. It hid more people that were present, a couple and another child. He turned the picture over examining the back. A smile spread across his face and he handed it to James. On the back of the photo in neat printing across the bottom read the words:

Sun Valley Lake fishing excursion, May 8th 1939
The next line read:
Pictured left to right: Ernest Hemingway, Evan Cumberland, Charles Prince, Robert Cumberland, Ethan Cumberland, Joan Cumberland.
Written in a large sprawling hand on the left hand side was,
'And that's how you tell a story - Bitch,' signed: Ernest.
"Old family connection," James nodded.
Martin stared at him. "You missed the joke?"
"What joke?" James drew a blank. "Hemingway's title?"
"Prince wants B because this is some private family business. If that's really Prince in the picture, he knew B's father and grandfather," Martin explained.
"So how's that a joke?" asked James, missing the point.
"Oh shit. Sorry. What Hemingway wrote: 'And that's how you tell a story - Bitch'. It's a sort of acrostic. B took the first letter of each word to come up with his name as the author. Maybe it's something he heard when he was a kid, but I'm guessing it was directed at Prince as a personal snipe, or some private joke they share. What I can't figure is why the picture was folded to hide his grandparents."
James would have never caught the play on the name or saw the connection. For Martin, It was just how his mind worked. "So what now, detective?" James asked, suitably impressed.
Martin had a wicked smile on his face. "Now we see what else he's got in 'store' for us." James groaned at the awful pun and they turned their attention back to opening boxes.
The rest of the night was uneventful and produced nothing more than clothes, kitchen utensils, books, DVDs, a flatscreen television, and furniture. Once they had finished, James asked what they planned on doing about the mess. Martin grabbed a piece of stationery from out of the box marked DESK and wrote something. Then he took the frame from the lake picture and placed the message inside of it before setting the frame on a coffee table in plain sight and placing his phone next to it. Inside the frame, two words were on display: CALL ME.
They quietly lifted the gate to the unit and locked up behind them, trying not to disturb Hank in case the tranquilizer had worn off. They didn't bother retrieving the loop dummies from the cameras as they headed for the back fence. They climbed over and began heading back to the concealed SUV. James had a small remote in his hand and pressed it. All of the loop dummies popped like firecrackers. The men stayed hidden in the white mist present in the predawn of the mountains. Once in the car, they headed to a resort past the town where a room had already been booked and was waiting for them.
Back at the room, James grabbed a shower while Martin took a nap. He set his alarm to go off in a few hours when the rest of the world would be waking up. He was asleep instantly.
His dreams were of unending winds and a rust red desert that he wandered. His alarm went off and he woke up alone in the room. A note on the bed next to him said, "breakfast." He showered and went downstairs into one of the restaurants serving a buffet style breakfast. He loaded up his plate and grabbed a second for the two omelets they made him.
He joined James at the table who was eating and reading a novel. He sat down and took a quick glance at the author's name on the spine.
"Athaytas B. A little light reading?" Martin inquired.
"Prince did mention our last assignment was based on the research in this book. Thought I'd check into it and see if there's something in there that no one's told us about yet," James explained in between bites.
"Good thinking. Find anything yet?" Martin asked, shoveling forkfuls of the omelette into his mouth.
James flipped the book around. He had only read the first three chapters while he waited for Martin to get up and shook his head no. He asked what the plan was now, and Martin told him he was going into town after breakfast to get a new phone. He didn't expect anything to be happening yet, so he wanted to go and come back while it was still early. James could stay here and read while he monitored the Three Bears and the gate until then. James agreed, and after breakfast James gave the keys to Martin and headed to the pool. He grabbed a spot on a lounge chair and ordered a drink. All outward appearances showed a vacationing guest reading a novel, tapping his feet to the music coming over his earbuds that were plugged into his phone.
James read the book, dog-earring pages that caught his attention and tapped his feet in a rhythm to nothing. Instead of music coming through he was monitoring the calls from the Three Bears and by now had learned two of the three movers' names. During one of the silences between phone calls, the voice of Mr. Scarswood suddenly asked why Mr. Chase was located in a self storage unit outside of town. James got up from his chair walking and talking as though he was on a business call, delighted to tell the person on the other end what they were missing out on. He walked around the pool where there was less noise and more privacy. Quickly, he covered the high points of last night's actions that led to Martin leaving his phone. Mr. Scarswood was relieved to hear they expected Mr. B to be surfacing in a few days and told him to carry on. James continued having a pretend conversation long after Mr. Scarswood hung up. Then he walked back to his chair laughing and picked up his drink, signaling to someone behind the bar by raising his depleted glass to them. The bartender nodded and began pouring his next round.
Martin parked the SUV on a side street and walked the two blocks towards the main strip. The area was full of local shops and cafes, retail chains and businesses that catered to residents and the seasonal stores for the tourist trade. He found the local phone store and went inside. Once he had finished picking up a new cell phone, he went outside and sat down on a nearby bench and dialed the hotel. A cheerful female voice answered, and Martin listened patiently while she repeated a litany of services the hotel provided and rambled them off. When she had finished, Martin's simple request for her to take down and deliver a message became a rather prolonged endeavor of constant interruptions and questions.
"Yes, just the message. That's right… no, that's not really necessary. We're both guests… because he's not picking up his cell phone… could you please just give him the message… yes… right now… no, don't go up to the room… he's at the pool… did I say swimming? Listen to me, he's reading a… because he likes reading by pools at hotels… no don't put me on hold. Hello? Shit."
Martin put a hand to his forehead and let out a slow controlled breath. He pulled out a cigarette, figuring there would be a few minutes until she found James. He smiled, muttering "which book?" and shook his head. He happened to spot a sign for the "Caffeine Addict" two blocks down and decided to take a walk. He was in no particular rush while waiting for the traffic to move so he could cross.
The phone vibrated in his jacket, "Yeah it's me. Number saved? Good. Anything yet? What was that? Oh that's funny," he laughed. "Yeah, I guess we forgot to tell Scarswood about last night. I'm gonna fuel up on the local caffeine and… " Martin trailed off mid-sentence. James asked if anything was wrong.
"Guess we won't have to wait much longer now."
Martin ducked into the nearest store, pretending to be interested in something on display in the window. From his vantage point, he had a clear visual on the elusive Mr. B who was just getting out of a car parked on the side street next to the coffee shop.
Mr. B looked every inch the stereotypical New England college professor, from tweed hat to corduroy jacket that sported patches on the elbows. He was shouldering the strap to a large leather satchel. Mr. B went inside the Caffeine Addict, ordered something, sat down, retrieved a notebook from his case and began writing. Martin figured they had a little time and relayed this.
At first mention of 'B', James had the front desk order him a cab, headed to their room and grabbed his "bag of tricks." By the time he was back in the lobby, the cab was just pulling up.
Martin continued to maintain surveillance while waiting for his partner. A large coffee and plate with something baked was brought over to Mr. B's table. Martin had time, but he needed to buy a little more for their plans. He crossed the street and stayed on the far side of a group of pedestrians to avoid being seen from the coffee shop window, then turned down the side street to Mr. B's car. He held his phone low to his side and took a picture of the car's plate, hitting send with his thumb.
Looking around the side street, which was devoid of activity, he spotted a home being renovated with a large open dumpster in the driveway. He wandered over and visually rummaged the contents for something he could use. A few pieces of wood had nails protruding from them. Perfect, he thought fishing out two of them before nonchalantly walking back to the parked car. He placed one piece under the driver's tire and nudged it in just enough so it stuck in the tread without rupturing the tire. Then he went around to the rear passenger wheel and placed another piece of wood on top of the tire, hammering it into the tread to secure it in place.
A cab drove past, stopping at the far end of the street. James paid the driver and walked down the street pretending to be meeting up with his friend. They shook hands by the car and gave the appearance of conversation for the benefit of the onlookers passing by. Martin fumbled and dropped his lighter when he tried to light a cigarette. He bent down to retrieve it while slapping the tracking device James had passed him under the car. Standing up, they walked to the corner next to the coffee shop and crossed over.
"Did you run the plates?" Martin asked between drags.
James nodded and showed him the info on his phone. "Car's registered to Roger Cumberland. This guy is not stupid and he's not hiding either."
Martin took the phone and opened the address on a map. He moved the pointer around and adjusted the size, then let out a laugh.
"Well isn't that interesting," Martin said. "House is a few miles from here in Ketchum, next town over."
"What's funny about that?" asked James.
"It's on Bald Mountain."
James laughed, wide-eyed. "You're shitting me."
"I shit you not. Bald. Mountain." Martin pointed to the map on screen.
"Well," James remarked, "this assignment has officially gone way past 'interesting' and has now set up residence in the 'Twilight Zone'."
"Feel like taking a drive?" Martin offered.
"What about B?" replied James.
"He should—" Martin began, then stared wide-eyed across the street trying to suppress a smile. They watched as Mr. B left with a large coffee in one hand, trying to take a bite from his pastry with the other, and adjusting the strap over his shoulder. Instantly, they both realized what was coming.
"Oh fuck…" James smirked. "Please tell me you didn't."
"Need to buy us some time. Besides," came Martin's response as he tried not to choke on his cigarette, "job perk."
They kept themselves inconspicuous while waiting for events to unfold. To this day, Martin could never have orchestrated a better performance than what they witnessed.
Mr. B put his large coffee on the roof of the car while he fumbled in his pockets for the keys. As he leaned down and opened the door, his satchel slid from his shoulder and hit the side of the car. As the coffee started to tip over, Mr. B grabbed for it and the top popped off, spilling the hot contents all over his front and inside the driver's side of the car. In his rush to grab the coffee, he dropped the pastry and his satchel landed in a puddle, splashing water all over his pants. When he bent down to grab the satchel, he smacked his head on the open drivers door window just along the edge, stood up in pain clutching at his forehead, and fell backwards over the satchel. After a few minutes of loud cursing, he grabbed for something from inside the car to begin wiping himself off. The moment he sat in the car, he immediately jumped out, slammed the door and ran into the Caffeine Addict. A moment later, he had a roll of paper towels and was wiping the driver's seat, steering wheel and interior windows. The car started and suddenly Mr. B was out again and reaching for something under the car.
James looked at Martin, alarmed. "Shit! How could he know?"
Martin shushed him and raised his finger. "Wait…"
"No, how did he—" James started to ask.
Martin shushed him again; he was really enjoying this, and even almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost.
"Nearly there… wait for it…"
Mr. B found the soggy and dented tweed hat that had fallen off his head when he hit the windshield. He got back inside, slamming the door. The parking lights went off and the car moved forward. Just as suddenly, the driver's side lurched down, and the bumper scraped the street. The brake lights flashed bright red then white as the car was put into park and Mr. B jumped out, not knowing what had happened. The tire was flat and he struggled to pull the piece of wood from it. Even from where the two stood, across the street and over the traffic, Mr. B's curses were audible as he threw the debris towards the dumpster. In his anger, he overshot the driveway and took out one of the house's new windows, to Martin's shocked glee.
Mr. B got back in the car to move it to the side of the street and the car lurched for a second time. This was punctuated by the loud scraping sounds coming from first the front and then the back of the car as the teetered between front and rear bumpers scraping the street. Sparks appeared from the rear when he tried to back the car up. Mr. B jumped out of the car, his face as red as the brake lights. He discovered the second piece of wood stuck in the back tire, screamed, and threw it intentionally at the house breaking another new window. The owner came running out in his bathrobe and the two men began screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. A crowd of pedestrians and cars began gathering to see what all the commotion was about. One man pushed on the back of Mr. B's car and made it rock like a seesaw up and down sending Mr. B into a new volley of screams as laughter came up from the crowd, some holding up their phones.
"Christ… even for you that was just god-tier," James marveled, admiring Martin's work.
"Yeah… hoooly shit, that ended up far better than I expected," came Martin's reply.
"Mhm. Never gets old. Can't buy that kind of entertainment," James agreed.
"He'll be busy for a while. Let's take a ride," said Martin.
"Hey, our job was to find him." James protested. "So… technically we're done?" Martin looked at his partner and all the humor left his features. "No. We're not. They wanted us here for a reason and we need to find out why we're involved," Martin remarked soberly. "Plus, B needs to be contained before he's detained." Martin pointed with his thumb to the police car arriving at the scene.
"Shit, you're right," came James' reply.
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2020.04.06 11:14 NiallFish Best buy hidden camera detector

I have listed every title of every unus annus video. couldn't find a list anywhere so I made one. top to bottom = oldest to newest
Enjoy :)
144 videos

  • unus annus
  • Cooking with sex toys
  • Purging our sins with a neti pot
  • Hot dog’d to death
  • Making our own sensory deprivation tank
  • The good kind of cupping
  • The bad kind of cupping
  • The worst kind of cupping
  • Ethan will be kicked in the balls
  • Doing each others makeup in the dark
  • Baby hands operation
  • Mark and Ethan summon a ghost
  • 2 truths and 1 lie -- waxing edition
  • Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise…)
  • Play-doh thanksgiving
  • Helium therapy
  • Drawing memes from memories
  • 1 man 100 accents
  • An A.I. predicts how we’re going to die
  • Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond
  • The chubby gummy challenge
  • We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React To It
  • Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room
  • Ethan destroys marks van with a bat
  • There’s still hope
  • Ethan gives mark a viking funeral
  • The great meat mistake
  • Acupuncture is NOT painful
  • Floating in a real sensory deprivation tank
  • Mark Reviews The Impossible Burger But There’s a Looming Sense of Impending Doom
  • We Made Nude paintings of each other
  • You Made Beautiful Music for The Barrel... But Only One Could Win
  • We had to drink each other’s pee
  • Ethan explores mark’s haunted basement
  • Giving away our 1,000,000 subscribers gold play button
  • Ethan’s relaxing and totally normal nail salon
  • Taped and afraid
  • What’s the most painful thing we’ve ever endured?
  • Donating toys to charity w/JackSepticEye
  • Harnessing our dogs’ unlimited energy
  • Santa’s mukbang (drinking 1 gallon of eggnog)
  • Forcibly turning mark into Santa Claus against his will
  • Preserving ourselves in wax
  • Beating inanimate objects to death
  • Emotional pain vs physical pain… which is worse?
  • Duct Tape Crucifixion (Amy, Please Don't Watch This Video)
  • You blink you lose
  • 2 grown men attempt the presidential fitnesses test
  • We took the polar plunge
  • Hiding our sins from Amy’s holy peepers
  • We eat bugs
  • DIY bungee jump (please don’t try this)
  • We Have The BEST Thumbnails on YouTube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise
  • Who can make themselves taller?
  • The sensory overload tank
  • Recreating ourselves as cursed mannequin
  • We took an IQ test
  • Ethan finally becomes a MAN
  • Mark and Ethan go casket shopping
  • We take a lie detector test to uncover our darkest sins
  • Learning to breathe underwater
  • Fixing Mark's Hole with Ramen but Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God
  • Mark steals Ethans face
  • You breath you die
  • 2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa
  • DIY geriatric simulator
  • This is how we’ll die…
  • We cryogenically freeze ourselves
  • This is what being tased feels like
  • What happens when a youtube channel dies?
  • Bad bad beans
  • We Hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyse Our Darkest Dreams
  • We turned our bodies into art
  • Mark and Ethan learn about the human body
  • Mark punishes Ethan
  • Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death
  • DIY cheese
  • Hacking the very fabric of the universe
  • Looking at long lost memes
  • Discovering the secret to eternal life
  • Turning mark into an E-boy
  • Ethan redefines male beauty
  • Professional fire cupping (going even further beyond)
  • An extremely sour, not-at-all sour meal
  • Literally eating fire
  • Unregulated axe throwing
  • Literally laying on literal broken glass
  • Making an indoor tornado to flex on Mother Nature
  • Nutball: the most dangerous game
  • Becoming a master of mime
  • Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other but It's Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha
  • Are we already dead?
  • Our perfect (and last) valentine’s day
  • Drunk college party simulator
  • 10 Strange Amazon Products Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn't Know How to Spend Money Responsibly
  • Chickens teach us about life and death
  • 3 big boys attempt the king’s royal fitness test
  • Being attacked by a fully trained bodyguard dog
  • Learning the ancient art of Chinese archery
  • The ultimate trolley problem
  • Goat yoga
  • Edible slime was a mistake
  • Granting access into heaven’s sweet gates
  • Long hair, do we dare?
  • We wrote a hit pop song in 30 minutes
  • Mark and Ethan go on a “Drum Date”
  • Blowing our souls into some hot glass
  • Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On
  • Nutball Extreme: taser edition
  • REAL ghost hunting at an abandoned zoo
  • We bought a camera that can look inside us
  • Becoming the world’s greatest DJs
  • Who can teach their dog a trick the fastest?
  • Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death
  • DIY chiropractor
  • Mark and Ethan get into a fight
  • The Barrel - Official music video
  • We got pepper sprayed
  • We give each other tattoos blindfolded
  • What does astrology say about our friendship?
  • Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat)
  • Mark Needs To Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him
  • 2 idiots get crushed by 18-foot giant snakes
  • Beer sauna: turning a portable sauna into a portable hell
  • Mark and Ethan hunt the world’s most wanted criminals
  • Unusual annus carves the roast beast
  • 5 weird apps that predicted our death
  • We tried labor pain simulator
  • Recreating the miracle of childbirth
  • Mark and Ethan are now fathers
  • We force James Charles to run a military obstacle course
  • Desperately trying to not touch our faces
  • Reddit 50/50: two player edition
  • Going on an internet scavenger hunt
  • Having an Adventure In VR Chat Because We Can't Go Outside
  • Amazon shopping for the apocalypse
  • Whom would eat whomst first in a zombie apocalypse
  • Ultimate YouTube boxing showdown
  • The deep end of omegle: risky boogaloo
  • Where in the world is unus annus?
  • Mark builds a pillow fort for the very first time
  • Mark’s 1 weird talent leaves Ethan absolutely speechless
  • Wikifeet: a tale of 2 tootsies
  • We made every YouTube battle in the hunger games
submitted by NiallFish to UnusAnnus [link] [comments]


2020.03.27 06:59 Lloiu Someone is breaking into my house and cleaning my dishes when I'm not home

It was the first apartment I had ever lived in on my own. I had lived with my parents for a few years out of college and then with a string of roommates in various apartments throughout the country. Some of my roommates were amazing, some…less so. But, I had recently found a job in my field which paid incredibly well and that meant I could finally be on my own. No need to worry about whose turn it was to wash dishes, no late nights trying to sleep as my roommate and his girlfriend went at it like rabbits in the next room. I could eat cereal naked if I wanted and no one could tell me not to. It was finally time to put the roommate days behind me and bask in unadulterated freedom.
​ The apartment was in a relatively old complex built back in the 70’s from what the landlord told me. But despite the age of the apartment, it looked fairly modern and well-kept. The appliances were only a couple years old, the walls freshly-painted and spotless, the lights all upgraded to LED. The only thing that really screamed 1970’s was the carpet. It was the shaggiest brown shag carpeting I had ever seen in my life. It certainly wasn’t what I’d have chosen. It was, frankly, ugly as sin. But it was clean and hey, silver lining, gave my place a little character.
​ So I moved in. Over the course of a week, I transformed that empty apartment into a proper home for myself. It was almost overwhelming living alone. When you’re living with other people, you have to take everyone’s thoughts and ideas on how to decorate into consideration. But in my own place, I could do whatever I wanted. I practically wallpapered the walls with posters of schlocky B movies: Sleepaway Camp 2, Black Belt Jones, Return of the Living Dead, Teenagers from Outer Space, the list goes on. I got to play my music over real speakers instead of in my headphones. I went to the bathroom with the door wide open. Do you realize how freeing that is? I was in bliss for a solid two weeks. Then something weird happened.
​ As far as living habits go, I’m a fairly tidy person. I keep my bathroom spotless, I keep my clothes in the closet and not on the floor, I vacuum and I change the trash regularly. But for whatever reason, my tidying habits don’t quite extend to food. Look, I do my best to keep everything nice and presentable, but after I eat, it’s like all the energy and will to do anything just kind of evaporates. So it’s not uncommon for a messy plate or half-drunk cup or some candy and chip bags to get left on the coffee table for a couple of days before I summon up the will to clean them. I know it’s a weird weak spot for an otherwise tidy person, but sue me. It’s not a crime.
​ But I’m proud to say I stayed on the food trash. I cleaned up as soon as I was done. I did my best to keep that apartment pristine. And I was successful. For a few weeks. Then on a particularly fun Sunday night, I treated myself to a mini feast of the junkiest of junk food and a Back to the Future marathon. I downed a big ol’ double bacon cheeseburger, fries, a couple beers, chips, ice cream, some Twizzlers. It was a completely irresponsible meal, but I didn’t care. I was an adult with a full-time job and his own place. It was my right to eat like an 8 year old kid at a slumber party from time to time. I woke up the next morning on my couch. I hadn’t even made it to my bedroom. I was greeted to quite the mess on my coffee table. Empty cartons, bags, beer cans and a messy ice cream bowl. I would have cleaned them up then, but I had to get to work. So I broke my cleaning streak, got dressed and left for work.
​ This is where things get weird. After a fairly great day at work and a quick workout at the gym, I got home and the first thing on my list was to clean up my mess from the night before. Except when I walked into the living room, there was no mess. The food wrappers, candy bags, ice cream carton, they’re gone. The only things left on the table are my ice cream bowl and the spoon I used. And they’re spotless. Completely clean, practically shining. I felt a little chill roll up my spine. Who did this? Who was in my apartment?
​ I did a thorough sweep of my place. My windows were locked, my door wasn’t forced open. I checked every room and nothing was missing. I figured if someone was going to break into my apartment, they’d at least grab the PlayStation. And they sure as hell wouldn’t clean up my mess. I eventually convinced myself I must have cleaned up and just forgotten. It wouldn’t have been the first time I forgotten that I had done something. But if I did clean up, why were the bowl and spoon still there? Why would I have brought them back to the coffee table?
But ultimately I just shrugged it off. It was a little weird, but I honestly must have just forgotten that I cleaned it up. And for another week, there were no incidents. I kept my apartment clean of food waste like a responsible adult. Then one morning, I was halfway through a bowl of oatmeal and a pineapple fruit cup when I got a call from work. They needed me in an hour early. So I dropped what I was doing and got ready for work, leaving my breakfast unfinished. Then it was another decent day at work, a little hike in the hills to distress from the day and back to the apartment.
I had almost forgotten the incident from a week earlier. Almost. And then when I walked into my living room, it came roaring back into my head. My half-eaten bowl of oatmeal was empty and completely clean, the spoon nestled inside and equally free of oatmeal. And the fruit cup was gone. Again, I went on another thorough sweep of my house. Windows locked, door intact. Nothing was missing. As far as I could tell, no one had been in my apartment except me.
​ But this time I wasn’t so quick to buy it. I knew I hadn’t cleaned anything. I didn’t have time. And yet my mess was gone. Then I thought about the fruit cup. It was missing. So I checked the kitchen trash. Empty. Bathroom trash too. I basically turned my apartment upside down looking for that damn fruit cup. But I didn’t find it. It hadn’t just been tidied away. It wasn’t in my apartment. And I hadn’t carried it with me, I was certain. At that point I was convinced someone was getting into my apartment.
​ I gave a quick call to my landlord and asked him if he had been tidying up around the place. He said he hadn’t. In fact, apparently he’s not even legally allowed to go into my apartment without my permission. Then I thought it might be a neighbor. Unlikely. The apartment to my left was vacant and the tenant on the other side was out of town for a few weeks. But still, maybe someone in the building was getting their kicks breaking in and playing maid. People can be weird.
I decided to play it safe and made a run to the local hardware store. I grabbed some alarms for the windows and door. They were the fancy kind that connected to a phone app to let you know if the alarm had gone off. I also picked up a carbon monoxide detector just in case. I’ve heard carbon monoxide leaks can really mess with your head, make you do things without you realizing.
​ When I got back, I alarmed every window and the front door to my apartment. I installed the carbon monoxide detector too. It read clean, no leaks. And with my work done, I went to sleep.
The next morning, I had a plate of eggs and bacon and a nice tall glass of orange juice and purposefully left them exactly where they were. That day at work was a little nerve-wracking. The work itself was fine, but I kept going back to my phone, opening the alarm app, expecting it to go off. But it didn’t. My entire shift went by without incident.
That day I didn’t bother with hiking or the gym. I booked it straight home. If the alarm hadn’t gone off, maybe the mess would still be there. Maybe I might catch whoever was doing it. Once I got home I was in such a hurry, I forgot to disarm the alarm through my app and a shrill tone blared, scaring the hell out of me. I quickly turned it off through my phone and shut the door. Then I walked into my living room.
​ The plate was clean. The glass was clean. The knife and fork were clean. At that moment, I’m not sure if I was terrified or pissed off. Somehow someone was getting into my apartment, past my alarms and cleaning my dishes. It was the weirdest violation of personal space I had ever experienced. Who the hell breaks into an apartment just to clean it? Why would you do that? And how would someone mentally imbalanced enough to do something like that somehow also be capable enough to Ocean’s 11 themselves into my apartment to do it?
​ It was at that point that I was convinced it was my landlord. He was the only one who had a key. If anyone could get past the alarms, he might be able to. I was tempted to call him right then and there, accuse him of being a liar and a head case. But that wouldn’t help anything. He would just deny it and it’s not like I had any proof it was him. And what if it wasn’t? No need to piss off the guy who owned my apartment. It’s where I live after all.
​ I decided at that point that I needed more than alarms. If I was going to put an end to this nonsense, I’d need to catch him in the act. So off I went and purchased a little spy camera, the kind that record to an SD card. Once I got back to my apartment, I went about setting the thing up. It took a little bit of time fiddling around with it and consulting the manual, but eventually I got it to work. Then I spent the next half hour finding the best hidden vantage point I could for the little thing. Once I was satisfied, I plopped myself down, binged a few episodes of Brooklyn 99 and fell asleep on the couch.
​ The next morning, I sprung my plan into action. I went straight to the kitchen and grabbed a ton of stuff from my fridge and cabinets and carried it all to the living room. I left a huge mess: Open yogurt cups, opened bags of chips, a half dozen cups and mugs filled with milk and juice and coffee, a bunch of plates and silverware smeared with cream cheese and peanut butter. If my landlord wanted to clean up after me, I’d leave him tons to do. Then I got dressed, turned my little spy cam on and left for work.
​ That day of work was even more tense than the previous one. I kept checking my alarm app, kept getting lost in thought, nearly made costly mistake on a form that I caught just in time. And once work was over, I was in my car and speeding home. When I got there, I had the presence of mind to turn off the alarm before I opened the door.
​ And just like every time before, the mess was gone. The plates and cups and silverware were sparkling clean. The bags of chips and the cups of yogurt were gone. I didn’t even bother to be scared at that point. I almost jumped over the coffee table to get to the spy cam. I grabbed it from its hiding place and ejected the SD card, then ran into my room. I sat at my desk and turned on my laptop, inserting the SD card. Once the laptop was booted, I was able to access the card and pull up the video. And this is what I saw.
My own face filled the screen, checking that the camera was on. I gave the lens a couple taps, backed away and then after a couple seconds, turned and left the apartment. Then the apartment was still. Nothing out of the ordinary. I kept expecting some weird, disheveled hobo to materialize at the window any second, but everything was quiet. Eventually I realized I couldn’t just sit there and watch the footage in real time, so I sped it up. The timestamp at the bottom of the screen raced forward, one hour turning into two, two hours turning into three and yet nothing happened. Hour after hour sped by and not a single thing was happening. I was about to lose hope when suddenly, there was a slight change in the footage. I almost didn’t catch it, but the bottom of the screen seemed to…shift back and forth. It could have just been a problem with the camera, but I clicked the play button anyway, bringing the footage up to normal speed.
At first, I didn’t notice anything different. My apartment was as lifeless as it had been the entire video. And then I saw it. It was barely noticeable at first, but as time went on, it became more and more apparent. The floor of my apartment began to move. The ugly, brown shag carpet rustled back and forth in waves, like a field of wheat blowing in the wind. Soon, the entire living room floor was alive with movement, the shag carpet undulating and pulsating rhythmically.
​ And then the carpet began to grow. My skin broke out in goose bumps as I watched my shag carpet begin to sprout, like a time lapse of growing grass. The brown, coarse fibers rose up from the floor, flicking and prodding at the air, snaking around the legs of my coffee table, feeling their way around my apartment. Eventually it no longer resembled carpet. My living room floor was a teeming mass of wriggling tendrils. They climbed up the walls, creeping over posters of Chopping Mall and Troll 2, blanketing my couch and more importantly, slithering all over my coffee table.
I watched in horror as the fibrous tentacles of the carpet made their way to the banquet of food I had left on the table. And the second the shaggy little fibers reached the first peanut butter-covered plate, the entire beastly thing erupted in movement. Where the tendrils had been slow and methodical in their search of my apartment, they now became frenzied, wrapping themselves around my dishes and silverware. They slithered into the mugs and glasses, constricted around the bags of chips and yogurt cups, crushing them and dragging them down into the wriggling mass on the floor. Eventually, I couldn’t even see the coffee table. It was just a pulsing mass of brown carpet, heaving to and fro, like a grizzly bear huffing and puffing on my apartment floor. It lurched up and down, side to side, shaking violently.
Less than a minute had gone by since the start of its frantic feeding when all off a sudden the entire mass stopped. A few moments passed when the carpet shuddered, shaking like a dog after a bath. Then slowly and surely it began to detangle, the shaggy vines retracting back into the floor, the entire macabre spectacle playing out again in reverse as the long strands of carpet withdrew from the walls, the furniture and the coffee table and shrank back to the floor until the entire scene was once again still, silent and undisturbed. And in the middle of the coffee table sat my dishes: Pristine, clean and empty. All the trash and every scrap of food was gone, lost in the ugly, brown carpet.
I clicked the pause button and let the scene wash over me. I developed an acute case of the shakes and my jaw worked itself up and down, trying to form words for a fear I couldn’t express. Then my eyes drifted down from the screen in front of me to the ugly, brown shag carpet underneath me. And I was out of there. I grabbed my laptop and sprinted out of the apartment like it was on fire. I’m not even sure I locked the door.
That was today. I’m writing this from a Best Western. I’ve left several terrified calls to my landlord, but I haven’t heard back from him. I decided to just write this all out, try to do something productive until my landlord gets back to me. At this point, I have no clue what I’m going to do. But I know I can’t go back to that apartment. Not anymore. All I can do is sit, wait and pray that when I go to sleep tonight, that monster in the floor isn’t waiting for me in my dreams.
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2020.01.22 09:38 Rocknocker DEMOLITION DAYS Part 72

Continuing.
People, especially Gringos, were nervier back then. They were more hurried. They didn’t want to wait and were loath to give out any personal information. It didn’t bother me, as long as I received some top-flight cigars. I ordered 4 boxes, paid in full, and gave my hotel information. Then, we all hit the town and I promptly forgot about the cigars.
I can guarantee you the cigars were waiting at the front desk of our hotel early the next morning.
Thus was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Martín and I sit in his smoking room, going over old and new times. A bottle of tequila appears and Martín insists on me joining him in a couple of celebratory shots before dinner. I hated to do it, but I declined. Tequila and I do not have the best of past histories; in fact, one could say it was downright antagonistic.
Martín fires off some .50 caliber Spanish, and a bottle of chilled Russia vodka appears.
“Disculpe, Dr. Rock”, he explains, “I forget. You are vodka aficionado. Por favor.”
Of course, I couldn’t turn down his hospitality twice.
After a few toasts, Martín barks some orders to his crew and we head out for the evening.
“Not to worry”, Martín assures me, “They’ll lock up once they finish your cigars.”
I asked him if it was causing any problem getting my cigars across the border and to my hotel.
“No, señor”, he explains, “There are several courier services. They are cheap and reliable. I use one or two and have never had a problem.”
“Good” I reply, “I don’t want your people missing dinner just because of me.”
We both have a good chuckle, hail a cab, and head to Los Arctos, the best seafood house in town.
Normally, I’d be leery about ordering seafood in a landlocked town. But Martín assures me they receive their supplies flown in daily from the coast. He guarantees me that I’ll like their food and selection.
The place is quite busy, but with Martín being a local and regular, we were seated at a table within minutes. Drink orders were taken and I was having my usual when Martín asked what that was.
“Vodka, sour citrus, lime and ice”, I replied, “I call it ‘A Rocknocker’”.
Martín claps his hands in delight. He gives the high sign to our waiter that he’d like one as well.
Well, one turned into several over the course of dinner. First, amuse-gueule while we perused the menus. Then the appetizer course, soup, salad, main course, and afters.
Good lord, it was a heavenly repast. In huge, terribly high-quality amounts.
I had the Pompano en papel, which was a filet of Pompano prepared in a parchment bag. In the bag, they added all sorts of herbs and spices along with shrimp, scallops, and crab. This was either steamed or baked and served closed to the table. The waiter made a big deal out of opening the bag to let the steam escape. He then shoveled it out onto my plate with new potatoes and steamed green vegetal matter of some sort.
It was extraordinary.
Martín had a stuffed flounder that could have doubled for a saddle blanket. It slopped over all sides of the plate and was itself stuffed with crab and prawns.
He declared it “¡Delicioso!”
I begged off the dessert course, even though they could have used a draft pony to drag in the dessert cart; it was that big. All sorts of local sweeties, including the light and fluffy tres leches cake along with the more usual cheesecake concoctions, and chocolate and vanilla mousses.
I opted for another cocktail and one of Martín’s custom cigars. Martín ordered the Bananas Foster, I think as much for the tableside show as the taste.
I paid for dinner as Martín protested. I tried to explain that I was chalking this all up under ‘business expenses’, but he insisted on buying the first few rounds on our upcoming cantina crawl.
“Fair enough”, I said, as I paid the tab and left a 20% tip.
Martín went ballistic telling me that was far too much. He picked up half of the tip and stuffed it into the pocket of my vest. I made certain to accidentally drop it back on the table as Martín went off to retrieve our sombreros from the hat-check girl.
The night progressed as a series of cab rides from bar to pub to tavern. Martín was determined to show me all the great hangouts in Juarez and get me to sample each of their house specialty drinks. I instead opted to stay with my potato juice and citrus concoction, interspersed with the occasional light Mexican lager.
One has to stay hydrated, you know.
It was getting late, meaning it was getting early. Martín was rapidly becoming happy as a newt. I was noting that I should probably begin thinking of drifting back across the border and to my hotel.
At the World Famous Kentucky Club, Martín was beginning to get the nods. I figured it was time to call it a night; or morning, and directed him outside. After I cleared our not inconsiderable tab, I hailed a cab for us.
Martín is known by everyone in Juarez, so the cab driver assured me he’d get him home safely. The $20 bill I gave him assured that this would happen. First, though, he needed to drop me off at the border.
It was surprisingly busy at the border, even at this wee hour, mostly semi-trailer trucks, so the cabbie could only get me to within three or so blocks.
“No worries, I can walk”, I told him, after making certain the address he gave me for Martín matched the card Martín had given me earlier in the evening.
Thus sorted, I bade Martín a good evening, he grinned deviously back to me, and I told the cabbie to be gentle.
I walked up the road to the border. It was dark, quiet, and sparsely lit. I wasn’t concerned about any trouble. I’ve been in Mexican border towns countless times before and apart from being caught in that late-night tornado in Piedras Negras, never had a lick of trouble.
I’m walking toward the border bridge, past a dark alley when I hear a disembodied voice call: “Pssst. Señor”.
I stopped, looked around, but didn’t see anyone.
Out of the shadows appears this little Peter Lorre-type. He saunters up to me and asks if I’m American.
“Yes, I am”, I replied, “Why?”
“Oh, señor”, he is almost wailing, “This is a box of medicine for my seester in El Paso. Could you take it with you and leave it at the Peace Park, under the second bench, near the fountain? My cousin will pick it up then.”
He’s holding a shoebox covered in rough brown butcher paper. It’s taped, tied with twine, and very well sealed.
“What's in the box”, I ask, “In case the border patrol asks.”
“Oh, señor”, he sniffles, “Es only medacaments for my other seester. I have to go back to her and can’t go to El Paso tonight. Could you help?”
“Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck?” I thought.
I was going to decline, but he was so shifty and nervous, I said “Sure”.
“But it’s going to cost you,” I added.
“Oh, Señor, it is but a small box and we are but poor people…” he continued.
The WOW! of a wristwatch he was wearing belied his statements.
“Fifty bucks US”, I said, “Or I walk.”
Gringo pendejo”, he mutters and slips back into the darkness.
I sort of double-timed it to the bridge and back across to welcoming US soil.
I grabbed a cab, got to my hotel, and made certain my .454 was still where I left it. It would sleep next to me on the nightstand that night.
After a shower the next morning, I get some road chow as I still feel full from last night’s dinner with Martín. Good as his word, my cigars were waiting for me at the hotel’s front desk. It’s good to have friends in weird places.
Loaded up and back on the road, it’s a dogleg right and head straight up Highway 25. This is one of the navigationally easiest trips I’ve ever undertaken.
Up through Las Cruces and past Truth or Consequences; that oddly named burg. A few hours later, I wheeled into Socorro and the New Mexico Bureau of Mines and Mineral Resources; New Mexico Tech. It’s been literally decades since I first fell in here, but I dropped by to see if there was anyone I knew milling about.
Unfortunately, most everyone in the geology department had moved on to greener pastures or they were out in the field. I wasn’t expecting much more but felt a bit distressed that Dr. Don wasn’t around. Oh, well. I left a message for him to call me on my satellite phone if he returned before I left the general area.
So, back on the road, headed north to Albuquerque. I was going to meet my counterpart at the Department of the Inferior’s Conservation Division. They were stick-handling the Southwest US Abandoned Mine Land (AML) Program; which was the template used by all southwestern states.
They had already completed the necessary paperwork for us to go into these mines, make our determinations, and do the necessary work as outlined above. Considering in New Mexico alone there are over 7,500 old abandoned mines, this is not an inconsiderable problem or project.
In New Mexico, there are 10-15 fatalities a year associated with old abandoned mines, Arizona and Colorado the numbers are 15-20, and Nevada tops out at near 30 per year. Post all the signs you like, lock them up, weld them shut, use concrete, or bar the entrance; people will still disregard the dangers, rip them down, and plunge in headlong to their demise.
Hazardous abandoned mine problems include open shafts and horizontal openings resulting from underground mining and unstable vertical cliff-like highwalls, dangerous water bodies, rusting machinery, bad air, mold growth, and defective explosives from surface mines. Many of these hazards are the result of mining that occurred many years ago - some before 1900. There is nothing of value left in abandoned mines; that's why they were abandoned.
Some of the more exciting death-dealing disasters that awaiting those ignoring the signs and the law are:
Bad Air
"Bad air" is one of a miner's greatest fears. While most dangers are obvious, air containing poisonous gases or insufficient oxygen cannot be detected until too late. Poisonous gases accumulate in low areas (‘death gulches’) and along the floor. Walking into these low spots causes the good air above to stir up the bad air below, producing a potentially lethal mixture.
Another aspect of bad air is found when exploring mine shafts. While descending into a shaft may be relatively easy, climbing out may prove to be very dangerous. Climbing produces a level of exertion that causes a person to breathe deeper than normal. This increases the level of noxious gases being inhaled. This may result in dizziness, unconsciousness, and possibly death. Furthermore, even if the gases prove to be non-lethal, they may cause the victim become dizzy or disoriented and fall while climbing.
Standing water absorbs many gases. These gases will remain in the water until disturbed such as when a person while through it. As the gases are released, they rise behind the walker where they remain as an unseen danger when the person retraces his steps.
Gasp.
Mine damp (mine gas)
Mine gas, any of various harmful vaporus produced during mining operations. The gases are frequently called damps (German Dampf “vapour”).
Firedamp is a gas that occurs naturally in coal seams. The gas is nearly always methane (CH4) and is highly inflammable and explosive when present in the air in a proportion of 5 to 14 percent.
White damp, or carbon monoxide (CO), is a particularly toxic gas; as little as 0.1 percent can cause death within a few minutes. It is a product of the incomplete combustion of carbon and is formed in coal mines chiefly by the oxidation of coal, particularly in those mines where spontaneous combustion occurs.
Black damp is an atmosphere in which a flame lamp will not burn, usually because of an excess of carbon dioxide (CO2) and nitrogen in the air.
Stinkdamp is the name given by miners to hydrogen sulfide (H2S) because of its characteristic smell of rotten eggs. Invariably fatal in concentrations above 800 ppm (LD50). At lower concentrations, (150 ppm) kills olfactory response so you can’t smell what’s sneaking up to kill you.
Afterdamp is the mixture of gases found in a mine after an explosion or fire.
Gag.
Adit and Collar Cave-ins
An adit is a horizontal mine opening, as opposed to a raise or winze, which can be just as deadly.
Adit entrances can be especially dangerous because weathered rock deteriorates over time.
Cave-ins are unpredictable. Often, areas most likely to cave-in are the hardest to detect. Minor disturbances like the vibrations from footsteps or speaking can cause cave-ins. The sudden crush of falling earth produces either serious injury or instant irreversible death. Perhaps even more terrifying is being trapped behind a cave-in with little or no chance of rescue; in effect being buried alive.
Bummer.
Radon
Radon is a natural radioactive decay product and is known to be a factor in some lung cancers. Radon can accumulate in high concentrations in poorly ventilated mines.
Too much Radon you’ll end up in a krypton.
Wildlife, aka, ‘critters’.
Rattlesnakes, bears, mountain lions, non-rattling snakes, rats, bats, spiders, scorpions, Survivalists, venomous centipedes, defrocked mining engineers, millipedes, lice, mites, myriapods, ticks, tocks, hard knocks, and other wildlife frequent old mine sites.
Roar.
Disorientation
There is no natural light inside mine workings. Many workings meander randomly because the miners who dug them followed an ore vein. It is easy to become lost and disoriented in a maze of mine workings, especially if lighting equipment fails.
Dis-orient-tate: removal of your Oriental tuber.
Mine Fires (does yours?)
Mine fires create surface hazards in abandoned coal mine areas. As fires burn within the seam, fissures can open to the surface delivering deadly gasses into the atmosphere. The area around the fissure may not be capable of supporting the weight of a human and may collapse into the burning coal or the mine void.
Centralia, PA. Literally a hot time in the old-town tonight.
Falling
There are other numerous ways to get injured by falling at an abandoned mine. Some are obvious, such as falling off a highwall or down a shaft. Others are not so evident.
Ladders made of wood can have broken and decayed rungs as well as rusted nails. Some can even collapse from dry rot under their own weight. Metal ladders are not any better as their anchors are often broken or placed in unstable rock. Stepping on the ladder may cause it and the entire shaft to collapse. All ladders in disused mines are fucking dangerous!
Mine tunnels frequently have shafts in them that are covered with boards, i.e., false floors. These timbers may be hidden under dirt, fallen rock or other debris. The weight of a person on these old boards might cause them to collapse without warning, sending the victim tumbling deep into the shaft.
Bouncy ouch.
Loose Rock
Rock degrades over time by being exposed to air and water. Loose rocks can fall at any time and cause serious head injuries or complete mine collapse.
Smack.
Dynamite
Even experienced miners hesitate to handle old explosives. They realize the ingredients in explosives will deteriorate with age and can detonate at the slightest touch; especially older nitroglycerine/filler (Kieselguhr, Diatomaceous Earth, sawdust, etc.) dynamite. Many abandoned mines contain old explosives left behind when the operations closed down. Innocent looking sticks and blasting caps are potential killers.
Not for the uninitiated. Leave it to the pros. Especially the Motherfucking pro from Dover
Big badda-boom.
Structures
The structures around abandoned mine sites gradually deteriorate and at best can be extremely hazardous. Going into old buildings or climbing on old structures can be very dangerous as they may collapse.
Splat.
The best idea when or if you find an abandoned mine? Stay the mothering fuck out.
But people are generally inquisitive, meddlesome, and stupid, so they don’t. Then they croak from all sorts of foolish, hilarious, and entertaining methods [see above].
At that juncture, other less-stupid folks have to go in and drag their deceased, damaged, and destroyed carcasses out back into the bright sunlight, thus endangering more people. It’s just plain fucking stupid to fuck around in or around an abandoned mine; particularly if you’re untrained, don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, or just plain fucking nosy.
I’m ridiculously well trained, know what I’m doing, and still am extremely uneasy going into these old death traps.
The amount of gear I carry to fend off some of the more defendable terrors when I’m called to venture into these deathtraps weigh me down: mold detectors, scintillation badges for NORM (Naturally Occurring Radioactive Materials), double lights with back-up and treble spare batteries, first aid kit, oxygen re-breather, H2S, CO2, CO, and CH4 monitor, ropes, carabiners, Estwing geological hammers, hardhat sombrero, gloves, a few pitons, camera, sample bags, smoke bombs for mapping air flow, Fluorescein dye tabs (for tracing water flow), ELF radio in case of severe trouble, maybe a cigar or two (not recommended), water-resistant matches, and a sheath knife.
Some retards carry sidearms into abandoned mines in case they come across some of the toothier inhabitants that take up residence. Mountain lions, bears, pumas, skunks, badgers, catamounts, huge pack rats, cougars, raccoons, panthers, bats, feral dogs, and cats…not only might they be rabid, but corking off a few rounds deep underground in a shaky hole is just not a terribly good idea.
Many abandoned mines are home to bats. Lots of bats. Bats shit a lot. Lots of bats shit a hell of a lot. Piles of batshit, while crazy, are called guano. Histoplasmosis is a disease associated with guano. The disease primarily affects the lungs and can be life threatening, particularly to those with a weakened immune system. It is transmitted when a person inhales spores from a fungus that grow on bat droppings.
I my own self suffer from Potential Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrome (POHS).
Seriously.
Potential Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrome is an eye disease caused by the spread of spores of the fungus Histoplasma capsulatum from the lungs to the eye where they lodge in the choroid (a layer of blood vessels that provides blood and nutrients to the retina).
There the spores cause fragile, abnormal blood vessels to grow underneath the retina. These abnormal blood vessels form a lesion known as choroidal neovascularization (CNV). If left untreated, the CNV can turn into scar tissue and replace the normal retinal tissue in the macula (the central part of the retina that provides sharp central vision. If these abnormal blood vessels grow toward the center of the macula, they may affect a tiny depression called the fovea. Damage to the fovea and the cones can severely impair, and even destroy, straight-ahead vision. Since the syndrome rarely affects side or peripheral vision, the disease does not cause total blindness.
I probably contracted this decades and decades ago when I was an amateur spelunking in Baja Canada.
It was cured with several interocular injections.
I don’t recommend it.
Bats can be rabid. That’s not a fun disease by any means. Hydrophobia means you can’t even drink Budweiser.
Decomposing guano can emit high levels of toxic gasses, like CO, H2S, SO2, and since most are heavier than air, colorless and tasteless; you wander into a hollow full of these gases, you die from asphyxiation.
Bat guano also contains saltpeter, KNO3. Inhaled KNO3 causes mucous membrane and olfactory irritation and inflammation. High levels can interfere with the ability of the blood to carry oxygen causing headaches, fatigue, dizziness, and cyanosis (methemoglobinemia).
Higher levels can cause trouble breathing, collapse, and even death. Water contaminated with KNO3 causes your kidneys to go on vacation as it fucks with the fluid-retention levels of blood and blood sera. Anecdotal evidence from the military also notes that saltpeter can make your dick fall off.
Then there’s Hantavirus. This is a charming little adjunct to the air of many abandoned mines thanks to mice, voles, pack rats and other vermin like members of the Westboro Baptist Church.
Hantavirus is an RNA virus in the family Hantaviridae, of the order Bunyavirales. These virii normally infect rodents but do not cause disease in them.
Humans may become infected with hantaviruses through contact with rodent urine, saliva, or feces, particularly when aerosolized. Some strains cause potentially fatal diseases in humans, such as hantavirus hemorrhagic fever with renal syndrome (HFRS), or hantavirus pulmonary syndrome (HPS), also known as hantavirus cardiopulmonary syndrome (HCPS). HPS (HCPS) is a "rare respiratory illness associated with the inhalation of aerosolized rodent excreta (urine and feces) contaminated by hantavirus particles."
Breathe deep the gathering gloom…watch lights fade from every room…
Just stay the fuck out. There’s nothing in there of value and if you want to know the geology, then ask me or use your Google-er.
Finally, I arrive in Albuquerque and drive up to the Bureau of the Inferior’s New Mexico offices. The lot is secured, and as they’re expecting me, I‘m allowed ingress, park and wander into the building, to room 2500. Of course, I’ve left my sidearm locked in my truck.
I don’t need any Imperial entanglements at this point in my life.
I knock on the door and a secretary named Louise asks who I am. I provide her my ID and she remarks that I was expected and that I should please come in and take a seat. The Director and my counterpart had just stepped out for a moment and will be returning directly.
I accept a cup of coffee but pass on the pastries. I still have a cooler full of jerky, dry sausage, and road chow; I still feel a bit full from last night’s activities in Juarez.
I’m sitting there, sipping coffee, and making my obligatory notes when the door opens and in walks a suit, or the name we in the trenches use for suit-clad bureaucrats, and a youngish female of the species.
She’s shortish, youngish, and wholly unremarkable. Not someone who stands out in a crowd. That just my initial physical observations. I’m sure she’s giving me the once over gazing at my large frame, black Stetson, new horrible Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts, woolen socks, empty holster, and size-16 Vasque Trakker field boots.
Yeah, I dressed up for the initial meeting.
“Doctor Rock?” the suit asks.
“Yes, that’s me”, I reply.
“Good morning. Please, come into my office.” He continues.
We all traipse into his office, where we are asked to take a seat. I gallantly pull one away from his desk and offer it to my field counterpart.
She smiled demurely and sits.
I plop down and look around for the coffee pot. Louise enters and asks if anyone wants coffee, tea, or a pastry.
I opt for a warm-up on the coffee. Herr Suit gets tea, and my counterpart has a pastry and cup of coffee, heavy cream and sugar.
“Whoo boy,” I think, “Kiddee coffee. She’s the real woodsy-outdoorsy type”
“OK”, Herr Suit begins, “Introductions first. I’m Dr. Harold Klöten, director of the Mines and Quarries abandonment project here in the southwest. My jurisdiction covers the Four-Corners states as well as Nevada. I am an engineer by education, but have worked for the BLM, BIA, and DOI for the last 25 years.”
Fair enough. He seems like a pleasant, well-read and knowledgeable sort of chap.
He motions to me, but I defer to my wildlife counterpart. I gallantly ask her to proceed.
She begins: “I am Dr. Evana Nachimaw. My friends call me Eva. I have received a doctorate in Wildlife Biology and Conservation from the University of Montana, but I’m from Dallas. I’ve traveled in Canada, Mexico, and Central America for various different wildlife conservation and rehabilitation projects. I have been involved in projects regarding oil spills, fires, and floods as they pertain to impacts on the wildlife population.”
We all nod in approval and Dr. Klöten asks me to proceed.
“Good day. I am Doctor Rocknocker of Baja Canada and points south. Friends, as well as enemies, call me ‘Rock’. I hold degrees in petroleum geology, geophysics, and geochemistry. I’m also proud to be included in the ranks of Oil Field Trash and am a licensed and fully credentialed Master Blaster. I have been involved in various paleontological and petroleum projects in Greenland, Mongolia, Central Asia, China, Taiwan, and Russia; as well as all of North America. I tend to swear, smoke cigars and partake in the occasional drink. I am a licensed for concealed-carry of a sidearm and make a mean cocktail. I can also handle concrete, when necessary.”
With that out of the way, Dr. Klöten asks to please call him Harry. We all agree.
Over the next couple of days, we go over reams of maps and old reports noting the distribution of abandoned mines in his district. We discuss the best way to attack them that will take the greatest advantage of the 20 or so days remaining in the project.
Logistics are going to be a bitch since we’ll be driving all over the bloody Southwest. Not knowing in advance which mines will be closed with bars for bats and which will be the recipients of my tender explosive embraces, we’re just going to have to make our best guesses and plot our strategy.
Since I’m the ad hoc cartographer, I spend the night alone in the Bureau mapping out on one huge mylar sheet all the mines in Harry’s district. I am color-coding them as to primary economic minerals, i.e., gold, tin, talc, iron, manganese, silver, etc., size, age, and distance to populated areas.
I come up with a code, of sorts, that encompasses all of these variables, and I take time to add it to the legend of the map. Eight sets of symbols denote the mine type, colors denote their age, size indicated proximity to cities, towns or National or State parks, i.e., places that draw in the most people. I use different interior symbols to denote the ages of the mines in years.
I actually take the time to hand-contour the map which will highlight ‘hot spots’ of those nastiest mines. I am hoping to delineate trends. Trends based on extractive economic geology and proximity to people. Then I’ll let Eva add her data on the known distribution of different species’ bat populations. With that, we should be able to delineate developments of mines most needing closure and protection of those batty inhabitants.
Eva and Harry show up the next morning and are duly impressed with my work overnight. I explain my rationale for the maps and ask Eva to add her bat population dynamic data as an overlay. My maps are just too nice with all that geology to be besmirched with Chiropteran biological data.
As Eva adds her data, clear trends are emerging. There are bands of old mines in all four states, I had to exclude Nevada due to the size of the map and running out of Mylar.
I drag out a thick road atlas and we begin to prepare an itinerary. I suggest we begin as far afield as possible and work our way back to New Mexico. Eva says that we should do our work in a spiral pattern, starting and finish in New Mexico. Harry will be the arbiter here and it’s up to him how he wants us to proceed.
He agrees that both ideas have merit, but figures that there are just so many unknown variables, that we should begin out in southern Colorado, and tend to the few mines there we’ve identified.
Then over to Utah, and do the needful there. Down to Arizona and tend to those mines there which are needing remediation. Finally, circle back into New Mexico, where we can re-supply, re-group, and re-trench ourselves.
Since we’re both headed back to Texas, me to Houston and Eva to Dallas, we will work from the north of New Mexico down to the south, after one final meeting with Harry in Albuquerque. Once finished, as we will have a much better handle on what these mines require and the time it takes to do what is necessary, we can finish up and head home.
This is the less recursive route and what Harry and I think the best way to tackle the project.
Eva protests slightly, but I think that was more from lack of experience and a bit of trepidation of being saddled in the wilds of the southwest with a big cigar-chomping oil geologist. I assured her that I was mostly harmless and knew the region quite well. I also had many contacts in the region and that would help with logistical nightmares that crop up out in the field.
Armed with new BLM credit cards, we’d be staying in hotels when convenient, or tenting in the outback when necessary. I had all my gear, but Eva was a bit less prepared. A trip or two to some of the Albuquerque outdoors outfitters was going to be necessary for her before we hit the road.
‘Hitting the road’. Now that presents some problems. Not for me or my GMC 1-ton. I was ready to hit the dusty trail, as it were. Eva, being a novice, had rented a small, cream-colored, economy-sized car in Dallas. It wasn’t 4WD, it wasn’t possessed of high ground clearance, and it was tiny. In fact, I think with a bit of effort, she could have parked it in the bed of my truck.
She wasn’t crazy about driving all over the southwest as my passenger. I guess I couldn’t blame her. She didn’t know me from Bacchus and I wanted to smoke cigars, swear, and basically act like an oilman and have some fun through all this.
So, we reached a compromise. We’d drive apart, but not as a caravan. When we got to where the road ended, she’d have to park her little Toy-Auto and ride with me to the mine entrance. I could carry all our gear, and the explosives in the back my vehicle; including tents, coolers and the like.
“She really hasn’t given this enough forethought”, I mused.
We acquired 2-way HF radios from the Bureau to stay in touch whilst on the road. I also commandeered a midsized lockable BIA trailer, complete with identifying decals, so I could carry the non-volatile materials in the trailer. This would leave me more room for the stuff that goes BOOM in the bed and locked box of my truck.
So, one day previous to our departure, Eva went shopping with a list Harry and I had devised for her field gear. I drove over to the local armory to do a little shopping of my own.
I also had a list:
• Dynamite. 60% Herculene, Extra-Fast. 5 cases.
• Primacord. Four 300-meter spools.
• Demolition wire. Eight spools.
• Torpex. 35 pounds should be sufficient.
• C-4. Another 25, no, make that 50 pounds.
• Kinestik and HELIX binaries. 35 pounds of each.
• Safety and cannon fuse. A couple of 100-meter spools.
• Blasting caps. Instantaneous and millisecond delay. A few boxes of each.
• Back-up galvanometer. Never go into the field with just one piece of indispensable kit.
• A couple of pairs of blaster’s pliers. I always seem to lose one along the way…
• ReadySet cement and concrete tools.
• Aluminum bars and hacksaw.
• A water bowser for the trailer.
• Concrete mixing tub.
• Whatever else makes me all giddy.
First I stop off at the Bureau’s garage. They were able to hook up a trailer for me, along with a cement tub, 100# bags of quick-set cement, water bowser for making the stuff, trowels, shovels, rakes, and other implements of destruction.
They also had an assortment of U-tube channel aluminum and a power hacksaw. Since I already had a portable generator that alone would save loads of time and grunt work.
Off to the armory, after my certificates and licenses and I went through a full hour’s worth of investigation, I was lead into their sanctum sanctorum. It was like that scene with the guns from the Matrix. Shelf after shelf after shelf of high, low, and intermediate explosives. Deflagrating. Detonating. Boom boxes, that is, initiators. I picked up an old school plunger type for back-up, just in case.
Then there were the permissible explosives: Dynamite, Methyl ethyl ketone peroxide, Torpex, Hexamethylene triperoxide diamine, RDX, 1-Diazidocarbamoyl-5-azidotetrazole, PETN, Pentazenium hexafluoroarsenate, SeismoGel, CXP CycloProp(-2-)enyl Nitrate, ANFO…gad, I was like a kid in a candy store.
They quickly filled my order and after we had done all the necessary paperwork, they both inspected and loaded my truck. I got some nifty OSHA, ANSI, DOT, BLM, BIA, DOI, and GHS stickers applied to the back window of my truck’s cap.
All the boom-makers went into the metal lockbox secured to the truck’s frame, all the concrete, and building materials went into the trailer. Our personal effects like tents, luggage, and the like were in the back of Eva’s Toy-Auto or the rear of my truck.
We met back at the Bureau’s parking lot and inspected each other’s handiwork. Eva was freshly kitted out like she was going on a photo safari in the Kalahari. I looked like I just walked off the set of Hellfighters. Harry inspected both of us, shook his head, and just chuckled. We had everything and were ready to vamoose. But not before Harry mooched one of my Juarez cigars.
Gotta watch those suit-types. They can be sneaky.
As the day had dragged on, I suggested we drive as far as Cuba, New Mexico. It was more or less on the way to southern Colorado. It was a decent chunk of mileage on which to do a shakedown cruise, and besides, I wanted to go to the Cuba Café for a Diablo Sandwich and a large Dr. Pepper.
Before I left, I called and reserved two rooms at the Cuba Motel, just like all those long years ago. They actually recognized my name and were glad that I remembered them. I ordered two rooms, giving them my new Bureau credit card number and told them to ice down a few cold ones as I‘d see them in a few hours.
I explained my plan to Eva. She was a trifle miffed that she wasn’t asked for more input but agreed that when it comes to knowing this part of New Mexico, I was indeed the hookin’ bull. We made sure we were on each other’s frequency with our snazzy new 2-way radios and that Eva had the road atlas. I explained I could drive from Albuquerque to Cuba blindfolded, in the dark, during a thunderstorm.
With that, I let her go first and gave her a ten-minute head start. I sat around, just chewing the rag with Harry. He was puffing away on one of my cigars and was looking quite pleased with himself. He made sure to ask that we check in with him, with our reports, at least weekly. I assured him I had all his contact numbers and since we were going to be around some bigger towns, a fax machine certainly had to be available.
With that, I holstered my Casull, fired up a new cigar, tipped my topper to Harry, and headed out on the road once again. Up old I-25 to Bernalillo, dogleg left to NM-550, and straight on to Cuba. Couldn’t be easier.
The trailer tracked so well, I almost forget it was back there. I kept my speed down on this part of the trip, as I said, it was part of the shakedown. I didn’t want a blown trailer tire and have spilled trailer guts interfere with the exhilaration I was feeling being back home in-country once again.
I suppose I should have checked in with Eva sooner, but my radio crackles as I hear Eva calling me.
“Doctor Rock”, I hear, “Are you there?”
“Yo! Go for Rock!” I say into the radio.
“Doctor”, Eva continues, “I’m not seeing any signs that say anything about Cuba. You said it should only take two hours total and it’s been an hour already.”
“Where are you currently?” I ask.
“I’m on I-25 heading north.” Comes the reply.
“Wait one”, I say, “Let me pull over.”
“Ditz”, I think, “she’s missed the bloody turn off.”
“What town is coming up next?” I ask her.
“Rosario.” Comes the reply.
“Bloody hell”, I think.
“You’ve missed the turnoff. Turn around when you can and head south on I-25 to the NM-550 junction. Turn right and you’ll be on the road to Cuba.” I tell her.
“OK, Doctor.” She says.
“I’m nearly in Cuba. The motel is at the north end of town, on your right. I’ll meet you there. I’ll keep the radio handy in case you get lost again.” I say.
“Roger that.” She replies.
“Oh, we got us a real winner here.” I think aloud to no one in particular.
I sit on the side of the road, smoking my cigar and looking for a cold drink. I get into the cooler in the back and find a can of grape Shasta for the road.
“Throttle before bottle”, I remind myself.
Back on Highway 550, there’s little traffic. I’m just cruising along, with the 2-way radio cranked up loud, but squelched out, so I can listen to Dark Side of the Moon again. Before I know it, Cuba, New Mexico heaves into view.
I’m home again.
To be continued…
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2019.12.29 00:56 Borizon49 Hidden buy camera detector best

Diamond Casino Heist Ultimate Guide Hello everybody! The new Casino Heist has been out for over 2 weeks now and there is probably already plenty of guides about it on YT, but I've wanted to make my own guide for a while now and finally think that I have enough experience to make one. I have played the Casino Heist about 30 times now (lost count at 10) and played all the 3 different approaches with a friend, so anything I say about the finale in this guide will be doable with just 2 guys, unless I specifically say so.
Keep in mind this is not a completely flawless guide, I will keep improving and editing it whenever I learn something new. I hope this guide can help you fly through the Preps and have no problems doing the Finale.

1: The Basics
2: Vault contents
3: Approaches
4: Crew
5: General Prep Work
6: Approach specific prep
  1. Silent approach
  2. Big Con approach
  3. Aggressive approach
7: Silent Finale
8: Big Con Finale
9: Aggressive Finale
10: Tips and tricks

1: The Basics
  • First of all, do the Preps in a solo public lobby. Theres no reason not to do them in a solo public lobby since others can only affect your experience in a bad way, unlike selling MC stock where you will get a bonus for every player in the lobby. (Guide for making solo public lobbies here)
  • Of course you can do the prep missions with a friend, that way you can avoid having to go to a certain place twice in some prep missions, but it's not neccesary. If you and a friend both do your prep missions simultaneously, you will be able to do 2 Finales in 2 hours if you are experienced in doing the missions. If you don't have any friends to do the preps with, don't worry, they're all doable completely alone and shouldn't be a problem to a decent player.
  • Now for Arcade locations. Of course I have to talk about Pixel Pete's in Paleto Bay. If you plan on doing the Casino Heist multiple times for a good income of large amounts of money, invest the cash from your first couple of runs from Paleto Bay into a proper arcade. I own the Videogeddon arcade in La mesa (~1,8 million), which is the cheapest in LS, but imo the 8-bit arcade (~2,6 million) is the best since its basically on the same road as the Casino and its garage is way more accesible than the La Mesa one since over there you have to drive around to the back to get into the Garage (Always enter your arcade through the garage entrance, it saves a lot of time compared to going through the front door, into the management office and through the secret tunnel) Either way they are both viable choices, but you should forget about the other ones in LS.
  • Vehicle choice. Obviously the Oppressor Mk II is your best friend for most of the prep missions, but there are plenty other viable alternatives. The Buzzard can be spawned in directly in front of you via CEO vehicles (if you own one it's free, otherwise it costs 25k per spawn) The issue with the Buzzard is its armor. After taking a couple shots, and trust me, you will, your Buzzard will start to smoke and will then stop working within ~5 minutes. The Akula is another very viable choice, especially when looking at the fact that you will have to lose the cops a lot (the memes are true). It also has fast firing homing rockets (don't use the rocket barrage, it's useless for grinding purposes) which will also help (it has infinite (?) rockets so running out of them won't be an issue, unlike the Oppressor, which only has 20) The Hydra is another hidden gem for the prep missions, if you can fly it well that is. Keep in mind that when using bulky vehicles like Helicopters or jets, the La Mesa arcade will be even worse since you have to land on the road and walk around the back of the arcade, whilst with the oppressor you can just fly straight into the back alley.
  • Hard finales. After doing a certain approach, that approach will be locked for the next heist. After doing another heist with a different approach, the approach first used will become available again with a red skull signalizing it will be on hard. Choose your 2 favourite approaches (information about the approaches below) and do them back to back, as playing the heist on hard will of course result in the loot being worth more. Don't worry about the heist being to difficult on hard, the only differences for the 2 sneaky approaches is the amount of fingerprints during hacks and for the loud approach the improved armor will be more than enough to make the heisdt a cakewalk.
  • I recommend purchasing the keypad at the prep board and training your fingerprint hacking skills on there. Trust me, you'll want to be fast when it comes to hacking the keypads. I get the hacks done in about 15 seconds and that is usually fast enough to get all the loot I want.
2: Vault contents Alright, now for the interesting part, the vault contents. You probably know by now that Cash is the worst option. The best option in terms of money is Gold, while artwork takes significantly less time to loot. If you plan on doing the heist as a 2-man team, aim for artwork, if you are more than 2, go for gold. Forget about Cash.
So how do you influence what loot the vault contains? When doing the scoping out the vault mission, you will be able to see what the vault contains. If it's what you want, then good for you, you may leave the casino and move on to selecting the approach and crew. If however the vault contains cash or whatever loot you don't want, you can "change" the vault contents like this:
  1. Leave the camera
  2. Call Lester WHILST STILL IN THE CASINO
  3. Cancel the Casino Heist
  4. Leave the Casino and go back to your arcade
  5. Pay another 25k to start the heist again
The vault content will already be revealed. If it however still contains the unwanted loot, leave your arcade, call Lester to cancel the heist again, re-enter your arcade, start the heist for 25k again. You will then have to do the vault content mission again and if it still isn't the wanted loot, you may repeat the tactic above.
Don't worry about the 25k that you'll pay each time you restart the heist, good compared to artwork is worth about 200k more so you will have plenty of chances before losing money.
The following describes a controversial glitch that may be used to gain more loot than you're meant to, if you don't want to do this glitch, then you don't have to, but some people will obviously want to do this.
For the glitch, you need the vault to contain Gold. I would usually write this in the finale section but this may influence your decision on what loot to pick so I see this as a more fitting place to write it.
When inside the vault, the gold will be stored on several carts across the vault.
  1. Go up to one and press E to start collecting the gold.
  2. Collect every bar but stop at the last one
  3. Press right click to stop the looting whilst there is still loot on the cart
  4. Wait 2-3 seconds infront of the cart
  5. Press E to start looting again
Voila, the cart will be full with gold again and you may now collect all the bars. This can only be done once for each cart, so after "filling up the cart" once you can collect all the loot off of it without losing anything. This way you can get up to ~3,7 million worth of gold. You will be able to collect more but the rest won't be added to your total, so you might aswell stop at that amount and leave the vault.
3: Different Approaches 1: Silent and sneaky
This approach involves you sneakily going into the casino with silenced weapons, sneaking your way to the vault and then getting out undetected again. I recommend playing this with people that are willing to communicate. I'm not saying you shouldn't pick this if you have to play with randoms, just make sure they are capable of cooperating before you start the heist.
The pros of this approach are that you will have ~3:25 minutes inside the vault and that you wont get shot (hopefully) so you wont lose any loot. This approach also lets you casually empty out the secondary vault opened via the security center (more about that in the finale section)
The obvious cons are that you need to have teammates capable of cooperating so they wont rush in, alert the guards and make you lose your sanity. The detection system is also very inconsistent and things that you might think wont alert the guards will turn out to do so, sometimes.
For this approach I recommend getting the artwork loot if you are just 2 players and gold (w/o glitch) if you are more than 2
The prep missions that may be skipped for this approach are:
  1. Power drills, since the lockboxes inside the vault don't pay that much and it takes time to drill them open that can be used to loot the main contents
2: Big Con
You enter the casino in disguise and get out in disguise, making you lose no loot from being shot like in the silent approach.
First of all, USE THE GRUPPE SECHS UNIFORMS. For the gruppe sechs uniforms to becaome available, you have to photograph the security tunnel of the casino (see image below) By using the gruppe sechs outfit, you can walk straight into the vault without needing to kill anyone.

Service tunnel location
This is in my opinion the best approach since you can easily stay undetected the whole time and it leaves very little chance of failure by stupidity and gives you the full 3:25 minutes inside the vault for looting.
Recommended loot is once again Artwork for 2 people, Gold for 3-4 people.
The prep missions that may be skipped are:
  1. Patrol Routes. You will only have to kill a maximum of 2 guards and they will be near enough to pop up on your radar anyway
  2. Duggan shipments. You will kill the 2 security guards with melee since your weapons don't have stabilizers and their armor doesn't save them from melee attacks.
  3. Power drills, again, since the effort of drilling the lockboxes is not worth it most of the time
3: Aggressive
The most barebones approach involves you shooting your way through the casino and blowing the vault open. This is the easiest approach to do with randoms and can even be done with level 10s who just got their first million.
I recommend photographing the sewer entrance to shorten the way that you have to fight your way through (see image below)

Sewer location
The recommended loot is always artwork since you won't have as mcuh time in the vualt, so the faster you get all the loot the better.
The prep missions that may be skipped for this approach are:
  1. Power drills, obviously since you have less time inside the vault.
4: Crew Crew choice, seems like a hard decision, really isn't. You basically want to pick the cheapest crewmembers who give you the best hardware.
1: Gunman
Karl Abolaji. For every approach. This might seems like a stupid decision seeing as he only gives you a sawed-off shotgun or heavy revolver for the loud approach, but you will actually get an SMG aswell, which is very usuable for the loud approach. If you don't feel comfortable with just an SMG, Pick either Patrick McReary or Gustavo Mota. Packie will of course be very hard to unlock (Guide to unlocking Packie here) but he will give you a combat MG for only 8% of the cut, whilst Gustavo Mota will give you a Carbine OR Assault shotgun (with the SMG) for 9%
For Silent and Big Con, Karl will give you Micro-MPs, which are more than capable of doing their job, that being killing guards in the silent approach. For Big Con, you could actually play completely without weapons since you only need to melee 2 guards.
2: Driver
Probably the least important crewmember. Some people don't even use the getaway cars provided. So of course, pick Karim Denz. He will be able to source oyu the Sentinel Classic, which is a more than capable Car for getting to the needed places (more information about getaway in the finale section) for the smallest cut.
Of course you may choose other drivers if you want to unlock the trade price for any of the vehicles.
3: Hacker
The most important crewman. Really the only viable choice is Avi Schwartzman, who can be unlocked by destroying the 50 signal jammers spread around San Andreas (Guide for 50 jammers here) He will give you the most time in the vault (Paige is an "expert" hacker aswell but she will give you ~15 seconds less inside the vault) Don't even think about all the other hackers, the hacker is no place to cheap out.

Ideal crew layout
5: General Prep Work Alright, in this section I'll go over all the prep missions and give some tips and hints on what to do and what not to do and what vehicles work best. First of all, don't buy any of these preps for 70k, they're all somewhat easy to do and shouldn't be a problem for a solo player.
1: Untraceable weapons
This mission is be annoying but also easy. There are lumtiple types of this mission, and whilst none of them are a true challenge, they can be annoying to do since you have to either fly/drive a slow vehicle or collect 2 crates.
  • Noose Vans: There will be 4 Noose vans around the map and you have to blow the back door off to check for the weapons. You cannot lock onto the vans with homing missiles, so you either have to have good aim or use stickybombs in a ground vehicle. After finding the right one, you have to take it back to your arcade, after losing a wanted level. The annoying thing is, you cannot call Lester to lose that wanted level and the Van is very slow, I recommend driving through a tunnel where the cops cannot go to lose them.
  • I/E crew: You have to fly to the shore and find A couple of guys exporting the weapons, just blow them up or murder them any way, get in the Tula and fly to Sandy Shores airfield. When taking off in the Tula, switch to VTOL mode and gain some forward speed and altitude before switching to normal flying.
  • Lost MC/Vagos: You have to go to the clubhouse of the Vagos or Lost, clear the hostiles, find the weapons inside the clubhouse and bring them to your arcade. You will probably die the first couple times you try this mission, but you'll get the hang of it eventually. If you get the Lost MC mission and you have an arcade in LS, I recommend just finding a new session if you're alone since flying to Paleto Bay twice can be very time consuming.

A weapons case inside the Lost MC clubhouse
2: Getaway cars
This mission is somewhat easy for all types, but of course it's much faster done with a friend since you will have to get 2 cars most of the time.
  • Police warehouse: You have to go to a vehicle warehouse of the police and get the 2 cars out of there, don't worry about the sounds of the engines when in the warehouse, the cops inside seem to be deaf. When driving outside, be careful not to alert the cops standing outside or you'll have to lose your wanted level first.
  • Valet: You go to a hotel, scare away some valets, dress up as one and wait for the cars to arrive. Nothing much can go wrong here. The only things you shouldn't do is shoot or knock out the valets and bump into somebody infront of the hotel. Just simply bring the cars to your arcade and you're done.
  • I/E crew: You have to take the cars off a crew who just imported them. Just go to the location, kill the goons and take the cars. Watch out however, the enemies have extremely good aim and even a single enemy can kill you in a couple of seconds. Just use your homing rockets (don't worry, the getaway cars can't be blown up) to kill them, get the cars and bring them to your arcade.
3: Hacking Device
Seems like a simple mission, and it is. There are only two types of this mission, and they are both somewhat easy.
  • FIB: Collect a security pass off an FIB agent by brutally slaughtering him and his fellows, go to the FIB office, find the briefcase with the hacking devise, get out, lose the cops and bring it to your arcade. When killing the FIB agent, an exploded vehicle may block the agent's corpse. Just get another car to push anything away. There is also a bug where the corpse will either always be considered as blocked or ont even appear, if that happens you have to find a new session and restart the mission.
  • Noose: The early part is pretty similar to the FIB type, you collect a keycard off of an agent, enter the Noose building and use your phone to find the hacking device. When you get out of the Noose building, the alarm will always automatically go off, just fly away with your OppressoAkula etc. and lose the cops before bringing the hack device to your arcade. You can also assassinate the agent silently when collecting the keycard by approaching him, waiting for him to go away from the other 2 agents and then bopping him in the head with a gun, but form my experience its faster to just blow him up since you'll most likely lose the cops on the way to the Noose building anyway.

The briefcase you're looking for
4: Vault Keycards
This one has 2 mission types. In one you just go to two guards who have the keycards, eliminate them silently by smacking them in the head with a weapon and then looting their keycards.
The other mission is a bit more complicated. It involves you getting a prison bus and entering the bolingbroke prison in that disguise tho then silently murder a guard there who has the keycards. You actually don't have to collect or even blow up the bus, you can fly straight to the prison, kill the guard and get the keycard. Keep in mind thatr you wil get 4 stars doing it this way and there are snipers on the 2 adjacent towers to where the keycard guard is, so you'll wnat to kill those first before looting the guard.
The recommended vehicle is the Oppressor Mk II just to get around faster, but the Akula is a very viable choice aswell to lose the cops more easily after flying to the prison.
5: Guard Patrols
Pretty straight-forward mission. You go to a Duggan security meeting, kill all the guards, find the correct car, photograph the plan and then get out.
This mission can be done stealthy, but it's basically impossible, you're better off juzst shooting them straight away.
The correct car will always be a Felon GT and there will always be 3 of them in the same positions, so you get the hang of where to go after doing it a couple of times.
Once again the Oppressor and Akula are your go-to vehicles for this mission, but DO NOT use the rockets to blow up the guards, the chance of accidentaly blowing up the car with the plans is not worth the risk, and I suggest you also dont use a Minigun since that can also bvlow up the car pretty quick.
6: Duggan Shipments
This is the most stressful prep. You need to destroy 10 of Duggans shipments in 10 minutes to weaken the guards inside the casino. The easiest way to do them is with any chopper with rockets (Akula, Hunter, Savage etc.) or the Oppressor Mk II (you may need to fly an optimal route so you have enough time to destroy all of them.
It is actually no neccesary to destroy all of them, for the silent approach destroying 2-4 is sufficient to make the guards not have helmets (you don't want to bodyshot them anyway, that might make them sound the alarm) but for the loud approach, it's best to destroy all 10 of them so that the guards only have Pistols and Micro SMGs.
If you fail to destroy all 10 in time, you can quickly leave the session before the time runs out and retry the mission.
7: Security Intel
This prep is unlocked after completing the 6 Casino missions unlocked by buying a Casino Penthouse. It can only be done once, so you won't have to replay it every heist.
The mission is simple, you go to a mall, meet Vincent, get the stolen car back for him (use a vehicle with drive-by weapons, helicopters and the Oppressor aren't good for this mission) and done, you can now see all the cameras inside the casino.
8: Power Drills
This mission also has 2 types, but the van one is much rarer. The common one involves going to a construction site and getting 2 power drills.
When you get to the cunstruction site, there will be a white icon on the map. Go there and equip the helmet (your character may remove the helmet shortly after equipping it but the disguise will still work) then just go and check the boxes for the power drills
YOU CAN CARRY BOTH DRILLS AT ONCE! That way you don't have to fly all the way to your arcade and back to collect the other drill.
The second type involves stealing a van with the drills inside and taking ti to your arcade. Simply use a vehicle with drive-by weapons (Once again no chopper or Oppressor), kill the driver AND passenger (he will get on the driver seat after the driver dies), collect the van and take it to your arcade.
9: Security Pass
First of all, ALWAYS get the level 2 security pass (the one showing a valet and croupier on the mission picture) The level 1 pass will only get you through the outside doors whilst the level 2 pass will open all doors except the level 3 ones inside the vault.
Once again, two types of this mission may occur. The first involves you stealing a hearse from a church parking lot. You will then have to lose a 2-star wanted level and drive to a hospital where you then have to find the corpse of a valet and get his security pass. When entering the hospital, your character may automatically have a weapon drawn, so pay attention to that before running through to the corpse.
The other type has you going to the party of a croupier, waiting until lester found the right guy and then take the security pass off him. When you get to the party, there will be a pavillon with people dancing, just go there and start dancing until lester has found the right guy. When you then search the croupier for the pass and it's not on him, just search for a small purple keycard (it can be somewhat hard to find but it will always be in the same locations) and collect it.
As for vehicles, anything goes. The Oppressor will probably get you where you want to go the fastest.

The pavillon that you can dance under
6: Approach Specific Preps Silent approach:
1: Drones
You have to destroy 5 drones spread around LS and collect their parts. Pretty simple mission, use something with rockets (Oppressor will have better rockets than Helicopters) and blow up the drones. You can of course carry all 5 drone parts at once.
It can be tricky to lock on to the drones as you will also lock onto the cops if you have a wanted level, just swap from non-homing to homing rockets if you locked onto the wrong target.
2: Laser drills
This can be a difficult mission. You will either have to take the two drills off the military, which may be hard since they are very accurate and theres a lot of them, but you can use you Oppressor or Akula rockets without worrying about blowing up the drills, just be sure to stay far enough away, their aim is surprisingly good. Be careful when collecting the first laser drill, if the cops kill you your Oppressor may be impounded and you have to use a different one.
The second type will be to take the drills from a bunch of Cliffford soldiers (apparently they're still around) which is way harder than the military since the cliffford soldiers are EXTREMELY accurate and there will even be a juggernaut and snipers. I don't recommend using the Oppressor for this as you are very vulnerable when standing still, go with an Akula instead. Just kill all the soldiers, enter the warehouse, kill some more soldiers, take the drills and get to oyur arcade.
3: EMP
Another pretty easy and simple mission, you will have to collect a cargobob (with an extra long cable) from the airport, fly to the LS University and steal their EMP. Then just fly to the drop-off, lose a 3-star wanted level by evading the helicopters and drop off the EMP.
Some people skip this mission and the next one, but I use the EMP during the finale to casually do the last hard part so theres no risk of screwing anything up. If you are however coordinated enough to not need the EMP, then you may skip this and the next prep
4: Stealth Uniforms
I highly recommend paying for this mission, it can be very annoying and you get the 70k back from the finale anyway.
This mission involves you going to humane labs and assasinating guards silently (very similar to the infamous deliver EMP mission) and getting the uniforms from the garage where you would park the insurgent in the Humane Labs Heist. This mission can be done quickly if you have a buddy, if you don't, it's better to just skip it and pay the 70k (If you don't plan on using the EMP you don't need to do this mission anyway, it's only for the night-vision equipment)
Big Con approach:
For this one, I'll only talk about the group sechs uniforms, since this is the easiest method of doing the Casino Heist by far. If you want to use a different uniform to unlock it, go ahead, but do be warned that it will be significantly harder to fully stealth.
1: Group Sechs, part 1:
Simple mission, go to a mechanics repair shop, kill the mechanic after realizing the Stockade is locked, get the keys and drive away. You will get a wanted level, but you can call Lester to easily lose them.
2: Group Sechs, part 2:
A bit harder, but still pretty easy. This mission is similar to the Patrol routes mission, you have to go to a group sechs meeting, kill everyone (this can also be done stealthy, but its again almost impossible), photograph the license plate of the black stockade, send it to Lester and then get the equipment and bring it to your arcade. Again as with the Patrol routes mission, do not use explosives to kill the guards as you might accidentaly blow up the equipment. You can call Lester to get rid off your wanted level.
3: Vault drills
Yet another simple mission with two types
  • Fleeca: A crew of bankrobbers will be robbing a Fleeca-bank with the needed drills. Go there, kill em, get their drill, lose the cops, bring the drills to your arcade. Pretty simple, but you cant call Lester, so using an Oppressor or Akula is beneficial.
  • Heist crew: A bunch of heisting dudes are being arrested by the police. Go there, kill em, get their drills, lose the cops, bring the drills to oyur arcade. Pretty simple, but you can't call Lester, so using an Oppressor or Akula is beneficial....hm, I'm having quite the Déjà vu.
4: Escape Outfits (Noose)
I'm choosing Noose outfits because they look better (and I'm sure they are in some way better than the Firefighter uniforms, I just don't know how, you seem to get spotted in the Noose uniforms aswell)
Simple (yet somewhat difficult) mission. Go to the mission row police station, kill all the cops there, find the Noose equipment, loose the cops and bring them back to your arcade. You can't call Lester to lose the cops so an Akula would be helpful. When collecting the second uniforms doing it solo, you will once again get 4 stars, so be ready to evade the cops again. Also, when you die at the police station, the cops will most likely impound your vehicle, so a careful approach would be better.
Aggressive approach
1: Thermal explosives
Loud has some pretty annoying mission, this being the first one. Once again, there are 2 types of this mission
  • You have to go to some rednecks and get the explsovies off of them. Just kill them all (once again no need to worry about blowing anything importnat up) and collect the boxes. They have a pretty big pickup distance so collecting them in a Helicopter should be no problem
  • SecuroServ Warehouse: Go to a warehouse, kill some people outside, kill some people inside, find the explosives, bring them to your arcade, no cops, pretty easy.
2: Vault explosives
This may be the most annoying mission of the entire heist. You have to go to a crash site of a plane, dive to the wreck and collect the explsovies. If you own one, put on a diving suit BEFORE starting the mision, you can't access the outfits during the mission.
When arriving at the crash site, you can dive straight to the plane if you have a scuba suit equipped, that saves you the killing and you won't get shot at instantly. Otherwise you have to kill some goons and equip a scuba suit nearby marked on your radar. When you collect the explosives, 3 helicopters will spawn. When you get out of the water, kill the gunners inside the helicopters, not the pilots. The helicopters would respawn and by only killing the gunners they will just follow you without shooting you.
3: Improved armor
You'll probably want to buy this prep, since this mission can also be very annoying. Two types of this mission, both are very unpleasant.
  • Humane Labs: Go to the beach at humane labs, get into a scuba suit, dive through the cooling tunnel into the facility, find the armor and bring it to your arcade. This mission may not be that hard, but the long swim and indoor fighting stretch out the mission and it quickly becomes repetetive and boring. There will atleast be a buzzard when you get out of the facility.
  • Merryweather bunker: Enter a bunker, kill the merryweather goons, find the armor and bring it to the arcade. Simple mission on paper, but the enemies will probably kill you atleast once and the armor sometimes can be tricky to find, I once spent 15 minutes searching the armor.
4: Drill
Simple mission and only needed if you plan on entering the casino through the sewers. Just go collect a truck with the drill loaded onto it, drive it through the water channel and into the sewers.The time you save by going into the casino through the sewers is probably negated by the time it takes for this mission, but having a more relaxed finale is certainly worth doing one more short prep mission.
7: Silent Finale Alright, it's finally time for the big moneys, the finale. For this approach, you'll want to go in through either the garbage disposal or personnel room and go out through the personnel room. ALWAYS choose the high end buyer, he will give you the most money.
The finale starts very simple, you drive to the casino and enter through the door you chose. Careful, there will be a camera that you need to zap using your stun gun. When inside, there will be metal detectors that you need to disable by shooting the current box with the stun gun. Sometimes there will be guards watching the metal detectors, in that case you need to take them out before you go through.
When taking out guards, it's better for player guy to kill 2 guards facing eachother, as internet issues may cause in the alarm being raised even if the guards are killed simultaneously. You have more than enough time between shooting the first guard and the second guard raising the alarm that it shouldn't be a problem, just make sure your teammates stay back and don't interfere with the player killing the guards.
After clearing the first area (see picture below), you enter the security room through one of four doors (most of the time 2 of them are locked, can be seen by a red display on the keypad instead of the blue diamond) and then wait for the guard in the hallway to move out of the cameras sightline (Do not worry about the glass at the security room, for some reason guards can't see through it. The y can however see through the glass of the doors) Then you follow him (watch out for the camera) and shoot him in the head. Feel free to then clear the secondary vault by one play opening it for another player to loot (theres another button to open the vault inside, the player pressing the button only has to let him in) and then USE THE STAIRS to get to the vault floor.
When going down the stairs, a guard will walk up the stairs, shoot him in the head, disable the camera in the stairway and make your way all the way down.

Getting to the stairs undetected
On the vault floor, go out of the stairway and take out the 2 guards to the left. Then set off your EMP (this will also obviously disable the cameras) by having the host open their phone and using the securoserv-hack. The lights will then go out and you can rush into the main lobby and take out the 4 guards there. You can ignore the last guard inside the security room, just go to the keypads, swipe both at once and enter the mantrap.

Getting to the mantrap undetected
When at the vault door, 2 guys get out their laser drills and start drilling. The drilling is very simple, you just keep the drill as hot as possible whilst not overheating it. When inside the vault, take as much loot as you can but make sure to leave the vault before the time runs out (I recommend stopping the looting with 20-25 seconds remaining to ensure you have enough time to get out).
When getting back into the vault lobby, there will be 2 guards walking past the stairway, you can ignore those, just use the stairs to go up again (and don't forget to disable the camera in the stairway)
When back in the main floor, follow the route shown in the picture below whilst taking out any guards in the way (2 will be in the security room, you can ignore those) and leave the casino through the personnel door. Don't worry about the metal detectors whilst going out, they dont seem to alert the guards.

Getting out of the Casino undetected
When outside, again follow the route shown on the picture below to get to the getaway cars (locations may vary with different drivers) and drive into the sewers. Then spend some time in the sewers by either waiting or driving to another exit (I personally like to drive to the exit right at the highway so that the drive to the buyer is as fast as possible) Make sure not to drive too close to the Casino, as that will get you 5 wanted stars. I recommend avoiding the freeway next to the casino, you may however use the road to the north-west of the freeway.

Escape route with getaway car locations in pink (when choosing the 5% driver)
Then just casually drive to the buyer after you've lost the cops and there you go, fat loot.
8: Big Con Finale This is the easiest finale by far. Choose the group Sechs entry uniform, noose escape uniform, the personnel rooms as the exit and of course the high end buyer.
Take the Group Sechs truck to the Casino and through the service tunnel, wait until the guard lets you through, park it on the yellow marker and use the elevator or stairs to get to the vault floor.
On the vault floor, just run to the keypads for the mantrap. The guards don't care if you're running or even jumping, just don't bump into anybody and don't draw your weapons.
The just casually loot the vault and again, make sure to get out before the time runs out (stop looting with about 25 seconds left to have enough time to get out safely.
Then just walk through the mantrap and the vault lobby again but USE THE STAIRS to get to the main floor (the camera will not raise the alarm, don't worry about it). Make sure you are all past the camera before going to the main floor, as anyone who didn't go past the camera will get detected due to the guards being alerted and a wanted level appearing. When at the main floor, use the route in the picture below to get to the Noose outfits and switch into them to walk past the last few guards without any problem.

Getting out of the Casino with the Noose uniforms
When outside, follow the same route as in the silent approach to get to the getaway cars. Drive into the sewers, lose the cops in there and then again casually drive to the buyer whilst avoiding driving to close to the casino.

Getting to the getaway cars and into the sewers undetected
9: Aggresive Finale There really isn't any major explanation needed for this approach, as you won't have to worry about getting detected.
If you chose to enter through the sewers, drive there, enter the tunnel that was dug with the giant drill and plant explosives at the wall to gain entrance to the vault floor directly.
Then just shoot your way to the mantrap keypads and have the others protect the people opening the mantrap if you are playing with 3 or 4 players.
When looting the vault, you won't have to worry about getting out in time, and the nerve agent does very little damage, so don't be scared to take longer than the timer says.
Whilst shooting your way out of the casino, you may use either the elevator or the stairs to get to the main floor. Going through the security room allows you to evade any guards that may be in the south corridor.
When you get out of the casino, you may follow the same route as in the undetected approaches or run directly to the getaway vehicles, although you will probably get shot more doing that and therefor loose more money.
Get to your cars, drive into the sewers and lose the cops. Then you're just one casual drive away from making another bunch of cash. I highly recommend getting bulletproof tires for your getaway cars on this approach, and whilst you are spending that 10k per car, why not go big and get the 15k upgrade that laos makes the cars go much faster.
10: Tips and tricks So in this section (which I will probably expand with additional tips, feel free to leave some in the comments) I'll go over some of the things I didn't mention that may save some effort or time when doing this heist.
  • You can lose the cops by going into the back of your Terrorbyte if you aren't carrying any equipment (useful during the untraceable weapon mission with the Noose van)



That about covers it for this heist. This has unexpectedly been quite the project for me, it took me 3 days of writing here and there and getting screenshots, so leaving a smol updoot would be appreciated. If you have any questions, of course feel free to leave a comment, I'll try my best to read every single one of them :)
Happy heisting! (and may your sessions be free of griefers!)
submitted by Borizon49 to gtaonline [link] [comments]


2019.12.20 00:13 Humungalungbungus Buy camera best hidden detector

AS OF NOW I WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATING THIS GUIDE
I’ll start by going in order of missions and adding extras as needed by editing the TBA (to be added) as soon as I can review the information
Leave any information you can in the comments fill in and I’ll add it in when I can
——The Scope Out——
Difficulty: Very Easy
Time: About 10 minutes
Description: the player must scope out as many points of interest if the can for the most options
Miscellaneous:
Vallet Security guard Purple keypad Inside (dome) camera Outside (box) camera Vault Blueprints (in mrs bakers office)(requires casino penthouse, or a friend with said penthouse)
Access points:
Ground (3)
Main entrance (west) Waste disposal (north) Staff lobby (east)
Roof terrace (4)
2 doors on the north side 2 doors on the east side
Roof (2)
North helipad South helipad
Underground (2)
Security tunnel (under dirt track) Sewer (the drainage ditch by the casino, there’s an entrance at the beginning of it, head down until you see some metal bars that would lead under the casino)
-important notes-
Once you have discovered every point of interest available in this setup, you won’t be able to do this setup for other heist because all poi’s are now permanently unlocked
——Vault contents ——
Difficulty: Very Easy
Time: about 5 minutes
Description: You are trying to find your target, the valuables you’ll be stealing during the heist To start this setup, you hack a guards phone to get into the casino’s system and then enter the casino to walk around and find a strong enough signal for Lester to hack into the cameras BE SURE YOU FULLY ROTATE ALL 6 CAMERAS TO THE TO UNLOCK THE REST OF THE POI’S, if already unlocked all poi’s just skip to the vault camera.
When scouting out the target it is completely random chance what you will be stealing from the casino
Cash is the basic takes and take a while to grab, but it can still pay about 2.1million Normal and 2.4million Hard total (minus crew cuts)
Paintings have better value and are the quickest to grab, to get them you must cut out the paintings but again this is really fast so you might be able to get a cheaper hacker or spend the extra time grabbing lock boxes, with this take you can make about ??million Normal and 2.7million Hard (minus crew cuts)
Gold has great value, it takes time to grab just like cash but is also a lot heavier, this means you can no longer jump but the reward is worth it because it can pay about ??million Normal and 2.8million Hard (minus crew cuts)
There’s also a glitch to get a lot more gold off one tray so abuse it before it gets patched
Diamonds have the greatest value and have just been officially added to the loot pool, you grab trays of diamonds like you would cash or gold and they are worth about ??million Normal and ??million Hard (minus crew cuts)
———Crew members and Characters———
These are free mode missions and secrets that can affect the casino heist by giving access to new characters and crew
There is also the standard crew for comparison
——Optional Characters——
Yung Ancestor
Difficulty: Very Easy
Time: 2 minutes
Effect: adds another route to “The Big Con” Description: Head to the casino and go up to the roof terrace to enter a cutscene with the celebrity, afterwards Lester will contact him to ask if he would like to be involved with the job, a few minutes later you will get a call from Yung Ancestor saying he will help but needs a few favors to trust you
Find the rest of this missions details at the “Setups” section
——Hackers——
—Rickie Lukens—
Cut: 3%
Skill: Poor
Requirements: None
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: about 1 minute 30 seconds
Notes: Please do not even consider using rickie
—Yohan Blair—
Cut: 5%
Skill: Good
Requirements: None
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: TBA
—Christian Feltz—
Cut: 7%
Skill: Good
Requirements: None
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: Use this character if you don’t have access to the next two
—Paige (Unlockable)—
Cut: 9%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: own a terrorbyte
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: this is the best character to use since she is slightly cheaper then Avi
—Avi (Unlockable)—
Cut: 10%
Skill: Expert +
Requirements: “Destroy Signal Jammers” Free mode mission
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 20-40 minutes
Description: destroy all 50 signal jammers hidden across San Andreas for money and Avi’s services (guides available on YouTube)
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: This character is great but if you have Paige use her since she’s slightly cheaper, the difference in time is minuscule
——Drivers——
(Unknown: unlockable) TBA this character has not been found yet
—Karim—
Cut: 5%
Skill: TBA
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection:
Sentinel Classic (best choice)
Weeni Issi Classic
Asbo (worst choice)
Kanjo
Notes: This driver is the best to pick, they always leave the cars as close to the staff lobby as they can
—TBA—
Cut: TBA
Skill: TBA
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection: TBA
Notes: TBA
—TBA—
Cut: TBA
Skill: TBA
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection: TBA
Notes: TBA
—Chester McCoy—
Cut: 10%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection:
Vagrant
Everon
Zhaba
Outlaw
Notes: TBA
——Gunners——
—Karl Abolaji—
Cut: 5%
Skill: Poor
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
TBA
Smg and molotovs (aggressive)
Micro smg (Big Con)
Double barrel shotgun (Big Con)
Notes: TBA
—Charlie Reed—
Cut: 7%
Skill: Good
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
TBA
Machine Pistol (Big Con)
Sweeper Shotgun (Big Con)
Notes: TBA
—Patrick “Packie” McReary (unlockable)—
Cut: 8%
Skill: Expert
Weapon selection:
TBA
Compact rifle (Big con)
Sawed off shotgun (Big con)
Combat MG MKII (Aggressive)
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: Random Chance
Requirements: “Rescue Patrick” Free mode mission
Description: find a police van blaring it’s siren driving around Los Santos and Blaine county, when close enough a blue arrow will appear over the van and a blue dot will show up on your map indicating the vans location, by getting even closer Packie will ask you to help him and another person to “give us a hand?” The implication here is he wants you to steal the van and drive it
the way to go about this is just to shoot the van enough and it will eventually stop, allowing you to steal it and bring it to Packie’s safe house at Vespucci beach,
Notes: there is a 5 minute time limit that begins when you enter the van
Packie has the best weapon selection in aggressive but this does not outweigh how much he cost this is player choice
—Gustavo Mota—
Cut: 9%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
Carbine rifle (Big Con)
Assault shotgun (Big Con)
Notes: TBA
—Chester McCoy—
Cut: 10%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
TBA
SMG MKII (Big Con)
Bullpup Rifle MKII (Big Con)
Notes: not recommended because of cost
——Approaches——
It’s recommended to have 3 or 4 players for the best take
—SILENT AND SNEAKY—
Stealth difficulty: Hard
Loud Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Time: 15-20 minutes (minus restarts)
Description: Silent and sneaky is one of the stealth approaches, you go inside with tactical gear, night vision, suppressed weapons, tasers, and an emp bomb (if the setup is complete) that the host can activate (explained below) This hiest allows you to slip in undetected and you can still slip out undetected.
-Things to note-
When you enter the vault you will have a certain amount of time depending on your hacker and whether or not you are detected by the time you arrive to the vault, if you fail to leave the vault before the timer hits “0” gas will fill the vault and the alarm will trigger
Guards will be alerted to the following: seeing you, shooting a guard without a headshot (they yell), killing a guard next to another, a dead body, a bullet flying past them, a bullet hitting a wall, a guard watching you destroy a camera, and hearing unsuppressed gunfire
The casino will raise the alarm for the following: a guard being alerted, a camera spotting you, a camera spotting a dead body destroying more then one camera, and not leaving the vault before the clock hits “0”
Guards are oblivious to the following: getting a headshot or stealth melee even if the guard yells, destroyed cameras, the sound of broken glass, and the sight of broken glass
You can disable cameras with the taser, but they will come back online, you can also shoot and destroy one camera but destroy any more and the alarm will sound
If the host completed the EMP setup, they will have access to a phone app named “Detonate EMP” this will set off the EMP of course knocking out all electricity for about 1-2 minutes, this includes: cameras, locked doors, elevators, and lights (this will make guards have a really small cone of vision)
-Important notes-
Triggering the EMP does not raise the alarm (credit goes to u/Aleapp2556 for discovering this)
Not breaking stealth until outside will give an award
You can restart the heist at anytime by running out of lives
-Best plan of attack-
Enter the south helipad
Exit the staff lobby
High level buyer
Decoy driver (optional, lowers how many stars you have)
-Steps-
Enter the cargobob
Parachute to the casino
Rappel down the elevator shaft
(You are now in the staff lobby)
Take out everyone quietly
Proceed to elevator
(You are now at vault security)
Take out the remaining guards quietly
Enter the mantrap
Drill open the vault
(You are now in the vault and the timer has started)
Grab as much loot as possible, Dedicate one person to hacking
Leave before the timer ends
Exit the mantrap
Take the elevator or stairs up
(Alarm is now raised, but you are still undetected)
Take out the remaining guards and exit through the staff lobby
Get in the getaway car
Race to Paleto Bay
Escape the cops
Finish the heist
-Overall-
the hiest is slow and very difficult so this may not be the best option for grinding
—AGGRESSIVE—
Difficulty: Medium
Time: 8-11 minutes (minus restarts)
Aggressive is loud and violent, you shoot your way to the vault, blow it open, melt open the gates and steal the loot
-Things to note-
This heist is extremely fast compared to the other two approaches, it can be and has been done in under 9 minutes with high level buyers
there are no drills or hack in the vault itself, just explosives and thermal charges
You can restart the heist at anytime by running out of lives
-Best plan of attack-
Enter sewer(you blow a hole right into the security-room just before the mantrap leading to the vault)
Exit staff lobby
High level buyers
Gunner decoy (optional, but lowers your stars)
-Steps-
Blow into the vault security room from the sewers
(You are now in the vault security room)
Enter the man trap
Blow open the vault
(You are now in the vault)
Set off a thermal before you start grabbing and try to just get everything you can
Exit the vault
Exit the mantrap
Go to the staff lobby via elevator
Exit staff lobby
(At this point stealth no longer matters)
Enter getaway cars
Race to paleto bay
Escape police
Finish heist
-Overall-
this heist is fast and effective and I recommend cycling between both this and the big con
—THE BIG CON—
Stealth Difficulty: Easy or Medium-Hard (depends on route)
Loud difficultly: Hard
Time: 10-13 minutes (minus restarts)
The Big Con is the another stealth approach, but it’s less stealth and more lies and deceit, you use disguises to get your way into the casino with all your tools and equipment needed for the job
-Important things to note-
You only have a ceramic pistol unless you pick up your stashed weapons, but if you pick up those weapons you can no longer pass through metal detectors
Your weapons are not suppressed
Gruppe sechs can get inside the vault no problem
You unlock the ceramic pistol after you are done HOSTING The Big Con
Not breaking disguise until outside will give an award
You can restart the heist at anytime by running out of lives
-Best plan of attack-
Enter Gruppe sechs disguises
Exit noose disguises
Enter security tunnel
Exit staff lobby
High level buyer
Gunner decoy (lowers stars, only helpful if you are actually caught)
-steps-
Enter the security tunnel as gruppe sechs
Park the van
Get into the elevator
(You are now in the vault security room)
Walk on by the guards
Enter the man trap
A lone guard lets you into the vault, you knock him out
(You are now in the vault)
Grab the loot, mind the hacking, one mess up and the alarm goes off
Exit the vault
exit the mantrap
Take the stairs
(Alarm is raised but no one knows where you are)
Take the route to the laundry room
Change outfits
Exit staff lobby NOT MAIN ENTRANCE
(At this point stealth no longer matters)
Get to getaway vehicles
Race to paleto bay
Escape cops
Finish heist
-Overall-
this heist is very clean and quick if you do it right, id recommend doing this and aggressive if you really want to grind it
——About undetected——
When you sneak into the vault undetected you gain bonus time to grab even more loot then you would if the alarm was raised, failure to leave the vault before the gas is released will raise the alarm;
but you still received the bonus time to grab the loot anyhow, so it’s all up to you to either get the extra few lootables or make a clean getaway
——Hard Mode——
Hard mode (just like in normal heist) gives bigger cut with less lives, but this also buffs the security of the place
The way you access hard mode is by playing through a heist (we’ll say aggressive) and then the next (the big con), after playing aggressive it will become locked and unplayable so you have to pick another approach like big con, after that heist is done aggressive will unlock but it will still be “too hot” this is hard mode and will give a bigger cut for a harder heist that’s why it’s best to cycle between both aggressive and big con
——Heist crew——
For the best take each time you need to select the perfect members for the job
-Gunner-
Cheapest gunner all the way avoid shotguns
-Drivers-
If you want more money chose the cheapest driver and pick the sentinel classic, but if you want the trade prices for all the new vehicles you’ll need to use them during a heist
-Hacker-
Now unlike the other two, an expensive hacker is necessary for this job, this person will provide you with more time in the vault, this is where Paige and Avi come in handy
——Setups——
Setups are needed to find the materials necessary to pull off this job, some are mandatory and you cannot start the job with out them, some are optional and can be avoided but also can be the difference between dealing with a few enemies or a few mini-juggernauts
-Weapons-  Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5-8 minutes
Description: The player needs to steal untraceable weapons for the job, a pistol, a main weapon, and a piece of equipment depending on the approach
-Getaway vehicles-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 3-8 minutes
Description: The player needs to steal 2 vehicles that have just been imported into the US and bring them back to the arcade, if the cars are badly damaged you will have to pay a small fee to repair then on delivery
Important notes
The vehicles can be upgraded with
Level 1: bulletproof tires 10k (recommended)
Level 2: max brakes and transmission and level 1 upgrades 15k
Level 3: turbo and max engine plus level 1&2 upgrades 25k
-Hacking device-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5 minutes
Description: the player(s) go to a location being investigated by the FIB, the player(s) need to kill the FIB agents
Important notes
You can be in a guards vision but not for too long
Once you have the device and take the elevator down the guards will begin to shoot you
-Vault key cards-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 3-7 minutes
Description: the player(s) need to go to 2 separate locations and knock out or kill two security guards on their time off to steal their key cards
-Patrol routes-
Need: Optional
Usefulness for Sneaky and Silent: Needed
Usefulness for Aggressive: not necessary
Usefulness for The Big Con: Helpful
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 2-5 minutes
Description: the player(s) need to go to a parking lot where security guards have gathered, the player(s) will be looking for a car with a certain license plate that Lester will send, Once the player(s) find the car, they will need to open the trunk, take a picture, and send it to Lester
Important notes
This mission can be done by stealth
The car is always a black or light brown Falon GT convertible
-Dugan shipments-
Need: Optional
Usefulness for all heist: Absolutely Required
Difficulty: Medium
Time: less then 10 minutes
Description: The player(s) go around all of San Andreas to destroy 10 security shipments for the casino’s guards (this includes vans, boats, and helicopters)
Effect: for every couple of shipment destroyed, the guards armor will become weaker
No shipments destroy: every guard will have the health of a Cliffford Cyborg juggernaut
7 shipments destroyed: Health of a NOOSE squad member
10 shipments destroyed: Heath of a cop with body armor (3 Star wanted level officer)
Important notes
It is recommended to have 2 players in weaponized vehicles to destroy all the shipments
-Security Intel-
Need: Optional
Usefulness for Sneaky and Silent: Needed
Usefulness for Aggressive: not necessary
Usefulness for The Big Con: Helpful
Difficulty: N/A
Time: N/A
Description: The player needs to own a casino penthouse and do all casino missions for mrs baker
Effect: allows players to know the locations and vision of all cameras in the casino
Important notes
Once this setup is completed once it will be completed permanently
-Power drills-
Need: optional
Usefulness for all heist: Player’s choice but not necessary
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5-8 minutes
Description: the player must steal power drills from a construction site by stealing a van and delivering it to the arcade
Effect: Gives the ability to drill open safety deposit boxes for a little bonus money (does not outweigh the main target in value)
Important notes
These missions can be completed by using non lethal tactics
-Security key cards-
Need: optional
Usefulness for all heist: absolutely required
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5-8 minutes
Description: the player must steal a security key card from a casino staff member
Effect Card Level 1: has the ability to give you access to few doors and access points, but nothing else in the higher security areas, those points will need to be hacked
Effect Card Level 2: gives player full access to all casino doors and elevators other then those in the vault
(A level 2 keycard is highly recommend and should be used in every single heist)
——Approach specific setups——
Some setups are specific to certain approaches and can be mandatory or optional
—Silent and Sneaky Setups—
-Vault Laser Drills-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: TBA
Time: TBA
Description: the player(s) need to steal 2 military grade laser drills to drill open the vault door
-TBA-
-TBA-
-EMP-
Need: optional
Usefulness: helpful
The player uses a cargo bob to carefully steal a EMP bomb and deliver it to the power station just across the road from the casino
Effect: give the host the ability to call the EMP to detonate it, this will shut down all electronics and lights for 1-2minutes, this mean cameras, locked doors, and metal detectors will be shut off during this time, and since the lights are off the guards have limited visibility, about 1 foot of vision in front of them
Important notes
Triggering the EMP does not raise the alarm (credit goes to u/Aleapp2556 for discovering this)
—Aggressive Setups—
-Vault explosives-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: 8-18 minutes
Description: the player(s) must travel to a part of the ocean to steal explosives from an underwater mining operation to blow open the vault door
-Thermal Charges-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: 8-16 minutes
Description: the player(s) must steal thermal charges to melt open the gates inside the vault
-Reinforced armor-
Need: Optional
Usefulness: helpful
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: TBA
Description: The player(s) steals a few sets of experimental armor from a faction to use in the heist as an option of clothing
Effect: unlocks the armor set to be used during the casino heist, the armor is like hiest heavy combat armor when used during the casino heist giving the players more Health but less Speed
-Boaring machine-
Need: Optional
Usefulness: TBA
Difficulty: Easy
Time: TBA
Description: The player steals a drilling machine from a driver hauling the machine
Effect: TBA
—The Big Con Setups—
-Drills-
-Disguises-
-TBA-
——Phase 1 equipment——
On the phase 1 planning board you can buy equipment for finding points of interest or practice on mini-game type puzzle you need to complete while going to or when you reach the vault, you can buy equipment such as:
a model of the casino for $130,000 (Which shows points of interest)
A replica of the casinos security system for $425,000 (for practice with hacking)
And a replica vault door for $900,000 (for practice with drilling)
By taking photos of the security system and vault blueprints in the casino you unlock the option to buy the security system and vault door for practice
Once the equipment is purchased, it will stay permanently in your arcades basement
In order to practice you will need the vault drills (explosives do not count) and/or the hacking device
These items will need to be sourced each time you start a new heist if you wish to practice
My personal recommendation is to avoid this equipment as it’s price greatly outweighs its purpose, since everything can be learn relatively easy during the actual run
——Hacking——
Here’s a quick guide on the hacking during the casino heist
First it should be noted that failing or aborting a hack while undetected will trigger the alarm
There are two types of hacking
Hack 1: Memory
A 6x6 panel of dots will randomize in a pattern of 6 dots going left to right, the player’s job is to memorize this pattern and recreate it to pass the hack, they player may need to do this several times
These hacks have been found really difficult and can be skipped entirely by having a level 2 keycard
Hack 2: finger print
The player is presented with a full image of a finger print and 8 fragmented images of a finger print, all the player must do is select 4 of the 8 fragments that match the full finger print and run the scan
This isn’t as hard as the memory hack, but this can waste time, so be quick but be sure in your decision
A tip for this is to go ahead and match the obvious ones and then study the smaller details of a fragment to try to find it on the full image
——Bugs, Exploits, and other Glitches——
PATCHED If the player leaves the session before finishing “Vault contents” the player can replay the setup for a chance at a better target such as paintings and gold instead of cash
During the heist, a police maverick will spawn on the roof of a nearby police station, the players can grab it before it takes off, but once it’s gone from the helipad it won’t respawn during the same heist even after a quick restart
PATCHED The player can duplicate the gold bar on a tray by leaving a single bar and leaving the tray, start collecting the tray again to spawn a new set of bars
submitted by Humungalungbungus to gtaonline [link] [comments]