Gupt camera sexy video

1210 Hardscrabble Road, Cassville, NY 13318 315-822-5132 Fax 315-293-2465 These Eyes (YUSUFMYR) These eyes, cry every night for you these arms, long to hold you, again the hurtin's on me yea but I will never be free, oh my baby no ... In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes. no. Judges 17:6 In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes.. Judges 18:1 In those days there was no king in Israel: and in those days the tribe of the Danites sought them an inheritance to dwell in; for unto that day all their inheritance had not ... Maths Eyes from Maths Eyes on Vimeo.. The Maths Eyes Team want to help other communities to develop their maths eyes. If you are a parent, a student, a teacher or tutor, a learner, employed, unemployed, old, young, middle aged, male or female, an individual or a group or just plain interested, then Maths Eyes is for you! A Pastor’s Restoration Process: Journey to Healing Through the Eyes of Those Closest, Part 1: Darrin “I had slowly stopped prioritizing my relationship with Jesus and made ministry my primary ... Hello again :) Today I want share my personal Eye-Textures with you :) I made them over the last months and now I have a lot of them :D I´ve made 13 Versions. Explore the science of the phenomenon of “floaters,” those tiny blobs that swim across your field of vision. -- Sometimes, against a uniform, bright backgrou... In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes. no king. Judges 18:1 In those days there was no king in Israel: and in those days the tribe of the Danites sought them an inheritance to dwell in; for unto that day all their inheritance had not fallen unto them among the tribes of Israel.. Judges 19:1 American D-Day pays homage to those young soldiers who fought 6 June 1944 in Normandy: Testimonies, maps, pictures, ceremonies. Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of Allied Expeditionary Force ! You are about to embark upon the Great crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. Those blood elves and high elves who succumb to their magical addiction and descend into madness are counted among the Wretched. Whether the minor physical differences between a blood and high elf (the emerald eyes) persists through generations via genetics is unclear. A number of blood elf children are seen in-game, ...

2014.03.29 22:53 Video sexy gupt camera


2019.09.11 00:24 Goldenhawk6789 Video sexy gupt camera

You ever see those boys making weird faces into the camera trying to act sexy? That’s an eboy.

2020.10.28 19:24 sowcow9 Sexy video camera gupt

I often sort by new and rising. The last few months have just been full of subreddits dedicated to specific models.
These subreddits are often just a handful of pictures, with links pointing people to their onlyfan. I've got no problem with people getting theres, more power to you!
There are just so many of them, and most aren't marked as nsfw since they are just sexy and not nude, but they still got there crotch in the camera or some other ridiculous pose. Again, I don't have any real problem with it. It just seems as if it's taking over, feels kinda like tumblr when it was basically just a "backpage" and fetish site! Ha ha. Maybe this is more appropriately unpopular opinion. I don't know.
It's becoming increasingly common for me to be scrolling; "Cool tech", "awesome writing", "SQUAT POSE", "interesting news", "TITTIES", "gaming news", "movie trailer", "CROTCH SHOT"
TL:DR Tired of seeing Instagram models and onlyfan-ers shitty softcore porn marketing all over reddit. I guess reddit is tumblr now?
submitted by sowcow9 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 20:37 SexyWomenWrestling21 Gupt camera sexy video

What a beautiful pin we have. Legs wide open in the front of the camera. You have a sexy blue crotch sweet heart. 🤤🤤 submitted by SexyWomenWrestling21 to WrestlingHumiliation [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 18:18 LawnTwitNeo Gupt camera sexy video

What a better time to seek a connection when the world is falling apart? Here's to hoping...
I often get described as an old soul due to some of my interests but I'll let you be the judge of that. I am quite a fan of the writing style included in old literature and fascinated by the beauty of it, writing letters (I am yet to own a typewriter), 50's-60's music being my favourite genre also including the way they dressed back then [yes ladies, wearing a skirt below the knee is sexy!] I quite like going for walks in nature and taking snaps on my camera -- I am a beginner and still learning but it would be fun to have someone to share any future shots with. If any of this interested you at all, you know where to find me!
submitted by LawnTwitNeo to LesbianActually [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 18:08 LawnTwitNeo Video sexy gupt camera

What a better time to seek a connection when the world is falling apart? Here's to hoping...
I often get described as an old soul due to some of my interests but I'll let you be the judge of that. I am quite a fan of the writing style included in old literature and fascinated by the beauty of it, writing letters (I am yet to own a typewriter), 50's-60's music being my favourite genre also including the way they dressed back then [yes ladies, wearing a skirt below the knee is sexy!] I quite like going for walks in nature and taking snaps on my camera -- I am a beginner and still learning but it would be fun to have someone to share any future shots with. If any of this interested you at all, you know where to find me!
submitted by LawnTwitNeo to penpals [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 13:00 AustralianChrono Gupt camera sexy video

"It's Liesel, with an SSSSSSSSS." In walks Liesel Minnelli. Covered in gaudy showgirl drag, heaps of feathers, sequins and jewellery she is the definition of extra.
"I am the fiiiiiiiirst." She sings as she looks around. "I am... not the first?"
Liesel Minnelli: "Hello Gorgeous! Oh, it's myself in the mirror." I am Liesel. I know what you are thinking... oh god another theatre Queen. But... I am a singer, actress, broadway starlet.. I am a callback to the classic Queens in our culture with my fabulous drag."
"Oh... She's coming in with a crown already." In walks the radiant Yasmeen Dupree. Glittering in jewels (with a crown on top) this is one stunning Queen, and she's screaming pageant beauty.
Yasmeen Dupree: "I am Yasmeen Dupree from the legendary house of Dupree. Unlike my lovely drag daughter, I am not a voguing extraordinaire. I am a proud trans woman of colour who has won MULTIPLE PAGEANTS and I am here to continue the trend of trans excellence winning this competition."
Yasmeen cackles. "Hi there..."
"Love the jewels." Yasmeen smiles.
"As do you. A Queen with a crown..." Lisel ponders. "Looks lovely."
"It's all real." Yasmeen shrugs. "I am a Queen who loves extra."
"Can I have the Business Woman's Special?" Annie Kashaut enters dressed like the literal embodiment of executive realness. "Hiiiya."
Annie Kashaut "Hiiiii I am Annie. I am a Queen who describes myself as a fantastic mix between businesswoman- retail, obviously and camp. I am a professional Drag Queen who's biggest weakness is perhaps- getting... distracted... oooh that's a pretty camera."
"Hmm..." Liesel nods.
Liesel Minnelli: "Annie... looks a little... pedestrian for my take. You're a Drag Queen, goddammit!"
"Come get your Juice." Looking like a 90s Supermodel at a 10, Juice is the definition of model excellence, with legs for days.
Juice: "I'm Juice. I like to describe myself as every gay boy's supermodel crush as a child come to life. Basically Tyra Banks in that doll movie. I'm inspired by fierce fashion and love to pound a runway just as much as I do a stage... along with the tricks and flips to match."
"Diva." Yasmeen smirks. "Giiiirl...."
"Oh, this thang?" Juice laughs.
"Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" Agatha Velvet winks. This is one classic, old Hollywood Queen- she looks like a starlet straight out of 1948.
"Some Classic Queens this season... I am loving it." Yasmeen smiles.
Agatha Velvet: "I am Agatha. My main inspirations are old Hollywood starlets, and classic beauties- much like the Queens you'd see in the classic 1968 film The Queen." Agatha winks. "I'm a camp, fun lady who LOVES a prop and a stunt."
"Away Awaaaaaaay!" Lily O’Kalani twirls into the room dressed like a Polynesian Princess
Lily O'Kalani: "Hello! I can't believe I am here! I am Lily. What do I do? Who am I? Two words. Pacific Princess. I am a seamstress by trade, and I love to incorporate my culture in my Drag. I am here to stand out and bring positive energy at every moment!"
"Oh, the diversity this season..." Annie twirls around. "It's beautiful!"
"4th Place? Bitch, please." In walks P0yzon. A Supermodel, she is everything C-$alt was last season times 10.
P0yzon: "Hello, bitches." P0yzon smiles. "You have just unleashed C-$alt's Drag MOTHER. You thought my baby didn't make it far enough? Time for some REVENGE! I am a fashion model who has designed for Vogue, the Kardashians, and more! I will show that queens of colour can make it far. My talents? Master seamstress, a trained acrobatic dancer who isn't afraid to absolutely slaughter a lip sync, and an insult comic who is ready to avenge C-$alt in snatch game."
"GIIIIIIIRL!" Yasmeen screams!
P0yzon: "I'm really excited to see that nasty Queen here. Fuck yes Yasmeen!"
Yasmeen: "I'm excited P0yzon is here... but also worried. She's fiesty."
The Queens all look around.
"Oh... I think I know what's happening." Agatha smiles. "Split Premiere!"
Hello My Queens!
Welcome to the season. Last time around, we had 14 amazing Queens... and not everyone got to shine. To make things... a bit clearer, we will be SPLITTING this premiere... 7 Monarch's have already entered the building... and two have already lip-synced.
P0zyon: "One less Queen for me to compete against."
This week, I'll be throwing you all in the deep end to prove yourself. The 7 of you will host your own Drag Bingo at a Local Club, and create your own signature cocktail to be served alongside this bingo with it. One person will go home... before you even get to meet the other 7.
Yamseen: "I am dying for this challenge win. I love to sparkle on stage- this is a shining opportunity for me to put my skills on the judges radar."
As they get ready, Yasmeen chats with P0yzon.
"It has... been... yeaaaaaars... since I saw you Miss P0yzon. How have you been?" Yasmeen smiles.
"Well, beyond starting one the best hauses in the drag world..." P0yzon smirks. "We're making our way through the LA scene."
"Sickening." Yasmeen smiles.
"I miss those years in Dallas though..." P0yzon laughs. "Running through the bars..."
"Stealing those damn shoes from the Chanel." Yasmeen cackles.
"Oh god..." P0yzon shakes her head. "Jesus. How did we do that."
"Some... little bitch boy said we could never give glamour." Yasmeen nods. "So... we proved him wrong by stealing it. I felt so bad..."
"Eh." P0yzon laughs.
"Thank God I returned those shoes after they were used. Dropped them off the front door with a note." Yasmeen smiles.
"You dropped them back?!"
"I only borrowed. Made my point... then... I was good. Didn't LOOK at a pair of Chanel shoes again until I could afford it. Then... bought one of my own. With my own money..." Yasmeen smiles. "One of the best days of my life."
"Eh." P0yzon shrugs. "It was alright..." She laughs.
"Biiiitch..." Yasmeen laughs.
The Monarch's present their Signature Drinks and Host:

  1. Liesel Minnelli: The Cabaret Colada
  2. Yasmeen Dupree: Yasmeen's Yellowjacket Extravagance
  3. Annie Kashaut: The Business Lady's Special
  4. Juice: Tom and Juicy
  5. Agatha Velvet: Ms Velvet's Manhattan
  6. Lily O'Kalani: Malibu's Shining Booze
  7. P0yzon: Poisonous... The Deadly Drink
My Brunch Queens, You did lovely... and your drinks... delicious. P0yzon... you are the Top Toot of the Week.
"You other bitches better watch out." P0yzon smirks. Multiple Queens roll their eyes.
Lily O'Kalani, you are safe... but you can watch the show.
Lily: "Oh thank Goodness. This is something out of my comfort zone, so to have this- oh it is a blessing in disguise."
Annie Kashaut, Liesel Minnelli, Yasmeen Dupree... the three of you showed us high calibre drag today.
Yasmeen: "I feel shined upon today. Oh, thank you lord for getting me in the Top 3!"
Yasmeen, you are safe.
Annie Kashaut, this week you served us a good Business Woman's Special. We drank it up. Condragulations, you are this weeks winner!
Annie: "My dear lord! I- I ugh I didn't expect this. I was worried I'd just be seen as some ditzy, pedestrian drag Queen- but I won my first episode of DRAG RACE!"
Liesel... well done. You are safe.
Liesel: "It's crazy as someone who has a distinguished career to see a part time drag Queen win against her.. I already know- this will be one crazy season."
Unfortunately, this means P0yzon, Juice and Agatha Velvet.. you are the bottom 3 of the week.
P0yzon is siiiiimmmmering.
Agatha Velvet: "It's a bit concerning being the bottom here. I just look inside myself, and hope for the best."
Agatha Velvet, You are... Safe.
This Means that P0yzon and Juice you are the bottom two of this week. Both of you will be Lip Syncing to Motivation, by Normani. Good Luck, and do not... fuuuuck it up.
P0yzon: "I am PISSED. I am a legendary Queen. I do NOT go home my first episode. This is fucked. I am going to destroy this Juice... irrelevant."
Juice: "P0yzon's energy is just toooooo much for week one. I am cool, calm and collected and for this song- that is all you need. I will show, and not tell- Unlike Miss P0yzon. I have never felt more ready."
P0yzon is fierce, and boy, can she dance. She hits the moves, serves the sexy, and it a helluva lot of fun. But Juice... Juice IS Normani. The moves, the attitude, the booty- Juice is serving every single element of it. It's... phonemenal.
Juice, Shantay you stay.
Yasmeen: "Woah. I... did not see this coming. P0yzon out first? My gosh, ya'll ain't playing this season!"
"Thank you, judges. I am happy to have the opportunity to be here another day." Juice grins.
P0yzon, Sashay Away....
"I am NOT a first out." P0yzon stomps off.
Agatha Velvet: "She says she isn't a first out... but.... the reality... Bye!"
Now my Queens...
This what disappointing, but... sometimes, life is.
Let's move on... but...
Be Prepared... because the other 7 Contestants are in the Werkroom... right....
submitted by AustralianChrono to RPDRfantasyseason [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 09:03 VictoryGardensCo Gupt camera sexy video

It’s been two years in a row now that the Avalanche have been knocked out in Game 7, in the second round of the playoffs. The puck hits the back of the net, the red light goes up behind the goal, and your stomach sinks below your feet. Part of you doesn’t know if it’s the 5 Coors lights finally hitting your stomach, or if it’s the realization that another season has come to a sharp, painful close, but it doesn’t particularly matter. The whole season has culminated into that one millisecond moment, and it makes the next 5 minutes feel like 10 years. We all know the feeling. The truth is, the 2010’s have been nasty to Avalanche fans. The beginning of the decade brought three seasons in a row of failure to qualify for the playoffs, and when we finally did in 2014, we lost to the Wild in the first round. Worse yet, the next 3 years after that would leave us out of the playoffs, and playing truly horrific hockey, amounting to statistically one of the worst seasons ever completed in NHL history. Times were rough.
But this years feels different.
Like many of you, I watched Kiviranta put it in the back of the net and for a brief second I had that same familiar feeling. Stomach drop, wind right out of the sails kind of feeling. But this time that normally overwhelming response quickly dissipated. Something about the lead up to that moment, and the two seasons prior to it, prompted a different feeling this time. We’re consistently getting close now and there’s good reason for that. We’re reaching heights again that we haven’t seen in well over a decade and despite going out in the same way two years in a row, there’s reason to be hopeful for this Avalanche team.
The Core The Avs young talent is reason enough to be excited for the coming 5 years, and is also one of the many reasons were looking good to the bookies for next years cup. But beyond the strength in our youth that Sakic and Co. have been able to bring in, we’ve got an all-star core group in Landeskog, Mackinnon, Rantanen and Makar.
All four bring various attributes to the squad, and before we go into the other three, I want to start first by exploring what Landy offers our side. The captain has now spent 8 years in Denver and his development and game-time intelligence are both next level. The guy simply knows where to be on the ice at all times. When you watch back any number of his highlight reels they all reveal how deadly his positioning is and how clinical his final touch is. In my opinion, it’s not just his technical ability that gets him his goals, but equally his vision and physicality. His ability to read the game and be where he need to be is what he brings to the table and at just 27, he’s still hopefully got another 10+ years with the Avalanche, making our captain a massive asset moving forward.
Mackinnon, however, brings something different to our side. He’s got the razzle dazzle. He’s got the moves. To put it plainly, the dude plays some sexy hockey. Honestly, how many times have you seen Mackninnon score and immediately thought “Holy sh*t, how did he do that?” Even beyond his technical ability, he knows how to hold the puck and distribute. The guy is built like a tank and it shows. Something that both he and Landeskog are able to do is control the speed of the game by maintaining possession, and they do that by using their size. Their holdup play allows for the rest of the line to breathe a little bit and get that extra inch of space going forward. Of course Mackinnon’s talent in finding and maneuvering into space is valued, but it’s this ability to maintain the puck in tight spaces that helps to bring our entire squad to the next level. Mackinnon is only 25 years old and is already competing for playoff records similar to that of Mark Messier and Wayne Gretsky. He’s playing unbelievable hockey and he seems happy doing it in Denver. As he starts to transition into one of the more veteran players in the league, one can only assume he’ll continue to put up points and make this team champions again.
Dude, where’s Makar (yeah it’s a bad joke, but it must be made and that’s the rule.) The third member of this group is Cale Makar and just like the other two, Cale won Rookie of the Year. His athleticism is matched by his game-time intelligence and he’s just barely old enough to order a beer. Kid is 21 years old (born in 98 if you want to feel old) and his talent is already center stage. He’s got the dangles and his ability to create space is what makes the defensemen a serious threat going forward. Granted, we do have to look past his weird chicken and mayo recipes, but I feel that for what he lacks in culinary expertise he certainly makes up for in his natural ability on camera (yes that's really him.) Either way, if we can manage to hold on to and develop this kid properly, he’ll continue to bring points, defensive stability, and a deep offensive threat for the Avs.
Finally, there’s Mikko Rantanen. The Moose. We could talk about his talent on and off the puck, or his deadly one-timers, or even his off-the-back goal against Calgary (a personal favorite), but I think what makes him so essential to this Avalanche team is his unselfish talent and the chemistry he provides. It’s easy to identify the players that make everything click and move. The kind of players that you notice when they’re gone, not necessarily because the goals aren’t coming, but because the fluidity isn’t there. Mikko provides just that for the Avalanche. Additionally, if his development since arriving in Denver is any indicator of what’s to come for our prospect pool, Sakic and every other exec will be over the moon. At just 23, he’s already racked up 250 points in just 281 games. Provided he sticks around, you can’t help but wonder just how good this kid might turn out to be.
The Investment and the Payoff: This season felt like the culmination of behind the scenes work over the last three years by Joe Sakic. His ambition and profound understanding of the game became abundantly clear following the infamous Duchene trade. In a situation that, at the time felt bleak at best, Sakic was able to create opportunity from despair. We lost Duchene, and in return got Andrew Hammond, Shane Bowers, a first round pick in 2018/2019, a third round pick in 2019, Sam Girrard, a 2nd round pick in 2018, and Vladislev Kamenev. Sakic traded one player, that already wanted to leave, and in return built the foundation for a Stanley Cup competing squad. Of course, this wouldn’t happen overnight, and Sakic would be hammered by fans, broadcasters, and everyone else, but over the course of the following two years, up until now, we’ve witnessed the results of this trade. How could you not look back and say “Yeah that was the right decision.” We’ve seen what Sakic is capable of when the chips are stacked against him, and now we get to see what happens when the cards are in his hands.
Even if it all falls apart, some bad trades happen, injuries start to hit, etc.. it’s nice to feel excited about our hockey team again. We’re competing like the early 2000s and you can’t help but look forward to December.
submitted by VictoryGardensCo to ColoradoAvalanche [link] [comments]

2020.10.26 21:39 LawnTwitNeo Gupt camera sexy video

What a better time to seek a connection when the world is falling apart? Here's to hoping...
I often get described as an old soul due to some of my interests but I'll let you be the judge of that. I am quite a fan of the writing style included in old literature and fascinated by the beauty of it, writing letters (I am yet to own a typewriter), 50's-60's music being my favourite genre also including the way they dressed back then [yes ladies, wearing a skirt below the knee is sexy!] I quite like going for walks in nature and taking snaps on my camera -- I am a beginner and still learning but it would be fun to have someone to share any future shots with. If any of this interested you at all, you know where to find me!
submitted by LawnTwitNeo to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]

2020.10.26 21:33 LawnTwitNeo Gupt camera sexy video

What a better time to fall in love when the world is falling apart? Here's to hoping...
I often get described as an old soul due to some of my interests but I'll let you be the judge of that. I am quite a fan of the writing style included in old literature and fascinated by the beauty of it, writing letters (I am yet to own a typewriter), 50's-60's music being my favourite genre also including the way they dressed back then [yes ladies, wearing a skirt below the knee is sexy!] I quite like going for walks in nature and taking snaps on my camera -- I am a beginner and still learning but it would be fun to have someone to share any future shots with. If any of this interested you at all, you know where to find me!
submitted by LawnTwitNeo to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2020.10.26 05:16 auuemui Gupt camera sexy video

that’s right, i made a challenge for myself all UP BABEY (mostly)* i was in foster care so this is gonna get ugly, but...
i made up my own challenge. i had a particularly self destructive episode— to the point where i’m wondering if i have some undiagnoseable rare illness to committing extremely cognitive dissonance-ish things (my therapist says i am normal and some people really do have a final, most horrible episode before it’s all finally over). like seriously, i was not myself and not really even sure how i was managing to do all of this. my brain was screaming no so loudly and i couldn’t even get it. it’s like i was walking headfirst into a volcano and just watching myself plunge into fire. i even hurt people i cared about deeply, people who would normally stick by my side had i been the gentler me i was. what the hell was wrong with me?

  • also i was a jackass when i was being self destructive but thank god for my self awareness (read: my therapist touching my
*tw for brief mentions of cutting, suicidal ment, foster care abuse (!! pls do not read if you suffer from trauma caused by foster care!!), self-bodily harm, and sexual abuse/harm to oneself (yes i found out that’s actually what i was doing to myself i- 😃 it only happened one time, and it was disgusting, i was disgusted as soon as it was over. disgusted that i kept it. but good lord i did— oof. i didnt even know sexual harm to oneself that was a thing?)
ANYWAY, i decided it’s time to get it over. my therapist and i focused on my anxiety at first— but now we are hard-tackling self destructive behavior after a difficult breakup for me. she says i have been doing so well. i’ve reintroduced myself to my friends and told them of the bad things i’ve done. i’m learning a lot about myself. i let my friends make me download tinder (to “see the fish...” sigh i need at least a few days girl i am GROWING), my ex super liked me, i worried about their mental health, and then i deleted it. i was depressed for like two hours before i was like “well, i mean, don’t i want to be the girl to be normally super liked, without all of this baggage? to be loved by someone i find beautiful in every way, to where i know when he is talking about something excited really fast he blinks a bit faster and smiles more crookedly? to where i know him through and through, we share experiences and kindness and sensitivity in common, and he knows all of me too? i mean, that’s all i want.” so yeah. i’m really good at this destructive behavior, and so i had to find a good way to get past it.
ever since my breakup i have been reading. and reading. and more reading. i’ve named the impulsive behavior, recognized gateways to it, and i’m going to be working on self improvement for the next 30 days. i want to be healthy, because it’s the only way things in my life will be healthy. i have to reject survival instincts and realize i’m safe.
every day, 30 days, i have to do something for my goal. anything. i go through my day and think of it positively. one creative thing a day. before my episode, i was neglecting my passions and putting expectations on normalcy to just even things out. absolutely not. i stopped walking/running and my sciatica was flaring up. not good.
i started posting a thread on social media of a short description of my day, starting with day one. the advantage to this was there is a character limit, so i had to report only good things that occurred.
first post was low effort and tired, went to a meeting and submitted an internship application. second day i had a good contribution to discussion in class, and dicked around in Minecraft for fun. third day i made poetry, played Minecraft, and even found a gift card i’d thought i lost! soon i’ll be going to EMDR therapy and i’ve been buying audiobooks on how to be a better lover, to be a better me. to be the me that i always dream of. my survival instinct of fight or flight shouldn’t be fought. it should be tamed. it can be useful and powerful. i can trust the people around me, and i can love as wholly as if i was never damaged at all, and never expected from my parents to be someone and something that i wasn’t, to use my body, emotions, and loves in ways that disgust me to my own very core and morals. i didn’t even know i could bring other people to my therapy sessions. now i do. i’m tired of hating myself and making things worse. befriending myself is how i will be better. i am so cool and so kind, people love how genuine and sensitive i can be. i am a good person, and i can be a wonderful friend to myself. i love myself.
if you saw someone you loved suffering, physically and visually decaying and cracking apart— would you not want to help them? would you not scream as you watch them fade away from what they once were? would you cry and shriek as they crumbled to dust in front of your eyes? something that was hard for me to realize was that others feel the same way when they saw me suffering and lashing out, keeping things to myself to avoid being whole— it had to be hammered into me. i have a lot of love, i just don’t know where to put it. i don’t know if i should be trusted with love, when i should know that i can. love for myself, love for others, and love for the poor girl that my parents beat into the dust until she was back for revenge and wanting to destroy things for the sake of reliving a past that was unbearable but familiar... that is self destruction.
i have heard of a beautiful thing, called kintsugi. i know this is getting long, but bear with me. i firmly believe in this— the act of coming back together and becoming stronger than before. in relationships, in love for myself, in repairing my head. i am already in the final stretch with my therapy— EDMR will help me through to the goal. remembering and facing trauma i cannot remember or decipher properly will be wonderful for me. i won’t have anyone there to keep me sane when i get out of the appointments (i heard people are shakey at first), but i will live and i will be stronger than before! i refuse to be trapped in this eternal cycle forever. this and the pandemic (the chance at normalcy in routines and relationships) have ruined the year for me. i’m going to make the best of this— i’m going to get better.
my goals are 1. get an internship, job, or study abroad secured, either now or for 2020. if you had had one of those things, you would have not had an outlet for self destructive behavior. also, i am going to start phone banking for the candidate i’m settling for. this is healing my mind too, i’ve already signed up for the training required, which will also give me a lot of experience for other fields! i hate beating on the inner child that already feels like shit for doing muchthings wrong, but get a fuckin job m8
  1. get fit. i was already close to my goal, but i started lagging behind maybe three or four weeks before my episode. i noticed my mood changed drastically when i stopped. i’m already noticing a change and it’s been like five days since i started my challenge (i think?). i have no doubt i will be highly successful in whatever career i choose, but if my body and health lag behind i won’t get better.
  2. better my emotions and my thoughts on myself. why do i hate myself? plenty of people find me charismatic, and i’ve been told i’m lovely— constantly downing myself is not attractive and also actually really fucking bad for my funny silly head. i AM kind, i AM very smart, i co-founded adorable, i’m sexy and i’m the person excluding a confident air. i want to always be that. i won’t strive for some perfectionist attitude that’s out of reach, or offer unsolicited advice out of the goodness of my heart when really i was being a jackass and not watching my words. i’ve been doing really well on this step, honestly, and i wouldn’t have done so well had i not taken some kind of accountability.
  3. find more healthy outlets. i love to blow the shit out of stuff in minecraft. would have been nice to know. and also i forgot i own like... fidget toys. i also LOVE writing poetry and i didn’t really write poems about anything but love during my relationship (have them in a back file for when i’m ready to reread, they were going to be a spontaneous zine gift). why did i stop writing? simple: self destructive. also i LOVE video games, and there are lots of them recommended to from steam lists i’m dying to try. job will help me afford this and pay for my future/emergencies for loved ones.
  4. focus less on social media. i’m boggled at the amount of horrible thoughts and things i’ve said out loud because social media made me feel like i was okay. i have autism. navigating these spaces made me pick up social schemas. social media is not a good place to learn how to act with other people or lovers. also the stuff with [famous controversial celebrity] was starting to drive me nuts with how little people care about mental health of bipolar people (im not bipolar but i care a lot about other people). every week it feels like a new reason to beat people down instead of tackling problems. also the guy literally published a trash gospel album after bangers so give him a break (yes i like kanye)
  5. work on my etsy shop and my personal art. i actually love being artistic- i don’t really know if i’m good, but i’ve always been able to push past that embarrassment (anime drawings from 2012, rawrxD anyone?)! i would love for this hobby to pick up the pace and become a side hustle. it is already somewhat successful which is lovely ♥️
  6. rebuild my relationships with the people i care about. my therapist told me now that i’m at my lowest, all i can do is dig back up. additionally, there’s no reason to make tons of promises i won’t be able to keep up with even if i can eventually fufill them. one, cute, sweet little promise of a gift or trip one at a time. i’ve been reintroducing myself to friends— it’s hard to admit, but i had an impulsive lying problem that became a main self destructive habit once i got rid of the others (cutting, suicide, hair teething). it was reactionary, something i picked up as a child and was nourished by a picky foster care system, from parents with ridiculous expectations of me to be perfect and strive by any means to be successful and shower people in lavish gifts. what a joke. being happy is the ultimate goal, and should always be. my friends are not happy with my decisions or my lies to seem cooler, or to be able to help them better. but they are forgiving me because they know it’s not who i am, not who i want to be, and i am blessed to be a person who can experience deep change. ^ this is also really important because i HAVE to take accountability for the things i’ve done wrong. i myself was tired of watching people walk away without a wound to lick— going through that myself is an experience where i am not getting off scot free and i am having to do real recollection. other times were not really like this— i didn’t really tell more than one or two people who were upset with me but then forgave me. this had to change. i love the people around me more than anything, i am a person who literally wants to dedicate their life to studying the love and interactions between people. i wish i knew how to phrase this better, but bearing my soul is one of the only ways people will begin to know and understand me. i never, ever have to suffer alone again.
  7. tell myself “i love you” often. i look in the mirror. when i tell you i cried the first time i did this- i’m not lying. i deserve love, especially from myself. i feel so warm inside when i do it. i feel happy, genuinely. i can forget about all the bad things that happened to me, i’m here in the now and i deserve love. i am working hard, i am capable of change, i already changing, and i love me so dearly.
  8. and of course, lots of sleep ;3!! i feel like getting awful sleep contributed more to my breakdown than i want to admit. but hey, self awareness is a powerful and effective first step not everyone is blessed with from the get go! but boy oh boy, sleep is way bigger than you think because it’s one of those things that keeps you sane.
  9. delete and block anything that is going to hurt or destroy you. there are multiple extensions you can download to block sites. i guess if you applied this in your own life it could be for porn, shopping addiction, etc. i also got rid of a lot of the crap i felt was taking up parts of my life. my computer had tons of MBs taken up from memes from 2016 on it for gods sake
  10. looks at camera stop smoking pot unless it’s social. it only becomes a problem when you don’t do that. i don’t even really have addictive tendencies so i don’t really know how this happened. anyway it’s day 3 of no weed and i honestly feel like the first two days were the worst but i’m doing okay now!
the important thing is to not speed through my trauma thinking i’m “fixed”. it’s not that i’m wanting to be performative (otherwise why would i stop chewing my nails, who tf was that for other than me?), but i actually have a grip on the resources i need. i talked to my guardians about adoption, something that had been stressing me out for a long time. i told my friends i did something terrible, they cried and were even harsh with me but they told me they know i can do better. they have seen me like this before, and they can still see a harder push for progress even now.
i am absolutely a person who can change. even after episodes in the past— i get better, every time. but no more punching bags. only soft whispers, gentle asks for help, trusting the people i know and love— starting anew in every way.
regardless, every day has to just be an inch to my goals! no stress, no push, just the motivation alone. if i can prove this to myself... well, i think i can do anything. i’ve made a lot of fuckups, some spontaneously long ago and some in a landslide that kept piling up on me. everyone says i can recover and be more beautiful. more wonderful. more me. now i believe that i can now, too. i’ve noticed an incredible change in my mindset. and my therapist has, too.
if you read this, thank you. i appreciate it. if you have any advice, i’d be happy to hear it. growing, i’ve learned the hard way, does in fact require help from others.
edit: i forgot to mention it, but starting is the most important part!! when i start one on task for the challenge, i feel really good when i’m done if i enjoy that task. then i can start another. and another, getting drunk on that good feeling. frankly, i don’t know why i wasn’t doing it before. i think i really got the smack in the forehead i needed to be back in reality and face the person my mother wants me to be— but as the person i know i can become.
submitted by auuemui to DecidingToBeBetter [link] [comments]

2020.10.25 21:00 AustralianChrono Virtual Drag Race Asia Season 1: Episode 10- Ramen Time

Virtual Drag Race Asia Season 1: Episode 10- Ramen Time Oda Nobukatsu tries his hardest, and delivers.. dramatics, theatrical... but nothing compares to Tara. In a moment, all her fragility, her emotion, her power, her grace... it is there, and it's strong. Every movement is like a show, and their group is mesmerized... and the judges can feel it. Honey's eyes well with tears as Tara... gives her all.
Tara, Shantay you stay. That was.. beautiful.
Tara smiles. "Thank you."
Tara: "I'm sad for Nobu, but I am happy to be here still. It's a sacrifice... that had to happen."
Oda Nobukatsu, you are a strong, powerful king, and you've given us so much. It's a shame to say, Sashay... Away.
Nobu smiles. "Thank you for this opportunity. It's... been beautiful. I may not leave with a crown, but... I've gotten so much more." Nobu grins at Tomana, who goes up and hugs him.
Oda Nobukatsu: "I... am sad. But, if I know anything, I know that... sometimes, you don't get what you want, and... it is okay. I'll be okay."
Lipstick Message: "It was... a beautiful journey."
The Monarch's enter the werkroom.
"....Nobu...." Tomana frowns.
"These eliminations just keep getting harder and harder..." Sakuya looks around.
"I'm..." Tara exhales. "Just happy to still be here. To prove myself. To give my all..."
"How are you feeling, Mr Tomana?" Bangcock turns to face Tomana.
"You two were close... Do you think there was something there?" Jennie says.
"I think... there could be. Nobu was sweet... and he made me smile. But now I stand here..." Tomana sighs. "And I must move forward..."
"We're getting closer and closer to the end." Holly shakes her head. "And it's terrifying."
"Almost all of us have a win now..." Fabroa smirks.
"I have to say, I thought I had that in the bag, but giiiiirllll..." Jennie nods. "You stole the show."
"I have to say, it feels so good to get a win after... god, 9 challenges?" Fabroa shakes her head. "It's insane..."
"Only me left..." Holly looks around. "I know I can do this..."
"Not if I get there first." Fabroa grins. "I've gotten a taste, and now I want seconds."
"Same with me." Bangcock laughs.
"Oh, me too..." Sakuya smiles.
"I want a third taste." Jennie grins.
"It's getting competitive in here..." Tomana shrugs. "And I want my second win..."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, you can debate here. But..." Tara whips her hair. "I don't need a second win. I just need to win this competition."
The next day, Jennie sits alone, writing on a notepad.
"What are you doing?" Holly looks at Jennie. "Writing...?"
"Honey said last night I... didn't get to show enough of myself. So, I'm writing a list of facts." Jennie shrugs. "1. I Love Dancing. 2. I have 10002 Instagra-"
"I think Honey said... more so... to show a side to yourself. Not necessarily just.."
"Oh, she'll like this list. I know." Jennie nods.
"If you're..." Holly shrugs. "I won't fault you..."
Honey Soy looks dead into the camera as she eats, slurps and drinks bits of Ramen.
"I..." Sakuya looks confused.
My Monarch's, for this week's maxi challenge, we're going to see your branding skills in action. Each of you will craft your own brand of RAMEN! Pick the flavours, the taste... and then write, create, and film your own advertisement for your brand!
Sakuya Kuromi: "To write...the words flash, and I am so damn excited. I have idea flashing in my head, and... I instantly know what to do."
We want to see a flavour that's relevant to who YOU are. This is a challenge to show off creativity- I don't want basic ramen... I want you to go WILD. Create something authentic, crazy, and... on-brand!
Madame Fabroa: "This is somewhere I can go wild. Big. Over The Top. Camp. Fabroa!"
As they prepare, Honey goes to visit the Monarch's.
Jennie Ulsan...
"Honey." Jennie smiles.
So tell me, what are... you doing this week?
"I wanted to create something that's... fun. Fierce. Something that will grab that glamour, that glitz and make people go... ooooh. Damn, I want HER ramen." Jennie smirks.
So... your idea... is... fierce Ramen?
I'll be honest, Jennie. I'm... not impressed with the idea. I think it sounds a bit... silly, if we're being honest. I get your brand is...
"Just... fierce." Jennie shrugs.
I think there's more than that, though. That's the thing. I feel like you give this facade of DIVA. DANCE. WOAH. But there is more.
"I don't know, Honey..."
I want to see people playing up traits. Making a bit of a joke on themselves. Playing fun. I don't see this... and I'll be honest, I think you should redo this entire thing.
Jennie gulps.
I mean, do what you want. But... my advice is? Thing creativerse.
Jennie Ulsan: "I'm... like. Woah. I'm going to lip sync this week. I feel stressed, I feel dumb for even thinking the idea... and then I ponder. Maybe... I can play upon this feeling. I.. realise I have an idea, and it's good.
Sakuya Kuromi..
Sakuya looks into her notepad as Honey comes over. "Hello!"
You're on the whole other side of the werkroom today!
"I... decided... to give myself space to think, create and write." Sakuya smiles. "A little bit away from everyone else, which I think... I needed."
That's good. I think you're... an empathetic person, yes?
"I am. I have lived, you know, in a family that... I guess, I was always second fiddle. So it's hard to crack the shell. But what you said in the critiques last-"
That you... are too focused on others.
"Hit me. It was true. So... i'm working hard tonight. I want to show what I do that none of the others do here. Give that gothic, dark references, and give a spooky advertisement." Sakuya laughs.
I'm excited. I think you have a lot of potential, Sakuya, but you've been floundering since your first week. But this? This excites me.
"I can't wait to show you the final result." Sakuya smiles.
The Monarch's present their Special Ramen Flavour and Advertisements!
  1. Holly B with Apple B's: Apple Ice Cream Ramen
  2. Jennie Ulsan with Insecurity and Stupidity: Diet Protein Ramen
  3. Madame Fabroa with The DASH Of Fabulous!: Candy Coated Ramen
  4. Mr Bangcock with The Cock and The Rooster: Chicken Broth Ramen
  5. Sakuya Kuromi with The Dark Cauldron: Black Sesame Ramen
  6. Tara with The Angelic Bite: Angel Food Cake Dessert Ramen
  7. Tomana Gerri with ZOOM ZOOM!: The Super Speedy Spicy Ramen
As they get ready for the 'Food Eleganza' Runway, Tomana chats with Bangcock.
"How... has your reception been in Japan for being a drag king? I feel like... there's not many of us. Let alone... in Asia..." Bangcock looks to Tomana.
"I just!" Tomana smiles. "I think of Joy. I love to make people smile, make them happy... and that is the mentality with my drag. I faced a lot of..." Tomana frowns. "Negativity, initially..."
"I was the same." Bangcock nods.
"They said... what I was doing wasn't drag. But it was! It was... my expression of happiness, of the light in my life, of how I like to make people walk away going... wow. I think... I gave them only the good, never the bad, the nasty... and they realised what I was doing was the same. Just made differently!" Tomana grins.
"I kinda was the same. I wanted to bring joy, bring light, and make people grin. But..." Bangcock laughs. "Along the way, I realised I love what so many Thai drag queens bring when they deliver the sex. So... I got some whips, got a harness..."
"And Sexed it up." Tomana laughs.
"Exactly. I mean... we're Queer men. Why not play with that sexuality? It's innate... and I am proud of it. I work hard. It makes people just as excited as a comedy show... just in a different way." Bangcock laughs.
"I don't know if I could do sexy well. My Dog always tells me not to do it." Tomana shrugs. "So I don't."
"Your... dog?" Bangcock looks confused.
"Yeah, I speak to animals." Tomana grins.
Who wins?
submitted by AustralianChrono to RPDRfantasyseason [link] [comments]

2020.10.25 16:35 christmaselfforbf Sexy video gupt camera

So since my boyfriend and I got together at christmas eve last year, I figured it would be fun to make him a little advent calendar with steamy pictures of me, sweets, little gifts maybe and little drawings I make for him. I don't really have an issue with the other three, but the pictures are giving me a hard time. I really want to make them as interesting as possible and since he gets nudes of myself quite regularly, I don't really know how to make them something new, so that he won't roll his eyes out of boredom at the third one he's unpacking. Since I'm a student, I don't have that much money and getting different sexy costumes for the pictures is totally out of my budget. So please, If you have any idea on what poses I could do, how I could make the picture more creative and what DIY "Lingerie" / "Costume" I could use, tell me. Also any advice on gow to make the pictures more professional looking would be great (I'll be working with my phones camera.). Any tipp will do. Thank you in advance.
TLDR: Need advice on how to make sexy pictures more appealing.
P.S. Sorry for my bad english. I'm not a native speaker
submitted by christmaselfforbf to sex [link] [comments]