2020.10.24 23:20 KevinSuperTramp Need help getting out of FEMDOM
I'm a 27 years old male and I've been watching femdom porn for almost 10 years now. And I've now realised how stupid it is. I want to quit it. I want to quit the thoughts. Watching a scene where a woman is dominating arouses me now. My brain has adapted to such things. My gf doesn't know about this. It has become a hidden fantasy. I feel ashamed now.
It was when I started seeking femdom experience in real life this year that I realised how stupid and unreal of a fantasy it is. I didn't do it yet. But I'm afraid I might fall into the trap and cheat my girlfriend as I can't do these stuff with her. It's too sick. Thus, I've decided to come out of this. Rewire my brain.
I know there are a lot of posts on reddit related to how to quit femdom but I need to hear from someone who really has overcome this thing for real. Please guys help me out of this. Should I seek a counsellor for this? Or is it too late to change now?
P.S. I'm not very active on reddit, so if I take some time in the reply, please bear with me
submitted by KevinSuperTramp to NoFap [link] [comments]
2020.10.16 21:29 xendrei This is starting to get creepy
So it's middle of the night here and I was about to go to sleep.
I get a call from a private numbeunknown number.
The first thought that came to mind is that my ex cheating gf is trying to get in contact with me.
I specifically told her to leave me alone and that I want to move on.
She tried to call me several times, email me, Instagram message me from different accounts (because she's blocked on everything), email me again and I didn't answer at all. Everything she sends goes to spam.
I saw her today at the gym by accident (it's the biggest gym in the city) and we had eye contact for 2 seconds. I looked at her with disgrace and desconsideration then I minded my own business.
So I get this first call and I rejected it immediately because I never answer private calls in the first place. If someone has something to say, it won't call me with a hidden number.
Then, the private number calls again and I let it ring until the call was ended.
This is already starting to scare me and feel harrased. I'm almost sure is her because she tried to get in contact with me by email just 24 hours ago. Read my last post from my profile, the email is revealed there.
I don't want to change my number as I use it for my business and have like hundreds of clients know my number, plus hundreds of friends.
Why is she doing this? I didn't expect it from her. I mean, ok you email me... You try to message me on social media, but calling with unknown number in the middle of the night when I've clearly expressed that I no longer want to have any contact with you...
You guys advised me to expect more in the last post... What do you think might happen next? What the hell is going through her twisted mind?
submitted by xendrei to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]
2020.10.16 14:53 confusing_times_ta New relationship has been great except my GF struggles with insecurity and jealousy. Need Advice.
It's been a long time since I've posted in here, but I'm finding I need advice from people that are not in my immediate circle.
I met a great girl about 3 months ago. We connected on Hinge and from the first evening sending messages back and forth, things felt different. We had a great connection and conversation just clicks. After going on a so-so socially-distanced first date, we decided to plan something a little less sterile for the second......and it was amazing. We've been spending a TON of time together since the pandemic has but a huge damper on really doing anything else. We're both absolutely crazy about each other and care so much about this relationship.
So here's the thing, she's been basically single for 8 years because she hasn't really met anyone that ticked her boxes or anyone that things ended up going anywhere with. The 8-year long-term relationship she was in prior to this 8-years of being solo was an absolute gong show and did a lot of damage. The guy was an absolute basket case. He was an alcoholic, he cheated on her, ignored her, etc etc. It did a lot of damage and hurt her a lot... And since this is the first relationship she's been in since then really, I'm struggling to deal with a LOTTTTT of insecurity issues, trust issues, and jealousy.
I'm so into this girl and I have been nothing but attentive, affectionate, vocal, and supportive. I have given her zero reason to ever doubt how I feel about her and how much I care about her because I have flat out said it to her face many times. I tell her she's beautiful and sexy, motivated, intelligent....etc.........yet somehow her insecurities seem to get the best of her and then her imagination goes wild. She's worried about my interactions with certain people on social media.
The other day she brought up 2 females in particular. One who used to be a very good friend of mine and I've talked about a little bit, and this week she decided to do some Googling and found a bunch of stuff out about her and then asked me about it. There's also another acquaintance on Instagram that I have who she asked about. My GF even went so far as to go through this girls photos and see which photos I was liking and how often and then compare it to my other friends. I've liked 3 photos she's posted in the past 4 months and somehow that's too many. It's fucking crazy..... My relationship with this girl is strictly plutonic. We have the same breed of dog that we've bonded over and I like how she sees the world through her camera so I like the odd photo of hers (and sometimes she's in them). My girlfriend says she needs to understand this relationship and what I get out of it. I told my girlfriend that this chick likes 4000kms away and that our relationship is nothing more than about dogs and photos. Somehow that's not enough for her and she's asking to see my direct messages....which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I feel like I'm being put on trial here for doing absolutely nothing wrong and I have nothing to hide, but because my girlfriend can't control her imagination, now suddenly I'm hiding something if I don't show her what's going on??!?! I offered to show her my DM's one time when we were talking about social media a few weeks ago, and she was talking about how she doesn't like DM's because people can be sneaky and things are hidden from plain sight. I said that text messaging is the same way, how is it any different? At which point I opened my DMs and offered to show her what mine look like, but she declined. Except now that she's asking to see, I pretty much don't want to show her because it's a matter of principle....which makes me seem like an asshole, but frankly my patience is running very thing for this irrational behaviour.
I'm trying to hard to be patient and understanding with her and I know it's going to take time for her to undo the damage that idiot caused her so long ago, but I've been in a relationship before with a very insecure woman and I'm really scared things are going to end up the same way. I don't know how to deal with this issue anymore. I've suggested that she talk to someone about it, but I think she's embarrassed to. She has flat out admitted that she's not proud of this snooping behaviour, but somehow she still wants me to explain myself even though I have explained myself. It doesn't seem to be enough, she wants to see our interactions for herself to "put her mind at ease". We've been fighting for 4 days about this shit and I'm so sick of it. I'm exhausted, tired, and hurt for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Please help me. Give me some advice on how to handle this.
edit: Added some more context to DM's
**UPDATE: I flat out told her that she will not ever see my personal conversations and she's accepted that and thinks it's fair. I told her if she doesn't trust my words based on my actions then she needs to break up with me, because I can't be in an untrusting relationship. She has apologized profusely for hurting me and damaging our relationship and has come up with steps to try and work through this on her own. If this comes up again after a period of time and there are no improvements, if we can't go see a counsellor together.....I'm walking away.
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2020.10.05 16:48 Meda5Oct Cheating gf hidden
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submitted by Meda5Oct to u/Meda5Oct [link] [comments]
2020.10.02 00:52 the_T_1000 Cheating hidden gf
See last post for more information
My gf is shy and doesn't really have friends, she had 1 male friend and I was okay with that, I completely trusted her until 2 days ago.
Yesterday I tried explaining that I was really insecure and now couldn't trust her because of what she did, i explained how my ex cheated on me. She said that she was going to end her conversations with him (she said she only been talking to him for maybe a week) she chatted with him on whatsapp, she said he was respectful towards and the first time they chatted he said he wanted to be with her bur she said she had a boy and loves him (she showed me the texts) he is a 28M who had a kid but I think she still wants to get with her cuz when I found out I read the text he sent saying "Tell me when your alone"i felt so emotional exhausted yesterday, i was going to end our relationship but she slept begging and kept telling me she did nothing bad, I believe her but she kept him hidden from me, told me that I'd get jealous because she talked to a male friend, i honestly felt really awful because she didn't trust me.
Well today we got together and she even brought me food and faked a proposal, saying that she only loves (which I stupidly went alone with it). I honestly that we were being going to be alright but sometimes while driving i saw her out of my corner of the eye looking at me and down at her phone. And when I entered my room, I saw her on her phone and she looked at me with panic in her eyes then down on her phone, i thought maybe i caught her off guard and startle her a bit. She kept her phone on display and didn't hid it away the whole time she was at my place but I got this feeling that she still talks to that man. But today she also she'd me her contacts list saying she isn't talking to him anymore but am confused because she only talked to him on whatsapp.
She is very affectionate towards me, saying she loves me all the time and has shown no signs of distancing her self from me. Am I being jealous and insecure or is she hiding him from me? Need advice plz
submitted by the_T_1000 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2020.10.01 16:22 HaulA1Oct Cheating gf hidden
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submitted by HaulA1Oct to u/HaulA1Oct [link] [comments]
2020.10.01 03:24 MCBabyhands Cheating gf hidden
I’m really really sad and my heart is hurting. I don’t know how much this counselor is going to be able to do for us... it seems pointless for us to be going. You’ve never made me or my feelings a priority. It’s always been your needs first. Your wants. Your ....everything comes first. And if that’s how it is that’s fine. But the counselor, she is right. I’m not going to be able to do this if I’m not a priority, the only priority you have outside of the kid.... for quite a while. And it seems disingenuous that someone has to tell you what you need to do when you know exactly what you should have done from beginning, but didn’t, once again because of YOUR wants, feelings, and needs, it’s always and only what you want and feel like you need to do. I am obviously never going to be on that list and it’s something that truly kills me inside every day.
I understand that you are going through intense emotions right now as well and I am not trying to invalidate your right to have those emotions right now. whenever I come to you with another truth you have intentionally hid from me you become extremely distant and shut off from me. This only leads me into a worse spiral of confusion, pain, grief, and mental exhaustion. You haven’t come to me once to just apologize unprompted outside of a conversation I have initiated. While I appreciate and accept your apologies when you provide them, they seem forced when you can’t look me in the eye when you see my pain and try to comfort me, reassure me, or just humble yourself enough to empathize with the absolute pain your actions have caused me. I feel gutted. Completely gutted. You told me that it was a one time mistake, that you did it and left very early bc you felt guilty. Only on Monday when I found your tape did you admit to it being more than once. Not only did you do it more than once, you had a plan devised to tape it, keep it, and you watched it a week before I confronted you last month. You made a video of you cheating on me. You made it knowing the issues I had with your choice to watch and masturbate to your old sex videos before you left with her that fall. You did this, kept it, and continued to delight in your betrayal of our relationship, of us, like it was nothing. This doesn’t make me feel like you have remorse for the affair, the initial acts and the years following, it makes me feel like you are pissed and regret getting caught... but had this never happened (me finding out) you would have never stopped on your own. I don’t feel like you truly think you did anything wrong. Your actions make me feel that You think it was innocent. You feign empathy for my pain but you don’t see why it’s a big deal... you cheated yes... but you could have continued to cheat and you didn’t. What I’m telling you is that you cheated the hold time. You have an emotional connection or a need for an outside connection other than me that you kept secret bc there was something there that wasn’t appropriate.
You will never ever know the pain that you have caused me. And you dig the knife in deeper when you punish me emotionally by ignoring me and the situation completely. Why can’t you offer me comfort? Why can’t you reassure me that you are sorry. That you fucked up. That you’re committed to never putting me in this position again. That our relationship is important, so important that you recognize that you have been emotionally and at times verbally gaslighting me so that I have to come crawling back to you to beg for some sort of acknowledgement? Why do you get angry at me for bringing up what you have done. For holding you accountable for your continual lies? Why? Why can’t you be honest with me? Do you think you are committed to correcting this behavior that has destroyed what I thought we had? What kind of relationship did you think we had before I found out? Did you like any of it? What were your favorite parts? What did you hate? I had friends and acquaintances that aside from your reasons for going away, wanted our relationship. We seemed like the strongest, most loving, best friends, ride or die partners they had ever known and they wished their relationships had our strength... I though we were all those things. In an instant everything is shattered. And instead of getting everything out in the open so WE can start to rebuild and make it through... you have kept things hidden over the last 7 weeks that if you had just been honest in the beginning I could compartmentalism everything and start to work on healing, you let it continually be discovered where I have to go through every earth shattering emotion and feeling of betrayal and sadness all over again. I have to start back at one over and over again and then I have to come back to you, begging you to acknowledge my existence, making you feel needed and wanted for you to even get us to move forward. I shouldn’t be the one doing this... I shouldn’t have to push, drag, and pull you through this kicking and screaming. If our relationship is important, if I am important, you should be doing this knowing that it hurts me now, but that we will get through this because you are dedicated to coming out of this on the other side, together, stronger and better than we have been. You never even gave us a fighting chance the last 15 years by continually feeding into your own belief that I WAS THE ONE who has an issue with your friendship. You told Becca, Thomas, the George’s, Matt Simpson, your family... that I was some over jealous gf that wouldn’t allow you to maintain a innocent friendship with your ex gf... You have continually told yourself this lie to justify your need for secrecy and your need to keep her close to you. I never did anything before to give you the impression that I disapproved of your friendship. YOU kept Becca and I separate. YOU maintained a lie that you made up and let anyone else in our live in on that lie to make me seem like the unreasonable one.
submitted by MCBabyhands to u/MCBabyhands [link] [comments]
2020.09.25 00:57 poopoot My (22M) jealousy and paranoia is destroying my relationship with my girlfriend (22F) of 4.5 years.
TLDR; I can’t trust my girlfriend because there’s no way I can know 100% that she’s not lying to me about stuff. I’m having really irrational fears that are driving her crazy.
I’ve had this gut feeling almost the entire relationship that my gf lied about being a virgin and/or is cheating on me. I don’t have any real evidence, I think the only reason I have this feeling is due to her outgoing personality.
But she also used to do things when we were in high school that made me worry, like tell me I need to wait around the corner while she picks up weed because her dealer has a crush on her and gives her free stuff. We went to different schools so it seemed like it’d be easy for her to get away with stuff.
There was also an incident where she deleted a guys response to her “like for a tbh” because he said something like “i heard you broke up with your bf because you didn’t want one dick the rest of your life” or something (even tho all of our “breaks” were initiated by me.) I only found out about this twitter DM through an email she received and when I asked her about it she denied it over and over again. I feel that this showed me that even if I know something is true, she will deny it to my face repeatedly. I thought this was really messed up because if I was in her position I would have felt guilty and fessed up. She admitted that he did message her but kept saying she didn’t know what he was talking about or where he heard that from.
Fast forward to today:
Anyway all of that was years ago, nowadays both of us are busy working and almost never really hang out with anyone else. We both recently signed a lease on our first apartment. I doordash with her car while she works at a preschool and a restaurant on weekends.
I have some extremely irrational fears. Like, my girlfriend would have to be a criminal mastermind to pull off the things I worry about. Every little thing that doesn’t “add up” to me, I start jumping through hoops figuring out how that could mean she’s cheating on me. Even just her break getting pushed back at work.
I pick her up during her lunch breaks but for some reason I can’t help but worry she’s getting longer breaks than she tells me, and is spending the time with somebody else. She’s constantly snapchatting her new coworkers lately (all women) and I’ve been always telling her every little thing I worry she’s doing, and I always ask who she’s talking to etc.
Basically: how the fuck do i stop having these irrational fears? It’s driving her insane when I tell her I’m panicking about her all the time.
It’s like I’m waiting for concrete proof that she is telling me the truth, but that doesn’t exist and I haven’t accepted that.
Edit: I failed to mention that I’ve made a good share of mistakes. I’ve never cheated, but my addiction to porn has led me to do some fucked up things that I’ve admitted to her and hurt her greatly. Is it possible that the only reason I think she’s hiding stuff is because I know how i’ve hidden things from her in the past?
submitted by poopoot to relationships [link] [comments]
2020.09.15 09:58 Tucker-French Cheating gf hidden
Short Review: Buy the quickshot launch (QSL)! You will not regret it! You will get excited to use your QSL and may even feel like you are cheating on your GF/SO in a great way because it's totally legal!
Long Review: I have owned and operated standard Fleshlights since about 2006. Having the QSL make me cum while just leaning back in my chair and watching porn was the best thing ever! It felt like using a fleshlight for the first time race... Fucking amazing!
I have a very thick cock, a 6" circumference and 6.5" long, so I had to cut away the square studs of flesh material around the outside center of the sleeve. Now the QSL can go all the way down to the base of my dick and it only slows down a little bit. before cutting away the material the machine would go all the way down but the motor be working so hard that it would move very slowly. I know this would break the motor sooner or later so I made the modification to the sleeve. I will probably be the first to buy the Quickshot Launch 2.0 if/when they ever make it!
(Note: I am in a sexually active and satisfying relationship with my GF of 3 years. However my drive is greater than hers so I will do her 2-4 times a week and use my QSL the day after I do her. I have not used a Fleshlight sleeve since I bought my QSL. I seriously feel like I have a sexy slutty ass secretary or side GF in my closet just waiting and begging to suck my dick. This mostly hands-free QSL is soooo good that I almost feel like I am cheating on my real GF while I am getting a BJ from my sexy ass slutty secretary/side GF QSL. I get excited to get sucked off by my QSL. Almost as excited as I get when I fuck my GF.)
Tips for use: I use my QSL at my desk in my Herman Miller Aeron office chair with a large SAMSUNG 4k QLED monitor. I lean back in the chair and put my phone mount nub under the lip of the desk and the top of the QSL rests on the lip of the desk. I then slip in my cock and play with the buttons. This method keeps the QSL firmly in place between your body and the desk during both the down stroke and the up stroke. You don't even need to hold the handles! When the time cums you can literally put your hands behind your head and let the machine force you to explode.
I only have 1 Quickshot Vantage and I can't wait to buy and try all the other Quickshot sleeves and the Quickshot Quick Connect!
Cons: There are a few minor cons but they can be worked around and you should still 100% buy this device!
2020.09.10 04:34 No_Play463 Cheating gf hidden
I ended things for good back in June with a boy who strung me along for about 3 years, due to his off-on relationship with his ex. I hate that I allowed myself to be pulled into their mess and essentially be used by him. We were finally together without any interference from her this past year. That whole year, though, she was always "there." He'd bring her up, something that reminded him of her or of how he wanted nothing to do with her. Sure enough, she comes back, like always, coming and going as she pleases. They've been on/off like that for 5 years now. I found out and he refused to acknowledge it at first, until finally he admitted he "saw that girl" and that she thought he and I were together (yet she still had no problem cheating with him?!). So I had to end this madness for good. But it hurts so much, still.
My main question is how do i stop trying to rationalize everything?? How do I stop turning everything over, all the events, all the words, over and over in my head? Trying to find any hidden meaning or rationalization? I go for daily walks and the whole time, that's all my mind does. On my car drives. Before bed. I had deactivated my social media the day of the breakup but reactivated it on Monday and posted a video. I woke up this morning and saw he had un followed me and removed me from his followers. I know it's for the best but it hurts so much.
I know she's his gf again and I assume that's why. He seems serious about her now (he would cheat on her constantly). But can he really keep that up? They'd been apart for a year. Did I mean anything at all to him?? All that time spent?? I knew he still had feelings for her, but was I so disposable that it was that easy for him to just let me go? He made no effort in trying to keep me, other than a single phone call 2 weeks after the breakup. When i texted him a day later, he insulted me and was super rude, when all I had asked was for him not to call me anymore. Instagram was my last tie to him but it's really done for good. I know this but my mind won't let me be. I start to remember that he and I had broken up for a year when I went abroad. He and his ex/now gf were apart for a year. All these mental gymnastics that I know are just false hopes. Any tips??
submitted by No_Play463 to BreakUps [link] [comments]
2020.09.06 11:21 ThrowRA_127412 My[21M] GF[19F] is confused about our relationship and kept this feeling hidden for months
Obviously a throwaway created following the rules. TLDR at the end. Location is Italy.
So, this story starts in February, after I and my GF came back from a vacation to celebrate our 3 years together (we are both 20ish). The pandemic starts and we have to stay at home and can't see each other for almost 2 months. We speak a lot and we call each other a lot and as soon as the situation goes back to "normal" we meet again. She seems strange but in my heart, I feel it is only because we are all in a bad situation.
Fast forward to June, I start my university exams and I'm a bit busy for that, she starts working in a bar near her house (where she worked in the past years, too) and we are a bit distant, so we can't see each other every day. Her co-worker [30M] (which is also the bar owner's son) has been interested in her for the last 3 years and always tries to have physical contact with her, makes her promises ("all this can be yours" type of things) and always tries to take her out to eat. Keep in mind that I trust her like I trust nobody in this world and I'm sure she won't cheat because we talked about this topic a lot and because she's been cheated on, she wouldn't to that to anyone else. The same thing applies to me. I've always let her do what she wants and never had a reason to doubt, even when she went for a month to her country of origin I've never felt like she was doing something strange.
But in the last months, the situation has changed and I don't know what to do. Her co-worker (we'll call it "D") became more and more interested in her and his advances became more aggressive ( I mean, he's really trying to conquer her). I know this because she told me. But the fact is that now she's accepting them. She has lunch with him and they take coffee together. She also went 4 times or so to the river with him. This makes me feel bad because she works 8-9 hours a day and I'm in another city for my studies and we can't see each other as much as D can see her, because they live in the same town.
Long story short, she reaches out to me and says she's confused. This is NOT the first time that she said this but this is much worse (This happened a year ago when she says she liked another man but the situation quickly went back to normal). She became cold, making love with her doesn't feel the same anymore (we always had a great sex life) and she gets annoyed about things that never bothered her. She admitted that she thinks of him while she's with me. I'm getting sadder and sadder because I've always tried to make US happy.
Keep in mind, I'm not here saying that I'm the perfect man or that we always get on everything. I had some emotional problems due to some shit I had to deal with since I was 5 years old which can be best described as lack of human contact (my parents never really showed me love in a way which wasn't providing me food and toys) and wrong conception of love (my parents are divorced, always saw them arguing, my mom changes a man every year and I had to move to her boyfriends' houses like 5 times in my life, with people I never really liked). Also never had a hug or friendly kiss until I met my [21F] best friend and always got used or cheated on by past GFs (especially when one used me to get to know a friend of mine and then cheated on me with him). So I'm sure she had to put up with a lot of coldness by my side and that I wasn't the best lover until we reached a year in the relationship.
One of the main problems we always argued about is that I never take initiative to go out with her (it's true, she's usually the one which says she wants to go somewhere, we then decide together and we go) and that I'm arrogant when I talk to her about some topics(it's actually a problem I've always had when I talk about stuff I'm really into, like science, IT, etc.). So I think that the fact that D asks her out a lot makes her think a lot about my lack of initiative.
But what makes me feel bad is that those two things are obviously things I should improve, I agree. But I've always been there for her. Always helped her a lot in school (she sometimes felt bad about the fact that we shouldn't be together because "you're much more intelligent than me" because I had better grades) and she managed to raise grades also thanks to me. I worked a month at 2 euros for an hour (3 dollars I think?) doing 60 hours a week to buy her a laptop since she needed it and her family didn't have money. Always lent her money ( she has improved and pays for her part now). Sold my motorbike to make her 18th birthday wish come true (go to Venice and go around the city in gondola). Helped with her eating disorders.
I know that those are normal things to do in a committed relationship and when you truly love someone. Never rubbed those things in. I'm just writing those to tell the story.
The breaking point was reached yesterday when she called me to tell me she went to take a coffee with D out of town and went to the river together, AGAIN. She also admitted that he was being really pushy about "doing stuff". She assured me she didn't do anything, but I got furious. Told her that's not a normal thing to do, to go out with someone who is interested in you when you are in a relationship with someone, even if you don't do anything physical. I have never done anything like that in 3 and a half years of relationship, I rarely go out alone with my [21F] best friend who I knew for 7 years and she's a sister to me (also we have never been interested in each other). I said to her that she was being disrespectful to me (again, I don't mind my GF to go out alone with a male friend, but if he's interested in her... not cool) and to him, too (you are giving him false hope if you are not ready to leave me). The worst part is that I'm 100% sure that D only wants to take her to bed and then he will get bored, he's just playing. That's when she said that it has been months since she felt good like she feels with him, with me... and kept that feeling hidden from months. I can get over the fact that she faked her smiles, her hugs, her kiss and even at my birthday for months and never told me anything until a month ago.
That's the whole situation ( sorry for English and if something is unclear, ask). I just realised how much I love her because she's the only person in the world I let hurt me. I've always been cold with everyone (even my mom) and never really need any emotional support from anyone (I had to learn to hide emotions and get stuff done by myself). She's the only person in the world I don't want to lose. We were going to live together in 4 months.
I'm asking for advice, even hurtful ones. I just need help. Should I just leave her and go on with my life? Have you ever been in a situation like this and if so, how did you work that out?
TLDR: GF says she's confused. I find out she's been faking to feel loved by me for months and she keeps going out with her co-worker, that she says he makes her feel good. She assures she hasn't cheated on me but I'm feeling bad and sad.
submitted by ThrowRA_127412 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2020.09.04 09:39 IdolA4Sepl Cheating gf hidden
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