New Products/Freebies Added + Reduced Prices! ♡ Mix & Match with Makeup Sale! ♡ Thanks for checking out my sale! I have finally put myself on a much needed low-buy & I'm really trying to cut down on my collection/back-ups. This package includes all makeup brands in stock, resulting in the most variety and actually more value for the brand name items, in just one purchase. The package has 20% nail polish, mostly Sally Hansen items, in mint condition, sealed sets of 2 per color but can have other nail polish. [SELL] [US] Makeup Rehab Sale Continues! Lots of New Items Added & Reduced Prices! Mix & Match with Skincare Sale! ♡ ... Feel free to mix-and-match items from my SKINCARE SALE ♡ Thank you for reading this far! :) 9. 37 comments. share. save. hide. report. Continue browsing in r/makeupexchange. Lots of gently used and new items looking for a good home! Please ask if you're unsure about usage. I try to list usage for everything, including new items. MAKE AN OFFER! Minimum $5 purchase please. Shipping will be $3-$6 depending on the number/weight of the items you're interested in. Real Techniques travel makeup brushes are on sale for just £9.99 reduced from £20.99 and are perfect for those on the go. You can mix and match on thousands of beauty products which can help you ... MUABS, which stands for Makeup Addict Blog Sales, takes the risk out of buying lightly used or new luxury and drugstore makeup products from blogs and offers PayPal Guarantee protection. To sell makeup, you have to register on the site for free and open your own “shop,” where you simply list your products, their condition and a price. [SELL] [US] Makeup Rehab Sale Continues! Lots of New Items Added & Reduced Prices! Mix & Match with Skincare Sale! ♡ ... Feel free to mix-and-match items from my SKINCARE SALE ♡ Thank you for reading this far! :) 11 comments. share. save. hide. report. 81% Upvoted. The iconic singer's equally iconic beauty brand is on sale for a limited time, so grab the must-haves that belong in your makeup collection. By Carly Milne Oct 16, 2020 10:00 AM Tags Online Only Spend $42 in Lancôme, get a Holiday Beauty Box (sku 2571983 or 2571984) for $72.50, a $555 value (valid thru 12/31/20)! Free Gift with Purchase! Liquidation auctions w/ Makeup surplus inventory in bulk wholesale lots by box, pallet or truckload. Source high quality goods from a top US retailer.
2020.10.20 00:35 jillloyo Candy camera sex
Thanks for checking out my sale! I'm trying hard for a low-buy and really trying to cut down on my back-ups + products that just didn't work for me. I added a bunch of new stuff this week & there will be lots more to come!
2020.10.18 12:14 ChelseeaRace05 Candy camera sex
THE TIME HAS COME.........................
To start the show....................
The camera pans to the workroom and there is flashing lights and all you can see is.....
"Oh Great, I'm Early", Bela C Tella struts in the room with her red fierce heels gives a sexy pose and walks over to the desk with a fierce ass walk what could scare a gang of wolves.
Bela C. Tella 23 and From North Carolina: Hi Hi and Hello to soon to-be fans, I am Bella C. Tella, And I am the roasting funny absolute bitch from North Carolina, I can come off very rude hard the time but life is a party so hopefully these contestants can deal with my humour!
"Okay I can't wait to meet the losers of Season 1" She laughs while pouting in the mirror
As the room starts to get quiet, the camera looks over and the next queen has arrived. "Did Someone Order A Party Because I think Season 1 Did" Lime Soda screams while she runs into the workroom with a slick red jump suit on complete with some pleats.
"NO, Okay can I leave already or Ima gonna get fined someone tell me" Bela crackles "Okay so you are gonna be the mean bitch of the season okay noted" Lime flings light shade but her voice makes it sound so nice it doesn't seem like that
Lime Soda 22 Miami: Hiya America, I am Lime Soda, The sweet as candy queen like my thing is I wanna win this very fairly so if you need help even if I don't like you, your gonna get my help because fair is fair and you know I also look like your regular type of drag queen which I am, I don't mind being basic but I strive to do my best and that is what drag is.
"Come sit down with me, I don't bite" Bela makes a scary face "I'm sure you don't, but you know I am just gonna stand up" Lime stands up
Bela CF: I think Lime looks great but I don't think she comes off as very experienced we will just have to see
"안녕하세요 미국, 럼블 리 준비" Soshi Sochic walks in " Beware I can speak two languages" Soshi walks in a white checkered outfit with a hair all curly and a white clip, which makes her look very elegant
"Girl teach me that language, I wanna learn" Lime expresses her love for different cultures "Come sit with me" Lime asks
Soshi Sochic: As you can already, tell I am from Korean, But any comparisons about me looking like Kim Ci, I will happy drag you on twitter or anywhere, I moved from Korean when I was young but I still have the accent but I am not letting that make me fail in the competition, I am smart so trust me I will be playing this game well"
"Hey Babies, How we doing" Soshi asks with a nice tone "I am feeling honestly great like I am just ready to get the game started at this rate, I have been looking so forward to it"
"Yes me too" Lime cheers with her
"You have probably heard this many times Soshi but have you ever been told you really look like Kim Chi from Drag Race USA" Bela seems to of hurt a sore spot
Soshi: Honestly, I wanna smack her but she either just has dark humour or just knows that is very offensive but we will just see how it goes
The Tension is high already but its breaks.......................... "You want this Assssssssss" Klaritea shakes her ass to the 3 contestants, She walks in a jewel dress with her looking fresh dripping in all the jewels you could imagine
"I DOOOOO" Lime fangirls
Klaritiea 21, LA: Morning, This is really early for me, I don't like waking up at this time anyway hustling is a struggle. It has took me forever to make this dress, I am wearing today but I only serve the best and thats what Pageant queens do, So I am serving it right here
"Klaritea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Soshi screams
"Yes we are gonna win this season together, MY SIS IS HERE" Klaritea also screams
Soshi CF: I know Klaritea from Social Media, She is a huge influence on the gram, She is probably one of the biggest Trans Representations in L.A Right now. So I am excited what she's gonna bring.
So I have a question, How do yous know each other" Bela asks "Me and Soshi linked up a couple times after we done a gig together and yeah we are both in the struggle so we have just been helping each other the best we can" Klaritea answers the question just like a professional pageant girl.
"Nice, I was looking for some tea but you know I will take it" Bela shuts up
Klaritea: I have a sixth sense about Bela but I am not arguing with her because you know she looks like she gonna tear you to shreds and not apologise to you after, So ill just keep showing my body
The Next Contestant strides in singing a high pitch note, what sounds very soothing "Bitch who coming for me, I'm ready" Walks in with his hand with so much sass in a dark red suit looking much like a mini joker
Quincy Queer 26 New York: Call me the Little That Could, I am now here and ready to show my talent, This is my opportunity to show my voice off so after this I can get my ass on Broadway where I belong, My talent speaks for itself so I don't need much help. I am most likely the first Bio King on the show, So just give me the crown, BROADWAY SEE U SOON
"Hey Boogers" Quincy screams while the other contestants look to feel some type of way "Only joking, Hey Omg wait Soshi I know who you are, Your big in New York" "Yes and your not" Soshi flings shade as the others laugh
Soshi Sochic: Yes, I know who Quincy is, He has a lot of talent but he is so delusional and does not realise that sometimes you need to work hard, So I wanna see how he acts here cause I can already tell he is gonna start some shit.
"So, What do you do Quincy" Lime asks in a soft tone "Well I am mostly a performer, like I really wanna be on broadway and this is my time to show America, I am that bitch this is what is gonna get me there" It goes to award silence Bela breaks the tension "Girl, I wanna hear a note"
Quincy bursts out a note, which is very impressive.
Bela CF: Okay he might be a bit, you know annoying but that is talent.
"Ready To Crush Ya Dreams, It is ME CECE" Cece Dreamz walks in a red coat, and tops it to reveal a red sexy bodysuit.
Cece Dreamz 26 Chicago: Hey Bitches, My Name Is Cece Dreamz and I am your ratchet princess from all the way in Chicago, The reason why I am gonna tank this competition is that I do not care what people think of me and that scares people, So BOO Bitch I am here.
Cece struts in a bad bitch walking over to meet the girls
"Damn! Girl, You are serving it, you look amazing" Soshi says
"Thanks hun, Appreciated and none of this fake, except my titties, I paid for these, She laughs while twirling her hair
Quincy Queer: I could yawn, This girl just looks like every queen what goes to the club on a Saturday, I can't
Cece Dreamz: I am looking around and some look fierce and some look like Lime Soda, but we will have to see
The next queen flings a bag of sweets in and is covered in a peppermint she flings it off to reveal herself "Ola Ladies" Reese Cupz walk slowly over to the desk whipping her hair
Reese Cupz 32, San Fransisco California: Welcome to Candy Land, You may know me from my shows at L.A with my sisters in the Haus Of Candy with my sis Cooki Doe and Cream Puff. My drag is very like childish like who doesn't wanna be in wonderland you know but I am still professional
"Girl you got any sweets left, I am starving" Klartiea asks
"Yes, But you gonna have to pay me, these were expensive" Reese jokes
Quincy Queer: How old does she look to you all, Bloody hell is she like 55
"Hawl, Reese question what is your ages" Quincy asks
"33" Reese says
Quincy Queer: She must of been in the womb too long y'all she look hella hold.
The Next Queen has arrived "It's Brittany Biotch"
"Oh No Not Another Derrick Berry" Cece laughs
Brittany Biotch 22 Las Vegas: Okay before you make assumptions so I am not a Brittany Spears impersonator I just love her so much, So you already know by name, I am slaying any peformance down, I got so much energy, I look like I have like a good 10 cans of red bull but no worry.
"Hey Ladies" She walks over flicking her hair and it hits Bela in the hair.
"Watch it girl, before I pull that wig out" Bela says with powerful anger
Brittany: Wow Girl Calm Down, Grandma looks like 60 I could take her.
It goes dark, The Next Queen is here "Watch Out Because Stormy Jean is here"
Stormy Jean 28 Savannah: Okurr, Hey Everyone you might know me from my wonderful impersonations espiacally since I am Tina Turner Impersonator, I have been very famous on instagram because of it, So this is gonna give me an advantage of the girls;
"Oh Shit, STORMY JEAN IS IN THIS BITCH" Cece screams with excitement
Cece Dreamz: Stormy is huge in the performance world, but I am not a fan of her outfits. But lets just see how she goes
Stormy hugs all the girls and starts getting the girls to do a chant.
The Last Queen walks in "Guess I Am Late.....................Bitches" Just Jina walks in a basic bodysuit but looks slick as hell
Just Jina 28 Chicago: Hey It is your sex icon from Chicago, I am gonna give you real essence of sex and make sure no one speaks to might like shit.
Just Jina: Looking at everyone they all look basic and why is one covered in sweets yikes, Okay
"This seems like a good cast, I wonder if there is gonna be any more queen" Lime says, while the queens talk
Chelsea walks in
Chelsea: Hey Ladies and Gents, Yous are the first ten queens to ever enter the workroom, so you should be very proud of yourself to even get here.
Quincy Queer: I am happy to be here, but Jesus she could of picked some better queens/kings
Chelsea: For the first ever mini challenge, we will be doing a wee winter photoshoot, so I am gonna need to get you to come with me, Remember I am looking for sex, sexy and more sexy.
Chelsea: Okay Ladies and Gents yous all done well but there is only one winner and that is JUST JINA, Condragulations you have won a cash tip of $2,500.
Just Jina: Of course I won the first mini challange, I killed it
"Well done Jina" Lime seems happy for her
Chelsea: Now Ladies and Gents for the first ever maxi challange, we will be doing aesthetic on a dime where yous will all be using materials provided my msmaterials.com to show us your aesthetic, showing us the real you. This is a great opportunity to really give us the best impression. On the MainStage we will be provided by lovely friends Ms Lovadove and Sandy Greeve who will be giving you critiques, Ladies good luck and remember don't fuck it up.
Lime Soda: This challange is really important for me to show the rest of the queens, I am competition and I am not just a pretty bitch
|Contestant||Sewing||Outfits/Styling||Makeup||Average (Lower The Better)|
|Bela C. Tela||10||6||5||7|
2020.10.12 16:27 Boop108 Candy camera sex
This article is illustrated with a lot of images and film stills. If you would like to see the illustrated version click here.
“His genius was in his way of looking at things, at singling out common objects for extraordinary examination. But the idea of looking at a Campbell's soup can as a work of art is what's interesting: the idea, not the can.”
This excerpt is from Roger Ebert’s review of Andy Warhol’s 1968 film Flesh. Ebert is referring to the film but he is also describing the entire conceptual art movement. Starting back with Duchamp’s Fountain certain artists turned away from the objects they produced and focused instead on the idea and the process. Throughout the Twentieth Century, there have been conceptual iconoclasts that do more to challenge art than contribute to its so-called “progress”. Artists like John Baldessari, Joseph Kosuth, Piero Manzoni all focused on the functioning and negotiation of art and let the product of that process simply be a marker or a byproduct of the process.
Ebert’s reaction to Warhol was not uncommon. Abstract expressionism was supposed to be the art of the Twentieth Century. Representational images were over. America was seen as finally engaging with the “fine art tradition” of Europe. Pollack was our Picasso, but Andy came along and ruined everything. Instead of building in line with art’s trajectory, he veered in an entirely different direction. Just as his Brillo boxes still seem out of place in a museum so do his movies seem out of place in the history of cinema. Warhol does not belong to the new wave cinema, or porn, or independent film, he is an outlier, an aberration.
Ebert Writes, “Warhol certainly isn't a director. He doesn't even seem to exercise enough conscious control over his films to be called a filmmaker. His primary function, apparently, is to be present when his films occur.” Ebert is right, Warhol isn’t a director, He’s an orchestrator. He organized situations that would produce interesting, challenging, and novel results. He himself was a product of this experiment. He cycled through personae, one day a vapid diva, the next a bohemian artist from the mean streets of Soho, then a queer hipster, or an asexual bon-vivant or even a naive midwesterner from Pittsburgh. He wasn’t a director nor was he a painter or a sculptor. Silk screening soup cans isn’t painting.
His silkscreens are very similar to his films. His repeated grid of Marylin Monroe relentlessly reproduces her likeness until it begins to degrade and lose its glamour and purpose. The misaligned, punchy, bright colors give way to blotchy, black, and white. He’s illustrating the process of how a woman becomes an image and how an image becomes a product.
Film is a repeated image as well. It too is an illusion that can generate glamour and fame. It is a tool through which capitalism can turn a person into a product. Warhol generated the Monroe image by breaking several rules in the silkscreen process. As a result, the image fails to be a little photographic record of a movie star and instead is smeared ink on a canvas. It can not transcend it's being an object and cannot function as a proper image. In the image, the silkscreen process can do nothing but refer to itself. Warhol brings the same idea to film. He is not trying to transport us into a fictional narrative, he wants us to see a movie, not watch a movie. He wants us to sit in front of the screen and see the images as things as if we are regarding an object.
Warhol’s 8 hour film Empire State is spooled onto an enormous reel. When I saw a showing of the film the reel was as compelling as the image it produced. These early films like Empire State, Haircut, Sleep, and Blowjob are less about delivering a story and more about being a film.
Narrative wouldn’t play much of a role until Warhol began working with Paul Morrissey. Together they created a halfway mark where the familiarity of narrative film could mix with Warhol’s unique approach. In the trilogy Trash, Flesh, and Heat there are storylines, even if some of it is spontaneously improvised. Story or not all of the techniques of filming are kept so rough that they constantly draw attention to the fact that we are watching (seeing) a film.
Godard’s jump cuts as seen in films like Breathless are softened by their being uninterrupted sound, or by his never jumping while someone is talking, but Warhol cuts as if he is blindfolded. Dialogue, sound (ambient or otherwise) movement are all ignored and the film is randomly spliced. The result is not only to remind us that we are watching a film but by deleting words we get something closer to poetry than prose. Instead of a logical progression of statements the dialogue becomes less rational and more associative. In Chelsea Girls Warhol places two screens side by side and allows the juxtapositions of two films to randomly create associations while at the same denying each one its ability to be a coherent film.
There is another layer to these more narrative films. Unlike Warhol’s earlier films the narrative element allows for the subject matter to play a larger role in the film. We get to see interactions and listen to dialogue.
To find his actors and actresses Warhol gathers together a crew of marginalized people who do not often get depicted in the media. We watch trans people, prostitutes, drug addicts, transvestites, and outcasts come together on screen and create characters that are more non-fiction than fiction.
The depiction of the dispossessed has long been a trend art. Beginning perhaps back in the 16th century with Caravaggio, artists have been coaxing art down from its lofty depictions of angels and saints to the life of us everyday mortals. At the turn of the 20th century, there were the ashcan painters. Robert Henri and his rabble painted the underbelly of New York City under their motto “art for life’s sake” as opposed to “art for art’s sake.”
The line between art and life was completely blurred for Warhol and his entourage. Just as Warhol was not a director, people like Joe Dallesandro, Candy Darling, and Edie Sedgwick were not actors. They were representatives of a world kept secret and apart by society. They gathered to mingle at Andy Warhol’s studio, which famously named the factory. As a factory, it functioned less as an artist’s studio and more as a relentless satire of the junction between artists and capitalism. It was also a chaotic vortex where outsiders could gather and cross-pollinate.
Warhol brought Morrissey to the factory and supplied the music, drugs, sex, and absence of boundaries that became the breeding ground for their films. They made hundreds of them, many more than are available. The sheer number meant that there was a camera rolling almost all the time whether something scripted was happening or not. It all went into the mix.
In an interview about Warhol, his friend John Waters said "Except for Duchamp nobody has been more influential than Andy. Every artist who comes up today is infected by him in some way. You can't not deal with it.” Warhol’s influence and Duchamp’s as well may be more limited than Waters claims. What both men were doing was very far removed from their contemporaries. Andy Warhol’s peers like Lichtenstein and Oldenburg had superficial similarities, but what Warhol was doing was far more than Pop Art. Duchamp made some cubist paintings but his bottle rack does not fit well into Gardener’s Art Through The Ages.
Warhol and Duchamp are important and influential culturally. In fact, they may be among the most important artists of their respective times but it is difficult to locate their legacy. In many ways, they worked in opposition to the art world and so by their own design limited their influence. After Duchamp, the art world did not stop and rethink its purpose, it went back to painting. There were the Dadaists and the Surrealists but they had their own ideology and mission. After the second world war, these movements were a memory and Picasso came roaring back into vogue.
Warhol was really the first true reemergence of Duchamp’s sentiment. After Warhol had his day it is unclear who his inheritor is. Jeff Koons is an obvious choice but he didn’t further Warhol’s ideas very much. In a broad sense, both Duchamp and Warhol had profoundly insightful understanding of how culture functioned and where it was going that is hard to match. They contributed invaluable insight into the understanding of the modern world, but not many followed in their footsteps.
Nowhere is it more apparent than in the world of film. It is hard to identify a film that exhibits Warhol’s influence, save perhaps John Waters’ filmography. It could be said that Warhol helped loosen the grip of the classic Hollywood style but Godard and Cassevetes deserve more of the credit for that. When asked to name “film directors influenced by Andy Warhol” Google came up with Marcel Duchamp, Jasper Johns, Truman Capote, Ben Shahn, Tom of Finland, and Jack Smith. Smith is the only filmmaker in the bunch.
Warhol once interviewed Alfred Hitchcock, and never once did Warhol ask Hitchcock about film. Warhol asked questions about murder and why people do it. Warhol wasn’t interested in film or filmmakers. The interview became another opportunity for satire, and the presentation of Warhol’s persona. At one point he told Hitchcock “Well I was shot by a gun, and it just seems like a movie. I can’t see it as being anything real. The whole thing is still like a movie to me. It happened to me, but it’s like watching TV. If you’re watching TV, it’s the same thing as having it done to yourself.” This quote illustrates the heart of what Warhol is doing. He throws himself into the mix so that his life, his artwork, his ideas, reality, and fantasy are inextricably mixed and remixed until they are indistinguishable. There is no line between the sincere and the satire for him. This can be said of his films as well.
Warhol’s friends like Candy Darling and Jackie Curtis had already taken on performative personae. Their conversations defied simple discourse and created something that was both reflective as well as reflexive. The gossipy clutch of trans people in the factory played at being exaggerated female stereotypes but at the same time, they relayed a bitter recrimination toward gender roles and conventional society. They sincerely identified with the opposite gender but they also parodied it. Not only that but they parodied themselves parodying it. It's an infinite regression of sincerity and satire.
In the film I shot Andy Warhol, Warhol instructs one of his actors to “do something modern.” Whether this actually happened isn’t really important, I doubt Andy would care. What is important is that it is representative of his attitude. It is absurd and even stupid, but also an incitement to both revel in and mock contemporary society. Warhol once said of himself “I am a deeply superficial person.” This contradiction reflects the tension between producing art and producing salable objects. His films were meant to be both.
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2020.10.12 10:49 NiallFish Candy camera sex
Unus Annus video list as of 12/10/20. Not in order sadly but every video up to "Mark conquers his fear of night swimming". also don't care about the spelling
2020.10.05 21:50 fractalfay Candy camera sex
Shaun: Welcome back to part two and our three part Tell-All event, where we fill you in on parts of the cast’s lives that you’ve already read about on Instagram. My name’s Shaun, and my DoorDash order should be here any second. Mother Asuelu, which personality are you going with tonight?
Mother Asuelu: Whatever money they want to send is good, thank you so much. Now give me money.
Shaun: Martyr, right. Do you still want Asuelu to divorce Kalani?
Mother: Whatever will make the rain fall down on my bank account. It’s so cloudy outside, so many clouds.
Shaun: I understand that it rains frequently in the PacNW, Tammy.
Tammy: Your business is my business, and my business is none of yours. It’s called trickle down economics, Shaun.
Shaun: I’m pretty sure I benefit from this.
Koloni: You don’t even math, Tammy.
Tammy: Oh, there’s no math in this. Just all the money at the top. Down here, it’s easy to count to zero.
Koloni: How much money do you send to your mom, Tammy? Bitchassslutasswhore.
Tammy: I’ll fight you too.
Kalani: (Literally produces a giant container of popcorn, winning the Tell-All in a single blow.)
Tammy: I’ll fight you too, Shaun.
Shaun: Whoa, what just happened here? As soon as I finish petting my hair, I’m going to “lets move on” you.
Debbie: What about me? I like to be included.
Tammy: I’ll fight you, too.
Angela: TAG ME IN TAG ME IN!
Debbie: (Tags Angela.)
Angela: YOU’RE NOT READY.
Tammy: I believe I am ready. I’ve been dead inside for years. See me. I don’t even need anesthetic at the dentist. I don’t even need to close my eyes when I sleep. I haven’t stood up straight in 25 years.
Angela: OH I see you, and yes you can come over for dinner on Thursday. Don’t even THINK about showing up empty handed. And potato chips is NOT a potluck contribution. Swindle cake is welcome.
Tammy: If I bring chips, it’s Kalani’s fault.
Kalani: (Popcorn, still.)
Shaun: Fair enough. Kalani, can you tell us what you were feeling in this video where you’re crying?
Kalani: Really, Shaun?
Andrei: She clearly loves him a lot because she puts up with his shit.
Libby: Yeah, that’s how love is defined. Get a job, Asuelu. Just call your dad already, and ask if you can write numbers in the upper left hand of papers four hours a day in exchange for all your living expenses.
Shaun: Libby, do you know what self-awareness is?
Libby: Oh, you know I don’t! (Saucy neck movement.)
Producers: Eating chips.
Shaun: Okay, someone is eating chips in my ear.
Producers: (wipes hands across shirt, opens fresh bag)
Shaun: I thought we talked about the chips thing, and agreed this would happen only through Colt’s segment?
Producers: Angela said chips, you know what we have to do.
Angela: Dangit, I just said you don’t bring that shit to a potluck! It don’t make no sense.
Asuelu: (Gets up to go play video games in the basement.)
Kalani: He always does this when he misses his sons and wants to work things out.
Debbie: He’s a weenie. I’m sorry, he is.
Shaun: A weenie?
Debbie: I said what I said.
Shaun: Okay, Angela, can you raspy-shout over this?
Angela: HELL NO YES I WILL!
Tammy: Kalani just needs to step up and potty train my brother already. He just stormed away with a full diaper again. This is her fault.
Kalani: He blocked my number. Like an adult. Is this my fault, too?
Shaun: I’ve just learned that we managed to rescue Vanessa from a violent nude palette attack in the belly of Sephora. Vanessa, can you hear me? Thank you for taking some time away from the safari to make excuses for Colt.
Debbie: I can’t do this all by myself. I could use a little help sometimes, jeez Louise.
Vanessa: Hi Shaun. I just want to start out by saying I don’t feel guilty about being a mistress twice. This is not about guilt or shame. Colt and Keith Raniere assure me that this things can be overcome if I punch down and have sex with them.
Shaun: What? I’m sorry, I was sleeping. Quick, what adult is being a toddler and what toddler is being an adult?
Tammy: My brother is the answer to this riddle.
Colt: I don’t see what any of this has to do with me having sex!
Shaun: Oh shit, we brought Vanessa out, didn’t we? I thought maybe Larissa and Jess had a child together. And we’re back.
Vanessa: Look, I wasn’t chasing Colt. I was in the middle of an ugly divorce and wanted to feel worse.
Lizard people: We do not claim him as one of our own.
Colt: Larissa wouldn’t listen to me, so I HAD to have an affair, and Vanessa reached out to me! Not my fault! I wanted to date Vanessa.
Vanessa: Yeah, I said no.
Jess: Why did you start dating me?
Colt: I believe Vanessa just answered that question.
Jess: You lie to me and you use me. You will clutch Debbie’s decaying body in your arms and drag her to bathtub with you until you’re both devoured by maggots.
Colt: Is this segment about my dick, or what?
Jess: “My name is Colt, I’m a good guy and all the women I date are crazy! Look at me, I took the red pill! Soooo yummy!”
Vanessa: I somehow believe Colt is the victim here, and that’s the basis of our friendship.
Colt: I don’t think I even loved Jess. This is how I ruin people for decades.
Jess: You like to play with women. You want attention.
Tania: I believe this is what’s known as “being called out” and I don’t like where this is going, but can we please go back to a world where Colt doesn’t fuck?
Larissa: I put a GPS on Colt car, and even that didn’t have air conditioning.
Vanessa: I know Colt constantly lies to women, but I’m his best friend.
Shaun: How do you defend his actions?
Vanessa: He goes from girl to girl.
Colt: Look, serial killers have their trophies, and I have mine.
Jess: Karma police! You must arrest this man.
Debbie: Does “gaslight” mean that your light shines on everyone or something? That’s pretty weenie. No, cheesy. Hmm, cheesy weenie. I know what’s for dinner tonight!
Jess: You’re a liar. All the time you lie. You manipulate women. Why Colt? Why? You are bad person. Why you start with dates for me because you love Vanessa?
Colt: Does it matter? I was lying then, and I’m lying now, but I’m making my tone aggressive enough that you’re supposed to doubt your opinion in response to my rage.
Larissa; Shut UP-E! He’s a liar.
Politifact: This statement is rated TRUE.
Debbie: I need to get out of here before I get any of this truth in my eyes.
Shaun: Colt, I’m feeling kind of ill, but I’m supposed to give you one more push around the douchebag-go-round. Also, did you know that if you stare at Jess’ jewelry without blinking, you can play Candy Crush with your mind? While I’m busy with that, are you dating Vanessa?
Colt: I wish, he says smarmily. Damn, I wasn’t supposed to say that second part out loud. Now people can google my fan fiction. (Looks at camera.)
Shaun: Let’s forget about Colt. Vanessa, would you be upset if a man were to treat you this way?
Vanessa: Look, I was accused of sleeping with Colt, which I was doing, while he was dating and married to these bitches. This is clearly a unique situation unlike every other cheating saga. (Walks off.)
Shaun: Vanessa, um…well. At least we have less khaki. Let’s take a break so Colt can stop talking.
Colt: Hey Jess, how’s your day.
Jess: STFU, Colt.
Shaun: Let’s welcome Tania and Syngin to the zoom square. Syngin, have you ever heard of Fabio? He’s the only person I could think of as obsessed with his hair as you are.
Syngin: Fabio. Is he the Kardashian who said he was going to design socks? Who even does that? Anyway, yes, I’m working as a server. America’s working system is quite unique. I get paid like $2 an hour, and then I have to hope customers are willing to pay for their dinner twice. Sometimes they do, and I’m supposed to post this on social media immediately. This is also work. I miss just getting paid.
Tammy: See? Trickle down economics.
Shaun: Tania, have you thought about dating an adult?
Tania: But how would I control him, Shaun?
Shaun: Maybe you wouldn’t control them?
Tania: I don’t understand.
Drascilla: The children will not be controlled either! (Starts art-punk band where she just screams “bitch” into the microphone for two hours while someone rolls around on a canvas covered in paint, crying.)
Shaun: How did she get here? We’re gonna take a quick break, because I should not have taken so many edibles before watching the latest episode of Lovecraft Country.
Drascilla: (Backflips into open manhole.)
Deavan: I think we can all agree that JIhoon was really abusive right there.
Shaun: I thought we blocked Deavan? Tania, in what ways do you not see eye to eye on?
Tania: I like to plan his future, and he doesn’t.
Syngin: She likes to plan a future for me where she gets to be a housewife.
Tania: This is not about you, Syngin. Ever.
Syngin: I figure in about three months I’ll be miserable enough that I can cleanly say, “Well, I did all I can…” without being accused of giving up too easily. Until then, I’ll just keep this plane ticket warm in my front shirt pocket, and will remove it sometimes to stare at it longingly.
Tania: Everything will be fine. We just need to communicate. Our arguments were starting to get super toxic.
Shaun: I’m sorry, did you just say, “starting” or…
Syngin: Oh, we communicate. We communicate over and over and over and over. That’s how we know we can’t stand each other. Communicating over and over and over again.
Shaun: I imagine this lockdown didn’t help.
Syngin: I have discovered the healing powers of Skip-bo, once you rework the game so it’s one-player. All that time in the house together makes you realize all the things you don’t want to live with.
Tania: Really, it’s his drinking.
Syngin: Look, I’m from South Africa. Lots of people get fired for being drunk on the job. Lots of people pour beer over their breakfast cereal, face plant in it, and later eat the cereal off their elbows. I love America. Did I mention the 9 months of winter, the season I hate?
Andrei: It’s important to always blame woman for drinking problem, like the man of the house.
Tania: I’m going to vaguely allude to something I’m not going to talk about.
Shaun: Am I supposed to take the bait, because yeah, don’t care.
Tania: No, Shaun (collapses onto fainting couch). I couldn’t possibly say. I simply COULDN’T. I’m not that petty (cutting look to Syngin).
Syngin: Yeah, say whatever. This is me being out of fucks to give.
Tania: But what about your fucks for the future?
Syngin: Can you YEET a relationship? I feel like this is kind of like one of those YEET situations.
Shaun: Wait — are you guys talking about divorce?
Syngin: Shaun, you are the only person shocked by this information.
Shaun: Look, the slide clearly says “shock” and I’m just trying to get paid.
Tania: We’ve been talking about divorce since before we got married.
Shaun: Let’s welcome Syngin’s friends Andrew and James to the show. Hi guys! Do you know where the bodies are buried?
Andrew and James: We might have bought a tarp from time to time, but this time I don’t think Syngin knew what he was getting himself into.
Shaun: Now, can you detail how wrong Tania is?
Andrew: Totally wrong. In every way. About everything. She said ham was made from pigs, and ever since then I’ve been all beef. There is no other white meat, Shaun.
Shaun: Are we talking about meat products?
James: We are, Shaun. We know that Syngin isn’t an alcoholic because he’s still holding down the job he can’t participate in because of COVID-19.
Syngin: Not showing up and getting paid is the job I’ve always wanted.
Andrew Yang: Hi, I’m from the future. Did someone say basic income?
Shaun: Whoa, what just happened here?
Tania: He couldn’t get a worker’s permit because of his drinking!
Debbie: I know a lot of people that held down jobs with drinking problems. Like my son, for example.
Colt: Would you stop drinking to save your marriage?
Syngin: That’s a nope from me.
Tania: I’m pretending this isn’t happening, since this is the sort of marriage I was certain I was too smart for.
Shaun: James, did Syngin seem different to you?
James: Well, he was wearing a mask. Maybe an N95, maybe a K99, we don’t know what these codes mean. He also wouldn’t come within six feet of us, or shake our hands, not even a little tongue-kiss. It must be Tania’s fault.
Andrei: It pleases me when woman is blamed.
Andrew: She took over our bachelor pad, and I never recovered from those lost months of inconvenience. She moved my cheese.
Tania: There was nothing to move around but spice racks.
Shaun: Tania, were there spice racks in your shed?
Tania: Look, people in glass houses throw all the stones; otherwise, they’ll never get out.
James: Since apparently I’m an authority on relationships, I have to ask: Is this a good fit, Tania?
Syngin: Maybe, like, 55%.
James: Is this a good fit TANIA?
Tania: I am never going to let this go, because starting fresh with someone else will only further delay my baby plans.
Shaun: So Tania, you think Syngin is your match, and Syngin already has fresh online dating profiles. Are you soul mates?
Tania: The closer we get to breaking up, the more I know he’s the one.
Syngin: I’ll give it three more months. Enough time so I can tell myself I did all I can, but not so long that I start to feel like I’ve wasted my life.
Tania: It’s hard to put a time on it.
Syngin: Tania, I just did.
Tania: Yes but I didn’t say it, so I didn’t hear it.
Colt: Look Shaun, I like to fuck.
Shaun: Why do I keep forgetting to mute you? This thing mutes, right?
Colt: WHAT IS IT, LARISSA? DID I WANT YOU TOO MUCH OR NOT ENOUGH?
Larissa: Well, I had issues with depression and anxiety, and was taking pills —
Colt: WHAT DID YOU WANT, LARISSA?
Larissa: You see? This is why I say shut up-e. It’s not enough without the extra e when you are that terrible.
Shaun: Can we stop talking about sex? Angela, get me out of here. I don’t even care if it’s about Michael taking a shower and strip dances.
Angela: How about a return to the baffling story about pregnancy expectations at 54?
Shaun: Seems like a familiar road, but at least it’s away from Colt.
Angela: If it’s not my biological child, it’s an affair.
Politifact: We rated this claim PANTS ON FIRE.
Michael: Can I get to America first before she files for divorce?
Shaun: Let’s bring out Skyla so you can browbeat her about an egg. Again. Are these last year’s slides? I feel like these are last year’s slides…
Skyla: Don’t mess up, Michael.
Michael: Is this the American way to say congratulations on your marriage? Yes Skyla, don’t mess up to you, too.
Shaun: Oh shit, I forgot what was written on the grief slide. GRIEF SLIDE, QUICK QUICK QUICK GO BACK GO BACK. Skyla, I’m very sorry about your grandmother. Don’t bring the camera to me, you know I’m smiling.
Skyla: She’s just talking. She’s not having no baby. How many times have I said no about my egg? No.
Michael: I’m not trying to pressure her when I’m trying to pressure her.
Angela: Well Shaun, this leads me to a new paranoid depressed theory on why I should distrust Michael: What if this is an anchor baby?
Shaun: Are you watching Fox News again?
Angela: Always, Shaun. But who pressures someone to have a child like this?
Shaun: I think it’s common for someone who wants a baby?
Tania: I’ll give you an egg, Angela.
Angela: Pass. I’d rather just get a dog.
Michael: Am I allowed to have feelings?
Angela: That’s a no from me.
Shaun: Well, let’s bring out Aunt Lydia. Not the one from Handmaid’s Tale, but the other one.
Lydia: Hi. Same things I already said, but a different season.
Tania: Hello? Did anyone hear me offer up an egg?
Angela: Well, my personality is better than yours.
Lydia: Skyla, please give them an egg.
Angela: It’s just an egg! That’s why I’ve made a huge deal of it!
Libby: Yeah, this is weird.
Angela: I’m old, and don’t want to spend what little is left of my life trying to do something impossible, just to please Michael. How am I going to climb mountains and go to beaches?
Azan: You’re just lazy.
Tania: The person who wants babies is always right.
Lydia: Michael has made a very big sacrifice to be with Angela.
Skyla: Did you say at the beginning that you wouldn’t endorse the marriage without a baby?
Lydia: Yes, where have you been for three seasons? She lied to us to marry him.
Angela: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN? (Knocks camera over.)
Kalani: (Popcorn, still.)
Shaun: That’s all the time we have tonight, but tune in tomorrow when Lydia tells Angela to respect her husband and other jokes, Angela hangs up but still involves herself in the call, Syngin lubes himself up to slide from Tania’s grasp, Eric faces the human version of receipts, and Jess shows off her husband/upgrade.
submitted by fractalfay to 90DayFiance [link] [comments]
2020.10.04 22:41 Alfred_E_Neuman_1 Candy camera sex
Content warning: What I'm going to discuss here is going to be a very heavy topic, and might be very triggering and/or upsetting to many people so I will be putting the entire thing under the spoiler censor. That way you will only be able to read this if you're truly want to, and please know conversion therapy is pseudoscience and should never be put into practice
This is probably going to be a little clunky I express myself better face-to-face than I do with the written word
Surviving conversion therapy
Hello Moon, you are in my opinion at least one of the most compassionate YouTubers I've ever run across. You don't judge the people in your stories unless they truly deserve it. You show so much true genuine compassion and empathy, I think you're the only YouTuber I could ever trust to tackle this. Before we begin let me introduce myself my name is Henry I am a 29-year-old male this all happened to me when I was 16 Originally I was just going to put this on a throwaway account. However, with strong encouragement from my wife, the response I've gotten from this community, and just the caring I have received from random people in this celestial heard has encouraged me to not let this memory rule me anymore. I'm sick of it and I'm done hiding from it.
I have suppressed quite a bit but I'm going to put down here what I can remember I just graduated high school at the age of 16 after having skip 2 grades. It really felt like I knew everything and I could take on the world. I was also just realizing that I found not the body, but the personality of the person that attracted me the most, and it didn't matter what gender. Now, having pretty much all my time and energy in school to succeed, I decided to take a year off. It was a couple of months into the middle of June when I first ran into Jay.
Well, I was jogging around the park near my house and we hit it off. He was my first major crush, and my first serious relationship (as much as you can have a serious relationship at the age of 16) We spent as much time with each other as we could well one evening we were later getting back than usual and my mom got worried. So, she called up my uncle to go see if we were at the park near his house and we were. We were just in the middle of an impromptu heavy make-out session, and we'd forgotten to pay attention to the time. Well, the worst possible thing occurred! My uncle did in fact find us mid make out. Unfortunately, he was the worst person that could have found out. I still hadn't told my parents that I was pretty sure I was pansexual. You see, my uncle is super religious.
He is Greek Orthodox and has a passionate hatred for anything he considers abnormal. Including same-sex couples and marriages. After he discovered us, he didn't really say anything to me, he just took me home. I thought that was really it. I was wrong months later he came with my parents with an offer to send me to summer camp out of state. He asserted that it would look good on my college application resume if I work there as a counselor, and it could I even earn some college credits from it. Honestly, the fliers looked promising.
My parents and I thought it was a good idea. It was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. Though this place looks like a summer camp, that was just a disguised. It was made to look like a summer camp so it could conceal that it really was hell on Earth. It was a conversion therapy year-round camp! I was not going there at the counselor, I was going there as a campepatient! This is going to be hard because I have suppressed so much. Here's what I remember: the first thing they do when they get you off the bus is to take you into a large room, introduce themselves, and explain why you're there.
We were apparently there because we were wrong because we had sinned. Also, it was their “Duty” appointed to them by the Lord that they were supposed to break us so they could build us back up into proper functioning members of society. After that, they divided us into groups each group of 10 was assigned a letter of the alphabet after that was all sorted out, we were lead, one by one into another room.
There, on the back of your wrist was tattooed what number we were in the group given a letter group, and what our age was. We were forbidden from using our names because we were told we wouldn't get them back until we had repented. So during the time I was there, I had to refer to myself as 10-C-16, or I would be punished. After that, we were led to our rooms, which we're basically luxury hotel rooms. We were not kept in squalor or anything, because they had to keep their squeaky clean image. In form, it looks nice, but it was truly a gilded prison. The days were divided up into several sections of activities.
Some were talking activities, where, you were supposed to confess your sins, some were we were supposed to repeat mantras over and over, and others where you were supposed to throw insults at your fellow campmates. Physical activities included sports and weight training. and then on to lunch.
Then they had what they called “Extreme therapy sessions.” Make no mistake, these were not therapy sessions. These were torture sessions meant to do one thing and one thing only: to break you. Now, you can Google and see what kinds of techniques these kinds of places used. Their methods were nothing short of torture. I blocked so much out but here is what I can remember. The methods they used involved electricity. They would strap you into what looked like an electric chair and told you if you didn't admit that you were wrong and a sinner, they would pull the switch and send you to God so he could judge you. Of course, they were not going to kill us. All it did was deliver some very painful shocks. However, we did not know that at the time we didn't know what these people were capable of.
However, even if you admitted to being wrong they would still pull the lever, their excuse being that you weren't “sincere” so you deserved the shock. Another method was to stick you in a cylinder Room it was pitch-black with a waterfall of freezing cold water running down from the ceiling. They would stick you in there for hours because it was supposedly supposed to wash away your sins. I could go on and on but it would be hours. I'm afraid to describe all that.
Now all the therapies were bad enough on their own, but they didn't hold a candle to the punishments they were reserved for the ones that defied them. I'm not going to list all the punishments I'm just going to list some of the most extreme. They dug a hole six feet deep and had a specially made metal box ready. It had a system of tubes to take in the air and take out the carbon dioxide. Then they buried the box and kept the offender in there for three days. It supposedly represented you rising from the dead like Jesus did to cleanse your soul . they were worse punishment that but this is hard enough already I'm not going to get into those eventually After enough time has passed, a group of other kids and I just could not take it anymore. We devised a way out what we did is pretended to be broken and pretend to buy into their b******* and they got lazy.
We were able to get one of the new arrivals out of the compound, and using a phone smuggled in It was one of those little candy bars phones. We used the limited camera and storage space on it to take pictures so she would have some kind of evidence. This was so that they would actually believe her when she made it to the nearby town.
I am not sure exactly what happened but we know she did succeed, because a couple of days later law enforcement arrived and shut the whole damn thing down. I don't think I ever felt as happy as I did at the point when I was being led away from that hellhole. That is pretty much the end of it. A couple of years after we left, I and a couple of other survivors went back to what was left of the campground and burned everything that was still there to the ground. It was very therapeutic. To this day I still have night terrors, and I'm still in therapy for what I went through. I was planning on never sharing this with this group but thanks to bonding very quickly with a couple of other members, and the unfortunate suicide of one of the people I went to the camp with, I just decided it was time to get everything out.
It feels really good to get all of this out. Thank you for your time thank you for reading this. Thank you all for this wonderful and loving community. Thank you for the acceptance, and thank you especially to you MoonHorse for making all of this possible. May the celestial heard Gallop on forever.🌙(A Cheesy saying I know but I felt like this was needed as an end. It needs a little bit of a high note at least.🌙
submitted by Alfred_E_Neuman_1 to MoonhorseStories [link] [comments]
2020.09.18 11:11 dagodfather11 Day in the omnitrix S3 E4: Doggin
(O 10 tower)
Wildmutt: The prophecy is true
(Wildmutt gets up and leaves in the elevator)
(9 to 5 by Dolly Parton starts playing as we see Wildmutt walking past 3 buildings and is about to go into the ice cream shop when he gets call on his omnitrix. He looks down in annoyance)
(Plane, right above Incursion alien trafficking base. Wildmutt takes a big puff out of a cigar and as the beat drops, so does Wildmutt. It doesn't take long for the ground forces to notice him, so they start opening fire upon him. Wildmutt, blank faced as ever, activates his nano shoulder pads and they both combined into a jetpack with wings and Wildmutt rockets downward into the danger, dipping and dodging through the blaster fire)
(Once he gets close enough, he disengages his jetpack and goes into a dive kick. He lands it square into one of the guards face and because of the speed of the kick, his face is now meat slush on the wall. Wildmutt then leaps onto another guard and throws him against the wall, ripping out his throat. He then dodges more blaster fire and retaliates by activating one of his nano pads into his shoulder gun which he fires back with, nailing a guard in the eye and another in the throat. Another guard comes up on him and tries to attack him, but Wildmutt grabs his arm and snaps it, elbows him in the gut, uppercuts him, grabs his legs, does a backwards body slam, rolls over his body, bits his head off, and throws it at the others as a distraction)
(He uses the opportunity to vault over the table to get cover. The Incursions start looking around. Wildmutt notices that he's been hit in his side, but he pays no mind to it. He pops out both of his shoulder guns. He leaps into the air and caps 2 guards in their faces. He hauls ass to a door while avoiding the shots. He shoulder charges the door, knocking it and a little bit of the wall around it out. He quickly lifts up the door and charges the rest of the guards while using it as a shield. He then grabs the door handle and then throws the door with the force of god and it decapitates one of the guards against the wall)
(Wildmutt charges the 2 of the 5 remaining Incursions. He slides under them both. He then punches a hole through one and trips the other, finishing him off with a neck snap. He then grabs one of their blasters and stands on his hind legs to shoot 2 of the guards and disable the last one. Wildmutt drops the gun and in a desperate attempt, the guard tries to attack Wildmutt with his tongue...Wildmutt catches it and looks at the Incursion with disappointment. He pulls the guard towards him, then back kicks him. He pulls him back again, then he punches him. He pulls him back a final time, only to grab his face and do a spinning face slam into the ground, ending the song and the guards life as his face is completely squashed into the floor. Wildmutt looks at his bloody hand)
Wildmutt: "Clean kill"
(Wildmutt shakes off the blood on his hand and doggy shakes the rest of the blood on his body away. He then barges into the bosses room)
Incursion boss: Wait wait WAIT!
(Without hearing a single word he says, Wildmutt shoots him with his shoulder gun. He then releases all the captured aliens, and then he leaves. Completely unfazed about what he just did)
(The Rath house, oval office. Rath is sitting at the desk arguing with Water hazard. Wildmutt walks into the room angrily at Rath)
Rath: MUTT! MY FAVORITE GOOD BOY. RATH KNEW YOU COULD DO IT. NOW HERE'S YOUR REWARD, (puts a briefcase on the table) $7 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN CA...
(Before he could finish, Wildmutt clocks hims across the face. He grabs the case, nods at Water hazard and Water hazard does the same. He then leaves)
Rath: THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!
Water hazard: Must've got in the way of his ice cream time. He doesn't fuck around with that shit
(Wildmutt then makes his way back to the ice cream shop but before he walks in, he gets another call on his omnitrix. He punches the ground and then answers the call in acceptance)
Gutrot: Hey, we need you to come in. Big important meeting tonight so we can't just set a normal lackey to...
(Wildmutt hangs up. He looks at the ice cream shop and then to the case of money. He then throws the case on the roof of the ice cream shop in frustration, then leaves)
(The cloud, Gutrot and Pesky dust base of operations for their drug ring)
Pesky dust: Bro, you sure we should've brought him in?
Gutrot: I'm just making sure that if the deal does go south, we can get out of it in more then one way
Pesky dust: You better be right about this. (He looks at one of their henchmen) You, go get me some tea. Sweet and that shit better have ice
Henchman: Yes ma'am
(The henchman goes wide eyed as he realizes what he just said. He turns around and Pesky dust is right in his face)
Pesky dust: The fuck did you just say?
Henchman: No no no, boss please, it was a mis...
(Pesky dust flicks him on the forehead, filling his head with his fears. The henchman screaming at the unimaginable nightmares jumping in and out of his head. He finally can't take it anymore, so he takes out his gun and shoots himself in the head. His body falls down to the floor)
Gutrot: What the fuck Dust!
Pesky dust: What? He called me ma'am!
Gutrot: Yeah I know, but when that usually happens, they end up going in the white room until their same again. The fuck did you make him see?!
Pesky dust: Look I'm tired of this shit happening, I am a fucking dude, and the next person who says otherwise, I will kill my damn self!
(Wildmutt comes into the room. He looks around and notices the body. He looks at Pesky dust in confusion and the walk off to the meeting room)
Gutrot: (looking at 2 more henchman) Clean this up, make sure no one disturbs us
10 minutes later
(The meeting. Pesky dust and Gutrot sit on one side of the table. Wildmutt is curled up at the end of the table. Wildmutt looks at Gutrot in annoyance)
Gutrot: Look, they should be here any second
(The door at the opposite end of Wildmutt opens. Bullfrag enters. Wildmutt pops up in shock)
Bullfrag: Whoa whoa what the fuck!
(Bullfrag pulls a gun on Wildmutt and Wildmutt points one of his shoulder guns at Bullfrag. Pesky dust and Gutrot do the same, both drawn on Bullfrag. Wildmutt growls at Bullfrag)
Gutrot: Little early for this isn't it Frag?
Bullfrag: What the hell is this Gut! Why is he here?!
Gutrot: He's here as a precaution just incase shit went sideways. Seems I made the right call
Bullfrag: Do you know who this is? This is the son of a bitch that just took down one of my cashes!
(Pesky dust and Gutrot look at Mutt and then back to Frag)
Pesky dust: Was it one of your cashes, or one of your "off the record" projects?
Bullfrag: Does it matter? My cameras caught this guy dropping in from a military grade jump plane!
Pesky dust: The fuck Mutt?
(Pesky dust turns his gun on Wildmutt. Wildmutt then stands on his hind legs and points his other shoulder gun at Pesky dust)
Gutrot: Dust what the fuck are you doing?
Pesky dust: Did you hear what he just said, Mutt might be a fed!
Gutrot: We already don't like Frag, so you're really gonna trust him?
Bullfrag: Oh fuck you Rot!
Gutrot: Now hold on now, you may be lying but trust me, these shots are no joke
(Four arms walks in the room through the open entrance with his taydenite pistols trained on each person in the room)
Four arms: I just got here and you guys started without me?
(He locks eyes with Wildmutt)
Four arms: Mutt?
Four arms: (surprised that he's speaking) WHAT THE FUCK?
Wildmutt: (looking at Dust and Rot) Why the fuck is he here, I told you not to bring him here when I'm here!
Gutrot: I thought since you knew him, the deal would go a lot smoothly!
Four arms: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!
30 minutes later
(Outside of the cloud, nightfall, Four area's truck. Wildmutt lays curled up on the hood. Four arms walks up)
Four arms: So...that was something
(Wildmutt is Silent)
Four arms: Were you ever gonna tell us?
(Wildmutt still quiet)
Four arms: CUT THE SILENT BULLSHIT MUTT!
Wildmutt: Got nothing to say
Four arms: Your a fucking mercenary
Wildmutt: I'm a lot of things
Four arms: That's not helping. You know I have to tell the guys right?
Wildmutt: I wouldn't advise that
Four arms: What, you gonna kill me?
(Wildmutt looks at Four arms with agreement)
Four arms: What the fuck man!
Wildmutt: Look, I'm just saying, it would be best to keep my life out of theirs
Four arms: They can handle it
(Wildmutt pops up)
Wildmutt: No the fuck they cannot. The things they l go through on a daily basis, is breadcrumbs compared to the shit I've been through.The things I've seen, the things I've done...
Four arms: The people you've killed
Wildmutt: It's never personal. I don't enjoy it. Everyone has to be good at something, I just landed on being discreet and killing people....it's just a job
Four arms: Yeah, I get that. My hands aren't exactly clean either
Wildmutt: I'd be surprised if they were. Hmm, while you're over here integrating me, what was that meeting for?
Four arms: Well, we've been colliding for a while. Gutrot and Pesky with their hallucinations, sell like hotcakes. Bullfrag mostly moves coke, but as you know, he does some extremely shady shit off the record. Wildvine got out of the game 2 years ago. He made the most money with the green he cooked up and once he was set, he was out. Then there's me
Wildmutt: (confused) What, you move meth?
Four arms: Nope...candy
Wildmutt: (baffled) Oh you fucking mad man
Four arms: Like you said, it's just a job
(They both laugh)
Four arms: Look, I'm not gonna tell the rest. But they'll figure out sooner or later
Wildmutt: Trust me, they won't
Four arms Why you say that?
Wildmutt: Because I been at this shit for the last 9 years and your just now finding out about it. Off of convenience by the way. Speaking of, shouldn't we get back to the meeting?
Four arms: Oh no, the meetings done, total failure, no peace. They actually gave me a 5 min head...
(They are then fired upon. Quad and Mutt let out a flurry of "shits and fucks" as they get in the truck and drive away)
Wildmutt: Give me a heads up next time!
Four arms: Come on, don't act like you haven't been shot at before
Wildmutt: I have, doesn't mean I enjoy it!
Four arms: Come on, let's go get Grey and play some poker
40 min later
(O 10 tower, Four arms and Wildmutt are taking the elevator up)
Wildmutt: Remember, not a word
Four arms: (frustrated) Yeah yeah...I got it
Wildmutt: You good?
Four arms: No, it's just. Something bugging me about Grey. He doesn't seem right
(Wildmutt looks down, contemplating. The elevator stops, and they walk out)
Four arms: Hey guys, found a stray
Ghostfreak: There he is, where's Grey?
Four arms: Not showing, where's Blast and Sticky?
Ghostfreak: Asleep and on a date with his girlfriend
Four arms: Huh, so it was true.
Xlr8: Yeah, now get over here and get ready to chow down on these fajitas
(Four arms sits down at the table with Upgrade, Ripjaws, Diamond head, and Ghostfreak. Wildmutt curls up in a corner)
Ripjaws: These fajitas are the shit Xlr8
Ghostfreak: Yeah they're good, got nothing on a jailhouse burrito tho
Upgrade: The fuck is a jailhouse burrito
(Stinkfly then comes in from the sky opening)
Stinkfly: WHAT'S UP BITCHES!
Four arms: Someone's happy
Stinkfly: Hell yeah, I just had the best sex of my life!
(The O 10 look at each other)
Diamond head: That's a high statement
Stinkfly: Yep, she is amazing! Had me doing positions that I didn't even know existed, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING
Xlr8: Aye simmer down there, some of us are trying to eat
Four arms: No, shut the fuck up. I am the only one who understands and respects Stinkys game. I'm proud of this man. Finally got a real girl, and she smashes good, my man is winning
Stinkfly: See, thank you, glad someone recognizes a player at work, and the cherry on top, she's on her way up for round 2
Four arms: Hell ya! That's my....
(The elevator dings, and out steps a tetramand woman in minimal reveling nightclub outfit. She goes wide eyed as she makes eye contact Four arms)
Four arms: (baffled) Daughter?!
(The entire O 10 stare, unholy amounts of what the fuck being expressed on their faces)
(Diamond head slowly slides Upgrade a $10 bill)
submitted by dagodfather11 to Ben10 [link] [comments]
2020.09.15 01:18 eauxpsifourgott Team #9: Jaime & Cara
Jaime & Cara, I'm sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the Racedown.
Jaime & Cara (Season 14, 2nd place) Known for: The former cheerleaders stood out from other female teams apparently cast for their looks by focusing more on fierce competition than using their looks, becoming close allies with Margie & Luke, and Jaime's repeated impatience with taxi drivers and other locals. They made it to the final leg but ultimately finished in 2nd place after falling too far behind early in the leg.
Finishing Average: 3.92
Records: None, really.
Rankdown 1 finish: #83 (#2 from Season 14)
Rankdown 2 finish: #242 (#7 from Season 14)
New Rankdown finishing average: 111.3
I love Jaime and Cara for a multitude of reasons, mainly due to their subversion of TAR tropes as well as their, in my opinion, underrated relationship dynamic and lowkey story arc. OctoberBirch's opinion:
Jaime and Cara come into the race looking like many F/F friendship teams that came before and after them; two beautiful, fit girls with the same hair color who will likely be a relatively early boot, but talk a big game. However, unlike many of those other teams whose main selling point is their willingness to use sex appeal to get ahead, Jaime and Cara talk about being go-getters and willing to be seen as bitchy if that’s what it takes to win; they live up to this promise.
Right off the bat, they seem relatively unremarkable aside from their intro package. They place 7th in the first leg and don’t get much screen time, seeming like just another “eye candy early boot” team, but throughout the next couple of legs we see Jaime and Cara form a bond with Margie and Luke as it appears the cheerleaders are the only team that really makes an effort to connect with Margie and Luke despite their communication barrier. This friendship helps the girls out in leg 4, when Margie and Luke U-turn Amanda and Kris, partially due to A/K’s threat level but also because Jaime and Cara are behind and M/L wanted to give them a cushion to guarantee their safety.
At this point in the race, Jaime and Cara are a somewhat notable and likable team, but aside from their Margie/Luke relationship and the hilarious moment of Cara pretending to be a ticket agent while on the phone with Mark and Michael, they don’t offer much and are pretty mediocre racers. It’s as the race moves into Asia when Jaime and Cara truly begin to shine. Teams head from remote and cold Siberia to crowded and hot Jaipur, and it’s obviously a difficult adjustment. Jaime has several heated exchanges with the locals of India (“where did he go?! sightseeing? having a cup of coffee?!”) and this continues through the rest of the race, as Jaime’s competitive tunnel vision just gets worse and worse and she begins to truly not care at all as long as she doesn’t check in last (I love when she aggressively thrusts the gnome into the front of the taxi so the Chinese driver can read the clue himself, all while Cara sits back and watches in embarrassment). However, in my opinion it doesn’t come off as ugly American behavior but more so just a competitive, short-tempered, and headstrong person who would rather win than follow social norms of politeness with random strangers, and Jaime also seems like she would act like this in her daily life and not just in foreign countries. Jaime definitely comes off as bitchy, but she said herself that she doesn’t care about how she’s perceived as long as she wins.
Despite their bad luck with taxis and inability to handle language barriers, Jaime and Cara start performing a lot better and finish second many times, even coming in first at a KOR midpoint. In the penultimate leg they get majorly lost in the streets of Beijing and risk elimination, as they arrive at the roadblock after Kisha and Jen, who were U-turned, but Cara goes absolutely beast mode and chows down on fried Chinese delicacies, such as starfish and scorpion, in record time and just barely beat Jen and Kisha to the pitstop, becoming the forth ever F/F team to race in the final leg.
In the Hawaiian finale, Jaime and Cara’s story finally comes full circle. Jaime yells at Cara for not carrying their pig fast enough at the detour, and then once again, they get a bad taxi that doesn’t know where to go, and once again, Jaime yells at the driver. However, in this leg someone stands up to Jaime for the first time in the race as a dispatcher tells her she is “not your personal concierge”, and this seems to have an impact on her; when the taxi finally gets them to the right place, Jaime does something she has never done before in the race: she apologizes. It was a small moment, but still a very fun one as Jaime received her karmic justice and tried to change from it. At the final roadblock, Jaime and Cara arrive well in last place but Luke absolutely fell apart, putting Luke and Jaime on equal footing for the roadblock. Jaime completes it first, but after a reminder from Cara, shows her friend Luke the answer and the off-beat alliance of the mean girls and the lovable mother and son both take second and third.
I loved how Jaime and Cara talked a big game and actually delivered on it, being fiery and assertive go-getters the whole way through instead of flickering out early on as many similar teams have done.
Their relationship was also truly unique for a friend team. They seem to be very close friends and obviously know each other well as Cara expects Jaime’s outbursts. As I mentioned before, Cara would often break the forth wall and roll her eyes at the camera when Jaime was spouting off, and often seems genuinely annoyed and embarrassed by Jaime’s behavior. Jaime even directs some of her anger at Cara, such as at the pig carrying challenge in the finale, or when she basically threatened Cara into not saying uncle during the Chinese massage RB. Despite all of this, Cara continues to support and care about Jaime in spite of her flaws, and Jaime showed that she cared about Cara as well, just in more of a tough love type of way. At the end of the day, the two remain close friends and a good team in spite of their differences because every Jaime needs a Cara: someone who will accept and stick by them despite their flaws.
Jaime and Cara may not be a “TAR Mount Rushmore” team, but in my opinion they deserved to make it this far; they had hilarious moments, an adorable friendship with Margie and Luke (so ironic how Jaime is unable to interact with anyone with a communication barrier EXCEPT Luke), were go-getters and unafraid to be viewed any type of way, had a really fun dynamic and played off each other well, and were a refreshing example of an F/F team with good looks who didn’t overly rely on sex appeal to go far. I understand why some may not like them, or not care about them much, but for these reasons they are one of my favorite TAR teams of all time.
“Often times, women who are aggressive or assertive are viewed as a bitch or a villain. I don’t think that’s fair, but I ultimately don’t give a crap what everyone thinks about me. I will do what I have to do to win.”
At first glance Jaime & Cara is a one-woman show. A “certain one aggressive fiery redhead that’s also conventionally attractive” show. Jaime makes this clear in her intro with her scathing feminist energy: that women often are held to a double standard when they exhibit behavior that’s negative. They’re called catty, bitchy, if they are assertive or offend someone because it’s an easy blow to uphold the patriarchy, gender norms, and misogyny that our society is still having trouble cleaning from its foundations. But just as Rachel needed Elissa to actually become a fun team, Cara is such an essential balance to Jaime. Cara is that more-or-less along-for-the-ride law school student that’s also happened to be a Miama Cheerleader. I hate when their lumped together as rude because Cara most definitely was never rude to any locals. Together, Jaime & Cara have kind of a hot & cool balance that makes its case for the strongest ever all-female team and by extension, the superior of the three 2-time-racing runner-up “pretty girl” teams (which is an oddly specific group, in which Dustin/Kandice and Caroline/Jennifer also fall into, and besides the three, no “pretty girl” team has ever come close to winning.)
As has been established over and over again, the Amazing Race really lacks the Alpha female competitors that it should have. Jaime brings that to an insane level, breaking the mold of not only the traditional female competitor in Amazing Race canon, but also pushing the limits of what two females can accomplish together, as they eventually go on to tie the record for the highest finishing of an all-female team yet. Yes, Jaime yells whenever she doesn’t get her way. Yes, Jaime can be nasty at times to locals. But first of all, can you blame her? I think that race stress is real and that it really gets to the point where language barriers and getting lost and seemingly driving into nowhere for hours can drive you insane. I know I would act in a very similar way, and maybe that’s why I don’t view that as a net-negative, because I’m similarly a bitch. For me bitchiness is great because you don’t get totally trampled by people who want to take advantage of you. Take Caitlin & Brittany that stuck with that tuk tuk driver who crashed out of the race in 9th. Let them know that you’re pissed that you’re losing a million dollars. They deserve to know. It’s not the fact that they’re foreigners, if they were English speakers, I’d yell at them all the same, just as Jaime did in the finale. All the while, Cara is just there, living for the experience and such a delight.
The middle seasons are an awkward time. After the Beauty Queen era, it’s more of a waiting game to see which all-female team will take the crown first. But the redheads aren’t exactly at the front of the line for that title even in their season, with the more promising female team, Kisha & Jen, also riding the race along with them until they narrowly outrace them in a bathroom fiasco that allows the redheads to slip into the finals. Their reaction to finding out they made it to the Final 3 is absolutely delightful, just how Cara instinctually reaches out to hug Phil and the greeter and Jaime’s exasperated surprise is enough to make me feel giddy. Now we get to the season 14 finals, which is probably one of messiest finals yet. There’s the infamous final breakdown where Jaime literally cannot have it because her taxi driver has first stopped for gas and then gotten lost. She calls 911 and the dispatcher gives her attitude and it’s so hilarious that I can’t stop laughing, but also sad, because I was really rooting for them to win. Then, at the final roadblock, Jaime makes sure to stick around to help Luke who’s literally losing his mind at the roadblock, which always makes me think that Jaime knows when it really matters that she can be a great person.
For me, Jaime & Cara are a great villain team whose villainous qualities all are simultaneously pluses for me. Jaime is loud, rude, bitchy, whatever, but she isn’t flirtatious, manipulative, or downright mean. She doesn’t hate other women, as so many other strong females of this race have. Cough cough Nicole F As you may have collected, as I particularly love strong all-female teams, and these are the perfect example of a strong all-female team and an iconic showing of woman power.
submitted by eauxpsifourgott to tarrankdown3 [link] [comments]
2020.09.05 02:37 CobaltCrusader123 Hazbin Hotel copypasta Pt 1
(The scene opens with a voiceover of Charlie singing "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows".)
Charlie: ♫ At the end of the rainbow, there's happiness. ♫
(A human is shown falling down from the sky as a rainbow bursts upwards through the clouds.)
Charlie: ♫ And to find it, how often I've tried. ♫
(Charlie is seen being told off by her father and mother.)
Charlie: ♫ But my life, is a race. Just a wild goose chase. ♫
(Camera pans over to where Lilith was pointing at, which shows Hell being circled by Angels.)
Charlie: ♫ And my dreams, have all been denied. / Why have I always been a failure? ♫
(A shadow of Lucifer looms over a disappointed Charlie as demonic arms and tentacles cover the screen.)
Charlie: ♫ What can the reason be? / I wonder if the world's to blame. ♫
(The Earth rotates as many eyes begin to surround it.)
Charlie: ♫ I wonder if it could be me. ♫
(The Exterminators are seen smiling deviously as they look down upon the souls they have gotten rid of. The scene turns to black as the camera focuses on the middle Exterminator's face and halo.)
Charlie: ♫ I'm always chasing rainbows. / Watching clouds drifting by. ♫
(The scene fades in on graffiti and signs that says "Fuck You, Heaven", "Punishment" and "Your Days Are Numbered" can be seen throughout Hell.)
Charlie: ♫ My schemes are just like all my dreams. / Ending in the sky. ♫
(Charlie heads towards the hotel's balcony as she releases fireworks that signals the rest of Hell that the extermination has ended.)
Charlie: ♫ Some fellows look and find the sunshine. ♫
(A handful of demons are seen checking the area to see if the coast is all clear.)
Charlie: ♫ I always look and find the rain. ♫
(An Overlord opens the blinds to her room, revealing the display of fireworks. The camera then proceeds to show a four-eyed Overlord, as well as Lucifer himself hiding in the shadows, present in the same room as her.)
Charlie: ♫ Some fellows make a winning sometime. ♫
(At The Porn Studios, Velvet takes a selfie with Vox whereas Valentino is not amused when he sees that he got a text from his employee.)
'Charlie: ♫ I never even make a gain. / Believe me. ♫
(Two demons check to see if Franklin is still alive and proceed to head offscreen as the cannibals waiting nearby pounce onto her dead body. Rosie then crosses out Franklin's name from the sign above their business.)
Charlie: ♫ I'm always chasing rainbows. ♫
(A demon can be seen cleaning up what's been left of the extermination as other demons begin to freely walk about in the open.)
Charlie: *in tears* ♫ Waiting to find a little bluebird. / In vain. ♫
(Charlie looks back at the Clock Tower as it resets the timer for the next yearly cleanse.)
(A sinner has fallen into Hell and has been transformed into a demon. He falls face-first onto the road and is surprised to see that he is still "alive".)
Four-Armed Demon: Aaaaah! *lands* Ugh. Huh? *checks himself* I'm alive! I'm alive-
(He then gets run over by a taxi driven by Travis which Angel Dust walks out of. Travis snickers.)
Travis: Heh. Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff!
Angel Dust: *pushes his hand through his hair* Yeah, yeah, listen. *Fixes his hair more* Keep this discreet, you hear me? I can't let out I'm offerin' my services to randos on the street! It was a quick cash grab *makes a gesture with his fingers and snaps his fingers at him, smiling*. Ya got it?
Travis: Pfft! Whatever you say, slut! Muhehehehehehe!
Angel Dust: *pretends to be offended* Ouch! Ooh! *turns back to face him* Such an insult! Let me know when you've come up with something creative to call me *looms over Travis and points at him with all his index fingers*, you sack of poorly packaged horse shit! Tell the missus I said "hi" *kisses him*, Shnuckums!
Travis: *defeatedly* Pack a - puh...
(As Travis angrily drives off, Angel looks behind him to see a vending machine for drugs. He goes for the angel dust and just as he gets a hold of it, a random demon runs by and steals his drugs.)
Feathered Demon: Yoink!
Angel Dust: *annoyed* Hey!
Feathered Demon: Up yours, drag show!
(A boulder proceeds to fall out of the sky, crushing the feathered demon alongside Angel's drugs. Angel gasps.)
Angel Dust: Oh my GOD! *leans in to pick up what's left of his pack of drugs with a devastated look on his face* MY DRUGS! *clenches the cloth angrily and looks up* Damn it!
(A war ship can be seen passing by, destroying its surroundings.)
(The camera zooms in on the war ship, revealing Sir Pentious and his henchmen inside.)
Sir Pentious: *operating the controls to his ship* Ahahahahahahahahahahah! Those other cowardly ssssinners dare not hinder my territorial take-over! A wise decision! The power of my machines are unmatched! *proceeds to push two levers as his hood flares open* No other demon can compare to the likesss of I!
Egg Boi #23: Gee! That was pretty swell, boss!
Egg Boi #666: Yeah!
Other Egg Boi: You really showed them what for! I liked when you *his hand mimics the action of a shooting ray gun* shot them with your ray gun! *gets slapped away by Sir Pentious*
Egg Boi #23: I wish he'd shoot me with his ray gun! *Other Egg Boi pats him*
Sir Pentious: *hood flares open* At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of The Pentagram by day's end! *pushes a few buttons* And nothing, *pulls levers towards him* not a single beast in this inferno of suffering will be able to take back this empire from *squeezes an Egg Boi with his tail* my constrictive grasp!
(An Egg Boi suddenly pops on screen and pops open a bottle of whiskey onto Sir Pent's face. Sir Pent proceeds to swat said Egg Boi aside.)
Random Egg Boi: Oh boy!
Sir Pentious: Hell will be mine! And everybody will know the name of Sir Pen-
(Sir Pentious is interrupted by a scream coming from offscreen. Sir Pent and two Egg Bois become surprised.)
Cherri Bomb: EDGELORD!
Sir Pentious: *offended* Pardon?! *looks around angrily and eyes the two Egg Bois behind him* Who said that?! What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?! *hisses* Speak up!
The Two Egg Bois: *petrified* That wasn't us, Mr. Bossman.
(A small bomb with a print of a skull on it breaks through Sir Pent's ship. It then lands right between Sir Pent and the two Egg Bois. The bomb proceeds to blow up, leaving red smoke behind.)
Sir Pentious: *coughs and hacks*
(As the smoke clears up, the owner of the scream is revealed to be Cherri Bomb as she prepares another bomb in hand.)
Cherri Bomb: You lookin' for a fight, old man?! *begins to juggle around her cherry bomb* Why don't you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I *proceeds to throw and catch the bomb* smash it?!
(A large pipe falls on top of an already dead Egg Boi, crushing him as Sir Pent and Cherri momentarily look at the carnage.)
Cherri Bomb: *grins sadistically* ....More!
Sir Pentious: Oh! *hood flares open* You wanna go, missy?! Well, I'm happy to oblige! Ahahah!
(Sir Pentious is then backed up by his henchmen of Egg Bois.)
(The logo for 666 News is shown on a black background, which is followed by the day's newscast.)
Katie Killjoy: Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy.
Tom Trench: And I'm Tom Trench! Chaos out at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side!
(An image of Sir Pentious trying to be hip, followed by a drawing of Cherri flipping the bird is shown.)
Tom Trench: Between notable kingpin, Sir Pentious, and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse, Cherri Bomb!
Katie Killjoy: That's right, Tom! After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!
(A live clip of Cherri and Sir Pentious's clash is shown.)
Tom Trench: Those two seem to be really going at it, huh?
Katie Killjoy: Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail *as she fishes out a tooth and a nail respectively from her mug of coffee* for that hot spot! *proceeds to swallow said tooth and nail*
Tom Trench: *looking over at the live broadcast focusing on Cherri* And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot! *wiggles eyebrows* Hoohoo!
Katie Killjoy: Haha, you are a limpdick jackass Tom! Or should I say - *pours scalding hot coffee onto his crotch* no dick?
Tom Trench: *curls over in pain* Ugh...not again!
(Screen shows a picture of Charlie as Tom can still be heard whimpering in pain in the background.)
Katie Killjoy: Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho who's here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more, after the break! *crushes her mug in her hand and turns to Trench who's still in pain* Suck it up, you little bi-!
(The news cast cuts off and goes on a commercial break.)
(The camera pans out from a nearby screen, focusing on Charlie and her girlfriend as she fixes Charlie's bow.)
Vaggie: *exhales* Okay! You remember what to say?
Charlie: *inhales* Yes! Let's do this!
Vaggie: *in a serious tone* Just, look at me and I'll mouth it to you.
Charlie: Come on, Vaggie! *bends backward* I know what to say! I just feel like we need to...I don't know, *grabs and throws a doughnut away* make things sound more exciting! *Gasp* Hooo! What if I si-
Vaggie: *cutting Charlie off* -Sing a song about it?
Charlie: You knew I was gonna say that! *boops Vaggie on the nose*
Vaggie: Because I know you *fixes her bow again*. But please don't sing! *shakes Charlie* This is serious!
Charlie: Well, you know, I'm better at expressing myself and my goals through song!
(Charlie stands on the table with Razzle and Dazzle happily munching on doughnuts, watching her.)
Vaggie: But life isn't a musical, hon. *places hands on hips*
Charlie: Fine. But I have these other ideas of what to say! *starts bouncing a bit as she shows Vaggie a piece of paper* The highlighted bits are the best part!
Vaggie: Uh, it's all highlighted. *squints* Is this a drawing...?
Charlie: Yes! That's the happy ending, see?! *begins to fantasize* Everyone smiling and happy in Heaven!
Vaggie: *pinches the bridge of her nose* I don't think it's that simple. Just please follow the talking points we went over. And *grabs Charlie to face her* do not sing!
Charlie: Okay, fiiiine. *in a british accent* I'll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills! *salutes Vaggie as she walks over to Katie Killjoy*
Charlie: *normal voice, nervously* Hiii! I'm Charlie. *tries to go for a handshake*
Katie Killjoy: Katie Killjoy. *blows out the smoke of her cigarette* I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, but that would be a lie. *throws away her cigarette* And you can put that away. *gestures to Charlie's hand* I don't touch the gays. I have standards!
Charlie: Yeah? How's uh... how's that working out for ya? *turns to look around nervously*
Katie Killjoy: Look, my time is money, so I'll keep this short. *proceeds to poke Charlie* You're not here because we wanted you here. You're here because Jeffrey couldn't make it for his cannibal cooking segment.
(A billboard of Jeffrey's cannibalism cooking show titled "It's Dahm Good!" can be seen in the background.)
Katie Killjoy: You might be some royal big shot *fluffs her hair*, but that doesn't mean shit to me. I'm too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon *does air quotes with her fingers* "princess" wants to advertise.
(Tom can be seen shaking his head in disapproval as Katie boasts about her wealth and influence to Charlie.)
Charlie: But I-
Katie Killjoy: *continues to poke her chest* So don't get cute with me, honey, or I will fucking bury you!
News Staff: And we're live!
(Killjoy rushes back to her desk, holding papers while cracking her neck.)
Katie Killjoy: Welcome back! So, Charlotte!
Charlie: It's... Charlie. *smiles nervously as a spotlight flashes her way*
Katie Killjoy: Whatever. Tell us about this new passion project you've been insistently pestering our news station about! *tries to hold in her outburst by clenching her pen*
Charlie: *looks around as Vaggie motions her to go on* Well, *clears throat and exhales* as most of you know, I was born here in Hell and growing up, I always tried to see the good in everyone around me.
(Killjoy spots a slug and stabs it with her pen, the slug's blood bursts all over.)
Charlie: Hell is my home and- *gets slug blood splattered across her cheek which she then wipes off* you are my people. We... we just went through another extermination.
(Vaggie is seen giving Charlie two thumbs up as Killjoy quickly starts to lose interest.)
Charlie: We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. No one is even given *slams fist on table, waking Killjoy up* a chance! *walks up from Killjoy's desk* I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? *she walks around the audience* Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption? *throws her arm around one of the News Cast's staff members* Well, I think yes! So that's what this project aims to achieve! *returns to Killjoy's desk* Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!
(Her broadcast is being shown at The Radio Shack, which many other demons are also watching by the streets and everywhere else in Hell.)
Charlie: *starts to lose her confidence* Y'know? 'Cause hotels are for people passin' through... temporarily...
Reptile Demon: Ahahaha! IS this girl for real?! She thinks- *tries to hold in his laughter* You hear what she thinks?! She thi- HAHA! Ah, she's nuts. *walks out of The Kaiju Klub with his friends*
Charlie: I think it'll serve a purpose... a place to work toward redemption... yay...!
(The scene cuts back to the demons watching her broadcast from The Radio Shack. A mysterious figure walks up to see her broadcast alongside a bunch of other demons watching such as Crymini and a handful of others.)
Cameraman: *snickers* Stupid bitch.
Vaggie: *punches the cameraman square in the face*
Charlie: *looks around, saddened* Look, every single one of you has something good, deep down inside. I know you do! ...Maybe I'm not getting through to you.
(Razzle and Dazzle are then alerted that Charlie's about to sing and that she may need their back-up vocals.)
Vaggie: *facepalms* Oh no...
(Charlie snaps her fingers as the room turns dark and a spotlight is shown over a piano that Charlie, Razzle and Dazzle start performing on. Meanwhile, back at The Radio Shack, Alastor and his shadow can be seen tilting their heads curiously as their smiles widen.)
Charlie: ♫ I have a dream, I'm here to tell! / *walks away from the piano as two news staff look at each other* About a wonderful fantastic new *takes out a drawing of The Happy Hotel* hotel! ♫
Charlie: ♫ Yes, it's one-of-a-kind! Right here in Hell, catering to a specific clientel *boops Dazzle's nose*. ♫
Razzle and Dazzle: ♫ Oooh ooh ooh~ ♫
(Killjoy is in shock as Trench looks around, confused.)
Charlie: ♫ Inside of every demon is a rainbow *throws her arm around the necks of two bird demons*! Inside every sinner is a shiny smile *passes through a hellhound's tail*! Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac *dodges all the hatchets being aimed at her* is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child *hands the masked demon a sparkling cupcake and pats his head*! ♫
Charlie: ♫ We can turn them 'round! *turns to Killjoy and Trench* They'll be Heaven-bound! With just a little time, down at The Happy Hotel! *camera pans to the audience where Vaggie stands with a worried expression* ♫
Charlie: ♫ So all you junkies *takes out syringe from a doll demon's head*, freaks *takes a pic with a Siamese twin demon in its cage*, and weirdos *fends off a several-eyed blob demon*. Creepers *stares at a snail demon out the window*, fuck-ups *boops a couch demon on the nose*, crooks and zeroes *returns the stolen money to charity*, and down-fallen superheroes *throws her hands behind the necks of two supervillain demons*, help is here! ♫
Charlie: ♫ All of you cretins *dips her hair into the water by the pier*, sluts *holds out a pair of panties in disgust*, and losers *calls her rival a loser*, sexual deviants *backs away from the sex offenders*, and boozers *turns to face a depressed demon*, and prescription drug abusers *throws away the drugs a blue demon is taking into a burning trash can*, need not fear!
Charlie: ♫ Forever again *A demon lands on a wheelchair and is pushed by Razzle towards Charlie and Dazzle*, we'll cure your sin *shows the demon her chart*! We'll make you well *Dazzle injects a happiness syrum into the patient*, you'll feel so swell! Right here in Hell *turns to her full demonic form*, at the Happy Hotel! ♫
(Razzle continues to aggressively play the piano.)
Charlie: ♫ *slides over to Killjoy's right* There'll be no more fire, *slides over to Trench's left* and no more screams. Just puppy dog kisses *holds a dog close to her face*, and cotton candy dreams *holds out a cotton candy*, and puffy-wuffy clouds *cuddles both the dog and cotton candy*, you're gonna be like "Wow!" *camera pans out showing the clouds forming the word "Wow!"* Once you check in with me *shows a check-in chart*! ♫
(Vaggie is seen with both her hands covering her face.)
Charlie: ♫ So all your cartoon porn addictions *confiscates a neckbeard demon's cartoon porn magazine*, vegan rants *confiscates a vegan demon's Hellphone and takes a selfie with it*, psychic predictions *confiscates the spell books and crystal ball of a psychic demon*, ancient Roman cruxifictions *avoids running into a cruxified demon and knocks over two other crucified demons*, end right here *throws away all the confiscated items off a cliff*! ♫
Charlie: ♫ All you monsters *clenches the hands of two monstruous demons*, thieves and crazies *points finger guns over a dog demon trying to steal baguettes from an insect demon whose hood flares open*, cannibals *tempts the cannibals with a severed arm on a plate*, and crying babies *looks at a possum mother and her rabid babies, annoyed*, frothing mouths that's full of rabies filled with cheer *pulls a hellhound with rabies close to her*! ♫
Charlie: ♫ You'll be complete *completes a puzzle demon as the camera pans out*! It'll be so neat *a wrecking ball demon destroys the puzzle demon as Charlie gives two thumbs up*! Our service can't be beat *in her doorman uniform*! You'll be on easy street, yes *hugs three demons which include Mimzy*! Life will be sweet *turns to her demonic form* at The Happy Hotel *twirls happily in flames as she jumps up, revealing a land made of candies and sweets behind her*! Yeah! ♫
(Charlie ends the song, rather exhausted as everyone in the news station looks at her with disgust and disbelief.)
Grey Demon: Wow! *turns to his demonic form* ...That was shit!
(Everyone in the audience including Killjoy and Trench begin to laugh at Charlie. Charlie looks crushed and devastated and slumps back down to her seat. There was a boo section in the news and the demons look uninterested)
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2020.08.05 08:27 5Augslow Cutest are Te-ens in Po-rn
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