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My girlfriend (24F) and I (25M) have been together for over 5 years. She was raised by her grandparents from early childhood, and cared for them as their health began to decline during her high school years. I (25M) have been having trust issues with my Girlfriend (25F) because of porn and lying. ( self.relationship_advice ) submitted 1 hour ago by ThrowRA-APD to r/relationship_advice If trust issues aren’t the number one cause of breakups, it has to be one of the leading causes. In my brief time alive, I’ve noticed that the problems most couples face are usually arguments ... Girlfriend (25F) walked out on me (30M) because of my trust issues with her Long story short: last month, my girlfriend lied to me consecutively over 5 times over one scenario. I'd asked her if she's heard from a former flame recently, she said no, turned out she had. Trust issues may be your number one obstacle to connection, warmth, and intimacy. This post assumes you’re experiencing trust issues left over from past relationships, but don’t have rational ... TDLR- So I (25) have been dating my girlfriend (24) for almost 2 years. About a year into our relationship I kind of got suspicious of who she was texting because I would see the names pop up and then she would delete the messages. Anyway, I ended up telling my friends because they questioned why I stopped showing up to gatherings. The girls response was basically that it was consensual and I was lying to keep my wife from getting mad at me. Half of my friends believe her and the other half are on my side. It was a mess. My Girlfriend Has Serious Trust Issues – What Do I Do? Question. I’m dating a woman who’s really great, except for the fact that she’s constantly questioning me whenever we spend any time apart.. To give you an example, when I go out with friends, she has to know where I’m going, when I’m going to be back, and exactly who else will be there. 1.Before I became like this insecure/clingy/doubtful girlfriend that I am, I was once like you – full of trust, confidence, hope, love. But these had all been shattered into pieces when once upon a time, the person who meant the world to me, broke my heart, soul and whole being – making me re-think over and over what the fuck did I do wrong to deserve this hellish pain. Trust is non-negotiable. It's one of the major tenants of any healthy relationship. However, having a partner with trust issues doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy relationship. It just ...

2020.10.18 23:56 ThrowRA-APD I (25M) have been having trust issues with my Girlfriend (25F) because of porn and lying.

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now. We both have a lot of flaws and things that we struggle with. I admit that I believe I have APD and my girlfriend has BPD. Most of the time, we are very good together. I genuinely am devoted to her. She makes me very happy and while sometimes she has episodes of emotions that results in her doing things that hurt me, she snaps out of them and will apologize. I struggle with compulsive lying, I have my entire life and I believe I have been the most honest to her, which is painful to say because I haven't been completely honest with her.
She does not like that I watch any porn. At first she told me it made her feel inadequate and I understood that, but she assured me that she did not want to be "that" type of person to say that I couldn't watch porn. I told her I wouldn't, but I ended up starting to do it again only a few days later. She used my computer while I was not home and went through my browsing history. She approached me casually, asked if I had been watching porn, I lied and said no, and a few days later she confronted me again about it.
We had an argument about it, we both ended up crying our hearts out and came to understand more of what we wanted/felt about the issue. I asserted to her that she needed to tell me she did not want me to watch porn if she did not want me to watch porn and that maintaining the "I don't want to be the type of person to say that" stance while actually wanting to say that was what made me feel like it wasn't a big issue if she found out. I admitted that I lied and that I have a problem with lying, which she knows about but we talked through it more, and that I understood her point of view more because, well, I do. I understand that she has issues with confidence and gets jealous and that me being not really committed to stopping watching porn is insensitive to that. I also admitted that hey, maybe I have a porn problem or addiction and I might need to seek help to deal with it if I could not stop on my own.
Flash-forward to today. I was gone all weekend to spend some time with my father. She encouraged me to spend time with him, which does not come from a place of malice or ill-intent. She genuinely wants me to be closer to my father because we have a somewhat rocky relationship. I had a moment of paranoia, of her using my computer while I was gone to see how I used it in the past and stating that I was being dishonest, which this time would be false because I haven't been watching porn and instead have found a lot of positive changes in not using it. I set up the webcam I use for work to automatically take a picture every time it senses motion. While I was gone, she told me she used my computer to do some stuff for her job (which I told her is fine and I was ok with when she told me). When I came back, after she left the house to go to an event with her family, I checked the camera logs. There were three incidents of her on my computer. Checking the history on the browser, there was only the one she told me about.
I feel genuinely....bad. I think it was wrong for me to set up the camera in the first place because I have nothing to hide and it really was just an invasion of her privacy as much as her looking through my browsing history was of my own. I confronted her about the event, but was stern about her using my computer more times than she told me with no clear history. I also told her about the camera, and explained my side. We've exchanged a few words about it, but have yet to have the full conversation that I know we need to have about what happened.
What do I do? How do I stop feeling paranoid? How can I rebuild trust with my girlfriend and most past this terrible chapter in our lives. I love her, and I want her to be happy, but I know that I have a lot of issues and I want to be better for her. I've dropped the porn, but for some reason the paranoia of her using my computer while I was not there is still lingering. After all, she can look into more than my browsing history, she can also look into private conversations that I have had with friends and family (through discord). If I leave my computer off while I'm gone, which is pretty much what I have been doing until this time (in order to remove the temptation) she always mentions it in a very negative way that makes me feel bad for doing it. She talks about how she doesn't trust browsing history because "anyone can use incognito or remove browsing history in chrome". What can I say or do to right my wrongs?
TL;DR: I watch porn. My girlfriend told me she didn't like it and I said I wouldn't, but lied and kept watching porn. We had an argument about it, made up, and I have been porn free since. I left and felt paranoid so I set up a camera. It caught her using my computer 3 times and she only told me about 1.
submitted by ThrowRA-APD to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.16 06:30 just_a_random-human Free porn live camera

(As I was writing this I remembered one of the situations is similar to something that happened on another story by someone else, I assure you that wasn't on purpose. Also sorry this story is so short and probably disjointed I'm pretty tired)
Jessica was a 6,7 athletic middle eastern woman with long black hair. She was about 27 and lived in a large expensive 15th story condo with the love of her life. Both of them had been each others first partner having met in high school. Her and her boyfriend jake, a skinny 6,1 southern man with short blond hair that was about 24, had both won a massive lottery as they graduated and because of some smart investments they would never have to work another day in their life and they could use their freetime to do practically whatever they want.
Jessica had a secret though, she was extremely into ballbusting, she loved it and how fun it was, she never told jake though because she worried he'd think she was weird. One day just as an experiment she secretly installed a sort of watcher app on his phone that allowed her to watch the screen on her phone and it allowed her to see the search history, she then opened a tab on his phone of a ballbusting video website.
Later that day she told jake she was going to the store and then she had to meet a friend at the park and that she would be gone for several hours. In reality she went to a nearby hotel and watched the watcher app. Eventually jake got on his phone and saw the tab, she saw that he scrolled up and down Jessica assumed in confusion, then she saw him tap on a video and watch it, all of it. She then saw him move on to watch several more videos before suddenly stopping and moving on to some mobile game
After a while she returned home ecstatic, and then surprised to see jake laying on the floor in a ball next to one of her elastic band leg exercise products.
Jake looked up at her surprised
"Oh uh uh, Jessica, I uh, I was just trying to... uh" jake began to stammer trying to come up with a story, terrified that if she knew hed just tried it on himself she'd think he was some kinda weirdo, even he thought it was a bit weird, hed suddenly discovered he had a fetish for something he didn't even know existed
"Oh jake I told you not to use my exercise equipment, serves you right te he" she said playfully trying to ease Jake's panic, "now come on, get up you big baby help me make dinner"
"Ooooooh but my nuts" jake dramatically replied
"Yeah well that's what you get, now come over here before I give you're nuts something truly painful" she said playfully.
She then watched jake stand up and follow her to the kitchen trying very poorly to hide his erection.
Over the next few days Jessica saw his online activity began to involve a lot more ballbusting porn and reading ballbusting stories, she then heard his multiple attempts at self ballbusting from within his room with great excitement. Over the course of the week he had "accidentally" hurt his balls infront of her three times and each time she could plainly tell it was on purpose, the setup was always to forced, but she could also see that each time he had genuinely hurt his balls. She made sure to play along every time laughing hysterically at him and mocking his pain. She wanted to play around with him more, this was interesting and she wanted to see how far he would go.
"Jake make sure to stay out of the living room for the next 30 minutes, I'm doing a VR gym class, I wont be able to see anything around me and you could get hurt" she said knowing it would catch his attention
She then stood in the middle of the living room wearing nothing but a sports bra and sweatpants and put on her expensive VR headset, although instead of putting on a VR gym class she set the VR to camera mode, allowing her to actually see the room around her. She then began kicking her legs out twice before making a kneeing action twice and then repeating, pretending as if it was a exorcise move.
As she did this she began to see jake tentatively move towards her, as he saw him hesitating at the edge of the room she didn't know if he was going to take the bait, she needed to encourage him more.
"Hey jake, I've got something on my neck, can you come get it" she shouted
"Sure just a sec" he said walking around infront of her
She saw him slowly move forward, finaly placing himself in the path of her kick but just as her foot was about to collide with his nuts she decided to push it a bit further and pull her leg back beginning to just make kneeing motions. He continued to inch further until finally
Ouuuuuuuuufh "HA HA HA, I told you to he careful jake, you know with something so vulnerable I'd think youd be more careful" she said
ooooooh
"Get up you big baby, come oooooon" she said playfully taking off the VR and pulling at his shoulder for him to get up
ooooooooh just a second
"No jake, now" she said suddenly sturn "now or I'll give you something to groan about"
"Woah woah ok ok" jake said standing up with a very obvious erection
Oh, that was no fun, she'd expected him to refuse and give her an excuse.
"Good decision jake, now try not to let your testicles interrupt my exercise again" she said playfully
Suddenly she got an idea
to be continued... maybe, feel free to give ideas and feedback submitted by just_a_random-human to BallbustingStories [link] [comments]


2020.10.16 06:30 just_a_random-human Free porn live camera

(As I was writing this I remembered one of the situations is similar to something that happened on another story by someone else, I assure you that wasn't on purpose. Also sorry this story is so short and probably disjointed I'm pretty tired) Jessica was a 6,7 athletic middle eastern woman with long black hair. She was about 27 and lived in a large expensive 15th story condo with the love of her life. Both of them had been each others first partner having met in high school. Her and her boyfriend jake, a skinny 6,1 southern man with short blond hair that was about 24, had both won a massive lottery as they graduated and because of some smart investments they would never have to work another day in their life and they could use their freetime to do practically whatever they want.
Jessica had a secret though, she was extremely into ballbusting, she loved it and how fun it was, she never told jake though because she worried he'd think she was weird. One day just as an experiment she secretly installed a sort of watcher app on his phone that allowed her to watch the screen on her phone and it allowed her to see the search history, she then opened a tab on his phone of a ballbusting video website.
Later that day she told jake she was going to the store and then she had to meet a friend at the park and that she would be gone for several hours. In reality she went to a nearby hotel and watched the watcher app. Eventually jake got on his phone and saw the tab, she saw that he scrolled up and down Jessica assumed in confusion, then she saw him tap on a video and watch it, all of it. She then saw him move on to watch several more videos before suddenly stopping and moving on to some mobile game
After a while she returned home ecstatic, and then surprised to see jake laying on the floor in a ball next to one of her elastic band leg exercise products.
Jake looked up at her surprised
"Oh uh uh, Jessica, I uh, I was just trying to... uh" jake began to stammer trying to come up with a story, terrified that if she knew hed just tried it on himself she'd think he was some kinda weirdo, even he thought it was a bit weird, hed suddenly discovered he had a fetish for something he didn't even know existed
"Oh jake I told you not to use my exercise equipment, serves you right te he" she said playfully trying to ease Jake's panic, "now come on, get up you big baby help me make dinner"
"Ooooooh but my nuts" jake dramatically replied
"Yeah well that's what you get, now come over here before I give you're nuts something truly painful" she said playfully.
She then watched jake stand up and follow her to the kitchen trying very poorly to hide his erection.
Over the next few days Jessica saw his online activity began to involve a lot more ballbusting porn and reading ballbusting stories, she then heard his multiple attempts at self ballbusting from within his room with great excitement. Over the course of the week he had "accidentally" hurt his balls infront of her three times and each time she could plainly tell it was on purpose, the setup was always to forced, but she could also see that each time he had genuinely hurt his balls. She made sure to play along every time laughing hysterically at him and mocking his pain. She wanted to play around with him more, this was interesting and she wanted to see how far he would go.
"Jake make sure to stay out of the living room for the next 30 minutes, I'm doing a VR gym class, I wont be able to see anything around me and you could get hurt" she said knowing it would catch his attention
She then stood in the middle of the living room wearing nothing but a sports bra and sweatpants and put on her expensive VR headset, although instead of putting on a VR gym class she set the VR to camera mode, allowing her to actually see the room around her. She then began kicking her legs out twice before making a kneeing action twice and then repeating, pretending as if it was a exorcise move.
As she did this she began to see jake tentatively move towards her, as he saw him hesitating at the edge of the room she didn't know if he was going to take the bait, she needed to encourage him more.
"Hey jake, I've got something on my neck, can you come get it" she shouted
"Sure just a sec" he said walking around infront of her
She saw him slowly move forward, finaly placing himself in the path of her kick but just as her foot was about to collide with his nuts she decided to push it a bit further and pull her leg back beginning to just make kneeing motions. He continued to inch further until finally
Ouuuuuuuuufh "HA HA HA, I told you to he careful jake, you know with something so vulnerable I'd think youd be more careful" she said
ooooooh
"Get up you big baby, come oooooon" she said playfully taking off the VR and pulling at his shoulder for him to get up
ooooooooh just a second
"No jake, now" she said suddenly sturn "now or I'll give you something to groan about"
"Woah woah ok ok" jake said standing up with a very obvious erection
Oh, that was no fun, she'd expected him to refuse and give her an excuse.
"Good decision jake, now try not to let your testicles interrupt my exercise again" she said playfully
Suddenly she got an idea
to be continued... maybe, feel free to give ideas and feedback submitted by just_a_random-human to BallbustingStories [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 17:48 nobodyhere88 My "Porn Abuse" Story: Raped for Porn as a Kid

tl;dr:
I was told I was raped when I was really little and it seemed plausibly to be for porn. The abuse messed with me sexually and the story gave me kind of an odd identity, but I’m okay now and I support you guys.
Long version:
It looks a little like the main person behind it distributed pictures of children having sex with him to convicts through some kind of evangelical prison ministry he fronted. Stories from other children who the man and his wife offered childcare services for pointed to there being cameras. Based on what I told people around the time and how it appeared on my body, I was exposed to physical abuse while with them too, and was probably also sexually abused by at least one of their children. I was taken to their house almost all day everyday for roughly a month and a half before my parents noticed the red flags and stopped sending me there. Evidence fell through the cracks and prosectors never took it up. It started a few days before my third birthday.
Someone from the NoFap community recently saw a post I made and took down looking for a friend who had also been abused on camera and suggested that I share my story with you guys. My therapist agreed that it could be beneficial for people at large to understand, and I trust her guidance a lot. With how it began at the outset of my ability to really remember things and I’m 31 now, it’s been difficult to summarize though.
I’ve spent a number of sessions talking about reflections on this and sharing my writing and deleting and rewriting draft after draft. So much of my work with her has encouraged me to be more honest with myself, and it’s been most tough to explain everything in a way that feels authentic. I finally feel like I’ve achieved that fairly well, so I’m sorry that this is just going to be a little long.
I’ve never formally studied the human brain, but from my work with psychology professionals I’ve been told that trying to educate myself on that is beneficial. When grappling with post-traumatic symptoms they say that it’s your own narrative that hurts more than whatever happened. The less you can contextualize your experience in a way that explains everything well, the more upset you are. I never felt much about the incident, but I came up with a way of viewing myself and maybe also the perpetrator that has helped me to resolve what little I have felt based on what about the human experience I’ve understood.
The first and probably most obvious way I feel like it altered my experience was sexually. If you’re lucky enough to become sexually active in an ideally consensual way, I think little bits of physical stimulation are provided for large amounts of arousal, and the two sort of feed into each other building until they reach a satisfying peak. But I got random huge doses of genital stimulation at any point regardless of my arousal, so I think my brain kind of became hard-wired to expect sex to occur more in that way. The signals were maybe hard-wired not to connect as easily to achieve orgasm.
Much later, if that was sought or experienced, it was only through compensation for the imprinting that occurred, or so it seems. My brain was kind of taught that I’d be stimulated a lot for almost no excitement, so if I experienced a normal level of arousal, my body seemed to expect proportionately large tactile experiences, and if I experienced normal tactile sensations, I could only climax with a significantly slowed-down mind. I just base that on the fact that the one time I’ve ever been able to orgasm from normal touch was with the assistance of a significant amount of depressant substances, and the only times I’ve ever orgasmed while sober was due to a high-powered machine, but even with those things it’s still always been so difficult that I have low desire for any kind of sexual stimulation.
I think it also impacted my experience of enjoyment in non-sexual settings. They say that after someone goes through a sexual assault that they release a huge amount of dopamine, regardless of if they were the perpetrator or the victim, and the neurochemical is related to interest, drive, and pleasure. After levels have been depleted a substantial amount, someone is extremely motivated to bring them back to baseline by seeking enjoyable things. Females don’t experience large doses of dopamine from sex, but they do a little; at first I became hyper-sexual. Even before I grew out of that, I also sought non-sexual activities that can impart pleasure to a significant degree compared to the people around me.
I’ve always been very easily amused. It feels like I’ve always had kind of a waterfall of interest to tap into at any point, and I’ve always tried to figure out where to direct at it instead of attempting to figure out how to turn it off. As a kid if life got too slow, I’d start pulling my hair out or became frightened of odd numbers. I never consciously thought that I was bored, I just always automatically found ways to keep myself entertained in the absence of stimulation. I’m a voracious reader, always have been. I can barely watch a movie or TV show because I need more mental stimulation than they can give.
I received a lot of academic investment from the adults around me, so they really fostered my sense of being enthralled by my work. I ended up getting a degree in electrical engineering in part to see if I could find the enjoyment in that, and I never consume a drop of alcohol or eat processed foods, because with how sensitive I am to enjoying things, I think I could get addicted to anything.
I’m not sure how much the age of sexual activity onset played into things, but it has felt like my age wasn’t what made the imprint stronger as much as it was the strength of whatever emotions I experienced at the time that it happened. One way or another, the alterations it made to my experience of pleasure had their own direct consequences, so everything happening pretty early did probably impact the life I’ve had. After having learned how to deal with the psychological drawbacks it left me with, I’m content not to want to change anything about myself, but I’d trade everything for an ability to connect more normally in sexual relationships if I thought I could.
The whole affair, it may have traumatized my dad as much as it did me. He’s worked in defense since before I was born, and I think a lot of his identity has always derived from being able to protect the people he cares about. He was naive when he assumed that the perpetrator and his family were just uncharacteristically nice for offering childcare for free, and when he found out the general nature of what really had been happening, he felt so emasculated by his oversight that he coped by spending a lot more time at work. On top of that, I think the sight of me made him feel guilty, so he took some of his uncomfortable feelings out on me without consciously realizing it.
I don’t remember the original incident anymore, but I vaguely get the feeling sometimes when I really try to imagine how I feel about the original abuser and be as sensitive to that as possible, that I may have seen him like a better father than my actual father who never did anything sexual toward me. The perpetrator and his family provided food and shelter as much as my own, but he also provided a type of comfort which my parents didn’t— vaginal stimulation naturally raises oxytocin from stimulation a lot more than any other body part even without arousal. My perpetrator handed me back to a family that didn’t hit me, while my dad returned me to a family that did.
It’s been so long ago that I’m not sure, but I think it altered way my dad saw himself, the way my dad saw me, and the way I saw my dad in these ways. He and I were almost always in heavy conflict from as far back as I can remember, and that’s spilled over into relationship difficulties for other people in my family. To this day, my knee-jerk reflex is to regard my dad as a heartless deadbeat and for him to regard me as someone incapable of protecting themselves more than either of us deserves, and we continue to experience a lot of difficulties in our relationship.
With my closest family members and I robbed of the emotional wherewithal to instinctively treat each other with respect and with an ability to experience enjoyment that got tuned differently than other people, the incident altered the ways I was oriented to experience intimate relationships as well. I sensed that my parents didn’t have much to give me, so the need I felt to find a partner seems like it was excessive compared to my peers. I think I also sensed my misconfiguration and found it somewhat pointless to really even desire sexual forms of connection. While I was still interested in sex and enjoy it, the only thing it felt like I had any control over my ability to truly derive any satisfaction from with a companion was devotion, so that was everything to me.
I got to a certain age when it became clear that with such altered ways of experiencing pleasure, and a disposition where devotion was everything to me, I didn’t really know where to start with the people I was attracted to. I think the normal arc for at least my generation has been to become devoted after a lot of shared enjoyment, but with such an altered way of enjoying life and sex, that trajectory never had any appeal or worked.
I sensed that in my relationships my partner would find it more physically gratifying than me, so I instinctively wanted to trade sexual gratification from me for what I was able to be gratified- devotion. When I wasn’t so embarrassed about what I wanted to speak more openly, I think I came across a little like I wanted nothing short of an arranged marriage to the everyday modern American males I was attracted to.
I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to take a gamble with their whole futures without understanding better who I was, but I also knew if I was ever going to be devoted to someone who genuinely loved me later, it wouldn’t be after he’d sampled me doing things that I didn’t even derive much pleasure out of and then decided that other people weren’t likely better enough to be worth their effort. I can’t say my expectations were reasonable, they were seemed to have been a result of how my neural pathways were molded.
I’ve been persuaded to act in favor of guys’ sentiments in my relationships for the most part, and as my partners in those relationships would become more attached and invested, I’d experience increasingly disloyal feelings. The happier they would become with me as we got to know each other, the more I’d feel like I was just as good at the beginning but they didn’t trust me enough to give me any happiness with them later. I’ve lacked for any words to explain how my strange pleasure hurdles might cause instinctive slow emotional departure from my relationships without a lot of therapy and reflection, and that’s imparted a lot of unsuspected suffering for some people over the years.
On an even sadder note, it was always by accident that I stumbled on the unfortunate reality of how much sex is a dangerous form of interaction. The more someone ambiguously consents to something the more arousing it is, the more you treat people like objects the more comforting it can be, birth control isn't always as reliable as you thought, unprotected sex is thrilling, you may be more fertile than you bargained for, adopting the mindset that transactional sex is okay is hard to break out of, sometimes the person you’re most sexually interested in isn’t the one you’re committed to sleep with, rape happens when you least expect it, embarrassment about something sexual causes more suffering than whatever someone is embarrassed about, and probably lots of other truths that I’ve luckily not had the displeasure of learning.
It took a long time for me to forgive myself and other people for those life lessons so that I could salvage a somewhat dignified sexual existence using the sometimes only very limited opportunities I had to talk openly about them. Shedding myself shame as much as I possibly could with very trusted people who knew right from wrong was essential but not everything.
Overlaying the reality of my default physical and mental nature was my story. When I was thirteen, I still had some small recollection of the early trauma and believed that one of the people involved had been my mom. I was nursing an extreme and violent rage toward her for what she did and toward my dad for doing nothing, or so I thought, but when I confronted her about it and she told me what really happened, the fragments of my old memories made a lot more sense.
By that age, I already sensed that I had an existence a little different than most other people, one that sowed a lot of confusion and suffering. Aside from the occasional strange tick and hell-raising fights with my family, the original incident left me with an untreated STI. Kids made fun of me at school for one of the symptoms, there weren’t many extended family members around for me to talk to, and my family moved around a bit, so it wasn’t just my closest relationships that were impacted negatively, it was almost all of them. That resulted in some conduct problems before my mom told me my story, and I didn’t feel very empathetic about those incidents then, but I didn’t enjoy people talking to me as if I was a cruel person when I knew how much I cared about certain people, and I do feel bad about them now.
When my mom told me what happened, in my simplistic child’s mind, I was given some imagined enemy to try to point all my discomfort at, porn. That coupled with my lifelong tendencies to excitedly obsess left me with a relentless fervor with which to to ask myself what porn is, what purpose it served in the past, how it impacts individuals in an ongoing way, how it impacts societies in an ongoing way, why some people watch especially brutal or inappropriate material, why everyone else thinks they never could enjoy such things, how it can be made more ethical for those who consent to involvement with it, how it can be made more ethical who don’t consent to involvement with it, and so many other questions. I could fill a 900-page volume at this point regarding my thoughts on porn, but I’m not interested in trying to that.
Directing the avalanche of opinions on porn that I collected later was the innocent small desire I had for no one ever to look at my own pictures or films, if they even existed. The problem I quickly encountered with such a reasonable wish is that it’s almost impossible to deliver. I didn’t truly know if pictures of me having sex as a 3 year-old were ever around, much less if they still were, and even if I could know for sure that they were, I’d never know all the porn anyone ever has or ever will view.
Even if you could theoretically get to know someone well enough to feel confident they’d never looked at explicit pictures or film of one very particular child baring certain physical characteristics, and figured out a way to make sure they never did, you’d still have to deal with the fact that there’d be another person immediately after you walked out the door who you’d have to start all over with. I quickly became very stressed out.
I assailed everyone I met with extremely deliberate observations to try to clue myself in to what their porn consumptions habits might be, but I tried to be nonchalant about it and didn’t share my story because I quickly learned that guys sometimes hide things from pretty girls who seem like the jealous type, say they were abused on camera, and want to know what their porn viewing habits are. But potential romantic interests weren’t the only ones I silently interrogated.
Grocery store workers, teachers, politicians, police officers, everyone you can imagine was someone who I wondered if they’d ever seen me lose my virginity. I’m sure I wondered what smut my sweet little old Grandma looked at a couple of times. If I got in a particularly bad fight with one of my parents, I’d sometimes wonder if they secretly had some kind of arrangement with the perpetrators to exchange something to them in exchange for the pictures.
My experience escalated into an amount of suspicion toward everyone else that became so stifling that I seriously considered studying braille and going off to become a teacher for blind children during a brief period in high school. It was around that time that the pressure was so intense that it occurred to me to try to imagine the most upsetting possible scenario and then figure out what my next step would be.
With how much of the Internet I’d been told was devoted to porn, and how increasingly nonchalant people were about watching it even if their partners minded, not knowing that child pornography is illegal, and never really having consumed it so I didn’t know how prevalent child porn was, I decided to assume that everyone I ever came into contact with had seen and enjoyed themselves to my own content and continued to do so. If ever they acted like they didn’t, they were pretending. There were a few outcomes from that.
I quit caring about how I looked to a high degree. I enjoyed it when people found me attractive, so looking like a supermodel sounded nice in theory. When I imagined how degraded I may look to certain people out there, knowing that those images depicted a series of events that would go on to hurt my ability to connect with everyone I’d ever care about for the rest of my life though, I had no capacity anymore to feel especially insecure or put much thought or effort into looking a certain way for anyone else.
I quit caring how I appeared in non-physical ways just as much, to a fault really. I had a cruel side where I’d try to look all wrong and upset people’s sensibilities. It felt a little like the world had made me a certain way and then didn’t like me, and I was the only one who still remembered or cared enough to see the irony, so when people thought I looked amoral, I found it hilarious. I liked to play games asking people questions that led them to support things they didn’t want to support.
Another outcome is I became interested in knowing how anyone ever knows the truth, so I studied a lot of epistemology, philosophy, and religion. My favorite figure who taught on these kinds of subjects was Socrates, who so humorously and delicately showed the world that words have limitations to truly describing concepts. His ideas helped me feel a little more like people sometimes lie because the truth is so difficult to synthesize properly anyway. I probably appreciated what I understood of Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem just as much. Those two made me want to study pure math.
More than anything, I worked harder and demanded harder work from other people. It felt like I could be brighter than all of people’s dirty secrets if I used everyone to pull us all up to whatever I found valuable and what I believed in well enough. I wasn’t terribly opinionated then, I only had a really shallow sense of morality until my kids were born. The only thing that really bothered me was something about porn and sexual abuse, so I put a substantial effort toward some kind of nebulous sense that innocence ought to be preserved, consent is important, and people shouldn’t watch media just for the graphic sexual content.
Like many teenagers, at some point I became lonely for a companion, but I had more time and space to plan and think seriously about what a sexual arrangement I would want to be in than most because I was home schooled. I began imagining what arrangement, perfectly cognizant of everything I had to contend with physically, emotionally, and relative to my story, would be like when I was maybe fifteen. It started as an idle observation that Albert Camus had been handsome, and that due to the nature of the work in philosophy, it’s hard for philosophers to lie. I playfully longed to be the muse-woman of some great, inspiring teacher who I never worried about what he did on his computer.
When I was of age, I decided to make a post for a long-term, but no-strings-attached sex arrangement. I asked him to wear a button-up shit, because I figured that’s what modern philosophers wear. It seemed necessary to ask for something like that in order to have any sexual interest whatsoever. I wanted a completely anonymous stranger so the fear of God would be struck into me enough to force me to calm down and focus on whatever was happening physically, which helped me to have any desire.
I got a lot of responses, and only one person seemed especially interested in the role-playing aspect, which I shyly wanted to downplay the meaning that it had to me when he asked why I chose him. It surprised me how vividly convincing it was believing he was this famous philosopher. I didn’t always think the same things as he did, but when he shared his opinions here and there they were like the food in this alternate reality I lived in. I never told him that was the role I’d assigned to him.
The expectation that if one of us did something a little inconsiderate it wouldn’t be grounds for acting hysterical was comforting coming from a house where I felt like nothing I ever did was sensible and I was constantly being punished. Even more than that, our terms were a welcome relief to ease the constant inquisition I directed at every attractive man I met. He was allowed to have whatever thoughts or habits concerning porn that he did, and there was no point in even thinking about it because he was under no obligation for my sake to have any other thoughts or habits.
I explained ahead of time that it would be for the purpose of me having somewhere to go for physical comfort during my college years. With my disposition, my ideal preference was to find someone serious, but I could also clearly see how at my age I could so easily end up somewhere else, and I was interested in people relatively my age. I didn’t go into things thinking or hoping they would last an eternity, I wanted something that would last a few years, maybe longer if things worked out, which I thought that was an age-appropriate show of devotion for the time and I never struggled with feeling less interested as things went on.
I thought I’d bridle myself emotionally as much as I could so that someday when I wanted to be more serious with someone, I wouldn’t feel like I’d given much of my devotion away already, and I preferred the allure of predictability with someone I actually chose for an arrangement more by my own design to being along for the ride with someone I'd met in a more normal context.
There are a lot of things I could say about how abysmally that relationship ended up going, but it doesn’t feel right to mention. A miserable agony about it harangued me for many years. There are questions I could’ve asked that probably would have saved both of us a lot of trouble, and I’ve felt very guilty for never having asked them. He seemed interested in pursuing other people, which I couldn’t blame him for deciding to do, but it surprised me after how into it I’d been with him and how he’d called me “actually cute” and a couple other things. Also I tried to talk to him about something serious once, without quite letting up about it because I was scared, and he seemed so uninterested that it snapped me out of the fantasy. I felt a little silly afterwards, like I should just grow up and find a boyfriend like a normal teenager.
If I knew that I was going to get hit by a bus tomorrow and that he was reading this now, I’d let him know that he got me pregnant. It might look a little like I’m lying or trying to devise some way to encourage him to consider starting something new with me, but I’m not, I’m moving out of state soon. I don’t relish saying something that I think would put a burden on him, but it has always felt more degrading to the life that was lost to assume he’d never have given any shit or wanted to know, and I think it’s something that I would want to know myself. It’s hard to imagine what else to base the decision to tell him on.
My daughter was born a couple years before #MeToo really became popular. Between her birth and that movement I started to feel a little anxious about a sexual history that I’d never spent any time considering in a more circumspect way and how it might relate to the negative relationship experiences I’d always had. But it wan’t until my son was born a few years later, and I could barely touch him or go a few nights in a row without waking up screaming from a nightmare about one of my previous assaults or assault perpetrators that, that it really felt like something was wrong. I found a psychologist and really threw everything I had at whatever that person said.
It was a challenge to try to pin down with her what I was actually afflicted by and what therapeutic traditions to apply for a long time. I’ve never received a diagnosis and a lot of various disorders have seemed somewhat familiar at certain points in my life or others. Luckily now it doesn’t feel like anything interferes with my wellbeing or that of the people I deal closest with, a testament to her dedication. Before I had so much to feel sad, infuriated, numb, or confused about concerning people I was obsessed with, but now I feel like I enjoy a light heart for the first time in my life.
It’s hard to assign a magnitude to sexual assault trauma. It’s not like the 100th time it’s going to hurt any less just because you’ve been through it so many times, or that one incident that’s technically illegal will hurt someone more than one that technically isn’t will hurt someone else. There was one sexual assault that happened when I was a teenager that really messed with my head, maybe more than the others, and it’s the only one that I still feel like it left a little barb that I carry with me.
Granted, it’s hard to tell between that one and the original series of incidents. Forgiving the original perpetrator though, has felt a little like forgiving your parents for giving you brown eyes. I guess I probably would’ve been able to convince people to like me better with blue ones, but I’ll never really comprehend what a life with different colored eyes would’ve been like enough to care. I’ve felt a lot of suffering but I’m alive, that seems like a too special a benefit to truly want for things that I don’t understand how they’d benefit me.
If anything, although I would rather that I had been left uncorrupted, I really enjoy the unique beauty of who I am. My dad has the most terribly difficult time forgiving the original perpetrators and anyone else who whose presence in my life has caused me any grief, but I never had the tiniest struggle to forgive the family for whatever they did to me at that age. I almost have a more tough time forgiving my dad for never forgiving them, because by insisting I went from perfect to permanently marred, it’s a little like an invalidation of the only person I ever remember wanting to be.
Anyway, as to this other assault, it was deeply meaningful to me because I remember how different I was before and how much I didn’t want it to happen, so it’s probably been harder to move past than any others. My first boyfriend was put in jail on grounds of statutory rape by my parents despite my fervent insistence that what happened was entirely due to my own curiosity. They were just triggered to act that way from what happened to me when I was little. He was so upset that he immediately dropped out of high school, and I felt responsible. I was told by one of my parents that if we exchanged so much as one more word before my 18th birthday, he’d be put in adult prison for a long time and have “sex offender” put on his record, so glossing over some minor details, speak we did not.
Just a few weeks later my mom told me this awful abuse story that was supposed to be mine, and just a couple months earlier I’d started at yet another new school. I weighed 92 lbs and had lost my period because some kid I liked called me fat at my last school, and I was told by a nurse that if I’d gotten pregnant I would’ve had to get an abortion, which was tantamount to being called an attempted murderer for how devout I secretly was at the time. I’d been having these recurring dreams for years where my future husband would stab me in the back while we were being affectionate somehow. I was so stressed by it all that I was praying for a companion who would help me make sense of sex and my actual expectations.
It was only maybe a month and a half after my boyfriend was arrested that someone I told that he should leave my house and had been invited there against my will just sort of magically appeared it felt like and lamented at length the fact that he didn’t understand why sexual mores are what they are. A few minutes later he had sex with me in the same room as a couple other people who did nothing to help while I yelled loudly at him to stop, and maybe I shouldn’t have felt as shocked as I did. My parents weren’t noticing much about me at the time and I wasn’t on contraceptive, so I feared for having to give birth out by the shrubs behind my house and have my baby eaten by coyotes if I wasn’t killed in underage labor first.
I was still so drunk the next afternoon that I called my best friend, I was told I almost died of alcohol poisoning by her nurse mother a few minutes later, her mom called my parents and told them what happened a couple weeks later, my dad called me a liar about it, I was removed from school over it, and the rapist’s condom that he left there melted to the roof in front of my bedroom window and forced me to stare at it and start up the old question-engine all over again for years.
I thought a lot that he’d been punishing me for my infidelity, since I told him I had a boyfriend before eventually relenting to his insistent questioning, but deep down I knew that the ordered no-contact rule probably constituted a breakup, and I found out later that my former boyfriend had always assumed as much as well. I heard many years later that there were a lot of girls that the perpetrator did similar things to around that time, so it seems less likely that anything that night steered his behavior aside from maybe his desire to remain on good terms with the pretty girl who helped him set it up. I really didn’t want anyone to punish him for a long time because I was sweating bullets wondering if I was supposed to marry this guy and I wanted to at least assist him in making it through the eleventh grade.
After beginning my intensive therapy work, I looked him up and saw that he’s an attractive, successful person now, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t develop any infatuation toward him for a little while. I have absolutely no interest in him physically whatsoever and never will again, but when I wrote him a letter asking if he’d be willing to talk to me, it probably sounded like I was thinking about it because at that time I was. For whatever reason, he was very adamant about not wanting to talk to me, and I ended up trying to pursue the incident with the police because I was so embroiled in PTSD symptoms that I was fully non-functional and it seemed like it might help. After much deliberation, that motivation among others didn’t seem wrong, but my heart wasn’t totally in it and nothing has come of it.
These days I’m trying to independently sustain myself by doing something I can at least somewhat fathom the importance of, and there’s no way I would’ve been able to achieve the sense of peace I have now if I didn’t allow myself to feel as much desire to come to a mutual understanding with that particular rapist as I’ve had. It’s oriented me a lot more toward considering what justice is, why to attempt to reduce sexual assault prevalence, and how to do that in a way that doesn’t ruin lives, than I ever would have if I decided to quit caring about the significance that incident had in my life, believed that what happened was all my fault, or not superstitiously wondered if he was supposed to be my husband so much that I couldn’t write him off as some monster I’d never have to deal with again.
I still hope to talk to him someday. From what I remember of our brief interaction, he seemed like he cared too much rather than too little, so I think he’d at least get more out of some kind of resolution or conversation than I would even. If he had enough bandwidth to consider some kind of collaboration to give back to the people he used around that time, I would find that attempt very healing, but if he just would agree to talk and help me understand better what happened, that would probably help me just as much.
Making peace with the memory not only of him, but of the tryst-person after him a few years later, has had a tremendous impact on the kinds of directions I’ve been interested in going toward professionally, so regardless of what ever happens between me and either of them, I hope now that I can apply some of the wisdom I’ve had to cull from the ruin toward some kind of positive future effort of my own making, the elusive post-traumatic growth that therapists talk about.
At the same time, people need to have realistic expectations, so I also have been content with idea of becoming a cog churning out everyday usefulness in certain fields while leaning a lot on ancient religious concepts for daily inspiration. If nothing else works out I’ll probably go back to get a graduate degree in math, find a shoebox to occupy so it can pay the bills, read a lot about fate, karma, judgement day, sheol, ketubah, and Jesus’s thoughts on love and marriage, and become a crazy cat lady a couple decades early maybe to the chagrin of my children. Honestly cherishing their education while obsessively trying to protect them from any kind of physical abuse or sexual stimulation they didn’t consent to is all I feel confident I can really do.
In an ideal world, I believe people would experience not only sex, but climax, and not just men. It creates this mental explosion, kind of hard to distinguish from dissociation at first if you come from a life like mine, that kind of blasts you out of your own self-absorption and connects you through shared experience, if you’re so lucky, to something bigger than yourself. That’s a really remote theoretical reason to seek sex when you have no desire or ability to climax naturally, but it’s why I still remain open to it again someday. I think valuing mutual orgasm, such a strange thing, keeps me true to my dedication to protect the vulnerable from having their sexual systems mis-configured so much that natural climax becomes virtually impossible, and giving my children a better future is a more motivating thing to me than anything.
I know I really didn’t say too much about where my life has encouraged me to land in my opinions about porn. I’ve spent a long time considering the perspectives of people from the industry, have met people who were involved in it, and don’t really draw distinct morality lines now, but I’m very fussy about it. I never watch it, too many problems with the status quo right now. If the fact I'm posting this here is any indication, I have a lot of loyalty to others who share my sentiment. It isn’t easy to come up with something like this when you've spent an eternity wondering whether your whole life's misery is on display for random strangers on the internet to enjoy against your will somewhere and the most valuable thing you’ve got left is a story.
The biggest porn-related fear I have these days is how many other people out there were used for porn and don’t know it. If my mom hadn’t noticed evidence in a used underwear, and gone around so doggedly asking other parents a lot of questions, with as little as I remembered later, I’d still be as sexually screwed up as I am now, but I wouldn’t have had any context to form an identity out of. I’ll probably never orgasm naturally and I’ll probably be alone for a long time before I die, but I completely cherish the way that asking the questions that I have has shaped me.
Rather than wishing everyone would quit watching child porn, I now almost secretly wish that everyone who can’t seem to figure out how their puzzling life is supposed to all come together would consider the possibility that they just don’t remember but it exploited them too, instead of glamorizing being crazy and all the other stupid things people do and say. I would still be grateful for people in my daily life who I could relate to a little better, I'll always appreciate a little mutual understanding with a couple people, but I'm too free now to care too much.
Thank you guys for educating me about the fact that men don’t actually need to ejaculate all the time, that porn is insidiously very psychologically addictive for many, and that there are so many men who consider learning how to restrain themselves sexually to be a worthwhile pursuit. I can’t tell you how appreciated all that is. Please keep with it.
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2020.10.13 20:17 davidpcbn Camera porn live free

The kid at the counter was pretty bored, the NEET life was finally over. He realised and he had become a wage cuck.
For the time being if he had his way.
He’d spent most of his day on the internet “learning things and being entertained”. Mainly 4ch, 8kun and wherever else had highly dubious material. Vidya, anime, crafting, working out how to make meals in a minute all came pretty natural to him.
He loved the dubious material. He was pretty certain he was under some kind of watch list for visiting bestgore.
But now he had a girlfriend. Not much time for vidya, his hobbies or sleeping longer.
Holy shit, he of all people had finally found a qt fembot gf to show off to his friends and family. They’d no longer look at him with (complete) shame.
But god was she expensive.
And clingy.
The neetbux he was paid only really covered his own wants and it wasn’t like his mom was asking for rent or anything.
And it was like shit how do I afford a GF?! Why must she always want to so shit with him?! Didn’t she know what free time was?
The fluffy adoption and day centre had a vacancy, a psychopath who worked there had been let go quite recently.
The kid knew who she was, she was cute but definitely someone who scared people. She was pretty popular on local social media and orbiter (stalker) threads on r9k. Quite why was a mystery. She was very beautiful but would never be a tradwife but exuded an aura of unmitigated evil. The kid had sworn she had seen someone die.
And she was responsible for it.
And now her job was now his. Part time of course, and he could have enough money to cover his GF and him too.
Unfortunately the job was pretty shitty.
Fluffies are cute but they didn’t move the kid. He had seen far too many videos of fluffies being mutilated and tortured and foals being fed to cats and snakes.
He knew what when into chilli foal dogs, but continued to eat them regardless
He had become desensitised to them.
Nothing could move him. Not their plight or if they were hurt or hungry or even if they were playing or wanted a hug.
He knew no fluffy was ever long for this world
This actually helped him out to do his job more than he realised despite his sheer lack of enthusiasm.
He had no attachments to particular ones so they were all treated pretty equally. Fluffies have a knack of working out if they’re the favourite or not.
Which can cause problems for the equilibrium of the centre.
All fluffies see each other as equals (except for poopies and alicorns) and cannot comprehend why anyone would pick a favourite if they’re all essentially the same and are all good fluffies.
The fluffies knew he was a Daddeh that didn’t love them. He gave them food in their trough, changed their litterbox, and hosed them down if they were covered in foul shit.
He didn’t look at them in the eye, he never hugged them, never spoke to them, never acknowledged them even if they had been hurt or required attention.
As far as he was concerned he was just doing as little as he could for the small wage that he was given.
His GF on the other hand, loved the little things.
She had taken particular offence when he referred to the worst ones as shitrats (she was a proud hugboxer and kept two at home. Trixie and Labelle. The kid had never been to her home, hell he hadn’t even kissed her).
And today she was due to visit him at work. He had promised her that she could see the “cute little things” at play. He couldn’t say why she loved them, they do actually shit a lot and damage your sense of smell but hey different strokes right?
The centre in particular was pretty big (the largest in the tri-state area) and divided into two, but with common ground in the middle.
A day care centre for those who dropped their fluffies in to be cared for for a day or slightly longer for holidays; and the others were adoptees, the semi-permanent members waiting for a home. Some had been there for years, some had even been born there, and some had lived and died on these grounds.
There were a lot of “adoptees” waiting for new homes. Fluffy adoptions were pretty frequent. A fluffy is not treated as a permanent addition to the home such is their fleeting nature
No one was willing to press the “off button” located in their necks (which would turn them off permanently) and the tri-state area was notoriously bad for bio-recycling (ever since those old dudes got murder-boner).
In fact, at present there were a lot of pillowfluffs that needed homes and there were a few ferals that needed adopting too (ferals are often separated and the herd becomes meaningless).
The pillowfluffs would often look out onto the common ground and look at the fluffies with leggies running and playing with balls and blockies.
The pillowfluffs were all lined up on the shelves facing out to observe “the common ground” were all fluffies could play.
(It was often thought at the time that watching others play could help them feel less sad but this was before it was discovered as an online hoax. Pillowfluffs are always depressed when they see that they are not like normal fluffies.)
They were treated obliviously by the other fluffies who only cared about playing with their friends with leggies and the crying from the shelves was often ignored. Not many fluffies treated them sympathetically.
They’re also often the first to be given up for adoption, owners no longer wanting their kids to see a sad toy that just doesn’t wasnt to play and is pretty boring to play with.
They’re always the last to be picked for adoption too. A fluffy with scarring or missing limbs are seen as damaged goods, with pillowfluffs at the bottom of the pile. They’re often observed as broken for a reason and shunned as people have the perception that they’ve been abused because they were bad fluffies.
But today, a large group would find a home at last. Freeing the centre of more space for adoptees.
The kid was on his phone at the counter, he was waiting for her to text to say when she was coming. The jingle was not heard. And two figures stood before him. He jumped to attention startled.
A short, bald man wearing tight (and revealing) slacks and a tuxedo jacket and a much taller blonde woman coated in fake tan with massive fake tits and a large dumpster truck ass.
They were a mess. Certainly an odd couple. There was something so cartoonishly fake about them and grotesque. Visible scars could be seen. And the man and woman were pretty weird too.
The kid had swore he had seen that woman before…….definitely online…….and something fucked up
The short man banged on the counter making the kid drop his phone and shouted obscenities. The woman looked down unmoved and expecting, her expression remained stiff. Her breast stuck out and cast a shadow. They didn’t look soft and looked like they were filled with cement mix.
The bald guy shouted further obscenities at the kid. He wanted fluffies. And a lot of them. Right fucking now geek!!
And ones that didn’t move much but were still cute.
He seemed pretty soft when he suggested that. Well if you didn’t take into account the guy was clearly hopped up on coke and other chemicals. His nose shown the white tell trail sign. God knows what else he was on. Far too intense.
The kid made a suggestion. That they had more than enough pillowfluffs to be adopted and ones that needed loving homes.
The man waved off any further comments from the kid and slammed a $100dollars on the counter and asked him if he could put enough in the van to drive away with. He was pretty happy that they couldn’t move.
Perfect Fluffies
And to also complete the paperwork. He didn’t have the time and the woman was growing impatient. Time was money to these people. The kid decided he’d half ass it. No one really wanted to stay around long when taking a pillowfluff and most centres begrudgingly took them in despite being damaged goods.
The kid began to wonder what they could want with so many but a $100 is a $100 and that would make for a good night in with the gf. He wasn’t paid to think he was paid to put the fluffies in the back of the van.
And not ask fucking geek questions. The guy was clearly insane
The kid went into the common room and approached the pillowfluffs who had immediately caught their attention and began to ask if they were finally getting a home. Nice nummies. Warmsies and Huggies.
The kid ignored them as always and made sure they all had a tag on their ear to confirm they were adoptees. No way was he catching any shit for giving away an owned fluffy. It wasn’t like people dropped off pillowfluffs and took them back in anyway. The majority that end up here are never day cases and would probably die there.
He then carried them out one by one and began to place them in the van. The van stunk of bleach and chlorine and had mysterious white stains…...bullets and rubbers…….and was that a…….
The bald guy shouted obscenities again. It drew the eyes of a lot of people. It wasn’t like they couldn’t, the woman was clearly a freak……
Freak
OMG
The kid uttered her name in disbelief. An actual (internet) celebrity!! Standing right in front of him.
“BETTY SWALLOCKS!!!”
The bald guy head butted the kid and told him to shut his geek mouth otherwise he’d cut his fucking throat.
The kid shitted himself. His nose was streaming blood
The guy then began to look around and offered the kid a tissue to stop the bleeding.
“I’m sorry kid, Dr Rico Suave lives at a 100mph and he don’t fuck around and he just y’know takes lives see? You know all these fucking geeks? They don’t get it!! Look at these fucking maggots looking at the merchandise? Seriously?! Best advice I’ll give you for free kid. The seriously sweet stuff…...y’know the morally dubious and illegal stuff? People pay top dollar for it…..and won’t even admit it. Fuck bro i must be responsible for a few divorces…..good god kid!!! Look…...the doctor has an appointment now. Tune in tonight and pay up for the good stuff you fucking literal geek!!! Jesus!!!”
The bald guy was a walking mood swing. The kid was pretty sure he pissed his pants too. He could see his GF walking up the street now…...great……
Dr Rico Suave (not his real or legal name, he was pretty sure he was called Geraldo when he was a baby but he had no idea anymore) was a dangerous man. Or was he?
He was also a man in the know, and he was a man who was always looking out to make tax free money. In any fucking way he could.
As his father (rest his soul, well maybe, the doctor had no idea what the Gay Mafia had done to him when he turned him over for precisely $373.48) had once said to him, “Fuck the State”
And he did. He paid as little tax as he could. He was wanted in a few states for murder sure but was he really that bad?
He was a plastic surgeon. A good one too. Except that was a lie and he only played a plastic surgeon in the long running soap opera “The Milky Place” (fluffies were the star here and Tom Cruise was in it once, big fan that guy).
How people let a Cokehead sociopathic resting actor near a scalpel and trusted him near their faces…..well they probably didn’t but y’know.
And now he was a porn star. How else was he going to make money now that the regular work dried up? He weren’t that good at it but his talents lay as a fixer. A guy who could make things work.
He turned Betty Swallocks into a (porn) star.
Betty barely spoke to anyone. Well except if you paid her $1000 then she’d have time to speak to you. She only spoke to the doctor while they were working. How else could shit get done? She didn’t bother to speak to the creep when they weren’t. They had met some time ago when both were actors taking on roles and as extras.
Then the work dried up. The doctor mutilated her body with the worse implants and filled her asscheeks with a special mix. Which hardened her ass and made it look like she had extreme cellulite. And concrete clapping ass cheeks. What the fuck had he done? She had a bigger ass than the Kardashians. And now she had to do smut work just like them too.
She always knew he was full of shit and was an unclean freak but he could push her to do things to make money.
Things being fluffies.
And this involved the act of “Squishing”
In fact before Betty was famous, she was pretty heartless bitch. She hated animals and she took small joy in killing them. Especially if they annoyed her.
She used to squish them. Stomping on them underfoot and posting online. And that’s how she fell into online smut so easily.
Those internet geeks who did “Don’t Fuck With Foals” would have a field day with her.
And then along came fluffies and her hatred was directly funnelled towards them. The most disgusting being on Earth
By contrast, the doctor loved fluffies. He considered them honest and gullible. And the only things that couldn’t fuck with him back.
The van stopped outside a shady but derelict building. Homebase for the time being. Betty immediately got out of the car without saying a word. The smell of fluffy shit was repulsive to her and she needed a “gypsy bath” (as she called it) and time to get ready for the show.
The doctor began to unload the pillowfluffs into the building and into the room.
The pillowfluffs were all so happy. Tears began to roll down a few of their cheeks. They had finally found a Daddeh and a mummeh that loved them so much. Why had no one picked them? They all began to look at each other. So many!! So many pillowfluffs all in the room.
It felt like being back at the shelter.
But this room was so much pretty! A bright red and pink with funny shapes poking out the wall (dildos for aura). A Daddeh was fast asleep (dead possibly, the doctor didn’t want to check) in the corner and the fluffies were put on a sofa with another shelf just above them. A shaggy carpet for comfort completed the arrangement.
A stand with a pillow with a GoPro camera and stand in front of it. The fluffies couldn’t explain the funny smell. Was it poopies? Boo-boo juice? Ammonia? Shame? Who knew.
They didn’t question why there were so many pillowfluffs here. And why there were was no one with any leggies. And it wasn’t like any of the pillowfluffs treated each other like friends. Pillowfluffs become notoriously introverted and single minded. The trauma of leg loss defines their identity.
When would they get nummies? They were beginning to feel so hungry. So so hungry. They needed to make poopies too. There was no litterbox behind them to catch their crap. Would Daddeh sorry stick them if they made poopies? The group consensus was to hold it in.
And the farting began.
The doctor walked into the room folding a milk crate full of jars. The jars were full of chirping foals trying to get out or trying to cry for their mummeh. The doctor thought they were pretty cute.
If one survived the show, maybe he’d keep it. He’d love a little foal to take care of. Be his buddy and best friend. He did lead a pretty soulless existence after all
The chirping got alarming and more desperate. Some of the pillowfluffs, the mares, became a lot more agitated by the desperate chirps. They really wanted to be there for Babbehs. They wish they had leggies to give them huggies. One of them wished that her wingies could pick her up and fly over to save babbehs.
Betty Swallocks walked in. She was in a foul mood, the room stunk of fluffy bowel gas and the hour couldn’t end soon enough. She wore a revealing black corset and suspenders. Her big ass was on show.
It was after all the star of the show
They were live now. The show could begin. The kid from the centre was watching at home on his laptop. Like all the other patrons. He wanted to know what they would do with the pillowfluffs. Or more accurately, he knew what would happen but wanted to see it unfold before him. He’d made an excuse for his gf to leave so he could watch.
Dr Suave put a pillowfluff on the stool.
The warm up act.
The pillowfluff began to feel nervous. The Mummeh unnerved him, and the camera was scary. What was going on? The pillowfluff began to plead not to be hurt.
His pleas were ignored, Betty began to whip his body and his face hard with the riding crop. A prized possession, she had taken it from a dead jockey’s cold dead fingers. The pillowfluff begged for her to stop “NU HEWTIES NU HEWTIES NU HEWTIES!!!!”
“We got a bid from a geek Betty!! $50 for squishing him!!”
Betty stopped at the sound of the doctor’s shout. A bid already? Maybe tonight would be over quickly after all. But there was a lot of shitrats here to get through. A lot of squishing
The pillowfluff was relieved that Mummeh had stopped. He was sore all over and cuts were visible and boo-boo juice began to ooze out. Tears streamed down his eyes. Had Daddeh made mummeh stop? He was so scared he began to make bad poopies.
Betty winced in disgust. Fucking Horrible Shitrat!! The words boomed in her head. She kept her cool. Make money Betty! Time to give the audience what they want.
She twerked in front of the camera aggressively. She then wiggled her ass. The uncomfortable implants began to move freely. She leapt up into the air with a hop.
Her concrete like ass landed directly over the pillowfluff
Blood and shit and it’s eyeballs pumped out of its body and shot across the room.
Instant kill
She began to grind into the body to make sure it was dead. She was sure she could feel him breathing.
Unfortunately the body of the fluffy was caught between her asscheeks. The pillowfluffs had witnessed one of their own being killed brutally.
They let out a bloodcurdling scream and they all began to beg to be saved. They knew this was their fate. Squish toys for Squish enthusiasts. They were perfect for it after all. They couldn’t move and were fat. Perfect for safely squishing
Betty Swallocks began to laugh evilly. The body of the fluffy was still caught between her asscheeks. So she twerked in front of the pillowfluffs who only wailed louder. The body aggressively jiggled up and down and more blood and bone and shit came out covering the pillowfluffs until the body came out and landed on top of a few of them.
A few of them passed out cold. A lot of them began to beg “WAN DIE!! WAN DIE!!” The end was near and it was too much.
Betty laughed hard at them and then ripped a fat line of marching powder from the table (on camera)
The doctor then passed her a foal in a jar. It didn’t understand what was going on had was frightened from the screaming and yells and the laughter.
“One of these geeks wants to make you shit in this jar with the foal in it and watch it struggle. We’ve got to put it on a separate camera once you’ve gone. Geek is paying good dollar for it to be done”
Betty huffed in disgust and snatched the jar and took a shit in it. The foal was covered and flailing desperately to get out to avoid drowning.
Betty handed the shit filled and chirping jar back to the doctor, “Honest to fucking god these sick freaks disgust me. Honestly…..”
submitted by davidpcbn to fluffycommunity [link] [comments]


2020.10.03 18:39 tvstar00 Free porn live camera

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submitted by tvstar00 to iptv4us [link] [comments]


2020.09.30 13:30 PrimeSublime Free porn live camera

I’m writing this post based on what I’ve experienced growing up and going through puberty. I do not want this to be seen as an essay encouraging sex-negative attitudes or a complimentary treatise on the benefits of chastity and religious ideals. Except, what I want it to be about is how current society needs to show willingness to accommodate the lifestyles of people who have differing opinions when it comes to sex. I also wanted to elaborate on how I believe addiction can sometimes impede with freedom of choice.
Let me begin by stating that I discovered porn at the age of 11 and was immediately hooked because of how my body reacted to it. This should be good news to people who are sexually liberated and want people who explore their own sexuality. But my problem is that my decision to consume pornography wasn’t a conscious one. In fact, I was such a naïve kid that I didn’t even realize that what I was seeing for the first time was pornography. All I knew was that it made me feel good. I was not aware of the consequences of the habit I was beginning to develop, and that led to a lot of mental suffering later on and a hatred for sex. I should specifically mention that I wasn’t brought up religious in any way, but in hindsight, I realized the root of sex-negative beliefs was because my introduction to the realm of sex was through an addiction. It wasn’t the sexual content itself that bothered me, but the fact that it had control over me, and I couldn’t stop consuming it even if I chose to. Believe it or not, even without any external influence, I naturally developed sex-negative attitudes and feelings of shame. At the core of those feelings, was the desire to escape a vice that I had no choice in picking up. The addictive nature of sex made me question my own value as a person. “If I can’t stop myself from doing this, then would I still be able to control myself if I wanted to rape someone?” That might sound absurd, but when I repeatedly saw myself fail to adhere to my commitment to quit pornography, I started to doubt my ability to resist against behaviors that I might find abhorrent and depraved. What if I’m simply a slave of my own bodily inclinations? These were the kind of questions I kept asking myself, and listening to extreme feminist narratives about how porn leads to rape didn’t make me feel any better about myself.
This aspect of addiction is immensely underrepresented in conversations online regarding porn and sex-positivity. I know I’m digressing here, but there was a movie released in 2011 called Shame, which was about the suffering of a sex-addict, and it was a movie I related to at the time because of my struggle against porn addiction. Believe it or not, there was an article written on a website complaining about how the movie (I wish I could find it to link it) “encourages sex-negativity” which I found absurd and stupid, because it completely ignores what the movie was really about. But yet, it’s reminiscent about how conversations about porn and its widespread availability on the internet are often derailed on the internet. I remember reading comments on a Youtube channel saying “isn’t it stupid how they think it’s okay in movies to show children a person’s head being split open but it’s not okay to show them tits?” as though that’s evidence of society’s prudishness and double-standards against sex. That’s not what this is about at all! The problem here is that a child’s body and mind reacts to the visualization and depiction of sex in a completely different way than that of an adult. It’s a ridiculous argument because erotic visuals aid in sexual stimulation and violence doesn’t. There exists a sensual experience connected to sexual imagery that children aren’t ready for, and the dynamics of their hormonal development makes them especially vulnerable to addiction.
My argument isn’t reserved for children but also adults who want to break free from an addictive lifestyle in a world that constantly inundates them with sexual imagery in all forms of media. I know for a fact someone is going to tell me, “Don’t watch porn if you don’t want to and let the rest of us enjoy it”, but again, that ignores the concept of addiction just like the rest of the arguments I read on the internet in support of sex-positivity. The people who advance this argument treats the sexual habit like it’s an on/off switch. “Just stop watching it”. This isn’t knitting or baseball. This is an addiction and people want to leave it, but the idea of sex-acceptance is imposed on them against their will. Again, as someone who suffered from a porn addiction, but also loved movies to death, I can’t explain to you how much I do not want sex scenes in movies. I've never seen a sex scene that's added anything to a movie. You can imply that two characters had sex if it's important to the plot (pregnancy, etc) but you don't have to show it. Watching it with friends or family is awkward. I’m always left with the thought of, “if I’m someone who wanted to watch people have sex, I could just watch porn.” There is no reason to have sex scenes in movies. If used right I can see them being used to elevate the story, but that's a small majority in the thousands of pointless sex scenes used to draw in horny audiences.
The last time I had this argument, the person I was talking to just told me “Should we ban all depictions of smoking and drinking since it could trigger addicts?”. No. That’s the difference between sex and other addictions. When we see an actor smoke or drink on camera on film, we’re not partaking in the habit along with them. But when we see sexual activity, we are aroused, and hence we are partaking in this addiction along with the actors on screen. It’s like watching softcore porn. I cannot emphasize enough that this relationship is what’s so often ignored when it comes to discussions regarding porn. The solution here isn’t just to “reduce the accessibility to porn for children”, I’m saying we need to create a distinction between sexual content and non-sexual content in a way that respects the wishes of those who want to lead chaste and abstinent lives. The idea of pushing “sexual exploration” through porn on children is insidious and evil because there’s literally scientific proof for the fact that porn can be extremely harmful to the mind.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01639625.1994.9967974?src=recsys
  1. https://europepmc.org/article/med/6882989
  2. http://jaapl.org/content/25/4/497
  3. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2787122/
  4. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23395507/
  5. http://www.socialcostsofpornography.com/Bridges_Pornographys_Effect_on_Interpersonal_Relationshttps://www.researchgate.net/publication/222334721_The_role_of_deviant_sexual_fantasy_in_the_etiopathogenesis_of_sexual_homicide_A_systematic_reviewhips.pdf
  6. http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224498909551492?journalCode=hjsr20
  7. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490409552236
  8. https://europepmc.org/article/med/15497057
  9. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12294812
  10. http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk/
  11. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/riskprotectivefactors.html
  12. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/088626086001003001
And fuck no, I’m not saying we should ban pornography. I actually approve of websites like OnlyFans, because not only does it limit the access to its content to financially independent adults who can make their own decisions in life, but also respects the wishes and boundaries of it’s creators by giving them full control over the content they produce We already have similar age restrictions for smoking and drinking. Coming back to the topic of my childhood, the point is that I wasn’t given the time to generate my own opinion about sex, and even when I did, adhering to my own philosophy became nearly impossible to do because of the nature of the modern world we live in. I’m more sex-positive now and do occasionally masturbate to porn, but that’s only because that’s how society has defined me. I don’t feel more mature because of it. I don’t think sexual exploration is necessary to develop as an adult. We need to design society in such a way that the desire for a chaste life is equally as valid and facilitated as the desire for sexual liberty. I’m not advocating for a return to Victorian Puritanism, but for inclusivity. But remember, I organically developed my hatred towards sex, which disproves the fundamental notion of liberalism which is that religion is always at the root of all sexual repression. When I was young, I was disgusted by the content I was watching, but I still couldn’t help but get consumed by it. That’s where the guilt comes from. The shame. The visuals of porn, even if they arouse you, are so harsh and explicit that it’s completely possible to consciously feel repulsed by it even in the process of engaging with it. This affected my mental health at that age much more than I would like to admit. The problem with a child realizing they have a fetish at that age is that it may not agree with their moral sensibilities. When they are exposed to incest, rape and torture, they might not want to see themselves as people who are aroused by such things. They might realize they have fetishes they never wished to have. It’s only when they get older do they realize what fantasies are supposed to be about, but their initial feelings are disgust and self-hatred. I’m not exaggerating when I say the extent to which porn is available now is the greatest example of corporate greed and opportunism I know. There’s no way that porn websites do not know that their user base consists of children and teenagers. They turn you into addicts at a young and impressionable age so that you develop a strong addiction that ensures you’re a repeat customer who keeps coming back for more for the rest of your life. And I still come back. Because the commodification of sex has made ‘triggers’ almost omnipresent in society. I was extremely antisocial and ugly when I was younger, and I didn't have a lot of female friends who could've served as a frame of reference for what a real woman is supposed to be like.
And yes, I know the history of the sexual liberation movement, which originated when an entire generation of adults decided to use sexual exploration and liberation to escape the societies of control. I’m saying that movement hasn’t translated well to the generations that came after them, and we need to address this issue immediately. We need to make chastity and abstinence a viable option by adjusting our media accordingly, and shouldn't force people to adopt the prevailing liberal culture and push it on our children.
submitted by PrimeSublime to changemyview [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 16:17 Lilchamps12 Free porn live camera

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submitted by Lilchamps12 to iptv4us [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 19:54 Spleen_McQueen Free live porn camera

Part 1: It's levels to it
Part 2: Kung- Fu Kenny/ Gemini/ Two Lives
Part 3: "I put on repeat, Kanye's touch the sky!"
Part 4: Kendrick's Mission
Part 4.1: I Am
Part 5: Kendrick’s Fall to Death RECAP:
This is where it gets important that you’ve read my previous posts or at least some of them as they start to make more sense when put together. First we know there might be a finality to Kendrick’s discography/ story then I brought up the idea that Kendrick has always had two identities/ lives within his music. The third post was about Kendrick’s mention of the sky and comparing himself to an alien or an angel. Then I talked about Kendrick’s mission is to become the best person he can be and to bring a change to the world. This post will work hand-in-hand with part 2 and 3 as they talk about his two lives and imagery of flying and the sky.
INTRO: With this entry I’ll be talking about Kendrick’s death and predicting how he will “die.” When I researched his music and put together themes and ideas that cropped up the most, a foreboding of his death was one of the most highlighted things I found... As well as imagery in his music about FALLING, particularly falling from a building and/ or the sky. Sounds crazy right, well keep reading to see that it is a prevalent theme in his music… especially when you put it together with the imagery I found in his and TDE’s music videos as well.
I’ll be highlighting lyrics that forewshadow his death and contain anything about buildings, him flying or falling etc… I’ll also be showing a lot more visuals this time around.
Let’s begin.

YHNIC (Hub City Threat: Minor of the Year)/ Level 1

Till the reaper come get me, follow me nowWhere no man has stepped, no man has repped
No man can withstand all the nights I've slept
Under my sheets, no life, thinkin' 'bout death
Fuckin' with me, you just might lose your breath
I'll take you to them pearly gates
Them golden streets
Plus a cute little casket so your body can sleep
The Hub City shit is me
[Outro]
Do you believe
It's Kendrick the God
-Intro
These are the closing lines of his first song from his first released mixtape. He’s always been thinking about his death and I will be talking about those pearly gates (heaven) some more later in the post.
And prayed that rooftop blocked you from gettin' shitted on
I gives a fuck if A&R's don't pick up the phone
-What the Deal

Cause ninety percent of them are comin' with me
C4 your car doors and watch your shit blow in a jiffy
Quick, boom, explode when I empty
I'm on the edge so please don't tempt me to jump
-Track 12
Jumping off the roof...
Training Day/ Level 2
I don't wait on you rap dudes
Nigga NASA couldn't reach my altitude
Sky's the limit, and your body ain't airborne...
Is it? Are you?
- BLOW THEM HORNS
Is Kendrick airborne, will he fly once he jumps?
I'm daring one of you niggas to jump
I'ma snatch you out pistol whip you
Then put you back in the trunk
Shit, I'm back in the front
The front page of the newspaper
They say I'm seeing more paper... true”
-Man of the Hour

World trade happened on the world stage
Same stage look at us as some educated apes
On video stations women gyrating
Parading around, mind-raping the youth
- DREAMS (PUNCH)
This one coincides more with my last post but the building imagery here with the world trade center mention was interesting.
I’m a 18 year old dollar sign
I’m a one man tragedy
I’m Columbine
Shit you already know what im about
-One Shot Kill
Kendrick knows he’s a product of the industry. I elaborated on these lines on the second post but wanted to emphasize them as it foreshadows his death.

I world trade you niggas, north and south tower you
Steroid, my authority overpower you**, the industry ain't affording me**
-Best Rapper Alive
I think the tower and building imagery is strong here. The industry line aligns with my last post on how Kendrick plans to upend the music industry.

And the note for your information
if we was dead this reincarnation
Watch your heads
-Never Die
This adds to my second post on his two lives (song name). The watch your heads may be about him coming down from the sky.
C4/ Level 3
So high off life, that bitch I could ODDie twice, and come back the same niggaLame niggas get up out of my lane niggaBefore the big red come through and run over your brain nigga
-Mr. Carter, C4
I’ve highlighted these lyrics before as well but it adds to his death theme. Also a fun little thing about that second line I highlighted… The big red could be DAMN?
“When the topic is red or blue.” The red and blue album. Evil and good.

You looking at me then your sight seeingAnd what that means is that this human being is fly, don't try to duplicate
-Misunderstood
Like I said before, this post coincides a lot with Part 3. Look up in the sky, its Kenny.
Kendrick Lamar EP/ Level 4
Give me vanity, give me Kurt Cobain sanity
Give me a city where Channel 7 newscasters cameras be
Give me horror like Amity, no, give me the charts
- Is it Love?
Kurt Cobain sanity would probably mean some suicidal tendencies, the Channel 7 newscaster cameras remind me of the scene in King's Dead. I talk about it some more later.

Landing on another runway, fly with me
Or die tryna fly, a shot-down Frisbee
-Trip

We killed the facades, we feel free to fly
We're birds that reserve in the charismatic sky
-Vanity Slaves
This Ab-Soul tweet is quite telling. I had this idea about TDE being flying creatures for a while now, I chose butterflies before though.

Overly Dedicated/ Level 5
But really I'm just caught in the loop, of understanding the truth
Because it seem like it's always clashing with science
I got a big fear of flying
My future so bright I'd probably go blind before I blink twice, I ain't lying
-The Heart Pt.2
More mentions of Kendrick flying, his future is bright cause he’s gonna be close to the sun. The mentions of being blind also permeate through his discography, not sure exactly what it could meant though.

She got me going, I'm all in
Fifty stories, I'm falling
-Alien Girl (Today With Her)
I talk about this later in the post but in this video ….

Seven grams of weed, you smoke that, but I'm high off life
I could fall out the sky like twice
-Average Joe

A nightmare, I'm right there like a Siamese
Twin, when, you mothafuckas gon' learn?
Curl up like Big Worm when I drop
Who fly? I'm a red eye with eye drops
-Night of the Living Junkies
When he drops from above he's gonna curl up like a worm when they're hurt or dead.

I suppose this is bigger than life
This is probably everybody, Illuminati
Guess I'm the blood sacrifice of the party
I undress her like a Harley
Lights will flash, cars will crash
-Night of the Living Junkies
The mention of cars is interesting as I would assume his fall would be in a city, where cars will be down below. His mention of Illuminati and saying he will undress her could mean he’s going to expose the “party.”
Or everything getting shot, for nothing
Leave you in shock, coughing up blood and mumbling
Watch, the plans of a young man sponsor
-ROTC
Section. 80/ Level 6 NOTE:
On the back of Section. 80 there was a label that states "owner's manual." I think Section. 80 is huge when it comes to setting his plans up.
I'm no activist, I'm no Einstein before calculus
I was kicking that math, dropping that science
Like an alchemist, and I be kicking that ass, lyrically I'm UFC
If a UFO had came for me, I'ma come back with the head of an alien
Don't alienate my dreams, get it right
Get a life, I got two, that's a metaphor for the big shit I do
Boy, TMI, TSA, man I'm fly, put wings on my back
That a plane or an angel? Both like a pilot with a halo, whoa... gross”
-Fuck Your Ethnicity
Mentioned this in Part 3 but gotta emphasize it.

And this is rigor mortis, and it's gorgeous when you die
Ali recorded, and I'm Morpheus; the matrix of my mind
I'm out the orbit,
-Rigamortus

Visions of Martin Luther staring at me
Malcolm X put a hex on my future, someone catch me
I'm falling victim to a revolutionary song, the Serengeti's clone
-HiiiPower
Mentioned this one before too in Part 3 but we can look at it in a different way now, someone has to catch him since he is falling down.

I call a bitch a bitch, a hoe a hoe, a woman a woman
I never did nothing but break the ground on top of the asphalt
Tire mark gave you evidence that I'm easily peddling
With the speed of a lightning bolt
-Hol’ Up
He’s breaking the asphalt on the ground when he falls from that building.

I climax where you begin and then I end on cloud nine
And that's important when you morph into an angel in the sky
-Rigamortus
The fall will transform him.

A suit and tie is suitable and usual in suicide
CSI just might investigate this fucking parasite
-Rigamortus

On the freeway to Africa 'til I wreck my Audi
And I want everybody to view my autopsy
So you can see exactly where the government had shot me
No conspiracy, my fate is inevitable
-HiiiPower

I deal with ya like my son, stare at the sun
And you'll be looking in my eyes, homie
Stand for something or fall for anything
And you working with two left feet at the skating rink
-Poe Man’s Dreams

I'm Marilyn Manson with madness
Now just imagine the magic I light to asses
Don't ask for your favorite rapper
(He dead!) Yessir (Amen!) Church
(He dead!) I killed him (Amen!) Bitch
-Rigamortus
Your favorite rapper is Kendrick.

The sun is under my feet, and I come in peace to compete
I don't run if you'd rather leap, my statistics go up in weeks
-Rigamortus
He’d rather jump to the top... or jump off the top.

But I'm right on the edge of Everest
and I might jump tonight
-Kush & Corinthians
More imagery of him jumping off an edge.
GKMC/ Level 8
I got animosity buildin', it's prob'ly big as a buildin'
Me jumpin' off of the roof is me just playin' it safe
But what am I 'posed to do when the topic is red or blue
-Good Kid
BUILDING. JUMPING OFF THE ROOF. When he mentions that the topic is red or blue I think he is bringing the idea of good and evil, blood and crip, Republican, democrat, the fact that there are two sides to everything. I think he is struggling with that conflict within himself and his only solution is to jump off that roof.

I made allegiance that made a promise to see you bleedin'
You know the reasons but still will never know my life
Kendrick a.k.a. "Compton's Human Sacrifice"
-mAAd City

Live inside the belly of the rough, Compton, USA
Made me an Angel on Angel Dust - what?
- mAAd City

Fix your lenses forensics would've told you Kendrick had killed it
Pretend it's a massacre and the masses upon us
- Compton
Pretend (fake) his death? Either way he will have the world’s attention.

You look at my hat and see thorns there
I look at the game and see porn there
I'm fuckin' this industry hard
-Bitch Dont Kill My Vibe (remix)
Jesus had a crown of thorns on his head when he sacrificed himself, he is alluding that he will do the same. He sees the corruption of the game, the industry and wants to fuck it all up somehow…

I ministered this generation by far
Leader of the new school
On my toes like a ballerina, who knew I'd be Black Swan?
World in my palms, ironically
-Bitch Dont Kill My Vibe (remix)
At the end of Black Swan, the protagonist falls to hear death after the performance of a lifetime. Will Kendrick perform something that will mark his death?
To Pimp A Butterfly/ Level 8
And if I told your secrets
The world'll know money can't stop a suicidal weakness
-U

Roses are red, violets are blue
But me and you both pushing up daisies if I (want you)
-For Sale?
The Devil says that they will both die if he gets a hold of Kendrick. I think the Devil has gotten a hold of Kendrick in DAMN… now its time for both of them to die. As in killin the devil inside K-Dot… Kung-Fu Kenny.

Maybe I'm paranoid, ha, maybe I don't need you anyway
Don't lie to me, I'm suicidal anyway
-Momma

You make me wanna jump
Jump, jump, jump, jump
Let's talk about love
Jump, jump, jump, jump
Let's talk about love
Jump, jump, jump, jump
Let's talk about love
Jump, jump, jump, jump
Let's talk about love
-Momma
JUMP!

The price of having a spot in Heaven, embrace your loss—I am God"
-How Much A Dollar Cost
Kendrick has to redeem himself in some way.

Dreams of reality's peace
Blow steam in the face of the beast
Sky could fall down, wind could cry now
Look at me motherfucker I smile-
-I

I've been dealing with depression ever since an adolescent
Duckin' every other blessin', I can never see the message
I could never take the lead, I could never bob and weave
From a negative and letting them annihilate me
And it's evident I'm moving at a meteor speed
Finna run into a building, lay my body in the street
Keep my money in the ceiling, let my mama know I'm free
Give my story to the children and a lesson they can read
And the glory to the feeling of the holy unseen
Seen enough, make a motherfucker scream, "I love myself!"
-I (single version)
Letting “them” annihilate me might be shown in the Numb Numb Juice and WIN video I talk about later in the post, scroll down!
He bluntly says here that he’s mocing at a meteor speed as he is in the sky? More building imagery and a statement that he will lay his body on the street. Just emphasizing here.
In this video he talks about how the song “I” is about who he wants to be. The perosn that will give a story to the children and the glory of the “holy unseen”... God I would presume. He hasn’t done this yet but will he on the next album? He’s got to complete the story.
In this interview here, he talks about how “I” is about who he wants to be... maybe also what he wants to do.

I lost my head
I must've misread what the good book said
Oh, woes keep me, it's a jungle inside
Give myself again 'til the well runs dry (i)
[Car Horns]
-I (single version)
The sad note at the end is interesting here as if he had lost. It's also interesting that they added the car horns at the end given how I’ve talked about the fall would be done in a city, above the asphalt.

Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant
Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations
That the caterpillar never considered, ending the internal struggle
Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different
They are one and the same
-Mortal Man
Whatever it is that is gonna happen I think that it will have Kendrick enter a new light in the story while also shedding light to his listeners, teaching us a lesson as he says.
Untitled Unmastered I seen it vividly jogging my brain memory, life is...
I seen it vividly jogging my brain memory
Life no longer infinity this was the final calling
-Untitled 01

In disbeliefs our beliefs the reason for all this
The tallest building plummet, cracking, and crumbling
-Untitled 01
Yeah..

Always camaraderie, I can see, our days been numbered
Revelation greatest as we hearing the last trumpet
All man, child, woman, life completely went in reverse
I guess I'm running in place trying to make it to church
-Untitled 01
“Life completely went in reverse”... sound familiar? DAMN

Before I blink do I see me before them pearly gates?
Or this is just a mirage or a facade?
Wait
-UNITITLED 05
At the end of Jay Rock’s “WIN” music video we get shown that he walks towards gates at the end. I talk about it some more later in the post.
DAMN/ Level 9
She replied: "Oh yes, you have lost something
You've lost… your life."
-BLOOD

Mr. One through Five, that's the only logic
Fake my death, go to Cuba, that's the only option
-ELEMENT

Anybody you would die for?
That's what God for
-LOYALTY

Fear, what happens on Earth stays on Earth
And I can't take these feelings with me, so hopefully, they disperse
Within fourteen tracks, carried out over wax
Searchin' for resolutions until somebody get back
Fear, what happens on Earth stays on Earth
And I can't take these feelings with me, so hopefully they disperse
Within fourteen tracks, carried out over wax
Wonderin' if I'm livin' through fear or livin' through rap
Damn
-FEAR
We are waiting for resolutions to the story told on DAMN. His life is reflected through his music and we will only find out what happens next once he releases his next album. He is leaving this Earth and crossing over. He cant take the feelings of his past self with him, the one tied to Earthly desires and sin.
The Visuals I’ll be covering times that I’ve found Kendrick portraying his own death and also imagery involving falling from the sky or a building. Keep in mind that Kendrick and Dave Free direct most of Kendrick’s videos and they probably make every detail count. Also Kendrick owns a large chunk of TDE so we know his input gets put in a lot of the projects.
HiiiPower
https://youtu.be/-PXIbVNfj3s?t=273
I have pointed this video out before in part two but I’ll show it again since we are talking about his death. Here we see Kendrick pouring gasoline on himself and lighting a match.
Poetic Justice
Kendrick is killed in this video, on top of his romantic interest in the video. Also notice the distortion effect that I have pointed out in the past at 5:12.
Alright
Here he is shot from a light pole, FALLING to his death. I brought this one up in Part two as well as it coincides with his “two lives,” since he opens up his eyes right after and looks at the camera.
WIN (Jay Rock)
Jay Rock throws a man covered in arrows off the roof here with two women behind him. He raps “drop to your death without warning” at this moment. The women could be symbols for Ab Soul and Schoolboy Q. Also at the end of the video we see Jay Rock walking towards a large gate… heaven?
Before I blink do I see me before them pearly gates? Or this is just a mirage or a facade? Wait
-UNITITLED 05
A similar thing happens in “Money Trees Deuce” as Jay Rock walks up a stairway… to heaven?
Don’t Trip (Zacari)
In Zacari's video, he sits in a theater watching a film that shows several women falling (one scene in a darker atmosphere that looks like a deep ocean and the other in the bright sky). The name of the song also coincides with words that were printed on Kendrick's Nike Cortez shoes. I would guess “don’t trip” from the height that they’re at.
LOYALTY
Kendrick is holding Rihanna at the top of a skyscraper and even has her hang by the ledge with only his hand to hold onto.
ELEMENT
Here we actually see someone jumping off the top of a building.
King’s Dead
Throughout the video we see the rappers on top of buildings and they even used an old fashioned shaky style camcorder to capture some shots which I thought was very intentional. Also note how the last shot only has Kendrick while Jay Rock and Future are no longer in the shot.
Numb Numb Juice (Schoolboy Q)
At the end of the video, Schoolboy Q is seen with a trench coat at the top of a building standing in front of a man apparently doing some martial arts… Kung-Fu[Kenny]? When we get a closer look at the man we see he has two horns on his head. A large theory that has been brought up many times, including in the Dissect Podcast, is that Kendrick has horns in the album cover of DAMN., as the “M” can be seen as horns on top of his head. It also goes along with Kung-Fu Kenny’s persona (the damned version of Kendrick) and Kendrick’s all-around character in DAMN.
Schoolboy Q dodges his hits and just slaps him right off the roof, causing the man to fall off the building and right into Hell.
Pray For Me
Throughout this video we see two black panthers, Kilmonger and Black Panther… or Kung- Fu Kenny and Kendrick battling each other, at one point they’re at the top of a building and one of the Black Panther is punched and knocked off the building, falling for a while to his death. The Black Panther is seen getting back up after the huge fall and then runs off. This coincides with my other theories in Part Two, talking about his two lives and his two personas.
"It's all prophecy and if I gotta be sacrificed for the greater goodThen that's what it gotta be"

"If I'm gon' die for you (if I'm gon' die for you )If I'm gon' kill for you (if I'm gon' kill for you)Then I'll spill this blood for you, hey"

Conclusion: Well first off, thanks for taking the time to read this and my other posts.
I am only here to present what I find and what I think about it.
So, knowing that Kendrick has two lives, two personas and knowing that part of Kendrick’s mission is to become the best person he can be, I think it is reasonable to say that he will be getting rid of the “evil” persona. Kung-Fu Kenny. In order to do so, Kendrick has to essentially kill a part of himself. Now, do I think Kendrick will actually fall off a tall building and commit suicide… no. But I think in his story he will. Whether he conveys it visually or through his music or both is up to chance I guess. The one thing that has me curious is that his music always does reflect his real life so I am excited to see what he does in his life to reflect this change.
Next post will be about the aftermath.
Buy your tinfoil hats here!
EDIT:
Can't believe I forgot to mention this but to make this theme even more serious, Alori Joh, TDE affiliate and Ab-Soul's former girlfriend committed suicide by jumping off a radio tower in 2012.
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2020.09.24 05:51 joshuawaggoner90 Free porn live camera

[Worstverse] Hello readers, my name is Travis and I've started this blog to share with all of you my experiences at Worst Hotel. For the most part it can be said that this story begins with me staggering drunk and broke down a poorly lit but richly littered New York street. Having lost every penny I had to my name in a poker game only about an hour before hand, along with the title to my car and my leather jacket. I had been attempting to check into hotel after hotel, looking for a place to escape the chilling fall night air. To my bad fortune they all demanded a credit card before allowing me to book a room. This put a damper on my plan to crash and dash at the crack of dawn.

I was approaching the end of the street and only one flashing neon sign remained. "Worst Hotel- Vacancy", it read. "Worst Hotel? Why would anyone... Well, fuck it. I'll sleep in the damn lobby if I have to." The peculiar name doing little to deter me, I marched the rest of the way to the door and flung it open, causing a loud brass jiggle bell to clang an ear splitting herald of my arrival. The noise seemed to clang on and on with no hint of quieting. Over the racket I heard an annoyed voice yell from further into the building, "Cut that shit out!" and with that the ringing ceased instantly with not so much as an echo. Across the room I was able to identify the source of the voice. At the end of the lobby was the main desk nestled into recess in the wall, manned by what appeared to be two young men in their late teens, both looking at me with mild irritation. One was tall and skinny with greasy black hair that almost covered his eyes. The other was short and chubby with thick, curly red hair that sat unkempt over a noticeably large forehead.

"What the shit is wrong with that door bell?!" I aggressively inquired at the two boys.

"Nothing's wrong with it." The tall boy answered shortly.

"Yeah, how would you feel if you were minding your own business and some jackass kicked a door into your face? Probably raise all kinds of hell wouldn't you?" The short one added.

"I... What?" I replied in confusion. "It's just a door bell."

"Just a door bell, he says." The tall boy mocked to the shorter one, which caused them both to chuckle for a moment before the tall one continued, "Do you want something?"

"Do I want someth-, yeah, I want a room you greasy prick!" I spat.

Rolling his eyes, the taller of the two turned around and grabbed a key off the wall behind him and hurled it at me like a major league pitcher. I ducked as the keyring flew past my head, smashing into the wall behind me before clattering to the floor. As I glared at him, anger burning in my gaze, he dismissed me with a gentle, twinkley wave of his fingers and a triumphant smirk on his face. The shorter one was now laughing hysterically. As I bent down to begrudgingly pick up the key I read the room number on its tag. The tag itself was an ornate brass oval, aged in just such a way as to only accentuate its beauty. The tag's number was apparently expertly engraved by hand which matched to room 257.

Not wanting to ruin the good luck of having someone literally throw a room key at me before asking for a credit card, I made a B line for the elevator to the right of the desk. As I pressed the call button I turned towards the front dest and noticed that from in front of the elevator doors they were just out of sight behind the desk. The doors opened with a soft ding and as I entered and attempted to press the button for the right floor I realized that, not only had I not been told the correct floor on which to find the room, but more importantly, there were only two buttons. Ground floor, and 8. I leaned my head out of the still open doors and yelled down the way of the front desk, "Hey! Abbot, Costello! This piece of shit only has a button for the 8th floor!"

The tall one slowly leaned his head around the corner, and with an even more prominent and irksome smirk replied, "Well then I guess you better hope it's on that floor then, shouldn't you?" And then just as slowly and slimily drew his head back behind the corner, never letting the smirk leave his face. Cursing to myself, I withdrew back into the elevator and pushed the only available button.

After what seemed like an unreasonably long time to climb only 8 floors the doors dinged once more and opened, releasing me into the hallway. It didn't take long at all to determine the cause of the taller concierge's smirk.

As I exited the elevator the room I laid my eyes on first was labeled #1... I thought surely that was an error or something, but the one next to it was labeled #3 and the ones across were #2 and #4. Nervously I began to walk down the hallway following the continually ascending room numbers. Time seemed to drag on as 12 and 14 were long gone and I was walking up on 87 and 89. I was at a loss as I thought about the dimensions of the building I had seen from outside. There was no way it could have held even this many rooms on one floor, never mind if this meant that they would continue all the way to my 257. It just wasn't possible. But my disbelief was heavily tempered by my desire to rest my head on a soft pillow in a dark room. So I continued on.

122 and 124, 163 and 165, 207 and 209. I counted as I passed them one by one, taking notice that the rooms must have been pretty large given the ample distance from one set of doors to the next. As I got closer and saw the room marked 256 I knew that the next set of doors would be my destination. Rest at last. I hurried my pace as I approached but stopped in confusion as I had the sickening realization that... my room number wasn't where it was supposed to be. On one side there was 259 and on the other 258 and 260, but absolutely no 257. I dropped to my knees in defeat, rapping my fist against the wall where my room should have been waiting for me. The greasy bastard got me. He must have given me a prank key to a nonexistent room knowing I'd have to walk all the way here to find out I'd been had, then have to walk all the way back. At which point I would probably be thrown out after not being able to produce a valid credit card.

I wanted to storm back into that lobby and beat the actual piss out of that boy, but just as I was working up the energy and motivation to, I noticed that their was one more door at the very end of the hall. I squinted my eyes to read the number etched on an aged brass plate lavish enough to equal the tag on my room key.

257
I was there. I had made it. I stabbed the key into the lock and twisted it free. As I opened the door the lights all lit themselves, revealing a gorgeous Victorian theme with elegant drapery and furniture everywhere. "This has to be a presidential sweet or something." I thought to myself, at the time not registering how stupid the idea of what looked to be such a dilapidated hotel having a presidential room. I didn't let my exhaustion keep me from exploring the palace like dwelling. Everything in the room was of the highest quality and craftsmanship you could imagine. Silk and gold and silver was everywhere and my time working at a local pawn shop was all I needed to tell me that this stuff was all the genuine article. I immediately began rummaging around for the thing of highest value I would be able to cram into my pocket when I left.

I ended up settling on a solid gold ash tray adorned with a few random gems such as emeralds and rubies. My exhaustion getting the better of me I decided to finally take a quick shower in what appeared to be a solid gold tub, and lie down to sleep. Rather than get up early and try to slip past everyone I decided to get a good rest and just make a mad dash for the door instead.

Waking the next day I quickly snagged the golden ash tray in my back pocket and made my way out of the room, but as my feet cleared the thresh hold I felt a sudden pull on my pants followed by a ripping sound and then a dull thud. Stopping, I turned to see that the ash tray was laying in the doorway just inside the room. I felt my back pocket that was now ripped almost completely off. Scowling, I reached down to pick the thing up but as I stood it was jerked out of my hand and fell to the floor once again with the same dull, heavy thud. "What the actual hell?" I mumble to myself, squatting down to investigate my would be pilfered booty.

I picked it up again, this time looking for wires as I felt around and turned it in my hands. I found nothing, so at that I tried to grip it tight and give it a hard yank in hopes of wrenching it free of whatever bond was holding it. I leaned forward and snatched back as hard as I could, but to no avail. The ash tray remained in my hand but my hand also remained in the room with the ash tray. I just stood there for a moment clutching the small, gilded dish as is was blocked by some yet identified force. Determined, I walked into the room all the way to the far wall and heaved the tray at the open door as hard as I could. But instead of passing through it just stopped silently and dropped to the floor yet again, bouncing a little as it landed.

Curious, I began to try to remove other objects from the room, none of which would allow itself to be taken any farther than the door. Angered by this but not deterred, I decided to drop the ash tray out of the window and recover it upon exiting the building, only to find that there was no window in the room. Which made sense now that I had time to think about it. In my exhausted state it hadn't occurred to me that it had to have been some kind of optical illusion, the endless hallway. The elevator must have only went up one floor very slowly and the halls were all built on an almost imperceptible incline as they twist and turn, which made it seem like you just kept walking down an impossibly long labyrinth of halls and doors. And all the objects in the room must be magnetized somehow, which is how they won't cross the doorway.

It was so obvious to me now. This had to be some kind of prank hotel or something. That's why they let me in without asking for a credit card and why everything was just generally so strange. They get some idiot to come in and film him running around like an asshole using hidden cameras and then put it all over TV. Abandoning my attempt at thievery I began to make the long walk back to the elevator.

About half way into my journey I saw another person in the distance about to enter their own room. First thinking it might be another victim of the hotel's ridiculous shenanigans I picked up my pace to warn him that he was probably being screwed with.

"Hey guy!" I shouted as I approached. "There's something up with this p-" I stopped short as I got closer and got a better look at the man. He was tall. Taller than anyone I had ever seen in person. And his pale head which sat on his thin, lanky body was completely bald. When he turned to face me it got even worse. His eyes were wide open and unblinking, appearing to be in a permanent state of terror, and his facial features were all sharp and sunken. I just stood, frozen in shock as he slowly leaned over towards me, bringing his horrific eyes level with mine.

Then suddenly he just started screaming in my face like a lunatic. Over and over he yelled at a volume that made my eardrums feel like they were on the verge of rupturing. At first I could only jump and convulse in response. Not that I didn't scream, because boy did I scream. I was just so horrified it didn't register as a valid response at first, and when I finally did it was just as much me trying to will my legs into tear-assing down the hallway faster than I had ever moved in my life. And I ran track in highschool, so believe me when I say I was moving at a healthy clip. Smashing into corner after coner did little to halt my momentum as I hurtled through the maze of doors and halls, the whole time chanting in my head, "It's just a prank! It's just a prank! I'm being pranked! I'm just being pranked!"

My legs were on fire as I rounded the last corner, finally seeing the glimmer of the stainless steel elevator doors. I smashed into the wall, all but punching the call button over and over and over until the doors slid open with a familiar, soft chime. No sooner did they began to part was I inside the elevator, now brutalizing the ground floor button. My whole body shook as I descended to the lobby. Breathing heavily, I readied myself against the handrails and waited for the doors to chime and open one last time, plotting the exact angle would use to bolt out and make my way to the front entrance as quickly and cleanly as possible.

DING

As the doors opened I pulled against the rails and kicked off the back wall of the elevator with all the strength that remained in my body. Someone was walking into the lobby! I'd be able to make a clean escape without having to stop to pull the door open like I had first calculated.

"YES!" I yelled triumphantly, only feet from the exit. I was almost out of this twisted place and home free.

My face made contact first, then my right knee, then the rest of my body was brought to a sudden and violent stop as I tried to bolt through the opening. I felt the closing door brush against my back as I knocked it aside on my way to the floor. I could feel the cold of the tile underneath me as I heard a voice call out over hysterical laughter as I lost consciousness.

"Holy shit Pete! I've never seen anyone eat it that hard before!"

I was brought back with a splash of ice water against my face. I sat up, ready to fight as I choked on the water. The taste of pennies permeated through my mouth as it filled with blood from what was certainly a busted nose and lip. "UGH BLUGG KA KA!" I hacked as I raised my fist, ready to hammer the person standing over me. As he slowly faded back into clarity I saw it was the tall, greasy haired boy. The smirk on his face now wide as it could ever possibly be.

"The old crash and dash, huh? Yeah that doesn't work here. Can't leave until your debt's all paid up and square. Welcome to Worst Hotel asshole."






"You're gonna need these while you're working here." The shorter of the concierges said as he handed me a black canvas bag with "W.H." embroidered in gold on the front. "You can't do your job without some of this stuff so try to not lose it and shit." The boy who introduced himself as Lezley minutes ago.

He and the slick haired bastard Pete had sat back and allowed me to tucker myself out making attempt after attempt to break through the invisible barrier in the doorway, during one of which I'm pretty sure I broke my hand. All to no avail. It was apparent after a few hours of fast tracking through the five stages of grief that I wouldn't be leaving of my own volition. After which it was explained to me by the two young men that I would be working as a custodian to pay off my debt to the hotel. What's worse is that the room I had occupied was the most expensive one possible. So this wouldn't be a quick ordeal.

"What the hell is this place?" I asked as we left the room where I was presented the canvas bag. "And what the hell was with that tall fucker that freaked out on me?" I continued.

"Tall? Freak out? Oh, you must have ran into someone from 8-61. They're pretty weird but they're not the craziest ones from 8-Cluster. Their hearing isn't as good as ours, so their speech just sounds like screaming to us." He answered.

"What do you mean by 8-Cluster? I have no idea what you're even talking about." I said in confusion.

"Oh right. I should probably explain how things work around here." He began. "Things are about to get a lot crazier than what you've already seen. The messed up floor plan, the tall freak out dude, the invisible barriers. That's barely scratching the surface. So you know all the science fiction stuff where they talk about multiple dimensions and traveling through them and shit? Well, surprise. Turns out there are a bunch of different dimensions, but they're not just all layered one after the other. It's more like how soap bubbles clump together on the top of the water. One clump might have planets with similar conditions to Earth where life evolved the same way as it did here. So you end up with more humanoid like inhabitants like the tall guy. But other clusters can get kinda wild by comparison. The conditions they evolved and survived in are very different, so they look really different from us."

"The shit does that have to do with this place?!" I interrupted.

"I'm getting to that dick hole!" Lezley responded. "So there are 8 clusters that exists on the same plain of physics. And in those clusters there are a whole bunch of variant dimensions with life forms kinda similar to each other. You know how like Wolverine and Spiderman are both Marvel characters, but you never see them in the same movie because different companies own the movie rights to them?"

"No, not really." I answered.

"Well anyway, that's like what a cluster is. And you know how you don't see anyone like Superman or Batman or Flash in a Marvel movie because they're two separate universes?" He kept on.

"Again, NO, I don't. Stop speaking nerd to me." I said with growing frustration.

"So this is basically a nexus for all the different clusters. The hotel is a hub where residents from one dimension can visit other dimensions freely. Unless they've been flagged, of course. Keeping track of each cluster is especially important because the cluster dictates the conditions a guest can survive in. So if you're from cluster-8 like us then you'll probably be pretty happy about oxygen and water. But if you're like from 5-22 and have a high cesium content in your skin, well... Walking around in our atmosphere would feel like getting thrown into a tub of boiling water. Until you die that is. So what we do here is process the guests and give them special apparatuses that let them survive and go unnoticed while they're in different dimension. You know how like in Men in Bl-"

"I know you're not about to say more nerd shit." I interrupted.

"I... NO!" He said defensively.

"You're telling me this is... an interdimensional hotel... for... monsters... Aliens?" I asked in summation.

"I mean, basically. Yeah. That and we act as a haven time to time for paranormal anomalies, and sometimes render various services for them. We're a lot more than just a hotel." Lezley answered. "Anyway, call them whatever you want, your job is making sure the guests enjoy their time here."

"Enjoy there time here?" I echoed.

"Among other things." He added.

"What other things?" I said nervously.

"We'll cross that one when we get to it." He finished as we came to a stop in front of a dilapidated door towards the back of the hotel. A large C-8 printed on the wall next to it. "Here we are, cluster 8 staff living quarters. Ready?" He added with a grin as I nodded, signaling him to open the door. There's nothing that could have prepared me.

At first glance you might mistake the area as a common room at some rustic cabin resort. Rough hewn furniture made from logs, a fireplace in the center, and a kitchen area off to the side. But then I noticed the occupants. The very first one to catch my eye had what appeared to be a bone-like shell or mask covering their face, but after a moment of "eye" contact it began to open and spread out into a set of horns similar to what you'd expect to see on a deer. The face underneath was stark white and smooth as porcelain. The large, dark sockets that had first assumed were caused by shadows cast from the mask like horns were actually just deep, sunken holes. If a were to have seen this in a painting it would have been almost beautiful, but in person, under the circumstances, it was more than unsettling. Even their soft smile and gentle, greeting nod did little to calm me down.

The rest of the occupants, while different in their own ways, were about as far from human as the first one. I jumped as a voice spoke from beside me.

"You're gonna need this too." Lezley said, pulling what looked to be an old fashion iron key from his shirt pocket, holding it hanging by a small chain. "This your room key. I'd tell you to not lose it but..." He trailed off as I took it in my hand.

"But what?" I asked, but no sooner than I did I began to hear a sizzling sound followed by the noise the chain made as it hit the wood floor, and shortly after I felt a burning pain in my hand. I looked down to see the key had begun to melt and was burning into my hand, leaving only a black mark in the shape of a key across my palm where I had been grasping it.

"OUCH!! Fucking damn it man! What was that shit?!" I screamed into his face.

But then I heard a soft laughter pick up from behind me. I turned to face the others in the room with us as they all raised a hand bearing a black key shape in the palm. I turned back to Lezley and started to open my mouth to speak but he cut me off.

"That's the key to your room. Only people marked to that room can open the door. Keeps you from losing the key and someone else using it." He explained, giggling as I rubbed my still burning hand.

"You guys would make a fucking fortune in security systems." I retorted sarcastically.

"This place does have lots of... unorthodox ways of solving problems. You'll figure that out more and more as you go on. Room's that way." He ended, pointing to a hallway almost hidden in the far corner of the room, opposite the kitchen area.

Opting to not socialize with my new interdimensional co-workers, I slunked across the room towards the hallway. Only pausing briefly to exclaim "Tell that other greasy prick at the front desk to eat a dick at his own convenience!"

"Haha! I'll pass the word along." Lezley said, as he closed the door behind him.

I started looking for my room only to realize I didn't know which one was mine. There were numbers on the doors but I wasn't told which number I should look for. I glanced down at the key marking on my palm, noticing that instead of the key having teeth, in their place was a number that I guessed might match the right room. I followed the number to room 19 and turned the nob. The door opened with a click and creaked open.

The first thing I noticed was that there were two beds. One looking tidy and unused, and the other was made but had various nicknacks and effects adorning the wall and shelves around it. Attempting to process the idea that I would have a monster from another dimension as a room mate, I plopped myself down on the vacant bed and stared at the ceiling. But before I could even let my imagination run wild as to what kind of twisted goblin I would be rooming with for the foreseeable future, I heard a knock on the door.

Nervously I stood and grasped the doornob. I gave it a gentle twist and open it just enough to make a crack large enough to see through. My vision was not met with the otherworldly gargoyle I had expected, but rather what appeared to be a human woman in her 20s. If I had to give an off the cuff description I call her, well... pretty damn cute. Excited I swung the door the rest of the way open and asked louder than I intended, "Are you my room mate?!"

"Uhhhh, no." She answered plainly. "I'm the only eight one thirty seven who's off right now, and they like to have someone from their own dimension help get them settled if possible. And other than me it's just Lezley and Pete. So here I am."

"Oh, well that's... mildly disappointing." I huffed under my breath. "Anyway, my name's Travis." I added, extending my hand.

"Good for you." She said as she turned and began to walk back down the hall towards the common room.

I closed the door behind me and hurried to catch up. As we rounded the first corner she began to explain that there were currently almost 50 staff members who hail from cluster 8. Only four of which being from 8-137, which according to her, is the dimension we come from. Once we entered the common room she brought me to the kitchen area and explained that we were allowed to use some of the money we earned to buy things we needed like food.

"How do we get that stuff if we can't leave?" I asked.

"You'll figure that out later." She dismissed.

She opened a door that blended into the boards on the wall revealing a walk in refrigerator with multiple compartments all individually numbered. "They work just like the rooms. Only you and your room mate can open the cabinet with your number." She said, pointing to the number on the closest cabinet. "So if any of your shit comes up missing you know what happen to it."

"You sound like you've got everything figured out." I said, trying to force small talk. "How long have you been here?" I added.

"About two weeks." She answered, closing the refrigerator door. "You get used to things fast in this place." She opened another concealed door. "This is the pantry. Same deal."

I stood in mild shock as she began walking back down the hallway where our rooms were located, but I shook myself out of it after a few seconds and made my way behind her. Before we left the common room she added, "TV has cable but it's always shifting through dimensions mid show so don't bother. At first interdimensional porn sounds kinda hot, but then one day you're in the middle of Supernatural, the cable shifts, and then you can't sleep for three days. WIFI password is WorstDayEver followed by your cluster number and your dimension. Best stick to that and regular porn."

After we passed room 50 in the hallway it opened up to a small locker room with two doors at the far end. "Left one is toilets, right one is the bath. It's Japanese style but don't get too excited. It's hard to bathe with some strange being from another dimension staring at your groin trying to figure out how it works." She said.

I shivered as I imagined having my junk ball gazed by some of the nightmarish creatures I had just seen. Fortunately that thought was interrupted as she continued, "Oh yeah, speaking of, you should have one of these in the bag you got earlier." She then brushed her hair back, revealing some short of silver piece of jewelry that twisted around and inside of her ear.

"These let you understand the different languages the other workers speak. And they all have one so they'll be able to understand you." She elaborated. "That's about all you need to know until tomorrow when they put you to work. I'm in room 23, so if you need anything... Stay as far away from that room as possible."

And with that she spun on her heel and left me standing there in the locker room. I made my escape as I noticed several of the other occupants rounding the corner, undressing as they walked. I made my signature B-line for my room, slamming the door behind me and diving head first into my bed. After lying there for some time I had manage to doze off, only realizing this as I was being woken by a gentle tugging on the sleeve of my shirt. I opened my eyes to see a pale, porcelain face with deep, black, empty sockets only inches from my own. I howled, spouting a torrent of profanity as I made my best effort to claw my way up the wall next to my bed.

"HOLY FUCKING CHERRY PICKING JESUS WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT SLINGING HELL NAME OF VIC MOTHERBITCHING MIGNOGNA?!!" I exclaimed in my frenzy as I attempted to claw my way up the wall, causing the deer like horns on top of its head to slam shut back into its mask-ish shape. "Oh, holy shit, it's just you..." I coughed in exacerbation. "What... what do... want?" I asked, gasping for oxygen.

The creature began to speak in a soft, bell-like language I couldn't understand. After realizing I couldn't understand, it reached for the canvas bag beside my bed and produced a small box, and from the box it withdrew the same small metal device that the girl from earlier had in her ear. So, taking the hint, I took the small metallic object and placed it around my ear.

"Is that better?" The creature spoke in the same soothing tone, but now I was able to make out a definite feminine voice.

"Y-yeah. Much." I answered.

"Good. You were having a bad dream." She said. And though I couldn't see her eyes I felt like she was looking into mine with concern.

"Oh, I didn't realize. It's kinda been a crazy couple of days so I'm not surprised." I mumbled more to myself than anyone else. "Sorry I freaked out on you like that. I feel like a dick cause you were just trying to help."

"It's quite alright. Up until today you didn't even know that beings such as myself from other dimensions existed, so it's understandable to be a little apprehensive." She reassured me.

We spent several minutes conversing about getting used to the new environment and coming to terms with such far out notions as other dimensions. After a while the strangeness began to fade from her appearance as I started to realized what a kind and caring soul she had. While we spoke, what I once thought to be the horns on top of her head began to slowly drop and unfurl into impossibly thin hairs, almost like spider's silk that couldn't be bothered to tangle or stick to one another.

As the conversation drew to a close she rose from where she had been sitting and, with all the grace of a feather in the wind, practically glided back to her bed.

After that I was able to roll over manage a soft, slightly hopeful smile, knowing I had at least one person looking out for me in this insane fever dream of a hotel. Fortunately I was able to get some real sleep before I was jolted back to consciousness by my foot being violently yanked off the bed to the sound of "Move your ass. Time for indentured servitude."

It was the abrasive girl from the night before, and this time my excitement to see her had been greatly tempered. I snatched my foot out of her hand with a groan and pulled the covers back over my head. "Don't be a dick." She said as she ripped the blanket away from me and began to march out the door.

"How'd she even get in anyway?" I thought to myself. Still cranky from my rude wake up call, I began to remove various items from the canvas bag. First were two sets of uniforms, deep black and trimmed in gold filigree. Though it appeared missed matched with the very utilitarian fabrics, and style of the clothing itself being simple cargo pants and a t-shirt. If you took the gold trim off they'd look almost... tactical. Next was another key with a brass tag adorned with the number 1. The burning sensation from the last key still fresh in my mind, I elected to hold it only by the tag for the time being. Next out was a pair of black work boots. Noting extraordinary there. Just... work boots, of the black variety.

The next item took me by surprise. Fumbling blindly around the bag, I felt my hand clasp onto something heavy. As I pulled it into the light my first impression was of one of those collapsible batons the police carry. However this one seemed to be only a solid piece of brass and stashed away in a black leather holster. At that point I thought back and remembered seeing several other staff members carrying these around, but had no idea what it might be used for.

Moments later the she-monster that snatched me from my sleep walked back in with Lezley. When he noticed me holding the small brass bar. "Oh you found it!"

"Yeah, I guess I did. The hell's it for?" I retorted.

With smirk he reached down and took it from me, sliding it from its leather housing. "Check this shit out." He said, never loosing his grin. Suddenly he took the bar and gave it a hard shake. As soon as he did it erupted outward in both directions, transforming into a brilliant brazen spear.

"HEY! Watch it shit-ass!" The girl barked as the spear rocketed past her arm at blinding speed.

"Oh damn! My bad Sash. I haven't messed with one of these in a while. Forgot how fast them shits come out." Lezley apologized. "This is orichalcum. It's serious stuff too. A long time ago a village of bandits got a hold of a little bit of this stuff. Fucking built Atlantis with it. So keep up with it. If you lose it, that's your ass." He continued. As he spoke he continued to shake it, turning the spear to a sword, the sword to an ax, the ax to a dagger, the dagger to a mace, and then back to a small bar before sliding it back into the holster and tossing back to me.

"Ok, I'll say again... WHAT IN THE HELL DO I NEED THAT FOR?!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me for a moment then answered ominously,

"Other things."
submitted by joshuawaggoner90 to NaturesTemper [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 06:59 Janejanet Porn free live camera

I’d like to share some experience, ideas, and tips I’ve put together after about 19 years of dominating my sissies. This is all my personal experience, so it won’t apply to everyone . Firstly, I need to share that we aren’t in a 24/7 Domme-sub relationship. That doesn’t interest me or my BF. My BF came to me about 4 ½ years ago and confessed some of his desires for femdom sex, and I decided to entertain it with him. It’s been a lot of fun, but I’m not making it a “lifestyle”, although we do have some “extended” sessions, which I’ll detail later in this post. Its something we do for fun in the bedroom (well, not always in the bedroom). We still have frequent “vanilla” sex, he’s actually quite good at it. :) That being said, I’m not here to pass judgement on anyone else, or pretend to be an expert on the subject of BDSM. My current BF is the only person I’ve played with like this, but we’ve learned a lot about femdom by experimenting, reading, and talking to each other. A good portion of these ideas and suggestions were his idea, and many are mine. Some may think that this is topping from the bottom, but I don’t take it too seriously. This is all just in good fun for us. Also, even though I talk about some of the stuff below being “forced”, that’s not to imply he hasn’t consented. We always have a safeword, and we discuss generalities before we decide on trying something new (although I do definitely surprise him with new activities to push his limits). Also, keep safety in mind with any activity. Not all of this is safe for every couple or every person. So, with all that out of the way, lets get to it! I approach femdom by classifying activities into 4 categories, then I put them together for an experience. The categories I use are: Degradation/Humiliation, Pain and Control, Frustration/Teasing, and Service. I’ll go over activities in each then describe how I put them together. DEGRADATION/HUMILIATION
This is a very fun category and can include a lot of different things. Here’s a list of activities that I enjoy inflicting on him. Forced feminization - I frequently make him wear women’s clothing during our sessions. This can include lots of different outfits. Feel free to mix and match to your taste. Amazon is great for getting lingerie on a budget. I like to go with really girly colors and patterns for my guy. My favorites are:
High heels. These are an absolute necessity. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on these, but you might want more than one pair if you insist his outfits match.
Lingerie. This can include teddies, stockings, babydoll, fishnet dresses, etc.
Just a pair of panties. This makes him feel very exposed. I like ones that ride up his little butt (cheekies, thongs), but still cover his entire penis. Don’t let him wear anything else.
Pasties. This is very, very fun. Pasties are cheap, and not something you ever see a man wearing. A pair of high heels, pink thong, and some pasties is great outfit for him to wear while he cleans the bathroom for you.
Schoolgirl outfit. This is a classic, and can lead to some incredible role-playing situations. The skirt should be short enough you can see his little white panties peeking out without even bending over.
French Maid. Another classic, useful for the Service category I’ll go into later.
Makeup. This is a favorite activity. I love giving him a makeover. Super slutty makeup is the best and can be combined with any outfit.
Tight jeans, yoga pants, leggings. Pair these with a skin tight top and you’ve got a great outfit for lounging around the house.
Short shorts. These can be cut off jean type shorts, yoga style shorts, or anything you like. The shorter the better.
Corset. Use this to give him a girlish figure!
Women’s bodystocking. These are hilarious. They come in all kinds of patterns and colors, and are really cheap.
Halloween costumes. Great for any time of year! Amazon has cheap playboy bunny outfits, tinkerbell costumes, sexy nurse, etc. There are so many to choose from!
Pegging/dildo play - This falls into the pain category as well depending on your mood. I really feel that in order to make this act as degrading as possible, its important to get a dildo that looks and feels like a real penis. It should have balls and be a realistic skin tone. It should also be at least slightly bigger than his own penis (within reason). A big aspect that makes pegging so humiliating is the mental side to it. Obviously, there’s some physical to it as well, but just being forced to “deal” with a dick is mortifying to most straight men. Some activities involving your strapon or dildo:
Deepthroat training. Let’s eliminate that gag reflex ladies! Seriously one of the most degrading things you can do to your man is fucking his face. I like to recreate positions from porn in this activity. Relax on the couch or chair while wearing your strapon. Put him on his knees and make him get to work. If he’s not going deep enough grab his hair and force his face down on that dick! Trust me, he can take it. Don’t be gentle. Make sure he maintains eye contact like a good little porn star! I also like to have him lay on his back on the bed or couch, with his head hanging over the side and cram my dick down his throat. Do this until he gags, over and over, he’ll be drooling all over himself soon enough. Have him lie down on his back, then straddle his upper chest/neck area so the only thing you can see is his face. Put your dildo in his mouth and jackhammer that thing down his throat. Don’t be scared of hurting him, even if your dildo is on the large side of realistic. he’ll eventually be able to take it balls deep. He might complain that it doesn’t fit. Well, its your job to MAKE it fit. Yes he’s going to cough and gag, a lot, yes he’s going to have a lot of drool and mucus coming out of his mouth. That’s OK. Don’t be deterred by any sounds, drool, or complaints. Also give him instructions and compliments when appropriate (“yeah, show me your tongue” “hands behind your back and open wide bitch” “give me that throat” “that’s a good little cocksucker”)
EDIT: I’ve received several questions about this point. I’ll clarify exactly what were doing here and why. When I make him suck my dildo, I’m not getting any physical pleasure out of it and neither is he. This is not meant to be physically pleasurable to us, it’s meant to make him feel like my bitch. When you do this, make it an ordeal he needs to suffer through. When he’s on his knees in front of you, fuck his mouth hard and fast. Really make an effort to get your entire dildo down his throat as you thrust in and out. Make him suffer here for quite some time, 5, 10, 15 minutes even. Don’t let him get away with pulling his head away or anything either. Make him keep your dick in his mouth, see how long you can keep it buried balls deep in his mouth, lock your legs around his head if necessary. His jaw and throat should be very sore after this ordeal, and his face should be a mess of slobber and spit. Once he can take your whole dildo down his throat without gagging, its time to upgrade to something longer and/or thicker. Your goal should be to have him performing at THIS LEVEL and he won’t get there without proper training.
Butt fucking. Work up to this using your fingers, plugs (he should wear a large sized one for a while before a pegging session), and other toys, but eventually your goal should be forceful pounding. Make him feel what its like to really get fucked. While pegging him, yank his hair, push his face down into the bed or floor, slap his ass. Be creative with positions and locations. One of my favorites is the tile kitchen floor, he doesn’t have to be comfortable while getting fucked. Use lots and lots of lube here, it makes getting your dick in a lot easier on both of you.
Dildo masturbation. Make him suck and fuck himself with a dildo or other toys for your amusement. This one can be done with very minimal effort on your part. Just give him a toy, order him to the corner, and tell him to get it up his ass.
Using other objects to fuck him with. This can be a lot of fun, but be careful. Some items I’ve fucked him with: Beer bottle, drumsticks, vodka bottle,
Forced Nudity - This one is simple, but you can spice it up with toys if you like. Simply order him to be naked while you remain clothed. If you like, make him wear a butt plug that you can smack and wiggle around while he gets you a drink. Put a collar on him if you want, or combine this with forced feminization from above (for example make him wear only high heels, lipstick, and a chastity cage for the evening). Sometimes its fun to combine this with pegging. I’ll strap my dick on over my jeans, while he’s completely naked. Its a very humbling experience for him. I also frequently have him sleep naked.
Forced Performances. This is very entertaining and again a low-effort humiliation. Sometimes I like to put on some music and have him dance for me. I’ll make him perform a little strip tease, twerk, etc. Sometimes I will have him masturbate for me. I’ll give directions. (these are great times for video recording)
Spitting. We’re getting a little more extreme here. Don’t be afraid to spit on your male. This can be especially degrading during pegging, even more so during deepthroat training. While he’s making eye contact, just launch a huge wad of spit right in his face. He’ll love you for it! It can also be degrading while you’re criticizing his performance to spit in his face.
Golden showers. We haven’t worked our way up to here yet, and to be honest, I don’t know if I want to. Something we have tried in this area though, making him lick me clean after I take a piss.
Verbal humiliation (Disclaimer: Talk to your partner about this first if you’re worried about crossing a line with him, because this can be emotionally charged.) I really like this, and to me, there are two components. 1. You degrading him with words. 2. Making him degrade himself with words.
1 You degrading him. Name calling. Call him degrading names. This can include the following: Bitch, sissy, cunt, slut, whore, piece of shit, stupid, worthless. Penis humiliation/emasculation. This is common on femdom porn sites. Make fun of the size of his dick, his sexual ability, the things he lets you do to him, etc. Terms like shrimp-dick, bitch boy, butt boy, fuck-hole, cum eater, cum dumpster, cocksucker, limp dick. etc.
Combine insults. Example: “You’re a little limp dick cocksucker.” “You’re a little cum eating bitch, aren’t you?”
Being forceful and insulting with your directions. Example: Instead of saying “get on your knees and suck my dick”, say “Get on your fucking knees and get this dick down your throat you little bitch.” Instead of using his name and telling him to bend over the kitchen table for his pegging, say something like, “Hey shrimp-dick! Get in here, bend over the table and get fucked.” Instead of saying come here and lick my pussy say “get over here and make me cum you little piece of shit”. Tell him what you’re going to do to him later. Send him a text letting him know you’re going to make him eat your pussy and send him away hard and frustrated. Order him to do things for you. *MOST IMPORTANTLY: Don’t be afraid to raise your voice, or even yell. Its encouraged in this situation that you will be very forceful with your voice. Yell in his face if he isn’t licking your pussy correctly. Yell in his face after you cum and tell him to get the fuck off the bed and do the dishes.

  1. Making him degrade himself. This can be really fun.
Make him beg. Use this for anything, make him beg to fuck you, beg you to peg him, beg you to let him masturbate, beg you to let him eat his cum, beg you to spank him, etc. It doesn’t even have to be something he wants. The key to this though, is to make sure his begging meets your standards. If you don’t believe he really wants it, punish him and make him try again, and again until you really believe him.
Make him apologize. Maybe the orgasm he gave you was mediocre. Maybe he didn’t take your dildo up his ass with enough enthusiasm. Maybe when you told him to deepthroat your strapon, he couldn’t get his nose to touch your stomach like you insisted. He should be punished for such infractions, but he should also tell you how sorry he is first. (maybe after his punishment too.) Make sure he apologizes sincerely for any shortcomings. Shit, sometimes I make him apologize for having a small dick (even though he doesn’t).
Make him thank you. Did you let him have an orgasm? Did you fuck his little butthole really well? Did you let him lick your asshole? He needs to thank you for the privlege.
Make him confess. Make him tell you his fantasies. This works especially well if you have him on the edge of orgasm. Make him confess a deep, dark fantasy that he’s never told anyone before. (He’ll probably run out of ideas at some point, you can punish him for that)
Public Play. There are some really fun ways you can take this play out of the house for some really great humiliation that doesn’t involve violating other people boundaries.
Clothes shopping. I enjoy taking him to stores, wal-mart, target, etc. and picking out some really girly panties and outfits for him to wear. If there isn’t anyone around, I’ll occasionally make him go try them on in the dressing room.
Wearing plugs or other toys in public.
And finally, for one of the most humiliating things a man can ever do……
Swallowing cum and/or getting a facial. He fucking hates this, which is why I love it. Any time he has an orgasm during any femdom activity, he’s eating it or its going on his face. I don’t care where it lands, how he came, if it was an accident, or if he really doesn’t want to. That cum is going in his mouth and down his throat. There are a lot of ways to accomplish this, but I really enjoy planning ahead for it. Its also a huge turn on for him, knowing that he’s going to be forced to eat it, even though immediately after he cums he’s absolutely repulsed by it. Some of my favorite ways to do this are:
Make him cum into a condom, then empty it into his mouth.
Make him have a ruined orgasm (I’ll explain later) onto the tile or hardwood floor. Then make him lick it up. If he resists, shove his face in it. If you have carpet, that isn’t a problem. Make him suck the cum out of it until its all gone.
If you let him cum inside you or on you, make him suck the cum out of you or lick it off of you.
While he’s wearing a pair of panties, rub his dick until he cums in them. Then peel them off and make him lick it out, or smear them all over his face.
Flip his legs over his head into the piledriver position (good for pegging also) and make him shoot his load all over his own face. This is a favorite of mine, simply because of the role reversal mind fuck going on in his head. I also like making him leave the jizz on his face for the rest of the day.
Make him cum into a glass and then pour it into his mouth, or pour it all over his face and/or hair.
However he gets the cum into his mouth, occasionally I’ll have him “play” with it. Gargle it, show it to me on his tongue, drool it out and then suck it back up like a porn star.
EDIT: Ladies, he’s going to be much more compliant with eating his semen if he has had a ruined orgasm instead of a pleasurable one. I mention this below but I’ll go into some more detail here. When your man has an orgasm his sexual desire drops off a cliff. He won’t want to eat his cum and will resist. But if you give him a ruined orgasm, he doesn’t get much pleasure at all, and his sexual desire remains high, but he still can expel a good amount of sperm. The goal here is to make his semen come out of his dick without pleasure, but for most men, the pleasure and orgasm actually begins several seconds before he ejaculates. So I like to have fun with this. With him on his knees and his hands restrained I’ll stroke his dick until he gets very close to orgasm, and then when I think hes right on the edge, I’ll let go and watch. I’ll wait about 20 seconds and if no semen comes out, start again. If you’ve done this perfectly, his semen will leak out about 10-15 seconds AFTER you stopped stroking it. He’ll be left sexually frustrated, but you actually DID give him an orgasm, its not your fault he didn’t feel it! He’ll be much more compliant in regards to consuming semen in this way. I like to combine this with chastity sometimes too. I’ll have him locked in the cage for a few days, give him a ruined orgasm and then put him back in. Its wonderful!
ADDED HUMILIATION BONUS!
For added humiliation, I frequently take pictures and video of my pet during these humiliating sessions. I keep these and then use them later for addiitonal humiliaiton. Seriously, having a video of him, with his face covered in his own semen, apologizing for not deepthroating my strapon well enough, all while dressed in daisy dukes and a bikini top….well that’s just good entertainment. Sometimes I make him watch some of the videos with me and laugh at him. It always results in a giant erection in his pants, haha.
PAIN AND CONTROL
DISCLAIMER: It seems online, many people are nervous about this category, and with good reason. Its sometimes hard to tell what your partner is comfortable with, and they may not even be sure of it themselves. So take all of this slowly at first until you and your partner can figure out what works for you. That being said, I seek to push right up against my boyfriend’s limits here. This is where the “forced” part of the humiliation listed above becomes more real.
There are several ways to inflict some pain on your male, here are some of my favorites. Face slapping. I really enjoy this. Nothing gets his attention so quickly as a pop to the side of his cheek. Several (5-6) in quick succession create a look of fear in his face that I love. He can take a lot of punishment here too, just watch out for his eyes and ears. This is an especially good thing to practice while you’re fucking his face or he’s licking your pussy and/or ass. Use your slaps to get his attention, give direction, and have fun. “I slap told slap you slap to slapfocus slap on slap my slap clit!! slap”
Hair Pulling. Grab his hair and yank his head around. Do this while pegging (in any position), while he’s giving you oral (or sucking your dildo), to lead him where you want him, to hold his head in place while you slap him, to force his face into a puddle of semen, etc.
Spanking/whipping. The most common. I like to use a belt, flogger, occasionally a cane.
Cock and Ball Torture. Another common theme on femdom websites. Here’s a list of techniques I use.
Squeezing/Pinching. Grab his balls and squeeze. Pinch the head of his dick.
Slapping. Simple. To make it hurt worse, you can grab his balls into one hand and hold them tight and steady while you slap.
Punching. Same as above but creates a lot more pain. :)
Kicking. Kicking him right in the balls after you just fucked his ass can be quite the experience for both of you. Take this one more slowly haha.
Nipple Play. Most people know about this already. Use clamps, clothespins, pinches, flicks, twists, and scrapes to inflict some pain here. He can take more than you think.
Chemical Play. Ok, we’re getting to some more extreme areas here again. This is not to be taken lightly, as many people’s bodies react differently. Here’s a list of things we’ve tried.
Ice cubes. Rub on his penis, balls, asshole, and nipples. This can sometimes eliminate a pesky erection in a pinch. I’ve inserted cubes into his anus as well, he doesn’t like that lol.
Ben-gay/Icy Hot. Rub this on the penis balls, taint, and anus. This creates a very unpleasant burning sensation. My pet feels very intense pain for about 10-20 minutes. It then subsides to a mild cooling sensation.
Tabasco/hot sauce. Same as above, rub on genitals and asshole. Your man’s experience will vary here depending on the type of sauce you use, the duration you leave it on, and the amount you use. I reserve this for serious punishment. I once poured some hot sauce on the dildo I fucked him with. Let’s just say he didn’t have a great night.
Electricity. You need to be even more careful here. My only experience is a dog shock collar. I attach the collar around his penis and testicles. It has a vibrate function (for when he’s been a good boy) and 8 levels of shocks. We’ve gotten up to level 6. He really hopes I don’t have to use 7 or 8 on him. You can experiment with the position of the collar on his genitals. If the contacts are touching his balls, he’ll feel it throughout his sack and his perineum. If you flip it over and the contacts touch the base of his penis, shocking sensations will affect his entire penis, all the way to the head. We’ve experimented with different levels here, and it seems his penis is much more sensitive to electricity than his balls are. Your man’s experience may vary. This collar also has a sound/beeping function that I use as a pager when I need him. If his balls beep, he has 10 seconds to be on his knees in front of me, regardless of his prior activity, or else he’ll face punishment.
Bondage and Restraints. I keep this simple as I don’t enjoy taking the time to set up intricate bondage situations. I’m sure my BF would like it, but its just too much effort when I can use simpler items to accomplish the same things. I own a few types of gags, a collar and leash, handcuffs, bed restraint system and, my favorite, a spreader bar (bar with cuffs for hands and feet).
Control. A lot of the more severe pain and control items above are essentially just a method to get my guy to do what he’s told. This is where the “forced” aspect really comes into play. For example, he absolutely hates eating sperm. But if I want him to eat sperm, he’s going to fucking eat it. So I use pain to get him to do it. One way I do this is with the electric dog collar and handcuffs. After he cums, and there’s a load of sperm sitting there on the floor, I give him a choice. Either put your face on it and suck up all that lovely sperm, or, get shocked in increasing intervals and strength. Eventually he’ll do it. This is an area where we’ve both agreed that he doesn’t get a choice any longer. He submits to being forced to lick his jizz off the floor.
Another example is dildo play. If i instruct him to deepthroat my strapon, and get the entire 7 inches down his throat while maintaining eye contact, that’s his job to do. If he doesn’t, I inflict pain. For example, I might start by slapping his face as a warning if he’s disobeying, increasing the strength and quantity of the slaps as I try to work the dildo down his throat. If that doesn’t work, I move on to other means. I may whip him with the belt, or punch his balls a few times then give him another chance. I increase the pain until he obeys. Its really fun to give him tasks that are hard to acheive. I also use pain as punsihment for failure. If he can’t make me orgasm in a certain time period, or its less pleasurable than what I expected, I may attach the spreader bar to his ankles and wrists, gag him, slather his cock and balls with ben-gay, and then go have a glass of wine while he contemplates how he can improve his performance next time.
This doesn’t mean I need a reason to hurt my toy. When we’re playing, I may slap him for fun or for no reason at all. If he’s getting pegged, he should expect to get popped in the face a few times just because I fucking feel like it. Maybe I’ll kick his little blue balls afterwards while he’s still on all fours on the kitchen floor, just because I want to be a bitch.
FRUSTRATION/TEASING
This is really quite simple. When we’re playing, I cum when I want, he cums when he’s allowed to. I enjoy making him suffer in this way, its honestly the most fun part of all this. There are a lot of ways I enjoy teasing and frustrating him and I’ll go over some of them now. There is one hard and fast rule in this game for us. He must always ask permission to ejaculate, no exceptions. He’ll be punished severely for an unauthorized orgasm or ejaculation.
Chastity. This is a must for us. While we don’t play 24/7, I enjoy making him wear a chastity device frequently when we’re apart. I work nights, so if I’m at work, chances are he’s locked into “The Vice”. This is a locking chastity cage, similar to others, only this one has an anti-pullout mechanism that makes it very difficult to remove without the key. Basically “The Vice” (available at www.lockedinlust.com ) is a plastic sheath for his dick that attaches to a ring around the base of his balls. It prevents erections and masturbation very well for the price. I don’t want my man’s dick mangled by a piercing for this game we play, and some of the other devices out there require that to be secure. The Vice keeps it secure and out of his (or anyone else’s) hands. Its so empowering to be able to restrict access to his own dick. I have the power to grant him erections and orgasms, he can’t have them without me or my approval. The length of time he wears the device really changes, but is up to me. I usually don’t keep him in it for more than a couple days, but we’ve had times that I left him in there for over 3 weeks. He really wasn’t happy about the time I had to leave town for 4 days and took the key with me, AFTER he’d been locked up for a week already.
There are a log of fun chastity games you can find online. Some fun chastity games we play:
Try to cum. I enjoy leaving the device on him, and tell him to try to have an orgasm with it on (no vibrator allowed!). Its fucking entertaining to see him hump his hand, finger his asshole, shake the cage around, pinch his own nipples, etc. I like to offer some cheering words of encouragement here for him. Usually I have him do this on the floor in the middle of the living room while I sit on the couch and watch. He hasn’t been able to cum yet, but maybe one day he’ll get there. (Another great video opportunity)
Coin flip. If he’s been locked up for several days, I’ll strap him to the bed or handcuff him to remove the device. Then I’ll start stroking his dick until he’s very close to orgasm, right on the edge. Then I flip a coin, heads I finish him off. Tails, I immediately stop, put an ice pack on his dick and lock him back up once he’s soft again. Better luck next time honey.
Roll of the dice. If he rolls a six, he gets to cum. If not, that’s the number of days he stays locked up until he gets another chance. This went on for over 3 weeks for us at one point. He was really on edge lol.
Chastity can also play into the control aspect as well. Sometimes when we play I don’t take the cage off. For example, he doesn’t need an erection to get fucked in his ass or to use my dildo and vibrator on my pussy, so why take it off? If he starts giving me a bad attitude, I’ll simply add another day or two to his lockup time. I use this as punishment for disobedience when playing, so it gives me more control.
One of the big things you’ll notice if you start incorporating chastity into your sex life, is that he will become more and more agreeable and obedient as time goes on, if you restrict his orgasms. If we’re playing with chastity more seriously, I like to make him wait 1 to 2 weeks between orgasms. He has a high sex drive, so when I do this, he gets so horny he’ll do anything to get out of his chastity cage. Its really entertaining to see what I can get him to do. Once, after 13 days locked into the Vice, I insisted he detail my car if he wanted out of the device. He whined and complained, so I told him that he just earned himself another 3 days in the device, and I still expected the car detailed.
The MOST IMPORTANT thing when incorporating chastity into your sex life is this. SAY NO. Don’t be swayed by his begging, whining, or complaining. Firstly lets get this out of the way, no one NEEDS to have an orgasm. He wants to cum, he doesn’t need to. So lets get that little idea out of the way immediately. We have a rule, when he’s locked up, he gets to politely ask for an orgasm once per day. If I feel like it, I’ll have him earnestly beg me. This is great for extracting promises from him. But if I say no, he needs to shut the fuck up about it immediately. Occasionally I’ll say yes, but most of the time I’ll say no as I’ve already decided on how long he’s going to be locked up. Do not feel bad about this. In fact, relish your power here.
I get off on having him go down on me right after I tell him “No, you’re staying locked up.” While we both agreed to incorporate chastity devices into our sex life, the lockup duration is my decision alone. Use the device to modify his behavior to your liking. If you want something from him, sexual or not, give him the order. If he doesn’t comply, add time in the device. The power is intoxicating.
Teasing. Sometimes he wears The Vice around the house, sometimes not. But regardless I like to wear skimpy clothing, rub up against him, feel and squeeze his balls, ass cheeks, and body just to see him get a boner (or try to, hehe). I’ll take this a lot further sometimes, stroking his dick until he starts leaking precum, getting him close to orgasm, only to stop and tell him to calm down. Sometimes I even let him fuck me until I have an orgasm or two, then tell him to stop. This is delightfully frustrating for him. Other times I’ll leave him in the chastity cage and masturbate right in front of him. One of my favorite teases is to use his mouth to make me cum and send him away completely denied. Sometimes I tell him I’m going to make him cum, only to stop at the last second and tell him I changed my mind.
Ruined Orgasm. By far the funniest aspect to this whole femdom thing. Its really an artform. The basic idea is that you get your man very, very close to the point of orgasm and then stop all stimulation. If you do it right, he’ll just tip over the edge, and his semen will dribble out of his dick with barely any force, and next to no pleasure. This works best with his hands restrained so he can’t try to finish the job himself. I like to pair this sometimes with the shock collar to make it completely miserable.
SERVICE
So now we get to the fun part. A lot of the above is playing into my man’s fetish, and that’s ok. I do love him, and I don’t have a problem doing stuff for his enjoyment. But you can be sure I’m going to be getting something out of all this! A big part of femdom is serving the woman in the relationship. And I’ll detail how that all works for us now.
Sexual Service. This encompasses everything. If I want my ass eaten out for 2 hours while I watch TV, he does it. If I want a full body massage from a muscled, naked man, that’s what I get. If I want to fuck and get off two or three times, I get that. If I want my nipples sucked while I use my vibrator on myself, that’s what I get. Nothing is off limits to me sexually. I speak, he obeys. That’s just how it goes. I typically don’t orgasm from oral sex alone or penetrative sex alone, and sometimes it can take quite a while for me to get there. The point is, I get what I want. Not that I want him eating my ass for 2 hours necessarily, but I’ll make him do something like that sometimes just because I can. (Then sometimes make fun of him for it.)
Facesitting. I love sitting on his face. Its a great experience to cum all over his face. Sometimes I use just his tongue, while other times I’ll shove a dildo in his mouth and ride it while using my vibrator. I also have a gag that has a dildo sticking out of it. Whatever I’m using, its important that I’m only concerned with my own pleasure during this experience. Don’t worry about whether or not he’s able to breathe, if his tongue is tired, if his neck hurts, etc. In fact, its quite enjoyable to put him in intentionally uncomfortable positions for this. We have a hard wooden chair that I like to use for this. He’ll be required to sit on the floor and lean his head back onto the seat of the chair. This hurts his neck and head when I really start riding and bouncing on it, but who gives a fuck? He needs to focus on my orgasm, not his temporary discomfort.
As part of the sexual service aspect of femdom in our sex life, we’ve decided that he no longer decides when and where he gets to orgasm, when and where I get to orgasm, and he doesn’t decide on when or where any other sexual activity takes place. That’s up to me now. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t initiate sex any longer, far from it. But it does mean he doesn’t get to complain, and he doesn’t get to turn me down when I want it either.
The goal of sexual service is two-fold. One, for you to get all the pleasure you want. Two, for him to feel completely objectified. When you are using him sexually, think of him as just another sex toy, a dildo that you can use up and throw away when you are finished.
But this isn’t limited to sexual service only.
Domestic Service. Basics. When we’re in femdom mode, he does the chores. All of them. We get to spice up mundane things like cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming in easy ways. For example, if the dishes need washed, and the kitchen mopped, I tell my bitch to get his maid outfit and shock collar on and bring me the large butt plug. While he gets dressed I may watch TV, text friends, do some shopping online, or anything else I want. When he’s ready, he lubes up the plug and I put it up his tight little ass. He then goes off to do whatever I’ve told him to do while I relax. After he’s done I may or may not inspect his work, if he did a good job then he may get a reward. His reward may be the privilege of kissing my asshole for example. If its not up to par he may get punished. This can be implemented immediately, or added to a play session later. If you are going to go this route though, I would suggest using punishments he really wants to avoid (extended chastity time, severe spankings, etc.) or else you may find him purposefully messing up in order to get some “punishment” he wants.
This applies to any chore we need completed. My laundry, dishes, car washes, lawn mowing (its funny seeing him on a riding mower when I know there’s a plug up his ass), cooking, etc.
Personal Service. These are generally intimate things that I want done for me. They can really play up the tease element as well. Some examples:
Shave me. In the shower or bath, I like to have him shave my legs and pussy.
Toenails/pedicure. I pick the color, then he massages, moisturizes my feet. Then polishes my nails for me. He’s also responsible for removing any old polish from my nails.
Massage. Sometimes just a shoulder rub, other times I’ll be nude and he is required to give me a full body massage with oil. I like for him to be nude for this as well. It’s really torture for him to give me a few orgasms afterwards and stay denied.
Body worship. It can be really relaxing to have him kiss and nuzzle my thighs, feet nipples, and pussy. I especially enjoy having my asshole worshiped though. Just light kisses, licks and nuzzles. Basically he’s making out with my asshole. It’s a serious power trip to have him do this while I watch TV or play games on my phone, ignoring him except to give instructions if I want something done differently.
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
I’ve outlined several ideas and topics here, and now I’ll give an example on how I’ve put all of it together. Remember when reading this, its all in fun, and it doesn’t necessarily have to make a lot of sense. Remember, if your guy is into femdom, he likes a lot of this kind of stuff already.
I like to choose something from each category when we play, just to round out the session. Not always, but frequently.
For one session I decided we were going to do some pegging, so before I got home I told him to get himself cleaned up, naked, and get a plug in. I got home about an hour later, so he’d been stretched out for a little while. I got home, grabbed him by the hair and dragged him into the garage. I told him to get on all fours in the middle of the floor and wait. He waited there for 20 minutes. I know he was scared, he’d never been fucked on the garage floor before. It wasn’t clean, and he was completely naked except for the plug in his ass.
I came in turned all the lights on and started taking pictures. I was already wearing the strapon. I made him smile for the camera, and pose for me. It looked like a really trashy photoshoot. I took several pictures in varioius positions and then I told him it was time to get busy.
I lubed up my cock, slowly pulled out the plug and got to work. I fucked him on the floor of the garage for about 5 minutes, eventually really pounding him. I pulled him up by his hair, bent him over the hood of my car and pounded some more. I insisted he fake an orgasm like a girl. It was reallly funny listening him attempt to moan and scream like a woman orgasming.
Once he was done, I pulled him around by the hair and spit directly into his face. I told him that was the worst fuck I’d ever had and told him to “go clean my fucking bathroom”. He stared at me dumbfounded, so I slapped him hard in his face and repeated it louder. He quickly scurried off to the master bath. About 5 minutes later I came in and threw the strapon and butt plug on the floor and told him to clean up my toys as well. When he came and reported that he was done, I went to inspect his work. It was spotless.
So I told him to get himself cleaned up and ready for bed. As a reward I let him go down on me for a while and then use my vibrator to give me an orgasm. He didn’t get to cum that night. (but we did cuddle and watch a movie)
There are many more ways you can mix and match categories, and many of them run together. For example, you can facefuck your man with your strapon, while you rub his dick. Once you’re satisfied he’s learned how to deepthroat, pull him off and make him beg for the privilege of masturbating in your presence. You can record this on video if you like, then, make him eat his own cum on video. The possibilities are endless! Again, I know a lot of this isn’t “authentic” if you’re doing it for your submissive partner, but that doesn’t really matter to me. What matters is that we’re having fun, and I get what I need out of it too. Dm if you need my training sessions.
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