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2020.10.07 18:39 millenialtrash1 Arab sex chat live

I originally posted this on /paranormal which was removed for wall-of-text.
To start off I have to warn it's kind of long, I'll try to make it short the best I can. There are many details I believe connect dots. I believe an entity, likely a Djinn, attached itself to myself after attaching itself to many others previously. I'm honestly not sure what it was. Any suggestions and similar experiences could help make better sense of this period in my teen years. I am also on mobile so I apologize in advance.
When I was 16-17 (now 23) I had just moved into a 1 bedroom apartment on the top floor with my mom, my room being set up in the living room. She worked 12 hours 6 days a week and i did school from home online so I was alone all the time. Nothing unusual occurred there up until I met a specific person, well call them S. S was introduced to me by my abusive ex at the time to "test my loyalty" (I dumped him a couple weeks before then). S was a very unusual person, anyone who met him knew instantly this guy's not human or something, probably a fucking alien for all we know, and they all have a story about unexplainable things happening with him. S was the ultimate psychonaut who sold drugs to go to raves every week and slept with pretty much everyone under the age of 20 although he was almost 30. He was constantly paranoid and never wanted to tell anything about himself but FIXATED on you. There wasn't a day he WASN'T tripping on lsd. For some reason all the girls loved him and his mystery, including me at the time. That's why my ex introduced me in the first place.
First time I met S was at his apartment (which was actually a hotel room he bought out). He would stand in the most peculiar corners staring at you and basically tell you things about yourself you never told anybody. There was this creepy lady there he claimed was "possessed". This girl didn't blink once, always had this creepy grin and generally did creepy shit like eavesdrop and act catatonic like then say the most brash things out of fucking nowhere that would mess with your head.
Shortly after this odd visit 16 year old me went to see S by myself out of spite and curiosity. Big mistake. I ended up staying there for 2 days which is a whole other story. The first night we both took half a tab of acid each and ended up having really awkward sex, admittedly i felt obligated to do. I'm telling this because it plays part in to what happens when I go home. Now here's a weird thing about S, he's a devout Muslim who has various books on witchcraft and astral traveling in his room. He has to be the most hypocritical Muslim I met. Lectures about premarital sex then does it himself an hour later. He'd talk about Djinns then scold me not to ask anymore questions about them before I "invite them in" then play Islamic prayer music. He had a particular one saved on a playlist he used frequently to rid of them.
Djinns are mythological spirits in the Quran that are basically what we'd consider ghosts/demons or aliens in a parallel universe that can visit between our realm and theirs.
Now let's get to the scary part. This is tmi for sure but I still to this day believe it was the beginning of this haunting.. the second I walk into my apartment I started my period 2 weeks after it ended. It wasn't just any period, I felt like my vagina was scorched from inside. Not like a yeast infection, uti or std (I got checked after this). I mean like it was ON FIRE and my period had to start to put it out. I felt like I was being tortured and had an eerie feeling afterwards I shouldn't of had sex with this dude. It just wasn't right.
Now remember I went home a day after I came down from this weak trip that hardly gave me any visuals. Curious about these spirits S kept talking about I started googling them in my bed. Then I heard objects lightly shaking on this glass shelf in the dinning room next to my room/living room. Thought to myself "ok, strange but I did just come down from a trip yesterday and I'm probably psyching myself out". Next thing I know a hear an old man singing in a foreign language in my mom's room. I mean he sounded ANCIENT. I suspect it to be Aramaic or another pre Arabic language. Freaked out I called my mom to come home and I hear this voice snickering at how I was in fear. I came clean to my mom about the acid and all that happened. She wrote it off as I'm still experiencing the effects of lsd.
A couple other times I heard this same ancient voice singing in my mom's room that I learned to ignore. Although all my neighbors were gone at work during these times, I told myself it must be one of them playing music. The common minor paranormal things happened like cabinets opening by themselves, shadows, objects rattling and sliding, feelings of someone watching me. By that time I was used to it and never paid any attention to it. I thought maybe the lsd triggered me into schizophrenia and I was going crazy.
Nothing felt malicious up until one day. I was in the dining room doing my school work, then felt this presence across the living room beaming at me like a target. I ignored it until I heard a heavy footstep, then another, it kept get faster and louder the closer it got. I quite literally FELT the wind of this spirit coming in my direction. It was like a bull charging at me full speed. Once it got to me it made a complete halt. I immediately got up to call S to ask him if his apartment is haunted. I told him about everything. His answer was that I invited djinns into my life by "obsessing" over them. I was advised to not give it any thought, delete all my texts regarding them since they like to play with technology apparently (probably to cover his own ass for being a drug dealing pedophile).
When I informed him I was ignoring all events until this last one felt personally violent, he urged me to convert to Islam now. According to S the only way to make all of it stop was to become Muslim and to recite the song he played over and over again. Not going to lie i followed his instructions out of fear. Things did simmer down for awhile, or so I thought.
I started having night paralysis with dreams of S raping me night after night. It was of the actual night we had sex, except it wasn't consensual now that I'm repulsed by the thought of S. There was a gut feeling that S is the source of all of the events when i let him have his way with me. At one point there was a battle in my mind between accusing S of being a Djinn himself and that I'm going insane. Nobody believed me except for S since I was alone everytime something happened so i continued talking to him about it. Sometimes he'd get defensive and go into a fit of rage on the phone.
I was severely depressed and couldn't shake it off despite knowing this spirit was feeding off my negativity. I was isolated from the world feeling like a prisoner to the spirit's game of cat and mouse. Then something happened one night that confirmed I wasn't going insane.
One night around 1am my mom was out, everyone was likely sleeping since it was dead silent in the building. There was no tv on or music, nothing. I was just sitting in the dining room alone eating a midnight snack. My friend called me to chit chat for a bit. In the beginning of our conversation she asked things like what I was up to, if I'm hanging out with anyone, etc. In the middle of our conversation I feel the spirit... Sitting in the chair right across from mine. As usual, I ignored it and went back to our conversation. Suddenly, I hear that familiar spirit's voice who sang to me, say something clear as day, in the foreign language... RIGHT. NEXT. TO ME. My friend paused for a moment and said "I thought you said you're alone". Right then and there we both knew it was real.
After that I ran out of the apartment into the parking lot at a complex across the street begging my mom to come home. I then called S to angrily confront him about the occurrence and told him off. Everything came to an abrupt stop ever since. I never talked to S again. Shortly after we moved into a different apartment.
As you can tell i find it hard to share my experience with others since I get labeled as nuts everytime I do. This is a time in my life I won't forget. Every once in awhile I think back asking myself "what the hell was that about?"
I've had psychedelic trips in recent years that didn't give me even remotely any of the experiences I had then afterwards. I know I was sound of mind during each occurrence.
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2020.10.07 00:34 millenialtrash1 I still don't know what happened to this day.

To start off I have to warn it's kind of long, I'll try to make it short the best I can. There are many details I believe connect dots. I believe an entity, likely a Djinn, attached itself to myself after attaching itself to many others previously. I'm honestly not sure what it was. Any suggestions and similar experiences could help make better sense of this period in my teen years. I am also on mobile so I apologize in advance.
When I was 16-17 (now 23) I had just moved into a 1 bedroom apartment on the top floor with my mom, my room being set up in the living room. She worked 12 hours 6 days a week and i did school from home online so I was alone all the time. Nothing unusual occurred there up until I met a specific person, well call them S. S was introduced to me by my abusive ex at the time to "test my loyalty" (I dumped him a couple weeks before then). S was a very unusual person, anyone who met him knew instantly this guy's not human or something, probably a fucking alien for all we know, and they all have a story about unexplainable things happening with him. S was the ultimate psychonaut who sold drugs to go to raves every week and slept with pretty much everyone under the age of 20 although he was almost 30. He was constantly paranoid and never wanted to tell anything about himself but FIXATED on you. There wasn't a day he WASN'T tripping on lsd. For some reason all the girls loved him and his mystery, including me at the time. That's why my ex introduced me in the first place.
First time I met S was at his apartment (which was actually a hotel room he bought out). He would stand in the most peculiar corners staring at you and basically tell you things about yourself you never told anybody. There was this creepy lady there he claimed was "possessed". This girl didn't blink once, always had this creepy grin and generally did creepy shit like eavesdrop and act catatonic like then say the most brash things out of fucking nowhere that would mess with your head.
Shortly after this odd visit 16 year old me went to see S by myself out of spite and curiosity. Big mistake. I ended up staying there for 2 days which is a whole other story. The first night we both took half a tab of acid each and ended up having really awkward sex, admittedly i felt obligated to do. I'm telling this because it plays part in to what happens when I go home. Now here's a weird thing about S, he's a devout Muslim who has various books on witchcraft and astral traveling in his room. He has to be the most hypocritical Muslim I met. Lectures about premarital sex then does it himself an hour later. He'd talk about Djinns then scold me not to ask anymore questions about them before I "invite them in" then play Islamic prayer music. He had a particular one saved on a playlist he used frequently to rid of them.
Djinns are mythological spirits in the Quran that are basically what we'd consider ghosts/demons or aliens in a parallel universe that can visit between our realm and theirs.
Now let's get to the scary part. This is tmi for sure but I still to this day believe it was the beginning of this haunting.. the second I walk into my apartment I started my period 2 weeks after it ended. It wasn't just any period, I felt like my vagina was scorched from inside. Not like a yeast infection, uti or std (I got checked after this). I mean like it was ON FIRE and my period had to start to put it out. I felt like I was being tortured and had an eerie feeling afterwards I shouldn't of had sex with this dude. It just wasn't right.
Now remember I went home a day after I came down from this weak trip that hardly gave me any visuals. Curious about these spirits S kept talking about I started googling them in my bed. Then I heard objects lightly shaking on this glass shelf in the dinning room next to my room/living room. Thought to myself "ok, strange but I did just come down from a trip yesterday and I'm probably psyching myself out". Next thing I know a hear an old man singing in a foreign language in my mom's room. I mean he sounded ANCIENT. I suspect it to be Aramaic or another pre Arabic language. Freaked out I called my mom to come home and I hear this voice snickering at how I was in fear. I came clean to my mom about the acid and all that happened. She wrote it off as I'm still experiencing the effects of lsd.
A couple other times I heard this same ancient voice singing in my mom's room that I learned to ignore. Although all my neighbors were gone at work during these times, I told myself it must be one of them playing music. The common minor paranormal things happened like cabinets opening by themselves, shadows, objects rattling and sliding, feelings of someone watching me. By that time I was used to it and never paid any attention to it. I thought maybe the lsd triggered me into schizophrenia and I was going crazy.
Nothing felt malicious up until one day. I was in the dining room doing my school work, then felt this presence across the living room beaming at me like a target. I ignored it until I heard a heavy footstep, then another, it kept get faster and louder the closer it got. I quite literally FELT the wind of this spirit coming in my direction. It was like a bull charging at me full speed. Once it got to me it made a complete halt. I immediately got up to call S to ask him if his apartment is haunted. I told him about everything. His answer was that I invited djinns into my life by "obsessing" over them. I was advised to not give it any thought, delete all my texts regarding them since they like to play with technology apparently (probably to cover his own ass for being a drug dealing pedophile).
When I informed him I was ignoring all events until this last one felt personally violent, he urged me to convert to Islam now. According to S the only way to make all of it stop was to become Muslim and to recite the song he played over and over again. Not going to lie i followed his instructions out of fear. Things did simmer down for awhile, or so I thought.
I started having night paralysis with dreams of S raping me night after night. It was of the actual night we had sex, except it wasn't consensual now that I'm repulsed by the thought of S. There was a gut feeling that S is the source of all of the events when i let him have his way with me. At one point there was a battle in my mind between accusing S of being a Djinn himself and that I'm going insane. Nobody believed me except for S since I was alone everytime something happened so i continued talking to him about it. Sometimes he'd get defensive and go into a fit of rage on the phone.
I was severely depressed and couldn't shake it off despite knowing this spirit was feeding off my negativity. I was isolated from the world feeling like a prisoner to the spirit's game of cat and mouse. Then something happened one night that confirmed I wasn't going insane.
One night around 1am my mom was out, everyone was likely sleeping since it was dead silent in the building. There was no tv on or music, nothing. I was just sitting in the dining room alone eating a midnight snack. My friend called me to chit chat for a bit. In the beginning of our conversation she asked things like what I was up to, if I'm hanging out with anyone, etc. In the middle of our conversation I feel the spirit... Sitting in the chair right across from mine. As usual, I ignored it and went back to our conversation. Suddenly, I hear that familiar spirit's voice who sang to me, say something clear as day, in the foreign language... RIGHT. NEXT. TO ME. My friend paused for a moment and said "I thought you said you're alone". Right then and there we both knew it was real.
After that I ran out of the apartment into the parking lot at a complex across the street begging my mom to come home. I then called S to angrily confront him about the occurrence and told him off. Everything came to an abrupt stop ever since. I never talked to S again. Shortly after we moved into a different apartment.
As you can tell i find it hard to share my experience with others since I get labeled as nuts everytime I do. This is a time in my life I won't forget. Every once in awhile I think back asking myself "what the hell was that about?"
I've had psychedelic trips in recent years that didn't give me even remotely any of the experiences I had then afterwards. I know I was sound of mind during each occurrence.
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2020.10.03 22:23 butterfly3185 Don’t give your face photo to anyone

Just joined back to post this and leave after. It’s gonna be useless if I’d mention a name here as he might consider using a different account anyway.
I’ve been chatting with a guy who claimed he’s ex-Muslim, half French/half Arab living in the USA. ( maybe he said that cuz I’m kinda torn between two cultures for my preference as I’ve mentioned in one of my posts before and actually got me there with that idea he’s cool for being in between) I wasn’t born yesterday to not know if the conversation is for friendship, sex, for a relationship, a marriage or mixed. We’ve been talking more about compatibilities which he initiated and about other stuff. He asked me to see me but before that I told him I’d need to see him on a video call or use WhatsApp at least so I’d know where he’s really living now (some people could fake that number actually). And I said I could show him my clothes I was wearing in my photos I’ve posted here recently to show I’m really Exmuslim and anyone may browse what I’ve been posting on Reddit anyway. He said then he wasn’t into a “possible romantic relationship” making me feel like I just assumed things which I barely don’t unless I see some real seriousness in there. I even would assume the guy is just playing more often than not even if he talks about romantic relationships.
Just wondering what he was up to when he knows I would have sex with someone without love if I’m attracted to the person physically and with chemistry “if” I choose to so there shouldn’t have been a reason for him to manipulate me for marriage talks if he just wanted sex. He could have just sent his body and flirted. So unless he lies where he is (the WhatsApp) or he lies about who HE is (video call -which I won’t show my face ofc before making sure of his identity) then he’s a Muslim lurking around here. And if he only tried implying he really wanted sex alone as he claimed later on, why would he offer me for my tickets if he could just pay any paid girls or meet random girls in his place who are even hotter? Sure it’s cheaper than spending for my plane tickets.
Just wanna say, asking from someone to send a photo isn’t enough as they can just grab someone’s photos. I don’t really know what he’s after for. Just saying don’t trust anyone who would claim they are Exmuslims before strong evidences. In my case, only public shaming to my family (not me- idc) is at risk with my so-called half naked photos but for others, I know your life is at risk. Be very careful with people who seem to act really really nice, usually they’re the one who have motives. Take care! <3
Update: I’ve come to the idea that I’ll take the risk dating white guys as well. Searching for a good man or a good woman (for men as I’m straight) or someone who’s compatible with us is quite difficult these days so searching for one from a few people would make it more difficult. Ill just cross the bridge when I get there and I start introducing the thought I won’t end up with a Muslim guy or whose name is Muhammad to my family so they won’t be so surprised if one day they would realize I’m serious about it. I worry a lot about this but I’m trying to be strong mentally.
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2020.09.23 18:44 JeSuisJosito Arab sex chat live

WATCH HERE
Aló Pececitas! Next up, you’ll find out a very detailed review of La Más Draga’s 3x01, Hope you enjoy and if you want me to explain any special thing or regionalism you might not understand because you either don’t speak spanish or you do speak it but well, mexican slang…Enjoy!
TIMESTAMPS!
00:00 – 3:10 – We see glimps at auditions for the season, from Queens who weren’t and were selected, towards the end we get a look at the Final Live Audition, where the public knowledge Queens are chosen to be a part of the season.
3:26 – 8:06 – Public knowledge Queens unveal themselves, they all chit-chat, talk and shade each other
8:07 – 13:43 – Secret Queens are revealed to the rest of the Cast. These Queens did not need to pass any Live audition, they were either asked to film an audition tape and were selected or their tape was enough for the producers to choose them.

Queens enter the workroom, sponsored by NYX Cosmetics. They are welcomed by Johnny Carmona, workroom consultant and judge, who welcomes and thanks them for bringing their art to the show. Johnny explains that they were supposed to be a 14th queen, who, was dropped because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut about being on (this queen might or might not be s2’s first eliminee), tells them to keep the energy.
Johnny explains the first challenge, which is to present a Runway Look inspired by a very popular mexican board game: La Loteria (you might know Bingo!; which has the same mecanisms of game). Johnny gives them a History lesson about the game. The winner of this week will be deemed as “La Más Suertuda” (The Luckiest, LMD tends to use “La Más + theme” to refer to the winner of each weekly challenge, which means the one who was The Most amazing at it). A one-minute talent show is also requested to be performed after their runway presentation.
Carmona later welcomes Internet sensation duo Pepe & Teo, who will also play as workroom consultant and stres relief for the Queens the whole season. Pepe and Teo play with the Queens a little game of General Knowledge, ask each a question and the one who can answer better will win the right to select their station in the workroom. Al lof them suck and should go back to middle school; later, Memo earns this right and plays the game by aligning the Queens by his perferences.
Pepe and Teo then welcome one more guest, which is Gaby Lu, representative for FOREO Sweden, which is a skin care Brand that will help the Queens with free products for them. Queens shade Mista for her age and she is selected to be the try girl for the producto right there. Gaby Lu announces that the winner of the whole season will be awarded with 50.000 pesos in FOREO products and becoming an ambassador for the Brand for a year.
39:50 – 43:40 – Season 3’s host, our resident RuPaul; Miss Karla Díaz (Singer and host known for being in the girl group JNS) comes out in the mainstage, presents the prizes (150,000 pesos in cash, 50,000 pesos in NYX Cosmetics, 50,000 pesos in FOREO + ambassador, and a 2-people flight to New York) and judges: Johnny Carmona, Yari Mejía (make-up sensation, AFAB Drag Queen and Instagram influencer), Letal (make-up artist, drag queen and icon). Guest judge this episode is Miss Regina Orozco (Gay icon in México, Singer and TV personality). Karla also introduces the Drag Altar, which is the place where each week, the picture of the eliminee will be hung.

Rudy Reyes: Rudy comes out as The Rooster, headpiece and wings included, all feathered. Her talent show is a lipsync mash-up of famous latino songs.
Madison Basrey: Madison also chose The Rooster as her Loteria card; she comes out in a prostetic mask with a much simpler outfit than Rudy, with the addition of heles that give the appareance of chicken feet. Her talent show is a comedy skit centered around being an actual rooster.
Huntyy B: Comes out in a dress with every Lotería card printed oni t with yellow and blue details. Her talent show is a Burlesque act.
Luna Lansman: Luna comes out first with The Shrimp on her head and a silky blue robe, which she reveals into a giant The Fish gown, which she floats around for a while before taking off the top part to reveal a topless illusion and a mermaid tail in The Mermaid, she then strips to a full nude illusion. Her talent show is a Lipsynced Magic Show.
Yayoi Bowery: Yayoi comes out as The World in an all baby-blue look and a 37 in one of her piggytails, 37 is the number for The World in a Loteria deck. Her talent show is singing.
Regina Bronx: She comes out as The Mermaid, in a two piece gown which mimics scales all way around, with feathers on the bottom part. Her talent show is an arabic-inspired dance.
Raga Diamante: Raga presents The Pot, coming out hidden inside of it, with flowers on top included. She then reveals a green and red bodysuit. Her talent show is singing.
Aviesc Who?: Aviesc comes out as The Spider, with an asisstant as her web. Blue hair, and glasses that mimic the spider’s eight eyes. Her talent show is something about black paint and a canvas, posing slowly to the camera; she trips at the end while trying to finish her act.
Mista Boo: Mista chooses The Devil, coming out with black horns and a caped long dress, with a trident as a belt accesory. Her talent show is a frightning spoken word act.
Iviza Lioza: Iviza comes out as The Sun. She has an all-red gown with spikes on her back, which then she reveals are supposed to be the sun rays, but it malfunctions, the effect not working as it should. Her talent show is a Tarot Reading act with pictures of the judges as Lotería cards.
Memo Reyri: Memo comes out as The Devil, in a full-bodysuit in red with Golden, black and red embelishments in the corset, with fringe in the pants area, black and red wings and a geometrical mask. His talent show is singing with fire handling.
Stupidrag: Chooses The Devil as well, with a black and gold cape with yellow in the inside, a red bodysuit with black leather sleeves and black splashes in the torso and horns. Her talent show is a lipsync number with fire handling, but the fire burns out quickly.
Wynter: Comes out as The Sun in a yellow gown with red detailings and a wide red spot in her back with Golden rays and a big afro wig. Her talent show is a Frozen (not the Disney franchise, just coldness) theme lipsync.

Queens are mostly scolded harshly by the judges for not meeting the expectations of a premiere for a third season, every judge is disappointed by the queens’ performance, either because of their lack of performative uniqueness or simple outfits. Letal asks which Queens did prepare themselves in different areas of performing; Aviesc, Luna, Madison, Raga, Rudy and Wynter say so, the rest didn’t.
Aviesc is criticized on being shy and too calmed and having used liquids which made her fall, her look was fantastic.
Huntyy is criticized for doing burlesque, which has been seen already,
Iviza was congratulated on letting go of her nerves, but Yari scoldes her for her reveal fail and lack of professsionalism because Iviza apparently blamed it on someone else who helped her make it.
Luna was told that less is more, but congratulated on her unique show by Yari, but Johnny wasn’t sure about her time frame and lack of actual magic tricks.
Madison was deemed basic for her look but was louded for her comittment in the comedy of her talent show, Regina Orozco hated her because she thought pretending to be a Rooster isn’t a talent.
Memo receives great critiques on his outfit and makeup, his song is also louded because of how deep it was, outside of the typical “Me, Me, Me” drag music.
Mista got glowing critiques about her talent show and how she was able to get out of the pretty side and the fact she only needed herself to connect with the judges. Look was louded as well.
Raga was criticized about not looking too-much as a pot, but was congratulated on her attitude overall.
Regina gets critiques on the lack of rehearsal for the talent show but is warned not to try to copy the looks of one Valen-other queen.
Rudy is congratulated on her outfit and energy, but the lack polishness on her talent show gets hard critiques.
Stupidrag is given the advice about how her fire burned out before, her look got great critiques on her look.
Wynter’s talent show gets meh critiques and is asked to take better care of her reveals, to keep the shock factor.
Yayoi gets the roughest critiques, her card is not seen at all in her conceptual-look, pretty and all.
LETAL’S RANT Being completely honest, I don’t feel this like a third season¸from so many auditions, how did you guys ended up here? I want you to understand that performers go from 10 to 30 auditions just to land a part in something, you passed and are standing here. WHAT IS HAPPENING? What’s happening? You guys get your chance to walk the runway and nothing happens at all, imagine, you get two chances to walk the runway, not just one, the runway all in al lis “Okay, she kinda missed it here, but she’ll give me something later” but then NOTHING HAPPENS, okay, cute looks, good make-up, detailing and shit, but what happens with the people behind the wigs, make up and outfits? Those are not drag characters, those are you, real people, the artista who is standing there. Why would you all need to stay here and not go? Not one should go, many of you should. DO YOU GUYS WANNA BE JUST LIKE THE REST? You want to be standing in the best stages in the world, right? I RESPECT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE STAGES YOU’VE BEEN ON, but to be an artist and earn what you wanna earn, because I know the budget you put into all of this, you NEED DISCIPLINE AND HAVE THE BALLS to stand in any place you go. I want you to understand you’re standing here when there are Queens who ARE DYING TO GET A CHANCE not only on this show, but on anything, on any Project, and when they got it they don’t ruin it. THIS IS NOT ABOUT BEING THE BIG BITCH BUT ABOUT WHO IS THE BEST ARTIST. The one who asks themselves who they are and FIND IT. Right now you are already performers who are visible through this project, ITS UP TO YOU TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO BE THE ARTIST THAT COMES OUT OF THIS, I WANT YOU TO RESPECT THIS STAGE, MANY PEOPLE ARE WORKING THEIR ASSES OFF TO MAKE THIS POSSIBLE, so, if I don’t feel like this is a worthy third season, what do I have to say to you?
Regina Orozco then asks the Queens why do they do Drag.
Wynter replies that she does it because she finds a lot of freedom and because she can do whatever she wants with it, as it is limitless, there’s no yes’s and no’s.
Aviesc says she’s a fashion designer, adds that clothing should not have gender (YES), clothing is a reflection of our soul, you créate art through your body from your sould. Drag is such an elevated art and you can have fun and showcase your soul at the same time.
Luna wants to entertain, the people is what keeps her going, to créate an outfit, to stand in a stage and keep them entertained, she might not be sexy or stunning, but if she can make people laugh, that’s her place.
Raga says she does drag because being on stage makes her happy, showing what she can do. Its her own world when she performers, and that happiness can spread to others when she is in front of people.
Rudy does drag as an spectacle, says there’s a lot of trouble going on around the world, and wants to be a distracction and a happy moment for everyone and it can fill up the soul with joy.
REGINA RANT I CAN'T CALL ANY OF YOU AN ARTIST, THERE’S OUTFITS, MAKE UP AND RUNWAYS BUT NOTHING HAPPENED BEYOND IT. AN ARTIST IS SOMEONE WHO WORKS THEIR ASS OFF. IF YOU’RE A FASHION DESIGNER (to Aviesc), STAY THERE. I DIDN’T SEE ANY ENERGY, EVERYTHING WAS LOW. THERE WERE BRILLAINT MOMENTS BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO SING LEARN TO SEE, RAGA, YOU CAN SING, BUT THE REST? PLEASE, WHOEVER WINS THE PRIZE MONEY, PLEASE PAY FOR YOUR ARTISTIC EDUCATION, IF NOT, JUST STAY DOING SHOWS TO ENJOY YOURSELVES, BUT IF YOU WANT TO TRASCEND, THINK ABOUT THE PUBLIC AND WHAT YOU’RE GIVING TO THEM. MAKE IT HAPPEN. A LOTERIA IS SO MUCH FUN BUT I NEVER FELT IT ON HERE.

Iviza Lioza, Memo Reyri, Mista Boo, Yayoi Bowery, Stupidrag and Aviesc Who are deemed the best and worst of the week.
Iviza, Yayoi and Stupidrag are in the bottom, Iviza is spared while Yayoi and Stupidrag are announced to have to Lipsync to Stay.
Memo, Aviesc and Mista are the tops, at the end, Mista wins the challenge and is deemed La Más Suertuda.
Yayoi and Stupidrag are asked to prepare a Lip Sync performance of Tsunami, by judge Yari Mejía. Stupidrag gives energy and sex appeal, while Yayoi moves awkardly around the stage, and lying on the ground.
After the LipSync, Karla announces that guest judge Regina Orozco will decide who is the first eliminee, but before, they ask the whole cast to return to the stage and Karla explains that there has never been an elimination before in the first episode of both seasons. She says the safe Queens will decide whether there is an elimination or we have another double-save premiere.
Mista Boo is the only one who is unsure about her choice, as she feels that if someone did bad, they should go home, but after pretty much everyone says there shouldn’t be an elimination, Mista agrees with them, and everyone decides there was no elimination, although Mista still voices in confessionary that there should have been an elimination.
Stupidrag and Yayoi Bowery are both saved.
#BESODETRECE

TIME FOR SLANG! 2:01 – Regina Bronx, in her audition calls her drag carácter a “Vaquerobvia”, which is a portmanteu in the words “vaquero” y “obvia”, “obvia” in spanish is used to describe (most of the times in a demeaning way) a gay guy who fits stereotipically into the mold of how a gay guy talks, dresses and acts. “Vaquero” is cowboy, which is a style of clothing and living (people who dedícate themselves to farm, catter, etc).
3:52 – Madison mentions “Quedarse fría”, which, in the words of Monique Heart means “Gooped”
4:30 – Mista Boo asks “Do I look like Un Kilo de Ayuda already?”, Un Kilo de Ayuda is a mexican program which helps secure mexican kids who need it all the food and supplies they need. To mention Un Kilo de Ayuda refers to the fact that Mista might look tired and skinny (A kinda bad taste joke, but, well, mexican humour)
8:53 – Mista refers to Yayoi as “Alexis 2XL”, Alexis 3XL is Season 2’s Winner and Yayoi’s style has been compared a lot to Alexis’ in the past. The 2XL part can be either for the Part 2 joke or because Yayoi might or might not be skinnier than Alexis.
10:33 – Stupidrag makes reference to “El Libro Vaquero” (The Cowboy Book), which is a very popular small comic book here in Mexico that tells small and VERY VERY dramatic stories, which tend to be a mix of western drama, erotism and some weird ideas. Very popular among older people.
43:14 – Karla mentions a “Drag Altar”, which comes from the Day of the Dead Altar, which if you don’t know much about mexican culture when it comes to Día de Muertos, an Altar is a small crafty construction created to honor the dead relatives of a family, you put the pictures of the deceased, together with a mix of flowers (Flor de Cempasúchil is the worldwide known flower for the dead), decorative paper and food that the people you put he Altar for loved in life, with the belief that on November 2nd, the dead can cross from the other side and visit the earth.
ENTRANCE DIALOGUES: Madison: Hey, how are you? My name’s Ricky Balrey, from Gdl, Jalisco and I’m 25 years old. I consider myself a biological woman (in a jokingly tone). I consider myself a bio woman because when I transform everyone is shook. My drag is inspired by everything’s that pretty in life, I’m very smart and very beautiful, better beware.
Luna: Hey there, I’m Abraham Luna, I’m from CDMX, My drag character is Luna Lansman, inspired by unicorns, fantasy, fairytales and everything you believe to be pretty, sweet and pink, very dreamy,
Mista: Do I look like Un Kilo de Ayuda already? I’m Mista Alex, my drag name is Mista Boo, I’m from Monterrey, I’m 367 yeards old, my drag is very dark, witchy, very alternative, not like the other kind, I’m also very dark literally, I don’t like using glitter because I want that shine to be from the inside
Rudy: Hi! My name is Rodolfo, aka Rudy Reyes. “The Caribbean’s Pearl”, Ruby is from Monterrey, my nickname is because I love the mexican caribbean . Ruby is a dancer, very showgirl-y, lots of glitter, stages are my life. I love to dance, its everything I can ask for in life.
Huntyy: My name is Edgar de la O, I’m 27 years old and I’m from Ciudad Juarez, Chihuaha. I bring HuntyyB to life. She’s a collectible, you can dress and undress her as many times as you wish. I have many sides to myself because I’m kinda crazy. Huntyy can be very vintage, elegant or maybe turn into a chinese doll with purple skin.
Aviesc: My name is Aviesc, and my drag name is Aviesc Who?, I’m a designer and I’m from Gdl, Jalisoc, I am 32 years old. Aviesc is an extension of my clothing line; I mix art with fashion; take inspiration from trends, art and movies and then craate something from that mix so Drag Queens can be trendy as well.
Wynter: I’m Huicho Lozano, I’m from Tamaulipas but I live in León, I bring Wynter to life. Wynter is this fantasy, something you can have but it will cost you a lot. Wynter leaves you frozen, entertained.
Iviza: My name is Franco, I’m 26 years old. My drag name is Iviza Lioza and I’m very inspired in powerful woman, I come from a family of very strong woman, I draw inspiration from any character of empowered women like witches, Queens.
Yayoi: I'm 32 years old, my drag name is Yayoi Bowery. I’m a mix of kawaii, club kid and pop culture. I’m a publicist so I love to play with all of this so people can reminiscent their childhood or old times.
Regina: Hello, I’m Luis Peña, I’m 29 years old. I come from a small town in Chihuahua but I currently live in Aguascalientes (STAN) which is where Regina was born. Regina is a queen from the north, vaquerobvia, loves to show her curves, take care of her makeup, and dance; to share something very special with the public. I’m not that experienced, I’ve been in this career for a year but I wanted to elevate my level and bring it to here.
Stupidrag: Hey, well, I’m Pepe Favila, I’m 29 yeards old. I’m a queen from Gómez Palacio, Durango. What makes me me? Fire. The Origina Fire created this creature who has curves, that came out from the Cowboy Book. Everything is sexy, all hips for her. When I saw the rest of the Queens most of them were like “Who this?”, but luckily some did recognize me.
Memo: Hey, I’m Memo Reyri, I’m 33 years old and I’m a Bio King from CdMx. My drag is very masculine man, what I try to do with my character is to play with whatever is known as masculine and mix it with pretty, grotesque and rough stuff, but always with a very delicate attitude. I want to make a difference between what is known as an Alpha male.
Raga: I’m 32 years old, I’m from Mérida, Yucatán and I bring Miss Raga alive. Raga Diamante is a pop girl, a superstar in the scene, a song and dance icon. She’s a person, not just a character, she loves to make people happy. I didn’t know most of these girls, did not recognize them at all.

HELLO PECECITAS. I hope I did help you out with having a better understanding of the show and please leave a comment if you have understood most, if you want me to elaborate on anything else please tell me as well.
Also, tell the producers to hire me, I'm nice. SEE YA!
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2020.09.18 17:18 HaulA18Sep1l Arab sex chat live

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submitted by IdolA24Augl to u/IdolA24Augl [link] [comments]


2020.08.21 05:52 kiticanax Ramy is the one of the worst human beings I've ever seen on television

After finishing the second season, I can say without a doubt that Ramy has the protagonist I absolutely abhor more than any TV show I have watched. I have never encountered someone so self-entitled and outwardly destructive as he is.
To start things off, I really enjoyed how the show started off. The show focuses on Ramy who is a 30 year old Egyptian-American who often struggles with both his faith and how it stands in contrast to American customs and how it contradicts widely accepted humanist beliefs. There is also the awkward “coming of age” story about being 30 years old and yet still trying to establish yourself.
I really enjoy the premise of the show as these are things that I feel aren’t touched upon enough. It’s very interesting to see how people with much more orthodox faith or who are raised in families as such struggle to strike the balance between tradition and modern American life. You constantly see this throughout the show in not just the protagonist, but also his sister, his friends, and his love interests.
But perhaps what connects to me even more is how the series shows that even when you are in your mid-20s, late 20s, or even in your early 30s you still are in many ways feel or are even still in these awkward coming of age years we find ourselves during our teens to early 20s. In a way it signals that we never stop growing and are always on unstable ground.
So what makes me hate the show’s protagonist so much despite the series premise being so appealing to me? Quite simply he is a disgusting and extremely hypocritical human being who lacks empathy, self-awareness, self-control, and any emotional intelligence whatsoever.
The main character goes through what quite possibly is the fastest Flanderization in series I’ve encountered. Initially his “crimes” are things as simple as “Oh! I’m not supposed to jackoff because my faith forbids me to do it! I’m a shitty Muslim!” or “Oh! I’m not completely honest and trusting of my girlfriend about my faith and how comfortable I am with an interracial/religious relationship! I’m a shitty boyfriend!”
The show deals with these kind innocuous and at times humorous things to start with. However, the episode ends with Ramy dating a Muslim woman and being shocked at how forward and kinky it is. When she sees how reluctant Ramy is, she rightfully calls him out for putting her in a “Muslim box” and leaves him. In a typical show this would be a mini-character arc as they learn that they are stereotyping their own community the same way others stereotype them. But nope, Ramy does not get this message one bit and things gradually ramp up with each episode.
For starters his whole “don’t do alcohol, drugs, masturbation, or sex” goes from being an amusing thing to juggle with in the modern age, to just downright obnoxious. Because not only does Ramy always give in to these urges, but he regularly chastises his friends for engaging in the same activity with strong “Holier Than Thou” energy, despite him offending these rules more than any of them.
This is particularly annoying with one of the friends who isn’t even Muslim. And due to his medical condition and physical attributes he is in contestant need of aid to do pretty much anything, so Ramy often physically stops him from engaging in acts that Ramy believes are immoral and go against Ramy’s faith but not necessarily his friend’s.
Here are the following things that Ramy does during season 1 that are very off putting that I haven’t mentioned yet:
- Constantly bitches and complains about how he can’t find a woman who “connects with him” despite every episode involving him discovering one, only so that he can immediately ditch them the next episode.
- Has zero consideration for his mother’s feeling and making sure that she is “okay” mentally.
- Helps his friend have sex with an intoxicated minor (I guess him doing a drugs is a big no no but under aged sex/sexual interactions is ok?)
- Nearly has sex with an extremely vulnerable intoxicated minor and is only spared the deed out of chance
- Has sex with a married woman, which results in her marriage in turmoil and his father chastising him and telling him how his family disagreed with him leaving Egypt behind for America and how his family may have been right.
It’s clear that all of this paints Ramy as a huge hypocrite and generally unlikable, but where things really shift into gear with the last two episodes. Due to his mistakes at home, he decides to run away go to pilgrimage to Egypt in order to find himself.
Upon arriving in Egypt he meets with his cousin. He comes across as an “American bro” type who just happens to grow up in Egypt. And thus that’s how Ramy sees him. He visits his Egyptian family for the first time since he was a young teenager. They are all happy to see him, but what becomes apparent is that his Egyptian family is far from perfect and honestly in many ways worse than his family at home.
They have terrible views on politics and society in general. They are extremely materialistic, with even the oldest member pressuring and rudely dismissing Ramy for not giving him his friend’s iPad. The iPad that wasn’t even Ramy’s to begin with.
During the trip Ramy is obsessed with seeing “the real Egypt”. He constantly says this to others, especially his cousin who keeps recommending him places to visit, but Ramy refuses as those places aren’t “the real Egypt”. This is despite his cousin being born, raised, and living in…Egypt.
To be fair, it makes sense what Ramy wants. He wants to experience traditional conservative Islam practices and cultural touchstones in order to connect with his inner roots. But it’s how he expresses this and the lens he sees this through that is the problem. His cousin eventually convinces Ramy to go to a party in which Ramy is extremely judgmental and makes an ass out of himself.
He opens up at the party by speaking to someone about the Egyptian Revolution. When anyone who is remotely well versed in it will know that the there was a fair amount of bloodshed during the transition and that the country is currently in a military dictatorship. Pretty much any world traveler will tell you the number one rule of when you are in a different country is that you don’t talk about politics.
He then proceeds to whine about how anti-Muslim the party is and then heavily criticize his cousin for using cocaine. His cousin has enough and pulls him over and explains to Ramy how Egypt really is. How his generation is lost and life in Egypt is in general very difficult.
Ramy reflects on this a bit and then apologizes. While at the party he meets yet another woman he is attracted to. He briefly speaks to her and finds that she would like to show him around more traditional parts of Egypt. Sadly, Ramy doesn’t see her at the part again. It isn’t until late at night back at his cousin’s house that he sees her again, and finds out that she is in fact his other cousin.
The next day Ramy goes off to visit his long lost grandpa where Ramy learns that despite his grandpa’s overt disapproval of his father moving to America, he actually was proud of his son and the choice he made. Unfortunately, before Ramy can press his grandfather with any questions he finds him dead.
During the funeral Ramy speaks with his female cousin. She obliges with her previous request and shows Ramy around Egypt. During this time they both bond with Ramy getting much more of the “authentic Egyptian experience” that he craved. It crescendos with him discovering a traditional prayer meet where he gets an experience like no other.
With the night just about over he is standing on a pier with his cousin. He proceeds to confess his feelings for her. She rejects him and tells him that he is crazy and they are just feeling a lot of strange emotions. They proceed kiss and then have sex. Ramy just had sex with his cousin…
This is how the first season ends and I couldn’t help but just hate Ramy. He is incredibly hypocritical, very self-absorbed, and doesn’t realize how he damages the people around him. Then Season 2 occurs and everything goes up to a ten.
Season 2 starts off with Ramy finding a new mosque and mentor in order to find better guidance in life. He speaks with the mentor. The mentor tells Ramy he will only take him in if Ramy is completely honest. Ramy proceeds to confess everything he did. But what stood out to me is that when he spoke about going to Egypt he said he “learned nothing” from the experience… So he went to his fatherland, found it in turmoil, found that the life his grandfather warned his father about was just as present in Egypt as it was in the United States, saw proof that his grandfather was proud of his father moving overseas and starting a new life, found unique and touching traditions including the best prayer in his life. And Ramy learned nothing from all of this?
The mentor takes him in on the account that Ramy does one single thing…that he always tells him the truth. The following proceeds to happen:
- Ramy finds a homeless vet who is extremely erratic and suffers from PTSD
- Wanting to impress his mentor, Ramy does his best to pressure the homeless vet that he should work for the mosque
- The vet clearly not in his right state of mind agrees.
- Ramy walks the vet to the mosque which the vet has a panic attack from hearing the muslim prayer and confesses to Ramy that he has killed many people
- Ramy calms the vet down (barely) and meets with his mentor.
- When he meets with his mentor he completely leaves out that the vet has clear signs of PTSD and his killed people in the past
This results in his mentor hiring the homeless vet and giving him a job. Initially the vet does well and enjoys working at the mosque so much that he wants to convert to Islam. The mosque agrees, but unfortunately during his conversion sermon there are anti-Muslim “protestors” outside. As soon as the vet is converted to Islam he storms outside and beats a protestor up so bad that he is an inch away from death. The entire thing is caught on video and goes viral.
Now you would think that Ramy realizing that him withholding information that the man he introduced had PTSD would result in a tearful confession toward his mentor. But no. He doesn’t say anything at all. He pretends that it was just a spontaneous thing that happened for no reason that no one couldn’t have predicted.
The next day him and his mentor visit the jail the vet is staying at.The mentor quickly finds out everything Ramy was hiding from him. He notices that the man is very erratic and seems to be desperate to buy into anything Ramy says to make sense of things, especially "that Islam stuff" as he puts it. The vet is worried about his dog that he left in his car over the past two days. The mentor and Ramy search for the dog all day and night. Despite Ramy's protests to quit, the mentor continues on and they find the dog. Upon returning to the mosque, the mentor tells Ramy that he isn't ready to go under his guidance and that if Ramy wants to be more in touch with the way of Islam, he has to take care of the dog first, as he should learn to care for it and that the dog will be very important to him in the future as it "chose him". In other words learn some basic responsibility.
So what's the first thing Ramy does when he gets home? What does he do after realizing that the man he tried to help is in jail for putting another man in a vegetative state? What does he do after betraying his mentor and putting the mosque he claimed he was so committed into jeopardy? What does he do after he claims he is turning a new leaf? He casually masturbates as if nothing happened. It's seriously one of the most disgusting things I've seen on TV. Not because masturbation is bad, but because he just seems not to care about the damage and destruction he has caused and sees the events in a"well that sucks" type of way.
At this point in the show, you wonder how you could possible hate him more. And then the show takes a turn where you know exactly how it is going to end from the onset. After two months of not taking care of the dog and learning or doing a single thing his mentor said, Ramy goes back to the mosque. He sees the mentor's daughter and asks her if he could help in anyway. She mentions that she's going to a former backer of the mosque to secure an investment they had lost due to the negative media coverage. Ramy convinces her to let him come due to him knowing Arabic and being able to translate since the funder being primarily an Arabic speaker he will likely be more trusting of someone who speaks the mother tongue. But when they get there Ramy realizes that they don't speak the same dialect as them and essentially embarrasses them and is in general all around useless.
However the ex-financial backer is interested in Ramy's dog, mostly due to its obedience to Ramy (the ex-financial backer is a horrible Jeffrey Epstein tier monster but treats animals well). He says that if Ramy gives him his dog then he will provide them with the financial assistance for the year. Ramy's mentor told him that the dog is special and will be key with Ramy making amends. Now anyone with common sense can put two and two together and realize that the dog's purpose was for this moment. But not Ramy. He declines and the backer asks him to do a challenge instead in which he succeeds they get the money but if they lose he gets the dog. Ramy...fails but due to a stroke of luck of the guy having crazy logic involving drinking Mia Khalifia's breast milk, Ramy secures the funds and keeps his dog.
As viewer witnessing this, you can't help but shake your head as Ramy clearly got lucky. However, the mentor's daughter sees things differently and sees a side of Ramy that she is attracted to. Ramy's mentor said that his daughter asked him for his permission if she could explore a relationship with Ramy. His mentor told him that he will allow it but tells Ramy that he has to confess to his daughter of his past deeds. Most notably he also tells Ramy, in a very vulnerable yet firm way, "please do not desecrate my daughter". Now Ramy being Ramy, you know that he's going to. But he does it in the worst possible way he could do it. Not in a positive way involving her freeing herself via the patriarchy. Not even in a more negative way in him "unintentionally" pressuring her in night of drugs and alcohol leading to sex. No no no. That's not what he does.
What happens is that Ramy bonds with his mentor's daughter via video chat for an entire month. They then decide to get married. However, a two days before his marriage he finds out that his family from Egypt is coming, including both of his cousins. Ramy freaks out about this like a literal crying child as he screams at his mother storms out of the room. The next day he meets with his cousins again and they seem happy to see him. Later that night his female cousin wants cigarettes and his mom can't go so she asks Ramy to take her. They then proceed to have sex the night before Ramy gets married...
So the next day Ramy gets married, looks guilty the entire time but tells nobody anything but tells his friends that he may have urges to still do stuff with other women to which one of his friends responds with "well The Prophet had multiple wives, why can't you?" Being stupid, Ramy takes this into legitimate consideration. Keep in mind at this point Ramy has EVERYTHING he could ever ask for. A beautiful and smart wife, his mentor officially part of his family, and him being closer to his roots in Egypt, yet he still feels "empty"...
Anyway, Ramy gets married and proceeds to have sex with his wife. Literally a few seconds after having sex he talks to her about him having multiple wives and confesses to her that he had sex with his cousin the night before (oh yeah I forgot to type that Ramy didn't really disclose to his wife what he actually did, because of course he didn't). Being more disgusted than angry his wife immediately goes to sleep with Ramy falling asleep not long after. Ramy wakes up to find his wife gone and his father-in-law mentor sitting beside him.
What proceeds to happen is Ramy trying to apologize in the bitchiest and whiniest ways possible while showing no legit remorse for what he's done. He barely brings up how he has hurt his wife and is more worried about how he has sabotaged his relationship with his mentor. In fact, he doesn't even mention his wife beyond the opening sentences. His mentor mentions that the guy the vet Ramy brought to the church beat to near death...died. To which Ramy responds with literally "Oh that's bad. I mean he was a racist and wanted us all to die, but he didn't deserve to die." After a few more minutes of Ramy constantly not taking any real responsibility for his actions, his mentor finally snaps and literally tells Ramy to fuck off and that he nothing but a "little little boy" and that he always hurts people. He also tells Ramy that he has never met someone like him and can't fix or help him. Still believing that he can make amends, Ramy runs to the bathroom to cleanse himself and runs back out to continue the conversation with his mentor. But his mentor is no longer there, he is gone.
Taking zero introspection from this extremely traumatic moment he returns home to speak with his female cousin. But upon getting there he finds his entire family sitting down conversation. They greet him and clearly aren't aware of the situation at hand. Before Ramy can speak with his female cousin, his male cousin pulls him over. The male cousin confesses to Ramy that he starting to have feelings for Ramy's sister and feels guilty that he has feelings for his cousin. He then storms off feeling disgusted at himself. Ramy then sees his female cousin go outside and Ramy follows him. Not long after his male cousin gets himself in a bind as Ramy's sister wants to take him to the Apple store to get him a new charger. But we know nothing is going to come from this because despite Ramy's cousin being a shallow American society corrupted bro, he is still ten times the man Ramy is.
Ramy speaks with his female cousin and tries to convince her that they belong together. She gives him a firm no as she explains to him that whenever she is with him she feels disgusted and is filled with regret. And she continues on with how emotionally manipulative Ramy is as he constantly pressures her when she is in emotionally vulnerable situations. She goes back inside and Ramy leaves his house not long after. He takes his dog to the car he found it in. He starts up the car and finds out there is a CD in the stereo. It's titled "How to be a Good Muslim" Ramy listens to it for guidance and inspiration.
There is something very sickening about this. He is in a car listening to a CD that belonged to a man who Ramy essentially manipulated into purchasing. A man who now sits in jail for life for murdering someone, due to Ramy misjudging and manipulating him. A man that if Ramy left alone, then it wouldn't have led the events unfolding into a way where he would marry the mentor's daughter and eventually throw both the daughter and the mentor's lives in turmoil. By every account Ramy should be hearing this CD and begin tearing down, crying in the car. The CD is covered in the blood through his wake. Yet, he doesn't see that, he just takes the CD as a "sign" of how he should be a "good Muslim" instead of a "good person". It's fucking disgusting.
I was convinced that this show pulled a Bojack Horseman. In which the first couple episodes have you think it will be a show about a self-absorbed (but not comically so) character who has to juggle multiple aspects of their life as they discover the correct path they should follow, but only to gradually see that the protagonist is actually a fucking monster.
Yet, upon watching an interview with the show's creator...this isn't the case.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDxbFwFjW1M&feature=emb_title
He sees the show as a commentary of how Muslim conservative culture clashes with growing up with liberal Western American values. As if somehow him destroying people's lives is just part of the struggle. And with the show being described as "semi-autobiographical" I really hope that only goes as far as "it's about a Muslim millennial growing up in New Jersey."
submitted by kiticanax to RamyHulu [link] [comments]


2020.08.07 00:02 j-bear7 Arab sex chat live

I will say now that this is a long read. I split it up into 3 labeled parts: part 1 focuses on the backstory, part 2 focuses on some self-reflection of our relationship, part 3 focuses on where I am now. My thoughts are very jumbled but.....If you actually take the time to read through all of it, I would appreciate any advice or opinions you have.
Part 1: Backstory
A year and a half ago, I met this girl over xbox that I really didn't think much of. We had played for like a week and then never really talked again until 7 months later when she invited me to her xbox party and we started playing regularly together. After a few months of flirting we had become pretty close. We knew a lot about each other and even though we both were pretty obvious with the flirting neither of us admitted it. For context she was 18/f and in highschool and I was 20/m and a third year college student. She lived in New York and I live in Indiana. My family has more money than hers (not that that was important in any way but...) and she has a really complicated family dynamic due to her divorced parents. At this point we snapchatted each other daily, multiple times a day and she had confided some really deep and personal trauma that she had been through to me.... in other words, we were incredibly close with each other.
After a few more months, she casually mentioned to me that she was going out with friends and that a younger highschool boy kept asking her out. She was not interested in the younger guy at all but the topic of her dating made me incredibly insecure and eventually I confessed my love for her. It was the most amazing thing in my life because she felt the same way and it felt like I was living a movie love story. She was really skeptical about the idea of dating because of the distance and after a few more weeks of convincing her, I got her to reject a guy in her hometown who had been trying to start a relationship with her for months as well. A month later, it took a lot of convincing but she agreed to let me drive up to New York (25 hr roundtrip) and visit her for a week. (This was just before coronavirus had become a big thing). Believe me when I tell you that it was the best trip of my life. She was fully and completely in love with me and I was even more so in love with her. I'll admit that she was my first everything...first kiss, first girl I ever saw naked, first girl I....touched. We never had sex because she wasn't ready and honestly neither was I despite me instigating it multiple times.
Unfortunately my mother was so pissed off about me driving up there that she literally flew to NY and begged me to leave early. I hated seeing my mother like that so I cut my trip short...something I regret incredibly. Because coronavirus had shut down both our schools, we played xbox with each other nearly daily for hours on end. We would video call when we were doing homework and would chat whenever we had the chance. The problem was that we would also argue a lot. She never realized how insecure I was because of the fact that I knew a lot of guys in her town wanted to sleep with her (whether she realized it or not) and sometimes she would take hours to respond to my messages and other stuff that isn't worth mentioning. I loved this girl with all my heart but I was realizing that the frequency of our fights were taking a toll on her. She suffers from anxiety and would often be drained anytime we had a simple disagreement. I was also guilty of being manipulative on multiple occasions because she would often try to slow things down and just go back to being close friends but I would convince her that we would always be able to overcome any obstacles if we just worked together. Believe me when I say I would give up my life for this girl... she is like nothing words could describe. Despite her depression and anxiety, she somehow was the most bubbly, hilarious, beautiful, and genuinely unique human being I could ever imagine. She had a child like spirit that made me fall so deeply in love that I couldnt imagine ever letting her go.
One day, my mother had found out that my girlfriend had been sending me nudes when my dumbass friend brought it up on accident while my mom was in the room, and my mom fell into a severe depression. A day later I called my girlfriend (who I never mentioned this incident to) and she out of nowhere dropped a bomb on me and asked me why we were still in a relationship. I was in emotional turmoil from the nudes situation and this just felt like the final shot to my head. I had defended my girlfriend from the judgement of my family for months just for her to drop that on me. I won't lie, I reacted badly but she refused to even let me talk to her because she no longer wanted to hear my pleading or manipulation to stay with me. She then blocked me on snapchat, instagram, facebook, xbox, my phone number...everything except discord. A week after the breakup, I asked her why she was being so hard on me when she knew I only ever wanted to be the reason that her smile never left her face. She then blocked me on discord after I had pushed my luck.
At this point, her birthday was coming up and I had already bought her birthday presents prior to our breakup. I know I sound crazy but the day before her birthday, I drove back up to NY to surprise her and wish her a happy brithday and graduation. Yes, I showed up to her house uninvited, I know thats psychotic, and I know that screams stalker behavior. I'm not even trying to justify any of it. But you simply don't understand how much this girl means to me. She was everthing I ever wanted out of life and more. I would give up everything I own to just have her in my life again. She was very upset to see me and asked me to leave the same day even though I hadnt slept for 40+ hours and had nowhere to stay. I wish my stupidity ended there. A month later I made a new facebook account and sent a message to her mother (who I had the feeling liked me and wished things had worked out) telling her that I still cared very much for her daughter and wanted to work things out. I offered to fly both my ex and her mother to Indiana to visit for a few days and maybe establish a friendship at the least..... she entertained the idea for a second but then I got left on read....by her mother. And my ex gf blocked that facebook account too even though I never messaged her directly.
And I'm not giving this girl any credit here because she was amazing to me in every way and I was in no way the perfect companion I'm not proud to admit. She did so much for me to make me happy that I took for granted. She would put my happiness before her own because of my insecurity and I never told her how much it all meant to me. She told her whole family about me (something that I hurt her by never fully doing myself), she wore a ring I gave her for months in front of her friends and family, she posted things about us on snapchat, which to me meant so much whether she realized it or not. It was weird having someone not be ashamed to know me for once in my life. She had the biggest heart and I only ever wanted to protect it from all the hell in her life.
Part 2: Self-reflection of our relationship
Before you all say it, please spare me. I know my behaviors are obsessive, I know what I did was wrong and manipulative and I know I sound like a grade A psychopath stalker. She was in love with me, but her depression and anxiety made her skeptical and my insecure behavior made her fall out of love. And I know that theres "other fish in the sea" and that I'm just naive because she was my first. But I would give up my life to make that girl smile. She is the most precious thing I have ever seen and I wish I could just hug her and take all of the hurt out of her life. I was stupid for being so pushy and desperate post-breakup because I know I was just scaring her more. There's a lot more to this story but the main points are here. A girl like that is once in a lifetime. She was worth everything to me. I'd wait months for her if thats what it took. I loved her so much, and I know thats an overwhelming thing to say but its true.
I don't even care for a relationship or anything at this point. I just wish we could go back to being at least xbox friends. She never realized that I was more afraid of being in the relationship than she ever was. I just acted like it was everything I wanted because I knew that if she knew how afraid I was, our combined doubt would ruin everything. I never told her this but I had recurring nightmares when we were still together because she was always the last thing on my mind before I went to bed each night and I would wake up in cold sweats with my heart beating at 100 mph from the sheer anxiety going through me. I may live in america but she never realized that my foreign upbringing made me fear the living hell out of commitment, and again I never told her that. I just pretended to be confident. I wish she would realize that despite my psycho behavior, the only thing I wanted was a casual relationship... someone to talk to. I never had that until college. Not as a child, not in highschool. Never. I never had friends come over to my house, I never spent the night at a friend's house, I never went to parties... It was all new to me. It was never as serious as I had scared her into believing it was.
To me, we were never in a relationship. It was just a label I pushed on us to maintain our exclusivity. But the word scared the living hell out of her probably as much as it scared me. Those times when she'd try to break things off and go back to being friends, it never made sense to me because I couldn't picture us acting any differently towards each other despite the change in title. And I wasn't pushing the title of relationship/exclusivity because I didn't trust her... it was because I knew exactly what the other guys in her life would try to do if it weren't there... she was oblivious (or at least acted like she was for my sake) to just how much guys fell for her playful and beautiful spirit. I always saw her more as the best friend I never had... the person I could tell anything to and know that it would stay between us. She was my best friend (whether she realized it or not) before we were ever anything else.
She finally broke it off when she needed time and space to work on herself and her mental health. And I won't lie, at the time when it happened, I had begun to act unattractively clingy and I don't blame her at all. I didn't even realize how lame I was being until I realized how often I called her or checked up on her without cause. But I still didn't know how I was standing in the way of that. If anything, I only ever wanted to be there to support her and watch her grow into the beautiful and strong woman that I knew she was. If she needed space, it was hers. If she needed time, it was hers. I only wanted to be there alongside her to be that one person in her life who didn't give up on her when she expected me to the most. I wanted to be the one she trusted and relied on for strength when she was feeling low.
I wanted to be the one to motivate her to do better in life because relationships are more than just falling in love... it's about inspiring each other to become better versions of ourselves. She was never big on religion but it plays a huge role in my life and I used to stay up for hours late at night praying to God that he would take all of her burdens and troubles and put them on my shoulders instead, because I knew that I could handle anything as long as she was by my side. She used to have this stupid wallpaper on her phone of this word "meliorism." It's the belief that the world gets better more or less. I used to tease her for the cheesiness of it until I realized that that message was what I was trying to get across to her for the longest time ever. The idea that the depression and anxiety would perhaps always be there, but would diminish and be pushed aside by the love of all of those around her who cared so deeply about her. I hope she never changed that wallpaper.
Instead of telling her those things, I smothered her. I f**ked up and smothered her with attention because for some reason I refused to listen to my brain telling me to lay off and give the girl a breather. She said she could no longer return my love given her anxiety and depression let alone all the stupid things going on in the world right now. And I completely understand that. I just wanted her to ask me to wait for her because she knew that I gladly would have without hesitation. I'm just indifferent at this point. I'm not sad, I'm not happy... I'm just indifferent. I don't want her pity, I don't want anyone's pity because I'm not sad anymore. I don't even want a relationship. All of my fears of being in one came true. I just don't want to be her enemy. Don't want to be another reason she doesn't trust men. I just want to talk to her, but she'd rather pretend that I never existed. It hurts. I'd give up my life for this girl and it f**king hurts. As much as I want to, I can't bring myself to be mad her. I just want to go back to being xbox friends. I miss my best friend.
She doesn't realize that I still go out of my way to try and do what little things I can to make her happy. Even though she blocked me on xbox, I still get notifications of when she is online for some reason. I realized that after playing with her more or less exclusively for the last 6 months, she didn't really have other friends to play with other than the guys that were more my friends than hers. Whenever I get the notification that she's online, I purposefully stop playing with my friends or leave their party so that she can feel comfortable to join them and play with them without worrying that I'm there. I'd rather see her happy playing with my friends than see her just get off xbox or play by herself.
--------- This is where my thoughts get extra jumbled and don't flow cohesively ----------
***each remaining paragraph in part 2 is a separate thought that has little to do with the last
Loving a female that has never been loved the proper way takes a lot of patience. I was stupid and rushed things. She doesn't realize that the way the people around her mistreat her and largely disregard her own desires is not okay. She's never been properly loved and I screwed up my chance to make her realize that she's worthy of so much more. She could never understand what it was about her that I liked so much or found unique...it was how wonderfully different she was from everyone I already knew. It was because of how different she was that made me fight so hard to keep her in my life. She was the goofiest, funniest, most one of a kind person I've ever met. Being a premed double major made my life stressful at times and she was always that breath of fresh air that I could come back to at the end of the day and play a couple of games with.
Our arguments were always the worst because we'd have them over text most of the time and she was always reluctant to answer my calls whenever we butted heads. It would drive me insane because I only ever wanted to hear the emotion in her voice and let her hear the sincerity in mine. More importantly, I wanted to be able to hear when I had gone too hard and reached the point of making her cry. I was never worthy of her tears and it would leave a knot in my chest for hours when she'd tell me afterwards that I had brought her to tears. I always thought our arguments were good in the long run because they were an opportunity for us to learn more about each other but I was so wrong for not taking her anxiety into consideration and the toll it was taking on her health.
She always accused me of never listening to her concerns or just brushing aside anything she'd say. While my actions definitely seemed like it, she knew that that was never the case. She knew better than anyone that very few things slip my memory when she was talking and I'd write down the rest to make sure I never forgot. But she never knew that I'd stay up for hours late at night following our arguments thinking about what I did wrong and how I could do better to show her that I was listening, that I was always listening but was just too afraid to give her what she wanted. I always knew what she wanted, but I was so disgustingly stupid and stubborn to give her those things because it often meant not being in a relationship with her. Now I've lost the best thing in my life and am paying the price.
I romanticized the relationship as though I was directing a romantic film and casted us as the main stars. I was trying to do too much too soon and ended up pressuring her rather than reassuring her. I remember her telling me that she wanted to move to New Orleans for college so that she could go clubbing and have fun and enjoy the people and food there. And I guess I had no right to overwhelm her like this, but I always wanted to be the one to give her those opportunities that I had that she perhaps might not have had... not because I pitied her or anything like that or thought that I was better than her or her family in any way, but because it genuinely made me happy to imagine making those memories with her.
I'm in college. Enjoying street/nightlife, going on road trips to cedar point and kings island with friends, going out to concerts in big cities... stuff like that is normal for people my age, and I guess it was kind of hard to realize on my part that it wasn't perhaps as normal for a high school girl to be doing those things and as a result, I ended up just overwhelming her whenever I mentioned stuff like that. To me, I was just offering to take my best friend out for a good time to make some good memories, but I guess I never stopped to think about what those things meant to her. I guess that's another way I scared her into thinking our relationship was more serious than it ever was. My old roommate got engaged just the other day. A friend from high school is having a kid. This kind of stuff is... normal I guess at my age so I never understood why me asking if I could drive out and see her before the summer ended (obviously when we were still together) was such a big deal to her. I say I never understood why she was so afraid by how serious our relationship was, but the more I think about it, it couldn't be more obvious.
Despite me reassuring her that this wasn't the case, she thought that I was crazy enough to pull an engagement ring out of my pocket at any minute, when that couldn't be further from what I wanted. I live with my parents for f*cks sake, I'm still in college and am no where near reaching a point where I'd be financially able to support her let alone afford a ring in the first place. I never wanted to think about that kind of stuff because I was just happy with having someone there alongside me who cared about me. Of course I had every intention of doing those things one day but never any time in the near future. I can't imagine all of the anxiety I put through that precious girl's head.
On multiple occasions in the past, she'd say that I knew so much about her when she barely knew jack sh*t about me, and there was a huge reason for that. I had made the mistake of telling her the Middle East's perspective on dating and marriage and it scared the ever-living f*ck out of her. I remember a conversation we had over the phone so many months ago where she literally asked me if we were married whether I'd sleep in the same bed as her or not (for context, I had told her that my parents don't but that it had nothing to do with anything other than preference). I could never forget even if I tried the true sincerity and pure innocence behind her voice when she asked that. That very day, I made the conscious decision to never mention those things to her again because I didn't want her thinking long-term. I didn't want her to think about the future because I know its scary. I know its a lot to take in. It was a lot for me too. And she never realized that we had a lot of the same fears.
Do you think for a second that it's easy for me to stand in front of my parents and tell them that I'm driving to New York to talk to a girl that blocked me? Do you think it's easy for an arab city boy to show up at a girl's house in a redneck town driving a BMW trying to make a good impression on her parents that look at me and see nothing but a "limp-dick science major?" Do you think it's easy for me to just get up and drive 12.5 hours to a state I've barely ever been to and feel safe staying at someone's house who I've just met for the first time in person? Of course not, but for some reason she thought this was all easy on me and never stopped to consider that I was just as afraid of meeting her irl as she was of meeting me. I made a million and one mistakes, I'm not excusing nor dismissing that FACT, but give me some goddamn credit. Name one person you know that would fight as hard as I have for the person they loved...that's right, you can't.
I read one of those twitter relationship posts a while back that said to find someone who puts effort into pursuing you, puts effort into keeping you, who believes leaving and giving up isn't an option. I guess I wanted to be that person for her so much to the point I overdid it and scared her away. I always told her that our relationship was never going to be easy because of the distance, but then again when is anything worth it ever easy? I just wanted her to be happy. Not confused, not hurt, not stressed... just happy. And unfortunately what makes her happy now is not talking to me....I can't even begin to explain how insignificant that makes me feel.
For some unexplainable reason, I thought I knew what was best for her and would push my will onto her without really thinking about how my actions were taking a toll on her. I was beyond stupid and selfish and to think she stayed with me for as long as she did is a testament to how forgiving this girl's heart was. She probably doesn't remember but she actually told me once after I had made an unforgivable mistake that broke her trust (no, it had nothing to do with infidelity) that the major reason her mind was telling her to look past the incident was because she knew the true intentions of my heart.
She never knew this but she was a huge reason that I lost a lot of weight and was motivated to improve my appearance. The prospect of potentially meeting her in person (though it was highly unlikely at the time I made this decision) had motivated me to lose 20 pounds in the span of two months leading up to the first time I visited her irl. She had shown me pics of military dudes who'd flirt with her and I knew I had to get my sh*t together if I wanted to give her the best version of myself. I was embarrassed to admit it but it was a big reason why I pressured her so hard into letting me visit her that soon despite her reluctance... I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep the weight off and I didn't want to disappoint her,
Believe me when I say that I know this girl never owed me anything. I never believed that for even a second or ever wanted her to think that because I know my gestures (driving up there or money-wise) made her incredibly uncomfortable. I spent over $3,500 on her over the course of 3 months (only $700 was actually on her but the other 2.8k was on gas, a hotel, traffic tickets, and car repairs resulting from the long drives). And to be perfectly honest, I'd do it all again (minus the traffic tickets ofc and the whole showing up uninvited...yea) because I like the thought of imagining the smile on her face when she got flowers delivered to her house or recognized the thought behind a gift that I was giving her in person.
I mean no disrespect whatsoever when I say this because I know my family is lucky to be better off financially than others, but when I went to visit her the second time on her birthday, I spent the better part of an hour talking to her mother on the porch while girly was still sleeping and she told me that she was just going to give her daughter money for her 18th birthday. I could be completely wrong and most probably am but it made me feel bad inside to think that her own mother hadn't even put a little effort into making her 18th birthday a bigger deal than they had. And I don't mean that in a monetary kind of way (I've never had a birthday party or any of that jazz) but it made me feel bad that this precious girl whose senior year and graduation had largely gone to sh*t because of corona wasn't getting more attention for her milestone. I'm not going to pretend like the sh*tty gifts I got her were that great or anything but I certainly had put a lot of time trying to come up with something more personalized/sentimental for her. Not to mention the fact that her half-brother who is half her age had been given four-wheelers in the past for his birthday and her own father never gave her one that was supposed to be hers....this was something she had been really upset about not even a month prior when we were still talking.
I always playfully annoyed her with my "do as I say but not as I do" mentality (I'm studying medicine even though my interest is in architecture) whenever I would encourage her to pursue her interests instead of worrying too much about college. As an arab, I kind of have that chauvinistic view built into me that I would be the sole provider for my family (hence why I chose medicine) and that my partner wouldn't really have to worry about college or work unless they wanted to. I always wanted her to go to college and have a backup plan of course, but more so I really wanted her to have the freedom to explore her talents and attempt a less conventional career as an artist (which she definitely has the talent for) or a twitch streamer (which she has all of the charisma for) with the confidence that she would always have my support, both mentally and financially, to pursue such a career. The last time I spoke to her in person, she also told me about her passion to become an actress but didn't have the resources to pursue such a path.
(I had actually spent time following my second visit looking for scholarships and programs in schools near her area where she could attend acting classes or theater programs in the fall if she so desired and made a list of them in what would have been the second letter that I had written to her following my second visit to NY where things greatly went to sh*t. While messaging her for the last time before she finally blocked me for good, she had said that she "didn't give a f*ck about my [first] letter"... so I intercepted the second one before it got delivered and she never knew about any of it.)
I had spent literal hours on websites prior to her birthday (and our breakup) trying to find decently priced gaming chairs, mics, LEDs, webcams, etc in her favorite colors for her so that I could show her my support and encouragement to pursue those interests. The delivery delay due to corona was the only thing holding me back from okaying some of those purchases... but I guess it was probably for the better.
I hate the way I've talked about her throughout this post as though her life was just this hole of despair where she was just waiting on someone to come in and make it all better. That's not the case at all nor did I ever have that mindset at any point during our relationship. If anything, my own ego is what drove me to sort of assume that role subconsciously. And I know a lot of the times it sounds like I was trying to "buy her love." Also not the case. I feel good inside when I can spend my money on other people and nothing made me feel better than spending money on her.
I didn't exactly make my own healing process any easier. Anytime I open my photo album on my phone, I see a picture of her staring back at me and I can't help but start scrolling through the hundreds of them that I have on there. Pictures of her beautiful face, screenshots of some of the adorable things she would say in the middle of our conversations, goofy videos of her dancing while drinking chocolate milk...it's hard to let go of those memories that had made me happy for so long.
Part 3: Where I am now
I just feel weird now, I guess. I'm not really sad but just disappointed with the lasting impression I left on her. I don't think she realizes that it's not as serious as I made it seem. I acted desperate, needy, lost without her. Of course I was depressed that I was losing my best friend, but I definitely overexaggerated how I was feeling. I had begun to rely on her for happiness and I never really realized until she was no longer a part of my life. And for some reason, I would convince myself that it was the end of the world leading me to do the stupid things I did (i.e. pestering her nonstop when she needed space, going to NY uninvited, messaging her mother, etc.). I don't know why it took watching her walk out of my life for me to take a step back and ask myself, "what in the literal f*ck are you doing?"
I know I'll be fine and that everything will be okay after a little time has passed and I get busy with school again, but unfortunately I can't take back those stupid mistakes I made. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking immediately after we had just broke up... why I kept messaging her, why I still didn't just f*ck off and give her a little space, why I thought I had a bomb strapped to my chest and had to fix things with her as soon as humanly possible. Just thinking about the sheer psychoticism of the things I did makes me ashamed for scaring the living hell out of that precious girl. I'm honestly glad she blocked me... I needed it to help get her off my mind. Of course I still miss my best friend and wish she'd reach out but I doubt she'll ever care enough about me to do so at this point, which is thoroughly justified. I've luckily started getting busy again to keep my mind occupied. It helps having less free time...less time to let my mind get the better of me.
I'm embarrassed to look back and think of all the pathetic things I did over the last two months. I'm done being that person. I'm done being a p*ssy. If only I had got my sh*t together sooner rather than later and acted like a man that she would be proud of being around. As someone that both my family and close friends rely on heavily more mental strength, I feel disgusted with myself for letting them down and showing them this ugly, defeated side of myself.
I still think about her from time to time when something sparks an old memory, still have some of my old nightmares on bad days, but that beautiful girl never owed me anything. I still hope deep down that she'll reach out one day and be my gaming friend like before, but I guess that's completely up to her. I'm just glad that I've reached the point where I can look back on what I've done and realize how incredibly stupid and immature I was acting. I feel bad for what I did to that poor girl... hopefully she has already reached a similar point where she can look back and realize that it was never as serious or intense or even scary as I had made it all seem. I'm sure she has. She was always stronger than me in that way.
Despite her hatred for me, I know she knows that I'd never do any of that psycho stuff again... never drive back up to NY, never make stupid comments like "I'd rather die than not be with you," never overwhelm her with words like "I love you", none of that dumb sh*t. I was naive and I'm past that. But that doesn't change the fact that I still miss talking to her while playing my favorite games after a long day.
I think what upsets me most is that I never actually got to be her boyfriend. I only actually got to be one for three days when I visited her the first time when we were both in love. Those were the best three days of my life without question and I'm just upset that she never gave me the chance to take her out on a real date any time after that. It was those everyday things that you do with your partner that you never think about that I wanted so much. I wanted to take her to the dunes to try four-wheeling and swimming on the beach, I wanted to rent out a boat and try water skiing with her, I wanted to sit on a recliner with her and watch our favorite movies, I wanted to go on late night drives listening to music with the sunroof down, wanted to take her mountain biking, wanted to have a BBQ with her by the pool. I wanted all of those simple things...none of that serious stuff that I kept scaring her with. I just liked...being there...with her, I guess. I don't really know. The feeling of having her in my arms was everything I ever wanted I suppose. I miss that feeling...the feeling of her hands wrapped up in mine...the feeling of her body when she'd cuddle up in my grasp...the way she'd innocently look at me when she'd catch me staring at her beautiful face. I just wanted the chance to be a real boyfriend to her, not a long distance one.
I can't bring myself to be mad at her, but I can't help but be bitter at the fact that she took all of my effort and genuine concern for granted. From her own experiences and that of her mother, she knows how hard it can be to find a person that is willing to put that much effort into making things work. It doesn't make complete sense to me. I gave you my love and you didn't want it. Okay, that's fine. I can accept that. I can't force you to feel things you don't feel. And I'm not excusing the huge mistakes I made, but why are you acting like I've been trying to hurt you this entire time? Why are you shutting me out like I had cheated on you or physically abused you or something horrible? Everybody has their reasons and I don't have the right to play victim here but it still confuses me when I think about it.
I wouldn't go to the extent of calling her ungrateful or anything like that but I definitely think she sometimes makes decisions without thinking long and hard about them. And that's not to pretend that I was so great or anything like that but rather that she maybe didn't consider how difficult and maybe even fortunate it is to find a stranger that cares that much about her...if that makes sense. It's almost like saying shame on me for caring.
Nothing about our relationship was fair. We never got to have the fun parts of a relationship. The parts where you actually got to be together with each other, making memories, having fun....I think that's the part that both of us wanted most but never got.
I haven't talked to her in well over two months at this point and I think I can finally say that I'm over it by now. And I know for a fact that she's been over it for much much longer. She's entitled to her own hatred towards me but I guess its just hard for me to understand why we can't just be civil towards each other at this point.
I really don't know what came over me to write this all here, but it kind of feels good I guess. It's probably best that she focuses on her first year of college and I focus on my last. With classes being online due to covid, I'm sure we'll both have more free time than we know what to do with. If she ever changed her mind, and I know she won't, she knows how to contact me. If you've actually kept reading to this point, thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
**TL;DR; : I [20M] messed up a long distance relationship with an amazing girl [18F]. Don't be me.
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