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Read the excerpt from The Great Gatsby. "But we heard it," insisted Daisy, surprising me by opening up again in a flower-like way. "We heard it from three people, so it must be true." Of course I knew what they were referring to, but I wasn't even vaguely engaged. The fact that gossip had published the banns was one of the reasons I had come East. The implicit details in this excerpt show that the speaker feels excited to learn about new places and things. Which line from "My First Memory (of Librarians)" is an implicit detail that shows how the speaker felt about the library? Read the excerpt from "The Crab That Played with the Sea.” And the Rat of the Moon stopped biting the line; and the Fisherman let his line down till it touched the Sea, and he pulled the whole deep Sea along, past the Island of Bintang, past Singapore, past Malacca, past Selangor, till the canoe whirled into the mouth of the Perak River again. Excerpt from Mumbo, my autobiography that details being in an Government Astral Training Program called Operation Singularity or Operation Chakra. TW for violence and possible embedded messages. Let me know if you'd like me to post more. Don't bother telling me I'm nuts, heard it all before. Excerpt from Mumbo, my autobiography that details being in an Government Astral Training Program called Operation Singularity or Operation Chakra. TW for violence and possible embedded messages. Let me know if you'd like me to post more. Don't bother telling me I'm nuts, heard it all before. Excerpt from Mumbo, my autobiography that details being in an Government Astral Training Program called Operation Singularity or Operation Chakra. TW for violence and possible embedded messages. Let me know if you'd like me to post more. Don't bother telling me I'm nuts, heard it all before. by trashponder in MKUltra Someone left a comment in my other post about how MKultra, or Stargate more specifically had targeted RH- individuals. I would really like to know more about that, especially about how they targeted children. Excerpt from Mumbo, my autobiography that details being in an Government Astral Training Program called Operation Singularity or Operation Chakra. TW for violence and possible embedded messages. Let me know if you'd like me to post more. Don't bother telling me I'm nuts, heard it all before.

2020.09.18 19:49 trashponder Excerpt from Mumbo, my autobiography that details being in an Government Astral Training Program called Operation Singularity or Operation Chakra. TW for violence and possible embedded messages. Let me know if you'd like me to post more. Don't bother telling me I'm nuts, heard it all before.

Martha's Vineyard : 1-4yrs
We called it Daycare. It was a spacious compound in the forest. Memories are scattered, incomplete. The clearest one is my giving an anatomy lesson on the brightly tiled floor of the kitchen. There are several other children and four adults. We are all nude, legs spread or crossed.
I explain that our sex organs look very different, but are exactly the same. The adults are smiling encouragingly at me as I give the details. I am confused that I have to explain it all but everyone is curious. It appears I'm the only one who knew. The blueprints were still cohesive in my mind. I didn't know fear, self-hate, mis-trust or body-shame yet.
I saw them as equals, as loving kin who should've had the same knowledge. I tell them the vagina is a flower from which the penis grows. I said we are all women first, then some ride the wave into 'boy'. We are equal, It's all the same, just different codes. Different clay shapes. Adults and children examined themselves as I explained how things develop one way or the other.
A boy asked earnestly if he can also make babies. I explained he chose boy this time, and cannot get pregnant. He can plant babies but he must love and protect them. He promised to be a very good father. Naked and innocent, we hugged, looking forward to the promises of Life. In later years I dismissed the nudity and touching of ourselves at Mom's insistence.
Dismissed Gram's incessant photos of me in too-tight bathing suit or completely naked on the beach. Endless photos of my body, displayed in their homes for decades. Hundreds of provocative photos that even at a very young age made me very uncomfortable.
Why does your mom have all those naked pictures of you in her room? A nosy friend asked in 6th grade. Because I made her take them out of the living-room. I replied.
Martha's Vineyard was a nudist paradise and my body was not my own. Complaining about how others touched my body brought rebukes and shaming from Mom & Gram. Instances of true pain and terror outright dismissed. Even in the face of evidence like bruising or blood.
As I saw more of the world I realized their disregard of it was the normal reaction. To seek answers, validation, closure, explanation was just being a self-pitying, attention-seeking loser.
Accusations made you a liar and the accused credible.
Children are fodder.
Sexual abuse and assault is a white noise that is so common it permeates all levels & corners of our society people can't even accept it as wrong or even happening. You are required to build thick armor.
This armor will inevitably be what doesn't allow you to be free, peaceful and healthy. I learned very early to suppress my outrage.
Instead of directing it properly at the main caregivers I'd unconsciously turn it on myself in spectacular acts of self-sabotage.
Unsurprisingly, to first hate and dissociate from my body.
Severe body dysmorphia which began with believing I was a very tall & thin black man for the first seven years of my life. Memories of his life living within nature and communicating with plants and animals overwhelmed me throughout toddler-hood. I know now it was there to remind me of the sanctity of life we are all trained early to forget. A buffer from the horrors of the life I'd been born into.
It disturbed me as an old man to look at myself as a young child unwittingly posed in provocative clothing. I could feel everything was very wrong but no one cared to agree. It seemed normal until we moved to NH and I started to go to The Little People's Center. Mom said it was daycare so I took all my clothes off on the first day, yelling DAYCARE! We don't do that here, honey, the Carer gently tried to cover my wildly dancing squirmy self.
Through the years I had to pick & choose my personal mysteries to gnaw on. Checking in with mom quickly grew useless. Her feedback the definition of gaslighting.
By my teens her recollection was that I'd never been to a daycare on the Vineyard. Gram confirmed it had existed but refused to say anything else because What does it matter?
Gram's visits to Martha's Vineyard were heralded by the appearance of her bright yellow convertible sports cars.
She'd been to the Daycare more than once. Without Mom.
All the other kids have gone home.
Handkerchief tied over her blond bouffant, large sunglasses, flowered polyester dresses & heeled white sandals. Large vinyl pocket book. There are envelopes coming and going each time. She brings a brown one & leaves with a manila one. She's with the people inside the house.
I am ushered outside with the chickens and rabbits. I can slightly see the garden behind the main building, on a path next to a stream.
It buzzes with electric hum, a brighter light, warning me away. I keep it in my peripheral vision while petting the bunnies. Wary.
I know what is there. A tidy white cottage. A block of stone for a step.
A Star on the door...is it made of wood or metal or flowers...No, no yes. Yes. No. Memory splinters like confetti.
Red door – white door – green door? Like interference splitting an old TV's color signal.
No memory of moving beyond the flat white stone in the path. Just the Star. Star. Star.
For the rest of my life this path and other shattered memories of places preoccupy my mind while going through average activities.
Dull undertones, refracting energy of the moment. Or an alarm, waking me from...what was I doing...complete dismissal of further thought.
Sometimes hours lost. Sometimes in a place I have no reason to be or memory of getting there.
Instead of being expansive like the first dreams of creation and the flights into starfields, that path & cottage were oppressive.
Like in The Classroom, being forced to repeat a task over and over again until it's a reflex.
Overwhelming dread fueled my easy dismissals.
Fractured memories persisted. Daycare somehow connected to The Classroom. Some kids also in both places just like me. But we never speak of it, because we don't realize yet that it isn't normal. No reason to compare notes.
It's just dreams & everyone has dreams.
The dreams began with a sharp wind. A complete inability to move. A sense of hollow snaps as I lifted free like smoke.
I am in the wind, part of the wind. I become a gust through the top of my head.
I meander, rarely with conscious intent.
There is the Earth and then all the layers in-between.
There are places beyond that call with familiarity.
This is a place we all know but this world trained us to forget.
It exists beyond descriptive words and human comprehension.
It is a part of us, if not the truth of us. It is time, space, thought, feeling.
We may not choose a destination or even accept it exists in our waking state, but it is our home.
But The Classroom. I do not choose it. It magnetically chooses me.
It is not part of the natural place of us. It is partition, an artificial construct.
Not a traditional classroom, but the word is close enough.
We are gathered from our slumber like a herd, awakening into this constructed dream. In the beginning it was creating shapes and patterns together in the air. Moving lights together to form pictures or puzzles.
Later we were tasked to create different appearances for ourselves.
Different animals were our choices. It was still a kind of play to us.
We were asked to mimic inanimate objects, surroundings or to be very big & frightening. To morph and meld our physical appearances innumerable ways.
To make forms together. To mimic each other.
Perhaps it could have been fun, but for the repetition.
Teacher swooped, barked and hollered commands. He often said muscle memory. After a time I saw that Teacher wasn't the young teen he often appeared to be.
As much as he wasn't the big dog or the monkey that snapped you with his tail if you didn't keep up. He eventually revealed himself as a smallish balding man with an extremely punchable face. After toddlerhood it resembled a boot camp atmosphere. Later we wondered if there had been more than one Teacher. In the beginning Teacher seemed far less harsh.
Around age six I actively rebelled every time I was summoned to the classroom.
I was insolent and disruptive, not understanding why I couldn't change The Classroom dream easily like other places. We were brought there for the duration of time they chose and couldn't return to our bodies until they flipped whatever switch that let us re-inhabit ourselves.
I couldn't change the dream but learned I could leave the classroom. The natural 'astral-plane' lay just beyond the artificial facilities. From above it appeared as a cluster of blister-like buildings attached like barnacles on the outermost film of Earth's atmosphere.
The only thing truly keeping us in the Classroom was our fear and obedience.
By the age of eight the only reason I stayed was to be disruptive or take part in something that interested me. Toward the end, before the spinal cord injury progressed enough to lock me into my body, I stayed because I'd made friends.
We discovered we all had names of cities.
Though fear of Teacher kept them obedient in The Classroom, we met up with each other in our non-classroom dreams.
I first excelled as the troublesome black sheep in The Classroom. Though somewhat average in achieving things when I tried, my status was dead last in Teacher's eyes and de facto for my peers as well.
It was far better to fail at their games than to be successful.
As time went on the tasks became more complicated, more urgent.
Teacher encouraged competition. As we neared our early teens it was cut-throat with mild hazing for losers and low performers.
The number of class participants lessened over time. In the beginning there were dozens. Maybe a hundred or more. By the end of my time there only a handful.
It wasn't as if secret graduations or promotions were taking place. We weren't encouraged to fraternize beyond team exercises.
Even then competition was key. I only became aware when our herd was noticeably halved. The only explained disappearance was for Madison.
She excelled at most of the games.
Far ahead of the rest of us, who ranged from lolling on the floor to sincere attempts with mixed results. At the front of the classroom, Teacher stood behind her with his hands clasped on her shoulders.
Her dark eyes flashed as she minutely shifted from side to side.
Today is Maddie's last day. As you all know she is destined for great things. Everyone remember Maddie as an inspiration to live up to your potential.
He went on to say that she was joining a group responsible for world peace or national security, some VIP jazzy-jazz. While the class cheered our eyes met.
Maddie and I hadn't ever been close. Maddie regarded me with the appropriate disdain Teacher encouraged as far as I could tell.
But in that moment I realized she and I weren't that different. I realized she saw me. And not in a mini-me Teacher way, either.
I rebelled through negative behavior.
She rebelled through compliance.
Her dark, brooding look washed into my mind.
She was seeking freedom by gaining power.
She wasn't the kiss-ass I assumed at all.
Her disdain was for my lack of precision & purpose, not my rebellion.
She'd figured things out a billion moves ahead.
She understood what all this was decades before I did.
She was going to burn those who held her down.
But first she was mastering all their tricks.
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submitted by xdxx4516JJul to Home_Made_Fun [link] [comments]


2020.04.05 12:41 Cantthinkstraight86 Free sex nudist teen

I just found this sub and have been reading though the posts and discussions here and think it's awesome!
I (34M) grew up living with just my dad. During summer break we always spent many weeks camping at the lake near our town. The camp grounds had communal showers and thats where I was first exposed to them and generally being naked around males. Camping is something we always did so I suppose Iv been using communal showers all my life. My dad and I always shared the camp site with my uncle, aunt and two cousins and of course all us males always hit up the showers together after swimming in the lake/being out on the boat or just whenever everyone needed to get clean. This was pretty much tradition well into my late teens. And by then I had definitely figured out that I preferred being naked as much as possible. I have totally been a "closet" nudist since my early teens. I told my dad that I enjoyed being naked at home and he never had a problem if I wanted to be naked casually around the house. There were many times while camping that us kids didn't want to wear swim shorts when we were swimming off the boat on the lake and the adults let us skinny dip and play around on the boat naked as long it there wasn't anyone else near by or it was near dark. That was SO much fun! As we got older and started puberty we covered up more on the boat but still skinny dipped sometimes if my aunt wasn't with us. We never stopped using the communal showers regularly though. And yes, boners happened! Especially when we were younger. I can remember having raging boners for no reason and didn't really know much about it. My dad and uncle did eventually talk to us about it being completely natural but because there were usually always other people, strangers, in the showers also; we needed to try to control them by turning on some cold water or going into a bathroom stall for a minute until it went down. This stopped happening for the most part as we got older.
In junior and high school we had showers in the gym locker room and the football field house but no one ever used them and never did a coach or P.E. instructor even turn the showers on or even so much as mention taking a shower to the students. Even though I loved being naked I didn't want to shower with my classmates. I'm sure it would have stopped being awkward quickly but at the time no one wanted anything to do with the showers.
In my 20s I dated a girl who was very body positive and loved nudity as much as I did. We went to our first nudist resort together and had an amazing experience and kept going back. We took her son with us as it is a family oriented resort and we were pleasantly surprised to see a lot of other families and just all kinds of people there. Everyone naked and enjoying themselves. There are several shower spots at this resort. There are completely open communal showers right next to the pool and everyone is required to shower before getting in the pool. The resort is not "clothing optional" and everyone is required to be completely naked at all times while on the grounds. There are other communal showers that are completely in the open away from the pool and some private stalls in the restroom areas.
Before all this COVID-19 stuff I went to a gym several times a week to work out on the machines or do laps in the pool. My gym doesn't have communal showers just 5-6 stalls. I was assigned a locker that is on the wall furthest from the shower stalls but Iv never really thought twice about stripping down naked at my locker and walking to and from the showers with just my towel over my shoulder. I'v definitely gotten some glances, gazes and stares from some guys. Some like they couldn't believe they were seeing another guy NAKED... in a locker room! OMG! Like they had never seen a penis and balls in real life before. It amuses me when I get those looks and actually makes me feel even better about not being hung up on practical nudity like showering after a workout.
I still go to the nudist resort my now ex and I went to as much as I can.
My experiences throughout my life with communal showers have been nothing but positive. The camp ground showers I grew up using absolutely made me who I am today. I'm not ashamed of my body and don't get hung up on nudity which also contributes to sex positivity. Like not feeling weird if a guy who might be gay sees me. I'm bi anyway but still. I know for sure that a few gay or bi guys have stared or watched me naked in the locker room and I couldn't care less. If they got naked too, I surely took a peek so whatever. Even people like me who are completely comfortable being naked with and around others takes a peek at people. It's called being human.
So that's pretty much my story! Feel free to ask me anything! I'm glad I found this sub.
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2019.02.06 19:35 grassmakesmegiggle96 Free sex nudist teen

I’m a 22-year-old, white, and cis-gendered male. I’m bisexual. I’ve been married for close to four years. Recently diagnosed Dyslexic and have battled off and on over the years with depression. I was mis-diagnosed ADD in middle school, and I didn’t respond well to the medication. I was brought up in a Methodist household, religion was a big part of our family life. We did devotionals everyday before work/school, went to church every Sunday, and attended a youth group. I liked church until my late teens when, for reasons that I won’t go into, I left the church. At first after leaving the church, I was atheist for some time, until I had several back to back difficult and indescribable psychedelic trips. Sense then I’ve explored allot of different belief systems and have never quite settled on one but allot of my beliefs come out of Tibetan Buddhism, Hermetic Paganism, Neo-Platonism and Gnosticism. I would describe myself as a spiritual person, but I don’t care much for organized religious institutions, and fear that the influence that they have on people is toxic and manipulative.
Right now, I am on a semester off from college. I had a rough couple of semesters, and decided I needed a break from college. I am studying Geography and considering adding a second major in music. I like school, but I’m easily overwhelmed. I’ve hated every job I’ve ever had. I honestly feel that I don’t have many marketable skills. I think I would make a good librarian, or maybe a musician. I like collaborating with others, but I don’t like management. I don’t want to manage others or be managed. I think that people should be able to collaborate and do what needs to be done without someone sitting on their lazy ass supervising. I’m often times a perfectionist, but I have immense respect for the people in my life that can call me out on being a perfectionist and tell me when I go to far. I think that people should be able to call each other out and keep each other in check.
I married so I’m never really alone these days, but we make sure to give each other space. I don’t mind being alone, and I don’t mind being around people, but I don’t want to do either consecutively for long periods of time. I like a schedule that affords me both alone time, and social opportunities. I’ve spent entire weeks alone, and I can handle it, but I don’t think it healthy for me.
I'm an extremely curious, and observant person by nature. I love the small differences I notice when I travel to a new place. I research and read on every subject and I think its good to the largest general knowledge base possible. I have way more ideas than I can execute. Both environmental and conceptual. I love philosophy, and I read many philosophers. Plato, Lao Tzu, Hegel, Marx, Jung, Erich Fromm, I like to read their works and sometimes I day dream about arguments or discussions that I might have with authors of books I like.
I hate formal positions of leadership, and I think the best kind of leadership is based in example, commitment, and cooperation. Essentially if you want something done come up with a plan and ask for help. Whoever has the most gumption or the best idea should be the leader, and when that person is burned out someone new should take up the mantle. Disagreements should be handled like adults, maybe through a Democratic process.
Sometimes I’m very uncoordinated. It is oddly situationally, but I’ve noticed that I struggle with coordination more when I’m stressed. I also absolutely hate it when people try to help me with something I’m struggling with. I learn through doing things, and once I’ve successfully taught myself, I usually don’t struggle anymore. I often don’t do things the way that other people do. My right hand technique on guitar is not normal, for example.
I’m a musician. I’ve never had much skill with visual arts. I Love Monet, Van Gogh, Munch, Matisse, and Mucha. I’m also a big fan of the work Lady Frieda Harris did on the Toth Tarot Deck. I really like concert posters, especially stuff from the late sixties San Francisco scene. Liquid Light is also really beautiful to me.
If life were easy and not so fast, I wouldn’t think about the past. Really to me it all seems fake. The past seems surreal to me most of the time. I try to keep a uniform understanding of at least my own past, but it so intangible, and human memory is really so fallible. The future is so uncertain as well. I just try to be thankful for the time I’m given and try to remain mindful of the present moment.
I help others when they need it. Simple as that. I believe in helping others in any situation I would want to be helped with. When it comes to projects, I decide who I want to work with based on my ability to work with that person. If I think we would clash, then I just move on.
It is certainly nice to have logical constancy sometimes. I don’t like to be around people who constantly contradict themselves, but sometimes our lives become unavoidably paradoxical, and we contradict past versions of ourselves. Everyone does it. Its part of growing up. However, I definitely need moral and ethical consistency in my own life, and I demand it from those I allow into my life. I don’t like hypocrites.
It depends. I think that it has to be balanced with moral principles, and basic considerations of human fallibility. No one is perfect, and no one can be productive all the time. However, I don’t like my time to be unnecessarily wasted by inconsiderate people. Efficiency is important to me, and it should be important to everyone, but there are always other considerations.
How would I know that? At some point don’t we all end up deeply influencing or controlling someone indirectly? I don’t like the idea of it happening, but it happens. I don’t like to manipulate people, and I hate people that attempt to manipulate others. People have told me before that I have deeply influenced their behavior, but I think that their just superficially emulating what they see on the most public layer of my personality without really knowing me.
Probably sound like a broken record at this point but music. I listen to music and play music more than anything else. I like it because its freeing. I especially love improvisation. My favorite musicians/bands are The Grateful Dead, Kikagaku Moyo, Sun Ra, Steve Reich, James Blood Ulmer, Terry Riley, Can, Stereolab, Bitchin Bajas, John Coltrane, Phish, Pentangle, Suzanne Ciani, The Congos, Ghazal and Tinariwen. In general, I’m super into experimental, dub, krautrock, minimalism, progressive electronic, free jazz, and psych rock. I really believe that some day music will become the means of expressing universal religion. Its just pure vibrations. Creating forms from the formless. Art from air. It’s beautiful, and it’s the most meaningful thing in the world to me. I like the outdoors, camping, gardening, kayaking, and I love being nude outdoors. Its just super freeing. I love connecting with nature. It reminds me how fragile human beings are and how much we depend on other organisms for survival. I like Tarot Cards. I meditate frequently. Sometimes I play table top war games. Are psychedelic mushrooms a hobby?
I learn really well through discussion and debate. Once again, I like allot of back and forth. Collaboration is so important for me. I like listening to lectures and I pay attention well, but god do I hate power point. It’s the devil. I’m not good at taking notes, because I’m dyslexic. I tend toward logic, and creativity more than my physical senses. I can memorize large amounts of information, but I can do that on my own and I really don’t need to pay someone to make me memorize stuff.
I bite off way more than I can chew, way too much. I’m a good planner, but a better improviser. When I’m depressed however, I seem to rely more intuition and improvisation. Sometimes it works out, other times it leads to disaster. When my depression is in check, I really think my organizational skills are pretty keen.
I want to own a recording studio, make some records, and go on a tour. I really want to grow some weed one day. I’d like to think that maybe one day I’ll have a doctorate in something, but I’m in no hurry. I really want to travel the world. I love my wife so much, and I really look forward to getting old with her. We don’t want kids, and I think that is awesome. I think she is awesome, and I look forward to seeing her become all she can be.
I’m afraid of dying a slow death of inactivity. I’m afraid of failure, of not reaching my goals. I’m afraid of loosing my wife’s respect, if I am failure. I’m afraid of losing touch with myself and spiraling back into depression again. I’m also afraid of parasitic organisms because they are nasty and weird.
When I’m traveling with my wife, to go camping or see a band. When I’m having potluck dinner or bonfire with my friends. Those are my highs. When I feel good, I feel unstoppable, and expansive. I really enjoy feeling expansive, like I’m one with everything else.
Motionless, paralyzed, and unmovable. Totally closed off from everything and everyone else. I feel trapped in my own chest. I usually become incapable of pursuing my hobbies which just sends me of the deep end.
I daydreamed more when I was a kid. I enjoy daydreaming, but I try to keep it in check, which is best accomplished for me through rigorously practicing my instruments, and also meditation. When I daydream, it varies in intensity, but I have been known to completely loose awareness of my surroundings.
Gardening, Music, Sex, were I want to travel next, commodity fetishism, what makes collective hallucinatory experiences possible, resentments from my past, ect. Anything and everything are up for grabs. It sort of like first come first serve, once I’m on something I stick to it.
Depends. I change my mind when necessary. People who don’t change their minds are arrogant. As new information becomes available plans should change accordingly. I always consider all my options. Sometimes that takes time, but usually I already have some idea what I want to do.
Emotions are important, and I spend allot more time now processing my emotions. I used to just bottle them up, it seemed like the appropriate masculine thing to do, its kind of what society teaches young men. I don’t take long to process my emotions, and I usually try to bring some sort of logical organization into that process. However, allot of my emotions are abstract, and I can’t quite express how I feel. Music helps me to process my emotions because I don’t have to understand them to express them, they just sort of pour out.
Hell no.
I don’t get off on rebellion. I don’t respect Authority, but I also don’t go out of my way to clash with it. I think that authority, especially in this country over steps its bounds, and enforces a great deal inequality. However, I think allot of people, particularly other young white people like to rage against the system for no reason at all. I break the law only when I feel like my life would be no worse if other people decided to break the same law. Example I obey traffic laws, because if everyone else didn’t then many people would die, and I could potentially die. Therefore, I ought to obey those laws as its in my best interest that everyone else does also.
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2018.03.10 20:52 blind___ Trying the whole Mojoupgrade list in a month: Week 4

WEEK 4
Scene. Monday morning. My gf and I wake, dispirited, exhausted. Slightly pissed at each other. Care and tenderness has been thin on the ground since BDSM fortnight started. We are being functionally polite but it would be inaccurate to say that we are having a good time.
We haven’t really seen any of our friends or done anything fun this month, because we’ve been fucking like a pair of houseflies at christmas. We’re tired and cranky and replete with minor sex injuries. At this point, we just want to get through this with our relationship intact. And then probs go back to basic oral+missionary twice a week, because oh god I miss that.
We would happily call it a day, except we’re so goddamn close.
During the 1963 first ascent of Everest’s West Ridge, Thomas Hornbein and Willi Unsoeld reached the final ridge. It was late at night, their supplies were gone, they were freezing cold, broken, beaten, worn down, exhausted and ready to give in. But then, as Hornbein puts it:
‘I looked down. Descent was totally unappetizing.… Too much labor, too many sleepless nights, and too many dreams had been invested to bring us this far. We couldn’t come back for another try next weekend. To go down now, even if we could have, would be descending to a future marked by one huge question: what might have been?’
My gf looks me in the eyes, and takes my hands.
HER: You’re the only motherfucker I’d do this with, you know that?
ME: I know, honey.
We fistbump.
HER: Now get over here and fuck me heaps of times in weird ways.
And so, week 4 begins.
(actually our dialogue was less golden age of Hollywood and more just a deep sigh and my gf crabbily saying, ‘okay what’s next?’ but the subtext was there)

ANAL PLAY
anally finger partner
be fingered anally by partner
Dude, we had buttplugs up in there a couple weeks ago. This ain’t no thing! I finger her, she fingers me, we finger each other at the same time! It is a fingering holiday!
anally penetrate partner
double penetrate partner with me and a toy
be pegged by partner
Double penetration? m8 what about triple penetration? What about quadruple penetration? I squeeze my cock into my gf’s ass, which she takes with barely a murmur because she is a goddamn boss, she pops a dildo into the entrance of her jade grotto, and then for extra measure, I put two fingers in her mouth and she bites them. I am in her three ways at once! No-one has ever been as good at penetration as us!
When it’s my turn to take it in the ass, I am a little less of a boss. This is like getting a buttplug in me, except because my gf is wearing it, it’s her hips rather than her hands doing the wrangling and she therefore has less control of the movement. Also I am whimpering with fear like a dog in the vet’s waiting room, it is not a sexy time.
She gets it all up in me. My eyes are watering. My gf points out that a healthy prostate means a healthy life, so I best get used to having a doctor do this all the damn time. She thrusts into me and says, ‘Have you studied for… YOUR DIGITAL RECTAL EXAM?’ I ask her to please take her fake wang out of my ass now.
lick partner’s anus (analingus)
be licked anally by partner
This is a walk in the park for seasoned perverts like us. Good soapy shared shower, tip her over, dab my tongue in her crack, she flips me over, tongue swipe, DONE.
In another life I can see how this might even be quite pleasurable, but today my ass has already had hella workouts, and it’s less sexy licks, more cat-with-a-sore-paw licks. But I mean, analingus! Why not, Mojoupgrade, why not?
be anally fisted by partner
anally fist partner
Aaaannnnnd this is where the week starts getting bad.
I get to go first this time because based on my ass performance so far, my gf is worried I’ll do it to her and then bail on having it done to me. I lie on my stomach with my hips in the air over a pillow, and then I enter a private, personal hell in which the only thing that exists is ass pain.
If you’ve ever seen one of those woodcuts of a medieval amputation where the patient is being held down by six burly sailors while a surgeon saws off his arm with a bonesaw, that is what is happening in my butt except the bonesaw is a hand marinated in cold KY jelly and the six burly sailors is my gf telling me to stop screaming, for god’s sake, I haven’t even started yet.
Score: eight knuckles and some minor PTSD whenever I look at my gf’s left hand.
Then it’s her turn and honestly it’s not much better. I have this vivid fantasy of getting my hand inside her rectum, clenching my fist, and exploding her pelvis from the inside. I am already rehearsing the phone call to her parents from the hospital emergency ward while I’m lubing up, which psychically helps neither of us.
In the event though this one is more a finger logistics challenge than anything else. Square peg/round hole, except the peg is eight times the width of the hole and the hole’s owner is yelling at me to get the fuck on with it. Is there a rule about which fingers go in first? Is there some kind of school where people learn this shit? Why am I so bad at simple everyday things like putting my whole hand inside a lady’s ass?
Score: What Mojoupgrade calls Anal Play I would call Anal Hard Bloody Work
OTHER FETISHES
be given a foot job
give partner a foot job
I’m so suspicious of Mojoupgrade at this point that I have to check and double-check this one before I’m convinced that it’s what it says it is. Just rubbing each other’s nads with our feet? Really? No kicking in the balls or trying to wedge toes up vaginas? We don’t have to wrap our feet in sandpaper first?
I used to be such a trustful person, before all the sex happened.
Once we relax into it, this is a pretty standard Mojoupgrade evening: I’m trying to maintain my erection, my gf’s awkwardly foot-fellating me, we’re both reading the wikipedia entry for the 1835 Great Moon Hoax and discussing moonbats.
douse ourselves in oil/mud/paint/milk/pies during sex
We may be a little delirious by this point because we honestly can’t stop saying OILMUDPAINTMILKPIES and giggling hysterically.
One of them? Some of them? ALL OF THEM.
I lie on my back in our tiny bath, my gf crouches over me and sinks down on my erect schlong, and then starts gleefully pouring vegetable oil, house paint and milk on my chest, then throwing handfuls of soil at me. Finally she takes a defrosted blueberry pie, and slowly, carefully, staring at me the whole time, breaks it over her head.
what the fuck have we become
have partner use chemicals on me (menthol, toothpaste, ben-gay)
use chemicals (menthol, toothpaste, ben-gay) on partner
I really feel like we’ve broken through to some kind of alternate dimension sex fever dream right now. We’ve stopped even trying to figure out why we’re doing these things any more, let alone why they’re meant to be sexy. Fuck it! Chemicals! Sure!
We stand up in the shower, my gf leans up against the wall, I enter her from behind, and then while she rocks back and forth on my dick, I am rubbing toothpaste into her breasts til they are minty fresh and cavity-free. Then she half-twists around and smears deep heat cream on my neck, which is still aching after our BDSM fight a week or two ago, and it feels GREAT.
Deep heat cream on sore muscles! When Mojoupgrade takes sex and adds a random secondary element, sometimes all you need to do is subtract the sex, and you have… a random secondary element. Which is sometimes fine!
give partner a golden shower
have partner give me a golden shower
Alright, deep breath.
We interpret ‘shower’ to mean ‘urinating a little on each other’s toes’ which I think is sufficient for our purposes. We interpret ‘golden’ to mean ‘whatever colour our urine is today, we’re not doing this twice.’
She goes. I go. We wash up. It’s fine.
There’s a case to be made that maintaining a little bit of mystery in a relationship is healthy - you don’t need to know every detail of your partner’s life. I for one definitely miss the happy days of not knowing what my gf looks like when she’s aiming her stream at my feet. But then, no-one said kink was supposed to be fun.
give partner a brown shower
have partner give me a brown shower
Okay look I want you to know that we really, really tried. But I have enough trouble taking a dump when there’s someone in the public bathroom stall next to me, and trying to relax while squatted over my gf’s chest… nup, it just didn’t happen.
After five minutes each, we decide to respect our bodies’ veto on this activity, and move the fuck on.
On my deathbed when the light fails and the reaper is present in the room and I cannot see to see, I may regret that I never got around to taking a shit on my girlfriend’s chest, but that is a problem for then and not now
swap my cum with my partner
suck semen out of partner’s vagina or anus after sex (felching)
We are on a strict cum ration this month. I’m sadly not the semen factory Mojoupgrade assumes I am, so there’s been a lot of waiting around in between ejaculations.
To make this one happen I have to get myself off in bed with my hands, then my gf leans over and pops her mouth on my dick when I orgasm. Then it’s a careful open-mouthed kiss, and I can… maybe taste my cum on her tongue? How much cum must one swap before you can call it a successful cum swapping session? Is there an agreed-upon metric?
Felching is trickier still. She doesn’t use birth control, so I wear a condom when I’m inside her. I’ve done a lot for this stupid list, I’m not accidentally having a baby just so I can tell Mojoupgrade that I guzzled my own jizz from my gf’s nether lips.
This one basically ends up being: we fuck missionary style, both of us ready to pass out, for what feels like 75 hours. When I finally come, I withdraw, take the condom off, then she sorta holds the condom at the entrance to her vajay and I kneel down, she squeezes some jizz out into my mouth like toothpaste from a tube.
I thought swallowing my own semen might make me feel gay. In the event I don’t feel gay, I feel like… a total fucking idiot? So that’s something, I guess.
GROUP AND PUBLIC FUN
So our criteria for finding a sex party was: 1. Affordability 2. There was no second criteria
Orgies are unexpectedly pricey, so the moment we found one with heavily discounted tickets happening in the appropriate week of our Mojoupgrade month, we dove in and booked.
Only AFTER we’ve received our pdf tickets do we realise that the group behind this event is a medieval reenactment society, and this is one of their semi-regular ‘adult’ events for people who want to take the flirting over tankards of mead at the banquet table one step further.
We consider bailing, but there are no refunds and I am apparently not required to dress in chain mail, so dammit, we decide to lean the fuck in. My gf vows that if anyone calls her ‘milady’ she will punch them in the neck, and we agree that if we spot a neckbeard we’re out of there straight away. Then we dress up and head over.
Here are my rules for first-time orgy-goers:
DO dress sexy-casual like my girlfriend and not in a shirt and tie like me, or you will look like you are there to give a goddamn TED talk
DON’T show up early like we did or you will be stuck having to make conversation with the hosts about jousting for 45 minutes before anyone else arrives (did you know that the central section of a modern jousting lance consists of a cardboard tube with a maximum sidewall width of 1/8th of an inch? did you know that the controversial winner of the 2017 World Jousting Tournament only rides Friesian stallions & on & on jfc)
DO prepare some non-verbal signals with your partner in advance in case you need help escaping from a conversation where a naked older man tells you in detail about how his testicle piercing went septic a few weeks ago while flapping his scrotum back and forth to illustrate his point
DON’T bring a notebook with a checklist of Mojoupgrade sex acts you need to tick off before the night’s done, because people will think you are a fucking sociopath
Lowlights include the ‘icebreaker’ drama game where we all had to pretend to be our ‘sexy animal avatar’ and then the other participants had to guess what we were. No-one guessed ours. After I explained that I was a baby shark and my gf explained that she was a kelp forest, there was a long silence, and I was certain that no-one was going to fuck us.
Highlights included the moment when a topless woman explaining that her repertoire of 13th century ballads includes both Old Norse AND Celtic paused to ask me about the cuts on my dick:
HER: Those are… ritual scars?
ME: Paper cuts.
HER: And they mean…?
ME: Victory.
watch other couples have sex (live)
let another person/people/couples watch us have sex
have sex monogamously with other couples (don't touch other couples)
include another female in sex (menage-a-trois)
include another male in sex (menage-a-trois)
include another couple in sex (small orgy)
include more than two men in sex
include more than two women in sex
participate in an large orgy (more than 4 people)
watch partner have sex with another person
have sex with another person while partner watches
go to a strip club with partner
go to a sex or swingers club with partner
go to a nudist resort with partner
go to a pleasure resort with partner
have other men and myself bukkake partner
double penetrate partner with another man
triple penetrate partner with two other men
One thing I’ll say for the immense sex-fatigue at this end of the month is: we just don’t give a shit any more. As soon as the first person playfully takes off their top, my gf and I just strip down and get fucking on the couch.
Once we’re done boning each other (in the middle of a room full of people politely chatting - tick), we get to work on the group sex. We rope in another hetero couple - he’s an enthusiastic type-A guy who spent the first part of the night trying to give his business card out to everyone, she’s a super reserved type whose only words this evening have been, ‘I have a very high pain threshold’. We have sex. Tick.
Then it’s on to the ‘large orgy’ (such technical definitions). My gf hops up on the kitchen table, and myself, two other men and one woman surround her, there’s fingers and hands everywhere. I genuinely lose track of whose hand is on my wang - but I don’t lose track of the fact that we’re blazing through this list.
We wind up in one of the bedrooms with the guy who’s absolutely the youngest there - a floppy haired dude barely out of his teens. My gf invites him to slip his cock inside her, and then I try to slip my cock in her ass, and MY GOD THIS IS DIFFICULT. Double penetration! Extremely fiddly! After about six minutes of fumbling I manage to get the head of my dick inside, and our new friend has basically lost his hard-on, and we decide we’ve achieved it and call time on that one right there. Tick. Sorta.
Triple penetration: not a chance in hell. Bukkake: look, I genuinely don’t know what the etiquette is here. How do you politely ask some guys to come and jointly ejaculate on your partner? Anyway, it doesn’t seem like that kind of vibe. As the saying goes, it takes three to bukkake: two to bukkak, and one to be bukkaked. We are resolutely short of a third bukkakist, and after we’ve brought it up in conversation at least four separate times, people start politely avoiding us. No ticks. But points for trying.
We are the first to leave, 10.45pm. The host thanks us and gives us a flier for an upcoming event (featuring ‘informal skirmishes, falconry and one full siege’). We get a train home and the whole way we are kind of in shock about how actually not awful that was. Group sex & cheap orgies: you're alright!
Anyway, we get in, we lie down in bed, and that is IT, we are DONE.
As Gandhi said, be the insane barrage of kinky sex you want to see in the world. And now we’re finished and we don’t ever have to have sex again.
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