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2020.10.21 20:18 SoldierWantsThatHat Hayato is wierd.

Dafuq was Hayato doing? Like he’s 7 years old or somethin, he really jackin off at that age? Also how did he get that camera? Like it was an expensive ass camera, it was barely noticeable and could zoom in so far you could see what someone’s writing, so it definitely was expensive, so how did he get the money to buy it? Like he couldn’t get it from his parents cause they’re broke as hell, so where did he get the money to buy it? If he stole money from his poor parents, how did he even get the camera without his parents noticing? Like did they not realize a good 10k was gone from their bank account? And how did he install the camera too? Cause installing cameras takes electricians and other guys too, which also costs money, so how the hell did hayatos parents not notice this? Also why was he doing this, I seriously doubt he’s jacking off at age 7, did he anticipate his real dads identity being stolen by a serial killer??? And he’s fucking 7, how would he know to do all this shit, like he’s still in elementary school bruh, and here hayato is pretty desensitized to his parents fucking so he must have been looking at them fuck for a good year, so if he really did do all this shit he did it at age fucking 6, and if the camera came with the house why the hell would a house need a high tech security camera??? Seriously how did hayato get that fucking camera??? And why was he even using it to spy on his parents fucking?? Like what the fuck is wrong with that little shit? First he steals his parents money, and btw his parents are struggling to pay rent, second he pays to get the camera, and for some reason the parents didn’t notice their money was gone, then he hires handymen to set up the camera, also costs a lot, and then uses that camera to watch his parents fuck. Not only is hayato an inconsiderate bitch with no sense of money, he’s also a fucking creep who likes to watch his parents fuck, and as soon as his depressed mother is feeling happy again hayato thinks something is “wrong” like bitch be happy for your mother, and his first instinct after seeing his mother happy is too look into the secret 10k porn camera and search for evidence and some shit. Also hayato did this shit when he was like 8 or 7 or something, he installed an expensive ass camera to watch his parents fuck, and hayato is fucking 7, like he couldn’t even fuckin jizz or some shit, which means that dickhead was just staring at his parents fucking, like what the actual fuck is wrong with hayato, like he could have been sorta normal and go out and buy a fuckin porn mag or some shit, but he decided to buy a 10k camera, install it into his PARENTS room without them knowing, and stare at his PARENTS FUCKING EACHOTHER. Like what the actual fuck is wrong with him, like araki could have done something like make hayato look in his parents room for his schoolbag or shoes and notice his dad writing his name over and over again on that piece of paper, but he thought having hayato look through a 10k secret camera which is established that hayato uses to watch his parents have sex, was the best way to go about things. Seriously, this sounds like the fucked up backstory of a serial killer, like this sounds like something Kira would do as a kid, but this backstory is about one of the main heroes! Like how are we supposed to look up to this creep? Case closed, hayato is fucking weird.
submitted by SoldierWantsThatHat to copypasta [link] [comments]

2020.10.19 19:15 ritamisa Multiple panic attacks, my life story, rant

Note: This is my story. It's a long read.
I am the eldest of 3 , have 2 younger brothers. I have been facing emotional turmoil ever since I was a kid - Parents fight, grandparents fight with parents. I can remember dad leaning on me for emotional support from as little as i was 8 yo. My mother would leave the house and disappear after a fight. Me and my father would roam the entire city looking for her.
The only memory of my mother as a kid was fear. I believed she hated me. She only loved my brothers. I was 5-10 pounds overweight and she would serve me less food than my brothers. I felt I had to sneak food to get my share. I was good at school so she made me sit and study for hours since kindergarten. As long as i did well I was ok. There have been countless no. of times my school fees didn't get paid citing financial troubles. But i don't remember my brothers facing that. On one exam my school made me stand outside class while everyone wrote exam. Then my parents would take out their money and pay so that i could write exams. My parents had a bad habit of not returning money. Lenders would come to our house to ask their due, my parents would ask me to answer the door and lie to them that my parents weren't home. I have done this since I was 5-6 years old.
I was scared to tell them about getting periods, needing bra etc. because i thought my developing sexual parts depicted bad character. Mother put me in a girls school at age 11. I didn't talk to boys fearing parents anger. My friends never visited me because my mother would scare them off. Mother won't let me play with neighbourhood kids citing bad influence. She badmouthed my uncle aunts and cousins since i was very little. I couldn't play with cousins too without my mother's prying eyes. So in my early life I made very little friends.
My grandmother used to stay with us. She had developed dementia and schizophrenia. Instead of a medical facility, my parents decided to keep her with us. They thought it would look bad to put one's mother in a facility. Grandma would shout all night, bang doors, disappear somewhere, poop all over the house, collect stones etc. to throw at mother etc. and countless things. From the age of 9 to 14 this was constant until she passed away.
At 15 my youngest brother who was 2 yo suffered burn injuries . It took a year of caring to get him okay. I had to study with him on my lap for my high school exams. I was okay as i was doing well. For the last 2 years in high school, i couldn't chose my subjects. I had to take what parents wanted. At age 17 I couldn't cope up with studies, so secured average marks. Parents were super pissed. They would now make bad expressions while looking at me, whisper among themselves that something is wrong with me, bully me, scold me for gaining 10-15 more pounds. They would make me sit and study till 11 at night and wake me up at 3:30 morning. They would check on me and if i fell asleep on my books they would shout and manhandle me. They would make me do yoga while at the same time they slept. They would get angry at my appearance. And this was the first time I planned on committing suicide. I wanted to hang from the ceiling fan with cloth. I made the loop and tried. Didn't go through with it as i felt the fan would fall as I was heavy. And I could bear the rebukes that would come with a failed attempt.
I think the only thing that saved me was me doing good in exams. All this bullying magically stopped when I got admission into a prestigious college for engineering. Parents did not allow me to chose my major. They made me chose the one that enhanced their reputation. When I had to move to college, my father dropped me. My mother did not bother to even visit the college. In college I faced severe ragging by seniors. I couldn't make much friends in college too. Maybe because i was overly helpful to people and not vulnerable to make any real connections.
In college during vacations I used to visit home. A few days at home and I will start fighting with mom. We had a male live-in help back then. My mom used to get very cosy with him. Dad didn't like it but she wouldn't listen to him. My dad and my brothers kept on complaining about it to me and planning on getting rid of him. Now slowly the help started crossing boundaries with me. Like barging into my room without knocking when i was not appropriate, getting my boyfriends number from my mother to spy on him i guess. On one instance i caught him having porn on his phone which my youngest brother (then 8 years of age) was playing with. There was no lock and my young bro could see it. My dad and other bro was not at home. So I created some drama and fired the help and asked him to leave next morning. At around 3 am that night, i heard sounds and found mom talking to him about me and how crazy i was etc. When she saw me, she immediately charged me if i am going to tell on her to my dad. I genuinely thought that she would kill me that night. I got so scared , i took my youngest brother and locked my room. My mother kept in contact with that help, giving him money etc. We had many helps before and after him, but she acted this way with only this particular one.
After a few weeks I started experiencing severe vertigo episodes that lasted for 9-10 hours. My parents took me to several doctors but noone could pinpoint anything. I had these episodes for 2-3 years and then it subsided.
After college I got a good job and moved to the same city as my fiance. I used to treat my parents and brothers with lavish gifts sometimes consuming my whole salary. Maybe I was trying to buy their love which i did not have. After 2 years me and my fiance quit job to open my our startup. We had to struggle for a year or two. I lost some weight and suddenly one day I got tinnitus (ringing in ears and head). I couldn't sleep for weeks. Consulted doctors and found a bit of hearing loss. This ringing stayed with me and I had to cope with it.
Around this time my brother who's 2 years younger to me got a job in my city. He came to stay with me. I left my flatmates and got a house for both of us. He stayed for 1.5 years and throughout this time he acted extremely passive aggressive towards me. This is when my panic attacks first started. My brother was cheap and didn't want to spend his money on food, utilities etc. I had to spend most of it. He did petty things like he would offer me a bite of his candybar and later ask me to pay for it. LOL. He forgot about all the gifts I gave and all the money I sent him while he was studying. Maybe he thought I would try to dig into his salary as I myself didn't hold a job. But he didn't know that my startup was already making me far more money. Still I tolerated this, sometimes fought or cried.
Then bad luck struck and my fiance's father got terminal cancer. He had to care for his family and couldn't help me with our startup. He had to be away from me and our company for almost a year till his father passed away. I had to work alone, hold the ship together, while facing my brother's hostile behavior every night. I was so stressed, depressed, panic attacks became so severe that i had to make emergency doctor visits. I told my parents about my depression but they simply wouldn't accept it. They saw depression as a weakness and I cannot be that weak. During these tough times my brother decided to stay separately. So here I was alone in a city without help facing anxiety and panic in a house that I leased for him. But I accepted it and moved on.
6-7 months later my bro lost his job, The company cited bad attitude problem as the reason. With this incident he starts getting in contact with me. I forgave him,supported him while finding a new job but did not let him move back with me.
A year later things turned good, our startup was successful, making money. I was very happy and I told this to my parents. They didn't show much enthusiasm but my mother's attitude towards me changed completely. Now she called me everyday, being sweet, saying nice things. She asked me to loan her some money on a few occasions and i did. I gave around $5000 that year. she said she would return a month later, but she hasn't returned till today.
My marriage date got fixed and I told her I wanted a small court wedding. But she insisted on a lavish wedding . I refused but she kept on insisting. Parents said that they would bear most cost as it's the family prestige to have a lavish wedding. I agreed. I paid half and expected them to pay the rest. A week before the wedding when i went home, i found that they had no money for my wedding. They were renovating the house. I was shocked that they expected me to pay for their entire party. I refused. 2 days before the wedding she got out some money to pay as I did not budge. This reminded me of my childhood school fees incident. This broke my heart.
She continued asking for money citing my 14 YO youngest brother's school fees. I gave around $2000 again for this as loan. I took a written promise from her on this. She did not return this as well. At this point I decided I was not going to loan her anymore. For 2 years this worked. She kept asking and i kept refusing. But recently during my youngest brother's college admission, she called me up on the deadline date and demanded $1000. I was put on a spot, i had to give the money overnight or else my brother would lose the college seat. I paid. But this gave me a series of panic attacks. I felt I had no control over myself. I called her up crying and told her the situation. She acted as if she didn't understand. She kept asking me to see a psychiatrist for these panic attacks because something must be wrong with me. She said I used to get these when I was a child too. My dad suggested me to go to a neurologist to check my nerves.
Coming to my passive aggressive brother. I have always forgiven him for his mistakes and loved him same as when we were kids. I didn't hold any grudge. He lived with a flatmate. One time I visited his house, I saw all his stuff like cooking utensils, vegetables etc. in his bedroom. When i asked the reason, he said that his flatmate might use his stuff. He was alone and with no friends. I felt bad and invited him on festivals and random occaisons to stay with me, have fun. I was afraid that he will get into depression staying alone. I made him meet my friends. But one thing remain constant, "not paying for stuff". Whenever he was over at my house or if we go out, he never once paid for any food order or anything. We had to take the bill everytime. If we asked him to pay, he would say he "forgot" to get his wallet.
This year we went out to celebrate my dad's bday, we invited around 20 people for it. Me and my brother decided that we would go half and half with the bill, he agreed. At the restaurant when the bill arrived, he vanished and went outside. I looked for him and asked him about paying, he said he "forgot" his wallet. I had to pay the entire amount. My husband at this point got super pissed. Later I asked my mother to discuss with my brother for what he had done. Don't know how that went.
Lately he has upped his passive aggressiveness. He got a girlfriend for the first time. He is 31 now. He is getting engaged in a few days and getting married next year. I am not bothered by whats going on in his life, but he keeps lying to me about various things. I would much rather prefer being kept ignorant than being lied to. I don't call him that often, but last few months he has been calling me every 2-3 days telling one unnecessary lie after another. He wants to show his girlfriend that we are a very happy family. For. eg, I get cake for him on his bday every year, but he has never bought a single cake ever in my life. He has never actually gifted me anything. But this year he shows up on my bday with a cake. I was happily surprised. But later i found that he would video call his gf to show the celebration. He was not there for me, he used my bday as a marketing platform for his gf. He did the same with my husband's bday.
Whenever I took road trips I always invited my brother. He never missed a chance to take a free trip. Now he takes family trips with the girl's mother, sister etc. while not even showing the courtesy of inviting me. I try to ignore it. Then he casually lies to me about going on such trips. I don't want to go on a trip with them, but this constant lying is making me irritated. When I confronted him about his lying, then he gaslighted me even more and dragged my husband into this. He denied lying and said that he had told the truth to my husband while i was in another room. I kept my calm and stood firm. Minimised contact.
Few weeks later, a day before his gf bday he came to my house to apologise, I accepted and decided to move on. I wished his gf on her bday and he video called and showed that we are a happy family. A week after this he invites himself to my home for tea. That day he acted very passive aggresively towards my husband. His behaviour was so bad that my husband got up and just left. Few days later out of nowhere he messages me very rude things about my husband. I realised that he had zero respect for me and my husband. He only calls me when he is in trouble like losing his job, or his gf losing her job, or he getting sick etc. Other times when I am not required, i will have to be a doll to glorify his family. I feel used. If I act soft I feel taken advantage of, if I act stern I feel guilt of not being a good sister. This helplessness is giving me panic attacks.
I am happy that he has got a new family. But what I fail to understand is why has he not even introduced us to this family. We were given just 1 week's notice for this engagement. I am thinking of not attending. But my mother and brother is now insisting that I have to attend, otherwise it would look bad in front of his gf family. They are asking me to leave my work behind to attend this sham. I accepted initially, but now when i think of it, if i do attend this engagement, I will again feel being used and get panic attacks. Because my brother mistreating me will continue till I don't cut him off completely. My parents couldn't care less about this.
Brother: I can understand some of his passive aggressiveness stems from sibling jealousy as I had always done better them him in school, career, relationship etc. But I can't take this shit anymore. I wish him happiness but i cant be a party to this anymore.
Parents asking money: My family is not poor. They are well off with 5 houses and ample money. The reason my mother asks for money is she doesn't want to dip into her money. She keeps her money in long term investments and intentionally doesn't keep cash in hand. I wanted to be a daughter who could take complete care of her parents in old age. But this constant abuse has changed my mind
I read about parentification and I had to understand all these abuses. It's hard for me to accept that I am actually an orphan. My parents never loved me like they should and they don't know that. They don't know how to love me. They don't have respect for my life or boundaries. The only way out to reduce this pain is to understand past abuses, forgive them, and maintain boundaries. But I am unable to do this as the abuse is ongoing. My mother questions me every day I don't call. I have to call her everyday. I tried setting boundaries but they simply won't accept. If I tell my mother to not do something, she will do that even more. Hence I face this abuse everyday. With my brother it's every week. They are my triggers and stressors. Nowadays thinking of death as a way of escape calms my anxiety and sadness.
Writing this has helped me calm down today. Thank you!
submitted by ritamisa to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2020.10.12 19:33 Thechampainoffears My cabinet full of smells....

Me: I never knew that there existed a "fragrance community." Now that I found it, it's interesting to me. I've always enjoyed "smelling good" and in champagned fueled poking around reddit, I found this sub. So, I thought you guys might be interested in my thoughts on some of the fragrances I've accumulated over the years, essentially immune from an internet community that I really didn't know existed. A little bit about me, if you're interested. I'm 44, male and am "in finance." I am at a point in my life where I am divorced, financially independent, and dating women across an age range from 24-50. I mention this only because it seems like a lot of the fragrance discipline seems to be oriented around what the opposite sex seems to find attractive. Sure, all that is fun but mainly, I enjoy the ideas of scent memories and the stories that are in the smells I wear. Probably unnecessarily romantic but in the long run, we're all dead so..who cares? May as well have a blast while we're here..
Anyway, here is a quick look at my "scent wardrobe," I think you guys call it? And my thoughts about some of them.
Adidas: Sport Fever I bought this probably 15 years ago at a drug store because once upon a time, I enjoyed a Hugo Boss fragrance which came in a round ball and smelled like oranges and coriander. This had orange on the label and seemed "sporty." It smells approximately like Creed Aventus (more on that later) because it has a lot of fruit and mint business going on. It doesn't smell anything at all like the Hugo Boss that inspired its purchase. It's just ok. It smells like a drugstore cologne that cost $5. It's not terrible but don't buy it. There's nothing exciting going on, here. If you want to toss this on after a shave, no problem but don't expect to smell amazing. Also, though, you won't smell bad. Next.
Aqua Velva: Musk This stuff.... It's another $6 drug store smell but it smells like getting deals done in New York City in 1986. It's too strong and it smells artificial but it somehow smells like business. I feel like this is what men think men should smell like to get the secretaries excited in the movie "Big." There is a woman out there who will follow you anywhere because you wore this but you better want her because all the others will think that you smell like Harvey Keitel in "Bad Lieutenant" but maybe you A, don't care and B, want to smell exactly like that. You should own this.
Aqua Velva: Aqua Velva Ice Blue This will make you smell like you just got back from a submarine assignment in WW2. It's great to throw on liberally after a shave. Least of all because it burns like a mother fucker and will mix with your coffee and morning cigarette to wake you up. I used to wear this all the time because my cheating ex wife liked it. Probably because it reminded her of her grandfather. Even at the time, I thought, "This appeals to women who have daddy issues." It probably still does but for probably obvious reasons, I don't wear it anymore.
Ariana Grande: Cloud I bought this because a really cute sales 20 something year old sales girl at Ulta told me that it smelled exactly like a much more expensive perfume while I was there buying nail polish with my kid. To be honest, I didn't give a crap what it smelled like. I was hitting on the 20 something year old Ulta girl. It smells like dessert. I'll wear it sometimes but not when I expect to be taken seriously. This is actually a fun fragrance and not offensive. If I'm "jeans and a sweater" and picking apples or something, I'll wear this. It's like an actually reasonably well made version of what I think I remember the freshman girls in college wearing (which was probably Charlie or Teen Spirit deodorant or something.) I should probably throw this out or give it to my kid. The 20 something and I went out a few times for drinks but I think she needs surgery to remove her cell phone from her hand and an intervention on her social media addiction.
Bath and Body Works: Bourbon I go to Bath and Body works because they sell Proraso shave cream, which you can really only get in Italy, under the name of "Bigelow." They also have fragrances which I will occasionally sniff when I go in to buy shave cream. This one was one of those. I have a thing for stuff that smells ambery and churchy and this one gets there. This has that "new perfume" smell. I don't know, is that "ambroxyn?" who knows. But once it mellows down, it's really rich and smooth. Very woody and masculine. It's probably a little "young" for me but it's pretty generic and just smells like "fall." That said, I haven't worn it this fall, yet. It's strongish and I've had people either tell me that it smells "nice" or not comment on it at all which is potentially a worse indictment since they definitely smell it.
Bath and Body Works: Dark Amber This shit smells delicious. It smells like powder and amber. Period. I like the smell of amber way more than powder but this is really nice and cold weather feeling. I think that this is might be a shittily created scent because Bath and Body works, right? But it consistently gets me told that I smell good. This seems inoffensive, generally pleasing and I like the way that it smells, even though it isn't really that complex. You can buy this pretty worry free. Could also easily be worn by a woman.
Bigelow: Lemon 1999 This is, to my mind, just great. It smells like lemons and salt water and once you spray it on your skin, it almost disappears unless someone is right on top of you. There's very little complexity here but the lemon smell is so pure and clean. I cook a lot so I really appreciate pure smells like garlic, lemon and strawberries. This doesn't smell "like" lemon. It smells lemon. It smells like you just walked by a lemon tree in Sicily. I don't wear this because I want to smell good to anyone but me. It stays tight and really close to you. You're not going to leave a lemon cloud behind yourself. This one, impossibly, came also from Bath and Body Works. If it were $200 at Bloomingdales, I would have bought it. I think it cost me $30. This is great. Next time you're in Bath and Body Works getting cookie scented hand sanitizer, buy this.
Burberry: London This smells like the drawing room at Christmas from the Nutcracker. It's fucking brilliant. I'll wear this in the middle of the summer when I want to smell like Santa Claus is coming. It hits all the spots. It's clean but heavy. It just smells like home and comfort. If you want to feel at peace while things are seemingly out of control, wear this. I don't remember why or when I bought this but it smells like comfort. Buy this.
Burberry: Touch People have commented that this smells great on me. I think it smells like shit. It smells like a baby powder bomb. I really only wear it very occasionally because it apparently smells much better on my skin than I think it does. Don't buy this. I don't trust people who say that this smells good. Too heavy, too sneezy and too much powder. No go.
Burberry: Brit for Him This is ok but only smells "sophisticated" if you don't know what Guerlain fragrances smell like. I honestly think that there are $5 CVS fragrances that smell better than this. It's really thick and has a fake rosy smell to it. I smells like they tried hard to make it smell good but focused mostly on making it smell "strong." I don't love this one but will very occasionally wear it to convince myself to not wear it next time.
Burberry: Brit Rhythm This smells better than the Brit. But is also probably too "young" for me. It's got a nice vegetal flavor going on and smells like it wants to smell like basil and patchouli but it also smells very grating and aggressive (while still not offensive.) I could wear this but I'd vaguely smell like everyone else in my firm. Pass on this one. It's ok but not great. It's pretty generic and smells at the same time like everything else but just enough different from everything else that it's not quite the same.
Cartier: Pasha de Cartier Now, we're starting to get into serious business. This smells like money and also, vaguely, my pediatrician in 1979. Pasha just smells aggressive. I'm pretty sure it will fill a room with a strong but tolerable smell. It smells uniquely like Pasha de Cartier. You know it immediately, when you smell it. It smells like you paid an interior designer to tell you to have no furniture except for Relling chairs in your office. It smells like you own a 911 turbo which you've never taken above 80 mph. It smells like you could fuck the wife of the guy you're talking to but you'd probably chicken out if it came down to it. I love Pasha de Cartier.
Cartier: Declaration This shit stinks. I love it but it stinks. When you put it on, you think, "Do I smell like cumin seed? Will people think I stink?" The answer is "Yes." I wish I were brave enough to wear this more often. It is an absolutely fascinating smell. But the only one who will find it "fascinating" is you. Do NOT wear this in public. But DO buy it. I dare you.
Creed: Aventus I paid way too much for this because I was in Bloomingdales and was looking to spend "stupid money" for no reason whatsoever and the shopper girl told me that this was the next hot thing. It seems like this is highly regarded in the fragrance reddits but I don't think that it's worth the price. It's funny because somehow, in the store, it seemed a little steep but not wholly unreasonable. So I bought it. But I have worn this very infrequently. I can't put my finger on it but it's simultaneously strong but weak. Sweet but not. Cloying yet subtle. I originally thought that it smelled good but I don't anymore. When I put this on, it somehow convinces me that it smells great and will smell even better but it never makes good on that promise. It's weird. I don't hate it but it aggravates me that I paid so much for it, to smell essentially like fruit cocktail. It's just ok. I feel like maybe Guerlain and Penhaligons have spoiled me and I would have enjoyed this more if it had been way less money.
Davidoff: Cool Water Coral Reef This one, I like. It seems like "dirty" Cool Water to me. I like cool water just fine but this is a little bit more (or less.) There's nothing ground breaking, here. It smells like the sea, sans fish and stink. When I'm on a boat, I will wear this. I don't know how to be more plain. It seems like there's a minty bit in there that pushes it a little beyond the saltiness of Cool Water. I think Cool Water is really a classic and this is a good if slight improvement on it. You can't go wrong with this one but it's also not going to knock anyone's socks off.
Dior: Sauvage This is garbage. Plain and simple. I bought this because I was talking to another guy in my office about fragrance and he told me all about how Sauvage was that best thing that had been released in the past hundred years. So, I went to see my guy at Bloomingdales and got a bottle. This shit stinks. It smells like Axe body wash. There's something in it that makes me think of the "too much cologne" guy. I don't even care about the stuff that's under that. The primary smell is the "too much cologne guy." I was honestly shocked. I didn't figure that Dior would release something so brutal and blunt. Maybe this is just too "young" for me but I think that it's unnecessarily heavy and falsely deep. Not impressed. I like Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue Sun for women WAY better. More on that later. Regardless, Sauvage is a no go. Do not buy this.
Dolce and Gabbana: Light Blue Sun This is a women's fragrance. I don't care. It smells amazing. It's not unisex. If you're a man and you wear this, you're going to smell like a chick. But a really sophisticated chick with her shit entirely together. This smells like the beach and salt water and the sun and coppertone. It smells like a day that you wished you'd known was going to be as perfect as it turned out to be so that you could have paid attention better. This smells like a sexy librarian with a trust fund who you think, "She has no idea how hot she is." You're wrong. She knows exactly how hot she is and she wrecks men like you. I love this and wear it regularly during the summer. When told that this smells good, I always think, "Of course you think it smells good. I smell like the woman with the story you'd like to be yours."
Dunhill: Edition Do you want to smell like Magnum PI? For an hour? Buy Edition. Edition is magical. For a very short time. If you want to smell like James Bond, killing people after you just met a smoking hot spy at some roulette table, you need Edition. I don't know what this smells like. But it doesn't last long. It just smells like British. I don't know what more to say about that. It smells like green plants and assertiveness and a Jaguar XK150. You'll think you smell good and you'll be right but nobody else will be able to smell you after you leave the house. Edition smells absolutely amazing but you better do whatever you're up to quickly because it will leave you just as quickly as you put it on. This is like a less aggressive de Pasha. Buy it and then, be annoyed that it lasts for shit. Come to think of it, James Bond movies are only 2 hours long so maybe it lasts exactly as long as it needs to.
Dunhill: Fresh Do NOT buy this. Because it smells amazing and like very few other fragrances and it is my secret. This is very near all the other "sea" fragrances but goes further, somehow. This smells like the movie Dirty Rotten Scoundrels in the best way possible. This smells like Nice in August. The sea is there, the flowers are there, the food is there. This smells like that linen shirt that you almost don't put on because you think, "This makes me look like P. Diddy...I probably shouldn't wear this." But, yes, you should and who cares? Dunhill Fresh is so slick and subtle but also different. Nobody will tell you that you smell great because you just will and it smells like you're expecting to smell great and it's not a big deal. I've worn this on the Mediterranean and it was exactly perfect. It doesn't need to be warm and sunny to wear this. But it will definitely remind you of the days of summer.
Guerlain: Habit Rouge I bought this because my grandfather always had it. This smells like your grandmother's ass and lipstick when you first spray it on. But....wait. It turns into something amazing. I don't know how but it does. Habit Rouge starts out smelling like fake roses and playdoh. And then, it somehow morphs into something that can't be described. It smells like meritocracy and maturity and magic and the drawer of a dresser that has smelled exactly the same in one of the houses on Bellevue Avenue in Newport for 100 years. Be clear. You will not like or "get" Habit Rouge the first time you wear it. You will think that it smells like an old lady. You will think that it's a lot of things but none of them, "male." Stop. Let it sink in. Let it sit. Habit Rouge is so good it should be illegal. You need to have balls the size of Godzilla to wear Habit Rouge. Or, wear Habit Rouge and you will end up with Godzilla sized balls. I don't want to be crass but, there are two fragrances (both Guerlain) that have elicited the statement, "You smell fucking amazing" in bed. The first is Habit Rouge. Once you get Habit Rouge on your skin it's nearly impossible to understand why other fragrances exist at all. Habit Rouge mixed with light body odor and the smell of having been outdoors is so good it should be a federal offense.
Guerlain: Heritage This is what Chanel Egoiste would smell like if they took the "bug spray" smell out. Again, almost impossible to describe. It's got that "Dead Poets Society" smell but deeper and more serious. It's got a warmer, velvety feel to it. There's a leather background to it and something that just makes you want to keep smelling it. How Guerlains are around $100 a bottle, I have no idea whatsoever. Heritage isn't my "signature" scent but it could be. It could be anyone's. I'm probably wrong but if you're a young guy who has been told to get Sauvage...ignore that and get Heritage. They don't smell the same but trust me that you'll realize that this was a great idea much later.
Guerlain: L'Instant I'm going to keep this short and tell you two things, here. 1. L'Instant smells like chocolate covered orange peel, incense, vanilla and the heavy red velvet curtains in a French whore house and will change but lasts almost 24 hours. 2. L'Instant WILL get you laid. Guaranteed. By women or men who know exactly what they're doing and are unnaturally talented at fucking. I'm sorry to be coarse but some things need to be stated exactly as they are. L'Instant goes great with my Ferragamo loafers. L'Instant smells like you've never made a bad decision because even your bad decisions turn out brilliantly. L'Instant smells like the integrity of Abraham Lincoln crossed with the filth of a really artfully shot porn film. If all Guerlain made was this, they could consider themselves "done." This stuff is in an entirely other league. This is the other Guerlain that has elicited the contextual comment referenced in the Habit Rouge summary. The things that you will do and the situations that you will find yourself in while wearing L'Instant will ruin your life and you'll love every minute. Please, don't buy this. I'm warning you. You'll accidentally buy a boat. You'll have a soundtrack that only you can hear. You'll feel bad for Chris Isaak and Helena Christensen that they were so prudish and awkward in that Wicked Game video in comparison to you.
Guerlain: Vetiver I read somewhere that JFK used to wear this. I can see that. If you want to smell like Don Draper, wear this. It's pretty straight forward and smells like Vetiver. How do I know that? Because I have Royall Vetiver and the smell is almost identical. You can tell that this is well made and classic but it might not be the smell for you. I think that maybe, once upon a time, vetiver was a man's smell. But I think that enough time has passed that nobody remembers when men smelled like this. You'll have to decide how you play that. If you want to know what vetiver smells like, get this. If you want to smell like vetiver, get this. I haven't given this one a fair shot but I want to. It's very even toned and reasonable. It smells like it could be worn by someone dangerous but probably wouldn't be.
Lacoste: Pour Homme This is a great middle of the road smell. This is suit but with no tie. It's citrusy but also smells a little like burning leaves. I had a friend in high school who wore United Colors of Benneton and this reminds me of that. I don't think that they smell the same but I get the same, fun, innocent feeling from those days when I smell this. I think this would smell great on a man or a woman. I wear this now and then when I think, "Oh, I like that one. I haven't worn it in a while. I think I'll wear it today. This smells like a really solid concierge at the Hilton. He'll get you whatever you want and make you feel like a million bucks. No reason not to have this one.
Lacoste: Essential I like this Lacoste, too. It's very simple and very fresh. It smells like a fancy tennis game in 1983. Another high school memory, here. When I was in high school, I spent my summers working at the pool restaurant at the country club. This smells like that. It smells like sporty money but nothing too obnoxious or simplistic. It's exactly what it needs to be. This is a good fragrance for a steak dinner at one of those places where everything is a la carte. If you're wearing a polo shirt with an alligator on it, you should wear this because you'll smell exactly right and it's what everyone is imagining you probably smell like, anyway. Give the people what they want. I don't remember where or when I bought this but I feel like it's probably too cheap to not get. Again, if you're a young guy and someone told you to buy Dior Sauvage buy this instead. I say that because demographic-wise, this skews towards the younger women I've dated. 25 year old women with their first "real job in the city" seem to like this scent.
Lalique: Encre Noir I bought this at Neiman Marcus. I think that I'd be blown away by this if I hadn't smelled anything from Guerlain. This is heavy and smells like Dracula in a mossy forest. This might be one of my favorites if I could stop wearing L'Instant. This is very dark and thick. It's almost choking and intoxicating. It smells like new money. It smells like someone who knows that class and manners are important and is trying their best to be appropriate but didn't stop to consider whether smelling like forest Dracula is necessarily appropriate in all instances. This smells great and is very forgiving despite its heft. I wouldn't let my daughter date a guy who smelled like this but I would appreciate the hell out of his effort. On the right woman, this would smell incredible and dangerous. Buy it but don't wear it all the time.
Lalique: Encre Noir Extreme I also bought this at Neiman Marcus at the same time as the other one. Everything I said about the first one stands but this one somehow has a more citrusy furniture addition and the smell of incense inside a confessional. It's hard to decide which of these is better because they're simultaneously very close but also very different. Another solid one. I'm not as convinced that this one would be good "on the right woman" it might be good on the "wrong woman." If you smell her, let me know. I bought this once and would again.
Lalique: Bentley Intense Ok, in defense of "Sauvage guy" in my office, he also recommended this and he was right. I wasn't keen on the idea of a car fragrance. It seemed tacky to me. Is that the second place prize? "I can't afford a Bentley but I smell like their perfume?" But I must admit that this stuff smells great. Super easy to wear with a suit and tie or open collar and jeans. It's very rummy and a little bit leathery and has a smell of iced tea. Maybe it doesn't and I just get confused because it's the color of iced tea. This could almost be a Guerlain scent if Guerlain didn't insist on making everything smell like it came out of a steam powered time machine. It's modern enough to be modern but classic enough to be classic. This smells like a solid upstanding family man who was a little wild in his younger days but has toned it down and has settled into his adult life but still probably shouldn't be allowed to go to a bachelor party.
Michael Kors: Extreme Sky I feel like I shouldn't like this but I do. To me, Michael Kors is synonymous with people buying a Michael Kors bag when they really want a Vuitton but don't have the coin and convince themselves that Michael Kors is just as good. But this stuff smells like lightning and rain. I don't know another way to describe it. It's fresh and windy and feels like what the Sharper Image should smell like back when Sharper Image was cool and not just more expensive Spencers Gifts. (Are these references contemporary? Do those places still exist?) This smells like chrome and glass and track lighting. This smells like the guy at the BMW dealer who's the best salesman there and is somehow making 6 figures selling cars and has no idea that he could triple his income doing exactly what he's doing but selling something other than cars. I don't wear this often but I will miss it when it's gone because by that time, you won't be able to get it anymore. I probably shouldn't like this one but I do.
Penhaligons: Bayolea Do you want to spend an insane amount of money to smell like a barber shop in 1952? Then, this is for you. This stuff smells like a pirate ship if pirates weren't filthy and showered. This is like the best Bay Rhum that you will ever inhale. It smells like someone else's signature smell that they found ages ago for next to no money in some little shop in the Virgin Islands but which you will never be able to get. It smells like it should be cheap but the quality is just beyond next level. This is classic. They say that vetiver is the classic male scent but I think, really, it's this one. This smells like the guy with the 150' sail boat who used to sail his own boat but then hired a captain to sail it for him but then decided that he was going to go back to sailing his own boat again.
Penhaligons: Endymion This stuff is unbelievable. It reminds me of a very British Guerlain. This is up there with L'Instant and is somehow similar but with the addition of espresso. Very sophisticated. You might want to take up pipe smoking if you want to wear this. Or, at least, increase the number of leather bound first editions that you own. This is what Winston Churchill would smell like if he looked like George Clooney. I don't think that a younger guy could wear this. It doesn't smell like an old man but just like you need to mature into your first Kiton shirt, you need to be ready to step into this one. This smells like an F-50 CEO who somehow never has to do any work. No problem whatsoever with a woman wearing this one. I have one in particular who always uses a bit when she leaves.
Penhaligons: Juniper Sling. Gin martini. That's it. This smells like a gin martini without the alcoholic stink. People will ask you if they're correct that you smell like a martini. They will be. This one is fun to wear and I feel like it's a companion to Bayolea. To be fair to this one it only really smells like a martini for the first hour and then it turns into something that smells like the flowery freshness of a garden on a not too humid day. This reminds me of the 100 year old tile bathroom on the first floor of the NYAC. It smelled that way 100 years ago and will still smell the same 100 years from now, long after you're dead. This just smells like class in a bottle. If you actually want to embrace smelling like Gordon Gekko with absolutely no apologies, you should buy this. I don't think women like the way this smells. I don't think that the men wearing it particularly care.
Pinaud: Clubman Classic Vanilla This is in a plastic bottle and costs $6 at your local Walgreens. Penhaligons could easily take this and just dump it into fancier glass bottles and sell it for $150. I think that they've been making this the same way for decades and it is such a sleeper that I almost hesitate to mention it. This has so much going on and is spicy without being too spicy, only faintly vanilla-y and is an all around great scent. I'll go through phases where this is my go-to for a month at a time. This smells the way Mrs. Robinson from the Graduate wanted her men to smell. Benjamin didn't smell that way because I'm sure he wore Old Spice but she let it slide. You're a fool if you don't buy this the next time you have to refill your tooth paste supply.
Royall: Vetiver I find this one interchangeable (more or less) with Guerlain Vetiver. It's a little bit citrusy and very thickly vetiver. I read somewhere that the origin of vetiver was from the fact that they used vetiver oil to ship very expensive men's clothing and keep bugs away from it but that the Vetiver smell never really went away. That seems to make sense to me on this one. This is exactly what I imagine a very nice suit would smell like if it were shipped to me in 1870. It smells classic and grassy and seems like it wants to be cloying but never really gets there. I think that for a while Royall stuff was cheap and then expensive and then cheap again. I bought all my Royalls ages ago at Brooks Bros so I'm sure I paid way, way too much for them. But whatever they cost, it's worth it just for the cool bottles with the crown caps.
Royall: Spyce This Smells like super fantastic Old Spice. It smells like a super deep version of your grandfather after he just got back from playing golf in a nice cashmere v neck sweater. If you want to smell like old spice but better, this is a very refined way to go. It really does smell like allspice, cinnamon, cloves and cardamom but it never ventures into cookie territory. It's very warm and fairly heavy. I think that Royall, being Bermuda based, thinks that it has mostly warm-weather type scents. I'd be careful with this in warm weather. It's not unwearable in the warm but I'd go light on it.
Royall: Muske Musky and powdery. This is like a warm manly blanket. If you want to smell like you're very clearly in charge and nobody needs to worry anymore because you've shown up...this is the one. Mrs Robinson wanted her men to smell like Clubman Classic Vanilla but when they smelled like Royall Muske, she was immediately made weak in the knees. This is another one that could almost be in the Guerlain / Penhaligons mix but isn't subtle enough. And it's not apologetic about it's unsubtlety. It's very refined but still rough around the edges. This is what Ernest Hemmingway should have smelled like if he had gotten his shit together, grown up and conquered his alcoholism. Easy buy.
Viktor and Rolf: Spicebomb Fresh I bought this accidentally because I thought that it was Spicebomb. This is nice and easy to wear. It's got a little bit of smokiness, somehow and a lot of citrus. I don't detect much spice there but who knows. I've been told more than once that this smells good on me. It's easy when I'm not in the mood to think too hard about what I want to wear or be bothered to "pick one." Middle of the road, probably could be worn pretty easily by women.
So there you go. Going back and reading this, I'm realizing that I likely have Peter Pan syndrome but also want to smell like something from 200 years ago. But the stories are fun. I look forward to continuing to read all about everyone else's excitement about fragrances. It's a real kick.
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2020.10.12 18:42 jonisantucho Oscar Watch - Post Venice/TIFF/NYFF Edition

Several months ago, right after the last Academy Awards, I posted a long, long, long list of possible contenders that had prospects to fight for the next Oscars. It was a time of hope, of looking forward, and of positivity.
Then, COVID-19 happened.
And now, we find ourselves in a year that may change the movie industry forever, with the lack of safety of theaters in times of a pandemic accelerating the switch of mainstream audiences to streaming and VOD. These are times where some people are beginning to wonder, even after they pushed the eligibility date for two more months, why the Academy doesn’t cancel next year’s Oscars. And in this rocky terrain, we lost many contenders. Fire up the Hunger Games cannons, because these are some casualties of the season (so far).
Launched to 2021: Annette, Benedetta, Deep Water, Dune, In the Heights, King Richard, Last Night in Soho, Memoria, Nightmare Alley, Passing, Red, White and Water, Raya and the Last Dragon, The Last Duel, The Power of the Dog, Tick, Tick… Boom!, West Side Story.
Unknown status / missing in action: After Yang, Blonde, Breaking News in Yuba County, C’mon C’mon, Next Goal Wins, Stillwater, The French Dispatch, The Humans, The Tragedy of Macbeth, The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Those Who Wish Me Dead.
But even if this year isn’t as loaded with clear awards candidates, there are plenty of movies that are already drawing buzz for an Oscar season that started brewing a month ago, with the kickoff of the Venice Film Festival, and will go on for six and a half more months, when the Academy Awards take place on April 25, 2021. It’s gonna be a long, weird and rocky season, which is gonna be great to see in terms of the narratives that are coming up.
-Ammonite (trailer): When people were betting on the likelier contenders of this year, many people pointed in the direction of Francis Lee’s period drama, with previous Best Actress winner Kate Winslet and constant nominee Saoirse Ronan. Going into the premiere at Toronto, people had their eyes set in this queer romance between a paleontologist and a young wife in the coasts of England during the 19th century. But then, some things happened. First, Winslet started her promotion of the movie by talking about her regret for working with Woody Allen and Roman Polanski that sounded unconvincing to the ominous Film Twitter. Then, another queer period drama, Mona Fastvold’s The World to Come, started to take the attention away at Venice. And finally, the movie premiered. The reaction? Cold. Critics came out mixed with the movie, with many of them comparing it negatively to last year’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and saying that it’s too dull and alienating. Does that mean that all is lost? Not exactly. While the movie (which, considering the genre, really needs critics' support to get into the Best Picture category) has been dismissed, the acting by Winslet and Ronan has been received positively. Now that so many other contenders have been dropping out of the year, they might get some room to campaign from a (social) distance.
-Another Round (trailer): Speaking of TIFF premieres, a film that had a better time at the Canadian festival was the reunion between director Thomas Vinterberg and star Mads Mikkelsen, who reunited years after making the stirring drama The Hunt (not the one with Betty Gilpin carrying a bad political satire, the one about a Danish teacher wrongly accused of sexual abuse). This time, the material is lighter, being a dramedy about four teachers who decide to test out a theory about how people can live and work a little better if they increase the level of alcohol in their blood. Critics really liked the way the movie dealt with alcoholism, and Toronto audiences made it a runner up for the People’s Choice Award of the festival. In a year without so much exposure from other festivals, this Cannes 2020 selection could make a candidate for the Best International Film category.
-Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (trailer): Surprise, new Borat film! While Sacha Baron Cohen made headlines several times this year because of stunts that people assumed were about a second season of Who is America?, the Internet was shocked when, in early September, it was confirmed that it was actually a very niiiiice return from the journalist character that made him famous, shot during quarantine. In a matter of weeks after the reveal, the sequel got sold to Amazon Prime and got a release date for October 23. Why so soon? Well, apparently the movie, which got him in trouble with Rudy Giuliani and other people, is about Borat taking his daughter on a road trip to give her as a bride to VP Mike Pence. Even if this movie doesn’t manage to achieve the feats of the 2006 movie (which got a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination, let’s remember), it will help Baron Cohen’s image a lot, because it will come a week after his big Oscar play.
-Cherry: While everybody knows them mostly because of their contributions to the MCU, directors Joe and Anthony Russo and actor Tom Holland are trying to branch out together. Now Apple has bought into their efforts, paying more than 40 million dollars to acquire their new crime drama, about the life of former Army medic Nico Walker, who started robbing banks after his days in Iraq left him with PTSD and a pill addiction. Will Holland manage this time to escape from the shadow of “oh, jeez, Mr. Stark” Spider-Man before Chaos Walking or the Uncharted movie come out? That’s a question for another day.
-Da 5 Bloods (trailer): Talk about timing. Merely days after the country was mobilized by the police brutality that continues to divide the United States, Spike Lee premiered his new war drama on Netflix. In a vibrant, disjointed but passionate portrait of four African American veterans who return to Vietnam to search for their fallen leader and some treasure, Lee struck gold yet again with his usual fans, even though the moving of the Oscar ceremony threatened to make it harder to remind Academy voters about this movie. However, with an astounding performance from Delroy Lindo (who is confirmed to be campaigned in the Best Actor category) and a supporting turn from Chadwick Boseman which got reframed with the news of his bravery in life and death, this has what it takes to fight for a spot in the Best Picture lineup.
-Everybody’s Talking About Jamie (trailer): When it became clear that quarantine wasn’t gonna be a breeze, the first movie in consideration wise enough to move a little further ahead in the calendar was this adaptation of the hit West End production about a gay British teenager who dreams of becoming a drag queen and get his family and schoolmates to accept his sexuality. With a release date on February 26, 20th Century Studios (man, it’s weird to not use Fox in that name) hopes to strike gold, with a cast that mixes young unknowns, familiar names (Sharon Horgan, Sarah Lancashire and my boy Ralph Ineson) and the previously nominated legend that is Richard E. Grant (who is playing a former drag queen named Loco Chanelle), now taking advantage of the move of other musicals like Annette, In The Heights and West Side Story. I mean, this has at the very least some Golden Globes nods in the bag.
-French Exit: Before its premiere as the closing film of the NYFF, many pundits were expecting this surreal comedy to be somewhat of a comeback for past Best Actress nominee Michelle Pfeiffer, who here plays a close to penniless widow who moves to Paris with her son (Lucas Hedges) and cat, who also happens to be her reincarnated husband (Tracy Letts). However, the first reactions for the film adaptation of the Patrick deWitt novel were all over the place, with some people feeling cold by the execution of the weirdness and others being won over. Still, everybody had good things to say about Michelle Pfeiffer’s performance, but after the mixed reception to the rest of Azazel Jacobs’ film she really would need a lot of critics support to get anywhere near the Best Actress category. With a release date on February 12, it seems that Sony Pictures Classics is skipping the critics awards, and the distributor has a couple of big competitors above this one.
-Good Joe Bell: Every year, there are movies with big stars that go to festivals full of hope for praises and awards. Some of them work and go on, others don’t and get forgotten about. Mark Wahlberg tried to remind people that he occasionally is a good actor with a true life drama where he plays a father who decides to walk across America to raise awareness about bullying after his son, tormented for being gay, commits suicide. The film by Reinaldo Marcus Green premiered at TIFF, and the reaction was… not great. Some critics defended it, but most saw it as a flawed, baity product starring a man with a history of hate. Still, it got bought by a distributor: Solstice Studios, a new player in the game which just released its first movie, Unhinged (yup, the one about Russell Crowe road raging). While they paid 20 million dollars for Good Joe Bell, it’s clear that this won’t get near the Oscar telecast.
-Hillbilly Elegy: While many movies this year have some level of anticipation, Film Twitter is bracing for this movie in the “is this gonna be the next Green Book?” way. Ron Howard’s adaptation of J.D. Vance’s memoir about his low income life in a poor rural community in Ohio has many fearing about the overuse of tropes involving what’s called white trash porn, but rarely, Netflix has kept silent about this release. Even though it has Oscar bridesmaids Glenn Close (7 nominations) and Amy Adams (6 nominations), the streamer has not even released a photo of the movie, which supposedly will come out in November. And if you want another bad omen, take a look at the lower levels of this list by a familiar voice.
-I’m Thinking of Ending Things (trailer): Speaking of Netflix, did you know that there is a new Charlie Kaufman there, right now? While his adaptation of the dark novel by Iain Reid, seemingly about a woman (Jessie Buckley) who is taken by her boyfriend (Jesse Plemons) to meet his parents (Toni Collette and David Thewlis), got the usual reception of confusion and praise that follows his movies, the release was followed for what befalls most of the Netflix original movies: a couple of days in the Top 10, and then it fell into the void. While Buckley and Plemons deliver great work in this demented, melancholic story, it’s hard to see this movie getting anything else than a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination for Charlie. And that’s a long shot.
-I’m Your Woman: Following the little seen but critically acclaimed Miss Stevens and Fast Color, Julia Hart started 2020 with a Disney+ adaptation of the YA book Stargirl, and now she follows it with a drama for Amazon that will have its world premiere as the opening film of the AFI fest on October 15. In this movie, Rachel Brosnahan hopes to translate her TV success with The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel to the big screen, playing a woman in the ‘70s that has to go on the run with her kid due to her husband’s crimes.
-Judas and the Black Messiah (trailer): Even if this doesn’t end up winning any awards, it has a real shot at being the best trailer of 2020. Formerly titled Jesus Was My Homeboy, this biographical drama by Shaka King tells the tale of two men: Fred Hampton (Kaluuya), an activist and Black Panther leader, and William O’Neal (Stanfield), the FBI agent sent to infiltrate the party and arrest him. While the trailer for this movie promised a release “only in theaters”, we shall see if Warner Bros backs down from that fight.
-Let Them All Talk: While we’re on the subject of Warner Bros, we have to mention what’s happening with HBO Max. While the start of the streaming service hasn’t been good (I mean, there are still people confused about that name) and it lead to some people assume will cause many firings, it has begun to make some buzzed titles on TV, like Close Enough, Raised by Wolves and the remains of the DC Universe failed streaming service. Now, to make a mark in the movie business, the streamer has a new Steven Soderbergh movie, a comedy that stars Meryl Streep as a celebrated author that takes her friends (Candice Bergen, Dianne Wiest) and her nephew (Lucas Hedges) in a cruise to find fun and come to terms with the past, while he flirts with a literary agent (Gemma Chan). While it doesn’t have a date yet, it’s confirmed to release in 2020, and at least we know that it can’t be worse than The Laundromat.
-Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom: While the expectations for the next film adaptation of an August Wilson acclaimed play were already high, the tragic death of Chadwick Boseman made this Netflix release one of the most anticipated movies of the season, considering this is his final movie. While past Supporting Actress winner Viola Davis takes the lead playing blues singer Ma Rainey in this tale of a heated recording session with her bandmates, her agent and her producer in 1927, Chadwick Boseman has a turn as the trumpeter Levee that was already being considered for awards, and now has even more people waiting to see. The thing is that one of the biggest competitions for Boseman this year will be Boseman himself, for his already acclaimed supporting turn on Da 5 Bloods, also released by Netflix. While the streamer will have to decide which of Chadwick’s performances will get the bigger campaign, this film by director George C. Wolfe has a cushy date set for December 18, and Viola is gunning hard for this movie to win.
-Mank (trailer): As you may have noticed by now, Netflix has a lot of plates spinning around this season, and this is the big one. After befriending the service with House of Cards and Mindhunter, David Fincher is going black and white to tackle a script by his late father Jack, about the making of the classic of classics, Citizen Kane. More specifically, the making of the script, with previous Oscar winner Gary Oldman playing the lead role of screenwriter Herman J. Mankiewicz, while accompanied by Amanda Seyfried, Lily Collins, Tuppence Middleton, Charles Dance and Tom Burke. After watching the first trailer of his satire of 1930’s Hollywood (that will release on streaming on December 4), it’s clear that this is gonna be catnip to old Academy voters, and it would be really hard for this to miss the Best Picture line up. Unless it’s a complete cinematic disaster, Mank is bank.
-Minari (trailer): While the last edition of Sundance took place in January, quarantine makes you feel like it took place two years ago. This year, the big winner of the Grand Jury Prize and the Audience Award in the US Dramatic Competition was a dramedy by Lee Isaac Chung, about a Korean family in the ‘80s who suddenly gets moved by their father (Steven Yeun) to Arkansas, to start a farm. Even though the reviews have been great, distributor A24 hasn’t really had a big, Oscar nominated hit for the last couple of years, and the COVID-19 crisis made them delay all their releases. But when we were ready to write this off, a new trailer for the movie came out, confirming that it’s in the game of this awards season. Maybe the pandemic will be of help to A24, considering that one of the reasons they haven’t had success is that they divided their attention into too many releases, and ended up getting not much. This time, they are betting all on Lee who, even if this doesn’t go anywhere, also has a new gig coming up as the director of the live action remake of Your Name.
-News of the World (sneak peek): So much of this year has felt like a game of chicken between a virus and movie studios. While many movies chose to skip this year altogether, Universal remains firm (for now) with its plans to open a wide movie on Christmas Day, with a Western that reunites Paul Greengrass and Tom Hanks in an enticing premise. In this drama based on Paulette Jiles’ novel, Hanks plays a traveling newsreader in the aftermath of the American Civil War, who is tasked with reuniting an orphaned girl with her living relatives. While the first sneak peek of the movie looks promising, the future is still in the air.
-Nomadland (trailer): While the world burns around Hollywood, Searchlight is betting big on Chloe Zhao’s new film. Using the strategy of taking the spotlight while the rest of the contenders is uncertain about how or when to be released, the indie drama began its journey at Venice, with critics raving about the story of a woman (two-time Oscar winner Frances McDormand) who, after losing everything in the Great Recession, embarks on a journey through the American West, living as a van-dwelling modern-day nomad. At the end of the fest, the movie won the coveted Golden Lion. To put that into perspective, the last three winners of the award were past Best Picture nominees The Shape of Water, Roma and Joker, with The Shape of Water (also distributed by Searchlight) also winning the big prize. After drawing critical acclaim following its virtual showing on TIFF and NYFF, Nomadland seems like the first lock in the Best Picture line up. Still, there are obstacles ahead. Will Zhao break the disappointment of the last few years, when deserving candidates for Best Director got blocked by the likes of Adam McKay and Todd Phillips? And will McDormand manage to get near a third Oscar, following a recent win for Three Billboards in Ebbing, Missouri? Time will tell.
-On the Rocks (trailer): While she hasn’t been near the Oscars for a while, Sofia Coppola is still a name that draws attention. This time, she opened the NYFF with a dramedy about a young mother (Rashida Jones) who reunites with her playboy father (Bill Murray, also reuniting with Sofia after Lost in Translation) on an adventure through New York to find out if her husband (Marlon Wayans) is cheating on her. The consensus seems to be that, while light and not near her best work, it’s still a fun and breezy movie, with a very good turn by Murray. While many would assume that this A24 production will disappear into the abyss when it releases on Apple TV+ on October 23, the dropping out of many candidates gives the movie a chance to, at least, fight for some Golden Globes.
-One Night in Miami (sneak peek): Following her recent Oscar and Emmy wins for If Beale Street Could Talk and Watchmen, Regina King is still striking hard, and this time, she’s doing it as a director. For her big screen debut as a filmmaker, she chose to adapt Kemp Powers’ play that dramatizes a real meeting on February 25, 1964, when Muhammad Ali (Eli Goree) followed an iconic win with a hangout session with Malcolm X (Kingsley Ben-Adir), Sam Cooke (Leslie Odom Jr.) and Jim Brown (Aldis Hodge). Opening at Venice, the film received glowing reviews, with many praising King (even though some said that the movie doesn’t fully translate the play to the film medium) and the actors’ performances, especially Ben-Adir and Odom Jr. (who, it should be said, also wrote an original song for the end credits of the movie, which could help his Oscar chances). Amazon Prime is hoping that this is their big contender this year, with plans of a theatrical release on Christmas and a streaming release on January 15. Judging by the praise this got at festival season, it has a chance to go a long way.
-Over the Moon (trailer): In a year with not that many contenders for Best Animated Feature, Netflix is betting on a musical adventure directed by the legendary Glen Keane, a classic Disney animator who recently won an Oscar for Best Animated Short for co-directing Dear Basketball. While our expectations were lowered by the first trailer for the movie, centered around a Chinese girl who builds a rocket ship and blasts off to the Moon in hopes of meeting a legendary Goddess, it’s still safe to assume that it has a shot at being nominated for something. Netflix also hopes that you like its big candidate for Best Original Song, which really, really sounds like a Disney ballad.
-Pieces of a Woman: While this year doesn’t have the amount of surprise contenders that a regular Oscar season usually has, we still have some movies that sneaked through festival season. The first one was the new, somber drama by Hungarian director Kornél Mundruczó, known for the doggy uprising pic White God, and the not-so-well-received sci-fi Jupiter’s Moon. This time, we follow a woman (Vanessa Kirby) whose life is torn apart after a home birth at the hands of a flustered midwife (Molly Parker) ends in tragedy, and then leads to a court battle that also makes her confront her husband (Shia LaBeouf) and her domineering mother (Ellen Burstyn). While the movie had mixed reactions, Kirby had plenty of raves in her direction, particularly concerning her performance during a 25-minute birth sequence that is said to be brutal. That brutality paid off, though, because Kirby ended up winning Best Actress at Venice, and Netflix bought the movie, which also has Martin Scorsese as an executive producer. If the Academy wants to crown a new face in the scene, Kirby is the one who will be targeted, following her acclaimed turn in The Crown and her supporting roles in blockbusters like Mission Impossible: Fallout and Hobbs & Shaw.
-Promising Young Woman (trailer): When theaters started to close because of the pandemic, Universal started the push of their movies going straight to VOD, with titles including Trolls World Tour and Never Rarely Sometimes Always. However, there was a title that was supposed to premiere in April, and then suddenly disappeared from existence. It was the directorial debut of actress Emerald Fennell, who wrote a black comedy with touches of a thriller, centered on a woman in her thirties (Carey Mulligan) whose bright future was derailed by a traumatic event, and who’s now looking for revenge. While the reaction to its premiere at Sundance wasn’t enough to consider a Best Picture run, the twisted performance by Mulligan earned her the best praise since the last time she was nominated for an Oscar, a decade ago for An Education. Now, Focus Features is planning to open the movie at Christmas, and are positioning Carey for a run at Best Actress.
-Rebecca (trailer): When the news came out saying that Ben Wheatley would adapt Daphne du Maurier’s psychological thriller novel for Netflix, many were shocked. Some people considered the chance that this was an awards play by the cult director, who is doing the same work that earned Alfred Hitchcock his only Best Picture win. But seeing the trailer for this new version, with Lily James playing the newly married young woman who finds herself battling the shadow of her husband's (Armie Hammer) dead first wife Rebecca, we have to wonder if there’s a point to the existence of this remake. We will find out if there’s any awards chances for this movie on October 21, when it releases on streaming. Let’s hope that Kristin Scott Thomas has something to play with as Mrs. Danvers.
-Respect (trailer): Every year, there’s one or two actors who announce to the world “I want an Oscar” and campaign like their lives depended on it. Last time, it was Taron Egerton (accompanied by Elton John, who actually ended up winning another Oscar). This year, it is the turn of Jennifer Hudson, who is playing Aretha Franklin in a biopic directed by first timer Liesl Tommy, and who’s hoping that this attempt at awards ends up more like Dreamgirls than like Cats. She has been doing announcement trailers (a year in advance), quarantine tributes, award show tributes, and every possible thing to get the industry to notice that she’s playing Aretha. Hey, Rami Malek and Renee Zellweger did it in the last few years, why can’t she. With a release date of January 15, Hudson wants that gold.
-Soul (trailer): Disney may be the studio that suffered the biggest hit because of the pandemic. Their parks are a loss, most of their big productions had to stop because of quarantine, and theaters in many parts of the world are closed. After the failure of Tenet for Warner Bros. and the experiment of the mouse house of charging people 30 dollars to see Mulan (which didn’t work at all), many wondered if Disney was gonna delay the new production by Pixar, written and directed by Pete Docter, who brought Oscar gold to his home with Up and Inside Out. The movie, which centers on a teacher (Jamie Foxx) who dreams of becoming a jazz musician and, just as he’s about to get his big break, ends up getting into an accident that separates his soul from his body, had a lot of promise, but the speculation of lost money was also a concern. Finally, Disney decided to release the movie on Christmas, but only on Disney Plus, causing another failure for theaters, but assuring that Disney at least can get more subscribers to its streaming service. And the movie? Well, it just premiered at the London Film Festival, and the critics are saying it’s Pixar at its best, with praises going from the look, to the script by co-director Kemp Powers (who also wrote the play of One Night in Miami, so he has many chances for a nod), to the score by Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross and Jon Batiste. That means that it’s already a top contender to win Best Animated Feature, and this may not be the only category in which the movie is gonna get nominated.
-Supernova (trailer): If there’s a theme this year in terms of Oscar contenders, it might be dementia. One of the examples of this is a small road movie directed by Hairy Macqueen, which premiered to good reviews at the San Sebastian festival. This drama centers on a trip taken by Sam (Colin Firth) and Tusker (Stanley Tucci), partners for 20 years, who travel across England reuniting with friends and family, because Tusker was diagnosed with early onset dementia. While usually the big awards role is usually the one of the person who suffers the illnesses, some reviewers are calling Firth’s work as the supporting companion some of the best of his career. With Bleecker Street buying the rights for a US release, this is a little film that could still make some moves.
-Tenet (trailer): For the first five months of quarantine, the big narrative in the world of film was “Christopher Nolan is gonna save cinemas”. But after postponing the release of the mind bending actioner for months on end, creating big demands and expectations to theater owners, and finally releasing as the sacrificial lamb of Hollywood, Warner Bros ended up seeing the opposite effect. Even though Tom Cruise loved to be back at the movies, critics didn’t share enough excitement to make a spy movie that goes backwards worth the possibility of dying of coronavirus. The audiences didn’t show up as much, and those who did attend, mostly complained about the sound mixing and the plot. After all the sacrifice, it’s highly unlikely that Tenet goes beyond technical awards. Let’s start the “Travis Scott for Best Original Song” campaign now, before it’s too late.
-The Boys in the Band (trailer): The Ryan Murphy blank check for Netflix has been interesting to follow. On the one hand, we have his new TV shows, which go from not existing (The Politician), to alternate movie history that doesn’t know how alternate history works (Hollywood), to a challenge of how much TV will you stomach if Sarah Paulson and other middle aged actresses are campy in it (Ratched). And now, we are seeing his producing hand over the movie side, which starts with the new film adaptation of the cult play from 1968, which was already a movie in 1970 and recently jumped to Broadway in 2018. The cast from the recent Broadway production (which includes Jim Parsons, Zachary Quinto, Matt Bomer and Andrew Rannells) stars in Joe Mantello’s movie, telling the story of a group of gay friends in pre-Stonewall New York who reunite for a birthday party and end up revealing a lot of open wounds. While this movie got good reviews from critics, it kinda disappeared without a sound after beginning to stream on Netflix at the end of September. Unless the service wants to campaign for Golden Globes, this film is lost in the algorithm.
-The Devil All the Time (trailer): Another September release on Netflix was the new psychological thriller by Antonio Campos (Simon Killer, Christine) who didn’t manage to continue his streak of intense and terrifying character dramas with his messy adaptation of the dark novel by Donald Ray Pollock. Wasting a cast that includes Tom Holland, Sebastian Stan, Robert Pattinson, Mia Wasikowska, Eliza Scanlen, Bill Skarsgard, Jason Clarke and Riley Keough, this twisted period piece managed to stay for a while in the Top 10, but the reactions from critics were mixed, and audiences were busy asking what was happening with Pattinson’s Southern accent (which with The King makes two years in a row, baby). The many prognosticators who had hopes for an awards play moved on a while ago.
-The Father (trailer): It’s safe to say at this point that Anthony Hopkins is a lock for a Best Actor nomination at the next Oscars. After its premiere in Sundance, every prognosticator pointed in his direction, and for the next few months he swept praise for his harrowing portrayal of an old man grappling with his age as he develops dementia, causing pain to his beleaguered daughter (recent winner Olivia Colman, who also got praised). Sony Pictures Classics will make Florian Zeller’s adaptation of his acclaimed play its big contender of the season, using Hopkins (who this year got a nom for The Two Popes) as a starter to also get Colman, Zeller and the movie nominated.
-The Human Voice (trailer): And speaking of Sony Pictures Classics, it’s almost safe to say that they have another Oscar in the bag this year. That’s because they just bought Pedro Almodóvar’s short film, his English-speaking debut that is an adaptation of the play by Jean Cocteau. In his version (that was acclaimed by critics after premiering in Venice), Tilda Swinton plays the woman waiting at the end of a phone, expecting to hear from his ex-lover who abandoned her. Considering how the competition for Best Live Action Short Film has become somewhat lacking in the last few years (I mean, have you seen Skin), this should be an easy award to win, especially considering how beloved Almodóvar is in the Academy, which nominated him this year for the great Pain and Glory.
-The Life Ahead: While we’re talking about legends, it’s time to talk about Sophia Loren. 16 years after her last leading role in a movie, the Italian icon returns with a drama that was bought by Netflix, who plans to campaign for her as Best Actress and for the movie in the Best International Film category. Directed by Edoardo Ponti (who is also Sophia’s son), this movie centers on a Holocaust survivor who takes in a 12-year-old boy who recently robbed her, in a contemporary adaptation of Romain Gary’s novel The Life Before Us. Netflix has set a date for November 13 to release this movie, and the campaign seems to be about the narrative of seeing Loren winning another Oscar 60 years after she won her first one for Two Women, by Vittorio De Sica.
-The Midnight Sky: Based on the novel Good Morning, Midnight, this collaboration between George Clooney and Netflix is once again making us ask one thing. Are we gonna get the director Clooney of Good Night and Good Luck, or are we gonna get the director Clooney of Leatherheads, The Ides of March, The Monuments Men and Suburbicon? Let’s hope he breaks his streak of blandness with this sci-fi story, which makes us think a little bit of Gravity: A lonely scientist in the Arctic (Clooney) races to stop a group of astronauts led by Felicity Jones from returning to a devastated Earth. With a release set for December, we have to hope that this is more than some Top 10 filler that will evaporate from existence in a week’s time.
-The Prom: In probably the biggest blank check of the Ryan Murphy deal with Netflix, this musical he’ll direct is based on the Tony-nominated show about a group of Broadway losers (Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, Andrew Rannells and James “boo” Corden) who try to find a viral story to get back in the spotlight, and end up going to a town in Indiana to help a lesbian high school student who has been banned from bringing her girlfriend to the prom. While it’s clear that this December 11 release is gonna sweep the Golden Globes, the emptiness of this year compared to others could clear the way for some Oscar nominations, including Meryl and the obligatory original song added to a preexisting musical for easy clout.
-The Trial of the Chicago 7 (trailer): When it was announced that Paramount was selling Aaron Sorkin’s new movie to Netflix, some people saw it as a studio dumping a failed awards vehicle to be forgotten. However, the excuse that Sorkin wanted to release this movie before the US presidential elections seems to be true, because critics really enjoyed his old school courtroom drama, centered around the trial on counter cultural activists in the late ‘60s. Everybody praised uniformly the huge cast, that includes Sacha Baron Cohen, Eddie Redmayne, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Jeremy Strong, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Frank Langella, William Hurt, Michael Keaton and Mark Rylance, which guarantees a SAG awards nomination (but makes it difficult to decide which actors will actually get nominated for Oscars). With a reaction that brings to mind the days of A Few Good Men and is the best reception he got since his Oscar winning script for The Social Network, the film faces a couple of hurdles. First of all, it got positioned as the frontrunner in the Best Picture race by some people, which instantly puts a target on its back. Then, we have to consider that the movie releases on Netflix this Friday, October 16, which makes it the first big contender this year to face the world, and which in these times of lockdown will probably make the reception to Marriage Story and The Irishman from last year look like a walk in the park. I mean, there are some people who aren’t swayed by Sorkin, and for good reason.
-The United States vs. Billie Holiday: While Paramount was quick to hand The Trial of the Chicago 7 to Netflix, there’s another movie that the studio kept to play in the upcoming awards season. This biographical drama follows the life of another famous musician, Billie Holiday (Andra Day), and we see the journey of her career in jazz as she is targeted by the Federal Department of Narcotics with an undercover sting operation led by Federal Agent Jimmy Fletcher (Trevante Rhodes), with whom she had a tumultuous affair. While the movie counts with a screenplay credit by Pulitzer winner Suzan-Lori Parks, the big question mark is the film’s director, Lee Daniels, who hit it big with Precious and then had results that were disastrous (The Paperboy) or financially successful, but not awards-wise (Lee Daniels’ The Butler). However, Paramount trusts in this movie, and with a release date on February 12, they want to make a splash.
-Wolfwalkers (trailer): While the attempts by Apple TV+ to establish themselves as a player in the TV world go from trainwrecks (See) to forgettable (The Morning Show) to eventually great (see Ted Lasso, everybody, this is not a joke), their plans to make a name in the film business have something to do with this year’s Oscars. While Cherry can come or go, they have a solid contender for the Best Feature Documentary with Boys State, but their big dog this year is the new movie by Cartoon Saloon, an Irish studio responsible for the acclaimed The Secret of Kells, The Song of the Sea, and The Breadwinner, all of which were nominated for Best Animated Feature. This time, Tomm Moore and Ross Stewart direct a story about a young apprentice hunter who journeys with her father to Ireland to help wipe out the last wolf pack. But everything changes when she befriends a free-spirited girl from a mysterious tribe rumored to transform into wolves by night. After getting critically acclaimed following its premiere at TIFF, this is a surefire contender for this year’s Best Animated Feature category, and Apple is gonna parade it before its streaming release on December 11. Also, while you watch that, you could watch a couple of episodes of Ted Lasso, too. It’s a really good show, it’s all I’m saying.
Anyways, that’s all the news from the last few months of festivals. No matter what happens next, this is gonna be a long, long, long race.
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2020.10.05 23:04 EMI_Black_Ace Spy porn real

So here's me, M33. If you don't want a long story to go with the actual question, go ahead and skip to the bottom.
NPI anywhere between 1 and 10, depending on which way I deliberately swing 'on the fence' questions. But maybe I'm lying to myself, because my hidden narcissism wants me to project a humble self, to the point where even I believe it.
Codependency between 7 and 13, depending on whether I factor in my relationship with my wife, as it's my relationship with her that's most concerning.
0 OCD.
And my wife is telling me I'm a narcissist, based on articles she read.
My relationship with my wife is in serious trouble. Long, drawn out story. Current status is "cohabitating for the sake of the kids" and frequently having shouting matches. Most of it is disagreement about what my motivations were for a series of events culminating in her arrest for domestic violence (knocking me over, destroying my phone and "disorderly conduct") around a year ago. We were separated for a few months after that before getting back together at the beginning of the year.
Ready, set, make your judgements. And then I'll tell a little more.
Nope, it wasn't an affair. It wasn't even porn. The slow boil leading up to the event was that I wasn't spending as much time with her. It was getting to the point where I'd get home from work, have everyone eat, and put the kids to bed and go to bed myself.
She got suspicious. She started snooping on my phone. Never found anything, because there wasn't really anything to find.
So keep on evolving your judgements here, and I'll tell you what we're fighting about right now.
It's disagreement about why I stopped spending time with her, and what my motivations were for calling the cops on her. Obviously it's because I just care about myself and wanted to hurt her. She took my game system and was going to dispose of it because it's naturally the only way to get me to listen, and how dare I get out my phone and record her on video doing that!
It gets crazier. In my opinion, into the realm of literally crazy. Going back to over a year ago when our communication went into decline, sometimes random stuff wouldn't turn up when we looked for it. The number of socks we had went down gradually. Shirts went missing. Toys went missing. She suspected theft -- but when items turned up, she considered it more likely that the thief had broken in again and returned it.
So we got security cameras. Stuff kept disappearing, and then turning up again. And no sign of them on the security cameras. My wife noticed cracks at the seams of our second story windows and insisted that the thieves must be removing the entire window and then replacing it after they leave. Looked like normal, expected thermal expansion cracks to me. Oh, and then there was the theory that they were getting in through a trap door on the roof, coming in through a vent that she knew wasn't there when we bought the house. I found a photo I took pre-purchase, and that "wasn't there" vent was there. (So now I'm taking everyone's side but hers, and covering for the thief).
I sat down with her and told her I was very concerned that she had some kind of paranoia issue. She flipped out and threatened to leave and take the kids. So I shut up. Talking about it was not an option to me anymore.
So jumping forward back to the present again, there's more of what the fighting is over. That I wasn't genuinely concerned for her mental health, but just wanted to make her shut up because always checking locks and security footage and installing locks on the ceilings and dealing with 'invisible' alarms like toothpicks and tape all over windows was "just too much for you because you're lazy" and I came up with the "she's crazy" story to excuse myself from supporting her.
And maybe she's right. At the time I told myself I just wanted to help her actually feel better, and that no amount of propping up the fantasy for her could ever make her feel better, only actual treatment for an anxiety disorder which she insisted that she not only didn't have, but that I must have a disorder for not worrying so much.
I don't know. Maybe I'm here because I'm a narcissist who gets his kicks from feeling like a victim.
Anyway, continuing the story, I just withdrew from her. Every conversation was about who's doing this to her (suspicions about foreign spies and child trafficking rings and someone in our neighborhood), how the security cameras have obviously been hacked and they're able to edit themselves out of any footage within the night (even though it's physically impossible), how I'm doing something wrong when I try to be helpful (and worse, accusations that I'm doing it wrong on purpose so I can get out of having to do it later), and overall just growing hostility.
But that's just my perspective and the covert narcissist in me could just be lying to me, to convince me that I'm not being a selfish jerk when I really am one.
So on to the big incident. I'm seeking reassurance from others that I'm not going crazy, and looking for help and perspective and hope that her family and friends will be able to encourage her to seek medical help. Beyond talking to her mom and sister and a close friend, I also consult the magic of the anonymous internet where there can be no judgement of her by anyone who could possibly know her. I also take it as a matter to take to my God, and get a specific perspective there, which I share with her. At the same time we were discussing moving.
(We argue in the present about this because we disagree on each other's motives for this. For why I sought help, from my perspective it's beyond draining to take care of someone like this and I can't do it by myself, and even so much as words of encouragement that I'm not wrong are helpful. From her perspective, it's because I'm a narcissist who gets off on all the attention I would get from looking like a victim, and all at her expense).
(For moving, I firmly believed that the reasons she wanted to move were that we'd get away from whoever was stealing stuff, and she also believed our home was irredeemably contaminated [oh, didn't mention the chemical and mold phobias, which phobias she claims superior knowledge on by virtue of a biology degree]. She says that's not why, it's because she wanted to be closer to stores and stay in our kids' school boundaries which were about to change [was a 15 minute drive to stores]. God told me that there would be a never-ending cycle where she would move, start feeling that the home was contaminated and demand to move again unless I helped her break that cycle.)
Leading up to the incident where I had her arrested, I felt her behavior became increasingly erratic, from throwing laundry to shoving things off counters and even punching me. Now here may be the worst part of me -- I thought I should document some of this crap because it's going nowhere good. So one night during an argument while I'm trying to put the kids to bed (I always did this myself) she took the game system my son was playing and was going to dispose of it, so there he is screaming and crying telling her not to get rid of it, and that's when I pulled out my phone and started recording.
What motivation could I have possibly had for that, except to use as evidence against her? With intent to hurt her? According to her, I was intending to send her to jail and that's why I pulled it out.
As for what I think? I don't know. What I thought at the time was maybe if she had to confront some real consequences for her behavior, she'd be able to recognize something was wrong and would be humble enough to seek help. But maybe that's just the inner secret narcissist wanting to extract praise and attention for being such a brave little victim who did the right thing.
So . . . NPI between 1 and 10 depending on how I answer things I'm not sure of. 7-13 codependent depending on whether it's about my wife or more just in general. 0 OCD.
Is it possible that I'm a victim-complex narcissist and am lying to myself to hide my narcissistic tendencies? Or is my wife just manipulating me into doubting myself? Or is it something else?
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2020.09.12 21:49 _Broke_My_Own_Heart_ Spy porn real

If you've read my initial post, I'm going through a terrible breakup in which my ex dumped and blocked me 20 days ago, and we haven't spoken since. I've been consumed with guilt for how I treated him and fighting the urge to reach out. Yes, I have issues and am getting help for them. I have been completely blaming myself for the deterioration of our breakup, but it's time to tell the whole truth.
My ex (29m) and I (38f) dated for a year. When we met it was amazing, personality wise he was everything I'd wanted in somebody, until I found out what was really going on with him. The entire duration of our relationship he was living at home with his parents. He's an only child. His mother has complete control over him. He had to be home by a certain time every night, could only see me when his mom would let him out the house. Often times he had to lie and say he was going elsewhere just so he could come see me. In the entire relationship we'd never eaten breakfast together and never spent the night together. He had to call her on his lunch break everyday he worked or else she was contacting him to find out why. His parents are on his bank account, share the same phone plan, and she even goes to all of his doctor appointments and or anything else he has to do. There was a night we were hanging out after he got off and his parents actually drove to his job looking for him. It was completely embarrassing.
He had 0 sexual experience. He didn't even how to spoon (cuddle). He didn't even know how to rub my head, or legs, or anything. He didn't know how to kiss properly. I had to teach him how to kiss and do these things. He had NO experience whatsoever. He was like a child sometimes. He told me when we met that he'd had sex with 21 women. However, because of the abuse by his mother and being caged at home like an animal, he was addicted to porn and had developed ED, so from January until we broke up 3 weeks ago we'd only had sex once. He had no real relationships nor sex with anybody throughout his 29 years. He told me all the girls he'd slept with only happened once or twice and because he had so much trouble getting it up that they'd leave him after. So he never really got to experience what sex has to offer. For the entire year of our relationship we had sex for 2 weeks, sex where he was able to get it up and thrust it in and out. He cried to me about a month ago telling me that 2 weeks was the happiest moment of his entire life. That he'd never had sex like that with anybody.
Anyway, the inexperience I could tolerate. The seemingly "dating" his own mother I couldn't handle. She had complete control over his entire life. He had been so controlled and manipulated by his mother that he's afraid of her. The relationship between them is so awkward that I actually had to ask him if they were having sex. He laughed and made a grossed out face and said "ummm no, that's disgusting. Mom's a jesus freak and doesn't like the whole sex thing". Then he told me it was actually funny that I'd ask him that, which I found odd. One time when he and I were hanging out after work his mother asked him who he was in the car with and asked if he was having sex. She'd had somebody do a driveby and spy on him. I had also bought him 2 special gifts that he kept in his room and both of them suddenly disappeared several months ago. I've seen momma's boys, but not to this extent. He took my daughter and I to a special place for Christmas. When we got back she called him asking him details of the day. When he told her where he took us she got pissed and told him he better not have went there without telling her. Then the next 2 days she treated him like crap, glaring at him, ignoring him, slamming doors. His mother had complete access to his entire life. I met his parents at dinner one night when we first started dating. She sat across the table talking about his life and what he's to be doing it with it. When he mentioned earlier in the year he needed his freedom and to focus on me and my daughter, she got upset and bought him a new car. He makes the payments but they paid the down payment and I'm sure her name's on it. He had to call his mom and ask for permission to stay out with me longer and that he was having a good time, and she'd say no most of the time, and he'd have to leave to go home. This is what we fought about 90% of the time. It was the root of our arguments.
I begged him over and over to get a place of his own and cut the apron strings so that we could have an actual chance at a relationship. He kept asking me to be patient with him, and I stuck this shit out for a year. 2 weeks before we broke up he finally said he'd had enough and found a place he was interested in. It was the happiest moment of my life. I thought we'd actually get to be normal. A few days pass and I find out he's taking his mother to look at it. I was bummed. Next thing I know, he's going to give her a key. Then I find out it's only 13 minutes from his mother's house. This lead to more fighting. The last straw was when I called him 3 weeks ago to tell him goodnight and I loved him and he ignored my call because he was sitting there with his mother looking at the lease together. Idk if he actually took the apartment or not as we broke up before he actually signed it. There were several times he wouldn't talk to me if his mother was nearby. If he knew I wanted to do something that would upset his mother, he'd get upset and complain how he couldn't make everybody happy. As if his mother's happiness was more important than mine. Anyway, it started a massive fight that caused me to overreact, act on impulse, and he broke it off and blocked me for my "anger issues". That's the true story. He was more involved with his mother than he was me, and it caused me so much anxiety and stress and played into my issues. Up until this point I've been taking full blame for our breakup, consumed with so much guilt, but honestly it isn't completely my fault. I'm sorry for my actions and could've handled things more maturely but his mommy issues were the reason we actually died. I'm over the guilt and see things for what they really were. I'm in therapy for my issues, but even if I'd been perfect, there'd still been no hope for us. I'm moving on with my life.
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