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Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams. Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams. Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often. Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color. As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white. Welcome to the DreamsPS4 subreddit! Dreams™ is a space where you go to play and experience the dreams of Media Molecule and the Dreams community. It’s also a space in which to create your own dreams, whether they’re games, art, films, music or anything in-between and beyond. Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams. r/Dreams: Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream … Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams. Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams. Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams. Dreams are basically stories and images that our mind creates while we sleep. Learn more about why we dream, how long dreams last, why nightmares occur, and lucid dreams.

2008.09.10 13:12 Reddit Dreams: Everything about dreams

Welcome to the Reddit Dreams community! * Ask questions and learn about dreams. * Share your dreams. * Connect with a community of dream enthusiasts. * Request interpretation of your dreams. * Keep a dream journal. * Post links to interesting sites or videos related to dreams. * The latest news and info about dreams.
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2013.09.06 15:43 chikkinpocks Watch online live sex

A subreddit for the 2D aspects of Unity3D game development.
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2020.10.22 17:31 Zyunh First time posting on reddit. Not really sure what to do with myself.

I'm 23 I've just yesterday (21/10/20) come out of a four year relationship with my girlfriend. We lived together at my parents then moved in with her parents after I had an argument with mine and was asked to leave. I'm in and out of work due to depression and quite honestly just lack the enthusiasm and find it hard to get the drive to go in to work (I work in construction for my dads company) I wake up around 5:30 - 6am depending on where I am that day and get home usually between 5:30 - 8pm so I'm away for most of the day and usually drained when I get home as its a long day and labour intensive. When I get in im too tired to do stuff and just want to relax and play a game on my computer and before I knew it that became the norm. We didnt used to speak very deeply about our relationship but I would occasionally ask her if things between us where alright as I would get a hunch and my anxiety would play tricks on me and convince me there was a problem. She would always dismiss it. I trusted her with anything, it took alot for me to do that and a long time to give her that trust as I've been lied and cheated to before and didn't want to make the same mistake. When I started seeing her she had a boyfriend but was really unhappy with him. I was the new fit, athletic old school crush that was just right for her at the time. She split from him and about a week later we where dating. This always played on my mind as I thought, what if I become that boring boyfriend and she finds another person. I went to councilling over my anxiety and anger (I've never abused her and never would to anyone) i used to get angry with work taking the piss out of me and leaving me with no life outside and the anxiety would hugely based on loosing her. She's very attractive and not just to me because she's constantly approached by guys and complemented by other women. It was hard for me to get used to that and to not lose my tempter over it and beat other guys up and become a violent monster. Again im not a violent person but im very short fused and can handle myself. With the constant pressure from work and the looming anxiety over losing what to me is my world I would drink. Ive tried alcohol free beers and detox things but I would always go back. I then made it so I would only drink on the weekends as a reward. That shortly turnt into getting absolutely ruined every Friday and Saturday. On my own bare in mine. I would just play my computer games and relax with booze. I can see now how that really is a single man's game and was completely inconsiderate on my behalf of her. At the time its hard to know you are doing wrong until its brought up and explained in your face. My parents have a strained marriage. My dad usually goes into his games room and plays computer games as soon as he comes in from work until 11pm -1am and leaves my mum to deal with the 4 kids and she usually drinks to fill that boredom in her life. She rarely sleeps because she's just floating around the kitchen listening to music or on the phone to her friends for hours at a time because she doesn't have anyone to talk to. I realised this and it really broke my heart. I swore to myself that I wouldn't become that. That dismissive inconsiderate person who doesn't treat it as a relationship and more of neccesary partnership. As above it turned exactly into that.
We used to go out and do stuff on the weekends but with covid its become a very sheltered life as her parents (whom we lived with) are very (understandably) paranoid about contracting that virus. I had 2 months off during lockdown and was furlouged. We didnt leave the house very much and I spent a majority of it taking advantage of the hot weather and building furniture and stuff in the garden and then spending the evenings on my game or watching films with her. To me this was paradise, but paradise never lasts. I went back into work, doing the usual long hours and she is understandable of that. She even went to tool shows with me and did enjoy them. As I later was told it was only enjoyable because she knew it made me happy. Again that breaks my heart because its so pure and sweet. She mentioned going surfing the other day and I dismissed it with, I wouldn't do that. I didnt realise that was the nail in the coffin. Because the first thing she wanted to do in a long time for herself was instantly dismissed as a swift no from me. What an arse I am. We live in South East London and to me surfing sounds cold and miserable but compromises are what relationships are. I didnt compromise. Wanker.
She has three sisters, one older and two younger. I get on with the elder sister very well as do I with the younger sister. The youngest sister has severe autism and is very difficult to deal with. Noise is an issue for her so using powertools is difficult, smells. Eating infront of her. All things that trigger a negative response from her. This usually consists of a fit of anger and puts a strain on her parents. Its obviously something we are accustomed to and have to understand. My brother has autism but is on a different part of the spectrum so I've dealt with similar things but nobody is the same so you have to learn and adjust. I found and find it hard to adjust to her younger sister and would subsequently moan. She would listen to YouTube in the lounge very loud and none of us could go in there and watch anything together because she has the TV from the morning to early evening or her bedtime. If she didn't go to bed we would all watch something that would appeal to all of us. Sometimes I just wanted to watch something or not have the annoying YouTube screaming at me every weekend morning or having to make sure I didnt eat the last of something that she might want as it would end up in someone having to go to the shops for that exact item. Or cooking anything that smells different from her usual diet of plain pizza or pasta that might trigger her. It made things difficult but manageable. You have to adjust to that she can't help it bless her. I would take time to play her game with her but wouldn't ever stretch to far out of my comfort zone or go over the top with playing with her which I see now was noticed.
We met first in secondary school aged 15 and her 14. We went out for a week but I felt I was too young to commit to anything. I hadn't explored anything outside of my school or hometown. We met again at college 19 and her 18. We would hang out occasionally at college but nothing more. She then had to transfer to another college to do the next level of her course which for me was annoying and upsetting but I wasn't hugely invested in her at that point. She had a boyfriend after all and there is nothing I could do with that.
I randomly messaged her out of the blue and we began seeing each other as friends but nothing more. I used to go to the gym every day before or after work and become quiet fit. Six pack, stocky and had a very healthy attitude. She noticed this and wanted to train with me to which I was delighted as it meant I could spend time with her and do what I love at the same time. That ended up with a heartbreak as she had another boyfriend by that time and was on the fence with him and me and I knew this. I felt rejected when she went back to him. I would think about the fact he gets to sleep with her at night and treat her like a girlfriend and have sex with her and that really made me envious and angry. I would try discourage her from him as he treated her like an arsehole. Actually very similar to how we just ended. She split with him and wanted time to herself. At the time I didnt understand that because we were basically dating but not technically. We didnt talk much as I wanted her but to me she didn't want me. She just wanted space which now I understand she was going through a heartbreak herself and was conflicted she didn't want to lose me as a friend or the latter. She also just needed that time to excuse the clique 'find herself' About a week or two later we started talking again and had sex, it was everything and more that I had imagined it would be. Blissfull, energetic, exciting and I knew it was what I wanted. I wanted her.
Probably the bit that does excite your little perverted minds - We would have sex everywhere. My desk, the car wherever. It would be spontaneous and exciting. Like all things good they eventually stop. Towards the end we would rarely have sex and it would be, not forced but asked of by myself. It didn't become an exciting thing anymore it became a chore almost. I noticed this and would bring it up and she would say i don't feel well or I'm not in the mood and would just give in to make me happy. She would enjoy it dont get me wrong but I feel now she only did it to please me. A blow job was something I was very farmiliar with but it eventually became somthing that didn't even happen on special occasions and almost forced if it did.
Fast forward to the last two weeks. It was my dads birthday so we went round my parents for some drinks and such. I went to sleep on the sofa as I was drunk. I awoke to my dad wanting to talk to me. It turned out she had been in the bathroom with one of my dads friends (married his wife was also there) he has two kids. And the door was locked. Apparently they were just talking but again from face value its weird. I trusted her though and asked her if anything happened to which she said it didn't so I belived her.
Last weekend I was sorting things out in my van (which I did most weekends as I like to be prepared) She used to come with me but would moan that we only do what I want to do on the weekends and I would counter that with i need to otherwise I can't go to work I must be prepared (im very ocd and I like to be clinically organised) I was going to costa (a UK coffee shop) and rang her to ask her if she wanted one. She left earlier than I did that morning and went to spend the day in another town about 30 minutes away playing pokemon and going to coffee shops. By herself mind, but again I trust her so I said go ahead. In hindsight I should have just gone with her and that's what she really wanted, but wouldn't ask because she would never want me to do something i didnt enjoy as she would feel it was forced. I think back and it breaks my heart that I couldn't be bothered to do what she wanted and she would do everything I wanted to do. I just didn't fucking realise. Idiot. I didnt go to the coffee shop but she had told me she was at the local park and it was a few minutes away so I went to suprise her. No ulterior motive whatsoever. She approaches the van and is with another guy. The other guy is someone she had a history with. I lost it. I went mad and told her I would see her at home and sped off. I didnt go home. I went to the pub and then went home. We didnt speak for 3 days until yesterday. Breakup day. She explained to me he had inoccently approached her after our phone call hence not telling me he was there and they were walking about playing pokemon. From my view I thought she had spend the whole day with him. I was understandably hurt and upset. I felt ditched and left. She spend the three days we werent talking staying out late with her friend. She also used to tell her ex that when she was with me so I was wary and upset that she might be cheating. I do honestly think she wouldn't but again she's very flirtatious and very attractive.
Yesterday I had to collect some of my belongings and it was the most heart wrenching thing I had to do. I had to say by to her mum whom looked after me like a mother for the past year. Ive been around for four and ive become part of the furnture and part of the family. All of a sudden its over. Her mum told me she loved me and gave me a hug and it broke me. I said bye to her dad and he said he hopes she realises the mistake and comes to her senses and gave me a hug. It was such a horrible time, it felt like my heart had been ripped out of me and thrown beyond my reach.
I left and went to my sisters birthday just trying to give it a brave face to not ruin her evening. I've removed the Facebook app to keep me from looking at what she is doing although she doesn't use it half as much as me. I've found myself checking WhatsApp to see when she was last active and have been tempted to message her but put it off all day as my dad said if you want her back play hard to get. Im struggling so much. I broke and called her and she just spoke to me as if everything was fine and quickly ended the conversation to play pokemon as she had travelled to her happy place about 30 minutes from us.
I'm now in my bedroom bawling over old pictures and sticking everything to do with us in a box to put away to keep my mind away from it. I'm back at my old house and I fucking hate it here. My mum has gone to the caravan with the kids so its eerily quiet. I used to have my dinners made for me but im not hungry. I havent eaten all day in fact I'm just not up to it. I can't stop thinking about who she is with and is she laughing? Is she happier? The only people here are my dad, hes in his games room, my brother has just got a car so is cleaning that and I'm just by myself. I havent been by myself like this in a long long time. I feel disowned. Im tempted to just fucking end it. My heart physically aches. Ive read online that a good way of getting over relationships is to cut your hair - done, change the bed sheets, go exercise. Im tempted to go to the gym as it will clear my head. My room is a bombsite. It is just filled with happy memories that have been abandoned for this unfortunate grim end. The only thing stopping me is that my family would have to deal with me ending it for the rest of their lives. My siblings would have to grow old without an older brother to look up to. Always wondering what I would look like, where would I live, how would I be? The thought makes me angry at myself for thinking that its the only option I have. I dont think I could do it.
I've signed off work temporarily as I can't be reliable in this state. Im trying as hard as I can to not fall into this abyss of despair. This hole of destruction. Im so angry at myself for putting her though it. I wanted to have children with her, I wanted to marry her. I was absolutely certain she was the one. No shadow of a doubt. It means nothing now. I've lost my home, my family, my future and my past. I'm a fucking idiot for unintentionally throwing it away, throwing her away. She said yesterday that she has autism in her family as do I, if we have a child it has a chance of being autistic. And I wouldn't be able to deal with it because of the way I am with her youngest sister. I pleaded her that I would deal with it. There is no guide to parenting but you adapt and learn. I could deal with it, family is everything to me. I guess thats why I'm hurting so bad for loosing mine. I have no friends, once I left school I focused on my career and the friends I once had dried up. Im completly alone. My dad and brother done do emotions. My mum has asked me to call her for whatever reason if I want to. Hearing her voice will cause me to just break down. My phone vibrates with a notification and I'm praying its her, listening to Tom grennan is really helping. I love his music.
I just don't know where to turn, I know this is a very very long post but I had to get this out. In all honesty it was more for me to write and realise where I went wrong. I know that you won't know me (hopefully) hense the lack of names, but its nice to see peoples opinions and suggestions. I appreciate it if you have got this far its been an eventful one.
C x
submitted by Zyunh to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 16:04 throw405 My Daughter


I don’t think there’s anyone here I can talk to.
I’ve been following this subreddit for some time and I’ve seen a few posts about survivors who have gotten pregnant, and the very tough decision you are being forced to make. Some of you are so young.
I want you to know that I’m one of you.
I used to think I wasn’t raped either. I think what’s so tough about reading stories in this subreddit is how many of us want a second opinion to convince ourselves it didn’t happen. That we were to blame in some small way, so we can avoid how painful and dehumanizing it is to have been raped.
When I was 26, I went on a date with a person I wasn’t very interested in. But I felt a lot of pressure to give him a chance, because we were both political organizers of color in our very white scene. Joe* got me drunk and high at a house party. I didn’t think anything could happen, there were so many people with “good politics” around who were friendly enough. Some I had met before, and so I trusted them, too quickly I now know. But none of them stopped him from dragging me from the main room, and having sex with me. I didn’t say no, but he didn’t ask me. He just kept saying how amazing it was we had finally been able to link up, and how we had so much in common. How the white people would never understand us. We were also both religious in a scene were that’s really rare. He told me I didn’t need to worry about that he wasn’t using a condom, because his sperm count was way too low. He said he was “clean” because he had stopped being polyamorous, that it wasn’t for him, that he wanted to stop sleeping with white people. I was too fucked up to care about anything he told me. Sometimes, I lie. I tell people I don’t remember, that I was blacked-out, so it seems more cut and dry. But I wasn’t. I’m just embarrassed I didn’t stop things from going where they went. That I didn’t know how deeply manipulative this man was. It makes me feel stupid, though I know I’m not, I don’t want people to even think I am.
Afterwards, I continued to see him. I felt bad I had slept with him on the first date when I didn’t like him at all. The morning I left he told me that he was already in love with me, and that he felt like God had brought us together. How lonely and isolated he had been, but from the moment he saw me online he knew we would make a good pair. I now know this is “love-bombing.” I told myself to give it time to click because he was well-educated, and was well-liked in our scene. I was worried what would happen if I rejected him. I barely knew anyone because I had just moved to the city a few months ago from a place that was way more friendly and open. The cultural “freeze” was very real, and I was struggling to cope with it on top of my long work hours. Most of my coworkers were nice enough, but standoffish. All his friends were a deep contrast - they reminded me of people I knew in my old town who were openly political.
One of those “people” being my ex-boyfriend, Ray*, who had broken up with me just a few months before. I wanted him to commit by moving in together. We were neighbors, so I thought, “We basically already live together. Why are we paying two rents when we share a courtyard?” Ray panicked and broke up with me. I did all the “crazy ex” shit - threw his belonging off a balcony, told him I thought his art (music) sucked via text anytime I could hear him working on it, gave him stink eye at local political events. Made the shared courtyard my domain. Started a proxy war by “accidentally” letting my cat outside so she would beat the fuck out of his cat.
But then Ray got in a really bad car accident. A hit and run. I didn’t know for a week. A package was accidentally delivered to my house; materials for his lucrative day job in the medical field. I sent him angry texts to come pick it up. He didn’t respond. I picked up the box and walked it around the corner, planning to dump the sterile contents out on his doorstep. I made the corner, and dropped the box when I saw his car smashed up, “parked” on the street. I banged on his door for what felt like 20 minutes. He had been making his way to the door but his spine was fucked up so it just took him ages to get there. His cool political artist friends had disappeared. He was stoic, and I just asked, “Why didn't you call me?” He just stood there and cried.
So I nursed him back to health. I won’t lie and say I did it out of true altruism. I did it because I hoped he’d recognize his mistake in breaking up with me. Every day, I did his grocery shopping, cleaned his house, cooked for him, took him to doctor’s appointments. I supported his decision not to have surgery, though it meant I had to care for him longer. I learned every strange esoteric healing massage, read every resource I could on alternatives to surgery for spinal injuries. As everything we tried failed, I sat by his side as he cried about his fear of never being able to perform his art again. I hoped he would one day look at me and say, “I’m sorry. You were the right woman for me all along.”
But he never did. He did manage to avoid surgery, and got better. When he was on the mend, I lost my job. His response was to tell me I was too good for the broken city we lived in, and buy me a plane ticket so I could leave it. He wanted to write me a letter of recommendation for graduate school. Told me he would help me apply and get in to any top school I wanted. I refused his help. I left the city, in part because jobs were hard to find, and in part because I couldn’t bear that I had spent all this time fixing this man only for him to take what he needed from me and discard me. Twice. I didn’t want the consolation prize of his help with my career. I wanted him to love me.
After I moved, he would come visit me. We’d sleep together. We talked on the phone every night. Every time he flew to see me it hurt his spine a bit to sit for so long. Eventually, I grew enough of a backbone to tell him I couldn’t do it anymore. That we were lovers, and I wanted to know why he had pushed me to move away if he was going to keep killing himself flying up to fuck me. He didn’t know. Neither of us knew; we decided the relationship, whatever it was, wasn’t healthy. So we stopped talking. I made an online dating account, went on a few dates where I always ghosted the guy after. A few months of doing that, I met Joe.
Joe emotionally manipulated me for two weeks. Every time I slept with him, I was at least high. He told me he’d help me with a labor case because he had connections in a union. He told me he thought I was smarter than anyone he’d met in this very educated town, and I believed him. It helped that he went to the same very prestigious college as Ray. I didn’t have many dreams for the future, just to survive, and keep working with youth. He told me how important the work I did was for youth of color. How he wished he had a teacher like me when he was growing up as a little brown kid in the suburbs. Everything I wanted to hear, he told me. I didn’t know how easy it was to read someone’s desires, fears, but he knew them. I thought he knew them because he was just like me.
But he wasn’t. He wasn’t like me at all. He just knew enough about how to get what he wanted from someone to pretend to be like me, so I’d give it. It’s been years, and as I’ve tracked his movements, it has only become more and more apparent how good he is at reading people.
After I had been “seeing” him for two weeks, Joe left the country. Before he left, I let him stay at my place for a few days. He became increasingly controlling and bizarre. He was like a light switch, he would just…flick, his eyes cold and dark in the change. I felt like I couldn’t ask him to leave, so I told myself, “It’s just a few days, then you can block him and get on with your life.” I let him fuck me. I was just too scared of him flipping again to say “no” though I tried to just be unavailable. Once, I was hiding in a pantry I shared with others, “organizing” it late at night to avoid him, and he found me, took his dick out, and forced himself inside me. It was like hunting me in my own house had turned him on.
About two weeks after he left, my breasts started hurting. I knew there was a small chance he could get me pregnant, but he said his sperm count was so low, and he had never gotten anyone else pregnant. I ignored it for about a week. Joe messaged me, asking if I was okay, if I had gotten my period. I told him I had, and then waited a few days to block him and all his close friends. Eventually, I confided in another teacher at my school. We didn’t know each other very well, but she immediately knew something was wrong with me because I had been acting strange. Though we worked the after school program late into the evening, she called a friend so they could cover for me. I went to a clinic a few blocks away. There, they confirmed I was in fact pregnant.
This is already too long.
I called my ex-boyfriend Ray for support. He offered me money for an abortion. I unblocked Joe and told him I was pregnant. He was elated. “Elated” was even the word he used. Told me it was a miracle from God, but that he already had plans to stay away from our country for some time, so he couldn’t be there. I said it made sense for me to have an abortion. He disagreed. He emailed me relentlessly, called me via Skype almost every night. He spoke of how wrong it would be to abort a child from our unique shared cultures, and how it was against our religious beliefs, and that I would be denying him the opportunity to be a father when the chances it could happen for him again were so slim, but that as a feminist, he would understand and support any decision I made.
But I couldn’t go through with the abortion. The idea of it made me so fearful. I didn’t want anyone putting more objects in me that I didn’t really want there. Being coerced into decisions. Part of it is that I wanted my baby, but the other part was I was too afraid of the procedure and yes, I’m religious. In a political scene where that’s seen as foolish. I also didn’t want to take money from my ex-boyfriend. I didn’t want his help.
The story is much longer, but I had my daughter. And Joe has never stopped attempting to control me. Though he’s never been in her life, he pops up from time to time, trying to get more children, get me to lie for him, always threatening to take me to court for custody, or promising me money for our child that he never sends. That’s where I am today. I live in a State where the scope of r*pe laws is very limited. There was actually a bill that would have covered my situation, but the legislature refused to pass it, saying it was “too broad.” That bill would have saved me from potentially co-parenting with my r*pist.
Statistically, reproductive coercion happens to women in my class and race more than any other group. Because we’re seen as undesirable, no one believes anyone could want to trap us like this. For a long time, people didn’t believe this man, with his education and prospects, had done it. Even now, people call me a liar, though I finally have a positive paternity tests that proves I was right. That he did this. But the goal posts always move for “proof.”
If you’re here, and you’re pregnant by your abuser, I can’t tell you whether you should have an abortion or not. What I can say is I love my daughter so so much. And I suffer for her. Every day for me is a baseline of deep sadness. Folks think I am handling it, and that I am very strong. I recently got married, and it is hard to watch as my spouse slowly notices how sad I actually am inside. He is the only father my daughter has ever known, and I worry if I can’t get a handle on my sadness those days when it comes through most clear, that he’ll leave me. So I do my best to keep it buried.
Right now, Joe is growing a political following. A few days ago, I was mentioned in a tell-all article as being in a custody dispute with him. I wasn’t named, only “a woman in [city].” It hurts how people flatten my experience. I don’t want to co-parent with Joe because he emotionally manipulated and sexually assaulted me, not because I am unkind or unreasonable. And I am not just “some woman.” I’ve done a lot of political ground work, difficult underground work that isn’t compensated, applauded, or celebrated because it’s primarily done by women for the benefit of women. Years ago, I asked Joe to terminate his rights, and he refused. But because he has a platform and I don’t, I am being made out to be an unreasonable (“crazy”) monster. This isn't the first time a "journalist" has grabbed the story, and every time, they never bother to find and speak to me.
So today, I am very morose. And I thought a good thing I could do is say this to this community, so perhaps I could save one person the daily grief. Every day I grieve for how this experience has utterly destroyed my self-confidence. Every day, I grieve because one day I may have to tell my daughter how she got here. Every day, my life becomes more public even though I do not choose it, and no one asks me any questions at all. Every day, I am reminded that as a woman (especially one of color) in this world, my agency only exists to the extent any man on the street decides it does.
If you have a child with your abuser, maybe they’ll leave you alone. But chances are, it was planned in some way, and they won’t.
submitted by throw405 to rape [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 04:10 -mental-balance- Watch online live sex

I posted it a few days as a confession since I wanted it to get it out of my system but I actually want the advice. It's going to be a long one as I want to explain details. Sorry for typos I'm on my phone.
I (33m) have been married for 7 years (27f). We are both happy together. We purchased our house last year and keep supporting each other through tough times( She suffers from past and anxiety, I from depression) We met online, through Facebook and after 1.5 years we decided to get married. I used to live 500 miles/1000km from her. We moved to where I lived as I had started a small business and was doing okay. We were always very open in communication and fantasies as well as what we liked and disliked. That leads to great sex! In one of those conversations we talked about fantasies, which ones we had which ones we wanted to do and which ones would just stay as fantasies. She mentioned she'd like a 3 way with me and another girl but for me to not touch the other girl she just wanted to explore her bisexuality as I watched them and then maybe joined. I was surprised but accepted, I asked her why she thought she was bi, she confessed that as a little girl she used to fool around with her younger sister (now 24). SIL would start everything and wife would just lay there and let her sister touch her and kiss her. This happened several times, wife remembers and is sure her sister remembers but they don't talk about it anymore and pretend it never happened. I jokingly suggested that 3way would be interesting with SIL. Wife just laughed and we moved on. I told her I also had a fantasy of 3way with 2 girls, but that was a common fantasy with most men. So that week we did a lot of cosplay and role-play in bed. One of those role-playing sessions wife pretended to be SIL... it was really weird but really hot at the same time.
Time passed and we visited her parents for Christmas. It was the first time we visited after getting married. But we would always Skype her parents. Now, in-laws house is very small. Its a 2 bedroom house with 2 bathroom. Bathroom is clearly visible from living room. (This is important later)
I noticed my wife very happy, noticed she had missed her family a lot, so I started thinking moving here. She was miserable in where we lived. I noticed SIL behavior changed, she was a bit more confident in herself, and was a bit more touchy with me, both wife and SIL would try to tackle and tickle me. SIL would spank me everytime I walked in front of her and didn't see her or forgot she was there. There was one time she got out of the shower with just a towel, before she used to get dressed in the shower, she looked at me, smiled and got in her bedroom. This was odd to me, I told my wife and asked her if she thought her sister was flirting with me. Wife had noticed the behavior too and told me she thought she was. Not sure if wife told SIL about the fantasy I had but i didn't know how to react, I never spanked nor touched SIL inappropriately, I did tickle but like her stomach or neck just to play along with them. Holidays ended and we went back to our city, this time I had more time to get to know her city that I actually wanted to move. Wife and I talked and we agreed we both wanted to live there. SIL started messaging me a lot tagging me on memes and talking more to me in general, no flirting. 2 years later we moved. Wife's family was very supportive and helped a lot with unpacking and moving things. Wife started working (as a model) and I worked from home which lead me to start getting depressed. Wife's family lives about 10 minutes away from us and would stop by to check on me, bring me food, they are all great in general and care a lot for me. At this time SIL was 24, she didn't work nor study her parents would give her money basically just to clean the house and cook, both parents work and are in their 50's. I felt bad for SIL as she has never had a bf, no friends and seemed sort of bored/depressed. So wife and I would take her with us whenever we went to the movies, bars restaurants,etc. SIL would pay for her own things. She never suggested asking me to wife to pay for anything.
Wife also asked her to tag along with us to the gym, she was planning for SIL to work with her. SIL accepted to the gym but not working. They both ask me to workout with them, to help them and to set routines(there's no trainer at the gym) SIL and I got closer but friendly, no flirting. I again noticed SIL started to get more friendly with me and touchy, I thought it was because we started getting closer not flirting. There was a wedding from wife's family coming up, wife loves to dance but I don't know how to. I asked her several times to teach me and she refused, saying that she had no patience with me. SIL taught me instead, she was patient and sweet about it. At the wedding I danced with my wife and then with SIL. In-laws were looking at us kind of suspicious and even mentioned that all 3 of us got along really well, this was mentioned also by other family members (wife's aunts and uncles) but couldn't say anything as there was nothing inappropriate happening. Not sure when it happened but I noticed myself thinking more and more about SIL. Even my wife told me that I was nicer to SIL and I told her that its because wife had changed her attitude towards me and SIL was nicer and more patient with me. This was a big issue for my wife but she was really mean to me at times and I just couldn't stand it. After a talk she accepted it and admitted to being too stressed with work. She did change back to her old self. During this quarantine SIL stayed at our home once, we got drunk and high, SIL slept in our bed and nothing happened, it was me, then wife then SIL. I kept thinking more and more about SIL. Not sure if its just the sexual desire of the fantasy or something else. But I do notice myself smiling more when she's around. I want to stop because I feel like I'm cheating. I love my wife and I feel like if I say anything I would ruin the relationship I have with SIL and wife's family. If I keep myself distant I fear it might also ruin the relationship we have. I have kept myself distant before, wife SIL asked what was wrong and I told them I was depressed which was true. They both told me they were there for support in case I ever needed it.
So not sure how to get those thoughts out of my system. I have just focused on my wife and work but still see SIL everyday at the gym. Wife and I are doing great but I feel guilty Any ideas on how to handle this internally? Thanks for reading.
Edit: spelling.
submitted by -mental-balance- to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.22 01:04 xEquilibriumzZ Recurring problems with my Girlfriend. I need some advice.

Hi guys, buckle in because this is gunna be a long one.
So basically me and this girl started dating about two and a half months ago so the relationship is obviously still in its early stages. Just for context, Im 23 and she's 20. In the first couple of weeks in the relationship things were really good, we really got along, we have the same interests in tech, games, music, tv shows, movies etc. We have alot in common.
Now I do wanna put this out there but she hasn't had the easiest of times in the past, in regards to both things that have happened in her life in general and things related to her previous relationships (emotionally/mentally abusive ex's, ex's just using her for her body etc) which has lead to her having anxiety issues, but I too have had my fair share of crap. My last relationship was super toxic, my ex was a sociopath, she manipulated me and used me to be honest, she also cheated on me. My current gf knows this, as we were quite open early on about our 'bad experiences' (i understand this is a nono for many) but she's fully aware of what i went through and vice versa.
So when things started getting 'serious' I was quite certain that knowing so much about each other would only be beneficial as we would simply just have a better understanding of who we both are. This doesn't seem to be the case though. I wont drag this on, but we're two and half months into the relationship and we just keep having problems, and I honestly feel like I'm walking on egg shells with her all time. See, shes quite... Odd, in regards to what upsets her and these issues started quite early on, I'd say after the first couple of weeks of being serious. She's very specific and particular about along ALOT of things:
How I talk to her over social media (eg: "what u doin" is an example of something that would annoy her or upset her, as she stresses that me using abbreviations in my messages shows lack of effort, so I MUST type it as "What you doing")
How I talk to her in person (eg: if she says "Good Morning" and I reply "hey" or "hi" then she'll get annoyed as she expects "Good Morning" in response"
How often i use my phone around her, including using my phone in or before bed, she hates me using my phone in bed at night.
How long it takes me to respond to her over social media when we're physically separated
If we're having a conversation over socials and it comes to point where its died off and I leave her on read as theres simply nothing to respond with she'll see it as me ignoring her
VERY specific time keeping (eg: we arranged to watch a movie the other night after I'd finished playing some games with my friends. I told her I'd come off my PS4 at 10:30, and I did, but because I came off at exactly 10:30, it took me a couple mins to say bye to my friends and switch off my ps4, I got into the living room at 10:34, when i walked in she was very unhappy and we literally had a borderline argument because i was 4 minutes off schedule. She went into detail about how I should've just quit out my game halfway through a match and just ditch my friends, which just isnt reasonable at all in my eyes)
Shes very specific about how I show my affection to her, which I do my best to respect because its her body and if those are her boundaries then so be it, but she's specific to the point of: where i touch her, how i touch her, how I hug her, how I kiss her, how I lie in bed with her, etc.
She DOES NOT like me associating with other females, she wont admit it but i can tell. As soon as she hears a voice of a female come from my phone (say snapchat stories) I'll get 20 questions of "who's that", "what were they doing", "who are they to you", "how often do you talk to them". Another example is, I have a very old childhood friend who has joined my university as of this year, and I recently had some brief interaction with her over social media. My gf saw this and now seems fixated on it. I'd Just like to stress that I haven't spoken to this girl FOR YEARS, and I've literally had two or three brief conversations with her recently, and my gf knows this, but regardless constantly brings up her name as if this other girl holds some sort of significant value to me. She usually mentions her name when she's saying i dont have time for her but have time for everyone else such as this specific girl, which just isnt the case.
She also stresses that if im online on Facebook talking to people, then she MUST be my number 1 priority, because if i have time to talk to my friends or family, I have time to talk to her. But I also deal with business/University/job related things through these socials too, so even when im not using these platforms to 'socialise', the same rule of 'if you have time to do that, you can send me a quick message' applies.
She's very adamant of how i must manage my time, i wont lie, im hella busy, i have University, a job as a graphic designer for my friends (quite large) company, im also in the process of kickstarting a gymwear business with my dad, and today she got quite significantly upset because she was telling me that im not going to have time for her, and she wants me to, which is completely understandable and i stressed to her that I'd make time for us. (As a side not to this she made a point of how I'll be editing and using photos of instagram models for my dads gymwear business for advertising purposes and how 'I'll be looking at them more than her'. She also asked if she could be a model and because i refused, simply because its not a practical idea (i dont have a photography studio, camera equipment, etc, as all of that will be outsourced. She also has her own University commitments) she also got upset at this, and took it as 'I dont think she's model material'.
Another thing is the whole situation around our sex life, now I know this is rather personal but hey its the Internet. I wont go too deep into this (no pun intended) but she's convinced that I only want to spend time with her or agknowledge her when sex is on the cards, and its getting to the point where I'm becoming hesitant to make a move on her, because if I do, it usually ends up with her making this point, or we have a fall out, and she honestly makes me feel like I'm using her in these moments. But that's literally not the case. We live together at uni. Im with her everyday except friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday day. But usually if I make a move, I just end up feeling really bad.
Now I dont want to paint her as the bad guy. She does her share of responsibilities, like cleaning, and washing up etc, she asks for no help, but knows I'm willing if needs be. She's also usually very supportive of me and my endeavours.
Now you're probably wondering why im dedicating so much time and energy into this post over a two month old relationship. The reason is because when we get along, we REALLY get along, the good moments are great, and I really do see hope and a decent future with this girl when we have these good times, maybe not forever sure, thats not what im saying. But i certainly do see us having this relationship for quite some time if these problems we're having would just go away. But thats the thing, will they? I just feel like its a constant chore to keep her happy, and I'm really trying, its like im constantly walking a tightrope, and any slight mistep I make, I fall off.
Is it me that's the cause of the problem? Or her? Should I be doing more? I've previously asked her if she's happy being with me, and she tells me yes. But if she was surely these problems wouldn't keep cropping up. I just need some wisdom here guys, and brutal honesty.
submitted by xEquilibriumzZ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.21 17:54 charming_waste Watch online live sex

There's a lot on this ... I'm not even sure if this is the right group to talk to but.... Here we gooo....
My bf (let's call him Ted) and I have been together for a year. He has firm monogamous beliefs and I am comfortable with an open relationship but I don't mind operating under monogamous rules. I have had several poly relationships, as well as a few casual flings etc. I have been involved with bdsm at a few points in my life. He has only had monogamous relationships and has never experienced bdsm before, he was very curious and actually liked most of the things I wanted to do. When we started our relationship, we discussed specific boundaries and agreed on terms that we deemed were how we wanted our relationship to work. I flat out told him a lot of things. Like I only have male friends (I am female) he said that he didn't see a problem with that. I also told him that I am bisexual, he said he was cool with that as long as I followed the rules we set for our relationship. I have to admit... I was totally relieved to hear that. I've had sooo many relationships that have had problems because of both of those things combined, as well as my experience with non consenting sexual encounters.... And I felt like he needed to know these things.
At first he was okay with everything, super supportive and wanting to be a friend as well as a lover. When we first started talking I was actually homeless. I was embarrassed to tell him. I left my previous ex (let's call him Sam) and had been living in my car. Sam took my things to his new apartment in a means to try and make me stay with him. I knew how much that relationship had rekt me and decided it was better to stay in my car. Sam asked me to stay with him etc. Since I owed him money he actually asked me to "work it off" (he wanted me to perform sexual acts on him to pay off the money I owed him). Sam even told me several things to try and get me back. Including that he was going to kill himself... He had everything I had ever owned (except for my trunk full of clothes), I tried my best to remain friendly enough to go and grab things and try to pay off what I owed as quickly as possible. I had it in my mind that everything was under control and that I was going to finally get out from under him... I was incredibly stressed out with trying to not lead him on but keeping him alive, because even though our relationship wasn't good for me... I still cared about his wellbeing. All the while I felt drawn to Ted, like I was meant to meet him. Everything about him seemed to fit like the perfect puzzle piece. I felt like it was too early to talk seriously with Ted, and he had also gotten out of a long term relationship. So we said we were going to take it iceberg slow.
Ted had felt like I was not being totally upfront with him and was feeling quite anxious about this... We had a big argument and he went through my phone. He went through Sam and my texts and was furious about him asking me to work off the debt. I never responded to those texts but he took it as I was still doing things with my ex. There was also texts from another guy that I had gone on one date with, we decided that we were better as friends. We went in the date when I had just met Ted, and remained just as friends. He went through my tumblr, I had a sex blog and he was extremely upset about it. Ted felt like I was looking to get men off online. I never posted anything with me in it, it was all reposted things. He didn't understand that at all. Ted broke it off that night, he said I wasn't serious about commiting to him... he blocked me on all social media within minutes. But I somehow felt like it wasn't meant to be over yet.
Later I had finally found an apartment. In my depression spiral I found a female friend (mind you I don't really have any of these)... I was really excited to finally have a girl that was a friend. We could do what those people do in the movies. Do each other's hair, paint our nails while watching crappy shows, bring each other chocolate at that time of the month... I've always wanted that... I sent a text to Ted telling him how I was finally getting my life together and explaining some things that he didn't seem to understand. I had assumed he blocked me. He called me a couple days later and we finally got to settle some things... We ended up getting back together.
He said the only way we were going to make this work is if he has access to my phone at any minute. Even though everything in me didn't want him to go through my phone in the first place... I still put his fingerprint in my phone. He went through it constantly, he would wake up before me to try and look through without me seeing. He asked that I remove my tumblr because it was vile and I also felt like he had a problem with Facebook so I removed that off my phone as well as my snapchat. Ted would ask me extremely specific questions about my past so he "could love me fully". He felt like understanding every detail of my trauma would help. This was really difficult for me.... We rehashed my trauma over and over as well as everything with Sam etc. This went on for a couple of months. That's when we found out about RJ. Something about finally finding a name for what he was feeling really helped. We agreed that his access like that was being more harmful then helpful. So I changed my pin and removed his fingerprint.
My roommate situation got bad. She called me one day and said that she needed to talk to me. I had spent the night with Ted and was coming home to grab work clothes. When I asked her what was going on, she told me that she had covid-19.... Rather than telling me over the phone she decided to tell me in person, she explained that it wasn't something to tell me over the phone because of the importance.... she said that it "shouldn't fucking matter because I already have it".
Ted and I decided to stay at his place after that. We took the test and quarantine at his house. To make it shorter.... She became more hostile towards me and accused me of "abandoning her" during the quarantine.... My mom (understanding the situation) came out through all of this to help move me to Ted's place. She told me how much she adored him and felt good vibes off of him.
Ted and I had a lot of ups and downs after the move in. One thing I will say about our relationship that has been amazing is our communication. We both bluntly tell each other what's going on in our heads. But we also realize (or try to) what is our anxious thoughts and what is reality. I have always told him to talk it out with me before it becomes a problem. I have no problem talking through the irrational thoughts. I strongly believe that you can fight the irrational thoughts with logic. It has always helped ground me.
We decided to go to couples therapy. We went 3 times and he felt like we didn't need to go anymore... I felt like he still needed it...
Two months into actually living together, my homie from CA tells me that he wants to visit (we are in Texas). This person has always been there for me and I have been there for him, we have been very close friends. But we haven't gotten to see each other in a few years. (Sam was really good at pushing away my friends, I don't know if it was insecurities or jealousy, but he would talk about how my friends were terrible or whatever and that to make me not want to talk to them as much etc. He told me how my homie was a looser and I shouldn't surround myself with people like that, you know because they'll bring you down) Ted can't wrap his head around how a man could want to visit a woman halfway across the states..... We had a huge argument.... After a week of arguing, He hits me with "I'm going out with the guys to Colorado for a guys trip". We agreed that if he was going to this trip that I could see my friend from back home and that he could crash on the couch..
Side note, my father passed away a couple of years back. Halloween was our holiday. We did all kinds of things together. Spooking kids and making elaborate things for the holiday. This month I have the hardest time keeping myself together. But I've been giving myself kudos for doing so well this year. This is something I have told Ted from the beginning, October is my worst month. Unfortunately Ted's Dad has not been in the best of health this year. He had a stroke and has been trying to work his way back from that. I have been as understanding and supportive as I can. We cancelled our Halloween plans to take his dad to a church (this is something his dad requested). I felt like this was exactly what we should do. I still wanted to decorate and make costumes, because it made me feel okay. He didn't really want to decorate and ultimately we ended up putting some cobwebs on the bush in front of the house.... Honestly... That made me really sad...
He comes back from the trip and decided that this is a one sided relationship. Ted honestly believes that he has prevented me from being myself. That he has pushed me to be someone that I'm not. He feels like he has been controlling and that he has been battling with himself too much. He feels like he has become someone that he's not. His jealousy and anxious thoughts has made things difficult for him and me. So he broke it off... Honestly I'm completely rekt.... I thought we were going to try and make this work, I saw a future with him. My funds from moving so much has been depleted and I don't have any family in this state. The man that I've completely fallen for doesn't want to do this anymore. Ted said that it's because he loves me so much that he is doing this.... He also brought up how I've been really moody for the past couple of weeks and he felt like he hasn't been able to talk to me. I've been on my lady time, and disappointed with his uninterested take of the holiday that is important to me. We didn't even get a pumpkin... That was like the only thing I asked for us to do... he asked that we communicate more... I still don't understand this. It sounds like he wants us to be more vocal because it's already over, can't hurt each other's feelings now.... I don't understand .. I've always talked things out with him. Does this mean that he hasn't? That our communication wasn't what I thought it was?
After the breakup conversation I grabbed all of my things and moved it out of the bedroom into the guest room. I can't sleep next to him. He was upset that I did this. He left for some hours, when he came back he went to his computer to play videogames. I honestly just started drinking... I was quite drunk... Before he went to bed he came in to ask if he could get a hug, and started crying... I just feel angry and hurt... I don't even know if this is fixable... all I want is for him to be happy. But I can't help but feel like all I've done is make him feel worse. Like I've ruined him.
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2020.10.21 17:43 throwaway501111 Watch online live sex

Sooooo I already know it’s a bad idea for sure. Husband has a single friend we used to see a few times per month on the weekend for dinner or drinks. All 30 somethings with professional jobs. Both hubby and friend traveled for work (different companies). Recently we both moved out of town, and the friend is now nearly 1000 miles away from where we live. Around January the friend and I started direct messaging on a social media site we are both active on. At the beginning the messaging was rare (once or twice a month), then weekly and now it is nearly daily. I am super attracted to him and find myself fantasizing about him often. He sends me articles and different opportunities related to my work (his mom works in the same field) which makes me feel like he’s thinking about me. He’s also connected me with his mom as a networking opportunity. Recently we started watching a TV show together and will message throughout the show. DH knows about the DMs which have ALWAYS been appropriate. Nothing indicating feelings from either party, nothing sexual. Husband isn’t super happy that we are talking in general and does not know the frequency or that we’re watching shows. I know I would be upset if he was doing the same with a friend, but also feel justified. Hubby plays video games 6+ hours most days. I’ve asked numerous times for more attention, but he is unwilling/ unable to meet this need. Things we do together are usually centered around his interests and very brief (1-2 hrs a day). Sex is less frequent than I would like and super vanilla. Multiple requests with clear information on how I would like to improve our sex life have not yielded results either. I guess first question is the friend is likely into me right? I feel like the amount of communication and time spent is beyond casual friendship. Next question is how to shift the conversation. At this time I do not think a physical affair is likely given the geographic issues, but would be open to an online affair.
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2020.10.21 16:03 swingerlover MAGICKAL INFLUENCES AND PRINCIPLES OF HERMETICISM #Astrology #HermeticMagick #HermeticQabalah #Kabbalah #Qabalah

MAGICKAL INFLUENCES AND PRINCIPLES OF HERMETICISM #Astrology #HermeticMagick #HermeticQabalah #Kabbalah #Qabalah Hermeticism means religious and spiritual movement that took place after the Greek victory of Egypt lead by Alexander the Great in 332 BCE. Hermeticism is a term that frequents historical, occult and scholarly texts of all sorts.
In a nutshell, the Hermetic movement was a culturally mixed rejoinder to the syncretism of spiritual practices of the day, particularly the ancient Greco-Roman as well as the Egyptian religious systems. Cosmologies, philosophies and magickal practices from the mentioned systems and other blended and mingled, finally forming a unique drift of thought and practice. Actually, Hermeticism is not a “religion” by general definition but is better known as a spiritual and philosophical movement.
It is improbable to study the development of mysticism and magic in the Western world without some knowledge of Hermeticism. That is exactly why Pagans, Witches, magicians and occultists can hugely benefit from understanding a bit of the history. Ultimately, it is part of our own holy lineage!
The hermetic element includes astrology, alchemy, astronomy, spellcraft, natural magick, mystical philosophy, planetary magick, elemental magick as well as the metaphysical correspondences of incenses, herbs, gemstones, animals, days of the week, and body parts. Many occult and religious movements came up and kept growing, from Hermetic soil and practically all magickal ways have been affected to some extent by Hermeticism.

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The Hermetic Threads

  • The Cosmic Egg
There are various curious odd crossovers and relationships between Greco-Roman culture, the traditional Jewish Kabbalah and the ancient Egyptian culture. For beginners, the symbolism of the Cosmic Egg exists in Greek mythology just like the Orphic Egg. The Greek myth is that the entire universe was birthed just from a silver egg. The egg is always portrayed with a serpent well coiled around it. Due to Egypt’s enormous impact on the Western world, it is quite probable that the Greeks borrowed this symbolism from the Egyptian story of creation.
In case the yolk of the Cosmic Egg is completely Positive (evident) Presence, its white or albumen, is similar to the Areas of negative being in the Kabbalistic sense.
The Tarot
Most occultists hold that the tarot has made its route to Europe from India as they came from Egypt. The studious consent is that the tarot was founded in Italy early 15th Century by the secretary to Filippo Maria Visconti (Marziano da Tortona). Nevertheless, a likely early Egyptian model for the cards, or at least some of their thoughts, has been proposed.
The Caduceus
Both Hermes and the Hermes Trismegistus are described as having the caduceus wand. Basically, the caduceus is a symbol that was used in ancient Greco-Roman advancement. It is described as a wand bearing a Ketheric light, wings at its top, as well as two snakes, are well curled around the rod. This snake imagery is comparable to the Vedic idea of the kundalini, which is a force of the human energy system expressed as serpents rising around the spine right from the base chakra and to the crown chakra. It is known that the esoteric education of kundalini is most widespread in Shakta Tantric schools of Hinduism.
Seven Principles of Hermeticism.
The seven principles of Hermeticism as known in new Hermetic thought are of critical concern to the spiritual practitioner due to their weight on the mind, body and spirit relationship.
Readers used to the contemporary witchcraft and other magickal practices are likely to appreciate esoteric crossovers in their own philosophical structure. The principles discussed, are quite fit for magickal lives and anyone adopting an emotionally inspired spiritual system.

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1. The Principle of Mentalism
All things in actuality and physical being originate from the mental plane. Usually, the mind of humans is a representation of the supreme mind and is the root of all psychic and rational power. The only important thing, in actuality, is the mind- from which everything in existence derives.
With time, try actively changing your state of mind to understand how much your personal experience improves. This existential practice needs a lot of perseverance and a lot of practice; however, it can surely help us appreciate the power of thought.
2. The Principle of Correspondence
The principle states that as above, so below; as below, so above. This implies that existence is sustained through similar forces, being the source of spiritual mystery. The principles of one thing match with the principles of a different thing meaning that reality works just like a mirror.
How should you put this into practice?
Get to YouTube and try to watch some videos regarding the cosmos. Have a great time examining the universe, leaving to instill that natural sense of surprise we usually feel like kids. Later, study videos regarding quantum and atoms mechanics. Take into account how the Great above compares with the Great Below. With this, the incredible accomplishments might amaze you!
3. The Principle of Vibration
In reality, nothing is physically constant. Everything is vibrating or is a pattern of energy. Since nothing is fixed or static, the only constant changes. Everything is a sign of the Great Mind and the vibration is the basis that anything can live as its “own” separate thing (a river, a book, a thought, etc.) rather than remaining one.
To actualize this, get an old chipped cup, vase or plate that is no longer used. With the use of paint or a permanent marker, take the object and outline some of the magickal figures listed here. When you are set, go somewhere that you can release the object, enabling it to shatter. Once it is shattered, do some divination by checking the pieces to find out whether they form any symbol that is psychologically significant to you individually. In addition, think of the reality of transformation as the only constant in existence.

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4. The Principle of Polarity
In this context, it is known that reality is duality. Just like the principle yin and yang (Taoist principle), this states that everything has its corresponding opposite though is a section of the same unity. Due to the fact that all of existence is polarized, both antithesis and thesis (one thing and its absolute opposite) are concurrently true and untrue— this is a global paradox that levels thoughts of absolutes in any sphere of life.
To put this into practice, you should study with a local college or school concerning public debates you may be capable of attending. Contrarily, check some debates online that you may personally feel an unbiased emotional response. Regardless of the type of debate, try to understand each party’s conflicting viewpoints. Is it likely that each party can be both wrong and right concurrently?
5. The Principle of Rhythm
Some occurrences like action and reaction, the ascent and descent of the tide of the sea as well as the life cycle of birth and the ultimate death account for the principle of rhythm. It insists that nothing ever lives as one of its polarities though it is always varying. Understanding this, an individual can consciously decide not to fall to one ultimate or another in any field of life.
To put this into practice, you need to test the elements. The responsive souls incarnated in a humans frame, we are just at the grace of the elements surrounding us. We need to always be balanced to keep a footing in life. Think of what it would seem or feel to run your finger fast through a candle flame for the sake of finding a threshold for some amount of pain. Also, imagine the methods we human beings harness electricity and fire to improve our lives, and how we need to keep a balance before it turns out as a force that can catch us. Be creative by rehearsing with your thresholds encompassing the components water, air, and earth—simply be careful!
6. The Principle of Cause and Effect
The principle states that nothing happens by chance; everything takes place because of something else. You can either decide to act as a social chess piece for others’ desires, whims, conditionings and norms or one can decide to both take power over and individualize their own thoughts, bodies, emotions, actions and experiences.
Here, you need to strategically rest in a sacred place and imagine about various seasons in your life where you may have “committed” some energy and could still be connected by an astral string that cuts through space and time. With the use of any suitable magickal tools, sever any hurtful energetic cordages from your body. Imagine them reverting to their individual space-time with a prominent blast of light and supply your body with this universal light as you deal with each connection. Go easy on yourself and remember that healing is a lifetime path.
7. The Principle of Gender
In reality, everything is a combination of feminine and masculine. The two forces occur separately or as an absolute. Everyone or everything is a blend of feminine and masculine energies instead of being one or the other, and its exhibition on the natural plane is individual’s biological sex- which can always be male, female or something in between.
Put this into practice by researching about typical gender expressions. Examine how various cultures throughout time have recognized non-cis-gendered groups, in both old and recent times. You can even choose to experiment with some cross-dressing to find out how it influences you spiritually and psychologically.
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originally posted at: https://izabaeldajinn.com/2019/08/magickal-influences-and-principles-of-hermeticism
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2020.10.21 14:42 mononoaware18 Is it possible to love someone and at the same time have desires/curiosity to have sexual experiences with other people. Is there a way to control or limit these feelings or get rid of them entirely?

I’m a 25 year old male from the UK who has been in Japan for two years.
Prior to moving to Japan I had barely been in any relationships, a high school relationship, a few flings here and there, and a 3 month relationship with a girl I met through Bumble dating app.
I recently broke up with my Japanese girlfriend. We were together for almost one year. She is 27, we met in a night club (I know, I know) and we went on a few dates after that. A few months later we become official, (even though we were both aware I’d have to move to another part of Japan temporarily for a job for 6 months. I also knew that maybe I wasn’t going to live in Japan for ever. I did mention that I didn’t intend to live here forever, and we spoke about the possibility of heartbreak in the future. She accepted and even suggested that maybe we were too different anyway (we had different outlooks on marriage, children, jobs , travelling etc). But we were just so happy to be with each other that we (maybe naively) decided to let that be the futures problem and enjoy every minute together and just live in the moment.
Im glad we made the decision to stay together, as my girlfriend was the the first girl I had ever met who I got along with. She was so kind and caring, always trying to do nice things for me. She’d spend hours in the fishing store with me, or go fishing in the middle of the night. Her sense of humour was like mine. I have personality traits like my father, always thinking/worrying about life, job, money. She taught me to stop caring about money and life so much. She could socialise with my friends easily when we went out together. She had lots of confidence and would often ask strangers/workers/anyone on the phone for help or advice if we were shopping, travelling, eating out etc. She tried new things, loved spicy food. She put up with my slight ADD (which I believe she may also have), she put up with me when I occasionally got too drunk and unable to remember anything. She put up with my inability to last long during sex. We would do stupid shit together like popping spots on each others faces, make stupid videos, stupid songs and dances, scare each other, watch horrors together. We could talk about poo and farts together. Best of all she didn’t give a fuck about social media like most girls do these days.
After 6 months apart I moved into her family home on the outskirts of the city we originally met (she lives there alone, parents live elsewhere). Her parents gave me permission to live there for 1 month. This was during April 2020 so coronavirus was crazy all over the globe and there were lockdowns everywhere. Subsequently we spent a lot of time together at home. I was unemployed and she had very little telework to do. We had sex often and watched movies and lazed about. After 1 month I got a job teaching English online and moved into an apartment close to the city centre.
I hated my job, apartment and way of life due to the coronavirus. I became bored with my lifestyle very quickly. I would see my girlfriend at the weekends. All we really did was eat ice cream, popcorn and had sex. I always enjoyed spending time with her
However, I downloaded a “language learning app” to learn Japanese. Previously my girlfriend would try to teach me but it just lead to us having small arguments. I think in a different way to her. I think analytically, with formulas and like to know grammar rules. She on the other hand learns English by memory and wasn’t so good at explaining the justification/use of certain words in Japanese sentences. So we agreed not to learn Japanese together. At first my intentions were to legitimately learn Japanese but eventually I started flirting with girls in both English and Japanese. Then I realised I was now starting to look at girls in the streets, I couldn’t help it, I suddenly became more sexually “curious” so to speak.
I found myself missing the single life, but at the same time I realised I didn’t want to find a new girl, I had a perfect girlfriend already. I just felt like experiencing different sex. My ex’s sex wasn’t’ bad either, it was good, I just suddenly became sexually intrigued. It was like an instinctual feeling but I wanted to switch this feeling/instinct off so much. In my mind and heart I knew I had this amazing girlfriend, I really didn’t want to date someone else, because I already had someone, but at the same time I had this horrible feeling of instinctual curiosity or ‘fear of missing out’. I was thinking of ways to turn it off. I started staring at the pavement for a while to avoid looking at other girls in the street, I deleted all my social media, anything to stop me from staring at other girls which would make my mind wander. I started watching porn to try and distract my mind but I actually think that might have made matters worse.
In the end, my girlfriend grew suspicious of the language app, she asked to see my messages, I came clean and said I had been flirting with some girls. These girls were in cities and countries miles away. One was Australia! Why the fuck was I even doing this?! I’ve never cheated, and I never will, but my girlfriend counted this as cheating. She was so unhappy and shocked. I didn’t even know what to say, I felt like such a wanker. She demanded to see all the messages, but I refused and pulled the phone out her hand. (The reason I refused is because I was asking for advice from one of the girls on the app as to what I should do about my relationship - stupid as fuck.)
Anyway she took all her things from my apartment and declared us over. This was two months ago. My mind was a mess, I wrote to her, both by letter and by message. The first messages were all over the place, just like my mind and so I kept re-writing them to say sorry, to explain my actions and to explain that I was selfish not to tell her the truth from the beginning. The thing is I couldn’t imagine hurting this beautiful girl, she is the kindest girl I’ve met and I do love her, I really do but I have this horrible desire to fuck around. There is nothing that I can think of that justifies me not to love her. I have a gut feeling I will regret this in years to come.
So a month after we broke up I got in bad ways, I started drinking often, I spent most days crying and thinking about her. I would either feel guilty for how I took her for granted and the fact I’d lost her for ever. I realised she wasn’t just my girlfriend, she was my best friend too. After a while I gave in to my desires and started having drunken one night stands to fill the void of loneliness and also purely because I was giving into the sexual desires I had been experiencing. The next day I would feel horrendous and guilty, even though we were over. I couldn’t do it sober, I’d feel too awful.
I still haven’t stopped thinking about her. Everyday since we broke up I haven’t stopped thinking about how I hurt her and if I should ask her to take me back. I almost called her but I realised I cannot put her through this all again. If my mind is unstable, I must deal with this myself. I cannot fuck with her feelings anymore it’s not fair. What’s really winding me up is that, at the same time I keep thinking of her, on the other hand I keep thinking about the possibility of sleeping with other people, but this is stupid because I don’t want to have another relationship with someone. I feel it might have something to do with the fact I’m in a country where I’m noticed more (Without sounding big-headed, back home in the UK the stereotypical attractive guy is buff, dresses a certain way, maybe has a few tattos etc, I do not fall into that category at all. But here in Japan, the typical male that most girls find attractive is exactly my build, plus I’m a foreigner, so I tend to get more attention here when out and about.) so it’s maybe subconsciously made me overconfident. I don’t remember being like this/thinking about possibilities of sex so much when I was in the UK.
I also I'm too scared to ask for my girlfriend back incase the same feeling will come back again. I don't want to put her through this. She doesn't deserve it. I guess she doesn't deserve me, she deserves better, and that's the part I'm struggling to come to terms with.
tl;dr Was with a girl who I found amazing on so all levels, but I suddenly became curious for the single life/sex with other people. I don’t understand why I felt this way when there was literally nothing to dislike about this girl. I genuinely did and do love her. We split up after she found me flirting with girls on a language app. Is it possible to control or limit these feelings or get rid of them entirely?
My questions are as follows:

  1. Am I addicted to sex? What’s wrong with me?
  2. Why can’t I be happy with the amazing girl I had?
  3. Is it possible to love someone but also have this urge to have sex with different people?
  4. Do you think my age has anything to do with these feelings I have?
  5. If so, will I grow out of this?
  6. What advice would you be able to give me from here on out?
  7. I'm also wondering if I am objectifying Japanese girls? I find many of the girls who live here attractive, when I first moved here I didn't even bat an eyelid, but now it's a completely different story. I have no desire to actually be in a relationship though, I just feel sexually attracted. Is this just me being a sex crazed lunatic? or is this what is defined as objectifying?
Seeking answers to my questions from people who may have experienced a situation like mine. Either at the receiving end of a boyfriend/girlfriend like myself, or from the perspective of a someone who’s been in my boots and made either what they believe to be the right or wrong decision.
Sorry for the looooooooong post.
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2020.10.21 13:43 Professional-Oil-40 This is a total vent I want to send him. His eyes or yours will do. I just want to be understood and forgiven. He was my world

Matt if you continue to pay tho then I would appreciate it I’m sry for being narcissistic, I guess online at least it says someone can be a narc or codependent but they look similar. I blamed you for a lot but honestly like you said, I don’t love myself enough yet. I love being alone in this apartment honestly and being on my own time again. The only sadness comes from waves of positive nostalgia about the good times, even though they were so fleeting. I don’t fully know who I am or where I am going yet and I fear I would blame you, as my parents blame each other deep down, for their inability to thrive and accomplish their dreams. It’s like nature vs nurture. We both thrive alone, I’m a control freak and I needed to sleep when I wanted to and have people over and plan with friends without coordinating with you because I needed to do the first thing first. I’m just like you were at my age—just figuring out my friends first and a relationship should come second. I always hurt the ones I love the most because honestly I haven’t broken up with someone, I just ghosted them but it’s because we both feel and empathize. Even if you see me as a cold monster, as I see you too honestly, it’s just what is best for both of us to move forward. I couldn’t sit down and have an adult conversation about what I needed you to compromise on and see what I needed to do so too. I also couldn’t forgive myself for the past because I didn’t feel you were forgiving or that you saw the best in me still despite losing it briefly. I guess I finally developed a conscience though like you did in 5th grade and your love and what you and what your family taught me about life and living and community and traditions and positivity and hard work has given me the target to aim for in the future. I am a control freak and I wanted to control your every move because I don’t love myself enough to not trust that you wouldn’t just leave one day like my dad did to my mom so many dif times growing up. Gotta learn to love myself and keep myself separate during a relationship. I do love you for telling me to get out of my head and to keep busy to keep my mind off of it. I pulled up your workout plan you sent me when we first started seeing each other and the section about motivation & doing so to get over an ex etc. felt so fitting & so ironic. I do love you and I did want to marry you but I started to honestly love you more than I loved myself and then I realized when we moved in that if I was you, I would want someone else without our baggage. I would want a relationship built on a solid foundation and I think it’s why I had ashlyn over in the first place. Like offering up a sacrifice or a view for you of what I wish I was but can’t be.
My sad experiences are entangled with my intelligence. I haven’t let them go because of that. Once I’m happy as a professor and settled like Dr. Ha, I’ll stop with the cycling for men or new attention in the winter like you we’re trying to tell me. I had your love which felt like the love of an unconditional father. The kind I think I may have felt in moments as a kid. But like you said, you watched your parents rip each other apart over money and I tore open that wound because I was experiencing it too. I feel I had no value to you other than sex and being independently earning.
I wanted your attention and your planning which wasn’t fair because you needed that for your own habits and hobbies but I do feel that you pulled away just as much as I did. You always listened to me which is what I realize my parents never did because I never talked to them about anything. And you listening helped me sort out so much of myself. Same with Sam and same with Gabe and even though your words were meant to hurt me about them and our relationship I realized I was stronger than I thought. I know your words were meant to hurt me for triggering you and hurting you over and over. What hurts me more arent your words but looking back at home much you always did for me. And even in this apartment since May how much you continued to do even though I hated myself constantly. I hadn’t been out from under sami or my mom to process or feel the years worth of anxiety they caused and then I was out and it ate all my confidence up at a bad time. Who would love someone who’s family believes they are the worst? Your family is the opposite, you are the knight on the horse, you can’t fall ever. I am the punching bag always but I fall and when I do it’s just a straight drop down.
I started to want to be you and so when you were with friends online—I wanted to be etc. but I feel my last manipulative tactic was to blame you for not going to work for myself. I knew that would make you leave deep down because then you would be officially like okay what the fuck reba who are you? And you would have to leave. I knew I needed you too since I went over to Nicks after that manufacturing job fell through. I felt it in my bones that we had to end because what I was doing was selfish to gain confidence so I could go back into the real world but it was at the expense of us. I probably would have went back to serving when things opened back up if we weren’t together and not gotten into industry as I am now, so thank you for your major push and drive and reminding me of my worth so much you forgot your own in the process. I do love you and you love me and we fell out of love along the way for sure because I took more than I could give right now. I’m back at the beginning of young adulthood just building my friendships and career. I feel like I’m looking to Sophie on how to do so honestly. I wish I had life long friends. I also wish that I would’ve stayed at one school & then TG like Kassie and had it wired in me about my reputation being the most important thing. I’m at home today because I can’t handle being talked and explained to for 8 and a half hours. I don’t know how you did it but half sheer boredom and half sheer drowning in information I’m dying honestly. They built their group from the ground up so they 1) haven’t decided how to access how much they trust me. 2) I’m not making it easy on myself by asking to stay home
I guess my introversion or my social capacity has significantly decreased. When I’m around people, especially work or school people, I need to be doing SOMETHING. I can patiently listen but watching without context or love is hard. Post molly is not good either. I’m a C student at best right now but shame and guilt won’t work on me as it did before. I need to care about myself again to be able to care about what others think of me. If my boss thinks I suck I genuinely don’t care because I think I suck too—that’s the hell I’ve been thinking did. I need some me time to grow back into my independence and into the girl I was when we met. The one who cried in the shower because she saw that this was how it was going to end because I didn’t have it in me to let someone like you go without trying to make you love me. But I wasn’t fully myself yet or where I wanted to be before I knew I would be fully ready for someone.
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2020.10.21 11:41 Bill__Q Ron Magill: October 20 2020, Hour 2

A synopsis of the Ron Magill segment. See the 2020 Index for other shows.
Stugotz, Dan, and Greg Cote
Quote of the day Billy, why is your head in your hands
New stats of the day number of times Ron says:
Phrase This show Year to date
Bottom line 0 22
at the end of the day 0 13
Animals mentioned

  • Princess Claire
  • Animal ghost
  • Black bear
  • Lemur
  • Loris
  • Monkey, howler
  • Monkey, spider
  • Parrots
  • Platypus
  • Primate
  • Tortoise
Questions
Roy Bellamy: There's a primate in Asia called [Princess Claire screaming in the background] sorry [screaming]. There's a primate in Asia called loris. And apparently it has flesh-rotting venom and is one of the world's only venomous mammals [more Princess Claire noise]. Can you describe a loris?
Dan: She's really thrown you off your game. We'll come back to you. See if you can get Princess Claire under control.
Chris Cote: Is she ok?
Dan: A reasonable question. Billy, what do you have?

Bill Gil: There was a story that in San Francisco a lemur went missing now they ended up finding the lemur but they thought it was stolen has an animal ever been kidnapped or attempted kidnap at the Zoo?
Ron: Yes. We've actually had animals stolen. About 30 years ago, a couple of our show parrots were stolen from the amphitheater never be retrieved. And we did catch someone trying to steal a tortoise. That person was caught and charged. The parrots, sadly, were never found and that was the beginning of a very intricate alarm system at the zoo.

Dan: What is the criminal penalty for trying to steal a turtle?
Ron: Endangered species, it's a federal act, a federal violation. It could be pretty severe. As far as the parrots go, because they were show trained and were worth thousands of dollars each, it was grand theft larceny.
Dan: So those people had no idea though they were looking at very stiff penalties, when they're trying to steal those particular animals?
Ron: You know what, I think most of those people really aren't high on the intelligence scale, but I don't think they care about the penalties.

Parker: If you could have the tail of a primate or the feel of a primate, which would you choose?
Ron: I would choose the tail of a spider monkey or a howler monkey, because it's a prehensile tail. It gives me an extra arm, it gives me like 5 limbs to grab things with. I'd definitely go with that because -- I'm happy with my arms and my hands and my feet, my legs, but if I could have another one, that would be huge.

Dan: did I skip over you saying there were other things, weird things, you've had to prosecute beyond thievery? Like, what, sex on the premise?
Me: Hasn't he told the story of busting some people filming a porno in the Zoo?
Ron: I caught that! Dan, I know is gonna -- I was here -- it was a rainy day and I'm doing my rounds and I walk into the aviary round room. It's am closed, air conditioned round room. Of course, nobody was in the zoo because it was raining, except there was somebody in the zoo -- there was somebody making an adult film in our round room when I walked in and caught them.
Dan: An actual adult film? Like, it wasn't just two people, there was an entire ha ha
Michael Ryan Ruiz: There was a crew?
Ron: No no no no it wasn't a whole crew. It was this women pleasuring herself while her boyfriend was holding her and the other guy was photographing the whole thing.
Dan: ok ok
Ron: They ran out. They ran out. They got away. People told me you're lying Ron, you're making that up. No, I'm not making that up and for weeks -- I know I put myself out on a limb by doing this -- I searched the sites using different key words. You know, "wildlife" or all kinds of animal stuff. But Dan, I found it. I found it. And when I showed it to security and when i said look -- does that look familiar, does that background look familiar to you? They go "yeah" and that's when they start installing all the security cameras.
Me: December 10, 2019, Ron talked about this --- man, this has been a long year. I would bet good money he told that story 2-3 years ago.

Dan: Billy, why is your head in your hands?
Me: Phrasing Dan, that describes what got Jeffrey Toobin suspended.
Billy Gil: I was wondering about a lemur-napping and now you know, this is what it's turned into.
Dan: I just like the idea, now you -- is their a penalty for that, though? If they hadn't run out of the place.
Ron: OF COURSE. IT'S INDECENCY, YOU CAN'T JUST DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT IN PUBLIC. DAN.
Stugotz: It's a stiff fine.
Dan: Would you just chase them down, though?
Ron: I tried, but they were pretty young and they were pretty scared and they literally jumped right out and over the fence into the parking lot. So, they were fast. What was really sad, I caught the end of their film because when I was actually able to find the film on a site, they had been to several other sites before then at the zoo and documented their little activities.
Stugotz: A real sticky situation.
Ron: Ok, we need to change the subject.
Dan: [yelling] You're the one who said it was a real shocker.
Me: Show video of Ron telling the story

Ali: Do you believe in animal ghosts?
Me: Ron's previous ghost story
Ron: I believe in animal spirits, yes. I believe every living thing has a spirit. I do.
Dan: Ok, that petered out. The last time we asked him about ghosts, he had that amazing story.
Michael Ryan Ruiz: Have you ever seen an animal ghost?
Ron: I've never seen an animal ghost.
Michael Ryan Ruiz: Have you ever heard an animal ghost?
Ron: [pause] ahhhh [pause] You know, I don't know if it's that I'm really tired sometimes, but every now and then, I swear I hear the clicking of my dog's toes walking on the tile. Maybe it's just wishful thinking.

Dan: Roy - that took a dark turn - Roy, you want to finish your question?
Ron: Not dark at all. Happy! Beautiful!
Dan: Well, I just feel bad, because your dog died and you hear him. That's happened to me, it makes me sad.

Roy Bellamy: [re-asks loris question -- what's a loris and other mammals with this type of venom]
Ron: The loris is actually a type of primate. It has huge eyes, it's a nocturnal animal; doesn't get very large. Anybody who saw a picture of it, it's actually adorable. It has these huge alien-looking type of eyes, because it is a nocturnal type of primate. It is not an animal that's gonna attack you, or do anything like that. I'm not sure about the toxicity of that venom, how it's found in the saliva, but as far as other animals that have venom -- the platypus is probably one of the most notorious. It has a venomous spine at the base of its tail that can hurt you pretty badly. The platypus is also one of two egg-laying mammals in the world. So here's a bunch of information you got with one question. Good question, Roy.

Dan: Guillermo, did you know that platypi -- what is the plural?
Ron: Platypusses
Dan: Did you know that platypuses were venomous?
Video
Ron: Beautiful pool scene, guy. A guy in a pool deck. OH JEEZ THERE'S A BEAR COMING IN. Ok, this guy must be fast asleep on his lounge because he's not even moving. This bear is getting a little drink. It's a little black bear, nothing harmful. He's getting. OH NOW THE BEAR'S WALKING TO HIM. HE MUST STILL BE ASLEEP. THE BEAR probably smells his coke, or something. Oh he he's gonna wake him up this guy's gonna freak. Geez, what's going to happen. OH HE TAPS HIM ON HIS LEG. The guys wakes up OH look what happens what happens Dan? What happens? Say it, Dan. The bear runs away, doesn't he? The guy moves and the bear runs away. The bear doesn't attack him. It's not vicious, it doesn't destroy him. As soon as the guy woke up -- and what does he do? He reaches for his phone right away. Because he wants to get some kind of stupid Tiktok video or something stupid to put online, instead of just appreciating the moment. Oh the bear comes back, taps him on the foot with his nose, thinks "what is this guy?", then the guy wakes up ARR THE BEAR GOES OH GEEZ I'M OUTTA HERE. But that's beautiful. Lorenzo, thank you so much for sending that, because that will show people if you just behave and relax, these animals are much more frightened of you than you are of them. Finely, a really great video to show that point that's so important. God, you guys are good sometimes.
Me: video
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2020.10.21 06:08 Loiswolf99 Watch online live sex

Sorry for the long post So I'm a 19-year-old non-binary person (but to make it easier ill be using she/her pronouns for myself). and I love my parents, they are not the worst people in the world but by far not the best. They never listen to me and always think they know me better than I do. They feel they have the right to insult my friends in front of me, insult my hobbies and insult just my life. I'll take the other day we were on a walk in a local park and my dad starts to question me about my future, I explain I want to be a concept artist and he's asking me all these questions like how I'm going to do it, and I try and explain but before I can even finish he's ramming another question down my throat.
They also expect me to just "get a job" despite the current world affairs. It pains me and especially because of covid I've learnt how much I really hate being around them for long periods of time. I want to get out so badly but it won't be for a while. I wish that was the main part but oh no there's more. I'm Asexual and Panromanitc (as well as NB) my mother is having none of it. Every single time I've tried to explain to her im Ace she says things like "you are not Ace, you've never had sex or be in a sexual relationship you are not ace" like as if she knows my own body and what I'm feeling. She defended my dad when he got so mad at me he kicked a hole in a door for something, not my fault as my unemployment payment messed up on there end.
and it gets worse. They never cared for me until I was at risk of doing something to myself. I would come home from school (I am in the UK so I left school 3 years ago now) I would come home and isolate more and more because my grades were slipping and I was getting badly bullied. They never noticed my change in behaviour, they never cared until the school rang them to tell them about self-harm marks. Once I left school however they thought my mental health was just a phase and I would be ok. They were wrong, but oh the second my brother (older than me by 3 years) is suicidal for no rhyme or reason other than he just doesn't want to live they are watching him like a hawk telling me to watch him, he's on meds, therapy, they are doing everything that they can for him. What did I get when I was like that? one GP visit and one hug from my mum saying I was ok. Yeah, that totally made the next 3 years after high school ended easier, totally.
My parents keep asking why I spend more time up in my room talking to my online friends and IRL friends I can't see over spending time with them. Maybe if they treated their child like a human being and not a verbal punching bag who they think they know better. Maybe I would spend time with them more. I do not want to hang around people who are going to insult me, pretend my own mental health doesn't exist, show they 100% care more for my brother than me. and think they know my own body. No wonder my cat's see me more than my own family because at least my cat's love me for being me.
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