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2020.10.29 10:29 lilspeedo234 Sex with mom nude

Hi I’m 19 F and my ex (20 M) broke up about 1.5 months ago. He got into his dream university (that I helped him get into) and all was good for a while. We had been dating for almost a year. But when his university started he just talked a lot less to me, of course he was busy but in his free time he would hang out with his cousins. I felt like I wasn’t being prioritised, this one day he said he won’t talk to me all day all night because he was hanging out with his cousins, I got angry and said that I wish he would prioritise me too sometimes and I asked him why he couldn’t even take out an hour for me. He started acting really rude (said I wasn’t his family) and long story short he stopped replying to me and when I started calling him to apologise his sister (26 F) picked up and basically broke up with me for him and 5 minutes after that I was blocked from all social media and had no way to contact him. I texted one of his cousins that I was good with and she said to give him space. About 4-5 days later I heard he got engaged to one of his cousins. I was shattered. I remember him saying that he hates fights and that me fighting him on stuff like that will end our relationship one day. That led me to believe it’s my fault. I started spending time with my friends and this one time a few grown men started following us in their car, we were really scared so I texted my ex from my friend’s phone about all of that because I trusted him and I believed he’d help me, i was wrong, he blocked her too. I couldn’t take it anymore so I told my friends everything. Thing is, I’ve known my ex since 6 years. We dated once when we were young (14-15 years old) for like 7-8 months and he broke up back then through his mom. He also cheated on me during that relationship with my friend and blamed it on me by saying that I upset him by hanging out with a male friend. After that it was just a series of coming and going from my life, he used me for sex and nudes and stuff, for advice, for everything. He would often confess his feelings to me and then break up with me a few days later. He would go into detail about every girl he dated and also unfriend me every single time we had an argument. This is what I think was emotional abuse, please correct me if I’m wrong. I was so deeply in love with a guy who did all of this to me just because we had a few good memories together and even today I miss him sometimes and often question whether it was my fault for fighting too much. I feel like I have no future, when I imagine my life I see nothing. I want to forgive him, but I can’t. And I feel guilty for telling my friends everything because I feel like I’m ruining his reputation. Everyone says he’ll come back to apologise because that’s what’s been going on since 6 years. Reddit, I’m confused as to how to move on and what to do in case he comes back?
submitted by lilspeedo234 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 17:58 Illustrious-Mail2210 Sex with mom nude

I originally watched growing up, but kinda stopped/grew out of the show around the time I was starting high school. For me, this means I hadn't seen anything beyond season 6 prior to this. I decided to rewatch for nostalgia's sake and planned on only watching the parts I had seen, but kept going. It's a good enough background show for WFH.
Personally, I still liked the original cast the best. I'm definitely willing to chalk this up to my nostalgia, but I did end up liking a decent amount of the later characters as well. Holly J, Jane, Anya, Sav, Alli, Clare, Eli, Imogen, Dallas, Becky, Adam, kinda Drew. I wanted to like Dave, Riley, and Bianca more but I just couldn't get there. I couldn't bring myself to care about anyone from Maya's age group and below.
One thing I'll say regarding nostalgia bias, and I know I'll get murdered for it, but Jimmy is massively overrated simply because he's Drake. He's one of the most dull characters from that generation, constantly looking and acting disinterested. Just mr jock cool guy that might add three lines of dialog to something. I think it's an overall symptom of degrassi writers being absolutely AWFUL at writing black characters with few exceptions. Jimmy was boring, Hazel only served as a sidekick to Paige and was otherwise boring, Chantay kinda sucked and was just stereotypical "sassy black girl" which I thought was borderline racist, Marisol flat out sucked. Dallas was better, Connor was okay but that's mostly because they gave him autism and leaned into it HARD. Dave was so so.
I also felt like from an objective standpoint the show got less relatable and realistic as it went on, and I remember it being praised for that when I was younger. The big dramatic events of the early seasons, even though they would be uncommon in the real world, felt like they carried their weight more accurately because they were rare in the plot. Whereas later seasons it was one crazy thing after another. But maybe I'm biased. It seemed like as the show went on it was way too convenient of a cluster of wild things happening or big things happening.
It started ramping up a little at the end of the original cast with Paige and Manny both off to hollywood. Then kept going. Mia becoming a world class model. Peter and later Fiona having their own lofts as high school students. Someone trusting 16 year olds to completely run a concert venue. But then they just lost all grounding basically. Jenna's stint on a national tv show, getting pregnant, giving away the baby. KC becoming a deadbeat dad, his mom coming back from being an addict, defending her from an alcoholic dad. So many things about the coynes in general. Fiona becoming a teenage alcoholic and going to rehab. So many kids going to notoriously difficult admin schools like Stanford, NYU, Columbia, MIT, Cambridge. Eli having a dead gf, crashing his car, constantly cranking up the dramatics of his relationship. ALL THE GANG SHIT! For the first, what? 11? seasons there's no mention of gangs what so ever and now the entire area around the school is divided into a dozen different turfs and you can't walk to school safely without joining one of them? The show goes from weed being a big deal and coke being extreme to people doing meth and dealing massive amounts of molly? The multitude of times teachers got inappropriate with the students through romance, drinking and porn. A couple running away to vegas to elope. A suicide on school grounds. Another pregnancy plus miscarriage. Sexual harrasment, followed soon after by sexual assault. Cancer. A hacked together nude snapchat ring for money. A shooting at prom plus another shooting over a turf war thing. An 18 year old miraculously meeting a tech giant who solicits her for thousands of dollars for sex. Kidney failure leading to finding out you're adopted leading to your biological mom coming back and giving you a kidney. Even just with sexual encounters they lost their grounding. They went from sex being a big deal and mattering a ton to high schoolers to people just fuckin one out in the prop room at school in the heat of the moment and sucking each other off in the back staircase.
I'm not saying these things don't happen in real life but clustered so much into a small group of friends it starts to become extremely unrealistic feeling for all of that to happen to such a small group of people. It felt like it started to become more about the craziest things that can happen in someone's life rather than the actual day to day of normal high schoolers, which is what I thought the early seasons were. It became way more soap opera feeling with it being one giant thing to the next.
I don't really plan on moving on to the next season since I don't really care anymore, and only got to this point because I'm a completionist type person. But just had to share my thoughts. Thoughts, rebuttals, questions?
submitted by Illustrious-Mail2210 to Degrassi [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 17:14 15throw15away15 Sex mom nude with

I tried posting this to legaladvice, but they just took it down. I don't know why and I'm incredibly frustrated that I can't even post this shit to that sub because of the stupid rules.
This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
submitted by 15throw15away15 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 16:51 ThrowRA15151516 Sex with mom nude

*Note: I posted this already to another sub from a different throwaway account. I had to make a new one to post on this sub because of the username rule.
This is a long story. I've tried to sum it up as best as I can. But it's still long. I just want one person to read this at least. Just one. I'm leaving out some details because it would take up an entire book if I were to write everything out.
Important prefaces - my dad is a mentally and emotionally abusive narcissistic control freak who has messed me up big time over the years. I also have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and dropped out of school in 10th grade due to mental issues. I'm ALSO extremely, very against porn, not for religious reasons even, I'm an atheist. I just believe that a man should be 100% loyal to his woman, and not even look at other women in any way (and vice versa). Porn/sex work is also a very fucked up industry in general. Say what you want about that, that's not what I'm here to discuss anyways. It's not up for debate. But it's integral information.
That being said, I've had a lot of mental health issues starting from a very young age, stemming from my dad's mistreatment of me and from intense bullying at school, as well as other events that have occurred throughout my life - including being raped/sexually assaulted when I was 14.
I also started being very promiscuous way too early on. I got my first computer at 8 years old and found hardcore porn, which I got addicted to. From 8 to 14 I was addicted to porn and saw myself as an object. A young girl viewing porn is a much different perspective than that of a guys. I was way too sexual for a child. Part of the reason behind this was probably the issues I had with my father being distant and emotionally unavailable. (I'm 18 now and haven't watched porn in like 3 years or so. I hate it so much). Anyways.
When I was 15, I was very alone and very vulnerable. My brother, who is 6 years older than me, felt bad. I was friendless. So he started to bring me sometimes when he would go over to his friend's house to watch UFC fights, or whatever. We'll call this friend "Bob".
Whenever I'd go with my brother to Bob's house to hang out, there would be maybe 3-5 of his friends there collectively. It wasn't just him and Bob. His friends girlfriends would sometimes come along too, so I wasn't always the only girl in the room.
Bob and all of my brother's other friends were normal and never really gave a fuck about me. In fact most of his friends just kind of disregarded me and I would sit there and watch the TV quietly and smoke weed. (I started dabbling with weed at around 14, my brother smokes it too, so do his friends. It's always just helped me cope).
But this friend, Bob, had an older brother. We'll call him Todd. Keep in mind - when I was 15, my brother and his friends were all around 21-22 years old. Bob's brother, Todd, was 24 at the time.
Well, I happened to be there one day when Todd came down to chill with everyone for the first time. He didn't always come down, because he was a loner. He saw me and it seemed like he immediately took notice of me. He knew I was young, and knew I was the sibling of one of his brother's friends.
He started paying special attention to me. I remember him asking me what my favorite music was/what kind of music I listened to. I replied that I'd been listening to a lot of Soundgarden lately. He then played a Soundgarden music video on the computer. He would smile at me and look at me a lot.
After that, I'd keep coming to hang out, and I'd see him more and more. Eventually, I asked him for his snapchat. Yes, I was the one who did that, oddly enough. I was lonely, vulnerable, and in need of attention. This older man was giving me that attention, so I latched onto it and went out of my way to get his snapchat. He didn't protest. He added me back and started chatting with me from there.
I began sending him nudes. At 15 years old. He gladly accepted them and would tell me (actual quotes) that I'm "his little treasure", that I'm "juicy", and that he's "counting down the days until I turn 16". 16 is the age of consent here in Canada. I wish it fucking wasn't. My naive self reveled in the attention he gave me. I became very attached to this guy.
A couple months passed and eventually I started sneaking out late at night to go and hang out with Todd by myself. He worked the evening shift at a factory, and ended work at 11pm. I would sneak out at around 2-3am almost every night, walk to his house which was 5 minutes away, and hang out with him until 4 or 5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. This obviously started messing my sleep schedule up a lot.
He let me smoke his weed and always gave me some to have. He started buying me cigarettes too, since I started mixing tobacco with weed when I'd smoke bongs (I quit tobacco since then, it's been over a year).
He never made a creepy move on me when I'd come and hang out. We would always hang out in this "smoking room" in his basement. It had a lock and everything. He could have done something but he didn't. It wasn't until a few weeks of hanging out with him like that, that I asked if he wanted to kiss me at the door when I was about to go home. He said yes and had this childish look on his face, like a kid in a candy store who was super giddy. I gave him a peck on the lips and then left. Yes, he let a 15 year old walk at night alone that late.
Note that this guy was a virgin at 24. Never even kissed a girl, I don't think. Meanwhile, I had lost my virginity at 14 with a guy my age and had more experience since then. I know, I know. I wish I hadn't done it that young.
After that kiss, we decided we were dating. It became apparent to Bob, my brother's friend, that I was hanging out with his older brother Todd. Bob was weirded out and concerned by that, so he went to my brother to let him know. My brother questioned me about it, but I managed to convince him nothing was wrong and that it was ok. I don't know how. Apparently, Todd had also contacted my brother telling him that he liked me or something to that effect, and my brother just told Todd that it's "her choice whether she dates you or not".
So we started dating. Next up was to try and convince my parents that it was ok. At first, they lightly tried telling me that it wasn't a good idea. However, I never once remember them sternly trying to explain to me the intentions of this older dude or why he wasn't what he seemed to be. They just sort of... barely tried to tell me it was not a great idea, and then gave up. Nobody talked to Todd himself, nobody went to Todd's parents. Everyone was just trying to tell a mentally unstable 15 year old that this older guy "wasn't a good idea", as if I had the capacity to listen and understand that I was being groomed and taken advantage of. Which they didn't even explicitly say.
Part of why they gave up was because me, having BPD and a plethora of attachment issues and daddy issues, would have HUGE episodes if anyone tried coming between me and Todd in the slightest. To the point where I was suicidal and saying I'd kill myself if I couldn't see him.
If my parents tried telling me not to sleep over at his house or something, I would go into a rage, into a panic, into chaos. I'd scream and cry and self harm. They came to a "deal" that I was allowed to sleep over at his house only once a week, and I took it. They eventually just accepted the relationship and didn't protest anymore. I would bring him over, I'd go over to his house, and everything was... "normal". My dad even said "you know what, I actually kinda like this guy" to my mom.
Before we started dating, I made sure to express my hatred of porn to Todd, and I expressed, crystal clear, that I expect a man to be 100% loyal and keep his eyes to me. I do the same thing when in a relationship. I'm just very monogamous. He agreed and assured me that he stopped watching porn altogether for me, and that he was only looking at the photos I'd send him. He had so many nudes of me saved on his phone. I was young and naive, so naturally I bought his lies of loyalty.
Anyways - I met his parents and he met mine. I would go to family gatherings with him and meet his relatives. He met my grandma and he was there with me when my cat who I loved very much passed away.
It became so normalized. But over time it became more and more clear how dysfunctional the relationship was.
The relationship slowly morphed into more and more fights. My BPD went from being triggered around him rarely, to being triggered constantly. I had huge episodes around him where he would just ignore me, leave the room to let me suffer and panic and break down by myself, and just overall not respond properly at all. If he did try to comfort me, the effort was shallow and he gave up very quickly. Admittedly, I sometimes became so uncontrollable in my episodes that I hit him a few times during the relationship. I'm not proud of that but he would always just take it from me and the most he'd do is say, "don't hit me" in an annoyed voice.
He never learned anything. We dated for a year and a half before we broke up. Throughout that year and a half, his responses to my breakdowns remained a constant, each time, even after having serious conversations with him about my mental state and giving him advice and tips on how he should respond accordingly when I become that way. (yes I have looked into therapy. I've gone through 8+ therapists and will try again).
He never treated me like a girlfriend but rather as a friend with benefits.
The fights would never end. I would cry and beg him to change certain habits, like sleeping in way too late, smoking way too much weed and tobacco, not showing me much affection, not washing his hair. Just lazy habits that over time began to piss me off. He would ALWAYS cry with me at the end of fights promising to change and yet he wouldn't. Each time. And my weak ass couldn't leave. I was way too attached. But I was going insane.
I realized after so long that I didn't actually love him at all, and I was only with him out of fear that nobody else would want me or deal with me. He used to be an escape from my home life, he used to have me infatuated with him and obsessed with him. But he just became another problem to face. I didn't love him anymore, I don't think I ever truly did in my naive mind. He was constantly blaming me for my episodes and telling me to get help but he would be the cause of my episodes more than half the time. The entire relationship was so fucked up. I would legitimately go insane with the breakdowns I'd have, hitting my head against brick walls, pulling at my hair, screaming, crying. I experienced those episodes time and time again in part because of his actions towards me.
For example, he knew abandonment was a huge, giant, terrible fear of mine. Earlier on in the relationship, he left to a cottage trip without telling me and stayed a week while I was at home falling apart because he seemingly dropped off the face of earth and wouldn't respond to me. He refused to talk to me and only started picking up the phone at the end of his stay. That shit fucked me up. It doesn't sound that bad typed out but it was a punch to my gut.
Anyways. In June of this year, I found the proof that took the blinders off my eyes for good. I was on his phone, (in front of him, he let me go on it) and in the vault of my nudes, I found a sexual instagram text post. I immediately became suspicious and went to find instagram on his phone. It wasn't even downloaded. So I went to his browser, typed in "instagram" and it immediately came up as an often-used suggestion. Low and behold, he had made an entire fake account that he hid from me that he used SOLELY for looking at half naked IG models and pornographic stuff.
And he did all that when he had an entire vault of my own nudes. It was an encryption app called Keepsafe that requires a pass code to get in. That's where he kept all of the nudes I'd sent him, over 300 of them.
This guy was a porn addict from day 1 and hid it from me the entire time. He "used" to watch porn in VR. Pathetic.
When I found that shit, I IMMEDIATELY got up, told him to delete all my stuff off his phone, and left home. He tried yelling after me that he still loves me and I just screamed at him, bloody murder, that his ass did not love me when he was doing that shit behind my back.
After a few days I went to his house to make sure that app with my nudes on it was uninstalled off his phone. It was still on his phone, of course, so I made him uninstall it in front of me. He did. But I was still paranoid that if he reinstalled the app, the photos would come back. So I made him reinstall it to show me.
A log in screen came up. He hastily said "see, look, it's gone, it's just a log in screen now" and then quickly put his phone away and didn't let me see it again.
I am almost certain he logged back in and still has my underage nudes on his phone.
A few weeks or days after that, he hand wrote me a letter which he managed to give to my brother when he saw him hanging out with his brother Bob.
This is the letter: https://imgur.com/a/bJANVKQ
Very creepy and poorly written.
I also found out after we broke up that he made a fake account to stalk me on instagram with after I blocked him. On that account, he was following several 16 year old girls (!!!) and some dirty porn type of profiles. He was also following ALMOST EVERY ACCOUNT THAT I WAS FOLLOWING. Including my new boyfriend. When I found out about that account, which he made under a fake name, I messaged it a lengthy paragraph informing it that I knew it was him and that I have notified the police of his predatory behavior, which isn't a lie - I did, in fact, call the police and open a case on him shortly after we broke up and I realized he was a pedo, basically.
Here is the message I wrote: https://imgur.com/a/f4Y6mlR
After I sent that message, he became unhinged and started harassing me.
He made 8+ fake accounts under fake names, one after the other. He started messaging me paragraphs about how fucked up I was, comparing me to my dad, telling me I was just like him the entire time, sending me articles about "BPD abuse", writing me huge text walls filled with poison. He would go on my reddit account and stalk that too. He also viewed my LINKED IN which I haven't used in years. He would send me quotes about "narcissists ghosting their victims", implying that I was a narcissist who was merely just ghosting him.
Here are some of the messages he sent me off his fake accounts: https://imgur.com/a/fKe7OON
After this stalking and harrassment begun, I got into contact with police again and updated them on the situation. It was a lengthy process of phone calls and submitting screenshots of evidence only to be fucking useless in the end.
All this creepy motherfucker got was a phone call from an officer telling him to stop harassing me. They told him that "if he continues then his actions could cross into the realm of criminal". What was NOT criminal about everything he did to me? From dating me in the first place, to stalking and harassing me the second he knew my rejection was finalized?
The cop just closed my case after talking to him on the phone.
I want justice. I want that shit off his phone gone. I want to KNOW that he does not have my underage lewd photos anymore.
My parents and brother, after the whole ordeal, after I realized how screwed up everything was, had an "I told you so" attitude about it toward me. My brother refuses to delete Todd off his social media because "it's very awkward and I don't want to see him again at Bob's house knowing I unadded him". I will forever hate that he's even sparing this piece of shit's feelings in any way after what I went through with him.
My new partner is amazing, honest, and kind. He is only 3 years older. He has shown me what a normal, loving relationship should look like and I haven't been aggressive to him in any way like I was with my ex. I am significantly better off mentally with my current partner.
My question is: what the fuck do I do? The police didn't give a shit, even when I told them he was PREDATORY and following 16 year old girls. They didn't search his phone after I said that I'm scared he still has my underage nudes on it. So who the hell will deal with him? Everyone in my life turned a blind eye to my fucked up "relationship" with him. I can't just let this go, I cannot let this piece of perverted shit go scott free with just a fucking phone call from police. Fuck the police.
I need advice. Please. Someone. Anyone.
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2020.10.27 15:32 BabyBabylonshi Sex with mom nude

So I have this friend that I’ve known for a few years. I used to have a thing for him but I always respected the friendship, spent the night whooping ass on video games, never hit on him, always nice to his gfs, mom loves me, the whole Shabang. Never made it weird or known. He’s always acted very immature and goofy when we were around groups of people but when it was just us, it was a completely different vibe.
He’s very calm, very sweet, charming, the complete opposite of a butt naked cowboy crab walking down a public road. He has done this before lmao. He has been a few states away for a while but we always keep in touch. I hate being on my phone and FaceTiming and just talking on the phone because of my anxiety, but if I care/ am interested I’ll do it and get lost for hours talking if it’s the right person.
Anytime he called I always answered, always left the party to be alone just to talk to him. Listened to his problems, his ups, his downs, any random 1 minute phone call just to talk. Here’s another thing, When he gets drunk he calls me A LOT. At first it would be a cute little back to back call to tell me he thinks I’m really pretty and hang up lol. He would send me nudes(I never sent any back), asked me how he looked, how I liked his outfits, not phishing for compliments but always ending up with me telling him how cute and attractive he is, and can have anyone he wants because he deserves the best. Anyone wants that for their friends and loved ones.
He’s constantly complaining about how all girls he talks to just want sex and not a relationship. I always said the right one will come and stop stressing it and it’ll come when it comes. We will be on FaceTime and randomly he will go on about a girl/ asks me what I think of them, or send me pictures of them or their nudes and kinda side eye me in the camera I guess to see how I’m gonna react or make a face and I never do. Complete poker face over here. I don’t really show my emotions. I like girls too and I believe we’re all beautiful and I’ll tell him that. I give that answer and he just sighs and asks again, i give the same answer and then he changes the subject.
I never talk about other guys to him EVER and when I do he asks if he knows him/them, will flood my inbox with nudes, send a bunch of messages being sweet or just tell me I’m very pretty and how much he misses me. When he came home we made out a few times, he started it, I felt like it was my first kiss again and butterfly’s were in my stomach but I didn’t make it weird. Never went past that because I passed out. Lost contact for a few months a little while afterwards and when we started talking again he ignored me on and off for a few weeks, I was a little hurt. I am a whole recluse, I only answer my phone for my mom and my manager and I answered for him every time he called me.
Always talked him through his problems, always was there for him and everything. What really got to me was he could never be bothered to at least talk to me about my depression or my problems, only his mattered, he constantly was bothered if I talked about a guy or girl I was interested in when I did it 3 times compared to his 1,264, it’s crazy. Now that we are back in contact and he calls, I don’t answer. I might send a message as a response but barely. I miss my friend, but idk how to handle the situation anymore.
He’s a really caring person, but idk if he’s being really immature and trying to make me jealous and tell him my feelings, or trying to show me he’s not interested. If he’s not interested, he sure calls me a lot and is hurt when I dont fall for his usual flirtatious gimmick and is upset because I won’t answer. I’m fine if he doesn’t like me, but holy fuck if he isn’t confusing me. I can’t let him continue with this behavior but idk how to bring it up. Does anyone have any advice?
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2020.10.26 17:08 HaulA126Octl With mom nude sex

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2020.10.26 13:17 bigdumbhick Sex with mom nude

I just played my first gig at a Nudist Resort
I never realized that there was a difference between Nudist and Social Nudist, but I found out that there actually was a big difference
Nudist: a person who engages in the practice of going naked wherever possible.
Social Nudist: one who engages in a lifestyle of non-sexual nudity, and the cultural movement which advocates and defends that lifestyle.
people who believe that it is physically, socially, emotionally, and perhaps spiritually healthy to go about fully nude individually and in groups of mixed gender, wherever the weather permits and others are not offended
-------------------------------------------------------
I was booked to play a gig Saturday at Carolina Foothills Resort in Chesnee SC. CFR is a campground for nudists. I had been looking for venues where I could play outside and somehow or another Google led me to a review of a nudist resort somewhere.
I pondered on it for a minute an thought -

  1. I'll bet those people are pretty open minded
  2. I'll bet there aren't a lot of other musicians competing for the gig
  3. I like being naked
I sent out queries to the three resorts within 150 miles, with a link to my EPK, and promptly moved on. As a performing musician you send out LOTS of queries with little to no response. You set a price hoping that people will be willing to pay it, but this is the time of COVID and that's seldom happening now, so you have to decide what the lowest price is you are willing to accept. How far away is the gig? Have I played it before? Is it a good crowd? Are they good tippers? Can I afford to take $25, $50, or even $100 less to get my foot in the door?
I quickly got an email back from CFR inviting me to come play, they had no problem paying my full cover price. They even offered to put me up for the night. When someone offers to pay your full asking price, you jump on it. I jumped on it.
When we pulled into the campground, it just looked like a normal campground. Campers everywhere, kids playing, people on golf carts...then we passed by a naked guy washing his car. My wife looked at me with big eyes,said "That guy was naked!" and started to giggle.
We checked in at the office, and the lady who checked us in was fully dressed. We signed some paper that basically said we would behave, and were given a key to a cabin. We drove over and took our stuff in. I asked my wife if she was coming to the pool for my gig. She just laughed, gave me a kiss, and told me to go have fun. On the way out the door I stopped, looked at my wife and said screw it, and I got undressed.
"When in Rome"....
I had been naked in front of other people before. In Jr High and High School we had to shower in a big open shower room with classmates, I had been to Navy boot camp where I took a shower in similar situation with 80 guys, living on board a ship and sharing a berthing compartment with 40 or more guys, and I had been to nude beaches several times. But all of that was 20 or more yrs and almost 100lbs ago, and in all those situations there was no real social interaction. Guys don't normally even acknowledge that other naked guys even exist.
I pull around to the pool get my gear out of my car and am confronted with a 70+ year old naked man...and he wants to say hello and welcome. As I make several trips between the car more naked 70+ year old men come up introduce themselves. Is everybody here old and naked? and how come all these old men have bigger dicks than me? Is this the home of the 70+ year old big dick mafia? Were they about to make me an offer that I shouldn't refuse?
I'm not going to lie. I was not in my comfort zone. A fellow came up with a camera and told me that he was the official camp photographer and wanted to know if it was okay if he took some shots of my performance for the clubs private use. When we checked in we were given stickers to put over the camera lens of our phones so I wasn't concerned about evidence getting back to my mother. I told him the club was paying me so they could do whatever they wanted. Sorry Mom.
I was contracted to play from 3-6p. I got set up and started playing at 2:45. I'm doing my normal shit talking between songs "If I would have been thinking, I would have worn my good dick", and "I should have thought this out better. I sat a tip jar out, forgetting that none of you naked people have any way to carry cash on you" somebody yelled out "you'd be surprised" to which I replied "Please don't drop a roll of quarters in my tip bucket"
Audience response was good. I got laughter at the right places, people coming up to say hi and thank me for playing, people were dancing. I'd say the average age was mid 50s and up. There was every body shape and size you could possibly imagine. Stretch mark's, flabby bellies and titties, saggy asses, old faded tattoos and when they start dancing all that starts moving around...
But after 10-20 minutes something in your brain changes. You stop noticing all of that and you just see people enjoying themselves. At one point this young 25 year old woman with a perfect body, meaning not a blemish, not a scar, not a stretch mark, with great perfect muscle tone walked up and threw me a tip. Her nudity didn't even register, at least not in any sexual way. I noticed how nice her skin was. I was jealous of her youth, I noticed her smile and how warm and friendly she came across. Any sexuality related to nudity was simply non-existent.
at some point later I was talking to one gentleman and remarked how incredible it was to see how accepting everyone was and how comfortable everyone was in their skin. He told me "That's because we're all perfect just the way we are"
He is right.
After I was done with my gig (I played 2:45-6:15 with no breaks) I went back to the cabin where my wife was resting. I told her that there was a bonfire going on that we should visit. I put my shorts back on (I wanted the pockets for cigars, lighter, cutter, etc) and we went over to the bonfire. The young 25yo lady was there with her 35 year old, 5% body fat partner. Turns out he was a University Professor, and she was an environmental scientist. They were with another young couple with perfect 20 year old bodies. What I'd give to have that back, There was another couple there in their mid 50s, who I had met by the pool. They were both ex-Air Force with normal mid 50s bodies. The younger females had put on a little clothing because of the cooler night temperature and their lack of body fat. Being old and fat has it's advantages.
Being nude was no different that not being nude. Nobody acknowledged one or the other, except to compliment one of the younger girls on a pair of boots she was wearing. If you want to be naked, be naked. If you don't want to be naked, don't be naked. It was no different than wearing a ball cap or a watch. Another couple came and joined us. She was the lady who had checked us in. I had later seen her named by the pool and from the front she looked like a typical mid 60's woman would be expected to look. From behind I noticed that she had a cute bubble butt. Genes are weird.
I noticed that I had quit seeing people in the usual sexual ways. I might look at someone and think "nice genetics", "cute ass", or "wow, look at his/her skin" it was all clinical type observations, not sexual ones. Did I want to have sex with the 25 year old female? No, Not really. I wanted to have the youth and the body of that age. I wanted to be back in my mid 20's where women who looked like that wanted to have sex with me and I wanted to have sex with them, and it was all new and exciting, the exploration of each others bodies etc. Did I want to have sex with her that night, as a 59 year old fat man? Not in the least little bit.
She was nice to me. She had offered me a plate of food earlier, she had brought me my cigar cutter after I had left it by the pool, but I wouldn't be able to pick her out of a lineup today. They thing that left the strongest impression was her kindness
After sitting by the bonfire and discussing everything from dating camels in Iraq (Air Force vets) to discovering leeches attached to your genitalia (one of the young ladies) we decided to visit the hot tub.
The pool is heated at something like 84 degrees year round. The pool and the hot tub are open 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. The only place you are required to be naked at CFR is in the water at the pool or hottub.
My wife is very modest and had earlier told me that she was not getting naked, no how, no way, simply ain't happening. She would cut the first motherfucker that tried to make her get naked. She had a kid at 35 which wasn't very friendly to her body (although I think shes still awful hot). We went to the hot tub and she got got naked and got in. A little later she got in the pool as well. A couple of people walked by and she tensed up, but she held her ground and walked thru her anxiety. I was proud of her.
Sunday Morning we awoke to rain. We decided to go hit the hot tub before leaving and once again she got nude. This time several people came by. The President of the CFR Board of Directors, thanked me for playing. I found out that I am the first performer they ever had who performed naked. The older lady in the office with the cute bubble butt who had checked us in came by. She is a year round resident. She has a camper she keeps there. We started asking questions about how many members, costs, fees, etc. She told us that with everything shes able to live there year round for $3-4k a year.
The entire weekend (Sat noon - Sunday noon) the people could not have possibly been any more friendly and welcoming. They would make it a point to say hello, ask if you needed anything, offer to feed you. It was the most welcoming, inviting, accepting group of people I remember ever encountering in the last decade or two.
When we left I was a bit down. I wasn't looking forward to having to return to the real world, the one that makes you wear pants.
Visiting CFR is a life changing experience. I don't know about any other resort, but when this one says it is family oriented, what they really mean is they treat each other, and the guests, like family. They are interested in you. They want to get to know you. The nudity is just an added benefit, the real draw here is the camaraderie, the sense of community. I guess the nudity helps to facilitate that but they treat the sense of community as the utmost, primary principle here.
We'll be back. In fact I could see this as an affordable retirement option.
Thanks CFR staff, members and guests. It was an honor to be allowed to share my music with such wonderful people.
submitted by bigdumbhick to nudism [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 17:09 dleftmeunabletowalk Boyfriend had screenshot of girls pfp that he masterbated to

I don't really know where to start. My exs have almost all cheated on me. I thought for years it was my fault. Slowly accepted that no its really not. I started getting attracted to people older than me because all I could see with people my age were cheaters. None of the older people I've dated have cheated on me. We had good times slowly realized we just didn't match and left on good notes. I started seeing a guy 8 years older than me. He's great. He's sweet, kind, listens to me but also calls me out on my bullshit. Out relationship went kind of fast in the beginning. From just meeting each other on tinder to being a couple in two weeks. It was like dating a woman except he was a man in every sense. I got sick 2 months into our relationship. I can't walk right, our sex life was still active but I couldn't top or do a lot of moves. This made it impossible to work or study though. I'm still trying to this day but it is hard finding work. 10 months into our relationship we made tinder account to joke around with. We made it very clear it was just for that night and I actually got banned however I don't know why even though I contacted tinder(not important, just to show that I didn't really care about being banned since we weren't going to use it again). A month later I was on his phone to read his mom message to him because his fingers sticky. After replying I went to the home page to get to camera because I love taking photos. I saw the tinder app. I opened. He was still talking to girls. I cried. He deleted his account saying sorry and I just wanted to feel attractive and it was just innocent convos. I pointed out he deleted before I could read if it even was innocent. From then on its been a little strained. I told him he's allowed to have chatting apps to meet new people because I did see he had a guy on the tinder as well. But he had to be honest and can't hide it. And he said I was allowed to read the messages then just to be sure it wasn't flirting. We didn't have sex for a month.
Now it's about 2 weeks until our 2 year anniversary and I wanted to send my mom a super cute picture of our cats so I opened the pictures app and there were tons of screenshot of badoo girls pfps and even of their Snapchats. There was even a few nudes which he said were from subreddit. At first he said the pictures must've gotten there when he transfered pictures from his old one to the one I'm lending him. Then he admitted that they were taken when I was away for 3 weeks with my parents. I feel numb. I want to cry because I live this man. But I don't know what to do. I want to know how to get through this or if this is just too many red flags. I don't want to break up with him, not even a little so if you think there's a chance and you have advice please give it. But I also need to know if I need to leave. I know from my exs before I started dating older that I'm not good at knowing when to leave when this kind of bullshit is involved. Thank you in advance.
submitted by dleftmeunabletowalk to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 16:10 idonthavearedditnow Sex with mom nude

I made a post on the LDR sub yesterday to caution and hopefully save other women. My abuser found a new victim and I hope by some miracle it finds her. I decided I also want to share my story here with a slightly different take.
A little background of me, I always had similar views on dating to FDS due to my grandmother. I never planned on dating anyone exclusively until engagement. I grew up in a sometimes abusive household with a narcissistic father and mom who came from a bad home and married young. Her pedophile is still at extended family gatherings. My parents tend to blame rape on the woman. My own brother has choked me and threatened to kill me. This is a cautionary tell of how I fell into an abusive relationship out of naivety and maybe family trauma.
About a year and a half ago, I met a man on reddit about my age. We began talking and he pretended to be everything I ever wanted in a partner. He love bombed me to the extreme but at the time I didn't know how bad that was. He went to one of the best schools in the world and pretended to have the same goals and beliefs in life as me. I sent I'm a snapchat once at the beach but without thinking my bandeau was out of the picture so you couldn't tell I was clothed. He pressured me for nudes (terrible mistake) and made vague threats if I didn't follow through. I was in a bad mind-space as I had been assaulted 6 times during the previous year. My one big warning sign was he blamed my previous assaults on me. He flew to my country to meet me and we had planned a road trip. I had lost interest and only went to clear his phone of these photos. Our first day together, he raped me and carried me to the shower to wash away the evidence. He followed me to the car when I was wanting to call the police and I felt forced into the road trip because if he was willing to rape a stranger, I was afraid he would hurt me more. He took unconsensual videos and I felt I was trapped with him. He blackmailed me into moving in with him a few months later. At the time I felt I had no options as I was a recent graduate with nowhere really to go and he had control because of the videos. I still had hope maybe he would be the man he claimed to be. The abuse got worse and lies began to unravel. The smallest things would make him so angry and he controlled every aspect of my life. I was lucky I was able to get a voice recording of him admitting to raping me months later but I was trapped in this mess for almost a year before I was able to find a way out safely. In the recording he says many things like he didn't believe my many no's were hard no's. I physically tried to push him off but was unable. He lied on many trivial matters and was incredibly controlling. He deleted my social media and isolated me and tried to make it so I didn't have money to leave. He had told me I was his first girlfriend and his web of lies completely unraveled when I learned I had contracted an STD and contacted one of his old friends who helped me immensely. I had realized before his stories didn't add up but didn't realize how much one person could hide. He proposed and had full support of my family despite all that had happened. That no was the best no I have ever said. I have been doing intensive therapy including EMDR and have bad PTSD. It sucked to wake up to nightmares of rape or abuse when the person is right beside you in bed. Despite all, I tried to be his version of a the perfect girlfriend which was really a voiceless bangmaid. I believe I was able to delete all of the photos and videos before I left. He has tried writing to my parents house but is blocked. I heard a few days ago he has a new girlfriend. A girl he flew from another country to meet him and I am afraid he did the same to her. The few details I know sound so similar to what happened to me. Unfortunately, my hearing with the DA for my rape is backed up and all I wanted to do was save another woman. I don't believe there is true justice in such situation but it sickens me it's so hard to get a man off the streets who has done something so heinous. I wish I had a way to find her and warn her. This sub has been a great place for me for healing.
Lessons:

  1. Never ever send any sort of compromising photos and follow the handbook. It's true.
  2. People don't change. I only ever met a monster not the man of the letters and from online. I stayed hoping someday I would meet the man he once pretended to be.
  3. Cut your losses early. Although my view has changed, sex was equivalent to marriage in my mind. Even the videos of my rapes being released would've been better than trauma I had to endure. No matter what you have given up, you can only lose more if you stay.
  4. There are a lot more misogynistic people in your life than you'll realize. Some old friends defended my rapist as they said he seemed nice and probably made a mistake. They aren't your friends.
  5. Everyone can be nice sometimes. I developed a huge trauma bond and although he was a monster there are parts I miss and loved of him. Those weren't who he is and I have to remind myself that.
  6. Unfortunately stories like this are way too common and many people sympathize. I remember the kind and worried looks from strangers when he'd make me cry in public. I've talked to so many women with trauma like mine.
  7. I still have a lot of regret for times I lashed out at him but I have realized they were trauma reactions and he pushed me to them. We tend to project our good nature on others whereas abusers blame shift to us.
  8. Sick people are sick. A week or two before I was finally able to leave, I found a note on his phone saying he hadn't found me attractive since the day raped me and I was worthless like his other exes. The only times I remember him calling me sexy, I was hysterical. Run at the first sign of sickness.
I almost married my rapist as I felt I had no choice. I lost my self worth and identity and have worked hard to build it back up. Don't let that be you. If you grew up in an at all abnormal household please do therapy to to try to understand normal human behavior before you consider a relationship. I am conventionally attractive and have been on many, many dates in my life but I still fell victim to the tricks of a bad man. Read "Why does he do that" and the other books mentioned on this sub to learn signs of abuse.
I wanted stability through a man and the unconditional love I had dreamed of but I have learned you can only provide that to yourself.
submitted by idonthavearedditnow to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 13:39 theanashow Am I a bad person? All Kinds of TWs so tread lightly please (deleted the crosspost)

Am I bad person? This is long and TW of all kinds
Just like the title says, I have a lot to unpack here so I hope that anyone willing has some time to give me their genuine advice here. Please understand this will be a lot, so fair warning. Also, all the Tw should be placed on this
Throughout the years, just like everyone else, I've has friends come and go. But it first stopped feeling like a normal process right after high school. I definitely did the "fitting in" for a while because the first couple of years of high school, I was bullied so much the principle suggested to my mother that I try to stop trying to "stand out", I ended up switching school districts 3 times to get away from the torture. So after high school, it felt good to have some acceptance of some kind....even if I wasn't all of my self (plus I was going to some really awesome parties). For a long time, those friends came and went, but it was always easy to find people to party with....and I quickly learned that those people weren't my friends, and it was nothing real and like I was always going through the motions. I just knew that the bottom line was that no one cared about me. And at the end of the day, when all of these "friendships" ended, no one ever had anything good to say about me... and I couldn't understand why. I'm a genuine person, I tell the truth, I don't steal, I treat people with kindness, I fight for the people I care about...So what's the matter with me?
So after figuring this out, I went and found my old friends from high school that I loved and we got really close. I finally acquired a best friend (something I haven't done since I was a kid) and ended up spending a lot of time with her. We did what all best friends do and spend every waking moment together when she wasn't with her husband or either of us wasn't at work. She was the best thing that's ever happened to me platonically (and to this day I do miss her but would never ask her to be my friend again)
Admittingly, I've struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and jealously of other people's relationships to this day (since I have never had a relationship of my own). So I've been known to push people away with two methods 1. either through desperately clinging on to them to the point they think I am stalking them and could be a threat (I never have and never would come to that level) or 2. straight up just push them away and tell them they deserve better than me out the blue and take desperate measures to remove them out of my life.
So one night, I was planning to take my own life so I called her and told her she deserved better and that she should move on out of the blue. And she asked why and I hung up on her (to this day I don't think she knows why I did that). I texted everyone else on my phone and said the same thing, parked my car somewhere, turned off my phone and was ready to drive my car into the water (I didn't because the car wasn't mine technically and I started to feel bad about it). She says that she was crying that I (friend) broke up with her and her husband forbid that I ever see her again because of everything I put her through in the days to come after I found out that she had another best friend comforting her I got jealous and told her I would find her friend and beat the shit out of her (never did or would've...just wanted my friend back because of the obvious mistake I made). For the next two weeks, I did everything to fight for my best friend and she took me back but nothing was the same. So I broke things off again and promised that I'd leave her alone again forever (and that's where things stand now).
Rewinding a little, In high school, I had one boyfriend. We dated for one year and for half of that year he was abusive. I never knew how to come out to anyone at the time because 1. I was stupid enough to love him and 2. He never marked me up so I never had any proof so I didn't while we were together. He dumped me Nov 2, 2009. Also in high school, I was best friends with this guy, we hung out every day after my boyfriend dumped me so I wouldn't have to feel alone (it was platonic). We sat on his couch and watch movies Id never seen and Id walk home, but my ex always thought I was sleeping with him (since Id never slept with my ex, I was a virgin). One night, my friend had a party at his house, and it was a thing, everyone raced to his bed, and whoever got there go to sleep there (without him there) instead of sleeping on the floor. And that night I won. So all of us that raced went into the kitchen for shots. Long story short (since Id like to not relive the whole thing) my guy "best friend" raped me that night taking my virginity....leaving me to cry it out...Later telling me he never wants to talk to me again.
He ended up marrying my best friend that I talked about previously.
So I know I'm uploading right now, but I promise I am going somewhere.
A year after the encounter with my "guy best friend" I started hanging out with this girl I was partying with in high school and met this guy. He has a cool car (of course right?) and always came to my house to smoke me out. We got to know each other and he would come over and smoke me out every day. He introduced me to his friends and I eventually found out that we had a lot of friends in common already. Eventually, we started sleeping together since he was telling me things like "I really like you and I'd love to be with you" etc. This went on for 4 years until one day he calls me and tells me "id love you to meet my new girlfriend". So I have a meltdown, blowing up his phone trying to find out what happened, and he starts changing everything he'd been saying for the past 4 years without warning. So I spiral out of control and have my first suicide attempt. Come to find out, the entire time we'd been "together" he'd been telling his friends that I was just a slut and someone to get something from and nothing else since he was using me to cheat on his girlfriend the entire time.
(sorry, this is all over the place but I warned you and I am going somewhere with this. Just bear with me)
So fast forward past finally leaving my best friend and her husband alone and second-guessing drowning myself. And moving across the country to put everything behind me...Since everyone I know hates me no one wants to talk to me. There was always one guy that I always thought that I might end up being with one day. He was always extremely nice to me when everyone treated me like shit. A little background, when I was overweight he was the only person that said "wow" and talked to me about how great I looked in a dress at a party. He kissed me a few times amongst a few other things (never has sex). But the truth was he was out of my league because he only did any of these things when he was drunk. So one day after I moved I messaged him how I felt about him. He had a serious girlfriend at the time so I was fully aware that nothing would come of it but I just wanted to get it off of my chest. He was really nice about it and we just started talking about random stuff for a couple of days so I felt comfortable asking questions like "would you ever be with someone like me". In my mind, the context was supposed to be like "would someone like you want to ever be like me" but it never came out that way...So asking questions like that obviously was very inappropriate... but that's not what I wanted. One night he ended up texting me and telling me he was horny and I told him that wasn't something he should be telling me...he started asking me for nudes and stuff so I ignored him (I'm pretty sure he was just drunk). So one day we had a pretty serious talk about something I was going through and how people keep dipping out of my life and I didn't understand why. The talk eventually boiled down to him promising me that he wasn't going anywhere, so I assumed I had a friend. Be being the dumb ass I am, I started blowing up his phone up (I was upset about something and I cant remember), and his girlfriend saw and thought he was cheating. So he texted me and demanded that I say we don't have a relationship, so I did because it was the truth. But I also wanted to be honest with her, so I told her everything. I told her about what I originally said, what he said when he told me he was horny, I mean everything. So she asked me if I thought it was cheating and I told her in my mind I would but its up to her how she wants to interpret it because ultimately she knows their relationship better than me. So a few hours later he texts me furious telling me to never speak to him again. I explained to him that I just wanted to be honest. He blocked me on everything I could contact him on and I did everything in my power to apologize but haven't been able to since.
While this is all happening. When I moved, I met this older couple that let me move in their basement with 3 other people (it was a big basement) as long as I keep a job and pay rent. I stayed with them for a year. Within that year I paid for my own food, toiletries, etc, and always paid on time. Everything was great, I had a couple of depressive episodes (going through the above and the death a family member) . They kept cameras in the common areas (because they had a lot of nice things and lived in a sketchy area, and had them before I got there). Everything was going really well until one day one of my roommates (that works nights) barges in and yells "some of my weed is missing!" and since i was the only one awake at the time he assumed it was me (although I did nothing). I let him know I did nothing and even showed him my own supply as proof but it wasn't enough for him. So he expected me to pay for more, and obviously, that's not going to happen (we live in Colorado). A week later he moves out but not before telling me how terrible of a person I am and that he hopes that I kill myself. ...even though I did nothing. After he left, it comes out that serval things of their other roommate's things are missing and they all think it was me even though I never touched anyone's stuff. So the next night I move out and start sleeping in my car until I get money for a hotel.
(Almost done guys.)
My mom and I have been really close for all of my life since she's been basically all I've got parent wise. But only recently did I realize how toxic our relationship is. For most of my life I have needed her help because I have been through so much. And even though early adulthood I still needed her. But now I am almost 30 and although right now things are crazy.. I really don't need her. When I moved out of my roommate's situation, She just so happened to be visiting for Christmas. So I told her I was getting a hotel and was going to find another roommate or just get an apartment. So instead, she purposely missed the flight that resulted in her in losing the job that she has for 30 years. And she got stranded here trying to "dig" me out of a situation that I didn't need to be dug out of. So without keeping everyone here longer than they need to be, my mom ended up getting COVID and was under the ventilator for 10 days and nearly lost her life (google Ravi Turman). We are currently homeless and living a hotel because couldn't trust me to take care of something myself.
So I said ALL of this because I wanted to give everyone real instances in my life some where people knew me well and some where they didn't. Some where I clearly messed up and some where I didn't and some where I don't know to ask this:
---What is wrong with me? Am I a bad person? I try so hard every day and do my best every day to be a good person but every day I can't help but see instances where people keep giving up on me without looking back. No one that has ever met me will ever have anything good to say about me although I cannot tell you a single time in my life where I have purposely meant anyone any harm. I don't mention family here (besides my mom) because of none of them like me, just tolerate me. People expect something out of me that Im not and I try to show them...but they won't even take the time to see.
---Im burned up by this because I moved two years ago and have no friends because I am terrified to put myself out there in fear of just making more enemies that I love. I've never even been in a serious (romantic) relationship and that seems so far from a possibility now because people can't even stomach me on regular basis let alone love me. So its just become a sad dream.
I pray all of this made sense so whatever advice you may have can be something tailored....because I am tired of living this way.
submitted by theanashow to BPD [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 02:42 Austin5136 Sex with mom nude

(18, m) It wasn’t necessarily a nightmare but it was so vivid it scared me at times. I hadn’t smoked for the first time in months that day, and I havent had dreams in a long time. I dreamnt that I had gone to bed completely sober, but I woke up (in my dream still) to my phone being blown up. I scroll through my phone to see its spammed with texts from my friends and strangers. I discover during the night I had gone on a crazy bender but I don’t remember much. My phone also seems to be bugged with scammy ads and foreign languages. I check snapchat and its spammed with texts from strangers about a guy Im seeing. I find out I had posted a sex tape and nudes of me and my boyfriend on Instagram. (In my dream instagram got an update that allowed nude material to be posted) Im freaking out and go to text him but he has me blocked. That’s when I started to remember.. First I tried to start my car but to no avail it was broken down (my car irl is having issues). My dream starts to play in clips as I remember the events. I had seen my bf during the night in a park but we were being chased by his dad (he’s in the closet irl). I feel like the effects of my bender were too gratifying and it felt genuinely real. My dream closes with my bf finally meeting my family, and it went awesome! However, my mom brought to my attention that my bf has the face of my dad. When I saw my bf had my dad’s exact face, I woke up. I felt so hyper and so different when i woke up. Im not sure what this means... thoughts?
submitted by Austin5136 to DreamInterpretation [link] [comments]