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It’s completely normal to question your sexuality, regardless of gender, life experiences or however you see your masculinity or femininity. We’re desperate to attach labels on everything and everyone but working out what you do and don’t like sexually and doesn’t have to be so scary. I’m unsure about my sexuality [Discussion] Discussion. I’m 100% positive that I like girls but I’m unsure if I like guys. I’ve never had a crush on a real guy ever. I’ve had some male friends that asked me out and I thought for a bit that I liked them too, but I was wrong. I didn’t feel comfortable or happy in the relationship so I ... I'm unsure of my sexuality. Discussion in 'Questioning & General LGBT' started by Kute_Kate, Feb 3, 2017. | Print Topic. ... Like the title says, I don't know what my sexuality is. I'm questioning it because for some time now, I've been attracted to girls (I think) and boys. I'm attracted to the shape of girls' bodies, their personalities, and ... Are you confused or unsure about your sexuality? Or do you feel like having fun? Whatever your reason is, this sexuality quiz is for you; At the end of the quiz, you will score as either: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, polysexual, or pansexual. So Let's play this quiz and find out now. Why I’m Confused About My Sexuality – And It’s Okay If You Are, Too. April 28, 2017 / Connor Manning. Is it okay to be confused about your sexuality? It’s really frustrating when people assume that you must be confused, which happens a lot to folks like bisexual and pansexual people. There's no 'magical way' to know your 'true' sexuality. Some people have a fluid sexuality and may experience changes during their life. Some may experience traumatic experiences, thus changing the way they see their sexuality. In any case, your feelings are valid and being confused is okay.

2020.10.01 22:03 t_h_r_o_w_a_w_a_y420 Gyno porn videos

Okay, so first off: I am male and I've been in one (1) heterosexual relationship that turned out to be toxic and really really damaging for me.
It ended about a year ago and went on for a whole year before it fell apart like a lego set hitting the floor.
In the year following year (2019-now) I joked around more and more with the whole "wanting to sleep with dudes" thing...
Until one day, I realized it might not be "just jokes" after all.
There was a small party in my group of friends (pre-corona) and i had to swap clothes with a female friend of mine on a dare (it's just platonic btw, nothing weird there, we're just buddies)
And I kinda liked that...
Following that, there was a costume-party that I went to and I went as a gender-bent version of the theme that everyone was going as... (i.e. if the theme was "future", I would've gone as a future girl)...
And I really enjoyed that too.
Later that year, I had the whole house to myself for a couple of weeks and fell into an "ordering 'girls-clothing' off of amazon" craze. I have been crossdressing ever since from time to time.
Since I've not got the house for myself anymore, I usually just do it at night now.
So the thing is that I'm pretty convinced that I'm not straight. I have experimented with Trans-Girl porn and I enjoy looking at penises and crossdressing dudes. I'm attracted to femboys and some feminine men.
But the thing is, that that is only sometimes.
I would argue that it's just when I'm super horny... Most of the time, I feel straight. I mean, I've heard of the bi-cycle and stuff, but isn't it weird that it's JUST when I'm horny sometimes?!
And the urge to crossdress also only comes when I haven't masturbated in a couple of days...
I've looked up my attraction, and it seems like I'm mainly gynesexual (attracted to femininity).
Although I might also be bi, since SOMETIMES I like those big chunky muscular men in the porn videos that I watch and I fantasize not about being one of them fucking the girl, but BEING the girl that is getting railed by them right now. Idk but it just turns me on.
Which would suggest that I'm rather bi, no?!
And the thing that confuses me the most is the following:
There is this girl that I'm friends with (who I've admittedly had a crush on a couple years back) who does weird things with my feelings...
I try to tell myself that I'm not falling for her, since I'm still damaged from my relationship with my toxic ex (I'd say I'm over her but not over the trauma that she brought me)...
But everytime I'm spending time with this girl, I forget about all my bi/gay/gyno fantasies and I just see her.
And I just wanna hug her and hold her tight and not think about me being in a skirt and other men and AAAAGHR...
It's really tough. Any ideas or similar experiences from anyone?!
I'm male and have started to get into the idea of being bi/gynesexual over the past year after I left a toxic relationship with a girl. I have started to crossdress and think about men, or feminine boys. But there is this girl that basically "erases" that part of me entirely for a couple of days every time I see her.
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2020.07.21 07:41 21Julhouston Gyno porn videos

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2019.11.11 08:27 Volteos Gyno porn videos

I was a toddler when I first got Gyno, this was after my mom had given me some pills that in turned saved my life while having a life threatening illness. My endocrine system was shocked to oblivion as a result, and then everything that came after included a pair of boobs and insults that come with them as part of the package.
There were times I wish I was dead, in fact I still do wish I was dead sometimes. I first went to a surgeon to deal with this when I was 19. The doc said go see the endocrinologist first and I did, and after maybe 20 god damn blood test with no change, it was just a series of repetitive "your estrogen levels are low, but you should wait until you're older to really go through the process of removing them." At the time I was also going to the gym mind you, and I managed to skim off 15 lbs from my weight of 210 lbs at the time, but it just wasn't enough.
At the time I was in college going through the major of all tears, electrical engineering. People usually leave college by 22 and make their lives better, but with electrical engineering you will need an extra two because the curriculum is just that stressful and difficult even as a full time student. So I spent a total of 6 years in college, jobless, living with my parents, obiese, and with gyno there to remind me how much I suck.
I don't care who you are, you will in fact be infatuated by a woman as a guy, and the one thing preventing you from making a move is the fist sized boobs under your shirt or sweater. Deep down you know the sex wont be good at all, and the fact that you live with your parents at the age of 24 is enough to trigger crippling depression. Fast forward 1 year later since graduation, I've landed a role in a well paying job for a fortune 500 company, my weight up at 230lbs, but I'm still living with my parents, and have finally decided to break my shell, and fight back at life.
Life is war. For the longest time I struggled with how I would pick up women. Unlike most people with Gynecomastia, I am severely socially awkward, and about 3 days ago I decided to for the first time in my life get the hell out of my house and ask out random women on a date. This wasn't easy for me to do either because I struggle with all my insecurities, but I really had enough of being defeated by life, so I started by going to the gym at 225lbs. Then after literally in tears from all the weight I was carrying from the stories of people who got cheated on in relationships and marriage I couldn't help myself, my emotional pain was at 100. I swear if I had a gun at the time that probably would've been it for me, I'd take a mag slide it in a 1911 and just pull the trigger. After talking it over with my mom I had no choice but to tell myself that it was time to change my life, and I don't want to let my Gyno keep me from developing a relationship. So far I've aggressively lost 10 lbs in two weeks, and scheduled an appointment with the doctor. And it was about 3 days ago that I finally broke the barrier and said I'm going to ask a girl out and stop masturbating my 4.5 incher to porn at my parents house.
For a large part of my life my success is attributed to my need for vengeance and anger, so I decided two weeks ago to change my fuel source from the latter to a life fueled with hope. Hope is such a difficult thing to have when you have no religion. It took me two weeks of sleepless nights and crying to myself, and contemplating my future to really wrap my head around the idea that I need to turn my life around. I literally had a breakdown at my mothers arms explaining this to her sobbing harder than a crybaby while pouring all the weight I was carrying on me. I decided last Thursday that I would walk downtown and ask girls out for a date.
I literally walked down through the middle of Manhattan with my stupid little socially awkward approach "Hi, I think you're really beautiful, would you like to go out with me sometime?" Yeah, stupid, I know, but what can you expect from someone who has no friends or ever even touched the realm of picking up women? Of course naturally I got rejected 8/8 times, but I have an undying resolve, and have been since then working on it. I end up going to singles mingle event and decide to break the ice before asking girls for their numbers, and to my success I did get a number, no reply text though, I also had this German girl attracted to me, but we didn't share the same relationship goals so I cut the thread with her.
I do the same for one more night, still going to the gym daily, still doing all I can, I ask random girls out and this time with the advice I got from the internet and my coworkers in regards to breaking the ice first, no dice. To my surprise during all of this my confidence hasn't dwindled a bit. I begin traveling down a state of psychosis where even though I can start dating women, I can't just 1) bring her to my parents house, and 2) have sex because my gyno would be a massive turn off. The pressure is real, and I can't stress this enough. After, listening to sad love songs and struggling with the illusive depression, I am at a complete loss with my psyche. And for anyone wondering, I even considered online dating, but nobody replied to my messages. I don't drink so it makes it harder to just simply go to a bar and mingle with seltzer water but I think I'll try that anyway at some point.
I realized that I have the ability to be completely confident in the experience. And if it were not for me living in my parents house and having gyno/obesity my life would be so much better. But then again at the same time I'm stricken with hope. My head is swiveling with confusion as to what I feel right now, a constant state of an empty hollow shell with goals in mind but only at the very beginning of achieving them. Nothing hurts anymore though, and while I'm thankful for the emotional pain being gone I am hollow. There is nothing left inside my head, no sadness, no happiness, nothing. I mean I get that we shouldn't let our circumstances define the rest of our lives, but I'm scarred to oblivion about this. I feel nothing, not a shred of embarrassment, but the only thing I would feel is shame if I had sex with a date because of my massive turn off gyno or if I was forced to bring a date to my parents house. I can't stoop so low, and I won't.
Being hopeful that I remain dedicated to achieving my goals is all I have left. But there's nothing else. I have since then, removed the dating apps from my phone, and decided I will still keep asking random girls out on dates even with no success. I don't know if this is a way to live, I'm not the same person I used to be back when I used porn and video games to escape the real world. But this new person, what of it? I don't know, all I know is severe gynocomastia is one hell of a major league curse. A lot of work to do, but I'm not certain anymore that at the end of all of this I'm going to be happy. Having dealt with such profound emotional pain is the hardest thing you can do to yourself, people say you grow from it, but they never tell you what you could become after. And to be honest I don't know what the f*** I am right now. I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night in three weeks now worried about my struggle. Hopeful, confident, but confused and have literally NO friends. The war of life has finally taken its toll on me. I'm thinking about volunteering, or attending some public events I like to develop a social circle, but I really am just a hollow, empty shell.
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2019.07.23 20:50 futazixewa Porn gyno videos

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2019.07.16 19:56 SatanicNerd Videos gyno porn

So, I'm gonna be honest here. I'm a 23 year old sexually submissive man.
Day to day, I'm dominant af. But in the bed, I just wanna worship a cute butt all night long :)

I've got women throwing themselves at me every day, but I always manage to fuck it up because of this 1 little insecurity:

I'm submissive.

Yeah, I'm terrified of being judged. More so of being used.

When I take a girl home, I instinctively begin prioritizing her pleasure. I kiss her ass, work my tongue, and she cums many times (which makes me happy & prideful). But in my experiences, the girl always wants me to rev up the aggression, to spank her (which I love doing), to pull her hair, to choke her, etc.
But because I'm not exactly comfortable being sexually dominant, I tend to start losing my erection.

And more than once, I've been told I'm "too soft" in bed, and I tend to end up feeling bad about it.

If that wasn't bad enough, I'm also hesitant to admit being submissive before sex. Here's why:

With the rise of FinDoms, or, girls who pretend to be dominant to get money out of men, I'm worried about attracting the wrong kind of attention. I can be a bit of a dumbass, and would rather not put myself in a situation where I'd be feeling loved, only to suddenly realize I'm being used for my money.Now, before you start getting defensive about calling out "FinDoms", hear me out,
I've seen the porn they've done BEFORE leaving the porn industry for the more lucrative FinDom scene, and they are ALL submissive.

Some honorable mentions go to girls I've seen on FaceBook, who show up in random groups proclaiming their Financial Dominance over all men in the group. Like, damn, sit the fuck down already. It's 2019, nobody could cover your car payment even if they wanted to. Heck, I know some folks out here who can barely afford to breathe.

Now, don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against FinDoms. If that gets you off, you do you. My problem is with fakes, people who pretend to be something they're not. That shit gets under my skin like nothing else.

And when the internet just gets flooded out of nowhere with "FinDoms", you'd have to be a bigger dumbass than me to not know what's up.

Jokes aside, I've got no problem spending money. I'm actually doing fairly well for myself. Not rich mind you, but well enough to be able to tell my boss to fuck off without losing sleep.

No, the problem I have is that I don't want to encourage people to take advantage of me, which is what I feel like I'm doing when I tell women I like being submissive.
Further, I don't want to feel like a lesser man for wanting to be submissive.

Submissive Men:

Dominant Women:

Everyone Else:
submitted by SatanicNerd to BDSMAdvice [link] [comments]

2019.07.02 19:12 jetable1789 Gyno videos porn

Background: My boyfriend of 2 years travels for work and resides at a government facility during the work week. He's been traveling like this for months, spending weekdays at work and weekends at home with me. The wifi at this facility is very restrictive. Meanwhile, I've been on a series of birth control options trying to get a handle on what my gyno thinks is endometriosis, and as a result my libido has been very low/nonexistent.

The problem: I picked up my boyfriend's phone today to relay a text he'd gotten from his dad. I know his phone's passcode, so there was no problem unlocking the phone. However, when I unlocked it, it prompted me for a second passcode to access the "secure vault." So, naturally, I wanted to know what was in the secure vault. I asked him, and he first said "Stuff for [government facility name]," and then admitted that he occasionally uses porn while at said government facility, downloaded because of the restrictive wifi. This bothered me, so I asked for more details, and learned that the porn in question is downloaded pictures a la gonewild. For some reason, this bothers me so much more than just learning that he's watching videos or using Pornhub, because it feels way more personal to me. I also occasionally use porn, but I use the Pornhub variety and don't download it. We had also discussed porn use before, earlier in the relationship, and I had expressed that I was fine with it, but didn't want to know details; now that I've been confronted with it, I have rectified my position to him (that I'm really not okay with him using this type of porn).

The question: How do you feel about this type of porn? Do you think that it's more personal than videos on Pornhub? Would you be upset in this situation?
submitted by jetable1789 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2018.03.28 22:29 psuedome Gyno porn videos

Im looking for a porn website other than pornhub. I'm currently subscribed to girls gone gyno but I don't think I am going to renew because their videos don't seem to update as often as they advertise. I'm a newb when it comes to watching porn. Thanks in advance!
submitted by psuedome to u/psuedome [link] [comments]

2017.06.19 04:48 Danzzo36 How acid changed me

So a little backstory on me, I was never a popular kid growing up, I never really had any friends that were girls during my elementary and high school days. Never had a girlfriend, never been on a date, and the two girls I did fool around with were because they both had recently broken up with their boyfriends. I was one of the shy/quiet guys that everyone got along with but never really knew that well, with the exception of my few close friends. I became overweight that started from my parents getting a divorce when I was 10 and letting me eat anything I wanted. I developed gyno at 12 (not only tissue but I had puffy nipples for some fucking reason) and since then I've always had anxiety from it. I combated this by wearing larger shirts most of the time. I eventually ended up going for surgery at 16 I believe, but the surgeon was an idiot and instead of removing the tissue underneath, he cut part of my nipples off and sewed them back on. It did nothing and to this day they still flare up (not that I care nearly as much, only when you can see them through some shirts) Aside from that I was usually happy when it wasn't on my mind. I've known my current friends since grade six and one from grade 10, we'd usually spend our nights playing video games all night long... at least I did, instead of going out to parties like the rest of the school. I didn't even know what weed was until grade 12.
Now in grade 12 I was originally going to go back to high school for another year as I didn't know what career I wanted to pursue. I knew that it wanted to be something healthcare related as I've always loved helping people. Originally it was radiation tech, but again I was unsure. On the first day of grade 13 I already hated the fact that I was staying behind and all my friends were off to university and college. I knew nobody, and I knew I was going to hate being there the second I opened the doors to that school. Later that day my mom mentioned that there was a paramedic school right beside her work and that maybe I would be interested. I didn't look into it very much and naively applied for the program which started one week from then. I was accepted due to it being a private college with few programs$$$$.
I ended up liking the program while I was in it, mostly because it was something new and I didn't feel like as much of a failure. I drifted by and barely ever studied, but managed to pass all my courses except 2 in the second semester. I never studied for 6 months prior to the certification exam either, but just barely passed with a 72, the cutoff being 70. I never felt a drive to find a job after finishing, but never knew why. My mom even knew someone who could have gotten me into a local service, yet I still never followed through.
After getting my certificate, someone from my school gave me a joint, thinking I smoked, when we all met up at a restaurant to discuss our marks and the exam. I said to myself that I would never touch drugs, and ended up giving it to a guy I worked with (I'm still at this job currently). My mom and dad were disappointed that I didn't at least try working as a medic first, and continued to push me to do so for a few months, but I never gave. They ended up letting off and gave me some time to decide what I wanted to do.
I told myself I didn't want to pursue it because of shift work, long hours, having to deal with dirty people, and being off put by some of the other medics I encountered during my ride outs. They all have some truth to it, yet I still felt like there was something more I was missing.
So six months goes by without anything happening and I go to a stag and doe with my cousin. I drove him home and he asks me if I want to vape some weed. I was nervous but was also interested in what the hype was about with this plant. We end up doing 3 bowls between us two and his friend. Fuck did I love it. It felt so euphoric and like nothing I've ever felt before. I ended up sitting in one spot for 30 minutes thinking about who knows what while they went to Dons.
Now I still had anxiety at this point, but it was never all that bad around friends and family, I would stutter sometimes and not know what to say ( I'd laugh instead of responding) or remain quiet if I was in a group. I wasn't usually one to lead a conversation, especially if there were people that I didn't know. I ended up telling my parents less then a month later and they were pretty cool with it, my dad used to be a stoner so he could understand, so long as that was all I did. I thought it was great, I started having my friends over every two weeks when I stayed at his place on the weekends and we had a blast chilling there, we'd play some old n64 games, raid the pantry as every high teen would, and ordered the occasional pizza. We did this for a few months but ended up stopping.
As time went on I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I started to smoke more. It turned into twice a week around the beginning of 2016. I became lazy as fuck and never left the house, at my heaviest I was 250lbs. I started to become depressed (not clinically ) as I would do fuck all with my time off. My days consisted of surfing the web, watching youtube, eating several times a day because I was so bored, and watching Netflix. It's actually pathetic how many times I've seen the entire series of The Office, Arrested Development, and The Trailer Park Boys. My worst days were during the month of April 2016. I decided to spend some more time at my dads so I stayed there for that month, and everyday I would order a large pizza when he went to work and eat the entire thing, then hide the box in my car. (Side note) I've always been working out since grade 11, but I've been terribly inconsistent. My best days began during the start of 2015 when I joined an actual gym that my friend went to (It's also where I met the friend I've known since grade 10 again). I was the most consistent here but since then I've fallen off. During the pizza month I didn't go at all and I went from 220 to 235lbs and fuck did I ever hate myself.
I started going to the gym again, but not nearly as often as before, and I also started to smoke weed more often, reaching around 5 times a week. My mom tried to warn me and I said it was fine, she could tell it was getting worse but she let me have my freedom. Now this is when my anxiety and paranoia started to get worse (never knew why though and I never told anyone for a long time). When I would hang out with my friends and there was a silence or I said something stupid, I got this wave of paranoia that would rush over me, thinking that they would start to not like me because of it. My self esteem started to drop, I became more anxious around women, I blanked even more during conversations, I developed a stutter, I started slurring my words, and my voice became weaker because my throat was always cooked. This combined with watching porn only made me see girls in one way which again, made it even worse to interact, and I would always think that they knew this too.
It got so bad that I would think of excuses to not go to events or others places with friends, family, and coworkers. If someone I was close with previously tried to reach out to me I would ignore them or make excuses to not see each other again (An old friend from elementary and high school, my preceptor from my ride outs, etc). When my boys started to come by my place again I would get massive anxiety if only one person showed up first, unless it was someone who we'll call P ( the others being A and M, and D). D we started to shun and kicked out of our Facebook chat because he was always chirping everyone, except he didn't know how to properly and it just pissed everyone off. He was also kind of annoying and he liked to touch everyone randomly while making weird sexual comments.
On top of the anxiety and paranoia, I started to become jealous of A and M as they also worked out and were much bigger than me. This only added on to my insecurity around them and myself in general. I started to think I was becoming like D and that the other guys didn't like me and only did because we always used my house to smoke. I didn't know where I stood with all three of them and it fucking killed me inside. There was one time when we were streaming the Ultra Music Festival and I cutoff M while he was talking to A to say something irrelevant to the conversation. They both glanced at each other and I literally froze in fear for a solid 30 minutes, crunching my toes and only watching the TV thinking about how much they fucking hated me. There were many more instances of this but I won't get into them.
Looking back they most likely thought nothing of it, as each time they came over they were always chill and relaxed around me, but as the nights went on my anxiety/paranoia got worse and I would start to repeat this cycle.
I actually started to hate when they came over because I knew what was going to happen. Every time I talked to A or M all I thought about was how much bigger they were than me and it clouded my thoughts when I tried to respond to them, whether I was high or not. I was always looking for validation whenever I spoke, hoping they would laugh or say a positive comment towards me. My biggest insecurity was ( and still is, but again, not nearly as much) the size of my arms. I would always try to look at their arms and it just made me feel even worse about myself. I was even afraid to message them on Facebook privately, the only person I could do this with was P, and even then I was still uncomfortable at times.
I developed an addiction to porn and food and would constantly overeat on my days off work, and would jack off once, sometimes twice a day (well actually the porn thing started long before this). I started putting off anything and everything I had to do, even if it was a small task such as emailing my manager to refund me some money for having to pay for a gas bill. All that mattered to me was when I could smoke next, and when/what I was going to eat.
Now skip ahead to December 2016 and our group went to a music festival, this being my first one. I had read about LSD previously and the visuals and mindfuck it would cause. I also thought it may help me figure out what career I wanted to pursue. I was nervous and resistant at first due to all the propaganda surrounding it, but eventually did one tab with M, P, and A. I never actually did it inside the rave, this was at noon and it started at 10pm. It was pretty fun, but my anxiety was still there and it made it even harder for me to talk at times. It was also fucking jokes because A is hilarious with how he talks sometimes and we were howling going through old pictures of us, racing on rainbow road was also quite the ride. I was still pretty quiet during this and mostly laughed unless someone talked to me specifically. Since I was in a group setting I never had the chance to self reflect, but I never knew that's what I needed to do at the time. I thought maybe I didn't take enough or that my brain deteriorated from not being stimulated enough these past years. A lot of times I would be thinking of nothing when I was tripping, and also when I was sober long before and after this.
So the festival ends and two months later I drop 1.5 tabs, again in a group setting, but this time we went to a club because a DJ was playing a set there. Again, no revelations or anything. I actually ended up watching his visuals for most of his set and was also tripped out a bit because this chick kept rubbing up against me with this leather jacket and it felt really weird, I never moved though. After it finished we were chilling outside and P asked what we were seeing. I blanked and the best I could come up with was something about the lines on his car (At this point I thought they thought I was a fucking idiot). I was still smoking daily and would skip the gym and other priorities just to smoke and do fuck all with myself. I actually lost the ability to feel full and would go on protein bar binges, sometimes eating up to 10 in one night, on top of my regular meals, it was fucked up. I probably averaged 4000 calories a day at minimum.
So all this keeps happening until we go to another festival, it took place at the beginning of this month. On the last day I dropped 2 tabs while we were relaxing at our campsite. At first it was like the usual trip, shapes in the clouds, a body buzz, etc. After about 2 hours in I went into our yurt to listen to some deadmau5, not realising what would happen next. I lied down on my bed and started listening to some random songs at first, and then the song Demons by Kai Wachi came on. I was captivated by the cover art but I also knew what was going to happen next. I fucking broke down. Tears started running down my face as I started to see my own demons. I couldn't look away from the screen and my entire view became that picture. The acid allowed me to see what was causing my anxiety, paranoia, fear of others and lack of self esteem. I don't quite know how to explain it, but it basically showed me that it was all bullshit and that there really was no reason for me to feel this way. It's almost like I killed off those thought patterns in my head. I was still balling my eyes out at this time when the second part of the song started to play. During this my head flooded with memories of all that I've missed out on because of it, all the people I've pushed away, all the girls I've avoided because I was too afraid, even being too afraid to post on social media because my self esteem was so low. All the times that my friends would do something for me or give something to me, yet I still doubted that they liked me. I probably played the second part 15 times, just sitting there crying, letting all of the bottled up emotions out.
I felt some peace afterwards and then played There Might be Coffee by deadmau5. I didn't completely feel it right away but I knew that it was time for a change, I couldn't continue being the same person I was before, it was unhealthy and would continue to destroy me. The song was so uplifting and gave me hope and the confidence that I would be able to change. I started to cry tears of joy, today was the day that I left my old self behind, once and for all. The song kept playing and my confidence in myself started to rise more and more, I knew I was going to be able to do this, because the only thing that was ever holding me back was myself. It also made me realise what direction I wanted to pursue in life.
Ever since my cousin (not the one who I smoked with) got me into organic products and working out (also credit to A for helping me start in the gym, and M for helping me with form and other questions I had during my noob days) I've always felt like I've really enjoyed learning about fitness and how to become healthier and more well rounded. Not only just about working out, but also about healthy eating, getting in tune with our bodies ( most people don't know how to walk properly), proper sleeping habits, etc. I want to try and change how we see fitness nowadays, because most of the shit we do is backwards. I want to be preventative as opposed to reactive. Something that has to do with policy change in schools, or public speaking, educating our youth on these topics that are glossed over in school. It showed me that you should do something that you love, because if you don't love it, then your work becomes work, and you tend to not have any motivation to succeed in that career. Too many times people go into careers for the money or prestige or whatever, thinking that that's whats going to make them happy. If you're constantly chasing that superficial feeling you'll never be satisfied. All you're doing is trying to feed your ego, which never brings true peace and happiness. I realised that success is doing what you love to do, nothing more, and fuck what anyone else says. We only have a finite amount of time on this planet, we can never get it back, so why subject yourself to a job that you don't enjoy, it just doesn't make sense. Who cares about how much the job brings in, obviously you should try to pair this with something that brings in a decent amount, but it's not everything, and I never truly understood it until now.
I also realised I never pursued being a medic because I never felt like I could do enough to help someone. Half the calls we got were to nursing homes, picking up people who are half dead with 0 quality of life, or it was some bullshit call that wasn't really an emergency, I just saw no value in it. We're there to make sure they don't die before getting to the hospital, that's about it. Pile that on with high PTSD rates, shift work (which is shown to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years), having to deal with dirty people, and the other medics who seemed to think they're a god send [anecdotal experience] . I just couldn't do it and acid was the thing that showed me why.
After the festival ended I started to notice things differently. People who made me anxious before didn't, I was able to have conversations more easily with others and actually connect on a deeper level. I started to have an interest in their lives which made it easier to converse, and if I didn't know what to respond with I shrugged it off. I wasn't afraid to give people compliments where they were due. My anxiety also dropped around prettier women and I could talk to them normally. I started to not give a fuck about things too. Doing something that would be embarrassing for me no longer made me feel that way. I would go around dancing through stores while listening to music, not caring if anyone watched. Who cared if they did, they would see me, probably think I was weird, and then continue on with their day. I'm also not afraid to stand up for myself anymore.
I have little to no anxiety around my friends and family too, I can relax when I'm hanging out with them, I still don't always know what to say sometimes, but that's a work in progress. I just felt (and still do feel) happier overall with how my life was/is, it didn't seem as bad anymore and now I can focus on improving myself. I started taking cold showers to help me get out of my comfort zone even more, they also feel great now. I have more motivation to get shit done. I had a list of 40 tasks I had to do that just kept piling up because I kept putting it off that I'm starting to check off. It also gave me a sense of relief knowing what career (or at least the general direction) I want to take. I think that was one of the things that was eating away at me the most, along with a poor mentality concerning my social life.
I start everyday waking up to There Might Be Coffee now and its great. It feels amazing to actually be able to talk to anyone without the constant fear and anxiety in my head. I truly believe Steve Jobs when he said LSD was the best thing he ever did in his life, guaranteed its what made him start Apple. I don't want to be one of those people who just lets life fly by and regret so many things they wish they could have done. I'm starting to get into mountain climbing/ hiking, I'm going to start taking self defence classes, dance lessons, and a bunch of other shit that I should have started 2 years ago. So fuck you weed, I'm done letting you control my life. I'm currently in the process of selling all paraphernalia associated with it and I plan on never smoking again, those few hours of bliss aren't worth the toll it can take on me. Porn can also go fuck itself, it's nothing but a cancer and diminishes the intimacy of physical relationships and conditions us to be attracted to pixels. I'm doing no fap as well and I can't wait to finally get into the game after all these years of being so reclusive.
The government can go fuck itself as well, it's overblown and useless, people who try to fuck over others for their own personal gain (especially on that scale) are the true scum of the earth. I adamantly believe lsd has more potential for therapeutic use than any other bullshit drug we prescribe today that's not actually meant to cure anything and also has major side effects to it. Half the reason why people think its bad is because it's nicknamed acid and we've been fed this our entire lives.
I never thought a change like this could happen so fast, nor did I think it would happen when it did, but I'm so happy it did because the life I lived before was killing me inside.Those 2 songs will always hold a special place in my heart, as they helped me become who I am now. I don't know if this would be considered an ego death, but I'm calling it that anyways. I hope you guys could take something from this and apply it to your lives as well.
Everyone has the potential to succeed in life, you're the only one that's holding yourself back.
See you all next trip :)
submitted by Danzzo36 to LSD [link] [comments]