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2020.01.20 22:02 Meanie_Genie Girl pooping voyeur

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submitted by Meanie_Genie to copypasta [link] [comments]


2019.09.30 13:11 AmillyCalais Girl pooping voyeur

Minecon 2019 just passed and it made me think of this group and it's incredible people that played. From it's first server that ended in poop (of which I think only a few of us remember) to what it became, You guys are amazing. I was going through a very rough time in my life when I stumbled upon the server. Everyday, I am grateful for you. You guys were the start to the slow healing that I needed. I apologize if I came off as a stuck up b. I know that I can come off that way.

eltigre910 Although you were very young, you were the funny and crazy person I never knew we needed. Example:

casualminecrafting•Posted byu/teaearlgraycoldteaearlgraycold[+1] 4 years ago
Reasons to kick eltigre910. Or, all of the reasons elitgre has been kicked since 4/6/15 (minus those with no reason given)
📷
  1. Being a goddamn doofydoof and a monkey
  2. breaking the king's crown
  3. Drinkin' outta cups and bein' a bish
  4. Being a bish
  5. Being naughty
  6. trying to be a tp cheat :P
  7. cheaty McCheaty face
  8. not being funny
  9. underage drinking
  10. bad raps
  11. losing the special bow
  12. interrupting the storyteller
  13. Its not a thing
  14. Making shit up
  15. having no friends
  16. threatening war
  17. saying no to the dress scarf! :(
  18. ruining everything
  19. threatening the mods
  20. bad spelling
  21. threatening poor Drahcir7
  22. calling the mods losers
  23. lying
  24. Attack the mod quad #dontmesswiththabess
  25. Not abusing mod powers
  26. Jaywalking
  27. hitting the ground too hard
  28. hitting the ground too hard
  29. Not listening and continueing to fall from high places
  30. being so needy
  31. Not invited
  32. for not being invited
  33. being up past his bedtime
  34. not giving back the beacon
  35. For pushing jiraph off a cliff
  36. walking off a cliff
  37. Being a corrupt officer and faking a warrant in crayon
  38. Beastiality
  39. dying
  40. for having wolfs bucket
  41. death
  42. Guilty bish
  43. Sentence is over 9000
  44. Cursing the server
  45. pointing. it's rude
  46. pointing. again. c'mon tigre
  47. Cuz I'm a mod
  48. cuz I'm also a mod! #modsquad!
  49. abuse of hashtags
  50. 8chan raid!
  51. causing all the problems
  52. hugging a mod
  53. bad puns
  54. I'm gonna get kicked aren't I now
  55. Just gettin' started
  56. coughing
  57. calling Chris a whore
  58. DELETED
  59. making it complicated
  60. unsolicited pvp
  61. more unsolicited pvp
  62. no pants
  63. voyeurism
  64. Confessed vegan
  65. eating people
  66. Chauvinism
  67. Book assignment overdue
  68. Asking stoopid questions
  69. being tooken by surprise
  70. being dumb enough to trap himself inside the prison. doofus
  71. sounding stupid
  72. For being a naughty monkey ranger
  73. Disturbing the fish, fisherman, and being ugly
  74. eating nemo
  75. Interrupting MY wedding
  76. being a dirty wedding crasher
  77. suicide
  78. Wasting our time
  79. Ignoramoose
  80. bother bucketheadjr :(
  81. Voyourism
  82. being mean to Wolf
  83. coal abuse
  84. squeaking
  85. Denying the truth
  86. being mean to bucket
  87. not being a boss
  88. lying about the ownership of rack city
  89. Cheateee McCheatyFace
  90. saying the salmon doesnt exist
  91. being rude to jeb
  92. deserving it
  93. being terrible
  94. HA
  95. bad puns
  96. being a dumb
  97. For being inactive on the server for more than 20 minutes.
  98. not getting anything done
  99. sucking
  100. not being welcoming enough
  101. Bringing up ellen pow
  102. because bucket said
  103. just for kicks
  104. unsolicited pvp
  105. Lacking awareness and being the biggest dumb to dumb evar
  106. because
  107. unsolicited pvp
  108. being a terrible human being
  109. public execution
  110. being a problem
  111. Cuz he LOOKS- Like a BISH
  112. unprovoked pvp
  113. Being stoopid
  114. Incapable of good ideas
  115. calling someone an idiot. idiot
  116. lying and being a brat
  117. lagging the server. and for being a monkey
  118. Vicious form
  119. bragging
  120. being mean to bucket
  121. unsolicited pvp
  122. Yucking her yum
  123. bad dance moves
  124. animal abuse
  125. Being a Tigre
  126. Dumb dumb, tigre tigre, dumb dumb Tigre!
  127. PIZZA
  128. laughing at a mod
  129. animal abuse. poor jasmine
  130. PIZZAAAAAAAAAAA
  131. being uncultured
  132. False prophet Yeezus
  133. Being high on the server
  134. I can
  135. death
  136. all your fault
  137. disrespecting Tim Horton's
  138. just because. and bucket told me to
  139. Blue told me to
  140. leaving
  141. Insulting america's greatest heroes
  142. cursing
  143. thez nutz
  144. correcting the spelling of a mod
  145. Blasphemy
  146. connection troubles
  147. being an asshole
  148. connection issues.
  149. hating the mods
  150. Not removing redstained glass from Boonsville and just being demickey
  151. coming back
  152. not drilling and filling
  153. killing a mod
  154. Join your lover, Jeb
  155. typing
  156. Drinkin' outta cups
  157. Bein' a bitch
  158. For not abiding in the regulations assigned by the CMC Mod Team of DEEZ NUTS
  159. Not apologizing
  160. For being expendable
  161. having fun
  162. Dancing
  163. bad dancing
  164. Calling him Kunzy Wunzy
  165. Calling him Kunzy Wunzy strike II
  166. Calling him Kunzy Wunzy strike III
  167. having dreams
  168. Tigre Tigre Tigre Tigre Tigre, I'm 200% Tigre
  169. being the worst judge
  170. unsolicited pvp
  171. not kicking you yesterday.
  172. Being underaged in a brothel
  173. being mean to bucket
  174. DEEZ NUTS
  175. Spam
  176. adc says so!
  177. Blue demands it!
  178. Because Blue asked again
  179. Blue :3
  180. Not contributing to society at all
  181. watch your fucking language.
  182. blasphemy
  183. not following server rules.
  184. ew
  185. Blue so politely asked :3
  186. dead
  187. unsolicited pvp. bad tigre
  188. insulting a mod
  189. Being rude, not accepting monkey insurance
  190. these nutz.
  191. Bad connection
  192. Bein' demickey
  193. Sucks to suck
  194. Keep durs company yah? :P
  195. kicking party.
  196. general mod abuse
  197. dumb questions
  198. connection issues
  199. really bad connection issues
  200. being really bad
  201. being 13 yrs old.
  202. caps lock
  203. dying isn't allowed on the server
  204. Some funked up ship
  205. leaving the server
  206. lying about his connection issues
  207. being a dumb
  208. being a dumb x2
  209. Being rude to Jeb
  210. he did it
  211. No meowing! You are a monkey!
  212. telling chris to shut up
  213. http://tinyurl.com/2fcpre6
  214. For suggesting the ingestion of one's toes
  215. Racism
  216. For leaving us
  217. Spam
  218. rules are rules.
  219. Promoting pornography to minors
  220. judging me
  221. plane explosion
  222. being mean to chexy
  223. being second. not good enough
  224. being on past his bedtime
  225. shitty jokes u suck
  226. BYE
  227. hitting bucket
  228. killing thomas
  229. blue is always right
  230. internet issues
  231. just because
  232. just because
  233. suicide isnt a thing to joke around with.
  234. needing more deditatedwam
  235. being mean to wolf
  236. she's one of us. You cannot be saved
  237. being a cam girl
  238. being mean to bucket, c'mon tigre
  239. killing Bucket
  240. unsolicited pvp
  241. lying
  242. unsolicited pvp
  243. not saying bye.
  244. dying
  245. flattering himself
  246. profanity
  247. profanity x2
  248. being weird
  249. misinformation
  250. because I like it when you crash nob <3
  251. internet issues
  252. assuming things wrongly
  253. killing a mod
  254. mockery
  255. replacing the ingots with granit
  256. attitude
  257. Doof Troop
  258. Cuz I'm going to China
  259. stfu
  260. Saying naughty things
  261. being repulsive
  262. For fun!
  263. Insulting momma by saying 'she unlock'
  264. Upsetting
  265. disappointment
  266. sniffing glue. courtesy of chris
  267. sniffing Elmer's kids craft glue
  268. no bad
  269. breaking into teample 2.0
  270. promoting violence
  271. because ninja said so
  272. calling wolf a hoe
  273. Im not delta you bitch
  274. :)
  275. coming back
  276. griefing snoaks with redstone
  277. deez nuts
  278. being a crybaby
  279. human sacrifice for mumble
  280. bad pun
  281. hitting a mod
  282. stealing
  283. griefing
  284. cursing
  285. mumble problems
  286. ninja being mean to chexy
  287. lying about your age
  288. not punny
  289. spamming prayers
  290. bad language in a christian mumble
  291. calling bucket a pail
submitted by AmillyCalais to casualminecrafting [link] [comments]


2019.03.03 16:26 saiyajino1 Girl pooping voyeur

All of Google’s blocked words(2,027)
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whorealicious, whorebag, whored, whoreface, whorehopper, whorehouse, whores, whoring, wigger, willies, willy, window licker, wiseass, wiseasses, wog, womb, wop, wrapping men, wrinkled starfish, wtf, xrated, x-rated, xx, xxx, yaoi, yeasty, yellow showers, yid, yiffy, yobbo, zibbi, zoophilia, zubb
submitted by saiyajino1 to copypasta [link] [comments]


2017.06.16 18:27 Ghost-Quartet Voyeur pooping girl

Let’s talk about webcomics. I really like comics because I think they’re unique as a visual medium, but investing in paper comics is a hassle and while I love newspaper comic strips, they can leave a little something to be desired. Webcomics (comics created to be posted on the internet, for those unfamiliar with the lingo) are an exciting medium because anyone can make one, they’re often free to read, and the content creator is in charge of their property so they have full artistic freedom. And due to the way they update they give you something to look forward to each day.
People share comics on the internet all the time, but often times they’re short, pithy strips that blow up because they’re “relatable.” The most commonly circulated comics I see on social media are Owlturd Comics, Adam Draws, and Zen Pencils, all of whom are kind of awful people who churn out low effort “relatable” or “inspirational” comics, blatantly hopping on trends for attention. There are better comics than that, comics with genuine humor or interesting plots and fantastic art. The webcomics world has been blowing up over the past few years. Many artists are realizing that it’s a great way to get some exposure, get some money, or they just have passion projects they’re ready to pursue on their own. Anyone can make one and the field is very diverse, some people make them as side projects to their main artistic endeavors, some people start a comic intending to publish it, some people are just kids who are dicking around. There are serious comics, joke comics, hand drawn comics, cgi comics, sprite comics, etc., the field is limitless. The market has become harder to navigate, and while there’s a lot of quality out there, it’s harder to find. Plus, many young, promising new comics just end up fizzling out and getting abandoned (I’ve been burned before) so sometimes it’s risky to get invested.
I'm something of a veteran on the scene, I’ve read a lot of webcomics in my day (for a long time they were my passion) and I want to spread that to other people. So I scrounged through the comics that I read and plucked a list of some that I think might appeal to y’all. If you're interested in the webcomics world, these are a good place to start. I’ve been reading these for a long time, so they’re tried and true, long runners with established fanbases who don’t seem to be stopping any time soon.
I’ve divided them up into 2 categories: Gag-a-Day and Plot-Driven. These categories aren’t hard and fast, but I tried to lump them into the categories that I think define what they’re attempting best. Gag-a-day comics are generally self-contained and easy to jump into, you can start reading today and never look at the older strips and you'll be fine, so they're a good place to start. I've included a list of "sample strips" with each of these to give you a feel for what the comic is like. Plot driven comics are essentially online serialized graphic novels, so you're in for a ride should you decide to commit to one but I promise that each one that I've recommended is solid.
A disclaimer before diving into the list though: Most of these comics have been going for years and years now, and they and their creators have evolved with time. Most of them got off to rough starts with weak writing, art, or humor, but I promise you that if you stick with them each of them finds their stride and and they’re all fantastic examples of the medium today, but please don’t judge them off the early strips. Sneak a peak at a more recent strip if you want to get a taste of what you’re in for, but be warned that there might be spoilers.
Gag-A-Day/Episodic:
xkcd/Cyanide and Happiness: I’m lumping these two into a spot and putting them first because you likely already know about them, they’re two of the most reputable comics on the net. xkcd is nerd humor and wholesome profundity at its finest (though for my money many of the more recent strips have been slacking off) and Cyanide and Happiness is absolutely hilarious, and if you haven’t checked out their YouTube channel you must.
Sample Strips: Watch the Cyanide and Happiness videos and check out "Click and Drag" by xkcd, unquestionably their most impressive work to date.
SMBC: This is THE gag-a-day comic. One of the best comics on the inter-webs, it’s popular but I’ve always been surprised that it hasn’t quite reached the level of pervasiveness as Cyanide and Happiness or xkcd. I will reiterate that the first few years are rough and oftentimes incomprehensible, but once it hits its gear it earned a title as one of the funniest and smartest webcomics out there. The gags play off of every topic under the sun. There are jokes about math, philosophy, ethics, science, politics, religion, speculative fiction, graph jokes, puns, poop jokes, and interspersed through it all there are some remarkably heartfelt or deep comics. There’s a comic for every situation imaginable. Not only that, they update every day with remarkably few clunkers, so there’s always something to look forward to. It’s probably my favorite webcomic, if you check out any of the gag-a-day comics, make it this one. (Also, if you’re interested the creator and some of his friends also started their own YouTube channel called SMBC Theatre where they have comedy videos. They’re still kind of written like a comic so the humor can feel contrived and preachy at times, but if you like sketch comedy there are some solid videos on there.)
Sample Strips: "Wobbles" "Captain Ahab" "There’s An Old Joke"
Subnormality: Kind of the outlier in this group, Subnormality is definitely the most ambitious. It’s not really a gag-a-day, it’s more of an episode comic, with sporadic updates (theoretically there’s one a month but gaps are common) dropping huge pages with lush illustrations and powerful writing. Winston Rowentree is a very articulate man, and whether or not you end up agreeing with him he’s certainly interesting to read. His writing focuses primarily on the ennui of life in today’s society, filtered through the lens of everyday people. And a sphinx. It’s a running joke that his comics have a lot of words (case in point) so be prepared to do a lot of reading, but his art is fantastic and full of detail. It’s a comic that really makes me think. One of the most sincere, sophisticated comics on the web. One strip in particular, "Watching," was published separately as an award winning book. He’s also responsible for creating a fantastic fully animated web series for Cracked that I highly recommend. (Sidebar: I bought this shirt and it was a great investment.)
Sample strip: "Zanadu" This one is one of my favorites, and a good sample of the finer points of the series.
Buttersafe: I have a soft-spot for Buttersafe because it’s just so… weird. One of the most unique comics on the web for me, I have no clue how the creators come up with some of this stuff. It’s all over the place making jarring shifts in tone and art style from strip to strip (these two strips were posted consecutively) but it’s consistent in quality and the surreal feel of it all. The writing is oftentimes weirdly brilliant, and the art can be quite nice too. It’s ostensibly a comedy comic, but they manage a lot of tones very well. Many are funny, but some are just plain adorable, some are depressing, and some are just straight up profound. The change in quality from beginning of the comic to today is particularly drastic here, many of the early strips are nigh-incomprehensible or just plain pointless, but with the quality of the show these days it’s a must-read.
Sample Strips: "Blow Out Your Candle" "Irrelevant Boy" "Scared of the Dark"
Maximumble: This is the typical gag-a-day comic, but it’s one I’m quite fond of. It always manages to get a smile out of me, it’s very consistent. The humor ranges from wholesome jokes about how silly kids are to some weirdly dark and surreal strips to classic self-deprecating humor. It’s a little presentational with the humor, but it’s a solid comic with a lot of heart.
Sample Strips: "Broken" "Starship" "Odor"
Oglaf: NSFW! I felt a little weird putting this one on here because it’s very much an adult humor comic, but if you’re willing to see a lot of cartoony boobs and jizz, then you’re privy to a prett solid comic. Oglaf is a sex comic, but despite the lewd nature of it it’s not pornographic. It’s a fantasy comedy that just happens to feature a lot of people in naked situations, and not even all of the strips are NSFW. It’s got a weird sense of humor, but it’s consistently funny or at least weird in an interesting way. Many of the strips are one-shots, but there are recurring characters and there have been several arcs thus far, and it looks to be potentially developing into a larger plot arc, so if it intrigues you jump on the bandwagon.
Sample Strips: "Northerner" "Rough Trade" "Amazon Linguistics"
Pebble Version: You ever played Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald? Well this is a humorous take on that. It’s a pretty simple sprite art comic that traces the journey of the two protagonists across Hoenn on the same path as the game, though there is an additional overarching plot line involving Mew and someone in a dark room (a running gag). This guy has been updating consistently a page every weekday for years just telling the story of Brendan and May making their way across Hoenn and filling out the Pokedex. In painstaking detail. There is at least one strip dedicated to practically every single npc, item, and Pokemon in the game. Currently there are 2065 strips, and additionally he’s has created a series of bonus strips and “bloopers” that make the archive even bigger. It’s not a great comic by any means, the art and humor aren’t particularly impressive, but it’s got a major backlog and if you like Pokemon it’s a good way to waste some time.
Sample Strips: Honestly just read it they’re all kinda the same.
A Brawl in the Family: I said I would try to only put comics I was sure weren’t going to end anytime soon on here, and that’s not exactly true because this one is already finished, but it reached a proper conclusion. Brawl in the Family was a video game comic devoted to making jokes about Nintendo games (specifically the characters of Super Smash Bros.) and it’s probably the most wholesome example of the genre to be found. Most video game comics are making fun of video games, but BitF really feels like a loving sendup to Nintendo, the creator really loved these games and so he just found fun ways to poke fun at them. It’s got a significant archive of comics and it was a big part of my childhood (I must admit that I got a little bit misty when it finally ended) so if you like Nintendo, check it out.
Sample Strip: "Kirby Transforms" "Heaven" "The History of Nintendo" (A video!)
Awkward Zombie: This one is mostly a video game comic, not necessarily always but it’s well known for its video game strips. Other than that I don’t have a ton to say about it but it’s a lot of fun.
Sample Strip: "Hooked" "All Due Respect" "Scrappy"
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella: This comic is on life support, it used to update every Saturday but the creator has stated that updates will no longer be consistent, but the twitter is still active and there are occasional strips and a great archive, so I’m giving it a recommendation. The concept behind it is that the Godhead (a non-denominational conglomerate of every deity) creates a superhero named Dana Price, immediately destroys her home world and sends her to Earth where she lives the mundane life of a superhero and is kind of a lazy dick. There’s a lot of recurring characters but there’s no plot, it’s just a bunch of comics wherein Dana and her sidekick half-heartedly attempt to stop a series of incompetent super villains. This is superhero at its best, the ironic “Idgaf” kind of humor is really funny to me. The art style is distinctive and the jokes are always solid.
Sample Strip: "VOYEUR Than Thou" "Devil with the BLUES ADDRESSED" "A Simple CRAYON" (My personal favorite strip.)
Plot-Driven: Keep in mind that I’ve linked the the homepage of each, so beware of spoilers.
Gunnerkrigg Court: I consider this one of the top dogs of the webcomic world. This is a fantastic comic, it’s consistently updated M/W/F for years (the creator famously maintains a buffer of 30 strips ahead) and if you’ve been reading for a while you know that it’s come leaps and bounds since it started. The story follows Antimony Carver and her friend Kat, students at a big mysterious boarding school called Gunnerkrigg Court, and their attempts to unravel the secrets of the Court. A delightful fantasy adventure with a delicious mystery at its core, the art and the writing are top notch, a must-read.
Paranatural: Paranatural is hilarious. I’ve been reading this one since it started and I’m so delighted that it’s grown more polished and popular with time. It’s about a young boy named Max who discovers that he has the ability to see ghosts and gets involved with the school’s mysterious “Activities Club.” The premise itself is pretty solid, but what really makes this so good are the characters and the humor. It’s absolutely wacky, the creator has a great sense for characters and visuals. It has an incredibly entertaining cast, even without the supernatural intrigue and action it’s hilarious to see them all yelling at each other, and the visuals are outstanding.
Cucumber Quest: This comic apparently started as an affectionate parody of SNES RPGs but since then it’s morphed into a straight up adventure story that takes a lot of unexpected twists. It follows a bunny named Cucumber who doesn’t want to be the chosen one and his sister Almond who really wants to be the chosen one as they fulfill a prophecy to seal away the dreaded Nightmare Knight. What seems to be a fairly straightforward narrative gets flipped on its headband goes to some really unexpected places, and it’s quite funny too. If you like pastel aesthetics and fractured fairy tales this one is for you.
Monster Pulse: This is the youngest comic I’m going to recommend, we’re a good portion of the way into the story but it’s only been running for a few years. Mysterious spirits are bonding with children and creating monsters out of one of their body parts. A girl name has to learn to get along with a monster created from her own friend while, with the help of her new friends who have similar problems, investigating the mysterious Shell Corporation who seem to be involved with the ghosts. The premise is really creative, and if you like “a kid and their monster” stories this one features some really cool monsters.
Hero Oh Hero: I’m a sucker for the art style of this one, I adore pixel art, but it’s also a really fun story in general. A crazy hero drops out of the sky and rescues a village from some mysterious bandits, and the story takes off from there. If you like classic adventure stories, this one is for you because it’s like a parody of those.
Planet Zebeth: Do you like Metroid? This is a Metroid comic. It’s another long runner, it’s about an alcoholic Samus and a loopy Kraid, and a weird Ridely just kind of existing on Planet Zebeth. What on the surface seems like a really silly, pointless piece of fluff comic actually evolves and develops several surprisingly in depth arcs over the course of the comic with mystery and adventure and a whole lot of slapstick and sarcasm. I know nothing about Metroid and I enjoy it but if you plan on trying to read in with it, keep in mind the early pages don’t even hint at the intrigue that the comic eventually evolves to have.
Station V3: Are you nostalgic for the comfort of syndicated newspaper comics? This is for you. Set in Station V3, a station for refueling gas stations in a rarely visited corner of the universe, wacky shenanigans and hijinks dog the crew through their various schemes to make money and improve the station. It’s basically a webcomic sitcom, exactly what people think of when they think of a four panel comic strip, but over the course of years a surprisingly complicated lore and labyrinthine plot have developed with loads of characters and hanging plot threads, most of which are significant to exactly nothing in the day to day life of the station. It may not be the most gripping or innovative comic on the internet, but it has a large archive and it’s cute and entertaining if you’re into this sort of thing, I’m quite fond of it.
Kill Six Billion Demons: Just click on the link, the art style alone should be enough to make you want to read it. I want to print it out and hang it on its wall. The actual plot itself is a familiar one: A barista’s boyfriend is kidnapped by supernatural forces and she’s granted a powerful ancient artifact by a mysterious force and must journey through the multiverse to save him. A very high quality comic.
So that’s it! I hope you check some of these out, they’re all rich bodies of work to explore and most of them are still updating so you can get caught up with everyone else. Please comment below if you have any questions, or if you have any comics that you like to read.
If you want to look for more webcomics, I recommend you check out Hiveworks, an interesting alliance by creators devoted to finding and promoting quality comics, and Top Webcomics, a somewhat trashy webcomics rating site. In terms of webcomics hosting websites, Smackjeeves is my preferred place, but perhaps you can find something in the dregs of The Duck (formerly called drunkduck) or Comic Fury. If you’re a masochist, there’s also the small but in-depth Bad Webcomics Wiki.
Update: Apparently the Library of Congress now has an archive of webcomics to highlight the significance of the medium in our culture so it's legit now.
submitted by Ghost-Quartet to geekheads [link] [comments]


2015.01.26 21:15 goodkareem TIFU by trying to get torqued for a group of Muslim ladies.

This fuck up happened a few days ago. So I am in the military. Being on a deployment these days is tough and being away from home is the worst part. Almost everyone is pretty sexually repressed so talks about the nastiest things are common place. Porn is openly discussed in the workplace. My outlet wasn't just the porn though. I had taken it one step further with a daily ritual. We had out house style toilets so you had to walk about 50 meters to get to the bathrooms everyday. I am a swing shift worker (3pm-11pm) so the best part of waking up late was having almost the entire shower room to yourself. The showers were cleaned by the local nationals twice a day and I would always get in there right after the cleaning crew left to take a poop in a clean toilet and use the freshly cleaned showers.
Well the shower setup had two male showers and one female shower all right next to each other. The cleaning duties on the base are out sourced to local nationals. Being in a country that is also pretty sexually repressed I had established a ritual. After leaving the shower and essentially having the building alone to myself I would get a chub before walking back to my room and with gym shorts and the wind it would leave little to the imagination as I walked past the group of 10-15 Muslim ladies all waiting for the males to get done cleaning their second bathroom so that they could get picked up and go about their business.
Being a pretty average looking guy we don't get much attention like that. What started as a simple wardrobe mistake became something of a daily venture into voyeurism. It started when I showered one day and left my shirt in my room. I walked the 50 yards back to my room shirtless. The ladies couldn't get enough of me. Im sure they had seen their local guys shirts less before but not a fully filled out and corn fed man. Then, I gradually started pushing the envelope. I wouldn't even dry off any more and I let the sun glisten off of my chest. I even stopped wearing underwear and let the wind fully define my junk. It was a rush having 30 eyes all ogling you all at once, albeit some of them older ladies, but still a rush never the less. I felt...I felt HOT. This must be how a girl with large breast feels daily and it was something magical. The wind rushed through my non existent hair and I walked with the stone face of a runway model. All the while my junked bobbed from side to side. They all looked and whispered to each other. It was as much a ritual for them as it was for me. They really couldn't take their eyes off my half naked average body.
So a few days ago I decided to take it to the next level. I had already raised the bar by getting my shorts completely wet once and at this point you could even see the defined head of my shaft. I said to myself "Today, im going to give these ladies what they want" and I set out to put on the show like they had never seen before. I always made sure to get about chubbed before leaving the bathroom in order to be that much more impressive. Let me back up for a minute for the females in the audience and explain the penile scale here.

So trying im in the bathroom cranking down on myself. Im pulling and tugging trying to reach an optimal level. Im finally torqued and figure that is probably good enough to be impressive. As I put on my shorts though the silky smooth cloth sliding over my torqued dick caused a reaction. Like Bruce Banner stepping on a Lego at night I had lost control. I was officially fully torqued. It wasn't a matter of if they could handle it and at this point I was scared for myself. Still, Instead of waiting this thing out I had to go through with at this point. I stepped out of the bathroom with my flag flying high and started my strut. The sun glistening over my wet body and wind tickled as it whistled through the shear shorts pass through the gap of my fully torqued dick and swinging testicles. This is when things get fucked up.
I don't know if it was during my shower or sometime during the cranking down phase I never noticed the alarm but as I gazed around in horror their were no ladies to be found. It was a shelter in place drill. Meaning anyone that wasn't cleared to be walking around the camp would be stopped and questioned. Immediately I spotted a humvee and a group of armed marines standing with rifles to the ready. I tried not to make eye contact. The marines yelled "HALT!!" and I got hit with a knife hand motioning me to come over. For a second we froze. His blank loaded rifle pointing near me and as was mine toward him. It was like a scene from American Sniper. I could hear myself breathing. The tension in the air cut be cut with a knife. Full torqued I stood in the wind, motionless besides the subtle movement of my throbbing member. As I walked my problem was exasperated by the side to side swinging motion against the silky smooth gym shorts. I set down my shower bag and he tells me to put my hands on my head. Its about three of them and the seargent walks over laughing and tells their lowest ranking give me a pat down. Disgusted by my torqueness, he hesitantly obliged. I stand as about three marines are all cracking up while one of them pats me down, turning his head to the side to avoid coming too close to my my iron cobra. After what seemed like forever they go back to their humvee and tell me to go carry on. I could feel the heat of their laughter on my back. I've never un-torqued so fast. I walked with my head in shame back to my room. Needless to say I fucked up.
TL;DR - I tried to get torqued to impress a group of muslim ladies and found myself in a mexican standoff.
submitted by goodkareem to tifu [link] [comments]


2014.05.27 17:37 menotyou135 The story of Lil' Bitch

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Lil' Bitch. His friends called him Goawayfaggot, but he has always preferred to be called LB. One day, LB was walking through da hood with his mom's coke baggie when all of a sudden, a naked hobo came out from behind a bush “Eh yo Lil' Bitch,” the hobo began, “I'm a genie ma. Gimme those kicks and I'll grant ya ass tree wishes.” LB didn't know how to feel about this, but decided to believe the man because it is convenient to the story. He gave the trustworthy looking hobo his shoes. “Wutz yo first wish cracka?” the genie hobo asked LB thought for several minutes before answering. “I could sure use a nice pair of shoes.” All of a sudden, a pair of stripper boots fell from the sky, hitting LB squarely on the noggin. Still, LB gratefully removed the dead rat from the boots and put them on. “Mr. Genie,” Lil' Bitch began, “Why not make yourself shoes with your genie powers?” “Why don't you kill yoself you pussy ass bitch,” the hobo rebuttaled before disappearing in a puff of weed smoke. *Echoes of drop it like it's hot faded away in the background* Lil' Bitch maneuvered his way through the ninety-three and a half gun stores, liquor stores, and strip clubs on the way to his house. All of a sudden another naked hobo, who was also a cow suddenly appeared. “Beware the dark genie boy. His wishes have great power and may help ease your situation, but there is always a cost, and you will always suck.” “wat” Lil' Bitch replied “It's dangerous to go alone take this,” the cow stated. All of a sudden, a magical purple dildo bat like the one from Saint's Row appeared from the ground. The cow took one final shit on the window of a gun store before turning into a daffodil. LB stepped over Tom Cruise's unconcious body on the way to his doorstep. He entered his house, wading through the heroin needles on the way to the kitchen. He noticed his mother passed out on the ceiling so he set her coke baggie next to her meth lab. All of a sudden, a spooky ghost eating a big mac flew across the kitchen. Deciding not to give a fuck, Lil' Bitch went to his room and hopped on the internet. With nothing else t odo, he decided to masturbate. He masturbated to all kinds of porn: He watched group porn, ebony porn, lesbian porn, voyeur porn, teacher-student porn, chikan porn, hentai porn, amateur porn, taxi cab porn, tranny porn, POV porn, incest porn, furry porn, yellow shower porn, midget porn, gang bang porn, leather porn, gay porn, firecrotch porn, poop porn, fat porn, and even a little horse porn. He masturbated so much that his penis caught on fire. All of a sudden, the naked hobo's face appeared on the horse. “Wutz yo next wish bitch?” he asked kindly. “I wish my mom didn't do drugs” lil' bitch replied without hesitation, as he pushed a few needles off of his desk and onto the cum-covered floor. “It's done motha fucka,” the hobo genie stated before disappearing all of a sudden in a puff of weed smoke. LB waded through the needles on the way to the kitchen to check on his mom. He saw the coke baggie still full, but it was full of sugar! The meth lab was still there, but now it was a toaster! His mom was there, but now she was a lobster! She was trying to inject heroin, but her lobster claws couldn't grab the needles. Also, the heroin had turned into grape cool aid. All of a sudden, nothing happened for seventeen minutes and eight seconds. Lil' Bitch got bored watching his lobster mom twitching on the floor. All of a sudden he decided to go take a ride on his pedal-powered motorless motorcycle. While riding, he hollad at sum fine ass bitches, but got turned down because his face looks like a sea cucumber. All of a sudden, the genie hobo appeared. “Ight, wutz yo final wish Lil sissy boy?” “I wish everybody liked me,” Lil' Bitch replied. All of a sudden, LB turned into a parfait. The twist is that the parfait is you! Unless you have lady parts in which case LB was actually a girl the whole time! Actually no, the twist is that LB was just tripping on acid the whole time. Except the spooky ghost part. That part was REAL! BOO! *The author disappeared in a puff of weed smoke* 
Smoke weed every day
submitted by menotyou135 to stories [link] [comments]


2013.07.18 22:31 confusedthrww Voyeur girl pooping

To start off, I think porn is great! It's not some evil demon thing that only monsters look at. Everyone looks at it as some point, and that's fine. The content he looks at actually turns me on too, a shared fetish we have, so that's neat!
However, he wants to look at it everyday, and not have sex with me nearly as often.
Let's go back to when the relationship started. I told him that my sex drive is pretty high, generally wanting to get off 1-3 times a day. I don't indulge in it most of the time, but I'm pretty much horny all the time. He explained his sex drive is not very high, which I'm fine with. He says he'll often go for weeks without masturbating, so I hopefully don't expect sex everyday, but he might be more often now that he has an actual girl around. Cool beans! I'm down with that!
Things are going perfectly (still are, aside from this, imo) and we move in together. There are a few sex issues to pan out right off the bat. I personally rarely come during sex. I have always had great difficulty, and tries a lot of things, none of which work. He has already made me come a few times at this point, so I'm really excited about that! He has the same issue, never coming, since he's only had sex once years ago before I came along. He's just too used to his hand.
That's fine! We work it out, doing other things and whatnot over a few months and eventually he starts to come during sex. Awesome! Well, during this period, he still says he suffers from a low libido. The problem being, he's a terrible liar. He'd be in the bathroom spanking it almost every day. I know for a fact he wasn't pooping, because you can look under the door and see his feet facing the sink, so unless he's peeing in the sink for 30 minutes, I don't know what else he'd be doing.
This hurts me pretty deep. Why would he lie to me? Am I doing something wrong? I've offered to do anything he could dream of, which he turns down, then goes and spanks it instead? What is wrong with me? I hide my sadness, and pretend I don't know.
I try to turn it around and just start being a voyeur, I could crack the door without him noticing, and watch his reflection and hear his sexy noises. This worked for a little while, but I wanted actual sex. His turning me down for his hand hurt me more and more every time he did it. I would cut him off at the pass, clearly telling him I wanted to have sex, and would do whatever he wanted, but he would turn me down, saying he's too tired, or he's not in the mood... He just left out the end of the statement "for anything other than my porn"
Our computers are in the same room, and we can see each other's screens by just turning our heads. I usually get really into whatever I'm doing, and tunnel vision. He caught onto this, and started looking at porn with me right there in the room. I'd turn around and see it, but not say anything. I didn't want to embarrass him. I'd make some obvious noise that I was getting up, so he'd have sufficient time to close it out before I "saw", then would approach him saying I was in the mood. He'd brush me off, giving some excuse, and I would go along with it... minutes later he'd be in the bathroom wanking...
I must admit, I started setting traps. He was adamant about cleaning up/catching it with toilet paper, so... I'm ashamed to be saying this, but I would purposely not leave any TP in there. I knew it wasn't in there, and I'd wait until 10-15 minutes had passed. He wouldn't think about it until nearly the end, so I would have a reason to go "Oh baby, I don't think there's any TP in there! Here, let me get you some!" even if I didn't just invite myself in, if he tried to stealthy-toilet-sit, his giant boner is impossible to hide. I would then confront him, in a sexy way, saying we should do it. It almost never yielded actual sex. He would say he was already close, and just wanted to finish on his own. I'd hide my heartbreak and say it was okay. Anyways...
Eventually, I would see him looking, and go "Ooooh! So you're in the mood now? Let's have some fun!" He didn't have an excuse this time, clearly he was in the mood with his rager and 20 tabs of porn open, but he was still reluctant. He'd say "okay" with the excitement of a potato. I tried to get him to see how I was better. I must be better, right? Guess not.
He would openly look at porn with me in the room now. I never got mad at him, I never showed him how much he was hurting me. I didn't think it was needed, and it wouldn't solve anything. I would comment on how we should do stuff, and more and more often we would. The problem now being that he had been stroking, too. He would be 70%-90% done by the time I got him into bed. Sometimes literally 5-10 pumps and he'd be done.
Okay... That's fine... I'm used to not being able to finish before any guy, but... I dunno, it's fun still, but 5-10 pumps isn't enough to do much of anything. I told him it was okay, that it was still fun. I didn't want to push him away by bringing attention to it. But it was every time now. I'd get like 40 pumps a week, total. I'd masturbate later, and that's okay too I guess. Just not ideal.
Then, I started cutting him off at the pass again, saying we should do it, or aggressively doing sexy things without him even being prepared for it. It worked for a little, and at least now he wasn't hiding in the bathroom jerking it everyday. But, then he started asking if he could look at his porn before we start. He'd be happy with having sex, but not without porn first.
I didn't know how to react. My heart sank. "Sure!" I'd say. At least I'd get sex? No, not really. He gets so out of hand with it, he'd still end up being mostly done by the time we'd get started.
Not only is he going against the constant advice out there of "pre-heating the oven" but he was half-baked before even looking at the oven! I could never confront him during the act, and I could never think of a good time to bring it up otherwise.
So, I started jokingly putting restraints on the porn. Only for a few minutes, which he would abuse and end up stretching "just one more picture" "just one more link" and I didn't want to be what I thought was a bad girlfriend, and tell him "No, that's enough." I was have felt selfish about my needs this entire time, so I rarely put my foot down.
It started to hurt enough that once we "finished" he would go clean himself off, and I would just quietly cry. I've never felt so ugly and unwanted before. He was still oblivious to how much he was hurting me. Until a few weeks ago, I think. He was joking about why I didn't want him to look at his porn, and as calmly and logically as I could, I explained this post in a nutshell. Just that basically he was almost done with sex by the time I wasn't even warmed up. And that I was feeling very unsexy, and very bad about myself.
He said he understood, but it hasn't changed much. He still "sneaks" looks at porn whenever we game. He still jerks it for a long time before saying anything, and he still acts like sex < wanking. In fact, the last several times we have had sex, it didn't feel great, because he was doing it out of obligation. I've tried scheduling a day, "don't jerk it beforehand, I want to give you a blowjob to work on my gag reflex tomorrow/friday/next weekend!" He would promise we'd do something, and I'd get put on the back burner. He works hard, and that's fine to be tired some days, but when I offer to do all the work? Whats the excuse then?
This issue has been invading my dreams. I get turned down in my fucking sleep, guys. I get cheated on by the very people I see in his porn. I don't even feel much like masturbating, because I just feel so unsexy. I don't even really look at porn anymore when I decide to, because just the thought of how much it has invaded my life, it just upsets me and turns me off.
I don't know where to turn. I don't know where to draw the line. I want him to have the freedom to fap, but I can't help but feel like a rejected burden when he prefers his hand to me. Especially when he's literally said that climaxing inside me is 10 times better than with his hand. So what the fuck then? How am I not supposed to think something is wrong with me? I've even offered things I don't want to do in an attempt to get him to even glance my way.
I'm afraid of directly confronting him, he's a very quiet guy, and honestly everything else in the relationship is more than perfect. I've never loved someone more in my life, which is why this hurts so much. He's so amazing, and I feel like a fucking asshole acting this way. He goes above and beyond in every other aspect of the relationship, I've never had someone show this amount of love and care to me. Why can't I just be fucking happy with that? Why can't he just be happy with me over his hand and his fucking hentai?
submitted by confusedthrww to sex [link] [comments]