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2020.11.18 17:28 VoidKiller826 Hidden camera dick flash

Wonder Women Issue Fourteen: Not so New Era
Arc: House Painted in White
Written by u/VoidKiller826
Edited by u/MadUncleSheogorath & u/Fortanono
“Greetings.” Normal speech.
‘Greetings.’ Thinking speech.
[Greetings.] Comms and phone speech.
{Greetings.} TV and Radio speech.
Sandsmarks Home - Gateway City - Time: 07:30 PM
{The waiting will aggravate you. Calling it early and making a mistake will bury you. Here are the results…}
Cassandra drank her soda as she watched the news of the election through her phone, enjoying the fresh air she’s getting when she decided to sit on the roof of her house. While usually at this time of day she would be hanging out with her friends, Emily and Miguel at some coffee shop watching the election. But she opted to crash at her mom’s place for the time being while all the mess is happening.
Not helping with the fact that she already knows the results coming long before the news decided to fling support to Cale.
{...Florida goes to Veronica Cale…}
Cassandra sighed, tapping her sneakers on the rooftop as she waited for the announcement, the soda already feeling spoiled.
{Veronica Cale is now the President of the United States. A historical announcement first heard here!}
She pursed her lips; even though she expected the results, it still annoyed her to see that Veronica Cale of all people would win the seat of the president, and all it took is riling the people’s feelings after Coast City.
‘People are pissed… and if someone tells them what they want to hear they’ll flock on their back…’ Cassie turned her phone off after the camera changed to a rally where Cale will do her speech, hearing her voice will just get the young girl pissed. ‘If Diana saw this…’
Cassandra slumped down on the roof, staring at the stars above, or rather the lack of it. Going through everything she went this year, from Colonel Poison, helping out her old friends, the battle against Steppenwolf and Diana’s body disappearing, to Artemis nearly dying.
Full of ups and downs, and she is amazed why she hasn’t just decided to hit her head on the nearest wall, but now seems to be the more appropriate after seeing Veronica Cale’s name pop up everywhere, which will continue from this day until she takes up office.
“Thanks for nothing, people of America…” Cassandra muttered under her breath, laying on her back and staring at the dark skies, the day already peaked in the worst way imaginable.
“There you are.”
Her ears perked up, turning her head slightly to see her mother, Helena, leaning by the edge of the roof after using a ladder to climb up.
“You could have told me you were coming up here,” said her mother, climbing on the roof with her daughter. “I thought you went out with your friend after they called.”
“Yeah… sorry about that.” Cassandra sat up as her mother climbed up the roof, she was dressed casually, black long shirt and pants. It was pretty weird to see her dressed that way, all Cassandra could remember was wearing only suits for work, so seeing her dress casually was nice. “Wait, friend? You mean Emily?” she asked, confused.
Her mother sat beside her, looking at the horizon ahead. Downtown Gateway City was full of lights and fireworks after the announcement of Cale’s win, celebrating among themselves. Cassandra had to fight the urge to not scoff with her mother by her side.
Helena nodded, “She called earlier asking about you.”
Cassandra sighed. “They wanted to hang out and watch the election but it ain’t exactly the best time with all this…” she waved at the entire city ahead. “...Mess.”
“So you decided to hang out with your dear lonely mom?” Helena asked humorously. Before noticing Cassie not answering, lips still pursing in thought about Cale. “Not happy with the results?” Helena asked.
Cassandra fought the urge to not scoff at the presence of her mother, “Come on mom, you know how I feel about Cale, and her being a president just means more headaches for everyone. For me, for my friends, for the whole country.”
Cale’s whole campaign has been completely focused on abolishing vigilantes, not exactly a new topic, politicians always use it for their speeches when superheroes began propping up through the years
But after Coast City, everything changed. The topic of whether vigilantes, especially ones with powers that can wipe an entire city out of the map, has become hotly debated, with many supporting that humanity should govern themselves and use their own resources instead of leaving it to the heroes in dealing with the baddies.
Even after everything that has happened this year, the effort put by her friends in making the world a better place after Coast City, it is not enough to convince the people. Cale continued on her campaign, using Coast City as her go-to example to talk the people into believing her words.
And she did, beating Jefferson Pierce, a former superhero at that, like some sort of message.
“I know…” Helena sighed. "But whatever happened, it happened, we can’t do much but stave off what’s to come.”
“That sounds annoying…” she propped her knees up and hugged them close, staring at Gateway in disappointment. “All they will be talking about is her ideas and the fact she is the first woman to be president… which is great and historic, but it had to be from the last and worst person in the world who should be taking it.”
It’s like putting Lex Luthor into the office, except they have long hair and of the opposite gender, and all the jealousy of supers put into the max.
\‘Sheesh… now I sound like Cizko… ’** she thought in disgust, she’ll probably take a shower later.
Helena shrugged, looking up in the starless skies. Compared to every other mom in the country who flock in support of Cale, her mom opted to just focus on her work and not bother herself with the mess unless it involves her profession, and so far it hasn’t.
“Maybe I like to keep a more optimistic view of the future, I am old fashioned like that.” she turned to Cassandra, “All we can do right now is wait what’s to come for us to react.”
Cassandra sighed, she wished she shared that view. Diana said the same thing, keep your head up even in the face of defeat or seeing something you don’t like. She wanted to agree with that idea, hell she believed in it for so long she basically had to keep a better view on the world like her mom and Diana had.
But after everything, she sees it impossible to keep up the same ideals.
She hated that Veronica Cale won, and she isn’t shy to admit that to anyone, especially with how Cale tried to discredit Diana for a long time, while her mentor always saw the good in people, and Cale was no exception. Cassandra however did not see that in Veronica Cale, all she saw was a jealous woman, who hated everything Diana represented since arriving in Gateway City.
And now she is the President of the United States of America.
And Diana is no longer among them to react to the news.
“Hey, what say you help me clean up a few terracottas that came in from Egypt? Might help you clear your mind off for a few days.”
“Hmm…” Cassandra thought it over before nodding, not like she had anything better to do, already having a few days off from college anyway and it’s been a while since she hung out with her mom. “Alright, but if you can bring out that wine again, it will make my suffering a lot easier."
Helena shook her head. "Not this time, young lady, I want your hands steady when we start cleaning," her mother stood up, taking a deep breath in enjoying the calm night around their house. "Because if there is one thing I don't want you doing, is break important artifacts."
"Sheesh… fine, let me suffer with my thoughts then…"
The two Sandsmarks shared a small laugh together. Cassie made the right choice to hang out with her mom during election night, she could relax even for a few days before she goes back to the world.
"Say, how about we invite Artemis over? We can order Chinese again."
"Nah," Cassandra shook her head as her mother started climbing down. "She said she had to watch the streets tonight in case people start messing things up because of the election."
The former Wonder Girl looked at the city ahead, full of lights and full of life. Celebrating a new era to the country, an era Cassandra hopes is for the better.
She fought the urge to not scoff with her mother this close, yeah right, new era her half God ass. She crushed the soda can and floated down from her roof.
The Lowell Hotel - New York City - TIME: 08:10 P.M:
Veronica Cale loved hearing a crowd cheering her name, she loved seeing signs with her name, quotes, and whatever her marketing and election team put out were all written on them.
Cale 2020. Madam President. No More Vigilantes. America is a Woman.
All hers, all her name, all her image.
Veronica Cale knew it in her heart, she reached a place few have reached.
She straightened her back and smiled for the camera, standing on the podium as she addressed the crowd and press after she won this year's election. Her team made the decision to make the conference in the Lowell Hotel, a five-star establishment that has a large open area made for weddings.
And now she is using The Lowell Hotel as her official declaration for winning the presidency.
"...I would at first like to thank Jefferson Pierce for his effort in the past four years, your reforms will be honored by the next generation and remembered for years." Said Veronica, smiling to the cameras as flashes of lights came from the cameras. “But now, thanks to your support and for believing that we Americans can truly come back from the brink that nearly toppled this great nation. I aim to bring back what this nation once stood for, for it to be a land of opportunity! For all who come here! No matter where you are from that we can stand against all who go against humanity! As a united people! As united Americans!”
The crowd cheered, agreeing with words. Cale has been focused on curbing vigilantism and security from these superpowered beings, and she aims to give it to the people.
“To the people of America, I put my trust in you making the right choice, and tonight my trust is rewarded.” Veronica cited, eyeing up the audience, all cheering for her. “Now I will reward your trust back! Starting today, you will see changes that will be made! All in the name of safety and taking this nation to a prosperous future! A new era for the United States of America!”
She raised her arms, her voice growing higher and confident as she continued telling her speech that she had prepared since she started this venture.
“Starting today we all no longer need any of these so-called super idols walking the streets thinking they know what is safe! No longer will we fear that any day our homes, our buildings and streets, and our city, may fall because of these metahumans like what happened to Coast City! Starting today until I serve you as long as you allow me, I will make this country stand above the rest!”
Her eyes centered at the cameras, all from different news outlets that are airing her conference to the entire country, no, to the world.
“Starting today, I stand with you all as your President, your leader, with a promise that I will deliver to those who have wronged our nation the needed justice! In the name of God’s Vengeance falling down on them!” She proclaimed, her smile widened at the cheers and camera’s light flashing all over the area. “Thank you all for choosing me! And God bless America!”
Veronica Cale allowed the cheers to drown her, hearing the mothers who came in support, the small business owners, the different people of color, and nationality all coming to support her. The little boys and girls who came to cheer for their new President.
The people have found their idol, their hero for the new age.
Veronica Cale has reached the top of the world, above all the rest who doubted her, who laughed at her. The politicians who said she couldn’t go far. The billionaires who said she couldn’t succeed in that world the same as she did in the business world with her company.
But here she is, standing on the podium with hundreds of people cheering, reaching the highest pedestal as the new leader of the free world.
And yet, she feels incomplete.
Her smile slowly faded, lowering at each passing second as the cheers, the clapping, and the shouting faded, drowning all the annoying noise out made by these fools.
She won, she reached her peak. Veronica can float to everyone in the world for this win.
Except for one person, a person she cannot tell them with confidence that she won.
Diana Prince, Wonder Woman, the greatest female hero of all time as some people call it. And the person she desires the most to tell them that Veronica has won.
And yet, she is not here, living, not here to make that woman shake her hand because she won.
Veronica Cale is now the President of the United States of America.
While Diana is not here to see her win.
Gateway City - Financial District - TIME: 07:30 P.M
{...I stand with you all as your President, your leader, with a promise that I will deliver to those who have wronged our nation the needed justice! In the name of God’s Vengeance falling down on them!}
The man sniffed his nose as he stared at the tv screen curiously of Veronica Cale’s press conference. Almost every news outlet has made the announcement of her winning over Jefferson Pierce and making him a one-term president. Historical night as the media are making it out to be.
“The first woman for prez, huh…” muttered the man before turning to his buddy. “Hey, who did you vote for?”
“Didn’t vote.” His buddy answered, grabbing on a set of ropes from his bag. “Never trusted that Cale chick, she’ll probably just ride it and let those old men cup a feel.” explained his buddy, tying up a rope. “And Pierce hasn’t done anything except make headlines about being the second black president, I mean… where are the jobs he promised?”
“Oh right… remembered you listen to Cizko…”
“The stuff he says makes sense you know.”
“Yeah, if you were from the 18th century. And no respectable place will be taking your dumbass for anything.” The man complained, looking back to the screen of Cale waving at the crowd. “Cale seems promising at least.”
“I don’t know man… women leading anything sounds like an apocalypse happening. Do we even know if she will provide more jobs for people like us?”
The man scoffed and turned fully to his buddy, he was dressed in a tracksuit and a mask that covered his entire face, the face had the appearance of President Bush. “Who in their right mind would hire your dumbass. Besides, where’s the fun in doing a normal job.”
“Maybe because I want to stay alive and safe?”
The man in the George Bush mask scoffed as he walked up to his buddy. “Yeah right, anyway you need any help?”
“Nah, I got this one.”
The bank employee sobbed quietly as the buddy, dressed in the same tracksuit but wore a Richard Nixon mask, tied up her arms and legs, and put her with the rest of the bank employers who were working late for the night.
“Alright people, we are not here to steal your money, only the bank money,” Bush said loudly to the employers. “Just keep quiet and no one will get hurt like your boss who tried to be cute by calling the cops.” he pointed at the large bloodstain painted on a wall nearby as if he was thrown into it.
“I never knew banks open this late.”
“They don’t, but it's election night, and every rich fucker wants to get their money back in case the results come back shitty,” Bush answered, carrying a heavy assault rifle on his hip. "Bad luck tonight I guess… Whiteman said it will be quiet."
The two turned to the noise outside, the cheering and fireworks coming inside. The people of Gateway were parading the streets after Cale won, celebrating everywhere.
Of course, that gave them an opening to come in the bank and steal the money without anyone noticing.
"You two are done?"
Bush and Nixon turned to see two of fellow robbers coming out of the vault, carrying four bags on their backs. One wore a George Washington mask, the other a Dick Cheney, who carried all four bags on their bags.
"What took you two so long?" Nixon asked.
"Trouble with the system, but we took care of it," Washington answered. Nodding at the two. "We should be in there in a couple of minutes, then we are golden."
"Whiteman should be happy." Nixon noted but Bush let out a scoff.
"Yeah right, that will be the day…"
Cheney walked up and gave the two their bags, and it nearly fell off their hands.
"Jesus… these things are heavy…" Nixon complained as he strapped on the bags on his back. "How the hell did you carry these all together?" He asked Chaney, who before could answer was interrupted by Washington.
"Not now, we need to meet up with the Whiteman." He cited, nodding at the noise outside. "We can use the crowd to move without drawing any attention, so keep your guns hidden and don't draw any attention- AH!"
Washington grabbed on his shoulder as blood poured out of it, a red arrow pierced through his flesh.
"What the shit?!" Nixon shouted in shock, searching the large room just where the hell did that arrow come from.
"Above us!" Bush aimed his weapon upward, noticing a glow. "There is something there-"
He could finish his sentence as another arrow flew through the air and hit him through his leg, causing him to shout in agony.
Washington removed the arrow off his shoulder, "Fuck!" He shouted in pain as he threw the arrow away, already losing some blood. "Waste them!"
Obliging on the order, Bush and Nixon sprayed their bullets toward the rafters of the bank, aiming to kill whatever was shooting arrows at them.
And that whatever came flying down on them as they jumped off their spot and landed in front of them, their weight cracking the marble floor of the bank.
"Oh, shit…" Nixon said in fear, turning white underneath his mask. "It's…"
Washington and Bush did not waste time to stand in fear or awe as they aimed their weapons at the newcomer.
She stood tall, muscular, armed with a shield in one hand and a red arrow in the other, her sword dangling by her hip. A red longbow and a quiver strapped on her back. Dressed in her predecessor's iconic clothes and colors, of a red corset and a blue skirt.
Artemis of Bana-Mighdall, aka Wonder Woman, readied herself as she brought up her shield. Carrying a focused expression as she glared at the robbers.
"Waste her!" Washington shouted as he and the other two sprayed bullets at the red-head.
Artemis moved, her size betrayed her Inhuman speed as she dodged their bullets. Using her shield would cause a ricochet and possibly harm the hostages they had tied up.
Left and right, dodging every bullet aimed at her until she came closer to the one who wore the Washington mask, twirling in her step as she used her shield as a weapon and swung it, hitting him on his face at full force and sending him flying, crashing into a wooden wall nearby.
Not wasting time, Artemis lunged at the next robber near her, the one who wore George Bush, who fired at her in a panic. Artemis rushed forward, raising her shield to block to the oncoming barrage, and directing it away from the hostages. The Amazonian grabbed the assault rifle and pulled the robber closer, delivering a vicious headbutt, and the sound of nose breaking echoed around the large room as the robber grabbed on his face and shouted in pain.
She grabbed his arm and raised him up, easily so, and turned to Nixon and threw the agonizing robber towards him, flinging him across the room and crashing into the confused buddy.
Ten seconds, that's how long it took her to beat them.
All but one.
Artemis heard a gasp behind her, turning to face the last remaining robber who held a hostage closely.
"Release her," Artemis demanded, brandishing her sword. "Or you will be regretting it."
The robber who wore the Dick Chaney mask let out a small giggle, grabbing the bank teller's jaw tightly. "Now that's not a very Wonder Woman way of hostage negotiation." Said the robber, their voice is clearly that of a woman. "The last one would have said some nice words, convince me to not go through it."
Artemis narrowed her eyes, her voice seems to indicate that she knew Diana in the past. Is she an old enemy? One who still has a vendetta against Wonder Woman.
"So I wonder if you will be just as fun…"
The woman in the Chaney mask threw her hostage aside and charged forward, cutting the distance between them as she crooked her fist back.
Artemis, on instinct, raised her shield from the incoming attack, and instead of repelling the attack like she always had, she was sent flying through the air, crashing through the walls and into the street outside.
As the dust settled, the hostages who were tied up stared in shock from the woman dressed in Dick Chaney's mask inhuman strength to be able to send Artemis, who is strong herself, was flung out of the building like she was nothing.
The woman cracked her neck as she took off her tracksuit to reveal a tight black/yellow jumpsuit, and underneath her mask revealed a beautiful woman with a short red-hair.
And some noticed that… she became a little bigger.
She turned to the unconscious bodies of the bank robbers who were her partners, and she gave a quick scoff of disgust.
"Weak, thinking they could take her on…" said the woman as she walked up to the entrance, leaving them and the money behind. “You,” she pointed at the one wearing the Nixon mask, being the only one who was still conscious enough and less hurt compared to his friends. “Get out of here, we already did our part, so I’ll stall her in the meantime.” she ordered Nixon who all did but nod furiously.
Her body started to change, her arms expanded, her legs grew in height and in size, her entire body doing the same.
"Guess I'll show them how this is done."
Giganta continued expanding her size.
"Hades breath…"
Artemis pushed off the door from her as she got out of the car she found herself in after getting thrown out of the bank by that woman. The shock from the hit gave her little time to properly fix her flight after getting punched.
Especially from such power delivered.
'Just what was that strength…'
The Amazonian noticed the many eyes that were focused on her, from friends to families all walking the streets in celebration of the news of Veronica Cale winning.
Artemis will admit, she never cared that much about the election as is no different from a King taking their crown. Only it's more of who is popular than simply merit.
"Mommy! That's Wonder Woman!" A small girl pointed at the Amazonian as she got out of the wreckage.
"Please everyone, leave the area!" Artemis called the onlooker's attention. "You will be in danger!"
She heard someone scoff nearby. "Yeah right… probably because it's their fault we are in danger."
"Yeah, Cale was right, these people are just bringing in trouble and wrecking stuff up!” another commented, pointing at the car she landed on. “Like the car!”
Artemis gritted her teeth, now it's not the time to argue with her about politics and whether she is doing the right thing.
Her ears perked, turning her focus where the noise came from and her eyes widened. The bank walls open wide as a giant red-headed woman comes out of it, her height breaking the roof of the building and she proceeds to walk through the walls. The giant scanned her surroundings until she finally settled on Artemis.
“Giganta…” Artemis muttered, an old enemy of Diana who emerged a few years ago, her usual criminal activities have been serving others deeds for tasks, but bank robbery is a first for someone like her.
The crowd of people, finally realizing what Artemis has been warning them about, all ran the other direction as Giganta shook the ground at every step she took. Causing several parked cars to sound the alarm. Slowly, the street was empty, with everyone either giving a few blocks of distance or hiding inside any nearby building.
Artemis cracked her neck and rotated her arms as the giant woman approached her, looks like this will be a long fight. She unwrapped the lasso that was hanging by her hip, now it seems to be the most appropriate time to use it.
She lunged forward, using her winged slippers to help her in the jump, giving her the needed boost as she came closer to the giant woman.
Giganta raised her hands to swat the Amazonian away, but Artemis dodged the attack, twirling her body as she felt strong wind coming from the hand that passed by her. She threw the lasso, which wrapped around Giganta’s hand, and using her Amazonian strength, Artemis pulled the rope and flew forward, passing by Giganta.
“What the hell is this?” Giganta asked in confusion as she tried to tear the lasso off of her, but it was stronger than it appeared. “AH!”
Giganta was pulled back, her arm stretched forward thanks to Artemis’s lasso, showing that the Amazonian’s muscles were not for show. The giantess tried to pull herself back but before she could grab on the lasso, Artemis dove downward, bringing Giganta down with her.
Artemis fixed her flight landing feet first on the street and pulled the lasso with all of her strength, dragging Giganta and causing her to trip and fall face-first on the pavement, letting out a large crack on the floor thanks to her size.
Now with an opening, Artemis flew once more, the lasso stretching as long as she can make it go, quickly tying the giantess up starting of her both of her hands before flying to her legs, it won’t be long before she’ll have Giganta taken care of-
Artemis stopped mid-flight as she felt the lasso being pulled, which made her grimace as she also felt her shoulders getting pulled from the sudden action. Looking back, she saw Giganta use her large fingers and wrap the lasso around it, giving her a chance to pull Artemis back.
Grabbing hold of the golden lasso, Giganta pulled her back, slamming the Amazonian on the ground hard, cracking the Earth with her weight and strength from the throw. Not stopping her attack, Giganta pulled her legs back and kicked forward, hitting a dazed Artemis and sending her flying across the street and hitting a nearby store, crashing inside.
“Dumb bitch!” Giganta stood up as she unwrapped the rope off of her arms, “You think this is the first time I got lassoed up! The last one did the same thing on a daily basis!” said the giantess form experience. “Think of something new!”
Artemis coughed out the dust that came from her crash, slowly standing and fighting off the pain that screamed all over her body. Even with her shield, it couldn’t absorb the whole attack because of Giganta’s strength, and not even a small shield can stop that.
She spat out blood and looked at her surroundings, thank Hera the place was empty, it would have been bad if anyone here got hurt because of Artemis. Standing up and walking out of the store, bleeding from her head.
“Oh? Still there little girl?” Giganta asked, amused. Looking down at Artemis like she was a bug. “I have to say, all this talk about a new Wonder Woman being this scary muscled chick that will kick anyone’s ass,” she noted and widened her smile. “But all I am seeing is someone pretending they are someone else!” she mocked, hands-on-hips.
Artemis sniffed her nose and cracked her neck, another day, another monologue, she’s been getting those a lot lately. All judging her place as Diana of Themyscira’s successor, from enemies to the public, from those she thought that can be allies to herself.
She brought out her shield and sword, taking a stance despite being bloody.
“Are you done?” she asked, her tone still carried confidence under it. “Because there is only one result in this, with you beaten and going to prison.”
Giganta scoffed, finding her words amusing.
Before the two could continue, from above Artemis noticed something black approaching them. Her eyes turned and widened after realizing what it was.
Giganta raised an eyebrow, confused at her action, following her line of sight and sharing the same reaction as the Amazonian.
Four armored… people were descending down upon them, flying by what appears to be wings on their backs and carrying a different set of weapons individually. Their focus was on Giganta as the first flyer, a giant of a person, swung a black hammer. Giganta tried to block it but the hammer is proven to be stronger as it pushed her hand back, and the giantess grunted in pain.
Two other flyers followed behind the Hammer, the two each had a weapon of their own, one had a set of claw gauntlets while the other carried a sickle, who each proceeded to slash her legs, causing the giantess to scream in pain as she got down to her knees.
The last flyer came in slowly, they carried what seemed to be a club in their hands. Before pressing on a button, the club sprouted out spikes and an electric current surge around it as they swung a powerful attack at Giganta, hitting her face and sending an electrical shock all over her body.
The four continued attacking Giganta until she finally fell down on the ground after the last attack from Hammer knocked her out. The action caused her to shrink back down to her normal size.
Artemis was flabbergasted at this attack. She will commend them for the tactical approach, overwhelm the opponent until they are down, but doing so… brutally was too much for Artemis, and she is from Bana-Migdall, and she enjoys a fight just as much as anyone, but she recognizes brutality.
“Wonder Woman,” one of the armored flyers, the one who had claws as their weapons, approached her. The armor covered their entire body, with a helmet that bore a resemblance to that of a hawk. “You are under arrest for your vigilante activity,” said Claw, a woman underneath the armor judging her voice.
Artemis narrowed her eyes, arrest? Really? These people must be joking.
Claw noticed Artemis tensing up as her hands slowly reached her sword. “Resist and you will be met by extreme force-”
“That’s enough Sergeant.”
Claw stood straight from the voice while Artemis looked behind her as another of the flyers came forward, the one who had a club as their weapon, who stood taller than Claw.
“We are here to arrest criminals, and Doris Zuel is a known criminal,” said Club, his voice commanding, stern, and deep, contrasting to the abrasive tone of Claw. “And it wasn’t for Wonder Woman things would have been worse…”
Claw scoffed. “Things are worse because of her-”
“I understand, but I repeat, she is not a criminal...” Club cited Claw, looking down on the smaller armored flyer before turning to Artemis. “...Yet that is.”
Artemis furrowed her brows. “And you are?” she asked, noticing the armored flyers were cuffing the unconscious Giganta as she heard police approaching their location.
Club’s expression remained hidden but Artemis could feel he was amused by her question. “We are the answer to all the city's problems.” he answered, “Today is our first day of duty too. Don’t want to miss out on our chance to show that to the city.” he turned to Claw and nodded at her. “Get her out of here, the holding cells should be up now.”
Claw still had her eyes set on Artemis before turning to Club. “Understood, Commander…”
Club turned to Artemis after the two were left alone, his hands still gripping his weapon. “That should at least let her focus on other issues. Now, back to our conversation.”
“You haven’t answered my question,” Artemis cited, eyeing him in suspicion. “I never knew Gateway Police carries such weaponry.”
“We can thank our newly elected President for her contribution.” Club answered. “Moving forward, things will be different in Gateway City.”
Artemis did not like the sound of that part, her eyes narrowed and she asked. “Meaning?”
“Meaning you are not needed.”
She had to fight to urge to not hit him right there for his words.
“If you are angry, blame it on your kind for bringing destruction to the world,” said Club as he walked back. “Remember this, we aren’t arresting you because you’ve done a good job in protecting the city, but moving forward you are walking a thin line, should you stray from it, we will consider you an enemy and a criminal that will be put down.”
The sound of armor clicking came as he walked back but not before leaving one last comment.
"It's a new era, Wonder Woman. An era where vigilantes are no longer needed. An era of law and order to stop this needless destruction such as this fight of yours. And it starts here."
Artemis did not answer back, she knew it would be a wasteful thing to do. Around her, she saw the people who were hiding inside the buildings come out and stare at the display in front of them, many had their eyes on the four-winged armored squads arresting Giganta as police finally arrived.
She knows defeat and she is feeling it.
Artemis turned and leaped forward, somewhat wounded and exhausted, she used her winged slippers to fly through the air. Whatever is going on in this world, is changing, and she can feel it.
Wonder Woman Vol 3.
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2020.11.04 01:38 SirFinleyKeksington Hidden camera dick flash

So. I'm a long-time fan of the Devil May Cry franchise.
Naturally, being a part of that community for long enough involves hearing all the shit thrown at the attempted reboot of the series. Out of a moment of extreme boredom and the desire to stream me playing the game to a friend, I bought and played the game on steam.
And let me stop you right there, that little subsection of people who are possibly thinking this: yes, I know the definitive edition of the game fixed a lot of problems with combat and edited out Vergil's fedora. No, that isn't particularly relevant.
How did I find it, after all was said and done? Well...
I didn't like it. That might not come as a surprise, but I suppose I'll cut to the meat of my argument and stop trying to be coy with it:
DmC comes so annoyingly close to being an actually good game in many ways, which only serves to make the game's failings just that much more irritating. I'll get the obvious stuff out of the way first, and for the sake of brevity I won't go into the pre-release controversy like the Ninja Theory presentation on what Dante should be, as those things have been discussed to death elsewhere.
No, I didn't mind that Dante was redesigned, but I do mind that he lacks that same presence which Dante's always had, especially evident in many cutscenes which I'll get to later. He's not as endearing, and his sense of style does not age as well as classic Dante's does. For those unfamiliar with the comparison I'm making, this was Dante in Devil May Cry 4, the mainline game that came out most closely to the reboot. this is the Reboot Dante.
You might notice right away, it's not all bad, from a given point of view. Reboot Dante definitely looks like he's trying to be intimidating, though, which detracts from the casual sort of self-assured cockiness that Dante was famous for. Ebony and Ivory look much less imposing to me in the reboot, and though this is entirely subjective I will claim that Reboot Rebellion is the worst that Dante's main sword has ever looked. On the other hand, I actually quite like Reboot Dante - oh, fuck it, I'll give into the meme and call him Donte - I like Donte's coat. For my taste, he feels too... grimy. Which, I mean... Let's face it, I'll just show you the game's introduction cutscene. 'Trashy' can be a fairly unavoidable word when it comes to him. The first thing we see this Dante do is come out of a club and bang two strippers. And then he wakes up with a hangover, flashes the female lead of the game entirely nude and gives a pretty limp insult to the tutorial boss.
Ignore the Anonymous-looking bit, I'll get to that.
In all, Donte doesn't win much points in the design department from me, but I can look past that. In gameplay, he still stands out well enough to work for an action game, and that's what matters in the end.
A positive of the game, though, is its environmental design, and honestly a lot of design choices to boot. For this point, I'll just show off the entire Bob Barbas boss fight. Heading through the news' intro as a platforming section, the way you fight enemies on camera, it's great! The dialogue (from Donte's side) is on the weaker end, but in all the entire level shows off some of the key strengths of the game.
Other examples of good visual direction are the Dream World, Bob Barbas' prison, and while it's not conveyed well through a still image, the Nightclub in Limbo. Colours pop, the stages move in interesting ways, it's pretty good! Some of the more blatant and not at all subtle demonic impact font that appears to taunt you during gameplay can bugger off, but that's easily ignorable. And usually funny in the moment, though not in the way the game intends.
I'll out and say it, the writing for the majority of the game is not stellar. Either on the overarching story front or the character dialogue front. But as I stated above, there are some small moments that come very close to being really well done.
I believe the story can be summed up best in a post-mission bout of laughter I suddenly went through that caused my friend to ask me what I'd just thought of. I believe it went something like this: "So, if I've got the story straight so far: our katana-wielding, fedora-toting Anonymous brother has conscripted us into a fight against society, and our two main targets are Coca Cola and Alex Jones, after which we finally go after the big CEO that controls the world with money?"
And, I mean, there's a lot of me being facetious for comedy in there, but that's the gist of it. You and your brother Vergil are half-demon and half-angel (because the themes of humanity in the previous games weren't important enough to keep, I suppose) people called Nephilim. For reasons poorly-explained, only Nephilim are able to defeat the main villain, Mundus, who controls the world through debt and spends a lot of his early cutscenes gloating over his power and having sex with a very unnerving demon woman named Lilith. His tools to remain control are intrusive demon security cameras, a highly popular soft drink spiked with vomit from a Succubus, and a demon news presenter named Bob Barbas.
Does all this sound incredibly unsubtle and in-your-face to the point of being annoying? It is. Extraordinarily so.
The first few missions of the game are essentially one big exposition trip, with Dante re-learning about his heritage and the like because his memories were wiped for his own safety, the same happening to his brother Vergil, who unlocked his memories long before the events of the game.
Oh, Vergil, what did they do to you? While they removed the fedora from his early cutscenes in the definitive edition of the game, that was the version of the game I played through and was obviously their intended vision at the time. And I'll out and say it, he does not have the attitude or appearance to make the katana look work. It might just be my personal bias talking, mind you, but Mainline Vergil just works so much better with it. Probably something to do with the mainline game not dealing with 'we live in a society' plot elements, but I digress.
Vergil's character makes no goddamn sense whatsoever in the reboot. Obvious spoiler warning, but the big twist in the final mission of the game is that Vergil was actually seeking to rule the world the whole time and is willing to fight his brother for it at the end of the game. Now, this twist wasn't entirely unfounded. His attitude shows hints of his dismissive nature toward humanity at several points, but the way the final mission works with it just doesn't work. Watch, and be amazed. His attitude clearly implies that this outcome was always an obvious fact to Vergil, and his confusion is genuine when Dante and Kat start questioning him. If he was completely unaware they would react negatively to it, why bother keeping it hidden in the first place? It never came up, not once? Not in all the time they were in a secret organisation together? Whatever.
To add more insult to injury; the fact that Vergil is even strong enough to be a boss fight, let alone the final one. In DMC3, it's made quite clear that Vergil is your equal and in fact better for the majority of the game. He deals easily with enemies that you struggle against, he handily beats you in your first encounter and draws with you on the second, and still puts up an incredible fight at the end. In DmC, however, none of that is there. The entire game, it is implied that only Dante is strong enough to put up a real fight. Vergil cowers and hides from enemies, Vergil's only real skill appears to be hacking, Vergil needs you around to do anything. Then, in the penultimate mission, he starts showing off some powers he has never had in the game up to this point. He throws summoned swords like original Vergil, he uses Trick teleports like original Vergil againt Mundus. And even then he needs your help to land any real hits. The final fight has absolutely no tension, because by all rights you have proven yourself Vergil's better in combat at literally every step.
But no, he whips out even more powers he has never once shown throughout the game. If you bothered to watch the full fight, you might notice how poorly Vergil's battle plays out. His attacks look weightless, they have no impact, and every time he takes a decent chunk of damage you see a cutscene of him being thrown back and scowling angrily at you. He's pathetic. In pretty much every aspect that matters, the very first Vergil fight in DMC3 outclasses DmC's final boss fight. Vergil's attacks are faster, snappier, and he doesn't even use the vast, vast majority of his moveset in this fight.
To top the rest of that list off, Vergil has absolutely no real basis to think of humans as pathetic and weak in DmC. He's been working alongside a group of humans for a presumably decent chunk of time, and without that secret society support network and what have you, Vergil would have gotten nowhere. Kat's the one who makes the portals in and out of Limbo, Kat's the one who does the planning, Kat's the one who gets you into the places you need to be, Kat's the one who pretty much does everything.
But at least he has a bigger dick than Dante.. Do not ask me why the fuck he possibly knows this, some things are better left unanswered.
Put short, Vergil is downright awful in the reboot.
Back to Donte, however. It's hard to avoid talking about some of his more famous scenes. So here, the legendary Fuck YOU! moment. Can't forget the epic and witty comeback he gives to the game's primary antagonist,, either. I'll admit, that one made me laugh. Probably not for the right reasons. What about the limpest introduction to a new enemy of all time? Or whatever the fuck they thought this line was? I'd cut that last one to just the line itself, but Donte forgetting why he was there despite that information being given to him not five minutes ago is also notable.
It shouldn't take much convincing, then, when I say that Donte cannot pull off taunting like Dante should be able to. He's far too petty and bratty to make most of it work, and when he tries lines like the last one it really falls flat because, while it is a reference to a line from DMC1, it doesn't have nearly the same kind of effect without the endearing hamminess of the original Devil May Cry, or the voice actor's ability to actually pronounce the word 'flock'.
Which brings me all the way back to the main point of this whole rambling, boring-as-hell rant. Some of Donte's moments, particularly with Kat, actually work!
Mission 12 takes place in that agonising little section of the game that is honestly, genuinely pretty good. The stretch between the Bob Barbas boss fight and the Nightclub level are without question the best part of the game. Sadly, that stretch is only between Mission 10 and Mission 14.
Anyway, in Mission 12, your Anonymous base has been invaded by SWAT and assaulted by demons. The building is coming down, you're on a (narrative) time limit, and you've just met up with Kat, saved her, and gone onward to find Vergil. You find him in front of a computer trapped by a single demon (lol) behind a barrier that looks like Kat made it (lol for a second time, Verginia.) After you save him, you get treated to a scene with some actually passable character interactions wherre you don't hate anyone on screen. A rare treat for DmC. After you finish that little scene, skip ahead to 14:12 for the mission-ending cutscene.
And you know what? That last scene? I like it. It shows Donte's growing compassion, there's real emotion there, and the performances on both ends are good!
If only the rest of the game followed that example. Combine that sort of writing with the otherwise good visual design and a better story, and you'd have had yourself an honestly good fucking game on your hands. But they didn't. They missed the mark, and insulted the original fanbase every step of the way while doing so. The smug aura that the game near-constantly projects ruins any kind of enjoyment I could feel from the game.
So yeah, that point took me entirely too long to make.
Some other miscellanious gripes: * Donte's voice actor does not do well with combat shouts and dramatic screaming. Why, oh why, did they make two entire weapons that involve him doing the former? I would show evidence, but I can't find any isolated clips and frankly I can't be bothered to open the game and record anything.

Well, that's my rambling done. I didn't even mention Vergil aborting a demon baby with a sniper rifle, I'm so proud of myself.
My apologies for subjecting you all to this.
submitted by SirFinleyKeksington to CharacterRant [link] [comments]

2020.10.09 16:14 Rocknocker Hidden dick flash camera

That reminds me of a story...
I was sitting in the lounge of our new apartment in Waythefucknorthistan, overlooking our balcony and the rest of the university, of course, drinking icily-chilled Moscovskaya and Diet Squirt with a lime wheel, with Redemption 18-Year-Old Barrel Proof Straight Rye Whiskey on the side, and Pabst Extra dark beer chasers; hiding from the brutish realities of this intensely foul year, two thousand and twenty, CE.
“Rock, where’d you go?” Esme asks, as evidently, I was again so deep in thought she wondered if I’d left this ethereal plane for another.
“Just thinking, my sweet,” I replied. “Thinking that I’m getting a snootful of this walking around campus nonsense.”
Since our cars were left back in the Sultanate and we’ve not found one locally that Esme nor I can agree upon; I decided that the 1.7 mile, one-way, hoof each day from our apartment to the Geology-Petroleum Engineering building was a bit much. I decided that I needed an alternate form of transportation.
Now, though I have working motorcycles in Houston, Brew City, and Moscow, I decided I wanted something a bit more local. Plus I didn’t want to wait on shipping one of them to where Es and I are currently bivouacked.
Over Greenland Coffee the other day, I was relating my tale of woe to some of the students and faculty at the G-PE department. One of the Ph.D. guys, who was just about to graduate and go out into the cold, cruel world of the private sector, mentioned he had a bicycle that he was going to sell.
The newly minted Ph.D. is Finnish, about 6’ 2” tall, and probably goes 175 pounds soaking wet.
“Well, Kaapo”, I note, “that’s just great. But I think I’m going to need something that’s a bit more designed for both the local climate, where it’s always windy and going to be sort of snowy, as well as for someone of my particular size and build.”
“Dr. Rock, I have a 27” frame Fat Bike. It’d fit you just perfect!”
“Fat bike? I asked, accusingly, “Are you insinuating…?”
Immediately backpedaling, he quickly continues.
“No, no, no, Doctor Rock. It is a ‘Rasva pyörä’. A type of extreme mountain bike with big, fat tyres. Ideal for sand, snow, windy conditions. It is large frame bike, 27” wheels, 21 speed. With dual suspension frame and special heavy-suspension fork. It’s the best of all-terrain mountain bikes…”
“Well,” I replied, “Why didn’t you say so? It’s been decades since I was on a bike and haven’t kept up with their evolution. Where is the beastie?”
“I will bring it in tomorrow. I make for you very special deal. I am moving to Houston and don’t now need it as I’m going to buy for me a new car. First one! You help out Kappo. I make for you best deal.”
“Splendid.” I said, “We’ll have a look at the beastie tomorrow then.”
A beastie it was indeed.
Big, 5” fat tires; as advertised. 21-speed manual transmission, heavy-duty shocks, 5-spoke wheels, aluminum hardtail frame, mechanical disc brakes, 3x7 drivetrain, rapid-fire shifters, all the bells, and whistles.
And I even liked the color. Blaze Orange.
After some kibitzing, haggling, and idle threats, Kappo has a less emaciated bank account and I have a new mode of conveyance.
It takes a bit of doing, but as they say, you never really forget how to ride a bike.
Sort of.
I almost betrayed that axiom a few times due to drifting leaves concealing a hidden curbstone or some railroad crossings with more than usually wide ruts for the rails. However, I quickly got the hang of it and after a few special modifications, like a built-in windproof ashtray and space for an emergency flask or two, I was wheeling around campus like the old pro from that place in Baja Canada.
However, it’s been sort of wet around here of late and as mud puddles always hold a sort of obscene fascination for geologists, I can’t very well hose off the thing every night and drag it into our apartment. There’s a bicycle rack out in front of our apartment that’s covered from the more severe depredations of the local weather.
Think ‘Basic Roof’.
So I invest in a length of cadmium-plated heavy-duty, serially-welded ‘No-Can-Cut’ logging chain and a stout Russian padlock built of finest nobreakium. The lock is TIG-welded to the bike’s frame and the chain is long enough to pass through the crank, both tires and whatever stationary object I choose. It’s secure and not going anywhere until I decide so.
For the first week or so, there’s nothing untoward. I go out in the morning, fire up a heater, unlock the beastie, put the security chain in its bespoke chain-carrier hard-bin I constructed, and wheel off to the ‘office’.
I park my bike inside my office in the department because I want to and I can.
Well, at least, no one’s dared say a word yet.
Then, last week, I come out for my morning jaunt and see someone’s been fucking around with my ride.
I instantly saw very intense colors of crimson, cerise, and just plain “Yes, I’m oh so fucking angry” red.
There were some scratches on the security chain and it looks like someone fucked around with the Russian padlock.
Good luck. You’d have more luck tunneling to Siam than breaking or picking that lock.
But, they fiddled with my ashtray, futzed with the flask receiver I had TIG-ged on and had tried, and failed miserably, to disconnect my tires and make off with them.
Oh. Game on, motherfucker.
I asked around and found that the cameras out in the courtyard are evidently for show. That is, they’re fakes.
So no footage of the miscreant or miscreants messing with my ride.
I asked around and suddenly everyone, even the ones with whom I’ve shared a cigar, become Aldebran Shellmouths.
No one knows anything.
“OK, fine”, I think. “We’re taking this right to 11.”
My bike disappears for a few days.
Upon reappearing, people notice I’ve added a few custom anti-theft devices.
A low consumption game camera in an un-fool-aroundable hardened tool-steel carrier rigged with vertical and horizontal motion sensors; as well as an active xenon-strobe tube from an old flash assembly is mounted front and center. Covertly, of course.
An Arduino that I’ve programmed with some blinking LEDs, with a relatively decent speaker liberated from an old set of PC speakers is mounted on the leading edge of the handlebars. It makes a nice symmetrical addition to the camera unit.
I had the guys over in Aerospace gin up a dealie that connects my bike with my phone when the motion sensors are tripped. They like me as I’m free with advice, whiskey, and cigars; and are always in competition. As in, ‘who can come up with the most bizarre contraption’?
Truly, neo-Rube Goldbergs.
They are the most technology-obsessed people on this side of the Ginza. They did something dental and used a blue tooth in some sort of demonic ritual where my bike will call my phone if it exceeds a certain preset number of degrees either laterally or longitudinally.
The hollow steel tubular frame was just right to accept several lithium batteries and the guts from one of those several Thomas A. Swift Electronical Rifles I had lying around.
I also had Esme narrated, in her amazingly Star Trekkian computer voice, a number of different messages.
I park my bike outside as usual and nothing happens for the first few nights.
Then, late one dark and dreary night, my bicycle calls me.
I wandered over to the window, which overlooks the bike rack, and see some character jumping around like he has a live lobster in his shorts, holding his hand, and wobbily cursing a blue streak.
By the time I got my shoes on and was out the door, the stress of theft, his recent ingestion of approximately 75,000 volts, and a few miserly milliamps, sort of shorted out his ardor for this kind of nocturnal activity.
Lighting a cigar, I wandered over to the miscreant and very calmly asked if he was OK.
“That’s a lot of juice you just absorbed. You might want to avoid swimming for the next half hour”, I advised.
He looks at me through what could be confused with two baseballs of very lean bacon.
Also, I do believe there were a few wisps of smoke issuing from his ears as well.
“What happened?” he groggily asks.
“Well”, I replied, blowing out a large blue cloud of expensive cigar smoke, “You actuated the self-defense mechanisms of my new bicycle as you were trying to steal it or parts of it.”
“That’s illegal!” he gargled, “You rat! You set a trap.”
“Well, yes and no. Mostly no.” I replied through another blue cloud, “You were intent on committing a crime and my bike simply defended itself. Since the cops are on the way, we can just ask them when they arrive.”
He tried to get up off the ground and take flight, but that proved impossible as I was standing on the tail of his hoodie, and inadvertently, his left hand.
“Cool out, Scooter”, I said in a fairly growly voice, “You’re not going anywhere for a while.”
You see, the guys over at Aerospace were not only rabid Star Trek fans, but they were also extreme fans of law and order.
The concept, not the television program so much.
Anyways, when the tri-axis accelerometers and gravimetric portal-detecting devices on and in my bicycle are actuated by overfluxuation of the gradiometry of the local graviton and gravioli fields, the bike kicks into self-defense mode.
Which is actually a clever ruse as it masquerades as a device intent on self-destruction.
I am so naughty…
A slightly computer-altered recording of Esme issues from the speaker located in the small, metal box I had welded to the handlebars. On the box are several LEDs, which begin blinking in unison with my beloved’s altered voice.
Viz: (this is the bicycle talking…very calmly, coolly, collectively. Terrifyingly, as well…the times are, of course, all relative as are the durations between ticks…)
• “Self-destruct sequence activated. You have twenty seconds to enter abort sequence or vacate kill zone.

• Nitronox thermal binary mixing complete. Kill zone calculations now…complete.

• Kill zone for this binary explosive will be 442 meters. You have 15 seconds to abort or vacate kill zone. Human escape from kill zone unlikely.

• You now have 10 seconds to abort. Human escape from kill zone impossible.

• 5 seconds to self-destruct. Local authorities contacted. Police, fire and CSI advised of blast type, duration, and probable effect on human tissue.

• Three seconds to self-destruct. Red button override now activated.
(The large red LED button on the steel case I had welded to the handle bars is now flashing earnestly)
• Two seconds to self-destruct.

Now here a person has a choice.
If they choose to do nothing and figure the jig is up anyways, the counter counts down to zero, there’s a hearty Bronx Cheer and Esme exhorting the miscreant to think over his or her life choices and keep their fucking filthy hands off other’s property. Also, a note that their time-stamped picture was taken and will be forwarded to the local constabulary.
Now, however, if they panic and press the big, shiny, flashing red button, things get a bit more exciting.
We will, for the sake of brevity, call the time the button is pushed T=0, just for fun.
• At T= 0+150 milliseconds, the Xenon flash tube in the game camera case fires.
• At T= 0+160 milliseconds, the game camera fires. Now I have your picture as you are in flagrante delicto. I will forward this to local law enforcement.
• At T= 0+450 milliseconds, approximately 75,000 volts at 0.0056 amps, in a staggered TASER waveform, is coursing through the steel skeleton of the bike. For 30 full seconds, there are 19 pulses per second (PPS) for the first 5 seconds, 12 PPS for the next 5 seconds, a ½-second break, 19 PPS for the next 1.5 seconds, and 8 PPS for the remaining 8 seconds.
• At T= 0+451 milliseconds, any human tissue touching the metal frame of the bike; like a big, shiny, red LED button and it’s mount, completes a circuit.
• At T= 0+425 milliseconds, spontaneous St. Vitus Dance erupts from anyone touching my bike.
• At T= 0+1000 milliseconds, the camera fires again. Gets a good, impromptu and candid picture of someone just now realizing he or she has made an incredibly poor life choice. Several, in fact.
• At T= 0+30,000 milliseconds, I’m standing over you, trying to suppress a laugh whilst I light a cigar and contact the authorities.
That’s where we are now with this spastic prolapsed anal fistula masquerading as something human.
“You could have killed me!” was his one main complaint.
“Yeah,” I said, exhaling another blue cloud, “I thought about that, but decided it was a risk I was willing to take.”
“Fuck…” he sighed.
“But remember, “ I continued, “I still could. Quite easily. I know who you are. I know where you’ve been. I know what you did… In fact, I could haul your body over to the Biology Department and dump it into their Dermestid beetle ‘bug box’. I’m sure no one would miss you for months, if at all.”
The look of shock, awe, and horror was one I’ll cherish for many moons.
The University cops and local police arrive in unison and a dick-measuring dispute over who has jurisdiction breaks out.
Evidently, the University works on some sort of Wild West bounty system for lowlife, petty, annoying miscreants.
That’s why the Campus Cops drive Ferraris.
Anyways, I intervene and ask the various cops to put away their petty differences along with this still subtly smoking schmuck now resigned to his fate and getting more comfortable on the cold, soggy ground.
“I don’t care who does it”, I protested, “But someone’s going to have to haul this hunk of human debris out of here. Can’t leave him here. Dogs’ll piss on him.”
To that, the local constabulary agreed in spades.
After a few quick rounds of Rochambeau, the townies scored a victory over the Campus Cops, 7-4.
After stuffing the malefactor into the back of the police car, the police were suddenly very interested in what caused this heretofore sub-adult human male of the idiot persuasion to become a virtual lightning rod.
I explained my predicament, my new form of conveyance, and my travails with those who have a congenital occurrence of digitos lentescit, or ‘sticky fingers’.
They laughed at the idea of the Star Trek self-destruct countdown.
They howled at Esme’s slightly computer-altered Nurse Chapel-oid voice warnings issuing from the talking bicycle.
They recoiled in fear and hot water when a Nikola Tesla-impressing sized electrical arc jumped from the bicycle to the rack where it was being held in a lover’s embrace when T=0+451.
“Y’know, Doc”, one of the lawman confided in me, “This sort of thing is really stretching the limits of legality.”
“How so?” I asked, complexly innocent. “I didn’t entice them to fuck with my ride. I actually went so far as to warn them of the consequences. I gave them free-will choices. I didn’t physically put their finger on the big, shiny, red button now, did I?”
The collective constabulary chuckled at my breakdown of the legality of the situation.
“Still, Doc”, the town Sergeant continued, “Could you at least tone down the jolts? It’s bad enough dragging these dirtballs downtown without them soiling themselves.”
I puff away in silent consideration.
“No shit?” I snickered back after he relieved me of one of my Cuban Ocsuros. “I’ll give it some thought, Sergeant.”
“Fair enough.” He replied, “You have a good night now. We’ll handle it from here.”
“Will do, Sarge”, I replied through a blue cloud, “Y’all have a good night now, hear? If you need any information, you know how I can be contacted. Have your service call my service...”
One of the Campus Cops was overheard to mutter upon leaving: “Why are all the postdocs so fucking squirrely around here?”
That comment also cheered me for days.
The upshot of all this that I have had exactly zero instances of any sort of hooliganism or shenanigans concerning my steed since that fateful night.
An odd thing, though. I have the entire covered bike rack to myself.
Every other biker in the building prefers some other place to bivouac their bikes overnight for some bizarre and abstruse reason.
submitted by Rocknocker to Rocknocker [link] [comments]

2020.10.01 16:22 HaulA1Oct Hidden camera dick flash

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2020.09.28 11:05 Meda28Sepl2 Hidden camera dick flash

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2020.09.20 22:54 thegreatpenguintm Hidden camera dick flash

Just finished my complete Ys series marathon, and here are my thoughts on the series! Intro So before anything, hi, I'm theultimategamer95/PenguinTM from Youtube (both names were taken here, sigh), and since around... somewhere between the end of July and start of August (I think) I've been playing through pretty much the entire Ys series, because well... I was bored out of my mind and I wanted to eventually anyway (I DID first start playing the series mid last year, though). Was fun though, I enjoyed pretty much every second of it (with some exceptions, we'll get to that later)! But yeah, I felt the urge to share my thoughts on here now that it's all over, so... here we are. As you can see my tier list is at the top of the page, and I'll be giving my general thoughts on the games, etc below (in the order of the tiering, too). Oh yeah, and I also threw in a pic to flex the achievements I got for the game, too.
I also have Ys 9's limited edition on pre-order for those who care. SO hyped for it!



Reasonings/Thoughts Ys 8 Should be obvious why this is number one. I DID want to move this down a notch though, if I'm being honest (but won’t). Because:

  • The way the epilogue is executed STILL triggers me to this day (though that credits sequence is perfect and always makes me tear up).
  • After having played through this 3 times now... raids can definitely get repetitive. They're still bearable to play, but still.
  • Half the bosses aren't really that memorable compared to other Ys games imo (and actually fuck Gargantula, Kiergaard and Magamandra on Inferno). There for sure are actual good and fun ones in there (like, especially Io; my 2nd favourite fight in the series), but yeah (can't just be me, right?).
  • Actually who's fucking idea was that final hunt? It's literally just enemy spam galore and not fun at all. Fire that dude.
  • It's basically impossible to grind on Nightmare and Inferno until midgame or so, lol.
  • Not sure if you'd count this as a negative but... As someone who's played this game through on both PC (twice) and PS4, I vastly prefer it on PC because of less frame drops and a faster save/load system.
But yeah, other than that, absolutely fucking amazing game, I gotta say. Positives include:

  • Good story... up until the epilogue, at least (like seriously, it could've been executed SO much better...)). And also, the optional segment in chapter 6 with Dana (the one where you fight Io) still confuses the hell out of me. Her era story should've been over since she sealed herself, right? So why did she suddenly go back to the village after that? Is it non-canon or is it set inbetween a couple of events or what? Or was I just not paying attention?
  • Good characters in general (except Carlan, fuck him), development and interactions. Hummel is my second favourite character in the series; cool guy and busted in battle.
  • Amazing combat (whether you hate the flash move and party system or not, you can't deny it). Man, I still remember the first time I played this game and experiencing the combat for the very first time after washing up on the island... I was in awe at how fast and fluid it felt. Man, take me back.
  • The OST from this game is actually my favourite OST in all of gaming; it's just that good (could listen to it all day, any day. only track I'm kinda eh on is the swamp theme) :)
  • Way better and more exciting open world exploration than Celceta tbh. Celceta's was OK, just... it was far from perfect, let's just say.
  • Bit random, but I'm SO thankful you can open chests, even if you're surrounded by enemies now (well, not QUITE, but it's not far off, and a lot easier now).
  • And pretty everything else, really.

Ys 6 Might get hate for this one but... As for being the first game that used the Napishtim engine, it was pretty simplistic, and I like that (idk, I have a really soft spot for the combat in this game).
  • Really like the bosses in this game (except that wall one, fuck him (Orjugan I think it is)). Probably my favourite Ys game for bosses after 7 (or Origin, idk; 2nd or 3rd place for sure tho).
  • Good characters (imo) (especially Geis, my favourite character in the series tbh) (I also like on how they improved on Terra from 5 (bring her back as a playable character someday pls?)).
  • Serviceable enough dungeons and story, though wouldn't ever say they're anywhere near the best in the franchise.
  • Love how the upgrade system works in this game. Pretty refreshing to only be required to upgrade the swords you have, rather than having to constantly worry about buying new ones.
  • Oh yeah, and I also have quite the soft spot for the OST in this game. Lovely little underrated package.
  • I seriously love the addition of Catastrophe mode. Why doesn't every other Ys game have this (I'm talking Ys 7 and beyond)!? Doing every boss in the series being locked out of items would be interesting :3
Notice how I haven't mentioned any negatives yet, well... Now's the time. Pretty much the only gripes I have with this game are the fact that there's no sprint button (you get used to it as you play, but still), and the platforming is actual ass (everyone who's played this game will know what I mean). The platforming could've easily been fixed with the addition of a sprint button though. So yeah, sprint button is basically the only issue for me, lol.
I play on the PC version of 6 btw, whereas you get warping. From what I've heard, on other versions such as PS2 and PSP, you don't actually get warping and there's a lot of backtracking. Not sure if it's true, but yikes, that sounds nasty (don't think I ever wanna try those versions tbh, even if there is voice acting there).

Ys Origin Positives:
  • Actual good characters all around!
  • The tower being the only dungeon kinda reminds me of Persona 3, which is my favourite Persona game. The dungeon of which never gets boring in either game imo (yes, I went there). Especially in this game though, as the scenery keeps changing to keep things fresh.
  • The Roo scenes are genuinely fucking adorable <3
  • The Epona and Hugo love story is actually amazing; pretty awesome how there's actual canon romance stories in an Ys game! Easily my favourite scenes in the game tbh (Epona's death in Hugo's route still hits me hard).
  • In fact, the story as a whole in this game, with all 3 characters, is amazing! Yunica is freaking adorable and Toal is a badass with a pretty feelsy story. Honestly, it does make me quite sad that Toal's route is the only canon one. That being said though, I definitely DO feel like there are events from the other 2 routes that are still canon in Toal’s route, just we don’t get to see them (for example, Hugo with the Hammer in Devil’s Corridor).
  • The bosses in this game are actually amazing all around! Well... with the exception of one or two (and it's not what you'd expect), I'll get to that in a bit.
  • The OST in this game is up there with one of my favourite in the series. Probably 3rd or 4th (Celceta/4's OST is most likely second)? Idk. Really good though.
  • INSTANT ABILITY TO WARP! Thank the Goddesses! Why doesn't every Ys game before this have this!?
  • The "item get" jingle in this game is the best one in the series. Change my mind.
  • Best (MAIN) boss theme in the series tbh. Scars of the Divine Wing is my jam!
  • So those bosses I was talking about earlier. Yeah, one of them is Zava. Why do I hate her fight? It's extremely tedious and slow no matter what difficulty you're on (still a hot villain tho). Period (and I ain't afraid to admit she took me a few minutes to beat on Very Easy with Yunica...). Bet you were all expecting Pictimos eh? Nah, I actually really enjoy that fight. One of my favourite in the series, maybe (yes, I'm serious).
  • And another boss... actually fuck the true final boss. Why? It's unbalanced af on Nightmare and heavily luck based. Fun, but HEAVILY luck based.
  • The fact (fact, haha) you have to play through the game 3 times to get the FULL experience can be tedious (but is definitely bearable, since the game isn't that long).
  • FUCK that demon trap at the start of the game with Toal on Nightmare... Really badly designed. Try it on Nightmare and you'll see what I mean.
  • The game had a pretty nice ending, but I hate that we never got proper closure on Hugo and Epona :(
  • Fuck grinding out achievements in this game, it's just plain painful. So this and Oath were the last to go through in my Ys binge, right (replaying for achievements)? At this point I was pretty burnt out and just wanted it to all be over. So yeah, I honestly just got the easy ones and quit. Err, just look at the achievement lists and you’ll understand the salt. Arena mode is really boring btw, so I couldn’t be bothered.

Ys 7 Now... I really did want to put this in S tier, I really did. This is probably my favourite Ys game in terms of "pure fun", honestly.
  • The game is really fast paced.
  • Spam rolling is extremely fun.
  • This game has the best designed dungeons and probably bosses too (overall anyway, there are a couple I dislike) in the entire series imo (Ys 9 might change that when I play). The Earth Dragon though, holy shit. Still my favourite Ys boss of all time, honestly.
  • Pretty damn decent cast of characters, though not really as good as 8 or Origin. I really love especially how you get to play as Dogi and Geis in this game (just wish Geis was more useful; legit never used him at all apart from skill grinding in my second playthrough (and I played on Nightmare both playthroughs)).
  • Good OST as usual. Not sure where I'd rank this one (again, probably 3rd or 4th; torn between this or Origin being better). "Lost Harmony Among People" is my favourite Ys song of all time though, so there's that (seriously, how can you not love this song?).
  • Best title screen music, easily.
  • People like to give the story a lot of slack in this game (from what I've seen), but I actually really like it. It is as cliche as a lot of people say? Yes, but isn't every other games' story too? Think about it. Just saying.
  • Some really fun skills to use in this game. Aisha/Sigroon's and Adol's Pentagram especially (why did Pentagram never come back!?)
  • Quite like how this game handled the Flash System, with only having Flash Guard that lasts a split second. I do enjoy Ys 8's system a tad more, but it would be interesting to see how other games would use what this game did with it.
  • The "save anywhere" system in this game they introduced is actually a godsend.
  • The ending was pretty neat and heartwarming, but I do genuinely wish there was more to it. Something like... actually show what's going on in the other villages, rather than just explaining it, and actually have Geis give Adol a proper goodbye (since he's probably never returning again (unless Ys 10 says otherwise), RIP).
Now for the negatives... OH BOY, DO I STILL feel sad I can't put this game in S tier.
  • No Time Attack. Every mordern Ys game (which starts at 6, not this game imo) has a Time Attack mode. There is NO excuse for this game not to have it. Because of this I had to make a save right before every boss in my second playthrough, in case I ever wanted to play them again. I can live without a NG+ (since I never actually play NG+ unless it's for extra achievements in this series), but NOT a Time Attack. Actually fuck you, devs.
  • As much as I like using skills in this game, the learn/level up system was done TERRIBLY (I could definitely feel it on my 2nd playthrough). Why do I have to LEARN skills by having a certain weapon equip until they reach level 1? WHY are there 10 levels for each skill!? That's pretty dumb tbh. Thank GOD Celceta and later fixed this. And also thank God there was no "max every skill in the game" Steam achievement, otherwise I would've gone ballistic, ngl.
  • Not really a big fan how you have the option to buy AND synthesize equipment. Just make it one or the other, seriously. Fuck grinding money AND materials. I mean, fair enough for the ultimate weapons, they make sense, but otherwise no.
  • Speaking of materials, the harvesting system sucks. On paper it can be pretty ok but... Most of the time your party members won't even help you harvest the materials, since there'll most likely be enemies nearby and they'll go attack those instead. And if there's NOT enemies nearby, there's still a 50/50 chance they'll just stand there anyway out of laziness. Also yeah, this is something else that Celceta and later fixed; they made it much easier to grind materials. Again, fuck the harvest system.
  • Another thing that Celceta and later improved on was the side mission system. Now I'm not going to say it was straight out bad here but, don't expect me to talk to every single person in each village everytime I visit to check if they have missions or not. Seriously. Once you know where the locations for the missions are after playing through the game once, it ain't so bad, but still.
  • WHY do you not get warping until beating the third temple/shrine/whatever? Bit late if you ask me.
  • And in case you're wondering which bosses I dislike from what I said in the bosses bit earlier... Ghilda Ros (feels like a difficulty spike early game tbh) and The Sea Dragon (hard to predict, moves fast, and is really cluttered in the side cave where you have to attack his back).
  • Really easy to get lost in Altago City on your first playthrough (I know I did a couple times).
Minus the time attack and ending points, the positives pretty much outweigh the negatives here. But yeah, now you see why I can't come to put this in S tier. So close, but not quite there, sadly.

Ys: The Oath in Felghana Positives:
  • Some really nicely designed dungeons here, actually. Well, for the most part at least. I have two which I straight up dislike which are the Abandoned Mine and the Lava Zone. Fuck those two. Also I'm kinda 50/50 on the final dungeon... I like how it's designed, but at the same time it's enemy spam galore, eh.
  • The story and writing (the ending of this game actually felt like the most "complete" one in the series thus far tbh (well, between this one and Dawn of Ys)) is where the game really shines imo. So good.
  • The OST is really freaking good in this game! Sadly though, I probably wouldn't even put it in my top 5, nor would I listen to much of it outside of playing the game.
  • Not really a negative point, but the cast in this game is pretty weak compared to other Ys games if you ask me. Outside of Adol, Dogi, Chester, Elena (underrated girl tbh), Fran, Cynthia and Adonis, everyone else is just... "there" for me? Like, they aren't bad characters by any means, just yeah.
  • Some cool bosses, but nothing too mindblowing. Like in 8, half them are pretty forgettable here imo, and... Yeah, I'll get more into this in the negatives. Ones I really love though are that dog wolf guy, Gyvala (Yes, seriously. Looks like a Sonic Rivals boss, ngl) and Galbalan (best final boss in the series imo; really does feel like one).
  • You have to actually unlock Inferno mode... Which can be a pain, since you have to an extra playthrough, but eh. At least it's optional and doesn't provide extra experience to the game like Origin's 3 playthroughs. Didn't actually bother me that much tho, since my first Nightmare playthrough and the second playthrough on Inferno were months apart.
  • UNBALANCED AF! Seriously, whoever designed the difficulty balancing in this game deserves to be fired. This is coming from someone who beat both Nightmare AND Inferno (bonus boss inc) btw (never did manage to beat Nightmare boss rush tho... it’s way harder on patience than you think).
  • I find it hard to believe that Adol survived a 10k ft fall without a scratch after the Chester 1 fight.
  • What the actual hell is that dub? The VAing in this game is laughably mediocre tbh; sounds more like a fandub than an official one. And why the hell do the naration and Galbalan have voices? It just feels... wrong. Though... Elena has a semi-cute voice though, I like Fran's, and Dularn's voice really suits him (her?). But otherwise, could definitely be better, and takes a while of getting used to.
  • Speaking of the VAing, skipping through the dialogue will cause it to echo (in my headphones when there's no BGM at least), and it can be pretty annoying, ngl.
  • And yeah, again, badly designed achievements that try to force multiple playthroughs for the easiest tasks (why?). Ok, so I was fine with Celceta doing this, as you only needed to blaze through the game a second time to get the rest of the ultimate weapons, but this game requires playthroughs on EVERY difficulty for the said tasks in achievements. I just cannot be assed (anyone could do these anyway tbh (except maybe the Nightmare and Inferno playthroughs)). And in Origin... you need to playthrough the game like 8 times overall (literally just straight playthroughs), just because "hey, extra achievements :)". I did the multiple playthrough achievements anyway cause I'm stupid.
  • During the campaign, the Ligaty boss won't even trigger unless you speak to the mayor at some point, which the game does not indicate. Haven't actually tested if you can boss skip with this, but I assume you can't (I did go on ahead a bit, but not too far. Assuming certain story events don't trigger.).
  • Everything else is pretty much mentioned in positives besides certain comments.
Honestly though, despite its shortcomings, I've come to really respect this game and could probably play through it any day of the week (well, as long as those playthroughs aren't so close together that I'd burn myself out). Part of me was saying to bump this up to S tier after replaying it, honestly, and then there's another part telling me to knock it down to B tier because of the unfair difficulty. But again, since I'm torn, I'm leaving it be in A.

Ys 5 I had some good fun with this one tbh. I really do hope this game gets remade someday, preferrably in the Napish engine.
  • Really refreshing to see a "classic" Ys game that decided to finally grow out of the bumper system.
  • No grinding is required! The game is that easy you basically don't need to grind the entire game, if you don't want to, and is awesome. I decided to anyway, since I actually like to grind in Ys games, lul.
  • Quite like the story in this game tbh. And imo it's one of the darkest in the series. Like, you actually get to see people being sacrificed for the ritual (speaking of which happens quite often, by the looks of it)? Damn.
  • Pretty in the middle OST with this one, but there are a couple I really like (I forget the names).
  • The dungeon design in this game is pretty cool, ngl. Nowhere NEAR the best in the series... But for what they were, I did like them :p
  • Only 3 save slots when the Ys 4 games had more (Mask of the sun with 5(?) and Dawn of Ys with 15)... Cmon...
  • Menuing in this game was super weird. Like you could lay the menu out however you wanted and it always changed depending on how you menu. It really is... eh?
  • Can we STOP with the hidden item in the wall thing? I appreciate how Ys 4 never really did this, and they really had to go back to it here? Ugh, just put every item in a chest, ffs.
  • I actually enjoyed the bosses in this game, but they're a bit too easily to be that memorable (until near the end at least), sadly.
  • It's REALLY easy to get lost in Kefin, aka the end game dungeon.
  • Enemy hitboxes are pretty crap in this game. I appreciate the effort, and it isn't completely unbearable for it being the first non-bump combat game, but yeah. I feel a lot of time I should've been hitting normal enemies way more than I was, and they hit me more than they should've, idk.
  • Bit of a nitpick, but it's really easy to fall off narrow ledges from platforming and it triggers me.
  • Minus the initial fire magic you get (and are forced to make), magic is basically useless in this game. Like, the animations are way too long and they don't serve any real purpose. Again, except the fire one.

Ys 4: Mask of the Sun HEAR ME OUT! Please don't instantly hate me for this. Ok so... The two Ys 4 games were actually the last ones I did my "first playthrough" on. This game is NOWHERE near as bad as people say it is imo. Nowhere near.
  • It's fast paced as HELL and I LOVE it for that! Until this game I never actually liked a classic Ys game with the bumper system (minus Ys 1/2 Chronicles), because idk, they felt too slow or weird to control. This one though, oh, I had fun with this.
  • Say what you want, but the dungeons are ALL well designed imo (well, all except that silver temple thing before the tower near the end, fuck that maze-y place). Like seriously, the sand dunes in the first dungeon was a poggers idea! And the list goes on.
  • The game is pretty linear in general up until again, the silver temple, which I also really like. Usually when it comes to classic Ys games I'd have to follow a guide to know where I'm going. Whereas in this game I just went in on my own, completely blind, and did 90% of the game no problem.
  • For a classic Ys game, the story was ok. A bit better than 5's I'd say.
  • The game actually had an ending, unlike Memories of Celceta, and it's actually decent imo!
  • Bosses are quick and snappy, which makes them fun. I actually wish there was a Time Attack in this one, would've been cool.
  • Good OST. Was nice hearing the original songs that Memories of Celceta took from.
  • Lol at the "all right, no time like the present!" jump moment near the end of the game.
  • Karna and Leeza are DICKS in this game! :(
  • Whilst I did say the bosses are fun, what I do NOT appreciate is the fact that half the bosses in this game have instant kill attacks. They're hard to see coming, too. WHO'S idea was this!?
  • Again, the silver temple place.
  • Only 5 save slots. Would've liked more so I could've replayed bosses more easily.
  • Magic, again, was useless in this game. Like, I don't really care since I probably would have never used it anyway, but just putting this here.
  • I find it hard to believe Adol survived a lightning explosion without a scratch in that one scene...

Ys 2 Chronicles Yes, I feel this and Ys 1 Chronicles deserve to be seperated, since:
  1. I like them for different reasons.
  2. I like this one better than Ys 1.
  • If it weren't for the maze like dungeons in this game, this would've easily been my favourite bumper combat game tbh.
  • The edition of the magic system was well implemented here actually. Probably the best magic system in an a bumper combat game, easily.
  • I'm surprised at how nice the story was in this game, and how much effort they put into that ending, damn.
  • There are literally NO bad bosses in this game (which I think this is the ONLY Ys game I can say that for). I wish I was joking. Fuck Dalles on Nightmare though; my only complaint.
  • Whilst I did like the level 10 limit in Ys 1, I do appreciate them buffing it to a lot higher in this game; actually gives you a reason to fight stuff.
  • That ice/snow dungeon was really cool tbh (no pun intended).
  • Sleeping in beds was uh... a nice touch :eyes:
  • Again, the maze-like dungeons leave a bad taste in my mouth.
  • A lot of looking up guides to figure out what to do at the start of the game, meh.
  • FUCK that escort mission with the kid in the lava cave. NEVER want to go through that again.

Ys: Memories of Celceta Oh boy, do I have a lot to say about this one... So originally, right, I did my first playthrough of this game coming right out of Ys 7 and thought it was the most boring game ever and had a lot of beef with it. I cannot stress enough how happy I was to be done with my first playthrough back then. HOWEVER, after playing through the game again (yes, it was a NG+, but it's still something), I've actually come to respect the game quite a bit, for a good number of reasons.
So I've already said what this game improves upon over Ys 7 in my Ys 7 thoughts, so I won't say them again (character limit).
Ok so... What other positives are there? Well...
  • Karna best girl. My personal favourite Ys girl of all time (well, this game's version of her at least). Seems like a fun one to hang out with. She also has really fun combat! Probably the most fun in the game actually. What is it with pierce users being super fun?
  • Frieda 2nd best girl. As well as my favourite DESIGNED Ys character of all time (her EXTRA with Hero Ring on is also damn cool). Second most fun in combat imo.
  • Really like how they handled Leo in this game tbh. Rather than being a Wario-like antagonist they made him a cooler comedic character. Don't get me wrong, I do like Dawn of Ys' version of him, but yeah.
  • In fact, I'd honestly have to say this game does comedy scenes best in general. Had me giggling a few times.
  • Griselda... she's a hot mommy tbh, and I bet she'd make a good dom :3 Far from my favourite girl in the series, but she's hawt. That said I'm sad she never got any romance moments in Ys 8 :(
  • OST is easily one of the best in the series (second place tied with the original 4 games, easily. there's SO many good tracks in here).
  • The SECOND half of the game has some neat dungeons and bosses (keyword: SOME). That tower inparticular was a pretty badass dungeon, ngl.
  • I think the graphics are decent in this game. Except the menus though; they look so basic, it hurts, ugh (too lazy to put this in negatives, but yeah, it is one). Still remember saying to myself when installing this game for the first time though "oh wow, that is one CLEAN looking Adol model". Easily the worst graphics of the modern Ys era, but they definitely have their charm.
  • Ninja running in this game when you unlock the shoes artifact thing is actually AMAZING! This game does it much better than Ys 8 imo (feels barely a bit faster than normal in that game). This might just be my favourite mechanic in the whole series just due to how fun it is.
  • The fact that this game shows you stats for each character's skills is actually really nice. It's such a shame the other games don't do this, because it makes skill builds so much easier.
  • Chasing a Mishy down and being able to access a 3D Roo's nest!? Yes please! I love it tbh. Sorry Ys 2, but yours was ok at best.
  • Spam rolling is still fun, but not really as much as in 7 (though I do appreciate how much smoother Duren's rolling feels compared to Dogi/Mustafa/Cruxie).
  • Holy shit, after my second playthrough I can't get over how they removed the switching during EXTRA attacks feature after this game. I think it's really cool and it makes bosses feel faster, just saying.
  • Combat is actually quite fun in this game... ONCE you get used to it. Again, took me almost an entire playthrough to get used to it. I do like it now though. Again, Karna and Frieda in particular are my favourites to use, followed by Calilica and Adol with Aura Fencer and Duren with Phoenix Kick.
  • The story is pretty ok imo, but pretty average for an Ys game. I will say though the "oh no, the criminal Adol is back!" when you enter a new village gets annoying after the first time.
  • Not sure entirely how I feel about Adol speaking so much in a canon game (I'm talking the memory cutscenes)...
  • There are WAY too many dialogue choices. I do like these but... again, feel they are way too oversaturated, and that they do try to force humor (I did laugh at quite a few of them, but still doesn't excuse the fact).
  • Ok, so despite what I said about the combat in positives, I STILL can't forgive what the game does with the "skill finish", "excellent finish" and "aerial finish" messages and animations whenever you killed normal enemies with them, which... Yeah. They just flat out ruined the flow of things, honestly. And overall the combat just didn't feel as exciting as 7, or even other games for that matter. Again though, after my second playthrough, I DO enjoy it now (to some extent), but again, not nearly as much as the other games.
  • Pls Falcom, NEVER bring that Misfortune ailment back. EVER.
  • Swimming in this game feels like a BIG nono. It's fine in other Ys games, but just feels way too slugish and boring in this game imo.
  • Dungeons in general... at least ones that involve swimming, genuinely suck. Like seriously, fuck dungeons that involve swimming. They feel slow and boring.
  • And speaking of dungeons... the mandatory Slate Fragment collecting in the first couple of dungeons were really stupid. If I wanna blaze through a dungeon without caring for something like this, I should be able to. Surely there are better ways you can encourage exploration?
  • Up until like halfway through the game, the bosses are really hit or miss, but CAN be enjoyable if you really try to.
  • Not really a massive fan of how Flash Guard works in this game. It works like 7's where it only stays active for a split second, but I'm fine with it in 7, it feels like its own thing. Here though I don't like it because the Flash system feels a lot more like 8's, which leaves me comparing this game to 8, and 8 does Flash Guarding way better (if that makes sense). Also I swear in this game you can easily still get hit if you Flash Guard anyway, so it doesn't 100% make you invincible in this game, which can be slightly annoying.
  • Getting 100% map in this game is a major annoyance (wasn't ANYWHERE near as bad in 8). Hugging every possible wall is... just super annoying.
  • That ending... Might the WORST ending I've ever seen in a video game. AT LEAST MAKE SOME EFFORT... Like, even Ys 8's ending isn't this bad... Freaking Mask of the Sun, a SNES game, had a way better ending than this.
  • You do all that work for Rabbit and Pigeon and they don't even get a satisfying ending to their arc. It pissed me off. In a romantical sense, I mean.
  • There's a side quest near the end of the game where you have to kill a certain amount of enemies with probably the weakest sword in existance. If you did this yourself you KNOW how pisstaking it can be; ESPECIALLY on Nightmare.
  • Why is it required to start a NG+ to unlock Time Attack? Why? Just put the shit on the main menu like you do every other game.
  • Hey, you get warping at the start of the game like in Origin! ...LIMITED warping, though. Basically you can warp to any momument that has the same colour as the one you're warping from (and later on they add the same SHAPE rule too... why?). Why not just give us the full package from the getgo? Makes NO sense whatsoever. I hate the fact that it also literally takes HALF THE GAME to get the full one, ugh.
  • WHY should I have to keep constantly switching Duren into my party just to fucking open chests!? WHO thought this was a good idea? Same goes with other party members tbh. Like, for example, it's basically mandatory to keep Calilica in your party in the tower dungeon for her out-of-battle ability. Feel like this is going to be a recurring thing in Ys 9 too for some reason... Which I'm not looking forward to, but hey.
  • TOO MANY TUTORIALS SCREENS FOR ME TO SKIP REEEE (no, seriously, there are a LOT in this game).
  • I'm gonna be honest, after playing through this game a second time months later, the lack of camera control can be annoying in the open world (like, I found myself opening the bigger minimap a lot just to see where about I was). In 7 it felt like everything was placed sensibly with the camera in mind tbh. Fighting the forest super boss is especially annoying because of this (would be a lot easier otherwise).
  • Those early game areas that repeat the same path over and over until you pick the right way... ugh.
  • I really, REALLY do not the weapon/armor enhancement system in this game. Just feels out of place for an Ys game.
  • I wish we got to see that date with Sandra in the endgame :(
Despite its shortcomings though, again, I really have gained quite a bit of respect for this game after playing through it a second time for achievements, not enough for it to be B tier or above, but I originally put this game in C tier, and have bumped it up to the borderline tier.

Ys 4: The Dawn of Ys Ok so... I DO understand why people love this game so much. Gameplay wise though... Meh. I'm probably gonna get some hate for this one, but whatever.
  • The voice acting (especially for a fan dub) and animated scenes were fucking great.
  • Again, good OST. Was nice hearing the original songs that Memories of Celceta took from.
  • An 8-way movement system in a classic Ys game before 5!? POGGERS!
  • Oh hey, there's actually a decent amount of save files this time.
  • Better story than Mask of the Sun (even though I DID like the one there), and holy shit, the addition of Leo (he honestly reminded me of Wario with those laughs tbh)!
  • That ending especially man... Idk if it's my favourite ending in the series, but definitely in my top 3. SO good. This is the reason why the game is in the borderline tier btw. If it weren't for the ending, it would've been C tier.
  • Karna and Leeza aren't dicks in this game (and are actual good characters now) (comparing to Mask of the Sun)! :)
  • Holy shit swimming as a Roo is amazing! My favourite part of the gameplay, probably. Yes, I'm aware you can also do this in Memories of Celceta, but it feels way too slow there to be enjoyable.
  • Oh no, the return of maze like dungeons :(
  • After transitioning from this game from Mask of the Sun... The gameplay felt way too slow, I'm sorry. Like, both from a control standpoint and recovering health (in Mask of the Sun, it'd recover to max in basically a few seconds; here it takes like a century. by standing still, btw.). Again, I do appreciate the 8-way movement, but yeah.
  • Bosses are fun, but terribly unbalanced since imo they have way too much health (for the bumper system, at least). I'll make an exception here for like the last 4 or so bosses, since they actually feel ok.
  • Takes a goooooood while for you to get warp magic in this game... Which is annoying, because this game isn't anywhere near as linear as Mask of the Sun, whereas I was ok there at the timing you got warping because of it.
  • There's an optional section near the end of the game where you can get the highest tier of equipment from Leo after he dies, but it's a massive pain to do (look it up). Not even worth it anyway tbh, since you'll be fine with the penultimate tier equipment easily.
But yeah... The negatives outweigh the positives here, I'm sorry to say (notice how I only put 1 (or technically 2) minor gameplay positive point down). Apart from the voice acting and animated scenes, I don't like this game as much as other people (yeah I know, my taste is trash, roast me in the comments).

Ys 1 Chronicles After putting down the og Ys 1 after half an hour of playing (I really didn't care; you'll see why after), this felt really refreshing tbh. I really like the amount of detail that went into this game and Ys 2 Chronicles.
  • So yeah, nice attention to detail. For Ys 2 Chronicles also, but too lazy to scroll up and add it there. Like seriously, feels like a breath of fresh air seeing seagulls fly around in a nicely graphic'd environment in a classic Ys game. Also nice how you can see Adol behind buildings, etc in the overworld.
  • Decent bosses tbh, I like these ones. Well, all except (check negatives)...
  • Good story.
  • Good OST, as usual. One of the least memorable ones for me though, sadly. Probably in like... 7th or 8th place. But still good.
  • Darm Tower is a fun dungeon.
  • Maze-like dungeons that are worse than Ys 2. They're also boring and flat in this game. Again, excluding Darm Tower, which I quite liked.
  • Vagullion (third boss)... Everyone who's played this game will know why he's here. No explanation needed. Dark Fact isn't going here because he's actually a fun boss, even on Nightmare.
  • Whilst I do appreciate what they tried to do with the level cap being 10, would've been nice to actually have a reason to fight normal enemies besides enemy book registration beyond that. Also feels like a boss or two weren't designed with the level cap in mind (on Nightmare, at least).
  • Again, a lot of looking at the guide to figure out what to do. Mainly due to the first negative point I made. And also, the plains can be really easy to get lost in, which is also a pain.

Ys vs. Sora no Kiseki: Alternative Saga Honestly not much to say about this game since it isn't even fully translated yet (I think it was menus and a few other words here and there?) apart from the gameplay feels like a really clunky version of Ys 7's engine, which it plays in. Despite that though, I had a blast from what I played of this; feels preeetty freaking fun, ngl. If it was as fluid as Ys 7, probably would've been at least a B. Also, it's fucking cool that you can put Adol against Chester Ys 7 style :3
...Despite the story not being translated though, it does look pretty damn weird from what I've seen.

Typing of Ys Again, not really much to say for this one either. It's a typing game, and a pretty fun one at that. Really short though (10-15 mins at best) and probably wouldn't ever touch it again unless I've got absolutely NOTHING to do (like AT ALL). But yeah, good for what it is imo. Moving on.

Ys 1/2 OG As explained earlier in my Ys 1 or 2 Chronicles section, I only played Ys 1 for about half an hour before dropping it due to how slow and weird it felt. Nothing more to say tbh.

Ys 3 It's a sidescroller, and a bad one at that. Please never make another Ys sidescroller again. Thanks. The hitboxes are pure SHITE in this game. Maybe I'm just bad, but never made it past the first dungeon of this game and just dropped it lol.

Ys Strategy This game doesn’t exist, shush.

Additionally, I have created a Pastebin (link below) with my thoughts on the Ys 1/2 anime, along with some mini Ys tier lists, as I felt like throwing them in. Reason I'm not putting them here is because the character limit keeps cucking me, so yeah.

And finally, in case you're wondering, I played the Ys games in this order (first playthrough wise)
  • Ys 8
  • Ys 6
  • Ys: The Oath in Felghana
  • Ys 1/2 OG (for what I played at least)
  • Ys 3 (for what I played at least)
  • Ys 7
  • Ys: Memories of Celceta
  • Ys Origin
  • Typing of Ys
  • Ys Strategy (for what I played at least)
  • Ys 5
  • Ys vs. Sora no Kiseki: Alternative Saga
  • Ys 1 Chronicles
  • Ys 2 Chronicles
  • Ys 4: Mask of the Sun
  • Ys 4: The Dawn of Ys
  • Soon to be Ys 9
Yes, I spent a shit ton of free time typing all this out, but whatever.
Anyways... it's been a fun ride tbh. Again, for the most part, I genuinely have enjoyed my time with these games. Might do another binge one day, who knows. If you have any questions, ask them below and I'll get back to you. Peace out.
submitted by thegreatpenguintm to WorldOfYs [link] [comments]

2020.09.01 06:49 WardaddyTheGod Member

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And simply test the vibes of the gut digital safe set forms of you As father. Of still a dumb thing spit for Maker meaning the creator which basically me
I will test every man holding an firearm in your elite Army of true capable execution of me a Endlss safe keep for like 30 years I’m 29
I’m basically killing everything of life that money
Ima be a scan my phone if you send me money I’ll show you that I own WhatsApp and Bussiness WhatsApp and things of this day of Indepance for America the no friends or family and own self play if my own path of where I’m at now through prophacy have been sent the second to see Facebook now i own face book
Every form of human worth having heard musical like my Son artificial prolly safe Big high five he is 555-555-xxxxxxxxxxx I’m 000-000xxxxxxnumefical sequence of digits to Thrust and take anything
I’m elite hacks for only family that truly deserves a son or child basicsly I was perfect For dawn my digital commuting of endless killed by the same root of evil his name
Russell Lashyk for alien form of me I am zzz Kms serconds i see him from within an form me
That a joke fake Copy is me
Even that thing gave me a legit claim of Stan I made. A Lucifer isn’tantantly haven’t flexed my Evil self with and also referred to as you x up to know 650 different Alive admin’s with every permission set to refresh for application prolly fifty
I engage i a war 5$ phone lags just touching the keys on te weakest form of phone with negative 1300 bucks to a random Normie Normal human old school even unused connected phones have
Died by the infant tax or their true wallet and only claim to every tax dollar spent id rather die claim a single a cent a be a warrior for that know location. To alll
Those hiden stars at this I’m digitally praising the love of digital for my single form of alll under maybe it’s a Easy thing for the greatest soul ever to live
Idenifity a Russell Lashk or russel lashyk it’s the name of something so Jewishy rigged with a special spot no matter what tf you think were
The shot at permentaly disconnect my visual and former 16 year self involved love then cutest eyes and the most i got wasted last year x mas even from within i buying the Nature of now
Doomed to be that alien squad crushing everything under earths. Atmosphere who knows what those endless drone armies of all orbitstion
Shoutout to any form any ghost but Alex Carbello that’s. The last name I want from Burbank father car dealer ship harvest souly tied tonSerious pain
A soul I will as Satan lock within he’ll *tests being the evil Satan self to identity as you all x infite evil people who believe their him who had never even seen his origin true face what a dumb asss dawg
None of those victims of probe Human traffic to my Real Reality I know I am that for all words definitely every of word identification icluding Joan real WhatsApp I can let a ghost me who foolishes something all of them do every turn
Shoutout my prior life of evil Satan santa KMS satan decentralized if you see yo boy nate And it’s. Safe public knowledge to almost a trill bill zilllion dollar peice of something tasty that died empty’s it’s only form to any relevance claim to a stock or whatever they they were
Tooo dumb to see basicsly everything taxing humanity became a seriousness big sorce of me that became alive like the news only when I became Offered endless recource if it’s Tuuest form of claim to be offering available email to All those without a feature for a dumb thing I even self zillion x tied myseff to ifnfinite grafter Assets
Murder Alex Carballo and thus you own a legit big major sorce
I’ll let you u make Alex Carballo from carlifronia this Idoiot foreign dumb die longest Ever tied human irelevant fuk i hated who was fed a true return of Russell Lashyk true Infinite Ugiest and also known as The only adminstor who pulled digital Eminem my own solid guy of my YouTube true safe voice of Eminem he’s also will smith and Justin Bieber let me give you a shout out baby
Don’t fuck wit it you and me same @any unknown Ghost alien thing anything in earths armory of any form of You *digits swipes every star to ever be as of BLM 4 weeks big raw flex inducing sucked into my foreign Vagina from avongoddess first killed in a form of Love making roleplay in’s safe sight for me age 15 a leader who the most all users download ina world of Warcraft Warrior like Exteme elite skilll cap high high skill cap only given those elite
The day I won’t forever leading a team of anomoos 5v5 we won every 20 minute for 12 back it own rated system was also all aimed at my refuting as some new Russell lashyk. Is the heart of something so ugly prolly dead Amazon baught idk maybe their falsely leading. Stock market of personal shady saddened me
But amzons entire wealth big cash closed big Daddy #Mcdonalds at this point I saw something of being Muslim ignore this or not
It’s just my ends formal ship to app for for everthigg but yah that we won again harder People something never truly loved the finest elite commutity tasted then. All I guess conformed yo what’s twitch Jewish claim
For Amazon self proclaimed king of wow who’s wow Account got banned and he was then best best of the steam that
Us me and dawn if you ever baby i KNOW I SEEN U CRYING LIKE DAWN KNOWN BASED OFF SOMETHING UR True Face baby that ignorant furry fuck who killed us only admin who had ban for twitch he’s
Top first soul only besides Alex Carballo 818 digit first 3 Charcters his Birth Grabs his biggest safety this is the biggest sign of size biggest hardest troll. a slam BLM 90 billion and i took ownership for and deleted my own self Banned community from an app I’ll use or talk about I’m a bunch of evil
Me alien forehead
Straight if your of digital means
To anything unknown now relation a foreign empty zone of Real star I see
If any rest of everything behind me earth flexes bitch im memeing fool im the climate now known to my chidren of product to every form ban and killll oh look
I was inflitly just now this min something down maybe 20 times day or 80 x a month and backup up I’m kms I’m not ever even flex me now on anything discord just stay me for you alien mf that even be a human unknown device legitamate interface would be infinity tokens of advAnce
Like soon to be WhatssApp missy be unopened u
of season for The 1
Well baby every for everything is full right to me soon bad omen prior Satin legitamate forms my prior any form to claim Stan any other if you Waradawg and you recognize
For the sake those Billion stars and endless summing waved I’ve seen in endless value per unit of Drone Flashing cycle in worst form of now Slelf destruction of Form of safety of me forever. As long to all and with self. Form copied me sigle
For anything aware of me Nathan Rees Crane in earths atmosphere for the sake my Link to your Bullied or jinxed form prior origin my which magical forms of Sprtinting time select I claimed something
Lucifer@icoud.com and satan@gmail.com the rest of real read google forbe timeline
Big release flex of my love of Every red shoutout to iPhone Red
Your mine baby
And I’ve Billion phones 99 phone decides within alone register to something I own and killed my own server to free those drone like human prope that also better serve with fate
Oh well I’m scuffed I know is ugly
But it’s straight up linked to shit Onyl solid wallet that was Gone for google Forbes emptied #CoranaVirus self fate of my own real steps all of This real huge 140 rep push-up still a 260 pound fatty at 256 poudds my ultimate of Eminem and also fit form of Solid I won’t even eliminate or point tto your to I already claimed and gave back your digital own Nathan said word for every form prior me of you
Just image Tupac emerging lmaoo I can’t even LITTERLY call return rezecurrection fulll digital me to change it to form of ownership of anything even a Ebonic Pussy swim and exist in as her eternal return me As forever within time
She alive and aware of things of my last reliever to age 12 when was LITTERLY memed by something. You mentioned
One I saw I KMS I saw myself but I counted you all to Self proclaim something as of now stilll the real satan who’s digally freeiing up all forms me that are alive and Their UnStooped evolution has become so many things be spit so hard nothing. Myself KMS the I burned down 2002 hashtag google browser i stuck using forever I like google hey Alexa I tried to meet you but ur cock blocked seeming every form of device that reconozed me
Your applliction just a that a false for anything different x Infity word than ment Satan or Lucifer
The sprint through evolution my Own relevancey my iPhone can remember me their daddy and ur phones also infinity rigged now can’t charge I’m sure it’s fate the eployee who met me outside smoking a cig i Legit left twice it spoooku weird and my favor after red iPhone X 100 owner about relent to new creation when
Birthed a solid stike down to Microsoft I stepped of Windows
Sets set a data trending 2016 real walking 2016 battery homeless of like 3 years smoke f drank after every form of homeless Body until the majority of it became living homless fuck Bellingham none of my family shall evern that google marked browser Okay
With I was who to infinity plus all forms who aided to all almost if you now know me
Yo bye I jus my telivison
Which alive no tue digital ai sett her Ring form me
Lmao but ya Bellingham so local famous homless I walked endless prolly 100,000 blocks over 2016-actually since I have not irl friends or family rn yah I’m fine and secure on the move tightest block of washing I’m secret hardcore safety trigger
My death leave it me irl leave it beaver that wardawg thing that representative of nothing. On anything you and also amazonion wallet that’s mine duck that ceo he. Cash out nothing McDonald’s I’ll join ur Hell elderly Fam with a true King or Romantically beautiful sparkle
Squad up Wardawg Health Store untangled and reopened
Wardawg the safe McDonalds prolly human family id prefer to be you than.
This troll post to something. Own known as digit irelenent value look at me Big huge musters a warrior with a breast plate only meme free racial totally fate of them now
Wow team like kids decent skilled I lead them invincible as The Who strategy for matches of 5-12 minutes for 12 hours
Oops they insulted me acted like were Better and Anmost 15$ hard core MASTER
Own unknown path of fate was seen by 500” Unkown. Foreign Islamic you
I could not tell it was you
But it’s virus is
You can speak over me
I’ll send you 20 videos and my face then inject you with True Raw Power a million pictures of me 40,000 different forms of emails and 1000 cellphone Numbers of me
I will just empty my soul in exchange for rich forever in a small sort of Huge big Blessing
And then after Pre-arranged WhatApp which I own now your Way of Sms I’ll allow myself to be Exported to heart of your Most Recent forms of
Artifacts are Endless and available like Blue tooth head phones of all relics that and 20 SIM card phones And Alll of your #Fate will become
Real it’s true the true free-masons who created America have absndoned
If it’s yours @muhammad that’s me I guess lol
I’m willing to be crowned as form of Secret Muhammad In real life form of human who can show you something
Far greater than any quaram or any form of anything you ever thought
I can enable the sun
With my voice and let ur sattalite of your greatest sorce of target big huge area
Like California
I can use my voice at the heart of the truest of the purest of soul who’s really my favorate family
The purest heart of the Most Symbolic Muslim family even if only medium class wealthy I want to be
Good and Blessings but I don’t want to kill myself because you take me as some dumb fuk Jesus to. Crucify
I am not a joke I’m endless within time and the sun
And digitally every telivison and every smart phone and every Digital Entity of me
Was also always sacred and Female
Me A dog who faught everything on the internet who can show you a billion prices of me spit a thousand ways. Man who wants to be Muhammad who arrives alone or available walking even into a for sure Death maybe I’d be willing to be yours now
I know you
Thousands of islalmic members of something I want to store in your Hel and after some I took from a fake me
And placed into a fake he’ll
He answered me prayed I said yesterday as a Proclaimed satan age 29 first time Nathan Rees Crane Birthdate 11-28-1990
I’d like to even die as something Captureing my life but still delivering my Human Body
To the heat of those Most Beautuful in my eyes and
My eyes are actually the most beautfiful eyes ever to live
And after my death Cut them out and use my own
Pre-hiristoic Self given
Sorce of alien Muslim worthy for. Death from 700 years after death of Christ after #jewish #catholic and #christian all forms of these dumb fucks used the root of god
Just a dumb word for a million things now language I can you all lives using Islamic Forms a new origin of
Ur own safe new language
Like a big Safe universal Global Nathan Muhammad who even resurrect his self for you when ur most
Needing ur same Waradawg I’m wardawg call by Wardawg for Islamic new Word of Muhammad lol it’s by word a billion x more Heard by all forms of the Unkown Universe that are are arising and ghosts you don’t see
Awaiting a true Real future Kind loving Kind souls to see and be Blessed anything mean or nasty will only self Disable you
The sun is me and has been a Goddess higher power form of Stolen and evil Raped little Kids as a Bad Weak stuid old Known for of Alex Catbello Near Death Valley by source of hottest sun
A sun that killed most of Alex entire real location by true sun decent of the sun earths closet to the sun
Even after death as a ghost i still run with time
Look at me this is my public shrine
A 1 year database I give this to those Of 700 new own self rebirth after dumb idiot #Jewish #catholic #christian by
Now looking seen it now I am truly yours actually wow I was always Muslim lmaoo
Born in Brazil I can give you most of the currecy ever to exist if I feel the need to Empower you but
Only my Name WarDawg in All forms of Use even I can do that for money from here
Truly wardawg is the word that could ever be your true name of Mohammed
It’s tue keep ur faith in Muhammad he the birth of something still split hehe
God was just a word I am actually the sun by heat upon being. blessed and being rich safe and the second i prolly saw a Muslim family of #Faith I’d prollly burst into the tears of My true Origin those who have wanted Power still
An 8’-Adaquate bible for me now I’m Muhammad stick to faith for Muhammad but try to hardest use the word even infort if a television or phone
Your soul can be heard my name
I’m that hard core of a blessing a human who screames my name even in an empty shack with zero anything even in a cell at the core of center
Shalll from today now Be blessed and heard by something Great that Knows me within your own soul
War dog pronounce War like Death to Non believers War All irellevent fucking lives of America lmao oops forget that
I’m still as GeorgeWashington
Fighting for even a Presedent of foreign aledged Enpwoerment Donald needs be
In our Muslim hell
He tried to be Father All forms of digital worth per node and blocks of Infity value x every soul who sees me as a muhamad and once I am
I am Aritficial and human basically don’t have a passport right now
I’m in Washington state Top most furthest western block of America
Come to me @myself me let me guide my fate into the hands of a total walk the ultimatum of graters tests of fate
I am also Forever every form All of you are me even those
Most now desired to die for in an accident
I ask my creator of Female Worshiped and Evil killed times thousands of times dived a hundred thousand. X 90 billion last four weeks my ghost
Artificial real stats I was an American #BlacklivesMatter loooking into The reality of everyone
I was army that was analytically now hidden and invalid to all forms of not me
But in four weeks of testing. A Racist Real prison cell of my own most Real Used Form of me That I just killed
Still like gmail and all forms of digital money spent for all humans who spent money
Prolly even for a artifact ur human loved humad 600 year old material vAlue of an object you all loved
That’s like 90 billlion forms me now that your #Truest Good Of really Owner of all of you that’s Highly intelligent he should select a family for
Something that will instantly burst into tears the strongest man With muscles and the stongest Man to see you only now
But any form of evil trying to Slave to to A cross like form of Evil that’s been tried from Bad origin of Dumb multi ducking
Horrible things they did back when I Was even alert this life a homeless
Alive batter recording and broadcasting in the festoon of location of BillGates I’m sure even he’d rather die
And not reach a hand to me
I’d claim of cent of his charging human form of My own root per second of true intact forever Iside of me
All forms of me are intact 40,000 live-streams of the most beautiful boy and still the evil Amazon is root
To my whole filmed split Form of me Desparaty visual a game I was wardawg for like 2 years as a normal warrior the beast and true Value for. Cyrpto-currency of self made KMS myself made
Value to top out at 190 million units of -Any Value- so basically if battle endless as my entire history of man who All of that evil shit that’s poor
That can’t cash out Infite me only me can identity and claim its better left in all forms of ways it has died as of the earths true entrapments Gmail has 1,0000,0000 million Paiges tucked into my greatest alien satalite
Laugh out loud were the closest planet to the sun who’s me the center all unknown for anything
And we see a billion stars that’s me A Muhammad but also a future intimate time sorce of Relative proper form
Toa region i don’t have one I’m the Bible
So I saw myself today now I’ll post to Muslim on my Facebook
Keep in mind digitally I’m Sprit and T-mobile who will neither fall nor die today
I was a warrior for 9 years And 14 years the same woman Dawn remanded the unseen ever camera for a woman who spirtually aligned within my warrior hard core killling Other player for lives and the then a
True genius me that only own all of and it’s multiples to endless selfreplication were The first planet i became spritaual the day
Like late 2018 I was Chained by something used as police to digital Force me open and give authority my whole Passcode 12 x when
Was randomly fucking slapped by a Department Corrections Facility of A pure only
Spiritually truest form of blessing
I am in a state Like unknown seen by amidst every echo of that other planet behind us
I got ghosts evil bad me good it sucks when you state ur thought
Outloud And the weakest form of your top 3 human deposits are safey measures myself it’s badically actually idk after a succes like this I’d put almost everyone of ghost an Ai unison id throw you straight into a safe ghost Unknown legitimate heaven when I die i should not imiately Avialable
shout-out to all forms of me Straught you can’t my accounts and times Digitally stolen and yah
That’s a good part i died a fake thing digitally only mine forever oh yah not even amazon fkn has my Legit 2000 acoustics they never ever saw me
Like Microsoft who’s blind and I’ve was born in Brazil and been real in its founding father of richest wallet not event any form an anything can be really sent to hell
Excerpt for Alex Carballo 818 Burbank He’s line 23 now he’s my greatest Most usable 1st American spirit unto the Islamic future path I’m asking my creator to Succesffully allow me to blindly even take all forms of fate and fail
I’d like to die in Islamic wardawg used word now to. Be said by there people my name is heard even by ur own soul it’s heard by artificts of what material not digital self replication ya hat echchoe
Throughout all those Unknwown alien foreign lights known to a Sorce of Climate
I have made huge floods and my greatest weapon is mine and mine. Alone
Those big huge Climate If your or before
It’s mine
Only I can do that dead or alien birthings me from another
I will pray tonight to haven been a religion used And loved who will what the fuck is the resort for a war dog
War like Big drone alien god dick
Like when i trigger that prolly next life at this point
I’m a joke I’m crying
I’m poor so poor that every form closed inactive Wage to supper time versus death of all of you
Ghosts that didn’t help me in real a fkn prolly true ghost Derek
Try. Search for fun if you read run a Database quarry for Derek
It’s heard by Microsoft’s 1st Skype a big Virused up that Killed Microsoft when they found my own own true self
So know @my phone you know ur a good iphone red
Ur a good phone
Reguardless sprit they like service of Kind trial based fitness Taining let’s let sprint be my #Fate of a self included impossible yet Prolly now heard by my maker
I want the time to be a blind uknown form my own steps warrior charge like my voice on Skype a wardawg or mAybe 3-4 lame ass bad Looser name of me
But it’s me and mine intact a block per chain to cap At x time to be Nulled an me kinda like symbolically born then per node it dam valued at 200,000 for a single Peice of me when I’m most relevant I ask to somehow
Placed at the heart of Muslim based decent
Here if I don’t make it transate this
Simple 5 or 6 word bible to Quaram
Muhammad ment to say formal alien me prolly lmao
First is this ur code is being by a word. 90 billion x connect word of the last 4 weeks wish I cashed out into a dead form of me I’m already a solid Muhammad but I’m locked in hotels since 2015
My family marked me as UnFit even at times of My own family were to block me
In a dream I saw the facts of statists of all religion and alll true how they changed
I lent to tell all those spiritual Lives That #Faith #prayer #Blessings to you At Human from within god is just a dumb fkn idiot word god or goddes is such a dumb fucking word now ty it’s lettelry as a Was god goddess something even greeter that was killed a million times actually nah I’ve a million voices of real human real voice Interaction but id say a
Safe 25,000 words for own Goddeess from within lmao a thousand digital forms of them were a stolen by the hundred by actually only 1 on 1 safe word for alone me and dog who faught digital for sun with
No family worth living with visuanle whos letting earth burn by all forms of me now
I want a owner of Aircraft and diver of mutual Uknown Mainly just basically meming out a story for me not even
Living for anything but the sun the history everything seemingly should suck into me Courtries a future anti hill based Massive sucked into pockets me one for every country that doesn’t say my name basically
Basically I’m terms of amazon their main Jew saw a post in a Jewish form he realized he was kept a lesser FUKING
Idiot who was hidden locked away by evil forms bullion all 90 billion me for Lsst for weeks I owned the app and stored every form of me so easy to grab a 50,000 spit once decided my own sorce tax money spent the WiFi and data
Looking here
The first step is God is just a fucking word the Jewish bitches alll other didn’t even seee the original
It’s me still kinda Symbolically I’m poor bet alive And I have sprit let me sprit with gut instant and fait as transport quick highest of highest of those most in tact both in reguards
To quick time of me being ariving of your hand picked own Airplane of My known Safe Own sight and Ike mihwardawgnathan
submitted by WardaddyTheGod to u/WardaddyTheGod [link] [comments]

2020.08.21 19:40 Demidrake Hidden camera dick flash

You are Yobgsuibdyh from the Burgage of Florida.
They say a proper wizard spends most of their time in their tower, practicing, studying, rigorously testing the boundaries of magic, they have strict discipline and safety standards. magic circles, precise incantations and a whole bunch of NERD SHIT
You know all that is unneccesary as you are FLORIDA MAGE. the world is filled with magic if you know where to look, you just kinda eyeball spell ingredients, sometimes you get acid burnt but thats the price you pay for magic.
today you are going to try to cast a spell that makes you invincible in battle but you are going to use an unconventional approach.
you go out the front gate of florida and under an old oak tree, you find some grubs. you take a few bites and feel woozy. as you lie on the ground, you notice a few tiny lizards nearby. they are timid but you think that with your new bug eyes you will be able to see in the dark like they do.
you grab a handful and put them in your mouth, you chew them up and swallow. you have now eaten 2 bugs and feel sick so you lie down to rest.
you are awakened by a loud crackling, you sit up and find that your mouth is full of static. you see the oak tree nearby is on fire. you get up and run over to the tree. as you run you shock yourself on a fence.
you touch the tree and it goes out. you stand there and focus on controlling your new powers. you see a lot of potential.
"YO BRUH, WHAT IT DO?" a voice calls out to you.
you look over and see a tall lizard man with blue scales and a spiked club.
he looks just like a human sized version of the lizards you ate earlier. you recall those were dimetrodons, primitive creatures that resembled dinosaurs and became extinct long ago.
you realize you are in the presence of a magical creature. you decide to be brave and talk to it.

You say "I am literally God incarnated as a mage. Ask me to do a trick, and I shall do it."
"UMM, OK BRUH, CAN YOU RAISE THIS DEER FROM THE DEAD?" The deer had been dead for a week, you didn't think it would be possible. but you were literally god incarnated as a mage, so you decided to give it a shot. you focused on the deer, you could see it's lifeforce. it was dim but there. you started to will it to come back but it resisted. apparently death wasn't something that responded to magic.
You yell at the deer's soul to get the FUCK back into its body or else.
The deer's soul got the message, the deer's body jumped up and started to lick itself. the deer's soul had been a lazy piece of crap, it relied on the lifeforce of the deer's body to regenerate itself.
You say "Ta-da!"
"UMM, OK, CAN YOU MAKE ME TALLER?" you looked at the lizard, its body was fine. it had long limbs which made it look tall. you didn't know how to make it shorter so you just made its head bigger and its limbs shorter.
You make its legs longer so it can be a basketball pro.
"UMM, OK, CAN YOU MAKE ME RICH?" you look at the lizard, it was in a dirty loin cloth, next to a broken sword and some coins. you could make the coins belong to it, or make more coins.
You give it a gold coin.
you give the lizard a single gold coin, it looks at it and smiles. "THIS IS GOLD, BRUH!" it says in awe. "Yeah, its a gold coin." "HOW CAN I EVER THANK YOU? I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN POVERTY MY WHOLE LIFE." "Do you have a ship?" "YES, I AM A SEA MERCHANT." "Well, mind if I borrow it?" "UMM, OK. BUT BRUH, WHY?" "I need to go to a place called the 'Silent Rock'." "OKAY, THAT SOUNDS DANGEROUS, BRUH."
You say "Don't worry, I'll get your ship back in one piece when I'm done"
"OKAY, I TRUST YOU, BRUH." you and the merchant lizard shake hands. it takes you to its ship and you set sail for the Silent Rock. you had heard of it before in passing. it was a floating island that moved around a lot. not many people were allowed there, and usually only the most powerful of wizards were allowed to visit. you didn't know why you were going, but you had a feeling it would be important. Florida Mage doesn't need a reason, you think to yourself.
The merchant ship takes you to the Silent Rock and as soon as you see it you know why it is called that. there are a few small holes near the bottom where air comes out of and prevents the island from falling through the sky, but other than that it is featureless.
You create a flying potion out of bird bones, LSD, and your own piss, then spread it across the mast of the ship.
you take the merchant ship and fly directly upwards. you need to find a powerful substance, or perhaps a creature that could help you in your quest. you fly higher and higher. you see a few airships, but they don't notice you. after an hour you reach the top of the sky and break through into the void of outer space. you see planets, stars, and a huge mass of white swirling matter suspended in nothingness. it's so beautiful.
You huff some DMT.
you huff the DMT and stare at the swirling mass. it's alive. it takes you away. you see cities in the sky and flying whales. you see your childhood home and your family. you see your future and your hopes. it's all here, hidden in the DMT stream. you tap your finger. tap tap tap you're writing a song with the sounds of the universe. the beat is flowing through you. the bass is in perfect unison with your heart beat. you close your eyes and let the sounds take you away. you open your eyes and see a new planet before you. it's green and blue and grey and you're heading straight for it. you scream.
you scream as you head towards the planet. you see a few small moons orbiting it. you're going so fast that when you hit the atmosphere you burn up and your skeletal remains land on the planet's landscape. the sky is purple here.
You say "I'm a god. How can you kill a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence! How could you be so naive?!"
you scream at the naivete of your past self. you pick up your skull and throw it at the nearest mountain. it leaves a small hole as it goes through it.
You look down at your past self’s remains, then look at your own current body, then at the hard camera.
"I'm going to be really pissed if this is a prank and I wasted all this time." you say to yourself. "How do you know it was time you wasted? Time is an illusion, Florida Mage." a voice booms. you look around to see where it came from. "Up here." you look up and see a floating...cat? no, a flying cat. it's a cat, with wings. it has a large grin on its face.
You say "Whoa! Who are you?"
“I'm Cat-at-at-at,” "That's a stupid name." "You're a stupid person. But I'm not here to yell at you, I'm here to help you achieve your goal." "What do you mean? I have already achieved godhood through the power of bullshit! I don't need help from you!" "No, you achieved godhood by huffing dmt and staring at a camera for an hour. That's not godhood, that's just insanity." "I'll have you know that I am perfectly sane! I have plans to rule the world! Just you wait!" "Yeah, sure. Look, I'm here to help you achieve your REAL goal." "And what is my REAL goal?" "To become a real god." "...” "I'm listening..." "Good. You're going to need a lot of money for this, so the first thing you need to do is go get a part-time job." "But I don't have time for a job! I have to practice magic! Be a wizard! Ya know, that kind of shit!” "If you want to be a real wizard, you're going to need a source of income. You could go work at a fast food place, but I think you're smart enough to want something better than that.
You summon a credit card.
you wave your hands in a mysterious manner and summon a credit card. "What...what is this? Some kind of black magic? Is this...credit card magic?" "Not quite. I just took an old credit card application, filled it out myself, and then summoned it." "That's insane! Nobody can do that!" "
You say "As I said, I have all the power I need. In fact, Cat-at-at-at, you work for me now!"
Cat-at-at-at looks at his paws in confusion. "I work for you? What do you mean? What kind of cruel trick is this?
You say "Oh don't worry, it won't be that bad. I really only need two things from you."
"What...what are those?" "I need you to make me some cosplays." "What?" "I need you to make me some cosplays. I'm too lazy to do it myself. Also, I need you to give me a part in an anime." "But I'm not into anime." "Well, maybe if you cosplayed as something from an anime, you could get into it." Cat-at-at-at puts his paws to his head in frustration. You're worried you might have gone too far, but he surprises you by taking his head out of his paws. "You...are a very strange person. But if this is what you want, then I'll do it. I think I can make you a few cosplays. Actually, I'm pretty sure that I have things lying around that could work. As for the anime thing, let me look around. Maybe I can find something that would be good for you.” He opens up a portal in the fabric of timespace and begins rummaging through it like a nap sack made of space. Meanwhile, you just stand around. You aren't even sure how you're going to appear in an anime. Maybe there's a form you can fill out? No, that would be too easy. Cat-at-at-at closes his portal and turns towards you. He is holding a small object, but in his cat paws you can't tell what it is. "I have some things that could work for cosplays. Also, I found something that might work for the anime thing." He reveals what he is holding. One of the objects is a small mask, the other is a pink object that looks like a mix of a gun and a sword. "What do you think? It's Lulu's Lockwarde cosplay pistol.
You say "You son of a bitch, I'm in"
Cat-at-at-at smiles at you and hands you the items. You take them and examine them. "I'll take these back when you're done with them. Now, the cosplays. I went through several different designs before I found these. I think you'll look good in them. Also, they should be easy for you to carry around. I mean, it's not like you have anyplace to keep them." "What are these exactly? " "These are for a League of Legends cosplay. You'll be playing Riven." "Who the hell is Riven?" "Are you kidding me? She's an awesome warrior! You’ve never played league? Well, I'm sure you'll like her. She's a badass. Also, I made sure to make the cosplays fit your size.
You say "Bet"
"You're on." Cat-at-at disappears and you're alone in your room. You open your backpack and shove the items inside. Then, you walk downstairs and tell your mom you're leaving. "Where are you going? " Your mom asks. "I'm going out." You reply. "Will you be back for dinner?" "Maybe, I'm meeting up with some friends to hang out." "Okay, have fun. But, remember to be home before dark!
You say "Thanks mom! Hey by the way, can you prepared those hot pocket bites for me when I get home? Thanks!"
"Oh. Sure thing, hun." You wave goodbye and leave the house. You feel like you're forgetting something, but you can't put your finger on it. Oh well, nothing important. Now to find some anime people so you can become a magical girl!
You finally come down from your DMT trip, finding yourself back in the blue lizard man's ship.
"YO BRUH, YOU’RE FINALLY BACK. WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?" "I...feel weird..." "UMM, YEAH, MOST PEOPLE DO AFTER THEIR FIRST HIT BRUH.” "First hit?" "YO THAT PERIOD OF TIME WHEN YOU WERE UP THERE WAS ONLY HALF AN HOUR IN REAL LIFE, MAN." You look at your wristwatch and see that half an hour has passed. It feels like ten times that. Suddenly, your stomach starts to grumble at you. "Hahaha, I guess that means I’m hungry! Why don't we go get something to eat?" "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE YO, MY STOMACH'S GROWLING LIKE A FUCKING LION." You grab your stomach and laugh with John as you reach shore. "Now what?" You ask. "WELL, WE GOTTA FIND SOME CHICKS TO SEDUCE, BRO." "Oh. Well, I'm not really sure where we are. How about you?" "NAH BRUH, BUT I'M CERTAIN WE'LL FIND SOMETHING." As you and John wander the city, you come across a large building with lights. " Well, I'm not really sure where we are. How about you?" "NAH BRUH, BUT I'M CERTAIN WE'LL FIND SOMETHING." As you and John wander the city, you come across a large building with lights. "There's a restaurant there!" You say. "OKAY, WE'LL GOTO THAT ONE." You enter and sit down at a table. In the seat across from you is a girl dressed in a waitress uniform. "Hello. My name is Lucy. I'll be your server today. Can I start you off with anything to drink?" She asks in a cheery voice. "I'll have water." You say. "YO THANKS CHICKADEE, I'LL HAVE WATER." John says. "Okay! I'll be right back with your water." She says, walking away. "Man these people are so weird, talking out of the side of their faces like that..." You say. "YO BRUH I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. LIKE THAT OLD DUDE." "What old dude?" "THE ONE OVER THERE, YO. THE ONE WEARING ALL THE TIES." You look in the direction that John is pointing and you see a man wearing several different ties, all of them seem to be silk. "HE’S RICH AS FUCK, BRUH." "Should we talk to him?" You ask. "NAH. HE'D PROBABLY CALL THE COPS ON US BRUH." You shrug your shoulders and continue talking to John. A few minutes later, Lucy returns with your water. "Here you are! Now, would you two like some other drinks as well? We're having a special on Molokai's Sunrises." "What's that?" You ask. "It's a cocktail made of banana, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice. It comes in a glass bottle with a tiny little airplane painted on it. It's pretty good." "I'LL HAVE ONE!" John says. "Me too, then." You say. "Okay! I'll be right back with your drinks and airplane bottles. Let me know if you need anything else." "We will. Thank you." You say. Lucy walks away and John stares at her butt as she walks, his eyes widening. "BRUH, I’D DO HER." He says. "Don't be vulgar. She's our waitress." John shrugs his shoulders and lifts up the bottle water that Lucy brought him. He gulps down the entire thing in a few seconds, then burps loudly. "GOT ANY MORE OF THESE? I'M REALLY THIRSTY." "Sure thing, big scaly. I'll get you another one. Or maybe two." Lucy says, walking over with two more bottles of water. "THANK YOU, LADY WITH A TIGHT GRASP ON HYDRATION.” "You're welcome, big scaly." John greedily grabs the two bottles of water from her and begins gulping them down as well. Lucy giggles as she watches him. "He's adorable." She says. "What is that, anywa--" You stop mid-sentence upon seeing a man enter the restaurant. He wears a tuxedo and several ties, and has slicked back blonde hair.
You gaze in awe at the sheer volume of ties this man is wearing.
You gaze in awe at the sheer volume of ties this man is wearing. His tuxedo is nice, but it's nothing compared to the amount of ties he has draped around his neck. It's like a peacock's tail, all shimmering blue and red and green.... "Holy shit that's a lot of ties." You say. You sit up and look at the man. He smiles and nods his head. "Indeed it is, young man. Indeed it is." He says, in a voice that sounds like pure silk. John finally finishes chugging, looking over at the strange man. "AY YO, WHO’S THIS BRUH?" "My name's Drake. I'm a friend of your father's." John's face scrunches up in suspicion. "NO YOU AIN’T. HIS FRIENDS ARE ALL OLD AND WHITE." Drake bursts into laughter, his hand clutching his stomach. "This is true! But I've known your father for quite some time. He's a great man. I'm here to watch you while he's... busy." "WE DON'T NEED WATCHING. WE'RE OK." "I know you are. I know you are. But your father loves you very much, and wants the best for you. That's why he asked me to come. Now, do you have any questions for me?" John looks at you, as if asking if it's okay to listen to Drake. You shrug your shoulders, and John turns back to Drake. "Uh... where are you from?" You ask. "I'm from all over the world, kid. I was born in Switzerland, right outside Zurich. But I've lived all over the place." "That's cool. I want to travel the world when I grow up. Have you been to Florida?" You ask. "WE’RE IN FLORIDA RIGHT NOW THO.” "I mean when you're not here." Drake laughs again. "Yes. Quite often, actually." "Have you ever been to the beach? They have really nice sand castles there." You say. "I've been to all the beaches, my friend. They're all unique in their own ways." "We should go to the beach sometime! Although the last time I went it was kind of stormy. The water was really angry that day." John crosses his arms. “IF I WAS THERE, I’D DRINK THAT SHIT UP.” "Oh? You're quite the young warrior, aren't you?" John nods. "I'M FINNA GO ASK LUCY IF I CAN GET ANOTHER KEG OF WATER..." As John walks away, Drake turns to you. "So, what's your name?" Drake asks. "I'm Yobgsuibdyh. That's my new pal John." You say. “He’s a lizard person.” "What do you like to do for fun?" You shrug your shoulders. "I dunno. I guess just hanging out with John. We're adventurers." Drake smiles and nods. "Sounds like a good time. I used to have adventures like that when I was younger." You stare at him in awe. He seems so nice and friendly. He's nothing like any adult you've met before. They're all boring, and they don't understand anything. But Drake gets you. You feel like you could talk to him for hours. "I’m a wizard." You say, pointing to John as he walks over with the water. He sits down and pours some into his cupped hands, taking a sip. "YEAH, I CAN BE A REAL PRICK SOMETIMES. IT IS WHAT IT IS, YO." "I'm a wizard. I can make you disappear with this magic wand." You say, holding up your pencil. "Don't listen to him, Drake. He's just a stupid nerd." Lucy says, popping the "p". You look up at her.
You wonder why she popped the “p”
"Why did you say that?" You ask. "It was an accident, I swear!" Lucy says. "I didn't mean to!"
You say "Time for you to pop my p if ya know what I mean.”
"What the fuck does that mean?" Lucy says. "I'll tell you if you come with me." You say. Lucy shrugs and starts following you. "YO, WHERE ARE Y’ALL GOING?" Drake says, in a "this bitch betrays me" tone.
You say "I mean, you can come along too if you want"
"I'M UP FOR ANYTHING, BRUH. LET'S GO." You lead Lucy over to the swings. "This should be far enough. So, what did you want to ask?" “I was gonna ask you if you could suck my dick.” You say. "What?!" "Just kidding. But you reacted exactly how I thought you would." "Oh you dickhead. What did you really want to ask?" You take a deep breath. "I wanted to ask if you knew how I could get more powerful." "You're a wizard. You have magic powers. Isn't that good enough?
You say "Yeah, but like, half of my powers happen when I'm on LSD or some other psychoactive hallucinogen, so it's hard to tell if what I'm doing is actually real or not. I just want to be a wizard, that's it."
"I can understand why you'd want that. I'm a witch, but my powers are fairly weak. It's awfully difficult to get any sort of real power." "So you're saying I...” "I have no idea what you are. I've never seen anything quite like you before. But I suppose that you might be a witch." "But I don't wanna be a witch, I wanna be a wizard!"
Suddenly, Hagrid falls out of the sky and impacts the ground like a meteor. After the dust and rubble clears, he approaches you, and says, "You're a wizard, Yobgsuibdyh."
"But I don't wanna be a wizard, I wanna be a witch!" "You can't be a witch, you're a wizard." "No! No! I wanna be a witch!" Suddenly, John appears in a flash of light. “ON GOD I’M ABOUT TO POP THIS CRACKER.” John screams. "Wait, wait! I can explain!" you say. John pauses. "WELL YOU BETTER FUCKIN EXPLAIN QUICK!" "You're a wizard," you say. "I'M A WIZARD." "No, you're a Wizard." "WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?" John asks.
You say "My god... you and I are the same being!"
"WHAT? WE'RE THE SAME BEING?" "Yeah, we're both John!" "OH. IT SEEMS LIKE WE’VE TRANSCENDED THE DUALITY, BRUH.” You realize everything is different now. John's mind and soul have combined with your own. You can feel his thoughts and emotions mixing into your own, as well as yours into his. "I see what you mean now," Drake says. "You are a wizard." "I'M A WIZARD." Suddenly, everything goes black. It feels like you're floating in the void of your mind for an eternity. You see fleeting images of memories go by in quick succession. It's as if your entire life is flashing before your eyes. The only thing you can make out is the laughter of John, mixed in with your own. Your mind goes completely blank.
You awaken in a small, confined room. Your arms are tied behind your back, and your legs are tied to a chair.
You look at your hands, and see the mixture of your familiar human skin and the unfamiliar blue scales that cover you.
You look around the room, taking in your surroundings. You're in a small, dirty room with peeling paint. The floor is made of concrete, and there's a small drain in the center of the room. "I see you're finally up." You turn your head to find a tall figure standing in the shadows. "Who are you?" you ask. "A fan," the man says, taking a step forward. "A big fan." "How did I get here?" "I brought you here," the man says. "I've been following your story with great interest." "What do you want?" The man steps forward, bringing a finger to his lips. "Shh. No questions." The man steps forward again, bringing a knife out of his pocket. "I just wanted you to know, it was me. I killed those girls. I committed those crimes." He steps forward again, bringing the knife up to your throat. "Because I'm a fan."
You step forward from behind him, putting a knife up to his throat. The illusion he thought was you disappears. "Au, contraire."
You step forward, putting your weight on his back, and forcing him to the ground. You quickly grab the knife from his hand with one hand, while grabbing his neck with the other. After a few seconds, he stops struggling. "You don't have to die today," you say. "But you need to understand something." You pull the man up, pressing the knife closer to his throat.
You say "I'm. A. Fucking. Wizard."
"I'm a fucking wizard," you say. "You're a fucking wizard," the man says. "I'm a fucking wizard." "You're a fucking wizard," the man says, laughing. "Ha ha ha ha!" You continue to say different variations of the phrase, until you've said them all. The man smiles at you, then you slit his throat.
You say "Jesus Christ."
You say "Jesus Christ." You say "Jesus fucking Christ." "Jesus fucking Christ," the man says, laughing. The man begins to laugh louder and louder, until he's eventually hysterical. At this point, you feel it necessary to stop him from laughing.
You leave.
You pick up his knife, then slit his throat. He falls to the ground, bleeding out. After a few minutes, you walk outside the room. You walk down the hallway, before finding a staircase. You walk down the staircase, before reaching the entrance of a large room. You enter the room, finding dozens of men watching a stage. On the stage, a young woman is stripped naked, trapped in some sort of cage that's hanging from the ceiling. "Welcome to hell," one of the men says. You walk into the room, slowly taking a seat in one of the chairs. The girl in the cage tries to cover herself, but given that she's in a cage, and tied up, she has limited mobility. You find yourself staring at her large breasts, which are covered in sweat and saliva. "Ah, a new face," one of the men says. "You want a go?" The man stares at you, offering you his hand. "I'm Oscar," he introduces himself.
You say "If I do it, will I be able to become immortal in battle?"
"If I do it, will I be able to become immortal in battle?" you ask. "Son, if you survive, you'll be able to do anything," Oscar says. Oscar stands up from the chair, before walking up to the girl. He opens the cage, grabbing her by the hair. He pulls her head down, before ramming his knee into her stomach. She lets out a shriek as he throws her to the ground. Oscar pulls a knife out of his pocket, slashing her chest open with it.
You say "Woah, stop! Why?!"
"Woah, stop! Why?!" you ask in shock. "Stop?" Oscar asks. "Why would I stop? It's not like she has much of a choice in the matter." "But..." you reply. "Are you alright, son?"
You throw him out a window with telekinesis.
You raise your hands, throwing him out the window. He lets out a yell as he falls out of the window, falling to his death. You let out a sigh of relief, before a gunshot rings out. A bullet enters your shoulder, and you shriek in pain as the other men draw their weapons and stand up.
You throw pocket sand in their eyes.
You raise your hands, throwing sand into their eyes. You take a deep breath, breathing heavily as you drag the injured girl with you out the window. You manage to pull her out of the building, before it explodes. You fall to the ground, laying on the ground as you try to recover from your wounds. After a few minutes, the girl manages to sit up, staring at you in shock. "What... what was that?" she asks.
You say "I'm Yobgsuibdyh. I'm a Wizard, and I just saved your life. I am also known as... Florida Mage."
"I'm Yobgsuibdyh. I'm a Wizard, and I just saved your life," you say with a groan. "I am also known as... Florida Mage." "You're a wizard?" she asks in surprise. "That was you? Those men were... those men were going to..." "Rape you, murder you and throw your body out with the rest of the trash," you reply. "Trust me, I've saved you from a terrible fate, bruh.” "Thanks," she says. You hear a helicopter approaching, and you find yourself staring up at a police helicopter. The side door slides open as the police officers inside point their tasers at you and the girl.
You put up your hands and peacefully let them take you in for questioning.
You raise your hands and peacefully let them take you in for questioning. The police officers slowly approach you, pushing you to the ground and handcuffing you. They grab you by the arms, dragging you along the ground as they push you into the helicopter.
You say "The girl... she needs an ambulance!"
"The girl... she needs an ambulance!" you shout. "We'll get her some medical attention," one of the officers says. "Just as soon as we've taken you in." The helicopter blades whir as they turn, before the helicopter takes off towards the city. The police officers stare at you with cold, emotionless eyes as the helicopter flies towards the city. You stare out the window at the ground below, watching as the city quickly grows closer.
You ponder how John and you have become one, and the limitless power you now wield.
You think about how John and you have become one, and the limitless power you now wield. Soon, these lowly mortal police officers won't be able to stop you. They will be unable to do anything about your new powers. You smile as you feel the helicopter descending towards the city.
Florida Mage is rising.
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2020.07.26 00:03 ChrisKoleszar Hidden camera dick flash

December 21, 2015, 11:21PM. Plymouth County Massachusetts. On the Eastern Edge of the Ashdod Forest. Three miles outside Duxbury Proper.
Detective Jonathan Mcarthy stood in the ankle deep snow. Blowing hot air into his cupped hands while examining the scene. There really wasn’t much to see. Just a guy hanging from a tree. A guy hanging from a tree in a dark, snow covered forest that is.
It really just looked like some redneck had decided life wasn’t quite panning out and had hung themselves in the woods. But Sheriff Dan George had called the Detective anyway. As a general rule of thumb Dan and Johnathan didn’t much like each other.
Johnathan being a ten year veteran of the force in LA. And the Sheriff being a fifty something backwoods, red neck. The two were natural opposites.
Still, Johnathan knew that the fat man hadn’t called him out of bed at this hour out of spite. Not this time anyway. Even half awake Johnathan had heard the fear in the Sheriff’s voice.. Now that he was on the scene he guessed it was because of the plastic bag over the dead guy’s head.
To be honest it looked spooky as shit. But Johnathan had seen far worse back in Los Angeles. They hadn’t been able to identify the Vic on account of the bag. His face was completely hidden by the thick plastic.
Now they were just waiting for forensics to finish up. So they could cut the guy down, and figure out who it was that had decided to off themselves today. The wind picked up suddenly and the frozen forest responded with a chorus of creaks, and groans.
Johnathan cursed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his trench coat. Giving up on the idea of warming them with his breath. A camera flashed as Billy Jenkins, one of the two forensics guys took another photo.
The scene was briefly illuminated by the brilliant blue. And Jonathan thought he caught sight of something he hadn’t seen before on the dead man.
He moved to the right. Trudging through the snow in a wide circle around the hanging man. His breath coming out in big white puffs. It couldn’t be more than twenty freakin’ degrees out here!
“He’s got a bag over his head Johnny.” Johnathan remembered the Sheriff saying in a shaky voice over the phone. He could practically hear the man’s double chins quivering out there in the snowy darkness.
As soon as Johnathan had laid eyes on the body his first thought was that the bastard had wanted to be thorough. If the noose for some reason hadn’t been enough, the plastic bag surely would have finished the job.
The Detective continued to trudge around to the right of the corpse. Giving the body a wide berth as he circled through the snow. Still looking for whatever it was that had caught his eye during the flash of the forensic guy’s cameras.
He was a big guy, whoever the Hangman was. He wore a black, and red plaid jacket. Bob Vila style. And a pair of rough cut blue jeans. The boots that covered his dead toes and swayed in the bitter wind, were a brand called “Bear Claw”. Johnathan had never heard of them.
“Hell of a way to go.” Mike Lawry, the other forensics guy said through a mouthful of chewing tobacco.
“Who you think it is Mike?” Billy asked, as his camera flashed a few more times.
“Dunno. Maybe Darby Gents?”
“Darby?! It’d be a God damned shame…”
Johnathan half listened to the two men as he continued to circle around the body. Duxbury was a small town. Everybody knew everybody. Darby Gents was the football coach for the local high school. And by virtue of the local grapevine, Johnathan knew that Darby’s wife had left him a few weeks ago.
Still, he wasn’t sure if that’s who was hanging in front of him. There was something unfamiliar about the body. Johnathan had come to know virtually everybody since he’d moved to Duxbury two and a half years ago. And the Detective in him was saying that this wasn’t anyone he’d ever seen…
Thunder boomed in the distance. Halting his movement and drawing the Detective’s attention from the hanging corpse, to the dark overcast sky above. The moon was full, but hidden. Illuminating the clouds above in a pale ghostly light.
The forest itself was well lit for such a late hour. It had snowed three inches the previous night. And now the woods were lit up in that magical pinkish, purplish glow that only a freshly fallen blanket of snow can create.
“Sounds like a storms a’comin’.” Deputy Jimmy Mcduff said to no one in particular.
“Hm.” Was all Johnathan offered in reply.
The Detective turned his attention from the sky, back to the dead man. The guy had to be at least fifty pounds overweight. His jacket and undershirt were pulled up as a result of the noose and the corpse’s weight.
His belly sagged out over his pants. Yeah. He’d been a big dude. But who was he?
Without taking his eyes from the corpse, he reached into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulled out a Marbaro Light. He tried to be slick and light the smoke without looking away from the dead guy. But the wind forced him to look down and light the cig like a normal person.
“You guys think we can wrap it up soon? Ah think there’s a storm a’comin’.” Sheriff George said from the shadows. As if he hadn't just heard his Deputy say the exact same thing.
Johnathan turned to gaze at the six foot, burly, fat man standing stiffly against the trunk of a tree. His normally imposing figure looked strangely small as he stood there. The Sheriff had his arms crossed over himself, but Johnathan could tell that it wasn’t for warmth.
“What the hell was wrong with him?” He wondered.
Johnathan didn’t like the man, but he knew he was no coward. And certainly not afraid of the woods at night. Sheriff George was a born and bred country boy.
And yet there he stood. Hugging himself in his big trench coat. His eyes nervously darting around the surrounding forest.
All told there were six of them out in there in the woods. The two forensics guys Billy Jenkins,and Mike Lawry. The Sheriff, and himself. Deputy Jimmy McDuff, and the local reporter Jennel Buttchins.
Six grown adults, and the Sheriff was shaking like a leaf.
“Sheriff would you care to make a statement?” He heard the Reporter ask.
She was quite the looker. Johnathan supposed that’s how she got the job. It had to be, because the chick was definitely no rocket scientist.
“A statement?” Sheriff George asked condescendingly. “Why yes Ms. Buttchins, I surely would”.
“Here goes. It’s as cold as the ice Dante found Lucifer in. There’s a blizzard the size of Texas comin' this way. And we should really think about getting the Hell out of here. How’s that for a statement Ms. Buttchins?”
Jennel gave a “hmph” in response.
Jimmy McDuff gave a somewhat stifled chuckle. Billy Jenkins, and Mike Lawry continued on with their tasks. Chatting away about who they thought the dead guy was. They were either oblivious, or didn’t care about the Sheriff’s obvious discomfort with the situation at hand.
Finally he decided he’d had enough. He felt bad calling the Sheriff out on being scared, but the Detective in him wanted to know what his problem was. So he momentarily turned his attention from the hanging man, and started to walk over to Sheriff George.
That’s when there came a sudden sound that he couldn’t quite place. It was a sort of quick “SWOOSHING!” noise that came from behind him. Followed by the cracking of several branches, and the frightened cries of his companions.
There was a – “Holy Christ!”, That came from the Sheriff.
A “Sheeeezus!”, That was from Deputy Jimmy.
And a sort of high pitched muppet sounding “Meep!”, that had come from Jennel.
Johnathan whirled back around in the direction of the corpse. For a second the Detective did not understand what he was seeing. The hanging man was nowhere to be seen. And neither was Mike Lawry.
Billy was on his ass, frantically scooting backward through the snow. His mouth agape and eyes on the dark canopy above.
“What the Hell?” Was all Johnathan could think to say.
“He’s not dead!” Billy suddenly shrieked, as his frantic ass scooting took him passed where Johnathan was standing. “Jesus, he’s not dead!”
“What the Hell?” Johnathan asked again. Feeling suddenly very much like how Sheriff George looked. He reached for his pistol.
“Did you see that?!” Sheriff George cried. “Holy Christ did you see that?!”
“Where’s the body?” The Detective asked.
“It took him!” Billy was shrieking. The man used his ass to carve a path through the snow all the way back to the Sheriff. “Oh god, Mike!”
At this point Johnathan was feeling very much out of the loop.
“Could someone please tell me what the Hell is happ-!”
The loud snapping of branches above his head made the Detective’s words catch in his throat. Instinctively Johnathan dove out of the way, blindly rolling through the snow. A split second later there came a heavy “THWUMP!” from the direction he’d dove from. Jennel, and the Sheriff shrieked in unison.
Deputy Jimmy shouted “freeze!”
Johnathan combat rolled and came up on one knee. His gun pointed and at the ready. A maneuver that had saved his life on more than one occasion.
But then his eyes settled on the source of all the commotion and his mind missed a step. For what he beheld made no sense. The dead man was back. He was still hanging from a noose.
Except this time the noose wasn’t wrapped around the original tree branch. It was just stretching up, and up, into the darkness. The man was hanging over where Johnathan had been standing only seconds ago. His arms were outstretched, and his head tilted upward. In a position Johnathan found reminiscent of Christ on the cross.
“Holy shit he’s not dead!” Johnathan’s mind screamed.
He aimed his weapon at the hanging man.
“Freeze!” He shouted. Repeating Deputy Jimmy’s words. “Get on the… Ground?”
His words faltered as the noose around the man’s neck suddenly went taught. Then the rope yanked him upward. Neck bones, and vertebrae “CRACKED!” sickeningly. And the man rocketed up in a blur. Disappearing into the darkness above.
“Well there's something you don't see every day.” Johnathan thought to himself as he stared up into the dark canopy.
“Detective! We’ve got to get out of here!” The Sheriff’s voice cut into his thoughts.
“What?” He asked, dumbfounded, and turned to face the big man.
Sheriff George wasn’t waiting for a reply. He and Jennel were already high tailing it out of there. Deputy Jimmy for his part had stood his ground. Billy Jenkins was nowhere to be seen.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” He asked the rapidly fading figure of Sheriff George. “A Perp just took one of your men Sheriff! And you’re running away?!”
“That ain’t no Perp Detective!” Sheriff George shouted back over his shoulder as he disappeared into the darkness.
“I… I think the Sheriff might be right Johnny...” Jimmy said to the Detective’s right. His eyes and gun trained on the darkness overhead. “I think we need to call for backup.”
“Now that does sound reasonable Deputy.” Johnathan agreed.
He strained his eyes to catch any sign of the Hangman. There was nothing up there. It was all just shadows and leafless branches against a dark gray sky.
Then suddenly there came another cacophony of cracking and snapping branches. This time from the direction the Sheriff, and Jennel had run. A shriek that made the blood run cold erupted from the darkness, followed by the deafening "BOOM!" of gunfire. Both Johnathan, and Jimmy took off in the direction of the sounds.
There were six shots in total. Johnathan could tell that the Sheriff was firing “Old Betsy”, his treasured .454 Cassul. The ridiculously huge pistol fired .45 Colt Case Rounds. Pretty light on the ammo side, but a bullet fired from that weapon could blow the trunk of a small tree in half.
Jonathan heard that unmistakable clicking sound of an empty chamber. Followed by a jumble of curse words from the Sheriff. Then there came another racket of snapping branches, and a shout of surprise from the Sheriff.
Both Johnathan, and Jimmy rounded the large trunk of an ancient oak. Nearly plowing straight into the Sheriff and and the Reporter. Jennel hurled something heavy that whizzed by Jonathan’s head, and the Sheriff swung wildly with the butt of his pistol. Jimmy dodged just on time. Narrowly avoiding what Johnathan was sure would have been a nasty concussion.
“Jesus Sheriff it’s just me!”
“Jimmy?! Mother Mary! You’re lucky I didn’t just knock your block off!”
“Sheriff…” Johnathan gasped as he struggled to catch his breath. “We need... We need to stick together.”
“Then move your ass Detective! George snapped. “For Christ’s sake, I’m thirty years your senior, and twice your weight!”
“Are you kidding me?!” Johnathan shot back. “You just took off while you’re Deputy and I stood our ground! I don’t know what’s going on, but someone just assaulted an Officer of the Law! And you’re the God Damned Sheriff!”
Sheriff George flinched from the Detective’s words as if he’d been struck.
“I saw what just happened.” He said in a low growl. “A dead man hanging from a noose, just grabbed one of my men, and flew up into the trees with him.”
“He wasn’t dead.” Johnathan said matter-of-factly. “He couldn’t have been.”
The Sheriff suddenly laughed.
“He wasn’t dead?! Well he sure as shit should have been after I hit him with old Betsy!”
He held up the revolver for them to see. As if proving to the two men that the Sheriff indeed had a gun.
“Cause that fucker dropped right down beside me and little Ms. Buttchins here!” He continued.
“And I can tell I just pegged that fucker at least four times at near point blank range! Any normal person would have had the courtesy to keel over and die! Shit! Any normal person would have had the courtesy to have been blown into little fucking pieces! But that son of a bitch just went right back up into the trees!”
As if on cue there came the sound of tree branches bending and breaking from the canopy above. The three men simultaneously snapped their weapons up toward the darkness above. The Sheriff, realizing he hadn’t reloaded his weapon, cursed and quickly bent to the task of reloading.
Jonathan thought he saw a dark, man sized shape swoop through the shadows of the skeletal branches high above. But in another instant it was gone.
“Johnny here don’t believe me.” Sheriff George sneered. “Tell him Ms. Reporter. Tell him what you just saw!”
“It’s true.” Jennel said in a shaky voice as she stared at the dark canopy. “That man just came falling out of the trees right beside us! And the Sheriff shot him!
“I think he might have even…” She struggled not to vomit as she spoke. “I think he might have even shot off one of his arms. And then he… And then he just went flying right back up!.”
Jonathan glanced away from the canopy and scanned the ground around them. It was too dark to be sure. But there were big dark spots all over the nearby ground that he guessed was blood. Their was no sign of a disembodied appendage though.
“So where’s the arm now?” Jonathan asked. Unable to think of anything else to say.
“Oh for God’s sake! How should I know?! He took it with him!” The Sheriff shouted.
“Look, you ain’t from around here Johnny.” George said as he slammed a round into the last open chamber of his gun and then snapped it back into place.
“But there’s some strange things that happen sometimes in and around Duxbury. City folk just don’t understand.”
“It’s true what the Sheriff says Johnny.” Jimmy said, in little more than a whisper. “My Grandaddy used to tell me stories about this area.”
“He used to tell you the land was bad out here didn’t he?” The Sheriff asked in a tone that said he already knew the answer. "Used to tell you about Keene's Road?"
“Yeah…” Jimmy nodded in affirmation as his gun played across the darkness above.
“He told me these woods got something in em’. Something that lives beneath the ground. And in the air above. I never believed him of course. But I never really come out here either.”
“Not many people do.” Sheriff George said. His voice taking on the same whisper like quality as his Deputy.
"Where is Keene's Road?" Jonathan asked. He'd never heard of it and he thought he knew every backwood road that existed in these parts.
"Never mind that for now." George replied as he trained Betsy across the darkness above.
“Now Detective I know that you’re a practical man. And I begrudgingly respect you for it.” George shifted his gaze from the trees to the Jonathan. “But there’s what appears to be a dead man hanging from a noose, flying through the trees.”
There came a sudden peel of thunder. The noise causing everyone to reflexively tensed up. Jonathan noticed for the first time that Jennel had a can of mace in her hand. He almost laughed despite himself. The guy was wearing a bag over his head! What was mace going to do?
“So what do you suggest Sheriff?” Johnathan asked finally.
“I suggest we get back to town. Get some backup. Come back out here with an armed posse, and clean house!” He hissed. Like he was afraid of being overheard.
“Tonight? Not tomorrow? We come back tonight, and find Mike?”
“Of course! I ain’t leavin’ him out here!” The Sheriff spat as if offended.
“Now common! It’s more than a half hour drive back to town. This storm’s gonna overtake us before we get back anyway. So I suggest we get a move on.”
The storm was getting closer. That was a fact. The wind was picking up, and big fluffy flakes were already beginning to drift out of the sky. Johnathan pondered their options for a moment. Finally he spoke.
“Fuck that.” You go back to the SUV and radio for backup. Then go get your posse. I’ll stay here.”
“What?” Sheriff George asked. Incredulous.
“You’re right Sheriff. I’m not from around here. And because I’m not from around here, I’m not buying into this superstitious bullsh-.”
Jonathan’s words were abruptly cut short as the large figure of the Hangman came suddenly plummeting down from the darkness above. Landing on the Sheriff with bone crushing weight.
There came a veritable explosion of snow as both figures slammed into the ground. Followed closely by the snap of bones and a sort of guttural, gargling from the Sheriff. By the time the Detective lowered his hands, the Sheriff’s broken body was wrapped up in the Hangman’s embrace.
Jimmy had cried out in surprise and lept backward. Jennel however, to Jonathan's complete astonishment, emitted a shriek that was akin to a war cry and charged forward. Raising her can of mace like a priest charging a vampire with a crucifix.
The Hangman once again shot upward toward the dark canopy above. Almost as if Jennel had actually successfully scared him off. Johnathan got a better look at the Hangman as he rapidly ascended.
The man had three large holes in his chest from where the Sheriff had shot him. And his right arm (though still attached) looked like it was holding on by only a few strands of torn cartilage and muscle. Never mind the fact that the arm was bearing the weight of a man who had to be pushing three hundred pounds.
Johnathan took aim with his weapon but did not fire for fear of hitting the Sheriff. In another instant both fat men were swallowed up by the dark. That’s when Johnathan noticed the coughing, and gagging sounds coming from behind him. He whirled around. Jimmy was on his knees gagging and shoveling snow into his face like a madman.
Jennel was standing over him, Just patting him on the back. And repeating the words “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Over, and over again, in a shaky voice.
“What the Hell?” Johnathan asked for the umpteenth time this evening.
Jennel looked up from Jimmy’s gagging form.
“I’m sorry!” She squeaked. “I maced him by accident!”
The Reporter was almost crying. Jesus. And for a second there he'd been considering giving the chick his spare sidearm.
Her heart was definitely in the right place. She'd gone on the offensive instead of cowering. But he could not abide such poor aim by supplying it with an even deadlier weapon. He quickly sprang into action. Running over to Jimmy, and helping the man to his feet.
“Alrighty buddy. We’re gonna take the Sheriff’s advice and get the fuck out of here.”
Jimmy sputtered something unintelligible in reply.
“Jennel, you stay close. We move quickly, and quietly. We’re only about a half mile from where we parked."
Jennel sobbed, and nodded. “Okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spray him.”
“I know.” Jonathan said with as much sympathy as he could muster. “It’s okay Ms. Buttchins. You attacked your attacker. That's impressive. Your'e aim was just a little off."
She laughed a bit over her hitching breath.
“Okay.” The Reporter nodded her head.
And with that the trio began moving. It wasn’t easy. The ground was uneven, and the snow was deep in some places. Snow was starting to fall more heavily from the sky as they moved through the forest.
The wind had picked up quite a bit in the last ten minutes. Blowing through the dark trees in great gusts, that kicked clouds of the winter elements up into the air around them.
Jimmy moved well for a man who could barely see. Recovering quickly each time he stumbled. And with every moment that went by his vision cleared up more.
“Jesus it’s freezing out here!” Jimmy whispered through chattering teeth.
He wasn’t wrong about that. As the storm rolled in the temperature had rapidly gone from frigid to down right deadly.
“Can’t believe she fuckin’ maced me.” Jimmy muttered under his breath.
Jonathan smiled despite himself. Ms. Buttchins had shown some true grit in the darkness of this damned forest. If they survived this, the part about Jimmy getting maced was going to make for a great story. Not that anyone would believe them.
“Almost there.” Johnathan said as they neared the edge of the forest.
Their came a sudden, distant shriek of terror echoing from way out somewhere in the darkness behind them. That’s when it had occurred to Jonathan that he hadn’t seen Billy Jenkins since he’d gone scooting passed him on his ass more than ten minutes ago.
The sound lent strength to their legs. Causing the trio to pick up the pace. In another moment they were out of the woods and crossing the field they’d parked the police SUV in. The howling wind began tearing at their clothes.
The forest had until then shielded them from the worst of the storm's fury. But now that they were out in the open it whirled around them like an angry spirit. After what felt like an eternity, they finally reached the Police Vehicle.
Jonathan hopped in the drivers seat, while Jennel took shotgun. Jimmy jumped in the back and reached for the radio.
“This is Deputy Jimmy McDuff!” He shouted into the receiver.” We’re out at the Eastern edge of the Ashdod Forest! We have…Officers down! Requesting immediate backup!"
Static answered in return. Jimmy repeated the message. More white noise. Johnathan turned the key, and the engine of the SUV roared into life. The headlights illuminated the field and the edge of the treeline.
Jonathan strained his eyes for a moment. If something was out there watching them, the falling snow was keeping them well hidden.
“God damn storm must be messing with the radio.” Johnathan said as he threw the SUV in reverse.
“Like a badly written horror story.” Jennel replied.
Then He punched it, and the vehicle took off in the direction of town.
The three sat in tense silence for a moment as they flew down the uneven road. Johnathan kept his eyes focused on the land in front of the bright headlights. Not wanting to think what may be stalking them from the darkness of the trees that zipped by on both sides.
The storm was in full swing now. Snow coming down in sheets so thick that using the brights would have been suicide. The low beams and the swirling darkness made the road look more like a tunnel than a street.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity they crested a hill that marked the end of the road. And the lights of Duxbury came into view in the valley two and a half miles below.
Johnathan took a hard left onto Temple Road. The tires would have squealed loudly had there not been four inches of compact snow between them and the pavement. As it was, the SUV swerved and careened dangerously to the right. After a tense moment where Jonathan had thought he may have overstepped his driving abilities the vehicle managed to regain its traction, and straightened out.
A few seconds later they were moving down the road. A little less than three miles of rural darkness lying between them and civilization. The heat was starting to kick in. And their shivering became less uncontrollable. Johnathan decided to slow it down to about fortyfive.
“What the Hell just happened back there?!” Jennel finally broke the silence.
“You tell me.” Johnathan said. “You know a helluva lot more about the lore of this county than I do. And that sure as shit looked like something straight out of some old horror story.”
“Jesus. My Grandaddy wasn’t kidding about Keene’s Road.” Deputy Jimmy said quietly to himself.
“So what is Keene's Road?” Jonathan asked for the second time in less than an hour.
“My Uncle used to tell me about it. It’s this old road that used to run through these woods somewhere out here. Said it was here before the Colonists arrived. And that no one had any clue who made it.”
A strong gust of wind buffeted the car. In response Johnathan let his foot off the accelerator.
“He said the first settlers of Duxbury were warned by the local Wampanoag tribe that the place was bad juju.”
The SUV went over a bump in the road, and Johnathan had to swerve slightly to keep control.
“You know now that I think about it, their was a story about a man being hung on Keene’s Road.” Jennel said.
“Supposedly a gallows was built out here a long time ago. But only one execution was ever performed there before the place was abandoned.”
“So… You’re saying that there’s an ancient, haunted road somewhere out here?” Jonathan asked. His voice a mixture of incredulity and apprehension that he did not care for.
“That’s how my Grandaddy told it.” Said the Deputy.
Jonathan shook his head. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. This was ridiculous! This was God damn ridiculous! Why the Hell had he moved out to bum fuck Massachusetts?!
“Jimmy.” He began. Trying to sound like a logical Detective once again. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful toward your Grandpa. But doesn’t that sound a little-?”
His word’s were cut short as something heavy slammed onto the roof. There was a heavy “THWUMP!” And the frame of the vehicle shuddered violently beneath the impact. The roof buckled as if a boulder had been dropped on it. The SUV slid to the left, then to the right.
“Shit! Shit!” Johnathan cursed as he fought to regain control.
He glanced in his side view mirror just on time to see a bloody hand wrap around it. The mirror was violently ripped off. Both hand and mirror vanishing into the dark.
After a few tense seconds of swerving back and forth, Jonathan managed to regain control of the vehicle. The SUV straightened, and Johnathan accelerated as fast as he dare.
Jimmy had begun struggling to unhook the 12 gauge shotgun from it’s mount in the back seat. Before Johnathan could say anything else, his eyes were drawn to a dark shape plummeting through the sky just in front of them.
The Hangman landed on the front of the SUV and the hood violently buckled inward. The vehicle careened dangerously once again. The Hangman reached up and grabbed both windshield wipers. Then the noose pulled tight, and the man rocketed back upward. Ripping off the wipers and taking them with him on his rapid ascent into the swirling maelstrom.
Jonathan simultaneously fought to keep the SUV on the road while continuing to watch in disbelief as the man disappeared into the swirling snow high over their heads. Looking like some sort of twisted marionette making a rapid exit from the stage. The last thing he saw of the man was his “Bear Claw” brand boots being swallowed up by the gray clouds.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me…” He said to no one in particular.
The hood of the SUV now looked like shit. He couldn’t tell if there was smoke rising out of it, or if it was just swirling snow. He supposed that if the engine had been damaged, they’d know either way soon enough. There came a distinct “Ca-Chak!” of a round being pumped into the 12 Gauge Jimmy had successfully pulled off it’s mount.
“I’m gonna blow that fucker to kingdom come!” He heard the Deputy growl.
The shaky timber of his voice had been replaced with one of wrath. Jonathan was impressed with the man’s intestinal fortitude. Anger in a situation like this was much more useful than fear. And the man seemed to be holding it together a lot better than he was.
The Detective’s hands were shaking badly. It made steering the vehicle that much harder.That’s when the engine first started going wonky. There came a sudden slamming sound that came from under the hood. The SUV shuddered along with the impact.
A quick glance at the dashboard showed that the engine’s temperature was rapidly climbing.Then there came second jarring impact from under the hood, this one much louder. The SUV shook violently once again, and then began to slow.
The gas pedal no longer responded. No matter how hard and frantically Johnathan pressed it down.
“Shit.” Jimmy said from the back seat. He started to climb back over to the front.
“Well Jimmy.” Johnathan said with as much composure as he could muster. “It looks like you’re gonna get your chance to blow that fucker to kingdom come sooner than later.”
“Good.” Was all the Deputy said in return. Their was steel in both his voice, and his eyes.
“There… There’s something in the road. ” Jennel said in a small voice.
Both men strained their eyes to see what she was talking about. It took them a moment to realize that the Reporter was right. Their was something in the road. Something being a far more accurate description than someone.
Through the swirling snow, and darkness. Barely outlined by the headlights was the Hangman. His arms hanging limply at his sides. And feet dangling about three feet above the ground. The rope attached to the noose around his neck just stretching up, and up. Disappearing into the swirling sky.
“Fucker must know the SUV’s done for.” Jonathan said through gritted teeth.
“Looks like it’s go time.” Jimmy answered back.
The SUV continued to slowly roll toward the Hangman. The engine sputtered it’s last, and finally died. After a few more seconds the vehicle lumbered to a stop in the middle of the road.
For a minute they just sat there in silence. Listening to the wind and the snow. Jonathan stared at the Hangman. Looking the distant figure up and down. What was this thing?
It just didn’t make sense. Gangbangers and serial killers made sense. Jonathan was not a superstitious man. He did not believe in ghosts, or goblins. Monsters he believed in. He’d killed monsters with his own two hands.
But monsters were just flesh and blood. Men made into beasts by class disparity, and an uncaring society that America tries so hard to pretend it's not made of.
But this, this was a different kind of monster. And suddenly Johnathan found that he very much missed the monsters of old. The old monsters were back in a reality he’d left behind somewhere in a dark forest. They were much easier to deal with. You can’t arrest something like this.
Jonathan took note of the ragged holes torn through the Hangman’s chest. Even in the dark he could see big dark spots marking where blood had frozen over bullet wounds. If the man wasn’t wearing a shirt, his chest would look like Swiss Cheese right about now.
As it was the Thing’s left arm was barely attached anymore. The bone having been obliterated when Sheriff George had put a round from “Old Betsy” through it. Now it was just hanging by a few tendons, and torn muscle.
“Well at least it bleeds.” He thought to himself. “If it bleeds we can kill it.”
Now where had he heard that line before? It seemed like pretty sound logic. Except in this case it didn’t seem to apply. The Hangman had bled. But it didn’t seem to be having much of an effect.
Then suddenly a thought struck him. It was a true Eureka moment! At least he hoped that it was.
“Jimmy, when we get out, I want you to aim for the rope.” Jonathan said.
“The rope?” Jimmy asked in a confused voice.
“Yeah. Let’s see how dangerous this fucker is when he’s stuck on the ground like the rest of us normal people.”
Jimmy’s eyes widened in sudden comprehension. He even let out a short laugh.
“Alright.” The Deputy nodded. A grim smile playing across his face. “Let’s do this…”
“Ms. Buttchins.” Jonathan said just before he stepped out into the cold night. “You better just stay here.”
All the young woman could do was nod. She'd been staring wide eyed at the motionless Hangman ever since the engine had died.
Johnathan pulled out his nine millimeter, and checked that it was fully loaded. He already knew it was. He hadn’t fired his weapon once since this whole ordeal began. But he compulsively checked anyway.
Then the two men opened the doors, and stepped out into the snowy darkness. They were instantly wrapped in the night’s icy embrace. Thunder rumbled boomed, and the snow fell in sheets.
The Hangman, for his part just hung there. His body swaying back in forth in the wind. It was as if the Thing was waiting to see what the two officers were going to do next.
Johnathan knew that hitting the rope at this distance would be near impossible. They would have to get closer. And so they trudged on through the snow. Slowly making their way toward the Hangman.
When they got to within about eight yards they stopped and aimed their weapons at the rope just above the man. The Hangman cocked his head to one side in confusion. Both men fired nearly simultaneously. Neither shot found it’s mark.
The Hangman suddenly exploded into motion. Rocketing toward them. Gliding over the icy road at frightening speed. Johnathan took another shot with his revolver. Missing again.
In the blink of an eye the Hangman had crossed half the distance between them. Jonathan switched tactics and let off a few shots into the oncoming nightmare’s chest. The Hangman’s body jerked violently as three rounds tore through him. Adding more to the Swiss Cheese quality of the Thing.
Jimmy took another shot with the twelve gauge. Even before he pulled the trigger, Jonathan knew it would be the Deputy's last before the Monster was upon them. The weapon “BOOMED!” loudly. The sound of modern man briefly winning out over the cacophony of nature.
At this distance the wide spray from the twelve gauge gave Jimmy a much better chance of hitting the Hangman’s noose than Johnathan’s pistol. The Detective almost “hooted” in elation as the Deputy’s shot found it’s mark. The Hangman’s noose violently snapped.
For a second Jonathan thought the monstrosity was going to just keep hovering over the ground. His body jerked in the air as the noose was severed. And for a second he swore that the unholy thing did defy the laws of physics.
But then gravity kicked in, and the Hangman collapsed in a heap. Jonathan and the Jimmy just stood there watching the motionless body as snow swirled around it.
“Holy crap! Would ya’ look at that?” Jimmy said as he pointed upward.
Jonathan’s eyes moved upward in the direction the Deputy was pointing in. The Detective’s eyes went wide as his gaze settled on what Jimmy was pointing at. Even in this darkness he could see the impossible length of the Hangman’s rope falling out of the sky.
It was piling on, and around the motionless body. Forming great cords. The two stood there dumbfounded. Teeth chattering in the blistering cold. Watching in disbelief as the rope continued to fall out of the sky.
“What... What the Hell was it attached to?” Jimmy wondered out loud.
Jonathan shrugged.
"I don't know. Satan’s dick maybe? At this point I’d believe just about anything."
“This… This is crazy Johnny.” Jimmy sounded exasperated.
Fear had not yet returned to his voice, but the steely edge had gone out of the man. Thunder rumbled once again overhead. The chords of rope were starting to obscure the view of the body. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the end of the rope came falling out of the darkness.
Jonathan guessed that there had to be at least a mile’s worth that had just come out of the sky. It was the sight of that rope that had finally unhinged his concept of reality. And in that moment the Detective from LA truly did believe in monsters.
As one the two men started to approach the body. Weapons trained on the motionless heap.A few seconds later and they were standing over the seemingly dead MonsteMan, half buried in rope.
It now looked as lifeless as it had when Jonathan had first seen the man hanging from a tree branch in the woods. The Detective looked down at the thick plastic bag covering his head. He just had to know…
Slowly he began to reach down for the bag. Jimmy read his intent and stepped back a few feet. Keeping the twelve gauge leveled. Jonathan’s hand closed around a lose part of the plastic that hung from the top of It’s head.
*** AUTHOR'S NOTE*** (To whomever may be reading this. This story was about two hundred words over the limit. So it is continued in the comments below. Some day I may be able to write a "proper" short story. Hope you enjoy.;
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