Beach sex caught on camera

2020.11.28 07:55 entalingsweet72 Beach sex caught on camera

A bit of backstory on me. I'm 18 and am from Atlanta, Georgia. My parents divorced when I was young and my Mom moved to London to run her own business and I stayed here with my Dad. They're both really wealthy, and I mean REALLY wealthy so whenever I feel the need to see my Mom they're willing to fly me out to London. And that's where my living hell begins. In London.
It was June and I was in London visiting Mom. On my last day I went to her office and asked if she wanted to get dinner. Naturally she had forgotten that I was leaving but said we'd have dinner together at a pub near my hotel. Night rolls around and my Mom calls me and tells me she can't make it because she has a business call. I didn't mind too much, she loves her job and it makes her happy so who am I to destroy that? I decided I might as well enjoy dinner on my own on her tab and while I was looking through the menu I noticed a girl, who will remain nameless due to this still being an open investigation, sitting a few seats away from me, bawling her eyes out.
I handed her a napkin and she smiled at me. I asked how if she was okay and she spun me a story about how she was supposed to be meeting her boyfriend here but he bailed on her. Apparently, despite only being 17, she was going to ask him to marry her and even had a ring ready. She then showed me a video that was sent to her of her boyfriend kissing another girl at a party. Despite having a girlfriend, I've never been good in knowing what to say in these situations, so I just said to her "any guy who would cheat on you or reject you doesn’t deserve you". She seemed to agree and then I asked her if she had eaten anything while she was at the bar. She said no, so I offered to buy her dinner to cheer her up.
We spent a few hours chatting and getting to know each other. I told her about my life in Atlanta and she told me how she had been abandoned by her Dad years ago and had pretty much had to raise herself because her Mom was a flake. Eventually I noticed the time and told the girl it was time for me to leave because I had an early flight. She seemed disappointed and then I told her not to worry about the bill as I would charge whatever she had to my tab, including any drinks she wanted after. As I was leaving she asked to take a selfie with me, I agreed. She then asked if she could kiss me to say goodbye. I told her no and that I could never be unfaithful to my girlfriend like that. She responded to me saying "okay, well then tell her you didn’t kiss me. Tell her I kissed you!" and she did. She planted her face all over mine and wouldn't stop until I pushed her off. I told her not to do that again and I walked out of the pub. I was waiting for maybe five minutes for a taxi and then she came out of the pub and told me I'd left my phone inside. She gave it to me, I thanked her, and left.
The next day I got on my flight from Heathrow and miraculously slept the whole way, which I've never done before. As much as I love London, it was great to be back in Atlanta so I could see my girlfriend again. There were still two months of summer left so we could enjoy all that time. My Dad was already leaving by the time I got home, he had a business meeting in Dubai and would be back in a few days. He got into chauffeured Rolls and left me with his AMEX Black. My friends came by and invited me to a beach party that night, but that they needed me to get alcohol first. I offered to drive and I took them to this really rundown liquor shop where they always believe my Fake ID. After that we went to the beach and I finally saw my girlfriend after a month being apart. A few hours passed and we were on our own little area of the beach and I asked her if she wanted to go back to my house. As we were getting ready to leave she got an alert on Instagram that I had been tagged in a post. To my surprise, that girl from London had posted the selfie of us and then another photo of us kissing which I didn't even know she took. Needless to say but my girlfriend was pissed and she took off before I could even explain what was going on.
The next day she called me and asked to meet. Thank God, I could explain what was happening. When I got there I found a table for us to sit at and behind me I heard a familiar voice speaking. I turned… it was her. The girl from London. She was here in Atlanta. She told me her Dad was here on business and she tagged along so she could see me. She apologised for uploading the photo and hugged me just as my girlfriend walked in. I broke away from the girl and she noticed my girlfriend, apologised to her too, and left. My girlfriend was pissed but I explained everything to her. She accepted the story and apologised for the night before. But then she dropped another bomb, she was breaking up with me. She loved me but didn’t want to be in a relationship where she was feeling threatened by other girls all the time. I tried reasoning with her but she had made up her mind. Naturally I was angry so I stormed out of that coffee shop. The girl was still there, she noticed I was angry and I just broke down and told her everything. She apologised for her involvement and then I decided to screw my ex-girlfriend and take this girl on a tour of Atlanta. That was my second mistake.
After the tour we ended up at my house. I offered to drive her back to her hotel but she asked to see my house. Wouldn’t hurt, right? Wrong. I let her into my house and took her to the bar and made her a drink. We talked for a bit and then I found a hole in her story. She said she came to Atlanta with her Dad but she told me in London that her Dad abandoned her when she was a kid. I questioned her, she told me she was with her Uncle but he was her father figure in life so she calls him Dad. Oh well, I’ll let it slide. A few more drinks later and I started to really feel the pain of my breakup and that probably explains why I asked her if she wanted to see my bedroom. I’m sure you can picture what happened next.
It was the walk of shame the next day as I instantly regretted my decision. When I went downstairs she was in my kitchen. (Side-note, I’m sick of calling her girl so Imma refer to her as Piper from now on). She was trying to cook but was just making a fucking mess. I told Piper that what we did last night was a mistake. Naturally she was hurt and had a bit of an outburst, but she seemed to understand in the end. I gave her a ride back to her hotel and offered to buy her dinner before she left as an apology. But she told me the only reason she was in Atlanta was to see me, seeing as there was nothing left for her she was changing her flight and leaving tonight. I honestly didn’t even care, it would be better for my ex-girlfriend and I if she were gone. I desperately needed to talk to my ex, we still had each other on Find my Friends so I found out she was at the coffee shop and I went to see her. We talked, I told her everything (minus what happened the night before) and she admitted she was too quick thinking and that we could try again. Nothing could describe the way I felt then, I told her I was going to cook dinner for her that night and I went off to buy ingredients.
On my way back from the market, Piper was still on my mind. I went to her Hotel and apologised for the way I treated her and offered her a ride to the airport and to pay her hotel bill, the least I could do, right? She accepted, but when we got to the airport she told me it was best for us to lose contact permanently. I agreed, and we went our separate ways. You’re probably wondering how she made my life a living hell if she’s gone now? It’s over, right? Nope. There’s still much more to this story.
That night I was getting dinner ready for my girlfriend and there was a knock on the door. I checked, no one was there. I went back to cooking and here was another knock. It was my girlfriend this time. I sat her down at the table and presented my cooking to her. She loved it. But then she asked me about Piper, she saw us leaving the coffee shop together the day before when I gave her a tour. I told her what happened, not about the sex though, I told her she tried coming onto me but I rejected her. No way I was telling her the truth and screwing things up again. The doorbell rang again, no one was there. When I got back to my girlfriend the power went out. Something weird was happening, it didn’t seem like a coincidence. My girlfriend was freaked, and then my phone started ringing. When I answered it there was a lot of static. But then I heard it. Her voice. It was Piper. “Check your messages”. She sent me a video, it was a video of us having sex. It took me a minute to figure out how she got it. But then I realised, I had a security camera in my room and she must’ve stolen the video to blackmail me. She sent me another message:
“PLAY IT COOL, SCUMBAG. IF YOU DON’T WANT YOUR PRETTY LITTLE GIRLFRIEND TO SEE THIS VIDEO, MEET ME TOMORROW”. I responded to her: “Don’t tell [Girlfriend’s Name] about this or you’re dead”. She sent me directions and told me to meet her there. When I replied “fine”, the power came back on.
The next day I followed the directions she gave me. It was some industrial yard in the middle of no where. She was waiting for me with a smug grin on her face and a fucking Rolls Royce Cullinan which I have no idea how she got. The way she was talking to me, it was as if she was trying to change the story. As if I followed her there or I asked her to be there. She was delusional, saying things like I forced her to sleep with me, forced her to come to Atlanta, stole her passport so she couldn’t leave… I had no idea what she was on about so I decided to fuck it and go home. When I was walking back to my car, she threatened me with that video again. I’ll admit, I got angry, and I stormed up to her and she started acting like a damsel in distress. I yelled at her and she started gasping as if I was hitting her or scaring her or something. I told her to leave me alone and when I was walking back to my car she put her arms around me and wouldn’t let go. I gave her a small push and she flung herself back as if I’d full on shoved her. She hit the ground and I heard a guy calling out to us. He thought I’d pushed her and was coming to give me a piece of his mind. Piper told me to catch her if I wanted the video and she took off in her car and my idiot self decided to chase after her down the highway. She called me and started taunting me, and then I realised how crazy I was looking by chasing her. I realised that my girlfriend already knows how deluded Piper is so I could just say she forced me to have sex with her. I told Piper to do whatever she wanted with the video and I turned around and went to find my girlfriend.
I had her meet me at my house and I told her everything. She didn’t care. She said we were on a break and that I was fair game. I honestly couldn’t believe it at first, but she was more worried about our safety so we decided to go to the cop shop together and file a report. Before we could go my Dad called me and was super pissed because of a shit ton of charges I’d made to his AMEX. I had no idea what he was talking about so when I checked my statement you’d understand my shock when I found out that Piper had used it to pay for her flights, hotel, rental car. I didn’t understand though, I had the AMEX card in my wallet. And then it made sense. In London, I never left my phone in the pub she had stolen it and taken my credit card details from it. This was more evidence for the police. Before we could leave two cops were on my door step. Apparently Piper had been admitted to hospital for bruises and said I assaulted her before. I couldn’t believe it, she was making me look psychotic. The cops arrested me and took me down to the station.
Let me just say first that the Detective was clearly biased. She started going on about how I’m a rich entitled boy and that because I have Daddy’s money people owe me and that if I don’t get what I want I’m angry. No idea what her problem was, but I told her my story. She showed me CCTV footage from the industrial site. I knew it was a complete setup. Piper had positioned us so she was right in view of the camera. Except you couldn’t see when she forced her arms around me so it looked like I had assaulted her when she followed me. This girl had thought of everything. The Detective told me she told the hospital staff her ex-boyfriend assaulted her. More lies and delusions. She’d also told the Detective that I forced her to come to Atlanta so I could use her to end my relationship with my current girlfriend (who I’m referring to as Scarlett from here on out). I used the fancy hotel and Rolls Royce as incentives to keep her here and stole her passport so she couldn’t leave. She then showed me a picture that Piper had taken of us on the plane. She snuck onto my plane and took a photo of us while I was asleep. That’s why I slept so long, she must’ve drugged me. After a few hours I was let out of questioning pending an investigation. Piper was in the waiting room and immediately pretended to freak out when she saw me. She ran out of there and Scarlett told me I should go home. I offered to let her come with me but she told me she was going to take a walk. No idea what that was about but I obliged. When I was driving home I got a call from Piper. She told me she’d drop the charges if I sent her one nude photo of myself.
I was an idiot and desperate and I sent it to her. I know what you’re going to say, spare me the lecture. After I’d sent it I found something under my bed. It was Piper’s passport. She must’ve planted it there to support her story. Scarlett came storming into my bedroom after, I knew why Piper wanted me to send her the photo. She was meeting with Scarlett at the time to try and convince her that I was a bad person. She made it look like I had sent her the photo on my own accord because I was obsessed with her. I fell right into her damn plan. Scarlett told me after I’d sent the photo they both went to the police to file reports. She broke up with me again, and I knew there was no changing her mind. I knew the police could be coming for me any second, so I called my friend Michael and we went to Piper’s hotel together. This friend, he’s a hacker. I needed him to find out what room she was in so we could find evidence against her. It took him a while to hack into their system and it took even longer to find her room. She wasn’t booked in under her name, she was booked in under a name that was almost distinctly like mine. Damn obsessed she is.
What we found in her room was more than enough to prove she’s crazy. Remember that video of her boyfriend cheating on her? It was a fucking TikTok. More research and it turns out when she stole my phone she turned on Find my Friends to track ME. We found her diary, it was a bloody scrap book of photos of me. This was everything I needed to prove my innocence. I immediately made a beeline to the police station… but Piper was already there.
She was making a big scene about how I’d been harassing her because of my “sick twisted obsession”. Her scene made me so angry that I snapped at her! She ran out of the police station and I chased after her again. She kept enticing me as we drove. I followed her all the way to some farm estate out in the country. I followed her into a field. I still remember what she said to me: “You wanna play hide and seek? Come and find me”. She took off running and I followed her. Eventually I lost her, but then I heard something behind me and everything went black. The next morning I woke up in my car. Blood covering my hands and a cut on my head. Piper’s car was there too but there was no sign of her. I knew things weren’t good so I got the hell out of there. When I was driving home I was pulled over by a cop. Apparently a warrant had been issued for my arrest after a 911 call came through from Piper last night. The cop found her bloody jacket and a knife in my car and I was taken in. They never found her body but with the 911 call, the bloody clothes and the DNA in my car they came to the conclusion that she had been met with foul play and I was the assailant.
Three weeks later and I was in prison with a life sentence. I finally got to have visitors. Scarlett visited me and she told me she thought Piper was still alive and she and my hacker friend were trying to find her ex-boyfriend who could give them clues. It was a sad gathering because I couldn’t leave and when I got back to my cell there were three guys waiting for me who attacked me because apparently they don’t tolerate murdering women. The search continued for Piper’s body and apparently the Detective started having doubts about the story too. Eventually my hacker friend was able to find Piper’s ex-boyfriend. He told them the whole story. Her name was fake, she was using a name similar to his. He said she was dangerous and that we should stay away from her. She tried to kill him after he rejected her marriage proposal. She stabbed him and when he played dead she disappeared off the face of the earth. They had all the evidence they needed. Along with the diary, they handed it all to the Detective. She ordered my immediate release. But Piper wasn’t going to accept that. She kidnapped Scarlett and snuck her onto a private jet to London.
When I was finally brought home, she called me and told me she’d kill Scarlett if I didn’t come to London. She told me what happened that night at the farm. She lured me into the field and then knocked me out. She dragged me back to my car, stabbed herself with the knife and planted the evidence in my car before stealing another car and going into hiding. She kept constant tabs on me and watched as her plan fell together.
The flight to London was quick and when I got there she lured me to an abandoned house. She had Scarlett tied up in the Basement. I ran down and untied her but then Piper came out and was dressed exactly like her. Same clothes, same tattoos, same hair. She’d had a complete mental break. She was looking like fucking Carrie with the candles she was holding in her hand. I didn’t understand the candles but then I caught a whiff of an accelerant. She was going to burn us to death. I tried to treat her as Scarlett and convince her to let me out of the house so we could get help. She wasn’t buying it. She threw the candles on the ground and the house went up in flames. If she couldn’t have me, no one could.
I grabbed Scarlett and carried her out of the basement. Piper tried to follow me but I kicked her back into the flames. I can’t even describe how terrifying her screams were as she was engulfed in the flames. We ran out of the basement, but Piper was still alive. She grabbed me with her charcoal hand and begged for her life. I told Scarlett to keep going and I kicked Piper in the face and she fell into the flames once more. I ran out of the house and met Scarlett. It was finally all over… or so I thought. Piper came running out of the house covered in flames. She said we could never kill her and she would always be here. She misstepped and fell through partially melted ice into an ice cold lake. The flames covering her body went out and her body fell to the bottom of the lake. This time it was over.
Flash forward to six months later. Scarlett and I have been taking all the time in the world to be with each other. We’ve been in London the whole time as the investigation came to a close. They didn’t find her body but they think it just disintegrated from the fire and the remains of her body evaporated into the water. Scarlett and I are closer than we’ve ever been and I think this whole conundrum has been a learning lesson for us. Every now and then as I’m walking I see a flash of blonde hair turn the corner as I’m walking. Sometimes I see her face, but I know it’s not her. It can’t be. She’s dead.
I debated for a long time posting this story here, but I decided it was finally time to share it with the world. I’m sitting here in my apartment finishing it up right now. Oh hang on, there’s a knock on the door. It must be Scarlett, she was out shopping for dinner. Either way, thanks for listening.
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2020.11.26 19:30 ChronicleGive Beach sex caught on camera

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2020.11.02 01:38 OldmanRevived Beach sex caught on camera

First up was Spell
"Spell" is a dreary, dimwitted movie that starts off well, quickly grinds to a halt and concludes with a finale that will leave anyone who actually paid money to see it feeling profoundly ripped off, even if they did manage to get the senior discount. I don't mind old-fashioned fright-fests; why, earlier today I watched a very impressive haunted house movie called "His House." But "Spell" doesn't try to be anything more than a minor twist on an old formula. It's a simple misfire that will fade blissfully from our collective cinematic memories.
The movie assembles the building blocks of idiot-proof thrillers: Stings, false alarms and point-of-view baits-and-switches. We'll get back to those. The setup involves Marquis (Omari Hardwick), a successful big-city lawyer with a lovely wife named Veora (Lorraine Burroughs) and two teenage children, Tydon (Kalifa Burton) and Samsara (Hannah Gonera). After briefly establishing Marquis as a cutthroat attorney with few to no moral qualms, the screenplay gets right to the point: Marquis' father, who lived in some foothills in a rural area of Kentucky, has died. The family decides to return to the land of Marquis' difficult childhood for the funeral, and to set his remaining affairs in order.
While flying a single-engine airplane to the remote area, the family is caught up in a nasty thunderstorm. The plane goes down, and Marquis, alone and surprisingly in good condition, awakens in the attic of a farmhouse. Tending to him is Eloise (Loretta Devine), an old-fashioned healer in the tradition of Hoodoo, and seemingly a kindly older woman. The rest of Eloise's family includes her husband Earl (John Beasley) and a tall, muscular farmhand named Lewis (Steve Mululu). They get Marquis back to bed, before Eloise renders him unconscious with a dose of some powerful powder.
The course of this story should be pretty apparent. Marquis keeps trying to escape his captivity, and in the process, he learns a lot of disquieting information about the people supposedly taking care of him. Trapped in that attic, restrained by an injured foot and a locked door, his ventures outside the upper room are limited. He somehow manages to sneak out anyway; first, to the roofs of the house and the barn, where he witnesses a faith revival of sorts involving healing and animal sacrifice, and later, into the house, evading the occupants to find some clues about what has happened to his family.
The screenplay doesn't really bring anything of interest to the proceedings. There are way too many scenes involving Marquis surreptitiously sneaking around the house and then trying to get back into bed before being discovered, and the black magic aspect is handled more like a heavy-handed gimmick than anything else. There are plenty of gruesome bits here and there - the standout being the one where Marquis discovers the true source of his injured foot - but virtually nothing in the way of tension or suspense.
Ominous signs have been portending even before they got to Kentucky. It always begins with the wrong gas station. In real life, most gas stations are clean, well-lighted places. In horror movies, however, the only gas station in the world is located on a desolate road in a godforsaken backwater. It is staffed by a degenerate who shuffles out in his coveralls and runs through a disgusting repertory of scratchings, spittings, chewings, twitchings and leerings. The movie also features the throwaway role of a sheriff who could possibly come to the rescue at some point. But let's be realistic here: I've seen enough horror movies by now to know that the sheriff never saves the day.
Now that we've analyzed the tawdry tricks the movie uses to pound the audience, is there anything else to be said about "Spell"? Not really. It contains no characters of any interest, no dialogue worth hearing, no originality of conception, and no ambition. While the film doesn't quite cheat in the way that it brings Hoodoo back into the fold, the machinations involved do pretty much stretch the boundaries of plausibility to the breaking point. When a movie begins, I imagine an empty room in my mind that is about to be filled. This movie left the room furnished only with dust and a few dead flies.

Next up was Madre
It's quite easy to imagine the multitude of ways in which a film such as "Madre" could have gone in the wrong direction. It could have played its central character, a single and socially awkward woman in her late 30s, as a joke. It could have treated the story's main hook, in which the woman develops an infatuation with a man a few decades her junior, as something weird or unappealing. Her actions in pursuing her feelings, which aren't always socially or morally acceptable, could have been creepy. And yet, surprisingly, the movie avoids all of the possible pitfalls.
This story is quiet, tranquil, and methodical, offering unspoken but patently obvious motives for a pair of characters who are connected by nothing, save for the desire to connect to each other. They talk, often and a lot, but, when they speak, neither directly says what's in the deepest part of each one's heart. Both care less about sex than about feelings and wild youthful idealism. They are likable in spite of being exasperating, unorganized, self-destructive and impervious to good advice.
There's the opening scene, which presents a parental nightmare in real time. It begins in an empty beach somewhere in France, before the scene transitions to an apartment somewhere in Spain. Elena (Marta Nieto) has returned home with her mother (Blanca Apilánez), and the two chat about the daughter's dinner plans. But then, Elena receives a phone call. It's from her 6-year-old son, currently on a trip with the boy's father, who's Elena's ex-husband. Iván, the son, is somewhere on a beach. His father is nowhere in sight, as he went back to the camper the two were traveling in to retrieve Iván's toys.
It has been a while. Long enough for Iván to worry. The boy has no idea what beach he's on or even which country it is located in. The grandmother takes over the conversation while Elena calls the police and slowly realizes that help isn't coming for her son. The scene is shot all in one take. The camera follows her trying to comfort her son as the situation escalates. The boy eventually spots a man; a stranger calling for him. There's an unseen chase on the other end of the line, and shortly after, the call ends.
Without further exposition, the movie jumps ahead ten years. Elena now lives in the French beach town where Iván disappeared. She manages a beachside restaurant, lives alone in an apartment, and has a steady boyfriend named Joseba (Alex Brendemühl), who occasionally spends the night and wants Elena to move in with him somewhere away from this place.
While walking on the beach, Elena spots a teenage boy named Jean (Jules Porier), whose face, based only on her reaction, looks eerily familiar to her. She can't stop looking. She follows him to his home. He notices, and then, Jean can't stop looking at Elena. I will call the feeling that starts to guide Elena's actions concerning the boy as a mother's desire. They both aim to establish their own connection, to the point where senses and reason are confused and altered. Neither one of them is willing or able to say what they want from it.
Then something happens. A review should not tell you what it is. It changes our expectations for the story, which turns out to be about matters more deeply embedded in the heart than we could have imagined. The film unfolds its true story, which is about the relationship of Elena and Jean - about how hurt and sadness turn to anger and blame. There are scenes as true as movies can make them, and even when the story develops dramatic elements, they are redeemed, because the movie isn't about what happens, but about why.
Most sexual relationships in the movies have a limited number of possible outcomes, but this one is a mystery. Another mystery is, what's wrong with Elena? She is not simply an adventuress, a sexual experimenter, a risk-taker. Some buried pathology is at work. Jean's idle thoughts about an experienced older woman have turned into nightmares about experiences he doesn't even want to know about. Joseba, on the other hand, is pushed off to the side. He tries to help Elena at all times, and with all the patience he has.
All of this could be uncomfortable, but there's a firm, unnegotiable line established by the filmmaking and the performances. The boy lusts for the woman. The woman knows this, but she also ensures that nothing will happen. The boy, after all, is the only remnant she has of her missing son, even if she also knows, deep down and less likely to be spoken, that it is all a fantasy formed of pain, uncertainty, and evaded grief.
Director Rodrigo Sorogoyen likes to listen to his characters talk. Elena and Jean don't have much to do, besides work at the few run-of-the-mill jobs, and we learn some details about their lives. They walk around and sit around and idly discuss the mysteries of life. At some points they come very close to crossing a line of boundaries, but quickly pull themselves away. People, especially Joseba and the boy's parents (Anne Consigny and Frédéric Pierrot), start noticing how much time they spend together, although the rumors surrounding Elena's history in town prevent people from assuming the worse.
Two emotional upheavals strike at the narrative of "Madre." One is inevitable; the parents are enraged to learn that Jean and Elena are in a fling. The other is not inevitable, and I will not even hint about it. There is a scene where it is discussed using only body language, in long shot. The thing about real love is, if you lose it, you can also lose your ability to believe in it, and that hurts even more. Especially in a town where real love may be the only world-class thing that ever happens.
submitted by OldmanRevived to MLPLounge [link] [comments]

2020.10.27 14:01 openchips Don’t think I have it in me to drag myself out of another hole again

I know nobody has time to read this whole thing but I need to get it out before I do something bad.
When I was 16 I was sexually assaulted, I think? I blocked it out and thought it would go away. The whole time it was happening all I could think of was the times my mother had called me a s*** or a w**** growing up and how she was right.
When I was 17 I got into my first relationship. From the start there were red flags, but I was head over heels in love. About a year into it, my mum suddenly had a mental breakdown where she thought people were following her and even asked me to check in the roof to see if there was anyone in there. She went to a mental hospital, then she ended up divorcing my dad.
At the same time, my ex’s dad went to jail. We both spent about 2 years avoiding our homes, meeting a great group of friends who were also going through difficult times. They became our family. We would smoke weed and embrace having our licences to explore our hometown and other fun things.
Then eventually every single couple in that group became toxic. I used tumblr as an outlet for everything that was going on in my life. But stupidly I put the link on my Instagram. My ex was in his last year of school and I had graduated the year before. A couple of the girls (S) and (T) in his grade started following me, and although I thought it was weird, they also shared similar posts on their blogs about their battles with depression and their complicated problems with boys.
One of them ended up (S) messaging me a few times and letting me know she was there for me if I wanted to chat. We ended up confiding in each other about things such as self harm etc or if we were having a bad night. Eventually things got weird when she started posting stuff that seemed almost like cryptic messages that she was also seeing my boyfriend at the time. I still don’t know if I was right or not but it caused a lot of problems in our relationship.
They ended up having some kind of ??? something for at least a year or two of our on and off relationship. They both denied it but I had proof. I still don’t know if it began before or after I started becoming possessive. He even asked her to have a threesome with us.
One of my ex’s friends (I) started dating this other girl (T) who followed my blog. From looking through her tumblr and her Instagram she seemed like a bit of a manipulator so I warned both him (I) and my ex that it might not be a good idea. I ended up giving her a chance but she eventually cheated on (I) with at least two other guys in the friend group, splitting them apart. My ex also admitted to me (by accident) when he was drunk one night that (I) was mad at him because he had kissed (T).
Eventually T and my ex started hanging out all of the time. They also hung out with the guy who she cheated on (I) with. This guy was abusive to my best friend, and also put huge dents in the side of my car one night using a stop sign he had pulled out of the ground.
Apart from this I also saw my ex try to kiss another girl in front of my face, and then apologise to her in front of me. And then (according to my friends) he told the girl to meet him somewhere else in the club. He never really apologised. Just said he doesn’t remember it.
There were many other stories on top of that to do with girls. He also dealt drugs, while my dad is a detective. He had people run through his house with machettes. They beat up my best friends abusive ex with a baseball bat. They came back again when I was there because my ex didn’t want to be there alone.
My ex’s friend (I), has been in the picture since I started dating my ex. I always had a bit of a soft spot for him, because he’s really funny. He’s always up to mischief and acting silly. I think I had a soft spot for him because during the times that my ex and I were arguing, he was one of the only people who could brighten my day by being his crazy self. He was also one of the only boys in the group who would get mad at my ex when he was treating me wrong.
Of course this didn’t make my ex happy. Any time he would make me laugh, my ex would get jealous. But what was I supposed to do? Sit there in silence? So that’s what I did. I never had any intentions towards him. Or even feelings for him. He just cheered me up when I was down. He’d cheer everyone up except my ex.
Eventually I left that relationship when I was about 21. He quickly got a new gf or whatever she was, that he met through (T) and moved overseas with her for a few months. Posted her all over social media and took her to the beach. Things he would never do with me. He also bragged about how at least she’s a virgin etc. (T) and I had a falling out because I didn’t want to be friends with someone who had kissed my ex (whenever it was), was hanging out with my best friends abusive ex, who cheated on our friend (I) and who introduced my ex to this new girl.
During this time I became very self destructive. Going home with and sleeping with random boys every second weekend. Crying straight afterwards. Forgetting their names etc etc. At the same time this boy (B) from my work started talking to me. We slept together a couple of times, and then he ghosted me. I’m not sure if he was put off by the fact I was clearly a mess at that time, or if he just used me.
After this I began to actually really think about what happened to me when I was 16. That I had been I guess sexually assaulted. I realised I had never really acknowledged it until then. I tried to during my relationship, but my ex didn’t know how to handle it I guess. Which I don’t blame him now. But his social circles included the guy who did it.
I tried to move on from the pain that these men had caused me. I began a uni course, and I had a goal in my mind to move to Canada at the end of it. Something I had put off since I was 17. I stuck through the first year, despite having fall outs with various friends.
Then I started my second year of uni. (B) came in and out of my life every few months only to play with my emotions and disappear again. I also struggled with holding a relationship with my mum. Because every time I’d see her she would spend the entire time crying about how much she missed me, while sitting on her phone ignoring me when I’d speak.
Halfway through the year, my ex and I started hanging out occasionally after not seeing one another for a year. I’m not really sure why. One of these times (I) was there when we went to have drinks. He started hitting on me a little bit, even though my ex was sitting right next to me. I told him to quit it and to go get a glass of water. I was flattered but I also didn’t want to make my ex uncomfortable.
My ex and I would see each other maybe once a month for about a year, and slept together maybe 2-3 times during that time. (B) also reappeared and then disappeared. My ex had been hanging out with this girl, who he denied he had anything more than a friendship with.
During this time, (I) started dating (S), the girl who caused issues in my relationship for years. At the start I was worried for him, since he’d been cheated on twice before. He knew I didn’t like her, and brought it up several times, but I restrained myself from telling him any details. I told him that I have no hard feelings for her, as people can change, but I just don’t want to be friends with her. I think when they started dating it made me begin to wonder if maybe I cared about (I) more than I had realised. As I had thoughts of “why does she get to have someone like him.” “She doesn’t deserve him etc”. I pushed these thoughts to the side because well, (I) was my ex’s friend so there was no point in even letting my thoughts go down that path as it could never happen. (I) and (S) also seemed to be doing okay so I was happy for them and thought that maybe she’d had changed.
About four months ago, my ex and I were at the same party as we share the same group of friends. He ended up asking me the day after the party if we could work things out. I told him that maybe we could take things slowly, as recently (for some reason) I had been wondering if maybe things would be different now that we were a bit older and had spent some time apart. I told him that once I’d caught up with some of my uni we could maybe catch up for a coffee.
As a couple of weeks went past I gradually remembered why this was a bad idea, and was thinking of letting him know I had changed my mind.
Well (S) ended up cheating on (I) and he came to me for comfort. He asked to come to my house one night after I’d finished work, “not to be flirty” but to watch a movie or something. I kind of thought there might be a possibility things would happen between us. But I kept telling myself that it was wrong to do that to my ex, and then even if there was a spark I should wait until he’s over (S). Take things slow I guess.
Well that didn’t happen. He ended up kissing me and asking me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I was a bit shocked but I thought, why not. I actually really like him. We ended up sleeping together. My dad ended up coming home early with his new girlfriend and so (I) was quickly introduced to them.
My dad made fun of me, but it kind of felt nice that we got that out of the way without worrying about it. It kind of felt cool that my dad had found someone to make him happy and now I had found something good. After both of us had a pretty hard time over the past few years. We both deserved it.
I went to his a couple of days later and spoke with (I)‘s parents. They also know of my ex and don’t like him at all. His dad told him to make sure he takes things seriously with me.
For the first week or so we kept it to ourselves as we obviously didn’t want to deal with the potential scrutiny from our friend group. And we also didn’t know how to bring it up with my ex.
A week later, the girl that it turns out my ex WAS seeing.. messaged (I) crying that my ex had cheated on her. This meant that they were most likely together when my ex had asked me to work things out. Although I still felt bad about seeing my ex’s friend. It did make me feel a little less guilty.
About a week after that, (I) decided that he didn’t want to be in a relationship and that he wanted to start seeing each other only once or twice a week. I was pretty upset, as I would’ve been happy to take it slow from the beginning but he was the one who suggested we become a couple. I understood though that he had only just recently got out of a relationship, and that he was trying to take time for himself. As over the past few years he never took much time before getting into the next relationship. He said he didn’t want to be seen as that kind of guy.
Although he ended up asking me to come to his pretty much every night, despite me asking if he was sure that was a good idea. So I did. He knew from the start that I had clear intentions of being with him. I still wish that I had given him more space, but I really liked him and I couldn’t help myself.
For the past three months I’ve spent most nights at his. Minus the two weeks he went away for work. I spent lots of time with his family. I loved the fact that his family was normal compared to my ex’s. I’d never had that before. His dad even gave me his old film camera, and it turns out my dads been getting his haircuts from (I)‘s mum for years. I also was friends with his big brother before I ever met (I) or my ex. So it was nice to have a familiar face from the better times there too. I also opened up to him about my sexual assault ?? and told him that it’s something I’m still coming to terms with and he was very comforting and told me he was glad I told him and that it was important to him that I tell him if I ever feel triggered. I’d never been able to about it to a guy before. It felt so nice. I also liked the fact that I didn’t have to go through the process of thoroughly explaining the trauma my ex out through to a potential new partner, and coming off as damaged or still not over it.
We planned to go out to his grandparents farm that his parents work on each weekend. We eventually made things more public in our circle of friends, expecting hate but being told that they think we are good together and that they support our decision. Even though they still talk to my ex sometimes, they aren’t a big fan on him either.
(I) also told my ex and his ex that we were talking. When he went away for two weeks for work he called me most nights. I was kind of worried while he was away he’d suddenly have a change of heart but he actually asked me if I was happy to try and progress things when he got back.
Well, since we began hanging out. He also started hanging out with 2 of his old female friends from his high school days. Apparently they lost touch for 6 or so years because they got into relationships where their boyfriends made them cut contact with everyone in their lives. They just so happened to reconnect around the same time (I) and I started hanging out.
I was a bit cautious of this because of the timing, and also because (I) told me himself that he used to have a crush on one of them (A) for a long time. But he reassured me the feelings were in the past and that they were just his best friends from years ago.
He invited them over for drinks several weekends in a row, and we all got along. (I) and myself had several calm conversations about trust issues, as both of us obviously have them and wanted to tell each other we understood. We’d both been hurt by the same people. I’d seen him go through some pretty tough experiences and it hurt me to watch it happen. I thought he would maybe feel the same but I’m not sure. He told me he understood though and that it sucks to overthink. He seemed to be wanting more reassurance from me too and even asked me to “mend his broken heart”.
I had a few concerns with how he would act with this girl (A), it just seemed a bit too friendly and flirty to me. I bought it up a couple of times and told him I was sorry and I didn’t mean to be insecure. He reassured me that I had nothing to worry about, but didn’t really tone it down. (A) also started sleeping with one of his friends so I told myself everything was okay, and he also mentioned this to try and make me feel better I guess?
Well my paranoia wouldn’t go away, as he was constantly messaging her and inviting her to hang out with us all the time. They became best friends on Snapchat for two weeks straight and it seemed like whatever she had with his friend was more of a passing casual thing. I bought it up a little more firmly and we had our first argument. He got super defensive and then we dropped it. Had a really great night with all of our friends. But then the weird super close behaviour kept continuing.
A couple of days ago (A) and her friend ended up going to (I)’s house for drinks while I was at work. I was a little anxious about it but he basically begged me to come over after work so I didn’t worry too much. When I got there I was a little weird about the fact he didn’t invite any of the boys over and that it was just him and the two girls. But I tried to be friendly with them anyway and even grabbed (A) a better blanket before we went to bed.
(I) and myself ended up having the best sex we’d ever had. We’d had really great sex many times before. I struggle to keep quiet and usually get pretty embarrassed afterwards but he tells me that it’s okay and that his dad told him his downstairs bedroom was soundproof. I wasn’t sure if I believed that. We ended up having the best sex I’d ever had in my life. But then afterwards all I could think about was if he did it to show off to (A) since she was just upstairs and could definitely hear. I was so scared because I just knew she would be jealous.
The next day I had to do uni, but I have been falling behind all semester (and I’m probably going to fail every class, I’ve never failed one) so I ended up crying a bit. I told him that I was embarrassed and didn’t want to be like that around him so said that maybe I should just go home. Instead of hugging me or something he got kind of stand offish as if he couldn’t be bothered dealing with it. This made it even harder for me to do my work. But he told me “no don’t get mad and just leave, you can stay here” and I told him I wasn’t mad I was just embarrassed.
Then all of a sudden he decided he was going to go and do something that night. He started messaging a million people asking what they were up to including (A). When I asked him what he was going to do he told me he might go and visit his brother but he wasn’t sure. I asked if I did something wrong but he said “what do you mean I’m not doing anything”. I happened to see him put his password in that morning and I told myself that I shouldn’t go through his phone, since that was a behaviour I hated myself for in my past relationship. I know it’s an invasion of privacy. But something just felt like I was meant to see it.
He went and had a shower and while he in there I quickly went on his phone and found a few messages including one from her saying that she heard some “loud noises” last night. Another one on his Instagram from sometime in the past week where he just sent “lonely” and she heart reacted it. He’d also publicly commented on her photo “my god” knowing I could see it, but acted like it was nothing. And then I also saw that he was actually going to hang out with (A), not his brother.
I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t want him to know id gone through his phone. But when he got out of the shower I asked him again what he was doing and not even five seconds after he said “I told you already I’m going to see my brother” she started calling. So I confronted him and said “you’re going to hang out with A aren’t you?” And he got mad and said no.
I got up and said “I’m not f***ing doing this, I know you’re lying to me, it’s obvious”. But he still denied it and said “what am I not allowed to have friends?” I grabbed my stuff and went to my friends house. I mentioned that we should drive past (A)s house as a joke but my friend and her brothers girlfriend convinced me to actually do it since they wouldn’t recognise their car.
I know this is crazy behaviour but in the past I ignored my instincts in these kinds of situations and ended up being right.
Well we ended up seeing them pull up, go inside and eventually saw them go into her room and lay down to watch a movie. We thought that that was enough info to know he was being suss but couldn’t help but keep watching. We didn’t see much but it looked like they were giving each other massages since they kept getting up and going to the other side of the bed.
I called him twice and he ignored my calls so I texted his brother and asked if he had heard from (I). His brother said “no, he told me he was with you and the girls”. And then obviously told (I).
(I) ended up texting me saying “is this a joke? can you not message my brother, am I not allowed to have friends?”. But still didn’t admit to lying. I know maybe it was wrong of me but I was friends with his brother already so I don’t see why I can’t ask that.
I ended up going home. But when I couldn’t go to sleep I got curious and went back but his car was gone. So I went to his and went inside and turned the lights on. He was in bed with the other girl (clothed) and (A) was sleeping on the couch. I felt pretty stupid at this point but I just said “I’m not stupid” and went home. I texted him and said that trust doesn’t come back, so that’s that. He got mad at me for coming to his which is fair enough, but he still never admitted that he went to (A)s house. He just said that they went to dinner while they waited for her friend to finish work. But I have a feeling they just changed to his house once his brother messaged him.
We had a big argument and came to the conclusion that neither of us wanted this anymore. I was kind of hoping that he’d end up messaging me apologising for lying, since apparently he knows what it’s like to have trust issues. And besides this he seemed to really like me. I’ve never wanted something so bad and this short three months has been so nice.
Well, I’ve basically failed this whole semester of uni. I think I would’ve even if he wasn’t in the picture but it’s just the worst timing ever. I really don’t want to have to tell my friends or my dad about this. I already hated the fact I had until next year to finish my course but if I continue now it will be even longer. Either that or I throw away 2.5 years of pushing myself through hell.
He messaged me today and asked if we could still be friends. I told him I’d like that but I think we should talk about it. He said “what do you mean talk about it?”.
I decided to try one last time and told him that I thought that there was potential for something really good between us if we put in the work. But he still told me he just wanted to be friends. Didn’t give me a reason. Now I’m so confused why he would spend the past three months asking if I still liked him and asking me not to hurt him and telling me about plans for the future and cuddling up to me every night.
I’m shattered. I just don’t know if I have it in me to pull myself out of this hole again. I’ve really never wanted something more than this. For the first time in years I was starting to be okay with being alone, and then he came along. I know they say if you’ve done it before you can do it again. But I just can’t. I know that no matter what, some of his behaviour wasn’t great. He was definitely flirty with her. But either I’m right and he’s just had his eyes on her the whole time. The happy girl without the stress of uni, who does better art than me, who’s prettier than me, who knows how to cook, who isn’t a picky eater. Or, I really was just being psychotic and I ruined it.
I want to ask him why so badly, but I know there’s no point.
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2020.09.28 11:05 Meda28Sepl2 Beach sex caught on camera

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2020.09.25 21:36 dourdan Beach sex caught on camera

Rise of Hellion ch5: Norcal
Rise of Hellion ch5: Norcal (Barry Pepper fanart fiction inspiration)

I was pregnant, that much was certain. (The influx of hormones explained a few moments that I'd rather forget.) It all started when Anya and I hitched a ride to Seattle with a van full of stoners, heading to a music festival. My metal legs were in decent, usable shape although the straps had seen better days. I was struggling to keep up with Anya’s able-bodied, human legs, but I was grateful to have her as my friend.
She walked with a sweet, sensual confidence; something that made people want to trust her, to know her. Along the way, we got free cigarettes, food and even money. We met the sexy college-age stoners (three men and two women) in a truck stop in Oregon. I never even had to talk.
I was offered copious amounts of pills, cheap vodka and weed. I tried to take just enough to relax and sleep my way to Washington. But through it all, I started to remember more and more details of my encounter with Noah. Piece by piece, each moment came back to me in the form of the Flower Child (my neon glowing guardian angel) leading me through a series of rusty metal doors. Each door led me to a different part of that night’s conversation. Apparently, I had told Noah about my past sexual abuse, running away from home, and getting my legs blown off: total cringe.
"I feel like I was put on this earth to serve powerful men," said the drunk, past version of me.
"Powerful men?" Noah said with a chuckle. "Like congressmen and shit? Good thing there are no powerful men here, just a bunch of screw ups and good-old-boys." Noah put his arm around me, holding me close. "And you, our newest teammate."
"You were great out there," he said taking another drag off the cigarette. "A real assassin."
I cupped his face, with the biggest smile. "What would you say if I kissed you?" Before Noah could reply I brushed my mouth to his. "Sorry." I was giggling uncontrollably.
Noah smiled sweetly, placing a finger to my cheek. "Do I make you nervous?”
I bit my lip, lost in his eyes. “I feel like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."
A jolt of pain blinked me back to reality as my head smashed into the roof of the van. We were flying, falling, eventually crashing. I was already in the back, comfortably wrapped in a blanket, so I was able to punch my way out of the back window. Looking around I could see the van had fallen down a steep cliff, landing on a beach. "Anya!" I shouted, hoping to God she was alive.
I struggled to my feet which was difficult to do with my left leg falling off. Suddenly, two arms grabbed me, pulling me backward towards the water. I tried to scream, but was too injured to fight back, especially when my captor started to pick up speed. This was a human, flesh and blood but he was moving as fast as a car.
So, I just buried my face against the abductor's chest to protect myself from the g-force. We landed on a wooden surface with a thud. I expected to hit my head, but the man carried me like a bride, placing me down carefully on a hospital bed. When I caught my breath, I sat up just enough to look around; somehow, we were on a boat. "Did you just walk on water?" I asked with a forced chuckle.
"Just one of my many superpowers," replied a familiar voice.
"Tony!" I shouted. My body filled with energy, I sprang up, throwing my arms around him.
"I miss you too, kid." Tony returned the embrace, looking over my shoulder. "Yo, Axel."
"Axel's here?" I heard his footsteps before I heard his voice.
"Is the target secure?"
"Affirmative," Tony replied.
"The target?" I asked, suddenly feeling less homesick for my TAC friends.
"Just a formality," Axel said as he patted my arm. "We're glad to have you back."
"Me or just my bionic legs?" Both were still attached but holding on by a thread.
"You would be technically correct," Axel said with a friendly smile. "Your legs are lo-jacked. I'm surprised the Lifers let you keep them." Our fearless leader went to the front of the boat, steering us in the direction of a very noticeable helicopter. "We tracked you to the artic base, that was why we sent the unit in after the battery.”
"Um, what?" I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart. I was the reason why Noah was in trouble, and possibly dead.
"TAC wanted it's property back, but we wanted you back.”
"Who's we?" The people who love me? Was that what Axel was going to say?
"I for one, and certainly Tony." Axel made it to the pickup point, signaling for the chopper to lower the ropes to attach to my bed.
"Yes, sir," Tony said, taking a seat on my hospital bed. together we were raised up to the cargo hold. Upon reaching the landing pad, the door shut.
I could see where a single pilot was controlling every aspect of the process. The roar of the engine was so loud, speech was impossible, as I found out the hard way. "Where are we going?" I shouted as loud as I could.
"What?" Tony replied.
My throat was already sore, and I didn’t feel like repeating myself. Instead, I simply rested my body while blinking tears from my eyes.
Tony took it upon himself to hold me close, rocking me in his arms like a frightened child. "We're headed to Vancouver, you'll love it there, I promise. I'll be with you every step of the way."
I sobbed, burying my face in Tony's shoulder. Grateful that I somehow heard his words of kindness over the roar of the wind.
He held my hand, giving my fingers a squeeze. I could imagine he was thinking about all the horrible things Anya and Baron had done, how I must be crying out of fear or even pain. He would never in a million years, guess why my heart was broken.
Tony's breath was trembling. Was he cold? Or did he truly care? The very idea seemed so sweet. And that was why I kissed him.
Tony closed his eyes and smiled. Maybe he silently mouthed my name, I wasn’t sure, but I’d like to think so. I placed my hand to his chest. He was wearing body armor, so moved my hand lower, to his belt. I knew the pilot could see us, possibly even heard us, but I didn’t care.
Tony could have stopped me but he didn’t. I’d had sex with beautiful boys like Tony before. He was so open and gentle, possibly a virgin. The idea made me want him even more; I wanted to be the one to make the robot-superhero-boy into a real man.
We held on to each other even after landing in Canada. "I'll give you two a moment," the pilot shouted from his seat. There was other stuff to unload from the back, giving us time to make ourselves presentable.
"Was I your first,” I asked with all the flirty seduction of a teen prostitute who watched too many Disney movies.
Tony laughed awkwardly as he helped me off the cargo ramp. “I still can’t believe that just happened.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. I was a slut; I was a whore, but at least I was the one in control. “I just needed to feel something.”
“Love?” Was he being sarcastic? I couldn’t tell. Yet in that moment he sounded human.
“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what love is.” Looking into Tony’s dark eyes, I knew my plan; I would learn to love Tony, I would give Dr. Toki the super soldier baby that she wanted.
Which brings me to today.
It had been a little over a week of working out, eating great food and spending time on the beach. I had been feeling a little sick, so I was given a pregnancy test in the form of a urine strip. It was the kind that was supposed to show either one or two lines. It showed nothing, as if I had no female hormones at all. (Apparently that was not uncommon for females who survived trauma.) I was told to return to training; weights, cardio etc. The Vancouver TAC base was a nice enough facility but there was no outdoor gym, not even a track. I would work out with Tony, competitively trying to stay on the treadmill longer (I'd given up on trying to out lift him.)
During our downtime, we were watching cartoons while drinking weird Gatorade mixtures, when suddenly the local news reported a breaking story. “What the hell?” I groaned. “What could be so important that they had to interrupt syndicated reruns of Bob’s Burgers?”
“A team of heavily armored individuals have been attacking parked vehicles in the downtown area.” The camera zoomed in on a masked man wearing Noah’s armor. Was this Noah, was he alive?
I gripped my chest, sinking my nails in to my skin. Was I high? Was I dreaming? I could feel my heart pounding right before I fell forward.
Tony rushed to my side, and stayed with me even as I started vomiting. I went limp in his arms as he carried me to the medical ward.
That was when I was given a blood test, followed by an ultrasound. I was unquestionably pregnant. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but no sleep came. The last thing I remember was holding Tony's hand.
"Does Tony have access to the third floor of the sub level?" the voice came from everywhere and nowhere.
“What?” The words made no sense given the vast number of buildings on the base. There could even be a sub-terrain lower level I didn’t even know about.
“Never mind,” the echo said with a groan.
I awoke gasping for air. I was no longer in a bed but rather on a rooftop in the pouring rain. I wanted to pull my legs close, in to a fetal position. If only to stay warm, but my prosthetics were gone. “Fuck my life.”
In the distance I could see a human figure; a man walking a large animal, like a lion or a bear. "Noah?" I said in a whisper. What was he? Did he take me from the clinic? Was he going to kill me?
The human figure let go of the animal, before taking a few steps back. The animal made a deep, sickly, inhuman sound but did not advance further. The human groaned, still standing out of view. He moved his hand, striking the creature in the back. The sound was sickening as metal tore through skin.
"Noah, please stop!" I crawled to the injured creature. Clearly it didn’t want to hurt me or anyone. I reached out my hand, the way I would for a stray dog. But once I was close enough to see the creature’s face I screamed. “Oh, dear God.” Even through all the armor and mutilation, I could never forget his blue eyes. “Noah, what did they do to you?”
Noah had deep scars all over his body; arms, shoulders, and back. On his neck was a collar held on by two spikes; one in his throat and another in his spine. The wounds were fresh, he had been bleeding very badly. It was clear he wanted to speak but couldn’t.
“It’s ok, I’m here.” It wasn’t ok, nothing about this was ok. I reached for his hand, but Noah shook his head. There were large metal braces on his hands, strange black spikes that made him look like the Marvel comic character Venom (or a demon from hell.)
Since it was clear Noah had no intention of attacking me, I stayed where I was. But if the restrained beast was Noah, then who was the standing figure? It had to be the infamous Feng, sent on behalf of Kitsune after Anya and I went missing. That made sense. And now I was completely sure I was going to die.
Noah opened his mouth, struggling for breath, “You- will- prevail.” He coughed up blood, his body convulsing. “I’ll never forget you. I could never forget you.”
I wanted so badly to hold him. Maybe I could save him or at least die trying. “I love you…” my breath trailed off. I wanted to vomit or at least scream. What kind of person falls in love with someone they knew for a single night? This isn’t a fucking Disney movie! Yet here I was. I wanted to die.
Noah swallowed hard, causing his throat to spasm as he spoke, “I will die loving you.”
The words cut me to my core. I screamed into the rain, as the standing figure pulled on the leash, dragging Noah away. All that was left of that moment was a streak of blood along the concrete roof.
I rocked back and forth crying. ‘Who was that? Where were my legs?’
"Hard to tell who you can trust," a male voice said from behind me.
"What's stopping me from hurling myself off this roof?”
“I don’t really know,” the voice replied. “The story would continue; Noah, Anya, Baron, etc. It would just be the end for you.”
“Am I the battery? Is this some kind of DaVinci code shit?" I started to scoot backward if only to adjust my weight, and immediately fell off a ledge.
My guardian angel grabbed my arm. “Hey, be careful.” It was the Flower Child but he seemed older, stronger, with a face weathered by time. "Maybe later, after you get rid of the passenger in your womb."
"Are you saying I should get an abortion first?" I asked sarcastically, through tears.
Flower Child chuckled as he took a seat at my side. "You're welcome for saving your life, Miss Nicki.”
"What are you?" I violently jerked my arm away. "Are you even real? Or are you some kind of mash up of every guy I've ever fucked?"
My emotional outburst was met with laughter. "You mean I'm your dream date? Am I your Ken, Barbie girl?"
I shook my head. "You're imaginary. I'm just talking to myself."
"Do you remember the Junior nationals, when you won your first medal?"
"No,” I replied quickly. I remembered; I just didn’t want to continue the conversation with my imaginary friend.
Flower Child nodded and stood up. "The day you won that medal was the day you became something more than a scared little girl."
"Sure." And now my brain was forcing me to remember that day. I had qualified for the vault finals but for whatever reason my coach pulled me from the rotation. No, actually I knew perfectly well why. He wanted to punish me for hiding in the bathroom when getting dressed. He liked all the girls to change in the public hallway, where he could ‘supervise,’ because we were all so disobedient.
I knew that for a fact. I still got dressed and walked out with the rest of the finalists. Right away I was pulled from the rotation. My coach had told them I was unfit to compete, which was clearly a lie since I had no injuries. I told the advocates what was happening; what my coach had down to me ever since I was six. There were tears in my eyes and I knew for a fact my coach would make my life a living hell, but was allowed to vault.
Assuming I was not in the running for a medal, I tried a vault that I had only been allowed to do in practice; The Produnova. For those of you non-gymnasts, it's when you run up to the spring board, and do a mid-air summersault without landing on your head. The legendary Elena Produnova could do two maybe three summersaults before landing. I always thought she looked like a bullet or a cannon ball.
I can remember doing my run, flying higher than I had ever been, and then landing on my feet. Every muscle in my body wanted to fall over, but I held strong. I was going to stick my landing even if it killed me. The audience was silent, in shock, awe and horror. A junior level gymnast was never meant to land The Produnova. I was supposed to be dead, crippled but I wasn’t. I was a performer and I did that vault for myself. After taking point deductions for doing the wrong vault (technical shit,) I got third place. Not that I even got to keep my medal. No one spoke for me, but no one could ever take away what was rightfully mine. But what did I have now?
The Flower Child started to walk backward, into the shadows of the rain storm. “I’ll leave that choice up to you.”
I didn’t scream or cry. in all honesty I didn’t care. He wasn't real, he was just the part of me that needed a good kick in the ass. I needed to find my way off the roof, and I needed to be smart about it. I spent the next few minutes scooting on my hands and my butt, making every movement count (as to not accidently fall to my death.) Eventually I located what was clearly a door.
Balancing on my leg stumps, I could barely reach the door handle. I tightened my core muscles to execute a leap, pulling on the handle with all my strength. It was, of course, locked. At least I had a place to rest my back. I waited until the rain stopped, taking a moment to breathe. "I could really use a rescue from a handsome prince. Or maybe a chubby-cheeked plumber named Mario? Yeah, right."
I suddenly heard a thump on the opposite side of the door, as if something had dropped down (or teleported.) "Hello?" I said with a tap. "Anyone there?" Just as I spoke, the door opened, causing my exhausted body to fall backward into a dark hallway.
I was indoors, that was something. I took a moment to lean back, anticipating my next move. I really needed to find my prosthetic legs (or some kind of replacement) so I wouldn’t have to bruise the shit out of my arms and wrists. Until then I would have to deal with scooting around like a crippled puppy.
I made my way across the hall, down a set of stairs. I wanted to scream for help but there were no security guards or human life of any kind, not even any cameras. The first hallway was lit by a single halogen bulb with a metal door (possibly a fire escape) waiting for me at the end of a short path. I went through, only to find a stairwell with only a single set of stairs going down only a single floor. “What the?”
I made my way down, then across a different hallway. Door after door had been left open, in a very distinct path. Was I being led into a trap? There were no windows, only digital lights that seemed to mark rooms with unintelligible binary numbers.
After a while, I saw a few security cameras (the kind that look like glossy black balls, or eyes, attached to the wall.) Was I being watched? The idea sort of pissed me off. Was I an experiment, a rat in a maze? Before every open door I heard a thud. It was sometimes loud, sometimes soft. The variation lead me to believe it was organic. Someone was physically opening the doors for me; they had a plan, and endgame. And I was just a plastic piece on a checkerboard; only exploring as far as my overlord wanted me to go.
The final door unlocked a server room where dozens of towers were being housed at refrigerated temperatures. The jungle of cords seem to lead to a central point. In the center of the room was a red, open suitcase with wires coming from all angles. It seemed alive, kind of like a digital sea creature. In the middle of the case, where a clam would typically house its pearl, was a small glowing D-cell battery. "The battery?" This was what Kitsune was fighting for; what Noah died for?
Every single tower appeared to be powered from the suitcase. A sound theory until I started to look closer at the plastic cylinder, housing the ‘battery.’ It was freezing cold, except for the areas near ports. That meant I was wrong; the room full of servers were trying to unload the files from the small device (resulting in a massive outpour of energy.) “Wow,” I muttered. “This must be what a Yoda byte looks like.”
My comment caused laughter; a deep, male voice spoke up from just out of my line of sight. “You’re standing in the presence of project Neptune; aka The Battery, one of the modern wonders of the world.”
“The battery is a massive glorified flash drive?” I asked, taking a step back.
"Pretty much. The only person who could have deciphered its contents is long gone."
"Noah? He was guarding it, right? Why didn’t he ever try to open it?”
“I imagine it was for the same reason why you’re not trying to make a grab for it: the damn thing’s more trouble than it’s worth.”
“You didn’t lead me here?” I turned expecting to see the Flower Child. I don’t know why, maybe on some level the voice was similar. “Axel?”
The tall imposing man stood in full camo armor. He crossed his arms, looking at the battery with a sense of nostalgia. "Noah wanted to invent his own creations," Axel said with a sigh. "And, well between you and me, I think he already knew what was on it.”
"Hi,” I said in a squeaky voice. My mind was a mix of sadness, and fear, combined with the physical pain of having walked on my hands for the past few hours. “Am I in trouble?”
“No, but you were being tested.” He picked up his com-radio. “Target is secure, stand down.” He returned his focus to our conversation. “You were taken from the clinic under the veil of bad weather. We had no idea where your assailant had put your body, until you were spotted by the cameras. Clearly someone was tracking you; someone who knew the location of the battery.”
And whoever it was, hoped that a legless teenage girl would be allowed to escape the base with the high-value target. “So, how well did you know Noah or Cronos or whatever?”
“Noah Garrison was a military asset who went AWOL. It’s assumed he suffered a mental break.”
“But you don’t believe that.”
“I knew him before he disappeared,” Axel said with a nod. “He was a genius, a warrior, a friend.”
“I didn’t even know his last name.” I bit my lip, trying not to cry. “I’m just some stupid kid at the zoo who keeps falling head first in to the animal enclosures.” That sounded about right; some were helpful creatures while others seemed to want my blood.
“Had you made a play for the battery you would have had the full force of TAC on your ass, but as it stands, I am of the belief that you are being stalked by the international terrorist known as Faust.”
“Faust?” My entire body went limp. I was now crying uncontrollably and was moments away from vomiting the contents of my empty stomach.
“Lift your arms,” Axel said like a comforting parent. “Not to be disrespectful, but I want to get you reunited with your legs as soon as possible.”
I nodded and he lifted me like a crying toddler holding me close. With his free hand he pushed a button to open a previously unseen side door. Curious, I turned my head just enough to see the massive amount of armed guards.
Axel waved his arm, and the armored soldiers stepped to the side allowing him to pass. I had never felt so safe and so loved.

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2020.09.22 13:34 Theartofme4now Beach caught sex on camera

Forward: I've written this is a first personal narrative with the target audience being a female. In my perfect world, I would write this, she would read it and her response would be something like...hell yes. Let's do this! I hope you enjoy it.
Just a Day at the Beach
We took the day to head up to Tahoe and find a secluded section of beach on the East Shore where we could relax, get naked and maybe have some fun in the sun if the privacy and conditions were right. It took some time and we had to hike a bit, but we finally found a nice piece of sand that was tucked away amongst some large boulders that would give us privacy from any onlookers.
We found our spot and spread out large beach towels out on the sand and took a look around and were very happy with our little paradise tucked away in the cove. I looked around and said, "well I don't know about you but I'm opting for no bathing suit today and I hope you're feeling the same way because you know how much I love to look at you." You replied with "Ditto...there is no way I'm getting any tan lines today." At this I caught by breath a little as I started to undress, first taking my shirt off and tossing it aside and then pulling down my trunks revealing my semi-erect cock. You glanced over and said "Wow - you really do get turned on at the possibility of us doing just about anything don't you." I laughed a little and watched you undo your bikini top and let it slide off of your shoulders and then toss it aside on top of my clothes on the side and then slide your bikini bottoms off and kicked them off as well.
After taking you in with my eyes, I walked over to you and gave you a long hard kiss and squeezed your ass and breasts just a little and asked you if you wanted to go for a dip. You replied with a "Sure - let's go cool you off before you get too carried away". We slowly walked out into the water and swam out to some rocks where we stood up in the water and made out a bit while we let the sun bathe us in the chilly water. Before too long we could hear boats getting closer and we figured we'd better get back into our spot if we wanted to keep it private and secluded. We made our way back to our towels where we laid down on our backs, eyes closed knees slightly bent and facing up to the sun. As we were laying there we could hear one of the boats getting closer and heard a couple of voices from one of the smaller boats. We glanced up and we could see an older, but good looking couple looking around and the wife had a pair of binoculars scanning the shoreline and shallow waters for a place to anchor the boat to get ashore. She caught us in her view and said "sorry about that - just looking for some open beach - looks like you two found the perfect spot." Then she followed with "do you mind if we join you? That water in front of your beach there looks to be pretty free of rocks and we can get the boat up fairly close without anchoring it out here." I looked at you and said, I don't mind if you don't, they probably can't stay long since they have a boat - they'll need to leave before too long and get back to the boat ramp they launched from." You replied with "sure - the more the merrier." Which was followed by a coy smile that made me blush a little.
I shouted back, "Sure - come on in." So they started to angle their boat towards the beach and before long they were close and I got up to help them pull the boat up on the sand while the husband pulled the motor up so it wouldn't get caught in the sand. "Hi, were Dan and Dotty - up from South Lake Tahoe. Do you mind if we go nude too?" Not at all you replied as we watched them disrobe and put their swimming clothes on the boat seats" Diane was older, but had great curves, gorgeous tits and shaved pussy and Dan was built with a good Dad bod, tanned and looked to have a pretty nice, thick and trimmed cock. They stepped off the boat with their towels and walked over and we said "Hey - we're Art and Jessie." "We just came up for the day to get away and enjoy some of this warm weather and get rid of some tan lines and perhaps have a little fun so we hiked around a bit until we found a nice spot." Dotty replied with, "well shoot we hope we didn't ruin your fun - but this does look like the perfect spot." "not at all you replied, we're happy to share the space, but I will warn you we may get a little naughty in a bit so hopefully that doesn't bother you." Dan replied "oh hell no, you two look great, we will try not to gawk too much unless that's okay." We all laughed a bit and laid back down on our towels and were just chit chatting about this and that.
After a little bit you could see I was slowly starting to get hard and saw the same with Dan and knew that we must have had sex on the brain. You piped up with "Hey Dotty, not sure how you feel about this, but I've been watching Art steal glances at you here and there and I'm not going to lie, I've been checking Dan out and I was wondering if you'd like to suck Art’s cock and perhaps let me suck Dan's?" At this my breath caught and I heard Dotty reply with, "well thank god, I thought you'd never ask. I can tell Dan's been getting excited looking at you. Why don't you two gentlemen come on over so we can get a nice look at those cocks while we kneel here back to back and have some fun."
Dan and I walk over and you both immediately take our cocks in your hands and slowly start to stroke them and then take them in your mouths. Dan and I are in heaven as we reach down and feel yours and Dotty's tits while you hungrily take our cocks in your mouths. This goes on for a bit and I and so fucking hard and it is getting me so fucking turned on listening to Dan moan when you slurp his cock in and out of your mouth so I pull Dotty's head harder and faster into my cock and really enjoy the rhythm of the motion. As Dotty pulls back to catch her breath, I say "I've got an of craziest fantasies I have is to be able to look into Jessie's eyes while another man is entering her from behind and fucking her. I know we've only just met, But I'd love to see Dan slide that thick cock into Jessie and slowly make her pussy his. How's that sound?"
Dan said "oh fuck, are you sure - Jessie is that okay with you". You replied with "fuck - I thought Art wouldn't even bring it up, but truth be told since the moment I tasted some of your precum I've wanted you inside me." Dotty replied with "OH I love it - but only if Art fucks me as well. I'd like you two guys to take us doggie style so we can make out while you're fucking us. Sound good to you Jessie?" You replied with "oh yes."
Both you and Dotty got on all fours and started kissing each other. I then said "okay baby - look me in the eye right when Dan starts to slide himself into you...I want to see the ecstasy on your face when he does it." You stopped kissing Dotty for a moment while you looked over at me and Dan knelt down behind you. He gently spread your ass open revealing your extremely wet pussy as he guided his cock into you. He looked at Dotty and said oh baby, she is so wet..." At that he slowly slid his cock into you and you bit your lip and his entire length disappeared into you." Once we has all the way in you said "Fuck....Dan, don't be goo gentle, make sure you fuck me good and hard I need to cum all over your cock." At that Dan started to slowly and firmly pound your pussy and you moaned in kind. I immediately slid my cock into Dotty and before long Dan and I were fucking you two nice and hard while every once in a while you two would kiss each other, fondle one another and talk about the cocks inside of you. While we were fucking Dotty said "see baby, I told you they would be a fun couple to hang out with....and you didn't think you'd get to fuck her sweet little pussy." That made me so hot because that meant they spied us and had us in their sights from the beginning. Dan started fucking harder and harder and you responded by bending all the way over and putting your head on the towel to fully give yourself to Dan and you asked him "to fill your pussy up with his cum." Dan responded by fucking you harder and deeper and started groaning "fuck....I'm cumming....I'm cumming.....and you felt stream after stream of cum erupt inside of you." This sent me over the edge and I started filling Dotty full of cum too. There was moaning and gasping between the four of us as we all started cumming....then Dotty said fuck.....I'm cumming too...and you replied.....YES...fuck...more...MORE, I'm cumming.
After a few more minutes of everyone letting their orgasms subside, we all sat back on our towels and took in the afterglow in the warm sun. We kept chatting about what just happened and how Dan spotted you in the water and instantly had his mind set to having you. While we were talking you looked over at me and saw me staring absentmindedly at something and started to smile...which led to a wicked thought.
"Hey Dan, Dotty......this might be a little out there, but I've a favor to ask if you are both game." I look over at you and wonder where is this going? You continue..."Art has always wondered what it would be like to suck a cock and I've just caught him staring at Dan's - right honey." "Oh shit I reply.....well......yes.......I um.......well he does have a nice cock and actually the thought that struck me is that right now it's likely still covered in your juices and his cum......but I'm not sure I'm ready for all that just yet." You reply with - well baby, if Dan and Dotty are okay with it, I'll show you how to suck his cock and if we're lucky we can get him to cum for us." Dotty replied with....."oh Dan.....that sounds hot - what do you want to do?" Dan then replied with "well, why not....I've always wondered what it would be like to have a man suck my cock. On one condition....well...favor as well. Can Dotty record it with her camera phone? I'll want to look back on this often I'm sure." You replied with "sure - just send us a copy as well."
Dan stood up and stroked his cock a little and it was almost fully erect again. We walked over and you had me kneel down with you and said "first things first.....let's make sure you clean his cock off completely....his load was large and I can still see cum on his balls and there's bound to be some of me on there too." You lifted his shaft up and started licking his balls and without thinking I did the same thing - almost ravenously...taking full licks. After we had his cock all cleaned off you started showing me how to take his shaft in my mouth and stroke it back and forth while sliding your lips over it....then you said ok, your I started doing it too and it caught me off guard when Dan grabbed my head and said "oh're a natural....fuck....keep going...." We kept taking turns and we heard Dotty holding the camera shutter as she got herself off watching us.
Dan then said....fuck.....I'm about to cum. At this you replied with "okay, this is the fun part....since this is your first time, we won't worry about swallowing his load just yet, but we will do the next best thing. Look up at Dan, open your mouth, slide your tongue out and you and I will wait like this for him to give us whatever he can...all over our faces and mouths." Dan started stroking hard and faster and Dotty said "shit honey, he looks really cock hungry....make sure he gets cum drunk." Dan didn't need any more coaxing...he started breathing hard and grunting and the first stream shot over your face, the second right into your mouth. Then he turned his rod towards me and shot a stream on my face too and then he took his cock and pulled my mouth into it and take as much as you can.....and so I did....I let him use my mouth and he shot the rest of his load in my willing mouth.....when he was done you grabbed my face and said....perfect - now KISS ME. And so we did.....we kissed long, hard and passionately as his cum was filling our mouths and running down our faces.
Dan stepped back and told Dotty that THAT was amazing........and Dotty agreed that it looked pretty great. You and I sat spent on the towels still kissing. Dotty and Dan said they had to get going, but wanted to get together again sometime. You and Dotty exchanged numbers so we could get the video too and then they went off back to the boat. As they were pulling away and waving I looked at you and said thank you....that was amazing.....I owe you everything. My happiness is all because of you. You pulled me close, hugged me and said "lets go relax on the towels a little. Hey - what did you think, did you enjoy it? Was it as good as you thought it might be?" I replied with, yeah - that was fucking wonder you like sucking cock so much.....and I have to agree....having him cum in my mouth was pretty felt great knowing how hard he was getting off to it." You walked over to the towel, knelt down and got on all fours and put your face on the towel, reached back and spread your ass open revealing your ass and pussy and said "well, if you're still thirsty most of his load that he pumped into my pussy ran down my pussy and onto my ass.....could you clean me up?" I instantly knelt down and spread you open and began licking and kissing your ass and pussy masking sure I got every last drop.
I would love your feedback. I've one other I'm working on, but I think I went off the deep-end with that one so far.
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2020.09.17 09:22 MansA17Sep1l Camera caught sex on beach

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2020.09.14 19:29 Boop108 Beach sex caught on camera

This article is chock full of film stills. If you would like to see the illustrated version click here.
The story of Adam and Eve has been told and retold, interpreted, and analyzed but what the scripture and the analyses leave out is the juicy visuals. After all the loving couple was naked and unashamed. The following is a comparison of three movies about the biblical duo that do not shy away from “physicality” of their narrative, and if I hear any giggling, you are going straight to the principle’s office.
Adam and Eve: The First Love Story
This first film is Italian and let me say it is a lot harder to resist a snake when he is whispering in Italian, “Eva, perché non assaggiare il frutto più delizioso del paradiso.” It was directed by Enzo Doria and Luigi Russo in 1983. The film provides enough titillation for everyone. Eve is beautiful, Adam is boy-band dreamy and when he wrestles his muscular male rival (yes, there is a rival) they tussle in their skimpy loincloths for quite awhile. There’s romantic lovemaking to an Olivia Newton John sound-alike song. There’s frantic humping amidst the boulders, and there’s even some uncomfortably sensuous dog wrestling if that is what you’re into.
The first part of the film stays close to the source material but as soon as they leave the Garden things get wacky. Almost immediately they are attacked by a badly made pterodactyl. It seems to be made of papier-mâché. They tear it apart and use the wings for clothing. Next, come the grimy cannibals in imitation furs. After they attack, Eve asks “ Where did they come from?” Thus foreshadowing several millennia of confusion among Christian scholars and apologists. Later, The couple is beset by ogres and finally a man in a cheap bear costume. It’s a rough world outside the gated community of Eden.
As one might expect Eve is a bit flighty and gets herself into a lot of trouble.
Adam comes off as a stable and righteous young man with full lips and a six-pack. After the expulsion, the two of them are separated and wander around aimlessly. Eve cheats on Adam with a man from a tribe that covers themselves in green mud and run around grunting. Eve doesn’t seem to mind that he doesn’t speak Italian, so she washes him off and has him right there by the river.
As Adam wanders the earth it becomes clear, in a long montage of lonesome wide shots, that he is in the Grand Canyon. I’m guessing the directors of the film were not Mormon, but the Church of Later Day Saints could certainly use this film for educational purposes. To be fair the Mormons believe that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri so Adam would have to wander quite a ways to end up in Arizona.
Adam and Eve eventually reunite, stroll through Sequoia National Park and end up in the arctic somewhere. Maybe things were different with plate movement and Pangea and all that. They build an igloo and then suddenly grainy stock footage of glacial ice tumbling into the sea starts making them scream. They run around and end up on a sunny beach somewhere. Eve gives birth to Able, and the movie ends with the proud parents looking shaken but hopeful while Eve holds Able up to the sunrise.
The Sin of Adam and Eve
In the beginning, God created a lot of fuzzy stock footage of nature scenes. Then he dubbed in a solemn narrator reciting from Genesis. We are introduced to The Garden and find a very beefy Adam who is emerging from the dust. Adam springs to life and immediately takes a siesta (this is a Mexican production). His nap is marred by a nightmare in which he wrestles snakes and eagles and then it's over to stock footage of lions fighting, shrews eating worms, and ants killing each other. Adam awakes from his slumber and invents English or at least an English dub track to lay over the Spanish one. Then he watches grainy stock footage of a sunrise.
This film takes itself a bit more seriously than Adam and Eve: The First Love Story. This production, The Sin of Adam and Eve, was made in Mexico by Miguel Zacarías in 1969. Spanish Catholicism was always a bit more dire than the Italian version. Check out these two crosses, one from Italy one from Mexico.
Back in the Garden of Eden, Adam is introduced to Eve. He shows her around the place and then teaches her to eat a banana, but not the paper Ray Comfort way. If you are not familiar with Mr. Comfort he was the guy who famously proved the existence of God with a banana. He simply held up the phallic fruit and showed how perfectly it fit into his hand, how easily it was peeled, and how it already pointed toward his mouth. This, he claimed was proof not only of intelligent design but of God’s love. Apparently, Ray had never seen a pineapple.
Then Eve takes her siesta and sees stock footage of a vicious fight between two horses. The narrator then says that she wakes “half satisfied.” I’m not sure what he means but Eve seems to be way ahead of Adam. She is vain, manipulative and kind of horny before an apple is even mentioned.
There’s a lot of nonsensical sayings mixed in with the narrated Bible passages. As Eve holds Adam’s eyes open so she can see her own reflection in them, the narrator explains “Man begins by loving woman and ends by loving love. Woman begins by loving love and ends by loving man.”
After they are cast out of the garden it gets really boring. Adam and Eve are separated and they just wander around all muddy and forlorn yelling each other's name. Eventually, they find each and the movie ends.
It's not easy working with the Bible as source material. If you try to fit the story of Adam and Eve into a typical hero’s journey structure it doesn’t work very well. Imagine if a typical hero’s journey film like Harry Potter tried to incorporate the same structure as Genesis. Dumbledore tells Harry not to go into the Forbidden Forest. Harry goes in anyway and so Dumbledore expels Harry from Hogwarts and damns all humankind to an eternity of suffering, the end. It just doesn’t have the same appeal. The sequel would be where Harry and Ginny repopulate the earth with their progeny only to have Dumbledore wipe them all out in a worldwide flood.
Adam and The Six Eves
The last entry into this comparison avoids all these difficult plot points by seemly disregarding the source material entirely. The premise for this film, if you can call it a premise, or a film, is that a man named Adam is wandering through the desert looking for gold. He is accompanied by his wise crackin’ donkey who narrates the whole thing. Only the audience hears the narration and it is a nonstop onslaught of horrible one-liners. Folksy treasures like, “The only thing his head was good for was somethin’ to hang his face on.” Or “It was so hot that the gophers were goin’ around with their coats unbuttoned” Some of them were just strange, “He didn’t get that fat from eatin’ he must of run into the wind with a funnel in his mouth.”
This is actually part of a nudie cutie staple. For the uninitiated, a “nudie cutie” is a softer version of the soft-core sexploitation genre. There’s no sex in a “nudie cutie” just lots of nude ladies prancing around to a paper-thin plot. My personal favorite of the genre is Nude On The Moon from 1961 where astronauts find a beautiful country club full of happy naked moon-people who happen to be identical to humans, well some humans, young California humans, with some silicone thrown in. Basically, the “nudie cutie” films were glorified stripteases. Ed Wood made one where each stripper was a zombie performing an interpretive dance about how she died, great stuff.
Without a plot some of these sort of films incorporated Z-list comedians doing stand up to fill in for the lack of a script. The question here is whether you prefer the donkey’s jokes like “We should have named him Sputnick since he was always running in circles” or silence.
So what does all this have to do with Adam and Eve? Not much, until a strange sort of subtext starts to surface. While wandering in the desert Adam stumbles across an oasis inhabited by six scantily clad beauties. The donkey comments, “I don't know who designed their outfits, but he should have been put in charge of government spending."
They dance for Adam and feed him dates but he is torn between them and the gold. Adam seems to have an almost childlike innocence. He watches the girls tempting dances but just smiles. He makes no advances. He watches for a while and then renews his search for the gold. Again the Donkey comments, “What got me mad was the way Adam would quit work to chase the girls but then when he caught them he forgot what he was chasin’ them for.”
It's a curious reworking of Genesis. Adam is distracted from temptation by another temptation. Will it be sex or money? Lust or loot? One by one each woman tries to seduce him but while he smiles and enjoys their beauty, he just giggles and waves. Could it be a meditation on the impotence of capitalism where the desire for human connection is subverted by greed? Seems doubtful, but for all its puerile stupidity Adam and the Six Eves manages to stumble onto larger issues.
The “film was made by John Wallis in 1962. The original was in 3D which explains the close-up shots of boobs that lean into the camera.
The sexual politics of the three films is a little more varied than one might expect. As for the male gaze in the first two films, it is certainly present but the naked and eroticized body of Adam is given equal time on screen. The narratives presented by the first two contain the same misogyny as the original text. Eve is a maladjusted, immature, woman who is poor Adam’s downfall. However in the last film, even with a hefty dose of the male gaze, Adam is depicted as a fool unable to keep up with the cunning wisdom of the Eves. Adam is the alienated every-man unable to navigate a pornographic society that offers him conflicting modes of gratification but nothing of substance. He is so beset by the illusion of plenty generated by society he is stupefied into inaction. Its the stupidest of all three films but Adam And The Six Eves resonates with modern economics and social theory in a way that the other two films do not.
If the producers of these films wanted to really titillate their audiences, the next section of the Bible could have easily been made into raging, XXX, porn, sequel. Its page after page of begetting. “Come see Mahalaleel beget Sarah in more ways than one! Hold on tight while Enoch and Lamech steam up the garden!”
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2020.09.05 15:57 Britneyfan456 Caught on camera sex beach

Best run in terms of anything
William Wyler: The Westerner, The Heiress, The Little Foxes, The Letter, The Best Years of Our Lives, Mrs. Miniver, Memphis Belle, and Thunderbolt.
Orson Welles: Citizen Kane, The Magnificent Ambersons, The Lady from Shanghai, Macbeth, Journey into Fear, and The Stranger.
John Huston: The Maltese Falcon, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Key Largo, We Were Strangers, In This Our Life, and Across the Pacific.
Howard Hawks: Red River, I Was a Male War Bride,A Song Is Born, To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, Sergeant York, His Girl Friday, Air Force, and Ball of Fire.
Alfred Hitchcock: Notorious, Rebecca, Shadow of a Doubt, Spellbound, Rope, Suspicion, Under Capricorn, Foreign Correspondent, Saboteur, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Lifeboat, and The Paradine Case.
Preston Sturges: The Palm Beach Story, Sullivan's Travels, Unfaithfully Yours, The Great Moment, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek,I Married a Witch, Christmas in July, The Lady Eve, and The Great McGinty.
George Cukor: The Philadelphia Story, Gaslight, Adam's Rib, Susan and God, Her Cardboard Lover, Keeper of the Flame, Edward, My Son, A Double Life, I'll Be Seeing You, and Desire Me.
John Ford: The Grapes of Wrath, The Long Voyage Home, Tobacco Road, How Green Was My Valley, We Sail at Midnight, Sex Hygiene, 3 Godfathers, My Darling Clementine, Torpedo Squadron,December 7th: The Movie,They Were Expendable, Fort Apache, The Battle of Midway, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, and The Fugitive.
Jacques Tourneur: Cat People, I Walked With a Zombie, Out of the Past, Canyon Passage, The Leopard Man, Phantom Raiders, Days of Glory, Easy Living, Experiment Perilous, and Berlin Express.
Vittorio De Sica: Shoeshine, Bicycle Thieves, Heart and Soul, The Children Are Watching Us, The Gates of Heaven, A Garibaldian in the Convent, Teresa Venerdì, Maddalena, Zero for Conduct, and Red Roses.
Roberto Rossellini: Rome, Open City, Paisan, Germany, Year Zero, L'Amore, The White Ship, A Pilot Returns, and The Man with a Cross.
Ernst Lubitsch: To Be or Not to Be, The Shop Around the Corner, Heaven Can Wait, Cluny Brown, That Uncertain Feeling, A Royal Scandal, and That Lady in Ermine.
Powell and Pressburger: The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, The Red Shoes, A Canterbury Tale, I Know Where I'm Going!, A Matter of Life and Death, Black Narcissus, Contraband, 49th Parallel, One of Our Aircraft Is Missing, and The Small Back Room.
Michael Curtiz: Casablanca, Mildred Pierce, The Sea Wolf, Yankee Doodle Dandy, This Is the Army, Night and Day, Romance on the High Seas, Santa Fe Trail, Virginia City, The Sea Hawk, Captains of the Clouds, Dive Bomber, Life with Father, and Mission to Moscow.
John M. Stahl: Leave Her to Heaven, The Foxes of Harrow, The Eve of St. Mark, Our Wife, Immortal Sergeant, Holy Matrimony, The Keys of the Kingdom, The Walls of Jericho, Father Was a Fullback, and Oh, You Beautiful Doll.
Billy Wilder: The Major and the Minor, The Lost Weekend, Double Indemnity, Five Graves to Cairo, Death Mills, The Emperor Waltz, and A Foreign Affair.
Nicholas Ray: They Live by Night, A Woman's Secret, and Knock on Any Door.
Elia Kazan: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Pinky, Boomerang, The Sea of Grass, and Gentleman's Agreement.
Frank Capra: It’s a Wonderful Life, Arsenic and Old Lace, State of the Union, and Meet John Doe.
Carol Reed: The Third Man, Odd Man Out, The Fallen Idol, The Stars Look Down, Girl in the News, A Letter from Home, Kipps, The Young Mr. Pitt, Night Train to Munich, The New Lot, and The Way Ahead.
David Lean: In Which We Serve, This Happy Breed, Brief Encounter, Blithe Spirit, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, and The Passionate Friends.
Mervyn LeRoy: Waterloo Bridge, Random Harvest, Little Women, East Side, West Side, Without Reservations, Any Number Can Play, The House I Live In, Madame Curie, Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo, Blossoms in the Dust, Johnny Eager, Escape, and Homecoming.
Vincente Minnelli: Meet Me in St. Louis, I Dood It, Cabin in the Sky, Yolanda and the Thief, The Clock, Undercurrent, Ziegfeld Follies, The Pirate, Madame Bovary, and Till the Clouds Roll By.
Charles Walters: Ziegfeld Follies, Easter Parade, Good News, and The Barkleys of Broadway.
Leo McCarey: The Bells of St. Mary's and Once Upon a Honeymoon.
Jean Renoir: The Woman on the Beach, The Southerner, The Diary of a Chambermaid, Swamp Water, and This Land is Mine.
Anthony Mann: Moonlight in Havana, Sing Your Way Home, My Best Gal, Nobody's Darling, Dr. Broadway, Strangers in the Night, Bamboo Blonde, Raw Deal, T-Men, Desperate, Railroaded!, Border Incident, Reign of Terror, Two O'Clock Courage, and Strange Impersonation.
King Vidor: The Fountainhead, On Our Merry Way, Duel in the Sun, An American Romance, Comrade X, Northwest Passage, H. M. Pulham, Esq., and Beyond the Forest.
Robert Rossen: All The King’s Men, Johnny O'Clock, The Strange Love of Martha Ivers, A Child Is Born, Edge of Darkness, Out of the Fog, Blues in the Night, A Walk in the Sun, The Undercover Man, Desert Fury, and Body and Soul.
Fred Zinnemann: The Search, Kid Glove Killer, Eyes in the Night, The Clock, Act of Violence, The Seventh Cross, Little Mister Jim, and My Brother Talks to Horses.
Robert Wise: Criminal Court, The Curse of the Cat People, Mademoiselle Fifi, The Body Snatcher, Born to Kill, The Set-Up, A Game of Death, Blood on the Moon, and Mystery in Mexico.
Akira Kurosawa: Sanshiro Sugata, Sanshiro Sugata Part II, The Most Beautiful, One Wonderful Sunday, Drunken Angel, The Quiet Duel, Stray Dog, The Men Who Tread on the Tiger's Tail, and No Regrets for Our Youth.
Otto Preminger: Laura, Fallen Angel, Daisy Kenyon, Forever Amber, Whirl Pool, The Fan, Margin for Error, In the Meantime, Darling, and Centennial Summer.
Jules Dassin: Thieves' Highway, A Letter for Evie, Brute Force, Two Smart People, The Naked City, Young Ideas, The Canterville Ghost, Nazi Agent, The Tell-Tale Heart, The Affairs of Martha, and Reunion in France.
Charlie Chaplin: The Great Dictator, and Monsieur Verdoux.
George Stevens: The More the Merrier, The Talk of the Town, Penny Serenade, Woman of the Year, Vigil in the Night, On Our Merry Way, The Nazi Plan, and I Remember Mama.
Yasujirô Ozu: Late Spring, Brothers and Sisters of the Toda Family, A Hen in the Wind, There Was a Father, and Record of a Tenement Gentleman.
Fritz Lang: Secret Beyond the Door, The Woman in the Window, Scarlet Street, Cloak and Dagger, Man Hunt, Ministry of Fear, Hangmen Also Die!, Western Union, Moon Tide, and The Return of Frank James.
Raoul Walsh: High Sierra, White Heat, Colorado Territory, Fighter Squadron, Silver River, Pursued, The Man I Love, Cheyenne, Uncertain Glory, Objective, Burma!, Manpower, Desperate Journey, Northern Pursuit, The Strawberry Blonde, They Died with Their Boots On, Gentleman Jim, Dark Command, and They Drive by Night.
Vincent Sherman: Nora Prentiss, Mr. Skeffington, Adventures of Don Juan, The Unfaithful, The Hard Way, Old Acquaintance, The Hasty Heart, In our Time, Pillow to Post, Janie Gets Married, Saturday's Children, The Man Who Talked Too Much, Underground, Flight from Destiny, Across the Pacific, and All Through the Night.
Anatole Litvak: The Snake Pit, City for Conquest, The Battle of Russia, Why We Fight, Sorry, Wrong Number, This Above All, The Long Night, All This, and Heaven Too, and Castle on the Hudson.
Max Ophüls: Caught, The Reckless Moment, The Exile, Letter from an Unknown Woman, Vendetta, and Sarajevo.
Charles Vidor: Gilda, Cover Girl, Over 21, The Loves of Carmen, The Tuttles of Tahiti, The Desperadoes, Together Again, A Song to Remember, The Man from Colorado, New York Town, Ladies in Retirement, My Son, My Son!, and The Lady in Question.
Edgar G. Ulmer: Detour, Isle of Forgotten Sins, Girls in Chains, Tomorrow We Live, Club Havana, The Strange Woman, My Son, the Hero, Jive Junction, Strange Illusion, Bluebeard, Her Sister's Secret, The Pirates of Capri, Ruthless, The Wife of Monte Cristo, and Carnegie Hall.
Maya Daren: At Land, Meshes of the Afternoon, A Study for Choreography for Camera, Ritual in Transfigured Time, and Meditation on Violence.
Victor Fleming: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Joan of Arc, Adventure, A Guy Named Joe, and Tortilla Flat.
Joseph L. Mankiewicz: A Letter to Three Wives, Escape, House of Strangers, The Late George Apley, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, Dragonwyck, and Somewhere in the Night.
Robert Bresson: Angels of Sin and Les Dames du Bois de Boulogne.
Luis Buñuel: Gran Casino and The Great Madcap.
Fei Mu: Spring in a Small Town, Confucius, The Beauty, A Wedding in the Dream, The Magnificent Country, Songs of Ancient China, and The Little Cowheard.
Kenji Mizoguchi: The 47 Ronin, A Woman of Osaka, Flame of My Love, The Love of the Actress Sumako, Victory Song, Utamaro and His Five Women, Women of the Night, Victory of Women, The Famous Sword Bijomaru, Three Generations of Danjuro, The Life of an Actor, and Miyamoto Musashi.
Douglas Sirk: Lured, Sleep, My Love, Hitler's Madman, Summer Storm, A Scandal in Paris, Shockproof, and Slightly French.
René Clément: The Battle of the Rails, The Damned, Mr. Orchid, and The Walls of Malapaga.
Robert Hamer: Kind Hearts and Coronets, The Spider and the Fly, It Always Rains on Sunday, San Demetrio London, and Pink String and Sealing Wax.
Robert Siodmak: Criss Cross, Cry of The City, Dark Mirror, Phantom Lady, The Killers, The Spiral Staircase, Christmas Holiday, The Strange Affair of Uncle Harry, Time Out of Mind, Son of Dracula, The Suspect, The Night Before the Divorce, Someone to Remember, Cobra Woman, The File on Thelma Jordon, The Great Sinner, West Point Widow, My Heart Belongs to Daddy, and Fly-by-Night.
Humphrey Jennings: Spring Offensive, Welfare of the Workers, London Can Take It!, A Diary for Timothy, This Is England, Words for Battle, Fires Were Started, Listen to Britain, The Silent Village, The True Story of Lili Marlene, The Eighty Days, Myra Hess, A Defeated People, The Cumberland Story, and The Dim Little Island.
William Dieterle: Dr. Ehrlich's Magic Bullet, Kismet, This Love of Ours, Syncopation, The Searching Wind, Rope of Sand, Portrait of Jennie, The Accused, I'll Be Seeing You, A Dispatch from Reuters, The Devil and Daniel Webster, Tennessee Johnson, and Love Letters.
Edmund Goulding: The Razor's Edge, Nightmare Alley, The Shocking Miss Pilgrim, Everybody Does It, Claudia, Of Human Bondage, Flight from Folly, Forever and a Day, Old Acquaintance, The Constant Nymph, The Great Lie, and Til We Meet Again.
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2020.08.04 19:41 PropertyForward Beach sex caught on camera

2005 saw Dave Rubin's blog, "Rubinville", really take off. Dave continues fat shaming people; both famous (Kirstie Alley, Star Jones, Andy Milonakis, Anna Nichole Smith) and non-famous. (It's funny because Dave recently tweeted out to Kirstie Alley for her to do his show.) Dave voted for Republican Michael Bloomberg in the 2005 NYC Mayoral race. Some of Dave's favorite shows include The View, Tony Danza, and any program on CNN or Fox News. Dave wishes death to Jeff Zucker for not picking up a failed sketch show of his and continues to believe that Tom Hanks stole his material and used it on The Tonight Show. (Dave previously mentioned this in his blog; 2003/4.) Dave mocks Adam Carolla and Mike Rowe; he is now friendly with both. In the beginning of 2005, Dave promises to no longer stalk Ellen but he goes back on that promise. Except this time, Dave shares his daily e-mails to Ellen. Lastly, Dave continues to use slurs against Asian people, Arabic people, little people, and well, anyone he doesn't like.
2005 Rubinville
01/09/2005 Palestian elections are today and most people are expecting Abu Mazen to win by a solid margin. If any Palestians are reading this and haven't voted yet, please use your vote to write-in Arab-American actor Tony Shaloub. People think to think his show 'Monk' is funny, but it actually sucks and I think he'll be out of work soon enough. I still can't get over that dump I took. I think I lost a vital organ.
01/18/2005 It's absolutely freezing outside. I recommend boxers briefs with a pair of regualr boxers above them to keep your balls nice and toasty. Everyone loves toasty balls. Watched the Golden Globes...I'd just like to say that Star Jones had a lump of fat coming out of her dress in the armpit area. So very disturbing…I've officially stopped writing Ellen Degeneres e-mails because she refuses to respond. That's it Ellen, no more compliments about your dancing either.
01/20/2005 I wonder wish of the Bush twins gives better head.
01/23/2005 Leno has just totally wrecked that show and no self-respecting comic can stand the guy. Though, as I have joked before, I probably shouldn't write that. The stuff that we have been doing at the Comedy Company lately is the type of stand up that Johnny would've loved, I'm sure. So Dave Letterman, if you find yourself a lil nostalgic, and looking for new comics like how Johnny once found you, I'm only about 3 blocks away.
02/10/2005 In other news, turns out that Hakeem Olajuwon gave money to a Islamic charity than ended up funding Hamas and other terrorist organizations. Hewlett Packard fired their CEO yesterday, further shrinkening the amount of female CEO's at major companies. Does this have anything to do with why my HP printer acts like a bitch whenever I try to print a color document? That was so weak, I apologize to you and your family.
02/14/2005 I then took the money I made and donated it to a Muslim charity which I later found out was just a front for Hamas. Oh wait, that was Hakeeem Olajuwon.
02/16/2005 Ashley Olsen is suing the National Enquirer for 40 million dollars for spreaidn what she calls false lies about her being involved in a drug scandal. I don't know if that's true or not but I banged her last night while she did cocaine off her sister's asscrack...Can someone please explain to me the logic behind Kirstie Alley being the spokeswoman for the new Jenny Craig ads? She's fat. Am I missing something here? Have they just given up altogether?
02/23/2005 Now, I wasn't there so I don't know what was said before the melee, but lemme say that fat people are usually hungry, and contrary to popular belief, not as jolly as they would have you believe. So, if one cuts you in line at a pizza place, just let them do it. Most likely they will die of a heart condition relatively soon, and they need to max out their eating time here on Earth.
03/06/2005 Dan Rather is about to officially sign off from the CBS news desk. In an interview Donald Trump says he would have told Rather "You're fired" a long time ago. Fortunately, for Rather he isn't a contestant on a tired reality show, he's just the host of a made-up news show.
Syrian President Bashar Assad says his country will move it's troops mostly out of Lebannon. Assad who, after the announcement, went to one of his many palaces and made his many female servents fondle him. Sammy Sosa got ejected in his second pre-season game….and watched the game from the clubhouse where some of his many female servants fondled him.
03/23/2005. Richard Simmons was on the Tony Danza Show this morning. I've never seen one man (Danza) so afraid of a woman (Simmons) before. The feeding tube is still out of Terry Shiavo. Call me crazy but I think that if a person is in a constant vegetative state and is being kept alive artificially by machines and her husband has nothign to gain by her death, except peace of mind, then, well, we should let her die.
04/11/2005 A special shout out to the asian girl up front who wouldn't even let me get a joke out before she told me that she loves oragami and calculus. Maury Povich is on ESPN's Cold Pizza right now. He's wearing so much makeup that he is starting to look like Connie Chung. Doesn't Connie Chung sounds like a type of infectious disease? "Dude, that's a pretty bad cough you got there" "Yea, I've got a bad case of Connie Chung."
04/15/2005 Just saw a commercial for "8 Simple Rules" on ABC. It said there is a secret so shocking that "it will upset even special guest Nicole Ritchie!" (Insert coked-up whore joke here)
04/27/2005 As some of you may know every other day or so I send Ellen Degeneres an e-mail with no specific point. Sometimes I just update her on things I'm doing, sometimes I ask a random question, sometimes I rant about politics. I've been doing this for about a year and have yet to get even one response back. So today it hit me, maybe Ellen isn't even getting my e-mails and they are being filtered out by some assistant or intern. So starting today, whenever I send Ellen an e-mail I'm also going to post a copy of it here in the Daily Dave. Here's what I sent today...
Ellen, I'm starting to think by your lack of responses to my emails that someone else is reading your emails. Who is this person? What qualifies them to read things in your name? How do they decide what gets passed onto you?
I realize that this person is reading this right now and thus probably won't pass it along, but I just want to say to that person that Ellen would really like to read this email and if you stop her from doing so, you are really stopping freedom of speech, which is the most American thing out there, and Ellen is pro-America, is she not??
Now I suppose we wait and see. The ball is in your court Ellen..
04/29/2005 Anyways, the point of this continues the string of good interactions I've had with some of the big names of comedy, like Seinfeld, Cosby and now Crystal. I've also had a couple good talks with Gilbert Gottfried, just not sure if he falls into the "big names" category.
Here's my e-mail to Ellen for today...
Hey Ellen, Something came up and I was wondering if I could borrow 2000 dollars. Thanks.
05/02/2005 Here's today's email that just sent Ellen Degeneres...
Ellen, Do you think that drinking Orange Juice with extra vitamins in it, like Tropicana's Immunity Defense Orange Juice is really worth it? Thanks.
05/04/2005 NBC announced 6 reality shows for this coming summer. They are, in no particular order...
The Biggest Loser - See a fat loser become a slightly less fat loser.
I Want to Be a Hilton - Paris' mother is the host, and I assume she sucks off the contestants.
Here's my e-mail of the day to Ellen...Ellen, I see you had Betty White on the show today. I didn't see it but I was wondering if you asked her if she moved back to St. Olaf or stayed in Miami after the Golden Girls ended.
05/06/2005 Here's my letter to Ellen for today...Ellen, I scored 22 points last night and my team is now 4-0 in our basketball league. That's not a question, just thought you'd like to know.
New York City is expected to have a 3.2 billion dollar surplus this year. Clearly, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg shouldn't be a politician. He's fixed the budget, crime is down, the city is cleaner, and quality of life is rising. As a comic this really pisses me off. There's nothing funny when things are going well. Damn you Bloomberg!
05/10/2005 We'll start with the Ellen letter of the day... Ellen,
I've noticed you're big on making people's dreams come true. Well, last night I had a dream that I was swimming in chocolate and started drowning until Batman arrived and saved me. Can you make that happen for me in real life?
05/13/2005 Ellen letter of the day… Ellen,
You showing your prom picture just reminded me of my prom. At mine, I was about to have sex for the first time but then the OJ Simpson car chase happened and it blew the whole thing. Sucks, right?
Macaulay Culkin has testified that Michael Jackson didn't molest him. You know you're a child molester when they have to bring in one kid just to say he DIDN'T get molested. Actually, rumor has it that Michael tried to molest Macaulay on many occasions but Macaulay always had an elaborate series of traps set-up and Michael would get a bowling ball dropped on his head or slip on a bunch of marbles.
05/16/2005 I accidently just flushed a copy of the Koran down the toilet this morning. Keep that quiet or there might be riots in Patterson, New Jersey.
05/19/2005 However, I will do an impression of Yoday having sex..."Going to come, I am!"
06/14/2005 Kirstie Alley claims to have lost 35 pounds on Jenny Craig according to the commercial I just saw. In my opinion she looks fatter than ever, which makes me think they fattened her up about 70 pounds, then had her drop 35 pounds. Michael Jackson is not guilty on all charges. He celebrated the verdict by getting drunk at the Santa Monica pre-school. That's really all I can offer up on MJ at the moment. It's sad that money buys justice in this country, but it is what it is.
07/06/2005 I'm currently pitching a show to NBC where regular people get to hunt down NBC executives and murder them in cold blood. The first person to get Jeff Zucker gets a million bucks. Time Warner cable here in NYC is now Carrying AZN Television, "The Network for Asian Americans". This is a real problem going on in America right now, that everyone thinks they need their own channel. The asain channel, the woman channel, the gay channel, the black channel. What's next, a comedy channel?
07/07/2005 Terror is really an amazing tool. It makes nations choose their destiny instead of avoiding it. When America was attacked, we chose to go on the offensive. When Spain was attacked, they chose to retreat. Now England will have their choice, and we'll see what they do. I have a feeling they'll go on the offensive, but Europe is a strange place, and there are many people who think that if you appease the bad guys that they will stop hating you as much.
A month from now Israel is going to pull out of the Gaza Strip. I can't help but think that the same guys who attacked us on 9/11, and the same guys who hit London today, are the same guys who will be thrilled that Israel is leaving because of an unrelenting campaign of terror. I'm not saying that staying just because they will feel rewarded if you leave is enough to stay, but I am wondering if leaving emboldens them to fight even more.
07/15/2005 Hillary thinks that the simulated sex in Grand Theft Auto is pretty much the beginning of the end of human civilization. Of course, co-moralist Joe Lieberman is joining Hillary on this crusade to save humanity as we know it. Somehow I doubt the two of them have ever played the game, or any other game for that matter, but as politicians they obviously feel qualified to tell us why they think we're all messed up.
07/17/2005 If any of that made sense to you then I highly recommend The Andy Milonakis Show on MTV. I have literally no idea what the show is about, but it is based around an overgrown, mildly-obese, childlike moron who does various nonsensical stunts. As I watched in utter horror my roomate turned to me and said...
07/18/2005 Joy Behar - Doesn't take shit from Star Jones. Robot Chicken - I had this idea about 10 years ago, but Seth Green did it first. Good job. Kira Phillips - That smile makes suicide bombings look sorta cute.
07/21/2005 Caught a few minutes of Tucker Carlson's new MSNBC show last night. I've discussed what a bow-tie wearing dork he is before, but now let me also throw in that even without the bow-tie he is still a big dork.
07/27/2005 I watched a new show on the Discovery Channel last night called, "Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe". The show follows Mike as he goes from various jobs that nobody would want to other jobs that nobody would want. In just this one episode, he plucked golf balls from alligator infested waters, he was a garbage man and he jacked off a horse. Yes, that's right. People are doing this. For a living.
08/01/2005 The ladies of The View are talking about poor Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie, who claim not to like each other, yet will do another season of "Simple Life". Hmm, call me a cynic but maybe they are just making up the whole fued just for the free publicity? C'mon Starr Jones, call it like it is! Say allegedly if you have to! File a leagal brief! Eat a piece of cake! Just do something!
08/06/2005 And back to the funny...This week marks the 60th anniversary of the USA dropping the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima. To commemorate the occasion, Iran announced it will continue it's nuclear program and bomb someone "as soon as humanely possible."
08/10/2005 Terrell Owens left Eagles training camp today. WAAAAA! I only make 12 million dollars a year to play football! WAAAAA! I want more money! WAAAAAA! I want more respect! WAAAAA!
08/12/2005 Speaking of Sportscenter, Mario Lopez, better known as AC Slater, is new doing a new segment on Sportscenter called ESPN Hollywood. He is so smiley its ridiculous. Mario, we all know you want to kill people, from Zach Morris to Stuart Scott. Let it go bud, you don't have to smile the whole time. It's offensive.
08/15/2005 Jimmy Kimmel, who hosted the show, is amazingly unfunnny, and will be cancelled any day now. Sara Silverman has no real talent and will continue to suck Jimmy Kimmel's cock for as long as he has a TV show. Adam Corrola also sucked Jimmy Kimmel's dick to further his career. And it was no easy feat because if his giant teeth. Israel is pulling out of Gaza today. Why is it that Jews can't live in a place that is run by Arabs, but Arabs can live in Israel, France, Britian, America and every other country on the planet? Oh yea, the Arabs are backwards, fundamentalist wacko's. I keep forgetting that.
08/26/2005 My first hour on Craigslist yesterday was accidentely searching for jobs in San Franscisco. Considering I hate commuting to the East Side, San Fran would really be pushing it. Kathy Griffin has a new show on Bravo called, "My Life on the D-List". I'm pretty sure once you have a show you are off the D-List. She's probably C-List now. I'm D-List. Oh, who am I kidding, I'm G-List, but I aspire to be D-List. Man, D-List, that'd be so sweet. Okay, gotta go, I've got a lot of work to do. D-List here we come.
09/06/2005 Anyone else think that Bush had Rehnquist killed to get some of the the heat off him for the slow support time in the Gulf Coast? Timing is everything.
09/17/2005 It was with great joy and happiness that when i woke up this morning that I came across "GI Joe: Sigma 6" on Fox 5. I saw the title of the show as it was on a commercial and I anxiously awaited what I would see. Then it happened once again. Japanimation.
09/26/2005 Shouldn't Intelligence Design really be called Unintelligent Design?
09/30/2005 That whole Elian Gonzalez fiasco is back in the news because it all went down five years ago. I said it then and I'll say it now, if a little Mexican boy wants to go to Puerto Rico, I say let him go.
10/06/2005 Fortunately, the guy at the bodega downstairs lent my his metro card and I picked up my roomate's keys. In the past I've had my suspicions that the bodega guy works for al-Queda, but on this day he was a good man.
10/08/2005 Iran's stock market dropped 30% yesterday. Can you imagine what it smells like on the trading floor of the Iran Stock Exchange? Nobody there wears deoderant for God's sake. If you want help to turn it around I'd recommend putting all your money in Allah Body Spray. Women will pull down there burka's as low as their nose if they smell it.
10/11/2005 One night a couple years ago Tom was on the Tonight Show to promote "Castaway." It was right before Chistmas and he was talking about all these toys, such as the Carebears and Power Rangers. I was noticing that some of the stuff he was saying was amazingly close to my material at the time, and he was even saying it pretty much how I was saying it. Then he went into this whole thing about the Tranformers, about how they transform from robots into cars. He ended by singing a version of the Transformers theme song in the voice of Frank Sinatra. Dave, why would Tom Hanks steal your material, and how would he even get it in the first place? Good questions. As you probably know, when any actor goes on one of these shows all the questions/answers and jokes are pre-written. It was very clear to me that Tom was just doing material he had been given. So no, I don't think Tom had any idea what was going on. I think he paid some writer for some material and some writer gave him stolen stuff. It's not the first time it has happened, nor the last time it will happen, it just sucks when it happens to you. I'm pretty sure I know who gave him the material, but that I won't say until there is more worth in telling this story.
10/12/2005 Zucker, who has helped wreck TV by rolling out so many reality shows at the expense of real programming deserves that silver bullet. Yea, maybe it isn't wise for me to say that on here, but it isn't the first time and won't be the last time.
Years ago we sent Zucker "The Anti Show", which we filmed in NBC studios (unknown to him), and he never even bothered to respond to us. That was just one opportunity he had to take a chance on something completely oringinal, edgy and ahead of the curve. Instead he green-lit dozens of awful reality shows and a couple stale sitcoms. Karma is a bitch Jeff, but don't worry, it sounds like you'll be put out of your misery soon.
11/04/2005 I'm sure Apple will find a way to capitalize on this whole porn thing, perhaps by coming out with a new iPod designed specifically for the midget porn afficionado. Speaking of midget porn, I have to be somewhere in 15 minutes. Take care.
11/07/2005 Mike Bloomberg for Mayor of NYC. Yea, he's nerdy. Yea, he's rich. But the city is safe, clean and he even rides the subway sometimes. Anyone who can deal with the smell of the 59th and Lexington stop smell is worth voting for.
11/12/2005 Saw Derailed with Jennifer Anniston last night. Pretty good flick. The moron couple behind me brought their four year old son who kicked my seat constantly and didn't shut up the entire time. I got this close to derailing his graduation to kindergarten, but calmer heads prevailed.
11/16/2005 Michael Jackson got caught walking into a woman's restroom in Bahrain earlier this week. He claimed that it was a simple mistake because he doesn't speak Arabic. It turns out that he thought the sign said, "Horrifically Misfigured Former Pop Stars Who Like to Lick Children's Heads."
12/20/2005 The transit strike is on, and while I don't want to take sides, let me say that the transit workers and their union representatives can go fuck themselves….. I haven't seen so many angry people stuck in traffic since the day before we bombed Baghdad.
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