Sex mom secret

2020.11.27 09:09 kimu02 Sex mom secret

Greetings! today I had this weird thought about a pair of dad and his son going to the woods for camping but the twist is, it that my dad is an old superhero and is looking to train his son and introduce himself as this superhero. He has been on this career for 30 years and he is getting old although his hero form can more than well sustain his aging he still wants a successor for the future.
I am a 20 year old college kid who is at home for now due to dropping out and I see very little future for me as I don't know what to do with my life but one thing I do know is that this camping trip is so gonna suck being with dad, it was cool for like 5 year olds but not anymore as he is kind of boring.
But in the evening he would reveal his big secret that he has been a superhero this entire time and has been fighting crime ever since the 90s and has had a pretty long career!
He has had the power to transform into this muscular and strong female alien ever since he was 20 years old after he found a ring in the forest nearby as well as another ring that he will plan to give me, he and my mom gave birth to me and now he wants to pass this power to me
He wants to be with me and prepare me for the future as he doesn't want his legacy to end here after so many years of being a hero
Kinks: Musk, Sweat, Muscle growth, Transformation, Impregnation, Casual nudity, Romance, Cuddling, Anthros, Latex/Rubber, Tough love, Training, Physical activity, Hugging , Big boobs and Wide hips, Aliens
Limits: Gore, Poop, Piss
I want to play in 1st person but I am also fine with 3rd person as well as I only hope we could have a literate multi-para roleplay where we can create backstories for our characters and enjoy the story together :)
I want you to also mention aliens in your message so I know you read this!
(Pm me! Also don't give me a lackluster introduction, I will know what kind of a person you are if you give "hi wanna rp" and I don't want to roleplay with a person who doesn't care about anything but sex)
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2020.11.27 03:49 nyx_moonlight_ Sex mom secret

I feel I have traced a pattern of sexual abuse, pedophilia, mental illness and substance abuse through my extended family and found the source. Names have been changed.
My Mom once told me that her brother, Mick, witnessed his adult son, Mick jr., having sex with another man in the living room of their shared house. He was probably shocked because his son identifies as straight and is married with kids. The next day, Mick confronted his son, blows and disownment ensued, followed by Mick having a stroke and leaving that part of the country. I thought to myself that Mick was homophobic, Mick Jr. was a cheater, none of it was my business and changed the subject. I didn't give it too much thought after that.
Uncle Mick also had a daughter, Lana. There was a huge scandal when I was about 5, involving Lana, then 14, and my Mom's boyfriend, then 25. My Mom left her boyfriend & Lana to watch me and my cousin, Taylor (will mention him again later). During naptime, Taylor and I laid on the floor of a bedroom while my Mom's boyfriend got in bed with Lana - I only heard whispering and giggling. I didn't know what was happening, but they had sex. Lana did not have to be forced whatsoever from what I witnessed. It never occurred to me that she had already been groomed by someone else.
What my cousin Taylor, was present for that afternoon when we were 5 and 6, was not the end of his childhood sexual trauma. His older brother, Cam, would also endure abuse that left him a broken man when he was a child. When my cousins Cam, Andy, Joe and Jane were little and being babysat by an older cousin Joss, Joss did some disgusting things to Cam and Andy. She sent Jane and Joe into another room but Jane could hear what was happening. In the other room, Joss and a friend molested the boys, including forcing them to eat ice cream off of their genitalia. My cousin Jane spoke up but no one believed her, just like no one believed her when she said Mick Jr. (the one I mentioned in the first paragraph) molested her.
Taylor was 7 or 8 years younger than his brother and in my opinion, I believe he experienced the molestation from Joss when he was barely more than a toddler. It was once witnessed that Taylor's mother came home while Joss was babysitting and dragged her out of their home, beating her and telling her never to come back. Nothing else came of it though. My family is extremely adept at burying these dark and ugly secrets. Later Taylor had a lot of issues, wetting the bed, fights at school, hyperactivity, depression, self-mutilation, starting fires. By the time he started puberty, he was heavily medicated. He is still heavily medicated to this day just to function. I also find it interesting that he married a woman who looks very similar to Joss.
Then there's Cam. Cam began experimenting with girls and drugs at a very young age and ended up becoming a coke addict and alcoholic. He is still an alcoholic to this day. He has shown a preference for dating much younger, barely legal women who look disturbingly childlike. He will not date anyone his own age or who looks remotely womanly, in spite of having many female friends his age. In fact he is willing to endure an enormous amount of mistreatment (cheating, lying, paying out for expensive and unappreciated gifts, even cars) to hold onto these younger women. It makes no sense because he's handsome, charming and many of his female friends carry torches for him and would jump at the chance to be with him.
I recall a statement he made about me as a child once that sends a shiver down my spine now. I was visiting him as a teen and had become a goth at that point and quite overweight. He was saying to his friend next to him that when I was a little girl, I "looked just like a little Mariah Carey" referring to when I was small and thin but with my same cute face and dark features. It strikes me now the tone he used and his strange smile at that moment. Overly wistful. Bordering on amorous. Maybe it was harmless but I also recall my cousin Jane saying that she loved Cam but would never leave her children alone with him. Nothing has ever come out about him molesting anyone but there's just an overall vibe there. If it ever came out that he had slept with an underage girl or downloaded child pornography, I would not be shocked at all, sadly.
This morning it occured to me....Joss and Andy once stayed with Uncle Mick. They were shuffled around because their mother was an addict. In fact, they lived with Mick before living with Taylor and Cam.
All roads lead back to Uncle Mick. Mick Jr. molesting Jane. Lana so enthusiastically having sex with a 25 year old man. Cam and his dysfunctional relationships with barely legal women. Taylor and his long list of issues. Joss living with Mick before she went on to molest Cam and her own brother, Andy. Andy also got involved with a gang, crime and drugs for awhile but later found religion and straightened himself out. Could Mick Jr. and Mick's squabble have been more about jealousy? Was it possible that Mick had molested his own son and when seeing him with another man in their living room grew envious, not disgusted?
Then I thought about my Uncle Mick. What did I know about him? I knew he was the eldest of 6 kids back in the Bronx. I knew he left home as soon as he was of age to join the Navy. I know my grandfather was physically abusive to everyone. I couldn't help but wonder, could my grandfather have been sexually abusive too? Because Mick's younger brother, Jack, is also fucked up. He was once caught in the shower with his girlfriend's teenage daughter. When asked why, he stated that he was "washing her hair". It is truly baffling how even when these people are caught in the act like Joss and Jack, NOTHING comes of it. It just gets buried. So was Jack molested by my grandfather or Mick too?
Honestly, its plausible. As I said my grandfather was abusive. He was also innately selfish. Letting my grandmother work and care for their children while he created to-scale models of boats. They were beautiful in detail but he didn't even sell them. He just contributed nothing but abuse. He came to the US as a little boy from Puerto Rico. His father was a musician who had ran off and left his mother with 6 children. He was the eldest. He had to be the man of the house from a young age, dropping out of junior high to work. He could have easily been sexually abused himself because no one was looking out for him. Then his heart hardened as far too many often do.
Incest, pedophilia and childhood sexual abuse are like these really horrible dark "gifts" that just kept on giving. And NO ONE WILL FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT except Jane and I, who are more like sisters.
I live in the Pacific Northwest. Virtually all of these people are still on the East coast. I had my first child earlier this year. Right now, I'm grateful to be far away and to be the black sheep. I am determined to give my daughter a wonderful childhood free of trauma and abuse. Let's hope it's not too late for the rest of us to heal from these wounds...but how can we heal when there is no justice, because the incidents and the pain are never acknowledged?
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2020.11.26 22:23 elderlyfemme Should I (24F) confront my n-mom (59F) about the way she responded to my n-brother (27M) groping me, or would it open me up to more invalidation and abuse?

My (24F) relationship with my brother (27M) has always been painful. As a child, I worshipped him, and he could do no wrong in my eyes. He always had behavioral problems—school fights, acting out in class, sneaking out to get drunk—but those problems escalated when he got addicted to painkillers and started dealing drugs when he was fourteen. Whenever we were left alone together, he would beat me with wooden spoons, force me to drink alcohol (I was 11), and tell me really detailed, explicit stories about his sex life. I kept the abuse to myself because I didn’t want him to get in trouble or resent me, and I valued his approval more than anything. Because his behavior was so intense—getting arrested for shoplifting, getting his stomach pumped for overdosing, attacking my dad’s car with a golf club—he was always the center of attention in my family.
Meanwhile, I was quiet and responsible. I got good grades and followed the rules, so I just kind of disappeared. Instead of acting out, I would self-harm, journal, and have promiscuous sex in secret, so my parents just didn’t worry about me. As an adult, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and a panic attack disorder, but because my mental illness was less conspicuous, my parents dismissed my problems and focused on my brother.
Four years ago, I decided to go no contact with my brother. At that point, he was a homeless heroin addict and heroin dealer, extremely verbally abusive, and all around a horrible person. I was finally getting psychiatric help for my mental illness and realizing how unacceptable his behavior was. I reached my breaking point when I was home for Christmas 2016. He was visiting as well with his girlfriend, and the three of us were hanging out on a trail near my house late one night, smoking and chatting. I’m not positive, but he was probably high on some drug or another, because he always is. Anyways, he started touching my butt and calling me baby and sort of fondling me, and I froze. I couldn’t understand what was happening. His girlfriend noticed and got really uncomfortable and said something like, “what the fuck, that’s your sister,” and he stopped and then started grabbing my butt again and touching me. He wasn’t aggressive, just affectionate in a way you would only be with a romantic partner and NEVER with a family member. I completely dissociated, and spent the rest of the night in a daze. I didn’t push him off or tell him to stop because my brain just couldn’t fucking process what was happening.
I didn’t ever confront my brother, I just blocked his number and told my parents I never wanted to see him again. I planned on never telling my parents because I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want them to have to imagine my brother doing that to me. I thought that with everything he’d put us through as a family, they would understand and respect my boundaries. I was wrong.
Thanksgiving 2017 was the first holiday after my parents separated. I went to my mom’s house for thanksgiving, and in front of her whole side of the family, she started attacking me for not having a relationship with my brother. She got in my face and told me I was being a bad sister and that I was tearing the family apart. I took her outside and told her why I would no longer have a relationship with him. She nodded, said ok, and walked away. I spent the rest of the day crying in my childhood bedroom. That was the last holiday I spent with family.
Since then, my mom has grown increasingly close with my brother and distant with me. She’s a covert narcissist, and she’s always been pretty negligent and disinterested in my life, but it’s gotten to a point where she literally doesn’t call. She lives less than two hours away, and when I offer to come visit, she makes lazy excuses and says, “oh, you don’t want to make the drive,” even when I am insisting I’m happy to come see her. She doesn’t invite me to holidays. I’ve made plans with her in the past, for Mother’s Day or her birthday, and she’ll cancel last minute. She’s never been to my apartment, and she’s never asked to read the novel I finished this year. Meanwhile, she talks to my brother every single day (he’s in jail) even though the last time she saw him she visited him in the hospital (12 hours from where she lives) and he smoked heroin in the hospital bed and then punched her in the face when she took it from him. Did I also mention he murdered someone and got away with it, and she knows that?
I don’t understand. I don’t understand why she’s more interested in a relationship with this abusive, cruel, murderous, violent, drug-addicted, drug-dealing man who groped his own sister—her DAUGHTER—than she is in a relationship with me. I’m kind, patient, and responsible. I’m attentive to her and ask her questions about herself. I love her, and I do everything I can to make her feel loved, but I don’t think she loves me.
What do I do? Do I confront her? Or would confronting her open me up to abuse, invalidation, and dismissal? Is my relationship with her something I can salvage? Or should I go no contact with her as well? Help.
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2020.11.26 20:06 throwRAsadness_ Sex mom secret

I found out my husband of 3 years has lied to me by going on a vacation with a fwb during our first year of marriage while I was out of town visitng family. We’re military, so I had to sacrifice moving my entire life following his life to achieve his dreams. I had to start all over, forming new friendships, taking on jobs. I’ve lived in hometown my entire life and the transition was very difficult during our first year. He insists he would’ve told me. It’s been 2 years. I got suspicious after I made a birthday dinner and cake and we hadn't been intimate for nearly 3 weeks. He didn't open up to me, like he's afraid to. I would never promote the action of breaking a boundary/trust going into someones phone, he’s always said I had access to his phone and keep all his password unlocked. Well I found it, the message chat in fb 2 years ago with that “old friend”,(before we were a thing he took her on a trip in my hometown and admitted they were fwb before), they planned a 2 day Airbnb and he took our cat to the hotel and drove to visit her family in WA, I know at least a 3 hour drive. I am incredibly hurt. It is thanksgiving and I feel so alone at my moms place. Everyone in this household (sistersn all) are working today. We planned to spend it with his mom in Virginia. I feel like everything would’ve been easier if he told me. But he insisted it was because I get jealous that he can't tell me anything. That hurts incredibly a lot. I struggle with mental health issues and it was pretty evident within our first year, esp since we moved to Oregon. (I got SAD disorder really quick coming from my sunny town) I remember coming back from vacation and he was snapchatting her for more than 4 messages a day, and asked him why. He insisted they were “just friends” and that I have a tendency to be suspicious of the girls he talks to. I remember we got into an argument, and I realized I must've been suspicious for no reason and apologized.
Therefore thats why he didn’t tell me about the trip he took with her in the first place. It stings thinking about everything I sacrificed for him. Even today, while hes with family I only got a goodmorning text and happy thanksgiving. He hasn’t even asked me what I’m doing and how I feel. When I got to my moms place, I called him and asked him what he wanted to do, and when I started spouting why I felt betrayed and upset he could hide it for so long, he brought up my past mistakes (which I thought we accepted together). And kept saying it was wrong for me to do those things, I told him it happened so long ago and thought he was over it, but he said he was and wasn’t mad or jealous. He said, “im not” but im thinking, why bring it up in the first place? I don’t even have car or job where we live because I’m a fulltime student, and I plan to get my AS degree to start. I’m stuck because its pandemic season, I don’t have any form of independence without him, and he doesn’t even appreciate me or the amount of effort I put into having a better life for myself and us. I’ve asked him to do sunday yoga for over 2 years and he has never done it. To top it off, a “friend” from his temp school tried to kiss him and he didn’t tell me about it either because he didn’t want me to have a bad impression of her and cut it off. He told her, “no” and that “they can still be friends” but now im wondering why. Why are those female relationships more important than the one with me? All this came to light after I woke up him asking him if he cheated on me. Then he admitted this story about his classmate/friend, (who be plays video games with to this day with her "fiance"). My self esteem has taken such a downward spiral in this relationship, I never feel paid attention to. He just wants to hide things, and I’m beginning to think he doesn’t even know what he wants, except that fact that he’s lonely in the military and wants someone to keep him company. Should I endure staying at my moms and going to school from here? I have 2 months. But I can’t seem to get over that my entire life is back there(all my stuff is there). The one I’ve put so much time and energy into. Should I work on my marriage? I don’t feel like hes even chasing after me because of how available I was right when I arrived. That it ate me up so deep inside I called him 6 times and we talked, feeling like I've been forcing it on him… and now with so much time alone here, and not many messages of what hes up to with his brother, or thanksgiving, I'm beggingin to feel like I've even lied to myself about accepting this form of love/relationship. What do I do? This thanksgiving feels so alone here. Not sure where to go on from here.
tldr: husband hid a secret trip with an old friend for 4 days at our last location 2 years ago, swears he would've told me eventually. Justified it by not having sex with her, separate beds. Thanksgiving alone at moms with noone now while he enjoys with his family. No text asking how I am doing.. just a happy thanksgiving text. Don't know what to do with my life ahead, any advice?
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2020.11.26 19:22 BWithGeneral What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)4

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2020.11.26 15:05 kimu02 Sex mom secret

Greetings! today I had this weird thought about a pair of dad and his son going to the woods for camping but the twist is, it that my dad is an old superhero and is looking to train his son and introduce himself as this superhero. He has been on this career for 30 years and he is getting old although his hero form can more than well sustain his aging he still wants a successor for the future.
I am a 20 year old college kid who is at home for now due to dropping out and I see very little future for me as I don't know what to do with my life but one thing I do know is that this camping trip is so gonna suck being with dad, it was cool for like 5 year olds but not anymore as he is kind of boring.
But in the evening he would reveal his big secret that he has been a superhero this entire time and has been fighting crime ever since the 90s and has had a pretty long career!
He has had the power to transform into this muscular and strong female alien ever since he was 20 years old after he found a ring in the forest nearby as well as another ring that he will plan to give me, he and my mom gave birth to me and now he wants to pass this power to me
He wants to be with me and prepare me for the future as he doesn't want his legacy to end here after so many years of being a hero
Kinks: Musk, Sweat, Muscle growth, Transformation, Impregnation, Casual nudity, Romance, Cuddling, Anthros, Latex/Rubber, Tough love, Training, Physical activity, Hugging , Big boobs and Wide hips, Aliens
Limits: Gore, Poop, Piss
I want to play in 1st person but I am also fine with 3rd person as well as I only hope we could have a literate multi-para roleplay where we can create backstories for our characters and enjoy the story together :)
I want you to also mention aliens in your message so I know you read this!
(Pm me! Also don't give me a lackluster introduction, I will know what kind of a person you are if you give "hi wanna rp" and I don't want to roleplay with a person who doesn't care about anything but sex)
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2020.11.26 03:21 p-d-c Sex mom secret

TLDR: I’m sick and tired of constantly being nagged at by my mom because she hates my boyfriend all because of his past reputation and the fact that he smokes weed. She believes he is a bad influence on me and doesn’t trust that I’ll make the right decisions. But she treats my younger sister so differently bc she believes she and all her friends are “angels” and “good people” bc they don’t have bad reputations and ~don’t~ smoke weed and drink underage. Little does she know, EVERYONE smokes weed. Even her own angelic daughter- who smokes weed when out with friends and drinks underage. Literally all my sister’s friends and boyfriend smoke and drink underage and my mom is just clueless about the real world. Why do I have it so hard just because she despises my boyfriend? Should I break the truth to her and say that her assumptions are all wrong and that EVERYONE around her pretty much smokes weed? I’m just tired of this constant nagging.
So I (21F) started seeing this guy (23M)) about a year ago in the summer of 2019. He is the first guy I’ve really actually been with and because of that, my mom felt the need to really butt into my life- stalking his social media’s, stalking his ex and always having suspicions, even going all the way to find out that his ex was pregnant from one Instagram comment and then believing that it was his baby. Like damn she knows his whole life story and keeps on questioning my life choices because I chose this guy and makes the wrong assumptions. I will admit, he was really immature in the past. He’s been in jail before for like possession of marijuana. I will also admit, he does make himself look bad to my mom and maybe his employers due to all the stuff he keeps on his Facebook and Instagram from the past, like 4 years ago past. Since I’ve been with him, I have realized that my mom is very controlling. Why did I, a 20 year old, feel the need to get my mom’s permission to hang out with him? I feel like bc she’s so controlling and took on this helicopter mom parenting style, it just brainwashed me. Her response was always “yes, but no sex, no pot, do not get in a car with him if he drives” blah blah blah. Like at 20 years old, those things need to be my decision (not that I was going to do anything stupid) and I’ve realized that I really don’t need that kind of lecture. She knows he smokes weed. And that automatically makes her think that he does crack or heroin. Even my dad will jump in tell us to not do drugs when we’re about to go hang out. If I say I’m going to meet up with him for lunch at a park, I get this speechless look from my mom like I just turned into a rebel and she doesn’t know how to parent me anymore. My relationship has been so complicated because of my mom. It’s like we have to do everything in secret all the time just so we don’t have to listen to what her thoughts are.
Flash forward to today and it’s been driving me crazy for a long time knowing that my mom knows NOTHING about the real world. All because my little sister (19) just has everything so easy- from her relationship to her friends. And it’s because my mom believes they’re all “angels” and I feel like shes way too biased with my boyfriend just because she despises him for no reason. Sure my sister and her friends have good reputations, but my mom has no idea that they smoke weed on a daily basis and drink underage. I bet she’d pass out if she finds out that my sister and her boyfriend and all her friends smoke and drink. I bet she’d pass out if she knew how many of my friends smoke weed. Hell she’d pass out if she knew this guy friend of mine (whom she thinks I should date) smokes weed.
My sister has been the one to be heavily influenced by her friends to drink and smoke. My mom always thought I would be the one make bad choices all because of my boyfriend whom she thinks is a bad influence. Sure I took sips of alcohol underage but just never chose to really drink and get wasted. Sure I’ve been around weed before, but I just don’t really smoke it because I’m just fine not drinking or smoking. But my boyfriend has never once pressured me into drinking underage, smoking weed, or having sex until I was comfortable with it. Idk why my mom feels the need to direct how my life plays out- she’s always worried that I’m guaranteed to get pregnant if we have sex or I’m going to get arrested because he has weed with him.
I’m not against my little sister and other people smoking weed and/or drinking underage. Those are her choices and all but I would hope she at least understands the consequences that could follow. But I’m just at a point where I’m tired of taking in all the shit my mom has to nag at me for.
submitted by p-d-c to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 11:03 Yayaya78 Sex mom secret

Hi, guys. Thank you for reading my post here. I am beyond desperate for some guidance. I have no one to talk to so I appreciate your help more than you can possibly know.
I am 33F and suffering from crippling anxiety disorder. I cannot think clearly for myself. As soon as I wake up I am overcome with dread and racing thoughts, having no clue what move to make. I feel like I have no sense of self whatsoever and paralyzed with indecision. I was severely abused and neglected growing up, mostly by my mother who was a deranged and psychotic person, controlling me my entire life. I spent my childhood living in terror of this woman. All of my youth was just physical and mental abuse and extreme dysfunction. I have 4 siblings, but there is a huge age gap between us so I grew up as an only child.
Both of my parents were extremely racist. When I was a kid, I was forbidden from even LOOKING at someone with dark skin, either in person or on television, or listen to them on the radio. If I were caught doing so, whether real or imagined, my life would be threatened. One of the worst days in my life was in primary school when my mom discovered I had a secret friendship with a black student in my class. She was dropping me off in the morning and my friend was waiting for me at the gate. I felt such complete terror as we drove up to the gate, because I knew my friend was going to talk to me and my mother would see. She would see me doing the very thing I was forbidden to do my entire life. She ended up dragging me out of the schoolyard in front of everyone and started punching me on the head in the car and all the way home while driving. She then spent all morning beating me and torturing me at home. Eventually she got tired, so she finished by cutting my hair off very short on one side and then took a nap. When she woke up she wanted to go and get lunch with me but was embarrassed by my appearance. So she made me go to a hair salon and told the hairdresser I tried to cut my own hair, which was humiliating. I then had to go and have lunch with her while she basically told me the entire time that what she'd done to me was my own fault.
This is just one small example of the kind of life I had. Probably the worst part of it was watching my mom beat up my elderly grandmother on a regular basis. My mom basically kept her as a slave for decades. My parents worked all night cleaning buildings and delivering newspapers for a living, while my grandmother stayed home doing all the chores in the house. She worked hard until she fell ill with ovarian cancer and died. My mom abused her even on her death bed. She would also steal my grandma's social security checks every single month and only let her leave the house once or twice a year for doctor's appointments. She would cook meals in the kitchen and then my mom would come down in one of her rages and throw the entire pots of food all over the floor and then beat her. I could hear her screams and my stomach would hurt! My grandma would come crying to me, showing me her bruises and I was helpless to do anything.
My mother had all the windows in the house glued shut and either boarded with wood or covered with paint and wallpaper. She would lock us in the house from outside. We could not open the door from inside. And whenever she would leave, either my grandma or I would have to sit in the living room the entire time waiting for her to get back. She would be worried that my father would try to leave or touch her things, so we'd have to keep watch while she was gone. She basically lived out of the living room and slept on a recliner with a large industrial fan in front of her because she was always hot and kept the house freezing cold. She made my grandma and I sleep together in side by side twin beds next to the dryer in the den of the house so that we could keep an eye on each other. She wanted me to make sure my grandmother didn't die in her sleep, so at night I'd be so scared and listen to her breathing to make sure she was still alive next to me. I was often not allowed to sleep with the lights or TV off because then it would be "like a whorehouse." If we slept in "late" she would shake a 2 liter of soda and spray it on us or throw cans at us. I did not sleep alone until my grandma died when I was 16.
I also had very little medical care growing up. When I saw a doctor my mother would lie about me so they'd run tests on me for being 'anemic' or 'not eating enough.' I would not get help when I was truly sick. If I was, she would just give me a bunch of over the counter medicines to figure out for myself even though I was only little. She'd give me Aspergum (gum with aspirin) if I had a sore throat and I once accidentally overdosed and started uncontrollably vomiting to where I thought my jaw would unhinge. She called my pediatrician & he told her to take me to children's hospital. She never did even though I could have died that night. I guess she would've been embarrassed. She was a hypochondriac herself, and frequently called paramedics to the house or would go to the ER over having diarrhea/IBS symptoms from abusing laxatives to lose weight or anxiety.
My parents were both hoarders of objects and animals. They would steal all sorts of useless junk from the businesses they cleaned. Things like fireplace accessories when we did not even have a fireplace, or orthopedic replacement joints from a surgeon's practice, dental tools and fake teeth from a dentist's office, etc. Just boxes and boxes full of this junk. They would also bring home animals from the streets when they were driving around the city at night delivering papers. My mom would never get them spayed or neutered, so they would just breed and inbreed endlessly, some even born with deformities. By the time I was a sophomore in high school, they had at least 24 cats in the house, all living in one or two rooms. My mom would tell our relatives we had all those cats because my grandma and I "liked watching them f**k." We lived in absolute squalor, with animal waste everywhere.
I tried to comfort and protect these animals, and watching them suffer and die over and over again is something I don't think I can ever recover from. They would basically let the cats breed until it reached a certain point and then gather them up howling in boxes to dump them in the streets or at the back door of vet clinics/animal shelters. That or they would drop dead in the house. One of my brothers also came to live with us for a short while when I was little and he tortured my dog in front of me to make me cry and then laughed at me for it. He would say, "Animals only belong on the table for eating." He would come home raving drunk, acting crazy and throwing his heavy shoes at me when I was sent to wake him up for work. He also choked me when I was little by shoving a rag down my throat.
I had to drop out of high school due to the extreme conditions we lived in. I obtained a GED and went to college. I wanted to be educated and had dreams of being a writer and filmmaker. I loved movies and literature, which were my only comforts in my life. I always felt the only small talent I had was in writing because throughout my years of school, even in college, my teachers would use my writing to teach the class how to write essays. But I suffered from severe anxiety and mood swings all through university, and after graduation I found myself still living with my family. My life just completely fell apart after that. There was no transition into adulthood. I had no life skills at all, no money, student loan debt, never drove a car, etc. I had three close friendships that I maintained since elementary school, but they all parted ways with me by the end of college. I saw no escape. I started studying to be a vet nurse online, but my sanity just completely crumbled being stuck at home with my parents, and I ended up living a reclusive life for the next several years, basically the remainder of my 20s. I would just go out for errands or to get groceries, go to the cinema sometimes with my brother, but never went anywhere by myself. There was not even public transportation where we live. Unable to cope, I went from one addictive behavior to the next (cigarettes, alcohol, pills, junk food, etc), went through periods of severe depression where I would not shower for weeks and I'd have to cut my matted hair, wore the same clothes every day, had no access to healthcare or feminine hygiene products so I'd just put toilet paper in my underwear. If I asked my mom to get me something from the drugstore, she would tell my dad and brother to embarrass me so I stopped asking.
My mother suddenly died at home shortly after I turned 31. She went into end stage kidney failure due to neglecting her type 2 diabetes for decades and was put on dialysis. I think she could not handle being on dialysis and one day started complaining about back pain. Over the course of a year, her complaints grew more severe and frequent. It got to where she would spend hours every night wailing and screaming in the house about her back pain, repeating the same phrases over and over, "God help me! Help me, God!" I would wake up every day with panic attacks to the sound of her screaming. I would try to help her, tried finding spine specialists for her, but they said they couldn't find anything wrong with her back. She kept going to different ER rooms around the city where they would give her dilauded, morphine and vicodin and then send her home like that. I'd have to take care of her on those heavy drugs. She would be acting crazy in the house, falling down, having to pick her up, hallucinating, etc. I once found her chewing on her own bloodied finger! I would call the paramedics but they would not take her and then even the ER nurses would call me to complain about her. I finally convinced my brother to drive us to the hospital so I could speak to a doctor there to hospitalize her. She spent like two months in the hospital restrained to the bed and then was sent to a nursing home for rehab. The nurses would call me all hours of the day complaining about her behavior, refusing to cooperate and hitting the nurses, or for my father taking her out in the middle of the night without permission. Eventually her health insurance would not cover anymore care, so they sent her home and she started up all over again with the screaming and wailing. After a couple of weeks she died of heart failure.
Even though she destroyed my life, I did not want my mom to die or suffer. I don't know if her back pain was real. I wanted to lose weight so I could donate a kidney to her, but a doctor at the hospital told me she wasn't a good candidate for a transplant. Since then, the dynamic in the house changed and I was no longer being controlled and manipulated by anyone. It was the first time in my life that I could wake up and experience peace and quiet. It was like waking up for the first time in 8 years that went by in a blur. I have no proper work history as I've never worked outside the home, just done low-paying jobs online. My mother never allowed me to work when I was a kid, and always sabotaged any effort I made to be independent. To give you an example, when I was 19 I tried getting a job at a hotel and my mother told the manager that the staff was holding bets on who was going to sleep with me first so they would not hire me.
So right now, I have about 30k in student debt and I also have around the same amount in savings in the bank. I am terrified to spend the money and waste it. I have no idea how to move forward and become independent at this point. I think every day about committing suicide because it's just too late for me to fix this and have a meaningful life.
When my mom died, I was in very bad physical shape. I was basically morbidly obese (nearly 220 pounds at 5'2'') due to emotional eating and my food being controlled, bulimic, dealing with chronic pain in my joints since childhood, all sorts of painful dental problems, etc. I was able to get some money my mother received from a settlement due to a car accident and started using that to improve my life. I did my best to overcome my eating disorder, and I've managed to get down to 146 pounds. Ok, still big, but I'm 72 pounds lighter and continue to work on my health, diet, and fitness. I started exercising regularly, taught myself to ride a bike for the first time so I could take up cycling as exercise. I started seeing healthcare providers for the first time in many years, and for the first time in my life without being controlled. I had my eyes examined and got prescription glasses which stopped my chronic headaches. I then went to the dentist (I was so scared to go) and came home with about 4 pages of treatments I would need. I started selling things from my parent's hoarded junk to pay for this. My mom was still hoarding animals until she died, so I had to network like crazy online to find the best homes for them. I still have three cats in my care, but they are sweethearts and easy to care for. I had to see three different doctors, but my teeth are healthy now. I also went to driving school and got my license and have my own car now. I started practicing driving almost every day, and I still struggle with it, but I have been able to drive myself to appointments, the grocery, etc. I often experience derealization(?) when driving or at the grocery, but I still manage to do it. Let me tell you, these things I just listed to you were not easy for me with my extreme anxiety. I was absolutely scared to death of driving a car. I never thought such a thing was possible. The day of my first driving lesson, my hands were shaking. I really struggle with making phone calls, setting appointments, basically everything. Simple mundane things are monumental to me. The more I have been doing them, they have become 'easier' to do, though the anxiety persists.
My brother moved into his own place across the street about a year before my mom died. Now I am just stuck living in this rundown trailer with my alcoholic father. The day my mom died, he got completely drunk to where he fell down and gave himself a black eye. Every single night since then he gets drunk on wine and beer. I hear him vomiting and stumbling all over and talking nonsense. He was totally co-dependent on my mother even though they fought like cats and dogs all day long. My mom left him with nothing and totally helpless. He did not know his own social security number, have an ID card, no driver's license, never filed taxes, didn't know what to do when sick, etc. Basically living in my mother's shadow for 40 years. He was not even aware that my mother divorced him decades ago for domestic abuse! With my brother's help, we managed to get him widower's benefits, medicaid, an ID card, a bank account, his own phone, etc. The fact that I am living with him alone now is bizarre to say the least. Since before I was even 5 years old, my mother forbade me from speaking to him or being alone with him. She would always accuse me of having sex with him and would tell me it would be my fault if I let him rape me. After my mom died, he started clinging to me all day long, expecting me to tell him what to eat, sit with him during meals, getting drunk and harassing me every night, etc. Since then he's started doing handiwork for the trailer park tenants and has made friends and the landlady even gives him homecooked meals, so he stays out of my way for the most part.
I waste so much time fretting, ruminating, researching questions, unable to make decisions for myself. It's just an endless, pointless loop I cannot escape! I am scared to death I can't get out of this. I have never seen a therapist in my life nor do I know how to get one or if that would help me. I haven't even seen a physician since I was 19 years old. My college degree was useless and I don't think I qualify for pell grant anymore. I refuse to borrow more money and put myself even further in debt for schooling, especially when I don't know to what end. I am afraid no one will hire me even for a basic job due to my lack of work history and my age, and even if they do, how will I escape poverty on low wages like that? I hate living here and want nothing more than to be independent and living on my own. I've never had my own life, never got married, don't have a family, nothing. Should I just end my life now? Time is passing me by so fast. I used to be intelligent. I don't know who I am anymore. Please, if you could give me some advice on what to do, logical steps I could follow. Or just start a dialogue with me so I have someone to talk to other than my crazy thoughts. This is only a fraction of my story, but it's already too long to share more.
submitted by Yayaya78 to LifeAfterNarcissism [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 07:41 SocraticMagPie Sex mom secret

So much shit to say. Things I wish I could tell you to your face. But I choke. Like the words they get stuck in my throat. Its like I can't breathe. Literally I am drowning in my tears and can't catch a breath. There just so fucking much......to say.
What better place than here and time than now.
I am walking. Maybe too much. I shouldn't be. I am probably hurting my knee worse than its already hurt. But the pain is all I have for now. The stupid pain is reminding me that I am alive. Yet this pain is jarring me awake and ripping me from sleep. The burn in my knee is so intense. I never was masochistic until recently. All this shit. So much shit. Everyone around me uses me. Human punching bag.
I wanted you to know this just in case. Just case that causeway thing you know....
Walking yesterday. I heard music that made me think of you. Surprise right? Well wait which of you am I referring to? Leave that up to interpretation seeing as it could be all of you or one. I heard Wicked Game a cover though. I saved the link in my phone with all my stuff. But the lyrics were perfect. Perfect for everything. I fall for the wrong people and they let me. Its cruel. A heart is fragile. You don't play with it.
Next on my fuck you. And I mean fuck you no not you but them.
I dreamed last night I was getting married. Stupid. Marriage. Anyways no one wanted to come to my wedding. Because of my mom. Let's get to that. Here pay attention if you get on here and read this - this parts important. my mom shes abusing the fuck out of me right now. Yea she's going through some shit. I know. I know. Her brain its broken. I know. I am aware. But does that give her the right to scream at me everyday? To come at me EVERY DAMN DAY? I LITERALLY had a panic attack when she got home yesterday from being out with her friend. Literally couldn't move. I shook in my room while trying to put on shoes and change so I could leave for awhile. She says the worst things, acts like I am the most sinister human being. Me the one person who has been here since day one of all this shit. The seizures the brain tumor, the fucking brain surgery! I thought she was dead, I fucking thought my mom was dead, saw her in the ER looking like a shell of a human. But I sat there next to her for days. Not eating, or sleeping. And now she's being so cruel I am scared to breathe. This is not livable. I can't do this. This is what I grew up with. This is the shit she did to me as a child. I can't do this again but I can't leave her either she can't even spell simple words, she can't drive. She's irrational. So I stomach this, I weather this because no one will help her or me.
This is why I runaway. I run from everything. I run from you yet I want to run to. I hate you now. Yet I fucking love you. You hurt me. You made me cry more than I already do. You ignore me just like everyone else. You don't really see me. You don't understand me. You wouldn't have let me keep that broken lizard either. You suck too. But I love you. Your a fucking villain. A cruel mistress with a stone cold heart. Maybe you don't deserve my love maybe you do deserve BDSM sex and not to be someone I make love to? I don't even know anymore.
I do know this: I am sick of these tears. I am sick of the pain inside myself. I am sick of never being able to tell anyone my real feelings. Not even on this stupid sub. Stupid troll bots come out if you say the real thoughts in your head. But those are my real feelings. Thats the secrets I keep in my heart and head. Thats the battle waging in my dark eyes. Its not some shit you try to tell yourself when you lay down your head to sleep. Forgetting about me like trash. Just another one down. Right? You never should have accepted me then. I am a mess. I am not a slam dunk or easy. I am a mess. Years of destruction. A hard shell surrounds me. I'm not a fucking onion, I am not Shrek for fucks sake. I am a fucking piece of some fucking serious deep buried hard ass stone that no earthly man made tools can chip away at. I AM A fucking ALIEN OR SOME SHIT. Theres no human being who can use their weird ass live to corrode at me or fix me or whatever you think. This is years of destruction which lead my hardening. And inside is nothing but hollow and emptiness. You're wasting your time.
submitted by SocraticMagPie to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 01:17 tthrowaway1295 Sex mom secret

To anyone who reads this, I just want to say thank you. I’ve been struggling with depression of varying degrees for quite a while. I have never put serious effort into anything. Parents used to fight all the time. My dad was the more animated one so my sisters and I would hide behind my mom. They split up when I was about 10 years old. After the divorce my Dad started dating a younger woman who was like a step mom to me. She was caring and nonjudgmental. We said we would still be friends if they ever broke up, which they did. She tried to get back together with my dad but he wasn’t ready yet. I told her to stay away because I didn’t want to see him upset anymore, even though I knew he loved her. I started having suicidal thoughts sometime in high school but never had the courage to act on them. I did the bare minimum and constantly procrastinated to the point where I was always handing in assignments late or not at all. I also had way too many absences from “feeling sick” all the time. My mom and I would always fight about it in the morning. All of my friends and even my younger sisters had sexual experiences but I never did. I have a lot of anxiety about sex, thinking i’m going to fail/underperform and embarrass myself. My self confidence is extremely low. Still to this day I’ve never successfully had sex, even though there have been girls who wanted to. Definitely struggled with some video game addiction. My senior year a friend of mine (not too close) committed suicide. I was really sad. I never saw it coming. After I graduated high school I started at my local community college. Immediately reverted to my old ways of procrastination/zero effort, and dropped my classes before I flunked them all. Right after that my dads ex-girlfriend committed suicide. I was devastated and felt immense guilt. She was always there for me with an open eamind but I didn’t reciprocate. She really had a good heart. I knew she was troubled but I later learned she had an opiate addiction. Made me feel even more regretful of my actions considering my own addictive personality. After I graduated she sent me a letter in the mail but I never opened it, like the asshole I am. I later found it. The envelope was yellow with coffee stains (classic of her to spill on it). Seeing her handwriting was comforting, but it also hurt. It read
“Congrats! I will never stop regretting the choices I made that ultimately kept me from seeing you graduate high school. It feels like yesterday, you were graduating 8th grade, and we were all soaked & clapping (and scared we were gonna get struck by lightning). I am so proud of you, for so many reasons... you’ve had a lot handed to you at a young age, but you overcame it all, because you are so smart, scary smart. I will always love you, I wish I could have seen you walk up to the podium and accept that diploma. I’m so sorry, even though that word doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry for letting you down... Congratulations (my name)! Please keep making me proud... you are one in a million, there’s NOTHING you can do. Nothing. Love Always”
I completely broke down after that. I don’t know how anyone can think so highly of me. Started taking even less care of myself. For a long time I just stayed at my moms house, jobless. I had had a few jobs in the past but always managed to quit or fuck them up. One time I just stayed in bed and never showed, never called back. It’s almost like I enjoy burning bridges.
Fast forward to now. I’m about to turn 25. only thing i’ve accomplished since high school was a couple restaurant jobs. The last one was my longest job that I held for over a year, but my unproductive ass got my schedule reduced to one day a week because my dad is friends with the owner. All of the money I made either went into a stock portfolio my dad help me set up or into my bank account. But get this, I got addicted to sports gambling on my phone. A bunch of my friends do it so I thought I’d give it a try. Since then I have lost the thousands of dollars I saved up. I even went into debt and ended up withdrawing my stock portfolio to pay my debt without my dad knowing. I did this because I didn’t want anyone to know about my addiction, so asking for financial help was not an option. After that I lost another 2,000 that I didn’t have, so I asked my grandma for a loan knowing she would keep my secret. I stopped for a while but then made the mistake of trying again and nearly zeroed out my bank account. Of course the stocks ended up skyrocketing. I’m always thinking about all of my failures. They seem to vastly outnumber my accomplishments. For some reason instead of reaching out to the people that love me in life, I do the complete opposite and just cut off communication. Just another excuse to hate myself.
I yearn to have the love of a girl, but it’s so hard when I don’t love myself. I feel like I will bore any girl I spend too much time. Just recently I ended up getting close with one of my friends. Me and some mutual friends went to visit her at med school for halloween. She and I ended up making out at the end of the night and I told her I have had a crush on her for a while. She just came home, one day before her birthday, so I asked her to hang out the day after. I still live with my mom and sisters but I invited her over so I could give her a bday present. We ended up hanging out in my basement for a while talking about random stuff. After a heavy make out session I dropped her off at home. Instead of feeling good about the whole thing, I’m over here thinking about how out of my league she is. I already feel like I’ve exhausted anything I have to talk about because I’ve been super un motivated and have nothing going for me in life right now. Meanwhile she’s super smart and beautiful and getting through med school. I am already having trouble communicating/texting her because I’m lacking all self confidence. This anxiety I have surrounding sex/being a virgin also does not help me. I’m sorry for this long ass rant. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here today without the love and support of my friends & family. It must be exhausting for them because I know they want to see me do well, but I am always self sabotaging...
submitted by tthrowaway1295 to depression [link] [comments]


2020.11.24 19:27 certifiedninja24 Sex mom secret

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Fate of the furious extended HD
Fate of the furious theatrical HD
Fifty shades of grey unrated HD
Focus HD
Get Hard HD
Hail Caesar! HD
Harry potter and the deathly Hallows part 2 HD
Halloween (2018) HD
Independence Day Resurgence HD
Insidious Chapter 3 SD
Jack the Giant Slayer HD
Jurassic world HD
Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom HD
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again HD
Man of steel HD
Monster High Electrified HD
Monster High Great Scarrier Reef HD
Murder on the Orient Express HD
Point Break (2015) HD
Roman J. Israel, Esq SD
Run All Night HD
Sex Tape HD
Sing HD
Skyscraper HD
Sleepless HD
Strawberry Shortcake Very Berry 2 pack SD MA (Glimmerberry ball and Berry best friends)
That Akward Moment SD
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 HD
The Boss Baby HD
The Dark Knight Rises HD
The great wall HD
The Hobbit Unexpected Journey HD
The House HD
The Last Exorcism Part 2 SD
Unforgettable HD
Walking with Dinosaurs HD
Wonder Woman HD
👇Itunes 👇
Marked (MA) if ports
A Bad Moms Christmas 4K
Action Point HD
Alex Cross HD
Alien Covenant 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
Barbie Star Light Adventure HD (MA)
Barbie Video Game Hero HD (MA)
Bumblebee HD
Buttons A Christmas Tale HD
Bye Bye Man Unrated HD (MA)
Den of Thieves HD
Divergent 4K
Farenheit 451 HD
Fast Five Extended Edition (MA) not sure SD or HD
Fast and Furious 6 Extended Edition 4K (MA)
Fate of the Furious Theatrical 4K (MA)
Fifty shades of grey unrated 4K (MA)
Furious 7 Extended Edition 4K (MA)
Game of Thrones Season 7 HD
Ghost in the Shell 4K
Hail, Caesar! Hd (MA)
Hidden Figures 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
Hobo with a Shotgun (not sure SD or HD from bluray)
I, Feel Pretty HD
Incarnate Unrated HD (MA)
Logan 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
Kabul Gibrans The Prophet HD (MA)
Kingsman the Golden Circle 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
Mile 22 4K
Mindgamers HD
Mission Impossible Fallout HD
Molly's Game HD
Monster High Electrified HD (MA)
Monster High Great Scarrier Reef HD (MA)
Sing 4k (MA)
Sleepless HD (MA)
Snatched 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
Team Hot Wheels Origin of Awesome! HD (MA)
The Deuce Season 1 HD
The Gift HD (MA)
The Happytime Murders 4K
The Hunger Games 1 4K
The Mountain Between Us 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
The Spongebob Movie: Sponge out of Water HD
The Upside HD
The Young Messiah HD (MA)
Transformers the last knight 4K
Twilight breaking dawn part 2
War for the Planet of the Apes 4K (MA redeemable but no 4K)
Why him? 4K (MA redeemable but not 4K)
XXX return of xander cage 4K
👇XML👇
Parental guidance
Rise of the planet of the apes
Walking with Dinosaurs
The following gp below can be redeemed in a US gp account with browser. The ones marked will port will go to MA/vudu. The other ones will stay in gp but can be watched through google play tv app.
👇US region GP👇
Farenheit 451 HD
My Dinner with Herve HD
The Deuce Season 1 HD
👇CA region GP👇
American sniper (will port to MA)
Anchorman 2
Daddys home 1
Gi joe retaliation
The hobbit desolation of smaug (will port to MA)
Monsters trucks
Star trek beyond
Star trek into the darkness
Transformers age of extinction
Wonder woman
👇UK region GP 👇
21 jump street
American made
Blade runner 2049
Crazy Stupid Love
Darkest hour
Dark Shadow
Deadpool 2
Django Unchained
Olympus has Fallen
Smurfs 2
Spiderman homecoming
Wraith of the titans
👇France region GP👇 possibly only in French audio
Game of thrones season 1(should be in english)
Surfs up
The magnificent seven
👇AU region GP👇
Expendables 3
👇Xbox One Games👇
No Time to Explain!
Lovely Planet
Rock 'N Racing Off Road DX
Sparkle 2
Crimsonland
Baseball Riot
Clockwork Tales: Of Glass and Ink
Electronic Super Joy
Bladestorm: Nightmare
Iron Cast
Spareware
Reagan Gorbachev
Enigmatis
Grim Legends: The Forsaken Bride
Jotun: Valhalla Edition
Toy Odyssey: The Lost and Found
Party Hard
The Final station
Tales from the Borderlands Ep 1
Tales from the Borderlands Ep 2-5
Game of Thrones Ep 1
Troll and I
Pixel Heroes
The Sun and Moon
Vertical Drop Heroes
World to the West
Bridge Constructor Stunts
Death Squared
Riptide GP: Renegade
Goliath
Kholat
Dead by Daylight
Toby - The secret Mine
The Inner World
SEUM: Speedrunners
The Metronomicon: Slay the Dance Floor
Killing Floor 2
Attack on Titan
Arslan: The Warriors of Legend
Gears 1
Gears 2
Gears 3
Halo 5 Guardians
submitted by certifiedninja24 to uvtrade [link] [comments]


2020.11.24 11:27 SecretKeepingKat PTSD

*TRIGGER WARNING! I.E. MENTAL ILLNESS & SEXUAL ASSAULT & SELF HARM & SUICIDE *
One thing no one ever tells you about a formal PTSD diagnosis - especially when you are not a veteran- is the stigma that comes with it. (Don’t get me wrong I’m not putting down or dismissing what our veterans go through, my grandfather was in the Vietnam War and has PTSD from that.) but today I’m talking about PTSD from other forms of trauma.
A lot of people don’t understand it. How can you have PTSD from a relationship? Even if it’s an abusive one. I had an old manager - who I adore despite this comment - tell me things like anxiety, PTSD and depression were chosen by the individual. I sometimes wonder how true that is.
When you tell someone you have PTSD they automatically think about war. But when they realize you’ve never been to war you get scoffed at and people stop listing. A lot of people forget their are other types of trauma. For me it started with a knife being held to me and being forced to give a guy three years older than me oral. My first sexual experience was freshman year when it forced on me by the same guy. He, in comparison to what would follow, was pretty tame. Senior year I dated a guy who assaulted me repeatedly. I told his best friend who had set us up and..he never tried helping me out of the relationship. All he said was “I’ll talk to him.” To be honest I’ve blacked out most of that relationship but it comes in snippets.
I would say the worst one was the one that happened most recently. I’d know hm for years. He was my best friends cousin. He was a little brash but I trusted him with my life. He had liked me for a long time I guess and my freshman year of collage he came to my city and brought me my favorite flowers and took me to the zoo. He met my dorm mate and my grandparents, it was fun. I didn’t even realize it was a date until later that week. As our relationship progressed so did the abuse. At first it was all sunshine’s and roses. He knew about my PTSD diagnosis. He knew about my anxiety and my depression and he was there for it all. Slowly he started getting more controlling. At first it was slightly annoying things like pestering me for sex. Then it was not taking no for an answer and saying he thought i meant no ten minutes ago not no for the whole night. Then it became I couldn’t talk to a good friend who was an ex because the guy said he loved me (as in platonic love). Then it became it was irresponsible for me to have a fellow voulenteer for my robotics group in my room. Because come on what do guys and girls do together alone in a bedroom? I had to have my room door open so my housemate could watch us and text my boyfriend if I did anything. Then it was stupid for me to accept a ride from this person to a pool party with the robotics team we mentored. I went swimming in front of a bunch of teenage boys? What was I THINKING.
The most memorable night was when he was going off on me while I was at my best friends house and I was digging my nails into my arm out of anxiety. I’ve struggled for years with self harm and had been falling back into it throughout this relationship. My best friend pulled my arm away but remained silent as he laid into me. Later she would claim she knew the relationship was abusive all along but didn’t do anything to help me get out of it. Despite how miserable I was.
Somewhere in this mess I became pregnant. I lost the baby very quickly. I became very depressed. I’ve wanted a baby for so long despite how young I am and he didn’t understand why I was heart broken.
Long story short we had a nasty break up at my best friends house which included my best friends dad(his uncle) calling him childish and immature and saying I deserved better. I loved this man like a father. My own father had passed away many years ago.
Fast forward almost two years later we meet again at my best friends new apartment in the city where I was going to collage. Her younger friend was there and we all decided to drink. My ex teased me about not drinking the whiskey too quickly because he knows how I chug my alcohol. We were laughing, having a good time. I let him hug me willingly. I started thinking wow he’s changed. Our young friend had gotten very drunk - it was her first time drinking. She passed out. (This is a very important detail) my best friend decides to go to sleep. I decide to stay up and sober up and keep an eye on things while my ex gets more drunk. Somewhere in this mess my ex starts grabbing the ass of the younger girl. She’s too wasted to even tell what’s going on. Something inside me snapped. I didn’t want to see this happening. I pushed him off her and tried to drag her to my best friends room to sleep. She wouldn’t move. I didn’t think my best friend would care because she called our younger friend a slut and that she liked male attention. Which our younger friend agreed but I was always taught of you are passed out you can’t give consent. I wasn’t sure what to do but I knew I wasn’t going to let this happen to her. She refused to move and I’m admittedly rather weak and could not pick her up. So...I put myself in between them. He turned his attention to me. I played it off at first and then he got a little more aggressive. Saying it was our little secret. The more he grabbed at me the more I cried and he was to drunk to notice. I’ll spare you the details but at some point I locked myself in the bathroom and had texted a few of my friends to see if anyone was up and could come pick me up. It was like 3 am and I was too broke for a Uber or a lyft. No one answered. I felt trapped. I was tipsy. My belongings were scattered everywhere. I wasn’t in a good part of town, it was over an hour to walk home. I didn’t know what to do so I went back out to find him groping the younger girl again. After a few more rounds of this I gave up when he finally went to sleep and slept in my best friends bed with her.
When I woke up I hugged her and took the bus home. He was already gone. But he had texted me saying he was sorry.
One of my friends, a man I love very very much, began to ask me questions about what had happened. I told him. He tried to convince me to go to the police. I declined. He told me to tell her, I said no. He then screen shotted our conversation and sent it to her with the intent of keeping her cousin away from me. I was so mad at him. The anger was unexplainable. I called him names. I told him he broke my trust. I was ready to be done with him. But then she texted me. Saying she trusted me to not touch her cousin again and how dare I. She told me she had told my friend who told her what happened, someone she knew I was head over heels in love with, not to believe me and to never sleep with me because my ptsd skews what really happened and I would accuse him of rape. I broke. This girl had known me for almost eight years. I loved her like a sister. I loved her family. They had gotten me through hard times. I introduced her to her fiancé. We spent almost every moment we could together in high school. And here she was...saying I was lying. I conceded that maybe I was mistaken. That maybe I was so broken I didn’t know what happened. The months went by and my anger grew. I tried to kill myself a few times. When I told her that she said that I can’t try to kill myself every time she’s mad at me.
Eventually my breaking point was when she showed her mom the screenshots. I loved that woman. She gave me strength. She gave me purpose and helped show me who I was. She took this shy awkward girl and made her into something that wasn’t afraid to take risks. Her father was a father figure to me and she knew how much I loved them. Her littlest brother was like my little brother and I’m sure everyone knew that I had been very much in love with the middle boy and how he was my soft spot. And this woman that claimed to love me so - who had welcomed me into her home - believed that I was lying. Hearing that reading those made her cry...it did something to me. I was uninvited from my best friends 21st bday trip. I was not allowed at their house. Everything was unraveling. I blamed it all on my friend who told. I was so angry and I wanted to believe it was my fault and so I took my anger out on this sweet man who was trying to protect me. Christmas came closer and I was told not to buy anything for her family. People began asking questions - why wasn’t i at her party - what happened? And I told them everything. She texted me merry Christmas. I told her happy birthday. And then..I blocked her. And her family. On everything. I lost people that I loved and I miss them with all my heart. But not her. I cannot forgive someone who after eight years refused to believe that I had been sexually assaulted by someone she even stated to have mentally abused me.
My friend who told..were still good friends. I understand now why he did what he did I hold no ill will towards him and he has forgiven me for my unthinkable anger. I still love him with everything in my heart.
No one tells you when you have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, anxiety, PTSD and depression that you’re labeled as untouchable. People pity you and they look at you different even if they don’t intend to. People who were Intrested in dating you loose Interest quickly when they learn how messed up you are. People treat you with unasked for sympathy and your family walks around on their tip toes around you. For anyone who reads this to the end thank you. This Reddit is going to be an outlet for these feelings I’ve never released. This is the first time I’ve ever written this story down. For anyone who suffers from why one of these illnesses, you are loved and supported. Sympathy can be irritating. I understand what it’s like to want to date someone only to have everyone avoid you because of your past. If I could I would cuddle all of you. If you need someone to tell you to get your s**t together because everyone is too afraid to do so I will.
To anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Please reach out. You do not deserve this.
submitted by SecretKeepingKat to sexualassault [link] [comments]


2020.11.24 10:08 AintIARedditor Sex mom secret

Reposting to fix mistake in title
Trigger warning for rape, family trauma, cultural trauma, religious trauma
Posting here because my post on other subreddits got no traction and I'm desperate for some kindness.
I'll try to keep the backstory short, but it's going to seem long anyway. I attempted suicide when I was 17 and ran away from home for 2 months when I turned 18. My mentally ill father blamed one of my cousins for it who honestly had nothing to do with it, let's call her Carey. I was never close with most of my cousins in general, but especially Carey because of her abrasive attitude. After I came back home, Carey reached out to me and tried to include me in her friendship circle I guess. She has always been far closer to our cousins than I have. When I found out my dad blamed her for for my attempted suicide and running away, I was disgusted with him and reassured her that she had literally nothing to do with it. My piece of crap mentally ill father and emotionally abusive mother actually had everything to do with it, not her. Anyway, I appreciated her reaching out as I was extremely lonely and isolated. Basically, I trusted her and saw her as a potential confidante, because she literally went out of her way to make me feel like that.
Then when I was still 18, I did something very dumb. I put myself in a situation with a 25 year old man that left me vulnerable, and he took advantage of me and raped me while I was drunk. I didn't realize it at first but I still feel like it should have been very obvious. I texted her for help getting the morning after pill because a man "had sex with me while I was drunk". She completely ignored my texts after that. I kept on texting her, begging for any sort of reply. Bear in mind I couldn't do any of those things myself because my abusive Muslim parents stunted my growth.
She just told her dad. Her misogynistic, Muslim dad. Her dad then told my other uncle, and they of course told my parents. I had one traumatic encounter with those uncles where they "confronted" me about what I had done and absolutely refused to see them at all afterwards for 2 years. What ensued for me during that time was absolute hell. My mom spit in my face and emotionally abused me for being "dirty" because of it.
Then my dad commit suicide, last year. I was forced to see my piece of shit uncles and Carey thanks to that. It was just the cherry on top.
In the first few days my dad killed himself, Carey vaguely mentioned why I had refused to see her and her piece of shit father for 2 years. I don't really recall what she said exactly, considering that my dad had just killed himself. I do however remember saying "I really don't care about that anymore" even though I absolutely did, I was just too consumed with my dad killing himself maybe 2 days before that and just not wanting to be confrontational with her at a time where I knew I couldn't continue ignoring her and my piece of shit uncles. I do however remember that disgusting awkward smile after I said that. Keep in mind, whatever she did say then, it was NOT an apology. She NEVER apologized.
Fast forward several months. My mom told me that my dad commit suicide because I "had sex" (she was referring to the rape). She told me that one day before he did it he sent her an email saying you can't trust anyone, along with a picture of a letter I had received from my community college saying that the encounter was "likely consensual". I don't even know how he found that letter, that freak would have had to go have gone through my trash to get it because as far as I know I received the only copies and they were unopened when I got them. My mom had forced me to report because she wanted to kick me out onto the streets and said I must be lying if I didn't report. I didn't want to report because I knew it would be too difficult and painful to prove, but I was forced to and I was of course right about how I would be perceived.
I finally cracked and told the family just how badly my mom would treat me and how she would blame me for my dad's suicide. I didn't have anyone else to get support from. I learned that she had lied to me about many things and had basically used emotional abuse to isolate me from EVERYONE. I went into more detail about what my mom said with Carey, and around that time she texted me saying "I know you were angry with me for what happened but I just didn't know what else to do". "I just didn't know what else to do", what an excuse for abandoning me to the wolves after being raped. Again, no real apology.
I know this sounds like it's going good... like I'm getting closer to them. And I did, for awhile. But something happened around that time that made me want to break the peace.
A little bit before my mom told me my dad killed himself because of me "having sex", my uncle (Carey's dad), Carey, and her mom told me some great news. My cousin "Adam", Carey's brother, was getting married! And who was he getting married to? His cousin.
For those of you who don't know, cousin marriage is permitted in Islam and extremely common in Muslim-majority countries, especially the country my family is from. It is not just socially acceptable in my family's culture, it is PRAISED, and some of my family members are married while being first cousins or related in some other way. My uncle straight up said that he was so proud his son, Adam, was going to marry his fucking cousin. The same uncle who treated me like crap after being raped. The same uncle who, along with the other piece of shit uncle I avoided for 2 years, had completely removed their sister from their life for 23 years now because she married a black Muslim man, and not my uncle's brother-in-law like he wanted. He said that if his son chose to marry a "foreigner", that he'd disown him.
Adam had a secret sexual and romantic relationship with his cousin for fucking years, and then one day just dropped it on his parents that he did this and was going to marry her. And in return for literally violating the sanctity of family and committing the ultimate sin of having premarital relations... he was praised. Praised. I told them that they were disgusting, but apologized after a few weeks because I had decided that even if I found my family unpleasant at times, that I should still do what I can to maintain a good relationship with them now.
And so even though I had apologized and reestablished my relationship with everyone back to normal, this situation caused a bit of a chip on my shoulder. My issues with my family eventually came to a head when I decided to admit that I'm an atheist AND attack Islam. I wouldn't have gone down the route of attacking Islam if it wasn't for one of my uncle's (a different one from the ones I have mentioned before) constantly bringing it up with me. He straight up defended sex slavery in Islam and the pedophilia/child rape of Aisha. Aisha was one of Muhammad's wives who was 6 years old when he married her and 9 years old when he raped her. This uncle lived with Carey's uncle so I started attacking the religion, primarily by calling Muhammad a child rapist, in their home, while they were present. They all became involved and naturally, very upset. Carey decided to come to Mo the ancient child rapist's rescue by saying I can't judge him because it was "normal back then", along with giving me standard Muslim ad homs about how I "probably haven't even read the Quran"/don't know anything about "real Islam".
I expected them to be angry. But not like this. Carey's dad said that all I care about is sex and drinking... a reference to the rape. One uncle was defending sex slavery and pedophilia for all times, the other was throwing my sexual trauma in my face, and Carey had nothing to say to them. Carey, the "feminist". Did I mention that she actually LARPs as one? All self-identified Muslim "feminists" are like this. They say one thing to outsiders, but when it comes down to actually standing up for what's right in their own "community"/cult, they would much rather scream in defense of an ancient pedophile than spare one word in defense of a woman. The cult always comes first, they just make sure to keep up an image in front of white people because like, "stereotypes" no real.
I refused to see them after that. Shortly after the "discussion" was over, she texted me saying "not to feel bad" because she talks like that to the cousins she's actually close with... again, no apology. No fucking apology.
The trauma my shit family has put me through, including Carey, has put me into a deeper depression than ever before. Carey was supposed to be better. She's a "feminist", after all? And she felt bad for being distant with me for all those years. She was supposed to be better. Everyone important to my life was supposed to be better, but they weren't.
Carey doesn't give a single shit. I hate texted her the following: "How the fuck do you sleep at night? Your excuse was "I just didn't know what else to do"? Without ever apologizing? "I just didn't know what to do"? Anyone with an ounce of humanity would at the very least not completely abandon me. Anyone with just a fucking ounce of humanity. You're a fake disgusting monster frankly. "I just didn't know what to do". And apparently you had it in you to screech at me for having the audacity to think a child rapist is a child rapist, but had nothing to say about [my uncle] straight up justifying to this day what was "normal back then". Because you definitely have real morals, right? That's why you're conveniently silent except when it comes to being a fucking person. And of course, no apology for the last time either. Because you're a good person. You're a sick fake monster."
Her only reaction to that was to laugh. No remorse.
She is one of the many people who have hurt me a lot that has zero remorse for their actions. It's just not fair. I want to have some kind of revenge.
Advice would be appreciated.
submitted by AintIARedditor to CPTSD [link] [comments]